Distractible - Best of Mark: Part 1 (Compilation)

Episode Date: November 10, 2025

It's time to relax with a copy of Penthouse Forum and plate of cannolis, because this compilation is all about the moon man himself, Mark. Get set up quick and connect to their fast speeds. Learn more at uber.com/onourway Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Uber One. It's that time. Back to School. Go to college. Yeah, I can't wait to get back in classes again. See Professor Smithers. You're going back? Are you not? Did you not sign up for your classes? No, I didn't. I'm not ready to pay for that college life again. Okay, well, when all three of us are back in college, Uber One for students is going to be a great way to save money on Uber and Uber Eats.

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cellular and networks. Guarantee exclusions details at temobile.com slash home internet. Hence again we return to mirth most flighty delving deep in the vault most mighty. It's time for best of mark part one. The bar!

Marker's in a nuclear test range. Hey, if we do another ad bit with meteors or like explosions, you've got it. Hey, I ordered a new mattress. Ding dong. Oh. So dumb. Oh. So we have an idiot, a sleep-deprived guy, and a sick guy doing a podcast episode today, and this is what you get.

A bomb! It's like when you give toddlers technology and they make their first video and it's like really shitty and they look at it embarrassed 20 years later like what was I thinking mark is either gone or sitting very still hello he's thinking hello hello let's try a simple one mark how many fingers hello oh wait I know how to fix this mark how many fingers hello I text it you. Hello? You know what, Bob? I'm gonna give you good internet point. Thanks. That seems fair.

Hello? They tried to take me out. It didn't work. The world government. Oh, sweet fucking Jesus. No, no, not again. Hello? I'm getting out of here.

Let's leave. You and me, Wade. Three, two, one. Whoever leaves first wins. Oh. Wade is clearly right there. Neither a few left. Editors.

Send me to Gwain. Guam! What's part one? I'm in Guam! Put me in Guam. You have no idea with that. Why do you look like you're underwater? I don't think Guam is underwater.

Put me in Guam! Look at all this, Guam! Is that offensive? No idea, probably. I feel offended. You know, to be fair to Mark, I looked up Guam, and the first image was a beach. Oh, pretty close. Guam is a U.S. island territory in Micronesia.

Because I know there's a military, a lot of military presence, and John, who was on an aircraft carrier, They would dock there, and that's actually where he spent all of COVID. Oh, these guys are, they know the future. Guam's World War III significant. Oh, wait, that's two. That's two. I can read. Hey, Bob, Bobby Boy.

Oh, have a seat. Have a seat. Have a seat. Have a seat. Okay. Have a seat. All right. Okay. So I heard from your teacher that you were asking some questions that the teacher was

legally not allowed to disclose to you. given the laws currently implemented in the state that we're in, was not legally allowed to answer the questions for you. So I have taken it upon myself to create a slideshow presentation to guide you through this process. But why don't you just ask me? Ask me anything. Ask me anything to start it off. I've got a whole thing here, but, you know, I want to hear from you. I'm just curious how, where do babies come from and what are they made of?

Excellent question. Excellent question. Have you heard of the ship of Theseus? You know, I have a memory of that, almost like a fever dream from earlier in my life, but I think so, yeah. Good, good, okay, all right. So a baby, think of it like a ship. You like ships, right? Yeah, ships are cool. Yeah, so, but instead of a built ship, you got to, you got to, like, build a ship at some point, right? It starts from nothing. Sure, in the shipyard.

But an idea. It's an idea of a thing, right? Yeah. Okay, so let's think of the shipyard as a penis, right? You know what a penis is. Ah, yeah, my penis is a shipyard? Let's just think of it that way. Okay. This is our, there's a world of imagination right now, okay?

All right. So the shipyard is looking at, let's say, the ocean. Think of the ocean as what's called a vagina. Let me just show you the slide of a vagina. And you probably haven't seen one. This is a vagina, right? Sure. The clitoris, the clitoral hood, the mons, pubis.

You've got the labia minora and majora, right? Where? Hmm? What is? Where is that at? Don't worry about this. This is just so you think of the ocean. When you look at this, think of the ocean.

When you look at this, think of the ocean. You know the ocean with the waves and splashing all around, right? Oh, okay. Don't think of it. Uh, let me go now to the penis, right? Now, this is a penis. That's not what mine looks like. That's okay.

Don't worry. It's, um, uh, don't worry about it right now. Okay, okay. You see, this is the shaft. This is the cavernosa, uh, majorum. This is the perennium here. Uh, you have the glands, you know, the foreskin. Well, depending.

Oh, I mean, we'll keep, another story for another day. Okay. All right. But I really want you to focus down here on what are known as the testicles, right? Okay. Yeah. Okay, all right, okay. But again, don't think of this. Think of a shipyard. Okay, this is a shipyard. And in a shipyard, you have a bunch of people running around, right? Yeah. The people that actually like build the ship, okay, all right? Shipwrights, yeah.

Yeah, shipwrights, sure. Yeah, shipwrights, very good, very good. Okay, um, I know stuff. And let's just assume that one day the shipyard got really drunk, okay? They had a party. Woo! Yeah! You know? Okay, sure. Do you know what that is? You don't know. I don't know what that. Okay, anyway. I don't know what a party is. They had a party. Yeah, yeah. They had a party. They had a party at say, let's say a ski lodge or something like that. Okay. There's a ski lodge in the shipyard. Got it. Yeah. And then there was a, yeah. And then there was a beach where the ocean was there. Okay. Skis, ski beach. Got it. Yeah, exactly. Okay. So one of these shipwrights was looking at the ocean and the ocean was looking at the ocean. And the ocean was looking at the shipwright, and they locked eyes, and they were like, oh, yeah, you know? Okay, he likes the ocean. Then the shipyard decided, well, it wasn't really a decision, okay?

Ordinarily shipyards, they have safety precautions known as OSHA. But, you know, let's just say that OSHA failed at this moment in time. Sure. And one of these shipwrights started getting really, really productive, okay, and built a ship. Okay, more like, okay, imagine there was a glowing ethereal orb in the middle of the shipyard that was birthed from the ocean. And then the shipwright was like, this is my whole, it's meant for me. And dove head first into that glowing ethereal alien orb and merged into being part of the DNA from the shipwright and part of. of the DNA from this orb, which there was inside of it, emerged together. And then that started

building a boat. Okay. Yeah. And then the... So it's like a man boat. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Except that the shipwright was like melted as he entered into it. So the entire being that was the shipwright kind of like dissolved and all that was left was the primordial goo within him. Okay. So then this boat starts growing and growing and growing, and then one day in a cataclysmic, extremely painful, catastrophic bloody event was launched. Do you ever seen a ship launch before? Yeah, it kind of slides in and makes a big splash. Yeah, big splash, but pretty big because you're pretty small, right?

I am small, yeah. Okay, I'm going to show you this next slide. This is in the middle of a childbirth. Okay, now you'll see. Yeah, you'll see the head. is starting to emerge. It's a boat. It's a boat.

Which part is the boat? The head is the boat. The vagina is the ocean and it's called birthing a boat. Uh-huh. So when that... It looks like somebody's dying. No. Sometimes.

Sometimes. Uh-huh. If, let's say, like, uh, the boat gets stuck and doesn't get enough water. I'll bear it back. I need alcohol for the rest of this. Normally it's fine. And this boat is you. Oh. That's where babies come from. Okay?

Oh. This episode is brought to you by Uber. You know that feeling when someone shows up for you when you need it most? Yeah. We all need that sometimes. And Uber knows that. Uber isn't just a ride or a meal delivered. It's showing up no matter what. What? I think that might be them knocking on the door because they're, you know, Uber's really good about getting them right to where you are. Dude, them or the FBI. I'm not 100% sure. Yep. When it really matters, whatever it is, you show up. Or there's a will. We're on our way. Uber. On our way. Download the app today.

All right, Mark, the first sentence is, I heard the doorbell ring, but I wasn't expecting anyone. And so I come up with the second half of that. Yeah, you give me. the second sentence, and it's a horror story. So make it, make it scary. Okay, so say it again? I heard the doorbell ring, but I wasn't expecting anyone. Well. I told you, I tried real hard, but I have no idea if these are good prompts, so good luck.

Especially since I was in a tent. Oh man, that just raises so many scary questions. And then I remembered, I don't have a door. I know, right? Yeah, it's terrifying. You're camping out in the wood, you hear ding dong? Fuck, you're done. Yeah, that's not good.

Everybody knows, that's problems. Mark, I think you can beat that. I believe in you. I heard the doorbell ring, but I wasn't expecting anyone. God, I've almost got something. I've almost got something. Oh, it's going to, you're going to shit. You've got shit.

Run to the bathroom, everybody. listen to this you're about to poop your pants um especially since i was on the moon i'm not gonna ask if you're ready we're just jumping in all right you're an orgasming pig and a farmer is coming to slaughter you. Oh, God. What, male or female pig? Mark is the author of this story.

Oh, okay. You have at least 30 minutes. Of what, orgasm power? What do you mean, at least 30 minutes? Yeah, the farmer's not going to kill you during. He's respectful. So what do I got to make it last long? No, not necessarily.

You just have to survive. But you could. Not the orgasm. You have to survive the farmer. The farmer is the threat. The orgasm is just happening. That's the matter, but I thought you were ready. Come on, man.

What do you even have to think about? The first move's obvious. Okay, all right. All right, here we go. Dear Penthouse Forum, I never thought it would happen to me. There I was with Betsy. Oh, man, you've seen a pig before, right? Anyway, finish the deed.

Um, barely three minutes into mid-finish. And here I hear Farmer John's boots thundering down the roadway. I know what's up. He fed me oats that morning. I know a trap when I see it. Look down, it's not Betsy. It's a pile of straw wrapped in a blanket.

Fool on me, right? Well, anyway, I know... He's very polite. He'll make sure that I... I get to enjoy myself before my bitter, bitter end. Well, two can play it that game. I see a pail of milk that he left out. Fool, he is.

I've got a bucket full of fraud that's going to keep this going all night long, so long as he sees some white fluid occurring. He's not going to kill you because he thinks I'm not done yet. Take that bucket stealthily slide it under me, and I just take a hoof and I go, ugh, yuh. For hours. I don't know if I've ever hoped for a toy more in my life, but I'm hoping for it right now.

Mark, I'll give you this hint, Mark. It's an audio clue. It doesn't make a sound. It doesn't make a sound. No, it can't be an audio clue. I'm ignoring that. I'm ignoring that. I'm ignoring that.

That's a real clue and honestly should get you the answer right now. I'm ignoring that entirely. I'm ignoring it because it just, Mark, it's obviously a tooth rack. Is it a spork? You jumped right past a couple other guesses for that one, but no, it's not specifically a spork. No. Spoon? Plastic spoon?

No. Plastic fork. It's a plastic fork. I hate you. It's got run. I hate you because why would I think specifically a plastic fork when you said it was not metal all cutlery went out the window because cutlery is it made of plastic is made of metal hey dude I had to rule out wood basketball what do you mean Bob what

do you mean why would the thing be a plastic fork why would that be that be the thing. You made the hardest possible thing to narrow down because you put it in a category that it's not typically in. What? You never guessed fork. Because you said it wasn't metal. My 12th guest was cutlery for myself. Mark never went there. That's crazy. He stole everything else I said, but not that. Again, again. That's the next one. Why would you do that to me? You know, I thought, I thought Spork a long time ago. A long time ago, I was like, okay, there's a possibility that it's like plastic, something like,

and Spork went up in my mind when he was like, plate was associated with it. But I was like, there's no way it'd be that. Man, plastic fork! A plastic fork! Yes. Why have you done this to me? Why have you done this to me? Are you appealing to like the subreddit or something?

Do you think this is unfair, Mark? I am appealing to the subreddit. Yes, I'm throwing my only flag I have left because, holy crap. I want to take a nap and I will. In your tub with your pillow blanket? I see how it is. Plastic fork. Plastic fork.

This is going to haunt him for days to come. Isn't something smell a little? to you. Hey, do you smell something? Well, that's a weird smell. I don't know what it is. Have you ever felt the chill run up your spine? Well, it was like something tapped me on the shoulder, but when I turned around,

get ready to forget everything you know about everything. Guys, I'm still smelling something weird. A whole city of people just turning round and round endlessly. All right, if someone doesn't say they're smelling or I'm smelling, I swear I'm... Oh my God. What happened to the moon? You expect me to believe we're surrounded by gases that we cannot see. I know what clouds look like.

Those are clouds! Welcome to the show that was formally known as Don't Look Up, but we were sued by some dumb ass in a movie studio. This is... It's in the air. Viewer discretion is advice... I never thought it would happen to me. There I was with Betsy. You know a pig, right?

Not three minutes in finishing. I hear Farmer Woods' name's boot come thundering out the way. And I know what's up. He fed me oats this morning, so I know what the game is. And I look down, it's not even Betsy. It's a fucking bail of hay wrapped in a blanket. But I know he's polite, right? I know he's polite.

I feel bad. His shame, tricked. He's very polite. He won't finish me before I'm finished finishing. So I look around as stealth as I can, see a bucket of milk, drag it under me. I go like, ah, one white substance is good as another. Did my hoofing go, oh, and then while he's standing there watching, kind of weird, but, you know, we're in this. I'm thinking with my little pig brain, and I'm like, ah, I have the ultimate plan.

It took me half that bucket to think of this plan. I feign a heart attack. I know he's a sympathetic sort. He fed me oats. He made Betsy, I guess. And he would not dare kill me If I'm already dying Shake the milk off of my hoof

I lay down and go I got a heart attack right Surprise poop attack I jump on him Where he gets close diarrhea all over See the only tool I got left I have very few fluids left in my body

But I decide to shit all over him That'll teach him a lesson He'll never forget And while he is flailing from all the poop I grab Betsy For later And grab his shovel That he dropped

And then in my I do one of these. Swing with both. It's not really like a swing. It's more like a, I try to decapitate him. Okay. Wade, you can end this. That was the third one.

I needed an 18 or higher. Oh, that's definitely going to happen. We haven't wasted a bunch of 20s on goofing around. Eight. Hey, teen? No. If I swallow this right now and die, will you give me the point? That's worth at least two points, I guess, yeah.

Everyone pull over to the side of the road. You got to watch this one. I'm dead. That's two points to mark, I guess. Jesus, I'm getting railroaded here, man. Well, thankfully he can't compete for any more points now, right? If he comes back to life, he loses the two points, just to be clear. Anyway, interesting discussion.

I think... Hey, what's up, guys? Back from the afterlife here. Want to finish this episode out strong. I'm going to cross out dead and take those two points away real quick. Can I get one point? I'm a ghost, man. All right, I'll give you one ghost point.

Okay, cool. You hear my echoey voice and everything? Editors. Editors, don't do any of this. Just make him live with what he's done. Oh, please. I sign your checks. That's not even true.

None of us sign shit. You're right, but I can call the person who does. I know them too. I have their number two. I'll call them and tell them not to listen to Mark. You don't even worry about it. All right, fine. Too many requests in one hour.

My fate is pretty sour. Oh no I think this is worth Just to hear Mark talk like this For now Just to translate Into something that's Comprehensible

I think Mark just let us know The chat GPT just told him He can't do any more Queries for a while So you don't have your little AI buddy That'll be rhyming anymore. My friend is gone. My friend is done. I'm going to make a hot crossed bun. You get one point minus three. It's only fair. It can not be. Minus three.

Three bad tries. No, no, no. You didn't think you were too slow. I was, okay, but I had two bad tries and then I got it right. No, you're correct. That is so true. Two minus one, but the other way to. To end this game and therefore win in the positives, your score must win. I'm going to count it. That rhymed.

That rhymed. Sounds are allowed. Didn't say that it has to be words. Why did they do this? myself, I could have been riddleman an elf. Thanks, man. My little problem I'll tell you is that this thing only reads in the

third person, boo-hoo. I can't seem to get it to ask direct. That doesn't make me very erect. Let me finish my rhymes, you prick. I think you're a giant dick. Well done. That's the best one you've had all day. You know what? You know what?

I'm going back in time. Sorry, I'm going back in time. I changed it. Your shoulder? It's all better now. Oh, cool. Well, Bob, you still have more points. So...

What did I change then? Oh, God. What did I change? Oh. Oh no. What are we gonna see in the future? I don't know. I don't know. What did I do?

Dear Penhouse Forum. You've heard this story before. Me, Betsy, you know, pigs. Anyway, three minutes in, Farmer John's coming. I'm not done coming. But I look down. I did a fucking trick. Again.

Again, it's a pile of hay in a blanket. Anyway, he comes in, he's looking at me. I know he likes to watch. I'm not about that, but he fed me oats this morning, so I know he's play. play he's gonna wait till I finish I stealthily put the bucket milk under me dip my paw and go I can keep that up for hours gives me enough time to think ah heart attack I've done it before I'll do it again shake my hoof off dumb idea

he comes over poop attack right in his eyes blast him grab Betsy grab his shovel tornado attack didn't work I throw the shovel away grab Betsy again drag out to the outside where there's a tractor I've seen the farmer use a tractor before I throw Betsy up by the gas pedal I say when I say floor it do it I push buttons I pull levers get that thing rumbling point it right towards where that farmer's shaking in my shit pile I say floor it and I remember Betsy's a pile hey can't really do that I scramble I like shit I'm on the other side of the tractor it's already going she's gonna blow if I don't divert power to the

engine or the wheels so I I dive for the gas pedal push Betsy on for Unfortunately, out of the window, and I see Betsy tumble right under the tractor thresher blades. No! She was a pile of hay. She actually reformed back into a bale, the blanket perfectly back all the way on the other side. Actually, better than before. After what I had done to that pile of hay, was not in the correct shape anymore. Betsy's behind me.

I hit the gas pedal. Try again. All right. All right, I rig it to self-destruct, and then I dive off with Betsy, if you want something a little different. No, I like that. I just don't know if it's going to work. Please. I still, much to my chagrin, and I've talked about it endlessly drive my Tesla that I've had for eight years, the giant piece of shit.

And that's not just me like hating for hating. No, it's been bad. It's been really bad. I drove it off the lot as a piece of shit. It's been a piece of shit through every year of its warranty in which it's been in service every single year for many times the same problem. and they've done full replacements on the suspension three times. And now it is officially out of warranty. So if it happens again, I'm screwed.

Anyway, in Tesla, there's a cowbell mode that is activated by pressing the cruise control four times. And the thing is, if I press it twice and it doesn't activate, I'm going to press it because to activate you press it twice, right? I go to click, click, and it doesn't go, so I go click click again. And then I activated cowbell mode. So for the rest of the fucking drive to Tyler's house So is it this is it actually the song? Is there something weird about pressing cruise control multiple times and don't fear the Reaper coming on? It is exactly. It was exactly that it was don't know Oh Tull our time

Tung What the fuck? Don don't don't don't don't don't Don't It was a whole I couldn't figure out how to turn off because pressing it four times again only restarts the song

and I'm in the middle of driving on the highway so I'm just like So for 20 minutes Dong dong Don't Don't Don't Don't Don't It's a long song But even when the song ends it just loops It loops after the first few lines

And then Christopher Walkin comes out and says, I gotta have more cowbell. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell. And then it goes again. Don't, don't, don't. The whole fucking drive. What if you spread butter on a piece of bread and dip that in another sauce? That's a canoli.

That is not a cannolly. And what's the difference between that and a canoli? What do you think a canoli is? Oh, my God. Do you think a canoli is related to bread? No, because what I'm thinking about it is a canoli, you have like a flat piece of thing, you wrap it in something. So if you were to dip bread and something, you kind of have to put some kind of a folding.

You kind of have to put a fold in it. It's got a fold in it, rolled, and then they dip it in like whipped cream on the ends or something. Here is the definition of canoli. Italian pastries in the form of hard tubular shells filled with sweetened ricotta cheese. and often containing nuts, citron, I don't know how that's answer pronounced, or chocolate bits. I rest my case. You maybe dip the end of the canoli in some chocolate and pistachios or something. You don't dip in shit.

A canoli has nothing to do with this. Either way, the comparison stands because a canoli is not bread. And therefore, you putting something on it and dipping something in it. But what I said wasn't a canola either. Spreading butter on a piece of bread and then dipping that in a sauce does not make it a canoly. I dare you to do it without rolling it and you. I think he's imagining you're rolling it up for. some reason. Yeah, you look at it after you're done dipping and you're like, oh my God, I made a canoly.

You don't need to spread butter on a flat piece of bread. You take a hunk of bread. You spread butter around it. You dip. It's still a same hunk of bread you were dipping earlier. Your argument loses weight. You don't take a piece of bread and you hollow it out and shove bread inside so the warmth that melts it from outside in. I mean, I do do that, but that's not what I was supposedly. That's just for fun. I don't think there's any difference between a canolian hot dog or like Canoli and bread and butter and anything like that. It's a rolled piece of bread. They all fall within a taco is a canoli.

That's sweet. What a bold claim. I fucking love no wait. I love that actually. The debate is always, wait, is a hot dog a sandwich? Blahling, you know what a hot dog is? Idiots? A hot dog is a canoli.

Is it a canoly? You're all stupid. All right, Mark, here I'll go in a different direction. I'll skip. How about this one? I found a beautiful antique mirror. at a garage sale. Hit me again?

I found a beautiful antique mirror at a garage sale. And then what? Wouldn't I like to know? Oh, God. Don't you guys, like, play a lot of scary games? Oh, yeah. You know, our instinct is not to perpetuate the scary

kind of to make fun of it. I'm sorry, I wasn't ready for that question. Mark, I found a beautiful antique mirror at a garage sale. Yeah, right? Okay. And action. Well, you know, the thing about mirrors is there, uh, there's sometimes you get a, when you have, you know, there's two.

There were two, there were two of me in there. There's two. There's two. There's always two with mirrors. Yep. Uh-huh. Yep. Good.

Excellent. All right. Oh, dear. I don't have a lot of time. I'm 29 minutes into a 30-minute orgasm when I hear his footsteps coming by. Farmer wants a name. He'll go kill me. He bet me oats this morning.

Real nice guy. But I know what's up. I don't have long left. Drag a bug in a milk under me. Start spewing out milk. He can't tell the difference he's half. Anyway, I was half blind. Look down Betsy's pile. Hey, in a blanket. Look, don't have a lot of time. It was great until it wasn't. Start fleeing that out and then I realized I need to do a hard attack and shake off my paw at the same time.

Fall over, roll down. He's so nice. Comes over real close, right within shitting distance, shit in his eyes. Grab Betsy, grab his shovel, tried to swing to the cap-to-head and didn't work too low to the ground. I go outside where his tractor is, and I know that, yeah, I've seen him use it before. Throw Betsy up by the gas pedal. I say, like, when I tell you to floor it, you floor it! I start pushing buttons, pulling levers, and I get it lined up, engines and rummlet, I go Betsy. Florey! Duh, pile of hay, sort out of the window, she goes into Thresher Blades, no, and then she reforms into a pile hay, pre-fucked, with a blanket still on it, it's great, save that for later.

I aim the track to write it, Farmer Drum, where he's twitching in my shit pile. I hit buttons, I gun it, no, bounces off, doink, right on the barn. Then I look back, that doinks threw a shotgun down off the wall. Oh, shit, that's great, grab a shotgun, I think I can get this, get in my mouth, go over, try to shoot him in his stupid face. Boink! Blank! Fuck! He's so nice! He just had blanks in his shotgun! He wasn't gonna kill me at all!

Maybe he wasn't gonna kill me! I apologize. I say, hey, bro, maybe I misread the whole situation. Can you please forgive me? You did right by me, by that hey, bail. I'm not gonna lie. Couldn't tell the difference. Why don't we just put all this behind us?

Pal. I put my juice covered puff out there for him to shake. Pal, buddy. You need a... Oh, no. Why? On the bright side, though, you get to play devil's advocate while determining what's true or false while singing your winner's speech. Yeah, Mark!

Winner speech! Uh... Uh... I'm the best. I'm the best. I'm the best. I am better than all of the rest. The rest.

All the rest. Bob and Wade, they're the worst, they're the worst. They can't do anything, they just are the worst. They just are the worst. They just are the worst. Believe in anyone but myself and I won't give them another host. I'm the one who wins forever and ever and a day. And a day.

Kudos to Pluto's. Please, only ever laugh like that for the rest of our lives. Three points to mark for that laugh That was the worst laugh I've ever heard him have That's awesome What worst That was the graph

You just have to force it out You can't let it slow down It has to have momentum It has to have force and volume with it Somebody please take that laugh And make it your ringtone I don't know if I could do them I don't know if you can either

No you know what makes it happen Mark You have to say the sentence The whole set you have to say Kudos to Pluto That's how you get that to come out of you If you can recreate that sentence I will give you four points Mark Oh God, okay

If you could give me a full-on kudos to Pluto's You will steal this victory And I feel like it would be well deserved And wait for me with that All right Kudos to Pluto's Ha ha ha ha ha Fuck

That was so bad It got a clawed in my throat I don't know how I did that When you get in the Kitas-plut-a-ha-ha-ha I can't How did I do that? Woody the Woodpecker now

What happened? How the fuck did I do that? Kutas-mm-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-d-don-I don't I can't, I literally can't make my epiglottis move that fast, which is how I made that laugh happen. Oh, my God. All you had to do was recreate it, man.

Dude, can you even create it? How did it? You're in a bit when I... That's what you're going over here? That's your recreation. Connect the Blutons. Ow. That hurt. That hurts something down here. See, it's weird, right?

Your penis form. I never imagine what happened to me. You know Betsy, right? Well, anyway, three minutes into I have 30-minute orgasm. I hear Farmer John, he's coming my way. Oh shit. Oats this morning. I shouldn't have known. He's gonna kill me, look down. It's not even Betsy's a hay balin and blanket. I say it, fuck, grab a bucket of milk that he forgot, pull it under me, start slinging around. He walks in. Loves to watch. He sees me slinging around. He's like, oh, I better wait till he's so nice. He's so goddamn blake. He's so good. And then I realize, ah, if I fake a heart attack, he's so nice, he's not gonna kill me if I'm already dying. He might think something wrong with me. Go over. Shake my oof of milk. He comes over real close, shit in his eyes. He flows down. Grab a Let's see, grab the shovel, try to tornado attack him, doesn't work, go out to the tractor, throw them up by the pedals, I start pulling off, push the electricers, it fires life. I go, FOR IT! She's a bail. Hey, I throw her out the window, she goes into the threshold blades, I go, no! And then she's even hotter than before when she comes out the other side with the blanket

still on it. Man, that was a good blanket. I hit the gas pedal, bounce off the wall, boink. Oh, shotgun falls down, I grab it in my mouth. I go over, I'm like, I'm going to blow you away, you some big click bang. It's a blank. This guy was so goddamn nice. I stick out my milk covered, jizz covered, shit covered paw, and

you're like pal he says no i like well fuck you then anyway he was gonna eat me himself he says i grab the lantern from up on high i dive bomb into it i dive up bomb into it i headbutt it blasts into a fireball conflagration it takes the whole barn covered in hay everywhere wood beams i say like oh yeah wait baby i can't kill you but i'm gonna take you with me or something i said something cool in that it was in the moment i can't remember right now and then as we're all burning and we're in there he rises from the embers he's how You know V for Vendetta when he stood out of the ashes, everything? He went, oh!

That's what he did, right then and there. He's just naked, too. Well, I mean, I'm naked too, but I'm a pig, but that's okay. And then I see, behind him, Betsy, Betsy there. She's walking into the flames right behind him. He doesn't see. He's too busy screaming, about to kill me, removes the blanket off of herself,

wraps him and her in the blanket. I'm like, oh, my bacon's sizzling, but she's sacrificing herself to take this guy down once and for all, because a blanket's gonna seal them both up, they will both burn, and I might live, but he will die. And I might die. You need an 11 or other. Please.

Please. Please. Please. You did it. It's a 15. Oh, the curse has been broken. Welcome to my side of the dice roll, Mark, where you never win and it only gets worse. That was a quite.

Way to battle. Many phases. Just because you can eat something, does not make it bread. Just because you can roll something does not make it a canoli. Just because you can breed something does not make it bread. And just because you have a baby does not mean that it is tapping into your blood supply directly because there is a blood barrier between the placenta and the mother's uterus that provides through diffusion the nutrients necessary to sustain the baby. The babies have to have oxygenated blood when they're still in the womb?

Yes. Yes. So is that air? Was oxygenated blood still? Is oxygen still technically air at that point? Babies actually breathe liquid in their lungs when they're in the womb. But is there any source of air in them? I mean, on a very small scale, then, yeah, oxygen would be dissolved in blood.

So they could be bred. There's a gaseous solution dissolved in the blood that they're being oxygenated that does not necessarily mean because it's turning into a soup. They have oxygen soup. That is not air because soup is a bread soup. Babies are mostly soup. It's a bread bowl. Oh, no.

It's a bread bowl a good one. Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, no. Everyone listening to this point has lost all of their hair, all of their patients, and they're stood their mouth agape drooling, wondering, why did I tune in to the Sweden? Our ultimate conclusion here is babies are a bread bowl.

Babies are soup in a bread bowl, but they're mostly soup. Watch new episodes on Spotify.