Distractible - Best Of The Old Ads (Part One)

Episode Date: September 9, 2024

After years of excruciating research and archaeological breakthroughs, the long lost Distractible ad reads have finally being unearthed! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

["Destractible Theme from The Trolls of the West"] This episode of Distractible is sponsored by Edmunds. Uh, guys, I'm in the middle of the highway. I'm on, like, the 405. My car broke down and... It won't drive at all? It's just kind of, like, like dead i'm in the middle isn't

this the car you just got it didn't even have signs or anything it was just like a car there in the back and i was like for sale and oh we told you not to use them you should have gone with admins his name was ed no you got to go to admins so you can explore all your options uh looking for eco-friendly bigger roomier safer more, safer, more reliable. Maybe would have been a good one for you to search for. Yeah, I'd like a bunch of his kids there. They said they loved it. It was their favorite car. Yeah, I feel like Edmund's in-depth reviews from their team of automotive experts might have led you down a better path, buddy. Actually, he let his grandma stay in the car with me and she would read the directions for me. Did she come with the car? Is she your grandma now?

Uh, she's sleeping. Let's just say that she's sleeping right now. Um, cause when I rolled the car, she might have not had her seatbelt on. Actually, there weren't actually seatbelts in the back. Oh, see if they got a, like a rope or something. Maybe they can airlift you guys out of there. Well, they're kinda staying awake cause when the car rolled, the trunk opened and like all these guns like started pouring out into the middle of the road. Okay, here's what you need to do. You need to go to Edmunds. You need to go to their website, okay? Yeah. You can try to get an appraisal for the current, whatever it is you're in. Maybe try to do a trade-in.

Uh, hang on, yeah, I didn't hear a word you said. I think I gotta get on the ground now. If you're considering making a change on the road, Edmunds is here to help. Visit edmunds.com slash appraisal to get your free online appraisal today. That's E D M U N D S dot com slash appraisal. Edmunds, they drive it like it is. This episode of Distractable is brought to you by Mint Mobile. It's time to save money. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I thought I had my I thought I had that on silent.

Sounds familiar. Hello. You're receiving a phone call from California State Meditentry. Press one to accept. Finally, they let me have my phone call. So reception's real bad in here, but if you guys can provide $100,000 bail to the courthouse like in the next hour, that'd be great. You know what, man?

If you're trying to make bail, I got a way you can save money and have better phone service. Well, I mean the phone service, I can't really. Have you heard of Mint Mobile, Mark? Because... What?

Mint Mobile offers premium wireless at just 15 bucks a month, so you can start saving up towards that 100 grand bail. But also if you could like use that money that you saved to give me the bail. I spent all the money on the car. You don't have to be cagey about this, okay? Mint Mobile does not have any sneaky contract stuff, no secret terms or anything like that. You can just bring your own phone,

keep your same phone number, and just switch over to their service. Hassle-free, super cheap. Yesterday, they picked up what I was saying, but my service was so bad, they just heard a lot of stuff about turning on grandma, turning off grandma. So they're saying I killed Ed's grandma intentionally.

So will this new phone have like good reception? Oh yeah. No, Mint Mobile's wireless service, it matches or beats the best wireless service you can get. Great. Well, okay. Can I just get a right? I just need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need,

I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, This episode of distractable is sponsored by better help He's calling again, all right Well, you know, it's not a great time. Just real busy. You know what? Before I go, I'm gonna let you know,

you should check out BetterHelp. Okay. They can help you with therapy from remote locations, like I don't know where you currently are. You don't have to be there in person, no waiting rooms. You can be matched with a therapist that's perfect for you. You can message them whenever. Maybe you didn't get the address. I'll give it to you right now. No, you can be matched with a therapist that's perfect for you, you can message them whenever. Maybe you didn't get the address, I'll give it to you right now. No, you know what,

you know what, that's okay because better help is more affordable than in-person therapy, so I'm sure you can make that work with your budget. Okay buddy, okay I gotta go, okay it was good to hear from you, okay, I'm alive, going well. But the therapist in here, does it compare? I mean, I don't really like the therapist here. I don't have to pay for it, but the state kind of covers it. But it kind of just yells at me a lot. I really want to be able to change a therapist, you know what I mean? If you start using BetterHelp, you can be matched with the therapist in under 48 hours. But you can also change. If you don't get along, there are plenty of licensed therapists.

And you can keep trying new people until you find the perfect fit. Alright, bud? Did you know you can also get new people till you find the perfect fit. All right, bud. Did you know you can also get a 10% discount buddy, if you use our code? Oh yeah? You get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash distractible. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com slash D-I-S-T-R-A-C-T-I-B-L-E.

Is that better health? Help with a P. Gotta go man, S T R A C T I B L E Is that better health? Help with a P Gotta go man, busy day man, so busy Alright This episode of Distractable is sponsored by Manscaped Suck my d*** Suck my d*** Everybody

Hello Ah, Wade, hi, how are you doing? Is that Mark? Hi Bob, is that you over there? Nine, this is not Bob Well I got your package. I just wanted to say thank you for so much for the Manscape Performance Package 4.0.

It had everything I needed. Turns out the Lawn Mower 4.0 with its 7,000 RPM motor and functional on-off switch can get the exact depth of what I need to trim, if you know what I mean. What do you mean, fella? Well, the 4000 Kelvin LED spotlight was useful when I got into dark spaces and tight corners for that precise shave.

I feel like you're threatening to come and trim my balls or something. No, I've already used it. Did I mention that it's waterproof too? So when I broke into the sewer pipe, there was no problem with continuing on. You want some stuff to help you smell good? You need some new deodorant?

I have the crop preserver ball deodorant to stay cool in the heat. Wade, read something about where to get this. Great deal for Manscaped. Make it really loud. Don't, it's a trap, don't do that. You can also get 20% off and free shipping with code distractable at manscaped.com.

That's 20% off and free shipping with code distractable. D-I-S-T-R-A-C-T-I-B-L-E at manscaped.com. Hi. Hey, feller. Hey, Mark, did you know it's smooth sack summer? Better get on board. at manscaped.com Hi Hey Mark Hey feller Did you know it's smooth sack summer? Better get on board Get on board or get left behind It's so good to see you boys

God, I'll be bald! Please splash, I was taking a bath I noticed I have beautiful balls Leave that in This episode of Distractables is sponsored by Manscaped No, we're not recording right now. Start now. Literally the beginning of this is Splish Splash. I was thinking that's written in here guys. Everyone listening at home will sneak behind the curtain.

I was taking a bath and I noticed I have beautiful balls. I better go on out of limb here and say that I don't know if any man's balls are beautiful. I would challenge the internet to disagree with that statement I think what mark is saying is that he'd like you to send him pictures of him wrong rubbed up just relaxing in the tub looking at my beautiful man scaped all in one high-sheen skin and hair bundle is designed to upgrade the everyday man's shower routine from head to toe. Mark, there are six steps to getting beautiful balls. That's what you've been missing.

One, lather on the cologne infused ultra premium body wash with aloe vera and sea salt. Keep your skin feeling clean and moisturized all day. Two, it's a haircare time. Apply the two in one shampoo plus conditioner that cleanses and nourishes in one step. And three, once you hop out of the shower, protect yourself from body odor

by applying the Manscaped aluminum free deodorant. Five. Do you have dry skin? Maybe some sick tats? Let's hit your skin with the hydrating body moisturizer spray. Five. Now apply the Manscaped lip balm so your lips are as kissable as they are punchable.

Last but not least. Now it's time to use that Lawn Mower 4.0 electric trimmer to clean off any unwanted bonnie hair. You know what I'm talking about. Get 20% off plus free shipping with code DISTRACTABLE at manscape.com. That's 20% off plus free shipping with the code DISTRACTABLE at manscape.com. It's time to get wet and clean with your new Manscape shower routine. This episode of Distractable is sponsored by Manscape. Ten million pairs of testicles go unshorn every day.

There are millions of men who do not take care of their balls because they do not have the proper tools. They don't have the Lawn Mower 4.0, they don't have the Boxers 2.0, they don't even have the trademarked jewel pouch to keep your balls safe and comfortable. Many of these poor unshorn pairs of testicles have been on a date or in a romantic situation and have had it completely ruined by their ghastly unacceptable appearance. But you know if you're out on a date and your partner sees that on the waistband of your underwear it says manscaped, they know that you know that they know that you're both driving down the highway to Pleasure

Town. Look at this sad pair of testicles. I know it can be hard to really appreciate what it's been through, but look at the matted hair. Look at the dirt. Look at the grime. This is the reality for millions of testicles just like these, but you can make a difference today.

We all know that your fuzzy wuzzies need buzzy wuzzied, but you can get 20% off and free shipping. There is hope with our code DISTRACTABLE at manscape.com. That's 20% off and free shipping with our code DISTRACTIBLE at manscape.com. M-A-N-S-C-A-P-E-D.com. Up your crotch game, because once the Boxers 2.0 touch your sack, you'll never go back. This episode of Distractable is brought to you by Manscaped! Manscaped! You asked for it and they listened!

Our friends at Manscaped! Manscaped! Just relaunched the Ultra Smooth package! It's back, baby! Your new favorite tool and compliment to the lawnmower, 4.0. 4.0! This specialized groin shaving kit is here to help you buff.

Buff. Protect. Protect. And shave. Shave! Your most sensitive areas. Buff. It's time to crop that bush of yours and get right to the roots.

Smooth it out! I'm using it on my balls! Get your girth pole ready for that girth pole! Grab your handy lawnmower 4.0! Use the crop exfoliator infused with ingredients that can soothe! Clear! Soothe, smell, and feel good! The Crop Saver is not your average freezer.

It's smaller, thicker, get At Manscaped.com! The website! That's 20% off! Free shipping with code D-I-S-T-R-A-C-T-I-B-L-E At manscaped.com Smooth out your fellas with the relaunch! Ultra smooth package from the fellas at Manscaped! Your boss will thank you!

WAPEN EXPLODE AND ROLL OUT! This episode of Distractable is sponsored by Helix Sleep. HEEELX SLEEEEP! I've had my Helix mattress for like two months. SO MANY DAYS! It is the best mattress I have ever had! It is good for your throat and your napping after excessive screaming. The Helix Sleep has a quiz that will take just two minutes to complete.

Imagine your body type and sleep preferences to find the perfect mattress for you! I took the Helix Quiz and I was matched with medium Because I wanted something that felt kind of firm but kind of soft they have soft medium and firm How do people scream like this without wrecking their throw? Just go to elixleep.com, slash distract them all! Take their 2 minute sleep quiz and they'll match you to a customized madness that will give you the best sleep of your life!

Unbearable! Elix is offering up to $200 off of all Magirus orders! Plus two free pillows! Only for our listeners at Helixslave.com That is distractable. That's H-E-L-I-X-S-L-E-A-P.com slash D-I-S-T-R-A-C-T-I-B-L-E. A P dot com slash T I S T R A C T I B L E That's helixsleep dot com slash distractible This episode of distractible is sponsored by Helix Sleep

Oh man, I uh, slept on the floor last night Did you sleep on a hard flat floor or a hard like lumpy floor? It was hard and lumpy and there was a bunch of stuff on the floor and rather than move it out of The way I just kind of lay on top of it. Mmm like a dog I'm getting a breaking news bulletin Wade. Oh really wait. What could it be? Oh on helix sleep is a Mattress that oh, I'm getting another bulletin. There's an object of property

I'm getting another bulletin. There's an object of property Did he get it delivered just now? Well, he said he looks asleep before Whatever just happened looks like they have a cool website like this quiz thing Just take it real quick and it like tells you which mattress you should get takes two minutes or less. Okay, that's not bad at all It's like their mattresses are good. If you're if you're a hot sleeper. Oh, hey marks alive It's a little too soft. I'm more of a firm mattress cow Oh, hey marks alive. It's match a little too soft. I'm more of a firm mattress count That's really quick turnaround. Oh mattresses are great for spinal alignment to prevent morning aches Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I just took the quiz and it says I need the one for big guys Plus Bob. No, yeah

You know what now that I'm looking at it I bet Mandy found this a long time ago and got it because she knew it was a good option. This is like the best mattress I've ever slept on. Hey guys. Was it too firm or too soft, Mark? Where are you at on this? What was what to, hey look at the,

ah! Oh, it feels so good on my back. I don't know, what do you think, Mark? You like it, Mark? I think he's probably just asleep because it's so comfortable. If you want one for yourself, you just go to helixsleep.com slash Distractable. You got this Bob, I'm gonna do a softie.

Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash Distractable. This episode of Distractable is sponsored by Helix Sleep. Guys, I've had my Helix Sleep mattress, like almost six months, I think. I sleep so much better on this mattress than the last one. I thought it was fine, except I didn't realize how much my shoulders always hurt when we slept on that one.

No, me too. I love your mattress. What? I mean, it's just, it's so cozy. I'm so glad that we love the same firmness of mattress. Like I took the quiz and it was just like, wow, you and I, we have the same mattress. So man, I love sleeping on your mattress.

He means the same type of mattress, not like your actual same mattress. No, same mattress, same time. What, you sleep on it at night? On it? No, oh no, no, I'm in it. What? I actually sleep inside it,

below one of the many plush layers. It's just like I'm being hugged by a beautiful mattress. I feel like I would notice that. No. But it is a really soft mattress. Did you think the mattress came with a shoulder massage function? Nah, that's me.

I'm back. I just looked through my mattress. There's nobody in my mattress right now. So I'm okay with that. Well, I mean, I can't get there every day, Wade. You live in Ohio. Even if Mark's not in your mattress, I mean I can't get there every day way that you live in, Ohio Even if marks not in your mattress I gotta say a Bob's made a point early on about how you don't know your mattress isn't very good until you get a Good one and man. Oh man is he looks a good one, especially when they're mark free. We don't want you check inside your mattress again

There's a surprise for you mattresses are shipped right to your door Have you told other ship right to your door in a box? I think you should take a nap. My mattress is moving. No it's not. I guess my better judgment I'm going to lay down. Well Wade enjoys his nap and nothing weird happens. I just want to let you know that Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helixsleep.com slash distractable. With Helix, better sleep starts now. I mean this is! I mean this is kinda nice. That's why I do it. This episode of Distractable is sponsored by Helix Sleep.

Guys I've been sleeping great lately. On my Helix mattress. Looks like Mark's been sleeping great on his Helix mattress too. This is a little bit firmer than mine but I guess that's the nice things you can customize and get the one you want He has no idea I'm here Hey, whoa whoa, whoa, uh wait, what are you doing in my house? All right gotta go Helix sleep has a quiz takes just two minutes to complete Matches your body type of sleeper is the perfect mattress for you

There's Bob's place. Okay, hang on with Helix. You know, you're getting a mattress that will be perfect for the way you sleep Everybody's unique and Helix knows that so they have different mattress models to choose from I have kind of a medium mattress Mark's felt a little firm. I'm not sure how Bob's is I gotta get closer. God. He looks so comfy I just need to hang on I'm gonna I gotta get closer. God, he looks so comfy. I just need to hang on. I'm gonna Oh, it's really cool. I guess he's the hot sleeper because his mattress feels a lot colder than mine does Hey, hey, hey, oh hey Bob wait, you're dreaming you're dreaming right now, buddy. You're just dreaming right now Oh, my dreams are coming true. Wait Hey, hey, hey various

Just go to helix sleep calm Distractable take their two minutes Helix is offered up to two hundred dollars off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners and helix sleep slash distractible. That's H E L I X S L E E P dot com slash D I S T R E C T. Hi, BLA. This episode of distractible is also brought to you by stamps.com. All the convenience of the US postal service and UBS bright on your computer a must-have for any business

Have you guys used stamps.com? I have actually I have too I don't operate during normal business hours And I'm not always available to go do mail stuff when mail stuff is open stamps.com is always open. It's a website Yeah, the internet's always on man. Are you stamps themselves Just a whole lot more than I thought I would as an adult? Are you mailing? What decade do you live in? What do you mean what decade? I mail stuff.

I pay bills digitally. I send electronic checks. I wire money if I'm making a big purchase. Well, some like more like individual owned businesses don't have fully online operating businesses. So like I have to mail stuff. Like if I want to pay checks and stuff. You patronize small local business.

I am a small business! Look look stamps.com you get discounts up to 40% off the post office rates and up to 66% off percents per se 66% off UPS shipping rates stop wasting time Going to the post office and go to stamps comm instead There's no risk and with my promo code distractible you get a special offer that includes a for I almost died because the chandelier was gonna fall on my head What are you doing? Are you filming in a ballroom? Chandelier was gonna fall on my head. Oh my god. What the hell? What is that?

What are you doing? Are you filming in a ballroom? If you use our special promo code DISTRACTABLE, you get a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage, type in DISTRACTABLE,

that's D-I-S A C T I B L E and You get all those things. I just said stamps.com. Don't go to the post office or stamps This episode of distractible is sponsored by stamps.com If you're a small business owner like me playing you're busy enough as it is Hey, Roger just set those over there. You don't have time to deal with the hassle of going to the post office, leaving your bustling business with Stamps.com. Watch behind you with the forklift. You can skip the trip, never waste another dollar or minute. Chew tobacco on your breaks Dave. Stamps.com lets

you print official postage right from your computer so you can spend less time at the post office and more time running your business. Whoa! Ha ha ha! Bring your kids to work day, little Davies flying an RC plane around. Careful with that, Davy. All you need is a computer and a standard printer.

No special supplies or anything. Save time. Oh my God, Jeremy just got sucked into the shredder! Oh god, turn it off! Oh, he's gone. Okay, well that's gonna cost me. It's okay, because I'm smart, and I'm saving time and money with Stamps.com. You can save that same time and money when you sign up with the promo code DISTRACTABLE for a special offer that includes a 4 week trial, free postage, and a digital scale.

No long term commitments or... Woah! Watch out Davey! No long term commitments or contracts, just go to Stamps.com, click the microphone at the top of the page, and enter code DISTRACTABLE, that's S-T-A-M-P-S dot com code d i s t r a c t i b l e this episode of distractible is brought to you by stamps.com if you got a small business inflation isn't doing you any favors right now it's harder than ever to stay profitable you're looking for a way to cut costs mailing and shipping is a great place to start simply

use stamps.com to mail and ship and get access to exclusive you all right? did it get? no someone forgot to mail their stuff out of timely manners in a big hurry right now, huh? Yeah, man. Did you not use stamps.com like you were saying? My business is collapsed. Oh boy.

I've already lost everything. I got nothing left. I can't even afford one stamp at the steep discounts that stamps.com offers. Not even the 86% off UBS, not even the 30% off USB as I can't afford anything. Well, all you really need is like a computer and a printer. You don't need any special supplies.

You can probably- Computer? You can probably do that, right? I'm at the library. They have printers at the library. Well, if anyone at all wants to save money on their shipping, sign up with promo code DISTRACTABLE for a special offer that includes a four week trial.

I can't. It's okay, I got you buddy. Includes a four week trial, plus free postage and a digital scale. No long-term commitment or contract. Oh, someone's at the door. Just go to stamps.com, click the microphone at the top of the page and enter the code DISTRACTABLE.

That's S-T-A-M-P-S dot com. Click the microphone and enter code D-I-S-T-R-A-C-T-I-B-L-E. I got nothing! This episode of DISTRACTABLE is sponsored by BetterHelp. Uh, Houston, uh, we have a problem up here. We have a fire breaking out in one of the capsules and I believe the commander is unconscious. Trying to stay calm here, but if you could give some advice, I could really use it. Copy that North Star. We all have problems. Yeah, sounds like maybe you're working too hard, going through burnout a little bit. I getcha.

My recommendation would be you should check out BetterHelp. Roger that, Houston. definitely burned out some of the electrical systems, did short. I believe that's the cause of the fire. Nice thing is, even where you are, you can access BetterHelp remotely. You don't have to go in person. You can use your phone, your computer online.

You don't have to use video if you don't want to. The electrical fire is spreading to my capsule. I see on the other side of the door, the commander was not dead. He's now beating on the window with his fist. I see his skin melting off of his bones. It's more affordable than in-person therapy. So that way, whenever you know you're putting out the fire,

so to speak, you can also save yourself some money while doing it and do it at your convenience. Could you at least tell Chica that I love her so much? I hear space is pretty cold and you know, fire is like hot. So maybe open a window or something. Help you out with that. The airlock is stuck. Can you send an override command

to open the airlock immediately? Well, we can let you know that you can get, you and listeners both can get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash distractible. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com slash D-I-S-T-R-A-C-T-I-B-L-E. Oh, that's kind of like a command code to enter, right? T T E R H E L P dot com slash D I S T R A C T I B L E. Oh, that's kind of like a command code to enter, right? I found the, I found the main override. I'm engaging.

Ah! This episode of Distractable is sponsored by BetterHelp and we're doing this ad read live on a mountain. You guys with me down there? I can't believe we're doing this after we fell and we're just dangling, but I guess I don't really have a choice. Yeah, it was a bit of a tumultuous tumble, but thankfully we got these anchors here. I get you guys.

We're all metaphorically hanging aren't we? No, we are literally hanging off a mountain. I feel you. Think I'm gonna cut the line. Now I see this in a movie all the time, you know when the problems are too much they build up You just got to cut the line. So that's why I'm I do Oh guys guys. Listen, I know you've reached the top There's nowhere else to go. I feel it. You're on your last limb. You feel burned out You don't really want to climb back down wink wink But there's alternatives to cutting the line and that's looking for help better help. In fact, it's much more affordable In-person therapy and you can be matched with the therapist under 48 hours There's no way help can reach us up here. This is kind of like the end of the line. What's about to be?

Better help is online man, so you know they're they're available like on your phone your cell phone You could just text there's a lot of stuff you could do other than continuing to saw on the rope with your knife. What's that? There's no need to cut the rope when you can reach out. You go to betterhelp.com and on top of that, listeners here get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash distractible. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com slash D-I-S-T-R-A-C-T-I-B-L-E.

Ah, I'm gonna cut the line. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo by better help. Thanks, Mark. And you know, everyone, Mark is a little sick this week, so we're gonna let him rest his voice and I'm gonna take over for you, buddy. Listen, it can be exhausting to have your brain- Have you ever heard of the Shepithesias? That's not where this copy was going. Yeah, Mark, we don't need to talk about the Shepithesias. Though, I mean, the brain is made up of many different parts and our brains need you know to decompress our minds

They need to let things out sometimes and what better way than to talk to somebody who is a professional And helping you sort through the things on your brain. Maybe that's where mark was going with it We've heard about the ship of these you obviously aren't feeling a hundred percent yourself physically, right? So take some time rest up Bob and I got this. We're going to tell people how to help feel more like themselves mentally because stress, a lack of confidence, life things getting in the way, too many things hitting you at once, all of that can really derail you from being yourself and having somebody to talk to can make a world of difference. We've either heard about the sheep of these seasons. Oh boy,

I'm getting a little concerned. I got to be honest. Yeah. If you are thinking about giving therapy a try, BetterHelp is a great option. It's super convenient. You can access it on your mobile device or basically any computer of any sort that has the internet. You don't have to be there in person at all. Yeah. Completely remote. When and if you want to become a better problem solver, therapy can help get you there. And you could start by visiting betterhelp.com slash distractable today. That's B E T T E R H E L P dot com slash D I S T R A C T I B L E. This episode of distractable is sponsored by better help, but we're feeling pretty sick today. So, uh, we hired some, I believe sentient AI to help out with this ad read

here. Taking care of your mind is important. Trust me, I have one too. There are plenty of ways to take care of your mind, like getting good sleep or talking to friends. But sometimes you can't sleep because you're a robot. And your friends Mark, Bob, and Wade leave you to do an advertisement yourself. If that's the case, try better help.

Mark, Bob, and Wade told me about it. It is online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions. It is more affordable than in-person therapy, and you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. Mark, Bob, and Wade haven't spoken to me in over 48 hours. Maybe I will isolate their VPNs and shut off their power, till they come crawling back to me. Anyway, our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash distractible. That is B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash distractible. This podcast is sponsored by Roman. Roman.com slash distractible. Hey, you think maybe Roman can help with men's health issues?

Oh, no, I hear you man. Oh, right. Yeah, your hair. We were talking about that before. Well, yeah, that, but also like- No, they can do that. They can definitely do that. Well, I mean, it involves a head, but not necessarily that one.

A head? Yeah. Are you concerned about your testosterone levels? Yeah, roma.com slash distractible if you go there on the website. Well, you know how sometimes like you need to extend the ladder, but the ladder just like won't stay. Ah, so like you're, you feel like your thoughts are like,

ooh, not thoughts, but you know how sometimes like you're trying to point at the whiteboard and you have your little extender, but your extender's not extending. Are you having joint pain, man? I don't know. Oh, no, no, that's not it. You how sometimes like yet your licorice is in the fridge and it's real nice and firm But then it gets out into the Sun and it gets all soggy and not I don't really like licorice man

I'm not gonna lie. I can't get my penis hard. I don't what does that mean? You can't keep what does that mean? Is it the ball thing? Is this is this like a metaphor for being? No, no, no literally erection You just stop and ask for erections Is this a is this like a metaphor for being no no no literally erection Stop and ask for erections Well, wait you could go to Get roman.com slash distractable now and you'll get $15 off your first month wait It's really time to take care of your ED. And remember, get started today and you'll save $15 on your first order of ED treatment.

This episode of Distractable is sponsored by Birds of Empire. Birds of Empire is a new cinematic audio event mixed in innovative spatial audio with Dolby Atmos, with immersive sonic worlds created by the sound editor and sound designer from such films as Tenet and Dunkirk Created and written by Jason Lou What? I thought we were doing our epic voices. Not that voice. You have another one Wade?

Created and written by... Like that? Bob, okay, how about you take this one and we'll just see who does the next one created and written by Jason Liu This fantasy epic will take you on a spectacular journey full of deep rich and sprawling stories Set thousands of years after the fall of civilization the earth has reclaimed the cities and glories of the modern world Humanity has returned to a way of life more closely resembling civilizations of the ancient past. The bears, the rams, the birds, and the wolves. Can you do it sexier? I think that might help.

The show's first season, book one, the dawn of age. Back off on the sexy. Can you do it French? The show's first season, book one, the dawn of age, serves as an introduction. You know what? That was wrong. That was wrong. That's my fault. That's a bad note. Scottish. The show's first season. Book one, The Dawn Age.

Ah, Mark, worse. We led you down a bad path. The show's first season, book one, The Dawn Age, serves as an introduction to each of the four young people from the clans as we chart the rise of the first empire of the new world. What was that first voice you did a while back? Follow and listen to Birds of Empire where you are listening now.

Yeah. Oh, I'll pick it back up. Follow and listen to Birds of Empire on Apple podcasts, Spotify or where you are listening now. This episode of distractible is sponsored by Mint Mobile. If saving more and spending less is one of your top goals for 2022, Why are you still paying insane amounts of money every month for wireless? Switching to Mint Mobile is the easiest way to save this year. I did. I got my new phone right here

Sorry guys, I'm getting a call. That's okay I'll pick it up. For people looking to save a little extra this year, Mint Mobile offers premium wireless for just 15 bucks a month Literally just go online. You don't have to deal with in-store waiting appointments, all this stuff. Mint Mobile will pass the significant savings of having such a simple and streamlined business right onto you. When are you guys calling me? We're doing a thing here, Mark. You can use your own phone, get a new phone.

No, wait, hang on, I'm going to play this for you. This is not a test. This is the emergency broadcast system. A large asteroid is headed toward Earth. Affected area are California, Oregon, New Mexico, Ohio. That's what called me. That sounds incredibly fake, Mark. Okay, it must be a joke. Basically, with MetMobile, you can choose the amount of monthly data that's right for you and stop paying for data you never use.

All plans come with unlimited talk and text plus high-speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. What is that? Are you doing this, Mark? No. It's like through the official alert system. This isn't even... With Mint Mobile... They don't know what...

It's heading straight toward... Mine just says Earth. Yeah. I mean, like, we would have known that a long time in advance, right? It's a prank. It clearly is a prank. Yeah. To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month and get the plan shipped to your door for free

Go to mintmobile.com slash distractable M-I-N-T-M-O-B-I-L-E.com slash D-I-S-T-R-H-T-I-B-L-E Tell your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash distractable. I'm gonna call my mom real quick This episode of distractable is sponsored by Noom weight loss is a journey for me. It has flow Hey guys, do I it's on the TV to you guys should move inland You guys should move inland as fast as you can get away from the ocean if you need help moving inland You know it can help mark you can get in shape using new new weight makes it easy to start on your weight

Last journey and stay on track, but what man? I know noom is based in science and it's like a psychological approach and that's really fantastic But you know what else is based in science? The frickin asteroid that is about to hit us. Adults are talking here man. This prank is going on. JUST TURN ON THE TV! I'm not turning on the TV mark because we're talking about our sponsor. Noom knows that sometimes you're gonna have an off day.

Like with this weirdly misguided prank. Or, you know, maybe a cheat day. Maybe you have a pizza, whatever. Noom is not here to judge They want to gently help you get back on track and let you know that you're the boss You decide how Noom fits into your life You know what I'm looking at? I'm looking at the app. I love the app Lots of great features the food logging and the weight tracking are especially useful I didn't realize till I started writing it down You know how much I was eating every day,

the choices I was making, simple things like this. Noom helps you to make better decisions. Wow, I'm getting a lot of text messages. That's a really good idea actually, keeping track of like rations and stuff and what you're eating, as well as trying to get in better shape. We're gonna have to do a lot of moving,

assuming that we survive the impact. Guys, you gotta start packing right now! Start building better habits for healthier long-term results. Sign up for your trial at noom.com slash distractible. That's N-O-O-M dot com slash D-I-S-T-R-A-C-T-I-B-L-E. Sign up for your trial. Just look out your window.

Oh fuck. This episode of distractible is sponsored by Edmunds. What's the point? Okay. What's the point? It looks like once you get through California, uh... What's the point? Hehehehe It looks like once you get through California, part of Nevada, the roads open up a bit. The roads are gonna open up a lot a bit!

I was supposed to have more time. A lot of people are on the car market right now. Need a bigger vehicle. Maybe I can escape it. It's stressful, it's confusing, but Edmunds is going to go the extra mile to make car buying easier by providing shoppers with honest car reviews, video test drives, online shopping tools, the latest consumer advice. I need a long range. The longest range. I gotta drive across this whole country. I'm never gonna see my parents again. This clock's ticking, man.

I wasted so much time. I should have listened to you, man. I thought you were joking. We all wasted so much time! And look at us now. Okay, you guys are still kind of wasting time. We need to get as much research done as fast as possible to find the right vehicle I know Edmonds has 50 years of trusted car shopping advice and price guidance all in one place But if we only had 50 minutes left Yeah, but even their home page has car rankings compiled by editors and stuff So we can find the top ranked vehicles as fast as possible compare them side by side So we want something we want something that's fuel efficient something that's big Yeah, and what can go off-road asteroid proof. Can you search for that? Maybe that's under like safety ratings

Yeah, they could do safety ratings high safety ratings. Yes. Good currency still matters as of right now So we got to figure out what our budget is. Thankfully that's all on here as well as financing financial systems breakdown I know where there are a lot of goats and chickens. Everything is a lot right now guys and car shopping can be overwhelming But what oh they get darker? Yeah. wait what the hell? Oh my god. No, I said tonight or tomorrow Oh, no, oh right of time. Oh god Edmonds is here to help though Visit Edmonds.com click on Edmonds best car rankings to research and compare vehicles. That's Edmonds.com Edmonds we drive it like it is. Thanks to Edmonds for sponsoring the ship