Dinner’s on Me with Jesse Tyler Ferguson - PATRICK J. ADAMS — on new wave of "Suits” fans and coping with stage anxiety

Episode Date: November 26, 2024

"Suits” star Patrick J. Adams joins the show. Over grilled prawns and focaccia, Adams tells me about conquering his stage anxiety during “Take Me Out,” renewed “Suits” fandom on Netflix, and the story behind his matching tattoo with wife Troian Bellisario. This episode was recorded at Marco Polo at the Silver Lake Pool & Inn in Silver Lake, CA. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Shop all of Justin's exceptional wines at justinwine.com and be sure to use promo code Jesse20 to receive 20% off your order today. That's Jesse20 for 20% off. Hi, it's Jesse. Today on the show, you know him as Mike Ross from Suits or his new Suits Rewatch podcast, Sidebar. I know him as my Broadway co-star in Take Me Out.

It's Patrick J. Adams. It certainly reached a whole new audience of people. You know, and I felt it in the world, going through the airport or whatever, I was like, suddenly people were interested in Mike Ross again. I was like, what's happening? I thought this was over.

This is Dinners on Me, and I'm your host, Jussie Tyler Ferguson. Patrick J. Adams, or Patrick Adams, as I call him, or Patrick J. Adams, actually, I've referred to him as Patrick Jadams before. He and I became very close while we were performing together on Broadway in the revival of Richard Greenberg's play Take Me Out.

Now, Patrick will tell you that we actually met years earlier in a story that makes me look like a barrel of fun. You'll hear that story later. In the play we did together, Patrick played the pivotal role of Kippy, who is really the narrator of the story. The play unfolds through his remembrance of the events. It's a remarkably difficult role to play, mainly because the whole story lies on his ability to connect with the audience from moment one.

He has to be accessible, likeable, and charismatic while delivering most of the action of the play. And he also has to step in and out of the play as both an observer and an active, pivotal character. Now I think any stage actor who has played a role like this, one that jumps from storyteller to one of its protagonists, knows how difficult this feat actually is. Patrick not only played this part beautifully, but he did it while battling his own crippling stage fright

and performance anxiety, something he opened up to me about as the run of the play went on. Now, I absolutely love this guy so much and consider him one of my closest newer friends. And listen, for me, as I get older, and I'm gonna be 50 next year, as I get older, I find it harder and harder

to make new friends. I don't know, it takes someone really special, like Patrick, to make their way into my heart. And I don't know, he did that effortlessly. Is that Patrick? Patricia! We're wearing the same thing today. Look at us! I took Patrick to Marco Polo, an Italian eatery nestled inside the Silver Lake Pool and Inn. It was the day after the Dodgers won the World

Series and this was the perfect way to celebrate. The sunny poolside patio spills into a gorgeous dining area that is so bright and airy you feel like you've stepped into a European vacation without ever leaving the city. The menu leans Italian but with a California twist. In short that means there's something for everyone from handmade pasta to prawns to fried chicken sandwiches. And as you'll hear from Patrick and me they have delicious non-alcoholic spritzes as well. Something that's surprisingly hard to nail, but I don't know.

This one was a home run. Get it? See, World Series, Take Me Out, Baseball. Home run, okay, whatever. Right, let's just get to the conversation. How are you? I'm really good. This has been our like fourth, third, fourth attempt.

I had COVID. You had COVID. That last time. Which I think was, you know, in that kind of you too. Well, first of all, let's go back. I guilted you into doing this for so long. And then when you actually offered to me.

And then when I had Zachary Quinto, he was a mutual friend of both of ours. I had him on. Yes. The guilt, you doubled down on the guilt. After you had him., I had him on. Yes. The guilt, you doubled down on the guilt. He, after you had him. After I had him on. I think I made you feel more guilty after Jesse. Well, he was one of my very first guests.

Right, right. Because he is a compelling human being and he should be your first guest. But because we had just done the play, I was like, okay, now you're dead to me. And then you had Zac Quinto on and you doubled down. And then you asked me to do it and I was like, oh no, it's a joke, you shouldn't put me on this,

I don't have anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then, do you want to know why? You can hold this over my head. Zach Quinto actually came on for a second time. He's been on twice now. Well, this has been great. Thank you guys so much for that.

You had Quinto twice? Yeah, because- For Brilliant Minds. Yeah, we want to talk about Brilliant Minds, yeah. Yeah. And also I wanted to see what new vocabulary he had. Zach. Hmm. Yeah, and also I wanted to see what new vocabulary He had to say I wanted to see what new vocabulary words he was using. What did you get? Do you have any good ones? I've been catching his press tour on brilliant minds. He has a very good speak He is a great I don't know how he does it, but he just pulls out

I know but you said that you were upset that I didn't, that I invited Jesse Williams to the Dodger game. Oh yes. And not you. Was that a World Series game? The first game of the World Series. Yes. So we did a play about baseball. That's right.

I don't know if you remember that. I vaguely remember you. And it was a big part of our lives and really the foundation of our friendship, of our undying love for one another. And then you went to the World Series recently, first game with Jesse. Who played the star player of the play. I don't know why we have to throw the word star around. And I don't recall getting an invitation

and I just saw it on a text chain. On our baseball text. Yeah, we have a cast text. But I see you way more than I see Jesse, that's the thing. I never see Jesse. So you only wanna take him to the fancy things. I'm like your private friend. Yeah, I don't want anyone to know about us.

But when you, it's too secret. Well, you know what, the jokes, it turns out it's fine because I don't actually watch baseball. know how to enjoy a baseball game. Hi, how are you? Hello, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. No, it's fine, please. Nice to meet you, I'm Cincha. Nice to meet you baseball game. Hi, how are you? Sorry, I didn't mean to speak to you. No, it's fine, please.

Nice to meet you, I'm Cincha. Nice to meet you, Cincha. Cincha, you didn't want me to send. What is that? What kind of name is that? Portuguese, Brazilian. Brazilian Portuguese, right? Yeah, welcome to MarketPuller.

My husband's Portuguese. Thank you very much. Of course. Did you just say your husband's Portuguese? Justin's Portuguese. I didn't know that. Nice. Yeah, we already have water on the table.

I have the first question for you. Do you have any dietary restrictions or allergies at all? What's making you dizzy these days, Patrick? Oh God. No, I eat everything. Besides coffee. No, I don't have any dietary restrictions. Perfect.

That makes it super easy. I eat it all. And it all looks amazing. I'm gonna make a few recommendations. Yes, please. And then we can go from there. Okay amazing. I'm gonna make a few recommendations. Yes, please. And then we can go from there. Okay. It's your first time here, right?

Yeah, yeah. Cool, welcome guys. Thank you. So I definitely recommend the focaccia, guys. It's really nice. I was just looking at that. It's got some rosemary, tomatoes, olive oil. Super tasty.

The grilled prawns, if you like seafood, definitely go for that one. It does have the salsa verde and the pistachios on top. Then for a salad, I would recommend either the cucumber and avocado salad, or the undeep Caesar. Moving on to pasta, I would say the linguine bungalow with clams is amazing, as well as the paquiri ala vodka

if you want something a little more creamy. How do you normally do this? Do you normally just like order up a, just a murderer's row of delicious food? And then I say, you know what, dinner's on me. Oh, you're paying for this too? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's great.

We'll get one of every. That always works out too. No, wait, look, can we get the focaccia for sure? Yeah, yes, of course, focaccia. What about grilled prawns? That sounded good. Do you like prawns? Yeah, I'll have the grilled prawns.

I was kind of eyeing the Italian chopped salad. Yep. It's really good. Yep. You were just eyeing it. I was eyeing eyeing the Italian chopped salad. Yep. It's really good. Yep. You were just eyeing it. I was eyeing it. If you weren't sure. No, I think I want that.

But you're gonna do it. You can share it with me if you want. What are you having? I'm gonna do the bongole. But again, we should share it and have some of it together. Yeah, please. I want some of that. I want some of that.

Oh, and then I saw you had like spritzes or something in the fryer. We have a Lyre's Amalfi spritz that's non-alcoholic, super delicious. We serve that on ice in a ball glass and we also have a non-alcoholic ferroni. Let's do the spritz. That spritz sounds nice. Why don't we just get a couple of spritzes? Let's do it.

Just a couple of guys having a spritz. A couple of dudes catching up over spritzes. And their blue French painter jacket. And their blue workman outfits. I love it. Oh my God, it's really funny. That is funny. So you already mentioned that,

take me out to our friendship. Our friendship began, well no, do we want to tell the story of how we actually met? Because it doesn't paint you in the best light. No, it doesn't. But I'm willing to be vulnerable. Also, I don't remember the event, the sequence of events as you recall them.

So it's not memorable. I do remember vaguely meeting you. Why don't you just tell this story. Let me just- I'm gonna tell it as nicely as possible. You can tell it as truthfully as possible. What's that hotel in New York where the Titanic passengers-

It was the Jane Street Hotel. The Jane Street Hotel. I was meeting Zach at the bar there to come say hello and walked into the bar to find him. And you guys were there together having a chat. And I said hi and introduced myself. Here's what I think happened.

You were at the height of Modern Family at that moment. And I think when that happens, people, you get stopped and recognized a lot by people. And in comes this guy that sort of knows Zach and immediately is like, hey, really good to meet you and introduce you. I think you thought I might be just a sort of random person coming and bothering you and your friend Zach. I don't think you fully understood that I was like a friend of Zach's, that your modern family fame was not an issue for me.

So you just were, you were a touch standoffish in the moment. That's what you said. Yes. I did say to you afterwards, I was like, I wasn't sure. I feel like what happened was probably, this was when Zach was, he wasn't in a committed relationship.

I love that we're talking about Zach. I don't remember that. I don't remember that. I feel like Zach was not in a committed relationship and I was meeting a lot of guys, he was sort of dating. Oh, you thought maybe this was somebody Zach's dating. And I thought maybe this was like his most recent fling. And I was like, I'm not gonna get to know you too well until like, I know that he's in love with you.

I'm honored that you would cast me in that role. Yeah, of course. You know, because Zach, you know, he's got a lot of beautiful role. Yeah, of course. You know, because Zach, you know, he's got a lot of beautiful men. Yeah, he does. He has in his time. I have a lot of beautiful men in his life. But was this when Head Suits already started at this point?

I think so, yes. Okay. Yes. All right. Again, I don't remember like the exact timeline. I just know that. But I remember I was like, well, that guy doesn't like me. Yeah.

And when I found out we were gonna do the play together, I went, oh, he doesn't like me. And when I told you this story for the first time, It was in rehearsal. You were mortified. Mortified? Yes. You don't wanna be told that like, someone had a bad experience with you.

Of course not. But I never took it personally, just that's what I was gonna say. Although I give you a lot of crap for it. I always was like, no, it's a weird thing when someone shows up out of nowhere and interrupts your drink with your friends. So it's okay, we let it go.

We let it go. Well, we became extremely close in that process. Oh my God, this looks like a full on Aperol Spritz. Ah, it's beautiful. An Amalfi. An Amalfi Spritz. Thank you so much. You're very welcome.

We do. We should do this on Vega. Let's take this on the road. Thank you so much. Cheers, thanks. We do like, we look like a very fashionable gay couple on vacation in the Amalfi Coast. Oh no, my straw.

Ciao. Ciao, bella. What episode are we on right now? Oh, god, like 75 or something? It feels like a 75. What's it like being on the 75th episode of your podcast? I'm just starting a podcast. I know.

So what's it? I feel like I've gotten more relaxed into it. You've chilled now. Yeah. I mean, I was, I know you probably can relate to this, but I had, because we've talked about this. I have terrible, terrible imposter syndrome. And I just felt like when we were-

It's so funny to me. Cause you don't, I always talk about how nervous I am about everything, which is essentially imposter syndrome. I just do a better job of hiding it. You're very vocal, very open. No, I mean that you're communicative. Yes, I talk about it. You talk about it, which is great.

I have to, it's the only way I can. You have to get it out. I'm not good at it. But you don't have it anymore. I do still have it. I have it around this. Because this was new. This was new, but it's eased up.

Do you ever have work anymore? Going onto a set or going to rehearsal. I had it during Take Me Out. Because that part was so famous? That part was, in my mind, famously played by an actor who won a Tony Award for it, whose performance I vividly remembered. Got it.

But I was always like, oh, he's got it figured out. I'll just do what he does. I mean, I definitely feel comfortable on stage, and I probably feel more comfortable on stage than I do in front of a camera, but I still feel like each job sets, brings its own set of, you know, neuroses. Like I just.

Even after all those years on Modern Family, you say you feel more comfortable on stage. Yeah, because I was 11 years in the same part. Like for me, I think it's just like, how do I carve? And that actually makes me more nervous to play parts now because people know me as this character for 11 years. I have to work extra hard to crawl out from that hole to like make people look at me in a different way.

I feel like I have more work to do. So it's actually sometimes that very job that was so successful is what makes me feel like I have imposter syndrome sometimes. The thing, I have it everywhere. You know me, how nervous I am about everything all the time. And I'm on a new job right now and I'm nervous every day. It's not getting any better every single day.

But I do find that once I actually get to work, like once it begins, it's all anticipatory, but once I actually get there and we start doing the scene and we do the first take and we're going, I'm fine. Now we're in the doing of it, we're not in the thinking about it. And, but what's interesting is that wasn't the doing of it, we're not in the thinking about it. Yeah. And, but what's interesting is that wasn't the case

with theater when we did the play, you know, which. Because you kind of have to do and think at the same time. Yes, I was just like on stage. I kept being like, well, let's just get to stage and the play will begin and it'll be okay. And the play would begin. And sometimes, some days I'd be fine. And then other days I would just be in my head.

Okay, let's back up a little bit. Yeah, yeah, let's go. Take Me Out was your Broadway debut, but not your theatrical debut. Yes. You've been on stage before. Many times, yeah. You told me a very, I mean, it was a crazy story of something that happened to you on stage.

The panic attack. The panic attack. And it made you very afraid to get back on stage, specifically on Broadway. Those look incredible. Wow. Those prawns, my God. Oh my goodness. With pistachio salsa, very good.

And your focaccia with comfy tomatoes and rosemary. Unbelievable. Gorgeous. Thank you. That looks so good. Wait, you know what? I have to pee so bad. Can we all come?

Yeah, come on. Let's take this into the restaurant. Let's go. I'll be right back. Now for a quick break, but don't go away. When we come back, Patrick tells me about the nightmarish performance that kept him away from theater, getting back on stage in Take Me Out, and what led him to walking away from suits.

Okay, be right back. Hello, ladies and germs, boys and girls. The Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast. Now after last year he's learned a thing or two about hosting and he's really ready to rant against Christmas cheer and roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire. You can listen with the whole family as guest stars like Jon Hamm, Brittany Bruski, and Danny DeVito try to persuade the mean old Grinch that there's a lot to love about the insufferable holiday season. But that's not all. Somebody stole

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Kroger, as well as select Costco outlets. Look for Wonderful Seedless Lemons at your local retailer or visit wonderfulseedlesslemons.com to learn more. And we're back with more dinners on me. Oh, I'm back. I did not wash my hands. No, just kidding, I did. I know that's a lie

because you have water all over the front of your pants. I know, I know, because it splashed up. No, that was me urinating myself because I had to go that bad. I was thinking like when you sat down, I was like, I probably should have peed first. The gorgeous, I just dropped something. No, thank God.

These are great. Wait, where's my napkin? Here it is. Okay. Will you sort of go back and tell that story of having your worst moment ever on stage? Will you tell the worst story of your life? Yeah. Yes, not the longest version of it,

cause who needs to hear that, but I did a play with Troian. Your wife. My wife down at the Old Globe in San Diego. It was in between seasons of Suits when I was in that period of shooting a big fancy TV show where you're like, I need to do something that makes me feel creative

and excited in between. We went down to the Old Globe to do a play together. It was a new play, which I think as we were rehearsing it, both Troyan and I discovered we weren't in love with the play and I think the playwright. And then, oh my God. You're like, you heard it here first. This is insane. We weren't in love with the play and I think the playwright... And then said to each other, and then, oh my God. You're like, you heard it here first. Well, this is insane.

We weren't in love with the play. And I think the people who were making the play, the writer and the director, were not really in love with us. Like it was not a great fit. And anyway, I was on stage one night. It was one of these plays where you're on, when you get on stage, you're on stage the whole time.

No one leaves or the two men, me and the other guy didn't leave. I went out for the first part of the play. I went to open my mouth and I forgot the line for a second, which happens to all of us to go up on the line. But for some reason on that night, didn't sleep well the night before, whatever it was, I had a panic attack.

The idea that I could forget the line flooded my body, and I suddenly was like, it was one of these out of body experiences where I was suddenly seeing myself through the eyeballs of everybody in the theater. I started, I couldn't, I didn't understand where I was, I didn't know how to move, I didn't know how to speak, and I'm in the middle. I started, I couldn't, I didn't understand where I was. I didn't know how to move. I didn't know how to speak.

And I'm in the middle of a play. Fucking we're talking doing the scene, but I'm moving towards the exit as I'm talking. And as I get to the exit and I'm still saying the lines, something in my head goes, if you leave the stage, you're gonna have to come back. And that's gonna be 10 times worse. Like if you leave the stage, this is gonna become a thing.

So I managed to stay on stage and finish the play, but it was a nightmare. And what had been a really fun, always scary, always nerve wracking, but a really fun, amazing thing that I'd love to do, which is be on stage, suddenly became a nightmare. And the way that panic attacks work, I learned after that, is that once it's happened once,

you can repeat it over and over again, but just by thinking about it. So I would get to the theater and feel good and be like, I think we're good, I learned after that, is that once it's happened once, you can repeat it over and over again, but just by thinking about it. So I would get to the theater and feel good and be like, I think we're good. I'm not gonna have a panic attack. And as soon as I'd have that thought, I'd be flooded with it again. So it was like, don't think about the elephant in the room.

Well, of course I'm gonna think about the elephant. And I would have a panic attack. And so every night I was repeating it. So that had been six years prior to take me out and I was fairly certain I would never do a play again. I was like, if that's what it's like, I can't do it. And so when Scott Ellis, the director, came and asked me to do Take Me Out,

it was the same thing. I told him... I don't know that I... I was like, I love that you're asking me, and it would be an honor. I just don't know that I can do it. But he said, this is your chance to fix that, essentially. And so I was terrified, obviously, I don't know that I can do it. But he said, this is your chance to fix that, essentially. And so I was terrified, obviously, the idea of facing that down, let alone in a play where we had to be naked every night.

You had to be fully naked, that's right. You also had to start off the play with direct address to the audience, which you told me is kind of your worst nightmare. It was the panic. I had a panic in a direct address, in a play about sports. So that was it.

That was take me out was about facing that down and it was never comfortable. Yeah, I mean, it's interesting as I watched through that entire process, and you came first of all, day one, you were completely memorized. Well, I mean, that was just the fear, right? I was like, I can't.

You're overly prepared. Overly well, I mean, that was just the fear, right? I was like, I can't. You're overly prepared. Overly prepared, oh yeah, for sure. But it was also one of those things where we started rehearsal, the pandemic happened, we stopped, we had like basically a year and a half to think about it, and then all came back to it. And I was so happy about the pandemic. Yeah, I know you were.

Remember that? Because we were like two weeks from having an audience and I was like- Starting to get panicky. I was, I heard about were. Remember that? Because we were like two weeks from having an audience and I was like- Starting to get panicky. I heard about this pandemic that was coming. I was like, please, please, I need to go home. I don't want to do this. Oh God.

Like, oh. You were talking about it way before anyone else was. Yes, I was. But yeah, I never got comfortable, you know? Like usually when I'm facing down a fear, you find a repetitiveness, but there was something about Broadway, the first experience of that,

the new audience every single night. Though also I struggled, you know I struggled with that part of it. It was a struggle to like get lost in it, enjoy that part of the process, have no ego about it. But at the same time, like wouldn't give it up for the world because it was an incredible group of people. It's interesting, I mean, we were a very tight cast

and there was a lot of support within the company and a lot of us, you know, would watch backstage on the monitor and you know, we'd watch you do your, you had several monologues in the play and we've always just found your performance to be so like strong and consistent. And like, you would come off and be like, God, I was so dizzy.

I don't remember anything. I was in the brink of it. I had a panic, I was having a panic attack the entire time. But like, well, Jesus, I mean, I mean, if you could do that during a panic attack, I don't like, I truly didn't understand how you were. That was the consistency. It was funny you'd bring up,

you'd mentioned the consistency because I was like, it is true. Like I, and it makes no sense. I'm going out there thinking I'm gonna die. Like it's all gonna go wrong and I'm gonna drop the ball. And yet because I'm so scared of it, it never happens. Yeah. At times it's too wouldn't, like it's too planned.

Like what I want as an actor is to be really relaxed. Like watching you every night, you had the beats and the things you'd figured out, but you were also relaxed enough that things would happen and you would roll with it. And new things would come out of that that were amazing to watch. My fear would keep me consistent,

but it would also keep me sometimes from like relaxing enough to just let something happen and like go with it. There were certain nights where I'd get there and I'd feel it, but a few and far between. It's interesting, I mean, you know, Jesse's talked about this, he still makes fun of himself for it, but like he would go up on his lines. All the time.

At least like once a week, but he, you know, he navigated through it in his own way. Jesse is an example to me of the exact opposite of what I'm talking about, which is like a level of, and I don't know what's going on in Jesse's head and everybody has their own things, but he has a level of confidence and calm and faith that's all gonna be fine no matter what,

that I would just be in awe of. And we shared a dressing room, so it was like the two of us, this like energy of like me bouncing off the walls. Well yeah, what side of the dressing room, what looked like the- The rainforest cafe. The rainforest cafe.

So many misters and steamers. And music and just soft lighting and Jesse's side was like the straight boy. Just like got a couple of pictures and I'm gonna take a nap. Yeah. There was also, I mean, pictures and I'm gonna take a nap. Yeah. There was also, I mean, talking about the nudity in the play, it's one of my favorite moments of the entire experience

was when we were in the technical rehearsal for the play, which is, you know, we were on stage, they were working, and the nudity takes place in this play because it's about a baseball team and there's several scenes that take place in the showers. And you have these conversations while you're showering with other men on stage. So they were working in the water, you all were wearing bathing suits while we were teching so you didn't have to stand there naked.

And then it was like the day that Scott Ellis, our director, was like, okay, so today's the day I think that we're all just going to go for it. So the scene takes place where all these people pray, all these baseball first parade onto the stage, you being one of them. And you take off your towels and you're the only one naked. Wait, I don't even, really?

Yes. Like I'm the only one that got the memo. You were the only one who was like, okay, I'm actually gonna go, I'm gonna go do this. Like, I guess maybe Scott, like put it out in a way, like if you feel comfortable, go ahead. And you were like, yeah, let's go. I think we're all doing it together.

The one guy who's not comfortable is the one guy that's like. And you stopped rehearsal and you said, what are we doing? I thought we were doing it. You don't remember this? Yeah, I've clearly blocked it out. It sounds like something I would block out.

You're like, I thought we were doing this. What's the deal? Every other guy on the stage was wearing a bathing suit. And then they all were like, okay, okay, we'll do it. And like, they took off their suits. It was a nightmare. It was really, I mean, I think that part of it in its entirety, I've blocked out

because it was almost so, I am the least exhibitionist person in the world. I do not, I don't want my clothes off. I wanna wear all my clothes. I want layers. And so to have to like be in front of that many people every night, like it was so intense that like I do feel like

I had to go into like a different, it's almost weird because while you would think that would be the most nerve wracking part of the night, it was so intense that I think I actually truly had to leave my body every night. And like, I don't remember it. It's pretty admirable though, when you look back at how you started this experience,

and it is your Broadway debut. It's like the perfect storm of everything. And yet you fucking killed it. Thank you. You were incredible. And it was the experience of a lifetime, and we all made friends. And the truth is, I love theater.

Like, I love it. And so the idea that it wouldn't be a part of my life anymore, it was so sad. Yeah. Can we get a few more share plates? I'm gonna put this one aside. Thank you so much. Saucy, saucy.

Those are delicious, by the way. First of all, we're on the same page with something. What? I don't know if I've ever told you this. Finally, one thing that we're on the same page about. One thing. What? I've just now started to watch Suits.

You're watching it? Yeah. Right now? Yeah. Oh, wow. And I didn't know that you didn't watch Suits. Yeah, I've never saw it. And you're watching it now for the first time

as part of this rewatch podcast that you started with Sarah. Well, you can imagine why I'm not watching Suits before. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Like, I'm not a, would you watch Modern Family? I would, think because I was such a fan of the ensemble. Yeah, yeah. I felt like I had to, I wanted to watch what they were doing.

Right. And so I had to sort of watch myself as well. I could see that, I mean, amazing group of people. But you never watched, you said you'd watched the pilot, obviously. I watched the pilot, I'd seen a few episodes, but I could not watch it with any consistency. I would get two in my head.

Right. And then something about the resurgence a couple of years ago, and then seeing that all these people were doing these re-watch shows, and thinking like, wait a minute, is that, we could do that. Like it would be fun to,

hey, I love podcasts, and I love being able to sit and talk to Sarah and other people along the way, but like to formalize the process of it. If you'd be able to like. Like it's an assignment for it. Yeah, like just this thing that we've put on the shelf and pretended it was just sort of over,

now we get to face it and like create a dialogue around it and it suddenly isn't this sort of shadowy thing in the back anymore. I mean, the show was on USA originally, but it did well, right? It was doing well for USA. It did really well, yeah, but I don't think we did anything

like what just happened on Netflix a couple of summers ago. Right, so you get what, I mean, was it during the pandemic that people were sort of finding the show again? It wasn't the pandemic, that was The Office, right? I think The Office was like kind of what happened in the pandemic, and then our show did a similar thing

during the strike, but it certainly reached a whole new audience of people and all the people who watched it the first time watched it again. So it was just, you know, and I felt it in the world going through the airport or whatever. I was like, suddenly people were interested in Mike Ross again. I was like, what's happening?

I thought this was over. Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was pretty far in your rear view mirror. Yeah. At that point. Where I was like, what's happening? I thought this was over. Yeah. Yeah. It was. Because it was pretty far in your rear view mirror. Yeah. At that point. Where I was really comfortable having it. Fortunately, I think we're both proud of what we've put out there. Well, I don't know that I was before, and I think what we're doing with the podcast is maybe trying to check into that a little bit more. Pride, not pride solely, but gratitude.

Enjoy around it. And be like, look at what we did. This is really good. Yeah. Now the show ran for nine seasons, but you left after seven, right? I left at seven, yeah. I don't know if you ever told me why you did that.

I mean, it was a bunch of different things. Mostly I felt, I felt done, I guess. The character, the show starts, obviously you're watching it now. You know, very much like my character has a lie and a secret and he's in this firm, right? So there just was all this sort of interesting stuff to play for a guy who was lying and hiding out

and the only person who knew his secret is this other guy. Over the course of seven seasons, that was all peeled away and everybody knew everything. So by the end of the seventh season, I was just a lawyer at a law firm. And Megan was obviously on the show and we at that point were, I think we got married at the end of the seventh season,

spoiler alert. It's just all had happened. And I was like, where do we go from here? Megan Markle, by the way, we should have specified. I'm not sure if you've heard of Megan Markle. So like we, you know, I knew she was leaving obviously. And I was like, the only reason to do this is money. I remember talking to my mom,

you know, thinking that she would be like, well, you gotta do this. It's like financially, you have to do this. It's responsible. Just you've already put in this much time, put in two more years. But really she was the one that was like, is the only reason you're doing this for money?

I was like, that would be the only reason to say at this point. Right. And again, I loved everybody. It wasn't like I had any problem. It was just like, I've done it. You know, when you reach the end of a thing, there's nothing more. I don't like I had any problem. It was just like I've done it, you know when you reach the end of a thing There's nothing more. I don't know what else to offer right and

She said then you should go you should be done. I mean, I think it's great I think you know if you feel like you're at that place where you sort of given what you can give and You feel comfortable moving on like that's sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and think about the money. Do you think about the money that Gabriel made in those last two years? But at the same time, no. I never regretted the decision for a second.

I knew it was the right thing. I knew it was the right thing for my marriage, which I was not married at the time, but we were getting married. We got married in 2016. And like we had been away from each other for seven years. We'd been together the whole time, suits had been on. And it was like time.

Like we had been long distance for long enough. It was time for us to start our lives. We wanted to get married. We wanted to be together. We wanted to have kids, which we knew would take, you know, a couple of years before we were comfortable doing that. So it was, the longer I stayed in Toronto

doing that show too, the longer I was putting on hold this life that I knew I wanted. Yeah. And it was time to realize that money is great, but it wasn't, I'd made enough money that I could go and have my life now. Now for a quick break, but don't go away. When we come back, Patrick tells me about how he dealt with neuroses and nudity on stage,

coping with seven years of long distance with wife Troianne Bellisario, and how thankful he is not to be 25 anymore. Okay, be right back. Hello, ladies and germs, boys and girls. back. John Hamm, Brittany Broski, and Danny DeVito try to persuade the mean old Grinch that there's anything to love about the insufferable holiday season. Follow Tis the Grinch Holiday podcast on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. So you know that feeling where you've just left the cinema,

you were excited to talk about the movie in the pub or on the car ride home or on the walk home? Well, that's our podcast. I'm Dave and this is my wife, Kathy. Hello. And our podcast is The Cinemile where we walk home from the movies. We are not film critics, we're just two movie nerds who've been doing this for the last eight years. Don't take our word for it, here's some recent reviews on Apple podcast. A charming couple with bad movie taste. I mean, their taste in movies is putrid. Your taste in movies is putrid. But hey, if you like listening

to that sort of thing, right, okay, ignore that one. Another great one we recently got was, I absolutely love this podcast. There's nothing like the raw feeling after watching a movie and Dave and Cathy perfectly capture that. Great reviews, great fun, and you just love listening to nice people chat about movies. Yes, I swear we are nice people and if you don't believe them either, well, maybe you'll believe the Independent Podcast Awards who named us the best film and TV podcast of 2024. So that's us. We are the Cinemile. You'll find us wherever there are podcasts. And we're back with more Dinners on Me.

How much of a conscious effort did it take to maintain a seven year relationship, long distance? I mean. Well, the gift of that was that she was on a show too. Right. She was doing Pretty Little Liars. And so for us, we were having this shared experience in a way, different shows, different people, different struggles, but also similar things coming up.

And so we had this like, even though we were far away, we had this unique perspective on what the other one was going through. Like we could get it, you know, we got exactly what was happening. And we were both really busy. Like it wasn't like one person was sitting at home and not working while the other person, you know,

which creates a real different dynamic. Like we were both on set all the time, working all the time. And our seasons usually lined up. So like when she stopped her season was usually around where mine would stop. So we would get like three or four months to be together and go travel

and do whatever we wanted to do. And then we'd both go back to work and be so busy that you didn't have time to. It kind of sounds awesome actually. Now that we look back all the time, that's the only tattoo I have on my body is, you know, that from, we both have seven years on our body. Ah, is that what that means?

Because, you know, it felt like a prison sentence when we were doing it, but now, when stuff that like rocks other couples doesn't have any effect on us. We have all of our own problems and it's not perfect, but our resilience and our ability to communicate when we need to communicate, and move through things quickly is a direct result, I think, of having to maintain a relationship over so much distance, so much time.

Yeah. It ended up being a real gift. It was very hard, very painful at times, very close to not working out, and just the distance almost consumed us. But the fact that we survived it, I think made us way stronger. Yeah. I have looked to you a lot,

because I'm on a journey to have a better relationship with my mental health, and I'm rethinking my relationship with alcohol. You have been someone that I've talked to a lot about that because I think that you've, I appreciate the way you take care of yourself. So I guess that's what I'm saying. And I'm glad I'm doing it.

Like I'm doing things I need to do to take care of myself. You feel good? I do, I do. I feel like specifically being a dad of young kids, which we both are, it's helped me stay present in a way that, as an actor, when you sometimes are present, we're talking about being away from family for a while. And you want every moment that you spend

with your children specifically and your spouse to be completely, I know your spouse to be completely, I don't know, you want to be completely present for those moments. And I- Sometimes. Sometimes you want to go away. Sometimes you deeply don't want to be present.

But yes, the hope is that you want to be as present as possible. Yeah, that's right. And I do feel like for me, it's definitely refocused my, I don't know, I guess ability to be present in the moment with them. I feel like for me it's definitely refocused my, I don't know, I guess ability to be present in the moment with them, which I think has been important for me. Everything you said is exactly kind of

what happened to me too. And I guess off of our Suits conversation, the other thing that wasn't mentioned was I wasn't taking good care of my mental health and I was drinking too much come the end of seventh season. Like I was in a zone of living a pretty unexamined life, it was pretty miserable, was,

sorry, getting a little cold, of course, I always have a cold, was, I would say pretty depressed and I didn't have the tools to deal with that depression beyond just spending money and drinking too much, you know, and not really knowing how to talk about it, or in therapy, sort of, but not really doing it. You know what I mean? Like, there are all these things that I knew I needed to probably be doing and I wasn't doing.

And so that was another big part in addition to everything that we were talking about was like, it's time to go home. It's time to go home and like do some work and change some things up, especially if I was gonna get married and have kids. Now I went home and didn't do a lot of that work right away. Took a few years. But for the same reasons you just described,

had a baby and was seeing that I was still trying to live my life as a 25 year old and doing my patterns of like how I would numb myself and take care of myself and deal with my insecurity and my fears. And they just weren't working. And they were taking a toll on my relationship for sure, but also just making me like a very not present father. And that for me was a breaking point when I was like,

I think I should stop drinking probably because I don't want to be that dad. You know, I was missing it. But the best thing I think I ever did for myself was stop, stop drinking. It just needed to happen in order for all these other things to happen. There was really no way I was gonna

take my mental health seriously, take my physical health seriously, work on my marriage, work on my friendships, deal with my fears and my anxiety. I just couldn't have done any of it if alcohol was still in the picture. You know, when we first started Take Me Out, in the hiatus that we were, when we all stood down for COVID and we were not in rehearsal, is when you made a lot of

changes in your life. Yeah, that's when I stopped drinking. And when we came back to the play, you know, a lot of the devices that you had to manage your anxiety you know, a lot of those vices that you had to manage your anxiety were not accessible to you. What was that like? Because we spoke so much about how hard, you know, it was for you to get back on stage. And, you know, and the culture around doing theater, you know, you go out with your cast after the show

and you celebrate and your friends come to the show and you go get drinks and like that. I mean, that's what I would do. I've been a theater actor since I was, you know, a young kid and that's like what you, that's what you do. That's what you do. That's what you look forward to. Yeah, truly.

And I think for good reason that it actually unwinds you. You've just come off this really ecstatic, crazy wired thing and getting a couple of drinks actually does physically allow you to calm down. Yeah. Yeah, because you're on, I mean, adrenaline doesn't actually lead your body to like three in the morning anyway,

it's when you get off stage. Yeah, yeah, that was hard. Yeah. That was hard. But again, it was like, at that point, I was so dialed into like this, maybe it was a bit of like suffering is how you grow. So there was a bit of a,

a bit of a like, yeah, this sucks. And I, but, but even more clear because I want it so bad that I'm doing the right thing. Yeah, yeah. At the time. So I feel like that time of my life is so firmly over. And anytime I drift into the like, yeah, but what if I, it's the same feeling of like, what if I, it's the same feeling of like,

what if I could be 20 again? It's like, you can't, it's not gonna work. Whatever idea you have of like what that is, is over now. And I have this new, beautiful existence with new relationships and people that rely on me in a way that they couldn't totally rely on me before. And two little beautiful children who I get to hang out with and try and be a good dad too and can always be better.

There's always better more work to do there. A career, thank God, that I still have and opportunities to do that. It was a hard transition, but I think it's the best thing that I ever did. Yeah. Well, you're an inspiration. You've definitely inspired me to look at my life and make changes. I really appreciate your friendship and your guidance through all that. Oh my God.

You're the first person I called when I was feeling like I wanted to make changes. That really moved me because I'm always surprised when anybody calls me for anything. Because it is a moment like that where you go, oh my God, I can be help? Anyone wants my help or idea about something? I've put you on such a pedestal in so many ways that when you called me to chat about that,

I was very moved and felt like, it felt serious. Oh, don't mess this up. You gotta help. How do I help? You've done an incredible job. Thank you. I'm really happy that you have this podcast. I'm glad they're watching your work

because you are really good on it. I'm also excited that this podcast exists because I actually, I am watching the show and I kind of love that there's a companion podcast that I can listen to. I love that you're watching it. I have watched your show, so I'm glad that it was one of the best. Well, also, we didn't know each other.

We didn't, we weren't. No, I wasn't watching it for you. I obviously had no idea who you were. In fact, you were the worst part of it. I had to fast forward through your stuff. No, I loved it. Thanks for doing this. Thanks for having me.

I'm glad that it finally worked out. Glad you're healthy enough. You're in town. You're willing. I'm glad it finally worked out. Glad you're healthy enough. You're in town. You're willing. I'm planning not to get COVID again for another two weeks. Two, three weeks. Good. Yeah.

Good. Why do I get so sick? You get sick all the time. You're like the tiniest little baby bird. But I'm not, I'm strong. I'm made of strong stuff. I had to feed you your meal with a baby dropper. meal with a baby dropper. This episode of Dinners on Me was recorded at Marco Polo at Silver Lake Pool and Inn

in Silver Lake, California. Next week on Dinners on Me, you know her from her Oscar-winning performance in the film Pollock and her Oscar-nominated turn in the movie Mystic River, as well as her new kids podcast Snorries. It's Marcia Gay Harden. We'll talk about her time as an original cast member in Angels in America on Broadway, being a mom to three queer kids, and her physical fight with a director over a wig. And if you don't want to wait until next week to listen,

you can download that episode right now by subscribing to Dinners on Me Plus. As a subscriber, not only do you get access to new episodes one week early, you'll also be able to listen completely ad-free. Just click Try Free at the top of the Dinners on Me show page on Apple Podcasts to start your free trial today. Dinners On Me is a production of Sony Music Entertainment and a kid named Beckett Productions.

It's hosted by me, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. It's executive produced by me and Jonathan Hirsch. Our showrunner is Joanna Clay. Our associate producer is Angela Vang. Sam Baer engineered this episode. Hans-Dyl She composed our theme music. Our head of production is Sammy Allison. Special thanks to Tamika Balanz-Kolassny

and Justin Makita. I'm Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Join me next week.