Dinner’s on Me with Jesse Tyler Ferguson - Nicole Byer on coping with disappointment and how not to spread a loved one's ashes

Episode Date: August 6, 2024

Comedian, actor and “WipeOut” co-host Nicole Byer joins the show. Over French toast, Nicole tells me why sitcom “Grand Crew” was so special to her, how she was initially unsure if she nailed ���Nailed It” (see what I did there?) and what her dad might have thought of her hamburger bikini number. This episode was recorded at Lady Byrd Café in Echo Park, CA. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Today on the show, you might know her from her Netflix comedy special, Big Beautiful Weirdo, or the host of Netflix's Nailed It, it's Nicole Byer. I was like, Dad, I have this like, this improv, like grad show. Will you come? And he was like, yes. And then he died because he'd rather be dead than watch his daughter do object work. This is Dinners on Me, and I'm your host, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. I love a cooking competition. I always have, I always will.

So you can imagine my glee when I discovered Nailed It on Netflix, a baking competition where amateur bakers epically fail trying to recreate wildly complicated desserts. The results are of course hilarious, but the show really worked for me because of its incredible host Nicole Byer. And it seemed like overnight I was seeing her name everywhere.

I discovered that she had not one, but several fantastic podcasts. She was a hilarious comedian, and she even graduated from the same acting school in New York that I did. Needless to say, when we finally did meet in person, we had a lot to talk about. I am always so impressed with actors who are versatile enough to conquer several different fields,

and Nicole has certainly done that. Now, Nailed It wrapped up a few years ago, but that only freed her up to take over hosting duties on the reboot of Wipeout. Oh, I should have mentioned. I also love a competition show where amateur athletes epically wipe out on wildly complicated obstacle courses. I guess I love seeing people fail

for the sake of entertainment. I don't know what that says about me. It's something I'm definitely gonna discuss with my therapist. Oh my goodness. Hey flowers. Should I sit over here? Yeah, sit over here. You look fabulous. I took Nicole to Lady Bird Cafe. It's a charming restaurant nestled in a quiet corner of Echo

Park and you'd almost miss it if you didn't look closely. There's outdoor chandeliers and flowers everywhere. Even these little greenhouses you can eat in. It has this very magical fairy-like vibe. They also serve breakfast all day. So if you're looking for pancakes after 2 p.m., they got your number. Now, Nicole's such a whimsical person.

I thought she'd be the perfect person to bring here. Oh, and one other thing. At the top of this episode, we talk about a sitcom that Nicole recently did, but listen, I was a very bad host and I don't mention the name of the sitcom. Anyway, it's called Grand Crew. Nicole eventually mentions it about 20 minutes in, but I'm telling you, I'm just telling you

it's called Grand Crew now because I don't want you yelling, what's the name of the show? What's the name of the show? For the first 10 minutes of this episode, which is what I was doing when I listened to this rough cut. Okay, okay, let's get to the conversation. Hi love. Have you been here?

I have, and I think it's so cute and I love it. It's so cute. I was driving here and the GPS took me, I live in Encino now. I used to live in Los Feliz, which is where you live, right? Yes. Okay, so it took me this roundabout way off the five, through the neighborhood, up hills,

and I was at my daughter's stadium. And I was like, I think this is going the wrong way. And then all of a sudden I saw the restaurant. But it reminded me how much I love, by the way, we're murdering children over there. That's not a playground, that's just the sound of children. Just murdering. That's not a playground. That's just the sound of children. Just murdering.

That's so funny. But it reminded me how much I love this neighborhood, and now I live in Encino, because I have children. Do you love Encino? I don't mind it. There's a Benihana out there. That was the first thing I did when I went to Encino. I love the Benihana.

The very first night we moved there, we went to Benihana. I love it. I love it so much. I do too. That's so funny. I love it, I love it so much. I do too. That's so funny. I do too. I love an interactive dinner.

I haven't had any lunch today, or barely any breakfast, I'm starving. What are you gonna get? I was looking at this pulled pork sandwich on the other side. This is spicy pulled pork sandwich, or a burger. I mean, they have a lot of breakfast items obviously. They do. I'm gonna get french toast. You're gonna they have a lot of breakfast items, obviously. They do.

I'm gonna get french toast. You're gonna do it? Yeah, I'm gonna be a real freak. Yes. Have we started? Should this be in front of me? I love having a podcast host on because they just take charge.

By the way, I did prep. I know everything about you. I love it. Hi, how are you? Hello, welcome. This is Nicole. Hello. Alejandro. How are you today? How are you today? I'm it. Hi, how are you? Hello, welcome. This is Nicole. Hello. Alejandro. How are you today?

I'm good. We're great. May I offer you something to drink? May I just have club soda or seltzer bubbly water? Like some lemon or lime? A lemon. No, nothing. Nothing.

I'm going to do... Real hard pivot. I'll do the same thing, but I will have a lime. Okay, sure. Yeah. I'll do that. Thank you. I was gonna get a cocktail, but then I was like, I still have things to do today. You know what I did when I was at Amda,

our mutual amomata, which we're gonna talk about. I used to drink, this is horrifying, Zima. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Zima with, wait for it, Jolly Ranchers. I would infuse my own Zima with a Jolly Rancher. Icon. Icon. Iconic, but it's so funny. Disgusting. So disgusting. That's nasty.

Nasty. And I love it. Ugh, so funny. Yeah, yeah, that's what I would drink. I mean, cause you know, I didn't know anything better. I, that was like, you know, I wasn't an experienced drinker. When you were at Amda, was it at the Ansonia? Yes, it was. So there used to be a Gristides there

that we would steal Boone's Farm. The like weird, like, La Cour. It was like fruit punch booze. But we would go in with our reusable totes and just load up the totes. You shoplifted that? Oh yeah, baby. We didn't have any money.

Oh my God. And people would watch us do it. And that Crisides has since closed. Yeah, it has. Put them right out of business. I was just in that neighborhood the other day and the whole, all of AMDA, the American Musical and Dramatic Academy,

thank you very much, has moved to another facility. Oh, it's not at the Ansonia anymore? I don't think it's at the Ansonia anymore. I think they've campus just moved. The historic Ansonia? That. Oh, it's not at the Ansonia anymore? I don't think it's at the Ansonia anymore. I think they've campus has moved. The historic Ansonia? That's right, that's right. You didn't love Amda, did you? No, I surely didn't.

I mean, I liked the freedom of being on my own. I ate pizza for breakfast. There was a city pizza. I think it's now a Trader Joe's, but we used to like get two slices, eat one on the line and only pay for one slice. God, you're a hacks. Yeah, I didn't have a great time.

I was in the studio program, which was- Which was just the acting. I did the musical theater program, yeah. They didn't prepare me for like the real life of acting or anything. I mean it's interesting because I have friends who have been to like NYU and Juilliard and these are all the places that I kind of dreamed of going and but they all kind of have the same feelings about their schools. I don't know I

wonder like specifically with with being an actor if there's like any way to prepare. Yes. you think there is. An audition is different than a table, it's different than the job. And nobody explains to you that you have to be good at three different things. Cause like the audition is like, can she act? Is she nice to be around?

Is she a full blown lunatic? Will she show up on time? So it's like, get all those out of the way. Then the table read, you're gonna be a little bit bigger than what it is on TV because it's a live performance and then television is not a live performance. And that was really hard for me to understand because I would do what I did at the table at the job and they'd be like, oh, you got to, what are you doing? You got to turn it down a little. I was like, but that's the, this is what I do.

So it would have been nice if there was a class that was, that explained all that to you. See for me, like TV and film acting was so far away from like what I even thought was possible. I just wanted to do musical theater. But what I will say is that when I finally did get a big break and that was, I did this production on The Town that George C. Wolf directed, I had lies on my resume

because I had no resume to speak of. I was just in the ensemble of my community theater shows. So I just listed roles of things that I would have liked to have played. That's funny. Yeah, and it just needed something. It was like basically, I was just filling space. And I really don't think that George Wolfe ever, you know, this is like Tony award winning George Wolfe,

ever turned over my photo and looked at my resume. No. Like he just saw what was in the room and decided that that was, you know, I'm sure the casting directors looked at my resume and maybe they knew I was lying. They did. They probably did. They did. Yeah. But it's like, you know, fake'm sure the casting directors looked at my resume and maybe they knew I was lying. They did. They probably did.

They did. Yeah. But it's like, you know, fake until you make it. How do you get experience without, like being given experience? Yeah. All of my resume was a lie too. All my high school productions I listed

and I listed them as the South Side Theater. Yeah, you'd bump up it up. Because I went to Middletown High School South. Bruce it up, sure. So you had a run on a TV show recently. Yes. Which was very exciting, because it was an all black cast taking place

kind of in this area that we're in right now, East Side LA. Yeah, East Side LA. We just hung out and hung out in the bar we shot the pilot in. So it was the bar that they recreated and had on the lot. And I almost started crying.

Cause I just loved it so much. They were my actual friends. It was based on our friend group. And it's one of my favorite, I've been lucky. I've had a lot of great jobs. And then this one was one of my favorites. Super special. Yeah.

Yeah, Echo who played my brother, we were on a sketch team for four years at UCB. So like we just kind of had a shorthand where you'd be like, can I? And I'd be like, yeah, you're gonna do something weird on that line and I know it. Or like we would improvise a little bit and surprise each other.

Like we just had a lot of fun on that show. And I'm bummed that it got canceled because it was just kind of like finding its audience, and I get recognized a lot for it now, more so than nailed it, which was wild because that's what people know me from, and I was like, oh, if you just give it a, just a little bit, just a little bit more of a chance.

I know, I know. But yeah, please. Yes, oh, do you, I think we are. Do you like your French toast? Oh my God. Oh. Well let me get that. Let me get that French toast, please.

I think I'm gonna do this pulled pork, spicy pulled pork sandwich. And would you like fries or salad or sweet potato fries? I'll take sweet potato fries. Okay. You want regular fries? No. Okay. You want regular fries? No. No.

I'm happy to nibble on any sort of potato. That's right. I love potatoes. I think it's a very versatile vegetable. Sweet potato fries, thank you guys. Sounds like I'm sponsored by Big Potato. Right, right, right. Sponsored by starch.

I do think that there's, you know, the industry is very quick, especially now, because we have these tent poles of things that work and don't work, and like, if they don't match that thing, then it's just like immediately yank. Well, it's confusing, because I'm like, so wait, do executives not realize that if you give people more options,

then the audience can't be bigger? Like when there was five networks. Sure. Instead of five, there's now a hundred. Yeah. So how do you expect huge numbers when they have so many options? Right.

I mean, the bubble is going to burst at some point, I think. Oh, I think it's burst. You know what else is bursting is the podcast bubble. I mean, you have what, four now? I have four currently. I see. You're the reason the podcast bubble. I mean, you have what, four now? I have four currently. I see. You're the reason the podcast bubble's got hers. I know.

I was like, I gotta get them all. They're all gonna listen to me. Yeah, why won't you date me, which is my baby. Yes, yes. It's fantastic. I was on that one. Thank you. You were.

Best friends with my best friend, Sashir Zameda, where we truly just tee hee hee, ha ha ha. And then newcomers with Lauren Lapkus, who is a doll. I fucking love her. Yeah, she's great. She's so funny. And we watch things that are part of the zeitgeist that everyone has seen.

Like we did Star Wars. Literally, because someone tweeted at us. They were like, you two have never seen Star Wars. You should do a podcast. It's a great idea, because there's so many things that I have not seen. People are like, you two have never seen Star Wars. You should do a podcast. It's a great idea. Cause there's so many things that I have not seen. Like how have you not seen the Godfather?

PS haven't seen the Godfather. Okay, I'll tell you this. We just did Scorsese. Okay. And I very earnestly said, I think he's onto something. The Godfather is like now one of my favorite movies. I know, I know I'm going to love it. A good movie.

And then his editor is this woman, I think it's Thelma Schoenmaker. So she like did an interview where the test group or whatever of the Godfather didn't like the ending because it was too choppy. So she chopped it up more. And it's like, it makes you anxious. Like the last like 20 minutes of the movie,

you're like in it with them. And it's, I loved it. So interesting that she took the note and like went farther with it. She doubled down. I love it. Wow. I love it.

It takes balls. And then she has another quote where someone was like, how do you feel about editing such violent films? And she goes, they're not violent until I edit them. I said, they're not violent. I love that, I love that. That's incredible. Now for a quick break, but don't go away.

When we come back, I talk to Nicole about the joy of working on NBC's Grand Cru. And she shares what it was like touring in some interesting places. OK, be right back. All right, I have to let you guys in on a little secret. I know if you follow me on Instagram, you might occasionally see me posing with a glass of wine

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Justin just wrapped his seventh bike ride with AIDS Lifecycle, and I am so proud of him. While he was biking from San Francisco to Los Angeles, I was traveling for work promoting an indie film and I thought to myself, we have this beautiful home, I wish someone could enjoy it during this wonderful weather in LA. And then I had this thought, we could be hosting our place on Airbnb. We all have times when we are away from home, whether we're visiting family or traveling for work or maybe taking that well-earned vacation.

While you're away, you could be earning some extra cash. You can host your entire home or if let's say your kid is away at college, which seems so far away since my boys are still just so young, but for you empty nesters, you could just host a spare bedroom. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.com slash host. And we're back with more Dinners on Me. Oh, I wanna ask more about your show

because you have, well, first of all, you've had this incredible career as a comedian, you're obviously a fantastic actress, but for a while you were basically known as this host and you were being Emmy nominated for being this incredible host. Circled back, well I wouldn't say circled back, but you had this opportunity to kind of go back to,

I don't know, your initial seed of inspiration of what you do, what you do, and like, got to play a character on TV. And it just like, I want you to sort of walk me through like, what that process was, so first of all, have that opportunity, and to be amongst like, an all-black cast, but then also to sort of cope with that disappointment. You don't get that opportunity a lot

to be a lead in a series. I had a show at MTV called Loosely Exactly Nicole that eight people watched. Yeah, and it was like based on my life loosely, loosely exactly. But like, I just like, I was like, ooh, I love this. I love taking a script and like figuring out the beats and like working with the scene partner

and rehearsing it and shooting it. And then I started hosting a lot. And I don't want to say I don't like hosting. I like it, but I like me and I think I'm fun. So it, I have like a lot of like, it just kind of comes easy in a way. And I didn't feel super challenged. And that's not to say that I don't like it, but it me it's really easy to look at somebody else's copy and be like, bop-de-bop-boop-bop-bop, put a little bit of coal in it. Oh! But with a character, it's kind of like you have parameters.

And you can't be bop-bop-bop. You kind of have to be like, how would that character bop-bop-bop? So when I got the opportunity to do Grand Cru, I was... Ooh, thank you so much. I've been told I have to take... Excuse me. Oh my god. I've been told I have to take my own photos. Oh my goodness. That girth deserves

portrait mode. Oh my goodness. Yeah, when I got the opportunity to do Grand Cru, I was so excited because there was a character written for me based on me. Based on our friend group, Phil Augusta Jackson, it was our show runner and the creator of the show.

And he was like, I wrote this pilot and I have this part for you in it. And then like a couple of years went by and then he was like, we're shooting the pilot, would you be interested? And I was like, yes, yes, I would love to do this. Working on that set was like so fun, so great. And then yeah, it was just, it was really, it was just nice and there was no problems.

Do you know what I mean? Like there was no divas. There was no, nobody like holding up production. It was, it was really magical and it was really fun. And we like improvised, but then also like Phil wrote very funny in the room, wrote very funny scripts and people were like,vised, but then also like, Phil wrote very funny, in the room, wrote very funny scripts. And people were like, oh, it's like the Black Friends. And I was like, no, it's Living Single, which is a precursor to Friends. Friends is a ripoff of Living Single. And I say that because it's been told,

like it's, I think an NBC executive at one point was asked, what show could you steal from another network? And they said, Living Single, and then did it. But yeah, I'm so glad I had the opportunity to do it. And I am sad that it's done. Cause yeah, we were like a little family. Of course those things are always hard to let go. I mean, how did you manage that disappointment

as opposed to like when you were in your mid twenties and the MTV show was canceled? When the MTV show was canceled, I think I was like at an audition and I was like, I'll walk home. I'll walk home and mourn it. And then 20 minutes into the hour long walk, I was like, I'll get an Uber.

I'll get an Uber, I cannot. I'm not the girl who walks off her sorrow. Right. But I was just like deeply, deeply sad for so long. And now in my in my old age, now I kind of deal with it with like, I'm like, okay, well, at least I had that experience. At least it existed.

At least I had a great time for a couple years. Something else is gonna happen. For sure. You know, I guess sometimes I'd be like, I'll never work again. I'll never get a job. But now I'm like, no, no. Things will come.

Every actor feels it, you know, when they're not working. I mean, I certainly do. Sorry to bother you. Everything good over here? Everything's delicious. This is pure sugar. I will be sick later. Oh my God.

I gave my son, I made him, he turned four yesterday, and I made him chocolate chip pancakes. And I gave my son, I made him, he turned four yesterday, and I made him chocolate chip pancakes, and I gave him his own little, like, carafe of maple syrup, not remembering that children who are of that age do not know how to restrain. No. You have two children? Two now, yeah.

Four and? 18 months. Ooh, that's a good age. I love a baby. I don't like it when they start talking, because I don't understand how they have opinions. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You haven't been here long enough.

How do you know? I love, ugh, I love a chubby little baby. I do too. I do too. But I would never have one of my own. I just can't think of, like, it's just wild. Like, in my house? I know.

Yeah. In my personal space? Mm-hmm. I work to feed you? Yeah, yeah. And you've done nothing for me? Yeah. I would only have done it if I had a partner, for sure. Speaking of, I mean, you make so much of your life.

You've had these careers, you've had these jobs, rather, like Nailed It and like your stand-up comedy. And they're so different. Mm-hmm. like Nailed It and like your stand-up comedy. And they're so different. You're such an honest and blue comedian at times. I mean, you love to talk stories about your dating life and your sex life. And I mean, I was rolling when I was listening

to your Netflix comedy about the nurse who was fighting you for your underwear. B-B-W. Big beautiful weirdo. It's such a great comedy special. Thank you. I think, I obviously have seen you do your standup before, but I think having then consumed so much of,

not only nailed it, but now Wipeout, which I also am obsessed with. Thank you. It was sort of like, it wasn't jarring to watch you do comedy, but I was like, oh yeah, I forgot that that's like, that's really, that's Nicole at her truest. I do love standup.

I love it so much. I don't know, there's nothing like it. Because you prepare an hour of material that you're like, I hope you like it, and then they do, and you're like, ooh, okay, this is fun. Yeah, I really love it. I think what you do is so terrifying. What made you pivot from wanting to be,

or did you always know you wanted to be a comedian? No, I wanted to be a serious actress when I was at Hamdah. And I kept doing these auditions where people would be like, you're funny, and then I literally Googled, I was like, what do people do who are not working when they're an actor? And it was like, improv. So then I started doing improv,

and then got this show called Girl Code on MTV, which was my first real job. And my manager at the time was like, hey, I'm getting a lot of requests for you to perform at colleges. And I was like, I can get together an improv group. And he was like, they don't want that. They want stand up. And I said, well, I don't know how to do stand up. And he said, this is like, people are putting money on a table, you're just not picking it up. And I said, well, I don't know how to do stand up. And he said, this is like, people are putting money on a table and you're just not picking it up. And he was like, figure it out. And I was like, okay, I guess I'll figure it out. And then my first show is at Rutgers University with Emily Heller, who's a very funny TV writer. And I said to Emily, I was like, can you close because like, you know how to do it. And she was, she was like,

no, I was like, what? And she was like, no, they're here to see you. And I said, OK. And then she was like, don't worry. You're on TV. They want to see you in person. They're going to love you. And I was like, OK. So I had her sit in the front row.

And then I was like talking, doing the set. And then I was like, Emily, how much time have I done? She was like, 30 minutes. You're doing good. And I was like, oh, thank you. But I do have self-awareness. And I was like, the only reason why that went well is because they know who I am. There is going to be a period of time in my life

where my career dips a little and I don't have as much visibility and I'm not gonna kill his heart and people are gonna go, she's not funny. So then I started doing shows out here, like, I don't know, three, four times a week. And I was like, I have to make this work for people who don't know me, because older crowds didn't really

watch Girl Code. So I just kind of worked backwards, where on the weekends I'd be killing it, and during the week I'd be bombing. That's wild. With the same material, would you tailor stuff to different audiences? No, I don't really tailor things to different audiences,

because I just want it to work. I want it to work in Phoenix, and I want it to work in Detroit, and I want it to work in Florida. I did learn on the road that political stuff is divisive. I went to, I learned that in Naples, Florida. I was telling some Trump jokes, and boy, oh boy, were they mad at me.

Oh God. Oh God. And then, that's when I learned that sometimes if I knew something was gonna be divisive, all I had to do is ask. I'd be like, I have Trump jokes, would you like to hear them? And one show this lady went, only if it's funny.

And I said, where are you? And then she was like, I'm over here. So then I directed all of the material to her and went, was it funny? And she went, yeah, okay. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. It also could have gone a bad way,

but I was like, it went okay, that was fine. Yeah. But yeah. I don't know why this made me think of this story, but there was a point where I was, after Modern Family had started, I went to Las Vegas and I had been in Las Vegas a few years earlier and I sort of got gay-bashed a little bit.

Oh no, I'm sorry. As before, it wasn't anything violent, but it was definitely like, there was negative energy coming at me from a couple that were, you know, felt uncomfortable around me and my then boyfriend. And then years later, I went after Modern Family,

and I remember feeling that same negativity initially, but then they would see who it was, and they would recognize me from being, oh, I am gay, but I'm also that gay one from TV, and like that show, and there would be a change. Right. So I guess he's not terrible. Yeah, and it was a really weird,

your initial instinct, I saw it happen, was disgust. Like, let's process this. Yeah, let's talk about that. Why was it disgust? But also there was this, I don't know, like some weird superpower that felt, I felt like I was being protected by this role that I was also playing, and like,

it kind of gave me this, like, coat of armor, and like, I had this protection of being this character that people also loved. I don't know, it was a really weird. It's fucked up. What you were saying just sort of made me think about that when you're going into areas of the country where you felt like, oh, this is like,

maybe I'm not so safe here. And how are they gonna respond to someone who looks like me and has my political views? I remember going, it was at UCB, the Bright Citizens Brigade Theater had a touring company called TourCo. And I think we were, we were in Kansas. And I remember we asked the students, we were like, oh, where do people hang out? And he was like, oh, this bar called the Noose.

And I was like, hmm, okay, cool. And then we got in the car and I was like, hey, would you guys mind like hanging out in the hotel room tonight? And they were like, got it, yes. Yeah, and it was so nice that like, these people had my back and they were like, yeah, that was uncomfortable. That really sucked.

That really sucked that that kid thought it was okay to say, the bar we go to is The Noose. And it's also fucked up that they had a bar called The Noose. But that's what you run into sometimes in the middle of the country. Just people who are behind. And then to them, it doesn't elicit a reaction. It's like, oh, it's just a funny name. I did shows in Appleton, Wisconsin, which I talk about my special.

I really hated it there. And I was like, the vibes fucking sucked. Bad vibes, bad vibes. And then a friend was like, oh, it's a sundown town. And I was like, ah, cool, cool, cool. I don't know what that means. So a sundown town is a town in the North where black people are allowed to work,

but at sundown, anything can happen to you. So get out of town before sundown. I believe Portland was a sundown town. Appleton, Wisconsin is one. There's a bunch where it's like, that's not the rule anymore, but it's like- Just historically speaking, that's- It's implied.

Okay, wow. Yeah, in Appleton, Wisconsin, I've talked about it at length on Why Won't You Date Me, but during my show, I had a white host, a black featureer, and the crowds were so unruly. And at one point my black feature was on stage and- When you say feature you mean- Oh, so a host does like 10, 15,

and they just like get the crowd going. And then a feature does like 15 to 20, 25 as just like a preamble to the hour. Gotcha. And they kind of like deal with with, don't talk again, because people love talking at shows. But while the feature was on, a guy in the crowd was like, smile, we can't see you.

And I was like, what the fuck? Wow. And I walked out on the floor, and I looked at a servant. I was like, you're not going to say anything. And she was like, what? And I was like, oh my god. Oh my god, Nicole. So I refused to do meet and greets,

even though it was sold with the tickets. I like told my aunt, I was like, I'm just not, I'm not meeting these people. I'm sure that there's nice people in this crowd, but like overall garbage, bad, bad people, like bad vibes. I like, I couldn't believe that man said that. And there was no repercussions. And yeah, it just blew my mind.

Yeah. Yeah, I hate, I will never go back to Appleton, Wisconsin. It was scary. It is scary, that shit sucks. Yeah, I know that you lost your parents at a very young age. Yeah, 16 and 21. Your mom when you were 16 and your dad when you were 21.

My dad was 21. First of all, I'm so sorry. Aw mom when you were 16 and your dad when you were 21. My dad was 21. First of all, I'm so sorry. That's heartbreaking. Those are such formative years. Oh yeah, baby! I can only imagine that you dealt with a lot of that trauma through your comedy.

Yes and no. So when my mom died, that was high school. And she had pushed me to do the plays and stuff in high school. So I was in a play when she died. And it was kind of nice to just be like, oh, I don't have to like be me for these hours after school. I could be this character. I can't remember the play we were doing, but I was like, I could just be this person. And that's nice. And then when my dad died, I was, I was doing improv and it was, I think the second week of my, yeah, it was one on one. And my dad hated going to the city. I grew

up in Jersey, so I would be in the city all the time. He hated going to the city. And I was like, dad, I have this like, this improv, like grad show. Will you come? And he was like, yes. And then he died because he'd rather be dead than watch his daughter do object work. And that is a joke that audiences did not like. Oh my God. I mean, that is my kind of humor because it takes you right at that point of like, that's not okay.

And hilarious. People hated it. My God. My God. I was doing this play, Take Me Out in New York, and it's famous for the scene where all these men are showering in the locker rooms, and yeah, this frontal nudity.

I was not one of the people on stage, but we had a very good looking cast, and there was a lot of frontal, anyway. A friend of mine was meant to come, and his mother passed away, and he wasn't able to come, and he had to stay home, obviously, and attend to the funeral, and I said to him, and he was sort able to come and he had to stay home obviously and tend to the funeral. And I said to him, and he was sort of a newish friend. And I said to him, God, your mom's even cock blocking you

from the grave. And he was like, thank you for making me laugh so hard. That was such a risky joke. But he's like, you saying that joke made me like, feel like, okay, we're actually friends. I mean, it's very funny. Yeah, I mean, the hardest we laughed after my dad died was, have you ever had anyone close to you die?

Not like a parent or- So when you get cremated, they send it to you in a box, like an Amazon package. And you're like, ooh, what is it? Oh, my dad. And we were gonna sprinkle him on the beach, which is illegal. You were already doing illegal things.

You were stealing booze. I'm having a nice time. But we were fighting over who was gonna do it, my grandmother, my sister, and me. And I was like, fine, I'll do it. And I took the lid off and I threw it and then a gust of wind came and my mouth was open. I don't think I've seen either of them

laugh harder than that. Oh my God. And I was like, oh my dad came and my mouth was open, I don't think I've seen either of them laugh harder than that. And I was like, oh my god, that is in my mouth. That is incredible. We needed it though. It was nice to break up the crying with like, I am dusting my father off. And I was like, yeah, he would have thought that was funny. That's hilarious.

But yeah, you just need laughs and shit like that when someone dies. Cause I really do believe that there's a very thin line between comedy and tragedy. Sure, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, obviously your mom and dad would be so proud of seeing how far you've come.

I think so. My dad was like a very practical person and he was always like, no, go, make money. So I think he'd be very proud. I don't think he would care that I was on TV. I think he would care that I was self-sufficient. Right. I think that's literally it.

What would he have thought about your opening for your comedy special of you dancing in a hamburger bikini, which I think is iconic. I don't think he would get it. I think he would be like, again, you got paid, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they'd be very proud of you. Now for a quick break, but don't go away.

When we come back, Nicole tells me an awkward nailed it moment where her commentary maybe wasn't embraced like she'd hoped. And what she's looking for in a boyfriend. Okay, be right back. Justin and I are in London right now. So we went ahead and booked ourselves on a double-decker hop-on, hop-off tour experience.

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Need to hire? You need Indeed. And we're back with more Dinners On Me. How did you get into the world of being such an incredible host? Like, did you have an audition for Nailed It? I mean, what happened? So Nailed It was,

I don't know if they met with other people. We had this meeting and they had just like printouts and they were like, this is what we were thinking of the show. We make people make these hard things. And they were like, and we want someone to be able to tow the line between calling out what it is, but also making it nice and fun. And I was like, I we want someone to be able to tow the line between calling out what it is,

but also making it nice and fun. And I was like, I think I could do that. But yeah, I remember calling my friend Mateo every night being like, I don't know if this is funny. I don't know, because at least on a set with other actors, we could collectively be like, oh, that was a good day. Or that scene was so funny. But then it was just like, me.

And then Jacques Torres, who's not a comedian. Not a comedian at all. Yeah, and he'd be like, Nicole, you are so funny. And I was like, yes, okay. Yeah, am I? I don't know. Yeah, did you do a whole season before you got to see what it was?

Yeah. Wow. Because I don't think they knew what it was until they edited it. Like, driving in the dark. Yeah. And I Cause I don't think they knew what it was until they edited it. Like driving in the dark. Yeah. And I truly was like, is this thing gonna come out and people aren't gonna like it or? When you saw it put together.

I was like, this is so funny. Good. This is so cute. Cause it's great. I watched the first episode, I was like immediately hooked. Yeah. And my friend, Sashir, the only person I'll ever talk about, she did an episode, and she did an episode that I produced, because I wanted to do a Black History Month one because we did holiday episodes and didn't do a Kwanzaa one.

Okay. And literally in one of the holiday ones, I was like, because we can't do Kwanzaa, they left it in. And I was like, that's so funny to leave it in, to be like, we fucked up. But they let me do a Black History Month one, and they were like, you'll produce it. And I was like, that's so funny to leave it in, to be like, we fucked up. But they let me do a Black History Month one and they were like, you'll produce it. And I was like, I will, and it'll be really fun. And then I was like, and I want Sashir to do it.

She was like, you do a lot of work. And I was like, what do you mean? She was like, well, even when the camera isn't on you, you're like interacting with the contestants and you're making sure the guest judge is happy and you're joking with Jacques and you're doing all this stuff. And I was like, yeah, because like I want them to go home

and be like, I had a blast. I would hate for people to go home and be like, oh my gosh, she didn't fucking talk to me. She's stuck up, da da da. And it's the same thing with like judging. It's like, yeah, this looks like garbage and it tastes like shit, but let's celebrate that like it baked.

You know, it baked. And, you know, it's not burnt and isn't that fun. Yeah, you did a little something over here, but we can't say it looks wild. Right. And then like by that time, they're like, yeah, OK, it does look wild. I don't think anyone has cried. Oh, no, there was the very first season, I did say that this woman, the frosting color looked like baby shit.

Like this looks like I opened a diaper and like, and everyone was like, ha ha. Like that caramel color. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like caramely green. It's like specific and like stuck in my memory. And then she started welling up and I was like, oh no. And then in my IFB, a producer goes, make her stop crying.

And I was like, ow, what? And then I was- You're really pretty. I was basically, I was like, but you're so pretty. And um, oh, what if I cry? Oh my gosh. What did it feel like when, cause you were nominated several times for best host.

Yeah. I mean, that's incredible. It was- Wait, did you win? No, RuPaul is never gonna lose. Oh, of course, of course, of course, of course. Which is, honestly, you know how people, when they're nominated for stuff, they're like,

ugh, humbling. Mm, no, affirming. Was it unexpected? I mean, yes, I assume yes. The show had been nominated the year before, and I was like, well, I guess the show will just be nominated. And one of the Netflix execs that was there at the time

texted me and she was like, congrats on the nomination. I was like, I know, it's so great that the show's nominated again. I really love being a part of it. She was like, no bitch, you. And I was like, wait, what? Incredible. And it was like affirming.

It was like, yeah, what I'm doing is right. What I'm doing is fun. And people are, it's resonating with people. And then your comedy special also, you were nominated. Yes, I was nominated for best writing in a variety comedy special. And that was a huge surprise. That's gotta feel so validating

because what you're writing about is your life and the things that you are choosing to open up about your incredible dating stories, your sex life, you having a fight with a nurse over your panties. Like, I mean, and then you're winning it, you're being nominated for an Emmy for it. I mean, that's gotta feel so good. It did feel really incredible,

because like, I put my heart and soul into that special and was shooting Grand Cru, shot on Labor Day, was touring on the weekends leading up to it. And yeah, it just, it was, I loved doing it. And then I wore this incredible purple suit and had leper print on leper print rug and then. I saw photos, loved it. It like felt, again, such an honor to be nominated.

I lost a Gerard Carmichael who showed up with no shirt and a fur jacket and I said, you'll win. You'll win and that's okay. But yeah, it is, it's really nice. Like whenever people are like, whatever, no. I love it. I love it. I think I'm so happy you were,

can we talk about your baby for a little while? Not this one. I was like, I truly was like, uh oh, I had a baby? Yeah, yeah. Why won't you date me? I love it. I love it so much. But also, it's had such an evolution

because you started the show with the intention of bringing on people you had gone on dates with or exes. And then obviously there's gonna be a point where you've gone through all those people or the people who wanna say yes to it. It happened very quickly. And then you have to pivot if you wanted to keep doing it. But it's had such a wonderful evolution. Again, you have to pivot and like, if you wanted to keep doing it,

but it's had such a wonderful evolution. Again, another thing where I was like, I don't know how to host a podcast. So I had like a little, like my notes app open and I was like, this question, this? But also then I was like, oh, it's just a conversation. So it was just like an easy conversation. And most of the people that I had on

that I had hooked up with were friends. So it wasn't weird per se because it was like, we're all comedians trying to exploit our lives. Do you find that you date mostly comedians? When I was in my early 20s, yes, because I like- That was a world you were in. I was just at UCB every night of the week. There was-

Sexy UCB boys. Oh my God, my God. Can't get enough Sexy UCB boys. Oh my God, my God. Can't get enough of them. So hot. Oh my God. You played games so well. Your second beats. Oh my God.

Yes, and... Aw, good work. Yes, and... You see it? Yeah, that's what I dated in my early twenties. Now with apps, they've allowed me to branch out. Branch out a bit. But yeah, I mean, as I've gotten older, the less, I just, I'm not fucking as much, you know?

Like I'm just, I'm just not fucking as much. She's busy. So it's like, there's less stories of that. But yeah, it's been, but I also really love love. And I just like seeing who people love. And then the best is when you ask someone about their partner and you watch their face light up. Yeah.

Yeah. I love it. It's so nice. Yeah, because it's easy to get really cynical. And it's really easy to get bitter or like, oh, never happened for me. But then you get to listen to these stories and be like, well, yeah, maybe it will.

I don't know. Like people finding each other to me is so fun. You've kind of famously said you've never been in a relationship. I've been in a situationship. Yeah, it was just like a long time of me being like one day and then it never really happened. And then he was like a pretty private person.

So he was like, I don't really want you talking about me on the podcast. And I was like, okay.'t really want you talking about me on the podcast, and I was like, okay. And then I would talk about him. I would just be like, this date I went on. My friend, this person. But yeah, that ended. And that's like the closest thing I had to a relationship.

And yeah, it's a- Do you have like an idea of like what feels like would be the closest thing I had to a relationship. And yeah, it's a... Do you have like an idea of like what feels like would be the right thing? I mean, have you had enough experiences that you're like, oh, I want, I like that about this person, that about this person. Yeah, somebody who is like nice, kind, likes me. Controversial, but okay.

I know, likes me and all my weird shit. I just love yelling for no reason sometimes. I'm very forgetful. Do you know Amelia Bedelia? I fancy myself a little bit of Amelia Bedelia. Then I would like them to have interests and a nice family and a nice job. And I want them to make me feel good. Well, that's very important. Yeah.

That's very important. I mean, do you, you're still very active on all the apps. I've taken a break. Yeah. I've talked about this on why won't you date me. I've entered a point in time, I'm getting old, I'm like 62. And.

You look great. I can't, thank you all. I cannot deal with people who are like, still figuring out my dating goals. You don't know what your goal is? Just say, I don't want a relationship. Just say that, you know? Like be upfront, say what you want.

Mine says I wanna be in like a long-term relationship cause that's what I want. I would like to find that. Yeah, people are weird. It's tough. It's tough in these streets. I mean, you're also a public-facing person. People know who you are.

You've built a whole podcast that's very popular around being single. Do you find that that brings a certain type of person to you? Or there's people that steer away because maybe they don't want to be a story on a podcast? Well, I tend to date straight men. Although I do not identify as straight. As 2024, I think that's embarrassing.

Yeah. Hmm. I simply refuse to close a door to something because I'm scared. Or like, because I'm like, that's not what I've been, like, I've, you know, hooked up with ladies, I've dated ladies. I've like hooked up with trans, like, it doesn't matter.

Like I'm a slut. We're going to hook up after this. I hope so. But also, yeah, I just don't want to like say no to something that might be beautiful. You don't know. And then it's like, you can always go back to men if that's what you need.

Right. But, uh, what was the point I was making? My ADHD meds have worn off. Being, if you're- Oh, straight men don't know who I am and they love to tell me. Gotcha, yeah. They love to be like,

oh, I've never heard of you one time. And I'm like, well, okay, seems like you have. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had one guy I went on a date with. Oh, he was a walking red flag. Also, I did show up like 40 minutes late and he was shit faced by the time I got there. And that's my bad.

I should not have been that late. I did apologize. And then I was like, I will pay for all of our drinks. And he's like, okay. And I was like, all right, well, this is a big old bill. And he was like, I don't know who you are. And he's like, okay. And I was like, all right, well, this is a big old bill. And he was like, I don't know who you are. And I was like, okay. And he's like, I've just seen you on Conan.

I was like, okay. And he's like, Emma, remember I've listened to your podcast? And I was like, okay. And he's like, I've seen your show on MTV. I was like, okay. And he's like, I want to go to Conan. And I was like, well, then why don't we start this with you don't know who I am.

And then he's like, please don't talk about me on your podcast. And I was like, I will, I have to. I absolutely will. And then we went home together, which is like, why Nicole, why? And then he just started insulting me. And I was like, okay.

And at one point I was like, have you thought about therapy? And he was like, oh, listen. And then he texted me after and he was like, I don't remember what I said. I'm sorry I said this. And I was like, but it seems like. Listen to episode 543 of my.

Truly. I'm glad you did this. Thank you for having me. This is delightful. Of course. In your neighborhood. I know, it was 10 minutes away and somehow I was still late. That's called talent.

I wasn't drunk though when you showed up. Yeah. I wasn't drunk though when you showed up. Yeah. This episode of Dinners on Me was recorded at Lady Bird Cafe in Los Angeles. Next week on Dinners on Me, singer, actor, host, she truly does it all, it's Rita Ora. We'll get into her new film Descendants, Rise of Red, why the British tabloids are so obsessed with her, and how her husband Taika Waititi has changed her life.

And if you don't want to wait until next week to listen, you can download that episode right now by subscribing to Dinners on Me Plus. As a subscriber, not only do you get access to new episodes one week early, you'll also be able to listen completely ad-free. Just click Try Free at the top of the Dinners On Me show page on Apple Podcasts to search your free trial today.

Dinners On Me is a production of Sony Music Entertainment and a kid named Beckett Productions. It's hosted by me, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. It's executive produced by me and Jonathan Hirsch. Our showrunner is Joanna Clay. Our associate producer is Angela Vang. Sam Baer engineered this episode. Hans-Dyl She composed our theme music.

Our head of production is Sammy Allison. Special thanks to Tamika Balanz-Kolassini and Justin Makita. I'm Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Join me next week.