Distractible - America vs Europe

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

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Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers and welcome to Distractable. This episode, mystifying Mark, immortalizes Iron Lung and gets derailed by Dutch dungeons and demons. Willful Wade slacks at a symphony, gets hassled in Hess and rails against red tape. Blitz-bashing Bob gets the Willis from Midas, realifies Venetian medieval movement modes, and gets aggravated in Amsterdam. From magnificent merch to protein patriotism, ha ha ha ha ha. It's time for America versus Europe.

Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Also, my mouth really hurts. I can go to the dentist on Monday. I got mouth pain. Oh, I have to go to the dentist on Monday. That's so funny. Twinsies. Whoa, guys.

I haven't started the episode yet. Calm down. Oh, wow, my bad. Welcome to Distractable. My name is Markiplier here to host another banger of an episode. I've been waiting for this for a long time, and so have you. My phone is ringing. It's that call you've been waiting for.

I guess if you've been waiting for you, it's just answered. I don't know. It'll stop eventually. Sam, Zoom and Enhanced on that buzzing. All right. Welcome to the show that just won't end, no matter how much we try to kill it. I'm your host, Mark Blar, joined by my famous, famous co-host, popular across the world. We've got Bob.

And we got Wade. Ooh, yeah. Are we both famous? That'd be news to me. Combined. We are one famous together. Oh. Oh, we are.

And friends. Got it. If you get recognized in public, I think you can quantify yourself as famous. Does happen on a rare occasion. What if it's like family or someone you want to do? to school with. Are you still famous? Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Mom? What are you doing here?

Ah, I'm just too famous. Can't take me anywhere. And we're definitely going to be noticed in public because we're all wearing our new distractible shirts. All of us are wearing them. All of us. Wait, I didn't know this was the episode. Is this the episode? Oh, it's too late now. The bits too. I didn't know this was the episode. I got the shirt. I didn't know this was the episode. Point above for having the shirt. I'll be right back, guys. I'll be right back. I'm going to go. done. There's no makeup points

to stay there. You can leave, but imagine the handshakes. Just imagine I should go. I should go. I put this on just for you guys, but I'll change it. Okay. Okay. No handshakes. He didn't take his headphones out. You could see that he's

squatting there with his headphones on. God, he's so bald. Yeah, yeah. Well, listen, we only have to tolerate him for a few more episodes and then he's gone, right? I can't wait for Ethan to take his rightful spot. So, how many wins do you want? I'm not greedy.

Can I have like three? What do you? What do you want? What do you want? How many wins do you want? What can I do for you? Honestly, I think the season ends when we say it ends. It kind of ends every time we do like a Constitution episode.

So it just goes on until we say. Man, we need another currency besides win. What about money? Cash money? Yeah, we can make this a little more interesting, you know. Sure. I feel like Wade and I are a substantial disadvantage, uh, potentially, but as long as we're all, it sounds we all have sort of a gentleman's agreement.

I've been here the whole time dressed like this. Oh, look at you! Oh, your camera must have just focused. Look, I could see it now. There's one of us, another one of us, and the third one of us. Hey, can't tell who's who. One of them definitely doesn't look distinctly different for any specific head reasons. Oh, dark hair.

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the thing. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Anyway. All right. Enough. We've got so much to talk about. There's been weeks since we last saw each other. All of us must have lived really exciting lives in the interim. And I can't wait to hear it. Who wants to go first? Me! I need to take initiative because I'm getting my rear kicked. Sunday marked the first time I ever got to go to see the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra. And I took my nephew for his birthday along with one of my other nephews and my niece and we went down and watched them perform songs from Star Horse. different movies and shows and it was really really cool

and they did a really really great job and the guy who was was it John Morris Russell no I don't know who that is but no that would be the conductor of the Cincinnati pops he does a lot of caution

they had a guest in from Detroit who was he hosts every now and then here but he did a really fantastic job and it was just a really really fun time and they were very talented and I don't know I really enjoyed it and I was like

I don't know if my nephew's really gonna be into it since it's just the music but they seem to really love it the place was completely filled it was completely packed so it was just a really cool experience. It was not an outside cost. It's way too cool. It was in music hall, right?

It was in musical, yeah. It's my first time ever being inside Music Hall. Well, congratulations. Cincinnati has a lot of features that people don't realize. It has a ballet. It has a symphony orchestra. World class symphony orchestra. World class. Three of the major sports and now soccer stadium somewhere.

It's right by Music Hall, actually. It's like literally across the street for music call, the backside. But yeah, Cincinnati FC, really good MLS team. It's got one of those destroy your life arenas that was famously horseshoe but now it's something else I think.

It's the one with all the memorabilia in it. There's a Porsche parked in there and some guitars and whatnot. How would you know? I've been in there. Yeah. How do you think I destroy my life? It blew your share of the Spotify deal right in that. Oh yeah, it's gone. I'm desperate.

Help. I'll put 500 on Yago. Is that how it works? Yago? Dude, I love. of the Aladdin characters. Rule that wheel. You guys, I go there all the time.

You never bet on Yago? That's why you always lose. Give me 50 on street rat. 50 on magic carpet and 100 bucks for Robin Williams doesn't survive this one. Let's do it. Too soon. No, it's not. It's perfectly timed.

He survives that movie. That's the joke. He survives. He just gets stabbed in the back real big by some large corporation. Imagine that. Do you guys know that drama? I do. A little bit of it. I mean, I heard about, like, his, you know about outside the studio stuff, like, working, right? Yeah, we don't have to go back.

If you're interested out there, listeners, if you don't, you know why Robin Williams never appeared as the genie in any subsequent Aladdin properties. There's a whole story, and it's, uh, it's not a great story, but it's an interesting story to hear the details of. Came back for the Prince of Thieves. I liked that movie. It got under, I think that was underrated. I liked that one, too.

I like the turtle. Turtle comes out of nowhere. I fucking love the turtle. I used to love the Aladdin TV show, but it was a little strange. that like the voices. The Midas hand thing gave me night terrors. I, the concept of that was terrifying to me. Hand of minus is mine.

A hand of Midas is mine. Let's all just do impressions of that guy until the end of the episode. The hand of Midas is mine. Can I look up the actual sound of this guy? No, that's not how impressions work. I've not heard that voice since I was like, what year did that movie come out? It's probably been around then.

I haven't heard that voice since the last time I watched that VHS in the in the video player in my parents Osmobile minivan whenever the shit that was. You had a VHS player in your minivan? Dude, we had a boozy minivan. You guys must have been rich. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm from a place where a golf tournament is.

That's exclusively rich. Everyone's rich around golf. Yeah, that's what golf is. Golf is just money laundering for wealthy people. If you plague off, do you just become rich? It worked for me. It's kind of one of those squares, a rectangle, but you know, rectangle's not a square situation. But if you shrink it enough, it'll still fit in.

Turn? Yes, yeah, absolutely. Or if you stretch the hole. Yeah. Anyway, Bob, did you actually, I don't think you did your small tuck yet. I don't know. The only thing on my mind right now is that my foot is real fucked and I hate it. Remember how I was walking every day?

And that was good. Oh, no. Oh, your streak, you're a failure. Long break in the streak here. My foot is in a bad way. It's not good. I got to deduct a point. You don't have your streak.

Look, I gotta be honest. Searing pain emanating from my lower extremity is hard to ignore. But otherwise, James is pretty funny. Took him to Kings Island for the first time. He fucking loved it. He was also funny when me came over. Yeah, that was pretty funny. Yeah, we took my niece.

over to Bob and Mandy's talking about college stuff and James was just like the star of the show knew who Molly was pretend to know who Kaylee was then like introduced himself to me resistantly like hi we've never met and I'm like you know you're niece who is a complete stranger to him and he runs up and jump hugs are like oh my god you're here I love you like you say I to wait hmm we're not exaggerating it's actually how it went it was pretty funny he knows he knows target audiences. Blonde hair, blue eyes, plays, he's, he's, he's, he's gonna be a problem. He's gonna be, you know, as a toddler, though, it's very funny.

He jumped on my niece's lap and she was just like, in the middle of talking about, like, some college question. She's like, do I continue or do I address the child on me? And he's just like, look at this treat we got for Lexi. Isn't this the coolest thing? She's like, what do I do? And I swear he glared at me. I don't think, I don't know if he actually did, but it felt like he did.

It felt like he cursed you under his breath. All right. Was that your ball talk? Yeah, pretty much, yeah. All right, you're done now anyway. All right, cool. Side note about the VHS thing, I'm actually going to be getting back into some kind of making magnetic ribbon of some kind very soon

because I need to archive Iron Lung. And that's done on tape. Oh, who was it? Somebody wore like film strips as part of their dress to the Met Gala. Wasn't that a Cyprian Carpenter wore film that was of the movie? beef, Sabrina or something like that. Mark's going to the Met Gallet. He's going to dress like Sabrina Carpenter?

That's a different thing. That's, that's, that's, that's, I figured it out. Stegway point, I'll take it. Not magnetic tape. Do you, so what kind of crazy bullshit hoops do you need to jump through to archive a movie? I assume there's one provider who charges an exorbitant fee and there's like, no, actually. Don't just put it in a thermos and bury it on the moon? There's, no, there's a, there's something called LTO tape, which I'll take guesses for what that means.

Long time on there. The last T is silent. That's good. That's good. Wait, wait. Lovely try, Onesia. What the fuck? They were the first time to try preserving tape, but it didn't work.

But now we all say, lovely try, Onesia, when we try to preserve our tape. Long tape. Ooh. Do we get it? Who got it right? Neither of you, you idiots. It's Lordly Television Oncology. Well, that just doesn't make any sense.

I mean, whatever. Anyway, so it's archival tape, and it's the device to do the recordings is expensive, but it's a one-time cost, and then you can get these rolls of tape that are like I think 18 terabytes or something like that, and they cost way

left less than an equivalent 18 terabyte hard drive would, and they last for 30 years. So, you can archive a lot of data on tape and then store it for a very long time, and they say you should have, you know, I'll have always like my rate array of the stuff, but that way I can have another version of that media on a tape

and that can be locked away for 30 years and then I could pull it out and redo it on a separate tape and by then they'll have better tape and you know you can do it again. That's pretty cool. Not important. This is not what the episode's about. What if you broadcast it to the aliens? I was thinking. Anyway, not the segue.

We're throwing down the gauntlet. All of us are cultured men, right? Yes. We've experienced a breadth of experiences. Yeah. We've all been to Europe. Obviously. All three of us have been to Europe, right?

Twice? Together. We know the ins and outs of that, and we are qualified to speak on the good and bad of those countries. 100%. Of course. Right? In that, quote, continent. Okay.

How's it a continent if it's connected to another one? I don't know. I don't even understand what a continent is. This is ridiculous. I know. I know. I know. Anyway, hold your superiority just yet

because we need to throw down exactly how we in the United States of America are better and or worse than Europe. And we're going to be the decider. Yes, you heard me right. It's time for America versus Europe. What a title. What a title. What a title. What a title.

I realize like when we do the titles 15 minutes into the episode, it's not a surprise for people. Yeah, because they read it when they click the... Well, the title might be like, European bathrooms a wall, or, you know, like the title, it doesn't necessarily give away. That's one of our classics. We do that.

We do that. On occasion, we do do that. But also, sometimes it's just straight up, not a surprise. I think you're right. I did just see one episode recently that we'd done that was titled,

like Bob's favorite things number two will shock you or something. I was like, I have no idea what this was about. I think a lot of our titles would have to get a garner that response from all three of us. us if we looked back.

I've had some bangers over the years like hair, bread, cheerless. I remember tearless. Ah, man, what a classic tier list. Tier list of our favorite tier list of all time is a great episode. Oh, what a good episode. But, you know, we have to now, you heard be bad. But we have to. America versus Europe.

I want to start this off with a story because I was just in Europe, technically. I was not in the European Union. I want to point that out, which is something that I learned. You know what that spells? You. That was my realest fake laugh you'll ever get. All right. So I have something to throw shade on because there is a story that came out of,

I was on my honeymoon, right? And so this is an Amy sanction story. We were in the Amsterdam airport, right? Have you guys been through the Amsterdam airport? We flew, yeah, I think we went directly there at the one time. Hell on Earth. basically, as I recall it, sure. Basically, just, it's like the Ohio highway system of airports in that it's always under construction and it's never done, right?

So that aside, it's not the biggest problem. We go through their immigration system, which they have this fast pass lane where you scan your passport and you go quickly. And that's just for show it doesn't work. They don't actually. They don't give shit about that. It just circles you back to the line again. You're like, oh, how don't it up here? It really does, actually.

That's part of the story. So we go through, pass per room, slam our fingerprints down. Scanz it, like, wow, that's great. We go through standing line for 15 minutes for some strange reason because, like, there's 20 kiosks and four are lit. I don't know why. And then one's on the fritz. It's like flipping red and green.

Oh, man. And people are walking out of it and back. So we're in that line. Red and green blue blan, blah, blah, blah. You have red light green light on your airport? We got that one. So we get up there and I go through and it's like, I have my fingers pressed down on the glass and you got to like press super hard because the first time it didn't read.

And then it's like, I can feel the glass like cracking. But it got me and I go through. So strong. Amy goes up, puts her finger on the glass. Blit flip flip, flip, red, go back. So she has to go back out all the way to the main line over there, which is bad. So I'm standing off in the side waiting for her because they let me through. and then they were like, you can't stand there.

And I'm like, so I take two steps to my left. There's no sign or line. I'm just like, is this good? He's like, yeah, there. It was too close to the other kiosks, you know, where the security guards go in. You're not blocking his kiosk. It's not his problem. So she eventually pops out.

And we go to, you know, our gate, which is like in the dungeon. Because we have like the main lovely area where all the shops. I love airport dungeons. And, you know, gates are. And ours is the one where it's like you go down in the stage. and then turn a corner and everyone's crammed into five seats, you know. So we get up to there and Amy pulls out her passport to go scan it to get on the plane. She has a Canadian passport.

She's not Canadian. I want everyone to be clear about that. She's not Canadian. We immediately are like, hold on, go to the gate engine. Her passport had been swapped with someone else. Oh. She was in that line by herself. obviously we're traveling just me and her.

And so she was with this other group. And the customs person calls up the whole group because they're trying to speed things along. And they're like, you're all together, right? And they're like, no, we're not together. Come up anyway. We're all family here. Come on up. And basically, they pulls all these people up at a group and then laugh and making small talk and just swapped the passwords.

Like handed back the password to the wrong people. And everyone's being rest true. So neither of them saw. So long story short. we are able to go to Norway, but we, Amy can't leave Norway. So I have to take a separate journey back to Amsterdam after we have a bunch of fun. And we go, I have to fly to Amsterdam. And I got to tell you, when I got back to there, I went to one lost and found because you'd think that's where you'd go.

And I was like, we'd been calling someone because they gave us, like, the information that we need to go there. You gave the authorization email going through. And it's like, I don't know what was. wrong with this woman's day, but she hated me from the moment that I walked up to the lost and found. And the first thing I said was, I've lost something. Oh, why the fuck are you here? What the fuck are you talking about me for?

The lost and found. Fuck you. So I say like, I was just, you know, this is for items, not people. There's a passport. It was like, oh, you fucking idiot. You think I would have to, you need to go through to the immigration officer. So I go through. It's her again.

She just changes the name tag. you get to the next office and she's like you're in the right place so I talk to people there I've heard that the immigration officer of passports is here and it's like oh yeah

you have to go through do the immigration stuff put your passport down fingerprint scan and then go around to your left make two left and it's there so I go through and it's because there's one going in

this way and there's another checkpoint going out that way. So I go, yeah, left, left, I'm there again. And so I go, like, hey, I was told there's an immigration office here where I can find a lost passport. And then she looks at me, goes like, what do you fucking do in here?

Lost and found is over there. I go, wait, I'm pretty sure I was left and left. You just go straight down this hallway and just keep walking for a long time, and you'll find lost and found over there. And so I was like, okay, are you sure? The passport?

lost, he's like, just keep walking, turn around, I don't want to see it. So I turn around and I start walking. And there's a sign that says, lost and found this way, arrow going that way. So I'm like, okay, great. There's not a sign for lost and found again. Ever. There's no sign. I walked like half a kilometer because it's Europe, right?

And I'm walking around, I'm looking around up. I thought I was crazy. So I go over to the help desk of one of the airlines. and it's like lost and found anywhere and they lost three of them and they're just like and they didn't respond to me they just literally it was just flip the sign to on break and they just walk away

basically so I ask again I'm like I don't know what was wrong I was like lost and found anywhere here and they kind of vaguely like shoe me away with a gesture that way that way anywhere else I keep walking that direction of like It must be here.

And it's, it is, it's just way far down. And then to the left, there's like another kiosk. And I don't know if it's the same lady from the other side, but this one version of her was much nicer.

But she still said, what are you doing here? You shouldn't be, we don't have passports here. It's at the immigration office. Oh my God. God, can you please just have someone

show me a map? Anything? Do you have anything like that? So she calls down two people. And these two guys also, could not give a fuck about why I was there. And not only that, actively, the entire walk back to the immigration office said,

and I shit you not, this isn't going to work. You're not going to get it. They can't give it to you. They're not going to give it. You'd have to call them. And I'm like, I called them, I assure you. It was like, no, no, you didn't. No way.

The both of them are just like, no, this will never. work. It'll literally like two people on my shoulder just like doubt demons. Just like you might as well give up. Stop here. You're going to die if you go to that office. Yeah, they kept saying like I'm here for her to pick up. It's my wife.

I mean, she authorizes like, yeah, whatever. Your girlfriend's, you know, probably going to leave you or something shit like that. It's like, your mistress shouldn't have left her passport at the McDonald's, I assume. He's a stupid American. Anyway, so I get there and I'm at the same place where the woman just told me to turn around and walked that way. And it's like, and I'm looking at it's like,

EU passports, the other countries, every other scus from whatever dirt hole you crawl from, and then diplomats, right? That's all the signs say. So they escort me

to the diplomats line. I wouldn't fucking guess that. Yeah, okay. Around the corner, I go right, which was not the person's instructions with two lefts, if you remember,

right, then left. I forgot that key right there. And then I get to the immigration office. And I got to tell you, I hope Amsterdam feels safe with these brave, brave officers of immigration scroll and Instagram in their cushy little office because I got to tell you, there was one guy that was very helpful and attentive to me. There were six other guys that didn't look up once. There was one guy at the window with his back turned to the window.

And I was watching him scroll Instagram. I was watching him. Never turned around once. And I'm talking. He's talking. I didn't care. I didn't want the camera seeing he was scrolling on Instagram. Like, look at these half-naked people.

I'm looking at it. I know what my boss say what I'm doing. There was one guy in the corner. I'm not even joking with his baton going. Snap. Close. Yeah. Close.

Are you sure you were in a real airport? I don't know, man. Amsterdam airport is fucking crazy, man. Someone hands you Amy's passport and then all the walls fall down like they're made of plywood. Just like. And everyone's running away. Like, he did it.

He fell forward. What the fuck? This guy comes back really held. The one guy was very helpful. And I sign it. He had the printout of the email that Amy sent over saying, I authored. The two guys are still there, by the way. The doubters are still there.

As he's heading, you're like, oh, you're never going to grab that. You can't reach that far. Wait, I'm sure your arms are. We're just going to take it from you anyway once you get it. Yeah, you're probably going to leave it right where you left it last time. Don't stand there any Canadians. I get it and I signed it out and everything's good. And I have to go to the guy because I had to give him my passport.

And he turns to leave it. I go, please wait. You have my passport. And so he turns around and he gives me that. And the two guys are still there and they're escorting me out of the diplomat line for some reason. I don't know. And they say, which was not what I was expecting, hey, everyone makes mistakes, man. They said, that's what they said.

And that's the wisdom. left me with. Maybe it was in reference to their own doubtingness of your actions. I don't think it was. I don't know what it was. Meanwhile, you broke the circle of racket where they were trying to take your passport so you'd fly back and they had to send Amy to get your passport.

They had a whole thing set up. Yep, yep. And I go finally, I rid myself of them. They kind of dissipate into the ether. Disciped. They got for the water cycle. They'll rain back down for the next person. needs their passport. And so to cap it all off, I'm like, because I got to fly back to Norway to give Amy her

password so we can fly home. And I get through the immigration line because, like I said, those are the kiosks for show. They weren't even for show today. And I get up to the customs after all this. And they see that I have two passports and they go, why do you have two passports? We're going to need to take that extra passport off your hands. I'd leave one of those behind, sir. It's not even look like you.

And I got to admit, the story I said sounded ridiculous. It was like, oh, my wife left. Well, didn't leave it. It was handed the wrong one by one of the customs people. And I'm here to get it. And I was like, where's your wife? Oh, she's trapped. She doesn't have this.

So she's right where she's been, I guess. And I think the only saving graces, I think after a few moments of the conversation, she recognized who I was. I think she might have been someone that watched a video because I was about to go like, I have two because that guy in the booth next to you gave me too He said everyone makes mistakes It is a mistake

I'm picturing these two guys as like the twins from Outlasters walk around naked Like holding their machete waiting for you to slip up Anyway so that's my that's that's one of many stories from the trip I don't know what a beautiful honeymoon It was just a lovely time Hope I enjoyed Norway It just doesn't fill me with comfort that you're in the customs line and the officer is like, oh, you got a natural passport.

Oh, that's suspicious. Oh, do you have anything in your back? Markiplier? Go right ahead, sure. Oh, excuse me for taking up your time. Oh, that doesn't. I know maybe they were. He sounds like Carl Weiser.

I don't think them knowing who you are being a fan changes their legal duties as a, you know what? You're good. You're a good guy. Everybody knows Mark Plyar's a good guy. Name carries a lot of weight. There was a guy right behind Mark with the same story and they were like, Nasser, you're not going through. Your wife can stay right where she belongs. The two everybody makes mistakes guys just like, Tackling.

He disapparates with them. They scream. They're pulled down through a fiery pit. The fuck's going on in Amsterdam. God damn. Dude, I don't know. Something crazy. I didn't see any of Amherty. You guys did, but I also didn't see any of Amsterdam this time either because we're just in the airport.

So I'll never see that beautiful country. Didn't leave Amy stranded and ignoring me like, well, I got to walk around the center from a little bit. Can't come to Amsterdam and not like smoke a joint. You leave the airport. They throw on a pair of sunglasses. They give you a hat and you a joint saying, enjoy your time. Yeah, that's what I would do? That's the answer to damn way.

You get inside. They're like, where's your passport? Are you high right now? You've been doing drugs in our city. Oh, you got me again. It is. No, no, we knew you'd come back. This episode of Distractable is brought to you by Real Good AI.

I'm Norm L. Baldwin. By that, I mean, I'm a normal bald guy. Here to tell you, Real Good AI is Real Good. A lot of AI, junkie poopie. Real Good lives up to its name. Yeah, right. You mean Real Good, Bad AI. They're only making data centers.

And I should know, I made a data center in my bathroom. And that's the equivalent bad of all the bad that Real Good AI is doing. Well, it's... Real Good is building top of the line, nuclear missiles, nuclear silos, and... No? No? It's really more like it's a staff of PhD researchers,

and they're doing, like, research to change the methods that people can use to implement AI. So, like, you need less compute power and less overall data, and the outputs would be, like, interpretable. It means you'd understand where it got some piece of it from. or how it, you know, why it's giving you this fact or this image or it's good. It's to do real good. How many hundreds of gallons, of millions of gallons, of billions of billions of gallons of water are they turning directly into toxic sludge? Oh, uh, you know, it's hard to quantify stuff like that, but I feel pretty confident to say zero. We have shown real good AI,

100 photos of our viewers and listeners, and it will pick one, claim them guilty and we that will be judge, jury, and executed. We're going to be streaming it live. Is that right? I fed 100 pictures of my penis into real good AI's chatbot. And it's going to pick one winner. It's going to be tried, judge, jury, and executioner. And every generated picture of Mark's penis is going to have a five rating on it to indicate that it's fully AI generated don't tease people, man. Anyway, no, yeah, we're doing, we do research. Uh, no, no sludge water or Bont research and things like the real rating system, which is like you label content, like you label your video or your streamer or an academic paper or anything with a specific

descriptor of like, oh, how much AI is in this? Is it no AI? Is it fully AI generated? It's a whole zero through five. It's a whole thing. It's good stuff. Real good. That's what I've been saying.

I feel like he's not listening to me. Well, I rate that five out of five. That's good, right? That's real good. Are you saying I'm not real? Editors, put an AI number of fingers on my hand. Some AI uses two knives, one for peanut butter and one for jelly, but Real Good AI knows that jelly uses a spoon. Exactly.

If you want to learn more about what Real Good AI actually does, like the science and the ratings is that the stuff we actually do, real good a.org. There are a number of webpages there. The info about the rating system, info about our research projects, ongoing programs, info about how to get involved. You could volunteer. There's all kinds of stuff.

Real-A-O-O-D-A-I.org. RealgoodAI.org. All right. Anyway, so that's enough of my Europe store. I have more things to talk about, but I want to open the floor now to you guys. What makes Europe great America bad? I don't know how to do this.

It's a very loosey-goosey concept. I got one. Look out, Italy. We didn't go. Us three did not go as far as I recall. Did we go to Italy? We didn't do Italy. We didn't do Italy, no.

But I been to Italy, and I was a young man. And I believe we were, I was really lucky as a kid. My parents enjoyed traveling. And so we got to do some really crazy trips. And one of the trips we did was I got to go to Venice. And we were staying in a hotel in Venice. And I don't know if we had this experience on tour, maybe a couple times, but what the fuck is going on with elevators in Europe?

What the hell? Who is letting these people decide what elevators should be like in Europe? Because holy shit is even in super nice places, they'll just have an elevator where it's like it fits one and a half people and it feels somehow like you're in a modern hotel, but the elevator feels like it's from the 70s. Like it opens, it opens like a door with like a turning and it's like, and you get in and you're like close the door, close the cage, down, I guess.

What the fuck? And that we were staying in a hotel in Venice and it was a really fucking tall, like, oh, it was six stories or something, right? And we were on the top floor. We had my parents, my brother and myself and my grandparents were all there. It was like kind of a group. And so we had multiple rooms all on the top floor of this place, which is not like, that's not like on the 50th floor where it's like, well, you're not going to climb this.

You could climb the stairs, but it'd be nice to take an elephant. elevator up and down if you're going all the way up to the sixth floor that's a pretty tall walk it walk up uh but my brother and i were kids and so we would often just walk up because this hotel in one of those elevators that was like for a for a homunculus sized person from the medieval era that they have never updated for any reason it's powered by a little hamster on a wheel in the basement or something and uh it was just sketchy as shit and the last day we were there we were like we got to get our bags we're getting out of here like we got to get to the airport, whatever. And my brother was like, oh, I was so tired. Like, we've been hiking around.

It's been beautiful. We're hugging around that. I'm exhausted. I'm just going to take my suitcase and wedge into the, to the elevator and just be lazy. Because he and I, as the kids were like, we'll just do the stairs. You grandpa, grandpa and grandma, you do the elevator. Mom and dad, we'll do the stairs. We're young. And he's just like, I'm just going to do it. And he like, if you've seen me in person, you know, I'm a pretty big dude. My brother is almost as big as I am. He's basically as tall as I am. Not as. out of shape and heavy as I am. He's always been like kind of a leaner person.

But he's like pretty big dude. But he gets in the elevator and he's got his suitcase and he like pushes the button and the elevator like in a movie is just like and then it just sort of goes like and it goes like halfway down between the floor we're on and the floor below and stops. And I'm standing here looking at him and the elevator has some glass windows in the door. So I'm looking right at his face and he's just just kind of like, oh, it's gonna, no, it's not gonna move.

It just stopped. And he hung there for a minute. We were both kind of like, what would we call the cops or what do you do? What do you do about this? And then out of nowhere, the door of the elevator opens. So he's standing in an open elevator between two floors of the hotel, like a fucking, one of those movies, does something, Final Destination movie, right? Where it's like, you just know them.

moment he's like, I'll just squeeze out. Then the elevator's like, full feet, go your arm off, fuck you. Oh, don't like, I don't like that. So he's just standing there and like we're, you know, five feet apart. Look, he's just standing in this elevator kind of like wedged in with a suitcase, like, I'm really not sure.

And we, eventually I run down to the lobby and get the hotel who up manager. And I'm like, yeah, the elevator stuck and the door's open. My brother, my brother's inside. And he's like, yeah, it does that. Does that? Have you pushed the buttons? I'm like, yeah, do you fucking, what do you mean?

if you push the buttons. No, he doesn't know how elevators work, so he's just standing waiting to see what happens. Yeah, he's like, well, usually if you push the button, you know, it'll keep going, whatever. I'm like, okay, well, it's not. Will you come help? And he was like, all right. Like he was hunting in his brain, he was like, is there anything I have to be doing down here? Fuck, I don't want to walk upstairs.

God, and he didn't do anything. He came up and looked and gave it the old, mm-hmm, or whatever the Italian equivalent is of that, bonjourno whatever the fuck they say and eventually he was right after like a solid 10 12 minutes of my brother just standing there again with a suitcase that barely fit in with him because this is like for some reason a single person elevator just standing there and he's like every once in a while he's like button button take me back up any floor I don't even care eventually the thing is just like oh yeah I'm an elevator thing goes all the way down to the law what the fuck the fucking the Hamster needed a break or something. I don't understand. Uh, so anyway, but every elevator, even the

nicest elevators I've ever used in Europe, they're always like weird dimensions or like somehow there's a door and a door on two adjacent sides of it where you're like, how the fuck does that even work? Why would you need to? It's always awful. I've been on American elevators where it's like, I don't know if this has been inspected in the last year or two, feels a little sketchy. I never thought I was going to die and never ever been in an elevator that was smaller than like could hold a party of two comfortably. Who the fuck is designing all this shit for European elevators? I know the buildings are old. I know.

They exist. There are better elevators. They exist. I don't understand what's going on. It's Italy specifically, but everywhere. She feel bad. The elevator was waiting to get them and it just got tired. It was like, ah, all right, fine.

You live this time, buddy. It's like trying to file its own cable and it gets. too tired. It's like, ah, fuck it. I'll get the next one. I'll get the next one. That's a shameful strike against Europe, America with our big, huge elevators for our big huge people. Wins again. It's just comfort. It doesn't have to be. There's a normal size of Americans. They just enjoy a safe elevator. Look, don't make it about how fat I am. It's not about me. Oh, I would never. All right. Wade. All right, let me just direct your attention here for a moment. Oh, fuck. Oh, man. The listeners, we're having to, you know,

such a great time. Listeners, you're done for. I'll describe it the best I can but a visual does, it does help. You guys recognize this place, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, no, you know what? Now that I'm thinking about it. Here, here, I'll give you, I'll give you a clue. I'll give you a clue here. It's Swastika Road.

Frankfort. Frankfurt. Germany, Georgia. Frankfort, George. George. George. Frankfort. There you go, Germany.

Frankfurt, Gary. Gary. Gary. So the airport in Frankfurt, Germany. When we had to fly home from the tour, we had a layover in Frankfurt. We went from Frankfurt back home. And there's this section of Frankfurt's airport.

From memory, I'm pretty sure it's pretty close to this, where we came in from like this direction. And there's a little shop here. And the shop full of people. Hey, people. And then there's a whole bunch of people crowded here. I mean, like, tons, like trying to get into Disney World, numbers of people just standing around in here.

And you file into these, like, little lines. And the line goes, we, ooh, we, we, woo. Molly and I, we finally shoved our way over to this wall, got in, went into the line here. Everybody on these sides is just pushing in to get in front of you. So you don't move unless you're real forceful about it. Oh, wait, no, I see it. Yeah, that's a problem.

So it really sucked trying to get to this point right here. at the edge of these like entrance kios. The very far left, once you're past that, it's like, okay, now we're in line, line moving, life's good. Thank God. So we get through, this takes forever. We're in this line. And then like, right when we get to the front of the line,

a guy walks over is like, hey, you've been randomly selected for some screening. And we're like, okay. So they pull us out. They go through all of our luggage. They look at everything. They're like, all right, you look clean. We're like, great. So they're like, yep.

So now you got to go back out here and getting this line again. where you could maybe get randomly selected to be screened again? What? So this entire section existed just to shove us back out into general populace. It's like, so wait, you just went through all of our stuff. Yes, you took our fingerprints, went through our luggage, saw our identification, you know we're clear. We've got our tickets, got our passports. Yep.

We can't just go through. No, no, no. You got to go back out into the line again. And then we had to go through this hell a second time. Frankfurt, Germany. I don't think we got to spend much time in Frankfurt. We were in Berlin. We were in two cities in Germany when we did the tour, right?

Berlin and what was the other one? Go to the archive.org of your welcome tour.com. Cologne. We were in Cologne. Cologne was it. So I didn't spend much time in you, Frankfurt, Gary, German. But this design for the airport, what were you thinking? Why is this the way it is?

Why is this the way the lines work? Where you go in these little kiosky things to go straight to wait in line, If you're in the far side, God help you if you ever need to get through. Because this family of 40, they're going through this one single line and every one of them's going through before they let you pass. And then this line with three that think they maybe forgot something, they're going to stand there and debate it while these other two lines push forward. And when it's finally your turn, they're going to go through your shit. And for whatever reason, send you as far back into hell as possible to go through it a second time. And then, you know, it was like, what, a 12-hour flight or whatever back, which is whatever.

the plane was fine, but this whole concept of everyone pushing everywhere to get to this line just to get shoved back, man, I thought it was going to do me in. I was mentally just defeated whenever this guy's like, through that door there's like, that seems the wrong direction. Why is there this long wall that leads us back toward the end of the crowd? As you push through the door back into your realm of suffering, you just hear above behind you. Everybody makes mistakes. It's just like airport ghosts fucking. Germany and Amsterdam are the same place.

Yeah, I just realized I have a story from the Amsterdam airport that's pretty fucky too. Oh, God. It's not remotely what you guys had to deal with. But so one of the second time that we went to Amsterdam to do shows because we were doing the makeup tour stuff from when marketing almost died. Mandy came and we were going to fly from Amsterdam up to London to see some friends and to see London. We never been there before together. And so we had a flight out of Amsterdam after we did all the tour stuff. and we got to the, we got a text like the night before.

And this is partially on us because I think we flew like Ryanair or one of the ones that's basically like frontier except somehow worse like European budget airline. We got text the night before that was like your flight might be up to two hours early or some shit. And we were like, I remember that. Was it a whole bunch of people on that flight? What do you mean might be? And what do you? And we were like, okay, well, we'll just get to the, we'll get up as early as we can. We'll get to the airport like really fucking early.

we'll hang out. And so we were like, that's weird, but fine. We got to the airport super early, and we, but the security took for fucking ever. And so we got through security and it was like, well, if the flight is that early, we need to run to the gate right now. We're barely going to make it. And then we're standing there. We get another text message from the airline that's like, ah, your flight's just going to be normal on time. We're like, oh, God, okay. Fuck, well, now we have a bunch of time to kill. So let's, I guess, let's go get food or something, right? Like, let's chill out. This has been stressful so far. And we got. go and we sit down, I think we might have got

McDonald's, which is very American of us, but because they have this special fry sauce in the Netherlands and we wanted to try the thing because it's like the different McDonald, whatever. And we're sitting there and we're eating and then no updates, nothing's happening. We're just like, huh, thank God of our on-time

flight. And then we get another text that's like, oh, your flight is leaving 10 minutes ago. I hope you were there. We're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What the even fuck? And like we look and we're just like just stand up chuck our shit in the trash run to the thing We get to the gate empty

No humans there no you know when you get to a gate for a flight there's like people Crowding around sitting in seats whatever empty except for the people except for the employees at the gate We run up and we're like just the plane here do and they're kind of like ah you missed it Well wait is that our plane is that sitting right there is that people we could see walking down the jetway Like they're just those are just the other we're on that same flight I think like oh yeah you're going to london yeah yeah that's us ah you missed it and i'm like everybody makes mistakes whoa i literally got my phone out was like look this text message came at like 10 15 a m that said our flight was going to leave at 10 a.m which is before the text and he was like that's

messed up wow oh well it was everything i could do not to just like become enraged of this and this dude had no reason to help us it's just like a gate agent at a you know whatever it's not his probably late, kind of. But eventually I was like, is there anything you can do? What if I run down the jetway? Will you cancel the flight? So we delay it. So, and I'll get arrested and we'll make the, like, whatever.

Is there any? It was like, well, I could ask the flight crew if they'll just like let you on. And I was like, do that. Great. And it was like, it was similar experience to you. It's not like he hated us, but it was every fucking thing. He was like, I could pick up the phone and push a button. and like

fuck but eventually he did it and like we're standing there just like I was definitely dripping with sweat because we ran through the airport because we thought we had another

like hour or something anyway finally he's like ah just go on and he didn't even open the door or scan tickets or anything like literally he was like all right whatever

you guys are going to go they said you could go but it was just fucking we walked in and go and we get on the plane and we get on the plane and I swear God like we're getting on the plane the whole plane is all seated now and it's just us

sweaty me taking up the entire interior interior space of the airplane just like excuse me get back to our seats like Is that how you talk when you go on an airplane? That's my airplane voice yeah we get back there sit down the moment we're just like we're in the we're in the plane

to the place the captain gets on as like uh looks like we're not going to have a run way, uh, probably gonna be sit here at the gate for another 25, 30 minutes. We're on the plane. And I wish, not for myself then, but for my story now, I wish that they had just been like, ah, we're gonna get you off the plane. Get on each of wait on here for all that.

They didn't do that. But like, what's going on at the Amsterdam airport? Like, what the fuck is that? I've never, ever heard of a flight in America where they're like, we're moving it forward in unreasonable amount of time. have fun. I've never heard that before. Hope you don't have complicated travel plans to the airport.

Oh, that's terrible. That's terrible. Not really as bad as what you had to do, if I'm honest. I just can't believe it all happened in Amsterdam. Yeah, and Frankfurt Gervor. One insert before Wade goes, did you know they don't believe in cream? What kind of cream?

Coffee cream? Yeah, what? Yeah, coffee cream. Yeah, yeah. Porn cream? Porn cream. So, well, you would just have coffee with sugar, but nothing else? No, they have milk.

Oh. Just put a sugar packet in your milk. That's not cream. What the fuck are you? Wait, but hold on. If you put enough sugar, it gets thick enough. It's just not what cream is. No, no.

Well, you don't want to do salt. Oh, you're right. You know what? He's on to something. You don't want to do salt. That's not cream either. That's even less cream. Put some sugar in your milk and a cinnamon stick and it'd like blow on or something.

I don't know. If I had a knob to vote one way or the other, I would definitely agree with way that sugar and milk is way more cream than salted milk. Anyway, because I kept asking for, and this is me dumb America, be like, can I get Americana with cream? With cream? And I kept saying that with confidence.

I would get that look, the European, like, look, and I thought that was just them having a bad day. But I realize now, if they didn't know what I was talking, but I was asking for some cream. Was it Europe or Australia where we ordered lemonade and they gave a sprite? And I was so confused. Oh, that's a UK thing in it. Sorry, I have to sniff real loud.

I'm gonna go I got I'll be right back Oh unrelated Okay Sinuses or drugs No no no I came back with a tiny sniffle

Oh okay Just like guys I gotta snort real quick I don't want to do it on camera Sorry I can't get through an episode Without it's No it's unfortunate Just need a little fist bump Just get punched myself in the face real quick

Oh okay Oh just to see if you can take it In the middle of an episode What a hero I know, right? All right, wait. What do you got against Europe? Or for it?

No, no, no, here we go. This is another against. You know, Americans, we are pride ourselves, right? We're like, the country of freedom. America's freedom. Then everyone else is like, you know, we have freedom too. And then you go over to Europe. And what are you fine?

You go to like McDonald's. You order their chicken nuggets. Everyone's like, oh, you've got to have the food over in Europe. You have the food over in Australia. Less freedom. More regulations is what I'm hearing. If I wanted to open a franchise and make lots of money, I gotta go through so much more

fucking hassle in Europe because they've got less freedom to fuck your customers over. And I think that's bullshit. Maybe I want to sell you some pink slime wrapped up in dough. Are you angry that you would have a difficult time opening a McDonald's franchise somewhere in Europe?

Not specifically McDonald's, but you know, a fast food chain that cuts corners. Overall, they have, you know, more regulations. Maybe I want to crunch up deer hooves and antlers and call it chicken a little bit of flavoring on top, but no, it's got to be real chicken over there. How many deer hooves you come across, you did. Yeah, see, this is what you get for eating at Long John Silvers.

You come across and say, like, I got a business idea. I got a business idea. I got a supplier. I got a supplier. That fucking anchorman joke. Like, you know, anything tastes like chicken. I mean, what do you think they do with roadkill? You know, service for that?

Someone picks that up? You could serve that in a restaurant. Okay, but less regulations is what you're saying. Yeah, I can't believe it. I might be being a little bit facetious here, but for customers, probably great eating food over there. But for the employers, man, I feel, I feel for him. All right, okay. I'm just going to put your point as conservative talking points.

You know what platform I want to stand on? First guess, Judge Kavanaugh. I'm pretty sure his proper title is Justice Kavanaugh, but whatever. I was going to say that, but I didn't really want to give them that much. It was too many syllables. just picture him going, I like beer. I can't not picture that. No matter what kind of, even if it's like, oh, and then Justice Kavanaugh had a line of

questioning for the name. He's just like, I like beer. Do you like beer? What pair do you like? I know, I know he doesn't talk like the medical officer man. Oh, RFK, the-R-FK. I know he doesn't talk like RFK, but I imagine, I like beer. That's just all I picture in my head.

They're just all amalgamating. people who you can't believe have the jobs they have. Bo for us, 28. We are one president. Three-headed president? Us, three-headed president? I was about to say three-headed president. Yep, that's good.

I'm in for that. That sounds good. My country. Vote for us, baby. We're on the same page. I'll give you points for that. And right now, your president will be. give you a cameo for just $15

What a deal. I want to have some more Europe slander before we get this over with. Oh, I have another thing. Speaking of coughing, who coughed? That was Wade. Me. I don't know why this is, and it might not be all of Europe, but there was definitely

an uptick of people that were coughing like a baby coughs or like a toddler coughs, you know, tongue out. Like things. Never coughed before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.

I don't know what it is if that was just where we were. But it was, and predominantly in the Amsterdam airport, but, you know, it's a whole other thing. But it's just just no cover, none cover. And I'm pretty sure in America that we've been taught since kid, cough into your elbow, first cover, and then started coughing into your elbow or in your so. When I sneeze, I, I, I, I, I, I. I look like I'm turning into a werewolf properly. You turtle inside.

No, yeah, no, I'm with you. Yeah, no, I just like, oh, God, I'm going to stay! And then I try to contain it all in here. And I'm sure it looks like I'm pulling out my explosives, but, you know, it's trying to contain the explosion. But yeah, no, no covering of anything. Yeah, I'm always taking it back by that. And I don't specifically have experience with that happening in Europe.

But, like, when an adult does that, I have a hard time not just reflexively being Like, what the fuck? Like, fucking, have you ever done that before? Did you forget what that's like? God, it's gross. I see the particle simulation from the COVID times of just talking to someone. You remember that particle thing? Look, sometimes your hands are full.

Sometimes you literally have, there's nothing you could do. Fucking aim down or away from other people. Like, I've seen people where it's like they tried to cough at people and I just don't understand. Like, yeah. Oh, gross. I got to share an. image with you. Do you guys know about this image, right? The particle

spread image. This is a little sharding out their mouth across the table. Oh, I thought the origin was the person on their right's belly button. It basically is. It basically is. It like coned out from there.

They pissed so hard that it just right through the table. Like a water jet water cutting machine. This episode's all over the place. And I love it. All right.

I have more slander. No, I love it. Look, this is a hot take in a way that's hard to explain. But this, it's the time of year when this starts happening again. It's already left in some else. Just the picture. Yeah.

It's a different picture. You want to share with the class? Sorry, fine. It's not going to be worth it. What the fuck? Jesus Christ. So many, I don't know if it's going at the guy or coming from. This looks like that foam stuff you used to be able to buy.

It was kind of like... Floom? Floom! Yeah. Flom! This guy's flome man, and he's just... He doesn't use his hands, though. He just like... It comes out of my forehead.

I can't control it. That's not like you to vomit in Europe. Hands at your side. I don't have correct posture while losing all of your shit. All right. It's the time. of year when this happens and it happens every year and it happens increasingly because it keeps

the temperatures keep getting crazier and crazier if only there was some sort of explanation for all these weird weather events and record high temperatures year after year. Anyway, it's the time of year when Europeans and especially but not exclusively British people go online and are like, oh fuck,

it's so hot. I'm going to fucking die. Oh my God. It's 78 degrees Fahrenheit. Fuck, geez. God. And then even worst, they wouldn't say Fahrenheit. Yeah, well, they say it's 17 and a half. What I don't know. No, it's, what's it like 28 Celsius? What's hot? I don't even know. What? Yeah, 25 and a half would be 78 degrees. All right. Yeah. So, like, it gets getting

that time of year where, and I'm not here to judge someone for what they think is hot. As a person who, who spent summers in Michigan where summertime, it was like high 70s, maybe 80, and we were swimming in lakes that were like 60 degree water. You're used to what you're used to. It's how what's hot for me is not what's for you. But I'm so fucking sick of people going online and be like, oh, it's so hot. Americans don't understand. We live so red-free in your head that when you start sweating, your first instinct is Americans wouldn't understand why I'm sweating right now.

I better tell the internet. Wait, do we not sweat or is it cold here? Why wouldn't we understand? Well, I don't know, man. Honestly, and some people just post and they're like, oh, it's hot and I hate it. And that's it. But some people literally will be like, oh, Americans think they know what heat is. They don't know that.

And then Americans will be like, well, actually, like, like a quarter of America is like subtropical climate. And then, like, the huge sloth of the Western part of America is like a desert. We know it gets really hot even in the, you know, non-interesting places. It gets hot in Ohio. It gets over 100 in Ohio. It's not. And then inevitably, the British people are like, you just don't understand the humidity.

You don't even have water in America. You all just drink coke all the time. It's so humid. And we don't have air conditioning. and our houses are built differently and you live in toothpicks covered in toilet paper so it's not hot for you like all this shit right all these arguments come out and the Americans will just be like

listen dude you fucking you made a video telling Americans so we don't know what hot is and I'm telling you that it gets 30 degrees hotter where I live than it's ever been where you live and it's like it's 108 degrees with 100% humidity there's nothing that happens here that I don't understand about what's happening to you by a fucking air conditioner like and it always becomes this thing where it, this is the argument, it goes, it goes. And eventually British people are just like, see, you can't fucking talk to Americans.

You say one thing. You say anything and they make it about them, right? They come in and then they make, and they don't understand the reality. And we don't even know what air conditioning is in Europe, all this shit. It's exhausting. Just save it. Just nobody fucking, you know how it's a trope that old men talk about the weather? And that's a joke.

And the point of that is, you be like, oh, it's going to rain. blah, oh, we really need it. And that's tired and nobody cares. It's the exact same shit when you go on TikTok and talk about how it's 26 degrees Celsius and 70% humidity and you've never been this hot in your life. But no one fucking cares. Talk about something interesting. Talk about the new nail polish you bought or whatever the, I don't care. There's a reason nobody cares when old people talk about the weather. It's the same reason nobody cares when you talk about the weather. Shut up. And all the Americans who engage with this obvious rage bait also shut up. I can, I can say confidently, I've never commented on a single one of these. And I used to like look like I'd watch

the video and then go into the comments and be like, yeah, yeah, humidity, yeah, blah. Now if I see the video, I just scroll and I might even do the thing where it's like, I'm not interested in this. This is a stupid topic. Scroll, whatever. Don't engage with it. It's fucking awful. There's tons of stuff that's funny on the internet. Look at the funny stuff. God, I don't care how hot it is in England. A little anecdote about that before going to you, Wade. One thing that this, The Nordic countries don't fuck around with his saunas. I went in one while we were up there in Norway, and I step in. And it's like, you know, that kind of sauna?

Where you're just instant sweat. And I'm like, okay, all right, let's sing. And there's a timer that's really, really optimistic. It has 15 minutes on it. That's a sad. Tyrese, real, real optimism. And I sit down there and Amy's there too. and she's up on the higher seat,

which I didn't realize what the temperature difference would be. She's like, who can't take it more of five minutes. I'm like, I'm still going strong. And I'm like head down between my knees at the low step. Like, I got this.

I can take it. And I look up at the thermometer there. And I'm like, it's only 80 degrees. Oh, no. As my vision deep blurs. Like, wait a minute. 80 degrees.

What's that? Oh, that can't be. Wait, boiling water. whatever, it's probably 800 degrees Fahrenheit in here. I step up because I'm like, how hot could it be up higher where that thing is? And I go up to the seat where Amy was, where I was looking early. Ah, she tapped out early. I'm so tough.

I take one step up and I think I died. I was just like, I thought I exploded in the heat. It's just like there was a gradient where sweat just like immense more as my head just lifted up. Like, oh, it felt just like my upper body melty. So I left immediately after that. Dude, that feeling is wild. I've never done a Nordic one, but I did that. I told the Russian bathhouse story a long time ago on this.

And the one, that one was like, it was tears, but there was also like the heat came out of the middle and it was wider. So you could sit off to the side, but it was like a fucking jet engine. That feeling of when you hit the real hot part of Asana is kind of terrifying. It's horrifying. I've never been into a sauna. I've never experienced that. Well, because I'm imagining this is a smaller one, too, right? All these Nordic ones are very like...

It was a hotel one, so it had... It was decently sized, like, not as big as my room here, but like maybe half this size. Anyway, wait, any last minute entry into the slander. You save up your $1,200 bucks. You buy a plane ticket. You leave CVG, fly all the way to Rome. You go over to Vatican City. You've paid a lot of money to get there.

You got your hotel. finally there he is the guy with the robes he's stepping out and dude I could have driven six hours to Chicago to see a Chicago guy and now the Chicago dude's just all of a sudden the Pope. I flew all the way out of here to see the Pope but he's just some dude from Chicago

this isn't nearly what I thought I was gonna pay for now they're plucking their popes from us who's the way in charge who's the one in charge who's picking these guys because like I need to talk to that person It would be the College of Cardinals I think they may be a fax machine you could reach out to or something all right well I didn't know or birds could go to college.

You know, in the U.S. of A, they cannot. Makes a lot of sense that that birds will be picking the Pope. I think that they're making a lot of mistakes over there. Because one, Chicago is one of the three worst American cities, not biased because I'm from Cincinnati, which, you know, was kind of fucked over by Chicago in the trade back in like the 17, 1800s or whatever. A little, a little, but it's not.

They ruined everything by existing. Why are we going all the way to Vatican City to see some dude from Chicago? He didn't have the right kind of pizza. They could at least pick a New Yorker. Oh, speaks Latin. And also, don't you dare badmouthed Chicago-style pizza? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's just not even true.

Not the kind I'd eat. And I'm a guy that likes extra sauce. Well, Chicago is very saucy. Wait, I'll give you another bonus round here because I want to talk about it. Do you know that there's a constant argument that flares up on social media every few years that where Europeans say Americans don't have bread? Yes. I hate that one as much as I hate the temperature one.

It's awful. I've heard the comment I've never looked into it. I didn't know it was a constant. that issue. It flared recently, again, for some reason, where where it's like Americans don't have bread. Hope they watched distractible. I did a whole fucking episode on bread. I know. We settled that. Their bread is actually really good. I tried a disarmint a bread. But then again, I was doing like this no-carb thing. So the bread I was eating was like this keto bread for a while. And I thought that was good. That's not bread. Well, okay. It's not, it's not bad. I do eat that stuff.

It's not like, Mark, you're giving them more ammo to use against us. I know the argument is like America has bakeries also in our thing, in our things, you know, in our food things, the thing places, yeah, food. It does say something that like the bait, we're probably never excited to go to a bakery. It's like, we're going to a French bakery. We're going to a Korean bakery. We're going to this definitely non-American bakery. This is so cool. It is. I will, like, yes, we do have bakeries here, but in the grocery shores and yes, people sometimes buy them. But there is quite a, I think we are actually beaten in this regard because

Amy and I were on this like KLM Fall Light which is like the Dutch thing, the Royal Dutch Airlines. We have a Dutch bros. It's close. Our meal, I should you know that, was bread with bread, a side of bread, another bread, and then they

came around with a basket of bread and it was like, would you like some bread? And so I'm thinking I never got that in America where I got the five. Can I get some extra plates. My bread's touching my bread. Man, it was like, it was some kind of muffin thing with a then a cinnamon roll

thing with then an actual piece of bread and then there was little bread bites things. Is there any protein in this meal? What the fuck is it? No, God, no. We got them crushed on protein. America is destroying them with protein. Oh, look. That's why 10 of them can fit on a one person

elevator, no protein. That must be the problem. That makes it all makes sense. They, their asses kicked in the protein department. but they got, I will give them bread. We give them the old Fogo de Pau. Would you like it rare or well done? Since we're talking about TikTok or whatever internet trends,

can I say how funny it is when to watch videos of when Europeans realize why Americans think that nowhere in Europe is far away from anywhere in Europe. And especially, this is another one that's a lot of British people, right? They'll be like, oh, I went on a fucking, I went on a road trip. I drove two hours to the north of England Well I had to stop a couple times And Americans were like I drive two hours each way to fucking work I commute 80 hours a week across Texas

And the Europeans were always like Ah you're idiot and then everyone who visits is like We flew to New York and I thought we just drive Like drive to Orlando drive to Los Angeles Like we'd make like a trip of it And then we fucking got there And it's so far Like yeah dude

Dude? Are you guys familiar with maps? Or, damn? I was, I was in Norway and I was like, hey, there's a city in Eastern Europe that I think we could add on to our trip. I had a reason to go out there. And I looked it up. I was like, how far could it be? Oh, man, it's four countries away.

Two hour flight. I was like, what fuck? Yeah. All right. So we just added another country onto our trip. So it's like from Cincinnati to Atlanta, it's like an eight-hour drive. Yeah. Yeah, it was nice.

It was great. So exact that on. So, yeah, no, it is not as, not as big as one might think. I saw a funny thing. Apparently, England would only be the 10th most grossing economy if it was enlisted with all the American states, which is pretty good. Like, top, top 10, but I think that's just our states. That's just some of our states. The whole shitload of states. The 57th state, England.

Could be. Hey, think about it. Think about it, England. You left the EU. You could be part of the states. Right across the American Ocean. Wait, the East American Ocean or the West American Ocean? I don't know.

I'm not very good with compasses. Compassi. I'm very good with compassi. It's whatever one south of America land up there. Americaica or Antmercica. That didn't work. All right, we're calling it. America has won the game or something like that.

I'm not, that's, I backtrack a little bit. Erase your memories for the past 13 seconds. 14. fuck emera rations for 20 feet America we got you beat wait hold on

oh god in other countries you ever know what they're talking about America this is the best in the smartest country

in the world we got you beat this way that way we got your beating gross we got more nets we got more

proffers and coffers all right you're called should one two three four

I hope you get the 13 You let you do it up All right Bob, you got points for shirt You got a point for Kings Island James You got a point for going first There was a point in there

When I was telling the Amsterdam story And you guys made me laugh really hard I gave you three points It's just funny times three So I'm giving you three points for that Elevators down I guess Homunculus-sized human Flight was leaving 10 minutes ago

Temperature bitches and then Europe's small. It gives you 11 points. Wade, I've written down here, me! Because I think you said it funny. Oh, whatever you wanted to see, wanted to go first with the Europe thing, maybe, or small talk?

I don't know. Oh, it's small talk. That's right. Yeah, that's right. And then you Cincinnati, Symphony, Star Wars. 500 on Iago was very funny. I gave you two funny points while I'm telling the story. Frankfurt, Gary.

Just put sugar in your milk. Conservative talking points. My country. Chicago Pope. Food to pow, which puts you at 11, we are actually tied up, which I didn't think there was a case. Oh, it's time. Oh, you've done a one-man show in a while, right? Oh, my gosh, please.

No, it's tied. There's no way that it'll be. We're not in charge of this. There's no way. Look, if we get another one-man show, maybe the next episode is just an emergency constitutional convention where we get rid of that completely and make up something way less. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, how many spins will they'll be?

I'm probably a good number. Better not be two. Three. All right. Immediate tie. We'll put the new thing as last person in Europe. What if the host is the most recent person in Europe? Do we just not count it then?

Or do we? I'll get a point. Well, if it's most recent that it's between you two, it would be then between you two, who is the most recent. I think you and Mandy technically left Amsterdam a little bit later than Molly and I. So you were there longer than we were? Well, because we stayed in London for like three or four more days after that. Well, were you staying before or after London, the UK left the EU? No, they're still in Europe.

But most of what I said was about England, so I'm going to say that that's part of Europe, obviously. Been number one? I don't know if Frankfurt Gary is in the EU or not? It is. Most angry. Wade, you were pretty angry about Frankfurt. Oh, those lines sucked. Man, I was going to say I went on a little bit of a tirade, but...

About the temperature, yeah, you did. you were going to be angry about the flight left 10 minutes ago, but you did get on the plane. Yeah, so I think Wade, you got the angry ones. I feel like that's kind of fair, yeah. I'm primed to finally win for the first time in like two months. Spin number two. Front runner, baby. You can't take my crown.

Wearing least clothes. Shorts underwear shirt. Sox shorts, underwear, undershirt, shirt. Oh, wow. It's another for Wade. Oh, my God. You're just going to give it away for. free.

Wait till you see what else I'll give way for free. Subscribe to mine. I saw an entry on the wheel that said screwed from the start and I don't know what that one means. It almost landed on it. I don't remember what that means. That's got to be a me point. I just claim it.

It's either it's birth or the episode. It's not untrue, kind of. All right. And golf rules. Drop those items. Did anybody? I have been repeatedly dropping this, but I've been dropping it onto a beanbag that keeps it quiet.

it, so. I have an item. Wait, Wade walked out of frame, took his headphones off, and then dropped them on the desk. Mark, you're supposed to be biased towards me. What are we doing here, man? Don't worry, the handshakes will even it all out in time. But right now, congratulations. The losing streak of all time. Yeah. At a whopping, I think, eight losses before another win by weird technicalities, one-man shows, all these things, lots and lots of losing the biggest loser. Now a winner, Lloyd, congratulations. The last time I hosted an episode was March 17th. I don't when that episode came out, but that was the last time I physically recorded an episode that I hosted that wasn't a one-man show.

I've had family message me and ask when I'm going to win again. People come to the streams and are like, dude, what's happening? You lost it. Like, you ever gonna win again? I've been down and counted out, but we are so back, baby. And I really hope we're not recording another episode today because I've got nothing in the bank, but when I do, just you betcha, it's going off. But wherever you are minds.

I think Wade had written a loser's speech ahead of time, and he had to quickly modify it. To be a winner's speech. All my family are so depressed about me, and frankly, I don't blame them. I think... Well, I was leaving the other. I just thought I was leaving the whole podcast if I lost one more time. But since I won, I'm kind of like obligated to do at least one more.

So I'll share that the next time. All right, Bob, loser speech. Look, you may think I have things in this world. But all I actually had was the losing streak from when I lost X number of coin tosses in a row. I think it was 14 in a row. 13 or 14. That was all I had in the world. And you took it away from me.

For what? Because your family texted you because they were born. because they only want to hear you talk on our podcast, whatever. That was it, man. Now what do I have left? I don't know. I guess we'll see. We'll see what Bob shows up for the next recording session.

See how this turns out for everybody. I guess we'll see. My first went in two months and you're like, you piece of shit. Yeah, you took, I can't believe you took that for me. You absolute scoundrel. Don't worry, Bob. I will do my utmost to make sure that you get to start a losing street next. I appreciate that, but it's a little bit.

too late. You sort of ruined everything already. I mean, whatever. I'll see what happens. Oh, well, whatever. You can all cheer up your own miserable lives by going to distractible dot shop and getting yourself one of these beautiful shirts. Support the podcast. Support your favorite losers.

That's us. And support yourselves by having this shirt and getting it for your body. This is Ben Markiplier, Wade, who people are confused why we go Lord Minion 777, also known as Minion 7777. Because Lord Minion was taken on Twitch, so my Twitch streaming name is different than my YouTube name. You know, you can email them about that.

I did, and I think I have access to Lord Minion Twitch. Wow. I really want it. I kind of like being Minion more than Lord Minion, but like, what am I going to do? Message YouTube and be like, give me Minion. Yeah, they could do that. They probably could do that, yeah. What's the guy who owns YouTube now?

Schman-Smancy? Schmancy. What? I think it was Dan Clancy. I don't know who's in charge of YouTube anymore. Yeah, yeah, Dan Clancy owns Twitch and Glomshlancy owns YouTube. I think you're right. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you're right about that. Yeah. Bob at MySkerm, and you add yourself when you are being beautiful, which is all the time. I'm not talking to you, wait. Podcast out.