Distractible - Aliens Among Us

Episode Date: May 2, 2022

The 10th Planet, tic-tac ships, and tardigrades, today the guys launch into the great unknown to discuss potential evidence for life elsewhere in our universe... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Good evening, gentle listeners, and welcome to Distractible, a Wood Elf production, with your hosts, Beaming Bob, Munificent Mark, and Wintery Wade. This week, the bafflingly Bonomi band borderly brook the bizarre busybodies buried within our societies. Yes, it's time for Aliens Among Us. Please prepare thy best scully sneer and enjoy the show. us. Please prepare thy best scully sneer and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back to Distractible. I'll be your host today. My name is Bob. If you've never listened to this podcast, I almost said watch, but that's not how this works. If you've never listened to this podcast before, it's a competition. As the host, I will be the judge and my friends, Mark and Wade, who are also here, will be the competitors. Hello. Hi. I'm Mark. I'm competitor number two.

I send your name. I know. I know, but I mean, if they've never watched it before, they don't know my voice. All right. Technically, Wade is competitor number two. That's true. Oh, okay. We speak truth.

Anyway, since I know most of you have already listened to this, welcome back. You know how this works. Those rules are completely a lie. Nothing matters. Nothing makes sense, especially when i'm in charge i mean i write down stuff and tabulate things with numbers even for points and scores um but before we get to that how's how's it going how's life how's going good it's going good i don't know where we are in time at the moment when people are listening to this so part two might be out part two might not

be out i'm not sure uh either i'm working very diligently on getting it out or i'm relaxing after the fact when it's already out this will be pretty close this is this is right around the time i think yeah i think it might be that first one but i'm not 100 sure it might be the day of i don't know what's the date for that it's a may 2nd is today may 2nd i'm looking at the calendar uh date for that? It's a May 2nd. Is today May 2nd? I'm looking at the calendar. Uh. Uh. Uh-huh.

Oh my god, you have paper in your office? It's a calendar. I'm looking at it. Oh, right. I have a calendar too. Um, my calendar is made of plastic. Uh-huh. I don't have a calendar. I got this moo machine. Eee. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha why why i don't know i just wanted to have something to make noise that's good okay that's good you know like modern day streamers they have sound boards and all this nah now wait he's old school wait is like a radio talk show in the 90s. Like a drive to work talk show.

He's just got a bunch of random crap around him. Like, good morning. Slide whistle. Whatever. What's your show called, Wade? Oh, it's called Good Brunch, Everyone. All right. What a 90s title.

Let's see it now. All those drive time disc jockeys. Anyway, nice. I'm good too. I'm good too i'm good too you know just uh oh try to get my doctor to call me back they won't maybe guru harold will call you back i think i need a real doctor on this one oh that's what they all say i'm fine that sounded very dark i'm fine it's fine i'm fine uh i just i want'm fine. I just want to double check some stuff. We're like an actual doctor. Not to disparage the guru, but.

Yeah, you better not disparage the guru. No, I wouldn't dare. He would come for me. Yes. Yeah, well, good. So everyone's good. Nothing bad is happening, and I'm fine. I don't know why.

I can't stop. I'm actually fine. I feel like I'm moving on. I don't know whether to worry or not. Yeah, I know. I feel worse after that. It's fine. It's fine. I'm actually fine. I feel like I'm moving on. I don't know whether to worry or not. Yeah, I know. I feel worse after that. It's fine. It's fine.

I'm fine. I'm perfectly healthy. I just need my doctor to call me back. And it's not urgent, but I've been trying to get this connection for like a week and a half. You know, it's like a roller coaster of worry. I'm like, oh, reassured. And then wait a minute. Hold on a second. Well, if you like a roller coaster of worry. I'm like, oh, reassured. And then, wait a minute. Hold on a second. Well, if you like roller coasters of emotions, boy, do I have a topic for this episode today.

Okay. It's July 4th, Independence Day, 1947. 75 miles outside of the small, sleepy town of Roswell, New Mexico, a rancherer named mac brazel finds something unusual in his sheep pasture a stack of metallic sticks held together with tape chunks of plastic foil reflective material scraps of heavy glossy opaque paper glass unable to identify these strange objects brazel calls the sheriff the sheriff shows up has a look no objects, Roselle calls the sheriff. The sheriff shows up, has a look, no idea. The sheriff, in turn, calls the nearby federal officials at the Army Air Force Base of Roswell, New Mexico. Soldiers show up, fan out across the field, gathering the bits,

putting them in mysterious boxes and bags and satchels. Uh-huh. On July 8th, the top story in the Roswell Daily Record is titled, RAAF Captures Flying Saucer on Ranch Near Roswell. Uh-huh. But did they? On July 9th, an Air Force official clarifies that the paper's report of an alleged flying saucer is just a crashed weather balloon.

Uh-huh. It's not interesting or important at all. And it's not mysterious. The soldiers were simply cleaning up a mess that was unfortunately left on a civilian's property. Huh. To anyone who had seen the debris, or to the crazy newspaper photographer who took the photos of it, it was clear that this was no weather balloon. It was clear that this was aliens.

Oh my god. Yeah. So aliens are shaped like weather balloons? That's right. Aliens travel in large balloons filled with scientific equipment. Facts. There are 10 types of aliens.

Type one, Zeta Reticulans or gray aliens. Very common, seen by many people, often referred to as grays. Type two, the little green man. Other common type of alien. Smaller, greener similar black vacant eyes we all know these type three nordic aliens smaller greener yeah obviously then smallest greenest type three nordic aliens type three pleiadian aliens type five i'm sorry

this list jumps from three to five oh it has three twice it's fine type five andromedian aliens uh-huh all these are all humanoid aliens if you saw them in person you might mistake them for a human except that some of them are as tall as 10 to 15 feet uh type six reptilian aliens humanoid reptiles we all know this the zuck might be one uh we're all familiar type seven alpha draconian aliens, large, 14 to 22 foot tall, weighing approximately 1800 pounds or more, reptilian features, horrific, violent, aggressive. Type eight, Syrians aliens. This is the blue, sexy aliens, really hot.

Lots of people have seen them. Lots of people have hot, hot dreams about them. Type nine, Anukani aliens. This is the alien species that the Sumerians worship. As far as humans go fairly ancient and uh the sumerians look very humanoid but they're eight to nine feet tall and their goal was to enslave humanity to perform farming for them and their belief to come from planet nibiru which is of course the 12th planet in our very own solar system which lies out beyond pluto and has

yet to be discovered type 10 arcturian aliens this is one of the most ancient species of aliens in our galaxy uh four to five feet tall elongated ovular heads and uh thought to be very intelligent experience like a wise old sage race uh you know beacons and pillars of our galaxy even we all know this these are facts okay you are judge i can't dispute them also i am stunned and amazed at how well informed you are this episode i know right i've done some research this is incredible obviously some of this is just stuff that i know anyway we've all experienced this right maybe you've been abducted maybe you've seen an alien maybe you know a celebrity who is an alien i have a question what what what were the 10th and 11th planets uh those are also yet to be discovered and no important alien races hail from those

planets so it's not interesting wade oh okay okay anyway that's today's topic okay i know everyone's gonna be as excited as i am can i have a question yes so you said like personal experience um what if we don't have any personal experience with aliens or we may have one but we don't have the memory or recollection of it could lie mark we could lie and make up a story i would never lie uh you could have a personal experience in the same way that i'm about to share my personal experience that definitely happened to me and is not a story that i okay read on the internet oh we're pirating content good this reminds me of that 1997 movie, Mark, Bob, and Wade steal alien stories. Don't.

Don't. What? It's not a joke. This is serious. Okay. Aliens exist. And I know this because when I was a little kid, my family had a lot of hysteria around aliens, right?

They were very upset. Had all these stories. My grandmother always talked about her abduction and how it affected her. It was a big thing in my family. And I was always pretty skeptical as a kid. I thought it was a joke. I don't know. My grandfather claimed to have one on video,

and it was one of those shaky, fuzzy, you know, recorded onto VHS. Yeah. It looked fake to me, right? One night, I was a little kid. I was like eight years old, nine years old. I walked downstairs. I can't sleep.

I'm trying to find a book to take up to my room to read. Standing at the bookshelf in our living room, and I peer over at the big sliding door that goes out to like our backyard area, and right near the top of the door like way way taller than a human like i don't even know how tall doors are like seven feet eight feet tall or something i see this big gray face these big glossy black eyes that look almost wet just standing there just floating there you can't i couldn't even really see the body just the head sort of leaned in peering in, watching me.

We lock eyes. I drop whatever book I was holding. Curious George or something. Who knows? Run back upstairs. Climbed into bed with my parents. That's the night I learned that aliens were real. Wow.

Mm-hmm. All right, then. 10 points to you. Also, credit for that story to Emily Stallings on Facebook. Oh, I see. I mean, that happened to me. That happened to me. No, no, that's real. Aliens are real see that happened to me that happened to me no no that's real aliens are real that happened to me sorry bob we gotta take away your points hey

i'll be taking away my points thank you very much uh-huh oh yeah that's right you're the host bob you can do whatever you want anyway the topic is aliens gentlemen my opening was maybe a little comedic maybe too far i didn't want to i don't want to you know i don't want to lessen such a serious topic but aliens let's talk about okay i would like to object to this topic because the aliens guy from the meme has like the wild hair thing going on and i'm pretty much bald and i feel like i'm at a disadvantage from the start i just want to put that out there the the history channel guy the meme of the guy who's like aliens yeah it looks crazy because i think when everyone thinks of aliens they think of purely that guy and no other other topic yeah but uh exactly this is why i just wanted to voice my objection now i will

sustain his objection i think of that time where will smith climbed up there and slapped them right in the face who did what now remember when will smith climbed up there and slapped the alien right in the face and independence day right i remember that he's like keep my white house out of your fucking alien wow i was about to say i regret bringing that back up because everyone in the entire universe is already sick of it but that was that's points for you wade that was worth it yeah man i thank you i'm down this early in the episode holy shit i don't know how i'll ever financially recover from this uh yeah i mean you could talk about personal alien experiences yeah stories evidence proof whatever you want i kind of want to touch on a topic that you you talked about bob before we get into the actual official stories is like the actual not i don't know about the 12th

planet but the 10th planet and the mystery there of the 10th planet have you guys looked into anything about this no no because i'm not crazy well i mean it's the 12th planet yeah well we know the species that comes from nibiru oh wait if you google the 10th planet. Yeah, well, we know the species that comes from Nibiru. Oh, wait, if you Google the 10th planet in our solar system, Nibiru comes up. Uh-huh. That's the name of the one that I said was the 12th. Uh-huh. No, 10th.

Wait, what? So there is a quote-unquote, there's a theory that there is a 10th planet beyond Pluto in the Cooper Belt, which is the field of asteroids at the outer edge of the solar system that kind of separates and gives us a buffer from everything else, there is some kind of gravitational weirdness that is occurring out there. I don't know the exact specifics of it, but the more and more we look into this idea that there is something that is affecting gravity out there, the more credence is lent to the theory that there is actually a

celestial body of some kind out there. Whether it's a dwarf planet, whether it's a huge gas giant, whether it's a dwarf black hole that's orbiting our sun at an extreme distance, it's a little bit difficult to understand what it is. Because it could be this thing called Eris, which is a name for a dwarf planet that they think they are certain of like with a pretty high degree of certainty but there also might be another object at a similar orbital period or even farther out and it's just like it's unsure because i haven't looked into the exact detail of this and and anyone who knows more about this than i do shut up i'm gonna

be an idiot for a minute like uh but the last thing i heard from unconfirmed sources is that like it's uncertain whether it's just this heiress thing or the heiress is like kind of like misreadings of data of something actually larger or like there's multiple different effects that are happening out there the truth is that we really just don't know what's out there because the sun's light is so dim at that distance and like it's really difficult to get any kind of data about it. So you kind of have to infer it from the light coming from outside of the solar system looking in.

That's just looking optically. And then like you just have to measure and track the objects that are out there and see how their orbits are interfered with by the object that could be out there. But even doing that is difficult because we have trouble tracking the objects that are even near our planet. Dag. So you see how this all works out to be kind of problematic. That's interesting. Yeah. I just want to say in Googling this and trying to catch up to this interesting information that you have, I have found just the best website. Yeah? Yeah. ThePathToOneness.com The title

of this website is The Path to Oneness and the Golden Ones by Tim Doyle. That sounds like a guru website. Recent posts. How to Talk to God. Trapped Souls. Nibiru. The Tenth Planet of Our Solar System. A Miracle Drink. Hyphen Water. And I just want to read you

the first, like, two lines of the most recent post. After I sneeze, hang on. Do it. Yeah. Wow. Ah, man, this website is super powerful. Bless you. Dear sisters and brothers, in this earth spiritual training school,

there are many tools available to assist the soul in becoming a co-creator god. There are also many obstacles intentionally created for the student in training to overcome a fascinating website we should start a cult dude we would be great cult leaders we don't have to be great at it i think we could just do it i mean honestly you look at the current cult leaders and you wonder how they get in power so i'm sure we could do a great job maybe 2023 be year of the cult i'm glad that you showed me this website and i feel like it's going to change my life mark but that's really interesting i had not heard that i had heard i guess so it's not officially called nibiru by anyone who's like a scientist i don't think what's called like planet

x or planet 7x or something yeah i had heard of that but i didn't really know i was like a real thing and i was like a theory or something i would like to give an update to this because apparently in 2014 nasa had announced that the WISE survey had ruled out any object of Tish's characteristic. Tish would be the gas giant that was hypothesized to be out in the solar system's Oort cloud. Yeah, sure. I know about that. And apparently there's also a theory that there's a hypothetical star out beyond the Oort cloud called Nemesis.mesis oh shit i don't know why it's called nemesis that doesn't sound good at all it doesn't sound good at all lurking in the beyond millennia from now as far as i know the theories of nemesis come originally in uh 1984 it was

postulated that there is a red dwarf or brown dwarf orbiting the sun at a distance of about 95 000 astronomical units which is about 1.5 light years which is beyond the oort cloud and has apparently theoretically been suggested to be the reason for mass extinctions on earth because its gravity would fling asteroids that are way out there towards the the sun hence the name nemesis because it was theorized to be something that is an antithesis of life on earth um oh my god however it seems that there are no like no actual hard data that there is a red dwarf out there however there is an object that has an extremely irregular orbit around the entirety of the solar system. There's a trans-Neptunian object called Sedna, and there's a few others that do orbit.

The truth of the matter is we have no idea what is beyond our solar system. We don't even know what's beyond? What's the opposite of beyond? Within? Yeah. Inside? Oh, yeah. We don't even know what's in here. Yeah, oh yeah i don't even know what's in here

yeah exactly i don't know what's outside my neighborhood acting like we got this whole thing figured out we don't know we don't know diddly we don't know diddly you know what mark for your fascinating space knowledge points for you oh yes yes but we do know that there's aliens on earth yeah fact yeah we know that as a fact obviously i heard it from a reputable podcast with a very reputable host yeah there's a nice guy which one yeah you're handsome too oh you had some points oh yeah disgusting listening to him kiss up to another host i thought i was special nothing is special nothing is sacred the face of the knowledge of the golden ones that has been shared with us how could we possibly all right i don't want to reference that anymore

don't look at that website it's bad for your brain okay i got i got a little tale to tell if there's a moment were you abducted uh was it graze it was probably graze wasn't it i cannot claim that i was or was not that has to to remain a secret. The military got to you. I see how it is. But imagine this. You're in your yard. You look up. You see something approaching.

And your gut tells you, you know, they're coming. You run inside. Start barricading the house. Looking for something to defend yourself. You come across a crossbow. Some bolts you have. You gather them up. Try to get to the most fortified room you have.

Keep barricading. You know, based on previous experience experience that different colors stand out and that the flesh of your body can conceal you better than anything else so you strip down and you wait you hear the knocking you hear the noises their language you can't tell what they're saying but you know they're coming a light shines in it misses you they're're approaching. You fire. You pray. Deputy cleared for shooting naked man armed with crossbow who claimed aliens were after him. Let me guess. This happened in

Florida? It sure did. Man, I was really engaged with that. I was into the story. Yeah. Believe it or not, without going into too much more detail than what I've already done, drugs were involved. What? Yeah, I know.

No, no. But from his perspective, that had to be truly terrifying. I made that up, but that was my interpretation of the details. That's the kind of stuff that gives alien, you know, like the existence of aliens and all these facts that we have just a bad name, a bad look. You can have it both ways right there could be aliens and also people who just make stuff up i mean yeah clearly this doesn't discredit any of the alien stories this is just one of the ones that you're like maybe and then you see and you read you're like definitely not also i'm curious is that how the news article

was written no no i i read the whole article and i was like you know what i'm gonna give this a first person perspective yeah yeah i know sometimes recounts the story of a man and a harrowing experience with aliens or drugs read more to find out yeah basically uh the the dad had called the police because his son was uh acting strange and seeming threatened by him and was afraid of him and uh they when the police arrived they found him barricaded in his house they couldn't get him to come out so they went in there and i think he shot at i don't know i think he hit one of the police officers with a crossbow and they had to like they like shot him in the arm or something to

drop it and then they arrested him and stuff but that's not great yeah not great but i just had to find a good florida story. No, I love that. I love that. I have a true story. Thank you. Yes, good. However. Mine was true.

Of absolute, well, actually, you're totally right. That's true. I was more qualifying that this is a true story in relation to aliens. I 100% believe that story was true. Like, man, trying to discredit me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I will source this shit. I'm trying to discredit me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I will source this shit. I'm trying to discredit all the people that have doubts about the truth. Make a bibliography right now.

You don't. In 2014, an object of confirmed NASA Science Mission Directorate confirmed alien origin landed on Earth. Damn it, Mark. I had that article open. no no confirmed by nasa the letter declaring the confirmation begins as you may be aware dr uh oh boy names amir siraj and dr abraham loeb of the department of astronomy of Harvard University authorized a paper titled Discovery of a Meteor of Interstellar Origin. The paper reported the meteor is originating from an unbound hyperbolic orbit defined as interstellar space hereafter with 99.999% confidence.

This event would predate the discovery of Oumuamua by about three years. Oh, I'm sorry, you know oh muah muah i'm gonna try and spell that for my own googling purposes okay oh muah muah oh muah muah i spelled it exactly right the first time i think that's credit to my pronunciation of the word points for you mark you literally pronounced it so well that i spelled that word correctly yeah so what this is is it is an astra or it's a meteor that crash landed on earth that originated from a solar system not our own i don't know the science of how that occurred i think it's less to do with the study of the meteor itself, because space dust is space dust and rocks are rocks. But the analysis of the orbit with which it would have had to go through to crash land in the spot that it did. And that's just math,

like you just math it out. And that object of that math pulled by the gravity influenced by the planets on the way in would only have come from a certain place on a certain approach that would only have come from outside of the solar system now the reason i bring this up is the whole concept of i forget the actual term of it but it's like it's it's it's it's seeding describe it it's like you're you're jerking off and you blast a load out into space and it lands on a planet and that causes DNA to be there. The creation of life? No, no, no, no.

Planet seeding? No, planet seeding. I knew it was seeding something. Yes. So the concept of biological or at least DNA-based material of whatever kind, inside creatures that can sustain themselves and or live and or just be dead on a rock that is traveling through space. Because you know bugbears, right?

You know about bugbears? What is that? No, what is that? Oh, God. Bugbear is a D&D thing. Fucking. Werebears? No, not werebears.

Owlbears? That's also a D&D thing. Oh, what the hell was it called? Black bear? Brown bear? Big bear? Polar bear? No, no werebears. Owlbears? That's also a D&D thing. Oh, what the hell was it called? Black bear? Brown bear? Big bear? Polar bear? No, no, no.

Tardigrade! Oh, okay, yeah, tardigrades. What? Tardigrade, also known as water bears. Water bears. Or moss piglets. Sure, sure, sure. They're adorable little creatures.

They're horrendously advanced for how small it is. Like, I've seen these things swimming with their six little arms, or eight, or whatever it is, and their little claws, their little hands. They have way too much personality for something the size of a large amoeba. You know what I mean? They are microscopic organisms. Well, kind of like, yeah, I think they're microscopic. But the thing about tardigrades is that if they are in space,

they can actually survive for extended periods of time in a vacuum, being blasted by solar radiation with no water and even if they didn't because they can last for a long time i don't think we know exactly how long they can last but even if they didn't a fragment of what they were their dna might survive if that rock even for thousands of years was traveling through the cosmos and landed on another planet that could sustain life theoretically and then that piece of dna would go in the cosmos and landed on another planet that could sustain life theoretically and then that piece of dna would go in the water and that fragment might just so happen to be the kickstart needed for life to survive on that planet so this meteor coming here might have alien semen on it

oh i know right crusty i know right in all likelihood, it's doubtful that it would survive the incinerating impact of going through the atmosphere and then smashing into the earth. But let's say, for example, it was shielded in the center of it or something like that. And then it landed in the water and it wasn't as fiery and explosive. It was still explosive because of the impact. But you never know what could survive like even intense alcohol cleaners kill only 99.99 percent of bacteria that's just because there are so many who knows what could survive yeah i mean so yeah so an unfathomable series of events might have to occur for what you're describing to really happen yes but in it in an infinite universe where there

is so much that we don't understand about anything that happens and so much is possible that's beyond even like the cognition of humanity yes low probability events happen all the time yeah there's no reason that couldn't happen quote when speaking in infinites unlikely is just certainty waiting for its turn that's from inspec i wrote that so i'm quoting myself oh quoting himself on this one that's how you know you can rely on it definite points for quoting yourself thank you points to wait for florida man story i don't know if i said that i'll take it i deserve some some points some points but it is crazy that like we can know what a rock is that lands on earth that is of quote-unquote alien origin it's at least alien to us yeah sure technically alien sure yeah and then

we could be like oh that's cool like oh like the actual asteroid itself is a super weird one because you can be like oh it's an asteroid uh from outside the solar system that's cool but if you see a picture of it like the shape of it is so weird like it's just bizarre because it's an asteroid uh from outside the solar system that's cool but if you see a picture of it like the shape of it is so weird like it's just bizarre because it's long it's like elongated yeah it looks kind of like an artist was told to draw like a rocky spaceship uh-huh exactly asteroid-esque space shippy thing and they were like let's smell kind of long skinny like kind of rock but kind of space shippy yeah it's just so bizarre because I have never seen any artist rendition like asteroid meteor that looks like that.

And combined with the fact that that is confirmed to be from outside our solar system, that makes it weird. That's weird. Why is it like that? Why is it long? Because of how its solar system is, where it came from, obviously. Obviously, obviously, obviously. Or it's like some giant alien life forms dildo.

Could be. Sorry, are we in the midst of some kinky interstellar? Maybe they ran out of dildo cleaners, so they were just like, well, we've got to get a new one. So they just launched it away. They just used our sun as a giant space dildo sanitization our sun is the universal garbage can yeah oh my god that makes no sense our solar system is the universe's dump oh no we are effectively the bacteria that forms in a garbage can that has not been taken out

into too long yeah i mean when you think about it like with uh with where we are in the galaxy the milky way anyway we kind of are in the backwater like we're out on one of the arms you know we're away from the center where all the rich aliens live we're out just here on our own playing with our oil whoa the suburbs can be nice listen it's not the most efficient way to design a neighborhood the residential is too dense it's not walkable okay it's tough but we just got to get a nice car and then we're we're set the suburbs are drivable lots of parking no we're not in the suburbs we're in the boonies oh no the goshen oh god you know the suburbs you know we're far out there you're saying that the trains don't even run out here we're out beyond

public transit exactly we are uh are in Bikini Bottom. What's the place down below called? Bikini Feet. No. No, Rock Bottom. That was it. Rock Bottom. That was close.

What if there is public transit in the Milky Way and we're just left out of it? What if we're just literally so unrepresented, uncared about in our own galaxy? God. And there's all these civilizations living in the heart of the galaxy, exactly what you're describing and they all talk to each other and we're just out here like we'll find the moon we got to our moon we got our moon we're gonna go to mars next and then god what if our first contact with aliens was just some construction team building a bus stop out here and we're like oh my god it's an honor to meet you i'm like uh yeah um buses run every 10 years or so i'm just doing my job sir can you please give me some space foreman whips

out his gravitational manipulator and starts doing stuff and we're like oh he's a space wizard he's like oh my god this is a construction tool what's wrong with you hicks i mean legitimately you want educated idiots out here that is how it would be wouldn't it like at that point if there was a galactic wide civilization they would be so tired of the new species effect of them just being like oh my god please let us in like jesus another one of these like all of us stopping at the road construction cruise like on the highway and just going out to take selfies like oh my god could I get a picture I'm just trying to do my job oh thank you sir I didn't know I didn't say woo aliens a background vibe guy pipes

up he's like you know this is my sherry and I moved into that gated solar system which is we don't we don't need this kind of riffraff making its way into our neighborhood I want to keep our you know keep our kids the schools are better the schools are better so The schools are better. So it's a nice upgrade. Oh, my God. We joined the GOA, the Galaxy Owners Association,

and we have a lot of strict rules about who can come in. God, I love, hate the vision of humanity being the uneducated losers of the entire Milky Way. And we're not even a good galaxy. We're a middle of the road galaxy just imagine all those people that live in andromeda oh my god or the horse what's

that one called the horse head the horse seahorse there's one that looks like a seahorse the nebula yeah horse head oh that's a nebula i don't know if that counts no you live in nebulas you populate nebulas or is that more of a attraction in space anything is possible nebulas are clouds of gas basically so they're kind of like the the infancy of solar systems they're basically post-explosion stars that's where all the hipsters live yeah they're tiny tiny solar system homes oh my god but can i can i talk about the pillars of creation you guys know about the pillars of creation right i do oh yeah the. Oh, yeah. The Old Testament. The New Testament. No, no, no. No, no, no, no.

Real stuff, Wade. You definitely know it. I'm going to link you the picture because you would recognize it because it's one of the most famous space photography pictures in existence. You know that one, right? Yeah. Wade? I like to call that the dildos of creation.

I actually don't know if I've ever seen this before. Really? Bro. No way. Yeah. I do live. No way. Yeah. I do live under a rock though. It's such a beautiful picture because it's so, it's like the color of it is great. It was obviously like, this is a composite image, but this was captured by the Hubble

telescope, I believe. I don't know when, but it's, it's easily one of my favorite pictures of all time. Isn't this one of the Eternals hands from that new Eternals movie? Don't you belittle the pillars of creation. Not Eternals hands, but one of the big Ereshim. Don't you dare. But the fascinating thing about that picture is understanding the actual scale of what you're looking at. Because that picture is 70 by 55 light years in size.

Does that make sense to you? It does to me. It doesn't make sense to Wyd. Wyd? Thank you. I'm taking notes. I believe in you. I believe in you.

I believe in you. 70 long by 55 wide light years in size. Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. What's that in feet? Sorry. The pillar itself is four by five light years. The Eagle Nebula that is part of it is 70 by 55.

I read that wrong. But however, do you know how long a light year is? I actually don't. I don't remember. No, I've lived through some dark years, but I don't know how long the light years are. The dark ones really drag out. You okay, man okay man yeah we'll talk about it after the episode but a light year is the distance that light travels in one year that's it's a measure of distance not time so that seems big i just googled it and i if you oh it's because of microsoft bing came up for

some reason okay i microsoft binged this to see how far one light year is. And it came up and it says one light year equals 3.7247 inches. And I was like, oh, that's not even close to what I was thinking. It's cut off because of the way my web browser is scaled right now. It's 3.7247 to the 17th power inches that's hilarious okay i was like it's three and three quarters inches oh no so i'll put this in context right so light because it's really hard for the human brain to comprehend these types of scales like one light year doesn't you can comprehend that like okay light in a year that's good how long do you think it takes light to get from earth to the

moon and I'm asking Wade specifically yeah I kind of know this one what's your guess wait Oh earmuffs for a second I'm trying to make a point here oh boy I don't know like Like a day? One second. 1.3 seconds actually. How long does it take light to get from earth or specifically the sun to earth? Like light emitting from the sun to earth. Oh, 30 seconds.

8.3 minutes. God damn it. Okay. Give me another one. Give me another one. I'll get this one. Okay. How long does it take the light to get from Earth to the nearest star, not the sun? Which the next nearest star is... I believe it's Alpha Centauri.

Alpha Centauri, right? Okay. Which means a lot to me. Half of a light year. 4.4 light years. I was close on that one. I was close on that one. was close on that one so the reason that one's a good uh approximation is to get to the nearest star from earth is simply the width

of that pillar of creation that's how big that is it's ungodly enormous but in the scale of the universe it's nothing and we are what exactly is it it's it's gas it's just the gas and it's a nebulous just gas dust and all that stuff so the colors mean something i believe this is correct blue hue indicates oxygen red indicates sulfur and green indicates nitrogen and or hydrogen which are essentially the foundational gases that will you know combine compact because of gravity and become stars in over the course of a long time yep this is a bloody skinless hand reaching into a bowl of water right you all see it stop belittling the beauty of the pillars of korea i see it now yeah god damn it okay you're welcome it kind of looks like there's two dudes with really big tall heads facing to the right giving thumbs ups to something

and the guy in front's a little shorter and the guy on the left has like a crazy hair on top and they're both just like yeah i see a dude on the left with a an erection lower than it should be and a sheep standing next to him looking down at someone who looks like they're in trouble no what i see is on the right i see there's a little kid that's that little offshoot and they're like it's like a mom or something spinning them round and round and round and behind them is something else the entire left half is just some other thing in the background yeah yeah like a tree or an alien or something why do i just see erections everywhere what's that say about me? I don't know man. What does that say about you that erection looks like a pipe which erection looks like a pipe

What are you talking about? Oh like a tobacco pipe? Okay, the one on the right that Erection you thinks an arm holding a baby. I think some pipe build the erections of creation over here Actually nicknamed god schlong there's one on the left man there's someone wearing like a hood and they've got an erection and there's a sheep standing right next to that that poor sheep yeah all right well this has been a combination of fascinating and enlightening so i opened it with funnies and we we leaned into the funnies and thank you for embracing the funnies about alien stories and the crazy stories that are out there of people's experiences and the guy was high out of his mind think it was aliens shooting in crossbow while

he's naked like one of my favorite snl sketches of all time is the where kate mckinnon is retelling her alien abduction story it's so good while uh ryan gosling tries desperately not to laugh the entire time sitting next to her yeah oh my god that's such a good skit i don't remember that one i gotta watch oh yeah you gotta watch it it's worth sketching it's very good okay um but i do want to talk about since we're talking about space stuff and a little serious real science stuff the universe is so big like just so big i'm curious where you land on this i am of the opinion that no i don't really believe that like area 51 is housing in a u.s flying saucer or something like all the conspiracy stuff i don't really buy into

that sincerely i like it i enjoy it but the universe is way too big for us to be the only intelligent life in the universe like it's just possible, which is a conclusion I've come to that basically means that I do actually sincerely non comedically believe that there are aliens. Oh, but like 100 percent. I don't know if we could even communicate with them if we would recognize them as life in any way that relates to humanity as the like carbon based life forms that we are. And I'm not an expert on any of the science, but I curious where you guys are aliens yes no oh mysterious 100 in the infinite of the universe there is no statistical way that there isn't because the universe is as far as we

know infinite and when speaking in infinites unlikely anyway so like there there's no way there's not but the problem is the size of the universe right that's the real question this life happening and then intelligent life happening might be a series of completely unlikely events that have to happen in sequence and then the planet that they're on just has to not blow up for a long enough time for that all to happen you know the star can't go supernova. Like it just needs like a certain circumstances of stability. It kind of almost overrules early as far as we know the size of the universe,

which is like 13.6 billion years or the age of the universe anyway, which again, we don't really 100% know that's true. Yeah, it's like our estimate. It's our estimate because time is relative. But when it comes down to that, like in the early years of the hypothetical start of the universe everything was too chaotic it took us what the earth is 4.6 billion years old it took us like a billion years just to get to here now uh so like if an alien species needs a billion years to evolve and like have that timeline not interrupted by an asteroid, by plagues, by nuking themselves,

which we still might do. It's just like, it's extremely unlikely for that to happen. And then for it to happen in a place near enough for you to even visit them. And at the same time, like, because we humanity have only really existed for maybe 100,000 years, which is a blip on the cosmic scale. And if we die out in a thousand years which you know hey that's entirely likely oh yeah like it's i don't plan on living that long dude yeah dude don't worry buddy yeah so it's like it's just like whether or not aliens exist is not the question whether they can even get here or we could reach them or we'll live long enough to reach them or if they need

another hundred thousand years to evolve to the point where they could reach us, we might be gone by that time. It's just a lot of like the Venn diagrams of all of these unlikely scenarios. Like if they overlap at all, they're just going to overlap for the briefest of moments and like they're going to touch and bounce off or like it's, we don't know.

We don't know. But then in the universe seeding idea that all these plants have been splooged on by alien dna and it's so likely i love it yeah all right wade your turn uh my turn for what am i doing tell me your philosophy of the universe oh talk to me about why there are aliens and why life is so precious and fragile go well there are aliens for the same reason that inside of our own bodies, there's different bacterias and cells and things

because we're all just the little bit of virus or bacteria or cancer cells, dare I say it, inside of a much bigger celestial being. And we're the reason that being will need to have surgery one day because we're killing it. Did you say the Milky Way is the powerhouse of the cell? We are part of the intergalactic breast, yes.

What? Go on. It's called the Milky Way, baby boy. Okay, okay. I like it, I like it. All right, keep going. Which gland are we? Left.

That's the confidence. You know, I love the confidence of your answers above all else. Don't stop. Never stop. You're just accruing points the more you talk here we are left breast milky way gland and we are uh we are i'm just trying to milk it for points at this point i have no idea what i'm talking about but oh no no that's not you ruin it you can't the big bang was just the sperm eating the egg baby nice nice saved it thank you nice brought it back nice nice

landed the plane well we're all in agreement then aliens are real yeah we are and if you don't mind that guys i gotta strip down and go get my crossbow i hear something it would okay it would be egotistical i think for humanity to look at the entire universe and go like we're the only ones we did it us meanwhile they're building that bus stop out by pluto because they don't want to get any closer than they have to you know know, if they make it out of here, good for them. I'm out of here. I guess I have another question that this is all prompted for me. Yeah.

So all the 10 species of aliens that I listed and all this stuff, all the ways that humans are, you know, rationalizing things and wishing and hoping and believing in aliens. Is there a version that you wish was true of like, you know, an alien story that you've heard or you know of or something that you wish would be the correct one or something? Man, you know, there's like lots of reports right now. What's really hot in the UFO community is the Tic Tac ships, the Tic Tac shaped ships. Have you heard of this at all? No, but I like the orange one.

Oh, I'm sorry. Do you have your finger on the pulse of the UFO community? Yeah, I was actually just having a conversation with Milton T. Pike one about this about aliens. This exact topic. I'm not like super into it, but I keep up with a lot of different things. So basically, I forget what when it was. This might have been like 2013, 2014. Again, the Navy or the Air Force, someone in a plane in the united states armed services uh had encountered an object that they couldn't explain and that's literally it they released the footage of this i forget what i would need to look up to get that uh u.s plane sees tic tac something like that

anyway there's video of it that is verified from the either the cia or whoever whatever government body is controlling that, and they released it. And they basically released it with a statement that was just like, yeah, we got this. We don't know what it is. Therefore, it's unidentified and it's flying and it's an object. There you go. And so what people have been obsessing about is they've kind of corresponded what they see in this footage with a lot of other sightings from either other military planes or other like civilian things that they've seen uh and the commonality between them is it's only ever seen on these infrared tracking scanners you know the kind of military equipment that these planes have

they usually track other fighter jets so that they can you know blow them up uh so so whether it's a quirk of only the infrared vision that it's seeing them or whether it's actually like something that uh is you know encounterable with the naked eye, the fact remains that when they encountered it, it moved in a way that no other technology that we have or would have in the near future ever could. The pilots themselves verified this. They were like, yeah, it was super weird. It was just standing completely stock still in the air.

I was looking at it on my tracking thing. And then instantly started going about i don't know mach 20 like just like instantaneously what the hell and that was like yeah i don't know how to explain it uh but i know that if there was a human in there they wouldn't be alive so whatever it is either they got tech to counter that or it's some kind of a drone but it's no drone that we know of and no drone the government knows of because they release this video publicly because why would they do that if they had a secret drone so so there's like this is what people have really been obsessing and getting excited about because there was actual footage that the government has said here's some we have not identified and there you go it might be a fluke it might be a natural phenomenon it might be a anything it could be

anything we don't know and that is out there for the public to consume and so the idea of these tic-tac-shaped space quote-unquote spacecraft people have been trying to like nail down what this is and where they've seen it before because on the video itself you kind of see like it's a tic-tac-shaped thing weird i actually i think this is the video i'm not 100 it was. That's right. A Navy fighter jet from the nuclear aircraft carrier USS Nimitz. Is that the same ship my buddy John was on? You guys are right on a tic-tac? Yeah, exactly.

That's the conclusion. Anyway, so there have been some excitement developments. Now, like I said, this could be literally anything. It could be literally anything. It could be something that you wouldn't ordinarily see with your naked eye, or it could be a natural phenomenon that only occurs in infrared. Because, like, I was talking with Milton about this, and I was basically saying, like, yeah, there's probably tons of natural phenomena that we don't know.

It doesn't have to be a ship. It could be anything. Could be natural. Could be unnatural. I don't know. I'm not making any conclusions. But what I compared it to is the concept of, like, ball lightning or something like that. People have often said there's rumors of like ball lightning you know it's it's basically this blue floating or purple floating orb that

just walks across the ground basically right it's super weird but you know there's never been any exact i don't think there's been any verifiable uh information or footage of ball lightning occurring however i know in my mind i'm like like, yeah, it could exist. I wouldn't doubt it because when I was a kid on the bus to school, I was, we were driving down and I was looking out the window, you know, just waiting to get to school. And then it was raining that day. So I look out and suddenly there's this big light coming from the transformer on the side of the road, you know, on a pole up high off the ground, this big blue light, and I look and there's a freaking blue ball of what I can only describe as lightning on that transformer. And then the whole thing goes sparks shoot out

everywhere, the whole transformer blue, right? So to the uneducated about how transformers works, they might look at that and be like, holy shit, I have no idea what that was. And to me, it's like, I don't know how that happened on that thing. to me, it's like, I don't know how that happened on that thing. But I guess it overloaded. I don't know the mechanics of it. But man, electricity scary. And this has actually happened again, Amy and I in one of the house we lived at a few years ago, we were woken up in the middle of the night by an enormous surge of blue light that literally was as bright as daylight flooding our house shining illuminating everything and the most like intense terrifying sound you could ever hear i swear it might have been me

waking up but i swear it shook the room that we were in like henry chica we're just barking like crazy and what would you think if a giant burst of blue light filled your entire room in the middle of the night set your dogs off barking shook your room we were scared after death we thought we're gonna die we didn't know what it was we just woke up it's like the worst way to wake up but what happened was a transformer blew right outside our house just just like that and and so who knows if that's what happens when we are trying to make these things that provide power to houses, and this can just happen because it can, who knows what happens on a planetary scale with like the amount of energy that is surging or across the planet with storms and whatnot. So maybe it is a natural thing. Maybe it's not.

Maybe it's aliens. I don't know. But there are strange things happening in our everyday lives or in the world around us that we can't explain just because we don't know enough about it. I agree. Sorry. Yeah, I rambled for a while there. No, I like it. Yeah.

Oh, it's interesting. Whenever you guys go on tangents, it's always interesting because you guys are very passionate and knowledgeable or at least passionate. Yeah, that's true. Because I know that there are definitely experts in transformers that could explain why that happened i'm not saying like that's unexplainable but when it comes down to a phenomenon like in this video it's unexplainable because no one knows what that is exactly that doesn't mean that there isn't an explanation and that doesn't mean that explanation has to be aliens but it could be i'm not even saying that it's not it could be i don't know i'm not the expert yeah well there's also experts in infrared.

We just can't see them with the naked eye. You're right. Wow. Wow. Insightful, Wade. Insightful. Thank you. I'll be here for however long we go.

Points for you. Oh, cool. It also could be like, let's just lean into the alien thing. If it was a ship and it's only seeable in infrared, because that's pretty much the only time that I've seen footage of this could be cloaking like that could be their cloaking thing. They could be watching us. They could be observing.

And then they were like, oh, shit, they see us and there's room and they're trying to not be spotted. Because if I was an alien species trying to visit another planet, I'm sure that there would be protocols like Star Trek to not interfere and let them do their thing what did what did what did milton say to me uh when i was on that the uh stream with him he he said there was in like the 70s i don't know how confirmed this is this is all hearsay because i heard it from him and i don't know where he got it from but he told me that in the nuclear uh missile silos during the height of the cold war when all of them were maintained as much as possible,

there was apparently a message that was transmitted to not just one station, but many stations in many nations. And again, I don't know how verifiable this is. Take this as it is. But we're going to assume it's true. And a message that was basically ubiquitous across all these different countries, nationalities, U.S. and Russia. And it was verified to be received for all of them. And it basically said, what the hell are you doing? Now, I don't know how they translated that. But that's what the message amounted to. Why do you have these weapons?

What the hell are you doing? And then a follow up message that said, look, we don't know why you're doing this. If something happens, we might be able to stop most of them, but we can't know why you're doing this if something happens we might be able to stop most of them but we can't guarantee we'll stop them all end message imagine what they'd say if they saw the kind of porn on the internet now hey maybe there's hope for this species yet they're either really gonna hate what they see on earth or really gonna love it one of the two oh they're gonna like the way we look i guarantee it that's the thing about like what i don't look forward to is because if aliens ever do reveal themselves or we discover them, there's going to be so many people that are going to be lining up like, I want to bang an alien.

Send me up to space in the sex ship. Like that's just all it's going to be. You know, that's all it's ever going to be. And it's like the worst first impression that they could possibly have of us. Unless they're equally horny. They've been spying. They've already got a pretty bad one. The things people do in the privacy of their own homes if they're there spying on them that's that's what the aliens deserve that's what they get you think we got any alien listeners do

you think they're a fan god i hope so i hope so if you're an alien listener post in the subreddit let us know yeah let us know we'll we'll be able to verify so don't be afraid we'll keep your identity secret. But post in the subreddit if you're an alien. Yeah, we're cool. We're cool. Well, there you have it. The aliens episode.

Very interesting stuff. Factual even. Oh, yes, of course. Time to tabulate a winner. I do have to say, and a cursory glance over my notes and calculations thus far, I feel like this one was a little bit

stacked against you, Wade. That's okay. I got my Florida man story there and I felt real good about it. You did. That was a good one. That was a good moment. That was a highlight for you.

I feel like Mark... And it was just enough to win. Mark had a lot of knowledge coming into this one. A lot of supporting knowledge and information already in his brain about space and that place where aliens come from, the universe. It was close. of supporting knowledge and information already in his brain about space and, you know, that place where aliens come from, the universe. It was close if you don't count everything that Mark said.

Ooh, how many points did he lose from all that? Unfortunately, Mark wins by 3.769 to the 10th power point. Woo! That's like less than one light year, though, so it was close. Yeah, no, it was pretty good. On a galactic scale, on an intergalactic scale, just hair off. You're just right there. that's like less than one light year though so it was close yeah no it's pretty good on a on a on a galactic scale on an intergalactic scale just hair off you're just right there i'll take it when you uh i gotta admit i was like when you hit that will smith white house joke i was like there's

no way i'm gonna win this that was an absolute banger and i'm so glad that that happened mark may have gotten the win but i will be the one remembered from this episode. That's fair. That's fair. That's fair. I'm looking forward to all those memes on the internet. But yeah, that's it. Mark wins.

Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So everyone at home, there's so many things we don't know. The universe is a mystery. The planet is a mystery. The oceans are a mystery that's best left alone, in my opinion, but The universe is a mystery. The planet is a mystery. The oceans are a mystery that's best left alone in my opinion, but it's still a mystery. But what isn't a mystery is the handsomeness and intelligence of this week's judge. Bob, you are 100% confirmed handsome and or beautiful. Thank you. Thanks. Conspiracy theorist Neil deGrasse Tyson. He's got an alter ego like an evil scientist

Wade do you have a loser speech? you think a loser? loser speech? Mark can't wait for you to host you're gonna be great definitely not sucking up for extra brownie points now man it's the worst suck up I've ever heard in my life

okay well that's the end congratulations mark i'm sorry wade i i'm sorry it's okay you laughed at one of my jokes honestly my day's made the will smith joke was really fucking funny so um that's gonna be the end of the episode you can find us on our socials at mark flyer lord minion 777 and my skirm uh check out the store. Store.DistractiblePodcast.com. There's merch. There's even a new Candy Uncle shirt that comes with candy. But you've got to be really careful

about how many pieces you eat. And, you know, make sure you're following this podcast. It comes out every Monday. But if you just follow it on, you know, Spotify or Google Podcasts or Apple or wherever, it'll tell you. It'll download it and it'll be like, hey, the thing you like, it's back.

But that's it. Now we all know how and why aliens exist thank you so much for listening podcast out