Dinner’s on Me with Jesse Tyler Ferguson - AWKWAFINA - unresolved grief and a healing trip to Korea

Episode Date: August 20, 2024

"Jackpot” star Nora “Awkwafina” Lum joins the show. Over croquettes monsieur, Nora tells me about feeling like an “Asian mom” on her Comedy Central show, the unusual store where her grandmother likes to namedrop her, and coping with the loss of her mother in adulthood. This episode was recorded at Mr. T in Hollywood, CA. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Yes, Arsene Wenger versus Alex Ferguson. We've bitten off more than we can chew. What it reminds me of, I saw a video on social media the other day of a python having swallowed a duvet. And the vets were trying to get the duvet out of the python. I thought that is like me and Colin having to skip over FA Cup finals because there's so much to talk about when it comes to Wenger and Ferguson. Doubles, trebles, pizza around the face. It has everything. If you want to listen to the podcast equivalent of a Python swallowing a duvet.

Follow everything to play for on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts, you can binge seasons early and ad free right now on Wondry Plus. Hi, it's Jesse. Today on the show, you know her from movies like Crazy Rich Asians, The Farewell, and her latest action flick, Jackpot, which is out now. It's my friend Nora Lum, also known as Aquafina. Becoming a musician, you had a musician name. Like no one wants to hear my badge by Nora Lum. You know what I mean? Like what the hell is that mean?

This is Dinners on Me, and I'm your host, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. I met Nora on a show we were both on for Comedy Central called The Comedy Jam. Now on the show, a celebrity tells a funny story that segues into a live musical performance with a band. for Comedy Central called The Comedy Jam. Now on the show, a celebrity tells a funny story that segues into a live musical performance with a band. It was basically standup comedy into karaoke,

both of which kind of are my personal nightmare. Anyway, I was introduced to Nora backstage as Awkwafina. After that night, I started seeing the name Awkwafina everywhere. I saw it in the title of her own TV show, in movies alongside Oscar winners like Cate Blanchett and Anne Hathaway and Sandra Bullock, in cultural phenomenons like Crazy Rich Asians.

I mean, she even won a Golden Globe in honor of her incredible performance in The Farewell. Now, years later, Justin and I were on a flight to New York City with our son, and about halfway through the flight, I got up to switch seats with Justin so he could sit next to Beckett. About 30 minutes later, my new seatmate took off her sleep mask and looked over at me, and I saw that I was sitting next to, you guessed it, Awkwafina. It was so great to catch up with her and gush a bit over how impressed I was with her meteoric rise on film and TV. Actually, I remember telling her that I was on my way to New York City to record early

episodes of this very podcast, Dinner's on Me, and I told her that I would love her to be a guest on it one day. Listen, I know this whole backstory reads like the plot of Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, rom-com, but come on, isn't it nice to know meet cutes still happen, even on the completely platonic level? Anyway, I was so thrilled our schedules finally lined up so that I was able to take Nora out for a meal to talk about her incredible career

and her new film, Jackpot. Hi. No, that's fine, hi love. Mr. T is a French restaurant brought from Paris Hi! How are you guys? No, it's fine, I love. Mr. T is a French restaurant brought from Paris to the states by Omar Guillaume Gage, who has a background working in some of the city's hottest restaurants, including the two Michelin-starred Pastages 53. Mr. T is this totally sexy vibe with brushed concrete walls, marble accents, and burgundy leather booths. Old-school hip-hop is playing overhead. Its simple industrial

backdrop is the perfect blank slate for its exceptional food. The concept is taking street food staples that you might find around the world and elevating them. One dish might be from the Philippines, another from Japan, another from France, of course. I truly feel like I jumped on a jet and went around the world in just a couple of hours with my pal Nora. Okay, let's get to the conversation.

And the last time I saw you was at your birthday. Yeah, thanks for coming to that. Of course. It was so fun to see you. I'm so happy you invited me. Yeah, that was fun. I got there so early because I can't do anything past like 8 p.m. now that I have kids. Yeah, yeah.

Which is really sad. Yeah, I feel like I got to my birthday party really early and there were also children there. Yeah, there were kids, yeah. And I was like, man, I love children, but I got here one time at a kid's party right now. We walked in, you were like, I promise this could get really naughty.

I know, I kept apologizing, I was like, listen, I swear to God I have friends. I wasn't just like, yeah, no one came. And then when everyone started coming, I'd just say at one point you'd just start staring them down, because they don't come to 11.30, and you're like, ooh, I hate you. It was so funny, because I got home,

and me and Sarah were like, I bet it's really bumping right now. I bet the karaoke rooms are full. I mean, it looked like it was gonna, I almost thought I had to leave early. Yeah, yeah. Child care. Thanks for coming. That meant a lot.

Anyway, I did my best. I made an appearance. No, you did. And I'm really happy that you invited me. No, it really meant a lot. Introduce the chef. Yes, come over. Yeah. Hi, nice to meet you. This is Nora just share? Yes, come over. Yeah.

Hi, nice to meet you. This is Nora. Hi, Nora, nice to meet you. We're so excited. Yes. So excited. What do we have happening? What are we gonna be doing?

What are we, yeah, yeah. So, just gonna show you guys a couple of my favorite dishes. We're doing some loop beer, we're doing some uni. That sounds delicious, actually. Yeah, so we have that, we have some Korean short ribs. Hell yeah, nice, cool. Awesome. We're so excited. Thank you, thank you. Yeah, so we have that, we have some Korean short ribs. Hell yeah, nice, cool. Awesome. We're so excited.

Thank you, thank you. Awesome, thanks. I know you went to LaGuardia, and you studied jazz and classical music there, right? As well as? I played the trumpet. You played the trumpet, okay. Like jazz?

Like you and Bill Clinton could like go toe to toe? You know, I don't think I was that good at jazz as Bill Clinton was on that night's special. But I, yeah, I studied more classical I think. Right. Yeah. Did you play the trumpet from a very early age? Did you play other instruments or?

I played the trumpet since I was like 10 or 11, like on my own accord. That's such like a weird instrument to be drawn to. It's in a band though, you don't have that many options because there's something really low about the woodwinds. It's like, what's the point? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

you want to make some noise. You know what I mean? Yeah, you want to make some noise and then there were like 15 people on the drums. And I was like, that's like a really sad daily life for whoever's in this class, because they'll just have to switch off incrementally. You know what I mean?

Right. So yeah, so I felt like the trumpet was like the loudest. Right, right, right. And wasn't like a bass support. Yeah, totally, totally, totally. But like it's an interesting pivot that that's like the music you studied, you studied, and then you took this hard left into rap and writing songs, like My Badge.

Yeah. How did you end up like? I mean, I think I wasn't a good student or trumpet player. I think I was the best trumpet player in my junior high school before I got into LaGuardia. But then I got into LaGuardia with like all of the really good kids at trumpet in the entire city, all five boroughs, right?

So it was like, oh, I'm like shit, like I'm like nothing, you know, compared to these kids. So I kind of gave up on that, but like I genuinely thought, I mean I love what LaGuardia obviously did. I mean, it's a very famous school. People don't know, it's basically, well, it's fame. The fames were right, right. We dance on cabs.

Yeah, exactly. Every lunch we break into song, we sing what's going on. Choreographed or G is sure enough, let the sunshine in. But yeah, but it's a very famous school that a lot of huge stars went to, performing arts high school. Like, Timothée Chalamet went there. You.

Yeah, yeah. So I could think off the top of my head. But many, many famous people. Yeah, a ton. But I wanted to play in the pit of like, wicked. You know what I mean? But it's like, I'm not gonna be that good. You know, that kind of thing.

Right, right. Were you, I mean, obviously in acting class as well, and singing class, you did all. I've never taken an acting class. Really? Yeah. Oh, and that's incredible. Once my team lightly suggested that I take one

before a pretty big audition, and you know, it was fine. Yeah. Yeah, but I feel like I should. After the strike, I was like, it was fine. Yeah. Yeah, but that's, I feel like I should. Like after the strike I was like, I should like join in. No, it's like Barbara Streisand who like refuses to take voice lessons. Like you don't need to, you're doing great.

She does, she doesn't need voice lessons, she's amazing. She does not need voice lessons. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so you just went to LaGuardia for music. It's straight up music, yeah. Interesting. Yeah. I thought you like had to do like all things. You just go for it. No, no. Okay. Oh, interesting. Yeah. I thought you had to do all things.

You just go for it. No, no. Okay. Yeah, you don't really. Oh, that's so interesting. I just assumed that you went and that's where you kind of got an acting bug, was there, but if you weren't even.

No. Oh, wow. So how did you decide that performance and being in front of people was something that you wanted to do? And first of all, I mean, you've talked about this before, but I mean, you're a very shy person. And I think that that's why, first of all,

I was drawn to it. I was like, hmm, I like that. I love people who can be on stage as one person and kind of have their own, I don't know, there's something really nice about having yourself to yourself. Like, that's for me, like I gotta be this private person

and then this other person gets to go on stage. Yeah, I think I always, at least attempted to make people laugh in a way that I was definitely like the kid that's just like talking up, everybody's like, my aunts and uncles, they're like, yes, and I'm like talking, I'm making people laugh. That came pretty naturally to me as a young person my aunts and uncles, they're like, yes, and I'm like talking, I'm making people laugh. That came pretty naturally to me as a young person

that everyone always told me, and to this day, it's like, they're like, why don't you do stand-up stuff, stuff like that. I think that's where I like to make people laugh, but I never, I really never thought that I would ever get the opportunity to have any kind of platform or voice, you know. Sorry. No, no, no.

So we start with something very fresh, the ceviche. Wow, that looks delicious. So we have a plum granita. Wow. So it's going to be very fresh on top. You have cucumber, pineapple, scallop, tuna, campachi, and the second dish is croquette monsieur. So inspired, you know, by the French sandwich. Bonjour croquette monsieur.

Hola, bonjour croquette monsieur. Bonjour croquette monsieur. So we do. Ça va? Tant mieux. Qu'est-ce que tu? Are you voicing him? Is he voicing now?

He's like, I'm good, how are you? I'm just being French. That's all I was thinking. So it's inspired of the sandwich, the croque monsieur, so it's a fried cheesy ball. We use Mimolette cheese. We have portobello mushroom inside and the lemon creme fraiche with charcoal oil. Nice. Voila. Bon with charcoal oil. Nice. Voila.

Bon appetit. Incredible, thank you so much. Amazing, thank you. Wow, this looks so good. Oh wow, it's really chilled. I love a gazpacho based. When you started writing your music, and was that when your kind of alter ego

of aquafina was created? First of all, what's the distinction between Nora and Aquafina? Yeah, I think it existed in that time. I think in New York City, becoming a musician, you had a musician name, you know what I mean? It was something that, you know, it made sense to what the music and I was,

because I guess like Nora Lum presents never really like, like rang to me, I guess. And you know, like no one wants to hear my vag by Nora Lum. You know what I mean? Like what the hell does that mean? Yeah, I don't know. My vag by Nora Lum. Yeah, by Nora Lum.

Like what is this, it's like a OBGYN presentation on YouTube. Yeah. Like, yeah is this, like a OBGYN presentation on YouTube. Yeah. That's so funny. But it's something that also I think, where I think sometimes you hide behind that kind of stuff. Like, Marky Mark or something, you know.

Like, it's like, at the same time I think it also, it points to a time in my life that people might not understand anymore and wonder why. And I like that it still exists. Yeah, I don't know. Do you consider yourself, I mean, you've gone on to do so many other things.

Well, first of all, I want to ask if you ever saw the trajectory of your career going the way it did, or was this just like? I had no idea that my life would be, like, I knew that I would probably not even have the sensibility to work an office job. I think I also didn't have the privilege to kind of just like audition and like not work.

More and more in my early 20s, I was really going to this place where I was like, well, at this point I just want to live in New York and I don't want to live at home anymore. But I think with that, well, at this point, I just want to live in New York and live in my, I don't want to live at home anymore. But I think with that, it was, it came losing this job that was like a great job that, you know, I could have done better at, but I just took naps in like the book room and stuff.

I was like, we're not a good employee. Is this a publishing job? Yeah, I was like, not, so not a good employee, but I think with that loss, I had nothing to lose. You know what I mean? So putting yourself out there on YouTube. Also, from what I read, your song, My Vag, became such a viral hit. The publishing company fired you because of that?

I think it was more complicated than that, but I don't think that helped. I think it really came down to one of my only jobs, which I just was so not good at, was you had to send out the New York Times bestseller list. And it's just a spam email that the company gets like every week or something. And I would always forget to do it. And that would be like one of my main job requirements I would always forget.

And because in the day I'm just like, I'm literally on like Facebook, like literally. I'm like not actually working. I'm like, I'm gonna go, literally. I'm not actually working. I'm like, I'm going to go reorganize the book room. I would take naps. I was a horrible worker. So I feel like, I think it was a great decision

on their part to let me go. But yeah, I think, but after that, I was like, well, full steam ahead on whatever that is. But I really never thought that it would work. I still don't understand how it worked. I mean, it's been such an interesting set of opportunities you've fallen into. What do you remember inspiring you when you were young?

Oh man, I mean, I loved movies. I loved movies and I loved comedians. I loved Lucy, Carol Burnett were two huge ones for me. Those are really good language that me and my grandma, we have very close, but she didn't really understand American movies, you know what I mean? But she understood universally I love Lucy and Carol Burnett. But then, you know, I think there is truth in,

like, there was not a lot of Asian women that I really saw on screen. Margaret Cho, I came across Margaret Cho first and I was blown away by her perspective and how funny she was and how American she was because a lot of the time you just don't meet women, like, see women like that, like from California. So she was like mind-blowing for me to come across.

And then like Lucy Liu, obsessed with Charlie's Angels. But you know, so that stuff helped. But like earlier on, I think you can't really see yourself in Hollywood. Right. Yeah. Now for a quick break, but don't go away. When we come back, Nora tells me why she treated her Comedy Central show like a, quote, Asian mom, and the funny spot her grandma decided to name drop her.

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Good Mythical Morning. But this is a little trailer for our podcast Ear Biscuits where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. And nothing is off limits. We talk about our sex lives, our mental health journeys, but we try to never take ourselves too seriously. So we invite you to not do the same, or to do the same. We invite you to listen.

Follow and listen to Ear Biscuits. Now for free on the Odyssey app and everywhere you get your podcasts. And we're back with more Dinners on Me. You've also done something pretty remarkable that you put your life in a TV show, Awkwafina is Noraf in Queens, which is so good. I mean, you're basically, it's obviously slightly fictionalized, but a version of your

life pre-fame in Queens, but also embracing the fact that you were raised by your grandmother and dad, or your mom died when you were four, and you sort of bring all of those pieces of you to the TV show. I mean, I want to hear about why you wanted to put that show out there, and also there's a pressure to really nail it

and really stick the landing. I know Margaret talked about that a lot with All American Girl. It's so bizarre doing a show about your own life because it's just hilarious. I mean, it's the only platform where you could be like, no, this really happened though, and no one cares. It's really bizarre.

It's one of those things where I really do feel like a kind of an Asian mom about, and that Asian moms, they say they don't really go up to you and say like, I love you, I love you, you're the best, you're the best, but they show you like in other ways, right? And as a matter of fact, like sometimes they feel a little bit like, God, I wish you were better, or like, God, I wish that was like, oh, you know,

and they make you feel kind of guilty and stuff. Like, I feel like that's how I treat my relationship with my show, I love it so much. It's the best experiences that I've ever had. Right, so it's a bizarre thing, but ultimately so rewarding, I think, yeah. Were there ever moments where you're like, I don't know if this is appropriate to share,

or were there ever things that you kind of second guessed, or were there things that you said, maybe I'll do this, but then decided not to? Yeah, I felt weird casting my mom. I felt like that was something I didn't wanna deal with. It's too much. I didn't wanna go too much into that and out of respect for my dad, who it obviously affected a lot.

And I think that was one thing where I was just like, okay, we don't have to go into that world But and there were other things though that were just like like true like my dad, you know in season three Like my dad did get fired because he like shut down like the computer systems for like his office for like two hours And it was like it was like things like that. So it's like that's kind of embarrassing. I don't know I did that Right, but you know, yeah yeah. And nothing was off limits. But I wanted to protect certain things, you know? Yeah.

Right. Yeah, I mean, cause you also bring in a lot of the tragedy that happened in your life, even though you maybe were, I don't know, I'm assuming things, but you were pretty young when this happened. I'm not sure how it affected you. Do you remember, do you have memories of your mother? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a weird thing. And I recently just went back to Korea and she had six brothers and sisters. I hadn't seen in years. It's very overwhelming, I think. Do they ever, tell me if this is like, you're like, this is a tiny person.

No, no, no, no, you're good. But do you ever hear that you remind people of her? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I met her, she was very pretty. She was 5'6", she was a lot taller than me. But I met her high school friends when I went to Korea. And when I came up, I was crying already because it was such an intense day. They were crying, they were already crying so much. And there was a translator who I loved, he was also a producer on the show,

but his name's Juno and he was amazing. But he was translating for us, and he's kind of this dry Korean American guy. And we sat down and we're all crying, and I put my hands out, and then they said something, and he was like, they said, you look like your mom. And I was like, thank you so much.

And then he was like, but they said that she was prettier. And then I was like, and then I was like, no, no, that's okay. Because you probably meant more feminine. Obviously, it pretty means feminine, obviously. I mean, that's okay. I have a messy voice. And then Juno's like,

no, it doesn't mean feminine. There's a word for feminine. It's just prettier. And then I'm like, well, okay, all right, well, I'll take it. But I was like, they're not gonna talk ill of the dead. They're not gonna call a dead, like she's a Pasa. And then he's like, we don't have that tradition here. They just meant prettier.

I was, then after that, I was still like, you know. That's incredible. Yeah, yeah. That is so funny. Yeah, no, so it's good that was fun. It's a compliment when people say that. Yeah, I bet. Yeah, yeah. You talk a lot about how your grandma was such an influence

in your comedy. In what ways was she such an inspiration comedically to you? You know, she just was really strong and had to go through so much BS and kind of changes in her life. They were in Hong Kong and they came over in the 60s. Okay. Yeah. So, you know, she had to work, like like when I was growing up like multiple jobs

She worked at like the hospital I was born in Stony Brook hospital And then she was also doing like home care and like nannying and then she was also running a restaurant She was like she did so much. She was a very very intense hustler and Really I think showed me that like you can just be really strong. She was also very funny and she Gossip a lot and so like when I was eight years old, that's so fun to do. It just like, yeah, talk show with your grandma and stuff. Yeah. She felt like a friend.

That's nice, yeah. Is she still around? Yeah, she's 90. Oh my gosh, amazing. How often do you guys see her? I see her whenever I go back to New York. Yeah. When I can. to New York. Yeah. When I can.

That's incredible. Yeah. What does she think about your life and your career? She's so proud. She's like so happy. She like shows off a little bit too much to her like dentist and whatnot. Like we're at the Verizon store. Tell us, tell us, tell us. Oh yeah, what's...

Yes. So the next dish is, so you know the misty tea concept is to travel. Of course we opened the first one in Paris, so there's a little French in front. Oh my god. So this one is like a deconstructed sushi. Holy shit. That's the story behind. So you have like a steamer, like a sushi rice on the bottom, an egg yolk, a sea urchin

mousse, and a fresh sea uracha on top. That looks so good. That is so uni. This is very uni. That looks like a micro New Zealand hilltop, right? Isn't that crazy? That's where they shot Lord of the Rings. I know, that is beautiful. That looks so good.

Wow, Dreamy, thank you. And the next one is the lumpia with Lupron chicken Wow, we do an aioli with topical. It's like fish eggs. So see pops up in your mouth It's very tasty Wow It's so good, this is actually very good Yeah, we were at the Verizon store and she was like you don't know who this is Like and you know, you when you're on a cell phone store, you're gonna be there for like an hour. Like, you know, you're gonna be there for like so long.

Wait, your grandmother said about you. About me. You don't know who this is. Yes. That's amazing. And I was like, grandma, you need to chill. And the guy was like, no, I don't. And I was like, grandma, we need to whip out your cell phone

to show you. Yeah. Like, you don't have a cell phone? Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I was like, grandma, you gotta chill, dude. Please, that's hilarious. My mom will do similar things like that. She's in an extended living facility now, and I was nominated for a Tony Award a few years ago,

and they organized a big thing for them to watch the Tonys. Oh, wow. And I guess the guy who was in the tech department there over-promised and thought he knew how to mirror from his computer onto the screen and didn't know how to do it. And my mom was really, she had invited all these people

to come watch it, so everyone's waiting in this common area, which is like a nice little library with the TV. They had cocktails and stuff, and they couldn't figure out how to mirror the TV. And someone else who was watching upstairs came in and told, he was like, oh my god, Mrs. Anne Ferguson, your son won, your son won. And that's how she found out that I won a Tony, because her neighbor told her.

And so she was so happy, but at the same time so bummed. She's sitting in this room where they can't get the TV to work. And so she was so happy but at the same time so bummed. She's sitting in this room where they can't get the TV to work. And so she found out that way but then they ended up re-airing it. So she ended up going upstairs and watching it. Oh good. Oh man, that is a bummer but you just gotta win another one.

Right? You know what I mean? They'll figure it out by then. Hopefully or not. Oh this is good. This is delicious. It's just like a long boy. She's long. It's like Charles is good. This is delicious. It's just like a long boy. She's long.

It's like Charles-sized. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's ice queen. Yes. Was Ocean's your first film, technically? Neighbors 2 was my first film. Neighbors 2, okay.

Yeah. What was that transition like of getting these opportunities? Acting for the first time was very trippy for me. It was like when you get big off YouTube, maybe some people here and there might be like, oh, it's on YouTube, but very rarely. But you experience it only in proximity to the audiences that you're playing to and stuff like that.

Also felt like there was a degree of stuff that I had to prove because I didn't have like a past filmography. So like, I just remember there was this one night where we were filming Neighbors 2 and I just realized that I was in a room with Seth Rogen, Zac Efron, and Rose Byrne. Like it was like midnight or something like that.

And I'm just like looking around and I'm like, I can't believe I'm with these people. It was like crazy. Like these are like people that I'm a huge fans of that I feel like that transition was really weird and even like crazy, like it was Oceans Eight. You know, like being involved in it. Right, well that cast was so stacked.

Yeah, but I mean, lifelong friends. I mean, yeah. And I continued to work with the director of Neighbors 2 and like, like Love Seth and you know, I'm really appreciative for that opportunity. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. With The Farewell, that opportunity for you was so great,

partly because it was just such a different tone and it was so great to see you do something serious. Obviously it was still still comedic, but you were finally being able to play lead roles in movies, which I think is so great. I mean, you were so wonderful in Crazy Rich Asians. You know, definitely a scene stealer in that. And then with this new movie, Jackpot,

which looks incredible, I watched the trailer, you're getting this opportunity to really be a leading lady and our leading player in such incredible ways and It's like you hope you hope you don't suck, you know Like Jesus, I mean with your number one on the call sheet. It's a big deal. Oh man. Yeah. Yeah, it's a lot. I mean Have how have you taken on that responsibility? And I guess what do you hope like your career will go after these sort of big opportunities? I and I guess what do you hope your career will go after these sort of big opportunities? You know, being number one scares me.

I understand that sometimes you have to do it. I can go from number one to 17 tomorrow. I really don't care. I love to be in ensembles. I love to be supporting roles. It's not just like leads now for me. I definitely like directing and I like producing. Those are fun now for me. I definitely like directing and I like producing. Those are fun things for me.

I think I want to learn about that more and more. But like right now, there never was a roadmap. So it's just kind of still just like chilling. Seeing what the vibe is, yeah. Have you seen Jackpot? Yeah, I have, yeah. What do you think? Oh man, it's lovely. Paul Fiegg killed it.

Yeah. You know, again, it's weird to talk about your own performances, but I didn't like hate myself, so like that's good. But it was just such an honor to work with Paul, John, and to collab with you. Yeah, John Stenna, yeah. Yeah.

Did you do a lot of your own stunts? Because it seems like you like there's a lot. It did not do all my own stunts, no. I had an amazing stunt double named Kira. But I did do some of them. But it was very stunt heavy. It was. Even just the trailer.

It was fun because I'm not playing someone that is meant to be skilled, which is the best way to play action. You know what I mean? But sometimes it can get scary. Sometimes it's scary, you know? Like even when you're harnessed up and you're like climbing the heights. So yeah.

I did my own stunts for Cocaine Bearer and they had someone there to do most of it for me, but I really, Liz Banks, who directed it, has been a very good friend of mine for like 25 years. And she was like, do you want, she did such a great job. She's like, do you want to do as much as you can? I was like, I think I do. When else am I gonna have this opportunity

to do an action movie? It was, when you're actually up there that high, you are harnessed and there's so many people. You know what it was for me? They put very thick mattresses down at the bottom of the tree. That's not good either. That's not good, because I was like.

What does that plan be? Exactly, I was like, that's obviously there just in case. And I know that if I fall from this height, that just in case is probably gonna be like, it's not gonna do anything. You have the three guys on the other side with the rope and you can see them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you don't see what's supporting you but then you just go behind the cardboard screen and there's like three grips. You're like, you just like look at the hokas, like those hokas, those are good hokas now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? They better be, they better be gripping that floor

because no, that is scary. A tree is scary. Yeah. I feel like your body knows it's not possible. Right. It's kind of like what they must have felt when they first got into airplanes. Totally.

Yeah, like this isn't right. But also there's that thing of, first of all I didn't want to look like I couldn't do my own stunts. Like I really wanted to. I know, I know. But then there was also this thing, I don't know if you've ever experienced this,

where like my stunt double looked a little disappointed. No, really? That's actually the worst. Because you also don't want to be the person that's like, I don't do stunts. Right. Like, what person's that? I guess there's also a piece of me too,

because I'm a gay boy, and I didn't like playing balls on the playground. I was pretty stereotypical. I was a delicate child. And I was an indoor kid, as they say. And I feel like there's a piece of me that needs to prove to people that I am tough, like I can be tough.

And I've certainly learned how to be, but there's this perception I think I'm always fighting against, I did that show Running Wild with Bear Grylls. Where he takes you on an adventure and you're like, I did that show. And part of it was, he took me to the Italian Alps. And I. Oh, that sounds lovely.

Yeah. That sounds lovely. But it was like, you know, I mean, it was a blizzard and we were hiking on a knife ridge and I, I pair, what is it, when you go backwards down a mountain. Oh, hell no. Para, para slide. I pair a slide. That has a word?

Are you talking about like burglar style? Like old timey burglar style? Yeah, like dun dun dun dun. Dun dun dun dun dun. Like you throw the loot and then you just climb down the rope and that's what it is? I did that on a frozen waterfall. But anyway, that's all to say, I did this because I felt

like I had to prove to people that I was capable of doing it. It was more for other people than for me. I mean, that's sure. You were going right to the fucking, right to the nut of that, dude. That's crazy. Right?

Yeah. Yeah. But when I was actively shooting, I was like, I think we even talked about this, because he stops you and he interviews you as you're on this adventure, which is kind of great. Obviously, you're worried about your life, so you're opening up in ways

that you probably would not normally. But I think I said a lot of it was because I was doing it for the bullies back home that were in front of me. And I sort of. That's quite emotional, actually, yeah. I mean, obviously for myself as well, but there was a big piece of me,

even as I was doing it, I was thinking about them, people I hadn't thought about in years. Wow. Yeah. That's cool that you did that. Yeah. Now for a quick break, but don't go away. When we come back, Nora shares how her anxiety evolved since gaining success in her career,

and she opens up about visiting Korea for the first time since her mother's death. Okay, be right back. Alright, I have to let you guys in on a little secret. I know if you follow me on Instagram, you might occasionally see me posing with a glass of wine and it probably looks very natural because I am, well, I'm so sophisticated, but I actually don't know that much about wine. I know it tastes good to me, but beyond that,

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Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. And we're back with more Dinners on Me. Do you, I'm just thinking about it because I was talking about the childhood I sort of take with me. You know, I know Awkwafina is, I assume a take on awkward, right? Yeah.

Of course. But do you, like how do you navigate who Nora is, as an adult who's had incredible success now. I mean, have you found more comfort in sort of your anxiety or your awkwardness, or is it something that you feel like you have to manage in a different way? Yeah, that's a great way of putting it. I think it's just, yeah, managing in a different way. I feel like more in control of my thoughts now than I did before. I feel less anxious in general, maybe.

Like, I used to be so nervous going to like fashion shows or like awards shows, late night shows. Right. And I remember being this nervous kid. Right. Like I felt like a kid who just, like, I will never happen, this will never happen to me again. I'll never, like, be on a late night show again. I'll never be invited to, like, a fashion show again. So this is really the last time,

so I better make the most of it. And I never did because I was nervous the whole time. And I was never present. And now I'm just at this place where, like, it kind of rolls off my back a little bit easier. And I just understanding that, understanding that the things in life as I get older are gonna be other things that are not in the material world.

They're not gonna be necessarily even more jobs or success or whatever. They're definitely gonna be more in the world of self-pres preservation and family, things like that. So I think I'm looking toward that part of my life. Right, right. Whoa.

Oh, that looks incredible. Hey, yo. That's the famous signature mac and cheese. Oh my gosh. Oh. We're gonna torch it. We're gonna torch it? We're gonna torch it. Table side torch. Okay Okay one second. I'm gonna get my video ready.

Yeah I'm gonna take a video too. Okay I'm ready. Oh, wow. Thank you. Oh my gosh. Incredible. So good. So the signature mac and cheese with truffle paste. Then the second one is the short ribs. So it's cooked like a long time, very tender. You have cooking jus, asparagus, and apple kimchi. Thank you so much. I always find it interesting, like when people sort of transition from that,

there's that sort of gray area in your 20s usually where you're figuring out how to be comfortable with yourself. And some people, it takes a long time. And for me, I think it took a while. You said you're in a great place with your career and I fully agree with that. And I just feel like you are in a really secure place

with who you are. It's like, I don't know and I just feel like you are in a really secure place with who you are is like, I don't know. I'm just curious as to how you've- Thank you. ... made such a peaceful place with it. Yeah. I was not in a great place when all of this was happening in terms of I just felt, first of all, maybe so temporary or that I just was...

It was a lot of an imposter syndrome, things like that, right? And then I think I got over that, not because I became better to myself, but I know that I work hard. I know that, I know that I am a nice person on set. I know that I'm not, I know that I put that work in. And so I can't feel like it's just like, it's like I don't deserve it and you're like things like that when I do when I do work

and then also like a Therapy right therapy after I went to Korea recently I started seeing a trauma therapist because all of these things like with my mom You know, it's like the universe calls you back to deal with stuff that you think that fame might be able to solve. You're always going to have to go back home to face your family. Like, you're always going to have to, like nothing is going to save you from the things that bothered you when you were a kid.

You know what I mean? I think before it was a very intense sense of like, you need to work, you need to work, you need to like, you know, make money, make people proud. Now I'm just like, I'm just trying to chill and like not have a mental breakdown. You know what I mean? Like, you know, I'm just trying to chill

and like not have like a lot of crippling anxiety. And yeah. I don't really know though, but I think part of it is growing up. Yeah. And yeah, this is good. This is incredible. I'm gonna have a piece of that. That up. Yeah. And yeah, this is good. This is incredible.

I'm gonna have a piece of that. That's so good. Who's you? The Zhe. The Zhe. The Zhe is Zhezhing. When you talked about going to Korea, was that the first time that you,

that wasn't the first time you had been back. Mm-hmm. Really? Since my mom's funeral, yeah. Oh, wow. Mm-hmm. Oh, I didn't know that. That was crazy. That was such a crazy, I didn't know that. It was crazy.

It was such a crazy experience. When was this that you went back? Like last August. From the second I stepped on the plane, like it was like, I was like flooded with, I remember one of the most vivid memories I have is like when I was on the plane, I took like a Korean airline when I was four

and I couldn't sleep because it was like an overnight flight and the flight attendant walked me like up the hills, up the aisles and like kind of, you know, gave me like a snack and stuff and like hung out with me as my dad was sleeping. And that memory came flooding back when I saw it. That's why I had to see a trauma therapist. Cause I was like, it was, I couldn't stop,

like crying pretty much. Like it was like very I couldn't stop crying pretty much. It was very, very intense. But yeah, so a part of me really wanted to go back without thinking about all that stuff and just kind of enjoy it. I love the food, you know, but it's like, I couldn't have ignored obviously my family and dealing with kind of my mother's memory

and stuff like that. How much of your mom's family is there? Um she had a sibling that passed a couple years ago but pretty much everyone else is there. Yeah. Yeah. And I saw them, I saw my cousins and yeah it was a crazy reunion. I mean at age four that's how old my son is now. I mean, at age four, that's how old my son is now. He's so intelligent in so many ways,

but obviously so emotionally immature in trying to figure out how to navigate his feelings. But I think he knows what death is. Right. Do you remember even knowing how to process why you were going back to Korea at age four? Yeah, yeah, I think I knew what helped me understand it Well was actually the actual you know there was an American general too right um and Bambi Bambi helped me understand

Yeah, the impermanence. I think that it was explained to me like Like she's gone to another place. You know what I mean? But you know I think that it was explained to me like, like she's gone to another place, you know what I mean? But you know, I think when you're young, at that age, the emotion that I resoundingly remember the feeling the most was embarrassment. It wasn't sadness, it wasn't like, scare, fear or confusion. It was embarrassment, truly. It was so intense of like a story and environment. You know, every like, my dad is a mess, you know what I mean? Yeah, it was interesting.

I think that, and that's why like, you know, big thing is like I always wanted people to really laugh, like to laugh because why do you want to be someone that like makes someone cry? And then you just sit there awkwardly as they're crying and they're like, I'm sorry. And you're just like, no, no, take your time. You know, and you're four, you know?

So it's like, I felt embarrassment, yeah. Yeah, it's rough. But that's why I'm very happy about having my grandma and stuff, yeah. Even today, it's good. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. I didn't know that was your first time back.

That's really profound. Oh yeah, it was intense. But like worth it though. I think that when I came back, it felt like I really lived and died. I don't know, like when I came back, I was like, how all, you know, it just makes you think bigger.

It's like, it must feel like a huge section of a puzzle that you didn't know existed or found. Totally, totally, yeah, yeah. And that, you know know existed was found. Totally. Yeah, yeah. And that, you know, I think the biggest part was like, I don't think it's not stuff that's easy to deal with, right? So I'm just glad that I think that the work that you end up doing in life that matters is that kind of stuff. It's birthed from a lot of pain, you know?

And I think out of that, it really does, a stronger shell emerges, you know? And I think out of that, it really does, a stronger shell emerges, you know? I agree, yeah. Do you think that stuff affects you as an artist and the type of work you wanna put out into the world? Hmm. Yeah, that's a good question, I don't know. If I, now I wanna do a bunch of like,

kinda dead mom content, you know? It's like, well we do one, we have one focus here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a, yeah, I don't know, but I think that it has to broaden the emotional scope of who you are. Yeah. So maybe it will help me in my job

if I have to like call upon those things. But yeah, I don't know. They live kinda separately in my mind sometimes. Right, I don't know. They live kind of separately in my mind sometimes. Right, I imagine, yeah. A little dessert. Hell yeah, it's been so good. Thank you so much. If it wasn't for this format, I would be... Oh my god. That's one of his famous signature, and this is what we're going to do, one of the signature of the Mr. T. Yeah, will you tell Nora about the cafe? It looks so good. Yes.

The idea is to open Mr. T during daytime. We already opened for dinner. We always wanted to do something during the daytime. So it will be a place, we call it in French like, lieu de vie, it's a place to socialize, to meet people. And so we're gonna serve coffee. We're gonna make our own blend So our own misty coffee and is going to do all the pastries bakery

And you just came in from Paris Well, thanks for coming over here and making this incredible. What is it now? Tell me what it is again. Did you already tell me? It's hazelnut tart, like 100% hazelnut. Wow, that's so good. And there's some Jean-Gerard de la Ganache, which is a mix in between milk chocolate and hazelnut paste.

So that's what I did with a little bit of vanilla. Why is it gold on top? Why not? Why not? Why not? This is like a Beyonce dessert. Hey. It's so beautiful.

Beautiful. Thank you guys. Thank you so much. Oh my gosh, it's incredible. Thank you. Mmm. Isn't that great? Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Thanks for doing this, love. Yeah, I love you. Well, just because you have an exciting premiere, you know what, dinner's on me. But only because of that. Otherwise, I'd have you go splitsies on me. Oh yeah, oh yeah, I know, this is very good.

This episode of Dinners on Me was recorded at Mr. T's in Hollywood, California. Next week on Dinners on Me, singer, actor, and Tony Award winner, it's Ben Platt. We'll finally get the true story of how Ben and his fiance Noah first hooked up. Hint, it involves a steamy staircase moment. And how he's making being earnest cute again with his so sweet new record, Honeymind. And if you don't want to wait until next week to listen, you can download that episode right now by subscribing to Dinners on Me+. As a subscriber, not only do you get access to new episodes one week early,

you'll also be able to listen completely ad-free. Just click Try Free at the top of the Dinners On Me show page on Apple Podcasts to start your free trial today. Dinners On Me is a production of Sony Music Entertainment and a kid named Beckett Productions. It's hosted by me, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. It's executive produced by me and Jonathan Hirsch. Our showrunner is Joanna Clay.

Our associate producer is Angela Vang. Sam Baer engineered this episode. Hans-Dyl She composed our theme music. Our head of production is Sammy Allison. Special thanks to Tamika Balanz Kalasny and Justin Makita. I'm Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Join me next week.