Dinner’s on Me with Jesse Tyler Ferguson - Niecy Nash-Betts

Episode Date: June 6, 2023

Reno 911! and Selma star Niecy Nash-Betts joins me at Gasolina Cafe in Woodland Hills. Over patatas bravas, we’ll talk about the failed sitcom we did together, why everyone wants to be married to her and her friendship to Oprah. Join us! Want next week’s episode now? Subscribe to Dinner’s on Me PLUS. As a subscriber, not only do you get access to new episodes one week early, but you’ll also be able to listen completely ad-free! Just click “Try Free” at the top of the Dinner’s on Me show page on Apple Podcasts to start your free trial today. A Sony Music Entertainment & A Kid Named Beckett production. To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, it's Jesse. Today on the show, actress and comedian, Nisi Nash-Bets, we get into all kinds of things. Her amazing filmography, her friendship with Oprah, and why she's never single for long. When I give you my attention, I am going to make sure that it feels like it's custom and not off the rack. So it makes you the Marion kind. It all want to wipe me. You're going to want to stick around for this.

This episode is sponsored by Airbnb. Maybe you've stayed in an Airbnb before and thought to yourself. Hmm, this actually seems pretty doable. Maybe my place could be an Airbnb. It could be as simple as starting with a spare room or your whole place when you're away. Find out how much your place is worth at Airbnb.com slash host. So I met Nese back in 2008 when we were both on the failed Fox sitcom Do Not The Stirb. It's basically a workplace comedy at the height of the workplace comedy. I mean, this is the era of the office, Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock. But ours was at a once-hip, now sort of struggling hotel in New York City. Nisi was number one on the call sheet, which in

Hollywood terms means that you are basically the star. And the thing about the number one on the call sheet person is that they set the tone for the entire cast and crew. And Nisi basically said, we're going to be having fun. We're not here at cure cancer. This is not rocket science. We're here to make a show that's funny. So we taped about five episodes, but it was canned after three. We were obviously disappointed that the show was canceled, but one of the great things that came out of that experience was my relationship with Nisi. It was my first chance getting to work with her and I just absolutely fell in love with her.

This is Dinners on Me and I'm your host, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Today I'm meeting Nisi at Gasolina Cafe in Woodland Hills. It's a cafe serving of Spanish inspired items like paella patatas bravas, which took me three times to pronounce. It also brings me back to Barcelona, one of my favorite places in the world. It's a small spot that packs on the charm. You are literally and figuratively inspired to fuel up.

This restaurant is covered in vintage car parts, race photos, helmets, and gas cans. It has a small market that sells natural wines and pantry items like dried beans, olives, or fish broth. It seems appropriate that you'll likely be hearing some rubbing in this interview because gasoline is situated on bustling, ventura boulevard.

Colorful, authentic and loud. That describes gasoline and cafe. But also, could describe my friend Nisi. Now let's get to our interview. You've seen her on Reno 9-1-1, getting on, claws, Selma, the rookie feds, Nisi Nash-Bets. How you doing, love? I forgot to Betts. How you doin' love?

So good to see you. How you doin' living? I'm good, you know, I'm on the side of town now. No. Yeah, I'm in Tino now. You lying. No, I'm so much closer to you now. Wait, wait, wait, what did you move to his place?

Like two years ago, in the middle of a pandemic. And you just now saying something? I don't want you knocking on my door. No, yes you do, because you will never find a better baby sitting in me. Oh, that's right. Never. I do need babysitters.

You see what I mean? OK, all right, I'll call you. OK, so don't listen. I did it three times. I am a professional. And all I'm doing right now is waiting for Bay to breath to get a grand baby. So.

Oh my god. And all the kids love me. Do you want grandkids? Yes, you're ready? Yeah. Do we hold your oldest? 30? That's time, it's time.

Although Justin felt like, so we were, when we were married, Justin was like, I need like five years before we even think about this. And then like literally at the five year mark, I was like, hello, it's been five years. I'm 10 years older. Let's get this going. Yeah. Oh, yeah, but no, no, no, I don't want to need children. I just want something that I could bounce on my knee and give back. Yeah, yeah, of course. No, no, you're done. You're done with your kids. Oh, yeah. And being a grandma's the best. I mean, Justin's mom wanted to be like super involved. It's like, no, no, no, you're missing all the perks

of being a grandma. Like, you get to go away. Like, you don't need to stay in like, be the night nurse. No, don't even offer that. Don't offer that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that.

Thank you for meeting me. So, wait, now, I want to say how we know each other first. Okay. So, we met in 2008, doing a show called Do Not To Sturb. Nese was already attached to this project. I was, this was right after the writer's strike. So I had, none of us had done anything, I don't know what your story was, but I had not done anything for like a year after the show that I had done before was canceled. And so I was like ready to work. And so I was so

excited about this show. Because I was a huge fan of yours and I was like ready to work. And so I was so excited about the show. And yeah. Because I was a huge fan of yours. And I was totally your in it. You were actually at my test. You came to my, you got the first time I met you. You know what? And let me tell you something. I wasn't familiar with you.

I didn't know you from a can of paint before I walked in there. And I remember it was a couple of different guys who were for your place for that part. And I was an advocate for you from the mini two Open Jump mouth. I said that one right there. That cute thing right there. I remember the force of Nesea that came flooding to me when I first met you because you were in the big flower era.

Oh, and I'm still wearing a flower in my hair. Yes. And you were just this like flood of good energy, positivity, and so beautiful. I was like, who is this? I was already a fan of yours from that Reno 9-1-1. But this was like, seeing you in person, I was like, oh, this is like what it's,

this is a star. Like this is what it feels like to be in the presence of a star. Cause I was still new to Hollywood. I was in a flower. I mean, this and everybody relax. Yes. Everybody relax. But it was such, I mean, everybody relax. Everybody

relax. But it was it was such I mean, listen, the show did not do well. The show is a canceled after I think three episodes. No, well, we made five, but you know what in our defense, it was a very adorable show, but they put it on with when the

world series was happening. Right. So it kept coming on and going off and going off because it kept getting pre-entered by baseball. Right. I do was happening. Right. So it kept coming on and going off and coming on and going off because it kept getting pre-entered by baseball. Right. I do remember that. Yeah. And so it was tough goings, but I still think

that that show was just so adorable. Yeah. And I love the fact that I met you. And not only that, but you know my mama claims you. I know. My mother claims you. I'm on something my Jesse on something the other day But my mother it just loves you and Jolene Purdy was with us over there

Jeri O'Connell I mean it's still a day Franco. I'd still a dear friend of mine Jerry My mother was sick a couple years ago, and I had to go out of town. Jerry went to the hospital and said, well, my mother, you know what I mean? So I have met people who were just lifelong friends. Sure, and the creator of that Abraham Hickenboth and did up writing on modern families and winning Emmy Awards. So, you know, the pedigree was there for sure.

Oh, yeah. But it didn't, it, for various reasons. And no one could ever say like why these things fail, but it didn't work out. And I know for me, like, I want to hear like what your experience was because you had had a lot of success with Reno911 before that. And you know, it was a disappointment when things don't work out.

And you're not getting the numbers. And you're like, you're looking at the ratings. And like, things aren't working out. Like, you know, can I tell you something that most people don't know. My most people I mean nobody. I thought that particular series was going to be the thing that put me on the map. I thought he was going.

I thought he was going to do so well and I said I'm off to the races. You know what I mean? I got that increase and that pay and I said well well, babe, you know, we made it. We've arrived. So I went out and I bought an S550 top of the line, fully loaded. And I named her after my character on the show. I named her Ronda. And they said, you know, you can come pick up the car and I said, well, no, I got to work. And they said, well, then let us bring it to you. I said, well, that's lovely.

And I was floating around the set that entire day. And then all of a sudden, I knew my car was coming any minute. They walked out there and that's when they were like, we are canceled, not making another one. Everybody can pack it on up and go home. And I was like, but I got a round to come in. And the car was like, I'm going to be a little bit more We are canceled not making another one everybody can can can pack it on up and go home And I was like, but I got a wonder coming And the days that I found out that show was being canceled my brand new Mercedes was delivered on that line

And I just very unbelievable all of my things in the trunk and And drove home and style I Did not know that in the trunk and in drove home and style. I did it my eyes, but I'm not sure. Oh my God. I did not know that. No one knew that. That's insane. Wow. But you know what?

It's like such a sign of like investing in yourself when like you have to continue to do that. You have to continue to believe in yourself even when things are falling down. And that's like what I felt like with that show crumbling, I was disappointed because I had done a series before that called the class, which was also canceled. So I was coming because I had done a series before that called the class which was also canceled. So I was coming off of something that was a failure. I mean,

I didn't think it was a failure. I had a great time doing it. I loved it. And then doing another thing that sort of crumbled, you know, it's like I was in a new town. I didn't know a lot of people. And it's that thing of like investing in yourself and saying, okay, well, what am I And you, from what I understand, that's just been like your motto since the beginning. It's like, you were your biggest advocate. Oh yeah, and when people don't get it, I feel sorry for them.

Yeah. And I was like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like since the beginning, it's like you were your biggest advocate. Oh yeah, and when people don't get it,

I feel sorry for them. Yeah. I mean, and that's the truth. I'm like, oh man, you're missing the boat on this one. You're gonna live to regret this, but you gotta put a battery in your own bag. Yeah. You know what I mean, you gotta hype yourself up.

At least for me, I know I have to. I can't sit around waiting. Nobody to do it. You know, it's like, no, you know, I'm walking here with all of my Schwadevieve. You know what I mean? And I'ma give it to them. You know what I mean? And I'ma hope they make the decent choice. Right. Yeah. Well, I mean, like, and truly, the greatest thing to come out of that whole experience was getting to be come your friend and Jerry's friend. And I do carry it. And I see Dave Frank a month and a while. And you know, it's good to see him. And of course, Abraham is a good as a dear friend of mine. But, you know, it's just a sign that like these things that you think maybe are failures are actually just blessings and bringing you people. Yeah. And for me, I have to be honest with you and say,

I have been bummed out because something didn't work, but not down and out. Because I always knock on wood since I started this business, have had jobs in triplicate most of the time. You know what I mean? So to, you know, be down to just only having one job, I don't even know that life. Yeah.

You know what I mean? So I've always been like, yeah, but I'm a dude is, but where's my side hustle job? Where's my other job? You know, so my team knows like, oh my God, he's the only guy two jobs. We gonna get fired. We gotta find another job.

You know, so I have always had something. So it wasn't like, you know, in that deficit, it was like, oh man, I'm back to zero. It's like, man, I'm only back to, you know, two or three jobs. I need, you know, so, you know what I mean? I still got somewhere to be on Monday, but. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The, I'm, oh, that, yeah, there's Ventura.

There's Ventura. I'm going Ventura. Come on, Ventura. Come on, Ventura. But what I, I do remember, and this is a very rare thing for you, when I did meet you, it was one of the very few times that she would single. You know what you're right. Yeah, I did. Matt, I was like, you had just recently got out of your first marriage. My first marriage, which was 17 years.

17 years. And it was before you met Jay. Cause I remember when you, when you would told me about Jay, it was after we had finished, cause you brought him to my fourth of July party. It's like, I'm bringing, I'm bringing my new man. Yes. And it was an, I, and now it was the, I was single for new man. Yes, I was. Yes, and it was a, I know it was the, I was single for five minutes. Let me tell you something about this. Let me tell you something about being single.

It's not a good fit for me. It just, it just isn't. First of all, when I give you my attention, I am going to make sure that it feels like it's custom and not off the rack. So it makes you the Marion kind. They all wanna wife me. What could I do?

I can't stay off the, you know what I mean? I can't stay off the block. You know, they snatch me right back in. There's never that moment when someone starts to get serious. Let's just keep it casual and so I can keep my options up and see what else might be out there. They don't let me.

They don't let me. They drag me to the altar. I mean, what could I do? I'm telling you five minutes, they get a whiff of it and the next thing you know, they like, oh, I want this every day, baby. And so that's why me and singles is not good for me because it'll be a line in front of my house like I'm giving away free crack. It just, I know myself. And it's that custom experience and that attention to detail and Making my time with you so intentional and they get obsessed with me and then they want to marry me and then what am I supposed to do? Honestly though, this is why I also fell in love with you like you have

Your magnetic and you are you're you're such a good generous to you, like who doesn't want that energy? They're like, how are you? How are you? I'm so good. Good, thank you. What's your name? Thank you. My name's Aubrey.

Hi, Aubrey. Hello. Alrighty, welcome to the gas station in a cafe. Thank you. Guys out today. Thank you, Aubrey. Of course, this is gonna be our coffee cocktail wine menu for you guys.

Okay. And then we have our food menu as well. wine menu for you guys. Okay. And then we have our food menu as well. Yes. Thank you. Thank you guys for feeling a little sweet. We have some sweet desserts. Okay, perfect. What are you guys known for?

Coffee wise, drink wise, like food wise. So the choice definitely is patatas bravas. It's very traditional. Oh, what's that? What's that? One more time. Patatas bravas. Patatas bravas. Potatoes. Potatoes. They're phenomenal. Oh, what's up? What's up? What's up? What's up?

Potatoes. Potatoes. They're from our mother. They're going to be crispy, cubes got cubes sized potatoes. And we just went with the homemade garlic aioli, homemade Spanish ketchup. We top it off with churroso, crispy ham on serano, and a sunny side at Begontop with some chives on top. So we'll be on some sea salt. That's definitely the most popular.

When you get around lunchtime, we do have amazing sandwiches. And we also have a very killer burger, asshole. Okay. If you wanted to taste something Spanish, I definitely recommend the last one you'll ask. That's what I was eyeing, yeah. It's a cured meat sandwich.

It has cured ham, one said, I don't know, Chodizo, homemade garlic, aolean, it's comes on soft, chewed, about a bread, and then you, it comes with the side of the potatoes or salad. Oh, perfect. Okay. I could have the puppies that's blah, blah, blah.

Exactly. Yeah. It wouldn't when this is citrus and arugula, what's the citrus? It's a clumps dressing. I don't know. I don't know, quince. It's a fruit. It's a fruit.

Ah. It's a character in a mince of my ice cream too. You know that? I definitely want some, do you have a nice teeth? Every little black ice tea we have a hapiscus. Ooh, hapiscus please, that's nice. I'll have a black ice tea. I'll see you at the job there.

Thank you. And now for a quick break. But don't go away. We're going to get into Nese's Break the Internet wedding announcement to her wife Jessica Betts. Or as she calls her, JB. Okay, the RB. When the weather changes and the evening's heat up, you change your sheets. I mean, slumber should be relaxing, not sweaty.

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that Brooklyn and Sheets are hard to beat. So shop and store or online at www.broughlinon.com today to give yourself the cooling sleep you deserve this summer. Use promo code dinners for $20 off on your online purchase of $100 or more plus free shipping on www.broughlinon.com. That's b-r-o-o-k-l-i-n-e-n dot-c-o-m. Use promo code dinners for $20 off plus free shipping. When the weather changes and the evening's heat up, you change your sheets. I mean, Silenberg should be relaxing, not sweaty. And Brooklyn Inn is here to help. Their crisp, classic percale weave will cool you right off, or try their best

selling buttery, smooth, luxe, satin sheets. Brooklyn was founded by husband and wife duo Rich and Vicki in 2014, and their mission is to provide their customers with hotel quality, luxury betting at a fair price. Both wire cutter and good house keeping agree that Brooklyn and Sheets are hard to beat. So shop and store or online at www.broughlinon.com today to give yourself the cooling sleep you deserve the summer. Use promo code dinners for $20 off plus free shipping. And we're back with Nisi Nashbets. We were just discussing Nisi's magnetism, our failed fox sitcom, and how it's impossible for her to stay single. Oh, and we're also gonna try these delicious papatas bravas.

Did you guys do a honeymoon, by the way? Oh my God. What was see what happened was, we got to the airport to go on our honeymoon. We got married in COVID. Yes. And the attendant said, well, when are you planning on going on vacation?

And I said, what you mean right now? And he was like, not with this passport. And I didn't know my passport expired in COVID. And I cried at the airport, the driver had already taken off. Somewhere in Mexico. Because it was the only thing that was still open during the pandemic. And then I cried and I called Averdue Verne. And she was like, fix your face, call the driver back,

head towards Santa Barbara. Did you go to Oprah? And I make you, ah, that did not go to Oprah. Not me, we have going to, but I didn't go then up to Santa Barbara and, so I got up there. Okay, well, got him, but you didn't go man up to Santa Barbara and to hang out up there. Okay, well, good. I'm glad you had some sort of vacation.

So, okay, I went back on a text message. I was sending you photos of Beckett, my first born. Yes. And you responded back how cutie was blah, blah, blah. And you said, by the way, I'm getting married next Saturday, dot, dot, dot, to a woman. So I will say, because I know your marriage to, to JB was very secretive. And like, not a lot of people knew until, you know, you

posted about it. It wasn't a secret. It was just crazy. Yeah, of course, exactly. And as many things can be, and we, and should be, but Pete, but the world did not know about it until you guys posted about it. I will say I do want the world to know that I knew about it about 10 days before they did. So that's I'm holding back. And I was very happy for you. Yes, I gave you the tea. How do I have the present? You did. You did. You said I'm part of the community now. I was like you've always been part of the community if you ask me. Well, I'm a car carrying them. Yeah, sure. You know what I mean? And I wanted to reach out to everybody else.

I knew in the community was like, what is the running rules? Do I get a toaster or young or all come over here and give me a handbook? What are we doing? You know, so I'm finding my way. Yeah, well it's been three years, almost three years. Uh-oh, yeah, all three years in August. Yeah, all three years. I mean, that's a good run, I think, for, for, first of all, you were, you've had very good runs with marriage.

Yeah, I think for, for, first of all, you were, you've had very good runs with marriage. Yeah, I had 17 years and then, then we were together team, but maybe married for seven eight, maybe eight. Okay. Yeah. I mean, those are good, for me, I think, you know, those are successful relationships. Oh, yeah. I mean, I know that they ended in divorce, but I don't necessarily think, call that a failure. I think that's, you know, I think most people, there are so many people who never even have

a seven year relationship at all. Yeah. and call that a failure. I think that's, you know, I think most people, there are so many people who never even have a seven year relationship at all. Yeah. And, you know, to have that, and obviously, you know, things end for a reason, but because you are, you've been a professional married woman. And, you know, and this is, I don't like the way you play it.

This is JB's first marriage, I think, right? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Are there things that you've taken from those past marriages and like things you've learned? I mean, they've also happened at very different parts of your life, which I want to talk about too, but have you been lessons that you've learned that you've... Ooh, well...

Or are there new rules? New, new... The wild, wild west. I think because I purpose to make every situation custom, it's always going to be something new because it's new people, new energy, the way they move. But I've learned some things mainly about myself that I would apply to the thing as a whole marriage as a whole. Hi. Hi. Yes, I think I would. Want recommendations? Something I've been guided towards.

I would get the pantomot for us to share. It's great. I recommend adding the munchego cheese to that, and not only said, I don't know. Delicious. They're additional toppers on top of their go, hand and arrow. We'll do it, and I'll take whatever is left home.

And if you want a bite or two of that. I'll cut that. You don't have to have a use that. I want this a Google asset. I'll situggola sandwich. That's what I want. Can you want to add a protein, chicken, grilled tramps, smoked salmon? Okay. It goes really well with the grilled shrimp if you like it. Okay. And I'll do that last, Benio, last time. I'm assuming you want

the potatoes, yes. Yes, please definitely cook. Perfect. And for the pampamata, do you want to add any cheese or ham on it or just buy itself? You just go buy it yourself? Perfect. Yeah, thank you. What is the pantomone? It's just like this really simple preparation of, it's like it's host with garlic rubbed on it and just tomato, like it's tomato sauce.

Oh. It's really delicious and I was put in, I baited a ton of it. So Barcelona. So I was saying that it was mainly things that I learned about myself that I think I applied to every situation. You know, in the first marriage, my takeaway was you have to find a way to be heard. You have to move around in a relationship and cultivate a space that allows your voice to be heard and to matter. You know what I mean? The second

go round, I had to learn for myself how not to shrink and not to not to not to play small to make someone else feel away. My most recent marriage, I learned about myself that I was self-righteous. I didn't know that. You know what I mean? And there is such a freedom now that I have where I can say, oh, I was wrong for that. Oh, I don't know everything or I'm sorry.

Or you know what I mean? It just opened me up in a different way. But if there was a through line through it all, I would say it, and I say it three times, therapy, therapy, therapy, separate and together. You know what I mean? It's necessary. But if you want a long haul.

When did you discover that? From the gate. So in your marriage with Don, you also went to couples therapy? Yeah. Oh, great. But you know, I've lived a lot of lives, JT. I was married to a pastor.

Yeah. So, you know, that type of counseling is going to be more in the church. It's going to be more under the umbrella of what you would call Christian counseling. Sure. You know what I mean? That kind of thing where most of the time you are not taught the difference between being long, suffering, and suffering long. Because they're just like you just stay.

Yeah. And giving a collection on Sunday in your state. You know, and you're like, well, is there anything else we can do other than that? Right. And they mean when you are broken, when you are sad, when you are unfulfilled, it's just like, that's a different kind of counseling. That's more like counseling, that's not there.

Right, right. You know what I mean? So kind of survival skills too, just to get through things. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And so, and some of it is going on to get along. Well, I mean, also at that point in your life with Dawn,

you had your kids with him. So you were becoming a mother for the first time. You were at the beginning of your career. Yeah. I imagine it's when you were struggling to find your jobs and figure out your place in the industry. Obviously, I know you had drive. I know you were taking your kids' traditions.

I know you just made things work. And then when Jay came around, it was you were at this moment where I feel like your career really took off. There's like these markers with these moments in your life. And, you know, you were having such great success. I feel like you were hitting your peak with, in that time when you were with Jay,

artistically, I mean, you had so much great opportunity that was given to you at that point, opportunity to do things that surprised people who thought, you know, you had so much great opportunity that was given to you at that point, opportunity to do things that surprised people who thought they had you in a box. And then, now, I'm sort of curious, like, with JB, like, what do you see, like, what era are you in now? Oh, man! I'm in my rich era.

Mm-hmm. You know? Because when you know who you are, when you are completely sure and clear about that, the abundance that comes into your life as a result of not only knowing who you are, but what you put into the world. You know what you give, what you pour out,

you get back and measure, and overflowing measure, is it's just a great place to be in. Yeah, I don't know how to coin it other than that, there is an extreme richness to it. Yeah. And I feel very it has double meanings. Okay. I'm gonna say okay.

I just say I can see your face. People cannot see your face when you say, don't say, shaded. I see what you do with your eyes, what you do with your lips, the way you turn your body, then we look up. Guys, I'll let him tell you this foolishness. Don't do it. Oh my god, I love you so much.

Hi. How are you? I'm just just pan-thomac. Thank you so much. Thank you. Enjoy your ice cream. Okay, so this is... Is it like what you had before?

You have the bread's a little different, but... It's the same flavor as I. Yeah, the same flavors, that. Okay, good. What do you go? No, it's good. Now for a quick break, but don't go away. In a minute, I'll talk to Nisi about her approach to playing law enforcement and shows like the rookie feds

and how she's pulled from her own experience, including the loss of her brother, who was shot in a high school shooting. Be right back. When the weather changes and the evenings heat up, you change your sheets. I mean, Salimbaer should be relaxing, not sweaty. And Brooklyn Inn is here to help. Their crisp, classic, percale weave will cool you right off. Or try their best selling buttery, smooth, luxe, satin sheets. Brooklyn Inn was founded by husband and wife duo Rich and Vicki in 2014, and their mission

is to provide their customers with hotel quality, luxury bedding at a fair price. Both Wirecutter and Goodhouse keeping agree that Brooklyn and sheets are hard to beat. So shop and store, or online at www.broughlinon.com today to give yourself the cooling sleep you deserve the summer Use promo code dinners for $20 off on your online purchase of $100 or more Plus free shipping on Brooklynin.com. That's b-r-o-o-k-l-i-n-e-n .co-m Use promo code dinners for $20 off plus free shipping.

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That's Butcherbox.com slash dinners and use code dinners to claim this special deal. And we're back with Nisi Nash-Bets. Nisi was just telling me that she almost gave up on acting, but right before she threw in the towel, she got her legendary part on Reno911. So you played this cop who is obviously a send-up of a cop. And you have like this trajectory of playing law enforcement. You played law enforcement quite a few times on screen queens. I sure have. Alright, you're doing it right now with with with with rookies.

Rookie fans. Yeah, yeah, I watched it up to this morning before coming here. Yes, I played a lot of cops. A lot of cops. Yeah. And you have been very outspoken about police brutality and gun violence, and especially just like last month in Nashville, I watched your Instagram, you know, in tears, just, you know, devastated by what's going on as we all are.

And I know about, you know, that you lost your brother, Michael, when you were very young. And I always think, it's devastating for everyone when something like this happens and we were worried about it, especially now as a father, like I worry about my kids and like it hits harder in a different way. And I can only imagine how much harder it even hits for those who have experienced that in their families. And I just, I wonder sometimes, like, you're playing so many people now

who are in law enforcement. And some of these shows, I think, they tend to be pro police and copyganda, so to speak. And they don't want to sort of deal with the systematic racism that is in the system. Knowing that you've confronted gun violence, not only with your brother, but also, I know your son has had a run in with you.

How you told me a story, I remember, I will never forget this story about him being stopped and funnier a house. Yeah. And being questioned by the police. And the cop never took his hand off his taser. I was like, what are you doing? Yeah.

Right in your fun yard. I know your mom was a victim of gun violence. The best team violence, yeah. Survived it, thankfully, but you know. But it's been in your life. It's been in your life in very personal ways. And you know, playing a cop now. I mean, do you ever think about like,

there's an opportunity to bring my experience to that? I just watched this episode this morning of you on rookie feds and you're using a gun and like I can only imagine it was like training to that and like they just hand you these things. Oh no. What was that like for you to be so closely associated to having to learn how to fire a gun

when so much of this has been part of your life? Well you know with Reno, Reno is an example of what not to do as a cop. So, there was no, you know what I'm saying? Because if you take your gun out and drop it on the ground, they're like great! Even in the show. You know what I mean? So, it was always like bumbling, you know, cops and you know, kind of like this big fars.

So it wasn't rooted or grounded in anything where we had to have training. As a matter of fact, the less training you had, the better. But once you start moving into shows like rookie fads or things like that where there is tactable training and things you have to do like I am always very, very squeamish. I look tough, you know, running towards the thing, pulling my weapon out, but I'm very much I'm the one who wants to walk around and looking every, every gun and make sure it's an airsoft. Open it up, shine the flashlight through it. Let me see what's going on. You know, and- When you say that, you mean that there's blanks and everything.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, you know what I mean? That I want to make sure it's what it's supposed to be. I had a series on TNT called Claws. And the character named Roller, he's played by an actor named Jack Cassie, was my lover on the show. And he had to pull a gun on me in the series and I had to be on my knees with the gun pointed to my head, you know. I had her palpitations. I was like, wait a minute, I had to go off to the side

and kind of get, get myself together because for me, it's never easy. I don't care how I'm making look on TV. It's never easy. You know what I mean? So for me it's it's never easy. Yeah. It's just never is. Yeah, I can imagine. I mean I think about how your life has been brushed by it so many times and you still can't ignore past traumas. Oh no, no, no, no. I mean, your trauma is going to meet you in any space where you feel triggered. I mean, you didn't mean that.

Wherever that is. And it's never a cake walk and it's never easy for me. I'm gonna go ahead and take these plates out of the way. Thank you. Thank you. Especially like when the squibs are going off, I always say I can't. I don't want to be next to it. And you know what's going to happen. This wall right here next to your head. It's going to we're going to blow that out and it's good. And I look right over at my stunt double. Yeah. And I say you're on. Thank you so much. Pepper is great. Yeah.

Who's on you? You have it's great. Neckot on who's that? On your necklace? That's my brother. That's your brother. Yeah. This is my. That's Michael. He never made it to graduation, but this was the senior picture. Oh my god And Jessica got this for me got it made for me for Christmas JB the made up for you got it made for you from your mom. Uh-huh. Oh, me see. That's so thoughtful That's beautiful. I know I love it so much. So he that photo was taken just a few days before He was supposed yeah, this would have been his

graduation photo. Oh, me see. Yeah, so he did the cap, yeah. He was a senior in high school. Did the cap and gown photos, but never made it to walk across the stage. My brother was killed the day before my 23rd birthday. And so I started having these big birthday parties

after that. I first started doing it because I wanted to give my mama something to do. Can you make this a range, can you sit out this thing? I need you to go with me to find a dress, like just to keep her busy. But then there's a part of it that's like, yes, celebrate everything.

Because you don't know when you're not going to be able to. You know? That those anniversaries of those moments that change your life forever are things that, you know, you have to deal with every year. You have to confront those emotions every year. And, you know, I didn't know it was so close to your birth that that happened. So, like, every year, you know, that's something that, but there's an opportunity to like, okay, we can either be sad about this, or we can celebrate life and celebrate that we're still here.

Yeah. How did, I have to try this for the first time. Well, I gotta say my first thing, you know, for the school you're about to see, was the hands that were created and thank you for the provision, just name it. Okay, what, how did, what? How did you grade the primary meal?

Yes. I love that. And how did what? Michael was your only sibling, right? Mm-hmm. I mean, obviously that changes a family immensely. Like, it always feels like there's a missing link, even still, especially on special occasions.

And you know, when big things are happening, it just feels like something is missing. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And I've just accepted that that's just the way it's going to be. Yeah. That's where it's going to feel, you know?

Yeah. I'm so sorry for your loss. And that story's gonna be. Yeah. That's the way it's gonna feel, you know? Yeah, yeah. I'm so sorry for your loss. And that's, that story's always stayed with me. You know. Thank you. Mm-hmm. You said, my God, how can I say so much grief hit one family?

In a lot of years, I literally felt like that attitude tears of a clown. Like, was you gonna walk into a room when baby, I feel that thing up. I have everybody feeling good, smiling, giving all the energy, you know what I mean? And be broken hearted. And in the midst of it all,

both of these things can be true at once. Right. You know what I mean? Well, and just also if that time when that happened, you know, you were discovering who you are, as I imagine, is an actress and as a performer. And I've heard the stories about how you've used comedy to help your mom get through that time.

And that's sort of like where you found your voice and where you discovered that you're actually really good at it. Because it was a survival skill at the beginning. It's a survival skill that ended up becoming a skill that you were immensely good at. Yeah. Oh no.

And it's fascinating that tragedy, my hearing. Ah! It's my go-to joke. But that tragedy can produce such brilliant gifts too. Mm-hmm. That's the fact. Yeah. Oh no.

I never wanted to be funny. Because I got in trouble for it all the time. I got pinched in church. I got put on punishments because my report card said, talks too much. You're like, what was you talking about? I was telling jokes. I got a joke.

Go get the belt. I'm like, oh God. You know, I didn't know how many was the thing. Until I saw my mother suffering dealing with my brother's death, I knew that I could make her laugh because I had done it my whole life. I remember specifically a woman who came up to me and she had lost her sister and her sister had died of cancer and they spent those last months of her lives watching my show in bed together. She would crawl in bed and it was almost like a death doula, you know, like she was helping her, her sister pass on, transition, but they while they were doing

it, they were enjoying my show, and that's the thing that she always carry with her, like every time she sees modern families, she thinks of her sister, and it's moments like that, you, I realized, wow, this thing that I thought was ridiculous is actually therapeutic for people and healing for them. And it's a great gift. And it's really lucky that we get to give that to people. Yeah, I mean, the ability to make people feel is something to be safe and happy. Just checking in every piece of your face, okay?

Yes, very good, thank you so much. You're really actually dressing, we're chillin'. I'll take some on the side. Um. You have more in your toolbox and just be funny. I can do other things. And then now I feel like people, now I'm like, wait a minute. Based on what's coming in, people forgot I was funny.

Well it's a difference between knowing, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait a minute. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, why do I get, why do I get, no, no, no, no, no, no one forgets you're funny. I mean, you're always remembered mostly for whatever you've done last, right? That's what you're known for. And, but I don't think anyone will ever forget that you're funny. But there's also a difference of knowing

what you can do and being given that opportunity to do it. Like, I know I have more than I've shown. And like, there's been very few people who have actually given me that opportunity. I mean, who is that person for you that has allowed you to do that? That hasn't or has. That has.

Oh, allow me to do that. Well, Ava Duverne, Mark and Will Olsen, from the creators of Big Love, who put me in getting on. Brilliant. And of course, Ryan Murphy. Mm-hmm. We just saw the other day who says in getting on. Brilliant. And of course Ryan Murphy. You know. You saw the other day who says hello.

Hi Ryan. Hi Ryan. He said you better talk about me. I said we will. Yeah because Ryan, even with you know the run that I'm having right now with Monster, the Jeffrey Dombie story. Thank you. And I was like you could have called anybody.

I said why don't you call me? He said there was a compassion that I know you have. He said, I couldn't imagine anybody else doing it. I said, me? I said, okay. That monster that Jeffery Diamond store, that was a tough one. That was a hard job, you know, because to know that you're playing a real person, you know, because to know that you're playing a real person, to know that the climate in the world,

that not a lot has changed in terms of black women not being heard between systematic racism between communities being over police, between white privilege between, you know, so many parallels to what we are standing in today. It's just like wow. And to know that so many lives could have been changed if people would have moved differently,

it's that one was hard. I'm sure into living that. Just for people who don't know, Nesey played a woman who lives next to Jeffrey Dahmer. Linda Cleveland, yeah. Linda Cleveland, who's a real person. Yeah. And she actually, I was alerted the authorities that there was suspicious activity, was not

heard, I was ignored, and it got to the point where victims literally slip between the cops' fingers in front of her eyes. There is a scene in, I'm sure many people have seen it, but for those who have it, I must see it, and me see it's brilliant in it, and he nominated. There's that scene where you're sitting with him eating a sandwich. Oh, he brought a sandwich. He brought a sandwich.

He's not a sandwich. And he wants you to eat it. He wants me to eat the sandwich. That's kind of all that happens at the scene, but so much all that happens. The undercurrent of what's going on, I honestly, I watched that scene twice. I was like, I mean, I gotta watch that again.

That is, both you and Evan were spectacular in that scene. And it's right there. That was like the essence of their relationship was a power struggle. You know what I mean? He wanted to invoke fear in her. He wanted to passively, aggressively threaten her. She wanted to own her power, but was afraid.

But I need to stand up to you. So it was a lot of push and pull and give and take and those things with Evan. Because most of the time I was just in so much emotional pain or the character was in so much emotional pain from what she was hearing and smelling and not being believed. What was it like to be in such a dark place

that for so long? Well, you know, let me tell you what the gift was. I watched Evan be in the place that he was in for the run of show and he couldn't come out. I was able to come out because I was filming monster, the Jeffrey Dahmer story, and a Reno 9-1-1 movie at the same time. Oh my god.

What? At the same time. Let me leave this set, put on my baby here, my booty, and you know what I mean, and come back and take it all off and put my big glinda glasses and marolas in. I don't, okay, I'm not going to, I don't understand how you juggle those two projects at the same time. Well, and brilliantly, there's not a glimpse of any of that in that performance in

Domino. But for me, I have to be able to tap out and find the light. Yeah. I have to, you know, because you know how it is. When you do something for a long time, you take some of that character with you. Yeah, whether you want to or not. Sometimes they just, they bring themselves,

they put themselves in the back to the car. And baby. And they come home and you're like, get out and they don't get out. They've already buckled in. And that's it. Yeah. So I just needed to find light

because it was such heavy material and our crew was so kind because they kept it tight. Where did you find that light? Well, I found it in my relationship, my marriage with JB. I found it in, Ryan actually cast my real daughter to play my daughter on the show. That's your daughter?

That's my daughter. I didn't know that. That's my daughter, and that's one of them. And I remember being on set at like two o'clock in the morning, crying, having whatever. And my daughter's over there like, hey, mom, you want to do a TikTok? I'm like, girl. You know, so she was definitely the light I needed doing Reno.

Being able to leave that set and go with my friends to laugh, you know. And let me tell you something, I don't care how dark the day is. I'm going laugh. I'm going fine. Let me tell you something, I'm going to find jokes somewhere. Do not sit next to me at a funeral. I'm not the one. Don't do it because if it gets too hard, I'm going to find jokes somewhere. Do not sit next to me at a funeral. I'm not the one. Don't do it because if it gets too hard,

I'm gonna find something funny. You gotta find it, you know? And to be honest with you, that was not a huge part, but a big challenge in my first marriage was because when my mom got shot, I was in, it was just trauma because I was there and I saw it. And I couldn't pull up from it. So I just went in the other direction.

I said, it's too painful to feel anything. So I'ma turn my heart emotions off. And all I'm gonna do is on the left every day. I'ma find a way to make a joke. I'ma find a way to be funny. And I just did it all the time. And by the time I ended up getting married, my husband then, we're coming and going,

hey, we need to talk. And I would go, we need to talk. Hey, we need to talk. Ow, we need to talk. And he's like, can you just stop it for a second? Stop what now? Stop who now? Stop what now?

And he's like, I literally, I'm about to stop. And I had no serious bone in my body at all. And I had to, that's not good either. Right. You know what I mean? So just trying to wrangle myself to a place, maturate in life. For now, I do allow myself to feel it a thing,

but I don't allow myself to stay there. You got me so long in the valley, then punkin', you got to get up. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And get goin'. So it's better now.

I'm more balanced. Jesse Tyler, I'm more balanced now. I can tell. Yeah. No, I think you have your shit together. I can tell. I think you have your shit together. I've always thought that though. I always thought it too. Until I was like whoops, wait.

Maybe I don't. If we air dropped ourselves back until the version of ourselves 15 years ago, I think we'd all be shocked. I thought I had my stuff together 15 years ago and I probably did it. You talked about Ava. I mean, it seems, because Selma was the first thing you did with her, right? Yeah, Selma. I mean, it seems to me that she was such an advocate

and believing in you that you could, you can be more than just this funny lady. What does her relationship mean to you? Oh my God, I love my Ava. Was that the first time you met her during Selma? Did you know her before? No, I know her from a can of paint. And we both from Compton. But I didn't know her. And when we met, I was like, yes, please, and thank you. She called me at home. Really?

And was like, uh, hello. This is Ava Duverne and I am. I said, I know you are, girl. This is Eva Duverne and I am a, I said, I know who you are, girl. What's going on? She said, I have this movie. She saw me in getting on in a tiny little scene and said, that's my richy gene. And she was like, and I would love for you to come down. And she was like, and we've already,

we're so far into it, you know, you would have to be a local hire. Like, I don't know how you feel about that and this, and then the third. And I said, well, when you need me out there, and she was like, now, I'll say, well, girl, let me put some sweat pants on. I'm on the way.

You know, and we just click. And, you know, I just love her. And, you know, and when it came time for her to do when they see us, I was like, I have to be in this mood. I don't care if I'm the court stenographer. I just, I have to be in when they see us because every since my mother was shot,

I have just had this whole passion about justice and wanting people to get justice. And so I was very familiar with the story of the Central Park Five, who we lovingly now call the Exonerator Five, but I was very familiar with their story. And I was like, I have to be in this movie as somebody. I said, tell me, give me anything to audition for.

And she, see, I'm giving back. And she was like audition. She was like, do you know who you are? She was like, there you go. Are you serious? And I was like, eh-hah-hah-hah. You asked for it and she gave it to you.

Yeah, she was like, what? Are you even talking about? Oh my God, wow. There's a few things I want to touch on. First of all, I do want to say your performance in getting on. I texted you after I watched it. I mean, it is, first of all, that is one

of the greatest series ever, I think. It was an industry darling. Because mainstream doesn't really know about it. But mainstream should know about it. If you're listening, you have much getting on, you can watch on HBO. You what, you have two Emmy nominations for. Yeah, yeah, it's fantastic.

Yes, I was Emmy nominated twice for that one. I remember because we were at the Emmy's when your eye was nominated the same year as you. And I was like, I love seeing's it's fantastic. It's about I was in nominated twice I remember because we were at the Emmys when your eyes nominated the same year as you and I was like I love seeing you on the carpet. It's like look at where we came from Look at where we came from here. We are Very exciting, but it's a great series about people at the end of their lives where you know getting on and these nurses who are kind of helping them through these last moments of their lives And it's sad and heartbreaking and it's hilarious. Yeah.

But yeah, you really showed this whole new palette of colors with that. Yeah, go ahead. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. You're still doing okay. Yeah, thank you. It is a beautiful, layered, detailed performance, which was the first time I saw like, oh, Nisi has like, she has chops.

So Ava saw you in getting on. And she said, okay, here's some opportunities for you. I think you could do this, but it was funny because getting on really gave me so much. It just gave me so much. And when you talk about an actor owning their audition, I went in in audition for the role that Alex ended up playing, but I came in for Nurse Don for Shat and and something kept telling me this other character is it's

something about her. She doesn't even say that much, but when she does say something, I want to know what she's thinking. I want to know her. And when I walked into the audition, I had a call back and I said hey I know y'all wanted to send me for this but while I'm here, can I can I you know what about this girl They said absolutely not we don't see you as this character, you know This is a 60 year old white woman in the BBC series version of this and we have other point So I started to talk about how much I loved during why I said okay I said the only reason I asked is because go on and on and I said well if you love it that much

I guess I mean we guess you could read for it and I said great they said do you want to come back on Friday? I said no baby. I'm here right now Oh because I didn't want to run the risk prepared already to well I just can't just I was so drawn to her I knew I could do it and I was like no I'm here right now and they said well We don't even have the sides to prepare because we were, and I said, well, you know, get them together. I'll wait and I walked out the room real fast.

So I do my audition. I audition with the language line scene, walk out, and they said as soon as I shut the door, they were like, that's the girl. For that role. They said as soon as I shut the door, her name was Marta Ortley. And the only thing I asked

and I said, I've been black a long time. Yeah. And I ain't never met a black woman. They marked him. I said, can we change her name? And it was like, to what? I said, D.D. And they were like, let us get it approved.

And that was it? And D.D. was born. And D.D. was born. That's fascinating. I had no idea. I mean, it's a testament to like also taking risks for yourself and knowing when it's your time, knowing like, okay, we're at a fork in the road here.

Like I can take the risk or I can go the safe way. And if you really believe that you can do it, I mean, why not? Why not? Again, like, like we were just talking about at the beginning of this conversation, like, you have to invest in yourself. Oh yeah. And that's a perfect example. I mean, I had no idea.

That's really... Yeah, and they gave me that part and I was like, you cat. I was, oh my God, I was so happy because I felt like it was going to be the thing that allowed people to see me differently. Yeah. And I did. And then when I was, it was one morning, we had a very early call time and I went to the,

go get a coffee and I was coming back and a PA said, congratulations Ms. Nese. I said, on what? And he said, I don't know on the walkie, they said you won something. I said, was it that cheese basket they had in there? Oh, I love cheese! Look what I thought.

You know, and I'm not so sad. And they said, we want to say congratulations. Our very own Nese Ness has just been nominated for it. And I said, it was a new answer. I wasn't even thinking about it. It was the furthest thing from my mind. Like, you know how, like if you're in something good, you wake up early that morning,

you all up at four o'clock, because you don't know it. No, none of that. I didn't slid on the work and was like, hey, dude, like, good morning, good. Not thinking of things. I cried so hard and so long that they came to me to produce and said, baby, listen, we understand you feel an emotional,

but we need to make the day. Can you straighten all this up? Cause we got things to do. Get back in there. I was like, whoo, we fixed my face. You know? Amazing. Well, thank God you weren't born fake eyelashes for that one.

Cause you were just off and on the right. Right, right, right, yeah. You know, that was that job where they like take off your makeup. No glimmer is here, no spank. And then stand on the worst lighting God has ever created an act. Yeah overhead like for some lighting You're in a hospital Man, yeah, yeah, they really did take away all your safety blankets and I come to my hand can have a makeup I come my hair every day by myself. I couldn't have my boobs out, nothing, none of my tricks.

It was like no man, man. No, I didn't pay it off. It paid off and it just opened such a door for you. Yeah. I have an avid uvness story. I don't know her very well. I'm such a big fan of hers. The day of the, when like kind of World Shut Down for COVID,

I had this flying back from New York. I was in the rehearsal for a play. Flew back to New York, except my play was going to high as four. We thought it was two weeks at that time. Of course, it was much longer. The first thing I did was go to Ralph's, which is grocery store here in Los Angeles,

to pick up some like, you know, I hadn't, I thought it was gonna be on for like five months. I had nothing in the fridge. And so I'm at Ralph's just buying food and like provisions. And, you know, none of us even knew like we needed to wear masks or anything. Ava Duvenay was in the line in front of me at Ralph's just buying food and provisions. And none of us even knew we needed to wear masks or anything. Ava Duvenay was in the line of fun in me at Ralph's. And she looks back and she goes, what are we doing?

This is chaos. People were buying it. Just still water and all this cleaning supplies. And she said, what are we doing? I was like, I don't know. What, this is insane. And I told her that I had just come in from New York and she was telling me where she come in from.

I think she was at a job as well. The next time I saw her was two years later when we were both attending the first performance that reopened Broadway after COVID. We were both at the same show and I walked out of the theater with her seeing the show passing strange. And I was like, I cannot believe,

I still asked my saw you, was the day that the world shut down. And here we are celebrating Broadway reopening after this insane two years that we've been through. I just like the universe was like putting her in my my my path for a reason. I was like she bookended that entire experience for me. She was down day one and she was there for what I felt like was you know the rebirth of it because I had been extracted from my Broadway experience and I was about to start again. I just, I just love her so much.

I think she's such a great person. I do too. And it makes so much sense to you guys, friends, truly. Yeah. I love my Ava. Yeah. Yeah. That's my, that's my girl.

I just want to know, first of all, how did you two become friends? And what does a friendship with Oprah look like? Like, are you guys on a group text? Are you a... Okay, so how did we become friends? Well, when I did Selma. Yes.

Oprah was at a lot of the events, you know, for that. And I would met her there. Hello, how you doing? It was very casual. And so she knew who I was. And, you know, so every time it would be another event, it would be like, oh, hey, and then she had something at her house, the Manacito that I got invited to.

And I'm like, oh, this is cool. Like, yeah, you know, but- Was it that amazing luncheon? It was like a big brunch. I'm like, oh, this is cool. Like, yeah, you know, but it was at that amazing luncheon. It was like a big brunch. It was like a gospel brunch. Yes, I remember seeing photos of that. And I was like, oh, to be a fly on the wall. Yeah, it was beautiful. It was a beautiful day. I took my mom. Yes.

We hung out. It was great. And so I was just kind of like on the fringe of her life. Okay. Cut to, I tell my dear friend, Ava, I'm like, girl, you need to go on a vacation. I was just kind of like on the fringe of her life. Okay. Cut, too. I tell my dear friend, Ava, I'm like, girl, you need to go on a vacation. Like, we need to go somewhere where you tap out of everything. So we had planned to go to the Caribbean.

We were gonna go to Turks and K-Codes. And I'm like, you're gonna take some time. It's gonna be great. Pack us women's soup. Pack all your little sexy stuff. She's like, I're gonna take some time. It's gonna be great. Pack us women's soup, pack all your little sexy stuff. She's like, I don't have sexy stuff. And I'm not packing it. I said, well, go buy some. I said, never mind.

You know what? I'm gonna go buy you some stuff. And we're going. So she calls me and goes, hey, and I go, hey, what's wrong? She said, well, you know, O.W. Oprah Winfrey, for those of you who don't know. O.W. called me and said that she wanted me to come to her Maui property. And I told her that I couldn't come because I was going on vacation with you.

And she said, well, why don't you just ask Nese if she want to come here and y'all come here. And she said, but I know you probably don't wanna do that. But I mean, she told me to ask, but I told her that we wasn't gonna be able to come because we were going to the Caribbean. I said, go! I said, let me take my whole clothes out the bag.

She said, yo, what? Your whole clothes. Yeah, that's it because you know when you go on vacation, you wear the stuff that you would never wear out in the world. You're like, I'm not wearing this walking down Ventura, but on a beach in an island, I'm gonna just like a whore. Let me take the whole clothes out because you know, I don't want to stab me to think I'm not a respectable woman. So let me get these clothes out.

Let me put some respectable clothes in and. Let's go to Maui. And so that's how we ends up going to Maui. Oprah and I. Was it just the three of you? I don't know who I was there. Oh, you know, David O'Yellow will end it up coming. But the point is, Oprah and I went on a two hour hike, just the two of us.

Oh, God stop. What? Yeah. Did she say Nese and Gwen are on a hike-hour hike just the two of them. Oh God stop. What? Yeah. Did she say anything going on a hike tomorrow? Do you want to join me? Or how did this come to be? We were sitting on the porch chatting about things. And I don't know. She was like tomorrow morning be ready. And I said, yes, ma'am, for what? And she said, we're going on a hike. And I said, OK, so the next morning, I get up, I'm ready. And I got on my matching Fabletics, three piece,

with a good long curly wig, my eyelashes, my makeup. She said, this is how you hike, dear. I go, this is how I hike. What was she worried? You know, she was normal hiking clothes. You know what I mean? I was looking like black, that's how I hide. What was she worried? You know, she was normal hiking clothes. You know what I mean? I was looking like black Barbie going to hike. And she was like, okay, we going this

to our hike that literally changed my life. What did you guys talk about? We talked about my relationship. I was married at the time to jazz. We talked about relationships. We talked about life. We talked about men as a whole. We talked about growth. We talked about life, we talked about men as a whole, we talked about growth,

we talked about the time I got back off that hill. I was a new woman. I mean, you know, I couldn't believe my eyelashes stayed on, but barely. Oh, my God. But I just felt like she poured into me in such a way that changed my life. And after that, I just felt like we were bonded in a way

that she was one of the, just like you were like in that fat five of people who knew I was getting married so did she. And when I got my divorce, she did call me. I was standing in the grocery store in New Jersey. She called me and said, dear, I read about your divorce. Don't date anyone. I need you to take time. I know you're in love with love. Love yourself. Don't do it. Do you hear me? And I cut to you defy the block cut to Jessica clicking in on the other line. I said, Hey, you know what? Oh, yeah, you know what I hear you and I got it. I understand. I'll talk to you later.

Click over. Hey. Did you say Oprah told me to take some time for myself, but I'm not going to do it. Yeah. How could I do it? Well, it's not my fault. I told you my milk shake. It brings them to the yard. And once they get to the yard,

they want to get married. What can I do? Oh my God. Well, I cannot tell you how happy that you found each other. I truly, and I could tell how happy you are. When I saw you last at this, that, I mean, party, and you were just like, I get, I get, I come over here, me JB when you when I saw you last at this that any party and you were so like

I gotta come over here me JB me JB. She's so great. I love the way you look at each other with such passion and such love I'm just thrilled for you truly. Thank you I'm my person you know and I I never saw it coming. Yeah, when I tell you in a million years if you were to tell me I would have been a married to a woman, I would have told you you alive. And matter of fact, when I told my kids, my daughter said, are you the same mama that told me I'm strictly dickly? I said, ooh, I did say that, did not.

Is that right? Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh I said I did not. Is it like, oh way. I said well, things unchanged. Who knew? Yeah. But I feel like just like your career, you don't label anything. You love, love is love to you, passions, passion. You have a feeling towards someone, you trust your instincts. And I feel like you've done that,

that's just been your motto for your entire life. And look at your career. You've never let anyone say, this is what you are. This is the thing that you are. Always said, I'm in charge of what I wanna do. I'm in charge of who I wanna be with. And that's why I think I adore you so much.

You just, you lead with love, you leave with passion. And there's just no one like you. And I love you. Thanks for coming to London me. Thank you for having me. On our little table off of Ventura. Honey. Honey.

Oh, I miss Nisi. I hadn't seen her in person in so long. And we kept in touch over the last couple of years via text, but it was just really good to be able to give her a hug. She's one of those people where everything she says is just so wise and thoughtful that I'm like, well, it's slow down, let me write this down. I also am just so inspired by her drive and her ability to know herself so well.

She's so sure-footed in herself as a performer, as an actress, and she refuses to let people put her in a box. I absolutely adore this woman. Thank you so much for joining me, Nesee. Next week on Dinners on Me, I chat about David Letterman, avocado allergies, and grandfather Absolutely adore this woman. Thank you so much for joining me, Nesey. Next week on Dinners on Me, I chat about David Letterman, avocado allergies and grandfather's with secret identities with Fred Armason.

And if you don't wanna wait until next week to listen, you can download that episode right now by subscribing to Dinners on Me Plus. As a subscriber, you not only get access to new episodes one week early, you'll also be able to listen to them completely ad-free. Just click Tri-Free at the top of the Dinner's On Me Show page on Apple Podcasts to start your free trial today.

Dinner's On Me is a production of neon hum media, Sony Music Entertainment, and a kid name Becca Productions. It's hosted by Yours Truly. It's executive produced by me and Jonathan Hirsch. Our showrunner is Joanna Clay. Chloe Chobal is our associate producer, Sam Bear, engineered this episode. Hansdale She composed our theme music.

Our head of production is Sammy Allison, special thanks to Alexis Martinez and Justin Makita. I'm Jesse Tyler Ferguson, join me next week.