Dissect DJs - Did These Movie Boyfriends Suck?

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

View the whole video podcast on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/vU8bDZWpsm4The Dissect DJs go off on a brand new segment that takes on some classic cinema boyfriends from some of the most memorable movies and music videos of all time, trying to determine one thing- Did This Boyfriend Suck?From Ferris Bueller, to The Beast from Beauty and the Beast, to Glenn from The Wedding Singer, and even the boy in The Boy is Mine Video, we break it all down and see where they land on the Creep Meter. Do you agree with our assessments? Let us know!Follow us on the Socials!Instagram - @DissectDJs @CaliCastle @JAGaffairTikTok- Cali_Castle Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What's up everybody, welcome back to the Dyssect. It's time for us to go off! And it's time to bring y'all a new little segment. We got subjects to talk about. We got something to say. We got things to discuss and we want to go off on them. Usually what we do is we dissect the track, we go through it. The ins and outs, the dissects, the lyrics, the backstory, all the things, the nuances that make that song a classic.

And then how we rated on the slap meter. But we thought we were going to branch out a little bit, just. just to give yourself some more content on the in-between. And let's just go off on some subjects, okay? So, this week is going to be the first ever edition of DICEG D. Go Off! Today's subject, did these movie boyfriends suck? So basically, we're going to go ahead and run through some classic movie boyfriends,

and we're going to decide whether or not they sucked or not. So in order to rank them, we should have discussed what the meter is either. No worries. I'll create one right now. So at the bottom, we have total creep. Then we have, yeah, that dude sucks. Then we have, you know what, that dude's all right. Then, pretty chill guy.

Pretty chill, actually. And then top five out of five, that boyfriend be solid. Does that work for you? I like it. All right. I hope you remember what I just said, because we did not write that down but let's kick it off with uh one of the all-time classic boyfriends all-time epic movie how about ferris bueller from ferris bueller's day off

ferris beer nice nice curveball out the gate right out the gate coming with it so justin did this boyfriend suck some positives i mean he he got his girlfriend out of school took her to baseball game took her for a drive they were at a concert a middle of the city on a way weekday, which was always amazing to me, the city was going that off on what seemed to be somewhere between eight and two during the regular day during the school hours that the parade decided to pop off. Also impresses me that they were able to just move around the entire city of Chicago when a fucking parade's going on. Have you ever dealt with parade traffic?

You're not going to go to any way. You're not going to go into a Cubs game, not dipping in and out. You're not going to go see the stock exchange. Crazy. A museum? Going people up the stairs. Like, it was crowds of people on a regular weekday. And I just don't think it would be like that. In any case, took her out of school.

Now, there's positives and negatives, right? He took her out of school. Is he lowering her chance for a better education by doing so? Or is he trying to show her the better things in life by taking her to there, taking her to a pool, taking her to a baseball game pool, restaurant? Oh, they went to an art museum. An art museum.

Walked around with countless children just holding their hands. they moved about. A little awkward, but yes. Cameron just started having a religious experience while staring at a random painting. I never really understood that one. And then with that, you're asking, it's Ferris, a good boyfriend. He's also thinking about the future and whether or not she possibly is the girl for him because he's going to be graduating.

She still has a year of high school. I remember that. So he's still, he's thinking about the future. It's not like he's like, I'm done with this chick. So I'm going to go ahead and put that on that middle, that three tier. He's all right. Yeah, you actually, I never really thought about that aspect of it. But like, let's be really, the whole, I'm going off to college and my girlfriend's still back in high school, it never works out.

Never. It's a poor decision. You shouldn't. You shouldn't. You're like 18 or 17. Like, often you live your life, young man or young woman, whoever you are. Like, don't let that chain you down. Everybody in college is going to be like, you're talking about your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your girlfriend's still in high school.

Like, really, you still like stringing that. along, yeah. I mean, so I get maybe where he was coming along at that front. Let's talk about some of the negatives, though. He literally has a romantic moment with her as he's saying goodbye, and she's watching him run away, and he's like, he's going to marry me. I love you. I love you, too. He's going to marry me. And then, like, 30 seconds later, he's running through your yard, and there's, like, two girls, like, tanning. And he's, like, in a race to get home, but then he, like, stops, and he comes back, and he's like,

Hey, Ferris. Hey, Ferris Beeler. Nice to meet you, Ferris Beeler. Hi, how you doing? Ferris Bueller. There's no way that Ferris is, like, maintaining this relationship through college. Like, his instinct is there.

That much of an instinct is supposed to be getting home now. He had to get home now. Like, there was no time hesitation. He decided to take 10 seconds. Yeah. Adventious guy puts his best friend and his girlfriend in needlessly dangerous situations of, like, getting caught, possibly arrested.

But, you know, it's in the sake of adventure. He does say stuff like you can never go too far. Yes, you fucking can. Yes, he can. His laws for this. I will rank him on the, what did I say the fourth one was again? Going up? Yeah.

He's a good guy. He's a good, dude. That dude's all right. I'll put it up that. All right. All right. All right. All right.

The boyfriend from, that boy is mine. From the music video with Brandy and Monica? Yeah, the boyfriend. Mackay Fyfer. Kay Fyfer and the way the two both think that they're both in a relationship with him. Yeah. And yeah, go. I don't actually know what the relationship is that it is agreed upon between either of the parties.

Well, they both say it's not hard to see that boy. They also know who each other are as they're like having these decisions. discussions, you know? So, I don't know. Were you rating the boyfriend? That boyfriend, what was the second one? I should have wrote these down. Second one was, that guy, that guy sucks.

Yeah, but he's, you know, he's, he's dating around. Sounds like they're, like, kind of probably invested in the situation. They're trying to be invested. I don't know. I need to know what the conversations were. See, I'm going to give that guy. a four. Why? Why? Both girls are very happy with him. Yeah, that's true. Both are doing something right. Both are fighting for him. Both, he clearly is, you know, doing the thing. Now, like you said,

we don't know how it was established. So maybe he's just being single and they think there's more to it than he is. He's like, no, I'm just, you know, dating around. I'm a nice guy. Now, if it's been established that he's a boyfriend with either one of them, now it starts to go into, he starts to, to lower his number. But since we don't know that, clearly both girls are enjoying him. I'm not going to give him four. It's a good guy. He's killing it.

Both girls are happy. He's cheating on him so that doesn't make him a five. But if they don't know or it's been talked about, hey. Hey. Yeah. That's what I mean. I would like to know what was established before him. So he's giving him a two, though?

No, no, no. I think he's all right. He's all right. I need to know if he was, if he had told Brandi, yeah, we're a boyfriend, girlfriend. and he told Monica that and then he just like kept that going. That's a little bit different. Then I'm going to lower it down to like, and dude kind of sucks.

Yeah. It's not true. You can't do that. Yeah, I got you. And they knew who they were. They said at the beginning of the song, oh,

you know his name. Oh, they have that like whole battle right there. Oh, yeah. So they are aware of each other. So maybe he's not even like trying to hide it. He's like,

yeah, there's, you know, Conno Codese, Brandy, and Monica. Y'all both know. Yeah,

like you didn't know. Yeah, I don't know. to know, do you know somebody named? You know his name. Oh, yeah, definitely. I know his name. I just want to let you know that he's mine.

No, no. He's mine. All right. All right. Give me the next one. What's the next one? Gaston from Beauty of the Beast. Gaston.

Actually, you know what? He's not even the boyfriend. The Beast is the boyfriend. He's not the boyfriend. Yeah, yeah. Gaston was just trying to be the guy, and he saw Bill, and he was trying to court her. But he never actually was the boyfriend. although he was fighting after her quite a while kind of hard he went to the castle and tried to get her out of there and stuff

And also Beast put her dad in a fucking cage So who were reading then the Beast or the Geston? The Beast Why don't you you rank Gaston I'll rank the Beast? How about that? As a boyfriend or as a person? As a boyfriend So Gaston never really had an established but he

He kind of took possession of her and he kind of took possession of her and as though he did, and that I have issues with. True. Because he's talking about her, like he owns her all around town. He's making it seem like this is my girl. No, in real case, Gaston, the fact that he's showing her attention, and he has all the other girls while he's singing this song, they're all in love with them.

They love Gaston. So he's just trying to, he sees her. That's the one he's going after. If going after that, he's not actually a boyfriend. What it is is he's actually just, you know, trying to get what he's at. after he's a he's a good looking guy yeah muscles hey it's not for lack of opportunity that he's like he's trying to run down bell it's not like it's like hey bell you're the only girl that'll talk to me like she's girls in the songs are like throwing at him you know yeah

he's just he's got biceps the size of your fucking head yeah so so i gotta give him he's he hasn't he really it wasn't too he did act like he owned her a little bit he was a bit of a cocky-prick though cocky-prick so but his intentions were fine in that he wanted to hunt down the beast because it was a fucking beast. Nobody actually knew what was going on there. Other than, hey, this beast fucking kidnapped her dad, put him in a fucking cage, and then she went there. And now he has her.

And now she's there. Reasonable idea to, like, try to, like, have a whole fucking mission. And I'm trying to hook up with Bill, so let me go save her, and that'll be one more reason why she'll want to, you know? Yeah. Makes sense. Okay. So where do you rank, Gaston?

I'm giving Gaston that middle route. He's okay. you know, he's a little cocky, but he's just, you know, doing his thing, and I'm giving the beast. He yelled at her a bunch of times. He forced the dad. I'm giving the beast. The beast is the one. Fuck the beast.

No, the beast, I rate the same. He's a, that dude's a creep. He fucking... He yells at her, those shit. He's an asshole. The only reason he tries to pull it together is because he realizes this is his last shot to become a human. He needs all his, like, silverware that talks for... some reason to like tell him why the way why are they did they also get turned it in that i don't

remember with the back sirs yeah because he fucked up because he fucked up there and they're still trying to help him they're so trying to help him even though he's the reason they're like that yeah and so that's the only reason he's really pulling it out like at all like he's trying to like be like go off man go off and why is bell even into in the first place he is he didn't know that he was going to turn into a human she just she's literally just like complex i feel like she has a complex Weird complex. I mean, everybody talks about how she's, like, weird, but they think she's weird because she reads books. But, like, maybe there's something there. There was something weird all along. I mean, her dad got locked up in a damn cage by the Beast. That's all he did.

But she's like, I don't know. I think there's something sweet about it. Like, talk about red flag chasers. We talked about this in the Taylor Swift episode. Here's the thing about red flag chasers. Bill right at the top of the list. So, yeah, Beast. That dude, he's a, like, total creed. That's where I rank him. other boyfriend yeah um i mean we're out that's really good man 15 minutes of going off uh you want i mean i have others on a list all right hit them we could we can make a part two of this later we'll we'll like start we'll we'll do one more i'm trying to make these 20 minute 20 minute hit her all right solid point yeah we don't want these to go on for too long uh so let's bring one more to the table

go Glenn from uh wedding singer remember that guy oh yeah that guy's like just from what i remember he's an immediate immediate one. Yeah, he's like, that one's like too easy almost. There wasn't much redeem. I mean, he's a classic, like, that's the one where like the girl that, you know, getting married to somebody that probably shouldn't,

but like they've just been with him for a while and they're like, oh, no, no, he's rich, so it kind of like works, I don't know. And you, but you kind of know that, like, there's not real spark there, but, like, you know, that's how loveless marriages start. So, yeah, that's exactly. So, yeah, I, yeah, he just,

plus he was, like, hidden on, And, you know, the cocktail waitresses. Cocktail waitress, the waitress with his, like, cheesy-ass 80s, like, slang ball. Miami Vice game. I'm trying to find a way to be nice and be like with it. You know, I guess he did give her what she wanted. And he was like, let's go to Vegas. He acquiesced.

Yeah, she was like, let's go to Vegas. He was like, all right, let's do Vegas. And he was down to do it. He was ready for it, yeah. So I guess that's the one positive. He was down to change ship, change the steering of the ship and go wherever she wanted to. She went to ship elsewhere, yeah. But yeah, so as far as him, I'll give him a two.

You brought him up to a two. It's because of that. They ended up going to Vegas anyways, and he didn't try to talk her out of it. A dude wanted to party in Vegas, you know. That's all he wanted to do. Yeah. True, Barrymore. You idiot.

Wait, yeah. He's a total creep. He's like ready to say the very fact that he's bragging about, like, what he pulls to the guy who's clearly even says it later. Like, yeah, I know you got a little crush. on Julia. Hey, ass white. Don't go snitching to Julia about this. I know you got some little crush on her.

So you know it. So you know this is your direct competition. He's been working with her. They've been like really tight. They're planning your fucking wedding together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so you know that like maybe he's like kind of being the guy. You always know when there's that one guy.

Fucking Julia. Who's like a little like close and he acts like he's just a friend to your girlfriend and stuff. But like, you know, the second of this shit's over, he's going to be like, Hey, so like, why don't we, like, go get dinner sometime? Like, he's ready to fucking pounce. And that's obviously what Robbie was right there. So the very fact that you knew that, and you're still like, yeah, tried 10 days ago and, like, telling him about how you're all, like, proud of your conquest and everything.

Like, yeah, that guy sucks, dude. Can't get out of his own way. Has to be a scumbag. That's just not changing. He knows how he can pull it off. He literally tells him the game plan. He's like, I work in the city. She works late nights.

A bing bang, bow. Glenn man Pulling shit all around town What you know about it? Hey, what's up, great a piece of ace? Wasn't it a Piero? I thought it was like the Dolorian or something. It looked like something out of like

I just remember I had the Miami Vice soundtrack When it pulled up But I feel like The next time we do this Which there's definitely going to be around two Because I have like at least 10 boyfriends listed on my notes So there's many more to go off on Go off.

Yeah, so we're going to do this again. Again, but there was some easy. Easy and hard. I'm kind of surprised we gave the Monica and Brandy boy. It's definitely, I mean, that was a good curveball because it's definitely hard to figure out what the actual relationship is going on when it's like coming from a music video.

And he doesn't speak. He's literally just like the whole time. He's just like, yeah. Showing both of them a good time, being positive. And neither girl actually says, no, no, this is the date made it official and we've been living together. Yeah. None of those lines say, no, we have been together for four years and you're getting in the way.

You're a home record now. Monica, like, no, it's just kind of like, you need to give it up. It's not hard to see. The boy is my. Yeah, we should almost, did we ever, I feel like that was broken down at some point like a 90s. What was something? I don't know.

That could be dissected. Maybe next time. But this time, at least we went off. That was it. How are we going to get off or go off? Dissect DJs. Go off. Same thing we always do.

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