Dissect DJs - Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory

Episode Date: June 11, 2025

Episode 138 brings a classic movie review throwback, as we have 3 things we need to discuss about Willy Wonka and his crazy chocolate factory - with Ryan Castle, 'DJ JAG' Justino Garcia, and Jason Malabuyoc.1) Is Willy the most irresponsible business owner of all time?2) What is up with those grandparents though??3) We give out The Thingy Awards: MVP, 6th Man off the bench and Practice Squad Player (character we didn't really need). Join the wild ride as we cruise the crazy tunnel through the Wonka factory that seemingly destroys children's lives into a world of pure imagination! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

It's all there black and white, clear as crystal. So you get nothing. You lose. Good day, sir. What's up, everybody? Ryan Castle here of the Dyset DJs. And we got another classic movie review throwback episode for you here. Recorded a couple years ago from our three things about podcast,

which was my original podcast, where we used to break things down into three crucial topics. And we do a few movie reviews, several of which I've thrown on the Diasic DJ's feed. And this topic actually got brought up in our most recent episode when we did the soulful strut grab bag episode and I questioned the group about whether you'd rather be an oompa lupa or a savage lost boy from Hook.

And in talking about that subject, I brought up the fact that we had actually broke down Willie Wonka previously and that was the only time I'd ever watched it since I was a small child and still is the only time I've ever seen it. And I was like, you know what, I don't think we ever actually threw that episode up on the dissect DJs, looked it up, we had not. So here it is, what better time than now? To break down this classic from 1971's starring the incomparable Gene Wilder. We talked about the insane genius that Gene Wilder brings to the role of Willy Wonka, how you're not sure if

he's a mad genius who actually has a deep plan the whole time, or if he's just a certifiable maniac who kind of enjoys watching children perish in front of him for disobeying his orders of the chocolate factory. Talked about that lazy piece of shit, Grandpa Joe, and that gross toxic environment that the fucking four grandparents all live in and charlie's mom just has to hustle around running the show for and we talked a little bit about how uh this movie takes way too long to get to the damn chocolate factory it's like 45 minutes to an hour before we even meet willie wonka and as you will hear it started to get on my nerves a little bit as i was watching it back for the first time really ever it's called willie wonka let's fucking get them in the show already what the

hell i don't need another scene in the classroom where everybody's just talking about how they're looking for the damn golden ticket. I get it. Golden ticket. It was everybody wanted it and nobody could find it. You really belabor the point. Anyways, you'll hear about all of this and more as we discussed this 1971 classic in three things form, full dissect. And if it conjures up any thoughts and opinions on your own that you'd like to share of your own memories of watching this movie, then feel free to share with us on our socials at dissect DJs on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, all the good stuff. Let us know how are we telling of this film measures up to your own opinions of it. Lots of talk about with it. Let's get into it right now.

Three Things Dysect of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Yes, we're back. And we've got three things to talk about. And this time we're talking about a legendary flick from 1971. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I am Ryan Castle. It says three things. We got to talk about podcasts. Here with me once again, DJ Jack. DJ, dig it to digger what? Sino Garcia and Jayway, Jason Malibuya. We out here. All right.

And we are here to break down Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, which was, of course, adopted from the 1964 children's novel. Charlie and the chocolate factory. It's the same thing. It's just in one, they decided to emphasize Willie and the other, it's Charlie. But I think Willie's the right guy to go with it. Yeah, it's his fucking chocolate factory. It's his gig. This is one of my movies that I grew up on.

It's one of those movies that it changed as I've gotten older, but still have pretty much the same amount of love that I ever had for it for when I was a kid to now. Very hard to do as a movie. Keep the same amount of love that you have for it as a five-year-old. I think I remember being seeing it. You said 71, so I definitely saw it as early. To now being 37 and still seeing things that you're like, too,

what a movie. Yeah. What a film. Yeah. And I hadn't actually watched it until, what was that, Monday? I hadn't seen it since I was a kid. And that was a trip. Like I had the whole time seeing the umpalupas in person and seeing that like tunnel scene and all that.

Like I was tripping out harder than I thought I would. I can only imagine how I saw it as a kid. But either way, we got some things to talk about. So. Maybe some oopalupas apparently as well. Obviously we're going to talk about some oopalas. Those through castle for a loop. They're a trip.

The orange faces, the green hair, their outfit. The songs are fantastic, too, all four of them. But anyway, what do we got to talk about, Steve? We got some things to talk about, so let's toss it up to the rundown. And get it going with thing. Number one. Number one. Is Willy Wonka the most irresponsible business hunter in the history of cinema?

Jason. What do you think? Irresponsible? No. Because he has ever. everyone sign a waiver. He covers his bases. Immediately.

Even though that contract got like, really, like, no one's reading that shit. That was one of the things that actually made me laugh more than anything in the whole movie

was just the fact that that's, you know, that's how we all read contracts. Is there just kind of like, yeah, yeah, yeah, the fact that scroll,

scroll, click the box, scroll, the fact that it actually physically becomes harder to read than imaginable. And they're just like,

What about that? It's all, you don't worry about it. But yeah, he's teaching these kids lessons, you know, life lessons, literally. Some of them more than others. But, yeah, definitely has a good head on his shoulders and is like, I'm going to weed out the bad seeds. I don't want to see these people in society. And immediately finding out that, you know, they're all bad seeds.

But who are we comparing as far as bad business owners these two? Like, what other business owners do we imagine? I'm glad you asked. I thought about it for a little bit. I took down just a handful of other. other business owners from previous movies. Hit me with two. All right.

So we got Scrooge McDuck who liquidated his entire fortune and turned it into a pool of coins just simply so he can walk into his case and dive into it like a pool of money and spit it out. Well, he was protected by, you know. I just question if that's the best use of your fortune just so you could like swim in a pool of coins. Probably can't dive in that either. It's probably really hard to dive in everything. Yeah, you're breaking in it. You can not be able to spit them out as you're doing the backstroke.

Okay, he's pretty, I see the irresponsibility there. And what else? What else do we go? Doc Brown, back to the future, who decides to take an untested, unproven time machine, and in order to figure out of it actually will go to the future or the past, speed it with a dog sitting in the driving seat directly at him and Marty. Einstein. By the way, does the vantage point of Marty's,

camera change at all if he's driving right at you couldn't they have just done that well they're just kind of got like the landscape view back to the future different movie all right how about this the guy from blank check who let a 10 year old completely raid him of his fortune he left him a blank check yeah this bad bad business move that's still let that kid do that so yeah if you're going to ask me those with those i'm going to go ahead and say uh no actually i'm agreeing with jason this is actually one of the smartest business owners out there there. Number one, has him sign a contract. Number two, puts them to scenarios that if they're going to be taking on his future business, of which he needs to take care of, umpalumpas. And I guess

that's an evil, ambitious canids. No, those are the ones that used to eat the umpubu. Anyways, taking care of this population of upalumpas, who's, you know, that he needs to make sure they're well taken care of. He's got to put them through the tests. He's got to make sure they can handle. And make sure they can handle their own ambitions. These are the kids that wanted to take over. So he's like, no, you're not fit to run this chocolate kingdom. Well, was the ticket to take over the kingdom of the factory, or was it not just to visit it and go see it?

It was to get a lifetime supply of chocolate and then visit it. But for him, he was doing it to try to weed out, to find somebody to then take over his. I'm going to say not necessary. Just let some kids visit your chocolate factory. you have a great old time, eat a bunch of chocolate, and then bounce and go back home.

Doesn't need to be life or death where every single kid is like, you're either good enough to take over my entire business or you end up a giant blueberry who's going to die. He can't do it anymore. Wong is getting older,

so he has to. There's a lot of better ways to run a business and figure out your successor. I feel like he disregarded his oompa population by not looking to one of the leaders in the opa lupas. They've been a part of the system.

like they didn't promote within you know what I mean like they could have been a top umpalupa and they now run the factory and it could have been like you know they know how to run the sugar they know how much sugar to put in they're doing the they know all the songs they feel like they got good moral pack so top oompa lupa was like well fuck me I guess yeah yeah it's probably telling all his friends like bringing in these fucking kids like these kids are probably going to be your boss

get ready it's because I'm an oopalumpa isn't it that's exactly what it was so it's kind of fucked up as you think about so I had one more example so irresponsible actually now that and as I'm making a huge turned back and say yes that was actually very irresponsible for him not to hire within to guys that already know the business and hire one of them

and then bring some kid in with their irresponsibilities as a kid and still have to mature. You never know what they're going to turn into. You know, yeah. So I'm going to go ahead and say, was he that biggest response? Not most irresponsible, I'm not going to go there, but I'm going to say yes, he was extremely irresponsible with his business. I had one more

example. The guy who designed the Death Star, who decided, let's just leave like a block. just for funzies so that maybe some Luke Skywalker comes out there and can maybe just fire it in there. But that's it. No other part of it.

Leave guns that's trying to be together. I got you. Here's my case. Willie Wonka, he runs an entire factory, which apparently in this universe is worth more than gold. Everybody is destroying each other just to try to get a golden ticket

to visit this chocolate factory. one woman is going to give up everything she wants to get her husband back. But when asked for her final case of Wonka bars, she asks how long would they give me to think it over. Right. So my question is... How deep this goes, people. Is chocolate like a different level of appreciation in this movie?

Because like, I know we all like chocolate, but the lengths that people are going to get this golden ticket, it's astronomical. What made me think was if this was actually a real contest, but it was not visit a chocolate factory and then have a unlimited supply of chocolate, if it was actually like we're giving away a million dollars,

do you think that people would react similar to they did in this movie? I think if you did a billion dollars, five, one billion dollar candy bars, I think a million dollars is going to get some plate. Don't get me wrong. People are going to go and get to buy some candy. Let me see if I win. But a million doesn't do it.

If you do it a billion dollar, there is $5 billion, one billion dollars in the world. I think, yeah. You're going to see some people. I think he goes absolutely fucking bonkers. Somebody starts a factory like the one girl's dad did. Oh, yeah. For sure. And it just like opens them.

Because if you think about it, you can spend $100 million just to find that one. And if you end up finding it, boom, you made $900 million. But how about that lady finding it and like saying right away, I found it, I found it. Yeah, what's just pocket that shit. That's exactly what I thought with Charlie. Why would you just clock out real quick and just like, go? Right, yeah, yeah, like pocket that thing and go home.

I thought the same thing when Charlie found his because he's like, I got it. And then everybody around him is celebrating. No, no, no, no, no. He didn't get it. Some woman approaches him immediately and goes, you got it. You found the golden ticket. Sure. But then he's holding it up and there's a bunch of people.

She lifts his arm up and pushes him into the crowd. Right. And then there's still a whole crowd around Charlie. And, I mean, at that point, bring your hand down. I get it, but he was, you know. Somebody, I'm just saying, I watched Barry Bonds hit his, like, record-breaking home run ball, and it was a madhouse to try to get, like, people were biting each other in the ankle to try to get that ball. There's no way if there's a kid holding up that golden ticket that apparently the whole world's been tearing each other apart to get,

that some assholes not being like, guys, mine! He just starts fighting it. I'm surprised that they didn't put that into the story a little bit. Like, he had to fight off some asshole. They kind of did. Run home. Don't let anybody get it. No, no, no, but honestly, that guy, the best advice in the entire movie is that guy that says, run home, Charlie.

Well, that was his boss. That was his boss that was a newspaper. Over here. Show it over here. Come on, Charlie. Hold on to that ticket. Run for it, Charlie. Run straight home and don't stop until you get there.

Yeah, that guy gives the best advice of the movie. Run home. Don't let any of these other people see that you have this ticket because they will stab you for it. You're going to get jacked. So what's your verdict? Oh, no. Absolutely. So let me hear it. I never even made my case. All right. Willie, he brings these kids in to get a lifetime supply of chocolate. He's got his own, like, secret ploy, right? And in the process, he's just totally cool with murdering children. Left and right. It's kind of his plot. Every single time a kid starts to go towards something, and obviously, like, all the kids are assholes other than Charlie. It's shown right from the start that all these kids are bad. They all yell at their parents. They're like, I'm talking.

It's made clear all these kids have a reason that you're going to want to root against them. Except for Charlie Bucket. Obviously Charlie is the one. He's got the little soft spot. He gives his grandpa a whatever, a chocolate bar. What do you do? I don't remember. Yeah, it's okay.

Something like that. Either way, if this is your plan to weed out people, there's better ways to figure out who to take over here. You could bring these kids in as employees. Get a look at them. start working them in the factory, figure out who actually wants it, who actually understands the business, who gets the rigumar role of how this factory is run,

understands the concept of the data, what the numbers of the Wonka bars are doing on a monthly basis. You know, what's the overhead costing, all this stuff. Basically an accountant. You want an accountant. That would be a start. Charlie is just a child who wanted chocolate, and so were all these other kids.

So by the mere fact that he didn't eat a everlasting gobstopper to decide this is the one that is going to take over my factory. Poor business choice. And the fact that you had to murder, who knows how many kids along the way, every single time one of these kids goes off to do something that's clearly going to kill them. He just goes, oh, no, stop, don't do that. He wants them to die. He wants these kids to die.

So I would say, yeah, no, he's even more irresponsible than the guy who let the 10-year-old in blank check. It's probably a multi-billion dollar corporation. Yeah, because apparently in this world, everybody gives a fuck about Wonka bars, and they all, like, will murder each other to try to get a golden ticket. I think it was meant to be money, but they did it in chocolate. Because it's worth a fortune.

Commentary on greed. A lot of this movie is. Exactly. And that's fine, but I'm just saying Wonka could have done it better. The fact that he just decides to hand over his fortune just because the kid hands over a piece of, candy on his desk and then went from telling him to piss off like he turns on him quickly he

he heals out on him right away yeah you know in his office with half things there's nothing but half things in the office which never it really gets explained he just had it etc etc etc yeah yeah you lose you get nothing the lifetime supply of chocolate for charlie who when does he get it he doesn't why not because he broke the rules. What rules? We didn't see any rules, did we, Charlie? Wrong, sir.

Wrong. Under Section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if, and you can read it for yourself in his photostatic copy, I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights,

privileges and licenses, hearing and hearing contained, etc., etc., facts, mentus, incendium, Gloria Calpum, et cetera, et cetera, Memo Biss, Punitur Delacatum! It's all there black and white, clear as crystal.

You stole fizzy lifting drinks. You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized so you get nothing. You lose. Good day, sir. Man. Good day. Yeah. All right.

So you're saying he is super irresponsible. I'm saying irresponsible. I'm saying responsible. And Jason's saying he's responsible. All right. Handling that business. Question number one has been answered. All right, let's jump in the thing number two.

Number two. What is the deal with those grandparents, though? What is going on? What is going on? This is the question I've had since I was five watching this movie. I think there's so much just even, I don't even know where to start. We'll start off. You can go anywhere.

You go ahead. You go ahead. What are they doing? How are there four grandparents? Obviously, both sides of Charlie Bucket's side of the family, sitting in one bed and Grandpa Joe says for 20 years I'm just going to go ahead and assume

that they've all been in the bed for 20 years how is this happening? How did this start? That's my question. When did this begin? Why did this begin? And how does a day-to-day scenario take place? We got four grandparents

not only sleeping in the same bed but living in the same bed. There's a lot of things. things that are just going to have to be assumed. How do these people... Shit. Yeah. How do they get their rocks off?

Is this some swingers, fellow grandparent couples? How are they cleaning the sheets? That are just like, you know what? These sheets. There's no way that anybody's mind doesn't go to. You guys, they all swing out together. How smelly are their feet, and their feet are right next to your hip? I didn't see anybody's feet in the bed.

They're opposite of each other's feet. just like form into each other. They have a big green blanket that covers all four of them. Okay. It's crazy. On top of that, one is named George. Another one is Georgina. They are married.

Then you have Grandpa Joe. Grandpa Josephine. They're married. How did that happen? And then again, how did these two couples be like, you guys are, you guys just going to kick in that bed, huh? You mind if we, uh, we're going to kick it on the other side. We're going to make this happen. 20 years!

How are they cleaning? How are they talking every day? Dave, I mean, the conversation has got to get dull. That's what's crazy. It's like they get a lot of hate, justifiably so. Because I think that's just, I don't know. I don't want people living in my house like that. My parents were whatever, just do that and just lay around all day.

I'm like, get your ass up and do something. But. Well, grandma, I will say Grandma Josephine does knit. Did they finesse the parents? Like, hey, we can lay like this all fucking day. I mean, they're getting messed. Well, the mom is going out there working for their... And then all of a sudden.

and Charlie comes home with some chocolate and a ticket and it's like, hey, guess we can walk, motherfuckers? Because I'm going on a fucking factory. Here we go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go to old school. Got a fucking nowhere, man. He can't walk for 20 years. And then he's like, yo, wait.

Let me try this. You're able to get in the factory? Give me my hat. My slippers are right under the bed there. They've been there for 20 years, but they're fine. Give me those things. It doesn't even get dressed, though. He stays in his pajamas.

And dances around and, and, And spinning, which makes me think when Charlie's off to school, mom's off to work, these four are just getting up and standing around the house. People over and caggers. There's no chance. These four are just sitting in bed. Somebody's coming home. She's here. Jump in.

They just jump back in bed. So mom is like the toys and toy story? Yeah. Just drop that. Mom is getting fleece. That's the answer. Yeah. They figured out a way to be like, you do all the work.

we can just lay in this bed and this is a dope-ass life. You make our cabbage water soup. And we're just going to say whatever. Oh, I can't. And then a grab of Joe's asshole ass, ass, still eat, chewing tobacco. He's still chewing tobacco and just sits in the bed and just... Yeah, where's he spitting the tobacco?

Where is he spitting the tobacco? His shit, his farts got to stink. Like, there's got to, it's a whole different... Who's farting? If you're farting the bed, they're like, Joe, that was you. We know that smell. Like, you know, like... Are they massaging each other's feet?

They made peace with that a long time ago. There's just 20 years of sitting in the same bed. I have an answer on why Joe married Josephine and George married Georgina. Why? The writer's fucking lazy. Lazy writers? They were like, dude, I don't know what they're doing. I think they did.

Joe and Josephita or George. That'd be funny, right, if they had the names are similar? Just put it in. What is the name that works with George? Georgina? They're going to be moving to the factory now. The Oopalupa is going to be taking care of them while they sit in the bed? Could they get in separate beds then?

Because it's such a factory, they're still going to be in the same bed together? Are they going to be like, all right, we can probably have separate rooms? I kind of feel like once the cap is blown off the fact that lazy-ass Grandpa Joe can walk, like you're not being able to go back to that life. The oompa-loas are going to make sure. We saw you, Grandpa Joe. You're also supposed to be running a company. Grandpa George, get your ass up.

We know you can get up too, Mother's. fucking get your ass. And you're supposed to be running a company now, so there's no way the oombalum is that learned in that shit slide. You better learn how to play that flute piece. Grub and Joe was quick to drink that fizzy. He was quick to drink that fizzy lift you drink, too, man.

He got right on that. Exactly. Joe was like, yeah, what is this? Let me bring this back to Willie, though. Are we sure that Willie is not just an outright maniac? I don't really understand the reason that he's heralded as such a celebrity in this universe, but he's obviously a showman, right?

But there are multiple times throughout, and he's not to mention the fact that he's totally fine with children being murdered, that he just displays utter chaos where I don't think this guy's got a full set to work with. So if I'm Charlie, I'm looking at this thing, and I'm taking a step back, and I'm like, okay, what did I actually sign? Do I have to take over this fact? and what is the monetary value that I get for me. I'm getting a few lawyers involved.

It's all I'm saying. Because I don't trust that Willie is actually a straight shooter and being like somebody who is responsible not to run a business in which I am now taking over because, yeah, that guy goes in and out. And credit to Gene Wilder. He does a fantastic performance of it. Brilliant. Brilliant performance. But, yeah, at no point do you actually trust that,

and that's part of the ride, is that you don't trust. that this guy actually has your well-being in mind, including right at the end, when he absolutely loses his shit out of nowhere on Charlie for being the only one to not do anything shitty the whole time. I thought you were going to the end. And again, back to the glass elevator. We're like, we're going to go.

It's going to go. It's going to go. I'm not getting that glass elevator where they won't go. He's going. He's like, yeah. Here it comes. Yeah. That was crazy with it, dude. That's always crazy. Yeah, so back to Grandpa Joe and all them.

I got to say, this comes back from my dissect DJ's side. If you guys don't listen to us, Dysay's DJs. But I'm going to go ahead and go, fuck Grandpa Joe. You motherfucking sit, made to her work and sit there and fed you for 20 years. All four of the grandparents, kiss my ass. Yeah. And because I don't know when there's a better time to bring it up. What is the guy's name of the glasses and the hat?

Slugworth. Slugworth. What is the deal? Yeah, he just slugworth through the first half hour of the movie. He just creeps on the kids. He does not age well. And at the very end, he's all thumbs up. All right.

That's what I wanted to get to, okay? That was Willie Wonka as well. Like, he sent him. I was going to get to this later, but let's just go ahead and do it now. There is an absolute lack of fulfillment from the entire story of this. So we got this slugworth dude who is. clear predator from the beginning. Every single time a kid finds a...

Any part of the world. Yeah, like the golden ticket. He's there. And he's instantly fondling them and right in their ear. And nobody says anything. Nobody's like, hey, what's the deal with that guy who just popped up out of nowhere and is like caressing my son's arm and whispering in his ear? And he's built up as this like weird villain.

I was really waiting for the payoff of that. I wanted him to have a sudden moment where he, like, turns into, you know, Jafar when he turns into the snake or the guy from Temple of Doom who suddenly, like, turns into an insane over, I don't even know what that guy was. I haven't seen Temple of Doom a long time. You know what I'm saying. The villain that, like, suddenly turns in and it's just a crazy maniac. I wanted to see him go next level insane, like, I'm scared of this guy.

But no, first of all, just because Charlie returns the god. stopper, Wanka just flips a switch immediately and he's like, you won Charlie. I'm a good guy now. And Charlie just goes along with it. And then this fool just walks his happy ass in the room and he's like, oh, this is Dr. Peterson. He's just my right hand man. He was testing you the whole time. And that's it. You won. You did it. You did it. I knew you would. I just knew you would. Oh, Charlie, forgive me for putting you through this. Please forgive me. Come in, Mr. Wilkinson. Charlie, meet Mr. Wilkinson. Pleasure.

Slugworth. No, no, that's not Slugworth. He works for me. For you? I had to test you, Charlie, and you passed a test. And there's no payoff other than maybe a slight ISO of him in that weird-ass tunnel that they go through on the boat. That's it. Other than that, he's just kind of like this sketchy character in the background. They keep thinking he's going to turn into somebody.

And he just ends up being a nice little doctor at the end. and just like, ah, yeah, I got this scar and numb. Yeah, don't be afraid of it. Fuck Grandpa Joe. I think that explains the grandparents. I think we've gotten into Slugworth. I think it's time for the thingies. Thinge, thing, thing.

Let's bring it to thing number three. Number three. And that, of course, is the thingies, which is where we give out our words for this movie, which, of course, always begins with the MVP. Jason, who's your MVP? I know, and it's obvious for me who the MVP is. It's Mr. Wonka himself.

That's my MVP. I have the same. Carries the whole film. There's so many annoying kids in that film, and Grandpa Joe just being a fucking piece of shit. Like, he's a ray of sunshine, you know? Yeah. The singing, the songs, the crazy is a good crazy.

There's a track out, and he said, how do you spell crazy? It's G-E-N-I-U-S, which is genius. He is a genius. Nice. Yeah, I had the same. His ability to dance between crazy and entertaining is immaculate. It really is what, like, this movie drags for a while. It takes way too long to get to Willie Wonka.

That was my qualm with the movie. There's way too many scenes about everybody looking for the golden ticket. And then even when we finally meet Wonka, and he walks out and he does this long, drawn out. It's about a minute. It's about a minute. of him it's quiet completely quiet yeah it's super quiet and him just kind of like limping over and everybody's like oh is he is he hurt that could have been done 30 seconds quicker because i was watching it hadn't

not having seen it in a long time being like i feel like he's just doing this to like trick everybody and of course that's who he does he ends up doing a little roll and he's just like hey everybody welcome to the chocolate factory you know and it could have gotten there like half the speed so my issue with the movie is that it takes way too long to actually get Wonka involved. We have like a whole classroom scene. There's just so many drawn out scenes about people. I actually, when me and Justin watched it on Monday, when Charlie finally found the golden ticket,

my exclamation was, thank God! If this was going to be another bait and switch moment where he's like, oh, I thought I got it, but no, I didn't. Because he does that horrible prank where he tries to prank the whole family where he's like, I found it And then immediately just folds on his whole idea of a prank

And he's like, I'm sorry Go on, open it Here goes Hold you, didn't I? You thought I really had it. Never mind, Charlie. So Willie's your MVP? Willie's my MVP.

He brings it home with his music. He's a great singer. He looks legitimately crazy. His ability to bounce back and forth between being, you know, kind of a cool-looking dude who you trust and you want to love, but also, like, I think this guy might be completely insane, is absolutely well done, and I might have found my new Halloween costume for next year. Nice.

My MVP is going to be Grandpa Joe, actually. After all this shit you just dug up on his grave? No, well, let's think about it. We have a guy who... Clearly, nobody wants to stay in a bed for 20 years. He's been incapacitated for 20 years, had to stay next to his wife, his step, you know, he doesn't even know these two grandparents. They met because of marriage.

He continues to build Charlie and make sure that Charlie is positive. And finally, when he does get the ticket, Charlie asks him, you know, I really want to go with you, decide to do after 20 years, get up, be strong enough as a man to stand up and go with Charlie to the factory. get drunk, hang out, you gotta give it to him. He was there for his grandson throughout the entire movie.

And because of that, I got to give him the MVP. I just want to say, you guys see why I did the Switch. That was the old Charlie Bucket Baton Switcher, I think. We got that. Sure enough.

Let's get to the Six Men of the Year Award. Sixth Man Award. I'm going to continue with mine and I'm going to actually go into the... I'm going to go into my Sixth Man, which is the... And you just hated on him. The Teacher.

I don't know why. I just love them. Every time I ever watch that. He's so forgettable. He's so long. The face is ugly, right? He had this ugly long face. And then I always remember him not being able to figure out the percentage.

He's like, he's doing 100. He's like, oh, it's 10% and that's 15%. He's like, I did two. He's like, two. Well, I can't figure out just two. So let's pretend you did 200 because you're a teacher. You can't show your class how what two is of a thousand. I just forever made me laughing.

And then he goes. of two is about the easiest fraction I can actually make up. What was that? 50% of two. No, it was a, what is 2 of 1,000? The percentage. And it's 0.2%,

which is really easy for anything. But how you had to do is take it down. Anyway. Like I said, I was bored at that part. I love that guy, man. That's my sixth man. I love the teacher. Who you got then?

I wonder who Jason has first. I have six, six men. Because the umpalumpas. Oh, yeah, I love it. They didn't, you know, they just had their songs, but they're so iconic that we think about umpalupas

to this day. Yeah. We know the songs. What do you get when they're... I'm pained in the neck and an IQ. They're little dances,

you know? Great dances. Half cartwheels. The timing impeccable. The kid just died. Fuck this shit. We're singing. Yeah.

Wait. I have a song for this. It's just like... They have a different song They come out like, oh, yeah, got this. They have a number ready for literally any event that takes place.

They keep the chocolate river going. You know, they probably water the fake, eatable grass you know they do it all so this is what actually tripped me out so much when I was watching it because I've seen the umpalumpas kind of represented so many times over the years and you know the songs and you almost kind of see them as cartoon figures but when I watched the movie and they're actually real people that are very convincing upalumpus like you believe them as umpalumpas and you realize these are actual men who played this part and they painted themselves

orange and dyed to her green and did the little troll curl and everything. They're very in unison. They do excellent choreography. They sing together fantastically. The cartwheels and they land and hold. Yeah. Excellent job, Blue Ploops.

Again, I think they should actually be the ones to take over the factory. They should be the rightful owners. I think we've come to that conclusion as a group that, you know what? The fact that he didn't hire in-house is going to lower my... Talk about, yeah, team morale. I don't think of Willie Wonka as... as high as I did before this. I bet there would be a far less rate of child deaths if the umpalupas were in charge.

I'm just going to say that. Maybe. Because they're the one teaching the lessons, right? What do you get? Yeah. They know the lesson. They know that. Who's your sixth man?

All right. Why do we keep forgetting his name? Mr. Snugglesworth? Slugworth. Slugworth. Slugworth keeps her intrigue the whole time because the way he keeps popping up and being a creepy motherfucker. And you're wondering what he's up to.

His voice is a trip too. Yeah, everything about him. He plays a great heel. I remember being legitimately scared of him as a kid. He's developing an everlasting gobstover. Do it again? They're developing a candy called it everlasting gobstopper. Exactly.

And the only thing I actually remembered about that trippy boat ride from when I was a kid was I remember his face popping up. and when I watched it back, I was surprised how actually that wasn't a payoff. Like everything about him should have been a payoff. He should have ended up being the one who just comes out and he's the evil one who's forcing Wanka to just be...

No, it was Wanka the whole time. Yeah. I just feel like they missed an opportunity on that. But either way, he played his role as being the creepy dude that you're like, what's up with that dude? So he does that so well. So I think he's a six-man off the bench. I do want to give a little special,

shout out to the girl who's super into gum that turns into a blueberry because when she gets the Violet you turn in Violet. Violet. When she gets the golden ticket and she's being interviewed, she doesn't miss a beat. And she just suddenly yells at the mom real quick and then just jumps right back into it. And it's just like that girl for being as young as she is, she's actually on point with every line she's saying. And like, I believe it. I believe that she's a bitch.

Yeah. Well, I'm a gum to tour normally. But when I heard about these ticket things of Wong, because I laid off the gum and switched to candy bars instead. Now, of course, I'm right back on gum. I chew it all day except at mealtimes when I stick it beyond my ear. Violet. Call it, mother.

Now, this piece of gum here is one that I've been chewing on for three months solid. And that's a world record. It's beating the record held by my best friend, Miss Cornelia Prince Medal. And was she mad? Just jumps at. A beef and a big potato. Mmm, Dad, with salt cream. So shout out to her dad too

We're just throwing in these one-liners real quick I would say the only reason she does not get this six men She's a guarantee Her and the girl Who just like wants everything Is They're too close Like I don't

When I saw that girl doing that part I just thought it was actually showing that girl Like they look too close They have the same thing They're super into themselves And they just want everything and they don't give a fuck about their parents. They have no respect for them.

So they're kind of like the same person. That's why they kind of lose it. Like, I feel like in modern day, they would have made a clear difference. Like, one of them would have been black or something. You know, or what a... Don't care. They would have made a point to differ them.

I honestly didn't know they were a different person until they got to the factory. Baruka Salt? You thought they were different? The two girls that were both just a pain. the house. But, all right. So you're six men.

Yeah, but I'll give it a slugworth because he, you couldn't miss his performance, even though he actually had very little lines. And the ones that he did, you've remembered. He was one of the few things I remembered about this movie as a kid, which is like his face, because I remember it being scary. And I was hoping, as I watched it back, that he would actually end up having a payoff to that.

Instead, he just walks out, and he's all smiling. And he's like, I was just kidding all along. I was just trying to freak out. Just trying to pull on your knob a little bit. What's up? My name's Rick, you know? It looks like a Rick. Yeah.

All right. So, yeah, that's my six minutes. So then the last award that we got to give out is the practice squad player. Who could we have lost from this film? I'm going to say Varuka's dead. The guy that's like, all right, how much for the golden goose? Like, bro, shut up, bro. Like, you fucking, you can't just walk in here and just web out the checkbook and be like,

how many pounds for a golden goose and Willie Wong is like, get this fucking guy out of my face. These are my golden geese. I have a system in place. Yeah, and it's just like, I'm just going to buy everything. I'm going to murder all of your kids one by one,

my own special way, and then oompa is going to play him out. All right? Put your checkbook away. So I could, yeah, I could do less without that guy. Or Augustus. Yeah.

Because he didn't do anything but drown in the chival. Or his dad that eats to Mike? And that's all he does Through the whole movie Just a quick movie How about you, Justin? I want to hear your first. Umpalupa number six

He was not caring. He didn't dance. He actually missed it on the number. Yeah, yeah, he missed out a little bit. He was saying, No, I would say your teacher. I'm going to actually... I don't need that guy.

I don't need the whole teacher's scene. I don't need that guy. I get it. It really wants the bars. It took way too long for us to get to the factory. This movie could have been cut like 30 minutes out of it.

Just give me the winners. We're good. Got you. And I didn't need the whole classroom scene, so thus I don't need the teacher. I think he did a fine job with the scene he was given, but I could have lost him. All right. Well, I'm going to go with the four grandparents. All of them?

That was your MVP. I mean, he was good for the movie in his part. But in all honesty, you can take out the four grandparents, have Charlie just focus on his mom going through. like, mom, what about the chocolate factory? And then he takes his mom to the factory and then just literally kick out all four grandparents and they're not even in the story. And you wouldn't know the difference.

I'm going to help your answer along. How about you take out the other three grandparents? I believe much more the whole thing with his grandpa being like... By himself? Yeah, if he was just sick by himself, then it's much more believable because that's like a thing. I'll give you that. Like, oh, my grandpa, he's not doing well. he can't get out of bed

and then this opportunity got him so the other three games Georgina and George we didn't really need them especially them too especially that too do we need four of them they were never mentioned or talked or anything in the movie

it just creates more questions and answers and yeah you're right they were like always asleep weren't they they were asleep in like most scenes but when Joe gets up they're like oh what's going on over here they don't say anything though they don't say anything though

they don't say anything you're right those two can for sure go And then really you're right. But I would say you can get rid of all four grandparents, had the mom take the place of Grandpa Joe. She deserved it way more than Grandpa Joe. Oh, yeah.

You're off and running. And she could have had a couple funny lines. She could have said, Grandpa Joe didn't even say anything funny. She could literally said the lines that Grandpa Joe said in the movie. Like, oh, you know, you remember the thing we saw? And she could have been there. She could have been the person.

But this is 1971. Women can have a significant role in a child's fucking life. Therefore, they're not giving that. They're going to give it to the old white guy. So all she's there. do is just like pick up the clothes, make the soup. Yeah, yeah. And hopefully could have been the main character, main positive figure in the movie,

but they decided to avoid that. So that's what I'm going to say. Yep. All right. Sounds good. All right. Let's get to final notes and hot takes. Why were the geese's eggs so damn big?

They were literally the size of the geese's bodies completely. That's one of my takes that I've always been amazing. Maybe because I don't even remember the geese's. They were geese and their eggs. were literally as big as them. How's that possible? How are they popping those things out? Always been a question of mine.

Good question. Let me pose this one, which... This is a question that is not going to sound right if it's isolated outside of this conversation, but which one of the child's death was most terrifying? I'm going to say that... Coming out of the factory. The Chocolate River, man.

I agree. I'm saying blueberry. Blueberry was my second. Well, they don't know. that they take her to the juicing room. Yeah, but you're like, you know how bloated? You know how bloated? She felt by the time that she was filled with juice?

Like, I don't even know how quickly she filled up. Roll her away. Yeah. I do think, honestly, I wasn't ready for it when I saw because I didn't remember this part. But when what was the little fat kid's name that loved chocolate? Augustus. Augustus Gloop. When he gets stuck in the tube.

Save some room for later. I'm like, this would be the. the most terrifying way to watch your son die i can't think of a worse way and wonka is just sitting there with all the coolness of an air conditioner on a hot summer day and he's just like oh this is the fun part wait to you see the impact and like it's just he has no qualms about the fact that the fact it might be stuck in his tube in his factory and this should create a lawsuit that's going to ruin him for life so you got any quick clips no no no quick no quick clips I just want to go back to that elevator and how weird that editing was.

When it's flying, it's like, just like shaking. It's just going in a vague direction. Yeah. I got one. Are you able to eat everything in that fucking place? I always wondered. He said you could. Except for the stairs on the way down, everything, like the floor, the walk,

you're walking. Are you able to lick that shit? Like, oh, lemon. This is lemon flavor. Like, you're able to eat everything. I always wanted to, when he did the TV. Cup? I want to try that. I want to see how delicious is the drink. We talked about that. Is it lemon? Yeah, what does that taste like?

But it seems yellow though, because I'm going to eat lemon, but it's probably a Like a lemon cream or something? Could be sweet. Yeah, lemon cream is, sounds about it. Yeah, the crunch. Yeah, yeah. Great, anyways. I always wondered that. I mean, Jessen wanted to go off on that chocolate fountain about how it looked like water. I mean, that's just clear. It's just like watered down chocolate. There's a lot of bad special effects. When you grow as an adult, you're like, wait, what? What the fuck? What?

That is just brown water. Would you guys visit the factory have given an opportunity? Absolutely. Yeah. 100%. Without a doubt. It does feel like everybody that ends up murdered all those kids or whatever they end up, they all, which honestly, kudos to the writer for making it be like not an obvious murder.

They're all like, oh, he needs this and we're going to take them off or something. But like, all those kids died probably, right? Dude, that fact that was dope. They had a park they went to. They could eat everything. They went on a little ship ride. They got a little bit crazy, I guess. Then they went to, like, a cream store where they got to eat a bunch of stuff there.

And then they got to be in a movie. And then they got to be in a cream car where the cream was just... And then lick the wallpaper. Lick the wallpaper. I mean, what a day. I would absolutely pay to go. Can we talk about that boat ride for a second? Fizzy lifting drinks out, too?

Okay, first of all, I'm going on that ride. There was a giant... fan above that will murder them yeah i mean i'm that part's scary but the simple fact that we that's enough for me to not need it dude i want to fly burp charlie burbs like i'm like i actually might make this video but i'll just call it on now there is a scene for like four seconds when charlie just kept burping and falling down where i was like take a scene out of a movie and then just show it to somebody and then just give them no explanation and ask him what's happening That's curbing and falling

Make that happen Um They could probably like do a lot of little funny memes with that If I can Yeah And you just follow it down The boat ride The boat ride

Okay I've seen a lot of tripe movie scenes in my time There's two that I remember Specifically having a visceral reaction to where I was like I'm actually kind of trip and watching this movie One was that scene on Monday and the other one was at the time you showed me,

what's a movie with David Bowie that you love so much? A labyrinth? Labyrinth. When the guys are, like, throwing their heads off. The pink guys throwing their heads off? Yeah, yeah. I wanted that. But the combination of everything in that scene

with the visuals that are just coming out of nowhere, the chicken's head getting cut off, Slugworth popping out of nowhere, the colors, the fact that Willy Wonka all of a sudden ends up just tripping out and just, He gets in like a euphoric state and just starts, what does he say?

There's no real way of knowing which direction we are going. Is it raining? Is it pouring? Is a hurricane a blowing? Not a speck of lightish song to the danger must be growing. Is the green reaper mowing? Yes. The danger must be growing for the row is.

keep on rowing and they are showing any signs that they are slow. And one take right there. We're here. Exit, right? Yeah, that's it. Stop the boat. Super trippy. Yeah, so that was a trip.

All right. My last question is, what was the lesson in this movie? Don't be a glutton. Don't be over greedy. don't eat gum too much. TV's bad for you. You'll be into TV and as long as you're grateful and honest and somebody offers you much of money for something

that you know you shouldn't give the money the thing for. You're loyal. Yeah, all that things. All those. Everything he's good, better definition words. Synopsis. So basically be Charlie Bucket. Charlie Bucket.

Yeah. Just last sad. Charlie's always so sad in them. Cheer up, Charlie. He always has a sad face. He's always that sad face. He's seen his life. Yeah, but.

He lives with four grandparents that share a bed. He eats like celery soup every night. Cabbage soup. Cabbage soup. His mom does everything. He takes every little coin he can get and he gives it his ungrateful grandpa. He buys chocolate. So he can buy tobacco.

Tobacco and chocolate. Yeah, I guess so. But yeah, that's the moral story. There you go, Castle. So this movie wrapped up a little too quickly. for me. The fact that it was just like suddenly it went from you lose to here's a

gobstopper. You own the factory! And then there he just wins. Oh yeah. From that point it's done in three minutes. And it's just over. Yeah. That's it. No more questions. No follow up on all the kids that died. Nope. Oh, he says, he tells

him that they all go home safe to their sad, lonely lives. In the elevator, yeah. Okay. You probably fall asleep. But yeah, one of my favorite movies. Love Willie Wonka and had to go go into the grandparents and really kind of dissect that because I've been wanting to go into that since I was a kid. And even as an adult watching the movie,

he was like, what is going on? What's the first thing they're taking a bite of in that factory? The gummy beers. The big ass. The big ass, three-foot gummy beer. That's a good call. It might do that or the little teacup, man. The cup looked bomb.

The mushroom with the cream. Oh, mushroom cream. Okay. Why does he say that? Oh, mushroom cream? Almost everything is edible. and like he puts it out there, but then basically everybody just finds something

that it's like, oh, well, that's not finished yet, and it's probably going to kill you. Yeah, that gum pieces. On the low, hey, I know that we said everything is edible, but that chocolate's going to drown you. Yeah, you're going to die. But he says not to drink the chocolate. He should not be touched by human hands.

Contaminated now. He doesn't, not until too late. In Augsworth or whatever his name is. Augustus? Augustus. He's already in there. Anyways, I think we've eaten all the chocolate out of this box. Right? On behalf of DJ Jag.

Yeah. Jayway. What a do? Castle. Upa lupa doobu-de-doo. We are out of here.