Distractible - Best of James (Compilation)

Episode Date: February 27, 2026

There's baby fever floating around The Distractible Vault as we share some highlights from the last few years of Bob raising his son, James. Get set up quick and connect to their fast speeds. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Intelligence data, second half, 2025. All rights reserved. From Mini Me to Paternal Pride. Yes. It's time for Best of James. You got a baby. Oh, yeah, that's right. Also, there's a baby.

Wow. James. His name is James. I don't have to call him baby anymore. He has a name now, legally. James, that's a good name. Man, what would you think if I said it wasn't a good name? Oh, does James pay his taxes yet?

Do you know tax seasons only three months away, little James? Listen, daddy takes care of the taxes. Okay, James doesn't have to worry about that. Is that the whole point in having a baby to pay your taxes for you and stuff? I don't know what you've heard about babies, but no. No, don't even entertain them about this one. No, straight up, no. I thought they change your diapers when they get, like, old enough to get out of their own,

and they pay your taxes for you and, I don't know, work so you can retire? You had the critical ideas of old enough on their own, but what is that age that you think it is? After they emerge? You think that it's old enough on their own? After the emberts. What's it called? The emergent. Yeah.

Emerging. That's why it's the emergency room. Yeah. Yeah. You got all these pregnant ladies that are doing their emergencies. Yeah. The emergency room. I get it now.

Mm-hmm. Medical jargon is so lost on me. I saw a turkey. Turgies. That was so big that nobody believes. that it was a turkey until they inspected it for themselves. Took James to a fall festival, like a farm. Like, right?

You know, it's a big Midwest thing. It's like, oh, it's fall. Let's do a corn maze and then go in the pumpkin patch. And we'll have like, yeah, activities and stuff. And we went to this place. It was really fun. They had a bunch of cool play sets. The first moment we were there, I did have made a parenting mistake.

They had this big thing that was just like a big hill and you could run. It was sort of like a hill. where you were supposed to clearly run from one side to the other, and there was like a path, but then the sides were very steep. You were not supposed to go up or down the sides. You were supposed to go over the path. And James started going up that,

and I was like, ah, that'd be a good picture. Because I was like, I'm trying to take pictures. We're doing this fun thing with James. I want pictures of James. And so I was like,

he won't be fucking crazy for 30 seconds. I can let him run up down this hill really quick. So I let him go. And I'm like, I'm just going to go around and take a picture. and I like have my phone out about to take a picture he's on the very top of the hill and he looks down at me and he just

goes and tries to like run down the steepest fucking he took like two steps and then just piled at the bottom and it's busy this is right by the entrance so there's a bunch of other people doing the hill and people and just out in the middle of all that James

is just fucking eating so much just, I just, I put my phone away, go and pick him up. And he's like, I'm okay. Let's do this stuff.

Like, because he doesn't want to like go home. He was, it was fine. But it was so, I was like, he can do this, right?

Did you get any of it? Like a photo collage of, I prove. Yeah. God, I fucking, I wish. I didn't even get all the way to like,

I was like trying to get the camera open. And I was like, huh? And you just, Bluff. Anyway, it's warm out now. And that's really fun for James because it means we get to go back to the playgrounds and stuff. And we did that yesterday.

And he had a hell of a time. Before it got cold when we were going to the playgrounds like the end of last summer, he was walking, but he was small enough that it was kind of like we had to chase him around basically. Because at any moment, he might just like fall off an edge or do something crazy. And so we would, and he's like really independent now,

is awesome. But I forgot one important fact about the playground that we take him to a lot. It's like one of those old school like wooden castle style playgrounds. Super fun. There's an area with a really fun slide and I was letting him climb up on his own and go up there to go on the slide. But right next to the slide, they made this feature where it's like tractor tires stacked up and the middle of the tractor tires is a hole down all the way to the ground and it's meant for kids to like climb down the tires like their ladders and then there's like some chains and like it's for climbing but james is not tall enough or coordinated enough to climb on something like that so i let him go up there and then he he got to the slide and he was

like slide big tires and i was like what do you mean big tires because it's like up on the second level and i'm like what big tire and he went and he was like leaned over the hole and i was just like I forgot that was there. Oh, and I ran and dove under the bottom of it and was like face up under the hole. And I was like, got on a slide! And he just looked at me for a second.

It was like, oh, yeah, slide. All right, I won't jump down the suicide hole yet. Oh, God. Like, it was the one, because when we got to the playground, I was like, all right, let's see how this goes. And he started climbing on his own. And I was like, this is cool. He's so, he's having so much fun.

And then he was like, I'm going to go on the slide and started climbing up. And I was like, oh man, big tires. Like, whoa, fucking shit. Why did they put a jump hole in this play set? God. Anyway, he's fine. And he went down the slide about 20 times. He would just, but like half of the times, I continued to let him go up on his own.

And like half the times he'd get up there and be like, big tatters. And I had to be like, we're going on the slide, buddy. remember the slide. Yeah. But anyway, it was super fun. And only twice did I almost think he was about to break his entire self jumping down a big hole for no reason

onto hard ground below. Also, he threw a lady her cell phone. Oh, really funny. This poor mom was chasing her kid around who was more in the needs adult supervision very directly staged still, younger than James. And she like went down the slide in front James, like frantically like,

ah, where'd you go, baby? And her phone fell out of her pocket on the top of the slide. And James is just sitting there with this stranger's phone in his hands just like, hmm, mine now. And she's at the bottom of the slide like, give me my phone, baby. Give me my. And he like contemplated and everybody eventually he was like, oh, okay. And tossed it down the slide and it was very nice.

But I thought I was about to have to go wrangle my son from stealing a stranger's cell phone at the playground. I think you go up to be like, oh, you found us a new phone. Thanks, baby. and then like leave with it. Now James ask for money for this. Oh yeah. I'm gonna earn way more points. I have a very funny update.

Alright, I can't wait. Sad updates aren't worth nothing. Okay. James is refining his comedy and it's really fucking funny. So James, James likes to tell jokes and a lot of his jokes are set up punchline, something really quick. Usually he'll do like a fart or something or, you know, like whatever.

But he has realized, He likes getting the laugh. And he has learned, like, this is what got me the laugh, right? So he'll do a joke. And he'll be like, ah, and then I farted. And everyone's like, ha, ha, very funny. Like, ah. And he'll be like, mm-hmm.

And then I farted? Because he's like, laugh some more, right? He's like working on it. But obviously, you can't say the same punchline twice in a row. That doesn't work. We are comedians. We know that. So last night at dinner, we've seen there.

And James just is like eating his food. And he looks over at Manning. And he goes, mom, you're cheese. And Maddie's like, why am I cheese? And he's like, cheese can't talk? And I'm like, okay. I look at it, I'm like, okay, what's dad?

And he goes, dad, you're crackers. And I'm like, oh, because crackers goes with cheese. And he's like, crackers can't talk. We're sitting there. And look at it, I'm like, all right, if mom is cheese and dad is crackers, what is James? And he goes, hmm, I'm sorry. scared. Because mom and dad are cheese and crackers.

And we lost our shit. Like, it was very funny. I had a good laugh. And he was just like soaking it up. Like, that's the funniest thing I've ever said. I mean,

he's right. And I said, and we've been trying to teach him about this, right? So we had to laugh. It was good. And I looked back at him and I was like, okay, James, mom is cheese and dad is crackers.

What does that make James? And he was like, Oh, can't see the same thing. Ooh, what do I say? Ooh. I'm afraid. And then he went through every word that he could think of that was like scared to get back to the same punchline.

It was so funny. It's probably much funnier because I'm his parent. Like I get that that's maybe not the most genius comedy thing that's ever been crafted. But he is working on. He's like really actually working on his timing and he's like experimenting with how he's doing pun. It's very funny to watch him like figure it out in real time. It's actually super impressive too. He's thinking of like synonyms and wordplay like that.

Like that's crazy. He did it a bunch. I think he did. I'm scared. I'm worried. I'm upset. I'm, oh,

what did he say? I'm nervous. I'm something. He did like one or two other ones. He knows a lot of words. That's funny and impressive. And he's just turned to. Yeah, just turn three.

Yeah, when do we start rationing names? Was that in the 90s? Overpopuling. Please, sir, can I have some middle initial? I just want to name my daughter, Dorothy. We don't even want to have a last name. I can give you door. Dad, just because there's a story doesn't mean I like my name.

Why did you call me door? I give you door and a hyphen. Just talk to your brother, jam. You guys are a pair. And no, Mandy and I are not going to name our daughter, Dorothy. Don't worry, Chad. Also, we don't have a daughter. That's a hypothetical daughter.

Do you have a secret daughter that we've never known about? No. Man, that would really prove some favoritism going on. If you keep going on about your son and all these stories about your son, it's like, oh, yeah, also. There's a daughter somewhere in there. James is so great. James, James, guys, can we count on the number of times we've heard James?

What about Door? Oh, no. We'll go back and be like, oh, my God, he's been saying Door all along, and we thought he just really into hardware. Oh, my God. Door wouldn't shut up last night. Man, this dude's doors talk a lot. What the hell?

At 26 minutes when we play James backwards, it's actually Doors the favorite. Well, that's going to start some funny rumors. Oh, James is, well, it's not fair to say this. James is almost potty trained. James is wearing big boy underpants. So that's pretty big. That's huge.

And he went a whole day yesterday with no accidents or anything. He's in the potty like a real dude. He pisses everywhere. How about door? Door sucks. I don't want to talk about that. I think it was kind of an accident, but it ended up happening on Monday of this week. We've been trying to potty train James for a while.

And it started with just like, we'll just let him sit on the potty. We'll try and catch him. And there are a bunch of strategies that are really intense. Like one of the strategies is he just doesn't wear pants or a diaper. And whenever he starts peeing or pooping, you just grab him and go, oh, look up and run to the bathroom, which sounds like the most. insane shit I've ever heard of. But the strategy that we have gone with is set a timer for, like, started at 15, it's at 20 minutes now.

You set a timer and you slowly lengthen the timer. And every time the timer goes off, James goes to the bathroom. So that it's like he hopefully doesn't have an opportunity to go in his diaper. You get in there. And if he sits and if he goes, he goes, if he doesn't go, it's fine. It's like, you make it fun and you have like books and you hang out. And he gets rewarded for going and being good. It's like Pavlov's dog in this when he goes to school one day and like the bell goes off for next period.

He's like, oh no, the timer. It might. Okay. We're unsure about the Pavlovian things that we're building into our son. But this is one of the methods that like it's online. People are like, it works. But I train my kid in one week. But he's been doing really good.

He likes it generally. And he does generally what he's supposed to do. But he does not care if his pee is aimed into the toilet. And so if you're not paying close attention. Because like I sit him on there and I get him situated so it's good, but he sits there and he wiggles and he does stuff and he might stand up and sit back down. And by the time he actually does go to the bathroom, a lot of times you're just staying there and all of a sudden it's just like, psh and he's like, ah, ooh, ah, get that aim it down. But he's doing really good. And he's making progress.

Got to get potty trained so he can be ready to go to preschool because he's a smart kid and he's going to need more mental stimulation. He needs to learn. He's pretty much only happy if he's learning shit, which is awesome. But exhausting when it's like, okay, it's 45 minutes till bedtime. I'm exhausted. And James is like, tell me about every animal in the Sahara. And I'm like, God, I only know like five. That's how you did so good on the animal part.

Yeah, no, I literally, the Quetzalcottis, whatever, that dinosaur, I know so many more animals than I ever did in the rest of my entire. higher life because James will just be like, tell me about animals. And I'll be like, oh, what about penguins? And he's like, I know about penguins. Keep new ones. I don't know. I got to go study. I wasn't ready for the pop quiz. That's delightful. Just make up animals. That's dangerous. Do you remember shit? That's true. I mean, authors do it all the time. Have you gotten into mythical animals yet? Not so much. That actually is an interesting thing.

He's sort of developmentally, he's starting to get to the place where he like, he understands that stories exist in like other worlds, kind of. But he really doesn't get that all stories aren't just like things that happen in real life all the time. So the cra, like we, Mani and I both really like A Nightmare Before Christmas, classic movie, enjoyable movie, terrifying for him. He loves the music. If you just play the music, he's all, this is Halloween.

It is a terrifying movie. But like the visuals of the movie and the characters of the movie, he is immediately just like, we had a thing where we just, we showed him like, Nandi showed him like the first minute. And after stuff started happening on screen at the very opening of the movie, he was like, it's scary.

And for like a week afterwards, every time he went to bed, we like do the whole thing, he's all happy. We read books. We put him down. We're like, all right, good night, dude. And he's all, I'm scared of Halloween.

Oh, God. And we're like, it's not real. It's okay. It's a movie. Those guys can't hurt you. The timing's bad because Halloween's right around the corner, so that's probably going to work. But like stuff he sees in real life that might be scary to other kids, he's actually pretty chill about. Like he thinks we go to like Menards and home stores and stuff and they have those huge witches and things.

And when we're at the store, he's like, ha, giant witch. And he thinks it's awesome. But in movies and stuff, like if it's too creepy or like Nightmare Before Christmas, This is very, like, stylized. But if that existed in real life, that would be scary. I would agree. I loved Hocus Pocus, but I was scared of, was it Billy?

They got out the sealed mouth. Oh, yeah, yeah. He was scary. Yeah. Wait, how old? James turns three in December. Oh, so he hasn't achieved consciousness yet. True consciousness.

All right, Bob, what's going on of your life? Who are you in debt to? Mafia? Oh, lots of people. So, we recently visited a family in Iowa, that we were discussing generally, and this is like a theme that comes up in James likes Blue, and there's several episodes in Bluey that deal with like pregnancy and stuff. And we were trying to explain to him like what a pregnant lady is, right?

We were talking and it just sort of came up. And so it's like, oh, who's pregnant? Is mom pregnant? Whatever? But we were trying to be like, no, no, buddy. When a person is pregnant, when a woman is pregnant, it means that they have a baby growing in their belly. And so you might not be able to tell.

but like if you, like if you see someone who's pregnant, you need to be careful, right? Like they have a baby in the belly. You'll be careful with the baby. It was just a discussion that we had. And it was going on in the way things do with like kids, just trying to like teach him stuff. So we got to the belly gets big because the baby gets big. And James looks at me and is like, baby a dad's belly? And I was like, ah, no, no, no, no.

Dad, dad's just fat. That's a confusing distinction for you. Sorry, buddy. But it was like a funny moment, but it wasn't, everyone was not in on it. So then after we get back from that trip, we're at dinner with Mandy's parents. And James is talking and everyone's paying attention to James at dinner at a restaurant. And out of nowhere, he just starts talking about babies. And he's just like, da-da-da-da-da-da.

Pregnant ladies. Da-da-da-da-da. Babies. -na-na-na-na-na-da. in the belly? No, dad's just fat. And his parents did like a spit take. It was the funniest fucking thing. Because like out of nowhere unprompted, he just like remembers the conversation that we had

and now he just does that. He'll just walk up and hit me with the like, no, dad's just fat and then walk away. And everyone's kind of like, you taught him that? I'm like I know I taught him that. This is exactly. what I was hoping would happen. That's so funny. Anyway, he's going to be a funny kid. That also brings up the point of like whenever you move out of someplace, what makes it difficult is the memories you have there. So one of the hard things about leaving our previous house,

we obviously have a lot of good memories there because we were there for like five or six years. But the last time we got to hang out with zombie who passed away and person was at the house. And like I, we remember like seeing him sitting like on our couch, like on his laptop and stuff like that. And it's like, oh, we're leaving that memory behind. So like there's also the people like that have entered and left your lives. If you have memories with them in a place, that can make a place feel like home and it's harder to leave it behind.

Or just the memories you make over time. The longer you're in a place, the more memories you have, the harder it is to leave that because that feels more like home than a new home can for a while. No, it's funny. Both of you brought up stuff

that definitely connects with me. So we lived in California only for like four years, basically. And we lived in two different places there. So we weren't in the place we just moved out of that long. But that was the house we lived in when James was born, right? Like that's where we brought him home from the hospital to that house full of the grandparents were all in town.

That's the first place he ever ate, you know, food and like, there's a very strong, even though it's, he's only yesterday he turned eight months old. He's not even a year old yet. Like most of his life is connected to that place. So like, yeah. I'm doing okay. I'm pretty good we finally don't have people in our house and I don't know what to do about it

It's like can I sit in some peace and fucking quiet for a second I don't know I can come over if you want bring James Yeah sure I like James and James really likes Molly So that's fine yeah he loves Molly And whoever Molly's husband is That's pretty much the other Dude

He's gonna be a He's gonna be a problem He is a ladies man and he can I wouldn't say he could barely walk because he's like running now he did full out loops around me yeah no he's got blue eyes blood and hair he's a big flirt

he's always flirting with girls that are older than him at the playground his instinct if he sees any it's any kids but he gravitates towards the girls but especially if they're like five to ten years older than him he immediately just walks up and it's like hi I'm James you want to hold hands

he's gonna be like eight years old trying to go to prom. Well, I think he had the day of his life one time. We're at a park. It was mostly a little kid's park, but there was a group of like high school girls that were like just hanging out off to the side, just sitting talking in a circle. And he was doing swings and whatever. And he saw them and ran right over and sat down in the circle and didn't even introduce himself, just sat down. And they were all kind of like and just kept going and like included him because he was. was just a cute little kid.

And he just sat there. It was like, it's working. My dreams are coming true. And that's pretty much it for me. Well, I have James, Small Talk. Do you guys want to hear about more joys of having a child? Always. Fascinating times in the world of James.

He really loves, Mark, I think in one of the previous episodes, you talked about the movie K-pop Demon Hunters in the weekend, immediately following when we recorded. that I happened to watch it and I agree with your take. It's a pretty good movie. It's just enjoyable.

Because we watched the movie, we were playing the music and we just like played it for James. He fucking loves the music from that movie. He really likes Golden and he really likes the soda pop. He's like dancing more than he's ever danced before.

Anytime it comes on, he starts dancing. And there's like the drop in I forget which one, but the one where it's like, we're going up, up, up, that's in golden. He, like, when the drop is coming, he's stuff and he goes, ready, ready?

We're going out. It's really funny. And that's very cute and very fun. And so to balance it out, this is the other thing that he's doing a lot lately. We were in the car, and he was just screaming. And not like angry or sad or anything. He was happy.

And he was just going, Baa, and like, it was a lot. And eventually I reached a point where I was like, man, how do I stop that

from happening for a minute? And I just sort of was like, hey, buddy, what are you doing? What? Hey, James.

And I, like, get his attention. And I finally got him his attention, and he looked at me. And I was like, yeah,

okay, what are you doing? And why? And he just goes, I'm buying. Because. Bah! And I was like,

you know, what? He fucking, he answered me directly. I cannot fault him. He knows exactly what he's doing, and he's really committed to it. And so I've had a headache for about a week and a half. Um, but it's, it's still pretty funny, but that one is way more unpleasant because he really does just scream a lot right now. It's fucking loud. But he's having a great time, so like, it's hard to complain. It's the Quetzel Cotlis Northropi. It's a dinosaur bird. You know what? Quetzel Cotl What, wait, how did you know what that was? Because I know what the fuck of Quetzel Codlaces!

Because it's a kind of dinosaur thing, and James likes dinosaurs. I didn't know we had dinosaurs on this list. I'm not going to all high. I didn't either. As per usual, we're going to start today with Smalltalk. I want to go first. This morning, James, son, one-year-old, had gymnastics. And I just want to say, baby gymnastics?

Pretty wild. Very cute, though. Turns out one-year-olds are crazy. Like climbing on the walls, doing somersaults. Balance beam, backflips. There were balance beams. I like to have the whole rage. There's a balance beam that just sits on the floor.

There's one that's like six inches tall. And then there's one that's like four feet tall that like looks super dangerous. It's fine. And there's like rings and they do somersaults. And James ran face first into another child today. They clashed foreheads. They're fine. He was upset for a second.

But then there were bubbles. So he's fine. But anyway, I was one of four men in the entire. building and it was an interesting experience. One of the men worked at the place. One of the men was a dad who left because they were in the class before us and then I think there was one other guy there. Wait, how big is this facility? Because four men in a place seems like a reasonable number of people. In the class before James's class, because they're separated into like age groups. There were probably 20-ish kids and each kid has a, each kid has an adult with them, right? So it's a

kid and a parent. So there were like 40 people, 20 kids, 20 adults, all women, except for one dude in that class. And yeah, so in James's class, there was maybe more like 15. What is the purpose of gymnastics at one year's old? I mean, it's not competitive, right? The point is you're teaching them how to walk around. It's a place where they can work on balance and motor skills. They learn things like how to do how to do somersaults, but you help them do somersaults. And so he's learning how to like control. He has to tuck his head. He has to stick his arms out. It's like, it's like helping develop, um, motor skills in a more fun way. They just run around, they run around and climb on stuff. How is your day or recent week or recent life as a,

you guys? Really funny today. James met Santa today. He did this last year. He did not remember. And he was, he was kind of scared of Santa last year, which is pretty common for little kids. He was two years old this year. And we took him to meet Santa and we were like standing outside. Santa's area and it's like a whole, there's Christmas trees all around and it's decorated. We're standing outside and he's all, Santa. Oh, ho, ho. Christmas tree, Christmas tree. He would not shut up.

He's very, he's in a stage right now where he's super chatty. It's adorable. And then it was like our turn and we go through the line and we walk in and like he stands at the entry and we're like, it's Santa James. Go meet Santa. And he does that kid thing where he's like like two inches at a time. Wouldn't say a damn word. walked up to the guy

he was a great Santa the guy who was doing it I mean Santa was great and he's like Chad and I'm asking him questions he had his zebra with him because he wouldn't put the zebra down today he's like oh you have a zebra I love zebras

maybe you could help me take care of my reindeer oh and James was just like and then I was time for the picture and we were like go hug Santa and he like did that thing where he didn't move his body but he leaned in slightly closer to imply that he was like hug

It was really cute. The pictures turned out pretty cute, but he was, he's just, it's, he's, you've met, you both have met him. He's not particularly shy in general. But what he meets like, people in costumes or strangers, he doesn't know who are, you know, but he knows from TV or whatever. It's a weird reaction. I can't tell if it's abject horror or he's just like, it's the celebrity I love from television. He's here. Oh. But it was very cute. And we have pictures. So we're sending everybody pictures. Like a Christmas story whenever Santa like kicks the kid down the slide. Shoot your eye out, kid. Has he seen that movie yet? Nah, there's no reason to fear Santa from the media we've showed him. We did accidentally show him some of the Santa Claus. So maybe he thinks Santa is Tim Allen and he doesn't like him. It's an entirely reasonable response.

You walk into the North Pole and like, uh-huh. I mean, ho, ho, ho. Whoa, wait. Oh, and then he brought you cookies, Wade. He did, yeah, I was going to say. James delivered cookies. to me today. He was really sweet. He was like greeting me. He and her end came by. And I forget, uh, what old words he said. But he said, hello. And he said, bye, bye. He handed me the cookies.

And I was like, thank you. And she's like, say, you're welcome. He's like, welcome. And I was like, oh, thanks. And then he put his hands out like, all right, I give him back. I was like, oh, uh, his offer because I'm not going to. They're also very good cookies. But no, it was sweet seeing him. I've been building stuff. I built a, I built a wardrobe, a hardwood wardrobe. I I didn't cut the pieces. It was, it came true. But I screwed it together. God damn it.

But also I built a thing. It's like a little tool organizer shelf thing that you're supposed to hang on the wall in the garage and like you put your drills in it and charging. I included James in it. James are almost two year old, uh, baby. And he loved it because mainly it was just screwing things together, which he could help with pretty easily. And he liked he would put his hand on the drill and then I would, and he'd be all. Ha! Cause he thought that was the coolest thing ever.

He put his hand on the drill? Like on the back, like on the safe part. Oh, okay. Just like, I held the drill and he, like, put his hand on it. And then I pulled the trigger and it vibrated. And he thought it was cool. But we got like 90% of the way done. And it turns out a shelf is just a baby sized couch.

And he like literally the whole time he had been sitting on parts of it and standing on it. But then we got like 90% done. And it's just a little him sized like wooden bench thing. And he just sat in it and was like, oh, you built me a chair. Thanks, dad. So now we have. have a work pro branded tool chair holder baby set up in our living room that I don't know if I'm ever going to get back. But it's very fun. James is coming into a big dad era, which is fun because

I feel like he was kind of all about mom for a long time. But now we're doing stuff. We're building things. Well, the toys they have for kids that are, you know, workshop based, they have that cardboard router table where you push the cardboard through. Oh, those are cool. We're getting one of those so bad once he's old enough. Those look awesome. Yeah. Dude, me too at the sleep deprived. Yeah, why you? Uh, James is going through a growth spurt and is having growing pains. And so instead of sleeping, he just cried all night. I also feel sleep deprived. What important thing are you doing? We have dogs that have decided that their schedules are no longer to sleep at night. Their job is to go to sleep and nighttime they're like, all right, Paul, we'll take a nap for like an hour.

And then it's time to party. Woo! You know what it sounds like is, you actually have a couple of outside dogs. Oh, you know, I really not that much. I'm still sick. I made James's life. I had to clean the hot tub, and it got really hot. And so I was like, I emptied it, but then I didn't clean it. Then I filled it back up, and James loves it.

So now we don't have a hot tub. We have the world's smallest pool. Because kids aren't supposed to go in hot tub. It's not good for them because they're tiny. So we just keep it at like 90 degrees or whatever, some like warm pool temperature. It's the fucking, it's the best thing he's ever experienced. Kid loves just going under the water, falling down, scaring his parents, thinking he's going to drown, coming back up, laughing about it, you know, kid stuff. You made James alive.

That is true. That's true in at least two ways. You'd think that would be worth two points, but it's not. James is counting now. He could count the numbers, one. two and five, but he does them correctly. If you count one, two, three, four, five, he'll be all one, two, five. So he knows. Wow, he really does. He's just working on, he's working on getting the other ones in there in the mouth situation. Can't quite do a three and a four. Those

are tough. It's getting closer though. Three I could see being tough. Four seems like it'd be the same as five to me. Listen, you wouldn't understand how toddlers work. And it's a, well, actually of the three of us, might understand the most how toddlers actually function and think. That's true. That's true. Four, five. Four, ooh, maybe so o. O, O. O. O. O. O. O. Five.

One, two, three. Five. It's a really hard number. Are we unteaching Wade how to say numbers now? Is this what they call unschooling? Fee. Fee. One, two, foe. Five.

I enjoy that. Give yourself some points. Look, I got a new ring. Wow. James gave it to me for Father's Day. This is my father. How the hell is he shopping? That's crazy.

He's very sophisticated. He's like, he's like four years old mentally, even though he's only eight months old physically. That's pretty impressive. It's made from a whiskey barrel. It's very cool. Whoa, that's a small barrel. Edit it so I turn invisible when I do this. Where did I go?

Whoa. Now you can see. Oh, he's back. man, you can only get this great content on Spotify. Oh, yeah. So sometimes when I'm playing with James, I'll pretend to throw something. And then actually I didn't throw it.

And he hasn't figured out yet that I do that. And so I'll just mess with him and be like, oh, let's throw the ball to you. Whop! And then he freaks out for a second because he's like, what the fuck? And I'm pretty sure I convinced him I'm some kind of wizard. I do that with the dog sometimes.

So I'm going to see how long I can keep that going. Lexi's worked that out. Lexi is no longer fooled by that one. I've done it too many times, but James is still figuring it out. So that's pretty conniving, right? That's very conniving. Yeah. You know, I just don't need anyone knowing that I poop.

I just don't need people knowing that. I got a book. I think you should read Mark. It's going to really change your life. Crazy Caterpillar? It's called Everybody Poops. Oh. And James is reading it a lot right now.

Just check it out. I've seen that book. That book is fucking disgusting. It's the grossest book I've ever seen. Potty trading in general. Like, I don't know what I thought it was going to be, but it's more concerning that I expected. Like one method of potty training is your baby doesn't wear pants now. Your baby is just full Winnie the poo.

And if and when they start peeing or pooping while you're just doing like everyday life, like you're in the living room and they just start going. You just pick him up and run to the bathroom and be like, in the toilet, in the toilet, in the toilet. That's so terrifying. It's a technique that I'm not going to do. And then like James is interested in the toilet now. And the other day I was like, oh, dad needs to go to the bathroom.

Hang on. And Mandy was like, oh, maybe James wants to see how the bathroom works. And I was like, oh, why do you want to see that? That doesn't sound good. And I thought about it. And I was like, no, that's actually what I'm supposed to do, isn't it? I'm supposed to bring my son into the toilet. so we can talk about how toilets work and I can, it's, I don't like, it's concerning.

It's good that he'll be able to use a toilet at the end of it, but all the rest of the end between parts, I never thought all the way through how that works and I don't care for it. Make it less concerning. Get one of those things they use the bypass drug test, the Whizinator. And you can use that to demonstrate. Interesting. That sounds worth it, probably. So I've been, uh, I got a thing off of Facebook marketplace.

As per how it usually goes, it's either a drug deal in a parking lot. or someone leaves it on their porch and you tuck the $20 under the mat, right? It was one of those. This was one of those. They were like, it was a thing for James. It was a little toy thing. He was getting really into Hot Wheels.

It was not a valuable thing. And this lady was like, I'll just leave it on the front porch. I'm really busy today. And I was like, that's totally fine. I'll just swing by and get it sometime this morning. I'm also busy. That was the agreement. And I was just going to stick 20 bucks under the mat.

And I got to the house, the address that she sent me. And I saw the thing sitting on the front porch. but it was at the house, which was down a very long driveway, which was filled with several children riding their bikes up and down the driveway. So I pulled up and I was like, I don't really want to carry this. I don't want to walk up the whole drive.

I'll see if I can pull. So I sort of pulled up toward the driveway and was like soft waiting to see if the kids would get out of the way and they looked at me and were kind of like, and they went up towards the garage of the house like they were going to run away. And I pulled very menacingly and slowly up the driveway the whole time

the kids were increasingly concerned like, wait, he's actually coming there. Oh God, what did mom say about strangers? Wait a second. Hang on. There's something we're supposed to do here. And I literally like, I got up there, I parked and I got out of the car with like my hands up, like an officer

was detaining me. And I was like, no, it's okay. I'm buying the thing from your mom. Kids, the thing on the porch. Did she tell you? Did she tell you? Did she? And they were like, oh, yeah. She totally said a guy in a car. car was going to be here this morning to pick up the that's cool you're cool dude you're cool but that wasn't it was not cool they were clearly freaked out and they like ran away inside and i just went up to the

porch and was like yeah took the thing ran away all sketchy like it was really awkward i don't know if i've ever done a face of marketplace deal that didn't end in some level of awkwardness but that one felt bad because it was kids didn't see the adult didn't get close to the kids barely said a couple sentences to them but they were definitely freaked all the way out and I still feel kind of bad about it. I was hoping they all would come up just macy or something. But James loves that toy. That's his new favorite toy.

So... Worth it? You know, you do what you gotta do. Yeah, that makes sense. All right, yeah, scares children, but hey, if it's for your own child, scare all the children in the world. Yeah, I scare all the other children.

Moving. God, I fucking hate moving. You're moving. Yeah, I don't know if you could see... Remember how old. all these shelves used to have shit all over them. This, I can only hope, will be the last time I ever move for the rest of my life. Damn.

We'll see if that holds up, because I'm pretty sure I said something like that when we moved to this place. But we are moving. The movers will be here in less than 48 hours. I will say, this area, like my desk is covered in all the same. I haven't packed at all. This is the least packed part of the entire house. All the rest of our house is in, like, boxes and shit. but we have been hardcore, pretty much most of the day, every day since Saturday,

and today is Tuesday, moving, packing, carrying heavy shit up and downstairs. I fell on the stairs one time, totally fine, survived, but the movers actually show up and then will be moved over. Honestly, as much as I despise moving, this is lame because I always do this and circle it back to being a dad now that I'm a dad. But the most concerning part of all this for me is I'm curious how James is going to handle it, right? We've already moved once, but he was like a baby when we moved. We moved from California back to Ohio to be closer to our parents when he was like 10 months old,

which was tricky because 10 months olds are tricky. But this is different now, right? He's old enough now where like his room is his room. He knows that that's his bed. That's his bookshelf. This is his. We're like packing up his belongings and they're discipline. appearing and he's kind of like, hey, didn't that bookshelf?

Wouldn't that full of books? Where all my books go? And it's like, he's being really cool so far. But I'm curious, the first night, like we're going to sleep in this house tomorrow night. And then the next night, we're going to sleep in the other house. And his bed is going to be in a new room and it's going to be smelled different. And I just don't know how it's going to go.

He might be totally fine. He's really chilly. He likes traveling. He loves staying in hotels and stuff. We've done that a couple times. But I'm worried that it's going to be hard on him because he is so young. it's hard to express how he's feeling or understand exactly how he's feeling. And moving is weird and moving is difficult.

So it sucks and I hate packing. But the main thing on my mind is James because I'm really curious and just want to make sure he does okay. Because it's a big change for a little kid who doesn't necessarily understand while his shit is all moved around and not where it's supposed to be anymore. But it'll be over soon, he said, forgetting about the three months of unpacking that always follows a move from house to house.

Are you like in a safe house or are you hiding from the government or is it actually vacation? It's vacation. This is a big family vacation. It's like we're near the beach and James saw the ocean for the first time a couple days ago and he loves it. He has no fear whatsoever. We were literally like, he might not like it.

It's big and scary. And we walked him out onto the beach and we're like, look, it was the ocean. And for half a second, he was kind of like, what the fuck's wrong with that pool? And then he was like, I'm going in. and ran into the ocean at full speed. And he does not know what fear means. That's terrifying. He wants to go swim with the sharks,

meet Aquaman and all that stuff. Phone family memories. Terrifying, but fun. I want Mark to babysit him at the beach now with Mark's love of the ocean and James Fear of the Ocean. I think those two combined. This is a winning combination.

Don't worry about a thing, Bob. Go to sleep. You can slumber. James gets into the three-inch deep edge of the ocean and Mark is like, he's gone. I'll call Bob. You know, everything's good. James is real funny these days.

He started music classes this week. Having a good time with that. What is he doing in music class? Like, they give him drumsticks or something? Yeah, it's a toddler music class. So it's like triangle, hit the triangle, shakers. I think he had a banana that he was shaking. Hitting and scraping and shaking is the gist of it.

And like, they did the big parachute where you, who everyone sits in a certain. or unpairshy, that thing. That sort of stuff. But fun stuff. I'm sure listeners can tell I sound a little sick because I am. I'm going to talk about the babies. So anyone who hates that, sorry.

In the last week, we have had possibly the worst night with James and also three of the best nights of sleep with him since he was born. So it's been a really weird mix of stuff. He's teething right now. And he has like three molars coming in all at the same time, which is incredibly painful. And so there was one night. He could not exist without just screaming. because it was like agony, like constant agony, didn't sleep the whole night.

It was his, him, it was during to do anything to keep him from just screaming in pain. But then three other nights around that, he has slept for like eight straight hours without waking up or anything, which is not, he usually wakes up at least a couple times. He slept like he was a rock and it's been weird because those have been fantastic nights. But also I've been sick, so that didn't help me sleep very much. But then the one night where he literally just didn't sleep was just absolute chaos and ruined the next week of everything because his schedule was all off. He was crazy. We didn't sleep.

So anyway, we're in a wild time with the baby right now. But he's cute. He's starting to talk. He knows what sound a horse makes. Oh. If you look at him, you go, James, what sound does a horse make? He goes, nay. It's amazing.

It's very cute. Oh, that's cute. Wait, when did he say his first words? Well, well, he's been saying like Mama and Dad, nine or 10 months, he started really saying stuff. But before the new year, he was talking and saying some stuff. But like, his speech is about to explode. He's going to start saying all kinds of stuff.

A win goes in Mark's column of wins, but he doesn't win the episode. We spin again. There's a lot of different things on this wheel. Yeah, there's quite a few. James wins. James gets a win in his. call him. All right. That's pretty good. But it takes a village to raise a baby, so each of the three of us loses a win that we sacrifice to give James a win. I feel like he's basically a part of

me. So like I get his win probably. I know you should lose more than one, but I was trying to be fair. It's like a, it's like a celebrity. He's like my celebrity child, right? I hold his win until he's old enough to use it responsibly. Yeah, but it's like in the bank gaining interest, so you can't really do anything with it. Yeah. In my bank, gaining my interest. You can feel about it how you will, but it's James win and we all three lose a win for him to get one. There's a super moon yesterday and apparently tonight as well and like a very, very slight eclipse of it as well. Oh man. James is saying a three word sentences now. Whoa. It's kind of one three word sentence, but like I'm not trying to undercut his achievements, but he, we were going to bed two nights

ago, we were going to bed and I was laying next to him trying to settle in and he just looks at me and he goes, I see daddy. I was like, what? And apparently no one has, no one has been teaching him this. I think he does watch Miss Rachel on YouTube, which is like a very popular kids YouTube thing. I think she does that. But like none of us people and his real people in his real life were teaching him that.

He just started doing it. And then now he's like, I see doggy. I see moon. He really liked the mood last night. So like out of nowhere. That's pretty fun. I'm glad he's listening to real people, not like Miss Rachel. Points are at stake.

James takes man poops. James is my baby. He takes man poops. Like steals them or has big poops? Some of his poops smell like baby poops, which is not one singular smell, but there's like a vibe that baby poops give off. Like puppy breath. Some of his poops smell like a full grown man took a dump into a baby's diaper.

It's horrific. Have you ever pranked him and taken a poop in his diaper and then tried to frame him for it? Once, but I got caught. I want to go on the record and say I've never stolen any poop in my life. There's no poop stealing. There's poop giving. There's sneaky giving away of poop mark. No, never done that either.

It's like whenever you're stealthing in Skyrim or something and you try to place a poop on someone's person to frame them as the pooper. Like when they're sitting on the toilet? When is this occurring? You stealth up behind them and then you equip poop in your left hand and then you clap your left hand. and then you clap your left hand on their back, so you smear the poop and kill. Like the Yarls giving his big speech about the dragons, and you're like, poopy.

The trick is you put a bucket on their head first, and then you can cover him on all the poop. I don't want to talk about that. James is talking a lot. He's good. Honestly, he's been sleeping pretty good this week and stuff. So, like, I think the biggest thing is he's getting stronger. Uh-oh.

He's getting stronger, but he's not getting better about understanding what violence is. So it's not really his first. fault. This is not even that recently. It just, it went, Wade's suffering reminded me of this, I guess. We took him to an event and he got like a toy at this event, basically. It was a dump truck toy and he loves dump trucks. We made the mistake of he got that right at the start. Like we got there, went to the first area. He got that immediately. He did not have any interest in doing any of the rest of this whole event we were at where you could like sit in a helicopter and look at, it was like trucks and things. It was very cool. It's like emergency vehicles, the fire truck. He had a

little dump truck toy and we were like look buddy let's get in line you can sit in a tractor and you can and you can sit in this medevac helicopter and look at all this stuff i was taking i was holding him and i was like i'm going to take this toy and we're going to go get a picture of you sitting on a tractor and i took that i grabbed the toy and i pulled it and he was kind of like yeah but and i was like nah well i'll give it back like i took i took the thing i got it away from him and he full body full length of his arm wheeled back and like right on like my cheekbone, perfectly solid contact. He smacked the shit out of me.

And even I was there with Mandy and Wren, a friend, Rinn. Like, even they, he did that and they were like, whoa, are you okay? Like, yeah, that was a real man smack. He's very strong and he kicks and smacks way above his weight class. Damn. That's not exactly surgery, but. Did he laugh afterwards? Did he like?

He was very. unhappy. He did that and was like, Kill you. I know where you sleep. He takes like a bottle off the table, breaks it, like holds it at you. I can climb stairs now. Yeah, no, he's wild. It's talking more though now. He learned in the last couple days,

he's learned how to fake sneeze. So now out of nowhere, he'll just be all. It's really cute. He's like, what, a year and a half now? Is that right? 17 months. That's basically like a year and a half. This is not even the bad. Is it like when they turn Two, doesn't something terrible happen?

He's getting into the terrible twos type stuff. It's more like terrible toddlers because they're learning how to regulate their emotions and they're able to do more stuff physically, but they're not aware of what they're doing over. So yeah, this is like he's getting into the terrible quote terrible twos behaviors. Can't wait until he's a terrific teen. He's going to be just the best. No more problems. Gonna be smooth sailing once he gets past two.

Tell you what. Nice. Excellent. Anyway, I'm going to finish James's table someday. It's a six month project, really. And I'm only two months in. So I got a lot of time. He'll be like in college, his third year of college, be like, James, I'm working on this your whole life.

It's finally ready. It's like a Fisher Price-sized like table. I'm going to have to cut some parts out if I want to get it done by then. But I think I can make it happen. Cool. Chainsawls and bears. No, I don't have a chainsaw. I'm going to keep bringing that up.

Sorry. I'm trying to think that there's something else that happened to me. But mainly the thing is James, James sleeps. by himself this week. I don't know if it's going to last, but oh my God. We're making progress on the sleep training, and it's a miracle. He's so big now. He's like so human and runs around and stuff.

Whenever you guys came over to watch the football game, it was wild. No, he's a menace. He's smart enough now to really cause problems and really do some dangerous shit. And he loves it. He's getting, he's good though. His speech is developing. He's doing three word sentences now. He's working on more.

He was sweet. It was really awesome having him and Milo over. It's wild seeing like the progressions of baby. Yeah, Milo compared to James was a crazy, crazy reminder of how far he's come. Because for anyone who doesn't know, Milo is Patrick Static's child and is six months younger than James, I think. Not that far apart, but also basically two entirely different creatures because the development in that time is crazy. In the first few years, six months is a long time.

That's true. It's still like over a quarter of his life. And it's a third of Milo's life, I guess. So that's a lot. I was like, man, oh man, I don't know how y'all can keep up because he's fast too. Yeah, he's very fast. You know when he's real fast when he sees the ocean? I think I talked about this, but man, is he fast when he decides he's going into the ocean?

James is kind of walking now. Not on his own, but he has a little thing that he pushes that he holds on to. He can walk around with that. Is he already that age where he's supposed to be walking around? He's a little bit ahead of the game on that one. But yeah, that's kind of, he's in that area. He sees nine months. Around a year is when I think my understanding is a lot of babies will start to stand up

on the like lean on the couch and scoot around or have a little walkie thing and walk around. So yeah, you see it in there. That feels like in my brain one of the most dangerous times for children is when they first start to walk and they're like stumbling around everywhere. It's very dangerous. He's already taking a couple pretty good spills. But he'll learn from the pain. We all do.

But he will. He'll eventually learn from that. We'll get there. James walks now. I think I've mentioned before. I was like, who is that? It's your baby. I know I've met. We have a baby. His name is James. You definitely met him a few times. He walks now. He doesn't walk more than four or five steps in time, but it's terrifying. He also climbed up the stairs. He did not walk up the stairs, but he climbed up the stairs with a person behind him making sure he didn't fall and die. But he did it by himself for the first time. Everything's in peril and all the childproofing we've done is pointless. This is, I don't know if I talked about this on the show previously, but James, uh, splash tables, I think is what they're, I don't know. It's like a little table you fill it up with water and he plays in it, right? It's just like you play with toys in it, whatever. It's really good summer toy because it's like, it's not just running a sprinkler.

It's like a set amount of water so you don't just, you know, blast water or every witch away. And last summer, he got one of those and I looked at it and I was like, you know what would be really sick. there's like a top and a bottom. And if you put, if you pour water in the top, it like rains and it's really fun. But you have to physically like take a bucket and pour it. And I was like,

what if I buy? What if I get like a, like an aquarium pump? And I'll feed a hose up to the top. And I'll set the pump in the bottom. And it'll like, cycle the water. So it's always right.

And I did all this research. And I bought one thing off the internet and it didn't work. And I bought another thing off the internet. And it didn't work for other reasons. And it was all that like literally my setup would be like, I have an external battery pack with like a USB cord running to the pump into water. It's all just the sketchiest shit. And I was like, I spent a lot of time trying to home brew this thing.

Never quite worked right. Eventually I just gave up and whatever. On the internet yesterday, I was presented with an ad for exactly that product made in the simplest, most concise way possible. It's just a thing. You drill one hole. And I looked and I was like, this costs less than one of my multiple attempts at doing it myself did.

Son of a bitch. But anyway, I bought one. So James is going to have the dopest water table to play on this summer. And I'm pretty excited about it. That's cool. But also, I'm an idiot.

And I can't ever. I always am like, I'll just do it. I'll make it myself. I'll home brew it. Nah, I should probably just buy it. Whatever I'm going to make,

it's either not going to work or it's going to be so fucking terrible. that I just wish I would have bought it. Wouldn't want to put your child in the way of that. Like, it works, but the whole water table is electrified somehow, even though, like, I don't know. Maybe I should just let a company hold on to that liability for me. You know what power makes me think of and a thing that I'm obsessed about right now? Power wheels. This is the little racing cars?

It's, yeah, it's like the cars that like little kids can sit in. Oh, the drivable ones. I was thinking of Hot Wheels, right? Not hot wheels, power wheels. It's like the little, it's like a little Jeep or something that little kids can sit in and drive around the yard. I was never allowed to have power wheels as a kid. And I don't want to spoil James. But man, do I want him to be old enough to have a power wheels?

I mean this part, the TikTok update, there were people on the suburb saying they missed TikTok updates. TikTok update, kind of. I'm in this part of TikTok where there's all these dads who are customizing their power wheels for their kids. because most power wheels are six-volt based on six-volt battery systems. But if you put a 12-volt battery in there, you double the power. You might fry the engine or the electric motor, but it goes twice as fast-ish. It goes faster. And you can do, and there are guys who, like, add a trailer so their kids can, like,

tow, you know, a little fake motorcycle or toe, like, yard waste or all this stuff. And there was one where I saw a guy put, like, a backhoe type thing on the front so you could, like, rake leaves, but use your power wheels. All kinds of stuff. I'm giving you a point for child labor. Yeah. Have I told you guys about James, the fart story with James? Where he farted in a movie theater in Oppenheimer and everyone laughed?

I wish he did. He probably would think of that. He's very funny. So we have this place we drive frequently where there's rumble strips on the road, which is that thing where you're driving and you drive over it and it goes, we drive over there all the time. And we were driving there with James in the back seat and we went over the rumble strips. and out of nowhere, and he's never said it before, at least to me, really.

Out of nowhere, he just goes, huh, farts. Because the rumbull strip fucking sounds like farts. Anyway, he's hilarious. He's going to be the funniest kid I know. I'm not as funny as me, but he'll be second. You're not a kid, so you're kind of in a different class. All right. You're not the funniest adult, I know either, but don't be offended.

I know a lot of adults. You can say that it's just not true. James is hilarious. Also, he calls the movie sing dance animals and that's his current favorite movie. Pretty accurate. Is he like getting old enough now where he's branching out of a lot of like the baby-esque

shows like the Blueys and stuff? He still enjoys Bluey. He still enjoy it. The thing right now is animals. Everyone is constantly surprised because we're like, oh, he loves animals. He loves animals. And people are like, oh, he like a horseies? You like, no. He knows what a yak is. He knows

what a flamingo is. He can't quite say it, but he knows what a hyena is. He knows probably a few dozen animals in total. And the all day, every day is, I want animals. I want animals. And it means a lot of different things because it could mean he wants to watch a video of animals. Could mean he wants this stuff to animals. But he's an interesting place.

Very smart. He likes to enact animals eating each other. He'll get like a bear and a giraffe and then the bear will be chasing the giraffe trying to bite it. And it will succeed at some point. And he's literally just running around like, oh no. Oh, no. Or he'll stage like accidents. He has like trains and stuff.

He'll put an animal in front of the train on the track and then just slowly like, Oh no. Oh, shit on it. That's probably good, right? I mean, I guess it's better than taking like Barbie dolls or like Army dudes and being like, oh no. At least they're animals. Yeah.

They don't have souls. James has learned that he could scream real loud So that's fun I've never been made dizzy by a scream before But that can happen now Last night we're getting ready for bed And he was like It was he gets two books and then we go to bed

And it's like we have a whole routine And we got to the I think to the end of the second book And like close the book And Mandy was like okay put the book on the shelf And we're gonna do this and he just was like No No More story

And we're like, no, man, it's bedtime. This is, we do this every night. This is the routine. And he did that sort of like, shake of rage and then proceeded to scream louder than anything has ever been in human existence. And I actually, like, it made my head vibrate. And when he stopped screaming, I was kind of like, so I never had that before.

But I'm sure that he'll only do that the one time. And that's not going to be all day, every day for the next three weeks of my life. How do you stop that? Wade, bad advice. What you do is you give him a megaphone so he can be even louder to the point where he makes himself paralyzed from the noise. You're right, you're right, and there we go. Yep. You give him headphones and a microphone and make him scream into his own ears.

You know how Homelander went up to that one superhero and went, doing on the sides of the head, and then made him deaf now that he'd scream louder. And this is a horrible advice. Put him in a bit of a stupor, stupor hero. I see what you did there. Yeah, I should definitely do whatever Homelander does. He's a good guy, right? He's a father. I haven't watched the show. I haven't watched the show. He's like the Superman character in that universe, right? He's a good guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He is America. Yeah, and he's a father. He's raising a child. I think his first act as a father was to throw his son off of like a roof or something, wasn't it? Spoilers. I don't even. Yeah, kids dead now. James has entered a new era, which I have not named yet, but I'm going to just say that it's very destructive. mainly of his own self. He's entering a Mark era, really. Let's call it that. Okay, all right. I sort of hoped eventually he'd gain like a fear of getting hurt because he's not afraid of anything. He'll just like climb up on the back of the couch and, you know, like he could fall and break his neck and he just does stuff like that. And he started falling off of things now. He started falling down.

He fell off the back steps on the patio because he just wasn't looking and ran off the steps. He keeps doing that, but he doesn't act like he gets hurt. Like he falls. He, the other, He fell onto his face. He missed this last step, fell onto his face off the back deck, onto a concrete patio. And we were like, oh, oh, ah. And he just stood up and was like, hmm. I thought kids cried a lot. He does cry when he gets, when he like hurts himself sometimes.

But when he really eats it, nothing. He doesn't get scared. He doesn't, he's just like, oh, that's cool. And then just continues. And it's like, he's just going to keep doing crazier and crazier shit. He's not learning to be afraid for his safety at all. Like the next evil can evil? I don't know.

It seems bad, but also he's like, he's fine. Like he's getting scraped up. But otherwise, yeah, it's fine. I'm gonna trust him. It's two and a half now. Pretty trustworthy guy. It feels like a cop out, I guess. But I'm, I'm excited for more James.

I feel like, I mean, he's, we have fun. He's been fun. It's not like he's been unfunned up to this point. but it's been tough. We move from California back to Ohio and then we just moved again. And like he's handled it like a trooper. But it just throws off all your routines and it makes it really hard to like really get in and do all the fun stuff because there's no time for shit. It's like it gets to be evening time.

And we're like, okay, buddy, let's do something fun. You want to bring boxes back and forth between houses? You can hold the door open. You know, be a little helper. It'll be a little doorstop. Hey, he likes it. But like I'm excited for another year, like a new year where he's going to be older. He's talking a ton.

And we're like we're going to start doing stuff. I think together this year that's a little more complicated and fun. And I'm also, I think personally I'm excited to put more tools on things. I got to do a good stretch there when I had the Subaru where I was like working on the car and I was doing stuff with my hands. And that was really fun. And then I got rid of the Subaru and I lost that completely. I want to get back to like, I'm excited to work on stuff. And one of the things on this new house that was such a big selling point for me is I have a huge garage.

And I have like a work, a dedicated like workshop area. It's just a little side part in the garage. But I have like a workbench and a toolbox and I can like have projects where I don't have to pull the cars out of the garage to work on them. And then clean it back up and pull the cars back into the garage. Every time I'm, it's like I have an area. I can just have a little project. If I have a glue up, it can just sit somewhere and dry it and clamps and I don't have to, like, I'm excited. And James is getting to the age where he's going to be able to help me do that.

Maybe we'll build a birdhouse or, you know, who knows what, but like that's awesome. That sort of stuff. Hey, baby. Hey, guys, I have a baby. Oh, wow. Is this his first appearance on the podcast? I think it is. It might be.

How are you doing, mister? Who's supposed to be taking a nap? Who's not right now? Well, this is interesting. I'm assuming this means he's being a problem. Dad's not busy. Sit him in there. Lock the door.

How could it possibly be a problem? No, no. Whoa, hey. Now we're here, and we're still in the same episode. Watch new episodes on Spotify.