Distractible - Best of Bald (Compilation)

Episode Date: December 5, 2025

No freak flags are flying around these parts, cause this is the baldest compilation in the wilderness! Order now at ⁠pandaexpress.com⁠ or a store near you. Learn more at uber.com/onourway Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Yes, it's time for best of bored. I miss your hair. I don't, actually. Okay, that's fair. I miss not having all the gray hair, but like I wish I'd shaved my head earlier in life. I wish I had just bit in the bullet and tried it because, man, I like being bald. I will not, I'm not looking forward to. I'm very likely to bald at some point.

I am not looking forward to it. I have a terrible head shape for that. I have a very tall, very tall forehead, very flat sides of my head. I'm going to look like a goddamn Easter Island statue when I have to shave my head at some point here. Well, I seriously considered like doing like a wig of some kind, like trying to get a wig that looked like my old hair and just like getting one of those because I didn't know what I would look like. I think that if you're actually worried about, like, that's a legit route to go is, like, try to get a wig made that looks like your hair the way it currently is and then not to worry about it. I don't know why it feels like there's almost like get head surgery. Come on.

Just change your head shape. Oh, I thought you meant like, I thought you meant like hair, hair replay. I was like there is follicle. No, no. The problem wasn't the hair. The problem was the head shape. You got to listen. You got listen.

So what, cut my skull off, squish my brain into a new better head shape. Yeah, just shave it all down, squish it in there. Can you imagine if they had skull replacement surgery where they just like literally just took your eyes, put them into a new skull and all that? That'd be awful. They don't have to take your eyes out. They just cut it off right here and just let your eyes sit in the bottom half while they put the new top half on. Oh, what if you want a new bottom half too? What's that Tom Cruise movie?

That's some, uh, uh, a face off. Minority Report? Yeah, that's a minority report. Drop out the eyes. You go to a sketchy apartment and a guy sneezes in your open brain while he puts a new skull on top of you for you. so you look different. The sneeze is good for you. Build your immune system.

There's so many antibiotics or something. It's fine. Lasers. Just calm down. Also, you shouldn't be awake for this. Go to sleep. Where are you doing awake notice in my sneezes? Well, I'm glad we got this into the eye.

I missed that. I think I do miss that head reconstruction. My hair, I don't miss. I'm glad you miss it. I don't miss it. That's good. That's good. I am choosing to lose all my hair.

I believe that having hair is a against God. Huh? Huh? You get a bald point? All right. Never thought I'd get a bald point. Not until I went bald anyway.

If you don't, if all your hair doesn't fall out in the next five seconds, I don't think that point should count. Oh, whoa! Editors! No one ever will tell us apart now. One time I posted a tweet and I was like, hey, hope you're all well. And you know what the first response was? Bald. That is not the only time that has happened to you.

And since then I have declared war on social media. Because I wasn't even bald back then! Uh, well, you talked about it. You haven't talked about that for a long time, since way before you were. Yeah, but back then it hurt my feelings. How are you not sure that your baldness wasn't caused by microplastics? Because I paid someone to shave it and I watched? What if your hair follicles are clogged by microplastics?

What if you just need to wash better? What if you're not bald? What if you're just evolving? When did you say the start of the microplastics or our plastic age was, Bob? Uh, I mean, the back half of the, the 20th century is kind of like the plastic plastics came about in the like 60s 50 60s okay well i've got some old family photos from probably like before that i don't remember like great great grandpa was also bald oh sure before that yeah well i don't think he was young in like but he lived in the lead

and uranium age so maybe that's unrelated but un unrelated that was lead hair loss and actually you know what microplastics causing baldness i think supports my side so yeah you know what it probably did oh my god. Okay, so you're saying baldness is a bad thing. It is for some. Have you seen some people's head shapes? Not everyone is a defaultically gifted like me. I have like a crease and I have a big mole on the top of my head. I would look and it's dead center on my head. So it's not like a spot. It would be like a little target on the top middle of my head. I would look not great with a shaved head and I'm definitely afraid that that's the direction I'm headed because my mom's stepfather was a bald man and uh that uh maybe that might be my future you just grow it down

here and it distracts people from what's going on up there i can't do i get to grow a better beard if i if i go bald is that does it migrate because i can't grow a beard for shit right now i mean mine started around that time but maybe not everybody i haven't shaved in like four or five days you can't even really tell no hair grows here at all no i grow like a terrible little shitty mustache that's because of microplastics maybe probably probably it's almost definitely because no i mean ooh That was an incredible chest move. You just got Bob to admit that maybe microplastics might be bad. That's double points for Wade.

Woo! Microplastics would never harm me. It's probably Wade's fault that nothing grows on my face. Why is it Wade's fault? Because his head is setting a terrible example. Well, you're moving back to Ohio. You're going to be nearer to the source, the plague bearer of microplastics. Yeah, well, if I'm bald in a year, we'll all know that it's Wade.

We know the amount of processed food I eat, I'm probably 90% microplastics. at this point. Yeah, that probably actually is probably true. So my tits definitely ain't really more. They're pure plastic. Microplastic. I feel like that's points for microplastics right there. Yeah, that sounds like points for microplastics. Do you think they look good? Thanks, man. You're going to credit those fabulous bozoinkers. I'm willing to give up those points. It means I look good. As you are now is exactly what you were then is what we're discovering. No, no. I'm bald. Are you sure you weren't bald then? You've always been bald. This is like my sixth sense moment. Some bald people don't know they're bald.

Looking in the mirror and the hair just disappears. Funny you mention that because I've got some small talk news. That's bigger than me. Like 6.5? July 25th. Carly Casella wrote a nice article in health called Surprise Hair Loss Breakthroughs. Sugar gel triggers robust regrowth. Apparently, there was some kind of study going on where they were doing something with mice,

which is pretty typical. and they put this sugar gel on mice. I don't even think it was supposed to be for hair loss. It was supposed to be for something else. But they noticed that when they used the sugar gel on the mice, they were like their fur started growing back better and thicker than previous things had. And they were like, huh.

Wait, is it mice with like a little bulb patch on the top of their head? How are these mice balding? I don't know what they had done, but I think they, whatever they were doing to the mice before, they didn't expect the fur to grow back, I think. What were they doing that needed sugar? Is this just sugar in gel form? You say sugar gel.

Yeah, what is this? Gummy bears or what is this? Deoxiribos gel. Oh. Isn't that DNA? It doesn't sound like sugar. But researchers have found it worked just as well as minoxidil, which is a topical treatment for hair loss, commonly known by the brand name Rogaine.

Wait, so it's not better? Oh. Dude, I read the article five days ago. How is that a breakthrough if it's not better than the current treatment? Same but different is still a breakthrough, Mark, okay? Come on. I think that they found that this was working and now they're going to like, it was by complete accident. That wasn't what that was intended to do. And now they're like, huh, that's crazy. We should investigate this further. I think we're at that step where we don't quite know yet.

We got to experiment. We just got to put random things on your head. Let's start with tapioca. We'll move to Elk's blood. And then we'll try lava for like a quick second just to see. It might work. Dude, imagine if lava works. We won't know until science. Nice icy hot lava and then absolute zero ice. Yes. You have some? Doesn't everyone? Absolute zero calories

in my absolute zero ice. It sounds like you should get some sugar gel. Are you going to, are you saying you're going to try this or? I mean, I'm going to wait till they do a little bit more research on it, but. The thing about this is, unless it's some more than it sounds like it is, it doesn't sound like it can hurt you.

What's sugar, what's sugar gel going to do? that's bad, make you sticky? Yeah, exactly. Was it going to give your head diabetes? No, probably not. Diabetes is in the feet. We all know. I got skinabitis.

It's just diabetes of my head skin from all the sugar gel. Well, anyway, wait, that's a great breakthrough. Hey, it's very important. You could do what almost every influencer who's balding does and fly to turkey. Apparently, that's the thing. And there's a horrific picture of like a trip. phobia picture of a plane full of people who just had it. Oh, no.

I don't know if you've ever seen pictures of who just got like the hair transplant surgery is horrifying to look at. And then it's a picture, it's a picture in a plane from seeing all these heads from behind. And it's just everyone has just, is this the follicle replacement or like the strip? It's the follicle implants, isn't it? You know what it reminds me of? There's that one dollhead in Sid's room and Toysville. story where it has, it has the hair like that. It always reminds me that. Yeah, no, I get it. I definitely

get that. I might be starting to fit out at the front here a little bit. And so I don't know what's going to happen. Baldness does kind of run in some of my family. Me too. I don't know. I don't think I can do shaved head. I don't know exactly what route to take. I might just have to wear hats 24-7. I'm not entirely sure. I guess I should start putting sugar in my hair and not in my mouth. That'll treat both my diseases. You just got to go to Turkey. I don't know what happens at the Turkey International Airport, but you step off that plane, 10 men jump out with dark cloaks and razors. You'll be. It's not at a hospital. It's just you go, it's like one of those 10 minute hotel, nap hotels at the airport, but it's a hair transplant. I have a hair person who shaves my head

who swears by going to Turkey for different things. Is this serious? Yeah, yeah, actually. What is the benefit of having her shave your head? I have really thick hair in the back, and there are times where I just flat out don't have time to do it, because it actually takes a very long time to get my head as smooth as I'd like to get it. So days like before I'm about to travel, because we're doing like a family photo in Minnesota, it's like, didn't have a lot of time today. So rather than me spending two hours and like, then Molly be like, mm, you left the spot,

you left the spot. Like, damn it. I just go there and have them do it because it's quick. He's got a bald guru. Uh, she also apparently is just like. Has all kinds of her. Listen, I could talk about that lady for a while. She's the most fascinating person I've met.

Is she from Turkey? Why does she have so many Turkey connections? No, I think she's from Russia, actually. That's closer to Turkey than we are, probably. Yeah, she's got a love web, and she loves to go into, like, what's going on in her love life when we talk, and it's always so fascinating. But that's neither here nor there, but she's big on, like, telling people to go to Turkey. Because when I came in and she thought I was 10 years older than I am, she was like,

Have you thought about going to Turkey and having them do something? See, you know, it looks so old? That's the thing, yeah. I could. He's very blunt, very blunt. But I found something in the article about the mice. They were studying how sugars heal the wounds of mice when applied topically. So the mice had like lesions or wounds that like no longer had hair growing on them.

And they put this on there to help heal the wounds. And they were surprised whenever it was also growing fur back. No, yeah, sugar is good for wounds because it's hydroscopic. Sugar really sucks the juice, you know? So they haven't actually, as of the time of me reading this article, this doesn't mention them doing any human studies on it, but they were done it with mice and they're like, wow, that's actually pretty effective. Molly sent me that and I was reading it. I was like, this kind of fascinating. Molly's sending not very subtle hints. Hey, look at this new treatment breakthrough for baldness. Every now and then, I wonder, I'm like, do you really like be bald? Yeah, yeah, it's great. I'm like falling asleep. She likes to browse right when she goes to sleep. It's like, what are you browsing over there? You wake up and she's standing over you with. with a big vat of sugar gel, just like, no, sorry, sorry. Are you hungry? Cereal.

Where's my head's sticky? Anyway, that's all I got. This episode is brought to you by Uber. You know that feeling when someone shows up for you when you need it most? Yeah. We all need that sometimes. And Uber knows that. Uber isn't just a ride or a meal delivered.

It's showing up no matter what. I think that might be them knocking on the door because they're, you know, Uber's really good about getting on right to where you are. Dude, them or the FBI. I'm not a hundred percent. Sure. Yep. When it really matters, whatever it is, you show up. Or there's a will. We're on our way. Uber. On our way. Download the app today. I think people tweeting the word bald at me has made to where I only get hair loss ads. I think the fact that I look at Twitter and it's just like, wow, Wade is bald. Bald. Bald. It's like,

then everything's like, oh, he keeps looking at these bald messages. Maybe he needs some hair. Well, one of people tweet at me then, crypto scam? Do you get nothing but crypto scam? I get so many crypto scams, guys. Half of my entire Twitter, everything when I go on that app, is just some crypto scam or Web 3.0 NFT, whatever bullshit scam thing. And it's like, neat. I'll be sure to click on that.

Oh, yeah. I got some travel ad, a car ad. I don't like car ads. I love cars. Actually, a lot of car ads. Wait, no, why? Let me know if you find a good one. Someone is still looking in this group.

I thought you had one ordered. Well, we've got one on wait, but that's more for Molly. I still need one. Ah. Can't you just get a Corvette then or something? If Molly's getting a big people mover? I could just leave and go probably buy a car, but like I want to figure out which one I want. You know what you should buy?

I was trying to think of something funny, but there are no bald cars. Wait, are there hairy cars? I don't know while I was trying to figure out if there was that's nothing What was what was the shaggin wagon where it was like a dog? Is it called the shaggin wagon? Are you talking about the the dog truck that they drive in dumb and dumber? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hair, fast or slow?

Slow. I like being bald and the less that I got to shave, the better. He's right. You're both right and this is a weird one, but I like getting haircuts. And the idea of like a nice, like long, relaxing haircut sounds kind of nice. Like it'd be like a spa day I'm imagining almost Kind of on board with that I just don't like getting haircuts

Because for some Well it's my own fault Because I don't go to the same person So every time it's a real gamble No I do that too And it is a real gamble But I like the reward of when you go And you get a good person

And you're like Oh man this is the best Because a bad haircut It's fine But it's not it's whatever Not that bad But a good hair It's a surprisingly good haircut

Oh would a haircut Take and slow I guess it wouldn't matter if you only do it once every hour long. Yeah, I mean, I'm imagining it'd be like a whole day or something. You have to be kind of, because hair, I don't know, what's a hair? How long do you think a haircut is? Okay, to be bald, man, I got a I got to shave a little bit more frequently than most people. So it's like, it takes, we'll say, an hour every week or two, unless you keep up with

daily, because daily you can kind of get one of those things, just go over it a little bit. Maintaining bald is harder than maintaining hair as far as like the shaving. You got, you got do a lot more frequently. Anyway, we all agreed. So I think one of the best distractible. topics would be bald man's confidential terms

where the bald guy has confidential terms that you guys have to figure out it's like a bald confessional yes sure you know I've got an idea for later

all right continue what's a bald so it's not a bald confessional it's bald confidential terms yeah yeah yeah so basically i would i mean a bald host any bald host of us uh would come up with a catalog of different terms and terminology sentences and assign points if one of you other one of us other hosts were to say those things things. Wow. But they don't know that saying them gives them points. They just have to be confused as to why they're getting point. That's incredible. I didn't even give Bob a chance to come up with the title of his future episode that I'm going to do. So I'm going to award you the points and the points for the title because you just clearly swept and deserved it all because he told

me to go first and I went for it. I appreciate that and I appreciate you. You got big points coming your way. Oh, here's one to you Wade. This is a very topical thing. to you. Uh, high court, I don't know which court, but it seems like Scotland. High court rules calling a man bald is sexual harassment. It is when Wade does it. I have so many lawsuits coming toward you, viewers and listeners. In the Scotland, yes. Uh, just so happens, I might have land in Scotland. Ah, maybe. Are you a lord? I've got a one foot by one foot land square that makes me Lord. It might not be Scotland, but I think it is. It was a birthday gift. It doesn't get me fake. It follows a lengthy legal case brought by electrician Tony Finn, who claimed he had been sexually

harassed by his boss during a heated row in 2019. Mr. Finn, 64, made the claim against the British Bung Company, where he worked as an electrician for 24 years before he was fired in 2021. Yes, the British Bung. Yes, that British Bung Company. Oh, okay. I remember watching the British Bung Off. Yeah. He said he was a victim of sexual harassment after comments were made about his baldness, including being called a stupid bald C sensor, censor, sensor.

That could be cock, it could be cunt, it could be crap, fill in the blanks. Cream, but spelled wrong. Sizzler, but spelled really wrong? Crisp with no eye. Crank with no N. Cork. A cart? A jolly young fellow.

CAND, not E. CAND. CAND, CAND, you got it. CARP. Carp. Oh, you bald carp. You stupid bald carp. The three-person employment tribunal panel, the highest court in Scotland, apparently, said the remark, quote, crossed a line. It dismissed an argument that the comment was not sexist because women can be bold, too. The judgment said there was a connection between the word bald and the predict.

characteristic of sex, noting that it is, quote, much more prevalent in men than women. Judge Jonathan Brain added, we find it inherently related to sex. So this sounded like it's not a joke? It's not a joke at all. Why would you think it was a joke? Because you said this has to be a joke when you started reading it, and I was thinking it. That's true. You did.

No, no, I said it had to be fake. I couldn't believe it because I was aghast. I was aghast. I was a gassed. I was a gassed. I was like, I can't believe this is the world we live in. Aghast. I can't tell you the number of times I've walked by like a Scottish construction site

just heard them like whistle and go, bald, the bald calling, I'm glad it's coming to an end. In a perfect American accent, they're bald, bald, bald, bald. Hey, laddie! Bald! It's disgusting. For some reason, because they're on a construction site, it's just like a New York accent in Scotland. He's like, oh, I can't even do it next time.

Hey, you're bald. Look at this guy. Hey, Baldi. Anyway, that's it. Great article, man. That was a good find. I'm glad that my kind is finally getting the recognition and treatment we deserve. It's only fair.

Does that mean we have to stop saying that to you? Do you want to, would you like us to make fun of you in different ways? I've just always considered it flirting and you guys are welcome to continue. Okay. I'm kinky and I like it. You just start calling you hairy instead. That is offensive. And I'm going to take you to the highest court of Ohio.

The Ohio Labor Tribunal? No. Yeah. I love a Tribunal. We got an inherent tribunal thing going on here, and I think that's the reason why we're so successful. There's always three. Is that why it's called a tribunal? Never mind. I see now. I understand what the name. You don't see a lot of bi-bunals. You don't. Fabunel? No? Mubunel, if you're being formal.

Mubunel. What are we doing small talk? The words are, tooth, fairy, hairy, Wade, bald, water. Wade, your word is tooth. Egg. Dentist. Mouth. Saliva.

Drink? Water. Rinse. Repeat. Rush. Hair. Dumb. Chewy.

Gronola bar. Hippie. Peace. Love. Happiness. Happiness, but spelled wrong like in the Will Smith movie. Slap Anger

Jack Nicholson What? Jack Nicholson Oh, I thought you said testicles All right, okay No, Jack Nicholson Tiger Woods Crash Into me

Boom All right, we'll end it there All right Bob, you got two Yeah What? What about me? Wade, you got none Bob you might have gotten

One and a half But I'm willing to give you I swear to God If one of them is happiness, but spell different, you're still set. No, that's not what it is. So my train of thought went from tooth, fairy, hairy, and Bob, you said hair. So I would be like I'd give that half a point, but or full point, depending on what things fair. Wade, that was my next word, bald water, which you said.

What? Bald water? I'll give you a bonus point if you can explain how I got to water. think of the drowned man a lot when i think of wade uh a is the second letter in both and whenever you see my head it makes you kind of get all salivety and drooly and wet and it makes it like water i know why you said water you said bald but you were actually still hung up on wade and you were like what else goes with wade you wade and water that's there's no way that's what you have written down you're so close but so wrong all right so neither of you get it well what let's

you write down what does it say it's it The last three words were Wade, balled in water, and then I think of the drowned man a lot when I think of Wade. Wade, you were in it. Water. Your whole house was flooded forever. You know, I'm glad the things I try to block out from memory are the things you associate with me. We made a documentary. I lived it.

I have a T-shirt with that on it. Exactly. We sold a T-shirt to help pay for your walls. I have the shirt, too, which is kind of productive to helping me. I want a card that you send someone when they start having their midlife crisis. This is like a congratulations on your midlife crisis greeting card or something. It can be anything. We live in a world where I can take any picture I want or I can buy stock photography and get things printed.

So the world is your oyster. Got it. Mark. On the front, right? Uh-huh. It's not so bald. You open it up. Packet of hair stapled inside.

like you can have it as a keepsake so it's like and it can pop out at you too be like here it's on like a spring you open it and the hair is just like boing boing exactly yeah yeah yeah and then it's got a sound bite in there

but it's that guy from SpongeBob going my eyes my eyes I don't have to go bald in their midlife crisis you can just be bald or it's that the crisis is not because of the bald

but that is I feel like a lot of people will like get hair transatl plants because they're having a midlife crisis and they're like, ah, I can't be bold. I can't stay like this. I don't think you have to do that. I think some people look really good with a fully shaved head.

Yeah. So I had a different idea. So you remember like the old Captain America, so you're having a midlife crisis. Sure. So it doesn't have Captain America, but it says, so you're having a midlife crisis. And it shows like, I don't know, a middle aged guy, maybe full head of hair, but graying or bald. And then like, I don't know, like a strapping model in the front seat of like a Corvette convertible going down like a nice gold paved road. And then you open it up and the

Corvettes crashed it on fire and there's bodies on the ground. It just says expectations versus reality. You're going to die. Is that a threat or? It's just says expectations versus reality. It just has, that gives a threatening aura to me. Yeah, don't go through it. Don't do it. Don't get the hair transplants, or? Maybe. I see what you're going for. Little ominous, little threatening.

You could kind of read that as opening. It's like, it's already over. You know, you might as well accept that, you know, the inevitability of your demise. It could happen at any moment, you know. So why even try? That was really dark. Why is why it so dark?

There's that guy that thinks that being brutally honest is the equivalent of being interesting, you know. We're like, I'm better than anyone, because I always tell my friends like it is. Hey, you look like shit today, Bob. Hey, Wade, what the fuck happened to your hair? Whoa. It's gone. Genetics.

I'm sorry. God. Man, I don't like that guy. I do get that one guy at every stream who, their comment is just, Wade, you're bald. Every stream. Someone thinks that's like an original comment. There's one person that comes to that. That's all they say.

You don't understand. They just had a surgery that gave them vision for the first time in nine years. And their first instinct was to come to watch your stream because it's what they wanted to see. And they just, they're so flabbergasted. You don't sound bald. I swear I hear hairs swishing back and forth as he speaks must be as a beautiful head of hair. You have the confidence of a much more healthily haired man. It comes through in your voice.

I used to watch Wade for years and years. I thought really highly of him until I found out he was, well, bald. Well, bald. Yep. Maybe he had hair before the event, and it just like... How do you think we bawled? I don't know. There's emergency balding. It's like a lizard's tail.

When you got to escape real fast, it just... I did used to keep a glass thing on the wall in case of emergency. You break the glass to bald. I don't have that anymore, but you are right. You know what? Points for remembering that. Please end in a tie for Wade. Please end in a tie.

Keep going. Keep going. Baldest. Oh! Ah, damn it. I mean, is it between Mark and I who's the baldest, or is it? It's supposed to be? I have, I'm receding. You can see I have a little, I have a little, it's receding.

Do we just re-spin this one? Look at this. It's like if you pull it apart, it's really bald. If I go like this, it looks like I've just all the way bald. I have really, I have the Vegeta hair line, remember? Dude, if you could come. Come in here with your hair up like vegeta's. My hair line goes as far back as my ears are over here.

It's, it's climbing. If I, wait, if I lean back like this. Do you, you have so much hair, you can't even do it. I have a large crown, see? If we're doing this, I think Bob has more forehead exposed. What's your thing, Mark, Mark, you're all, what is it, midface? Bob's all forehead. I'm sorry.

Wait, just try and negotiate the point so that he doesn't, you don't do the one-man shows. So honestly, Right now, the funny thing is right now you guys are tied. So if either one of you get this point. Yeah, so you're just trying to make it so you don't get the point for baldest. No, I can take the point. I just said, I don't know if it's between you two, we should re-spend.

But if it lands on like listeners or viewers, do we take the point for baldest? I'll take the point. Nah, no, you're the host. Don't let me talk you and do it. I'm the baldest. You know what? Fuck you. I'm the baldest.

We will do the tithe spin. That's unfair. Oh. I'm the baldest. If I win, I'm bald, no. So, wait. So if Mark wins, he's bald. If Mark loses, all heads, Mark is bald, all tails.

Bob is bald? No, well, it would be doubly unfair, which would mean Wade would get two points. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, I guess it's between me and him. Wade has to do two one-man shows. I don't think that's how we're doing that. Heads for Mark, anything else doesn't really matter. fell on the floor do I do that again yeah I would reflip I would say that's a reflip for mark

you've better flip carefully though because mine was tails it landed tails on the floor I'm not lying about that that's what it did I mean it's pretty immaterial you it doesn't I don't think it changes it either way does it that would give me two points is that enough to affect the outcome way no Fails. All right. Well, you know what? At least I beat the listeners.

Wade, you have a choice here. And I made this one specially for you. It's worth double points. Two whole big points. I think I'm down by eight, so this is where my comeback begins. Yeah. Okay. Would you rather have hair...

Go on? That is so long it touches the ground and never be able to cut it again. so it will always be at least your height in length or shave yourself bald every morning. It's hard to imagine what it would even feel like to shave yourself bald every morning. Yeah, that's weird enough.

That sounds like a lot of effort. However, coming from the once having hair club, I know how annoying having hair can be and watching Molly like try to brush her hair, wash her hair and all that, having hair that long and that much of it, if you want to dye that hair, If you want to, like, brush it, put it up into a certain, like, that is going to be so much more work than.

Bz, bz, bz, bz, bz, bz, bz, bz, bz, keep me bald and happy, baby. I like that. I like that. He's bick and shaped bald every morning. You're going to look, I do agree, like, kind of in a way, having that long hair might be inconvenient, but also, you know, luscious lunks. You could wear him in a certain stuff. But, Bob, what's your answer? I actually did have hair that long because that's the kind of quality that when a person has it, it becomes their entire life and you don't have to do anything else. We live in a world where if that was my, if that was my curse, I would make, I would make that my personality. I would make that my job. I would be like an hair influencer or whatever. Like, yeah, it would be a lot of work, but that would, that would subsume everything about my life and I wouldn't have to have

any other aspects to my personality. That would just be who I was, what I did all the time, and I could get help with it. You know, I'm a hairstylist, hairdresser, whatever. I'm not saying that I know for sure what that would be like, but I would be okay having the hair and making that. That would be a very defining characteristic, and I've always thought, I'm a non-descript, non-interesting, average-looking, like, you know, dude, like I'm just some guy. I thought, Like, I think it would be interesting to live that life where you're such a distinctive person. Because there are definitely people in the world where it's like, there's a thing. There's a thing about you that clearly defines how you look, who you are, and you clearly embrace that.

I think that would be interesting. It might be difficult, but I would choose that. You go to vacuum. The vacuum is clogged from one hair. A piece of hair gets into your food and you turn into a magician where you're like, oh. Well, I think you probably just stop swallowing initially. You don't need to swallow the whole length of the hair. Sometimes it's like, you know, like if it gets caught up in like a pastry or something you make and you don't know it and like the very end, you're like...

I think if it was that long and it was continuously going, I would probably notice that at some point and be like, oh, let me pull that out. Well, it can be wrapped up in like one little hair ball that you... Well, then you just swallow the hairball. I would just... Feel like you would notice it, but... Point being, being bald so much easier and I look fucking great. I definitely agree that it's easier and you pull it off. I don't think I could pull off ball.

I think I have a really ugly head. I didn't think so either until I did it. I have like a big, I have like a mole thing that I can feel is like a lump right here. I got a couple like, yeah, I've got a bump somewhere. I don't know where it is. I got a couple bumps on my head. Just hard to notice. Unless we're tall, Bob.

No one sees the top of our head unless we want them to. It's easily concealed. That's true. Absolutely. I think, I guess. I wouldn't know. But this one is also split 50%. It's even closer of a margin than the other one because it's 338 to 333.

This is people afraid of being bald and afraid what they look like bald. And the winner of this point was 338,000 versus 3,000 basically 34,000 is Wade shaving bald every morning. Just specifically me. Yes, you. Wait a good thing. Specifically, would you want to have long hair or have Wade shave his head every morning? Which one?

You've been waiting for it, and here it is, Wade. This is your reward point for being bald. Uh-huh. Dude, I already won best hair like a couple of weeks ago or whatever it was. So like, best hair, best bald, I'm the best me. All you other wades and other timelines, fuck yourself. I'm number one, baby. Put me on a boat.

And I'm bogged. I don't know why I did that. Watch new episodes on Spotify. Thank you.