Dinner’s on Me with Jesse Tyler Ferguson - Margaret Cho

Episode Date: June 11, 2024

Stand-up comic and actor Margaret Cho joins the show. Over Korean barbeque, Margaret tells me about being a phone sex operator at 16 years old, what she enjoys most at a BDSM party, and why she relates to Angelina Jolie’s character in “Girl, Interrupted.” This episode was recorded at Chosun Galbee in Los Angeles, CA. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Your teen requested a ride, but this time not from you. It's through their Uber Teen account. It's an Uber account that allows your teen to request a ride under your supervision with live trip tracking and highly rated drivers. Add your teen to your Uber account today. Hi, it's Jesse. Hi, it's Jesse. Today on the show, you might know her from any one of her many comedy specials. From I'm the One That I Want to Cho Dependent or her roles in TV and film such as Drop Dead Diva and Fire Island, it's Margaret Cho.

I want to get a really young husband when I'm like in my 80s. Like a young twink. Like he probably hasn't been born yet. one of my personal legends of comedy. Okay, she's not that much older than me, but in my eyes, she has already achieved icon status. I mean, for me, she is up there with Steve Martin, Chris Rock, and the late great Joan Rivers, who Margaret calls her comedy mother. I was so excited when I was cast opposite her

in the upcoming film, All That We Love, which is premiering this year at the Tribeca Film Festival. Isn't that fancy? I play the best friend of her character, Emma, who is navigating the recent loss of her beloved dog. It's an incredibly beautiful film, and it's also quite funny. I mean, hello, it stars Margaret Cho.

And me, I guess. Anyway, I was so excited to have a moment with Margaret before we both went off to New York City to attend the film's premiere. I may have been even so excited to have a moment with Margaret before we both went off to New York City to attend the film's premiere. I may have been even more excited to see that she had brought her best friend Lucia along with her, who I really, really fell in love with while we were shooting the film.

Oh, Lucia. Lucia. Okay, I guess I should mention that Lucia is her precious, adorable dog. Listen, I never thought I was a Chihuahua person, but I don't know. Lucia proved me wrong. Have you been here? I think I have.

This is a good one. Yeah. They have the greatest panchan. Yeah. The food is just unmatched. I'm excited. I love Korean barbecue. I brought Margaret to Chosun Galbi, a renowned Korean barbecue joint in LA's Korea Town.

Open over 22 years, it's one of the longest standing spots in K-Town and is considered a go-to for its impeccable beef and a cold noodle dish from North Korea that I'm not even going to try to pronounce, but you will hear Margaret saying it. Listen, I admittedly did none of the ordering. I let Margaret take over completely, but the food, I could say this very confidently, was incredibly delicious. I have always loved Korean barbecue, and though it's been popular in LA in recent decades, it's a culinary tradition that dates back to 37 BC in Korea. That's a long time ago, y'all.

There's something so intimate about having the stovetop at your table. You can hear the sizzle of the grill in the background when we're talking. We ate everything alongside a variety of panchan, those little side dishes shared at the center of the table like kimchi, potato salad, bean sprouts, and a fish cake in our case. Okay, let's get to the conversation. Margot, I haven't seen you since we wrapped our movie.

I know, I'm excited to watch it with you at Tribeca next week. So you were saying you saw what you think is an early cut. I loved it. I thought it was beautiful. I did too. You're really, really wonderful in it. Although I'm wearing a wig, which I can't get past. I don't know.

Every time I look different in something, I'm always shocked. That's what we fixate on, yeah. It's so funny, I was in the movie Cocaine Bear, and I was wearing a wig, but I remember reading one of the comments and someone was like, oh, this movie has everything. It has Margot Martindale, it has 80s fashion, it has Justin Tyler Ferguson in a fat suit,

and I wasn't wearing a fat suit, but I kind of loved the idea of like embracing it, be like, oh yeah, I really go there for my roles like I can't wait for it Which we do how should we do this I always do the same thing I just get the Chosun Galbi, okay the prime There's so much other stuff that comes out like So, I don't know what else is it is it just some Galbi enough for for two people to share There's so much other stuff that comes out, like all the panchen comes out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, all the little things, yeah, yeah. So, I don't know, what else do we get?

Is the cho sangal be enough for two people to share? Yes. Okay, let's do it. We could do that and then do like, naengmyeon is good, because it's like. Tell me what it is. It's like a cold buckwheat noodle. It is the North Korea's special dish. Okay. So that's what you would get if you ever go to North Korea.

Haven't been. And then I would say, japchae? I'm letting you take charge. OK. Joseon galbi, naengmyeon, and japchae, please. How many people are there in Joseon galbi? Two. Yes.

Joseon galbi is seasoned galbi. Seasoned galbi is two servings. One water naengmyeon, and one japchae. Yes. How many people would you like to have? Two. Yes. Two servings of spicy ribs, two servings of spicy ribs, one bowl of cold noodles, and one bowl of japchae. Yes. Do you need rice? Yes. Do you want white rice or jacob rice? Do you want brown or white?

I like white. Yes, white. Thank you. Thank you. You play this woman who's grieving from the loss of her dog. I love, you know, Yintan wrote and directed this film. Did you know Yint before? No. No. No.

I didn't either. I had seen some of his other films and I'm a fan of his, so I was thrilled when he asked me to do this. But he wrote this really beautiful, quiet piece about this woman navigating grief and just like how the ripples of that grief affect her friends in her circles and her daughter and her best friend Stan who I play. And I just thought you handled

the the quietness of that film in such a beautiful way and I think for me you know I've been a fan of yours for a very long time and I told you that when I started working with you. I know you from your early 20s when you were doing that like really raunchy stand-up comedy. You were doing like All American Girl. You were just loud and proud and like talking about, you know, being bisexual and like having different experiences and it was so refreshing.

And then to watch you sort of navigate this character, I had a front row seat seat watching you play this woman, Emma, and I was just so impressed with your range and how you, Margaret, the Margaret I know and have known for so long as a fan, just disappeared into that role. And I hope you're really proud of yourself. I am. Well, thank you so much. I'm so glad.

I'm so grateful. But yeah, we can do a lot of different things I think that when you do comedy it really is possible to do everything because comedy is like humanity Yeah, so so much about like comedy or like even comedic acting is really about showing your humanity so that it makes other forms of What what you're what you're doing a little easier. So that, to me, made it simpler. But yeah, it was really fun. And I mean, there is certainly comedy in the writing

and humorous situations. I mean, I'm gonna have very fond memories of there's a scene where my character Stan and your character Emma are lying in bed and we just start singing. It's a really intimate moment. It's like you just remembered this song that used to be mine and my partner's song that we used to sing, Karaoke. And it was a song that me, Jessie, wasn't personally familiar with.

Yen, Tan, our director and writer had played me this song before and it made me well up when I was thinking about how this song fits into the story. But I couldn't memorize the song. It was hard. It was a hard song. And you and I ended up taping lyrics to the song onto the ceiling so we could have a cheat sheet.

It was so funny. And then we couldn't stop singing it. Like after we finished, we kept singing it and we kept laughing about it. You know, just remembering this lost love, but also trying to remember the song, you know, it's a very, the technical aspect, it was really funny. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

No, it was a really lovely experience and I can't wait for people to see it. It's gonna be great. I think it's gonna be great. You and I get to see it at the Tribeca Film Festival next weekend. On my turf. I feel like New York's my turf. I know. Is Justin coming? Yeah, he'll be there. Yeah, you'll see him.

Wait, no. No, he's going up from San Francisco to LA. He's doing the AIDS Lifecycle Ride. That's an incredible ride. It's an incredible ride. I think it's the seventh year he's done it. It is a good... I mean, to me, it's so 90s. It's an incredible ride. I think it's the seventh year he's done it. It is a good, I mean, to me it's so 90s. It's so gay 90s. Yeah, yeah. Well there's a day called Red Dress Day,

do you know about this? Where all the guys riding, everyone wears red dresses and rides their bike the leg of that that day in their red dresses. And the other day an Amazon package arrived with like a tight sequined red dress and a little like blonde bod. I'm like, oh, you're going for it this year.

Nice, nice. You're just gonna do like a lady in red. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fabulous, fabulous. Yeah. I'm glad. He's heading up to San Francisco in a week to start that. Speaking of, I mean, I love that you grew up

in San Francisco. It's such an interesting time too. I mean, at that up in San Francisco. It's such an interesting time too. I mean, at that point in San Francisco, you know, it was the height of the AIDS epidemic. Like Harvey Milk had just been assassinated. What was it like to be a kid in San Francisco at that time? Well, it was like this thing where you would see hundreds of men out in the street

and they all had had either their shirts were off or they were dressed as cowboys or policemen and it was so amazing like it was actually walking into like a Tom of Finland and illustrations you know these guys young guys with crazy beautiful bodies. Can I take a picture? Yes, thank you. It's ready. And they were just walking around. And you would look down at an alley, and there would be like blowjobs and...

I mean, all manner of sex happening. But as a little girl, it was so normal and so safe. There were no women, there were no girls. So there was no sense of, oh, I'm not a part of this, but I am, it's okay for me to be here because they're happy to see me. They always say hi, how are you?

You know, it was a very, I don't know, really incredible time. But then a lot of the men that worked for my dad were early supporters of Harvey Milk. My parents owned a gay bookstore there. So they were like, oh, well, this is just a business that caters to the gay community. They're not gay, but my dad loves male attention

because he's really handsome. So he loves when men admire him because he thinks that women don't know what's good but men know. Men have good taste. Discerning taste, yes. He has all these portraits that are like painted of him from all of these admirers from you know 70s San Francisco, all these male admirers who captured his youthful beauty and hate. He hangs them all about his house and he loves it. He loves it.

It's really incredible. I love in your comedy, one of your jokes, I love so much, you said you always dreamed of being surrounded by beautiful men and you guess you should have been more specific. So true. So when you say a gay bookstore, I mean I assume you're, it was like they sold everything from

Like Blue Boy or Honcho Magazine to like the rolling, it was like a revolving rack of gay romance novels. Like it looked like all of the brothers from Iron Claw. Yeah. With like tank tops and blue jean cutoffs, like standing by a river in the night. But the bookstore was really just like a different light. You know, it was a center of the city where people could go and have like book signings

from Armistead Mopin and things like that. Like a big photography and art section with lots of books by Helmut Newton and things like that. Big John Waters section. All sorts of things like that. I mean, it kind of feels like destiny that you ended up in the career that you ended up in. It just makes so much sense.

I feel like you were embraced by that city in such a beautiful way. And first of all, I mean, I think you just have such an interesting perspective about the gay community that, and a lot of it probably comes from just being surrounded by that community at such a young age and having parents who were so progressive.

I mean, were your parents first generation? Were they immigrants? They were immigrants, but I think that they just had a lot of acceptance around it. I think that they experienced so much racism coming to America that any sort of marginalized community was appealing to them. So, you know, we lived in a black neighborhood, we lived in this, like, gay neighborhood, so there was so much of that that my parents felt really comfortable with. But I think also growing up there made me see gay as the norm and heterosexual was the

outlier. Interesting. Like, heterosexuality was the secret part, like don't tell anybody that you're actually sometimes straight. I mean, it's like a magical world that I wish I had grown up in. Truly.

Yeah, it was really normal. Every business was like hot and hunky. Hot and hunky was this wonderful hamburger place that was like in and out, sort of using like sexual metaphors or whatever for hamburgers. And so that was like in and out, you know, sort of using like sexual metaphors or whatever for hamburgers. And so that was like the norm. And we didn't have like an in and out with a John 316 logo in their packaging.

Yeah, we had Hot and Hunky, which would have like big buff guys like serving you hamburgers. And it was just very normal. Gay was the norm. I love that. Yeah, and you gravitate back toward San Francisco a lot. I'm sure you feel like those are your people,

that's your home. I mean, it's changed a lot, but I still love it. But I always gravitate towards those gay meccas, whether that's San Francisco or Provincetown. I mean, the thing about Provincetown is they have every week. Like for example, you know, there's a week that's like bear week and there's a week that's family week. It's hard for bear week because all the toilets get clogged.

I know, that's really... You can't get a table at any restaurant to save your life. I love bear week. Bear week is one of my favorite. Bear week is? Because it's just, bear Week is the most sexual, that and like carnival. Have you been to Dick Doc? I mean, I've been during the day.

Yeah. But I've never gone at night when it's actually the Dick Doc. I went down to Dick Doc and I was not. Margo, will you explain what the Dick Doc is first? Oh, Dick Doc is, it's part of a pier down where everybody goes to get anonymous sex.

And it's all male and they did not appreciate me being there. They were not. I went down there and they were not happy about it. And I think I slipped on some semen. It really is slippery. Especially when the air is wet, there's a lot of condensation. Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

I love also talking about this, as meat's being cut and cooked right next to us. But talk to me a little bit about, there's two things in your past that I'm fascinated with. You being a phone sex operator when you were 15. Yeah. And also a Dominic tricks. So take me back to that time.

Well, they're similar, they're similar time frame. I had this one friend, she was a bad, you know how you always get that one friend who's bad? Yeah. And she like gets you to do all sorts of things that you shouldn't do, but you do it, because she's cool. So she was that friend.

Unfortunately she died in 2018, but I always think about her, because she was just the best, you know. She gets you into trouble, so I have to get my own trouble now, but she was so special, and she got us this job as phone sex operators. And then, so you would walk by and all the women were in cubicles talking to people and they would be slapping their hands to sort of pretend that they were banking them and stuff.

And it was very odd to see as a young teenager because I didn't really know what they were doing. So I didn't really know how to do it. And so we got promoted to go in the booth and record messages for people learning English. And it was called Hot Girls USA. And Jerry would write the copy of like, I am a blonde woman.

It was very like simple English, so that people learning English could masturbate to it. And so she would write the copy for me, and we would go into the booth, and we would read it out loud. So it also helped me learn how to work a sound booth. Work in like a microphone. Life on skills.

Very life on skills, which I use today. So I was doing that at the same time I was working as a Raggedy Ann at FAO Schwartz. Oh my God. So I would still have the makeup like the little red circles on my face and going in. But yeah, that was like the weirdest array of jobs.

It didn't feel like- When did you get paid, do you remember? $100 per every time we went in, which is a lot. And then the dominatrix work was, I was just, I was hopeless at, I'm really not good at that. I like really don't care. You'd be so good at it, I don't know why. I could probably be good if it was just pain only,

like sensation only. I could probably do that, but also it hurts my arm. It's too much. But I would go to these BDSM parties where you would have a naked man belly park your car outside and it was so weird. Wait, you would go to these parties and you'd belly your car. So then be naked man go to these parties and you'd valet your car.

So it would be naked man outside. So a naked man would get in your car to go park it. Yeah. OK. But in like a lot. And then you would come back in the party and there would be no furniture, but then all these naked men around.

And then if you needed a chair, the two naked men would perform themselves into a chair and you would sit on it. If you wanted a table, another naked man would lay like. It's like a really weird game of improv. Yeah, it was like just weird, like, they would be the furniture and I'm like, it just smelled like balls. Also, like the heady, testicular smell.

Couldn't get away from. And it was just, I didn't feel sexual towards it. I didn't feel, I didn't feel judgmental towards it. I was just kind of like, I don't know about this. And it's just weird to have a naked man park your car. Food was good. Food was always good at these like BDSM events. One sex party thing, they had the best chili.

It was in North Hollywood. No, chili? There was like some delicious like cocoa powder or something in it. I don't know, it was like a cinnamon. Very good and I've always thought I really, I should go back to that club just to get that chili. Now for a quick break, but don't go away. When we come back, Margaret tells me about her dating experiences, including having a

50-year-old girlfriend as a teenager, why she thinks getting married was a quote, non-event, and her parents' insistence that she get on Tinder. Okay, be right back. Don't you just love it when someone looks at you and says, hmm something's different about you. What were you up to last night? Well no matter how late you're up the night before, Lumify Redness Reliever Eye Drops can help your eyes look more refreshed and awake than ever. Lumify dramatically reduces redness in just one minute to help your eyes look brighter and wider for up to eight hours. No wonder it has over 6,000 five-star reviews on Amazon.

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It's also available in print and you can listen via audio book. And we're back with more Dinners on Me. What age were you when you were doing the dominatrix stuff? Well, I was doing the dominatrix stuff, I was still about 16. Wow. So I was working at a store called Stormy Leather in San Francisco. Incredible name.

Yeah. It was a lesbian BDSM collective, so they would make leather sex toys for women, like, you know, straps. Like strap-ons and stuff. Yeah. And this is also where you started doing your comedy, right? Yeah. So I started at 14, so yeah. Your parents had above their store, they had a space,

like was it a stage, was it just like a raw space? It was a bar that had a different entrance, but they had comedy shows at the bar, and they would have these shows where people could buy tomatoes at the entrance and then throw them at the comedians. No. Which is so horrible, but I never got anything thrown at me.

I think I was such a young person. Right. That nothing like that happened. But it's still a bar, right? Yeah. I think now if you saw a 15 year old get up and perform in what I assume was a gay bar. No, no, it wasn't.

It wasn't. Even though it was a gay bar. No, no, it wasn't. It wasn't. Even though it was like a gay neighborhood, it was still like a sort of a, like an English pub. Okay. But yeah, if I saw like a young person, I would be surprised, I've always taken it back when people are really young doing comedy. Yeah.

What was your comedy like then? Do you remember like what your first jokes were? I would open with, because they were doing a lot of Asian driver jokes in San Francisco in the 80s, and so I would have to follow that, and I would just say, I drive very well,

and then that would just be it. You know, that was just the main joke. I would do a lot of impressions of my mom, which I still do. Big part of my act. Huge part. But yeah, I think people gave me leeway because I was so young and that was a novelty.

But yeah, I don't think my comedy was that different from what I do now. Right, right, right. How did you navigate those late teen years when kids do act out and they do things that piss their parents off? It seems like you were kind of living in this playground of a city

with parents who were very progressive and trusted you a lot. I mean, did you get into a lot of trouble? Yeah, totally. Were there things that were too far for your parents? All of it was really too far, but it was also, they couldn't control me, so I was sort of beyond

any real, like, that would just take off. And I would like go live at like, you know, other kids' houses, like, I had like a boy, like a gross, it was gross, I had a boyfriend when I was like 16, he was like in his late 20s, I had a girlfriend who was 50. Whoa. When I was like 18. Wow. It's so weird to think about now, I had a girlfriend who was 50. Whoa. When I was like 18. Wow.

It's so weird to think about now. I'm like, I could never, as young as I would go is maybe 40, 40, 35 I think. For you, now is it. I mean, I've had relationships with people like in their 20s and it's too young. Yeah. Yeah, this woman who was in her mid 50s

was dating me and I was like 18. And I remember she came to see me do comedy and she brought her friend and her age, same age friend, and I was saying on stage how old I was, I was saying I'm 18, and I saw her friend look at her and hit her. Oh no. Like, it was so funny, but yeah. That's hilarious. Have you, do you remember a point where you're like, I think I'm bisexual or is it just something

that you always? When I was younger, I like really felt like I just gonna be with women. I ended up getting into these relationships with guys and it just, I liked the sex, but I didn't really like hanging out with them that much. So I think it was confusing. Every relationship I've had with a man has been horrible,

but I like the sex, so I keep going back to it. But with women they've been better, but I like sex with men a lot. I just don't, I don't like them. Is that bad? No. I mean, if I could just have sex with men and not have them in my life.

Do you find that if you have exes, do you remain friends with the females you've dated rather than the men? The friendships usually stand in general. Yeah. But like, just the act of being in a relationship, so being next to a person day in and day out, I find really challenging.

Yeah, yeah, I know you're single now, right? Yeah. Are you dating? Are you? No, and I keep thinking, oh I should, and then I'm like not enthusiastic about it. What made you, because I know you've always been open sexually, and I know when you and your husband were together, you had an open marriage. Yeah.

What made you want to get married? What made you want to take that leap? I just thought, oh, I want to have a dress and a thing. I want to have the wedding. Like I was just, it's so stupid now to think about it because it was such a mess. We had it at our house and it was so hard to clean up after. Like it's just a mess to have a wedding at your house.

And I just thought like, oh, I would like, this must mean something. People do it, so it must mean something. So I wanted that. And then when we had it, it was like such a non-event. It was so non, it wasn't pleasant for anybody. Where your parents are? Yeah, they came, they brought, this is so annoying,

they brought a chicken and a rooster live, because that's part of the Korean ceremony, is you have a chicken and a rooster and then you that's part of the Korean ceremony, is you have a chicken and a rooster, and then you have them next to each other. And then, because we had dogs, they left them in my backyard. You go, oh, the dog can play with, no, that's not how it works.

So we had to like find them in the yard and then put them in boxes and take them to animal control. Oh my God. It was really a hassle, but my parents are so inconsiderate that way. They just left a chicken and a rooster or they're like, oh, you can kill it. It's fine, it's delicious.

What? Oh my God. Yes, please. It's incredible. I mean, that's really beyond. Like why would they, why would it, what's not appropriate for a guest to bring livestock? No, I don't think so.

No. Not good. I mean, what do they think about like your sort of carefree way of being in relationships? My parents are okay with whatever, except what I'm doing now. They hate that I'm single. That's really upsetting.

So my mom keeps trying to get me to download Tinder. Because Timber, if you do Timber, you can find Timber. And then they'll want me to go to Korea and get a matchmaker service. And I'm like, no, no. Why would I do that? Why would I do that?

But it's very distressing. Thank you that I would even like think about being alone that to them is really hard right right right right wait what's in here these are the noodles beautiful the glassy glass buckwheat noodles and a pear a slice of pear and like brisket a stir it. It's like a pear? Yeah, the pear is cold, so it's icy. I've never had this. It's very good. Cold brisket, I've never had cold brisket.

What an adventure for me. It's delicious. It is good. One of the ways I discovered you, I think a lot of people discovered you this way, was when you did your comedy special about I'm the one that I want. Oh yeah. In 2000, I think a lot of people discovered you this way was when you did your comedy special about I'm the one that I want Oh, yeah

In 2000, I think right. It's a while ago Gosh, I'm a 25 years ago. Yeah Wow But that's sort of the first thing I saw and then I remember seeing All-american girl. Yeah But I was really drawn to the story that you told on The One That I Want about how tricky that time was for you. Yeah.

And it's really, it was really interesting, obviously, hearing you reclaim that narrative and like through your own story and like in your own comedy and telling it in a very funny way, but also in a way that was very shocking. I mean, you listen to that comedy special, you hear people in the audience gasp. And this is at a time when I think

those things were not unheard of. Right, right. There's a different era in Hollywood altogether. And the 90s is way more conservative than we realize. Like we look back on it now and we think, oh, it's like grunge and all that stuff. But in truth, like there was so many rigid views about queerness, so many rigid views about race.

And so it was a very difficult time to even be a woman and be a woman of color and be queer. So you couldn't really fit in anywhere. So it was really difficult. And I think doing a show where I could metabolize all of the isms was really helpful for me. And it helped me like realize, oh, well, I don't have to actually rely on a network or a studio.

I can actually just do comedy and do what I do and enjoy that. And so it helped me have more longevity, I think as an artist to keep on rediscovering. So I'm glad for the experience, but it's weird to look back on and see how conservative all was. Right, right.

Now for a quick break, but don't go away. When we come back, Margaret tells me about her, quote, girl interrupted days in rehab and the joys and pitfalls of being one of the first queer Asian women with prominence in Hollywood. Okay, be right back. Are you the kind of person who gets excited to learn, no matter what the topic is?

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Dr. Stephen asks Dr. Stephen Thrasher, when viruses spread, who's the most vulnerable? So get excited and get curious. Listen to new episodes of Getting Curious every Wednesday, wherever you get your podcasts. I had an experience once with somebody who wanted to like role play like, like with relatives stuff. No. Yes. No, that's a hard cast.

And I said, I said, they wanted, they first said, like No, that's a hard cast. And I couldn't. And I said, they wanted, they first said, like, dad, daddy. And I said- Well, that's not so bad. But, so I suggested maybe like, I said maybe the most I could do is uncle. Okay, so that was just a snippet of an episode with actor and podcaster Justin Long. I'm Jesse Tyler Ferguson, and I'm telling you, you need to listen to the full episode on my podcast, Dinners on Me.

Over a meal at Pine and Crane in downtown LA, we get into his love story with Kate Bosworth, his career and so much more. To listen, just search Dinners on Me wherever you listen to podcasts. And we're back with more Dinners on Me. What do you think when you listen back to that early comedy of yours? Obviously, you're sober now. When you started in this industry, you talk a lot about being drunk or doing drugs, and that was part of your comedy.

It's kind of an interesting time capsule to be able to have that to look back on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's weird, it's weird, but it's also like that's like a young person who just didn't know. I didn't know what I was doing and I was just happy. Like I think the more that my addictions progressed, I wasn't talking about it. Cause then it was just about hiding anything to do with that. Yeah.

So, you know, when you're talking about how fun it is to be drunk and doing drugs, that's different from like just never saying anything and just getting wasted in your hotel room. You know, like it was like a really different way to think about addiction. But yeah, like I think I have such a different relationship to any of that now. Right. But I listen to it, it's like a totally different person doing that kind of comedy. Yeah, I mean I listen to some of your, what was the, was it Drunk with Power?

Yeah, Drunk with Power, yeah. It's a funny one. It's a good special. I feel like you're talking about things that are so far away from you now. Yeah, so different. So different. Though I wouldn't do any of those things.

And I also have my voice is much higher pitched. Yeah, I did notice that. I'm so like a little Muppet baby version of myself. We all were when we were younger. We're so young. It's so weird. Yeah. You've also been very honest about like relapsing

and having that be an ongoing struggle, which I think is so important to like, you're sort of candidness about being sober. What made you want to talk about it? Well, I think it's important to talk about, which is a big part of my life. Like now recovery is such a huge part of my life and it's a big part of the way that I approach life.

So I think talking about is really therapeutic, but it's also just a funny aspect of humanity. It's a funny thing that we get hung up on these addictions, you know, and rely on these substances to get by, but they often make our lives a million times worse. So I just think it's a problem, but also a problem that currently is solved, but it could always go back.

So I keep talking about it in order so that I'm reminded of how bad things could get. Right. I know you spoke about having an intervention. I think you had a birthday party, was it? No, they said it, this is so evil. My friend said it was a birthday party that I could not miss.

And then it was actually an intervention. Like, you know, like they forced me to go to a birthday party that was not happening. It was just my intervention. And then I went and I went to treatment, which I love rehab. I'm like a big fan of institutionalization. I really think that's really where I belong.

Like I'm very girl interrupted. I love like- Winona or Angelene. I'm very Angelena Jolie. Like I'm the bad girl in rehab. Like I love a hospital gown or you know, like a terry cloth juicy track suit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's very me. And Uggs, like flipping around with my hair in a scrunchie and makeup all over my face. Like I love it. I think rehab is just good because people are like making you food. You just get to go and like sit with other people and talk about your feelings. You can make, um, crafts.

How long did that last for you? I was in my facility for a year and nine months, which people usually just stay for 30 days, but I moved in. Yeah. I loved it. I was in there with like really kind of amazing people, like 20 people died from my facility. So it was really like the people who were amazing,

but they just died because they just wanted to try it one more time and then people get fentanyl and they just die. Wow, yeah. So it was really crazy. It's crazy to be around people who are on such a, you know, a razor edge with that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And then being in recovery has really opened my mind up to so many things. My heavy meditator, I have like- What kind of meditation do you do? I guess it's, it could be like TM, but I don't- That's what I've been doing, yeah.

Yeah, TM is really good. It's what you do is you split it twice a day, 20 minutes each time. But I usually do one chunk of 40 in the morning and then I do it with other people. Like I have a meditation group. Yeah, I think you told me about that one. Yeah, so I'll just go to like my teacher's house

and we'll just sit there and meditate, which has really improved my life greatly because it's a daily thing. I need to get back into it. I've definitely let myself slip with that, but I used to do it pretty religiously. Yeah, it's a daily thing. I need to get back into it. I've definitely let myself slip with that, but I used to do it pretty religiously. Yeah, it's good for you. I can see the difference when I'm not doing it.

It's good for you. I did want to talk about, in one of your recent comedy specials, you opened up talking about Fresh Off the Boat, and how you were sort of around to help out with that show, which obviously must have been a very gratifying thing to do. So great. It's so interesting,

because I think you were talking about how white people were nervous about the title of Fresh Off the Boat, and I remember being with Modern Family, because it was also on ABC, and we were at the ABC upfronts, and it was the same year that Blackish and Fresh Off the Boat were premiering.

And I remember thinking, oh god, these are big swings for a range of shows. Yeah, it's great. And there hadn't been a show on since All American Girl. No, no. That was about a Korean American family. Or had an Asian cast. Or had an Asian cast, right.

At all. I mean, the fact that it took 20 years, you know, was really shocking, but also not. But we have a lot more Asian American faces on TV and movies now, it's very gratifying. But it's incredible, it's absolutely incredible. Because I think there is something also about the story you were telling with All American Girl

is so important, and you were so young at that time. There's something about perspective and like having some space away from it and also with kind of Hollywood changing a bit. And like, is there, do you think it's even an opportunity for you to like revisit that story? Oh, I would love to. I mean, I think my dream now is to go back

and do like a multicam sitcom and have it be sort of family-based. And, you know, to me that would be really exciting because I also love the art form of the multi-cam sitcom. Like I love those old shows. Like in front of an audience. Yeah, it's to me very alive. It's a format that is not used often nowadays

but it's so fresh and so fun. So hopefully I'll be able to get to do that again. That's my dream. That'd be incredible. I mean, it's such a great marriage of being on stage. It's made for stand-up comics. Yeah, absolutely. It really is, and it's just so, I don't know,

to me it just feels, that's what show business is. So yeah, I would love to get back to that. Yeah. Kudos to you, first of all. You should definitely take your flowers for that. I think you've done a really remarkable job of paving the way for a lot of incredible Asian actors and actresses. Who's exciting you now?

I love Sabrina Wu. They're incredible. They're just genius. You know, Dylan Adler, Sam Oh, these wonderful queer Asian American comics who are just so funny, so alive. I love Otsuko Okatsuka. She's a really good friend of mine. And also my kid, you know, she's in our movie.

Of course, Joel Kim Booster. You know, he's like my eldest son. My pride and joy. Ali Wong, who's my most successful daughter. I just really admire her. So there's so many people doing great stuff. You're one of those comedians who, I just feel it's so iconic. When I list the people that are working now

that are just like top of their game, have always been incredible, and have rich history in that world of stand-up comedy. You're on the top of the list. Thank you. Does that make you feel, I mean, for me, I'm getting to that point now where I meet people who are like,

oh, I grew up watching Modern Family, and I have to be proud of that. I can't be like, but it just makes me feel old. No, it's great. It doesn't, it makes me very happy. It's really exciting. It's really exciting and it's really important because you're like one of the first people

to bring gay family into the truth of like television, into like the true like coming to people's homes. Like that's so, such an achievement. And that's something to be very proud of. So yeah, we can't allow all of the baggage that we have about time passing to affect that achievement, which is really profound. I have a lot of friends and maybe even some family members

who really dread their birthdays and make such a big deal about how they hate getting older. I'm like, we can't do anything about it. We can't, we have to celebrate it. That we're here still to tell the tale. Yeah. Like I probably could have died earlier, but I just decided to stick it out.

But yeah, like I should be around. I'm estimating another 50 years maybe. I think so. I want to get a really young husband when I'm like in my 80s, like a young twink. Okay. Like he probably hasn't been born yet. Who will like, you know, wheel me around when I get the,

you know, the Kennedy Medal of Honor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the medal of honor. Medal of freedom, the medal of freedom. And when I have my Mark Twain award, you know, somebody, like some twink that will like, and we just got married. Like it'll be like a relationship, is that her son? Is that her grandson? No, it's her husband.

What? I love that. Please answer that question. When anyone asks, like, do you hope to like find love again one day? Like, well, he's not probably not even born yet. Yeah, he's probably not born yet. I'm just waiting for him to be born.

God. Well, I'm thrilled you did this. Thank you for having this with me and ordering for both of us. This is delicious. I love you. I love you. And I cannot wait to watch our film with you. We're gonna have fun. Truly. Oh, Margaret. Yay. Next week on Dinner's On Me, you might know her from, well, being my daughter. From Modern Family, it's Aubrey Anderson-Emmons, who played my daughter Lily on the show.

We talk about our fondest memories, what it was like growing up on set, and what life has been like since. You're going to love this one. And if you don't want to wait until next week to listen, you can download that episode right now by subscribing to Dinners On Me Plus. As a subscriber, not only do you get access to new episodes one week early, you'll also be able to listen completely ad-free. Just click Try Free at the top of the Dinners On Me show page on Apple Podcasts to search

your free trial today. Dinner is on Me is a production of Sony Music Entertainment and a kid named Becket Productions. It's hosted by me, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. It's executive produced by me and Jonathan Hirsch. Our showrunner is Joanna Clay. Our associate producer is Angela Vang. Sam Baer engineered this episode. Hans-Dyl She composed our theme music. Our head of production is Sammy Allison. Special thanks to Tamika Balanz-Kalasny and Justin Makita. I'm Jesse Tyler Ferguson.

Join me next week.