Distractible - 1000 Hour Energy

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

Mark doesn't want to live forever, he just wants to see how much living his body can take. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Thirst is everything. Obey your thirst. Sprite. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, Manful Mark consults his guru and dishes out a disclaimer as they discuss the Fountain of Youth. Wet Wade has crazy canines, gets banished for boobology, and periodically peaces out. Blissful Barb likes creamy nuts, has an ocular accident, suggests a solo solo solution and slams the subreddit from

idolatry to spray and pray yes it's time for 1 000 hour energy now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show the third best kind of sub i I think Mikey D's was a, or Mikey, Seriously, nevermind. Mikey D's. Is that someone's porn name? This episode sponsored by Mikey D's. Okay, man. All right. Giving it to you hard and fast.

Anytime you want it, anywhere you want it. Mikey D's always got your back. You know what my favorite thing to get at Mikey D's is? They're like the honey roasted nuts. I love Mikey D's nuts. Oh man, those are the best. Mikey D's always a smooth finish. Almost creamy.

Wade, you're not really pulling your weight on this ad read here. Oh, if you like anything. Editor, zoom in on his face. Why? I don't know, I thought something was wrong. This is how it always is. Oh, okay, yeah.

That's just how he always looks. That's normal. If you're listening and not watching, Wade looks 100% normal. Very normal. The mouth is very human. I don't know if there is a restaurant called Mikey D's out there,

but I hope you're doing well. And if you do exist, you're the sudden influx of customers, you're welcome. There's a Mikey D's ice cream in Canada. There's a Mikey D's auto in New Jersey. Mikey D's destruction is apparently a rapper. Good episode, Mark. Thanks.

All right, that wraps it up, I guess. Points. Yeah, the points, I forgot. Hold on, one second. Oh yeah, do you have a writing utensil or ketchup or something? You know I do. I've got the scroll.

My favorite scorekeeping apparatus. Oh, this is not even small talk. This just reminded me of something. You know how in religion... Yeah, okay. I love where this is going. Yeah, like, mmm, mmm. No, in the Bible, there's something that says about, thou shalt not have false idols or something like that.

Yeah, that's something like that, yeah. When I was a kid, I watched Legends of the Hidden Temple. And a big part of that show is you have to find the idol. You find the pieces of the idol or something, right? Right. So I always thought when I heard that in church as a kid, you shouldn't worship a medallion or something. Or you shouldn't worship like a piece of a statue. And I'm like, okay, have they seen Shakira's statue?

Clearly not when that was written they were unaware and then I remember there being something about a golden cow Yeah, not now gold cow Wait, we got that one. We've got the point. All right. Anyway, this is nothing to do with anything Back up your brains a little bit to the beginning of this. Oh my god. Your name's not Dave Dave's not here. Ha ha ha. Dave's not here, man. Why'd I start writing a D? Dude, I learned last episode everyone's name is David.

This is going great, guys. This is going real good. I am a little sleep deprived and I might be getting a little sick, but that's okay. Dude, me too with the sleep deprived. Yeah, why you? James is going through a growth spurt and is having growing pains. And so instead of sleeping, he just cried all night. I also feel sleep deprived. Yeah, why you? James is going through a growth spurt and is having growing pains and so instead of sleeping he just cried all night. I also feel sleep deprived.

What important thing are you doing? We have dogs that have decided that their schedules are no longer to sleep at night. Their job is to go to sleep and nighttime they're like, all right, Paul, we'll take a nap for like an hour and then it's time to party, woo! You know what it sounds like, is you actually have a couple of outside dogs. I see what you say, I pick up what you're putting down. Winter dogs are stout, they can live outside, right? Get a nice heated dog house. Well, they're supposed to like hunt badgers

or possums or moles or something, so yeah. Yeah, they'll be fine. All right, anyway, what I was gonna say is welcome to the episode, I'm the host, and today we're going to talk about something very, very, very, very important to certain people. Small talk? Lenses?

Hold on, I'm getting to it. This very, very important to certain people, so much so that they would be willing to do the most daring, dastardly things to achieve it. Oh, God damn it, is it lenses again? No. No, can you just let me get this? Because if you're the host, you wouldn't lose points for talking achieve it. Oh, God damn it. Is it lenses again? No. No, can you just let me get this? Cause if you're the host,

you wouldn't lose points for talking about it. That's brilliant, Mark. I'll talk, I'll change the episode. You want me to change the episode? I'll do it. You don't think that I saw another set of lenses that got advertised just recently that piqued my interest. You don't think that I want to talk about it? NAB just happened.

You know what that stands for? The North American Broadcasters. Oh, I thought it was not a boob North American boobs yeah American boobs editors blackout his camera for a little bit no I was gonna say editors snip that out and send it to Molly Molly let me feed yeah okay now black, now black screen, black out wait, and Mark and I will just talk for a minute. Fade me out, fade me out. All right, perfect, that'll be worth it.

All right, anyway, so Bob, listeners, there's nothing you're missing. I swear to God, there's no reason to be any kind of upset. Well, your shoulder's still in shot. Okay, so in addition to things that people would be willing to do anything for, Bob, is there anything that has happened to you that you'd be willing to do anything or just small talk? I didn't talk about this last episode, but you may notice I look weird.

My glasses decided to snap in half. So these are my backup glasses. And luckily these are basically the same prescription, but that's not my favorite thing that's happened in the last 36 hours. I was literally just going to wipe them on my shirt and they exploded into multiple parts and there are no longer glasses. James talks now. That's scary. And he climbs couches so he can escape his area now. He says like lots of words. I think he said boobs this morning. I knew, I knew one of us would like that. Wade, you can come back now. All right.

You, well, you can't tell cause I just finished a level, but I was playing flow free. You know, this is a bridges one. We have to like go over and under the bridges. What is that? Are you sponsored by these mobile games like I don't know no they don't like me Oh, and I tell you guys about the birds that grew up in our on our back porch and then flew away I have a picture of three Robin eggs that were laid in a nest that was rent on our back porch Did they fly before after they had I believe it was after, unconfirmed though. Look! Pretty. Wow, this is pretty.

And they hatched into three babies and two of them survived. They flew away last weekend and now they chase each other around our backyard. It's very fun. All right, Wade, I want to give you the platform but I want you to know, I love you. Thank you, man, I love you too.

All right, it's all your turn. So I got the point? And you got the point before Manaya New Once. Can I have the point for Small Talk? Give me Small Talk. Oh, hold on. All right, I'm back. So Small Talk.

I don't like that this is gonna be a recurring bit now. Can I just put that out there? It's too much effort, I don't like effort, and it took a lot of effort to back up and come back twice already So I'm not gonna do it anymore Well, the hilarious thing is you don't have to cuz you did it already so they could don't tell him that it's a lot Of work Wade. You should stop doing it. Oh, yeah, you're right Cuz they've already got the background so I could just you guys are smart

So your small talk cuz that's that's really putting you in a good good light Even I want to give you points right now. Do I quit while I'm ahead now? Hold on. I've got to think about this. Do you really do you really it's not my normal thing It's not his way to quit while he's ahead. Well, you know what? It's a new day. It's a new way Yeah, sure. Oh, that's fine. All right. He I give you the point he quit hard to believe I quit while I was ahead Skateboard what did you say something after you quit? I heard him say something. There's something about a skateboard. I never really skateboarded I saw the moment I was really little and I went down a hill and I fell off of it and scraped myself up I was like never again. I've not really touched a skateboard since so you did it for your safety because you want to live forever

Hell yeah, you know any points I just got back to back, Bob? ... God, I hate that he knows that that's a bit he can do now. I don't like it, and I wish it would stop forever. Oh man, that is great, that is great. Ah, alright, so we've talked a little bit about longevity before, right? Yeah, the rich guy who drank his son's blood or whatever the hell happened. Yeah, so what's interesting about longevity is that it goes even deeper than that.

Um, so that guy is just an example of a rich guy who has lots of resources and is able to do whatever they want. Oh, wait. Sorry, pause. I gotta ask Amy something because I just remembered there's- Oh, there's an even greater resource to go and devor this. Amy! What's longevity? Amy! I just typed Amy into the- Even in text, your text starts with, Amy!

Oh god, alright. Hold on. Once I get that back in. Um, but there's a subreddit that is literally dedicated to people. Oh, here we go. Okay, people. This is dedicated to people. Dot dot dot. I can't handle the antistat.

Who? Dot dot dot. Dot dot dot. Try dot dot dot. Oh, oh. Hahaha. Oh, oh. You're right.

You just get... Ah, it's happening. Also, Bob, has there been a boiling pot of water behind you this whole time? This light that looks like it's on fire. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. It looks like one of those survival game little pot fires that has been in my background since I lived in California.

Literally I got that two and a half years ago. Did it always have a pot of water above it? It's it's a no, it doesn't. I've had this background since I lived in California. Literally, I got that two and a half years ago. Did it always have a pot of water above it? It's, it's a, no, it doesn't now. It's a lamp. But the light parts on the floor and the pots above it. What? Is that not part of the same contraption?

It's a lamp sitting on a shelf, which is part of this lamp. I don't understand what you're confused about. I thought it was like a step ladder, but the bottom ladder step had a fire and the top ladder still had a pot and then there was a light behind it. You thought that this whole time?

No, I just noticed it. This is a stream deck in a holder and this is the fridge plushie that we did. You've been in that room. I just peeky and saw the back of Bob and then I left. You saw my assless office chair and got the hell out of here. I really thought that was just like a fake fire with a pot on it.

I was like, man, you're really going for like the survival game feel. You got your crafting bench. Anyway, so this is actually kind of a touchy area to discuss. The penis. No, not not about the penis. Okay, go on. Bob was just like, oh no. Go on

Anyway, what we're discussing here is people being dumb and you shouldn't do any of the things that we are discussing and none of This should be an incentive to be like, oh, that's interesting right there That's something that I want to do in my life. No, don't do any of this. It's dumb. We're not even doing it We're talking about the people that do it. I feel like that could be a general disclaimer for this show I want to talk about this thing because it seems so Insane that people do this and that there's actually a community of people that do this thing boys ready sure Can't wait any longer can't wait to do it We're about to dive into the obscurely

Sidely legal world of research chemicals you guys heard of this at all no, but that sounds sketchy Is this like when you sniff glue before you write your term paper? It's not that far off. I think aha So there's this thing called the FDA right the Food and Drug Administration And the reason I'm going all the way back this is because the food and drug administration didn't exist until the beginning of the 19th the beginning of the 20th century wait is that what it stands for yeah yeah I always thought it was federal drug administration it's food and drugs it's Debbie never noticed that the FDA also does like food yeah I just thought it was because there's so many drugs put into our food that they just grouped them together.

Food is drugs. Oh, got it. I thought they had to have federal in there. I didn't know they could just be food and drug. Well, the administration part is kind of taking the place of the federal way you're suggesting. You can have an administration. It's not a federal administration. That's not like a common practice. The CIA doesn't have the federal part in there. No, but they're central. HUD doesn't have it in there. What is that? Housing and urban development. What's the firearms one?

I'm thinking of NRA, but that's the, that's like, that's not the thing. No. The AATC or ATF, ATF. I thought it was DARE. Wait, I'll give you a point of view. You can tell me what DARE stands for. The a ATC or ATF ATF. I thought it was dare now wait I'll give you a point of you can tell me what dare stands for drug abuse resistance education Damn, is that right? I actually think that is right. Yeah, I actually didn't know so I think they disbanded though They're not there anymore. There's something else now. That's what that was when we were growing up Yeah, so the reason I bring up the food and Drug Administration, the FDA, is because the FDA didn't exist until a bunch of guys...

More than two? There he goes. Oh, wow, I'm glad he's gone. I hope he never comes back. I don't think Mark has gotten more than a quarter of a sentence out of his mouth without Wade just jumping in on something. A bunch of dudes who before the FDA was the FDA spent years, and I mean years, eating food with a bunch of things that they thought was deadly, but they didn't know for sure. Didn't we do an episode on this? Am I crazy? Yeah, we talked about this. We talked about this.

From that, the Food and Drug Administration was formed, and then there was a lot of rules and laws on what had to be reported for what was in food, what was allowed in food, what was allowed to be coloring. And I'm not 100% sure if this is true, but the reason Red 40 is called Red 40 is because there were 39 other versions Chemicals that was used as red dye that were since barred from being used and I'm not 100% sure about that

So please confirm that that might just be something I heard. What if it said it only has a 40% mortality rate? Oh, I guess I mean doesn't seem like what it would be but it's probably not is what I'm gonna say So the reason I bring that up is because the Food and Drug Administration was very good. And then they started to get real relaxed about some things. Then came along this clause where you'll see it on drinks a lot, and supplements, and like, you know,

pre-mix, like workout powders and stuff like that, where it says, claims not approved by the FDA, or like, we have not been verified by the FDA. Because there's a clause, right? You can have chemicals in your thing, but if you don't say it's a food and you say that this has not been evaluated by the FDA and it's just a supplement, there's like a supplement clause that you can put it out for sale, as long as it says, not verified. You still can't put things in it that are on a banned list, but because there's so many chemicals out there,

not everything is banned, right? So I get from here, I get to this idea of research chemicals in general, because it's come full circle. There is a group of people out there that literally buy research chemicals and take them. Which sounds, on the face of it, like just about the craziest thing

I could imagine doing in my spare time. What comes through the chemical? I'm thinking of like your energy things and all that stuff like you can buy. What's a research chemical? Chemical is just like a compound of different molecules right? It's any literally like anything is a chemical. Okay but like is thousand hour energy or that's not what it's called. got the thousand-hour energy holy shit I accidentally chugged a thousand-hour energy and I ended up in the ER awake for 40 days and 49th thank God I have my thousand-hour energy I mean maybe maybe one of these guys does have the chemical that is the thousand hour energy chemical.

Okay, but five hour energy, I'm not trying to call them out specifically. There's the one I thought of. They're not a US food and drug administration approved. They fall under this category, I guess. There's a lot of stuff in the world that you would look at and be like, that's a food or drink. And actually it's a supplement and thus is not like certified by the FDA or whatever. Yeah. It's a really weird gray gray area and it's one of those things where it's like this has not been proven to be deadly so Good luck, you know kind of kind of thing for it because no one thought it was a good idea for humans to ingest it So this actually is though a step further than this

so usually if you put a is though a step further than this. So usually if you put a product out there and a bunch of people go blind in one eye and their left pinky explodes, you know, it would get pulled and they would get sued. That does happen. That's true. Those things have been on the market that we were talking about for a while now, so that's fair. This is a step further. These are just random ass research chemicals because the thing about organic chemistry and chemicals in general is that you can pretty much make an unlimited combination of different chemicals. You can assemble the periodic table of elements into pretty much anything, any kind of chain, any amount, any configuration, and those things can do random ass things to biology and who knows what they can do

They could do nothing most of them just do nothing because your body just like doesn't even interface with it and purge it So fe could be oh no, but did you get that one? Fe is iron. I oh no. I saying it's bad if you I don't know I don't know wait wait disappear for a second I need to talk to both disappear for a second. Wade- Wade disappear for a second. I need to talk to Bob. Disappear for a second. I gotta talk to Bob. Peace off for a second. So... So Bob, was that a smart joke that he made or was it... I think the concept was good, but then he- the punchline was confusing. He just fainted back in.

It's still funny to me. I'm so glad that's staying through the whole episode. So for those of you who don't know, way back in whenever this was, LSD, which stands for Lysergic Ac diethylamide? That's true, yep, that's true, it checks out. That started out as a research chemical, and when we say research chemical, I want people to know that all this means

is that it's a chemical that someone made that people think might have some application, so they're doing research on it to see if that's true. That's kind of where that's- I'm glad you're saying that, because I thought these were drugs you take when you need to do research. Hey, he made that joke already. No, no, don't don't write anything.

I didn't write anything down. He's a pen in my hand. You'll see it's right there. Right there. OK. All right. What are you holding that up with my foot? OK. Are you just going to question everything I do this episode with? All right. And you okay. Are you just gonna question everything I do this episode Wade? Alright? And you did like... I don't know what you just asked me. I zoned out.

Mark, I'm talking to you. Hey, hi Bob. Remember how I looked up what LSD stands for? Uh-huh. That was great You want a point for that? That seems like a point worthy thing. I don't know. Participating? You're right. That's a point worthy thing That's definitely a point worthy thing think it feels like you're really You're not gonna give me that easy Alright all this converges you remember I started this Longevity right when you get the crossroads of reckless stupidity and reckless pursuit You reach this apex where somehow you have found success and you have money. My god, that's me! Now Bob's gone.

Editors, can you make the whole tub just blow up? Cut out this part of this. Our highest produced episode ever. Now that you're done working on Iron Lung, we need the full editing team to blow up Mark's bathtub. Get an M80, get a green screen, go in your backyard. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha To get to the point of all of this, how do we live forever? By not dying. Ah, he got it. He got it, he went, alright, cool.

Well, that's it, yeah, wow. That's like everyone's first mistake. Yeah, so not dying. But hey, what if, you know, what if there's one of those chemicals out there that's gonna be the magic make you live forever chemical? Being completely ignorant of any of how the science works, I'm just going to say confidently that's definitely not a thing that's possible to achieve purely with chemicals. Unless it's chocolate milk, because I really like chocolate milk and I would like for it

to be the cure. All right. Those are two somehow the same answer, but somehow very different. But Bob, expound upon that. You think that a single chemical can't do that? The thing about dying is that your body decays the longer you're alive no matter what. And it's not like a matter of,

oh, you just need to not get sick. The longer you live, the more likely you are to have like a genetic mutation, the more likely you are to have degenerative diseases that sort of develop or that you're predisposed for that sort of come up as you get older. Your body is not designed to live forever. And I like maybe there's a huge cocktail of chemicals that could do something that would help your body not degrade in the way that it does as quickly. But I don't there's no way there's just one magical chemical that

you just inject that twice a week and then you won't die ever and your body won't degrade. I thought you were going in the direction of like uploading your consciousness to a computer or something where it's like, is that living forever? Does that count? But that seems more likely to succeed to me than keeping your physical body alive enough that you could like call it living forever. Let me ask you boys a question. Yeah, go.

Have you ever heard of the ship of theses? I'm so glad you brought that up. What are we doing philosophy now? No, I don't know. Because if you replace the parts of you that are dying one cell at a time. Oh wait, we had this discussion. What were those things called? Microplastics.

No, no, never. You were going to, you were going to grow like tumors. Oh, teratomas. Teratomas. You're going to grow teratomas to grow replacement body parts and organs and stuff. Are teratomas specific hair and bones and shit? Yeah. Yeah, they are. Oh, we'd be like gremlins. You get us wet at midnight. We like crouched down a little balls form on our backs. A little us just pop out. We're like, sup, I'm Wayne. That's what little gremlins of me would do.

Would that be considered living forever? Cloning yourself. Isn't there a thought experiment about that? Some, isn't it called, what's it called? Like the swamp man or something. I suppose, look, if we're gonna get philosophical, it depends on your definition of you. Because if they contain your memories and experiences,

then technically you are living forever but if you mean like your personal self like not just the concept of wade but like me wade live forever then no it really depends on what your definition of living forever is that's the thing yeah because we got to figure out where the definition is because if i have a clone that just suddenly appeared in and like another tub was right like here in the tub if I was just like Oh shit! Editors put me there. Whoa! Make a 3D model and rig up a mark next to Mark.

Listeners, you're not missing a thing. You're not missing a thing. Don't worry. Alright, so even if I appeared right there, in that instant we would be different Because in that moment, we're both having suddenly a different perspective. And a lot of what you are is based on your perspective, right? So you, that's what you're talking about, Wade, the philosophical perspective of the me that is me, is me from this perspective. Me from that perspective suddenly becomes a different person because their experiences deviate completely. So I would say that's not living forever.

And I would say that some people don't realize what you're talking about, Bob, which is like this truth that like a single chemical isn't going to make you live forever because if there was, if there was a single chemical that was a make you live forever chemical, then our bodies, our cells and our DNA would have a single slot for the live forever chemical. There would have to be some kind of unifying thing in your biological system because you die,

your body decays in a lot of ways and it's not a one fixed thing, exactly. It's a very, I mean the whole body itself is an unbelievably complex system with millions of different chemicals swimming around all the time making you you it's just like if you want to think about you is in like the you are you this cell are you this cell are you this cell that cell just died what oh god it

is very ship of Theseus but let's say for example there is maybe a chemical cocktail of something like that or there is something. How and how do we live forever? I mean, isn't that like mentally how? Sure. I don't know. Why? I don't I don't know the chemicals. If you're asking me for the formulation of the live forever serum, I didn't get that one. I missed that email. But isn't I mean, isn't the idea of living forever like a form of torture?

To some people, yeah. The idea that the character that lives forever eventually tries to kill themselves. Or they do because they can, but like, you don't want to live forever. I get the idea of wanting to live as long as possible, but I wouldn't want to live forever. But some people disagree because some people are spending millions. That guy who had his son's blood injected into him. He spends millions a year Didn't he actually pass away? Huh? Didn't he pass away? No way. I thought I saw a thing where he actually passed away I'm not joking. I thought he actually passed away. I think that's a lie I if you if you Google it, I mean I just claim it. I just said I thought I heard it

No If you Google it the one of the top searches is dies the millionaire who injects on his blood dies in car accident, but that's not actually like a... It doesn't seem to be a real thing. One of the funny things that a lot of these guys who try this say a lot is, my biological age is so much younger than my actual age, by what metric are they measuring their quote unquote biological age? I mean, you basically pick whatever arbitrary biomarkers.

There are things that are indicators of how old your body is. Cardiac health, your respiratory health, your, I don't know, liver health. Like there are things where you could test for enzymes or whatever and get an idea of like, oh yeah, you're pretty healthy. You got the lungs of a 20 year old.

Yeah, I think that's the expression, but in reality I think they take it a little too far and say like, my biological age is 35. I'm winning and they use it as like a metric. Anyway, that's not the point here. Wait, how? Again, depends on your definition of lifter. Do you mean you physically, your body, your mind,

your brain, or do you mean like the idea of you? Me, me. This is a trick question. Mark supposed at the beginning of this question, there is a chemical compound that will allow you to do this, right? That was part of what you said. You live forever by taking that compound. So, I win. I win again.

I answered your trick question, you bastard. You could live forever by putting your YouTube video in a box and burying it or something, then, you know, someone will find it. No, that's not living forever. That's dumb and that's stupid. That. That's dumb. And that's stupid. That's why I said it depends on your definition. I already answered your question about definition. Well, you said me, which isn't really an answer because you were still a vague concept. No, we went under the categories of what you were saying.

We already established the parameters and we could, we, we pared it down to one thing. Well, we did. But then we went back to the original question, which was a bad question to begin with. So I thought you were just trying to trick us, which Bob also thought you were trying to trick us in a different way. What do you mean a bad question? Are you saying that this is a fool's errand? Yes. I think Wade's only criticism of anything in life is that they people ask

bad questions, apparently. Agreed. I just give bad statements. I didn't ask good questions about chapstick. Mark doesn't ask bad questions apparently agreed i just give bad statements i didn't ask good questions about chapstick mark doesn't ask good questions about living forever this man can't be can't be pleased everyone is inferior to me is what i'm saying is that true so nobody should live forever because no one's worthy well so you should live forever god no look at me i'm like the crypt keeper and I'm like 20 years old. Wait, hold on a second. You wish. Back up. What?

I just turned 20 this year, man. You just, just turned 20? I was eight when we started Trump Minecraft. Wow. I blossomed early. So you entered high school, the high school that we went to the same school at in the same grade, when you were one. Dude, you should have seen me out of the womb, my poor mom.

Okay, so the answer to this question seems to be you can't live forever. Well, that can't be right. What about all those research chemicals? Oh, well, you know what? You're right, Mark. You can live forever. All you have to do is become a millionaire,

actually probably billionaire, but you know, 100 millionaire may be enough, I guess. And then buy and consume every research chemical as quickly as humanly possible, and hope for Spider-Man luck. I've got another idea for you, Mark. Have you heard of PFAS? Yes.

How you live forever is you just ingest so many forever chemicals that your body will never break down. You become the PFAS of Theseus. That's kind of a legitimate answer, right? If you can't break down, how do you die? Exactly. Oh, okay. We're going that way. I know a good way to live forever. If you just let somebody freeze you in carbonite, I'm pretty sure as long as you stay frozen, you just live forever. Or you get on a spaceship, you go really, really fast,

like 99% of the speed of light, come back to Earth. Earth will have gone about a thousand years into the future, but you barely be that much older. Or you go near a black hole and you go onto a planet, maybe covered in water, near a black hole. You leave the planet, go back to the ship, and like an hour's passed for you and like a hundred years Have passed on the ship. Yeah, uh-huh. All that is actually the same concept. Did you know that?

Yes, wait, you actually stole that from a 1993 movie called among the stars I don't know if you know that it was a mob movie called interfellas It was actually a spy movie called Splinter Cell. But yeah, because speed and also like relative relative curvature of space time is effectively the same thing. Well, someone's gonna be really mad at me for boiling that down to that. But I'm trying to simplify the idea of like if you I'm pretty sure that's what Einstein said.

Yeah, I think he did. But the idea of like if you go faster than someone who is on a planet and you're in a spaceship Going 99.99 percent the speed of light it is effectively the same as a thing from interstellar where the guys up high and you're down on The place not that you went faster. It's that near the black hole space time was curved more closer Anyway, shut up. Shut up. Shut up. I'm not living With you mark, you're right. Shut up, shut up! I'm not living any younger?

Wait, disappear! There's nothing to be gleaned from these wonderful chemicals that exist. Maybe something. This is the thing though, right? Simulations need to reach a point where they have meaningful outcomes because asking people to just consume something

to see what happens is like some early 19th century shit. If someone really wants to do that to themselves, for themselves, I guess fine, but that still seems completely insane. But doctors or researchers being like, hey, I'll give you 50 bucks if you drink this. And then they don't even know what that chemical is gonna do. No, I don give you 50 bucks if you drink this and then they don't even know what that chemical is gonna

Do no, I don't think that's good for humanity. All right. I wanna I want to read a quote from this subreddit I'm not saying which one it is. The the title of this is bro. I just blew my butt mind Oh my god, I never thought of butt chugging research chemical The actual body of the description is boofing blank, this chemical is not to be taken lightly. End of posts. Well, people do fear death-a, therefore they try to find ways to skirt it. That makes sense.

That is true. Do you guys fear death-a? Only like right before I fall asleep some nights and my brain's like, you're gonna fucking die and it might be painful. Like the thought of dying isn't scary as much as like a painful death, like suffering. Dude, I've never feared death more than every night when I finally get almost asleep but I'm rolled, I'm facing away from the door and then I hear that noise behind me and my

brain is like, the murderer got in. Or when you're hot and your foot's above the covers and you think you hear something, you need to put your foot under the covers real quick. Don't want them to take your titsies at all. I go to, I met this Airbnb and the air conditioner, you know, every time it turns on, it sucks the, you know, the filter up every single time it turns on. I'm like, they're coming.

To be fair though, if someone breaks in, they're never going to look in your bathtub first. You're probably safe. I probably am. Let's hope they're not really dirty when they come in and decide they need a bath. You ever break into someone's house and you're just like, man, that was disgusting. I got to clean up.

Hey, there you are. How many years would be enough if you could add on until I'm like uncomfortable being alive, I guess, like until like it's just like the quality of life too bad. I've got a random thought though before I lose it Okay so if you're on the planet near the black hole and like times like an hour passes it feels like an hour if you had A camera on the ship and you were watching the feed. Would you see that person aging like fucking rapidly? Oh, you were looking up like if you had a camera on the spaceship looking at the people up there

You were on the planet an hour passes They age a hundred years. You don't age at all. Would you see that like it was quickly happening on the camera? Theoretically, it would be like you were watching the playback in fast forward, but that's what you would be witnessing in real time, right? Yeah, so just what would it like I just curious what you would see it would have to you'd have to be see them Just moving like insanely quickly around like a crazy little worker ant or something right here's the thing think of the reverse perspective You're in the ship you see them undock and start to go down, and then they just go slower Till they're barely moving you're like man. It's fucking buffering again exactly how infuri infuriating would that be? Just like watching them like, Let's go already!

Push! And then you see them all dying in slow motion, like they're making the stupidest mistakes, and you're like, just get in the ship, close the door, don't stand looking at the wave, what are you doing? You're watching a horror movie at.001 speed. So yeah, I think maybe you are right, it would be that perspective.

But also I think in realistic terms, even though that phenomenon is true, I doubt that the distance between orbit and the surface of the planet is actually going to be that significant as far as time dilation goes. But you can imagine a scenario where it would be. I'm imagining it. I just thought it'd be wild to watch the feed on either perspective, I guess of like their time passing. you're in the ship looking down. You're like what a rush Well, I wasn't thinking of that perspective to be fair. I was thinking of more like Look see that's actually his joke. He made I forget what he's doing

But he was rendering this effect and he was waiting for it to finish on his computer and we all go over and look over His shoulder and he just sits there where else there and he's going wow What a rush Man I would quote that forever now All right, so in in the end of it cuz we're just stuck three lost souls swimming in a fishbowl I'll answer your question as you've asked it as accurately as I feel like I can. Ignore whether we would want to live forever

and assuming that there is some series of things you can do or inject or ingest or otherwise do to your body that keeps you alive forever in the body that you're currently in. I have to feel like it would get so intense. Whatever it is, you'd have to do it so frequently to fight it off. You'd eventually, your entire existence would be like a constant drip of whatever this chemical is.

What if you took too much and it Benjamin buttoned you and you started like de-aging? Oh, that's a whole other problem. Because if you can slow down, the point of stopping aging. I'm imagining theoretically, it's not that you're slowing down anything in like terms of relativity. It's like your magical chemicals fix all problems with the human body. It can repair your DNA, can repair tissues in your body. Grow your penis? Back only to where it should be. Define should. Where it were. Okay. No extra length or girth, but you retain the maximum that you deserve. Where it were. Oh, okay.

No extra length or girth, but you retain the maximum that you deserve. All right. Okay. All right. Good. Good. But like, I just, it's hard to imagine that that would work in a way where it wouldn't turn into that, which is then like, at what point is that worth it as an existence?

You're basically still a patient in a hospital bed. Your body is, you know, 50 years old or whatever when you, theoretically. But you can't be disconnected from the machine that puts the juice in you that fixes you constantly anyway. I don't know. I zoned out because I pictured taking an image, shrinking it and expanding it, and it's the country singer Garth Brooks and now he's Girth Brooks. And you just came up with that? No one else came up with that? I don't know. They probably have, but I found it funny. Well, then I guess the question isn't about living forever.

It's about how girthy can you get before you die? I think that's the real question here. Based on my metabolism the last year, probably pretty girthy. I think that's a goal for everyone at home to aspire to. Don't research chemicals. Unless you're a scientist, then you can research, but don't do them. FDA is probably a good thing I don't know how I don't know

I don't know much about the FDA other than like FDA approved we like take is like oh good It's safe then again. They did start with some dudes being like yeah, I'll drink it Like the precursor to jackass is also how we make sure food and drugs are safe. Yeah, kind of it's not wrong I'll just say you know if if there is that chemical out there. I don't want to be the one to It's a sign mark you better take your research In that tub for so long and suddenly it can't stop turning the water on Three weeks in this tub and now today all of a sudden you can't sit still. All right. I'm ending it. I'm ending it I don't have any I don't know anything. All right

Okay, I'm gonna tabulate the points Wade woof. You got a point for hoot now bold the law You got a point for it's bold's what you got a point for. What's bold the law? You got a point for he quit! Exclamation point. You got the segue point. You got a C, a point.

You lost a point for the F dumb A. Got it right back for dare. You got a point for don't die. And then you got a point for complete superiority. I feel like there were a lot of points after that. You didn't write that down. That was a lot. I think it's were a lot of points after that. You didn't write that down. That was a lot. I think it's daring you to take his points away.

I did give you a point for interriskella-ris-interris-riskellas? Ris- what did you- Interfellas? Interfellas! That's it! Interfellas! That's it! The- the mom movie. Yeah, I did give you a point for that. But I- I- so I better get a Splintercella point. Yeah, you got a Splintercella point.

Okay, good. Okay, okay, Bob. You got a point for Splinter Cell-a, and you got a point for Thought He Won, and then... I didn't write anything else. Oh, dang it, man! Oh, no. Okay, even I think that's unfair.

Can I throw a flag for Bob? I think there are definitely some more points in there you didn't, uh, didn't make make note of I don't know what happened Okay, so it's really up in the air to see who wins. I guess I think what it was Bob Here's what I think it was and you you like you tell me if this is fair Wade interrupted me so much that his opportunities for points was Skyrocketing throughout the episode simply because most of the time I was groaning Occasionally it did make me laugh though. I never really got to make a point and that I should probably deduct a point for that

I didn't you can't take a point for my comedy spray and pray Deducting a point for those. It's just dumb way ahead. So do I actually only have two points then? Yeah, I'm afraid you do. I will give you an opportunity though, a speed round of whatever the hell you want. If you think it's worth a point, I will give you 30 seconds to get as many points as you can. It's like you're stepping inside the wind tunnel of points, and you gotta grab them out of the air, okay?

Can I interrupt them to get more points for myself? No. Maybe. Anyway, it's a 30 second speed run I guess it would only be fair if Wade could also participate but somehow he could you could also lose points Just be aware of that really wish I made my ring tone one of those animal noises three two one go. Yeah Wade's bald This is the number one podcast in our solar system Damn, man. Okay. This is the number one podcast in our solar system, probably.

Definitely in the first three planets. The subreddit sucks, and especially that one, the dangerous one we were talking about today. That's a bad one, too. All subreddits suck. Take that, Reddit. Well, though ours just sided with Mark, so he might not agree. I could throw a red flag for what you've done, but I'm choosing not to because I don't ever want to see that wheel again for the rest of my life.

I got it in under the buzzer. I heard a puppy bark. Mark, one point if you tell me which dog it was. I know which dog it was. Actually, I think Chica started it, but then Henry always follows up. It was definitely Henry. Yeah, Henry was a louder one, but Chica, I believe I heard her woof first. She's been doing that a little bit more lately. Alright, Mark, one point. You get it. Alright, cool. Thank you. You got two extra points out of that, Bob.

That does not sound like enough. Oh wait, no. You got the buzzer beater one. You did get that. I interrupted twice. Do I get a rudeness point? No. Alright. So unfortunately, Bob, that wasn't enough to get you across the threshold. Although you got five points. Wade ended up with... six. Oh, that was actually closer, cuz he had deductions.

Wade, you almost lost yourself the contest there. If you had listened to anything that I said throughout the rest of the episode, I would have been in there with a chance. You weren't as rude as I was. I know, I thought I was polite and insightful, but that's not what we're here for, I guess. I know what Mark likes. That's the episode, congratulations, Wade. Thanks, man. Is this winter speech time, or is it just me just thanking you?

Yeah, I would like all you to inject your speeches with another disclaimer to not do anything that we're receiving remotely We weren't even suggesting it. It's all dumb. Yeah, if you research chemicals in All right, that might be the worst winter speech I've ever heard in the history of this podcast Bob this loser speech is sponsored by the disclaimer song written and performed by Ethan Nestor. It's not supposed to be out there, but I'm sure you can find it online. It has a lot of important information and the main thing being don't try this or you'll die. I felt like I said a lot of things that didn't get any points whatsoever, but it was fun. You know, it's fun. Fun to be here. Very fair.

I mean, I give you a speed round. I felt like that was real close there, real close there. But thank you everybody so much for watching, listening, those listening. What are you getting out of that container, Wade? Oh, it's not a container, it's just a chapstick. Oh, it looks like a plastic tube. That's so weird. It just made your chapstick in the shape of a plastic tube? Yeah, hang on, I'm gonna hold it upside down and watch all this liquid pour out.

That's-that's not an argument I was making. That's-that's irrelevant. I'm gonna an argument I was making. That's irrelevant. I'm gonna leave you with an article that made me mad. That has nothing to do with what we talked about. It just says, Hertz charges Tesla Model 3 renters $277 fee on gas. Won't back down. How much was the fee?

$277? $277 fee for gas on an electric car, and they won't back down. And I gotta say, I had the same thing happen to me. I was there and I went to rent a car. I didn't pick what it was and it happened to be like not a Tesla but it was one of those other, I can't even remember right now, but it was electric car. Brought it back, looked on Merseed. It was a fuel fee. That makes sense.

I know electricity isn't free but it wasn't $277 equivalent of gas that I put in the fucking car. I didn't drive it that far. Electricity is a fuzz-al-fuel. Oh, that's gotta be worth at least a couple negative points. Hey, it's over. The winner's speech happened. The winner's speech happened. We're still here. Mark's introducing topics. He's hosting. Established in our bylaws. Once the speeches happen, you can't change the outcome. I am preemptively deducting a point for

the next time I'm hosting. We also said we're not allowed to do that. No, no, the the ruling on the subreddit was that we are. I'm hosting next episode. Just wait till you see what I do to you. Okay. All right. Okay. Whatever you won. DistractableStoreable store comm if you want a new merch you gotta go get this merch because the next round of merch is coming up Soon and we're gonna have a pocket Constitution so everyone can understand the bylaws as you're listening. Don't read it while you're driving I'm definitely gonna carry a pocket Constitution just so I know what's going on. All right, we're out of here. Peace Podcast out. That's it. I forgot.