Dissect DJs - Love Actually

Episode Date: December 20, 2023

Let's dissect one of the most iconic holiday movies of all time, with the Dissect DJs first ever movie review video podcast! See the full video  at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQkYoEi8QVA&t=32s .Joined by a special guest appearance from Jason Malabuyoc, we ask some of the hard hitting questions this movie brings up - Is the cue card scene actually the worst scene in holiday movie history? Do you actually believe in any of these love stories? Does it set up a war between Britain and America? And can you feel it in your toes?  It's Christmas time, let's dissect! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Happy holidays. From the Dicek DJs. What? You know what time it is? It's time to go off. Oh! A brand new segment brought you from your Dysack D.Js. DJ Castle, DJJJJJJG.

And for the first time ever, we're bringing in a third member of the troop right now, formerly as seen on our three things. We've got to talk about podcasts. Now, Megan, his debut on the Dysc. DJ's special holiday welcome to mr. Jason Malibuyak what is up what up Jayway jam wagon reunite right now boom it's good to be here jam wagon crew is back here to dissect also for the first time on the dissect DJ's little movie edition movie edition we've been talking about this movie for a long time I guess that's right you're gonna find out throughout

this different discrepancies that we have throughout it but we have a lot of questions for it. So we all decided over the last 48 to 82 hours to watch it and find out specifically certain questions and Castle is going to be bringing them up and we're going to answer certain things that we've all had about this movie about certain characters, certain stories of which there are many. We're going to dissect that shit. And if I just may say something real quick is we actually skipped a year when we were doing Christmas episodes. So I'm glad we're doing one. That's right on it. We're back on it. We did it. That's really what actually initiated this entire idea. You didn't I miss that one because of jalapenos or something? You did. Yeah.

Yeah. They hit my stomach weird that day. I remember. Yeah, yeah. So on the three things about podcasts, which still is up, has its archives. We haven't had a new episode, I think, says last year's Christmas edition or something around there. We made it an annual thing where the three of us and sometimes even our homie Greg, Greg messess,

would join the team and we would do a little holiday podcast. So this coming up on the holiday season and then us having an idea for a seasonal movie that we all wanted to discuss and dissect, we were like, let's hit up the homie J. Anyway, get him in on the podcast, and here he is. There we go. Plus, I love this, man. Yeah, we go back. So the movie that we've decided that we need to be discussed for the holiday season is Love Actually, a 2003 holiday classic.

You guys have all seen it. Everyone's seen. Perhaps. One of those things that we've all seen, surprisingly. It was actually more British than I remember it being on this last washback. I didn't, like, was it made in England? It feels like it was all in Japan. Yeah, yeah.

For some reason, last time I saw it, I don't remember being as British. She just knew it had like British characters. But like, yeah, like literally the whole thing. It's like a prime minister involved and everything. Yeah. It's pretty British. It's pretty damn British, yeah. Is this the most British rom-com?

I don't know. That I don't know. I'd say nationally. On a national level, possibly, yeah, I don't know. So we don't really have a format. Like in the three things universe, I would usually break it up into three main questions. I have a lot of subjects. I don't know.

It's not helping anything. You use whatever footage. I know. It's not helping anything. He's just getting the Van of White going on. I know. I know. No, keep doing what you're doing.

It's all right. Perfect. We usually broke it down into three subjects and then we go into the thingy awards. And then I would kind of go on it some finals. I just took a bunch of notes. I don't really have like a main subject that I want to like discuss. But we're going to go ahead and just kick it off. So let's start with this.

Does Love Actually rank as a top 10 all-time Christmas movie? for you. So again, I watched it today, actually. I watched it about seven hours ago. And initially, somehow, some way, I forgot that it was a Christmas movie. However, as I watched it today, man, it's all Christmas. I mean, it's four weeks till five, first of all, could we just start with that? It starts with five weeks till Christmas.

That's pre- Thanksgiving. And all the videos and footage that they're showing, there's already Christmas shit, there's Christmas trees, everybody's all Christmased out. It's kind of the way it is. No, man, that's. It pisses me off. It's still irritating. I mean, I agree. Day after Thanksgiving, it's on.

You can do whatever you are. Yeah, yeah. I need at least until Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving's it and then the day after. Wait, but do they celebrate Thanksgiving in England? Is that a good? That's good point. It's a patriotic holiday for the U.S.

I thought they came over here. Yeah, yeah. So Thanksgiving is an American. I was pissed off about that. Was Columbus British or was he Italian or what was he? Spanish. Spanish. Okay, they don't celebrate Thanksgiving outside of the U.S.

So that makes sense. That might have been the reason why I got very American with it. They could pick it up whenever they want in November. We got to get through Thanksgiving first here. Gotcha. Okay. I'm a lot less irritated about that, although very disappointed in myself for not realizing. I did the math on this once before.

Thanksgiving should actually be the most patriotic holiday of all. Because the whole thing is about when we came here. The only reason it's not thought of as a patriotic holiday is because it's the only patriotic holiday that we don't deck up in like patriotic colors. You know, you think about all the other. Yeah, it's more like brown. Independence. Yeah, it's all like turkey colors.

It's like autumn colors. But it's actually neutral. tones. Yes. It's a celebration of like our arriving to getting help from Indians taking the help and then taking all their shit. Taking all their shit. Because that's the American way. They help this. We're like, thank you. Give me what you have. We said to. What are you guys got going on over there? You guys eat mashed potatoes? That sounds pretty good. Let me sit in on this though. Let me get in. I got that's my chair. I shot a turkey. I could bring this to the table. I'm going to sit right here. I'm going to sit right here. This is the head of the table? My chair.

We should be friends. Tell me about this land you guys got going on here. Damn, look at this. Yeah, they got forces. You guys got anything to dronings and shit? Majesty. What's folk out of sight? I heard she's hot.

Anyways. That's how love actually can begin. Actually, I don't remember why this movie is called Love Actually. At the beginning, it says love actually all around. All around. All right. Well, let's find out. We could also start with answering that question. Figuring out if that actually was that. The question was, is it a topic?

10 Christmas movie all the time. And I was, I'm sorry, we did it and we went five weeks with Thanksgiving. Somehow we went to Thanksgiving out of nowhere. Okay. So going back to me answer that. And I will say, after realizing it, they do got the Mariah Carey song. It's very Christmassy. It talks about five weeks until Christmas throughout it.

It has been well known for the last 20 years. Well, I was, a lot of the stories in this irritate me. So I wanted to be very anti this movie. But according to that question that you asked, I would say yes, it is one of the top 10. At this point, well known, not only British, but American Christmas movies, that's my answer. Jay. I'm going top 10 too. There's a lot going on, right? There's a lot to digest, but I think someone can relate to the 15, 30 stories that are on this thing. So I think, yeah, top 10, I mean, there's other Christmas movies that I don't care to watch, and that's one that I want

to watch every year. That's kind of the secret behind this type of movie, right? Is if you throw so many stories out, I'm like, some of them got a stick. Like, we're going to throw 15 different stories happening. It's got to be at least three or four. They're like, I like that character. I like what happened there. It's kind of a technique that they used for about, I'd say a decade there. Like the early 2000s, like early 2010s, where they stick like a bunch

of actors that you know, put them on like the poster and they just got all these stories intertwin. Pulpiction feel to it. Like. The fucking like expendables? I don't know. I haven't seen expendables. Doesn't remind me of Pulpiction either. All different stories that all collided. How's the number of idea of Pulpiction?

Oh, that's a good point actually. They kind of redo the order a little bit. Yeah, I guess So, kind of makes sense. Like film fiction was the initiator of all this. And from there, they crash. There was crash. That was one that had a story that was all intertwined. Remember that movie?

That movie was trippy. Crash was crazy. Is that one of those? Yeah, yeah, because then he's, anyway. I was about to start. Everything ties in. He kills the daughter, the fucking day. And then the guy's like, that's the wife that you did.

You molested earlier, but you're a saver. And then the cop, yeah, I don't know. Can't get in there. Sounds like a dope squad. So we have Quentin Tarantito to, you know, thank for all this, pretty much. Is this the best rom-com Christmas movie, though, would you say? What's another rom-com Christmas movie?

Off the top of your head. Any Hallmark movie that's ever happened? Okay, I will not watch those. I'll say that much right now. Murder she wrote. There was that clip I sent you. Remember he's like, how did you go all the way to Thailand to build houses for those elephants without telling me anything before you left?

I'm like, what just happened right now? This is Hallmark. I actually wanted to do it. I'm not going to watch that because of Hallmark. I'm very invested in the elephants, but I will not watch that. I can't think of any other. I mean, there's like a million, I'm sure. The holiday, is that one?

I remember that being a Christmas movie. We got four Christmases where Vince Vaughn's. Four Christuses where Vince Vaughn has to go to, you know, with a... Okay, with Rees. Witherspoon. I thought it was with a knife. All I remember about that movie is like his brother is like John Favreau and he like does some like arm bar. He's like a UFC.

I remember the arm bar. Yeah, yeah. Rom-com, yes. But there's also, I mean, if you watch the movie though, there's some fucked up shit in that movie too. There's a lot of like, you. You know, which one is this? Which one is this? Love actually, not four Christmases.

Well, four Christmases is fucked up because I have to go to two and that's enough. Let's steer. I know. I can't imagine. Get the fuck at it. Let's steer. Let's try to keep steering this into love actually because I feel like we keep like bringing up other subjects, other movies. We're getting very upset.

And like we're in like two of my notes of like a long pages of notes. So I got to like stay focused. I got to drive this, you know. I'm going to steer the ship right. So we should we just focus on one of the stories then? Because if now it's going to be hard to go through all the different Well, that was my next question was like, was there a certain story that was like your favorite to follow? What I say, we say favorite or that I focused on most? We should like to go that route.

I want to say favorite because it's going to take me some time and I think about it, but focused on most. There's doubt. That one stands out. I feel it in my fingers. In my finger. I feel it in my toe. Feel it in my toe. Love is all the, oh. All right. Bugger off. I've been trying to like sort of have a general conversation about this, but let's be real. Like there's a main reason that I wanted to discuss this. We've talked for years,

it's been brought up on the Dysick DJ's podcast multiple times. It's been touched upon in previous episodes. And yeah, I just, I feel like I just need everybody to clear out Lane, like Kobe with the last shot so I could discuss it. This has one of the most iconic scenes that everybody loves that upon watching closer actually might be my most hated. scene in like all holiday

scenes. Maybe all movies. Okay. I think it's all movies. All right. You emphasize it. And I agree with you after watching it. So the scene with the cue cards. Every girl I know loves to talk about how they love that scene. And that's just their favorite

scene in any holiday movie ever. And they just like, oh, that's so sweet. And after I first watch it. You guys know what we're talking about. The doors the band, the one guy with his that his friend married the girl and then now he's going to like for some reason he showed a video and then she saw the video was all her you guys know what talking about he was in love and then it's just camera and then it's just him showing all this stuff with with with the husband in the room go ahead castle sorry so my question to any time i hear somebody say that is like do you know what's happening

in that scene come on man and here's the thing i like the idea of the cue cards okay i think it's a good visual and i wish that they had used it on an actual story that deserve that kind of moment. But what do we have happening in that scene? You know which one could have used it real quick? The one with the, he could have wrote it in her language. Oh yeah, there you go. The Colin first one?

And she hid in her with like, yoquero taco, whatever, you know, and fucking bad, man. Maybe even the Hugh Grant story, if he didn't want, like, the public to see and he just kind of went outside her window. And like, there's a bunch of ways it could have been done. But this story was so fucked up. All right. Let's just walk through. it for a second. So he's the two guys that are best friends, right? He marries Karen Knightley.

Karen Knightley looks super hot in this movie, right? Can we jump to that real quick? The ceremony or we want to bring that after? We'll get back to that. Okay. I want to stay focused on. We have a story of two best friends. One of them just gets married, right? Homie is like his best friend. He's like his best man. And watching it back, it was even more fucked up than I've remembered because he is so dismissive of his best friend's wife. And she's trying. Dispecting her? Yeah.

He's just like won't even like acknowledge her. She's trying to like kind of create a friendship with him. Says that she's like, it's important to her that they at least like have like she's like I'm a nice person. I don't understand like why you won't even give me a try. And he's just like real short with her. And he's like, nope, nope. And when you realize that the reason that he's being so short with her is just because like he's. He has a childhood crush like a child.

Childhood. Is it even childhood? That's childish. Where you cheat the girl like I hate. Oh, childish crush, yeah. Childish crush. That's what I meant. Dude, learn how to have a best friend that has a hot wife. Okay? This is called being an adult. Then she checks out the wedding video that he makes.

And this creepy motherfucker is just staring at her the whole time. Zooming in on like purposely taking the husband out of, out of frame? Out of frame. Who do you think is going to actually look at, who watches a wedding video? other than the two that got married. Nobody watches anybody's wedding video ever. Have you ever, anybody listening? Has you ever willingly watched a wedding video of somebody else's wedding?

Ever. When they weren't there to be like, let's watch your wedding. No, it doesn't happen. There's only somebody that's going to watch that video, and it's literally the two that you're making it for, and you're cutting your best friend out because you're creeping on the bride. That's fucking creepy, bro. Well, it was his video.

He was making it for himself. Can I just say something about that video, too? The crazy thing about that video is she goes over because she wants a good shot of herself, right? And then she's like, oh, he's like, I don't even know which one it is. Oh, this one that says Juliet's wedding on it. Like, if you're shooting this video that you don't want anyone to see. Yeah, you write on it. It's literally in the VCR already.

And by the way, he has great penmanship. It literally you can read what it says on there. Oh, this one? I'm just going to put it in. She didn't have to look very hard for it. Bro. Dude, you better put that shit in the vault. Dude, you don't want anyone seeing that.

It's just way too easy. Oh, man, yeah. So it goes deeper, though, okay? It gets even, like, crazier when you really analyze it. So he shows up. This could have maybe worked in a fucked up way. If they had, like, a past friendship, like, they had been friends all along. And then he ends up marrying, like, his best friend.

Yeah, yeah. But they had a deep connection. And, like, maybe, but no, literally, she says, you don't even talk to me. You never speak to me. You don't even look at me. So there's no, like, kind of like, oh. there's actually a deeper connection. No, like he's kind of been a dick to her ever since his friend's been dating her and has now married to her.

And his way of dealing with it is to first be a dick to her and then to show up on like Christmas Eve with cute cards, which easily could have been caught. It's actually like a 98% guarantee that you're going to get caught with your friend walking up being like, yo, what are you doing, man? Yo, our friendship is done. This is over. Like, what are you talking? He's like, you know what? I know my friend. He's not going to answer the door. He's not going to answer the door. He's going to watch TV. I got this.

Guarantee you. The confidence to pull that off. And he had no plan B for that at all. Literally, he was like, tell him it's carolers. Oh, just watch the game. And then it's like you sit there with your cards for a solid 20 minutes. You don't think at some point he's going to be like, let me check on what's going on. She's just kind of, she's laughing by the door.

She's giggling about stuff. There's not the cool draft of the door being open in zero degree weather. Okay, here's my thing, though. Can I bring up that same exact subject? How is she not being more? disgusted with the moment. Absolutely. She's never, she, like, confused, like, you figure of her face.

She's more like, this is so nice. She's like, she's happy about it. And then, as he's leaving, it's like, okay, I'm done with that. I'm, you know, I don't want to do it anymore. I'm done. She comes out, runs out, and gives him a kiss saying, thank you for finally telling me. What? What?

What? You should have been, like, leave. You need to check yourself. I'm closing the door now. What do you is wrong with you? That's your friend. Like, she didn't check him or anything. She doesn't have any respect for her own fucking man.

That was bullshit to her part. So she had little feelings too then. There was. How? He didn't fucking respect it the whole time. Because he was a dick. Absolutely. The last guy's finished last.

God damn. Nice guys finished last. I thought that wasn't true. It's fucking recording this movie. There was absolutely no reason for her to run after him and kiss him again. Only then thus solidifying the weirdness that they will all have for a lifetime. You're going to have to hang out with this couple regularly, bro. She's going to have to hang out with them too.

they're always going to have that moment in between. I'm like, oh, shit, remember that one time? You threw it at me with Q cards, and then I ran out and kissed you for some reason, and then, like, we had this lingering thing that we left undiscussed forever. I was so mad at that part when I was seeing her reaction. Like, she wasn't respecting her own man by being like,

you need to leave. This is going to be bad. Or, like, call your husband over him, but like, hey, babe, come see what your boyfriend is doing? Your friend is here right now. Your friend, look at this shit. He got a Q-Card's. Hey, what are your Q-Card to say?

I was loving my wife to do that. Like, my wife's got to have my back, We're like, what's he doing? Yeah. Oh, it's like a picture of this. Like, video it, you know? Like, we're making fun of you forever. I just want to read the note.

It was very short. It was just, how can you be an actual love with your best friend's girl? How can that... Is that love actually? I don't know. I like the way. There's no... Like what you guys are doing with the words?

I got to throw that in there. It's making me happy. It's making me happy. All right. I actually wrote that. That's what happens. I actually love that. Well done.

All right. But here's where I take a turn with it. It gets even. worse, okay? Oh, it gets worse? It gets deeper than it level... Settle down there, Chief. We're getting worked up over here. I don't know if you realize that. I'm sweaty, dude. No, no, no, this is... This is... There is the hoodie? It might be the hoodie. I'm going to say it's the hoodie.

This is what I'm going to get a little psychological with it, okay? Because it plays into an underlying tone and mindset that a lot of people might not even realize is hitting them. And that is on a racial note, okay? They want you, you, to look at those two and kind of think, you know what, I think those two would be cuter. I think they would have been a good couple. That's what's been better. They would have been a better. I feel like they should be together based on nothing.

They gave you no reason to assume that those two would actually be a good couple. This is actually the most interaction they've had in the entire movie. But you kind of, there's an instinct that it kind of creates. And a lot of people will they'll be like, well, I feel like she'd be a better match with him than the guy that she's with. Let me just put it to you this way. say they switched roles the guy getting married was the white guy that comes to the door

and then the friend that came to it with the cue cards is the black guy do you think that hits a little different for some people? Do you think it like does it does it, you think it plays that that you think it plays the way it does for a lot of people. I bet you a lot of people would not assume like, oh that's

like that's such a romantic scene. They would kind of more immediately be like, whoa, this is kind of fucked up? You know what I mean? You think like the cops are showing up? Wow. Is that what we're going? I felt like that's kind of where we were going. I'm just saying it doesn't, it kind of like create. And then they show up and he goes, bugger off.

And they're like, you're right. We're out of here. It plays to like these racial undertones that they know what they're doing when they do that. You know, and they're they cast to those people to do that. And they did not create any reason that these two would get together over them to, other than the fact that like, oh, well, this two pretty white people. Why wouldn't they be together? They actually make more sense, right?

So like, and I think it's fucked up that they would, like that whole scene, That whole backstory is by far the worst thing I've seen in any holiday movie, let alone any rom-com, and I'm so glad we finally had a platform to discuss it here on the Diasack DJs. Finally got that off of my back. Exhale. Exhale. Shoot a arrow. Go ahead.

Shoot it. Boom. Okay, so I'm going to bring back what I wanted to bring up. You guys all know. Diasect DJ MC JAG. Now I don't like clubs. I DJ weddings and events, right? And so at the beginning of this movie is a big old wedding.

and there's a ceremony between the same couple at the end of the ceremony they get married they're walking down the aisle and then the best friend decided to surprise them with this fucking

concert you didn't ask this is somebody's ceremony like you can't do that you can't jump in on somebody like maybe they had an exit they already wanted they had a dream for the

anyway besides that they got the singer and then the one guy at the top that sings and then randomly 15 different people jump up with instruments from the ceremony

in theory it's cute it's good it's like oh look at what he just did very movie me as thinking myself as the groom and I look back in my crowd and I look back

and I'm like let me see who came to see my wedding and there's a bunch of motherfuckers who I've never seen in my like who the fuck is who are those three and who are who are those three

and babe do you know like middle of ceremony I'm like baby do you know I don't know do you have like 15 people you've never seen ever and neither one of you know and you should know

because you did the list and everything I was just amazed by that that this many people would take up that much space at the ceremony. Your friend had that much audacity to break your exit his responsibility. And nobody asked you. Don't do that, people. Hey, no surprises, right? Don't fuck, you know, surprises.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and he forgives a bullshit surprise. Surprise moments always feel like they look better on paper than they do. Always. Always, man. Just like surprise flowers. Those are good. Yeah.

Boom. Quick to the point. Sure. How do you know the bride and groom? I don't. By the way, don't say anything about my saxophone that I have. hiding in my jacket. Don't ask why a French horn is sitting by my leg.

Three of them. Is that an oboe? Yes, it's very rare. Flutes? You don't see these often. Yeah, is that a flute? Yeah, yeah, three of them. Yeah.

Shh, don't tell them. Also puts a lot of pressure on the performers to, like, nail their little parts. They've got to hit that. Yeah. You could, like, if you flubbed, like a couple notes as you jump out there with a trumpet, and he's like, br-hear-he, everybody's like, what the hell is happening? Some kid grabs one of the police.

Are we under attack? What is this? You know, you know how British this movie is, though? I don't know who was seen. Do you guys know the singer? I looked him up. His name is Lyndon David Hall. He's a singer-producer that's big in the UK.

Oh, it was such a wow moment. That's just like, oh, this fucking guy's singing. Like, that's his face. Oh, it's supposed to be like somebody we know. Oh, it's Lyndon. And Americans are like, is that Joe? Way over my head. Yeah, yeah, I was never going to pick up on that.

That's so funny. If it was genuine or something like, oh, shit. Yeah. Is that genuine now? You know what? Can you see a Jojo coming both sides? This is double. I'm the love.

You know how British it is? Is that the movie title only really makes sense if you say it in British speak? Love actually. Actually. Actually, love, love actually. Bugger off. Is all around us. Fucking Hugh Grant.

Yeah. He broke it down a couple times of this movie. He got his dance moves. I got a question. I got a question. All right, here's my question about Hugh Grant. Did Hugh Grant being the prime minister of Britain just declare war on the US just because he has a crush on his secretary.

This is why people want their politicians to be like in married relationship. He literally, first thing I know, it was like, wait, is Billy Bob supposed to be the president right now? Yeah, yeah, really Bob third president. And then he's got a little bit of that like my Johnson wags in front of me as I walk kind of thing, ready to just hit on like. Billy Bob Johnson. Yeah, yeah, a little Billy Bob Johnson action.

And then he like, he throws a little something or other at the, what is the girl? the secretary, the one that Hugh Grants all into. You know what I mean? And he's like, I don't like the way he just looked at her like that. And then they go out there and throws Billy Bob, the president of the United States, under the bus to like the whole world. And literally basically declares war. Like Billy Bob could respond and be like, all right, it's war then.

Motherfucker, it's on. You know what I mean? Send in the Tomcats. And you're like, like, I kind of wish the next thing. Because like, let's be honest, how would that really go of that moment took place? That would be like world news. Be a huge story. But they kind of react to it.

Everybody in Britain's are like, oh, yeah, way to stand up for us. They don't even know what he's standing up for. They don't know that like, oh, he just hit on the chick that he was eyeballing. And now he's like mad and he's got to stand up. Like, what did he do that was like, he came to England to like have a meeting with you. That's how world power meetings go. You literally just shake hands. You take some pictures.

You stand up in front of everybody and be like, yeah, I think we could work together. You know, and everything. That's it. He said, I got what I want. Yeah. And I came. By the way, I put that too. Casting director was like, we need a president of the United States.

Fucking Billy Bob Thornton. He represents America. Billy, motherfucking Bob Thornton. If he were our president, I'd be like, that's cool. You know, like, you got our back. It's Billy Bob. Yeah. Three names.

I can see it. I like in this world that the U.S. president and the prime minister are just like, of England are just like these single guys just checking out, like the vibe. Like when they're just walking around. Looking at the talent walking around. Working the offices and stuff and be like, you know what? I think I like the way that wiggled. And he's looking at it and be like, oh, yeah, you look at my secretary that way.

Yeah, that's mine. Yeah, and then next thing you know, U.S. and Britain are going to war. That's all it takes. I'm going to go out on a limb and say Billy Bob was married as the president of the United States. Actually, yeah, it's possible that. He's just a dirtbag. The British were like, let's make the U.S. president a fucking douche. It's very believable.

Did you see those pipes? Who fucking says pipes? Billy Bob does. There was a few moments in this movie where it felt like this is just how British people think of the... Oh, you're talking about what? American girls in Wisconsin.

Colin guy? What about the guy? The whole Collins story is literally just the way I imagine like British people think that going to the U.S. will work for them. Like, oh, if you have a British accent, you walk in on an American bar

and then just three girls just throw themselves at you. That's that whole. story. That's all that happens there. Denise Richards is the sister that he brings back for his fucking friend at the end. Did you miss that part? Wait, which one is Denise Richards? She's in there, too. Yeah, the three friends.

Oh, no, I thought it was Shannon Elizabeth. I thought it was Shannon Elizabeth, too. There was. And then the sister of Shannon Elizabeth is Denise Richards. And then she kisses him twice aggressively out the gate. I was like, I was like, because that's, she's being, except, I take it because it's anybody further, like, honestly, I just You're assuming a lot. Yeah.

You're a lot of... What if he was married? You don't even know. And if she kisses him, and it looks seriously, kisses him again, she's like, oh, we're doing this.

I was like, yeah, that's aggressive. So if us as Americans go to England, is it the same effect? No, because then they're, in their minds, that's just what,

like, American women are like. You walk into a bar with the British accent, the three hottest girls in the bar are just going to fucking attach to you, like, you know, order of Budweiser.

They're going to ask you to say a bunch of words. Say this here. Bottle. Say, Oh, bottle! What's this? Table? Table.

It's kind of the same word. So was bottle. Let's be real. They're just kind of latch onto some flies, like, head and the shit. Let's be honest, though. That was an epic. Like, his whole scenario, he's like, I'm going to go there. That's literally his whole story.

He goes, and it actually happens. And he brings his friend, like a friend back for his friend. Like, that's how gangster he did that trip. In about five-week period. In a five-week period. I know. Very consistent. efficient a lot of efficiency in this movie in terms of i don't feel like any of these relationships

other than maybe the married couple which doesn't exactly give us like a happy other than that all of these things are just like fast forwarded situations that are just getting going and probably i have no confidence in lasting they're really just going on their high for like the christmas holiday boner thing you know they're literally just like feel like oh i kind of want to feel that Christmas magic. And I'm like, do you believe in any of these relationships that are happening? You know what I mean? Like any, do any of the ones that are just getting together? They all pretty much just started the last like, what, five weeks as cited at the beginning. And I don't, I don't have faith in any of them. And there's too many stories too. I just,

I feel like they could have cut down. Like when you have 13 stories to keep track of, there's just like way too many things. Like did the, like one of the notes I took, naked people dry-humping on each other the whole time. Kind of weird. I don't know that we needed that story. I feel like we could have cut that for time. And that was the best love story out of the whole movie. That also made the most sense.

We met at work, which how did you guys meet? Yes. We talked during work. I know it's a little awkward of a job, but, you know, we hit off. Again, though, we literally spend like five total minutes with them at most. The last time we see them, he kind of sheeplessly walks away from their first date, and then he kind of pulls him back to be like, let's have a first kid. So they barely have like a first kiss.

Next time we see him at the airport, they're showing up with their ring. Like, yeah, we're engaged. We love each other. It's like, can we just slow? And that happened in five weeks. Happened in like two weeks. That one happened too. The last time we saw him was like that first kid.

So then the next thing. And that's the other thing that happens with all these stories is like just time passes where you don't see. There's a like an hour stretch where Hugh Grant's like not even on screen. He gets a lot of like action early on in the movie. But then there's like an hour where like you forget he's even because his story's kind of been wrapped up. a little bit after he, you know, declares war in the United States. And then we don't see him for like an hour until like they show up at that like play or whatever, which was kind of funny to me that that's like that's the most happening play.

Everyone was there. Everybody's showing up for this high school play. Anyone who's anyone who's there. It's going to show up at the St. Lutheran's middle school performance of lay Miserables. Businesses closed down. Yeah. The prime minister is going to show up, you know. Yeah.

Yeah. The nativity. I'm the lobster. Sorry, I just wanted to say that real quick. That husband that decided to buy the jewelry and then Mr. Bean was giving him the gift. That thing must have smelled great. He put cinnamon stick, he had a bunch of different floral.

I wish I could get a package put together like that. I want a package put together like it was amazing. You want to like smell the screen. He givewrapped it fucking amazing. Now granted, the guy was trying to hurry him because he's trying to be a dirt bag, which why are you trying to get a, gift for your fucking girl all by you're walking shopping with your wife with it's just not a good

idea dude i don't know what do you think you'd pick any other time to run back into that he shouldn't be cheating anyway but doing that like come on man but either way can we get a gift rap like that i want i what store was that it would smell your room for months started like scraping cinnamon and shit he had like sand he broke it up it's a cinnamon stick it's a cinnamon yeah you don't want that cinnamon no bloody holly that being said though when he told him to hurry up like five times like he probably could have like he'd be quite a lot of one minute he even said he was like one minute glory leads to the same phrase he said and it was like yeah right one minute it's

gonna make this gift ready in the 10 times that can you imagine getting a gift that smelled that fantastic before you even touch what the gift was instead he gave her a CD Joni Mitchell Johnny Mitchell ready in the flashes of flashes that was that was pretty I thought you wanted a gift wrapped it was pretty suss fucking Mr. Bean even that's bad like you know she just caught you in front of the jewelry store like You probably, you're going to be that guy, go back and get another jewelry to cover, you know? Yeah, he might, yeah. You know, you're going to be a dirt bag and go all in.

I don't want to talk like that guy. That one is kind of upset. That actually brings me to the disnote that I have. She was so nice. And then she was nice about it. It's okay. Everything's fine. Which was, by the way, a week later, was it like a lot of time had passed?

That's the thing. It's like, because when you're dealing with a Christmas movie and you're having everything take place within five weeks, they're making all of the, these stories like moving fast forward motion where all of a sudden marriage has got to be decided proposals this guy literally goes to america it has to come back with like a fucking fiance or something and her sister whatever um Denise richard yeah they they everything is moving like can we all just chill on the holiday season like we don't need to end christmas with like a new fiance you know sometimes like just like hey we we got a first kiss out of it that was lovely you

And then like take it from there. Guess what? You still have a whole other year to take on. There's still January. You guys are going to end up in March at some point and figure out. Oh, shit. Maybe next year, the next year this happened.

You know what I want to see? I want to see the sequel where it's like now we're in April. Did you not see part two? What? You didn't see part two? No. I don't think they made one. No, part two.

He just killed my whole flow, man. I was making a good statement. You want to see it in April. You want to see the sequel in April where now Colin Firth and his, uh, housekeeper or whatever that was are just trying to like manage like daily groceries and like walk around and like and do chores around the house and he's like not trying to overstep. Or did she break up with him but the girl told him to and said, hey, just marry him and when you get to America you can, you know, you know.

Yeah, I just want to see like, I want to see where all these couples at once you're in a realistic point of the year like April where it's boring and nothing that crude is happening and they don't have that whole Christmas magic hovering around that makes everybody feel like everything is magical. Like we're actually doing like daily mundane things. Do the naked people who for some reason are like, you know, would they even ever explain that? Are they stand-ins for pornos? Like what is it?

Like soft-core porn stand-in actors? Soft-core-porn. Yeah. Like what are they doing like when they're not actually like spending their whole time like doing this? Are you guys still engaged? Well actually, you know, you know, on the way here, we kind of got an argument in traffic and we're kind of hitting some bumps. It turns out when we're actually sitting around each other and close all the time, like we don't really have the magic that we thought we did, you know? We're just like, yeah, when we're in traffic on the 405, like, it's not as hot as when we're...

Total gridlock. Yeah. There's, like, most these relationships I don't actually trust to, like, make it to April when you're actually, like, trying to get through the daily life, you know, and not have the magic. The prime minister and the secretary, you don't think that's going to turn into a scandal at some point, especially now when you gave Billy Bob the ammo to, like, stir shit up on America thing? What is that? That's that fucking kid learned to fucking play the drums in under three weeks to be... That's very, very good. How did he get the role?

That's what I thought. Rhythm is my life. Dude, he was efficient. He got in there. Did he even have to try out for the part? At no point to there, suddenly he's like, you should play the drums. And he's like, yeah. And the next thing you know, he's just like the star of the show, just rocking out.

Yeah, yeah. He had to be that already. Yeah, yeah. That's crazy. And then that whole part, I don't know why kids, like love makes me feel cringe a little bit. It's like. It is cringe. Well, Liam D.

Aren't you a little too young to be in love? He said, no. And he said, oh. Also, that whole scene at the end, end where they glorify the concept of like just making a run through it through the airport. This movie was made at 2003. The airport system was locked down by that point. It was very hot high alerted 2003.

I know this was England, you know, so maybe different country, but I'm pretty sure that 9-11 shit like still have it. The idea that they made a movie right out, and they had to have shot it right after that point, we're like, let's make a scene where we glorify the romanticism of making just a run for it because he's a kid. So what are they going to do to stop him? He's in love. He just decided he has a crush on the girl that sings in his class a month ago.

So like, let him get through there. Who cares what security has to say about that? They'll let him go, you know. And they do. They'll be like, ah, get after you, a little bugger. He got in there really easy. And then they just walk him out and they're like, and they give him to the dead. Yeah.

Yeah. Get out of here. It's a good lesson. That's another thing about airports. I was going to say that in the beginning. You know, he's like whenever I feel down, I just think about the love that you see in airports? And I'm like, bro, when I'm in the airport,

get me the fuck out of there, bro. I don't want to talk to anybody. That's what I'm saying. It's shocking that this movie was actually made post-9-11. You're thinking about airports, I know? Is anyone here thinking about LAX and the rival gate? Fuck that. I love being there.

I've been in traffic for two and a half hours. I'm just happy to be on my feet at this point. So in Vietnam, which I've been to twice, it's a thing where, like, the whole families go, to and from to like pick up and then when you leave like the whole families go there together and i just when i heard that i was like that sounds like the worst possible thing i've ever heard in my life every single time any family member i felt bad when we were like they don't they don't even care about us most of this family like doesn't feel anything strong for us they got to go

to the airport when we first got there it's all like a bunch of family of like my stepmom and her family all there like there was like there's no way all these people want to be here to like see us get there. How long have they been sitting here? That's a terrible idea. That's a, yeah, that is a terrible custom that I'm really glad that America doesn't have.

You know what I mean? You're going to go to the airport with us today. We're all going. Your aunt's going. Yeah, yeah. Your cousin Jeffrey, his girlfriend's showing up at noon tomorrow, so we're all going to show up there.

I'd be like, I would rather put a bullet in my brain. I would literally jump off the bridge three times. and see how good my swan dive activity works instead of going. It's like, no, I have to work. I literally can't do that. No. Yeah. So is there any stories we're missing?

I feel like we might have missed one. Did we miss them? Yeah. Did we miss anybody? All right. So, oh, yeah, I wrote this, no doubt. We did. I appreciate the Liam Neesam, good, immediate character development.

Literally within like the first like 10 seconds of the movie, he's on the phone call with what turns out to be a sister. And she's like, oh, does this have anything to do with your wife just dying? And it's like, I love that when they just like tell you. Like, oh, this is where this guy's at. Okay, so he's got a recent dead wife and he's trying to like, I don't even know. Piece it all back together. He's dealing with something or other.

Scumbag speak sounds way cooler in British. That also probably has to deal with that calling character. By the way, there was no reason to root for that guy in the first place. Literally, like, he walks by a woman and he's like, hey, that is my future wife. And I saw that. And I was like, are they going to make them get together? and it was like, oh, I knew they had it all along. That's not cute.

Not a good pickup line. Not a good thing to say in an office. Not something that makes me want to root for the success of this guy, you know. What is it? Beautiful muffin for a beautiful girl. Yeah, some shit like that. Bro, get your ass to Wisconsin, right? Whatever game he had, man, he killed it when he got to Wisconsin.

Let's be honest. Is that where you ended up? Okay. Killed it when he got. I didn't even realize it was Wisconsin. Dude, Wisconsin does not have three girls, four girls that look like that. All the same. All the same bar.

They all sleep in the same bed. They're just ready to throw it at the first guy that walks in with a British check. They don't have enough money for clothes. So they have to sleep. And they're going to be sweaty. There's a fourth one. And there's a fourth one coming. Which is just like, I was like, I was like, I don't even want that.

That's already too much. You're adding additional. Never tried to fit four people in a bed, man? No, it's five at that point. It was turning into five. Yeah. What? Like, there's a point where it gets overwhelming.

Like, you know. It's a bit much. Like, you always take a three of some. force him, he's going to be like, yeah, there's more girls to marry her. But then it gets to a point with like... At some point there's too many mouths to feed. It's a little uncomfortable here. All right.

I'm out. I'm out of food. I'll just start, like, going through the notes I hit at this point. Hugh Grant, a little too eager to offer murder for his secretary. Also, a little too detailed with how he would do it. He's like, do you want me to murder them for you? I could have them killed. All they would do. And he starts, like, explaining, like, you know,

It went from like, ah, it's a cute thing. Like, oh, you're the prime minister. You could have a-ex procedure. So, like, he was literally like, no, literally, all I have to do right now is press this button, and I'll have three henchmen take care of it immediately. It'll be dead by suppo. Where would you like to go, dear? Watch this guy.

I don't know if he should be in charge of an entire country. The song at the beginning is stuck in my head forever. I already forgot it because you guys were singing it for like an hour. In my fingers. I feel it in my toe. in my toe love is all a

arse arsehole what do they say arsehole um you know what I've noticed that in English speak they they kind of throw an R

onto a lot like I like it'll be like idea or anything with like an A What's that word you just said? Idea like idea like idea they'll add like an R onto

Idea has an IDR IDR. idea. Anything that kind of ends with an A sound, like randomly kind of gets a little bit on R sound. So that's probably where ours comes from. I'm not the authority on like what makes British speak work, but. Maria. Don't start testing it out. But we did not talk about Uncle Bill. Who's Uncle Bill? He's the singer. He's the pop stuff. Yeah, that's the guy you guys have been singing for like last like hour and a half. That was the only true love. That was a good story. That was one of the

We found out that, you know what, I don't need to go to Elton John's fucking party after party where girls were out there, they want him all over the place. He decided to go back to his colleague and friend for Christmas and spend time with him and say, you know what, I love you. You're actually the person I love.

And you know why? Because it's the... It's very Trump. I'm not very good at British accent either, so I'm not good at accent. It's pretty disgusting. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You actually hit it the best when you said,

there's a fourth one? Yeah, yeah. That was my favorite. Brett to speak on this day. I even felt bad. I'll take it. Thank you. I feel like I was...

No, you know why? That story made work is because it was actually rooted in like a past relationship that goes deep, you know? And even though it's not like a love story, like an actual like romantic story, having an appreciation for somebody that was actually there, a part of your life that has like done a lot for you that you've been with, you know, thick and the thin and the up and the down, that's actually sweet. They're the only relationship of any kind that I actually really believe. in moving forward in this whole universe, you know? And that's the same of the porn couple.

The porn couple. They're going to make it. They literally just had their first kiss. Like, the second last time we saw them. They have good conversation. All right. I'm not saying that I don't believe in them. I'm just saying, like, I don't think that they need to jump right into engagement

after, like, having your first kiss like a week ago. Like, I don't know. Let's get through the holidays first and see how we are. Like, that's what I'm saying. Let me see where you're at in April. Let's go through like four months of just sort of like mundane live. not going off like we've just been around each other a bunch of times naked and we're having our first date and it's exciting like grab her breasts yeah massage them let me get a non-work breast

grab you know what I mean like see how that works for y'all I want to grab these off the clock is that okay let me see how that works for you yeah so in your final feel about this movie did does it come across as endearing as something like oh see oh it was romantic or fun or does it more come across as this movie deep down is this are respectful. A lot more rude happens than, a lot more nonfiction happens than was nonfiction real? I don't know.

There's a lot of assholes in that. Arsholes, pardon me. A lot of arsholes. I think it plays a lot on like just the idea of like holiday romanticism. There's a lot of shit talking to Americans. Literally talking shit on American.

Literally talking shit on like the American president, even though it's just Billy Bob and it's just a character. The American president. American women. American I guess that's it, but still, two. Those are two big things. Two main ones right there, yeah. But we got Billy Bob as a president, which was pretty cool for, you know, an hour and 45 minutes.

All right, so here's something I wrote down. I would like to just go down this list. A little game that I started putting together called How Many Romantic Comedy Troops can we get in Love Actually? And here's what I wrote down. Hugh Grant on the lookback move. That was like when he first like sees the secretary. that he's into and he kind of does the like little look back you know and then followed by the close the door and think like then after he closed he gets at he closes the door and he's like

you know and that's just the little subtle like oh i think he was into that girl that he just walked by you know i don't think he's supposed to but he's like well what was her name i like i think i'm quite charmed with her you know what i mean it's like that's inconvenient it's just both those like little body language moves. Classic romantic comedy tropes. I like tropes. I like tropes. Yeah, it's a good word, right?

It's a good word. Duck, over the top. My writing sucks. I thought the word over was duck for a second. I also have bad eyesight. Over the top music number that surprises the main characters. Because that's something that only happens in a romantic. And then, as you said, like, they're going to be excited about that.

Like that only, like, I would argue that most, like, brides being surprised on their wedding day with, like, crazy performance, like, coming out of the stands. Probably not. They'd like to be in a little bit of control of what's happening on their day, you know? I don't think that they want, like, anything popping out and surprise, you know. Some kind of music they hate, I don't know. No, no, man. Like, the more you think about it, it looks like that wedding was like, yeah, you, you know,

if you're walking by and you got a couple minutes, come on in, you know. We're not, we all got a list going on. It was like when they started singing in Sister Act and, like, the, troubled youths walked in like, oh man, bitches are vibing right now. Just random people at your wedding. Yeah, I guess she's not a bridezilla. That's cool.

Yeah. I love if this singer was actually somebody popular. I had no idea. I didn't know who it was. It makes the scene make a little bit more sense if this was supposed to be like, oh, that's like that person. You're British. It was a cameo.

Got it. So if you're British, you love that scene. But American version will be genuine. Like, there's no discussion. All right. You're right. If it was genuine, I actually would have felt more for that scene. Like, oh shit, they got genuine in a wedding?

That would be dope. All right, that's fire. All right. Why is he singing pony, though? It's a wedding. It's not the most romantic song. Is he grinding the organ? What is he doing?

The woman shouting obvious cheating statement from the next room as soon as somebody else walks in. When he's like, are you coming back, darling? I want you to have me two more times before my husband gets home or something like that. Like, that only happens. Like, that's a classic rom-com trope of like, As soon as somebody walks in, the woman from the next room just shouts the most obvious shit to let you know that there's some scandalous shit happening. Classic one right there. I didn't talk about her a little more, but like when he's in the beginning, he's like, did I mention that I love you?

And she's like, get out, loser. I'm like, fuck you, bitch. What do you call me? Like red flag, dude. You're like pouring your heart out there. She's like, get out loser. And she's like laying in bed with like fucking those socks on shit. Which character was this again?

This is Colin Firth's, uh, white. that cheated on him. Oh, that's what there was. Okay. I got to be honest, the Colin Fritz story like just did not have me hooked at all. And it literally was like 75% through the movie.

Like when they showed him again, I was like, okay, so wait, what's his whole story? Like, that's a thing. It's like when there's like 18 things to keep track of her.

Like, I don't know, I've been zoning out every time Colin Furt's on screen. I don't, I haven't kept up with what his whole story is. Okay, he got cheated on by,

with his wife, hooking up with his brother when he went to the funeral. Okay. Liam Neeson's funeral, wife's funeral. Yeah. And I remember this story. Because of that, he's like, fuck this.

I have a place in, I think he went to France. Okay. Oh, so see, that's why he met the girl. Is that like his housekeeper or something? Maybe he has like, that's like his Airbnb. So he's like, I'm just going to fucking go over here, typewriter shit. Because that's what people did. That's why he went over there.

And then that was his house cleaner. So relatable. You got cheated on? You know what? I'm just going to disappear real quick. I wouldn't want to work, though. I'm not trying to work. That's what I'm saying.

His story was just not catching me. Like, I wasn't, I caught that scene because I just thought it was a classic rom-com trope. But as they kept showing him doing his thing in, like, England, I just kept, like, tuning out. That's what this thing does is it makes you kind of tune out these stories. Also, that reminded me, another note I took I wanted to make sure I got it was I wrote, did this slasel wear a sexy devil costume to a corporate event? 100%. Just because in front of his wife, just to try to, like, throw it at him and his wife's right there.

And then they're, like, dancing together and she's, like, getting all close to him. This is after she already threw it at him at the office. Which everything goes in that office, by the way. You can say whatever the fuck you want. Oh, yeah. Everyone knows you want to bone each other. That's another note I took. Only in a rom-com where an exec will come up to you and be like,

We all notice that you're trying to bone Carl. So are you going to do something about it? You need to make something happen. Yeah. For all of our sakes. Make a move, Laura Linney. Yeah. Like, that doesn't.

Sue in accounting is really pulling for you to bone this guy. So go ahead. We got bids going. Yeah. We've noticed a lot of eye fucking as he drops your mail by your desk. So, uh. And turn your phone off. We need something to talk about in the next lunchroom meeting.

Take the phone off of the hook. When you do decide. Seriously. Stop answering your phone. It's okay, man. He'll be okay. You can miss one call. Gonna be fine, man.

Give it 30 minutes and then call, and then you'll cover whatever you need to. Also, sex doesn't take that long. Yeah, seriously. I mean, you could make it think long, but a 30 minute is solid, dude.

Solid, 30 minutes session is solid. Can I just say this, though, that moment where they're about to bone and they couldn't? We became that office. We were like, can you guys just bone real quick? Like, fuck, dude.

Just bone, just bone. You're going to see your brother right after. Carl's going to, you know, bugger off. I'm going to keep saying bug her off. Yeah, I'm going to say it for the rest of the week. We all wanted them to bone, right? At that point, yeah, it's like, okay, we've come too far at this point. He's all the way back.

Just bone. He's standing there naked and everything. No, I didn't hear the phone go off. You're being straight up disrespectful to him at this point. I know you're like, oh, I have to take this call. I have to take this call. What is it like a work call? It's her brother.

That's her always needs her. He's very needy. Yeah, shut up. Dude, teach him some fucking self-respect. He's mentally disabled, so he's like, I don't remember. And if you don't answer, he gets like anxious. He has to like keep calling stuff. Who was her brother?

So that was her love. Her love was for her brother because she would stop everything. That's what I'm saying. This is what I'm saying. They could have like cut like five of these stories out to we could actually really, like there's so many of these things you're saying that I'm like, okay, I kind of remember that, but it just gets lost in the shuffle. You know what this movie doesn't do enough of that some of those other movies where

they're like asking you to follow a bunch of. of stories do is they start intertwining a little better. Like I remember a movie got like Valentine's Day, kind of does a good job of that where they like sort of like start bringing stories in. I love movies. I gotta be honest, they're my favorite kind of rom-com. It's a little soft, the New Year's one.

There's a little soft spot. He's just not in it, that into, that's another one. I like these kind of movies where they got a lot of like big names and they kind of are doing their own thing. And then the movie starts kind of intertwining their lives a little bit. This movie, not that much intertwining. They could use a little bit more. Real slight. Until the end when they all get off the same

flight. Yeah, they literally force it. Like, everybody's at the same airport. Like, when does that ever happen? You know, like, that's just that, you're literally forcing a square peg into a round hole at that point. You know what I mean? Barely fit. Bug off with that. Yeah, I could have used a little bit more. Maybe like, let's lose, I don't know, the naked people rubbing up against each other. The whole Colin going

to Wisconsin could have done without that whole story. Yeah. Well, no, I like that one. I kind of like that. I like that. You're not taking that out, dude. I'm just saying, like, I appreciate the thought of possibly, excuse. that that guy's in. Excuse me. I appreciate the thought of possibly going to Europe my life by itself and be like, you know, my single day is going like, there's three women.

They want me. Oh, and there's a fourth one. And then I bring one back for my buddy. Like, that's just legendary. He went, that guy's legendary as far as single guy. He brought him back. Single guy. Denise Richards did his friend.

He was like, what? I did. He called his shot. Wait, I know what I took about that story. I was like, did Collins friend go with him to the airport just till a fast walk next to him try to talk him out of going. Yes. This movie's post 9-11, dude, to get it to an airport.

You had to, like, have a ticket. They cut all that. They were like, no, that doesn't work for a movie. There's so many airport things that I don't think would have lied when this movie came out. This movie was written probably prior. Prior, yeah. So therefore, they just didn't give a fire.

In production. Because it was a British. We can't get away from this stuff with this. You can't have TSA in this thing. It's going to blow this whole fucking situation. Because it was a British movie, so maybe they just were like, it's a hard question. Add TSA.

They were like, okay, well, maybe the kid can get patted down first. We'll have him get patted down and they go through security. And they were like, no, maybe not. A high employee falling for a lower tiered employee. That's another one on the romantic comedy trope list. There's two examples of that. Troop. You guys really love that word, huh?

The Hugh Grant story and the Columford story, both fall under that category. Somebody falling for the woman that works for him. guy dancing and clear view of other people and then is embarrassed when he gets caught, he's caught dancing. Hugh Grant. By the way, whenever you hear the pointer sisters, I do the point. I'll take you down. I'll take it down.

But then there wasn't actually any music playing because the moment he got caught, there's no music. He was dancing to his own music. So he was just listening to it? Yeah, in his own head. Doing those moves with no music. Yeah, he had the beat going. The whole thing.

It wasn't on repeat or anything. He was just, oh baby I'll take you down Oh yeah Yes Can we move the To 4 PM

I actually chat To change my battery real quick Sorry to ruin And if you want more Oh I'm It actually had a good Good soundtrack

For that movie Like I said they used them Mariah Carey thing. Yeah, Mariah Carey. I think started ringing. I was like, I don't got, they use this one. I don't know. They went, we're straight, top.

And she can sing too, little girl can sing? Was that really her song? I bet that wasn't really her. I would think maybe. Actually, when you think about it, Mariah Carey wasn't even like, that song wasn't actually on the level. That probably helped.

Yeah, that probably actually really put it off. She was still frozen. She was known as a Christmas song, but that movie, like, this movie really kind of made it, like, a song that everybody you have to listen to on Christmas. Yeah, you're right. This one probably put it over the top.

This would be a cool movie to see now. Like, 20 years later, right? And they had the little kid. They have the little kid with the girl now, and they're together, but then he tries to do the same thing where he tries to hook up with a girl, and then he buys them a gift.

So they all do the same. They all do the same shit, just older. And Carl and Homegirl still haven't boned yet. Still having bones. Phone's still ringing. Still doing porthos. They're still doing poros. They're still doing poros.

There's like an old person pointerers now. Wait, which one was Carl? I don't know who Carl was. Carl, the one that Laura Linney was in love with. Oh, yeah, they're still getting... They haven't boned yet. Because her 20 years later. She's ringing at the wrong time.

And she still has the same phone. She hasn't upgraded yet. She has a little Nokia singular way. Senior porn, the two senior porn. Their tithes are all like... Senior porn. 20 years later, you know. I think you're going with that.

I'll take it down. All right. I got to get through my romantic comedy tropes list. Trope. Someone asks a person with Secret Crush for a dance, and as soon as they start dancing, a slow dance song starts playing. That's another good one.

That's actually perfect timing. Every single time in a movie where they're like, can I have this dance? I think it was Carl and then Laura Linney, right? They're like, oh, yeah, let's dance. And then it's kind of like the pointer sisters or something is playing. And then the second they get out there, it's like,

like, boys to men starts playing or something. And they're just like, you've got to get all close. DJ was like, I got to. DJ wanted to see it. happened too. They called that one DG. They called that one DG, the worst DJ, by the way.

Yeah, what are your thoughts on that? You know, I don't think you guys are actually paying attention enough to give to, fuck that. To disrespect the DJ like that. You got to give him a lot more time. Maybe he's playing for somebody. Maybe that's almost requested.

You have no idea. I was very taken back. I was annoyed too. I didn't like that. I was like. He's getting worked up. I didn't like it because I could tell because you could tell

it was just we don't know what else to talk about. So it was like kind of generic. Like, let's talk shit about the DJ. Where's DJ ever? I was like, who the fuck you guys you don't even... He might be playing a set list that he was told to play. It's a wedding, yeah? Yeah.

Fuck that. Fuck you guys. Would you reckon, where's DJ in the world? Oh, he's done it. And you're like, fuck up. What song did he play that made him think that? I don't remember. It's like a slow song. Did you like it? Did you like it? I kind of wish... And they call it. Puffy love. Oh, yeah, that one. It's a good one. Yeah. It was time for a slow song.

It's a slow dance. song. Maybe they liked puppies and they wanted to hear that. No, they didn't have anything to talk about. This is what it was. They didn't have shit to say to each other. So they're bonding over their fact that like, hey, we could both shit on the DJ and then we'll just talk to your shit about me. It's classic negative person behavior. You asked me if I was gay and let's talk shit on the DJ. Now I will say if the DJ at that point would it and they call it puppy puppy puppy. Who, who let the dogs out? Dude, dude, you know, because it's puppies and he turned to do a dog and the party starts

Now I'd be like, oh. You're right. That would solidify him as the worst DJ ever if you did that. I agree. Puppy love. Don't bring. Oh, let the dog, dog. Yeah, no, it's the same thing you like to do where you do it again and you think that that's going to make it cool.

It never makes it cooler. Let's see. What else I got? Important phone call as soon as Biz picks up. We already discussed that. That's another common trope. Trope. Trope.

Trope, there you. Sorry. I'm trying to think of which it would be like. No, no, no, because like we already talked about. That's the Carl thing. Like, somebody gets a phone call as soon as, like, they start getting into it. Like, that always happens. Phone rings.

I got to get, I got to get that. Yeah, yeah, I got to get that. Husband trying something sketch while wife is right around the corner. Yeah, yeah, we talked about that one. Another classic trope. Trope. Professing love in an awkward moment. Like when they were in, like, the backseat of the car,

and there's like a kid sitting between them. Like the alien Octopus costume Yeah Yeah yeah Like there's always like There isn't a better time to do this Like bring this up

When we're doing it It can't wait until when this kid's like Not in the back seat with us for some reason The kid just sit like on the side And they Why do they put them in the middle? They put them in a middle They could have easily had a side

Over I'm gonna sit here Never have like a A moment that you've been waiting To have conversation Like in the back seat When there's other people In the car It's just it's just an awkward setup

Walk around the corner No you could Now people are in between you right but you could do that in the back of an Uber. I don't even like that. I feel like that's disrespectful to the Uber. I whisper in the Uber. I'm still uncomfortable even if it's with my car.

Yeah, I don't like having. I want them to have a story when they go home tonight. No, I don't. Taxi cab confession. When I'm like with people that like to have like super uncomfortable conversations and just say uncomfortable things, like in the driver just like sitting there just like, I'm like, too, this guy. Yeah, you're right.

Maybe he enjoys like the entertainment, but I just always feel like, dude, this is, We're being disrespectful to Carlos right now. Javier. Javier has to deal with this shit all night. And you guys are just fucking... I don't know. John. John.

Why are we saying John? I don't know instead of Javier. I just like that when you always know the driver's name. I just wanted to get away from Latin because I'm Latin, and it felt like you were disrespecting Latin people. I literally just picked any random name. It sounded like you were disrespecting us. I just picked a random name.

I could have said Richard. It wasn't showing any love, actually. What? I wasn't showing love. I was just picking a random name. He's like, fine, right? Jamal, the driver. There's literally no name I could say

that couldn't be taking offense to Derek. You could do back-to-back names. You did back-to-back Latin name. I was going to edit out one of them. I just liked Javier better. Now I have to keep both of them in there. You're fucking dick. I liked the way I said it better the second time.

I was going to keep that one. It's going to cut to you. Don't you're fucking up my edit magic that I do in the post-production. Mike cut all this. Child performance being the center performance of like everything that's happening in the entire universe of that. Yeah, that always happens. I can't ever remember like a child performance of anything in my life or anybody else's where like it was like the definitive thing that happened. That wasn't just like, oh, we got to go to this.

The son's got her recital. I had to get through it and go watch it. our clav. We're going to be like, you're really good. Let's go get ice cream. Sporting events. Sporting events, you can get with a little bit.

There's like a title. Basketball games. There's like a championship on the line. Like, I could get that. Yeah. But at Christmas movies, it's always like a recital of some kind. A fucking recital that has lobstas.

Is that? I don't remember. I watched this movie like four days ago and it feels like so long ago. She's like, I got my part in the nativity place. Like, what are you? She's like, I'm the lobster. She's like, there's more than one lobster at the birth of Jesus Christ. Yeah.

That's pretty random too. Like, oh, yeah, you're just going to be a lobster. The other kid's going to be an octopus. Merry Christmas. Jesus is born. That's true. Just trashed the religion. And then I wrote, I also wrote proposing before even beginning dating, which I've already

discussed, being the naked people. They haven't even really fully beginning to date yet. And they just start like, we got engaged because the movie's over. We have no more time to flush this one out. So we're just going to jump right to that. The big thing is fitting everything in five weeks. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of crazy.

And then the last thing I wrote is I'm not even sure which thing I noted about it, but it just says inappropriate grand gesture. I feel like it had something to do with that performance. Like who did somebody like create like a big moment where they like propose love? Like that just always happens. I just think in general in life, it's the same reason that I hate people that like use the scoreboard at a sporting event to like propose. It's like you can keep that shit a little bit more intimate.

Like I don't like it when somebody like brings everybody into it. it and they're like excuse me everybody I'm about to propose I'm gonna profess my love for this person it's like are you masking something with your whole use of needing all these people to see it like if it's something that's like a really special mum between you know person keep that shit

I don't know like let's make a little private I think you know what I mean I don't like when you get everybody else involved in your grand gesture because we might not even know what the real relationship is fucking jump you might be a terrible person I don't know yeah don't jumpotron that shit never jumbo tron your proposal

All right, let me take that off my... So much for that. Back to the drawing board. 100% had an angel game. I was taking my... All right, thanks, guys. Do any of these couples actually find love? Let's just have that as the final note.

Yes, I told you. The old guy and found out that he truly loves his partner. Did they end up together? Yeah, they had cursements. Do you think they end up being like, you know what, Richard? He never left him. I was his partner for life. That's his boy.

That's like brother. That was one. I think the husband stays with the wife Even though maybe they shouldn't They shouldn't, yeah, it's just one of those marriages They're working out marriages They're just They're really entwined

They have a lot of their stocks and equity Of kind of blocked in together And it's a hard divorce So they should get half where she's gonna go She's a lot of deal with you know Yeah There's a lot of those things happen That reality of marriage

What actually happens That guy, so she actually divorces her The friend and gets with the friend And breaks up that friendship But then he actually ends up getting with her In part You're talking about the one with the Q cards. Yeah, that's actually what happens.

You think that they, the Q card, the two white people? Got her. Yeah. So in the next month or two, the first couple have problems. They divorce. And then the Q card guy ended up getting her. There's no way that Q card guy is giving up on it now. That's for sure. And he was out.

Like, he had done his fucked up gesture, right? And then he's walking away and he's like, all right, that's it. And then she comes and kisses him. And now he's like, oh, wait, I got a shot. I got Skid in the game. I got Casas Banergy back up on this. He's just fucking seen, dude. I'm making it.

Yeah, as soon as he sees, like, the opportunity that he's like, now I got an opening. Fuck my best friend, dude. You see how hot Kieran Knightley is? I'm in. I'm in, dude, dude. My babies. My kids coming through. I knew that was going to work.

Yeah. Come on. You know, express those cute cards worth it? I was like, $2.50 each? Again, the penmanship. $250? A print job at Kinko's, man. And you know, like $24.96 on this.

You know he messed up riding on a couple of them? At least a couple, dude. You never get it right the first try. Wait, wait, were they penmanship or did he print them out? No, that was written in markers. It was one of those big fucking markers that they have with the big... Yeah, he had like a sketch done on that and everything. Yeah.

So they end up, that's what happens in that crazy now. It definitely doesn't. Whatever he's doing is going to fuck up that marriage, for sure. At some point. It's going to mess up. There's going to be a weirdness between them. Something's going to come out. He's going to find out.

And I'm not saying that they end up together, but that's going to fuck up their whole. thing. His weirdness over his hot wife is going to end up being the thing that ruins it. Liam Nelson actually William Nelson. Liam Nelson's

Neeson, dude. Liam Neeson. His wife actually comes back from the dead ran away. Here we go. And they have a whole. Now we're cooking. The kid and the little girl. The singer. She stops talking to them next week. I'm sure. She's just got to play. She's going somewhere else.

The language barrier couple stays that way and because of that she actually they get married and then in 10 years she divorces him because she gets the U.S.

passport. Right. She's going to get that green card. Green card as well as half of his money which he already has a lot because he's a writer because of the book he writes there. So she takes him for his money

and gets married to Colin. I was going to say Colin too. But Collins is into like American girls. until he gets tired of them I was going to say Colin too but he's in a white American girls I think right Wisconsin Wisconsin girls

Yeah no the only one was the older guy And his friend I was trying to think that I felt like we could have kept going with this The couple that I kind of want to write love actually too now Yeah the couple that doesn't you know you're on two different languages Right like like I told you to get apples You got me oranges like this little shit like that

They're going to get irritated She's going to get frustrated She's going to get frustrated with him. No, dude was totally just overcompensating for, like, walking in on, like, his wife cheating on him. Like, there's no way that's going to actually, like, turn into something. Perfect. I feel like there's a couple. Oh, yeah, the naked people.

I don't believe in them at all. Yeah, they, yeah, they know. They somehow simultaneously. I feel like they accidentally have a kid in the next year, and then they deal with it respectively and have, you know, they deal with it. I still didn't get what they are. Are they, like, porn stand-ins or what? They're, they're standing. Yes.

How do they end up in that line of work? And yet are, like, too awkward to, like, say hello to each other. I don't know. Yeah, I feel like I'd be cocky's fucking by them. Let's do this shit. They're like, oh, yes, you need us naked now? Okay. I don't think you can come in that hot and be doing that job.

They can be like, oh, we don't want this guy around the talent. Just fucking walks in, ripped your clothes off. You're like, I'm ready to go. Come on. And Hugh Grant now has been, now that Billy Bob has seen the video of Hugh Grant making out with his secretary as like was spotted in that performance realizing that that his throwing him under the bus in that press conference was all about him fucking having a dick measuring contest over the girl that he was wakening and now he's fending airstrikes at britain starting world war three

simply because two guys had a whole dick measuring contest over like the hot secretary or whatever her position was like yeah that's that's all it takes sometimes for world war and i think feel like World War III and the potential of it is a good place for us to stop on this. Real quick, you forgot that Billy Bob actually gets with the husband that cheated on his wife, that that girl actually gets with Billy Bob. Did that actually happen? Or are you just saying that's... Billy Bob just starts taking whatever he wants, man.

He's a horny president guy. Circa, early mid-2000s. The games are different, man. The game is wide open Single politician Yeah Yeah After his back-to-back terms

He becomes a porn stand in Yeah He just starts He just He starts just like Fucking up every one of these Relationship stories He goes in for porn stand-ey's girl

Fuck it Take Liam Neeson's Dead while she had it What was the one with the The couple? Oh yeah Alan Rickman That story

he's going to pull his wife that's falling apart and the slazzle and the devil costume. Fuck it. Yeah, he's going all in. Yeah. And Billy Bob. Love Actually 2. Billy Bob takes on the world.

Honestly, if they did Love Actually 2, it would get ratings. Oh, yeah, it would go off. People would watch. I'm ready for that to come out next year. Would they call it Love Actually actually or like I don't even? It would have to have a name that's like solidified that it was related to. It's going to be called Actually, never mind. Actually, love kind of sucks.

You just realize it's not a holiday movie. Actually, comma. Yeah. Question mark? Actually, like, actually, like. Actually, maybe not. Maybe not. Stupid.

All right. I don't know how we're closing it. We can't clap it, snap it. We haven't come up with a way to end our Diasic J's goes off. I guess just how much, did you enjoy it? I don't know. What? Am I?

How many slap? Do we give? Love Actually? We could do that. All right. Slaps does it get? How many slaps and snaps do you give love action? What defining as a Christmas movie? As a movie? As a movie.

I said top 10 Christmas movie, so that's where I'm standing. So that's what that is? So this is a movie in general, how much do I like it? The stories that come up with it and the way it was written, I'm going with... Is that out of five? Yes, it's out of five. That was a delayed... So three class, two snaps.

Whoa, how many... Are we done? You got to, like, cap it. That's it. That's something. Okay, you got a letter to... Okay. Three claps, three snaps. Yeah, so I got my three and three.

What do you got? Five claps, two snaps. You didn't even know. This is usually when we have a whole. Oh, they gave an extra two. I'm giving it because rewatchability, like I was down to watch it today. I was like, I'm not gonna like look up the cliff notes.

I was like, you know, I'll watch it again. Jason doesn't even know what he just did with the five slaps. I kind of do, but I kind of don't. I just came in here, like, like Billy Bob Thornton just knock out of the shit. Just dick wagging and throwing it on the table. Being like, son? Yeah.

This is top one of the top movies. And I'll give it to it. You know what? I'm adding another. You want to see on American claps? I added another one. Even though I just, it just irritates me that cue cards.

Like that part really does get to you. But as far as a movie and the way it's written at how fast it moves and how rewatchability and like all that stuff, I'll give it to you. I get four and three. And they wait. I lost count of everything. Four and four.

All right. I'm literally just giving it a hard, whatever that was. That's three. And I don't let us step. I want to give it four, but I want to take it away because of the Q cards thing. And that whole story, it fucked me. It was just, like, annoyed me for the longest time. It's disrespectful, man.

It's disrespectful. I hate the way that they play that. Like, do you realize how many moments in this movie have gotten in people's heads to think about, like, oh, that's what I should do to romanticize. I should act like Colin when he goes into a bar, like the way he talks like, filthy to the girls in his office. I should go hit on my friend's hot wife because, like, if I bring her cue cards with a cute sketch on it, that's going to make her interested in me.

Let me try that. If I have a wife or on the corner shopping, but I have a hot girl in the office that I've been to, like, let me just like buy something. So many things that this, like, oh, hey, girls go into the airport, but if I run by security, that instead of asking, I will ask for forgiveness later instead of like, you know, for permission. Compared to all the other ones, that one's not that bad, but I hear you. I was because it was a kid. I'm just saying, like, this movie is full of bad lessons.

Like, almost none of them are actually, like, what you should do. Except for maybe the, I think what we learned is, like, the rock star guy and his friend. Like, they're like a nice example of like, yeah, that's a true friendship. Yeah, that's a true friendship. Be there for your friend. You guys see what I did there? Yeah, yeah. You really just derailed this whole.

So we're like, I was speed running to the end. It was good, man. You were about to get there. You just ran by security in the airport. Yeah, about to slide. I'm remove it or lose it, sister. Do we say next at the end? with this? Yeah, fuck it, let's do it. I just want to get out of this so bad.

I love you guys. Actually, I love. Oh, yeah. Actually, love? No. Damn it. But actually, yeah. Next!