Distractible - Anything Goes

Episode Date: July 4, 2022

Mark leaves things up to chance in this new game-mode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable, a Wood Elf production. This week, Mark hosts and erratically gives out points, or not, while Bob gets wet again in another aquatic tale. Wade maintains that only the wealthy and man's best friend use Macs, and Bob gives his tips on PvP, while Wade chides everyone for their choice of porn displays. Yes, it's time for Anything Goes. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello, everyone, one and all. Welcome back to Distractible,

the only podcast where you can get your daily dose of entertainment from some random trio of men no one's ever done a podcast like that before in the world oh no no very unique very unique that is very very very unique uh here on distractible we compete i am the host for today which means i will be the judge of my fellow co-hosts and not competitors to me, but competitors to each other. Is there a word for that? Uh, competitors? No, competitors.

Like, we're not all competing, but you two are competing. I think the way you describe that is that you are the host and we're the competitors. Right, right. That is, yeah. I'm going to go with that. Bob and Wade, how are you guys doing today? I'm all right. Oh, great.

Feeling like the paragon of health? Feeling really, really 100%? Oh, wow. I'm whatever the opposite of that is, but that's fine. Dead. I mean, I'm alive, I guess. No, so, okay. No, okay. Alive. Still alive. I do

have the Rona, though. So that's fun. Okay. Well, that sucks. Like the Masha Rona kind of Rona? Oh, it's a party. It's just like that song. Okay. Good times all around. Good times. Everybody loves it's a party. It's just like that song. Okay. Good times all around. Good times.

Everybody loves it. Well, I'm sorry about that, Bob. I'll give you some pity points if you want to start off with that. Oh, no. Oh, please, Mark. No, no, Bob. No. Oh, I'm going to give you three points to start this off.

Oh, okay. Okay. I got sunburn and my body's peeling and I'm really itchy. Oh, no. Yeah, that's how it's'm really itchy oh no yeah that's that's how it's just as bad yeah that's pretty sunburn sounds bad too yeah yeah it is because i'm bald and when you're bald sunburn on your shoulders hurts somehow yeah okay how even you did that yeah some kind of suntan wizard i get i guess the bald head reflected the sun better than

the normal shoulders you useless shoulders i don't know if that's exactly how that works, but I'm not going to give you any points for that because I don't want to have a comparable metric to how bad COVID is versus your sunburn. Because if I give you like one point, oh, is a sunburn a third as bad as COVID? I don't want to be the arbitrator of that. I like that. I think you should do that, Mark. Yeah, I think you should do that. That's a theme of the episode, rating illnesses and how severe they are.

It actually- Why my illness is worth more than yours. It's actually not the theme of the episode, but is there anything... Bold of you to choose that. Yeah, bold of me to choose that. Is there anything going on in you guys' lives that you want to discuss before we get into the main brunt of the episode? Unless this week's episode is about almost sinking a boat full of people i have quite the story oh yeah that's that's quite a way to start that off and no this episode is not about that

a couple weeks ago or a month ago we we both sunk a boat together what what remember the one where we had we were on a sinking ship and we had to like figure out how to save ourselves that wasn't real the immoral versus immoral? That was not real. Then why did I drop that boat on that family? Why did you if it was real? Bob, you go ahead. Tell us about your story. So probably the reason that I am sick is because I had the hubris to go on a family vacation

for the first time in a couple of years. So for the last week, I was in northern Michigan staying on a lake with family. And part of this was that we rented a pontoon boat center and uh and we were taking that on the lake and fishing and cruising around and it was very nice but uh one day uh we were like let's take a let's cruise the lake you know let's everyone load up and pontoon boats are very floaty they don't really the way it's basically like two barrels with a platform on top you can't really sink it uh but i love pontoons i i grew up with a pontoon man those are great for family stuff they're very casual uh but the thing we neglected to pay attention to mandy's

mom said something but we uh did not pay attention to this it's very windy this day gusts of wind up to 30 to 40 miles per hour on the lake fun which you know wind is fine it's windy on the lake sometimes what that meant was the waves out in the deep dark part of the lake which is of course where you want to take a family cruise got up to like a couple feet which is pretty crazy it was not that big of a lake it's like a medium-sized lake it's pretty crazy and so we had this boat fully loaded down with people, like every seat taken sort of deal. And we're just cruising around. We come around the corner. This lake has sort of a bed in it. We come around to the part where the wind is blowing across the entire length of this lake, making these huge waves. Oh my God. Oh, hold on. Hold the phone.

What the hell is happening? All right, Bob, you just earned yourself some points you earned oh god you earned zero points what you earned zero points well that doesn't that didn't seem worth the interruption at all why why did i earn zero points all right so i'm gonna let you get back your story, but the theme of this episode is anything goes. I have a random timer that's going to go from anywhere from one to five minutes, one second to five minutes. And then when it goes off, the person who's talking at that moment will earn a random amount of points between zero and 10. And you just happened to land.

You were talking, but also the random point giver landed on zero. Zero in option. Well, you know know if we go like bob's fridge route and we just let bob talk about his boat the entire time he can't lose yeah this is a long story wait i don't want no but i mean laughs i will count laughs interjections small quips i'll count anything if you're if you're talking when it goes off if i'm just mumbling underneath everything the entire time? That will not count. That's what Boat said. That's the way the pontoon crumbles.

Go off, sounds okay. All right, look, anyway, I'm glad I won zero points. Thanks, Mark. You're welcome. We come around to the lake, and the waves are like a couple feet deep. And I don't know if you've ever seen a pontoon boat go directly into a wave instead of floating over it. Oh, yeah. But if it looks from a distance anything like it feels when you're on the boat itself,

death is coming for you, and it's terrifying. Yeah, so like we came around the corner, and some water came over the front, and we were kind of like, whoa, it's windy. And then another big wave lined up perfectly where like the front edge of the boat dug into the water and the engine on the back. Oh, God. There it goes. Oh, God damn it. I said, wait, it's a long story.

Bob, you just won yourself two points. It's five to nothing. I'm not even talking to you. Well, I mean, yeah. Bob, you just won yourself two points! All right. All right. It's five to nothing. I've not even talked yet. Well, I mean, hey. You talked a bunch. You interrupted me a lot, actually. Yeah, actually.

Just not the right time. I'm trying. Oh, God, just crash your boat already. All right, so the nose of the boat dug into the wave, and the engine on the back came out, and so we're, like, cruising along, and the boat is kind of all, whoo, you know, engine-y. along and a boat is kind of all you know engine

we know boats it sure is you know it sure is noises and words but when the engine comes out of the water it's all wow so it's terrifying and basically mandy's entire family was on this boat except for mandy because she was like had a work thing she didn't take care of for half an hour so she didn't come i almost killed mandy's entire family on a boat wow and it was the kind of thing where you can always get a new one at families new.com right uh you know the sponsor of talk words i think there should be a rule that you have to be at least talking about something or saying actual words you can't just be mumbling nonsense and swearing those were words i wait i always mumble nonsense that would exclude me from ever winning hey he's got a point bob well i guess you should talk better wayne oh i got a point no he does not

no no no no all right anyway yeah that shit's terrifying the water came like Oh, for fuck's sake! Yes! No, that's me! Me, me, me! Literally right as you stopped talking. Oh my god! And Bob, you've won four points! All right. Jesus! Dude, I love a fair game mode. It really is a completely random. All right, Wade, you got any stories?

I told the story, kind of, of the sinking boat. God, against my better judgment here, I wanted to talk about the pontoon bit all right wade you got any stories i told the story kind of of the sinking boat i god against my better judgment here i wanted to talk about the pontoon bit because i grew up with a pontoon in my family and whenever you're going straight at it like if you hit it straight on then i guess you're just kind of bouncing a little bit but if there's like a tiny bit of angle i don't know about the pontoon you have but the pontoon we had the front had like the the two pontoons kind of came to a point they were like these two flat like bits of metal on the side so if you hit a wave just right anyone on the front of the pontoon got fucking drowned by all the water splashing up yeah it's praised like crazy yeah

so i didn't know if whenever you hit the wave everyone got drenched from like the pontoon part dipping under or if your boat was just like goodbye see ya because i don't know how they make pontoons now everyone got wet because they were in the water. Yeah, that would do it. Literally a solid couple inches of water washed over the entire boat and everyone got kind of wet. But anyone who was in the front seats of the pontoon boat

got like just dipped in the lake a little bit. Like it went into the lake as opposed to sitting on top of it. It was one of the scarier things that's happened to me that I can remember. For some reason, I'm thinking this pontoon is like a cigarette boat or whatever they're actually called the kind of like super hyper speed boats it's like made out of aluminum foil and if they hit like a even at the tiniest of waves they break into a thousand people you ever seen one of those things what people break into a thousand people just imagining a cigarette boat made out of people oh my pontoon

hit a wave oh god it turned into people no all the people are escaping from the pontoons get back in there oh my ham sandwich that had the cooler is also people now oh damn it i'm still gonna eat it you know i knew we shouldn't have rented our boat from the soylent boats yeah welcome to soylent cruises we are here for you all right well the actual theme of this episode besides the random elements is anything goes and that means you can basically tell me whatever you want uh you can go look up funny stories on the internet you can go like tell personal stories i'm really opening up the floor for absolutely anything will go because the scoring system i was talking during the alarm i think i get points i get points for that yeah well that brings

up i'm losing to the host that brings up my question is what exactly happens when you win points mark because it's bound to happen i got nine points holy is that a tie for first while i'm at zero yeah did you win this are you about to win yourself an episode bob you and i are tied right now so it's uh it's it's gonna be a tight race oh for fuck's sake so literally i'm gonna get points i'll offer you the floor way do you want to talk talk man go for it man yes i have i have a subject i would like to talk about it's called every word in the dictionary so we're gonna start with the word no no no no no no no no it has to be some kind of thing oh but i'm gonna read it funny like this is the other part of the game is if i don't

like what you're talking about i will shut you down and i will give the floor to the other person this is literally the anti-weight episode because you hate me no you make me laugh all the time you tell tons of funny stories oh god damn it if this podcast has proven anything especially over the last like month month and a half it's that you are incredibly funny wade and you've got some very good ideas yeah the fact that you just happen to not have won any points thus far is purely luck related yeah yes i would agree maybe if i take my time and talk more slowly i have a higher odds of hearing those lovely sirens nothing yet it's between one and five minutes or one second and five minutes so it could be anything in between so are you gonna actually let yourself

win if that happens though mark i don't know i didn't actually account for the fact that i could be talking that's the game we'll figure that's that'd be fine with me if you just wait in your own depth. That's a little messed up, but. We'll just do this every week. If it is actually random, that seems fair. It is. It seems fair. It is completely random.

Does it seem fair, Wade? I literally can't even see what the timer is. I'll actually show you guys a screenshot of what it looks like just to full transparency on it. Yes. It just shows it'll randomly do these three lines alike. show you guys a screenshot of what it looks like uh just to full transparency on it yes um it just shows it'll randomly do these these three lines are like good they'll grow and it'll just like a little animation but i can see no numbers and i can see nothing there and the random generator is google's like default if you google random generator and i put zero and ten so that's what it is and uh just to prove also that the last result was nine i'm putting a screenshot of the

points that came in there i believe you so all right that is a screenshot at least two minutes have passed since the last one so i guess i'll talk for three minutes here real quick all right man favorite internet explorer version guys i don't know man i certainly love them all nah i'm rejecting that one okay I'm giving it back to Bob. Didn't Internet Explorer finally die, technically? Yes, it did. It's Microsoft Edge now, I think. Well, Edge has existed since Windows 8 or Windows 10 released or something. But, like, officially, this past week...

Oh, my God, there it is. Please be zero. All right, Bob, that's a good ten points six all right six points for bob officially on june 15th microsoft called the last call for internet explorer it is no longer supporting internet explorer as a piece of microsoft software that's great man that's great so it still exists you could you could find it and install it but like edge is the only officially supported microsoft browser okay which i don't know why internet explorer hung around so long was anyone using it i get that a lot of software they're like people are using this we can't get rid of this fucking who's using internet explorer in 2022

other countries other countries is really predominantly yes because like as technology rolls out in america sure we get it over real quickly but in other countries like a lot of them have system redundancies old systems i know even in korea which is a developed country now they still had tons of computer systems government systems that had internet explorer and all these different educational systems but relied on that they couldn't use just like you know mozilla like firefox or chrome or whatever also their versions of windows are old so like the they have to i was talking i was trying to find an opening to speak what if wade never gets any points from the random zero oh no oh shoot gosh Oh, I got zero. Oh, no. Oh, fuck you. Oh, shoot. Gosh darn it. Oh, God.

Oh, man. Well, rich people also use Internet Explorer a lot because if you're constantly buying a new computer, it was the default browser. So before you installed Chrome or anything else, you had to open it up. So if every week you just said, fuck you and bought a new computer, you were using Internet Explorer right away. I mean, I mean, Edge. Yeah, Edge was there.

Edge is the default, I think, on most computers now. Well, maybe it is now. I think it used to be Explorer, though, before there was Edge. I mean, I mean edge. Yeah, it's the default I think on most computers now Well, maybe it is now I think it used to be explored though before there was a oh, yeah Not if you buy Mac's either. Yeah rich people be buying Mac computers. That's true. Oh, no, no No, no only artists and artists and dog dog dogs only artists and dogs Only artists and dogs But dogs is what came out I would love to see the source that you're citing that only rich people at dogs use the Mac computer I was even interrupting you, Wade. Oh, yeah. Dude, this game's easy. Dude, it is.

I swear to God, it's totally random. I swear, Wade, this is not Wade against you. I don't believe you. I think the whole premise of this is like Wade's secret words. You had an aside where you were like, I want to see how much Wade can lose it. Therefore, I'm going to give literally everyone else fucking. Amy's going to come with another goddamn smoothie and she's going to get fucking points. Oh my God.

Please, Amy, come get points. That would be outstanding. I'm going to be pissed. Amy is here for 10 seconds and all you hear in the background is like, here's your smoothie. Wade! Wade! Amy gets nine points. Wade is losing to Amy on this week's episode.

Oh, my God. It's somehow in a podcast with three hosts. Wade came in fourth. I'm going to finally actually get the fucking thing to go off. It's going to be a zero. Oh, my God. No, seriously, though, Wade. If there's anything that happened this past week,

you said you were playing Diablo 2 Immortal. I quit playing mobile games. Talk about something, man. I quit playing mobile games. Good. Okay, though, wait. If there's anything that happened this past week, you said you were playing Diablo 2 Immortal. I quit playing mobile games. I quit playing mobile games. Good. Okay, talk about that. I retired from mobile games. They were filling up my schedule too much. How much were you playing them?

Like, just explain that. I was using my tablet close to nine hours a day. Oh, my God. What the fuck? Just for mobile games? Between watching stuff, like watching videos and playing four different mobile games, I was spending close to nine hours a day on my tablet four don't you work what do you do four which because diablo immortal just yeah and i work

that's why i wasn't getting any sleep i was getting like four hours of sleep it's like i would i'd wake up i'd do the mobile game grind hang out with the dogs and molly eat dinner whatever stream and then it was like all right now i gotta grind and while i was doing anything else like i'd be watching stuff with friends or we'd be playing like lost ark other games together i would still have my tablet up on the side i'd be like doing mobile stuff on that wow and it's like i gotta do all my dailies before i go to bed and every fucking mobile game now they've got like oh well what if we made you play for four hours a day in order just to get the basic rewards and it just got to be too much and i was like fuck it i'm just cold turkey quitting from all of them i don't have time for this and i've i've been clean for a week and a

half no questions no talking it's my turn i don't want anyone interrupting at all i'll say it i'll say it fast if you're comfortable talking about how much money do you spend on them on a weekly basis uh weekly i don't know uh maybe depends on the week because sometimes new shit would come out probably like 50 to 100 bucks a week between all four damn that's so much which was adding up that's big expenditures but i have to add two that wasn't playing all of them for all this time like i was only playing one or two then i've kind of added and added and i'm like you know now i'm gonna quit them all but we went on this lovely trip to uh the florida and i was like thinking about the trip all right yeah you got please zero what do you guys have

i have like 16 or something i don't know yeah bob is currently at um 18 maybe 19 actually oh i'm at nine wade's at two wade's got two we've got two hey one of the times i won i only got two so we're basically even yeah that's pretty good man is there a negative points thing on this can you earn negative points that would be i don't think i could put that in i guess you want negative points in there now it might be my only shot i'll do it if we all agree i'll put negative 10 in here. Oh God. Do it. I mean, if you guys agree, I'll do it. Yes. Bob.

All right. Wade wants this. I need a chance. If I end up the only one that gets negative points, I'm also going to freaking, freaking, freaking. I'm going to freaking. You did this. You are the one who did this.

I know. Just like when you stole my case and you lost, I get it. I'm putting my neck, my losing neck on the chopping block. I do feel like it should be like negative five to 10 or something so that it skews so that you're likely to get a positive but you can't get a negative for clarity's sake i'm actually going to stream my screen so you guys know i'm not bullshitting anything when the alarm goes off i have to hit a sound effect but this way you guys can see it uh there's nothing really to see obviously um but that is the timer on the left and the random number generator on the right so everything's on the up and up hey i believe you man i'm not even worried about it

all right so just checking all right so wade that was uh what were you talking about well i said we had a trip to florida and when i realized that the mobile thing was a problem was whenever we were playing this trip to florida and it was not a cheap trip it was a very expensive trip but i wanted to make sure we did something cool because molly wanted to have like a big 30th celebration uh for her birthday but then covet happened and we couldn't do anything so i was like you know what we're just gonna have a great celebration people are gonna come hang out and we got this nice house like within a block of the beach and all these like places we like but uh the week leading up to it i was like looking and i was like man okay well if we go to the beach and all of these like places we like but uh the week leading up to it i was

like looking and i was like man okay well if we go to the beach like i don't know two or three hours here i can do i can grind mobile games for like this little bit before dinner and no i was trying to plan my week around not enjoying the vacation yes yes yes please negative points please god and the points we're going for. Negative five! Wade Curley has... I'm sorry, what's that? Negative three points? Yeah, Wade is at negative three points.

It's okay, Wade. It's okay. All right, Wade. Okay, I don't want to play. I quit mobile games so I can enjoy my vacation. Vacation was nice. Now it's great to be fucking home again. I love this. This I don't want to play. I quit mobile games so I could enjoy my vacation. Vacation was nice. Now it's great to be fucking home again. I love this.

This is where I want to be. So, Wade, you played a good amount of Diablo Immortal then. I mean, people are not happy about the microtransactions. How is the game, though? Like, is it okay? Well, I played for like four days, and the game was fun. Like, the game itself was fun. They incorporated some of the stuff I like from like diablo 3 and so on and so forth the problem with it is that the top tier loot i

guess is these gems that you have to put in your armor and the gems give you a big boost in power and such and you don't notice that while you're leveling up but you get to a point and i was in like i was in the clan on our server the clan the clan like i was playing on an eu server with a bunch of people that do like mobile games for their jobs and such and uh this clan was super competitive so in order to stay into it we had to grind our levels up and they were cutting people like crazy in fact i got cut once and i had to like re-earn my spot oh god but like you had to be leveling leveling leveling and so within like the first three or four days i was paragon like 20 or something like i was

getting up there in paragon levels which is harder to get in immortal than it is in like other diablo games and i had a bunch of like these legendary gyms and stuff and um i was trying to get some of the five star ones i actually got really lucky like the third one i got the drop was like a four star which apparently someone has spent twenty five thousand dollars and still has not gotten a five star uh variant yeah i saw that i yeah i've seen some crazy articles about this game there was also a guy who spent like 10 or 15 i forget the number like five digit amount of money on it and then got like the five star drop and then destroyed it in game as some kind of protest or something which is fucking stupid because you still paid blizzard

ten thousand dollars they don't give a shit yeah but uh good god yeah people are pretty hot and bothered about this i think it looks fun i've played like the intro like the uh the tutorial basically yeah it plays fun it is all the micro transaction shit i could it seems like it's just a garbage caching yeah it's just a shame for diablo it plays well on tablet or whatever on mobile it plays well on PC it had some issues on PC because it wasn't originally for it but I think they've hopefully cleaned it up the game itself was enjoyable the problem is whenever you get to the later parts of the game and the end game became either PvP or just grinding the same

single like whatever the dungeon of the week is you would just grind that over and over and over and over and the way you get these legendary gyms are doing rifts like in diablo 3 but you have to have legendary crests or eternal legendary crests in order to get the best gyms and it just becomes super grindy super pay to win if you want to stay in the top clan and you want to be good at pvp because people that were higher level than me i was able to destroy because i got that four-star legendary gem and my power was just so high. So, I mean, I was just annihilating people in PvP that were a lot better than me and higher level than me, and I shouldn't have been able to.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Me, me, me, me. All right, Wade. All right, Wade, here we go. This is where the points come in. Come on, earn some points, buddy. Please positive, please positive. Negative eight! It's negative negative eight you know what mark i'm really glad you streamed your screen because

i could see in real time when you click the button and when wade's agony increases we are 25 minutes in and i am 30 points behind all right i'm shift gears, though. It's funny because Diablo 3 is like that same type of gameplay where it's nonstop grinding. But you get stuff. That's the difference. You get stuff. Yeah, it's just actually get stuff. It's like they don't give you the actual reward. The gameplay might be good, but there's no reward.

It's all behind paywalls. And that's stupid. But I'm going to shift gears. I'm going to chuck it over to Bob. What random topic do you have for us to discuss today uh yeah so uh i told the story about the boat sinking you sure did laughing insert just in case okay all right so i i have a i have an inquiry i guess okay i have answers this is a thing i would like some response to um so the boat story came from this trip that we took, right?

We rented a house on a lake. It was through Airbnb. Now, Airbnb is a lot like Uber and all the like rideshare apps and all of the like food delivery apps. The success of a listing on Airbnb is tied heavily to it having a good rating, right? Yeah. So like it's one of those like every time you ride in an Uber, there's like a sign or the person's like hey rate me five stars because that'll help me out and generally i do that like even if the ride was only okay if they got lost like i don't

really care unless they did something really egregious or said something really distasteful or something i'm always like yeah five stars good for you i have a funny little story about that whenever we have a moment well there should be opportunity for you to tell a story yeah you'll find it this is how natural conversation goes well so this so this house we rented on airbnb it was nice it was in a nice spot on a lake and it was a good house but it was dirty oof the day we were checking in they sent a message the host sent a message that was like hey just to let you know someone checked out just before you and the oven is like they told us the oven's like really dirty.

And we were like, oh, well, it's fine. And they were like, if you want. They don't have a cleaning crew? Like they don't send anybody in to clean this place up? So someone checked out at like, they had to be out by 10. And we checked in at like three, after three. So they have like a five hour window. That's how the one I rented was like too.

But they had a cleaning crew coming in the meantime. Yeah. Well, they basically said the cleaning people didn't have time to like clean the oven right and it needs a deep clean so if you want we can schedule them to come in during your stay and like clean the oven if you want to have a clean house i guess we can make that happen for you yeah and we were like well let us look at the oven and we'll decide and we kind of looked and we were like it is dirty but we don't really want a person to come and i don't know what they're gonna do we're just trying to have vacation we'll just like you know it's fine what happened to this oven i don't know but it clearly i have made stuff in the oven and the

oven is not like there's not usually a controversy around the cleanliness of an oven it had clearly not been cleaned in months or years this oven was fucking crusted with shit. And this is sort of like a theme of this house. Oh, no. It wasn't like an old rundown house. It was a nice house, actually. Hey! Oh, my interjections! God damn it, be negative.

Ten points. Ten points, please. And let's see. Generate negative three. Yes! I have a chance. Fair is fair. Fair is fair.

But, like, the floors were just sort of dirty not like insanely dirty but how are the floors not clean the grill also there's a grill outside uh which we used for we cooked most of the time we were there most nights we cooked dinner and and cooked food the grill was so dirty that when it was on the crap in the bottom tray of the grill caught fire and the whole grill like went up in flames what kind of cleaning crew do they send is it a person who just changes the sheets like yeah i think of someone who cleans everything yeah well i would expect you know sweep the floors mop the floors clean all the bathroom stuff down like you know clean the shower clean the toilets like i would also expect a full cleaning of like you know at least the quality you get in a hotel it's it's a hotel so you know other people have been there but they

clean it all right well where they sleep looks pretty good i guess where they eat better make sure it's crusty as fuck no no i think with airbnbs what they go for is like anywhere that could potentially have semen on it or any other kind of bodily fluids they hit those target areas first and the oven why didn't they clean the oven the oven is a low percentage of semen probability i'm just gonna put that out there the other thing that i want to throw into this before i open it up for input is on one of the last nights we were there not the very last night but it was later into the week we were all getting ready for bed it was like one in the morning right we kind of stayed up

it's a vacation. So we stayed up kind of late every night and then hung out. But we're all getting ready for bed. It's like one or two in the morning. I don't remember. The smoke detectors through the whole house just start going off. Are they carbon monoxide and fire or just fire? Well, we have no idea.

They start going off and we're like, and so my Mandy's brother like hits the button at some point and they stop and they start going off and we're like important details and so my uh mandy's brother like hits the button at some point and they stop and they start going off again and we're and i'm like is there one that's going off first and we start doing research right we look at the documentation because there's like a binder with this place there's no information about this of course and so i start googling like i look at the thing the smoke detector and i google and he's done it again god damn it open it up for inquiry almost almost almost very close let's see almost negative one man these negatives wow i was gonna say negatives are the only thing popping up now what the fuck all right sorry bob sorry for the interruption that's fine eventually we realized that the battery these are hardwired into the

like the power of the house but they have backup batteries and the backup battery in one of these things is dying so it's chirping which is causing the whole system because they're all connected to each other to go off like there's a fire so luckily fucking random luck uh my father-in-law had just put a new nine volt battery into like a fishing scale thing that he had brought with him because we were fishing we took that out put the battery in and it stopped going off but that stupid fucking smoke detector flashed red the whole rest of the time we were there because fucked up or something i'm sure they'll clean it don't worry so this what god no that was me right no wait you were so close you were so what thank god i didn't even get it wait was that me

generate my points first rolls for bob five good points and now me oh my god all right man this is going well what am i at like negative fucking 15 answer answer me this wade please all these informations i've just given you is it fair to give this house a shitty rating on airbnb or is that still mean because it potentially is going to torpedo their business and cost them money is that bad enough the first thing i would have done is contact them and been like i would have given them like the complaints of like hey all your shit's dirty your fire alarms are going off this is miserable and see if like oh well i'm so sorry let's let me give you some money but yeah i didn't even say when the fire alarms were going off in the middle of the night i messaged and airbnb doesn't send your messages

until the like a morning time so that they don't get it in the middle of the night so i was like smoke detectors going off can you help and the next day at like 9 a.m they were like ah shoot they always go off at the worst times don't they they didn't even say like oh god i'm so sorry apparently it's customary on airbnb to offer like a little refund like i'll be like i'll give you 100 bucks off that day because we kind of ruined your experience i'm really sorry that happened or whatever they didn't do shit they barely even cared they were like gosh darn it doesn't that just happen like no not if you fucking change the batteries in your smoke detectors yeah so dirty oven dirty grill bad batteries and no good customer service it sounds like I don't I don't know how much this place charged the one we were at was pretty expensive but they also like everything we

expected was delivered so we kind of knew what we were getting and we got a really good living situation for that time it sounds like this place they're just like let's charge you money oh man five dollar cleaning service perfect send them in oh batteries oh we replaced those like a decade ago they're probably still fine smoke detector who needs it no one smokes in 2022 so yeah i'd be probably at this point he killed enough time he got it in there negative 10 i could tell you what you're doing with but you still did it all right here we go and okay negative three you have got to be shitting my fucking trick cereal just to be clear you requested that the negative points thing be added wade that was entirely it was supposed to hurt you and help me do you want me to remove the negative no no not remove the negative it's going to turn in my favor eventually i'll make you an

offer wade if we remove the negatives uh we'll reset you to zero i would offer you that if mark is on board yeah i'll let you reset zero you're like negative 15 or something i don't know you're negative 14. no i'm gonna earn this back the old fashioned way with elbow grease and uh gambling all right how about how about we go uh high roller i'll i'll get it to like negative 25 to positive 25 you want to increase the buttons okay yes bonus round all right so anyway i'm on the fence i want to give a shitty review but i also appreciate that i i don't want to like totally fuck these people over well that's not really like that's shitty right that's like a yeah they're doing it as cheaply as possible you can only do so many favors that's not okay to be like yeah we'll rent you a clean house and it's not that clean

you're surprisingly calm about this i'm guessing if this happened the same day we'd have another bob's fridge on our hands because like this is starting to piss me off just listening to it no yeah well if it if it had all happened all at once it would definitely would have made me more mad it sort of built up over the week where it was like before we even got there the oven thing and we were like well maybe the last people like exploded something in the oven like who knows clearly had not been clean in such a long time there's no way one family stayed there and fucked that up and up that bad right but yeah i mean anyway i guess what i'm getting is i'm about to give these guys an absolutely scathing review do it do it right

now yeah read it out while you. No, no, no. Here, let me. Checking it over. We're checking over. Possibly be. Wade, what random bullshit have you brought to the table? Oh, well, hadn't really thought all that through, but.

All right. Going right back to Bob. No, no, no. All right. Wait, what have you got? Oh, wait. No, I have one. You'll like this, Mark. Okay. All right. Bob right back to Bob. No, no, no. All right, wait, what have you got? Oh, wait, no, I have one. You'll like this, Mark.

Okay, all right, Bob's got one. Mark, have you heard about Nothing Technology? Wait, nothing? Yeah, specifically Mark, you two talk. Fuck you guys. There's this new, well, I don't know how new it is, but it's MKBHD just released a review today, like this morning. nothing is a new

technology company great that is releasing a new phone called phone one and their whole thing is like we're bringing the fun and the levity back to electronics baby and it's supposed to be like a new subversive phone thing have you heard about about this at all, Mark? Oh, subversion. No, I have not heard about it. Is this kind of like there was a concept where it was like a modular phone? Is that what this is? Oh, I was so excited about that.

So this is not modular. I used a phone once. You know, I talk too. All right, great. Cool story. Oh, no way. That just happened right when I started talking. Are you shitting me?

Wait, you almost interjected at exactly the right moment you were so close man oh negative 13 points that's rough that's rough that's rough, thank fucking God. But anyway, this phone has features like on the back, there's a system. It's called like the glyph interface or something. There's a series of lights on the back that are supposed to give you info about the phone, about like if you have notifications. There's a line down by the USB-C plug where when you plug it in, it acts as like a meter of like how charged your phone is.

I think you would find it interesting because you like tech and you're interested in, it acts as like a meter of like how charged your phone is. I think you would find it interesting because you like tech and you're interested in like phone things. I don't know when you can get it, but it officially launches July 12th. Okay. I have no idea if you need to be like a backer if they did like Kickstarter or what,

but it's just interesting. It's an Android based thing, but they did their whole custom launcher for this phone. It's supposed to be a very interesting new take on basically a cell phone that is interesting i will look into that thank you for having a conversation with me and me only yeah about this way it doesn't find this sort of no he does i love phones man i use

them i talk on them i dial numbers i make phone calls you just told a whole story about how you're using mobile technology less because you're getting rid of your unhealthy addiction to mobile gaming and all that stuff. That is true. You can still use phones for other things like porn. I don't know about that. That doesn't sound right. Yeah, that doesn't sound right.

That doesn't sound right. If you're not watching porn on a 70-inch flat screen TV, what are you doing with your life? Well, it doesn't sound right because phone audio quality isn't the best, but that's when you can get like your Sonos speakers or whatever, you know, tie it all in. That's right. I don't think that's this episode,

man. Well, shit, that doesn't matter. I just wanted to say words and stuff that were relevant to the conversation at hand. Wait, okay.

All right. I'll give you a chance here. Like, have you looked up like what are cool articles you've found? Funny stories you see on the internet? I literally Googled any news at all, and it's all depressing, awful shit. I looked up Soulja Boy. I looked at myself in the mirror, man.

I thought about shaving my armpits live just so the noise of the razor might give me points. I'm out of everything. I'm desperate. I'm dying. Where's the buzzer? How do you have so little to talk about yeah what you talk constantly you are one of the chattiest people i know when we're hanging out you talk

about everything something about losing so big so early has just collapsed me in on myself it's okay you have a chance bob just got that negative what do you like wait how are your dogs yeah how are your dogs they're fine thanks for asking ginger does have a little bit of a rash i think she's got bad allergies and she ran out of allergy pills but they're doing good uh they like to swim we whenever we were on vacation we got a picture of her on a she's like the only water dog i've ever had where she actually likes the water she was floating around on the pool on a raft by herself just chilling while we were gone by yourself just chilling while we were gone. That was pretty good.

Oh, was that Wade or me? That was right on the edge. I actually don't know. I would say that was Wade that wore a tie. I think it was Wade. I think I believe it was me, but it was negative it was. Because for me, I saw it when I was like, what are you laughing at? I think that's when it came up.

So I'm going to give it to Wade. And boom. Negative 10. Hey, that's less negative than what i had just that's true that's true that's really something buddy yeah great my net positive of 13 turned into three all right feeling good feeling happy you wanted the negative we we had an ordinance to take it down it It's not supposed to hit me. That's how gambling works. That's true. That is true.

You're never supposed to lose. The house never wins. I'm pretty sure is what the saying is. But hey, it's been two negatives in a row. That means it's got to be a positive after this, right? It's got to be a positive. It's going to become a landmine no one wants to talk for the rest of the episode. No, everything's fine. Did you know, do you guys ever watch the World Series of Poker? Apparently that's going to become a landmine no one wants to talk for the rest of the episode. No, everything's fine.

Did you know, do you guys ever watch the World Series of Poker? Apparently that's going on. Phil Ivey's about to win or something. Oh, wow. You actually watch poker? I haven't in a long time, but probably a decade ago, I used to watch it on ESPN all the time, the different World Series. There was Daniel Negreanu, Phil Ivey.

I forget all the different names, but there were some regular competitors that were always like being talked about and stuff it was pretty interesting that sounds good i think it's interesting that that's a whole career to be a professional like and it's not just like playing slots right like you can't actually be good at poker to the extent where you win enough that it's like a thing kind of there is always luck but also there's a lot of skill to it but i feel like you have to be such a specific kind of person to be cool with that being like your like your job i imagine there's got to be other like it's probably like what we do where there's like some amount of sponsorship and stuff that goes with it like you're sitting at the table on tv so like you wear a hat that says something like oh we'll give you a thousand bucks to wear this hat

like there's gonna be something else to it as well as i guess if you're just really good at reading people and you like you're like even if i have average luck i'm good enough at reading the table to know i can probably still win yeah i don't know i think it's also one of those things where a lot of people are like oh i am a professional poker player and you know it's kind of a fake it till you make it thing and people think that you can just will it into existence but gambling doesn't work that way except for on this show i'm still going to win i know that my luck is going to turn around any time now it's not gambling because you're not putting anything up to risk it you want to wager my pride yeah yeah it's nothing to lose wade really i feel like i am losing i feel

like a loser if i don't win okay whoa i think my okay mark mark. Mark gets the points. Yeah, I think it was you, Mark. I think it was me. On one word, I'm sorry. Wait, wait. He's going to get like 20 points on this. Wait. Oh, God.

I'm in first place. This has all been a setup. I got six points. I know that you muted at one point. You talked to everybody. You're like, all right, listen. I'm just going to give myself the win. But I'm going to have this elaborate fucking game show to destroy my friend's confidence. Look, man, I didn't think it would be this bad.

I don't know how it's gone so wrong for you. I feel sorry. I don't care anymore. I did think of something interesting to talk about, though. Okay. One, I had the Uber story, which is really short. Basically, when we were talking about Uber earlier, we actually had an uber ride one time i think you were in the car me whenever we were trying to get to like uh we're trying to get somewhere like a panel or something i think it was in boston

to a place we made the mistake of telling our tax it was a it was a taxi not an uber i think we made the mistake of telling the taxi driver like oh we're running a little bit late and the dude rolled down his two windows put a middle finger out each one and drove down the middle of the road just screaming obscenities and flying at full speed to get us there on time and then he demanded no less than like a 30 tip once he got us there i don't know if you remember that i do actually yeah that was just a bizarre years ago or something it's in the early days of uber before like there was all the integrated like tipping is included or then tipping was added. And so drivers before would be like, you have to tip me. They say it's integrated, but they don't pay, which I believe 100 percent.

But also just made it awkward because I wasn't used to Uber yet. I also had one where we went to an airport and before the guy would pop the trunk for us to get our luggage out, he got out and demanded we leave him a five star review. Did he have a gun he held our well he wouldn't pop the trunk so it's like our ship was being held hostage yes yes 45 points i know it all right come on positive points 18 points like zero that brings weight up to negative six he's climbing back oh god i'll take it oh my god all right does that put him ahead of me though it does right no it does not no god no

chuck it back over to bob it is now your turn what random bullshit have you brought i found a thing i found a thing a man who seems to have been disguised as an old woman in a wheelchair because sure i saw this was detained arrested in paris after throwing a piece of cake at the mona lisa in the louvre he tried breaking it first i think he tried breaking into like hurt it actually damaging yeah as he was being escorted away by police or security or whatever uh the man shouted in french think of the earth there are people who are destroying the earth think about it artists will tell you think about the earth that's why i did this um okay and i guess my takeaway from that is what the fuck did mona lisa do to you bro yeah

what does mona lisa have to do with this shit i don't know i mean i get the idea of like i'm doing some crazy ass shit so that the news has to cover it guess what the headline is my guy man in wheelchair dressed as old woman arrested the headline is not earth crusader young bull's dramatic stunt and saves the environment like i guess we are spreading the word though no we're kind of making fun of it whatever i guess but like let's kill more trees because of this ass what happens to people i don't know they they just want something that grabs people's attention and for those listening it wasn't they didn't actually get cake on the mona lisa there was a glass cover there's it is protected because i think that is

the most valuable painting in the world or something like that i can't think of one off top of my head that would be more valuable i'm sure i can google that and find an answer that contradicts you yeah i'm sure yeah but either way it's it's one of the things where if you try to get enough attention make a grand sweeping statement it's like this is my chance to remind everyone but when you do something that's just antagonistic people are just gonna not listen to your message and be like my god it was a brick like it's it's just not necessarily it's self-defeating in a way like yeah you get attention but you know it's the wrong attention it kind of hurts your cause more the mona lisa is recorded as having the highest ever insurance value for a painting that exists wow i guess it's not been

sold in a while so it's hard to know what its actual monetary value would be because they're usually all auctions, right? Taking into account inflation, the value which was created by the insurer in 1962 is worth about $900 million today. That's crazy. $900 million? There's no way.

But that's the insurance value, right? I mean, so if you own a car, if you own a car that's worth, say, $10,000, it's insured for like three grand. Insurers try and get away with, and I don't know, it's not the same for art, but insurers do not necessarily even value it at the full amount that it would be. Hey! Oh, no, no, no, no!

Hell yeah, Bob! Hell yeah, and you get negative three. Wow, that's rough rough the gap is closing though that's pretty good what what is the tally right now yeah where are we at all right i'll read the tally uh bob uh is like um okay that's five that's 10 15 20 24 27 positive four for Bob. Wade, you're at negative six. Six. I'm at 24. I'm 10 behind.

Seems fair. Seems fair. All right. All right. Well, we are where we are, and we did what we do. Yeah, we did what we did. You're right. Anyway, just to finish the Wikipedia read that I was doing,

in March 1987, Vase with 15 sunflowers by vincent van gogh was sold for 24.75 million uh at auction which in today's money is about 74 million pounds so however wherever that converts dollars so that's not 900 million but that's as someone actually bought that amount yeah salvatore monday sold for what 450 million dollars 2017 how many people could you feed it's not even a good painting bro oh my god look i don't know if i'm uncultured or what but like so if you look at salvador monday by davinci if you look at that i don't know if you have it mark clearly wade was looking at it salvador my my instinct is that's an all right painting am i just uncultured that i don't understand the jesus one well it's salvador monday well with art i guess the value depends on like

the viewer right like i'm not a big art person so like that doesn't mean much to me it looks like uh jesus holding a ball or something so that's that's cool i'd you know if it was painted out and i liked it for some reason i'd pay like a couple hundred bucks for it but like i guess is that possibly worth that much money it's not because leonardo da vinci da vinci da vinci made it no it's a good old fan this is literally what happens oh vinci boy it's a combination of things right you have people with way too much money and nothing to spend it on so merely the notoriety of being the person to spend that much money on a painting and and they always go up in value it's very oh god oh no all right here we go seven points for me jesus christ anyway uh so it's like it's either a combination of people with too much

money the notoriety of it the always inflating values the history of it and also money laundering like that is a big part of it all right yeah that's kind of what i've always thought how i've not heard that how are paying you for money laundering this is news to me do you know more about that than i do so i'll just just pretend like... What am I asking questions? I should be telling you about the money laundering. God damn it. All right, Wade, tell us. Pretend like none of us understand what money laundering is,

and I'll explain it briefly and then let you talk, Wade. Yeah. All right, well, what happens is you have all this cash you need to get rid of from all of the drug deals and people sales and shit that you do. So you buy a painting, and then you've got something that's physically worth money and you get rid of the cash and then you can resell the painting for depositable income and but laundered you sort of skipped over why it's laundering specifically

you're it's called money laundering because you clean the money it's so dirty you have money that's dirty because of what you said drug deals or whatever help me step dollar but when you buy a car for a quarter million dollars or a painting for 20 million dollars or whatever that converts your money from ill-gotten gains into the thing then when you sell that thing it's totally legitimate for you to sell a thing that you own for some amount of money right so like if a crime syndicate has 500 million dollars in money that they've never reported taxes on and that they can't just put in their bank like you said buying art collections is a

way to convert that into a thing of value that's legitimate and then sell it later or sell it right away even and get the cash that's what i said basically isn't it or sell it to yourself basically they hire an appraiser who i mean this has been talked about in movies and stuff forever but it's like they get a painting that is not inherent it's the same way nfts got inflated in value dude we could be laundering with nfts let's do it there was yeah i imagine oh so much it's kind of a big thing wasn't it like a lot of uh those kind of purchases were either from people being delusional and you know buying things that weren't ever actually having any value in the first place but also it seemed to be a very convenient way for people to launder money hey monkey smoking cigarette wearing baseball cap is gonna appreciate

tell you what it's gonna appreciate i don't know monkey with uh rocket on head with gold teeth might oh random painting with the picture of stuff is going to definitely sell for lots of money. Beep for me, please. Fucking beep for me. Oh my God. Is it really so hard to just fill in some nouns and adjectives and just make it? Could have said any words that came into your mouth other than random painting. I'm trying to Mad Lib just for any speck of point. Wait, I'll give you a chance.

Give us your explanation of what cryptocurrency and nft is go oh god all right so cryptocurrency is literally where you go into other people's computers and you have a little like digital pickaxe and you mine until you find i don't know fucking bandwidth or something and you're like oh cash money and nfts are when you take a picture of something worth money and you're like hey you want this picture i took of like my grandma it's worse more than my grandma and you buy that picture and you're like bam money cash fuck yeah fucking god damn it where's the beat your description of cryptocurrency was like surprisingly close thank you even though you i want to gloss over a lot of that technical things yes no yeah i believe you can do it buddy oh god i i don't actually know

and understand you know wait if you just spent any energy coming up with an actual topic you could talk for as long as you want i'm not even i'm not even cheesing the system i'm not even trying to domineer the conversation no you and i are the system is against us bob mark's winning what do you mean it's against you the system is as fair and balanced as okay that was a long one don't worry wait it's gonna be negative that's gonna be negative one and and with that we have reached the conclusion of this lovely experience of anything goes on distractible i wonder who won oh i'll uh i'll tally the points but uh wait you've gone god don't you don't bother you sure i mean i'd like to know please tell everyone how i have negative six

points but it's a real nail biter between you and Bob at fucking 29 and 28 points or whatever the shit it is. Oh, that's a little... I think Mark did win his own episode, which is a little sketchy. I might... Well, I'm not gonna... I'm gonna abstain from my own. I think that's only fair.

Oh, okay. Because... I disagree. Okay, why? Rules were rules. Do you want me to win? I think Wade's a little upset about what's happening here. No, I'm fine.

Everything's great. I'm going to go buy a painting and cry over it. I'm not doing mobile games. I might as well start doing some laundering. You could always start like a horrible drug habit if you want, I guess. That's true. Anybody else? No, never mind.

Tell me on the subreddit what kind of hard drugs you can sell me. And thanks again to our sponsors. Maybe don't. Maybe don't do that okay so i think i might have missed the math but the general feel is pretty close i accidentally flub some buttons um bob you have 23 points nice nice wade negative six right and technically i have 31 points but i abstain because it just wouldn't be fair and i'm all about fairness here on distractible uh technically it would be fair because it was completely random wait do you want me to i lose either way i don't give a shit which one of you fucks i deal with

next week i'm a basement dweller regardless bob has won the game congratulations bob shocking weight still didn't win despite the abstination the abstentation what the abstinence i don't fucking whatever now now you're talking like crazy i don't know if you i'm fine my win feels somehow undercut by let me just point this out the man with the most wins up to this point on the podcast who is somehow salty about the situation not trying to point any fingers but weren't you just boasting about that last week way that you've taken the strong lead and the overall win total well i did that by literally stealing wins from mark but yeah yeah he did do that but it's all right you stole hey fair's fair the rules are

always fair and fair is fair yes absolutely well i think we got wade's loser speech out of the way bob would you like a winner speech i mean i feel like i earned it i had a really good boat story i asked some tough questions about airbnb and and giving five star ratings it was a good discussion this week. What's this? Bob gets more points? Are you fucking... Four points to Bob! I thought it was over! How? How? How?

I just want to say, you know, kids out there, listeners, anyone who needs to hear this, you know, just never give up. Always keep trying. Keep pushing. You never know how it's going to shake out. Set the bar low and you'll never be disappointed. And maybe take after me instead of Wade this week. Yeah, I think that's a good lesson for everyone to take into consideration.

Thank you all so much for listening. Thank you to my wonderful competitors, Wade and Bob. Good fight. Happy to be here, bud. Thanks for having us. I'm glad the lesson is don't be like wade really makes me feel good remember to subscribe favorite like distractible so you can tune into every episode we got some fun stuff coming in the future uh check out our

youtube channel check out bob and my skirm and wade lord minion 777 or minion 777 thank you so much podcast out