Distractible - Bad Habits

Episode Date: January 17, 2022

From nose picking to cigarette smoking, as 2022 begins the guys discuss their worst habits. This one’s a real nail-biter! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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balancing minerals and crafted with skin conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible, a Wood Elf production with your hosts, Wibbly Wade, Bashed Bob, and Mashed Mark. This week, the delightfully dandy dudes deploy their decisiveness to display the odious oddities of others. Yes, it's time for Bad Habits.

Please prepare thy sneers and enjoy the show. Hey everybody, welcome back to Distractible. I'm Wade, last week's winner. We are into the year of 2022 a bit now. I'm joined by Mark and Bob. How's the year been for you guys? you doing good hello yeah not bad you know normal year stuff i guess is resolutions getting any better never bad to begin with never bad to begin to begin to give me a bob me too whatever mark said same yeah okay well i've absolutely failed to have one or follow through with mine at all so there we go all right well so what's new what's been going on i guess we didn't really talk too much about uh how everyone's holiday went i had a flight that i thought i was gonna die on for purely comedic reasons bob's the new host

we're gonna call this episode bob's flight no no no no no no oh okay no no no it's not it's not enough it's not enough oh but it's it is a small story worth telling. So we flew to Ohio for the holiday season and then we flew home. And on the flight from, we couldn't get a direct anymore, which is such a pain in the ass. Not that bad considering we flew across the whole country in one day, but traveling with the dog, having to transfer planes and stuff is a pain. And the first flight was like a little regional one. It was like a short flight and then the longer flight on a bigger plane.

And the little plane that we're on, we're all boarded and we're sitting waiting for it to go. And it's kind of, you know, when you hit that moment where you're like, huh, it's weird. We're not like moving yet. You start having those thoughts of like, oh, God, is the plane broken? Are we waiting for someone to get on? Maybe the crew member's not here. I don't know. We hit that moment of like, oh, shit.

Oh, God. And then suddenly one of, one of the people, the outside, the plane people came inside the plane. Is it weird? Yeah. Those guys aren't supposed to be there. The outsiders. Yeah, no, that's not a good sign. And this, this woman comes in who's all it's raining and gross out by the way. So she's like soaking wet, comes in and is like, we can't fit the luggage in the plane. Captain, we can't fit all your luggage. And the captain's kind of like, don't they design them for that? Like, I don't know. Does they know how many people fit in this plane? And the lady is just like, I don't know. We can't fit it in. We got a couple of bags left. We can't fit. And the captain is like, okay, um, that's

kind of your thing. Like, what do you do when this happens? She's like, I don't know. This never happens. We just can't fit all the luggage. And so we're sitting here when this happens she's like i don't know this never happens we just can't fit all the luggage and so we're sitting here watching this and i'm like this isn't a reason for us to not fly but also what's the resolution to this whoever's bags didn't get on they're just like oh fuck you guys sorry we we lost your bags they'll be here whenever so the captain is like not interested he's clearly out of you know he's tired whatever and the lady's just like you got any extra seats and you know there's a whole exchange right like you got extra seats if there's too many bags how can we possibly have extra seats and one of the flight attendants chimes in like yeah we got a couple empty seats and the lady's like well we

can just put them in there and the captain's like i don't think you can put bags and seats that doesn't seem right is there a rule about that like everyone is just talking and it's like how do none of you know what's happening i'm sure it's safe maybe but this plane is about to fly through the sky and you're just like yeah just stick them in and so eventually the captain is like executive decision no putting bags in seats that seems bad and they're like well we'll wedge them under the seats in like the beginning in the carry-on and then you know how there's like the the closet at the front where the um the like crew can put like their jackets or whatever it's at some point one of the flight hens is like well we got the closet what if we take the jackets and stuff out of the

closet and just wedge it with uh suitcases and the baggage person is like yeah yeah that'll work and it's like a clown car they keep bringing bags and they put one and then one and they stack the whole closet and there's like a little bit at the top. And she's like, we could fit one in there. And the flight attendants are like, oh, don't break stuff. And the outside bag person is like, they don't break and start slamming the bag in there, like wedging it. And like they get it wedged and then they start trying to close the door.

It's like a sliding door on the closet. It's like that thing that like kids do where you stuff everything in the closet. And as you're closing the door, you have to have your fingers and be like, tuck that in, tuck that in, tuck that in. So this, this goes on for like 25 minutes, all open conversations in front of the whole plane. I don't know if anyone else is paying attention, but I'm just watching. And I'm like, these planes are engineered to have specific, you know, weight limits.

I'm sure if the bags aren't fitting, that probably means you've reached the maximum amount of bags you're supposed to have. There's like weight distributions. I don't think you're supposed to have several hundred pounds of bags in the coat closet at the front of the plane like my eye is just racing through all of this stuff of like they're packing it like it's the family station wagon but it's a carefully engineered flying machine obviously i'm alive but there was just like the weirdest delay it wasn't even like i was mad i was just watching just like ah is that okay ah they're just piling bags in like they're trying to strap them into the seats like they're people that doesn't seem right i don't know i would love

it if they had to like call someone like a manager to come in they're like oh man i don't know i guess we'll have to call the engineer and they call the engineer and he's like well i engineer the engines i don't really know about the weight distribution i'll have to call in the weight distribution engineer and just more and more people keep coming in like staring at this closet to see if the bags are okay there i would have preferred that i think the biggest thing was they kept looking at the captain right the pilot guy and he know i'm sure he knows everything about flying the plane but they would be like oh can we do that with the bags and he's like ah i don't know yeah you describe him as being like kind of tired and

disinterested which are two qualities i would not want in my captain also i mean look planes basically fly themselves as long as he's there for takeoff and landing i'm sure it's fine pilots are probably exhausted because it's busy and they're they're doing lots of flights i'm sure but like everyone kept looking at him like he should know and his only answer was like i don't i don't do bags you know i don't really handle passengers anything behind the cockpit door i don't know and then they would just be like okay we'll just make the decision ourself you know a flight attendant and a baggage handler we probably know all the rules about airplanes and stuff maybe they do maybe they just weren't communicating to us because we weren't really part of that.

It just was like, I think I tweeted too. I was watching this and as they're doing this, I tweeted like, if you see reports of a plane falling out of the sky because it was comedically packed and unbalanced or something, that was us. It's been nice. I'd like to think there was a prank

of the other flights around you were diverting their bags just to see how these guys handled it. Yeah, we'll get it sorted out later. Just throw a few more bags in there. See what happens. I want to see it pop. All the windows like explode out and bags shooting everywhere. I guess it's fine.

I guess we're fine. So, worked out. Well, you are alive and still here, right? Yes. Found your tweet, Bob. The flight crew is stashing extra bags all over this flight like it's a family station wagon and we gotta wedge grandma's christmas presents up against the roof it really like the mix of tones was rough because the baggage handler person from outside the play was just like we gotta get them in they'll be fine and all the people on the plane were like

i don't know i don't i don't know the i don't know the rules about this i think i think it'll be is that bad i don't think that's bad it's like oh at least pretend to be confident goddamn i can't believe they had this conversation like not elsewhere right in front of all of you yeah where else would they have it they're not gonna go off the plane someone would put bags in their spot like i don't know sometimes they lock themselves into the cockpit unless it's like a really small plane i I guess. No, it was a regional flight. It was like the world's smallest airplane, you know? Those ones where there's somehow there's like 120 people on it, but also none of you are more than six inches away from each other. Yeah.

They had nowhere to go. Like, I could hear the conversation in the cockpit from where we were, because it was 30 feet away. I imagine everyone on the plane was sitting there listening and like looking around like, is anyone else worried? No, everyone else has played it cool. right i'll play it cool i mean well no one was worried it was all the people on the plane being like i could stack those bags nicely let me take a crack at it hey you need some hands up there all the dads on the plane were like oh you gotta turn that one ah you did this all wrong put a handle first i'm just gonna repack this you did it all wrong the problem is these wires and pipes and tubes here. If we just move those,

there's more room for bags. Can I trim some of this extra cable out of here? Do you need this? What's with all this oxygen? There's oxygen in the air! Open a window! We really need an oxygen mask for every single person plus children. We can't cut down the rainforest because we need the oxygen mask for every single person plus children we can't cut down the rainforest because we need the oxygen but look at you making your own right here yeah that's fine that's good i'm glad you're alive because i don't think i would have expected that after hearing that wasn't there

a plane that had issues last year because of bags not being like distributed properly in the bottom i'm sure yes it was probably those guys it was those exact people this one combination of people keeps getting together because they all fly out of the same airport and work yeah and this one baggage handling lady is just like it'll fit just wet it'll fit in there the guys are actually three suitcases in a trench coat that are plotting their revenge against everyone. They are quietly shipping the entire suitcase army into position for the takeover. So that's Christmas.

I hate to ask, but how was your New Year? While I was boarding this submarine uh no new year's was cool that's cool my family plays a lot of p-knuckle played a lot of p-knuckle sometimes fun fun card game mark how was your holidays honestly i didn't do anything that warranted any kind of uh story i was pretty much home the whole time i played a lot of video games um made some videos there was uh five nights at freddy's security breach that was like the entirety of my holidays because those always drop at the worst possible time i mean it was

good timing for me because i had nothing else to do and it was like oh yeah content well that's true for you it would have been yeah if you're like at home but can you imagine if you were like traveling or in sensi or something and that dropped right then oh yeah yeah i mean it's it's kind of one of those things and i don't mean to be egotistical about it but people seem to be willing to wait for me to play those games oh yeah me too they're still waiting they'll be waiting a while but yeah they're they're waiting but i was just like i don't know it's just it's one of those things where i try to be topical but i'm not gonna destroy myself to try to get it up but yeah that's pretty much all i did i got nothing

give bob the points i know i deserve nothing oh i forgot yeah bob have uh have three points one per grandma's present you had to hold the whole trip oh thanks you're welcome don't forget you're the host i don't know why i assume your grandma gave you three presents but i'm assuming you got three because my grandma loves me sure and hasn't listened to this podcast yet so her opinion has not changed well i saw my aunt on christmas eve and while visiting we found out that my mom had tested positive for covid we'd seen her a few days before so then molly and i were like scrambling trying to stay away from my family we ended up being locked up christmas day the next day sorry yeah just scrambling i just imagine you're all standing around you get like a you get a call or a text

so they're like oh god no mom mom tested positive mom we were just with her two days ago molly we gotta go we gotta go you're just like running out the house your family's like wait yeah they're like serving dessert they're like would you like some pie? We're like, we gotta go. We just book it out. We're already together. No, we gotta get out of here. Stay back. Weird Christmas chase scene going on outside in the neighborhood.

No, we found out a little bit before we saw my family. We tried to get tested and everything else. And it was just a nightmare. All the places were out of test and lines were hours long. And it was just a complete disaster. Then Christmas day we stayed home didn't see anybody we spent new year's we didn't even watch the ball drop running on new year's we just looked at the clock like oh it's after midnight happy new year i guess that was it it was so lame it was a a rough week and a half two week span there but it's the new year now and And as such, we're going to talk about a very uplifting topic today.

And that is all of your shitty bad habits. Oh, no, no. Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, no. Yeah. Let's talk about some bad habits people have. I got to go this episode.

I just remember. I'm sorry. We're already together. The doors are locked. Suddenly, I feel really sick. Kind of like right before that sour challenge thing we did i don't feel so good oh no no yes super weird i'm just i think lying might be a bad habit you two need to work you got me that's my bad habit all right okay good episode man

you're not done yet all right oh god it seems like it uh get approval before we start the episode type of topic but i guess we're doing it i made sure to keep this one close to the vest and i will let y'all in on my couple of bad habits i have right off the bat looking at this list of top 10 bad habits there's some lists that are like hundreds long 50 long but the top 10 on this list are smoking swearing picking your nose biting your fingernails drinking too much coffee watching reality tv fast food alcohol how alcohol's eighth on the list i don't know after watching reality tv that's a worse bad habit than alcohol apparently it is going shopping or uh what's the retail therapy uh and racking up debt on your credit

cards which i guess is around the same thing. Those are the top 10 listed here. I swear a lot. I'm a nail biter and I eat a lot of fast food. I got to admit to those right off the bat, but my nail biting has been one I've been trying to break since I was like single digits and I have been unable to successfully break it. I still bite my nails like a madman.

As you mentioned that I'm looking at my nails that I freshly bit just this morning, like legitimately just this morning. I actually don't do that it's a miracle when i don't have nails left i bite the skin around the nails wait well i do that i chew i bite my like cuticles and hangnails and stuff so the same difference i guess i'm a cannibal of my own body yeah it's fine it's normal i see this list this nail biting is making your hands ugly. Sleeping in is making you late. Smoking, fast food, sitting all day and wasting all time. Four

out of the five of those I do, but I have an objection with some of these. What's that? Because yes, I have bad habits. I know that. But fast food doesn't necessarily make you fat. That's not how it works. Yeah, it is. Fast food can be convenient if you make good choices with it. It's not that one

type of food is bad as a fat myself i can tell you eat one mcdouble you're fat no way around it that's why i don't get the mcdouble i get the double cheeseburger so that way it has two slices of cheese not one oh yeah well you don't put anything else on so it might be any of those ingredients you admit but i disagree with that statement fundamentally, even though my experience in being fat is not the same. But it's like I sit all day as well. And it says sitting all day is making you fat. I sit all day and wasting time online. That's what we're doing.

And the people, good people of this podcast are doing right now. That's my job. I don't know. That's all of our jobs i know we can't let them do this to us our bad habits do not need to be shamed and we don't need to talk about them publicly i am raising an uprising against this podcast episode okay well let's continue to talk about our bad habits publicly and shame each other for them. Okay. All right. Fine. I'll do my best. Whoa.

What are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know, you're driving a 2024 Ford escape with available Alexa built in so you can change the music. Oh yeah. Alexa change station to 99.2. See purchase a 2024 escape ST line.

All wheel drive with tech pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. I did the same thing. I was just like Googling, like, what are the most common bad habits? And when you brought it up, Wade, obviously, I thought it.

I was like, oh, no, I have a a few things i do all the things on this list i didn't even know some of these were bad habits i don't know the shit that you do yeah i don't know this list has hanging out with naysayers as number three hanging out with naysayers who wrote that which which list are you looking at i've got 173 bad habits link it in the discord okay i'm gonna link both of them i've got a pavlok and a life hack okay i got pavlok that's what i'm looking at right now i'm looking at examples dot your dictionary that you know what this is probably not a good list i'm gonna switch to pavlok seriously though i do all of this none of these have opening twitter 15 tabs on your computer as a bad habit and i feel

like that's when i do a lot okay yeah wait let me okay swearing yes what is trictolomania what the hell is that pulling hair oh that's number two i was swearing number one you know what's probably worse than that i don't know smoking cigarettes. What kind of saint wrote this list, huh? Drinking tea is on top of alcohol. Why is tea a bad habit? This person just hates British people. Yeah. That's what's going on here. Did we figure out what trichotillomania is?

It's pulling hair, so I think it's like ripping hair out. Wait, how is pulling hair different than hair picking? Now, I will admit, what if I combine number two and number three, where I sometimes, I don't do this often, but I'll rip nose hairs out. I've done the same thing. Just so I can feel something. You what? Why would you do that?

I take my thumb and my middle finger, I find a nose. I'm like, that can't be there. And I yank the fucker out. Exactly. I do the same thing. It's usually when i'm looking in the mirror and i like scrunch my nose up i see hairs poking down i'm like i can't allow this that's not my mustache that's my nose and yeah it hurts like a bitch but you know i it's for

grooming sake it's perfectly normal dude the people that wrote these lists just hate life. On this list, on the Pavlok one, eating candy, not eating too much candy, just eating candy ever. Eating chocolate ever. Eating meat, just meat. Eating meat. Having a sad existence. Snacking. Using slang. Using slang.

I shall never use a slang term. Lol. I know. Good God. Eating candy, eating white sugar, eating chocolate. Chewing gum. Humming to yourself. Eating dairy, eating gluten, eating anything.

I don't think these are bad habits. I think this is a person who just hates life. Snacking. Sleeping in. Using your maiden name as number 33. Giving away tells in poker. Not holding eye contact. Watching TV right after work.

What do you want me to watch it? During work? Nibbling while cooking. Overspending, underspending, overeating, undereating. Overs overspending underspending overeating under eating overspending underspending normal spending this just did using your maiden name is twice the bad habit that not brushing your teeth is wow over medicating what well let's put dying on the list this one's not even had this is an accident for getting your wallet or keys in random places that's an accident okay well uh hold on i do that all the time no you're atrocious but it's not on purpose it's not a habit if you don't do it you're right i guess it is a

habit if you do it a lot even if it's something you do accidentally no no let's define a habit because i was actually just watching a video about this yesterday where a habit is divided up into four different segments there's a q which cues you to start thinking about the habit there's uh something else there's another name for the second step which is like wow something thank you this is illuminating cool then the third one is action and reward it's q something starts with a c come action reward come did Cue, come, and break the habit. Cue, come. Cue, come, action reward. It's like a director on a porn set. Cue, come, action. That's how they make cucumbers. The third step must be burr. Cue, you come, and you burr. The cucumber of a bad habit yeah we all know it we all know it but no okay so a habit is only a it's a cyclical process that starts with you doing something that has a reward at the end of it

whether it's conscious or unconscious of you doing the habit that's a habit right you've done it so much that you just yeah it's what you do so half of these don't apply to that what are you laughing oh i gotta throw this in there number 135 is shoplifting 136 and i quote m&ms Wow. Oh, wow. Scratching an itch is apparently a bad habit. 1.56, kissing and telling. I feel like this list is just like a nun standing in front of a class of teenagers who's just like, you've all developed a lot of bad habits

with your cell phones and your gum and your m&ms and your shoplifts like what are you just listing things you don't like we don't borrowing and not returning items belching bullying people what a bad habit that is the 152 and 153 are just flaking out and freeloading what is this a 1970s dad trying to shame you into being a better son why is 127 specifically watching seinfeld reruns like what is that about is this a meme only seinfeld so just to just to clarify i do feel like this is a list i guess it's a list of bad habits is what it's written as this is a list for a device called the pavlok which is a wearable device it helps you break bad habits by shocking your wrist wait you're saying there's a

way i could stop watching seinfeld reruns for five days you do the habit you want to quit pavlok will administer an electric stimulus as you do the bad habit and a vibration as you do good habits it's just a shock collar for humans that shocks you out of doing apparently the worst thing in the world which is watching seinfeld reruns or picari sweat from japan seriously if you drink this for two or three days your body will crave it instead of water in parentheses that's the longest one written out here i think i know i see that one putting dishes in sink and not washing them which i have heard is something you shouldn't do you should not pre-wash your dishes because modern dishwashers are efficient enough that you don't need to do it i don't like crap cake down my dishes no you pre-wash if they're bad no you scrape the food

off but you let the dishwasher do its job sure i mean i don't wash them completely but i wash no i wash the gun off don't even bother you have to no i don't know what dishwasher you have in your fancy house you don't have to do none of the pre-washing how many mobile games do you think there are out there because only kingdom rush is a bad habit according to this this episode of distractible is sponsored by raid shadow legend i forgot are we we must have missed that one in the ads i think i might be the only human who's not played that game it'd be very popular you play raid right wade i did i've not played it in a bit but i was playing it for a few months uh earlier in the year yeah i was playing

it a lot it was fun it was fun strategic i have a gripe with all mobile games and that's that you get to a certain point in the game and it's like you literally can't compete unless you have thousands of dollars to pour into these games to like get the best of everything or else it takes 10 years to get something that's outdated by the time next month rolls around. Yeah. But you know, mobile games are a bad habit. They are. We should break them. Especially that one. Yeah.

Kingdom Rush. Have you guys ever tried though? Have you ever really tried breaking a bad habit? I have tried to stop biting my nails like hardcore. I actually rechipped my tooth a few months ago biting a hangnail. That's not a good thing to do. No. This is such a serendipitous thing because literally just yesterday,

I was watching a lot of videos to do no this is such a serendipitous thing because literally just yesterday i was watching a lot of videos in to do with breaking habits because like with this new year i've been trying to do a few things to get better at like bad habits and good habits and establishing them and um there was one study you guys probably heard of it it's it's the one where they have some kids and they give them a marshmallow right and they say if you don't eat the marshmallow like i'm gonna leave and i'm gonna come say, if you don't eat the marshmallow, like I'm going to leave and I'm going to come back. And if you don't eat the marshmallow, by the time I come back, you'll get two marshmallows. It's a study in delayed gratification, right? If you can wait, you'll get twice as much reward. But the thing was with the kids, only a third of them were able to wait the 10 minutes before the person come back. And it's like, it doesn't seem like it's related

to being a bad habit, but it is in relation to self-control, which is the core of trying to break a bad habit, right? And what they found is they did another study with adults, and this one hasn't been as verified, but it's a study with adults that was talking about, okay, is self-control and willpower in general something that is a depletable resource in humans. Like if someone uses up a lot of willpower to try to control them and try to avoid a habit or try to not do something, is that something that will lead them to not be able to resist something else down the road? And what they found was that yes, they did because they did a similar experiment with adults.

And again, I don't know how much this has been verified, but they had two groups of people go into a room and there was a plate of radishes, I think, and a plate of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. And half of the group, they said you could not eat the chocolate chip cookies. You had to eat the radishes. The other group could eat whatever they want. Didn't really matter. After they like finished their meal or whatever they ate, they went and had the people do a puzzle. Both groups did the same puzzle, which is just an assembly puzzle. But the thing was, the puzzle was impossible. There was no way to solve the puzzle. And it was just a measure of see how long they would persevere to try to solve the puzzle. And the thing was, the group that had the radishes and had to exert some willpower

to not eat the chocolate chip cookies, which were there and tempting, not during the puzzle, but just before, lasted half as long at solving the puzzle as the group that could eat whatever they wanted literally half like as long so there was a significant drop and they're willing to do work that was impossible i mean maybe they figured it out or maybe they just like didn't want to do it you know what i mean well they just had to eat a whole plate of radishes and they were like ah i need some fucking water radishes are spicy so if i was forced to eat healthy food all the time i would only work about 30 seconds a day is what you're saying yes exactly this is the conclusion this is how science works everybody everybody write it down i don't want to disparage an entire uh type of science but i'm gonna. Whenever I hear an explanation

of a social science experiment of this nature, which I feel like a lot of them are like, how do we test people's, you know, something about a person without telling them or having them tell us? It's always like, we had them eat two cookies and then we walked them down the hall to a room filled with pictures of the cookies they ate.

And then we had them do an interview with the mother of the cookies that they ate. One group saw the pictures and one group didn't see the pictures. And then we assessed the level of guilt that they felt about eating these cookies and leaving their mother childless. It always makes me feel like people who do

come up with these experiments and do social science, are they not human? Are they aliens trying to learn how humans work or what? Because when you read the question of is willpower a limited resource, is there any person alive who's a normal, like, I don't know, has had a relatively, you know, experience within the realm of humanity, some kind of relatable experience, who wouldn't agree that, yeah, obviously it is?

Does that need to be empirically tested i mean honestly this is a kind of science confirming things that literally every person has experienced because at some point you have to do something and you don't want to and after you do it you're like oh fuck i hated that and then you don't want to do that anymore like oh it just sounds crazy to me does it not sound crazy to you guys or do you just are you interested no i'm interested but also yeah it does make total sense but there are many things that would make complete sense but you never think about it and then once you do you're like oh god of course and that's one of those things and the reason i bring it up is like when it comes down to breaking a bad habit what they discovered about that kid experiment the third that didn't eat the

marshmallow had higher set scores were more successful later in life. All these incredible things. And do you know what they did to do it? The only thing they did to not eat those marshmallows, it's not like they were super humans from birth and like with incredible self-control. All they did was- They just like didn't look at it or something? They didn't look at it. They did whatever they could to get it off their mind, to not think about it.

That's it. They look away. They come up with games to play while mind to not think about it that's it they look away they come up with games to play while they're not thinking about the marshmallow it's like the kids who looked at it longer wanted to eventually caved in and that's like the whole thing about habits is like yes or unconscious habits that you do unconsciously and you kind of have to catch yourself to do them but when you're trying to not do something the most important thing is just to not think about it period because if you think about it But when you're trying to not do something, the most important thing is just to not think about it, period. Because if you think about it, even if you're thinking about like, I can't do X, Y, Z, I'm trying to quit smoking. I can't take one. It'd

be bad. Even thinking about that, trying to get justification for you not doing it is sapping your willpower at every moment. So it's interesting. I mean, so that's the thing. I do find them interesting social science experiments especially ones that really probe like the more complex nature of humanity and morality and stuff but they just all seem like they're designed by a lizard who's like and why would you eat the marshmallow you were told not to i can't understand all right well you know someone's got to do the science man someone's got to ask the question just because you know someone's gotta do the science man someone's gotta ask the question just because you're not willing to do it that must be fun science dude

like theoretical physicists are like oh the building blocks of the universe how do we unify and social science people are just like is it more painful to fart or not fart we should get some beans and some college students and see about farting. And we can draw conclusions about whether it's good to fart or not. And the social science dean is like, yep, that's science.

Yeah. Meanwhile, I'll bite this plate of fresh cookies for my next experiment, which is whether or not kissing on the lips is something you want to do after a cookie i want to conduct an experiment where i see how uh strangers kissing me on the lips affects my mood i'm just gonna pay a bunch of college co-eds to come kiss me on the lips one at a time

see if i like that or not i don't know if i will but that's my science is here i had a thing recently that i had to google i was like molly she was like real gassy when i was like please stop and she's like you want me to hold it in it'll go into my bloodstream and come out of my breath you want me to have fart breath i was like no no i don't i was like what happens if you don't fart when you like i had to search it up because I was afraid Molly was gonna develop fart breath well this is the explanation I tried to give Amy but she doesn't buy it and I'm like uh what do you think happens no I can't cut all this out she would be so look you may be comfortable talking about Molly but I will not slander Amy on this podcast Amy farts you heard it first Mark Plyer amy far no amy does not fart that's

the thing oh so she's not human amy should fart that's what i'm saying and i'm so glad we're not talking march new year's resolution is to get amy to fart yeah got it i'm glad you finally found your resolution now this is your resolution i'm finding it for you i have resolutions you don't have one this is your resolution you take it man my resolution is to give you this resolution the honor is yours i was gonna say i'll give you three points if you take that resolution i take it i'll take it all right three points all right fail any resolutions yet mark nope i have till the end of the year and i just say i feel way worse about myself when when you mentioned the topic to begin with i was like uh i think i said this i was like i don't know i have some bad habits everything is a bad

habit what's a good habit what do you do that's a good habit because i feel like everything on this list is like 111 is talking about your sister behind her back is bad maybe talking about your sister in front of her face is a good habit talking about your brother behind your back oh okay behind my own back according to number 112 then gluing scabs onto your skin must be a good habit yeah popping zits is bad so gaining zits must be good checks out being underly critical being overly agreeable it must be a good habit putting dishes on the floor and washing them must be a good habit biting other people's lips since biting your lips is bad okay so it's it's eating white sugar is bad and chocolate is bad but eating black sugar and eating white chocolate would be good if candy's bad and m&ms is its own

separate thing does that mean skittles is good drinking soda and pop drinking beer and blood obsessively checking your android would be different than checking your iphone knowing it all is bad so knowing nothing is good so if you're an idiot that's a good habit eating meat being eaten alive perfect chewing tobacco is bad what about swallowing tobacco video games audio puzzles good audio puzzle is a game is a puzzle the opposite of a game uh uh audio uh audio audio lectures oh yeah that one that's better flaking in wouldn't it be chunking in talking to yourself screaming at everyone perfect scream it seems like everything in class is bad so if you're not in class, don't take classes. Then you can't be late, and you can't do all the bad things in class.

Masturbating's bad, so just have lots of sex with people. Shove-se-oh. Go ahead. Go ahead. No, you go. You're shoving what? Nothing. Sh-oh-oh?

Whoop. Mm. Huh? What were you saying? Uh, falling asleep in class is is bad but if someone carries you into class while you're asleep and you wake up in class that's good that is good that's a tough habit to maintain man yeah you gotta have a carrier for each class you gotta really schedule your nap so they time out right that's a tough life yeah you gotta find someone who says yes to

everything that's a bad habit that they need to break but before they break it take advantage of it i don't see taking advantage of people on this list so that might still be okay that might be a good habit all right so how to change your bad habits right a lot of these tips seem to revolve around tracking and identifying things that trigger your habit and either replacing the trigger or giving yourself some sort of temporary alternate habit let's provide the listeners with some valuable advice okay let's pick a habit and try and okay what cut off your fingers you don't have nails uh that's not a trigger though what's the trigger we gotta go through the process for me it's whenever i feel

a rough spot on my finger i think it's like a nervous habit too. Sometimes I find myself biting my nails. I'm like, when did I start doing this? But if I feel like a rough spot on a nail or like on my skin around my nail, I'm like, I must feast on you. Well, like your nail is chipped, like a jagged edge or something? Yeah. Like if there's just a spot that stands, I think it's sharper than the rest of the nail

or yeah, a little jagged edge or a hang nail or okay so you need to get manicures okay that's better than chopping off my fingers there's like a better solution manicure i man it's like i feel like these things are things that you don't necessarily need to break as a habit right because it's not hurting you it's not hurting anyone that's for your teeth i don't know they say that but i think that's just something they say to try to make you not do it how bad could it possibly be versus like a soda or something like that versus not brushing one night how like you don't bite your nails every day maybe some people do but i i like i doubt

everyone does it can't be as bad as other things are currently for your teeth so my thought process is just like there's got to be something else process is just like, there's got to be something else going on here. There's, you know, there's got to be like some other habit to really like hone down. You know what I'm saying? You think there's a habit behind the habit? I think so. I think so. That's what you need to change? Yeah, absolutely. That's what I'm a hundred percent thinking. Well, no, I'm just saying like there are worse habits. So you can only change so many things. So why would you waste time trying to change something as innocuous as say biting your nails the bad habits would be self-destructive things right

like smoking or um i like addiction to pretty much addictions right addictions are probably the habits that are the worst ones that people need to try to break because they are heavily reinforced on the reward side whereas biting your nails there's no real reward for it it's just something you do purely out of unconscious habit after eating wings or something sometimes they can be flavor you get that hot sauce soaked into your skin you got a snack for later why would you be why would you be why are you be have you ever bitten a nail and there's a nasty flavor you're like what the fuck is this no oh yeah me either way just looks looks down his nail there's something kind of like blackish brownish

under under the nail like he scraped something he's like just goes to town and tries to get it out like i gotta taste what that is yeah let's find out is it chocolate or is it poop i don't remember doing either of those recently i have no idea why would it be poop why would it be poop oh i don't know sometimes you get poop nails i don't know yeah sometimes you just get poop nails you're telling me you never get poop nails mark i've never had poop nails a day in my life well look at you so successful you don't never get poop nails, Mark. I've never had poop nails a day in my life. Well, look at you. So successful. You don't even get poop nails anymore.

Anymore? When would you get poop nails? I don't know, man. When have you got poop nails? Come on. Every kid's played with a little duke before. I don't know about that, man. And it's still under my nails to this day. I have an idea.

Your nails are just like this weird storage thing. Someone is like, hey, Wade, do you want some Cheetos? Do you want some Cheetos? I'm like, nah, I got some. You look down at your hand like, I think that was in the pinky. I think I got some Cheetos dust in my pinky. Dig it in out. Have a little snack.

Yeah, sometimes Cheetos, those can flavor your fingers for a while. That cheese soaks in. That'd be good for you. So you like plan out your day's snack based on what nail you want to occupy you that day. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, sometimes you got to eat with the pinky and the thumb because your other three fingers are already flavored up for the day. No, I'm talking, this is premeditated pinkies.

You go about your days knowing you have storage. You actually replaced your nails with little like pockets. You've hollowed out each finger so that there's more room in there for the flavors. So you just got to pop the top off of your nail. I got a chocolate for my thumb, barbecue sauce for the index, hot sauce for my middle finger. You have your sweet and sour for the ring finger and a little teriyaki on the pinky. And then a whole other hand if you want to go crazy. I've actually replaced all my fingers with sauce dispensers.

So at any moment, you know. What do you have, garlic sauce, butter, and salt? You need some sriracha over there? Oh, Frank's Red Hot right here. You can put that shit on anything. I'll put it on anything. How much sauce can your finger dispensers hold? Is it the volume of your fingers or is it bigger than that?

I've actually threaded the tendons that reach all the way up to my elbow because your fingers are controlled by very fine motors from your forearm. So it's really quite a hefty tube. His heart is just a container of different sauce flavors and the veins pump out. When you go to dispense, you hold your head out and it's like... Why is it like that? You're like, oh, it pumps with my heart. It's very ejaculatory sauce.

It's not constant, you know. The worst is the mayonnaise coming out of the left big toe. The mayonnaise toe is the worst. You have to get it excited. You want some mayonnaise? Hang on. Take off your shoe and sock.

Don't move it. No one's going to believe that's mayonnaise. No one. They're not even going to believe my intricate system of sauces in my body. They're just going to think I'm jerking off on their salad. I don't know why they want mayonnaise on their salad but work with me see i do the ketchup nose bit where they think i've got a bloody nose but it's just the ketchup dispenser i like to trick people into think that i'm doing something horribly obscene but really i'm just shooting

sauce out my nose well that's why i made my penis the mustard dispenser that way they know it's not mayo. Yeah, yellow thing out of my dick Yeah, they won't think it's mayo They don't want to think it's something gross Wait till they see the chocolate dispenser around the corner Wait till you see the fudge shop I can dispense very neatly packaged individual logs of fudge, you could say. Yes, yes. If you all don't break your bad habits out there, you're going to end up as stupid as we are.

Yeah, exactly. That's your warning. What is a real bad habit that you guys have? All right, are we doing real talk? I think we can do real talk. Do a little real talk? Yes. I smoked cigarettes for a time. I did it. all right are we doing real talk i think i think we do real talk do a little real talk yes i uh i

i i smoked cigarettes for a time yeah i did it nail biting and i i chew on my lower lip sometimes how we just established that that sort of stuff is not no no we're talking like bad bad habits well i do i will say this is gonna sound really douchey i'm sorry to anyone out there who has like a nicotine addiction because i know it's really rough. Nicotine never did it for me. So I was a musician and musicians smoke a lot. Like that's just sort of part of the culture, especially when you're on a gig or whatever. You know, between sets, you go behind the bar, you have a drink. Everyone sort of hangs out, has a cigarette, whatever.

I've always liked cigars. I enjoyed the buzz that you get from smoking. Like it certainly gives you the the nicotine high but i never felt like i was addicted to it and i don't know why that maybe i just am lucky genetically not disposed but like i just wouldn't it was like drinking for me yeah like i would be at a place to be like sure i'll share one with you guys whatever and then the next day i'd wake up and be like okay i'm good and not addicted i'm going to go buy a pack or whatever. But like I did that.

It's still a bad habit, but I don't know. I don't know if that counts, I guess. Yeah. I never got addicted to drinking, but back in 2012, there was a three month stretch where I was going to hang out with our friend Jesse up at Miami university in Ohio. And I remember we would like go out drinking like once or twice a week, almost every week for like two or three months. I never got addicted to drinking, but I started to like get comfortable in the lifestyle of just going out and having some drinks and

chatting it up and like, you know, live in that bar life a little bit. And I can very easily see how that becomes habit forming and then an addiction because it's not like you're really aware of the substance you're taking in. It's more like the situation. And then I imagine one day you wake up and then like the substance has also taken over your life. And by that point it's too late but just that situation of like going from like i don't know feeling like depressed and alone at home to like going out and just having laughs with people you don't even know just like striking up conversation laughing and drinking whatever like it did have an intoxication like no pun intended with intoxication but it was like an intoxicating atmosphere as well on top of that so that was that one was one especially with my

family history that was probably dangerous for me but thankfully i was cognizantly aware of like what was going on and like i stopped it whenever i realized it was becoming too much of like a i'm looking a little bit too forward to going out and drinking yeah thankfully i've i've like with my history with alcohol i couldn't be addicted even if i wanted to um and i've i've like i've smoked before i've had like a cigarette or two and I've tried vaping, but I've never really like been addicted, but I did when I was younger. I know it's not the same, but I feel like I was addicted to pornography in a weird way. Yeah. Pornography. I don't know why I'm saying it like that. I've heard people mention that before. That's, that's a, that's not as uncommon. I think

a lot of people are. I think it's, it was one of those sneaking things. Like you don't even realize it because you never even would understand that it would be a problem i mean teen me looking at porn every day constantly because i was unbelievably fascinated with boobs and and sex in general like that there's a free buffet of breasts on the internet it's hard to stop it feels like a very common thing but then i realized like the way that was kind of like distorting my perception of how like sex was like going into my first sexual experience of my life was just the most bizarre thing because in no way is it ever going to be or should be like it is in pornography and i have no problem with porn don't get me wrong like i got no problem with it um but there is like an excessiveness to it there's like this consuming chasing just like other drugs where you're like constantly on the lookout for like novelty and uh uh like uh more intense types of porn that you

just have to like exceed what you had before and that's like the addiction cycle what did it for you before is not the same and so like i feel like at some point in my life i i could definitely say i was addicted to porn i just like the idea of your first sexual encounter. A girl, you know, like you're texting or whatever. She's like, you should come over. It's like late at night. Like clearly a booty call. You're like, all right, all right.

And you show up at the door with like a huge bucket of popcorn with a hole cut in it and your dick in there. And you just sit down and you're like, hey, it's nice to be here at your house. And she's just like, what the fuck? What is this? What are you doing? And you're like, don't be like that. Get over here. And you just start getting naked.

Why aren't you stuck in the dryer, Step Sis? I'm just wheeling my own dryer in case I don't have one. It's the only thing that does it for me. Can you just get in there? Yeah, I know, mean that is a thing with the internet it's becoming more and more there's so much like specific and more niche stuff because i feel like porn has been a thing for a long time but like in our parents generation it was like you could get a playboy or hustler things like that magazines or you could maybe if you had a connection or once you got old enough, you could like go to the gross movie store, you know,

and buy like a couple of movies, VHS or whatever. But those all require like printing a thing or creating the VHS, distributing to stores, the internet in the same way that you can make content that is, you know, PG rated and post it on YouTube in five seconds and all you need is like a cell phone and an internet connection. You make porn in like five seconds.

All you need is a cell phone and internet connection. You post it on whatever, all these sites that Pornhub and places that will just let you make a page and post whatever you want. There's all kinds of stuff. It's like a rabbit hole, especially for young people, probably young boys, but you know, adolescent people who are like, what is i feel all these things and then you just go down the rabbit hole whatever specific thing you might search for it's like oh that does exist fine yeah thing for balloons i guess i don't know did i ever tell you guys my first experience with porn what did you just link what did you just

link we talked about the sex dolls a while back. Not to interrupt your story. No, this is worthy of it. What is this? There was a man who married his sex doll and apparently now he's in love with an ashtray. Is this an Onion article? I feel like this is an Onion article. This is a NewYorkPost.com article from this last year, September of 2021. Okay, so this shouldn't be taken seriously. It's New York Post, not New York Times.

It's not a joke on purpose. Hey, he wants to put a vajayjay on his ashtray. Can you really blame him for that? It's New York Post, okay? They print stuff. They print stuff, yeah. It's the strongest argument I got, sorry. Yeah, they do print stuff.

All right, anyway, so did I ever tell you guys of my first experience with porn? I don't think so no I think we might have passed over that one okay so it was about when I was maybe 10 11 and it's not what you think me and my friends we were out in the woods and we found this VHS tape like in the creek it's it's nice omin Ominous. Yeah. This is a cursed video. Seven days to come. Exactly. And so we're going to come in seven days. We brought it back and it said, I forget what the name is, but it like said on the label, like clearly it was porn.

And this, this kid friend from the neighborhood was just like, oh my God, do you know what this is? I'm like, I don't know what this is. And so we bring it back and it's a vhs tape right we have a uh like a vhs player and we don't think to play it because that would be too obvious we'd get caught there'd be some kind of record of it you know what i mean oh we can't do that so what we do with our knowledge of how vhs tapes work is we pull the ribbon out get a flashlight try to shine it through the ribbon against the wall and be like hey we'll see the pictures and that'll be fine and you know we're not seeing nothing so we're just like huh uh so you could have peeked in the

living room and seen a naked lady but instead you turned to that static channel hoping maybe to see a boob. Yeah, exactly. We continue to pull more ribbon out. And for those of you at home who don't know, that's not how VHS tapes work. It's a magnetic strip. There's no picture. It's not like a projector. We're very dumb.

So we pull the whole ribbon out being like, maybe it starts earlier. And so we pull and pull and pull. And lo and behold, there was none. we uh kind of completely ruined the tape so even if it could be played in a vhs tape before from the creek bed it definitely couldn't have been then so uh we what was the name of the porn i'll find it for you so you can finally watch it yeah it's definitely available online probably for free you know there's so much of that archival porn that just lost to the winds to be found in a creek but i bet if i did play that i would be dead because that was a curse tape that was a trap yeah you know what though i gotta say that

specific thing young men hiding porn in the woods that's never going to be a phenomenon again you're right because i have my own story with woods porn yeah me too i walked out the other day and there was just a whole pc in the wood no no when so when when we were kids i grew up in a neighborhood where it wasn't right behind my house but there was kind of like a wooded area pretty close to my house you could cut through the backyards and get to it or you could like go around on the bike path and get into the woods. And there was an area where kids had sort of, you know, borrowed shovels and things and made like a dirt bike path, you know, where it's like you go around and there's a spot in the woods where there's a little cutout and you can turn in there. If you ride back, there's like a little, a little loop that kids had sort of cut the bush

and, and tried to make a little jump with like piling piling stuff up and putting dirt on it it was a whole thing right and so we'd go hang out back there sometimes you ride your bike over and you you ride the loop and you watch your buddies ride the loop well we were hanging out over there and like it wasn't me that made the discovery but at some point someone was just sort of screwing around you know looking around under a log like covered in leaves and obviously in a hiding spot there was like a plastic container filled with uh varying degrees of like porn magazines and i mean like it had like the macy's uh women's underwear section but also it had like half of a playboy this was clearly the stash of one or some guys who were like oh oh, I found this scrap of porn.

Put it in the box. This is our secret porn stash. Like Lord of the Flies out there. They say the conch shell. They've got the porn. Yeah, man. But like that was a thing in our generation. And we like we found that and we looked through it, right?

We looked through everything and we were like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And then we and then we put it all back in and made sure it was closed and watertight. We looked through everything and we were like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, look at that one. And then we put it all back in and made sure it was closed and watertight. And we put it back in its hiding spot very respectfully because it was not ours to take. But that's never going to be a thing again. Maybe having, I don't know, secret files on your phone, you know, or like trying to hide stuff with like naming it. Your burner phone you hide in the woods. You don't have to hide your porn in the woods anymore.

What kind of world are kids going to grow up in? I mean, if you think about that, if that's a common enough experience that both I experienced it as a child, you experienced it as a child, there are stores and stashes, like geocaching, like scavenger hunts. This is how we get people to go outside

and break their bad indoor habits. Go out there, find the porn. It's out there to be discovered. scavenger hunt this is how we get people to go outside and break their bad indoor habits go out there it's out there to be discovered and we're not even joking this time it probably is no it definitely is frontal i never made my own i didn't have a group of friends we did that with but i like the idea of someone our age in like 60 years or whatever on their deathbed just like grandson come closer i need you to know in the woods behind grandma and my house there's a rock with a penis crudely carved into the side i need you to find the box you'll become a man if you can find this rock yeah look at the contents of the box bury it with me they're greeting grandpa's will

and he's like and to my son the youngest i leave this map they're all like fighting for great they think it's like wealth beyond their imagination they all get there they're like fighting over it and they open it up it's just like a porn mag that you can't even open all the pages it's grandpa and grandma no that would be hey it's in their heyday in their heyday yeah okay that makes it less traumatizing oh thank you step grandpa of course you realize it's hot i don't mind if I walk in on my grandparents doing it. If it's not hot, though, good. I'm taking over. We were having a good discourse, and now we're talking about our naked grandparents. I got to put an end to this.

Oh, come on. Find the porn! Find it! Go out! I gave out a lot of points this time. So I got 32 points here for Mark. I got 34 here for Bob. Hold on. You know 34 here for Bob. Hold on.

I got, you know what? Fuck it. You guys tied at 69 points a piece. I feel like that's the right way to end it after everything that happened. However, Mark has a new year's resolution. He promised, which gives him a bonus three points. And therefore Mark wins. I thought you counted that.

You didn't even give me the opportunity to take some terrible resolution. I did at the end. The dramatic reveal. Dramatic reveal. Mark wins because he's promised to make Amy fart, I think. Congratulations. Amy, I'm so sorry that Mark has done this to you.

That was such a real oops. I love that. We're doing a bit. We're doing a bit. Oh, whoop, whoop. Oh, whoop. Fuck. God damn it.

Well, now it's edged in the stones of distractible history. It sure is. Locked in a box for our viewers to go out into the woods and find. Mm-hmm. Interesting. The fart box is out there. Go find it, viewers. Uh, any words from our winner?

Well, um, I think I've gone too deep for everything to be bleeped out at this point, so I'll just own it. I solemnly swear that I said this year my New Year's resolutions were gonna mean something. I really did say that. And you know what? If this is what it is to be, then it shall be done. Just no one tell Amy about this, cause otherwise... Maybe. Um, I literally just opened a Twitter tab because I've got a bad habit of opening Twitter tabs.

This is the first fucking thing on my feed. Well, now you've Googled the wrong things, Wade. Now you're gonna see- 90 Day Fiance star retires from selling farts after heart attack scare. So I don't know. Why would that have anything to do with that? Bob, any final words from you?

I don't know. I can't possibly make this ending any better. I'm just happy to be here. Mark, I hope it was worth it. You won an entire episode of Distractible for that New Year's resolution. Thank you.

I'm sure it will be worthwhile. Thank you. Watch for your bad habits out there, everybody. Remember, don't talk about your sister behind her back. The bad habit. Bad habit.

Thank you all for listening. You can find Mark at Markiplier, pretty much everywhere. Markiplier pretty much everywhere. Markiplier game on YouTube. Bob is MySkirm on Facebook and Twitch and Twitter. Not Twitch. Twitch and Twitch and Twitch and Facebook.

Okay. Thank you for the accurate plug. I'm good at this. YouTube. The word YouTube escaped my brain there. And Facebook. You can find me as LordMinion777 most places. Minion777 on Twitch.

Stay tuned for the next episode where Mark will undoubtedly do a great job of hosting. It'll be much more interesting than our bad habits and fart sales. Until then, podcast out! Woo! Did you make that noise, Wade? No. Oh, okay. Woo!

It wasn't me! Why are you so accusatory over there, Bob? I don't know. I thought you literally said podcast out and then hyped your own ending that's like

that's kind of a weird choice