Distractible - Am I The Asshole?

Episode Date: March 8, 2023

A special mid-week episode, today the guys celebrate their first VIDEO PODCAST (video available only on Spotify!), by digging through the r/AmItheAsshole reddit page! P.S. New episodes will continue Mondays AND Fridays moving forward! Prepare to be doubly distracted... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Make the most of it at Best Western. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. Now gloriously brought to you with video feed, so you can watch the gents' cherubic faces beam with jocularity. This week, Bubbly Bob sets up his pals to probe into assholes. Moustache-twirling Wade has his helmet ripped off. And genius-level Mark offends the face person. From dessert recipes to essence of sauce.

Yes, it's time for Am I the Asshole? Now sit back and prepare to be distracted. And enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back distracted what? I don't know. It's just like your lack of confidence in it. I thought it was great. This is the first one.

You're the winner of the first one that we do here and we can finally talk about it. So this is fun. Oh, yeah, that's true. us we've been dying edging to talk about the edging oh okay we've been dying oh the first one and we're already edging um yeah hello and welcome back to distractible it might look a little different because it looks now because uh up until this point we were audio only but now we're like the cool kids and we you can see our faces and our beautiful room backgrounds and um other stuff welcome to another episode i will be your host for today my name is bob and i'm joined as always by my two competitors for this episode mark and wade hello guys hi and if you're confused because you're

listening to this audio only if you press some secret button somewhere that i don't know where it is there's a way you can watch this with video so you can see our real faces and our real reactions all all built into the spotify app i'm assuming i have no idea how it works or where it's going to look like or whatever, but it's in there. There's a video. You can watch it. Before we get into today's competition, where Mark and Wade will be competing for points that I may or may not keep track of, and may or may not arbitrarily gift at the end of the episode, it's tradition for us to talk about ourselves. I feel like I've talked about the fact that Maddie and I have a baby now, and it's exhausting.

So you guys talk. What's new in your lives? How is you? I mean, just about to start production on a very cool thing that I haven't told anybody about, but making a movie in case I'm making a movie. What's the script? What is it, though? Who's in it?

Me. It's a movie um hey yeah minutes to watch yep many minutes many minutes like it's gonna have a lot of minutes in it more than five have i've been doing tons of work in terms of pre-production for that and getting ready and all the various nuanced things and everyone's being like oh man a movie that's got a big thing but you guys know that when making space uh it ain't a small thing that i've done like so many people that was easy yeah that was all the emmy losing work that's right yeah yeah it's just like so many people have been like man oh are you sure you're ready for it's like i you know how i made practically four movies with space uh and with heist like there's enough content for two movies by itself it's like i i've done this stuff before the only difference now is it's not first person so it's like a

traditional movie movie so everyone on the set will know how it's supposed to work and it's not some weird thing where you're inventing a camera rig to make it work. How many choices? How many choices? One, to watch the movie. And I get two, then leaving it halfway through. I guess there's another choice you could make. At the beginning of the movie, you're presented with one choice. Stay or don't.

And your life will really sprawl in different directions if you do. And if you don't stay, that's the choice you made. All of the whatever happens after you leave the movie is actually Mark's fault. God, that's actually a really good idea for a promotional video. It was like a choose your own adventure going into the movie. So it's like the first choice is to watch the movie or not. And then if you do, you know, but if you don't, you just walk right out the door and you get a bad end.

And then you go up to the concession stand. You got choices there for your snacks man that would be really fun I should do that no one would be upset about that no one would feel completely misled about how your previous works might tie into the new thing

no no not at all I aim to confuse my audience at all times just like we do on this podcast excellent I've only been half listening so I'm already confused oh good Yeah, I aim to confuse my audience at all times, just like we do on this podcast. Excellent. I've only been half listening, so I'm already confused. Oh, good. Well, I assume you haven't been listening because you've been thinking up some very fascinating small talk, Wade. So how are you? What's the fascinating thing you're daydreaming about while you're ignoring Mark? I can't wait for this episode to actually be aired, because at that time, I'll probably be in a sling for my surgery

assuming I have it this next time around and I'll have finally gotten that done and I like food. Riveting. Thank you. I live an interesting life. How bad is the shoulder pain, though? Because you are basically living with a completely messed up shoulder, right?

I'm told that through here, this burning sensation I occasionally get is from the tear. What I don't know, and it must be a subconscious compensation, most of my pain is actually up here in my neck area, which is why they thought it was my neck to start with. But it must be me compensating for the shoulder constantly because the doctors are like well if we fix the shoulder there's no guarantee this will go away I was like well what makes this go away and they're like I don't know

you want the surgery or not I guess so like this is apparently a mystery no one's ever had pain here before and they're just like I do have to ask if you, because I know your diet and i'm not trying to call you out or anything oh you have a you have a deep tendency to eat pretty much plain cheeseburgers just fried

chicken in any capacity and then a lot of meat um and and i i just am suspicious like is there any nutrition like nutrient that you're missing in your day to day life that could possibly be causing your body not able to repair the nerves properly and muscles and connective tissue he's got all the amino acids he needs but the doctor did say he's missing

vitamins A through K plus all the other ones didn't you just do a protein only diet yeah didn't you just do a protein-only diet? Yeah. Yeah, didn't you just do keto, bro? No, no, no. That's what I do. But I also supplement.

I take a... You basically do do it from everything I've seen. You just have a few two pieces of bread between all your meat. But do you do any multivitamin? I'm not trying to be holistic. I don't do a multivitamin. I do eat, not daily, but I do eat more vegetables and fruits than I used to eat.

And I've cut out a lot more of the fast food. We do more home-cooked stuff. I've been doing more, like, I don't know if rice is healthier than potato, but I've been doing more, like, rice with meals than potatoes and stuff like that. I've tried to eat less. I think it depends if you put butter on the rice like you do with potatoes or what have you but i just eat it as it comes like if it's like a teriyaki chicken or like a buttered chicken it's like whatever the sauce is with that um so i've tried to vary it up and do more variety of meals a couple days a week i've been getting like

mixed vegetables like uh green beans and corn and that kind of thing. So while I still do eat a lot of meat, I've tried to mix up the sides and do less of, like whenever I do get like fries or something, I'm not getting a large fry. I'm getting like a small fry. So I'm trying to cut back on that type of things and do less fried food. So I have been trying to be a bit better.

And I was actually, part of the reason this tear probably happened was I was trying to actually exercise more last year. And I think I went too hard. I went from like zero to 100 on like, how many push-ups can I do before I can't do more? How many sit-ups? Let me go. Let me watch this video and just go for an hour on the elliptical after doing zero elliptical for three years.

So kind of went from zero to 100 on it. But once I'm cleared to get back to it, I'm going to try to ease into exercising a bit more too. So multivitamin is probably a good idea. So to answer your question, I might be able to get good internet again soon. Apparently fiber is finally on the way. Wow, good for you.

That's fantastic. Apparently upload isn't going to be gigabit. Upload will only be 500 megs. But download will be up to 2 gigs, which feels unnecessary. Yeah, you gotta have that. Yeah, whatever. For all those big game updates you gotta download.

I want to talk about something else. Oh. I want to talk about little things. Bob, how's your nose? It's fine. Thanks for asking, how's your nose? It's fine. Thanks for asking. How's your nose, Mark? It's fine.

Thanks for asking. It's as good as your internet. Wow. Can you deduct points from him? Can you just... I feel like... He's the host, not you. You're going to be mean to me when you can look me in the eye?

Yeah, of course i will even easier uh oh yeah i don't know if we explained that uh not only can you see us now listeners slash watchers we can see us yeah up until this point yeah up until this point we had been mostly audio only uh but the way we're recording this right now i can see their faces and they can see my faces yeah which is a bit of a change and i'm like i i keep remembering we tried this a little bit before when we were experimenting with this and then we were like yeah yeah that's that was cool i like being able to see you guys it felt like more engaged and then we never did it again we never did it ever again whatever i just like over here usually when we're recording i'm like this yeah no i can't what do i have i have one of these one of these things on my desk where it

flips back and forth usually when we're recording and and i'm listening i'll i'll like mute my mic and i'm just sitting here just like what's the side sit there's like the pick the nose look see what you got then put in your ear and be like will it combine or will it just disappear what and then it's gone magically i'll do that yeah no we don't all do that we all do that no the the what we all do is the casual like oh my nose is just itchy oh let me just oh just i'm not picking my nose i'm just rubbing right on the rim of my nose i'm not getting inside you know it's just itchy right there and then you wipe it away man this is what people were waiting for for video yeah well now that we're on spotify only i actually have someone here to help me with the nose uh jeeves can you come pick my left thank you god i wish that someone was yeah you know you can't get

away with these bits anymore. I thought Molly had walked in or something and she was going to do it, and I was just going to be like, ah! Nope, disappointed. Did I ever tell you this time that I, like, supremely embarrassed myself while filming on a set once?

It has to do with, like, nose. So I was in a pool doing some pool scenes, and so it's just like i got to be in the water up and out and when i pop out you know occasionally uh you know they'll come fix something if because i had like uh marking on my face at the time and they needed to patch it up um and then uh the lady there and i would this was like i was so used to her just touching my face in general because that's what the makeup people do they could they come over and they go and they fix up whatever.

You never know what it is. They could be putting clown makeup up. It doesn't matter. They do a great job. And she told me like, oh, you got a runny nose. And so she reaches and grabs tissues and I go like this.

I offer my nose for her to wipe my nose and she looks at me and she's holding the tissue out for me and she kind of rears back like, you want me to wipe your nose and she looks at me and she's holding the tissue out for me and she kind of rears back like you you want me to wipe your nose for you and i'm like holy i didn't even think about it i was just so ready like there's a problem on my face you you're you're the face person i hate my face little face lady a snot boy uh we need snot boy to come in snot boy you got a runner is that what the best boy does on this set i need the best boy for my runnies uh-huh yeah so that was horrifically i remember that and cringe to this day that's really funny

no i get that i mean i've i've been on set for all of maybe an hour or something because i've you have graciously invited me to participate in things that you have made before but i've always you know i'm not like you where you're on set all day every day either in front of the camera or behind it but even i got used to the makeup and the wardrobe people just coming over and just like oh it's your hang on your shirts you're oh and Oh, and it's just, they just walk up and start touching you. And it is kind of weird, but I could get used to that. You do. And I could see how a makeup artist would not want to blow your nose for you.

Yeah. And I was perfectly capable. It was like, I was in a pool and my hands were right here. I just didn't think. She said it and reached for the tissue and you were like, oh. Can you do there was a little bit of that whenever i did like wubba in space but for wug with the full costume there was less touching of me directly it was more just adjusting the costume i guess i had the people come over and just like rip off the helmet in the face like put ice on me but they didn't really care about what my face looked like because it was hidden by the mask

anyway, so there wasn't much touch-up. So I never waited the full day with the WUG costume. It was just like, all of a sudden there'd be a hand on my thigh adjusting a pad. And then they would suplex you into the chair. Get out of the chair! Ice everywhere. Bam! It was very dramatic of like the,

It's time to cool down! Hurry and cool down! Hurry and relax! I'm actually pretty good. Shh! Shh! Get in the chair. Get some ice. The thing that bothered me about it

was that they tried so hard to make sure I had a fresh, ice-cold beverage that I would take like three sips of like one of those little Gatorades and they'd be like, all right. And I was like, they want any more? I was like, no, no, that's fine. They'd sit me down the next time they'd have

a new Gatorade it's like I didn't even finish the last one they're like this one's colder okay like I don't know what happened to those half I hope someone drank them that's the one thing about like being on set because I told them the PAs who are incredible like production assistants

are like invaluable on things but i i basically told them like yeah just uh whenever the we yell cut get him in the chair as fast as possible try to get him cooled down and they take their job very seriously so i didn't even tell them like they just like ice cold beverage fresh ice pass ice packs two industrial fans the handheld fan the works and if i was standing they would find something to like manually fan me like it was wild how much of a job like i was cold i was cold while filming that day yeah that's how good of a job they did well you know what mark not only was that an excellent story that was a very funny personal anecdote

very relatable it was a great segue into today's topic yeah all right you were just talking about what mark was talking about i hate to break it to you points for mark for being the pioneer there yeah points to wade for being mean to mark earlier i don't know if i said that thank you i appreciate you uh anyway today's topic it's really more of a literature review uh of sorts of mice and men but no if no okay yeah uh but we're gonna be talking about if someone is an asshole uh if a lot of people who listen to this are probably also familiar with this website called Reddit.

A little known website, but it's growing in popularity. And there is a subreddit, a group on Reddit called Am I the Asshole, where people go to post stories from their lives, things that they've done or that have happened to them or whatever, and to ask the internet at large,

am I the asshole in this situation um this is a sub sub reddit that i frequent there's a twitter account that like summarizes and retweets a lot of this stuff so i get up on twitter to this it's good it's good stuff there's lots of funny stories and i feel like i have a selection here of some interesting and or weird and or tough to call situations and i kind of just want to discuss it i want to give us an opportunity to really uh tell on ourselves really expose our true selves uh self-report a little bit about whether or not we're the asshole by how we view these situations okay so we're going to be arbitrating whether or not asshole or not you'll assign points based on who i think deserves them okay all right fair enough points for mark for

forcing me to create a rubric okay cool thank you well i hope i get what i deserve you probably won't uh so i'm just gonna jump right into the first one here. I'm going to kind of read it to you, but I did. You can have these in front of you. I sent you the links, too. I'll listen only. We're going to start with a post titled, Am I the asshole for calling my wife unreasonable for backing out of spending Christmas with my family after my mother rejected her cookie sample?

That's a long title. It is. It's not the most concise title. Christmas after mom rejected cookies? Original poster's wife refused to attend Christmas because the poster's mother required a... I'll tell you the story okay for every holiday op's mother would ask the women in the family like sisters sisters-in-law uh cousins any any woman is women only i guess in this family who cook dessert but they would she would ask uh for samples of any dessert recipes that they wanted to bring to like the family christmas dinner celebration and the mother-in-law would taste all these and would basically like select

which ones were good enough to get onto the christmas dinner menu so she is everyone is submitting and trying to get their dessert selected and mother-in-law curates them uh and the original poster's wife uh complains because the mother-in-law seems to deliberately reject everything she's ever submitted i was assuming this woman has tried multiple times to get recipes accepted by the judgmental mother-in-law and never accepted um for this year's christmas it was the same deal mother-in-law asked for samples so that she could select and the poster's wife was once again rejected um he came home from work one day after she had gotten this news and she was very upset that she had been rejected again um aoster didn't know what to say,

tried to console his wife, and his wife ultimately said that she was going to back out of the invitation to attend family Christmas because she felt insulted, shunned, whatever. She was hurt by this, that her food was never good enough. Poster was stunned when wife declared this but wife was

pretty stern and pretty just pretty set in her ways they had a whole argument about this but the wife was hurt the wife was crying and honestly understandably upset and was very strongly opinionated they were not going to christmas um husband basically considered insisted that his wife was being super unreasonable that uh she should just suck it up and that it's the family christmas they have to go and spend time with family and uh the wife is just being totally unreasonable not acceptable um and as for extra info the original poster of this added that his wife's were not the only samples that were rejected his brother's wife uh was also rejected and also his younger sister was rejected uh he points out that his mother did not force anyone to participate she invited them to

submit samples but they didn't have to there's no reason they had to subject themselves to that and um apparently the original poster wants everyone to know that this is just about the dessert since my mother tends to be very careful specifically about what desserts are allowed other types of dishes like appetizers and salads and whatever are apparently totally welcome. There's no process for that. So it's just that the mother-in-law is very picky about desserts for whatever reason. So is the man who posted this, the husband, an asshole for basically telling his wife that she needs to suck it up and be an adult that it's not personal she just doesn't make good desserts yeah whatever i have a question are the cookies

terrible yeah he he doesn't make any comments on that which i think is interesting uh the way these posts go for anyone who's not familiar with am I the asshole type posts on Reddit, often the person who originally posts the story will post follow-up information, will answer questions, this sort of stuff. He doesn't seem to address that. He says he tells her her baking is amazing,

so maybe he's being honest, hopefully. Oh, he did say that? He does say that. Okay. Oh, okay. I was reading along with what Bob was summarizing okay yeah i kind of skipped around i i should should stick to the text uh he heard her cry despite telling her baking's amazing and people have preferences that's all yeah um for me i guess try not to be too judgmental here this is the worst fucking family thing i've ever heard it's the most divisive like welcome to the family submit something if you'd like i'll judge it and

tell you if it's worthy of my menu like what the fuck i hate that i'm in disagreement i don't think it's that unreasonable i think well that makes sense i would i would ask how many desserts are part of there but i bet that information isn't there. And in all honesty, what's stopping her from just bringing a plate of cookies and letting other people choose? I mean, that would probably make them... Oh, God, they were rejected. She can't.

Yeah, they're not on the menu. That's illegal. They weren't welcome to her menu. Yeah, what kind of... Also, it is kind of strange of, like, you go there and there's a fixed menu that you pick from. Any Christmas or holiday dinner

has been a potluck where everything is just strewn about on every surface you possibly could. However, let's just give the benefit of the doubt that this is the family tradition and that's just how it's been forever and ever and ever. Sure. I think it's

unreasonable for the wife. To have that as a tradition. Oh, you think No, for the wife. Oh, you think the wife is unreasonable. No, for the wife. I think the wife is unreasonable. I don't think the guy's an asshole. I think that if he said all he said was you're being unreasonable, it is a family thing. There are other people

rejected. You can commiserate with them at the party, but it's like family is more important than dessert, right? Shouldn't it be no that's what the mother says the guy's not too unreasonable the mom is unreasonable and it feels like there's an undertone in this story of like some dislike between the mom and the wife because like if the wife feels like it's more going on that means maybe she feels i don't know it seems like she feels like there's more to it than just the baking right now we will just read like sure about it between the lines why would she be upset if it

was just like her dessert was rejected unless she feels like it's rejected not because of the dessert's quality but because the mom doesn't like her yeah for me this is written from the con in the perspective of the guy right and the guy is like this is our family's tradition he's on the side of his mom who is the one with this weird i have to test your dessert or it's not allowed in my house rule thing tradition and he still includes the fact that the other people who were rejected are the other daughter-in-law which sure his younger sister, which maybe this is some sort of a thing, maybe I'm reading too much into it, but a younger sister may or may not, you know, may have made a family recipe, and maybe mom makes it better, who knows. The younger sister

is not, like, a guest of honor. They're a family member, they're here, but the younger sister's not going to be offended by that, and maybe mom just didn't like what they had to offer. But the fact that the only other two rejected ones are both daughters-in-law does like stink a little to me of, you know, tension. Like this mother-in-law is hard on her daughters-in-law or does not like them or is judgy about them. I don't know. But the fact that even this dude who's clearly on the side of his mom includes that kind of tilts me towards Wade's take on it.

Does the mom have to cook it? No. They bring it? You submit your recipe and if it's accepted then you're allowed to bring the recipe. If this wife is like an expert patissier, like, you know, and it's an extremely complex recipe and the mom would have to make it.

They plan to bring. So they do bring it. The mom doesn't have to make it. Why not just bring all of the desserts, have everyone try them, and then if you want to, like, rank them there and, like, vote on them. But, like, you don't just be like, chocolate chip, not even white macadamia nut. You slut, you're not welcome at my dinner table with that horrible meal.

You slut! What? Your mother-in-law is just sitting there like, slut! You slut! You married my son! I mean, this is not good enough. This cookie is not good enough. What do you do? Just spread your legs for my son, you slut! You married my son! I mean, this is not good enough. This cookie is not good enough.

What do you do? Just spread your legs for my son, you slut! How dare you? It feels like there's more going on than the cookies, but also this tradition is shit. So what? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's divisive and exclusive. Not inclusive.

I have to agree with Wade. I am certainly, look, I'm not trying to be super judgy about a family tradition that if this is what they've always done, I get that. But it's a shitty tradition for anyone who is in the wife's position here. In-laws can be tricky. In-laws can be very different from you. They can be judgy because you've stolen their son or daughter by marrying them and moving you know moving somewhere whatever like it's

complicated a system where the mother-in-law gets to judge everyone in or anyway all the women in the family for something like this is uh just an opportunity for a lot of pettiness and insecurity and tension why would you want a tradition that makes the holidays more tense and sets that stage for potentially more conflict than you already have when the holidays traditionally are the time when everyone fights the most let's piss everybody off before we bring them all together under one roof your uncle gets drunk and you start talking politics or whatever like there's just is tension when you're with your family why would you create more it seems but i i see this as an opportunity for peacemaking this is clearly a matriarchal kind of family tradition where you know the the grandmother

or the mother of the their family gets to make decisions where probably you know it's not always an opportunity to do that. If it's an opportunity where they get to feel important, they get to feel in charge, they get to feel like they are the provider and arbitrator of this meal for everyone to get together over. And also, we still haven't ruled out the idea that the cookie was just bad. That's possible. It is entirely possible. I'm totally fine with this thing just to make

them feel better the mother here uh if that is because again for me the point is not the dessert it's the point is is the getting together as a family and it's kind of their house their rules you know what i mean i agree and if the people don't like the rules don't go to the party which is what they're doing yeah i'm definitely not saying if i was in this sort of position that i would tell them they had to change their tradition just objectively i think it's a really batshit insane tradition because it creates an opportunity for anyone who wants to be petty to just bring that right out in the open before you're even together did you see the update too where his uh brother's wife's doing the same thing and not going yes so it seems like yeah there's so there's an update

just as my brother he told me his wife's doing the same thing as my wife and decided to back out of the invitation to spend christmas it seems like this thing is not having the inclusive effect if that is the effect or the intention at least and that the in-laws are like yeah i keep getting rejected too i want nothing to do with this this is shit and i don't want it i don't like it so i'm not going it so the evidence i believe is in my side i i don't think the intention is togetherness it just see it the qualification is whether or not this guy is an asshole for saying that's unreasonable. The evidence that I see is that it's removing yourself from family over dessert. And dessert really just doesn't rank that highly in my importance of it.

If there is other alienation, then that is what it is. It's not declared here. There is the inference of the other sibling. Maybe they're both really petty like i i'm sure that also the mother could be petty like everyone could be petty in here or else this wouldn't be happening in the first place but as far as the guy being an asshole like he just wants his family together and it is a bit of a statement to say you don't like my dessert you'll never see me again that's why it feels like there's

more going on here than meets the eye i don't think the dude is too big of an asshole i definitely feel like the mother's the asshole for carrying this tradition and seemingly alienating the in-laws see mark you're being you're approaching this the way that i approach these i often find myself on like the wrong side of these sort of posts because when I read this I totally see where you're coming from Mark, where you're not inferring a lot, right? You read the facts

and you're like, okay, well given that this is the situation and I'll ask you to officially draw your conclusions in a second, but you're just looking at it and saying like, yeah, they could be really petty, they could hate each other for the reasons, maybe one is toxic towards the other, who knows knows but you're just saying based on what we have what you're drawing your conclusion wade is i feel like representing the internet because i feel like on these posts a lot of the top comments are someone who's like ah so she said your dessert

wasn't good enough so what she's really doing is saying that you're not really good enough for her son this leads back to the beginning of your relationship you probably didn't foster enough of a relationship with the mother when you were dating the son and then when you got married there was a resentment because the mother-in-law felt neglected people on the internet will just like create whole narratives about all this shit that happened that's not in the explanation at all but they're just like clearly you're the asshole because you didn't give the mother-in-law a birthday gift during the first year that you were dating your son. Clearly you're an asshole for dating this bad cookie baking lady.

I feel like... Husband's not the asshole because his wife couldn't be bothered to make a good enough cookie to get his mother-in-law's approval. Yeah. But anyway, the way this is supposed to end no no we've talked about it a lot i think we've all set our positions there are four options and you must pick one of them for your conclusion okay the options here are not an asshole in this case the husband is not an asshole for his assertions uh he's the asshole you're the asshole

uh everybody sucks here or no assholes here. Those are the four conclusions that you're allowed to draw on an am I the asshole thread. So I feel like I know where you land. But please, for the record, state your official judgment on this case. I can't say that everyone sucks. So I can't declare that. I'm just going to say not the asshole.

Specifically to the guy saying what he'm just gonna say not the asshole specifically to the the guy saying what he is he's not the asshole and I can't you are allowed to say if someone else is the asshole like in this case if you I feel like Wade you might think that the mother-in-law is the asshole you can do that I wouldn't declare I wouldn't declare the wife or the mother the asshole because I don't know enough to make that declaration like it could be that the mother is extremely controlling and I have definitely heard and seen of various other higher, older family members, like, going on power trips and stuff like this.

I just don't know. I can't know. All right. What do you think, Wade? I mean, I kind of agree with Mark's decision there, the way he worded it. What? My initial reaction is the mother's the asshole. But I also, like you said, made a lot of assumptions where it

feels like there's more going on here if they had in fact have a great relationship outside of this one holiday tradition and the wife just really thinks her cooking is that good and maybe it sucks like what if her cooking is just terrible what if it's an awful cookie and the mom that has this tradition she's like oh she used all salt and no sugar i don't want to serve this and it's just like flat out terrible that is possible i cannot rule that out so listen don't don't listen to mark's reasonable discussion okay draw inferences be wild that's what we're here for man my inclination is the mother's the asshole but i don't i don't think the dude is entirely an asshole i think he's stuck i mean stuck between a family tradition you've done for a long time and this is what the third instance

that this has happened like this is just the third time her cookie's been rejected it's not like it's been 10 years and she's submitted every year for 10 years this is the third time so that's that's kind of a small sample size no pun intended so it's hard to say that he's truly being an asshole about it by saying like depending how he said it to her it sounds somewhat unreasonable to be like i'm not going at all if it is in fact just this one little thing i believe there's more going on than just this one little thing in which case it feels like the mother-in-law is kind of the asshole but i don't want to say that definitively because i don't it's hard to tell in three paragraphs their entire life story. All right.

You heard it. Wade thinks the mother-in-law is the asshole and she sucks. My goodness. I can't believe that. So judgmental. I like what both of you did there. And you both get points, but not the same amount. Yay.

Yay. Or boo, depending. Well, you'll never know until the end when I tell you. Or boo, depending. Well, you'll never know until the end when I tell you. I do feel like the one thing we didn't touch on here that I feel about this one

is if I'm the husband in this situation, it's a real tough spot because I understand loyalty to your family and enjoying family traditions, but also loyalty to your wife and supporting your wife and making sure that you're not supporting your family in you know being shitty to your significant other and it's a tough spot but i feel like

husband's job here is to broker a piece to have a you know talk to mom and have a talk where your mom you know calls or they sit down or whatever and talks to his wife and it's like look i don't hate you whatever you know if we have issues, we should talk about it. I don't know what the solution is, but I would hope that the husband would back up his wife even if he doesn't. I hope he doesn't back her up by being like, I'm not going either. Fuck those guys.

But, you know, there can be tensions and I hope that he worked this out ultimately because that is a tough spot and like Wade said, who knows? Maybe that's just bad cookies. That's interesting. Interesting discussion.

It's hard to know. It feels like there's tension there and like you said, the husband needs to talk to the mom and be like, the fuck mama? You hate her or just her cookie? Also not disrespect his family. Good luck, dude.

You asshole. That's old now. So whatever happened is in the past and it's probably fine. They're divorced. They're never talking again. He's completely dissociated from his family. He's living in a cave by himself.

He lost everything. He'll never have human contact again all because of these cookies. Goddamn white chocolate macadamia nut cookies I told her to make chocolate chip only got small amounts of time but want big amounts of flavor Knorr has got you

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conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Anyway, this next one is a whole legacy of confusing feelings. We're going to move now

to discussing the post posted by hairbear underscore throwaway. The title is, am I the asshole for giving my daughter a stuffed bear filled with human hair I'll read you the story

hairbear posted a story about a bear with human hair I guess the name what I'm gonna warn you the story does not clarify why this happens very well. It just explains what happened. Okay, all right.

My wife and I just had our daughter, our first child, three months ago. Our family has a tradition where the firstborn will get a special stuffed animal. I got one from my mom when I was born, who got one from her mother, who got one from her father, so on and so on. This is a generational tradition and the reason it's special is because it's stuffed with their parents hair the way this works is once a child is old enough to start getting their hair cut parents will save the hair as much of the hair as they can of the firstborn child and when that child is grown and becomes a

parent themselves, the new grandparent who saved all the hair, will use that child's childhood hair to make a stuffed animal by hand to give to the new baby. So the grandparent gives the baby a stuffed animal filled with the baby's

parents' hair from when they were a child. Obviously. The hair toy, the hair of the toy represents the new parent's connection to the child and is a tangible measure that shows that they'll always be close by. The care taken by the grandparent

in collecting all the hair and using it to hand make this toy represents the child's connection to its family's history and is a tangible measure that shows the extended family will always support them does it the stuffed animal is a way of connecting this new life to their new family is it yeah well yeah i mean he's writing it so succinctly that it sounds declarative like he's reading from a law book, but he's just saying words. Doesn't it sound

like facts when it's written like this? You know, to profess your love to your new spouse, it's best to get a heart, a stuffed heart, and you fill it with your first pubes that you shave off and say, that's a show of your true love and lust for your

partner. Yeah, that's thoughtful and hot yes it makes you seem closer it shows that that hair has been preserved for them and them alone declarative statement three anyway so the story here is

the father is posting this his mom spent all this time making hair a bear with his hair in it and what he was excited to give it to his new daughter and uh instead of thinking it was a very sweet and obvious gift uh the man's wife thought it was really disgusting and did not want this weird hair bear anywhere near her daughter. She thought it was unhygienic. But the guy said, no, the hair is clean and well preserved. And they argued about it because, of course, they did. very taken aback that such a touching family tradition would be so repulsive to his wife and that she was being cruel and callous and maybe she's not the person he thought she was

okay so they didn't talk about this ahead of time he just was like i'm gonna do this tomorrow and blind who doesn't expect the hair bear he feels like the kind of thing that comes up. His mom just finished making the hair bear, and he was like, ah, it's time. How do they not discuss this, first of all? Where would it come up? The communication shit. Well, he would have his bear. He would have his bear.

He would have his bear. Exactly. He would have his bear. It would be on the shelf. I guess he would never really talk. Ah, that's the bear my grandfather gave me. I feel like at some point when you're close to somebody, a weird family tradition like that, and it's weird, would come up.

Now, depending on how she reacted, though, it's weird, but I don't know if it deserves a World War III type reaction. Did she escalate? She called it weird and culty weird and he his apparently the husband's mother found out and she got mad because she made this bear and it's a tradition and that got the wife to get her family involved and apparently called him some vulgar names and so it's a big like family-wide fight about the bear and liking it or not liking it so she wasn't just chill she wasn't just like oh i don't i don't want that she was apparently a little vulgar and it escalated

i mean you can still overreact so this is weird it would throw me off and i'd be a little bit like but there's definitely you can overreact to it shit okay um yeah i don't think it's anyone who is reading this no one would uh disagree that it's weird because none of us have that tradition and if you don't have that tradition you're never going to like you're gonna it's hair imagine if it was fingernail clippings that you would collect and put in a bear, and then you'd clink, clink, scabs. Every scab you accrue as a young person goes in the scab bag. At least hair is soft and not blood. But, yeah, it's still weird.

But, but, I'm going to equate this so people can at least, listening to this, get in the same headspace of where the guy is coming from. I'm not agreeing with it, but this is just a common thing that people overlook, right? So, in America, many men, or like boys when they're born, are circumcised. That is a tradition that started because of a serial man a hundred years ago. But it is passed down from generation to generation because the father's like, Ah, of course, cut the tip of his dick. Cut it. Do it right now. Do it. Make him like me. And that's weird when you think about it. It's quite strange.

I'm not saying one way or another, like whether you're circumcised or not circumcised. I'm not saying you're weird. The concept, if that was never a thing to you, would be strange because you've never heard of it before. However, there's many people out there who it is a tradition and it's even part of a religion. But I'm talking outside of the religion. It's unquestionably normal to a large group of people. But yeah, if you've never heard that, I can see what you're saying. You're saying if you encountered that for the first time when you just had your baby and your husband or whomever was like, circumcise him.

I can see how you'd be like, all right, who's got the knife? Who's got the knife to solve this right now? Yeah. And I'm saying like all I'm bringing that up about. I know people are going to launch into the discussion that I'm trying to bring that up so people can understand. up about i know people are going to launch into the discussion that i'm trying to bring that up so people can understand it's to this guy a tradition not like that but similar vein that not many people else would know about and then the wife's reaction being like that's freaking weird that's really weird i don't think i want that it's not identical but just in the same headspace

the dude's the asshole here the fact that he didn't tell her ahead of time this should have been something that was discussed ironed out before it was time to deliver the bear however i don't think hair in a bear it's weird to me but it's not like because they make wigs and stuff out of real people's hair, right? Like, that's not uncommon. Like, that's a done thing. And there is, yeah. So I don't find it like a World War III level thing. It's weird to me. But like, if she super overreacted, got her family involved and was being really just nasty to him and like, not my daughter and that kind of thing. thing like that feels like a gross overreaction to

this i think it could have all been avoided by communicating ahead of time and he's the asshole for that but she shouldn't blow up and overreact to it this there are worse things there's the last mother's tradition it's a lot worse than this one i disagree with heavily on that one i disagree completelyide and conquer my in-laws. Alright. Alright, so what I'm saying here is like, whatever, all that aside. The

parents who made the bear, whatever, family tradition, whatever. It's the parents' decision together to do whatever with the child because it's their child so they have to agree no matter what so i agree with wade that it should have been discussed i don't think it's necessarily uh a bad thing for the wife to be adamant that they're not okay with this because they shouldn't have to bend their their own desires to cater towards

a tradition that they were never aware of or knew in the first place so i actually do think that the guy is the asshole for never talking about this in the first place before it was happening and expecting the wife to just go along with it so i don't i don't even think that anything i heard there was super nuclear i like i i think that that if you were thinking just to protect your child, and I don't know how old this child is, that you wouldn't want some strange ancient hair bear that's probably cursed. Like, who knows how cursed that thing is? Who knows how much hair they've passed down from each other bear in the previous generation and stuffed a little more when they didn't get enough when he was a boy?

You know, they got to sample backwards backwards i don't know about that bear i will add that i read a little bit of this whenever bob was talking about it and in the paragraph again this is from the dude's perspective so we don't have her side of it but she says it was gross and disgusting she wouldn't have it around her daughter um she said it was unhygienic and if he ever put that thing near her daughter she would throw it in the trash so there was a little bit of like from his perspective again so you know take that for what you will it does sound like she was a bit like no no no like very just not even willing to discuss it it's kind of how it's presented whether or not that's true i don't know but again discussion ahead of time solved you know what's happening you don't have a baby well we have this

tradition oh no yes let's talk let's argue whatever have that solved before it's like here's the bear um i can see these this post being made from the perspective of he went into this being like of course this is going to happen this is tradition so he didn't even come into this discussion with like let's talk about it therefore the wife could only be like i need to make a stance you're not even you're just going to do this absolutely not because it's kind of that kind of you force people into extreme positions by taking a solid stance from the get-go and not offering. So I think, if anything, these were probably equivalent energies that they were bringing to this argument here.

He's the asshole for not discussing it ahead of time, I feel like. That's the problem. There should have been communication before the baby was there. Agreed. Are you both, he's the asshole? Everyone's the asshole? For that specific reason. If she overreacted in that way, then sure, she's overreacting.

But all of this would have been solved if they discussed it ahead of time. Yeah, I don't think she overreacted. I think she reacted of the exact same energy. I think, yeah, he's the asshole. I don't think... It's not wrong to have a family tradition. It's not. Unless it's hurting someone. But I mean, this does seem

relatively harmless. Yeah, this one is not dangerous. It seems like it's just... Apparently he replied to somebody and said he purposely didn't tell her, so it would be a nice surprise. That's... He becomes the asshole if that's true. Surprise!

My baby hair! You'll never guess what's behind my back! You'll literally never guess. I don't know. I don't think the tradition, it's weird, it's not the worst thing I've ever heard in my life, but it's definitely something you discuss before you just do it. How do you think that went? Like, did he pull the bear out

and you're like, guess what it's made of? Well, I'm sure he gave it, I'm sure he gave it to her and it was like oh yeah grandma handmade this for our baby look and the mother was kind of happy about it yeah he could have just not brought up that it was

a hair bear no I hope he leaned into her ear and he's just like it's stuffed with me what? my hair fills this bear. What? And I'm giving it to our daughter right now.

It's like one of those Build-A-Bears. Every time the daughter squeezes the paw, the bear is like, and I'll always be with you. It's a recorded sound of him being shaved as a baby. He squeezes it. Do you think the grandma didn't hand make it and went into Build-A-Bear with a whole arm full of

just this weird hair? A trash bag of bear hair? On the big thing where they fucked the stuffing into the bear and the grandma was like, no, no. I've got the stuffing. Don't ask what it is. I'm tired of your judgment Build-A-Bear people.

She gets the guy to open like the glass cabinet and takes out like the cotton or whatever and then puts in the hair just in the thing it starts scooping i don't know how i've ever done build a bear i imagine it's like the little like claw machine where just goes and grabs a no description was correct the way they stuff bears that build the bears is a big thing with all the stuffing and it's like fluffing around. And then there's a pole that comes out of it that is where the fluff comes out. And when you get an empty new bear or whatever, there's a hole in its ass. And you take it and you feed it on the pole and then you turn on the machine and you go... Until the bear is fucked full of fluff.

That's what happens. He was completely right about that description. Yeah, that's not a bit. That's what they do. So for the hair, I hope it's like how you like siphon gasoline. They put like a little tube in the bag of hair and like,

and then like put it in the bear and just the hair flowed. Oh, God. Man. Hope no one was eating. He like oh my baby hair like pulls it off of his tongue god you know why do we all know what siphoning is is i thought that was going to be a much more useful skill like because i learned it as a child like oh yeah siphoning that's super cool i'm gonna need that when i'm an adult i've never siphoned anything out of anything in my life well the apocalypse hasn't started yet you're right yeah you're prepared to get all the gasoline you need once you're in that situation

yeah wait i've actually been siphoning your hair to build you for you a giant stuffed bear it's gonna take you many years to get enough a life-size wade doll shows up stuffed with his own hair yeah anyway uh i i i don't know how i'd react to that family tradition but i pretty much agree with you guys and i think you both you both deserve points for candid discussion on that one this dude should have definitely brought that up. Mm-hmm. I feel like, how does that not come up? Like you said, he's clearly,

he didn't throw his hair bear away. He's got that somewhere because it's such a family tradition. And it's never come up that the wife was like, man, you love that bear, huh? Is that just like your first teddy bear or something? Oh, it's just... It's special.

What happens to your hair bear when you pass away? Does it go down to... Does one person have like 30 hair bears at this point? You just gotta sew them in half and stitch it on like a Frankenstein's bear that'll start walking and shambling. So everyone's got their own little hair bear, but they're like the family Franken-bears

just like with weird hairs from generations leaking out the neck. A collection that's stored in a glass case, and when you inherit it, you have to display it in your house somewhere. Yeah, I just realized that with hair, it's not like stuffing. The hairs would start to poke through the fabric

if it's handled in any capacity. So this bear is actually hairy. Yeah. And it becomes more hairy the more like if it's handled in any capacity so this bear is actually hairy yeah and it becomes more hairy the more you hug it all you have to do is hug it and it gets more cozy what a feature it gets snugglier it's like when daddy doesn't shave for a few days uh yeah anyway to each their own but talk about it for the love of god talk about it i feel like the conclusion so far between these two is family traditions warn your significant other for god's sake yeah that's true man I have a few more and I thought they would all be funny but I have one more

I really really want to talk about are we out of time really? man that went fast we could do one more this could be kind of a spin around the one entitled am I the asshole for being mad that my boyfriend won't make noodles the way i like okay so this is posted by a woman uh who is dating a boy and they started living together

at the beginning of the pandemic they moved in together so that they didn't have to like isolate so that they could at least be pandemic uh partners or whatever so they started living together and when they moved in together um the the guy the boyfriend took over all of the like cooking and food uh tasks they split up the household chores which one i think is really weird when people specifically are like i'll cook i'll grocery shop you vacuum and mop i'll i'll do laundry but you fold it i think that that's people can do what they want but i think that's really weird when it's like a weird system i kind of do that anyway they divided everything weird you're a freak you're weird

and wrong weird okay no i'll tell you right now i just that's not how i live i would never survive in such a structured world i guess guess, is my problem with that. But, yeah, so they moved in together, and he is the chef now. He grocery shops, he does, and they split up the chores. And this girl just happens to like her noodles, like spaghetti marinara noodles, in like a very particular way. She was very picky, and she loves pasta, but she doesn't like it to be too saucy. She doesn't like a big glob of sauce overwhelming the delicate flavor of the noodles. She likes an essence of sauce flavor on the noodles.

And so how her dad always prepared her spaghetti, he would make her special separate from everyone else's. He would make her special, separate from everyone else's. He would make family spaghetti, and then he would take hers out and put it in like a strainer and rinse off all the sauce. Literally take it to the sink and with water, rinse off all the tomato sauce and flavor. And then give her these noodles that had been basically like dipped in sauce and then cleaned completely. And that gave her pasta with an essence of tomato sauce but not too much just an essence and apparently the boyfriend when he started cooking uh agreed to make her pasta the way she liked it um and they she thought that that had been happening and at one point he made them pasta and she was like this

is good and the boyfriend was kind of sort of like mocking her and he was kind of like oh yeah you really you like that essence of pasta sauce yeah you like that you like the way i cooked that for you and apparently it comes out that this dude had never done that he thought that that was ridiculous he had never done that he had just been boiling her pasta and then giving it to her plane without wasting the pasta sauce and like rinsing it down the sink and all this he was just giving her plain boiled noodles she didn't she didn't notice she still thought she was getting essence of tomato noodles with the whole process she thought he was doing what her dad had always done for her and so it comes out that he never did that. He was just giving her plain noodles

and she was like, you're an asshole. You lied to me. You lied and you never did what I wanted. And he was kind of like, yeah, well, you're insane because you want to waste food, one, by washing it down the sink

and you think you can taste pasta sauce that has been literally washed away from the noodles you're eating and if you cook noodles in pasta sauce yes they will absorb a little bit of it and maybe there's such a thing as an essence of tomato whatever it's a weird habit that this girl has that she likes her noodles this way and the dude just straight up lied to her and if you stop reading there i feel like it's a kind of funny picture because clearly the guy did lie to her but it doesn't seem like that serious of a lie and you know it didn't hurt anything she was just eating plain noodles instead of washed noodles so whatever uh but if you go and she has some edits and stuff and my favorite and possibly the most important one is I found some things out in the subsequent argument.

First, he is not actually a pharmacist like he always said he was. He just works at CVS. Second, he has actually cheated on me multiple times with other girls that go to my college. Lastly, and worst of all, he's not even allergic to dogs. He just doesn't like them and that's why we never got a dog okay all of those are really bad but she wasted food so she's still the ass so the question posted the question posed is is this girl an asshole for being really mad at her boyfriend because he lied to her and didn't give her weird essence of tomato noodle dish that she liked and whatever? But all that other information also exists.

So, you know, interesting story, right? Let's talk about the spaghetti issue first in isolation before we address everything else. Okay. Wow. That did not go the way I thought it was going to go at all i thought he was just going to be like he just drowns it in sauce every time and and she doesn't let because i'm the type of guy i used to like um spaghetti and i would have a tiny thing of sauce on the side and literally the sauce water would run to the other side and I would eat only that. I did like the

essence of sauce. This is different. However, that went differently. I'll let Wade go first on the pontification. I'm once again going to avoid answering the question directly by saying, here's what he should have done. Offered her a taste test where he offered her three sets of noodles,

one with essence of butter, one with essence of tomato, one that had nothing on it at all, and see if she noticed a difference and be like, see, you can't really taste it. Maybe we can avoid wasting the sauce. And presented it that way instead of lying and betraying her trust. That would have solved the problem i think lying to her and saying he's doing it when he's not is a betrayal of trust even though it's kind of stupid um because obviously she didn't notice a difference so she would have liked it just fine but he should have at least the first time he did it been like i actually didn't do it you didn't notice a difference maybe you like him playing just fine rather than continuing

the charade like i don't know continuing it the charade went on for over a year by the way yeah and i don't know i'm assuming they did this at least once a month right at least once a month so that's a long time to lie to somebody and make them think you're doing something like because even if the actual taste isn't there i think part of what matters is like her dad did that for her and it's like the care that goes into it that matters to her it's like the symbolism of doing that for her probably so this should have been handled differently by the dude i think she didn't necessarily need this essence of sauce thing done because clearly it wasn't making a big difference,

but I think that the way he presented it and did it was wrong. He's an asshole for that. Yeah. Bold. Bold assertion. I like it. Yeah, there is something, and we all know this, food is also made with love. Like, you put care into the food and how you make it. Yeah, it's like what you say.

It's a tradition. It doesn't make sense. Of course it doesn't. And eventually you could bring that up. But it's kind of a common theme for some guys out there to think that they know better. And, you know, they think, oh, clearly I know the right answer because if you're washing it off, it's the same anyway. Yada, yada. Some people can have preferences of plain but god what is wrong with people trying to just talk about something

why is this such a difficult thing to be like you like uh essence um wouldn't that just be the same as plain noodles and then she would go no there was something about i swear i might like it might sound crazy i bet she would probably say like it might sound crazy. I bet she would probably say, like, it might sound crazy, but something about it, just, like, just having that tiny hint, which maybe it would. Like, sauce can stain noodles. Sauce is very staining. Like, maybe there's the tiniest thing, and you wouldn't notice it if you thought it was there,

but that's all a placebo effect. Placebo effect is a real thing. Like, there, probably if you put two plates side by side, one that was sauced and washed, one that, it's very weird. Don't get wrong it's it's weird but it's the first sentence of this is okay this sounds dumb but hear me out yeah she knows it's a weird thing that she that's just she just has and that's fine like if you're in a partnership wouldn't you want to provide things just the way that they want there was a

whole like series of tiktoks that i. About this girl that like this guy. Like got her gift and they broke up. Or they were trying to. He was trying to get her back. And he got her like gold jewelry and flowers. And she made this post saying like. I've told him so many times. So many times.

I don't like gold. And yet he gets me golden chocolate or something like that. I don't like golden chocolate or something like that and that's what he gets me and that's when I knew it wasn't going to work because he wasn't listening. It's not the point of like just just that it's noodles washed. It's that it's made in the way that makes her happy

and anyone if it was a girl cooking for a guy what makes him happy that's what you should want to do. S oh silly yeah the lie is the problem and presenting it and then just being like i've not been doing what you like this whole time it's not like some grandiose i was right it's like uh i've been betraying and lying to you but you can trust me on everything else honest that's like that's such a horrible part of this part of it it's not it's not like they she found out accidentally and he was like ah i i didn't want

you sure you weren't supposed to find out like shit it's a he one night was just like how do you like those noodles i made with that sauce i definitely rinsed right off of there for ya I imagine he grew like an evil mustache for this one presentation too ah you like the sauce I make mmm but you know anyway big surprise surprise and I generally

agree with both of you and I think that's a good point Mark that you're essentially ignoring the explicit wishes of your significant other is a great way to show how little you care when especially when it's something that's very straightforward and easy to address and talk about uh but also the man who lied and then mocked his girlfriend after years of lying to her face uh lied about his job cheated on her with multiple girls that she knew and is hates dogs oh yeah what a twist this turns out he's kind of a douche i can't believe a guy that would lie and betray somebody would lie and betray somebody yeah no weird right weird i don't know if

the spaghetti fits in with the severity of the rest of the lies that she found out about but it goes in the same column i guess if we're keeping track of things it just establishes a pattern of bad communication and not listening not caring i don't know it just represents i guess the rest it kind of hints that do you think he had a curtain in the kitchen like to the archway i don't imagine the door be like you can't look he actually went through more trouble to lie about is he in case she ever watered in the kitchen he had like the strainer set up and some pasta he dumped a little sauce in the sink yeah he doesn't even open it's just the unopened can the same one for a year he walked in and or she walked in and he's just like oh i just rinsed it look there's tomatoes in the sink i did it you can see all the evidence of hey having done

that oh you just know he wouldn't waste it right that was the problem you want to waste it so he's like oh i just ran the water you just missed the tomato chunks in the sink oh it was right there he did not do this out of the goodness of his heart because he's concerned about food scarcity or or people struggling to get their dietary needs met around the world so he wasn't worth the effort he had two more dates that night he had to make dinner for he didn't have time for this one you know what it does this things like this always make me curious and maybe i'm just not bold enough lying about uh being allergic to dogs that's a shitty thing to do but i can see how you could get away with that because who's gonna be

like oh let me do a scratch test and make sure you're allergic how do you lie about being a pharmacist or any way lie about your job and get away with that for an extended period of time. It's not like... I don't know. She's like, oh, I'm just going to stop. She sends him a text, right? Like, oh, I forgot to... You got my keys in your backpack.

I'm going to stop by and pick them up, okay? And he's like wearing his CVS shirt, stocking his shelf, and he's like... Holding like a gun to like the actual pharmacist so he can go behind the counter and stand there like... See, it's me and my buddy Bill, bill working together back to the front back to the pharmacy counter is like you gotta give me a jacket let me in there i know it's protected by a code and that's probably illegal and there's like drugs in there but yeah it's i'm lying to my girlfriend

come on i shouldn't have told my other significant other I was a fortune 500 CEO. Do you think he ordered like a lab coat off of Amazon? You know, the one that says Dr. Cummings on it. The one that I have. And he's just like, all right, babe, go on to my pharmacist job. A lot of drugs to count. I'm making pharmacy money, but we're going to have plain noodles every night for a year and barely afford our rent no he he he puts it in tupperware and brings it over to the other girls houses and he's like look at all this i'm saving hey babe you want sauce today this man brings me so much

sauce he must be loyal i guess you just gotta be really bold and a quick thinker with the lying on your feet situation. But like, god damn. This is exhausting. What a horrible life. Why would you need to lie? I mean, maybe this girl was impressed by him being a pharmacist, but why does anyone do that shit? And by anyone, I mean guys, I guess,

because it seems like it's guys a lot of the time. But like, I don't know. It seems crazy. My favorite response to this uh also is there's a lot this is a long comment and it starts with everybody sucks here you both sound dreadful to be honest and then they go through a lot of the stuff that we talked about basically pointing out how they both suck and it ends with you deserve each other which i feel like it's just wow she just likes but incredibly untrue yeah this person read this and was like oh my video is not working that's good oh oh oh it's

fine probably right hello can you hear me at least i can hear you yeah we can hear you oh my video broke well whatever we'll just carry it on but uh what was i oh yeah but this person looked at what the facts laid out here and was like yeah he lied to you about your pasta and tricked you and then made fun of you for it and then cheated on you and lied about his career and he hates dogs and you eat weird spaghetti fuck both of you guys god i hate you oh you sound awful yeah i want to point out though in the original post i believe he insisted on cooking right so it's not like she had even the option of doing it her way he insisted on doing it and he said that her food habits were cute and then he betrayed despite that again i think it's a silly thing to do but i get it and he should have followed through with it or at least like presented an option of

like let's see if you really do care about this so maybe we can not waste the sauce if you really can't tell a difference or if you want me to just because like she she communicated her wants as clearly as she could and she and he acted like he was going along with it, which is a problem. Yeah. I agree with that comment. They're both assholes. We all lose because humanity loses. All right.

I'm still mad at that mother-in-law. What's wrong with the mother-in-law? I'm still mad at her. It's a horrible tradition. Am I back? Yeah, you're back. I'm sorry. I won't ever say that again. The tradition am i back yeah you're back i'm sorry i won't ever say that again the mother-in-law was great i'm sorry don't leave us i think my camera being broke finally riverside was like whoop we should fix that yeah so this was fun

guys but you could you could have been a little wilder with your claims and assumptions but that's okay i forgive you uh welcome to how it feels when I host, man. Yeah, maybe it was a situation with the mother-in-law where she, like us, just randomly assigns points in a completely nonsensical manner and then picks a winner and it just so happens to alienate her. She just has a wheel she spins.

Who gets to have their desserts? Alright, well, I think that's going to be the end. And good discussion all. You both earned points on that last one as well. Let me tally up the scores. Okay, after checking over my notes, it looks

like, despite being totally rational, incredibly reasonable, Well thought out What is rationable? You know what rationable means And honestly quite brilliant during the course of the entire episode Mark

Did not accumulate enough points To be today's winner Wade Thank you I just want to say going from being the first ever host of this podcast to the first ever winner with video on Spotify really seems fitting for me uh thank you for

the opportunity and uh subreddit which one of us is the asshole I guess let us know yeah with no context or explanation of anything we've done to each other which one of us is the asshole that's it just based on having listened to and or now watched every episode of this podcast which i assume that you have done which one of us is the asshole the options are wade mark bob

that mother-in-law wait wait hold on maybe we should baldermore the mysterious fourth person will maybe molly and mandy should host the next episode uh the options are a lot of things yeah uh so i was brilliant i was really well thought out genius level genius level what were wade's qualifications during uh wild inferences uh tamed only by mark's wisdom and and calm demeanor over the course of the debates. Basically, Wade was more fun. I think the mother-in-law was an alien who was stealing the cookies to fuel her spaceship. The points are appearing.

No, I think she was an undead come back from a necromancer's spell. They were making a familial chain of voodoo dolls to wreak havoc on future generations forevermore. All part of a spell to undo our current timeline and get us back into the right one. And it was a human effigy, so you're going to ask questions. Their souls are trapped in the bears. It's already decided, but you both earned some points there.

So that was exciting all right fine mark do you have a loser speech uh this was wildly unfair um but hey that's life i'll take it with grace and dignity and i will uh know in my heart of hearts that that Can you see my video right now? Yes. Good. Loser, loser, I am the winner. Okay, just want to make sure. Wow.

Is that your winner speech or do you have more to add? That's all. That's it. Victory. Victory's mine. Concise. I like it. That's fair. Unlike Reddit, very concise. Thank you.

Did I do that right? Is this the... Is that right? Right in what context? As a mocking gesture? Yeah. Yes, that is a mocking gesture. I feel mocked if that's what you're looking for. He looks like you mocked him, doesn't he? Yeah, how many points is that worth?

It's... You don worth? It's, you don't, it's a thousand bajillion points. At the end of this episode. Thank you so much everybody for listening and watching. As you can watch it now. There's a video. And if you didn't know

there was a video, aren't you silly? You just gotta look in the app and you can see our stupid faces and maybe some stupid pictures next time. Who knows? We'll see what stupid stuff comes up on the next episode of Distractable. Available right here on Spotify. Make sure that you follow the podcast

so you always know when the new episodes come out. And yeah, thank you so much. Make sure you check out the merch at store.distractablepodcast.com. You can find Mark at Markiplier in places. Wade is lordminion777 and or minion777. I am myskermonline. We all do our own things, but I think we all know it's most important that you're here for this.

The best podcast that's available on the internet to listen to on Earth. I'm not going to rule out the rest of the solar system or the universe, but on Earth, I think we can all agree, this is the spot. Damn Uranus podcast's beating us out. Thank you, competitors, for having a good show and participating, even though you knew ahead of time

it would be unfair. That's it for this episode. I thought it was very fair. And so, I will say, podcast out.