Distractible - Anything Goes (Part 2)

Episode Date: September 12, 2025

Mark returns from his weekly hospital trip to warn us all about the dangers of eating vegetables. Get set up quick and connect to their fast speeds. Learn more at uber.com/onourway Learn more about... your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode is brought to you by Uber One. It's that time. Back to School. Go to college. Yeah, I can't wait to get back in classes again. See Professor Smithers. You're going back? Are you not? Did you not sign up for your classes? No, I didn't. I'm not ready to pay for that college life again. Okay, well, when all three of us are back in college, Uber One for students is going to be a great
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Starting point is 00:01:12 better help for their mental health and well-being. Get a therapist who gets you. Visit betterhelp.com slash stooges to get 10% off your first month. That's better h-elp.com slash stooges. This episode, Distractable, is presented by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. Okay. How do you guys know when someone's really your friend? I don't know. I don't know. But I do know that T-Mobile 5G home internet's got your back with their fast speeds, easy 15-minute set up, a price for any budget, and five-year price guarantee.
Starting point is 00:01:50 Visit T-Mobile.com slash home internet to check availability. Guarantees monthly price of fixed wireless 5G Internet data, exclusions like taxes and fees apply. Guarantees monthly price of fixed wireless 5D internet data, exclusions like taxes and fees apply. Service is delivered via 5G networks. Spees very new to factor affecting cellular networks. Guarantee exclusions details at T-Mobile.com slash home internet. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Destractable. This episode, makeshift Mark kicks off, displays the new merch,
Starting point is 00:02:19 then tells his horror story of consuming babies. Weekender Wade refuses hospice cohabitation, clubs balls, praises the bangles, and earned Dick as an assistant. Blameworthy Bob has a warm pond, a mute mind, and quotes a Nana's meme. From altered images to Californian philanthropy. Yes, it's time for anything goes, part two.
Starting point is 00:02:48 Now sit back and prepare to be distracted. And enjoy the show. Hello and welcome to Distractable. Oh, was it recording? Now is it going? All right, cool. Hello and welcome to Distractable. The podcast where you come for laugh, scoves,
Starting point is 00:03:11 and maybe a few heartfelt boo-hoo's every once in a while. Have we ever made anyone cry in this episode? God, I hope so. God, I hope so. Probably. Well, I'm your host, Markiplier, the guy you know, the guy you love. All the listeners, you know my voice. All the viewers, you know my face.
Starting point is 00:03:31 You know my eyes. They know your soul. They know my soul. And I know theirs, intimately. What's wrong? I like what he's got going on here. A little indigestion, I think. Oh, indigestion.
Starting point is 00:03:43 That's funny. Boy, do I have a story about that? All right, just steal my story, I guess. Yeah, go for it. Oh, I won't. Not yet. Not yet, guys. Not yet.
Starting point is 00:03:53 Anyway, how are you guys, my fellow hosts? I can't look at that anymore. Hi. Oh, thank God. I'm comforted. I like when you make a lot of eye contact.
Starting point is 00:04:04 It makes me feel confident. Good, good, good, good, good. A lot of real, genuine, not at all disturbing eye contact. Yep, yep, hip, HP, NG. Edit out my yon. Double it or nothing. Double my yon.
Starting point is 00:04:21 All right, this is Distractable, the game show where I'm going to be hosting and subjecting these two to my whims. Where's my pointkeeper? Fuck. Always love when you come prepared. Fuck. Hold on. I didn't know I was going to be recording. That's true.
Starting point is 00:04:42 To be completely fair to him, he had no idea he was about to have to be recording. That's true. Only about an hour's heads up. We were doing stuff. What do you give me a hard time for? All right, yeah, fuck you, Mark, you idiot. Ha! A little mean, that's a little horribly cruel.
Starting point is 00:04:57 Yeah, he's hosting, man. You should go easy on him. Oh, you're right. You're right. I'm going to write some points here. Grubbing out an address first, but then I'm going to rub it. Points. I'll get you some points.
Starting point is 00:05:09 You got points for a 6-8-17 Markiplier Drive. Yes, I own my own road. Keep telling you, man. It's hard to stay in conspicuous. when you live on a road that's named after your own self. Oh, they would never assume. They would never assume. That's why I live on Not Wade's Avenue.
Starting point is 00:05:29 It would be, like, stupid in every conceivable way, but how funny would it be if you just, even if it wasn't you, if someone was like, oh, God, I love Markiplier. I'm going to rename one of the streets in my town to Markiplier Avenue. And then just droves of people just show up, we're like, Mark lives here, right? Who is this? Which house is Marks?
Starting point is 00:05:49 and all the poor idiots who live on that road. I mean, it's not their fault. But fuck those guys. Look, maybe back in the day, my fans would be rabid enough to do that, but they're real chill nowadays. They're real chill nowadays. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:06:02 I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, I got to write points for... Who insulted me? Who insulted me? Me. Wade, did you insult me? No, Bob insulted you.
Starting point is 00:06:11 I was... I baited him into insulting you. That's points, right? Well, I'm deducting points. Yeah, get him. Who? Hey! Okay, that was agreement.
Starting point is 00:06:21 All right, Wade. All right, minus one point to Wade. Man, I can't believe how well that worked. Ben. I was trying to reverse fall. Never mind. Fa la la la la la la la. I'm fine.
Starting point is 00:06:35 So I have some small talk, which many of you know and many people have had questions about. But I'll let you guys go first just to bait the engagement, to drive up the viewership and the listenership, which is more valuable than the viewership maybe. well mine's meant to follow yours up but you know what i'll lead off with it because it's your fault what the fuck you're not doing well wade you're not yeah well i'm gonna get you even more so uh over the weekend uh molly and i had a really really wonderful lunch on saturday we went out like to a park had lunch got some uh shaved ice and uh came home and uh i decided to go upstairs and change into like some shorts because i left sitting in basketball shorts get comfortable and I got upstairs
Starting point is 00:07:16 and I got hit with like just the craziest nauseous dizziness vertigo spell I've had in a long time and it's like oh man that sucks
Starting point is 00:07:27 sit down for a minute and shake that off it didn't go away it lasted six hours or something and Molly's like do you think you need to go to the ER the hospital
Starting point is 00:07:36 and my reasoning was no Mark's there people are going to say I'm just copying him so if I die it's this guy's fault he hasn't texted back, so he might still be there for all
Starting point is 00:07:47 I know. I can't be in the hospital same time as him. That's his content. Yeah, if anything bad it happened to me, it would have been your fault because I was like, I can't go copying, Mark, go to the hospital. I'm deducting a copying point. Okay. Yeah, I get it. I get it. Well, okay, wait,
Starting point is 00:08:03 no, I shouldn't deduct. You didn't copy, but I'm going to have this, I'm going to put this under a lie category. This is a lie copy point. Deduct, lying the deduction of a copy point. This is, I'm lying. I mean, it worth twice as much. Because I would have copied.
Starting point is 00:08:16 I would have done it. I would have done it. Well, I mean, if it lands on the, if it lands on the spy and the wheel, then this lie could either count as a point for you or doubly against you. That's true. All right. That lie might go hard if you get lucky. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:30 I need to denote things that are lies. All right. Bob, before I get to my hospital story. Oh, you know. Pff. I really not that much. I'm still sick. I made James' life.
Starting point is 00:08:46 I had to clean the hot tub, and it got really hot. And so I was like, I emptied it, but then I didn't clean it. Then I filled it back up, and James loves it. So now we don't have a hot tub. We have the world's smallest pool because kids aren't supposed to go in hot tub. It's not good for them because they're tiny. So we just keep it at like 90 degrees or whatever, some like warm pool temperature. It's the fucking, it's the best thing he's ever experienced.
Starting point is 00:09:11 kid loves just going under the water falling down scaring his parents thinking he's going to drown coming back up laughing about it you know kid stuff you made James alive that is true
Starting point is 00:09:24 that's true in at least two ways you'd think that would be worth two points but it's not you also might think that I would have done some other stuff since the last time we all talked and hung out but I mean I hit some golf balls Wade was there for that
Starting point is 00:09:38 that was pretty fun yeah I was I was good at it three times you did great man you did really you did really good good oddly enough I was winning one round and then I forgot to play
Starting point is 00:09:52 yeah then it was right near the end and you were like I'm not gonna do it anymore and then no one hit any more golf balls for a while I was very very bad and I had one round where I was like actually I'm doing okay and then yeah we just kind of were like what if we talked instead and we all forgot about the golf part it was fun it was a good time
Starting point is 00:10:09 yeah that does happen and not to me. I wasn't there. I wasn't invited. You live with a shit far away, and also we're in the hospital or whatever happened. You don't know what happened. Yeah, well, you won't tell us. Yeah, we know that our text would ignore it and you were like, oh yeah, by the way, guys, sorry, miss this, I'm fine. Like, days later, look, a lot of people texted me. We both saw your Instagram posts and we're like, oh, God, I hope he's okay.
Starting point is 00:10:38 A lot of people texted me, look. People texted me. They're like, is Marko Kato's like, I don't know. He probably just needs content. It's actually just a room you put together in your own house, just here. I'm going to tell you about it, but before I tell you about it, I got to show you guys something. This is just for the viewers. Oh.
Starting point is 00:10:59 Get the pixelation ready, editors. Oh, wow. I saw a picture of that, but I didn't know what existed. Oh, it's flipped. Man, why did I set all this up just to be able to do? do this. Look, it's just not time right now. That bit is going to totally pay off.
Starting point is 00:11:20 It's going to be so funny. Sometime later, it's going to be time for that, and it's going to be hilarious. Uh-huh, yeah, okay, all right. Meanwhile, people can see you on the wider angle the absolute mess that my room is. It's really not that bad. This is the filter to look like Michael Jackson at the end of Thriller when he looks up and his eyes are all fucked up. This is just that filter. Look at this!
Starting point is 00:11:46 Oh my God. Is this what you think it is? Listeners, I would describe what I'm looking at to you, but I don't know if I'm allowed. Yeah, you are. Why wouldn't you be allowed? All right, Bob, you got it. I would describe what I'm looking at to you, but I don't know if I have the words to capture such immense, inconceivable beauty. It's the triangle of fairness shirt, I believe. I think it's also reversed in the camera, so I'm looking at it backwards.
Starting point is 00:12:10 I we already said that that already was talked about not live no literally like 30 seconds ago I said like whoa it's flipped I was talking about that I said that wait do you remember how I sat down with like man why did I set all this up the media thing I said before that was that's flipped why did I do all this for that because I don't believe you I'm too good of a listener you know if you're a representative all the listeners no wonder we give them so much shit listeners right up and do nothing like a me like a me it's a him your leader all right like a me i'll give you one for that like of me but not for listening i want to be very clear that's not a listening point all
Starting point is 00:12:54 right but i'm wearing the official distractible merch i bet you guys wish you had some of these you'll have to buy it off the website if you want a piece of this look at this the soos the soos is that Assumably in Oh my god Are you really? Okay hold on Does it say assembly instructions Jesus Christ you guys Hey the Seuss! I mean
Starting point is 00:13:18 The editors flipped it for everyone I'm assuming but you guys are man Yeah Mark's just trying to make us look stupid Have you ever heard of the ship of the Seuss? I like this one No it looks good Yeah it's pretty good They both look good and then we got
Starting point is 00:13:32 this one as the last one Ooh Look that fancy boat. We had two people make designs for the ship of Theseus, and they were both so good that we kind of just wanted to be both of them. If you take threads out of one of the shirts of the ship of the ship of Theseus and switch it with threads from the
Starting point is 00:13:46 other shirt of Shipathias, are they the same shirt? This is just a damn good shirt. This doesn't even say distractible. We kind of fucked up with this one because people are just going to buy this because it's a good shirt, but it doesn't say distractible anywhere on it. There's no distractible whatsoever. I don't think there's anyone alive who would hear about the ship of Theseus and not immediately think, oh, I know that from Hit Podcast Distractable. Yeah, you got to put that in, guys.
Starting point is 00:14:14 You can't just go to the website, buy that one because it's just about distractible. Man, we messed up. Not even the back of the shirt. There's no distractible anywhere. No, no. There's, I think actually maybe on the collar. Yeah, on the collar, it's printed. You see it, right?
Starting point is 00:14:32 Oh, hell yeah. Oh, yeah, I see that. There we go. Distractable. there. So it's on there. It's on there, yep. It's happening. And finally, God, how long has it been? Honestly, possibly like a year. I don't remember.
Starting point is 00:14:47 It's been so long. I'm not even sure we ever had merch. Yep. I don't think so either. I don't think we did. Ignore the distractible merch sitting behind me. Anywho, my story. So I was in the hospital, and I want to preface this. No matter how much you guys make fun of me for what I'm about to say. understand this was easily one of the most painful experiences of my life okay right that's pretty high bar for you it is yes it was actually it was actually you had some shit happen it might have if if it lasted any longer it would be number one uh but yeah so i was eating carrots
Starting point is 00:15:24 classic mistake you guys know how i don't chew that good no i thought you changed that behavior years ago i thought we talked about this were you eating baby carrots or whole horse carrots Just baby carrots. They were soft and chopped up. I like how online people called it me relapsing. Like I relapsed into not chewing. Like, go easy on me, he relapsed. Anyway, so I was playing a hilarious prank on Chika, and this is karma, right?
Starting point is 00:15:53 This is all karma. So I took a baby carrot. And I don't know why. First thing in the morning, this is like, right? I woke up, I went to the fridge, grabbed a handful of carrots. And I was like, yeah, this is a good breakfast. And I'm like, it's not the worst thing. But I was like, I'll do that.
Starting point is 00:16:05 And then I went over to Chica. I munched one down. And I went over to Chica, like, oh, I'll play a funny prank on her. So I pick up her paw, and I secretly pop a baby carrot in my mouth. And I go up to her paw and go, crunch! And she goes, oh. She really does the pole. Oh, zarks.
Starting point is 00:16:25 So it's like, that was really funny. So I'll do it again, right? And I haven't swallowed any of it yet because, you know, I was still playing the prank. Only one to one can't pat my head. and rub my stomach at the same time. So I pop another in secretly, and I go crunch, and she's like, she puts her other paw, like, on my hand. Like, no, please.
Starting point is 00:16:44 Stop. Stop. So I do it again, and then I think by then she gets her. I think she saw me put the carrot in. And then I put her paw down, and I put another carrot, and I'll crunch it down. I'll like, see, it's not that bad. I get done with that, crunch a few more times. See, I was chewing a little bit.
Starting point is 00:16:59 But the thing was, I was in the middle of the joke. So I did, like, four baby carrots at once. and then I tried to swallow that all and it didn't go down very good and it's like have you ever swallowed something and it's like too much and you feel the pain of it because it's going down well that gets a lot
Starting point is 00:17:16 worse the farther down it goes so what happened was I got the baby carrots went down and then they just stopped right around here dead center in my chest right so right in the center of my chest and I'm like
Starting point is 00:17:31 ah shit this sucks ow this fucking hurts. So I go to get some water and I know shit's bad when I tried to drink the water, it doesn't go down. It just right back up. I can't even get water down. Oh. I start to, it starts to hurt even more and more
Starting point is 00:17:47 because it's like your esophagus has like peristaltic motion when you swallow it kind of is the same as the intestines where it's like rhythmic, it pushes things down so it can get things down. So it's squeezing and it's compacting it and it's compacting into a more dense ball of sharp baby carrot bit partially chewed baby carrot bits after about a few minutes I realized like holy shit
Starting point is 00:18:07 this might be one this is unbelievably painful I am now convincing myself that maybe this is a coincidence and because the pain is just me literally just ah and strangest thing and I'm sure it's just the body's response to try to clear something out waterfall of drool just like I can't stop endless drool but I know I can't swallow it down
Starting point is 00:18:30 because it won't go down so it's just so I'm I make it about like 10 steps towards the bedroom I think Amy was still asleep at this point call it to Amy and she runs out and and finds me huddled up against the couch clutching my chest just drool everywhere horrible sight she was horrified called 911 immediately we woo bunch of paramedics come in there they take a look at me and I'm huddled over clutching my chest and I can barely get words out. Like when I say this was unbelievable, it was unbelievably painful.
Starting point is 00:19:05 And I was just sitting there like, holy shit, is this how I'm going to die? And so they get an EKG, they see it's not heart, but it's like, the pain's just like fucking, because it won't go away, right? Because it can't get down, it can't go around. So I take a Wii Wu ride down to the hospital where I have
Starting point is 00:19:21 to try to explain people over and over, yes, I've had a heart attack in my past. I ate some carrots. It's carrots. I ate some carrots. Even the ambulance drivers who I convinced eventually came into the hospital. And they were like, he's got chest pain, but it's not cardiac related.
Starting point is 00:19:39 He ate some cares. And the hospital staff was like, just because you say it's not cardiac related, doesn't mean it's not. So they get me in there and I'm trying to like, it's carrots. It's carrots. Mark's sitting in the ER going, I don't think this is how you fix a carrots. So I get into the hospital room and they're all very worried because it's like I am like nine out of ten pain clutching my chest spasming, ow, and so finally they do an EKG there and it's, they're scared first because the first machine that they hooked up to me was going, B, he hooked up, she's dead. I'm sorry to tell you this, sir
Starting point is 00:20:26 But you're dead So they reattached the leads And they do it again So and they're like Oh, this machine's broken But in the meantime They're just like Oh, I know, another IV
Starting point is 00:20:41 And so I got one IV here What I mean here? Oh, it's carrots It's carrots They make me think I'm dying So they get the, they get a new machine in and they hook me up. And finally it's like, perfect blood pressure, perfect sinus rhythm. My heart has never looked healthier, right?
Starting point is 00:21:04 So then they're like, oh, hmm, okay, all right. Well, let's get a, let's get the doctor and he'll talk to you. And I'm still in agony. So when the doctor comes in, I'm talking to the doctor as if, like, he would know what my chart said or something like that. So I'm like, ah, the pain, because it was going up and down. It pains back. he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I don't even know you, man. I don't know your story.
Starting point is 00:21:27 Where'd you grow up? Well, you came in here. I thought we were going to do, all right, were you just hiding from someone? I think it was just because when it's a chest pain, they move so fast that they, because you could die in a second. So they didn't write anything down. So they just sent the doctor in. And so I had to explain to him through all the pain that I was eating carrots and I played a prank on my dog. it's wrong and they was like oh you got oh okay all right you got food oh that makes sense very
Starting point is 00:21:59 painful i feel for you we're going to get you some pain killers so they got me some morphine helped a lot they got me this thing called glucagon made up medicine definitely fake this wasn't real anyway they get glucagon in me and that dilates your esophagus and i shit you not if that didn't work the solution to my problem he said i thought he was joking at first He was not joking. Drink soda and jump. That was the second solution. That's what they did for Bugs Bunny when he went in there after choking on carrots.
Starting point is 00:22:28 I mean, honestly, I really, because, you know, after they realized I wasn't dying, he was like, no, try to make me laugh, you know, because I'm in agony. And so I'm trying, you know, I'm joking along too as much as I can. And I thought, he said, yeah, we'll give you some sprite and we'll, you'll jump up and down a few times. And I go, ha, he's like, I'm serious. Yeah, well, yeah, that's. That's the solution. Otherwise, they get an endoscope and they push it down or pull it out.
Starting point is 00:22:53 But you have to go under for that. So they got the glucagon, and they got the morphine, and I sat there for an hour while they were seeing if that worked. And then I started slowly drinking water. And at first, before the glucagon, it still wasn't going down. Then afterwards, it was starting to go down. And then I got another whole bottle of water. As soon as it was gone, pain gone instantly. It was crazy.
Starting point is 00:23:13 Which makes sense because when I had battle instructions, as soon as it's gone and not, like, stretching your, your, intestines or your esophagus, the pain's gone instantly. So, uh, I feel silly walking out of there, like, because I'm walking out, you know, like no wheelchair for me. Just like, uh, thanks like an hour after I came in with full wee woo, like everyone's like put an attachment to be actually. Thanks guys. Well, lo, la la la la la. But definitely one of the most painful experiences in my life. I don't know how my pain compared because it's totally different, but I had I had sciatic nerve pain which basically like almost paralyzed one of my legs one time it just got really compressed and pinched that experience when you go in and like I was I was sitting
Starting point is 00:23:57 in the waiting room crying like actively like shuddering like it was the worst pain I've ever felt and I and I everyone in the waiting room was like why the fuck aren't they seeing this dude what's wrong with this guy because I just sitting there like constant and the moment when the doctors see you, I'm sure they, like, the way you described it, they see you and you have chest pain and they're like, he's fucking dying. Everyone get in here. All the machine, boo, in the moment, they're like, oh, he's not dying. Everyone just fucks off and you're still there, like, and they're like, all right, calm down, sir, you're fine. All right, can I get a full history? Can you go back to age of 13 if you could? But the huge switch from, you don't feel any better at all,
Starting point is 00:24:40 but you feel like you're going to die to the doctors being like, well, get to you. All right, calm the fuck down. Like, you're going to be fine. That doesn't feel great. I, it's not very fun in my experience. No, not at all. Yeah. I mean, it makes complete sense. And I, the problem was, I kept saying, I have had a heart attack in my past, but it wasn't because my heart was bad. It was a drinking thing. And then I have to explain that. And they're like, what does it I mean. I'm like half Korean. I get, you know, I can't process alcohol all right. What's Korean? Yeah, which Korean? What does that mean? What does that mean? So, yeah, it took a bit.
Starting point is 00:25:23 Which half? Left, right, top bottom? Yeah, that's what happened. That's why I was in the hospital. That's why all that occurred. It wasn't my guts for once. It wasn't. It was because I played a prank on Chika. Yeah, I assumed you had like a bowel obstruction or something because you love to get those. Because you were pulling a prank without a carrot in the world. I can't tell if he likes that or doesn't like that. I like it. I like it.
Starting point is 00:25:47 I like it. I like it. That's a lie. I don't like it. You got two lie points right now. That's a plus line, though. I've not even been the one to lie. I don't think.
Starting point is 00:25:55 Unless I did. Anyway, so yeah, very painful. Same kind of thing as an intestinal blockage. But yeah, totally unrelated. Not anything to do with my past history. I just, hey, chew your carrots. There might be something else. I'm going to get a follow up and they're going to look.
Starting point is 00:26:11 I'm actually going to get an endoscopy. Just in case, because if there's something else, because I've had baby carrots before, I'm not the best chewer, but if there is something else, they're going to look just in case, if there's like a lump or something like that or some kind of like, if I've had acid reflux and haven't noticed it, and it's caused like scar tissue up there. You know, there's a possibility to be something else. So I am going to follow up, except when I call the doctor to follow up, this isn't my normal doctor, like some of they referred to me.
Starting point is 00:26:38 Call them up. I was like, hey, I want to get a follow up because I was in the hospital, and they're like, all right what for I'm like literally the attitude I got uh well I mean I I was in because I had a blockage
Starting point is 00:26:52 in my esophagus uh huh and they said I should get an endoscopy you need to go under for that I'm like why yeah like what am I supposed to say that anyway
Starting point is 00:27:03 they haven't called me back I think I called the wrong number or something you don't sound like you can afford to go under I don't know if we want to talk to you anymore sir yeah like they referred me to the doctor that they have at the insurance companies that evaluates your cases over there. This guy doesn't even know if you have to go under for an endoscopy.
Starting point is 00:27:20 Like we're going to see him. Anyway, so, yeah, that's my story. I've never had that, but that's honestly a fear, kind of a small time fear that I have in my head. Because I chew my food pretty well, but I'm the, I've had it happen where, like, I'm eating something. I can take a big bite and then immediately as you're like finishing taking the bite, Someone is like, oh, hey, I haven't seen you in years, how you do it?
Starting point is 00:27:44 And I'm like, um, boom, boom, I'm like, try and hork it down real quick because you're trying to talk or whatever. I've had a couple times where I like, it got down there and I started to feel the start of that pain. And then I took a drink and I could feel the water just like sitting in my, and for a second, I was like, oh my God, can that happen? But all like the couple times that's happened after a second, it just goes, push and flushes and I'm fine. but that sounds really awful. I can't imagine. It's like really unpleasant. I doubt there's many foods that can do that.
Starting point is 00:28:18 I mean, you'd have to be eating like chicken bones usually for something like that to happen. I think carrots was probably the best thing for it because it's sharp, like it's crunchy, but it's not going to tear my esophagus like a chicken bone would if it was fracture or something like that. Yeah, well, and carrots are not very, they're not like water soluble, right? Like, if you're eating anything with, like, bread or starch, and then you try and take a drink, or even just your saliva, it'll eventually dissolve a little. Carrots are a little more like... They get more plump and firm and, you know, they keep growing. Actually, technically, yeah, they do kind of plump up, but I remember that Bill Nye thing about he dipped the carrot in water and yeah, I did that.
Starting point is 00:28:56 But I think that all in all of the things that could do it, which are like the hard kind of foods like that, that's probably the better one to do it. Just harder to take care of. All right, my next episode idea is you guys are going to have a baby carrot eating contest. Whoever can eat the most baby carrots in one bite and swallow wins. All right, a battle to the death. Mark's all stretched out, so it's really going to be skewed in his favor. Oh, I've got my, I've got my gluca gun right here so I can pre-glucca gun. Gluck.
Starting point is 00:29:27 I'm going to pre-gluck. I'm going to expand. I am not stretched out because I was eating some things, and it's still, it's still kind of tender. I like it's sore to eat things so I gotta eat soft foods for a little bit Do you know who really wants to kill you
Starting point is 00:29:40 are wagers and waitresses because they wait until right when you put a big bite in your mouth and you do like the first two chews and they're like how is everything can I get you?
Starting point is 00:29:49 You're like drinks empty like do you need anything you better say it with your words if you do I'm not gonna notice your empty cup and you're like water water I know I know that's a stand-up bit
Starting point is 00:30:00 and I know you're probably saying it but I've never experienced that because there are many more often than not I am not stuffing food in my mouth and I've seen you eat I've seen you eat it's every second you don't breathe
Starting point is 00:30:13 you just eat their mouth is never empty when we're going out to dinner together I occasionally come up for air they don't wait for that moment it's always the biggest bite and I swear they watch they like creep around the corner
Starting point is 00:30:24 and they're like oh he's about to take the bite let's see if they need anything no honestly I think Mark's spot on I eat a lot I'm like a big dude. I'm stereotypically. I eat a lot. I'm a big guy.
Starting point is 00:30:36 You make me look like I don't eat very quickly and like I don't eat nearly enough food. I don't know how you do it. But I think it would be hard for a waiter to find a moment where you weren't in the process of shoving food in your mouth during a meal. I think that's a you problem. It's like the former president once said, eat fast and carry a big straw. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's what he said. come here for all of your history knowledge
Starting point is 00:31:01 listeners and viewers did you see eat fast and carrot a big straw or carry I said carry but carrot's hilarious because of what happened to you that's tragic because what happened to you that's what I meant you know what I'm scratching all this out I don't want to do anything
Starting point is 00:31:18 this episode is brought to you by Uber you know that feeling when someone shows up for you when you need it most yeah we all need that sometimes and Uber knows that Uber isn't just a ride or a meal delivered. It's showing up no matter what. I think that might be them knocking on the door
Starting point is 00:31:35 because they're, you know, Uber's really good about getting them right to where you are. To either them or the FBI, I'm not a hundred percent. Sure. Yep. When it really matters, whatever it is, you show up. Or there's a will? We're on our way.
Starting point is 00:31:48 Uber. On our way. Download the app today. All right. So it is now well into the episode. The laughs just don't stop. except they do now because there's no time for really anything else we got to go with and anything goes ah dart it I'm good at these okay you go first all right um what we're doing
Starting point is 00:32:11 anything goes whatever you want to talk about there's things I could talk about that might not be topical I could kick it off with something that is but I've also just told the big story how you can let him off the hook when he just jumped it and told you he's good at these all right I won't let him off the hook you're on the hook you're on The hook. I want to talk about something. Our body design. I've been throwing football.
Starting point is 00:32:36 I've been playing basketball. I've been swimming. I've been doing different things. And then like Bob said, we went and played a little bit at golf. And my forearms hurt. I've been doing the sports. So why I hurt? Why those muscles like not recognize.
Starting point is 00:32:50 I've been throwing football 20 yards for the last few weeks. No, swing a golf club for an hour and a half and you have to be sore. I'm a little bit peeved that my muscles weren't. more prepared for that because I've been training them. You haven't been training them in golf? No, but they should know better by now. Like if I work them out in one way, they should be prepared for everything
Starting point is 00:33:09 because that's how body should work. Braintel body be prepared. Body no prepared. That's not my fault. It didn't do its homework. That's not my fault. It knew we were golfing like a month in advance. But it didn't prepare. It did not prepare. Didn't even take a practice swing.
Starting point is 00:33:24 It's like, it makes me do all the work. And it's like, why do we evolve this way? I want to get out of there Okay, so did I tell you about my I was tired and I had this weird brain fart that made me question the nature of my reality? I don't think so so I was driving
Starting point is 00:33:39 and it was like I wasn't dangerously sleep deprived but I was talking in my own head and I forget what it was exactly at this point that I said to myself but in my head you know you got the voice in your head right and I know some people say they don't and I don't believe them oh it's there so
Starting point is 00:33:55 talk to myself in the car and I say something in my head that I misinterpreted I heard myself wrong and then answered my question the opposite of what I intended and I went back like oh no that's not what I meant and I was like
Starting point is 00:34:12 floored instantly I was floored because I was like how did I mishear myself who's listening I was like who's listening that could mishear me what what I I was done the whole day
Starting point is 00:34:26 You're having a Dexter Dark Passenger moment or something, yeah. I mean, basically, I mean, they've said a lot and I've brought up like the, I don't think it's even the right term, the bicameral mind. I don't think that's the right term for it. But it's like the experiments for the two halves of the brain, like how one's kind of a silent passenger. And it's like, if I'm talking, who is listening? And how could I mishear myself?
Starting point is 00:34:50 How could I misinterpret what I said in my own head? How is it possible? because I answered the question that I asked myself wrong! What is that? Anyway, did both of you's, like, realize the whole time what was happening? Like, one of you asked the question and the other one answered it wrong, and the first one was like, that's not what I asked you. Exactly, yes. It was exactly like that.
Starting point is 00:35:12 Like, no, that's not what I meant. And that's what happened. It's like, da-da-da-da-da-da. That's not what I meant. And then both of us just went, bong. Who said that? Dude, you are one. precious lens away from Smeagle
Starting point is 00:35:26 galloping yourself. I mean, I think we all are, you know? I think really we all are. I'm really going to have to stick to my guns and say that I just don't have an inner dialogue. I just actually don't. You don't see pictures in your had no inner dialogue, this guy. I don't. It sounds
Starting point is 00:35:42 completely crazy to me. The couple times in my life that I ever feel like I've heard a voice that like wasn't a sound I was physically making scared the shit out of me. It physically, it like scares me. so much that I'd like go and I look around the house I'm like who the fuck
Starting point is 00:35:58 what? I do feel like I'm talking in my head but it feels more like if I was sitting in an empty room and I was just like I got to remember to do that thing later but it's it's just silent thoughts it's like I'm aware I would say it out loud if I was alone but I'm not saying
Starting point is 00:36:14 it out loud so I'm just thinking it but it doesn't feel like I'm it's just a weird thing I feel like you're right I feel like I kind of agree with you that it's like a perception thing more than a different reality thing for people, but it really just doesn't, none of my experience lines up with the like, oh, I see pictures. Oh, I talk to myself. Like, I don't, I don't. I really doesn't feel like that. There are, there, the majority of the time I think it's like that where it's like, it's not a conversation. It is just a passiveness that is applying, you know,
Starting point is 00:36:43 words to what's around me. Um, but many times it's, it's actual, I, I have a conversation with myself all the time. I have conversations with myself too, but I don't hear much. Like, if I'm speaking out loud, it's different. It's not auditory, whenever I'm thinking. It's, it's in my voice, and it's in the way I speak, but I don't hear myself. I don't know how to describe, like, the thought process of, like, it's a conversation, but, like, it's lacking the auditory component while having the sensation of being auditory. I suppose that, like, it's hard to interpret it one way or another because it's, like, you're not, obviously not hearing it, but... I don't like this out of my own voice, and I don't mind listening to my thoughts, because it's not my voice.
Starting point is 00:37:20 you could have a conversation in your head with different voices. Yeah, then I can kind of hear it if I'm trying to do a voice, but if I'm just having like a thought, it's not the same thing. Does it sound like other people talking or does it sound like you're just being like Oh, I don't want to go to the party? Oh, we have to go to the party. You know, you...
Starting point is 00:37:36 No, I, like, I think people get this when they're like, oh man, I can hear someone reading that or saying that thing is like, I can, you can... I can, anyways, like, I can have another voice in my head that is a perfectly different voice. I can either apply to someone else that I've heard in my life or it's like some kind of amalgamation. So it's like, yeah, I can have conversations in my head with that.
Starting point is 00:37:54 That's weird. That's the thing that scares me, because I do get that sometimes. And if it ever gets to the point where I think it's not me, then I know I'm in trouble. Yeah, well, that's what it's happened to me. It's been like, it's been like auditory hallucinations where it's been like, I thought I heard the voice from down the hallway and it was like a woman's voice. And I'm like, oh, fucking, I'm home alone. I control what voice it is.
Starting point is 00:38:15 Like, just now, I just imagine Morgan Freeman's voice actually sound like Morgan Freeman. He just said, I'm Morgan Freeman. Morgan Freeman. What a name. Morgan Freeman. Why are you saying that, Morgan? I think you get like the impressionist version of Morgan Freeman, like saying Morgan Freeman. I always think of that, uh, that G-mod meme of where he's like, they're playing like prop hunt and one of the guys is like, can you hunt me as Morgan Freeman? And the guy just goes, I can smell you. I think that was a gassy Mexican, right? That did the Morgan Freeman impression. He did a really good one. But I was going to ask, wait, so how much silence do you guys get?
Starting point is 00:38:54 Because I would say the majority of my, whatever the inner monologue, inner dialogue stuff is, the majority of the time, I actually kind of just get like static, like silence. I get that a lot because Mandy is like the opposite. She's constantly thinking and talking. And so when we're sitting not talking to each other, she'll just, you know, I'll have a face and she'll be like, what are you thinking about? And I'm like, nothing, emptiness, blank space. and I people always act like that's fucking crazy like but I just have silence in my head a lot
Starting point is 00:39:25 I just actually don't do you guys get that or do you have a lot of constant something going on mine's more like I'll be either thinking about something passively or I'll be remembering something or like having a memory or random thought and then as soon as I'm pulled to like actively think about it it's gone kind of like a dream like I'll know there was something there and it's like I don't know I zoned out like there will have been something but I will have lost what it was There's very rarely silence in my head. I mean, that's, I think most people have to have to meditate to get to that level of
Starting point is 00:39:52 Nirvana. I think you were just on a higher plane. That sounds exhausting. Kind of, a little bit, but not really, but sort of. Like that, like, how do you sleep? When you're laying in bed, do you have your voice in your head is like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you're just like, shut up, we're sleeping now. This is why I'm awake
Starting point is 00:40:08 till like five, six in the morning. No joke. That's why I'm up so late. I have trouble shutting it down. That's crazy to me. That sounds so crazy. When I talk about how I first was able to finally make myself all sleep, it was, shut up, we're sleeping now, literally exactly that. And I had to like, you know, well, so, yeah, you got to shut up, we're sleeping now. But yeah, we got a old quiet head over here.
Starting point is 00:40:31 Yeah, I mean, I guess I'm just a more elevated person than all you other people. But I literally just like, like that sound, that soft radio static is what's in my head a lot of the time. I don't get the, I'm, my brain's very active. Whenever like you guys say something and I miss it like earlier with the shirt being flipped thing, it's like, that's because I'm always listening to YouTube and also there's always an inner monologue in my head also talking. Oh, I couldn't do that. So I'm like, I'm like, oh, would that be funny? Oh, no, I probably shouldn't go with that one. Oh, let's, ooh, that makes me think about what were you guys saying? I have the same thing, but I've just gotten really good at trying to pick back up where things are. I don't have a success rate all the time, but I'll snap to it. Be like they've been talking. Context, who's, context, who's, context, who's, back in. Back in. it baby another nailed it again i have to lean into it i lean into the i wasn't listening because it's my thing i would never hear anything i if there's a tv on anywhere in the world and i'm trying to talk to a person i can't hear either of them i can shut it down but i have to actively be like no focus like i can do that but like if i don't actively tell myself too focus on what you guys
Starting point is 00:41:38 are saying i very easily slip into like you'll say something that sparks remember like oh i should talk about that on this yeah that's a good topic that's a good thing to bring up that's my small talk. And you guys would be like, Wade, and I'll be like, fuck. Yeah, I love Transformers. What were we saying? Yeah, and you definitely said that before. It happens. It happens a lot. It feels like the opposite to me. I have to like remind myself I'm supposed to talk. I'll just be sitting listening to someone and we're having a conversation, but I'll just be like, yeah, I love what you're saying right now. This is so interesting. And then they'll stop and I'll be like, oh, I respond now. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I know this. But I was listening. I just love listening.
Starting point is 00:42:15 to people. It's fascinating. And my brain picks up on every sentence you guys say at first and that it's like trying to think about what I will respond with. And then you guys keep going. And then I lose context. And it's like, oh, wait, wasn't listening. It's like, no, I was trying so hard. You actually weren't listening though. So I just got to keep giving you shit. Oh, he was listening. I wasn't listening at all, actually. I opened up a completely unrelated tab just then. You could see by the light that shined on my face at another tab just opened and I was not paying attention. I'm a deductive point for myself for not listening.
Starting point is 00:42:45 Ah, that was a long turn. Who do I give a point to that for? Wade, was that your discussion? You get a, you get a, you get a, oh wait, no, I already gave you. This started from Wade's body design. Wait, no, that can't be right because it was something else. No, yes, brain tell do thing, did you. Yeah, you got a point for that.
Starting point is 00:43:00 Yes. Well, I have news. Thank God, Grandma's Dead, would be how I would summarize this story. Library book was recently returned after being borrowed for 82 years in the front of this library book, there's an old school stamp checkout check-in thing, and it got checked out on, oh, whatever, June, oh, that's not even the book, whatever, it got checked out 82 years ago, approximately, and there's a big thing on the front of the book that says, this is a 28-day book borrow every day that it's late is three cents in overdraft fees,
Starting point is 00:43:38 which if you do the math, would come out to $89,790. after 82 years of not returning the book. And that's not even accounting for inflation. Yeah, no, that's just straight multiplying it. That's, uh, yeah. But luckily, the book was originally checked out by the person who returned its grandmother. And they were going through an old family home and cleaning out, like an attic or storage or something. And they found this book.
Starting point is 00:44:08 And they were like, oh, shit. And they brought it back to the library. And they were like, they left a note in the book, a handwritten note that said, Uh, my grandma borrowed this. She's not going to be able to pay you guys. Sorry, and they just shoved it in the thing. And, uh, because grandma wasn't around anymore. Grandma had passed away.
Starting point is 00:44:24 Thank God. Thank God, because they would have owed 90 grand in overdraft fees. Sort of like the opposite of the situation that you have gone on with Apple, where they're trying to get that penny from you. Hey, they haven't sent a message since. I think I'm in the clear. They're charging you $6 a day for every day. you don't pay the penny.
Starting point is 00:44:45 But what I want to know is who at Apple listens to our podcast because that's the only place that I know about it. And hey, wait, no, not that. Hey, look at me, Apple. I want you to know that if you are listening to this and you are in any way able to get me free Apple things because I've been trying for, hey, I would love, I've been shouting Apple for a long time
Starting point is 00:45:10 and no one has been knocking on my door to give me stuff and I see other people get stuff all the time. Why don't I ever get stuff? Even though I got free stuff. Holy shit, wait, I got to make a promo video for Prusa. Oh, fuck. Oh, that's like six months old. Ah, shit. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:45:28 Oh, they gave me so much free stuff. Apple, wait, listen, hold on. I can be trusted with the free stuff. Hey, if you want a pre-printer, get Prusa. They are the great. They're so reliable. Literally, this sounds fake. It's true. I think I know why people, don't give me anything that's a whole journey of self-discovery right there yeah I know
Starting point is 00:45:48 how many points did you lose for that another one minus one for Prus I think you should lose a point for every day you didn't do the promo for Prusa you're right oh man hope your grandkids one day come in and turn this tens because uh ooh and they trusted me so good they were like hey we don't need a contract nothing we're just going to send you stuff if you ever need anything. You just email us, we'll get it to you. And they did. And I haven't done anything for them. I'm the worst.
Starting point is 00:46:21 You know what, Mark? It worked on me. When I buy a 3D printer, I'm buying a Prusa. Okay, that's good. I might. You would just buy it and leave it in the box. Don't even... They were being used aggressively this past week for another
Starting point is 00:46:37 YouTuber's project that I'm helping out with. So that's... Nice. Yeah. So they're being used and they work beautifully. Except one clogged, but that's not their fault. They were kind of sitting there for a bit. And also the person who plugged them and used the complete wrong filament setting. Yeah, 3D printer's got a really chew before they process. All right, what's next?
Starting point is 00:46:56 Wade, you're up. Oh, shit. I had something. Oh, you know what? I've got breaking news-ish yesterday. For all of my sports fanatics out there, I know who you are, the three of you, Tyler. Thank you for listening and watching. the Vangel signed Trey Hendrickson to a one-year contract.
Starting point is 00:47:14 It's kind of wild. I know that's not something a lot of people care about, but this is a big star player that we've had for a long time, and they've had this negotiation going on for a very long time for this contract. And from what we'd heard, it was like, hey, we're going to sign you to three years. You agree? Great, we agree. We're going to give you this much per year.
Starting point is 00:47:33 Great, you agree? We agree. We're going to guarantee you the first year. I want three years, guarantee. No, we're going to guarantee you the first year. No, I want three years. And somehow all of that turned into, what if we don't do any of the things we agreed to, this 90-page contract of which we agreed to 89 and a half pages?
Starting point is 00:47:49 What if we just do one year and give you an extra 14 million? Yeah, that's great. A week before the season starts, basically. I don't know. I don't get it. Other players are being signed. They're getting these contracts. The Bengals know what comparable contracts should be.
Starting point is 00:48:02 Why are they so stubborn? That's why they're such a good franchise. That's why they win so much because they're really stingy. and they make sure all of their contract negotiations are as awkward and last second as possible. NFL contracts blow my mind. I don't get it. Also, eventually, are we going to hit like a cap of like, because every year, right, the next contract's a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more.
Starting point is 00:48:24 There's only like so much money in the world, right? I know we keep printing it, but like eventually you can't just keep increasing 10 people's salaries every year while the rest of the world stays in one spot, right? Something bad will happen, right? It's going to be bad. It can't be good, right? My understanding is whatever you said is crazy, and that's not how it works. Yeah, that's obviously.
Starting point is 00:48:45 I don't know. I feel like we don't get raised. We don't work normal jobs, but even when I did. I didn't get a raise every single year. It wasn't like, oh, you're hired as a clerk. You get $7 an hour next year. Oh, you're hired as a clerk. You get $10 an hour.
Starting point is 00:48:59 That's not how it happened. Well, I don't know if it should be a 40% raise every year. But I do think people probably should get a raise every year. but you should like match the pace of like inflation and cost of living increases which they don't like in America that's pretty uncommon but like they should but they don't which is why it's so funny like really funny when you look at the whole minimum wage argument and how it hasn't changed at all and yet the inflation from the last time it was changed to now is it's so funny funny because it hasn't changed at all
Starting point is 00:49:35 and it's totally still the same value and amount of buying power for the same minimum wage and everything's fine. No, no, it's funny because those kids think they deserve money. They're like 35 million, I want 35 and a half million and most people are like dude, 750 sounds like I don't know what the minimum
Starting point is 00:49:53 wages now, but for me it was like, dude, 750, I would love 50 more sense. Dude, it's not 750, man. It's not 750. That's good because that wasn't much money even 12 years ago. It's not 7.50, man. Ah, 12.50. It would love 1250.
Starting point is 00:50:13 Nope. Go down. This is still 7 and a quarter. It's 7 and a quarter. Oh, no. It's less than 12. It's less than 12, man. It's 7 and a quarter. I thought minimum wage went up a little bit. No. When I got my first part-time job, I think, it had just recently gotten.
Starting point is 00:50:32 up to 725 and I was like yes 725 and then that's still that was a long time ago and it's in California it's 1650 which is basically like 350 in Ohio but that's a state law not a not federal minimum wage federal minimum wage has stuck I can't believe you said 750 that's so funny well that's how much I made as an assistant manager was 750 an hour oh good Yeah, last time it's changed was 2009. Hooray. So wait, as assistant manager, I was making 25 cents more than minimum wage. Yeah, more than minimum wage.
Starting point is 00:51:12 So, you're welcome. Oh, we also had no breaks because we worked at a food place. We didn't have to be given breaks. We got to work a 12-hour ship with no official breaks and stuff. It was... That wasn't the laws, was it? That's what the truth of the matter was. You get like a 15-minute lunch if you work eight-hour...
Starting point is 00:51:29 I mean, not like I know employment laws anymore, whatever. That seems wrong. I worked at, uh, I worked at, like, Jimmy Johns and pizza places. I only worked at food places. And we always got, you always got like a 15 minute lunch. If you had more, is it more than an eight hour shift? 15 minute lunch. That's, holy shit.
Starting point is 00:51:47 That's so nice. That's more than I got. Yeah, it's, well, it's called lunch, but it's just a break. You get one for, per eight or more hours, you get one 15 minute break was what we always lived with. My memory's not the best. maybe I'm remembering wrong. In the middle there somewhere, you get 15 minutes to, like, go to the bathroom or something. But I worked there for two and a half years, and I'm pretty sure two years, I'm
Starting point is 00:52:07 sure sure I never got an official break ever. I was a delivery driver, so, like, we would just go hide in the walk-in or just not come back for a while from deliveries. So, you know, like, I found breaks, but they weren't, they weren't paying me enough to not do that. Yeah, if you're paid that little and it's, you know, it's, it's been a while, I worked a job like that and I've worked my fair share. I don't even remember at that sushi place.
Starting point is 00:52:33 Did we get any breaks? I never really took a break anywhere because I was standing around most of the time anyway. We didn't really get official breaks. I was always a busser. I never, you switched and I never switched. My only breaks I remember was you could stand in dry glasses and that was like you could sort of lean in the back and dry glasses and that was it. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:51 We never really had like a break, break. But they would give us, they would feed us if you started or before dinner started, You would come in and you could get a family meal or whatever, and it was really good. That's why that job was so great. And then when I couldn't go back to it, because I had my whole explosion going on. Your inside explosion? Actually, it was after that. I had a lot of back pain for some reason.
Starting point is 00:53:13 I think it was related. It was either before, I can't remember when it was. But that was a great job. And then I, yeah, probably. Ohio, nor federal law, requires a place to legally give you a break. So you can be worked 12 hours with no meal or rest breaks. All right. Well, that must have just been policy at the places that I worked, but most are good places
Starting point is 00:53:32 give them. I mean, 15 minutes, 15 minute break in an eight hour shift, really not asking that much. Ohio, not too great, huh, man? Huh, man. Next time I go work my minimum wage job, I'll let you know how hard it is. Oh, man. Honestly, if you're hiring people for a specific job or task or something and they get all their work done, why do you fucking care what they do?
Starting point is 00:53:55 If I pay you to work a full-time job, which is 40 hours a week, and you can do every single thing I expect of you in 38 hours or 35 hours or 25 hours. Who fucking cares? I guess I could be like, well, I should assign you more work, but like that's not how jobs work. If you do your job, you do it well, good job. The whole obsession with like, you got to be in the office, you got to be available in certain hours. It's like, man, you guys need a fucking life. You guys need something outside of work to care about. Don't you have like a family or something or anything?
Starting point is 00:54:30 Not anymore. Maybe that's judgy and shitty of me, but I never, never understood the obsession with that sort of stuff. Get to Toronto's main venues like Budweiser Stage and the new Roger Stadium with Go Transit. Thanks to Go Transit's special online e-ticket fairs, a $10 one-day weekend pass offers unlimited travel on any weekend day or holiday anywhere along the Go Network.
Starting point is 00:54:54 And the weekday group passes offer the same weekday travel flexibility across the network, starting at $30 for two people and up to $60 for a group of five. Buy your online go pass ahead of the show at go-transit.com slash tickets. So that'll bring us to a conclusion.
Starting point is 00:55:13 Wade, you got anything negative to say about California? Be careful. My pencils on the paper. Yeah, your tax is fucking below. Got them. Yeah, our tax is pay for the benefits. I don't care what fucking California taxes pay for. I don't live
Starting point is 00:55:27 there. Maybe you should. Boo! Gulf of... What is our country called? United States or whatever is better. Fuck the Pacific. Is that where Ohio's located? The Gulf of the United States? Yeah, just twice removed. It's like...
Starting point is 00:55:42 We're on the shoreline of the Gulf of the Gulf of the United States. You know, Kentucky. We're considered east. Go. Midwest. Fuck. honestly we should be our own region there's all this stuff where people are like ohio's not midwest and like culturally a lot of ohio is but i get it because we're pretty far east but we're definitely not east coast i feel like ohio valley
Starting point is 00:56:05 i mean what are we great great lakes region is do we get to be included in that are we great lakesy we touch one of those we touch it all over we put all our nastiest shit into the lake erie lights on fire by us because it's cool thank god the ohio river's never had anything bad going to it yeah yeah it's good river good river that was great guys it was great it was great man wade your size is weird what does that mean what was that mean it's it's got two lie points some negatives a scratched out completely thing going on here man you you might want to flip that coin something right all right unfair i'll do it right now all right i well you didn't i didn't what is it for what
Starting point is 00:56:48 what's unfair tell us i was going to say let me read it first at that Then you could decide to declare unfair. To your points? Yes. All of Wade's points are unfair. I like this. This could go really well for me. All right.
Starting point is 00:57:01 So if it's all unfair, then I need to reverse all of the points values. But I'll tell you that's not going to help you. No, I like this. This is good. At least that they'd be fair. You couldn't let me read them first. All right. No, that would have been more unfair.
Starting point is 00:57:19 All right, okay. All right, okay. Where's my coin? There it is. Here we go. Oops. Heads? Tails.
Starting point is 00:57:30 Tails. Sorry, bud. All right. Very fair. Very fair points. Fair points. Thank you, Mark. For fair game.
Starting point is 00:57:36 All right. So, Bob, you got, you made James alive. You can't hear voices in your head, nerd. Shut up. We're sleeping now. Thank God, Grandma's dead. And then there was a lot more discussion after that, and I kind of stopped writing. But that's four.
Starting point is 00:57:51 points for Bob, there. Oh, low bar. Wade, you lost a point for agreeing, for agreeing with me, for agreement. Man, see, things like that, he could have said. You could have said, oh, no, you both were in agreement that you should lose a point. That's what it was.
Starting point is 00:58:07 Oh, that's right. We agreed. Wade should lose a point. That's right. I don't think I knew that's what I was agreeing to, but yeah, I guess I did. I have a minus one copying point, but that's a lie, so it doesn't count right now. Unless. Unless. Real makes it count.
Starting point is 00:58:22 You got one point for like a me. Ah! Then you got a plus one point without a carrot in the world. It's because you choked out a carrot. Do you remember that? It's also a lie point, so it doesn't count. Oh. So you...
Starting point is 00:58:36 There was a point for eat fast and carrot something. I crossed that because I... Carrot a big something. Straw. Carrot a big straw. He didn't say... He didn't say carrot a big straw. He said carry a big straw.
Starting point is 00:58:49 Oh, actually, it was a minus one. point, and I scratched it out because I felt like that was unfair. Well, I think you should probably count that one. Too late now. Anyway, and then you got one for Wade's body design. So you're a net plus one unless the lies come in. All right, baby. All right.
Starting point is 00:59:08 Okay. We got this. Thank God I set such a low bar. I feel like the contextualization of the unfair. You can frame it in a way that even if it doesn't come up the way you want, I believe you could wait in the future. I believe you can use the unfair coin if you word your unfair carefully
Starting point is 00:59:26 so that if it turns up the more likely thing then you might still benefit. I think it's unfair that unfair was already used and we should get to use it again. Ah, too late. Okay. Wade calls Super Secret double unfair. How many?
Starting point is 00:59:42 It's gonna be two. All right. One man show. What do we add to the wheel, Mark? Let's put another lie one on there because I want it to work. Wait, what are the lies ones that are there? So, uh, lie points count?
Starting point is 00:59:57 No, there's already a lie points count, and there's always a lie points. I think there's a lie point doubling or reverse. Lie points doubled, lie points don't count. Okay, so lie points do count, but that wouldn't matter because you had a plus and a minus lie point. So there's still at one? You still have plus one. Oh, cool. But okay, all right, okay, let's do another lie one is like, um,
Starting point is 01:00:18 Absolute value of lie points They all become positive That was that was how I was the whole thing Like all lie points are positive So it's like absolute Absolute lies Absolute value Oh man
Starting point is 01:00:29 We're going into real math Live points absolute We'll definitely remember what that means Yeah I think we If you put the two lines around absolute You think we'll remember that Oh I see where I get that
Starting point is 01:00:39 Oh nice All right We got two spins coming up Two spins Wade you have a chance Technically Also surprise golf rules is out here still.
Starting point is 01:00:50 Happiest contributions? You did make James alive, Bob, but Wade was complaining about his forearms hurting. I saved great-granddaughter $80,000, $90,000. That's true.
Starting point is 01:01:08 I complained about pay. And I talked about my pain, so I think that goes to Bob. No, Wade don't get discouraged. Now, hold on. Pain, payment, arm soreness. Those are... Yeah, I think Bob gets it. You could still win.
Starting point is 01:01:21 I could. There's ways. Theoretically, and it would be hilarious. This wheel is dense. Oh! Oh! Yes! Holy shit!
Starting point is 01:01:34 How many points that give me? All right, so you had two lie points, one negative one positive. Now, both of those are positive. Since they canceled each other out, that's a net gain of two points. That gets me two. three wait does the scratchout point was that a lie does it count now too no no even if that did it would still only get a four um bob has five points respin respin respin nope that was really good about you getting the absolute that's how lies can really come in yeah that makes lies a big swing actually
Starting point is 01:02:06 i kind of like that because the other ones kind of like make them kind of like ooh risky but that one's like okay well bob wins i think no matter which way i look at this is it It's the winner. So, Bob, how do you feel? As the greatest competitor to ever play the game, I feel pretty good. I expected this. I knew it was going to happen. I deserve it.
Starting point is 01:02:31 Way more than Wade does. And I'm excited. I'm excited to grant my glorious hosting another time to the glorious viewers and slightly less glorious listeners at this podcast. You're pre-welcome. Thank you. you're welcome uh Wade I tried to say it was unfair
Starting point is 01:02:52 the coin disagreed so I guess I'll swallow my lumps even if I still disagree I will not be enacting the filibuster that is my right for the podcast I will just take the lump and lose is that is that a thing we didn't say it wasn't a thing we didn't say a lot of things wasn't a thing
Starting point is 01:03:09 that's true implications that we have exactly but maybe one day if I don't agree fully I'll hold out I will hold this whole podcast up but today is not that day. I do believe he would do that. Oh, I would. I was saying I believe. Well done.
Starting point is 01:03:24 Congratulations on losing. All right. Thank you, Bob. Thank you, Wade. Bob, you congratulate your big win. You're going to host the next one. Everyone at home is beautiful. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:03:34 You get plus two beauty points. Hey, I'll give you a wheel spin. And if it lands on something, you're, you're, I can't promise your dreams will come true. But they'll double in size. your dreams will double in size or they'll shrink by half listen to these guys my scream, Lord Dominion 7777. I'm Mark Blark and have a good day. A podcast out.

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