Dissect DJs - *XMAS BONUS* 3 Things About Home Alone, Christmas Vacation, and Frosty The Snowman

Episode Date: December 24, 2020

We have a special Christmas cross-over edition for you this week, as the 3 Things We Gotta Talk About crew of Ryan Castle, Jason Malabuyoc and Greg Mestas takes over to dissect 3 all-time Christmas movie classics: Home Alone, Christmas Vacation, and Frosty the Snowman. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Oh, Dyset, DJs. And that is a Christmas intro. It's a little ditty by John Williams called Setting the Trap from the Home Alone soundtrack. And I am Ryan Castle of the Dice Set DJs. And we're going to do a little something different today for the Christmas season. We are going to dissect the entire composition of the Home Alone soundtrack. That's right. No, we're not really going to do that.

I just thought it would be a fun way to open. But it is the Christmas season, and we do want to do something special for you. So what we're going to do is a little cross-promotion action between my two podcasts. That's right. I actually don't bring this up much, but the Dysect DJs is actually a spinoff of my original podcast called Three Things We Got to Talk About, in which we used to do a recurring segment called Breakdown This Song. Which then led to the creation of this entire podcast, which was exclusively us breaking down specific songs, which led to all the fun and excitement that you get now with the dissect DJs.

But since it is Christmas week, and we already did our Christmas episode last week when we dissected Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas is you, which I hope is an episode you already checked in on, listened to, and thoroughly enjoyed. And I wanted to keep the Christmas spirit going this week, so I thought it was a good opportunity to cross over to our three things we've got to talk about podcasts since we also recorded a special Christmas episode over on that side of the aisle in which I was joined by the tremendously talented Jason Malibuyak and Greg Mestis and we had a great old time breaking down three of the most classic Christmas films of all time home alone Christmas vacation and Frosty the Snowman now justino was actually supposed to join us on that podcast as well but he was unable to make it and it is thoroughly

documented as to why, so you're going to want to listen to that. So let's get to it. Enjoy now our second annual Christmas edition of three things we got to talk about. And I want you all to do one thing for me. Make your Christmas merry. I don't really know how you do that. It's kind of a vague term. Nobody really knows exactly how to make a Christmas merry except you. So whatever it is you think you need to do to have that Merry Christmas, get out there and do it. Because if there's one thing I know about Christmas, it's that it's supposed to be merry. Now here it is. Enjoy our Christmas edition of three things we got to talk about. Hit the table scratch. I'm Ryan Castle, and it is showtime.

I think we nailed that. This year, Justino's not here. Blame it on our opinions. I think we nailed that. It is the three things we got. to talk about podcasts. Unfortunately, we're down a man, but we're still up three good men. So, I think, uh, spicy produce. Spicy produce, man. Don't eat the seeds, you know, like, that's just like one-on-one right there. Yeah. He probably had a couple of things.

He went full in. You got to eat cautiously. He went big on jalapeno last night, and apparently that has kept him out of action today. He came into the day questionable, became a game-time decision. And to be honest, we think he just didn't want to make the drive down because he lives like halfway to Vegas. But you know what, either way, we still got the team together. The classic three things we got to talk about team.

We got Mr. Jayway, Alara Naga, Malibuya. Here you are again. I love it. I love that I'm here. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Let's do it. And of course, the Grand Wizard, Mr. G. Mestizo.

Greg Mestis. That is I. I do not carry a wand, but I have been known to perform a spell or Can I just say that he has the deepest voice out of all of us, and he's the one that hit that note. He's the one that brought that home for us. It's the fireball whiskey. If we didn't have Greg in that opening, you know, it could have fallen apart. But I was trying to do a minimal effort because I'm surrounded by two fantastic singers.

And I know my role. Just keep hanging out with this, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can do some harmony. That's all that I mean. I have some harmony in me. Just your presence alone makes me feel comfortable as a singer. Well, that's what I bring up.

Bumblebee. That's what I'm at the table. She's breaking up. It is the Christmas edition of three things we've got to talk about. And you know what? We just had to make this a... What do you call it when something happens every year? An annual spectacle?

How do we describe it? A tradition? There we go. Unlike any other? I knew it was something that was great. I thought it used to, for a long time, people were like, we've got to get another word for annual spectacle. Tradition was just sitting there, just waiting.

edition. There it is. Hello friends. Here we are. Here we are. Although this is only year two of our tradition, right? And it's been a year. It's been a year, which is hard to imagine. And yet all the things that have happened in the past year that actually the last time we gathered in my garage to sit around

these microphones and discuss Christmas bullshit, it feels like an attorney to go. But yet somehow, also just yesterday. Yeah. It doesn't feel like yesterday. I don't know why people say that about things that clearly weren't yesterday because like yeah but it is both sides of it it's like i remember this moment very clearly but when you start to think about all the things that have happened since then it's an

eternity but i feel like not much has happened since last christmas there's a few things i'll enlighten you on them later you know we'll talk about it off mic yeah you know what i learned one thing though time flies and you're having fun and time flies when you're working from home i'm just i don't know and when you're not having fun yeah it does i don't know actually that's the opposite time does not fly. I've had a little fun. I've actually very much enjoyed. I have too. I have to. I have nothing's open. I've had a pretty good amount of fun. I'm having a great time right now. I am too. Yeah. It might be the grandpa's cough medicine that Greg Seppinon, aka Fire Beasel. Or it could be Jason's choice of, what is this? Polish vodka.

What is it? How do you pronounce this? I might as much. Luxa sola. Which, by the way, our audiences, I think, may that. They might like to know that. That's where vodka started. Poland. We've learned. A little fun fact. Poland is where a vodka started. Put that in your pocket. It's him for later. Jayway is our resident alcohol expert.

Not because he consumes it like a sailor, which he has been known to do on some occasions, not recently, but in the past, maybe. But because it's his trade. He studies this. It's an appreciation thing. He reads books about it. He does like seminars. Certification.

Yeah, he's certified. I'm just picturing you with my glasses low on your nose at night with like one single light on just studying. Relic. It is actually a good thing to be studied up. But as somebody that's bartended before, like, there were times when I would feel humbled when people would try to get deep on me on this kind of conversation. And I didn't really have the answers they wanted to be like, you know what? I'm not one of those bartenders that, like, went to bartending school as it may be.

So I'm not one of those bartenders. I can offer you a shot of fireball, though. The poor wicked shot. Yep. But that is also part of the Christmas spirit. Gotta stay warm. It's got to stay warm. It keeps you warm.

It keeps you warm. It is. Yeah. In Hermosa Beach. Yeah. I don't know where you're turning in from audience, but out here it's a brisk. They're probably... It's a cool 59 degrees out of there.

Probably tuning in for summer much colder, and we are assholes for... I know we have a large fan base in Lithuania, so I'm not sure what the temperatures like out there right now. Oh, Lithuanians love us. I don't know. It's probably hot out there. It's probably hot. I don't know. I don't think it's ever hot in Lithuania.

I don't even know where that is. I don't even know they celebrate Christmas. I read about that on the back of a national geographic. I like that. everything Craig says he has his finger in his ear as though he's reporting as he's coming live from the scene of like an action. We have an update for you, Roger. Down here on the streets. What is Chappelle say?

It always takes a guy a second. Hi, Bob. Yeah. All right. Okay, what do we got to talk about this year, man? You got three things we got to talk about. And you know what? Hey, let me just address the elephant that you're probably not even realizing is in the room real quick.

I have not been as frequent in my three years. things we got to talk about podcast episodes recently, mostly because I've been putting a lot of focus in the dissect DJs, which we do weekly episodes. Yeah. With the way to just, uh, missing Justino. Way to just forget about the other important thing in your life. Yeah, way to put us on the back burner. Appreciate it. But the point is, I cannot let the Christmas edition of Three Things slide because there are a lot of things to talk about in Christmas. And we picked out three of the best things. And if you've listened to the podcast recently,

you may have noticed that I've turned a little bit of a corner and we're doing a little bit of like a film review thing where each episode has been three things about this movie. But for Christmas, there's so many classic films that we could discuss that, you know what, let's break it down into three sectors, three different Christmas flicks that we can all get in on. And that brings me to this question, just off the top, What is first thing that comes to your mind

Favorite Christmas movie of all time? Greece That's how much The word is the world is the world It's got food I'm feeling And just so you know Ever since our Greece episode

The three of us have met up Every third Saturday of the month And we become a du-op group And we just sing that song On the corner of the freeway And we're not even asking for money We just do it for sure Look under your next street light.

You might find us. We might just be there crooning. With their T-bird leather jackets. With our collars slipped up. You know what I mean? Just snap it in the corner. Even in the summer, leather. It's hot as fuck.

It's a feeling. Dan, dan, dan. All right, but last time I checked, there is no Christmas scenes in Greece, although it could have used it, maybe. I don't know. They just zipped right over that. I don't know.

Yes. Yes. So, grease is not a reference to, Santa's filthy flesh It's pretty greasy man That it might be one of the greasiest I came up with that

He just fucking slips down those fucking chimneys It makes so greasy Exactly Yeah You might even spell that with a Z That greasy Does anybody actually have a real Christmas movie That they want to like reference maybe as a favorite

No Like a real Every December you're like I gotta watch a Christmas movie I don't know when I'm gonna start Is the 8th too early maybe let's wait until the ninth. Who knows? But what's that first flick that you put on?

Do you have an answer? I was pointing at him because I need to hear this. I don't know if I do have a first flick. I was going to say probably one of the ones that are on our list is Home Alone. Home Alone is definitely the first one that comes in my mind as well. It's a definite go-to. And Home Alone is one of those Christmas movies where you don't even need for it to be Christmas season to watch. Like, I will watch it in June and have a great time.

But when it is actually, Christmas season, it's that much more like, okay, wait, when I see Home Alone on the guide, I'm like, well, I have to watch this. What an idea, Home Alone in the summer? Yeah, I can dig with that. It could happen. People, I think robbers still do a good amount of break-ins in July, you know? I think it's worth trotting out there. Yeah, I don't know. I was going to kick the rock around to see a couple of other movies that might be worth mentioning in Christmas, but if we want to just talk about Home Alone, I think we got some things. we got to talk about.

So, let's go ahead and kick it off with my man, Kevin McAllister, and toss it up to the rundown and get it going with thing number one. Thing number one. One, one. That's probably what I've missed most. Justin always said that. I can't do it quite as much. I miss having the lead up.

Take it easy. Take it easy, bro. I know. Let's take it easy. First of all, jalapinos are not a snack. I don't even like them on my burger, let alone maybe a taco. You got to be careful. You got to be careful.

You don't know what level jalapeno you're getting. Exactly. That's exactly what I was just going to say. There's like candied ones that you don't know that are just sweet or whatever. And you're like, oh, guess, whatever. And you might get one that just might fuck you will. They'll sneak up on you. By the time you realize it's too late, it's too late.

Because now it's going to take its time in your mouth and in your sinuses and next thing you know, you're missing your Christmas special. I'm glad that we've made this much of. of a reference to the fact that Justin didn't make it out because he ate a bad jalapeno last night. But do we didn't? I will say, that's a very, if you ever just want to get out of something, I'm going to assume he's telling the truth. Nobody's going to ask you questions about it.

Yeah, dude, I fucking ate some jalapeno's that. And they were strong. Stronger than they looked. Yeah, knock doc, who's there? Mud butt. And you know what? I'm staying home. Mud butt.

Mud butt, get out of here. The Christmas season doesn't believe in you. Take your fucking Santa hat off. we never said the thing won yet right we just started talking about just in the jalapeno we had to address it again it's worth addressing it's a hot topic right now get it it is yeah double entendres it's a hot topic it's a spicy topic one might say oh all right careful careful careful we need you over the rest of the show yeah we're trying to say the same thing but we're right a loss of words yeah yeah yeah and words are hard sometimes yeah you know what word is not hard thing

Number one. That's when I'm going to finally drop the sound effect. There you go. All right, thing number one, keeping in mind where we are at nowadays with lockdown and most families not being able to gather. Does home alone make you want to spend the holidays with your family more? Or does it make you feel like maybe spending Christmas by myself not so bad? well okay i'm gonna go ahead and um i'm gonna put i'm gonna move my first pawn out on the chessboard go diagonal with it yeah i'm gonna do the sicilian i'm like queen's gamut right now here we go and i'm gonna say that i don't know if like

that is a very specific demographic of american family that's featured in this film right like we have a very wealthy young man named kevin who who goes out Kevin and Kevin's dad Pretty sure Kevin's dad is the wealthy young man here. Well, I'm sure he's going to inherit. That's another type of stuff. That's a whole other thing. Which everyone has always talked about is how, where did he get his money? Where is Mr. McCallard's money coming down?

What's he slinging? Yeah. But so, you know, obviously, like we can say that, uh, that family was shitty. Terrible family. That was a fucked up-ass family. Really shitty family. And, uh, just put yourself in Kevin's shoes. In Kevin's shoes.

It makes you do that, though. Like, the movie begins. It almost like forces you to like be like this is you. You are a seven-year-old boy in a family full of just shitty nightmare people. You got his crazy-ass uncle Frank who's just the lowest piece of scum. Like 9,000 cousins just running around and all of them are dicks to you. And nobody has your back. No one.

So is that not maybe for some people a metaphor of like, hey, you know that whole life thing you're working towards? This is what you got. A whole lot more of this bullshit. As the ride proceeds. So you got to think there's got to be some people that have that kind of family that are like, you know what? I'm okay that I can't make it back home this year because my family kind of sucks. And every time I go back, I hate them.

And I just have a shitty time. And maybe I'll do the, maybe I'll pull a Kevin McAllister and make this whole solo Christmas action happen. So maybe he's actually like inspiring. people that watch it nowadays. That's a new way to look at it. They're like, okay, how can you go about it? Yeah. I think that there's a scene where he's at,

that they're all eating, you know, pizza or whatever, and he doesn't get his cheese pizza, and his older brother, you know, is like disgustingly shoving cheese, pizza in his mouth. Shoveling it. There's somebody, like, early, like, that movie, that grosses me out.

It's for some reason, I don't know why. Everyone drink milk with your pizza. Fuck out of it. What is that about, dude? This fucked up, Not Goper. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to interject.

That was appalling. It was disgusting. When's the last time you had milk and pizza, fuck out of here? Gopher was all about drinking the Pepsi. They were all like warning it. There was some milk though. Yeah, there was some milk involved because it got spilled. But then his mom walks him up to the attic and it's very routine.

She's like, you know what to do? Yeah. So it's like, I totally understand why this poor child, his, can you know what you're just routinely said, get in your mom? said get in the attic and I don't want to see you for the rest of the night. Dude, this poor kid, like... No TV, no nothing, bro. No TV.

You and your thoughts. There's nothing cool in an attic to, like, chill it. Cold-ass attic. Unless you went up to the attic yourself to explore. And like, you set it up yourself? Yeah. Yeah. If you're being told to go there, that's a bad place to be.

But if you were like, oh, wait, I kind of want to see what's good with the attic. Like, I remember my grandma, both sides of grandparents actually... Like, designer addicts? Cool addicts because, like, they were in Ohio and Ohio has cool addicts. Like the thing we're missing out here in California, we don't have basements, we don't have attics. We don't have shit. We got some things.

We got a beach. I'll take the beach over an attic. High rent. But yeah, and I remember their addicts being cool with just like a lot of like just like stashed away stuff. You go through. But you don't want to be sent there, you know? So yeah, Kevin was kind of over that.

That pizza scene though, man. Dude, that pizza scene. And then there's like the little thought bubbles of all the horrible people just just saying how shitty he is. Yeah. This poor kid, man. They're all glaring at him with like a look up just a stain. And his dad's or his uncle's, what did his uncle say? He's like, you're such a little

jerk, I don't know what he said. What you did? You a little jerk? A little jerk. Kevin, you're such a disease. Like, that's fucked up. What a fucked up thing to say to you. Would you ever call someone a disease? If one of my cousins called me a disease when I was seven, I would still remember it to this day. I think you're

minus one cousin after that. And I would hold it against them. If I was hanging out with them now and we were like you know throwing down some fireball shots i'd be like you remember the one time when i was seven and you call me a fucking disease you'll fuck you for that a little bit though like i never forgot that uh yeah kevin's gonna keep that and then to him it seems like that's just like another day in the life of the mccalister household yeah and it's like he's a rich little kid who's spoiled but but then also he's just got such terrible surrounding of human beings so it's like he's a little shit but i kind of feel really bad they're like all the same person and

in that family. They're all a little spoiled. All his cousins are spoiled. Yeah. Buzz can shovel pizza in his mouth and then almost throw up and then it's his little brother's fault. So look I see both sides. I also see in the beginning I was kind of like, dude Kevin's kind of like a little shit. Yeah. Yeah, because like no wonder you've been sent

to the attic, you little fuck. But I also understand that your family is full of fucking idiots. It's a vicious cycle. Yeah. He is a scapegoat. Yeah, yeah. They use him as a scapegoat which where he's, but like there, there is that scene when his mom's on the phone and he's just like being a little like piece of shit and like she's just like trying to get him to like stop bothering him and you're and like at that point you're like yeah

kevin like dude your mom's trying to have a conversation like stop pestering with your bullshit you know so once you see the way his family treats him you're like well yeah there's a lot of this shit is built up over the years you know yeah yeah rebelling exactly yeah let's get to the question though I guess it depends on what family you're in though you know it does so like I think actually although the general point of the movie is to make you feel like you don't want to be home alone because don't take your family for granted don't take your kid family for granted but let's be but fuck them that night let's all right let let let let me do you a three day vacation from my fucking family sure let's do this for a second for making me drink milk with my pizza and

shit the reason that kevin's experience by himself became a shitty one was because these fucking robbers were trying to like break in if you took the robbers away let's look at Kevin's experience by himself he got to watch all the movies he never got to see he got to have like ice cream sundays like built up to the top of his

fucking head he was like six pepsies deep passed out watching whatever the hell he wanted and he displayed that he actually kind of even knows how to take care of himself he was doing grocery shopping dude I will say like I feel like he does better without his

parents and without anybody else all he needs He flourishes. He flourishes. We watched him grow before our eyes. I have a coupon for that. What? I never used a coupon in my entire life. Actually, online.

Sorry. Whatever. Promocodes. Promocode. That's a difference. Where's a castle merch at? It's actually weird that when I shop online, I look for the promo codes. But, like, I get, my entire life, I've gotten, like, coupons sent to my house.

But, like, none of them work. I've never even bothered to try to cut that shit out. Like, I'm like, this is trash. So Kevin, as an 8-year-old, had to get by before the internet and retail me not for an orange-use coupon. A coupon for Tropicana. And you know what's funny is that cashier was the only adult to question his singleness. She was nosy as fuck, though. Yeah, but as she should be, this is a fucking 8-year-old kid who's running around.

There's been so many instances of adults not asking where he's been. What's your address? Which is social. She was the only one that was like, why is there? She was the only responsible adult though. Yeah. She looked like a kid too. The old man in church when they meet up the church later on, I'm like fast-forwarding pretty far.

But like the cops never asked. Even him, he never questioned why he was there by. No one asked. Although I will say now that we're talking. Wow, that's a great point. He's like not where's your parents? I've noticed you around by yourself. How about the two burglars running around and brought daylight and white snow?

Yeah. And how about the fact that I thought about this as I watched it last night? So many questions. So the shovelman sees him in church, and then they kind of get to know each other a little bit. And the shovel man turns out to not be like a homeless guy. Serial killer. He has a home. Yeah, yeah.

And he's like, could they not have right then been like, oh, by the way, my parents were out of time? Like, do you have like a place? I could stay because I'm by myself or something? Like, they could have worked something. That shovel looks deadly. There's two guys that are trying to break into my house. Yeah. Can you just protect it?

Like he didn't bring. I gave you life-saving advice with your son. You help me out with these. Right. Why would you not bring up the whole robbers thing? And it could have actually been done because then he ends up saving him at the end. So like, why would he? And isn't somebody else's house? Wait, was it, actually, was it the, was it the shovelman's house that he runs to?

Showman's house. Okay, so he had that house the whole time. Why didn't they, okay, why didn't they work that out? Actually, maybe it wasn't Shelburne's house. I think it was. No, they flooded it with water. No, that wasn't shovelman's house. Because they end up in somebody else's house.

Yeah. That's right. Yeah. And I think, and then, and then he was flooded. hit some of the shovel because they're in his house. Shovelman's house is clean because of all the salt. Yeah. And also, Shovelman's shovel is so fucking thin.

He's not knocking anybody out with that thing. You know that scene where he knocks Gropessi out with a tiny little foil thing? He kind of hit him like. I don't think that would knock you out like it did him. But like in movies, like when you need somebody to get knocked out, it's like a WWE. Like when somebody gets hit with a championship belt, like they're out. But if that actually happened in life, they'd be like,

oh, dude, what the fuck? You know what I was just coming? knowing and rude why did you do that but if the point is about watching home alone I watched it

you know recently with subtitles because that's what we do in 2020 and when he mumbles it just says mutters and go fring around

frown like just can you imagine if they just let Joe Pessie cuss like just say it this little fucking shit

I'm gonna fucking split his fucking head open with his fucking crowbar that got away look at his fucking guy he could be argued that Joe Pesci

is the best like mutterer in cinema history though like he has a great mutter like when he mutters he's not in some syllables fucking great yeah two points I want to make we just discussed on the on the shovel man

one when we were talking about him on the at the store and they're all afraid of them actually I'll go to the other one first oh there's so many oh sorry go ahead guy guy sorry and they first discuss him and Buzz is pointing him out and they're like see that

he puts salt on the sidewalks every night you're like why does do that and I just wanted to like them follow up be like yeah because that's his job it's icy on the sidewalk and he's kind of helping everybody out like I don't know I thought that was kind of a good dude

yeah yeah like somebody kind of needs to do that like why does everybody look at him like he's a murderer when he's actually like hey ribbon on his coat it's because he's a good Samaritan yeah he paint ribbon he hates breast cancer fucking guy see that he rakes the leaves off the sidewalk every day.

Some say it's because he just murdered somebody with that rake. He ends up not being a bad dude and we know that. But when Kevin is at the checkout counter and he first shows up and he slams his hand down.

He comes down super aggressive. Who slams the hand down? The old shovel man who does that? But who does that? And he just glares at him. You don't glare at a seven-year-old boy like that like he tells him later like oh the last time

I slam a hand out like that with a fucking slammer on plain pogs right that's the only time that makes sense take somebody's pogs he slams his hand down trying to buy produce yeah and he stares at him with the fucking coldest glare and then Kevin runs away and he makes no effort to be like hey I'm sorry that was a little bit

my bad no that was aggressive you're a scary dude I feel like he's enjoying his like scary old man vibe at that point yeah because he's heard the stories First of all, I didn't even know that John Muir was still alive and they could cast him in a film. John Muir is, you actually know the actor? I didn't know. John Muir is, it's an old reference to a guy who explored like Yosemite in like 1880s.

He looks like him. So for the two people out there that enjoyed that, congratulations. For my two hiking enthusiasts out there, that one was for you. But I want to say, there's so many. Somebody out there is like, John Mears. Oh! He was bored as fucking this podcast until that moment. Waiting for the John Muir reference.

That was the most random fact, but I love it because little things like that is what keeps the world going. Yes, man. Hiking is important. Get out there and see the wild. What I wanted to say that there's so many going on my theme of irresponsible adults. Kevin proceeds to ask, is this a toothbrush sponsored by the ADA? She's so conflicted by this question. She doesn't ask where his parents are.

that's another adult that doesn't question the adult I got a question about a toothbrush Yeah Right And then and then he runs out And then the cops like Probably actually like

Doing important jobs Like pulling somebody over Right Just decides He's got to chase a fucking kid With a toothbrush There's just so many terrible adults In 90s movies

Right I love that. Who was the most responsible A person in that movie? Kevin Kevin he was Easily Hands down

His parents, his parents alone. And shovel guy. Okay, how do you get from... Outside of that counter-slapping? Yeah, he was pretty. Yeah, he was the one salting the sidewalks. How come everybody's making him out to be a villain for that instead of being like, hey, thanks for protecting our community

from slipping on the sidewalks every day. Thank you. They should be applauding that man. Think about how long and how many steps it takes to get from your house. I get the miscounted heads, right? or the niece, whatever, was it's responsible for counting all the kids' heads. She counted homeboy, that was the neighbor.

The stupid kid, right? Also, let me just say real quick, wrong person to put in charge of that. Why is, like, a nine-year-old being put in charge of the headcount? Well, she was like 16 and 15. Whatever. She was, not bad. If I'm a mom of a family like that.

She was 90s hot. She was like that weird, like, what's her age? I don't know, but she's kind of hot. She's probably like 37. Yeah. Like a good 37. 37 playing 16. But how do they get from there all the way onto the plane without...

There's so many moments. Looking for your kids. Right. I mean, I get the running. Because you're running late. Because you're running. Especially, well, like, let's consider this. It's established early that Kevin is unmissable in that family.

Everybody knows where he is at all times because apparently he's a nuisance. What does his mom tell him? There are 16 people in this family and only one. Something about we can't control or something. You got to cause a problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they got to know where Kevin's at. And then at the, on there on the plane, they're like, oh, what are we forgetting?

And she goes, Kevin! And it's like, okay, well then you were able to figure it out that quickly at that point. Yeah. You never realized that Kevin wasn't in the car. I left the garage open. That's what it was. Well, surely. Super equal to leaving your son at home.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think it's like a subliminally. They just want to get rid of Kevin. They're trying to like... The rest of the family, we're totally cool with it. Buzz still doesn't flinch at it. He's like, first of all, I'm not that lucky.

Like, dude, your brother might be fucking dead now. Your brother. And your first reaction is, I'm not that lucky. Like, you truly are a piece of shit. Can I just pull this together really quick? Because I'm just thinking about everything we're saying is, I think Kevin justified to having his own Christmas and being happy about it. I think I absolutely think so

with this COVID season would I be happy with my own Christmas I might be if I'm Kevin yeah but I'm also thinking about my parents I'm also thinking about I want my family to be safe yeah but there is a little part of me

that's like hell yeah like we fucking just kind of do my own thing real quick yeah I like you know at home alone is kind of like it's a different kind of Christmas

like we're all having right now we're all kind of probably not celebrating like we want to with the family. Hopefully our families aren't as terrorists like all these fans. Hey, I know. Hey, what's up? Hey, what's up, grandma?

I mean, I don't know. I think it was a great film. I think we learned a lot. Well, you do learn a lot. I think John Candy comes off the bench. I love that. I love that she hopped a ride with John Candy

in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Scranton. She happens to be where the office was. Yeah, yeah. I wonder if that's the reason they decided, like maybe there was like a young writer for office. that was like watching that like scrinton you know what I thought about though

he was like seven when he was watching yeah I like that town the amount of shit that the mom went through to get home to her son you're gonna say the same thing I was gonna say right did you listen to the Kenosha kickers and polka yeah yeah shit's around with them she does like

the big ass reunion eight flights yeah she gave up $500 and her earrings and her earrings dangling ones yeah yeah and fucking the whole nine and who fucking shows up five minutes later This is exactly what I was going to bring up. All she had to do was wait.

Was say, okay, we'll take that flight in the morning. Yeah, but she didn't. She's a mom with her home with a kid. I get that, but sometimes reason needs to take over, like, panic, you know? Like, literally five minutes after she gets there. How about being Peter McAllister right there? I mean, like, I told you so. Oh, what a fucking told us.

What a time to be alive. But now I told you so because she's like, you fucking stay. when you shit up like you don't care about your son you don't try to leave at the first job of the chain he was being smart he was eight he was smarter not harder he still hit that night

dude he brought the whole family back she wasn't expecting it I just over that that reunion scene too when she comes home and she's like Kevin it's an emotional scene it's a very emotional scene he gets a smile on his face and then they rush together

and then literally 30 seconds later he's alone again like they all go there nobody gets a fuck about him yeah he's back to be right no left to fuck off all right He's back to being a neglected youth.

He has a moment with Buzz where for the first time ever, Buzz is like, all right, it's cool, he did bird the place down. And then immediately backtracks out because he's like, wait, you fucked up my room? What the fuck? Also, Buzz is not a brother. Buzz is like a prison cell inmate. That's where he's headed.

Who names their son Buzz? Somebody that knows that their son's going to end up being a Buzz. Hey, Buzz. Everything about that guy. Mom, can I have a tarantula? Yeah, because your name is Buzz. Yeah, yeah. You would have a tarantula.

You know what I do you want to own, though? One of these days is a freaking chest that Buzz had with all of the firecrackers and Playboys. Buzz, your girlfriend. Can I make a point? Can I make a point about that Playboy dough? Did you look at the cover of Play. Like, it is the same as Playboy cover. Yeah.

Okay. It says, like, newscasters bear all. And it's just a picture of like a series of headshots of, like, newscasters. No nudity. There's no way a Playboy magazine. ever was like that that thing would have sold the least amount of copies ever got a good question about the tarantula do you guys think it was put right next to the highlights magazines sorry yeah exactly do highlights that's a great one I think it

it looked like flat attendance weekly in the cover is that Clifford what is that do you guys think the tarantula was played by the same actor or they rotated actor oh that's a great question throughout the film I think there's multiple because one was more lively that was like I'm gonna call anywhere yeah yeah When they needed the crawler. They need the crawler, and they needed the one that's just going to fucking chill. I wonder, yeah, if any of those tarantulas are sag. It's kind of.

Imagine being the guy that's in charge of the tarantulas. What a life you have? You're probably a tarantula. What does your Tinder profile say? I handle bugs. Like, you know, I'm like, I fuck with bugs. I got spiders. Yeah.

You afraid of spiders? I'm not. Dang. Closing. I fear nothing. A, B, C, baby. Always be closing. Yep.

Man, I just got to give it up to Kevin for just the sheer ingenuity. Also, this film only works in an upper-class family in a large house. I mean, you can't stage this film in a one-bedroom in the Bronx. There's only so many escape options or rooms. It makes sense because that's why the robbers are focused on that house, because they're like, that's the crown door right there. Like, that house has everything we need. So it makes sense that the robbers would keep focusing.

If it was a shitty apartment, they wouldn't keep coming back and being like, wait we got a that was an immaculate house yeah it was pristine bricks two theories i want to i'd get in real quick one i heard that peter macalster is like the don he's in charge of the mob which would actually answer a lot of questions about this why he's able to afford this house why his house tends to be like just kind of like kept off like i got a hot take yeah i do have a hot take let's hear it they're not well off he's just good with his money you know why i say that because when kevin sees the garages open station wagon like old fucking

Lincoln it's true you're not riding a wood side fucking station wagon if you're well off you got a fucking corvette in there because daddy's got to

fucking take it right on the weekend like give me a break I would argue though if you were good with your money meaning if you were I was smart with your money

on my station wagon and I will upload on this house but and I got miles to fly the whole entire family to this Paris trip

yeah but you know he might have done on some freaking flyer myers or something but you wouldn't let an ass hat like Uncle Frank get by with the bullshit he does. Like if you were smart with your money, you would cut that motherfucker out long ago. Who's Uncle Frank? Family's a you little jury.

Is it the mom or the dad? Who's Uncle Frank? You know it actually makes more sense if it's the moms because then he's like, if it was his brother, he'd be like, dude, I'm not fucking bailing you out again. That guy's trying to cheat by on everything. You didn't want to pay for the pizza. He didn't want to pay for the pizza. He was like, oh, I got a, it was a 90s reference. Oh, no, wait.

Actually, he said this is my brother's house. Oh, he did. You're right. Oh, there we go. You answered the question right there? Oh, just one of the super irresponsible adult in this film was when Kevin's like running down the street and he goes to that little Santa Claus house to go like wish for his family back, right?

Remember that? And the old chick is like, Santa's over there smoking a cigarette by his car and he goes up and says hi. And he tells this grown adult man, I want my family back, my mom, my dad, my cousins, my everything. And the guy's like, hey kid. I'm sorry to hear it. Here's some tic tic-tacks. Here's some tic-tac little shit. Again, another irresponsible.

It's what he had to offer. Like, where is your family, bro? Does zero follow-up questions? I'm gonna hop on my old school Honda real-tree. I got a book. I got a book. I was just not turning around. He didn't give a fuck. He wasn't trying to like become an adopted father at that point.

You know, he's like, yeah, he's a dick-deck. That's the best I could offer. Wow, this kids really need. Here's a tic-ta-s, son of fuck off. Demonstrated himself to be the most responsible individual in this whole film. I think he's grown by the age of eight beyond the capacity or need for a family and they're just holding it. It made him grow up for a trip to New York, one would say.

Right. I'd after I'd never seen Home Alone 2. Oh, shit. That's got to be next year. Next year. We're gonna watch Home Alone too. The other theory that I wanted to mention because I mentioned two, one was the Peter McAllister as the Don. And this one actually makes

more sense to me that Kevin McAllister becomes the guy from Saw. And if you look at how shitty that family is to him if the pizza scene is any indication of what Kevin's life is like on a daily basis, you're getting tortured every day and there's never even a throwaway line

as to why Kevin is so fucking good at throwing these traps together like so quick. Like there's literally one scene he opens up that whole map and it's like, dude, it would have taken me a whole day to even like come up with that shit. He does it in like a minute. Like the way he's actually able to concoct a whole house of traps, that's an evil genius at work right there.

And if you look at the way the guy from Saw is, he would have had to basically had that kind of upbringing. I can see that working for a murder. Yeah, so Kevin ends up being a murder. I'm glad we ended up with that out of this whole Home Alone discussion. It was inevitable, though. We were going to get there. All right, so here's why I want to do this.

We're running along on Home Alone. So I want to make sure at the end of our discussion of Home Alone, and each movie we discuss that we throw out some C-Notes. We've come to a point on The Three Things Podcasts. I think C-Notes deserves a little sound effect just to make it clear. So I'm going to throw the little C-Node sound effect right there. Okay, thank you very much. Okay, let's run through a couple of these Home Loan notes real quick.

Let's do it. First of all, I want to start with that TV in the kitchen. What the fuck is that? We discuss how Peter McAllister is like the Don and he's rich as fuck and his house is like a gorgeous mansion. and yet they have a TV that's a size of like a cantaloupe just supplying all the energy in the kitchen. But they didn't have a VCR on it though?

It might have. Checkmate. That was good living. Then get a TV that's a few more inches than nine inches diameter. You had a VCR TV combo? You were fucking rolling. That was good living right. Not only does Kevin use it to watch.

This was before DVDs. We live a good eating shrimp. Get a TV that's an actual size. When you're in the kitchen, making your meal, You're not you don't need the best television set, but you need... If you're the Don you do. If you're Don Peter McAllister. No, you'd invest in a living room TV.

If you're rich, then you got a little something in the kitchen. It's like the size of a brain ball. You got to think back then it had a fucking VCR. It had an outlet, right? Like, okay, well then get a better TV. Well, here's the thing. There was a combo. Kevin uses it as the sound device to scare away the robbers and the pizza guy.

How about that sound? But that's the thing. There's no way that TV is going to have that kind of sound. Wait a second. I'm going to get you to the count of ten. You can hear it. You can hear it around the fucking house all the way to the front of the home. Exactly.

Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell out of here. I love that. You built the animal. By the way, I did some research on that. That's my next note. Okay. Is this a real movie? That's what I wanted to look up.

I'm so happy. Was that a real movie? Because it feels like it's like an old school gangster movie. So I found out that when... Snakes. ASE said 10%. He did a good job. That's too bad Acese's not in charge no more.

They all did a great job. Yeah, they did a great job. So I looked it up, and when he puts in the VHS, they show it. It says Angels with Dirty Souls. What a title. So it was a playoff and a tribute to a movie that I think, was the director loved that was from the 30s, and it was called Angels with Dirty Faces.

So it wasn't actually like scenes from it, but that was like what inspired the clips that they shot. But they actually did shoot those scenes themselves, apparently in a library. Can I just say, though, that Angels with Dirty Souls sounds much grittyer. Way cooler. Way grittier. You got a dirty face.

You get a little white peepy, whitey, a little noxena. Like, you cool. Keep the change, you filthy animals. How do you clean your soul? That's such a good... That's one of my favorite parts of that whole... That's such a great scene right there. Oh, and Kevin...

It's the sub-movie within the movie is my favorite. The movie within the movie. I would argue that I think McColley Colkin wins over the majority of the fans of that movie the first time around. When he mouths... Keep the change. You're a filthy animal. Like, that's when you're really like, dude, I like this kid. I don't know.

Wait, wait. You know, we should do it? Let's all mouth it right now. And then he got his own cheese pizza. And then he got his own cheese. Okay, wait, that's a note I have, too. I've always hated when there's a group of pizzas that come, and somebody has to be like, I only do cheese pizza.

I'm like, fuck you, take the pepperoni's off your pieces. Talk like him. Talk like him. Get it out there. I'm like so, you know, filthy animal. Yeah. I'm just like, with the fact that Kevin has to have a cheese pizza, like, why? Peasas are bum.

What are you on edge and shit? Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. Uncultured swine. All right, Greg. Throw a mushroom on there, you fuck. Yeah, give me a C note. What's a note you took?

I don't know. On the film, I just feel like moral of the story is you can leave your young children at home for long periods of time as long as it's funny. That's a great... You're going to make a great father someday. That's a great... Look forward to that. Outlook. Yeah.

I'm with you. There's a point when Kevin is first realizing he's home and he goes through all the memories. of all the shitty things that his family said when it's like Kevin you're a disease and all this and there's this quick sound clip of Buzz that says Kevin I'm gonna feed you to my tarantula which was said at no point in the movie I don't know if it was the deleted scene or what they just threw it in there

just to articulate the fact that Buzz was a shit and take four Buzz go ahead and hit it just like riffing yeah I'm gonna feed you to my tarantula You guys listen to Wu-Tang's like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, like, they just like, think of what they're gonna say, like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna feed you to my tarantula. And then Wutei goes, then I'm gonna flatten you with a spatula. Yeah, I'm gonna stab you with a rusty school driver. Blah! Like, it's just like, blah.

Boom, boom, boom, buzz. Boom, boom. And it's not like Buzz didn't have plenty of shitty lines on him in the movie that they could have used for that. So it's weird. I'm gonna go back to the point that you made earlier about the toothbrush thing when she's like, hey, Earl, is this. toothbrush certified, but if I was Earl right there, and I don't even remember if it was Earl, I just think you said that. I would have been like, what the fuck are you? I think it was herb. I would have been like, I don't fucking, tell the seven-year-old to buy it or fuck off.

Shouldn't you say it on the toothbrush? Or just say yes. Just say yes it is. Absolutely 100%. Yeah, like who cares? He doesn't know what the fuck's down. This toothbrush was made by dentist. Is there any seven-year-old kid like him that actually exists that is going to ask questions like this. No, because they want one that has like Super Mario on it. No, that's all I needed. Yeah, is Yoshi on the side? Cool, I want that one.

I'm not hating on Super Mario, though. You know, I want that one. I mean, yeah, if you're concerned at eight years old about the certifiability of your oral hygiene equipment, you're going to be in saw later in your life. Yeah, you'd be that kind of guy that likes that. You're going to kill a lot of people. If your family keeps fucking with like this on a daily basis for that match, Like, yeah, and you have that kind of ingenuity in your mind to be able to set up.

He was attempting to murder both of these robbers as they were coming in the house. I mean, flame throwers. Yeah. Ice slacks. So many of those things could have absolutely killed those guys. He could have murdered these people. And I guarantee he would have just had a little. He would have a little smile that he gives somebody.

And they really had been proud of himself. And then the cops wouldn't have cared because no one's responsible. Then I also had, how did Kevin clean up the place so quickly? Like, he threw tar all over the same. Very good observation. Race cars ever. Like he, like that place was a shit stye. Because that was mine.

And nobody questioned it when it came back. The only person that questioned it was. Buzz. Because his room got fucked up. So that was apparently the only room that Kevin didn't bother to actually fix up. Because he didn't need to. Buzz was a piece of shit. And then the last note.

And then we'll get off home alone. Kevin, way too cocky with his traps as he. he's going. A lot of those traps were avoidable. But like he's literally like, you guys give up. Are you thirsty for more? And like they could have easily been like, okay, now let me step over the tar real quick. Let me avoid, you know, the, oh, this handle's kind of hot. I'm going to not touch it for like five seconds out of time. Like, or I'm not going to not. Kick the door down under the torch until it looks like a crem burleigh. The whole time. Move, bro. For like 15, seconds.

Yeah, this hurts. Did we get the shot? Yeah, like, no, like, get out of there. No, he's way too cocky that all his job.

Like, at that point, he should be stoked that all of his traps have worked so well, but you shouldn't assume at that point. And they don't. And at one point,

they're like, oh, we outsmarted you. Yeah, so they were in the rights, be like, yeah, you're not going to keep getting one-overs, because they're fucking dumb-ass robbers. They're the worst.

They're fucking stupid. They were not very smart, but I will say that Marve's womanly screams were always good for a laugh. Oh, good, good. He nailed it. He did a great job.

Like women's screaming. They do have good screams. Both of them do, yeah. They do have good screams. They got a good little f-hrm-fram. I would argue that. You know a little fucking shit. I would have smashed you an ad with a fucking man.

Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern are absolutely the two best actors you could have cast in that role. They're polar opposite. I don't think of it. Honestly. I don't think you could have got anybody better to play those roles. And I don't think you'd have got anybody better than McCullough Cocon either so he did a great well done all the way around home alone i would even say katherine o'hara that was her name right uh kevin's mom milf no not katherine o'hara but i know that's katherine

o'hara that's her name schitz creek oh that is that i know that i know that i've never watched shitscreek wait wait but i heard it's funny she's a mom and she's the mom in home loan right she's just a mom but she's she's a mom and everything she's she's the mom in home loan though she was born a mom check this out she's my mom she's did you you know that? No, you'll find out. Just now. She, uh, kind of the perfect mom. So I think that the, for this role, because she obviously, with her scream and everything, like shows the genuine horror that would overtake a woman realizing she left her kid, also was able to show the panic and the just overwhelming, I need to fucking make this right. I don't care what I need to do.

And the compassion of like singing, like, I think she plays that role perfectly too. So like, well cast all around. Home long. She has this, like, Like, I'm overwhelmed, but I'm a mom so I can handle it by. Perfect. Like, she's like, I got this, but I'm overwhelmed. But also like... But because of my mom, I couldn't make this happen. Even though all she needed to do was wait to the next morning to the flight,

and she would have got there at the exact same time, apparently. Also, that's all the rest of the family did. She was a terrible mom she was in this film. She's a mom, but she fucking forgot. She forgot her child. But, like, I think she does a good job making the point that, like, how bad she was at that bringing it up to John Candy. I still don't know the shit. Even you

the Poca King of... Like, Kenosha Kickers. Yeah. Like, you haven't even been this shitty of a day. I don't know why he would, and he was like... Yeah, kind of. Hey, play my clarinet. Your son's been home alone. Yeah, yeah, here. This will make you feel better. Bucna matata. RIP, John Candy.

RIP. R.P. Rest and peace. Uncle Buck. Also, the coach of cool runnings. My favorite Olympic movie. That's a great film. That is a great film. That's one we should break out. That's one to put under the hat.

Hey, put that on the list right there. We're going to do an episode on it. Other things. Not people say, you know, you can't believe. Jamaica, we got a bobsled. Dude, we got the one. You can't get to into it, dude. We can't get to do it.

The fastest of the fascists of the Jamaican sprinters. Stay away from halibinos. That was a freestyle. And it came out so polished. I was like, is this a scene that I don't know. I thought there's a lyrics that I had not heard. There's a song, bro. Oh, no, it's actually in the movie.

He talks about Justina's, jalapeno they'll eat seeds you know yeah yeah i just want to say this at seven years old eight years all however kevin is you hate your family you don't want to be around them because they treat you like shit but at the end of the day you're a kid you want presents you want your family you want that you do want that you do want that as an adult if i are 37 38 i'm gonna have a christmas by myself some shit on amazon every fucking day it's on my first page of my fucking ipon it's Amazon next to maps Think how that important that is

And photos Yeah That's pretty important right there All the important things That's probably a bad idea Don't ever put Amazon in your first page Like put on like a third page No I don't even have it

Or don't have it I google it when I want on Amazon I'm just saying if you want to tie it all together Real quick As an 8 year old I want my family there Yeah As a 38 year old

I want to go to Bermuda I don't know Like I want to go to fucking Jamaica I want to be on my own Yeah That might tie into my favorite movie, which is Christmas vacation. I just want to tie that in.

Oh, man. I'm heated. I'm hot like a jalapeno. This is getting good. I'm fucking spicy. You better stay home because you have jalapeno. You better stay your ass home, bro. All right.

That spice, you better blow your toilet now. You better take some tons. Hey, but that spice is going to take me to thing number two. Number two. All right, I got. an original three things theory right now. Are you ready? I think we're all ready.

I think we're on the edge of our seats. I actually am. I literally am like actually kind of falling up the couch. Should be. Yeah, this couch is tiny. All right, here it is. Is Clark Griswold a grown-up version of Kevin McAllister? If you don't say 100% yes, you're lying to you're.

You got to give yourself some room to actually speculate and think it out, but that's what we're here for. Because the moral story of Home Alone is you want to be around your family because you miss them. Well, at the beginning, he doesn't because his family is a bunch of pieces of shit. There are pieces of shit. Yeah. We establish that. And then we're all assholes. As we discussed earlier, like, he actually flourishes by himself.

And let's be honest, even when the end of the movie comes and they all walk through the door, they're still all chaos. They come barging through the door all just like, Oh yeah, you fucking sat on the front. They're yelling at each other. Like at no point does that family show any kind of discourse. And that kind of falls in line with Clark Griswold's family once they all. Right now. Right now.

Yeah. If you had a family of four, would you not just admire the fact that you could have a Christmas with just the four of you? Without your crazy-ass family that called you a disease, that fucking made you drink milk with your fucking pizza? That made you sleep in the attic. And that left you home alone twice. With golfer who ruts the bed.

With fucking Fuller who drinks five Pepsi before bed. Like, who lets your fucking kid do that? Oh, it's Fuller. I think I've been saying Goper this whole time. Same shit. It sounds like a gulbert. It's the same fucking thing. I think that's what I always thought of is.

Whatever. Gopper's a tough of South American fish, tropical fish. Gopher fish. It could also be the cousin of Kevin McElson. Shout us John Muir. So, in my opinion, Clark Griswold is Kevin McHauzer grown up. And he's like, you know what? I want to.

Okay. This Christmas. Griswold is a grown-up McAllister. He's been to a lot of therapy. He's been to the ringer. He's gone through a lot of a... He's literally been a therapist for many years. And now he's like, oh, my God.

Family is actually the most important thing ever. He realized that that was his first moment of realizing how important family was when they disappeared on him that weekend, that weekend, whatever it was, that Christmas holiday. And now he's obsessed with family. And I can't wait to have them in his life. But it turns out, family... Still be...

They're never going to live up to that. I think he has in his head of what they could be or should be. Well, that plays into the part where he has a few things go wrong, and then he just kind of flips this screw loose. What is it after his tree blows up or whatever? And then, like, he just loses his shit. You know, his wife's like, are you okay? And he's like, I'm fine.

And then, like, the little, like, railing is, like, a little loose, and he just takes a chainsaw to it. Like, that's the kind of reaction that would happen if you were a Kevin McAllister and you had all this deep-seated, like, crazy family Christmas issues, and it got triggered. And now you're just like, whoop, first instinct is to take a chainsaw of things. Like, you could almost argue that the steps are Kevin McAllister, later adult life becomes Clark Griswold,

and then later older life, you become the crazy, old dude from Sa who murders people for games. So it's a nice lineage right there. It's a good lineage right there. Yeah, yeah. I think you nailed it right there where Clark is like, I'm the glue of this family right now. I got to keep it together.

I got to keep it together. No matter how crazy they are. Yeah. No matter. That's how I feel right now. This is what I'm saying. I relate to this. I really this movie so much more now at 38 years old, 30 years, young years, that I'm like,

you know what? I got to keep this family sane. I got to control people. I got to control tempos. I'm like a fucking orchestrator over here. I'm like fucking Leonard Bernstein over here just fucking conducting,

you know? So Clark is like, you know what? I know my family's fucking crazy. I know I'm able to operate a chainsaw. I'm going to hold off. I'm a hold off for a second. Until...

And by the way, what was Kevin's favorite thing that we learned home alone to? Christmas trees. Yeah, he loved... You burn my Christmas tree down? Right. I'm going to chop my post off.

In my house. The movie. The movie. actually begins with them going on a hunt for Christmas tree. And it all ties in, bro. Yeah. And it's a point to Clark that, like, we need to get the most pristine in the wilderness tree.

I don't know why the fuck you would forget to bring a saw. That was on his bed. But, like, that's kind of like... And also, how do they just... How do they rip it out of the ground? How do they offroot a giant? Because Kevin was a master craftsman. Yeah, I guess.

There's a couple... There's a couple moments of that movie that are just completely, like, skipped a over that I'm like I feel like there was a thing there that maybe did they just cut it out again though this is the late 80s early 90s where explanations were not they were not necessary never needed that tree out of the ground with the roots there's no way that anybody else in his family was willing to help him pull that shit out so they're just saying he did that himself because like his kids were over it there's no way beverly de angelo is going to help him with it so he just ripped that shit you imagine what kind of like insane like delve deep into the fucking pits of your soul you would need to do to rip a tree of that size out of the roots. That's the kind of man that would end up murdering people for sport later on in life like the guy from Saw. We're on something here. Boom. Also, another point.

After his tree gets burned down by his shitty uncle or whatever, the next scene, he's got a replacement tree. And it's never shown how we got it. And also, apparently, he got it out of the woods because there's like a raccoon or whatever in there. Went outside. Chainsaw. Just boom. New tree. Straight out of his fence.

Yeah. Smash into Ellen. Julian. Julian. Elaine. Elaine, Elaine. Yeah. Elaine's a window.

Which that relationship is interesting. Yeah. Can we talk about that for a second? Because I got notes on that as well. That's a great relationship. That's a great relationship. It's just such an uncomfortable, like, they probably have some fucking really good sex. They have really good sex.

That's like all that's implied is like this. It's angry. This relationship is held together by amazing sex. because there's two people that fucking hate each other. Yeah. Which gets destroyed by a mysterious wet robber. Well, here's the thing that's funny. It's like they are...

Wet bandit. They are displayed sort of as like the villains. Like they're the asshole neighbors because they're just like the kind of rich, smarmy folk that they're not supposed to like. But really, they don't do anything to fuck with Clark. Clark does everything you could possibly do to fuck with them. if even one of those things happen to me from my neighbor,

if a fucking like a giant log or whatever went through my window, how many times does shit go through their windows in that movie? So many times. Where are you going to fit a tree like that? Bend over and I'll show you. Yeah. Say,

invite neighbors. I wasn't talking to you. Talking to her. Inviting mask on. Yeah. Invite neighbors said that to me. Yeah, dude, that's fucking guy that's going to turn into a shot.

You know what they should make a movie from the neighbor's perspective. Yeah. And just every now and then have the griswold guy like it is jason thing like things pop like a horror it should be a horror movie I think they did that and it's called

sup no no but from that neighbor's perspective yeah yeah okay like you have this crazy neighbor next door with a chains out with the mask somebody's got to write that for sure I mean the boyfriend the neighbor the neighbor boyfriend dude was was you know it was a douchey dude

for sure but so is she so is she but like they weren't that bad. They were like honestly. They didn't fuck with Clark's house though. I don't. They were clean. They were quiet. Yeah, they were fine neighbors. Clean, wealthy, quiet people with no children. But you know what's interesting?

They were like trying to, I think that film was trying to present like, you know, kind of like this, when you're like Christmas time and you got like no kids or family. Like that's the, like we all like kids and family come at a cost, right? Like whatever that cost is. But at the holidays

it's kind of nice to have like the kids and the family and the craziness around you want to have the family around because it's kind of sad when you see just a couple like eating dinner and they're like fancy modern home by themselves without any christmas spirit at all that's no lights no lights i mean it's true to each the own though it's like how do you want to spend christmas exactly what we're going over like do you want to have the extended family showing up and being like oh we just needed the magic or would you rather just kind of be like elaine bennis over here with her dushy husband and be like no it's just us and we just like have our own life over here

outside of our fucking crazy neighbors who keeps trajecting shit through our fucking windows which is like i feel like that happened i gotta say trajectory has never has that's never ever been a word but i will say you know how serious it's the perfect word right now when great gets close to the microphone you know how serious you know how trajecting that was right now for you to I really wanted to pull it off. You projected that right. You were hurting my... You're so...

You're talking. You're trying to... You're trying to... You're trying to... You know how many times it would take for me to have a neighbor throw some shit through my window for me to lose my shit?

They never... There's never a scene when Elaine goes over there and is like, what the fuck? What was that? No, no, she did. Many, many times. She was like... She couldn't believe.

that her husband wasn't doing shit about it because he was happening about it. That's why she socked him in the face, right? But it's like, I feel like that relationship's a new relationship. I don't think they've been together that long. Yeah, yeah. I think they're still in the honeymoon season. It has a really very married. I think they're still having great sex. I think they're still having an

amazing sex. Great sound system. I'm sorry, I keep referencing that, but it's a great sound system. It is a focal point. It is. It is. It is, yeah. All their furniture is extremely appropriate for like super modern. For like three years. And then, and then it's terribly dated all of the furniture in their home. But I will say they probably had great sex. And they probably have a TV in their kitchen with a VCR or laser disc.

Hopefully. They're advanced. Hopefully it was bigger than 10 inches around. But they were extraordinarily patient when a Douglas fir burst through their living room window. I appreciate that Douglas fir call out real quick right there. John Muir. All my hiking fans. John Muir again gets a shout out. John Fur. No, is Douglas fir?

I know, I'll put them together. Okay, there we go. Do you like peanut butter? You like jelly? Beautiful. All right. Final C-nuts. They don't have to be different from each other.

Let's run through some final C-nuts on Christmas A K before we go to thing number three. Oh, one. I got one. Yeah, let me hear it. Let me hear it. Why was everybody so afraid of a squirrel? They're cute. They're not that bad.

I don't know if it jumps out of you in a house I get it in the house It's a little weird They carry rabies They can yeah They can If it jumps out of your Christmas tree Could cause chaos

Do they carry jalapenos? How many times? If they did they did Rona I mean you don't mean Okay I got one First of all When you cut into a turkey

That's been cooked too far It doesn't not pop like a football That was intense That was disgusting But that thing opened up and it was all like alien That also felt like a scene that was missing because then Eddie's wife just goes

I'm sorry and I'm just like I didn't even know you cook a turkey Was there a scene earlier when you like put it in it? Like I don't know The temperature said at Yeah yeah like it just missed it felt Yeah it was there any care involved And then the fact that they still ate it

They just still it was weird There was nothing in there to serve Like I don't That actually I feel like The comedy was lost with how disgusting that turkey was it was so gross, dude. I just got so grossed out when I saw it open up.

I'm just like, I want to laugh right now, but I'm like, this is just so disgusting. And then there was a silence of like five minutes of them just eating it. And he goes here. And all you hear is crisp. Yeah, that's like. Everyone picking their routine. When we talk about it again, it's actually funnier than it was in a moment. Yeah.

They're like powered through it. First of all, if you overcooked a turkey, it would not look pristine on the outside and then just fall apart when you. you cut it. It would look like shit. Think of your nicest, your nicest aunt, your nicest aunt, and your family.

Okay. And she fucks up the turkey. Would you not just try to power through it and be like, yeah, but it wouldn't do that. It wouldn't fall apart

when you cut it. It would have looked like shit out of the oven. Would you eat it? She would have... And say it's, whatever? If she was counting on me too,

I would do a couple of fob bites. She just poured her guts to you and said I fuck up the turkey for Christmas. Well, then I'd be like, well, then you don't expect me

then at this point. If it's not bad, like an alien capsule like it just opened up and gas came out maybe that's a win for me then and it was a hollow decrepit skeleton of a thing well hey guess what i got mashed potatoes well guess what we're that's all the fuck we got so

right next question why did clark's sled take off so fast nobody pushed him like it just was like a basic well what is that he just did let's remember What does that mean? Do I get it? What does he do for a living?

He's like a... He's like a chemical engineer. Chemical engineer. So he has devised this... It's like a... It's like a polish. More slippery than something. Hang on a second.

Okay. I need to stop real quick to point out the fact that Jason did three times this sort of camera taking a picture of thing. I did a trigger. I did a trigger finger.

Yeah, what does that mean? That I'm spraying something. He was spraying. Picture this, my left hand flat and my right index finger doing a trigger finger. And what am I spraying? The sled. So that means the sled was super polished.

Super polished. That asks you to know so much about the movie. You don't even know how polished a sled was. That it could take him from... They could have had a line. They could have had one line about it. He did. It was on his... Maybe I missed it.

It was on his rag. He was on his rag. It took him from Burbank to Joshua tree on a single Either way, it takes off way too fast. But he ended up like less than a mile away though. He did eject like

the SpaceX rocket that Elon must just devised like with a No, next thing you know he's like moving at like a rocket level. There was propulsion involved which was unexplained, I agree. But I will say that look if you're if you start out like a young genius

from home alone you're clearly ready genius. you're evolving into the Clark Griswold level of intelligence. You're making tar steps with nails. He was already a young chemist. So now he's to the point where he's creating a such a high, what was the word, a hydrophilic chemical situation that he can slide all the way across town. I believe it.

I believe the blink of an eye. I believe the whole thing. In the blink of an eye. From Star 10, I believe the whole scene. Greg, who was hot or the hot girl from Christmas vacation or from. Chrissy Brinkley from the original. I will say that it's been a long time since I've seen the original. And so I would say...

The Unmentionedables. I'm going to be with Clark Griswoldenis and say, Nipply. It's a bit Nipley. It's a bit Nipley. This entire movie was such a Chevy Chase piece of like, between him being like that awkward bumbly, like, oh, whoa, hey, oh, it's a bit Nippily. Did I say Nipley?

And then also him being a smart ass when he's like, Merry Christmas. Kiss my eyes. Kisses us. You know, and then also just a bunch of slapstick humor of just like the entire movie of just like crazy. Like he opens the attic and the ladder hits him in the face and like him doing the sled scene. Like, yeah, it's just, it's just all, this is the most Chevy Chase movie that has ever existed. Is it?

Do you think, I haven't seen that many Chevy Chase. Is this the most Chevy Chase? I think so. Vegas Vacation. Vegas is right up there. Actually, in the honest. Vegas Vacation is like accelerated. Vegas Vacation is honestly my favorite.

of vacation movies. And I will also mention this. A lot of people like to hate on the more recent one because they're like, oh, way, why you like make great movie. If you're a fan of Ed Helms, watch this movie. And if you think it's them like just remaking it, it's not. Ed Helms is

rusty. And Chevy Chase Chavez is in the movie. And so has Beverly Angel. He like goes and visits them and like... What a day. Yeah, and Amy Mann or whatever. Like, she plays Audrey. Like, they hit all the points. And it's not even like it's like out of character because like rusty's actor changed every movie so why not make it at helms it's

fine it's a great it's like a deep sequel and if you're a fan of ed helms comedy watch that movie because it's in christina applegate she's great in too i love anything she's in she's great she's awesome can i just say one thing real quick yeah last christmas we gave you three things but the very next day you didn't press play this Dear, Justino's not here, blame it on hollow pinos. And that brings us to thing number three. Number three. And that is going to bring us to the Christmas classic known as Frosty a Snowman, and I have a case that we need to determine the winner of.

I just can't. Just go ahead. In the case of who owns proper ownership of the magic hat between Frosty T. Snowman and... Dr. Hinkle? Professor Hinkle. Weird magician Hinkle. Eindhorn is Hinkle. Hinkle is Eindhorn. But Hinkle is actually the weird name of the weird magician and Frosty the Snowman.

Who has proper ownership of the magic hat? Go. I will say again I'm gonna put that first chest piece out there I'm gonna say the freaking magician it was his hat he came into it with it

there was a theft that was approved by Santa that's what this movie's about can I just say like if you go out and you go out to a club or a bar and like you're wearing a hat and then someone's like hey I like your hat and they snatch it off your head

and wear it and they're like Oh, I'm going to take a picture around quick. And you're like, wait a second. That's in my head. Yeah. Well. And then Santa comes in and says it's fine. Wait, wait, wait.

And then now you're the bad guy. The bouncer, Stan is like, that's fine. Well, wait, wait. Let me play this side of it because it's important because it wasn't snatched off his head. He threw that shit in the trash. Who were at first. Give that side of the story. Wait, I don't remember this.

He threw it in the trash. He threw it away because he was like over. God damn it. Oh, he was over the bunny. that was stoned as fuck Why was the bunny with That bunny was so high though A hocus pocus or whatever was named?

Bro, vizine. It's called vizene. The bunny was Mount nourished. This fucking broke dude was trying to exploit animal entertainment And the bunny Was extremely, he was on his last leg. Yeah, let's be honest. And so he threw his hat away but the

bunny was in it. Is that what happened? Yeah, and he kept going, point. Dude, okay. Damn it. I know. Why don't you boil your ass to a watercars? So he threw the hat away. I literally just watched it last night,

but I can't remember exactly why he threw the hat away. But he threw it away, like, frustrated with something. Because his tricks weren't working because he was a bad magician. Yeah, yeah. He was a bad magician, so he threw his hat away as a frustration. Then the kids found it. They picked it up, put it on Frosty. It turned him.

And what does Frosty say when he becomes a life? Happy birthday! Happy birthday! Happy birthday! Which is never explained. Why? If he said Merry Christmas, I love how you're expecting an explanation for why a snowman came to life.

Where was he at, though? And said, Happy Birthday? Where was Frosty ad in his trip that he woke up and said, Happy birthday? What party was the at? And he was, like,

imagine, like, just waking up out of, like, a fucking, like, stupid. Damn, dude, I've been, like, in a coma for, like, nine years, I think. But last I remember, I was at Keith Richards Rager. for his 79th birthday at 54. And we were doing a couple of quailudes with the Barbie twins in the back alley in the single room upstairs. Oh, my God. I don't know.

He could have easily said, where I am I? Merry Christmas. Where am I? Who am I? He always goes with happy birthday. He starts with happy birthday. It's ever mentioned when his birthday is or whose birthday.

No one, no one cares, but he comes into consciousness. It's happened birthday, but then he gets his footing real fast. Oh, hey, everyone, how's it going? Like, he regains his shit. He collects his calm real fast. I give it to him that. Who's birthday is it, though? It's no one.

Never explains. There's no one. It's always somebody's birthday. Actually, I guess that's why it works. Is it a birthday? It's Jesus' birthday. Well, yeah, but he's not trying to make this shit about Jesus. He's just trying to get to go away.

I feel like it's like leading up to Christmas, so it's more like a December 11th affair, maybe. It's early. It's early in the season. I try to go deep, but let's just say that Frosty, don't know what the fuck he's saying. He is. He's close. He's a fucking... So this hat...

His eyes are crossed, like... Look at this hat. This hat continues to be a question of ownership. Throughout the entire film, I didn't really realize I think I might have just, like, for a second space out on the fact that he threw the hat away because he's a terrible magician. He broke eggs, right? He broke some eggs in front of a bunch of kids.

Yeah. First of all, he's performing magic at a... like an elementary school. If you're doing that, you're probably not that good anyways. Well, I mean, you gotta start somewhere. Like, he's working his way up the chain. But, like, at the same time, like, if you're a magician and that's your trade

and you're working in elementary school and some shit goes wrong, there's gonna be some moments where you're gonna want to slam your hat down and throw it in the trash. They'd be like, fuck! But you should be giving credence to be like, all right, wait, wait, wait, sorry, yesterday it was rough,

but let me get back after it. Hey, give me my hat back. especially once you realize your hat brought a fucking snowman to life once he sees that and even says it like yo this hat is super magic like i'm gonna make millions now this is this fool's trade his whole livelihood is based on the fact that he can perform magic even though he sucks at it he figures out that the hat he's been rocking with actually has the ability who gave it magic where to get it from he probably bought it from somebody assuming they sold them down the river on a couple of bullshit.

Like, oh yeah, this is a magic hat for sure, blah, blah, blah. And once he realizes putting it on a snowman, brought it to life, he's like, holy shit, my whole livelihood is made. Now I can fucking be a professional magician with this magic ass hat. Fuck you, stoned-ass rabbit for trying to run it away from me. I will get a new rabbit, not name Hocus, just named Pocus. I understand why he wouldn't want the hat. when it was just a normal ass hat, but once you realize it had the magic on it, fucking, yeah,

bring it home. This is my fucking gym. I don't know, bro. That's kind of fucking important. I'm mad because, like, he was so mad at that hat, he would have put it up for a garage sale. He would have sold that. He would, like, try to make some money off of it. And I would argue if he did that and the kids or whatever. He was over the hat.

He didn't appreciate the hat. But if he had actually sold it at a garage sale, then the bill of sale is on the kids then. Now they have it. I'd be like, whoa, I'd pay three bucks. for it now this is my hat the magic goes to me but he never did that he threw it down and then I don't think

it was ever like a clean operation as to where it went so uh... it kind of was it's stanton frosty I just understand if you're if you're a 35 year old man how hard is it to just retrieve your hat from five first graders

it's really not that hard because like he tried he hop on a train but it's not that hard Did they discuss the age of... They come up to your knee. Thanks. He was a bad magician.

He was a more. Thanks, I'm going to get this hat back now by first graders. Where did you pull up 35 from? He looks about 35. He looks maybe a little bit older. No, gray. No, no, no, he didn't look good for his age. But I don't know his age is the thing.

I'm assuming he's 35. But then I love how... He's right around that age where, like, if you're going to keep going with this whole magician thing, like, you better. You better be secret. It's getting creepy. Keep at that point where now you're performing

as a magician at 35. You're gonna need to start pulling off some magic. You're refreshing your resume, right? Also, which why you go in? No one's feeling. You can't. Were you three years of magician

or were you a lifetime magician? You're at the age where you can't be a shitty magician. Are you like 2006 to current? Or like, you know what I mean? Exactly. No one's feeling. Or like I ended that.

Imagine being a 35 year old man. Let's, can we agree? that he's probably in his 30s. I'm going to say 30s. Okay, he's in his 30s. You're in your 30s. You're a struggling musician, musician. You're a struggling magician.

Yeah, yeah. Trying to make a living doing gigs at elementary schools. He's broke as shit. His only gig is his hat. With your stoned-ass rabbit. And your stoned-ass rabbit. And his kids are trying to take his app from him because they're imaginary Frosty the Snowman guy's coming to life.

Look, this guy's broke. He's trying to pay his rent. He's probably depressed. He's probably highly depressed. Super depressed. He's playing it off with gesticulation. Like he's an asshole, but like it's probably because he's in this situation. Like he doesn't need to be sweet anymore to people.

He's like, yo, everything is turned against me because I'm a struggling magician who sucks at his crap. I want to know his past. I want to know. He's yellow as if he's jaundiced. Super yellow. Very yellow. Oh my God. Real quick, I've never seen Frise Smith.

Well, maybe I did when I was like five. But the fact that he brought the yellow, I was like, when did he turn? I didn't even realize that. He got yellow. He got yellow word. He got jaundice. You got jaundice. Super jaundice.

So he's got a health condition. He's got very little money. Johnness was spelled in all caps. Yeah. I just couldn't believe how yellow. The money sign for the S. Super money. He's money.

He's on hard times, man. And the only thing he's got, the only hope he's got for his millions, which he's hoping for is his hat. which it belongs to him he temporarily threw a rein the fit of upset yeah exactly and now santa's everybody's defending this fucking thing because oh this snowman needs his hat to live yeah the realization that you had a hat that actually is capable of magic when that's the route you've been chasing in your a very unsuccessful life had it this whole time you got to fucking do whatever you got to do like i will take this to the courts motherfucker i don't care if you're eight-year-old so is friends with a fucking snowman.

I need this to survive. This is my livelihood. Look at my skin. I'm yellow for some reason, okay? I need a fucking... All of a sudden, I'm yellow. Because you have my magic hat, you little fuck wads. Just so you could have a friend that you didn't know yesterday?

Hey, hey, guess what? It's summer. It's going to be summer in a couple months. Guess who's going to melt? Yeah, and he does. He melts immediately. Like multiple times in there You know what?

I'm so bad, I do. I'm mad. I feel like the mission's like the bad guy, right? Why is he the bad guy? Because he looks like a bad guy. He's trying to get his property. That's tough because at the beginning he's like, how is snowdown?

Hey, children, here's a magician we hired who's on, you know, thin ice right now with life. He's going to try to make you laugh. And hey, guess what? He didn't. Oh my God, I'm so sorry But guess what? He had a magic hat this whole time

Would you not be like, hey, bro? Are we conditioned to just hate? Guess what? Yes, hey, hey, hey, man, but thanks for coming out though, man. Thanks for the magic hat. Are we conditioned just want to hate somebody Because they're like, act isn't that funny? Like, that's a poor...

Thank you for the magic hat. Thank you for the magic hat. I love all Frosty. Frosty is the creep. Frosty is the true creep. Because Frosty comes to life. He seduces nine children. What does he say right away?

And then he says, Happy Brutth! Who's birthday is it? Whose birthday is it? Why are you always celebrating a birthday that's not determined? I wonder if the hat came from someone's birthday historically or something. I wonder, you know what I mean? Maybe that's what it came from.

What's in the pipe? She's smoking some fucking serious stuff for sure. Serious sheaf. Out in the streets, we call it murder. Welcome to Jamrock. Welcome to Jamrock. No, before say no way can believe. Jamaica we got a frosty snowbed

So then he comes to life And then he He's a cool running's reference I know He charms He charms like nine children And then proceeds To take one to the North Pole

Who is the creeper here right? Yeah Who's the creeper? Where is that child's mother at that point They're like, wait I've you Well also thank God for the magician Then he chased the train down

And said I will hang out I gotta get my hat back He goes, think nasty. I love what, that's my favorite line. Think nasty. If he was just a little bit more of a charming and like, uh, easygoing individual,

we would all be on the side of him. Can I just say this real quick? And there wasn't a cute Frosty the snowman's home. Everyone's like, I felt bad. The girl's cold, little girl's cold. She's away from home. Yeah, she's all freezing and shit. A snowman is like, I'm a hold you closer to me.

Because I'm a snowman. Because I'm made of snow. This guy. Warm up real quick. This guy is. Frosty says, oh, you're cold in a refrigerated train car? Great.

Let's walk 10 miles in the winter snow. That's a good idea. And he says it like this. You want to get a windlass. It's like, it was like played by Tracy Morgan. Everybody has known somebody. Yo, let me see them. Winner, spit winter with a snow titty.

Let me see them big old snow tities. Everybody has known somebody in life that talks like Frosty, the Snowman. just think about the most outrageous New Yorker you know. How the fuck did he keep his pipe in his mouth? I'm going to say Milo across the street that works at the bar north end anybody that's been there.

Milo! If you've been at the north end during the day, you know Milo. He talks exactly like Frosty the Snowman. Milo was Snowman. I just say things got out of hand pretty quickly. I mean, look, we can all agree Frosty's a charming guy. He's happy.

Super cool. He's very, but that's exactly. He's charming. because he's a snowman. He was a normal-ass dude. I don't think people... Wait, wait, wait. You know how cool Frosty is? He's got a blue checkmark next to his name. He's like super official, bro.

That's cool. He's the official one like Twitter. He's the only Frosty. That's the official Frosty account. All right, they got a question for you guys. You look at it. No, I was just going to say real quick that... Oh, damn, I forgot.

I looked at you, and I forgot what I was just saying. I know. I dropped the hammer with a question. Yeah, because it just gets my attention so much that I forget everything I was going to say. I was just going to say that something about, oh, the mere fact that Frosty has never had pants on the whole film, also, just another thing. Come on, kids. All right. That brings me to one of my main questions that I wrote down. How the fuck did the kids build Frosty's legs?

I've done many a snowman in my life. He built them his own. I've never made, like, do you know how hard it would be to make a snowman with legs? The weight measurement alone, you'd have to, like, take a ball of snow, put it on top of two very steady snow-built legs. You're right, because when you build a snowman's arms, they're twigs. They're twigs. Like, no, a snowman is generally, like, look at the way the snowman moves in, like, Rudolph or, like, elf. Or, like, they, like, just kind of glide around as, like, yeah.

It's all business, like twigs and hips. Frosty is the only snowman ever that just has two legs that just like, oh yeah, I just walk around with legs because why not? I don't care. I'm going to fucking ride a booblock real quick. Dun. Dun. Dun.

Dun. Anyway. The snowman just said, I am the one. I am the one. Ferdane. A day. A day. Frosty.

He is not my son. I hope everybody else just visualized Frosty doing a moonwalk. A solid moonwalk. Because that's the only thing I could see right there. But yeah, no, it's impossible to make a snowman with legs, and he just never questioned. It's actually the most unbelievable thing in a movie, which features a magic hat that brings a snowman life. So, I just want to put that out there. I also want to say, remember to always think twice.

Don't think twice. How many times do you think Frosty the Snowman, the song, is included in that movie? What's Frosty's Snowman? What's the band. Well, what's funny is he comes to life, right? They're like, we should name him Frosty. And they all think about it. Like, fuck, that's actually dope by name.

And then they think about it for like a second. And then immediately there's a full song that they're singing about Frosty's You know what though? They don't hesitate at all. Because very talented people can come up with a song on a whim. Like a extremely talented groups of seven-year-olds. Super-scent-year-old. They were harmonizing.

With a song that you may sing over, WAMB's last Christmas, just stay away from jalapeno's people. Stay away. Yeah. I got the answer. Based on my notes that I took last night, which, by the way, I was doing as I was working on a project. There is.

I might have missed one. But hashtag multitasker. Yeah. The answer is eight times in a movie that's 25 minutes long. They do Frosty the Snowman. Literally, it's like the only song in the whole thing. And every single time there's a little positive uptick in the movie, Frosty the Snowman.

Na, nah, man, man, man, man. And then he's like, oh, God, let's get on a train. Happy birthday. Hey, I'm melting. Hey, I'm a New York snowman. What did you want to do about it? You know? So I was walking down the street, the door said open.

Oh! Hey! Apparently Frosty's fucking Andrew Bryce Clay over here. Hey. The fuck out of here. Frosty's from the Lower East Side. Probably. I just love that that cop in that movie, the Irish cop is a, he's a hot mess, dude.

Hot mess, though. Oh, he is so not confident in his train. And then when he's like talking of Frosties, he's like, hey, what do you know? I don't know how the Irish talk. That's good. That's good. Yeah, just running with that. I can't really do it.

He said something about you're alive or something. I don't know what he says. He's like, hey. And then he's like, you're alive? And then like comes in. He's like, bro. This cop. It sounded like Mr. Furley from Three's Company.

It was bad. It was really bad. So the last note I want to point out is, uh, Henkel. Hey, weird magician guy, Heinhorn. Hinkle, Hinkle. And Hinkle is Einhorn. And Eindhorn is a man.

And mad magician Hinkle is the guy who owns the hat that belongs to himself, not Frosty. He has an iron-clad case. If he wants to take this shit to court, if it was magician Hinkle, Frosty T. Snowman. He wins in a landslide. He's going to get it.

They're going to be like, who bought the hat? Oh, Hinkle did. You had it all the time and like there was an unclear reason as to why it ended up Frosty. It's going to end up with him. And this is this guy's career as I just spoke earlier. Yet, all it takes is for Santa to show up for like two seconds and Hinkle folds like a lawn chair.

all Santa has to say is like Oh well are you gonna not be a good boy? And he's just like, oh no no! Oh no! I'm gonna be good! I'm gonna be good! Oh, it's fine. Like you're gonna give me what I want? And he just runs away and he just immediately folds off the whole hat thing. He just gives it up to a piece of architect that's gonna melt in like a week.

And he just gives up on like his whole career because like Santa might give him something. Like Santa talks him out of it immediately. and we're all just supposed to feel good about it because like we end with Frosty with a hat. I'm just like, magician Hinkle, he had a rock solid case and he just folds immediately. Yeah, I feel like he could have hung on there a little bit longer, you know. Just try it. Get it to court. I feel like the courts would rule in your favor. Absolutely.

Like there's no. Yeah. There's no. You don't know what? Have you ever seen that they've remade unsolved mysteries? You're in the old show that they've remade Unsolved Missions. I believe it. Yeah.

I wonder if these kids are going to grow up, be like, I swear God, a snowman came on to life. When we put the hat on, it's going to be like a whole documentary series about them. I'm pretty sure these kids are going to be featured on Unsolved Mysteries. All right. And it's going to be a mystery, and then they're going to interview the magician guy. He's going to be all blacked out. There could be like a whole episode on that train ride. You really think about it?

Yeah, that could be. The whole train ride, look, I can't say... How much shit could happen? The girl's getting thrown in the death. Thank God. Thank God the magician. The magician's not the antagonist. He's the savior.

He's a regulator. He jumped on and that's why they got off the train. Thank God they did. She would have been in the North Pole with a snowman. Yeah. And her parents would have been like, okay. Where's my daughter? Wait a second.

Maybe I spaced out. But did the train actually make it to the North Pole? Did Frosty make it? Or did they... No. It's... No, he ends up like melted. No, no, no, what happened?

What happened? What happened? Santa knew where they were coming. Okay, so here's what happened. So the train, which is stupid. The train crossed another train track and it was like, let's stop to let this train pass. But the train was behind them. So it was stupid.

So they stopped to let a train pass. And then they realized that the magician, I think, was on the train or something like that. So they got off. He's like hanging on. He's just hanging on underneath the train, like a psychopath. By the way, all that's wrong. Like a psychopath. That's called.

core strength. That's very hard to do. Oh, for sure. Absolutely. In the forearm strength. And that's, and that's called believing in your task. Like, believing in what you're working towards. And as I said, all the more reason why this guy deserves his hat. Believing that that was his fucking hat. He will do whatever the fucking means to claim, because that's his career. Ultimate Beast Master. Yes.

I just love the fact that imagine in real life, you see a snowman come to life and your focus is just trying to get your hat back with two legs by the way that's your whole thing with two legs is that guy talking wait that's my hat like yeah is it my hat but wait wait did that no man come to life and hijack a child wait he's got my hat if you're a magician backwards if you're a magician and like your whole thing was magic and you realize that's what made it happen fucking do whatever you need to do to get that hat oh i'm sorry a couple of five-year-olds are going to be sad about it i don't go fuck i got a life to live. I got bills to pay. My head's cold. I got a mortgage to

to make. I need to get this hat back right now. But I feel like, again, he's got receipts. He's receipts. The irresponsibility, like this snowman has endangered the lives of all those kids if they would have wanted to jump on the train would have gone. That girl would have been

just at home doing homework if not like on a train like being like either of He's endangered. By the way, is that little girl's parents, the McAllister's? He goes, a parent. she could be gone for a trip to the North Pole and be like, oh, she's all right. I was actually going to argue. She probably had an arcade over there doing skip it.

I was actually going to argue that maybe the magician became, it was Kevin McAllister. And that was the in-between phase between him and Clark and then eventually the guy from Saw. Did Kevin go from Kevin to Clark to the magician? No, I think Kevin and the magician to Clark to then the guy from Saw. So it's very crazy. Yeah, yeah. We know why Kevin would have been driven crazy based off of his family. That's given, right? So he was obviously very talented, though, at his weird skills. He's a master crossman. The kind of thing that would make you go into magic. So maybe he becomes a magician at a certain point in life. We said he was in his 30s, right? The magician. So he's a magician in his 30s. And then he gets done wrong by this whole hat fiasco. Like, oh, The hat was the thing, but it got taken away from me because these kids loved a snowman that's not going to exist in a week. He's a magician in his 30s.

So that's going to act. But we talked about it. We said we gave him an age and we said, yeah, 30s. He's like mid to late 30s. And he loses his possible ability of being a magician because of a fucking snowman that's going to die in a week anyways, right? He loses his magic hat. So then he becomes crazy Clark Griswold who's like trying to hold it together. but we see him start to like the seams start to burst.

He starts like sawing off like the top of the staircase because he's just like, it's like when you watch those Lifetime movies where like a woman's about to marry a man that seems like it's perfect. And then there's a little bit of like a bleeding. Oh, he shows and he's a little crazy like right before the wedding. But then they go through the wedding. And then right after they get married, he just reveals himself to be like an incomplete total maniac. That's Kevin.

And then eventually he turns into the guy from Sons. who uses his ability to set booby traps into murdering people for his own entertainment and game shit. Can I just say one thing real quick? Yes. That we all agree on? Yeah. I love to agree. Last Christmas, we gave you three things, but the very next day you didn't press play.

This year, Justino's not here. Blame it on jalapenios. Penios. Penios. And Paul Doo. And we are out of here.