Distractible - Best Of Times, Worst Of Times
Episode Date: July 1, 2024The guys have seen a lot of good and bad things in their time. Especially Wade, since he’s such an ancient being. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices...
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Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, Bedhead Bob suggests anal charging, has a sprinkler situation,
and divvies out Dickensian dilemmas, Word Wade is loving Steam Life,
massacres the Munich Event, and has a lightbulb moment,
melodramatic marks panel problems are battery blamed, and marvels at a malicious marathon from cancellation canards to slaughtering YouTube shorts
It's time for
best of times worst of times
now sit back and prepare to be distracted and
Enjoy the show I
Didn't brush my hair today. Look at that.. Alright. Well, I hope no one watches this video
Hello and welcome to another episode of distractable your uncle's favorite podcast
Only if your uncle is the cool one the rest of your uncle's probably not cool enough. My name is Bob
What did you just say to me? You're funcle. You're fun uncle. Wouldn't it be cool cool cool?
You're conkle. I said cool uncle not fun uncle. Anyway coo-coo-nkel? You're conkel.
I said cool uncle, not fun uncle.
Anyway, my name is Bob, I'm the host because I won the last episode.
I'm joined as always by Mark and Wade who will be competing in today's episode.
I will give them points, one of them will win, the winner hosts the next episode.
That's the format.
We're back!
I literally look like I just rolled out of bed and I didn't.
You ever do that?
You ever make it way too far into your day and then be like,
man I haven't looked at myself in a mirror or anything? Yeah sometimes. Yeah I also just ate
lunch and I have no idea how my teeth look. Okay see ya. I think you should just zoom your camera
in and check on the camera. Oh watch this. I can zoom. I can zoom with no hands for those listening. All we did was slowly approach the camera
Well, I forgot how macro this is right
Are we doing this bit again? Anyway, yeah. Hey, what's up guys? How's it going? I
Pretty good. We have great news
It was your birthday last week and we ignored it until the last eight seconds of the show. Less great, but it's alright.
What's your great news?
Yeah, Adobe is being sued by the US government!
Oh, thank God.
Isn't that crazy?
Honestly, it's surprising to me that it's happening because I have no faith in anyone,
including the government, doing anything good ever anymore.
But given what Adobe did, no, it's not that crazy,
because what the fuck did they think was gonna happen?
I don't know, and I think I've talked about on this podcast my experiences was trying to cancel Adobe and then when I saw that
I went to cancel my account because I don't use Premiere anymore. I still was using Photoshop, but I'm like, okay
There's got to be an alternative. It's time to just jump
I'll learn it on the fly if I have to and it was easy
It was a couple buttons wouldn't't you believe it? All online!
What's the alternative to Photoshop though?
It's not Gimp, right? Gimp is free.
There is Gimp. That's free. That is an alternative.
There's, um...
Technically Procreate, I think, has some features that...
MS Paint?
It... I'm not sure. MS Paint, technically, yes.
You could use that. I've used it for thumbnails before, yes.
But I don't know what it is.
If you know of a good alternative to Photoshop, one with a lot of features,
you know, that is robust like Photoshop is. It could be GIMP, but I know there's probably other paid solutions out there.
I will- I'm willing to pay for a good software if it is.
I just don't know what it is. Adobe's Photoshop is the only one I've ever heard of.
It was so funny when I was canceling because there were still all the different buttons to press and in each
One it was like uninstalling Norton or something or an antivirus software on your computer is like please you'll be you'll die without us
Do you want to not click this to click to go to the not next page on install?
Cancel very much like that and then it was like what if we give you?
35% off of six months, but there was buttons now because before it was talking to someone and they did that same spiel
It was like we'll give you six months at like 30% off and then in the next page
It was like alright, how about 60% off and then the next page it was like alright?
How about our best deal ever forever? It's 20% of what you paid or when you skip that one
It's like please talk to someone we will
It was so desperate here's a puppy that will lose its home if you cancel this subscription
I love it's a series of pre-programmed responses, but each response is like, okay, you drive a hard
It's like they know everyone's gonna just keep clicking no no cancel cancel
Yeah, so I finally canceled it and so I lose access to all that in about a few weeks.
I thought it would have been that thing where you lose,
even though I had paid up until like next month,
that if I canceled, it would just be like,
you're canceled immediately,
because I've had subscriptions like that before.
I thought that was part of why they're getting sued,
was that that was one of the terms
they were getting sued over.
Is that not part of it?
It was not just that, but they made you pay the full cancellation fee.
There was a cancellation fee that was 50% of the yearly cost, even if you were a
month away from your subscription ending. They still made you pay, because they
would automatically sign you into a contract even that you did not sign.
That was the issue. It's like there's nothing wrong with a contract with like
a cancellation fee if that's in the term, but because when you
signed up for a trial, it would convert you over to the most expensive version
of their account automatically and then enter you into a legally- ooh, they're in
their words- legally binding contract where you could not get out of it
without paying a fee. Or some extremely restricted stuff where you had to call
them and talk to someone in person so that you could get it canceled.
It was a lot of hoops.
You made the joke, but like this sounds like something like Norton
antivirus would do because nobody fucking needs that.
Because when you've when you realize you have that or whatever McAfee,
whatever installed and you're like, oh, but I just use Windows
Defender or whatever. I don't need this.
That's why they do that. Adobe doesn't need that.
I don't even know of another program
that does what Photoshop or After,
well, there are After Effects ones,
but like I don't know anything about Photoshop or Lightroom
or anything that does any of the,
Adobe has like a monopoly on that shit.
And they still did, why?
Why would you do this?
Just everyone has to use your shit
for most of what they use it for anyway,
because the only other options are I mean what?
There's video editing software and there are 3d effects softwares that you can use so after effects is not the only option
It seems insane. It seems very unhinged to me. Are they like a stock? Is it a shareholder thing? Oh, yeah
Oh, absolutely. It's a publicly traded company
So, yeah, I'm sure that they just keep having to ramp things up and at the annual meeting they're like listen
We made it super hard to unsubscribe
No one could even figure out how to unsubscribe if they wanted to
They're trapped and they have to pay us
So that's good for you guys
And all the people would go, ahhhhhh
Maybe it was brought up over there like, oh, there's a lot of people canceling
What are we going to do about that?
Listen, we've got it under control
No one's getting out.
It would be fine.
Here's the thing, it would all be fine
if the software just kept getting better.
If it was the best software that everyone was like,
God, this is so expensive, but my goodness, the features.
Oh, it makes life so easy.
Instead, I had to open up Premiere just a few months ago
for something for an old project on my computer with two 49s in it with a with a Threadripper 5995WX with
128 gigs of RAM NVMe drives. I couldn't play it back at real time speed. I hit the play
button and it would go. It is just the most trash software that just keeps getting worse.
And so if they would put all that money that they're charging towards their crack software
team that's making the best possible thing, that would be one thing.
But they didn't do that either.
Right into pocket.
You got to get into their AI program where you're like, I need a viral YouTube video.
And it gave me one.
It was like this cat and it had like a human face.
It just kept saying meow.
And I was like, dude, this is going to really take me off. So I went to upload it then YouTube's like this already exists
Oh, someone beat me to the idea. I guess you know, you're gonna post stuff like that. You gotta post that on Facebook
They don't check for that shit. I'm just glad the US government watches our podcast
They learned about it their Adobe subscriptions now if only we could sort out all these pesky health care issues and prescription
Nonsense, let's get on that government since you pay attention to us If only we could sort out all these pesky health care issues and prescription nonsense
Let's get on that government since you pay attention to us. Did you know our health care is poopy?
I believe he's distilled the entire discourse of the health care in America down to one word. That's incredible
You have such a way with word Wade not as complex as when people have a way with words
But it is still a very special skill. It's difficult to boil the world down to one word.
Good small talk, Wade.
What's your favorite lawsuit currently ongoing
or anything else you want to talk about?
I'm gonna say, I don't know, lawsuit.
I don't know, man.
I stay clear of those.
Though occasionally I do get something in the mail
where it's like, hey, this company
that you signed up with once is being sued.
Do you want to be part of the class action lawsuit
and get 12 cents?
I was like, no, I think I'm good.
I don't know.
I don't know what's going on.
Happy there's a lot of good Steam game demos out right now.
I played one, I was talking to you guys before the stream,
there's some good demos I played.
You don't have any like shit seeping through the walls
of your house or anything exciting?
Just the remnant still trying to claw its way
out of the shower.
He hasn't found it, Mark.
Honestly, it's better this way, it'll steep.
I don't like that.
Mark and I secretly just caused all
of your plumbing problems. That's why you guys were like hey wait I'll take that
water now and I was like oh okay. So weird you have had plumbing problems for almost a
whole decade straight unbelievable. And you've been really tired lately huh? You
guys have sleepers what's shit sleep? Slitter. Come on, come on, you have a way with word. Come on.
Come on.
Poopie.
Hahahaha.
I don't know how to write that down on the scoreboard, but I'm just gonna tell you right now, that earned a point.
I have terrible news.
Adobe's not being sued anymore?
No, no, I think a fan is blacking in my computer.
Does a computer every work for like more than five minutes at a time?
It's sometimes it's not even serious didn't you have a fan issue before in this exact same computer?
That was a different that was a different computer. I had to hit that one
I had to hit it to make it work. We can look away
No, I don't want to hit this one because there's custom water cooling in it. Like if I hit it too hard
Like I don't have water issues, you know.
Aren't you a gambling man?
It could be fixed too.
All right, admittedly I already tried to hit it before
and it didn't fix the issue.
I'm not gonna hit it again.
Maybe you didn't hit it hard enough.
Wait, it has a point.
You didn't hit it hard enough.
That's probably correct.
I don't have much, just you know,
good games are out and life's good.
You still haven't had your shoulder surgery.
How about that hurts?
Yeah, I'm also supposed to have surgery
on my deviated septum, I haven't scheduled that either.
I wonder if they can do it at the same time.
I call both doctors, I'm like,
hey, can you just fix my shoulder and my nose
at the same time?
Guys come over and do it at my house at the same time
so I don't have to go anywhere.
I got a big island, I'll lay on the island.
Yeah, so you actually, your things are good?
Yeah, yeah, I don't really have,
not gonna want anything to complain about Alright, Mark complain
Alright more complaints
Uh, so...
Apparently my whole solar system was installed upside down or something
Oh, so no
They put the part the sun needs to hit on the bottom
Oh no
It's all dumb apparently
I had a guy come over
I had a couple people come over looking at it
And they keep looking at it and they go
Huuuh Huuuh H it, and they keep looking at it, and they go...
...
...and they grunt at it.
Or they turn into He-Hoo and they get on your roof.
Yeah, much like the beach that turns people old, this is the solar system that turns people feral,
but they're able to leap from the ground floor and up onto the roof in one bound. It's really impressive.
It's zero is what's getting to, uh, to The knee that doesn't sound like a lot. They're actually glad you've been up there mopping and sweeping and cleaning
I guess you didn't clean it right. That must be the problem. The Sun's getting a lot of power from your house
Energy bill is so high the Sun is up there just like
That's why your energy bill is so high the Sun is up there just like
God I've never had this before God finally someone giving back. I'm just used to them all taking anyway So what's happening is I had the guy who came over today explained it is he looked at it?
and you know once he
Evolved enough back into a modern man was able to tell me that the way it's set up is the solar panels are generating power and there's there's a good number of them.
I miscounted apparently there's 48 of them instead of 44, which is great. And they're generating tons of electricity, you know.
Even in the morning it was generating like four to five something kilowatts, which is a good amount of power.
That's a good amount of power.
You said midday it'd probably be up to like six, seven.
The problem is they're going into the batteries that were installed when we got it, and those batteries are doing nothing.
So the batteries are not- they're in backup mode, and they are not wired into anything into the house,
and they're not wired into anything into the main circuit. So the solar is going into these batteries.
Are they just eternally fully charged and nothing drains them ever for any reason?
yes
how?
how?
that feels like some oversight on that installation
so the way he described it and I might have been understanding this wrong
because I'm not an electrical engineer those advanced super geniuses
so when the solar panels charge up the batteries that's when they divert and go to the
main circuit to feed back into the grid right so it's the batteries are not
backing anything up they're set up wrong so it's not like there's this power
going into it and it's gonna explode because it hasn't exploded so once it's
done charging the solar circuit goes like, ah, alright, back out to the grid.
So then they go out to the grid, and something switches,
and it goes grid, and then the batteries are like,
we lost.01%!
Ah, switch back! Battery.
Are you good? You good? Alright.
Click clonk. Battery.
Alright, you good? Alright, I'm gonna go to the main-
clonk! Alright, okay.
I wanna make sure you're topped off.
Click, CLONK!
And then, overnight, when there's no solar, the batteries really sit there a lot and start to just go down,
and they scream and scream, and then as soon as the sun comes up, it's like,
OH, WHERE WERE YOU?!
And then they start slurping power again.
What the fuck?
It's gonna be really annoying trying to sleep in the house as that's going on above you.
I don't know, I think I'm getting something wrong in how we explain it,
because that seems so stupid. I don't think that's how it is.
But, I'm not getting any benefit from my power bill,
because the power company said that, and on my statements,
is like, several months, I would get zero credit.
Zero credit. As if they told me, they told me my solar system was generating
zero power for several months
In fact you owe us money your solar powers are taking it
I mean it might be actually at this point it might be costing more to run the infrastructure for the solar
It is actually so you're gonna like tube your battery
So they quit being hungry baby birds and do something or house with the fix tube them
What is tubing them mean? You know you shove a wire in the battery and you plug it into your computer
You know that's not that doesn't sound right
Just run run an extension cable from your batteries into your house and plug in whatever you may need
You said your batteries aren't charging any things don't make them charge something. You're right. I can't get into them
So that's the other problem is like a lot of things. They're app based. There's no control panel on it and I can't get into them because the previous owner
did not give me the account. There's gonna be like a reset button or something, right? Like a factory
setting. I don't know. Who installed them? Call someone. If you installed Mark's batteries, call him. If you pranked someone by installing a solar system and a battery backup, but
then not wiring it into the house in any way so that they were just accumulating
a battery that's never done anything in his life.
Uh, I think you found your Mark here and I think he could really use some help.
Yeah.
So apparently the only situation in which it would ever actually do
something is if there is a power outage, the batteries will kick on for the
circuits that it's connected to, which is three plugs in the garage.
So I lied when I said it was connected to nothing.
There are three plugs in the garage.
Okay.
I've got a solution.
Get a power strip.
I'll get into the garage.
Plug everything into that power strip.
And if you need more plugs, you just keep plugging power strips into power strips.
You can have an infinite number of plugs. Really daisy daisy chain. Is that the right word?
Daisy chain them. That's it. You got it. I'm, I'm struggling with stuff like this,
because this happens with houses and all kinds of stuff. This happens where it's like you look at
something and it's like, why did they do that? There's always a reason
I cannot fathom an explanation for what has happened with the battery thing in your house
Previous owner was a serial killer and that garage is the most important rooms
They could always do their work and they made sure it always had power
They always needed the freezer to stay on to keep the body parts frozen
You know what's funny is when when we got this place we were told specifically,
now if you want an extra fridge, don't put it in the garage.
There's not enough power.
The fuse won't take it.
It can't power that.
I'm not joking, they literally said,
if you want a big, like, a second fridge, don't put it in the garage.
Oddly enough, the size to hold two or three bodies,
if you want that specifically.
And I can tell you, if you were looking to use
a lot of deli slicers for any particular reason,
those don't work in the garage either.
It'd be such a great spot for slicing meat.
Yeah, so I got a consultation to get that all sorted
and hopefully that'll be. That's wild. Yeah so what what the guy said and I
don't believe he's fleecing me on this one because he said we're gonna have to
rip out this entire system because it just doesn't make sense it's old and
it's it's just not set up right so it's like and I actually believe him because
I'm not getting any benefit.
I don't see how any of it's supposed to work and I don't have access to it because it wasn't
handed off to me. Maybe it's just not clean enough. All right, I'll take a power washer too.
If you get some modern panels and stuff in there, it sounds like you have a hell of a
lot of production. Our house in California had 19 solar panels on the roof. That was enough production to
basically power the house for the entire time the Sun was over the horizon
during the day. So it sounds like you have your own little like infinite
energy farm situation if you get the right setup. Infinite energy farm? Yeah,
yeah well. I have home ownership woes. Go on. It's not as hilarious as Mark's is, but it is similarly
baffling. One of the features of the house was that it has in-ground sprinklers, which is more
common these days in a lot of places, but like that's a nice feature. You don't have to go move
sprinkler around the yard, whatever. You just schedule it and it just does its thing. And it's
hot here now. And I was like, well, I should turn those on, right? There's just a valve, a water
valve in the basement. And you just sort of turn it on slowly,
fill up the system, make sure everything's good.
And I did that and I like turned it on
and I listened to the water until it stopped
sort of hissing, turned it all the way on.
I thought it was good.
I went outside to where the control stuff is for that,
like the valves and things.
And there was just water coming up out of the ground,
just like, like full blast.
I was like, hmm, something about that seems wrong.
And so I there's a there's a just a section of like pipe missing that just
what the water needs that part where the water is coming out needs to connect to
another pipe where the water is supposed to go in. They were both just
disconnected and covered with duct tape. Do you think there used to be a small
bush there and someone maybe ran a fridge through it and broke the pipe? We actually messaged our real estate agent who reached out to the people who
sold the house to us and because they then when they sold it they specifically said like oh yeah
and the sprinklers work totally fine we've been using those and we're like hey the sprinklers
don't work and they're like oh no they work we just took this piece because that's how you we
just took that piece out for like the winter. bought this house from them in the summer. We bought it in july of last year. So no they didn't
And they were like, oh and and they sent a picture of not the actual piece
But from the internet a picture of a piece that looks kind of like the piece we need and it's like a big brass thing
With like some valves and stuff on it some particular piece you need for in-ground sprinkler systems and they're like it looks kind of
Like this it should be in the garage. No, it wasn't we moved in
How the garage was completely empty and we were like, I don't think it's in the garage
Like yeah is is in the basement or something. They're like, oh, it's in the garage
It's um, like on the wall on the ledge in the garage
There's no fucking ledge in the garage that we had.
It's four flat walls and a flat ceiling.
We keep asking them more questions and they're like,
oh, well, and then I called the,
they gave us the company that supposedly like
maintained the system or that they had work on it before.
And I called them, I've called them three times
and left three messages and they have an answering machine.
They seem to exist
they're not calling me back it's just their phone number again they answer a different
phone like hello no it's no one's even answered I've only left messages they know they haven't
returned a call they don't ever pick up the phone I've called during the over the course
of an entire day during business hours I called it like 10 o'clock 11 o'clock noon 2 o'clock called at 4 o'clock left a message called the next day nothing so there's there we
have we maybe have in-ground sprinklers and they seem to work the thing in the garage the box where
you turn it on and off seems to work all the sprinkler heads look fine we just need this one
mysterious piece of resistance that for some reason they took out of the thing for no it's just
fucking weird because it's it's like your batteries it's like I'm sure
we could just get that piece and it would probably would work but I we need
someone to do that and why the fuck did that happen they keep pretending like
you think your garage ghost stole it god I hope not it's never never gonna get
back if that's what happened maybe Maybe it's in the ghost attic.
I actually have videos that I took of the attic
and looked, it's not up there either
in the attic over the garage.
Cause when they said that they were like,
it's a pie on the, on the ledge.
I was like, there's no ledge.
Maybe they mean the attic.
No, that's Christmas decorations in the attic.
Not our Christmas decorations.
They forgot some Santa Claus reindeer decorations up there.
Maybe they put it in a Christmas box. Cause because you know it was Christmas time when they moved.
Well it's not a box, it's a pile laying on the floor of the attic. You could see what it is.
It's lights and signs and but it's just one of those things where it's like there's no reasonable
explanation for why that happened and I just can't understand what the fuck happened.
Because clearly somebody took it apart and put a bunch of tape over both ends. It's not like it got broken
or stolen. What was it made out of? So it's the pipes are both PVC. So it's like a plastic pipe
coming out of the ground and a plastic pipe that goes back into the ground. But the piece in the
middle is all brass. It's all metal. It's like a, it's a, what's it called? It's like a vacuum
valve. It's a specific type of piece that all in-ground sprinkler systems
Generally have to make it work correctly and it just goes in between these two pipes
And I don't know if we could just buy one and screw it into place or what I have no idea
But it's like it's like it's not the same scale as your batteries because that's way more like expensive and a huge pain in the ass
Potentially, but it's like's like, they gave us an explanation
like they did something totally reasonable
and none of it makes any fucking sense.
And also the company won't answer my phone calls
and that's a little concerning.
Pandora, be love.
What does be love mean to you?
I definitely would say my be love role model
is for sure my sister.
Unconditional, infinite love.
Something that is never-ending, that you know is always there.
Never questioned.
Never questioned.
No matter if you fall off a cliff,
she's there to catch you, you know?
Be love.
Shop now at Pandora.net.
Listen closely.
As a master painter carefully brushes Benjamin Moore regal select down the
seam of the wall.
It's like poetry in motion.
Benjamin Moore, see the love.
Anyway, good small talk everybody.
Mark and I had house problems and Wade didn't.
Everything is backwards.
But that means we can move on to the actual episode idea for today. Mandy gave me the the core of the idea but I don't want to give her too much credit
because if it sucks it's not her fault. It's my fault if it sucks. But the the idea for today I'm
going to call it was the best of times it was the worst of times. I'm going to give you guys some
some prompts kind of some direction and one of you is gonna have to find the best whatever
that you can find me best football game of all time whatever theoretically and
the other one's gonna have to find the worst I'm hoping these prompts work could
be stuff that you know it could also be more up I mean we never go off topic on
this show but it could be abstract if I tell you to give me football games you
could it could be anything you want what's that what's the qualifier best and
worst like universally seen or like on an
individual scale? What lens are we approaching from?
No qualifiers whatsoever.
Make your case for why it is the best or worst in whatever way you think it's the
best or worst.
I wanted to start with some sort of bigger stuff that would definitely have some
news coverage and then we'll work our way down.
But I'm interested if you guys know any stories.
I know some funny stories about this. Mark, I would like for you to give me the best
Olympic sporting feats or accomplishments. Wade, I would like you to give me the worst
Olympic sporting feats or events or accomplishments that you can think of or know about.
I mean, am I going first? This is kind of a free form.
I know you're gonna have to think and maybe google and look at stuff. So if you're ready, you may go. Yeah, I'm ready. Yeah. So I'm gonna take the wind right out of Wade's sails because
the one that comes to mind is very obviously the 1904 Summer Olympics. Bam, I was gonna say that's
the worst. I know, I know, but I'm gonna say it's the best, because this is just nuts.
I'm sure some people have heard about the story of the 1904 Summer Olympics, which took place in St. Louis.
More specifically about the men's marathon.
It was the most batshit insane marathon or event that's ever been taken place.
I have to pull up the Wikipedia about it, because I know Todd's gonna kill me,
because he's about to talk about this in the next episode, but hopefully it'll undercut it.
If you want to hear all this again, I guess, go listen to Go My Favorite Sport.
It seems unnecessary, but if you wanted to listen to sports podcast, oh.
I wasn't 100% sure if it was entirely true, but I heard that it was-
the organizer of the race ran it as a challenge to the conventional thinking that you needed water when you were running.
Because the only sources of water, of which there were two, was a water tower at six miles into the race,
which I don't know if that means that they had to turn a spigot on the water tower to get water,
but there was technically a water tower six miles in, and then there was a well
about halfway in at the 12 mile mark.
Some refreshing well water.
And they say a marathon is easier in the second half, that's what they say, right?
No water from 12 miles to the finish line.
Over the- and a marathon is 24-ish miles for those who know.
Uh, the temperature was about 90 degrees Fahrenheit,
it was unpaved roads, dust was being kicked up the entire time,
and so the- oh here it is, his ostensible reason was to conduct research on, quote,
purposeful dehydration. This, combined with poor officiating,
saw the marathon end with the worst ratio of finishers to starters.
14 out of 32 Olympic level runners finished the race
with the winning time at 3 hours and 28 minutes which was exactly 29 minutes
wait what the slowest winning time was the third place was 329 which was 29
minutes slower than the second winning time this race was fucking awesome and I'm saying it's the best race because it's
completely nuts in every possible way and now there are extreme races, ultra marathons that
ran all the time that live off of this legacy pushing yourself to the extreme. This is why
it's great. I love it best ever. You're talking about 1904 which was in St. Louis right where
there was like nobody competing? Sure. I just want to make sure we're talking about the same Olympics but it was like held in the US
and no one else really competed so the US won all the medals and... Because the US is the best sure.
That's what it says. I do also say I know it's a different era but I do I think it's funny to keep
the context of Mark was like these are Olympic level athletes. I'm pretty sure in 1904 Olympic level athletes like I'd better see the doctor and the doctors like I recommend you smoke two packs a day
If you can smoke while you run be extra good for your lungs. Make sure you get plenty of red meat
Okay, but I don't know what you your marathon time is but
328 is still under those conditions a very good time
So there are people that could read, run, and read,
read and run.
Oh yeah, the read and run competition of 1904 was legendary.
The bookathon is a whole other event, Mark.
That actually is, there's a race, an ultra marathon,
where it's like known to be the hardest in the world.
We might have talked about it,
but it's where you go in the woods
and the directions are ambiguous.
You have to carry a map with you
and then you have to reach landmarks that have notebooks in them that you have to write your name into
to make sure that it's counted as credit, and then navigate your way back through the
unknown trail to get to the finish line.
I think we talked about that. That sounds vaguely familiar. Now, you're right. That
is fast, Mark. The elite runners of today men usually finish two hours 10 minutes ish women usually
215 225 but like competitive runners who run, you know might run in the boston marathon or something two and a half three and a
Half hours is still like a good time. It was still a pretty fast. I I don't think I could do that
I'm gonna put my carts on the table. I think you're right. And I'm presenting this as the best sporting event
because it's pushing people to the extreme.
It coincides with my character of not masochism,
but you know, a wink.
So I, from my perspective, it's good.
And I have a precedence of this perspective.
You're a sports knower now, technically.
Well, Mark stole your idea, I presume, Wade.
There's no other bad Olympic stuff that's happened well
and what are you so you're the worst of times. Yeah there's a lot of contenders
here 1904 was one 1936 in Berlin which I'm sure was held very fairly as another
contender but a lot of people I think would agree 1972 the Munich Olympics
were pretty awful.
There was a terrorist group that kidnapped and murdered some of the Olympic players.
The U.S. basketball team, I think, seemed to win.
And then, I think it was against the Soviet Union.
For some reason, the last few seconds of the game kept having to be replayed
until the Soviet Union won and then it was called and ended.
There was a field hockey game, if I remember right,
it was a really close game, I think it was like a one score game,
and the umpiring was seen as questionable and somehow Germany won with some really bad calls
and people started protesting, like other players of the other team were like protesting mid-game.
The whole thing was a pretty big shit show with a bunch of cheating, you
know, murder, unfair calls, bias, pretty much baked in almost everything bad you
can think of happened during 1972 Olympics. It was bad as 1904 was as far
as you know like not much competition. 1936 obviously with a lot of hostility
during World War II. I don't know that they're as bad as Munich was in 72. Was 72 a good year? I have no idea. I wasn't lying. Almost got him, Bob. Almost got him on that
one. Oh, another couple things about 72 I forgot to mention. Rhodesia, I think I'm pronouncing that
right, was banned four days before the Olympics started. A panel was convened and they were voted
to be banned from the Olympics four days before the competition started. So they were like,
yeah, we're in the Olympics. Let's go. And they were like, oh, we started in 40.
I saw her. You're out. Um, at the end of a men's marathon,
a German imposter entered a stadium, uh,
had the actual winner, uh, from the U S and people were like cheering this guy
winning the Olympics. And he wasn't even like in the right. Listen,
it was all kinds of fucked man.
When you have to mention like murder during your Olympic games and imposters and
scandals and protests and all kinds of stuff, I think it's a bad year.
No, all the unfair sporting stuff is good. I mean, I think objectively the hostage situation and killings of people probably is a whole other level.
But I think I did ask for sporting feats and or sporting events and you gave me just a long list.
I think I think I think that was pretty bad, Wade.
All the cheating, all the unfairness.
The basketball game, that was just a crazy fluke
of the rules back in the seventies.
Totally unrelated.
Just keep playing the last few seconds of the game
until it happened right.
That was a while ago, but like it wasn't that long ago
if you really think about it.
They were still throwing into Apple baskets back then, Wade.
You don't even know what the game was in the seventies.
You don't even know. Wade wins that one the 70s. You don't even know.
Wade wins that one.
Doesn't really mean much to win that one,
but I appreciate your tactic, Mark.
And honestly, you almost had me,
but Wade knows about some really bad stuff.
But now we're gonna switch it.
Mark, it is the worst of times for you.
Wade is the best of times for you.
I don't know if I like the qualifier,
Wade knows some really bad stuff,
but I just wanna throw that out there.
No, it's true, it's true. I'll give that to you. You know the badifier, Wade knows some really bad stuff. But I just wanna throw that out there. No, it's true, it's true.
I'll give that to you.
You know the bad stuff, man.
You know lots of bad stuff.
That's true, that's true, all right.
I'll make sure I write that down as a point specifically.
Wow, I don't know how to write.
Mark, you're the worst, Wade, you're the best.
Not us people.
That's your task for this one.
New Year's Eve moments could be from
Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve,
which has been a staple of American New Year's celebration for, I don't know, 40 years or something.
It could be from your own personal New Year's Eve party experiences,
could be something that just happened to have happened on New Year's Eve.
Mark Bad, Wade Good.
This one I'm gonna have to do some more research,
because I don't even have a starting point on this to think about.
You've never, never experienced New Year's Eve?
Did I watch the ball drop and like, that's it?
Like we turn it on, it's like, okay,
it's about five minutes, five minutes, turn it on.
Hey, happy New Year, I turn it off.
Back to us hanging out.
Never pay attention to any of the festivities.
You never crowded into Times Square for 14 straight hours,
pissed down your own pants leg,
just so you could stand there and soak it in?
Nope.
You'd never use New Year's as like an opportunity
for self-improvement and...
Nope, never did that.
To be fair, resolutions are for suckers.
I don't know the vast history of New Year's Eve or, um, moments that have fallen into disaster.
Surely there have been musicians who, in the cold, their voices have cracked and whatnot, you know.
Probably at some point there was a ball drop that was mistimed and things didn't go quite right.
But I don't think many is gonna top.
I'm not seeing a lot of movement from our boy Ninja trying to get the world's largest...
What is it even called? The backpack kid shuffle?
Uh, uh, flossing.
Flossing? Not the world's largest flossing
so uh, I
I don't know if much is gonna
top that one, I mean I'm sure Wade's
got many mass casualty
events, uh, spinning in his head
I'm the best of times this time
but- well you only know bad
things, so- but yeah
I gotta go with um, not seeing a lot
of movement I gotta be honest, not seeing a lot of movement that I
gotta be honest that is exactly the thing I thought of when I added this to
my list of ideas I have nothing personal against ninja I don't never met him I
don't know him I don't care for how he presents himself and a lot of the stuff
he has said and done online publicly. That was such a funny fucking moment. Just
to I'm in the same line of work as that guy. So I'm not talking like I'm better than him
in any way at all. But he's at that moment. He was like on top of the world. Like he was
huge. He was making millions. He was like the biggest thing on the internet. And as
soon as you step outside of the bubble that is the internet into the
real world and he's standing up on that stage and he's like everybody do the and they're
like who the fuck is that guy?
Why is it why is a PA trying to get us to dance?
I don't want to dance.
Nobody knew who he was.
Not a soul in that whole crowd was like ninja.
They were all like no.
I got a little bonus one that's fun. Back to
1904, those Olympics Mark was talking about, that was also the first year of the New York Times
Square New Year's Eve celebrations. But here's one that I think has pretty big implications that I
don't think people associate with New Year's Eve. And that's that on New Year's Eve, Thomas Edison
revealed the light bulb for the first time.
Oh, was that bad for us?
I think I'm good, right?
That's supposed to be good.
Oh no, that's right.
You're good.
Sorry, sorry.
Mark, bad.
You're good.
I really hope it's good for us.
His face just spells misery,
so you would think it might be bad, but.
I got three of them on me right now.
Well, look at you.
I just feel like I'm supposed to be getting bad news.
Sorry.
Yeah, that's good.
That's a positive moment in human history
You know the light bulbs kind of a big historical moment
I know this doesn't make sense
Well, I really would love to have a video of people's reactions to the electric light bulb for the very first time like technologically speaking
I understand why that doesn't exist. Have you ever seen the picture of the family listening to radio for the first time? No
It's not the first time anyone has uh
No, it's just like the first time no it's not the first time anyone has a no
It's just like their first time hearing radio here. I'm sharing my screen
So if you're listening, it's it's a family of three
I believe this is a Soviet family. Oh, it says the Soviet family listening to radio broadcast for the first time
God jeez what happened?
Looks like they're being tortured.
I wish this was higher resolution
because the mother's face is just like this
kind of haunted drifting expression of like,
good God, what's happening?
This looks like the scene out of a horror movie.
Like they're being wired up and electrocuted.
I totally buy that we all assume the reaction is
everyone would just be like, whoa.
Having never heard or seen any technology like this problem. It's me
Whatever the fuck that song is Taylor Swift music plays. Yes. I'm like, man
They're not even like jamming but I was like wait, they're probably not listening to music
They're probably listen to just like somebody like that
Hello
It's like weird 90s like American Soviet Union humor.
There's a guy who's just like in Soviet Russia, car drive you.
What the f-
So I forget why you brought that up, but that's what that made me think of.
I was saying I would love to see a video.
Come on, exactly that kind of reaction is I'm sure that there were, there were some
people who saw the light bulb and immediately were like, oh, someone took him to a pitch would love to see a video. Exactly that kind of reaction is I'm sure that there were there were some people
who saw the light bulb and immediately were like, Oh,
someone took him to a pitch black room and they were like,
I'm going to show you this light bulb. And they're like, I can't see anything.
It's Oh, fuck.
But yeah, I mean,
some of the reaction to the light bulb must have just been like, Oh, he's a witch
or, you know, whatever. Who knows? I don't know. Well, I mean they'd seen fire, let's be, okay, let's be perfect on this. They've seen a candle
before so they get the understanding. But this was tamed, this was tamed fire. It was contained in
a glass tube, it didn't have any flames, it was pure, it was completely, completely controlled.
I'm sure that there were many, you know, fundamentalist kind of like people about that,
but for the most part, from my understanding is in in most cities and stuff, people were always forward
thinking and like, I can't wait to see where technology comes.
When the train like was invented, people were just like, Oh, what's next?
You know, there were a lot of people that were excited just like we are today about technological advances.
It's kind of the same.
There are some people that are like, ah, 5G's giving me COVID, you know,
there's plenty of those people, but still to this day.
But a majority of people are excited about technological advancements.
People said that in the 1800s?
5G's giving me COVID.
Soothsayers.
I mean, probably there was some of them say, they said cameras stole your soul.
They're the equivalent, right?
Dude, I got a lot of Horcruxes out there then?
Yeah, well cuz cuz we have a lot of pictures taken of us is your yes
I see but yeah Thomas Edison has a big one Roman Empire collapsed on New Year's Eve
I don't know if you see that as a pro or con, but you know
It's an interesting one to you that true New Year's Eve
Did they know do they know when it collapsed because I thought it was always a mystery of why it collapsed so apparently
According to a paper in the Yale historical review there was ten years peace before the New Year's Eve of either
84-05 or 406 when a confederation of you know troops crossed the Rhine River entered Roman Gaul
I've already lost Britain in Spain room military was still reeling from two hard-fought civil wars meant the well-armed group
Group of 80,000 people crossing the Rhine River of no resistance and was the end of the Western Roman Empire. I'm sticking with that light bulb one's the one I was
going with but that's just a fun fact that's interesting to me. Weren't you the best of times
on this one Wayne? That's why I said I don't know if you see Roman Empire is good or bad but I think
the light bulb is good and the light bulb is the one I'm considering. This was a list of like
positive events over years. That's just an extra thing that happened on New Year's. Yeah I just
found it interesting.
I respect it.
We're kind of doing a podcast.
So my points are resting on Thomas Edison,
but I'm throwing other shit out there.
Stay focused.
That was a tough one because I already ahead of time kind of had one in mind that I thought I
would like more than the others.
I'm going to call that one is a tie.
You both got multiple points for that one.
No, since Mark's disgruntled, I'll give Mark another point. I like when complaining aren't you points you must it's your main strategy
Although it's not really fair to say that anymore because you don't even done that in a minute
Give me a reason mark. It was the best of times wait. It was the worst of times zoos
What word did you just say zoo the zoo where they call animals? I was like Zeus
Tell me about zoos
Walmart's thinking man. I've already got the worst of times and there is a wrong answer to this one
But yes, Arambe wrong
What?
Good because of the memes you kind of I mean
Dude, some idiot kid was like jumping around like look at me
I'm getting this pin and the gorilla was all like I got you fam and people were like
He touched the kid fucking kill it and he was like dude. I'm just chilling in my pen and uh for Harambe
To be fair to all the zookeepers
have you ever seen those videos where it's like you're you're
It's a video from the perspective of a patron at the zoo who's just like looking into the gorilla exhibit and the gorillas are just fucking beating the shit out of each other like it's scary
To watch they're just like going at it. There's someone challenged the alpha or whatever
I don't know how the dynamic but and the and the people are like, ah
Do something and the zookeepers are just standing there like what the fuck am I gonna do you see what's going on in there?
They'll they'll sort this out. I that's the that's the life of the gorilla keeper so I get it I get
why it happened it still just sucks and it's Cincinnati which adds to it there was also a
rhino um I don't know if you guys heard about this like 10 years ago there was a rhino that got killed
by poachers in the zoo bold karma I feel like that's gotta be a tough place to get the the trophy out of oh
I said I just said karma because I thought you said the Rhino killed the poacher in the zoo
No, no poachers came in there and killed a rhino in the zoo for
Dumbass Rhino near Paris. It was near Paris apparently was in 2017
La last of an endangered species fucking refusing to mate ass
rhino that's just karma right there.
Alright I'm- I'm gonna cut weight off before
he can get too many points from all of his
things. Wait wait I got more! No no no no
alright it's ready for the best of times
I- You say Harambe I swear to god.
I want to defend the
Cincinnati Zoo. I knew it. Because
for those who don't know, Harambe
was shot in the Cincinnati Zoo but the Cincinnati Zoo. I knew it. Because for those who don't know, Harambee was shot in the Cincinnati Zoo.
But the Cincinnati Zoo is one of the best
zoos in the world.
Here's the thing. Cincinnati Zoo has been known as a very reputable, like, zoo that has an active program for
breeding animals to save species starting as early as
1880. They were the first to hatch a trumpeter swan in a zoo,
as well as four passenger pigeons.
It was also like in 1882,
the first American bison was born in captivity.
If you know about Fiona the hippo,
you'll know that it's notably difficult
to breed hippos in captivity.
Cincinnati Zoo does it regularly.
Fiona is very- Fiona is very-
They already have a new baby after Fiona. Fiona's no longer the baby. Now it's Felix or something?
I thought you were defending Harambe. You're just defending the Cincinnati Zoo. Cincinnati Zoo's great.
Yeah, because Harambe was killed in the Cincinnati Zoo and most people were like,
Oh man, it must have been a sh- There was a lot of jokes saying like whatever zoo it was must have been run down But it's not the Cincinnati Zoo even today has one of the most successful breeding programs in the world
They have the they've earned the nicknames according to
NBC News and USA Today as the world's sexiest zoo, which I don't know about that
You don't get horny when you walk around the Cincinnati Zoo?
It's embarrassing because I have a constant heart on when I walk around the zoo.
It's really awful.
Well, now it's explainable!
I see a sign that says reptile house that way and I'm like, oh.
Here's the other crazy thing about the Cincinnati Zoo.
It just expands beyond the animal care itself.
Cincinnati Zoo has the largest publicly accessible urban solar array in the country.
What does publicly accessible mean?
Means that it ties into the public power grid. Oh
So not only and this was in
2011 that they were they were known as the largest array they had an expansion since then so in
2011 they had
6,400 solar panels that were producing
20% of the zoo's energy needs and then on on sunny cool days, it sent it back to the utility company.
They have done an expansion since then that has not only kept their ranking,
I'm trying to get information on exactly what it is,
but they broke ground on the largest publicly accessible urban solar array for an expansion
to increase it by about more almost double the size it was originally a 1.56 megawatt solar array
it's going to be a 2.8 megawatt solar array when it's completed next year yeah well do you remember
they put that in when we were in college which the we went to school like the zoo is across the
street from from uc basically it's right there they were they it's all the the covered parking
lot that they have that's all where the solar array is, I believe.
Which is such a smart thing.
It's, yeah.
One, it covers and shades the vehicles.
Two, it prevents the asphalt of the, of the parking lot itself from just becoming a heat
sponge.
A common problem in cities is that like cement and asphalt absorbs heat and it just becomes
like a radiative source of heat.
Why cities are so hot?
When it's hot in a city, even when the air temperature is not that hot, it's because
all the shit around you absorbs the heat, all the buildings, all the streets covering
parking lots not only converts that sun into electricity, but it prevents the heat soak
from being such as as much of an issue.
It's a whole thing.
What a great zoo. It's a whole thing. What a great zoo.
It's a great zoo.
It's a fantastic zoo.
And even though, even though the incident
with Harambe occurred there,
there are still many, many notable achievements
and great accomplishments that have occurred
in the Cincinnati Zoo.
Bad things happen at every zoo.
That one's just famous.
Ever hear of Greater Wynwood Exotic Animal Park?
He doesn't get more.
Why does he get more?
I'm cutting Mark off before he keeps listing
good things about Cincinnati Zoo.
Go ahead, Wade.
Why would I?
It was run by someone known as, oh, I don't know,
The Tiger King.
Ever hear of Joe Exotic and his wonderful animal park?
I've got another good thing.
The Tiger King.
Providing entertainment when COVID was happening
and the lockdown, it unified the lockdown. It unified the nation.
It unified the nation.
His sacrifice and those tiger sacrifices.
Unless you were one of the tigers that got shot
and buried in the dirt.
And those, there are probably more than one.
Their sacrifices kept people that kept America together.
Their sacrifice.
Yeah, they nobly volunteered themselves. I
respect that Mark you get an America point but I'm afraid Wade does get points
for Tiger King I think it's hard to argue anything very good happened to
bet in the Tiger King situation. Yeah that park is permanently closed that's
how good it was. And fucking Carole Baskins. Oh sorry it's gonna be 4.55
megawatts by 2024, which is this year.
Yeah, they're doing crazy expansions.
I love the Cincinnati Zoo.
It is a heck of a zoo.
This is a weird thing to say, but we're spoiled for zoos in Ohio.
The Columbus Zoo, which I grew up going to, the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium, Jack Hanna,
our boy up in Columbus, one of the coolest zoos in the nation, I would say.
Probably world renowned for some of the stuff
that Jack Hanna did, outreach,
and the aquarium in particular is very good,
like high top caliber.
The Cincinnati Zoo is even better.
And I didn't admit this for a long time.
Mandy being from Cincinnati was always like,
oh, the Cincinnati Zoo is way better.
And I was like, it can't be.
I grew up going to the best zoo in the world.
I guess there's something else in Ohio.
So people are like, well, build some habitats or something.
Somebody can live here.
Let me throw this out there, which might help Mark, but Molly and I go to the
Cincinnati Zoo every year for Festival of Lights, too.
And around Christmas time, they do like the great light exhibit.
Columbus does that, too.
They're both of the Christmas light displays in Columbus and Cincinnati are ridiculous.
There is nothing like having a hot chocolate walking around looking at like the lights
and some of the animals and stuff in like the winter.
They even make the hot chocolate the shitty way where it's just powder and water.
It's still good.
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Let's do one more round.
It's a tight race, lots of points.
Mark, it was the worst of times.
Wade, it was the best of times.
YouTube moments.
We all have YouTube channels. We're all sort of...
To some extent have been and still are tapped into like the YouTube community.
None of us is as obsessed as some people are about stuff that goes on.
But there are a lot of internet moments.
I'll open it up too. It doesn't have to be YouTube.
Like internet moments, right? Like things that stand out.
It could be from other platforms or whatever. You ever hear of Markiplier?
Cause what I'm gonna mention is Numa Numa.
All right, make the connection.
I can't wait for this backflip.
Stick the landing.
My P, my O.
Dude, so good.
Looking like that guy as much as I do in high school
when that was really popular was not my favorite thing
I'm gonna be honest, but I did know the whole song back then. Do you look like him?
I mean, are you saying cuz like I look like him. I'm a fat guy. I don't know
I'm a fat guy with glasses. We all look the same to everybody people people will look at me and be like
You look like Peter Parker. You look like
Who's that other fat guy? You look like Drew Carey
I would say like I look like Drew Carey.
I would say like, I could see Drew Carey with the glasses
because you guys have a similar glasses.
He doesn't wear these glasses anymore.
And also I don't wear these glasses usually.
I'm not saying I don't look like these people,
but anyone who's like a fat guy,
everyone is just like, you look just like John Goodman.
I suppose, but like I learned about YouTube
when that was popular.
And like, I thought that's what YouTube was
I thought it was like those silly moments that like South Park parody did that actually predate YouTube that wasn't even on YouTube first
The YouTube came out in oh
Five oh six or seven when it started to get really popular
Yeah, it wasn't really like a thing people went to until like a late. Oh six or oh seven
No, no, that was ebombs world air
Yeah late 06 or 07. No no that was E-bombs world error. Yeah E-bombs world and like
just emailing each other shit back in the day. I thought South Park was all
like YouTube it was parodying back with that stuff it was so long ago. It's
like original indie like or indie like internet video culture which you know a
lot of it did come before like Star Wars kid was again before YouTube. Classic.
Chocolate Rain. Chocolate Rain I believe was early YouTube but I might be wrong about that
that actually no I think he I think he posted that on YouTube yeah he still has
a YouTube channel actually yeah 2007 was chocolate rain then there's more beyond
that but the vast majority of those early 2000s from like 2003 to 2006 is
like he got your albino black sheep your ebombs world your your
Random ass internet sites that had video on them so stuff like the the hamster dance
website with the with the weird animation or stuff like the
Badger badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom that and you're the you're the man now dog
Drunk Minecraft. Oh, you're the man now dog drunk Minecraft oh you're the
man now dog is still online what the hell really why ytm nd.com holy shit it's
still here is there news stuff top view today with 268 views honk I hope it's a
ripoff of meow and it's just a bunch of geese with human mouths just going honk
I just clicked on the up-and-coming one is just the old bones full of green dust and I'm like man God
Okay
The original hamster dance is also one of the top things on today on you're the man now dog with
184 views you're the man now dog is still one of the top things as well with
168 views,
which is great. That's great. The classics. I remember how cool I felt when I had a Facebook
account like junior year of high school. Cause it was like only supposed to be the college
kids, but I like found a way to make the account. It was like, dude, I'm on Facebook. Cause
it was, it was like limited to college kids for a while. Yeah, I did. I did also, I got
onto Facebook cause a friend who had graduated and went to college got me an invite or whatever.
I had to like fake a college whenever I was making my account. I was like, yeah dude I graduated from Duke.
That was back when it was called THE Facebook.
Until Justin Timberlake told the Zuck to get rid of the THE.
I put it in the milk.
Ah, god that is so loud.
Did you click on one of the things on you're the band? It's so fucking loud
That's the one good thing people don't know about your YouTube is they have volume normalization
So that's why the audio experience is consistent from video to video
I remember when we were freshmen
2007 living in the dorm together so many late nights where I like had my headphones on on my laptop or something and I was
Just clicking through like dig or so that I was clicking through websites and not
something would come up like that,
like a flash animation that would just be like two in the morning.
And I just like,
yeah, fucking Jesus.
I still tell the story about whenever I was having trouble sleeping and I was
trying different things to help me sleep.
And I found like one of those like hypnotizing videos on YouTube and I was
watching, it was like a 10 minute video or whatever. And I was like one of those like hypnotizing videos on YouTube and I was watching it was like a 10 minute video or whatever
I was like, okay, this is kind of and then it turned into like the the exorcist face screamer like at the end
Oh, yeah, yeah, very calm quiet music for about eight minutes and just like that
Fucking lost my shit. All right, that was Wade's best of times markets the worst of times obviously there's like adpocalypse dust bad
there's the best of times. Mark, it's the worst of times. Obviously there's like adpocalypse, Das Bad. There's the attempted Google Plus incorporation with YouTube.
I feel like was just a completely devastating
moment for YouTube because it made
account management a nightmare.
It made all these, everyone who had a YouTube account
had to sign up for a Google Plus account.
And then you had this suddenly new social media that had no support and died almost immediately.
It was really awful.
Um, there was the supposed-
It was the bait and switch because all the stadia features were gonna come to YouTube so that people could actually like
interact with your game if you're playing as you're streaming on YouTube
There was gonna be a lot of features that were gonna be incorporated into it. Never happened
And it's now replaced if you've noticed on YouTube you can scroll through through and there's like, play this game instantly. Why would I want to do this?
Why- why would I do this? And you can play games right there on the browser.
But I'm gonna say, probably the one of the worst that I think for YouTube is the, still, right now push for shorts.
I don't mind short form content on YouTube.
I just think that the- the whole mentality of pushing shorts as like a new medium in YouTube itself is detrimental in a few ways because it doesn't make any sense to me.
From a business standpoint it doesn't make sense to me, from a user experience standpoint it doesn't make sense to me.
As an option, people can and already, upload short form content on YouTube.
The thing about it is, though, is it is much harder to monetize.
It is exceptionally harder to monetize for YouTube.
I'm not talking about the creators.
I'm looking at this purely from a business standpoint, if I'm like YouTube.
It's harder to monetize, and it takes attention away from your more monetizable content.
So if I'm YouTube, what happens when more of your hardware and bandwidth and costs
and expenditures go towards this thing?
You're trying to develop for it.
You are an inferior product to TikTok.
You are simply doing it because it is popular on TikTok, but TikTok does not
have a long form, technically you can upload longer videos, much in the way
that YouTube, you can upload shorter videos, much in the way that YouTube you can upload shorter videos,
but there's a preference for it. So you want to specialize for your preference, and also YouTube as a company
you're at an advantage because longer videos can be monetized way more easily with your already robust advertisement system, right?
So you're ham-fisting this feature in there, and you want people to use it for what reason exactly?
Taking away money from you. it's creating shorter and shorter user
experiences, and also it's kind of detrimental to the actual main product that you have,
and it makes it just a complicated experience for everyone involved. I don't have the data to back
this up, but I imagine their goal is just to get people off of TikTok and back on their platform,
and maybe people that watch short form content are only going to watch short form content anyway,
so at least they're on YouTube instead of TikTok, and maybe people that are short form content are only going to watch short form content anyway. So at least they're on YouTube instead of TikTok.
And maybe people that are going to watch long form are going to stick to long form.
But it doesn't benefit them.
If it doesn't make money, what short form doesn't?
That's the problem. TikTok and every other platform is facing.
Reels don't make money. TikTok doesn't make money. Shorts don't make money.
Maybe they're hoping it'll translate to people that make shorts.
It's like you like that person shorts.
He'll go and watch the other. I don't know.
I can't tell you what the data backs up.
But like my thought process is it's better on our platform than someone else's. And that's the
thought process they have, but at the same time, again, it's to the detriment of the main product.
They're always going to be an inferior product. Shorts are always going to be an inferior product
to TikTok unless TikTok does something completely upside down, which companies have done that before
where they're just like, they lose their mind and lose the plot. That's currently what YouTube is doing and so it leaves an opportunity for
their main product. This is the Adobe situation where it's like you have your
main product. If you don't back that up and constantly try to pivot to new
features you lose the plot and you create an opportunity for your entire
thing to be shut down and I still think I, I still think, and people know this,
people on TikTok know this, people, everyone knows this,
I still believe that YouTube, in terms of their video,
is the best, the best way for you
to get your creativity out there
and potentially make a living off of it,
if that's your goal,
I don't believe that should be everybody's goal,
because the robust system with which it is monetizable
and the robust protections and
features that enable you to make whatever you want to make there's not as many there are more hoops that you have to
Jump through to get into there and you have obviously you have to find success But there aren't as many roadblocks and I think that is actually something that is nice because with tik-tok and the creator fund
On tik-tok people found out oh that runs out and when it runs out we all get less
and they get to decide how much less
Ah! Oh I see the disadvantage here
As a general strategy thing
this, I would equate this to being like
if we live in a world where Tooby survived
which if you don't know what Tooby was it was like a shorter form
but still like television type thing
but it was like you can watch it in vertical or horizontal
Oh Tooby's still around, Quibi! Oh no, Quibi, Quibi! Sorry Tooby but still like television type thing, but it was like, you can watch it in vertical or horizontal.
Oh, Tubi's still around, Quibi.
Oh no, Quibi, Quibi, sorry Tubi,
sorry to be offensive to you Tubi.
No, Quibi, that's right.
And it would be equivalent to like,
if Netflix saw Quibi and was like,
oh, we should have stuff in that format.
And Netflix tried to like implement that.
Obviously Quibi didn't succeed, we're ignoring that fact.
But if it was a good format,
with the way that TikTok in short form is a totally legitimate format and like get why people
like it. There's no reason for Netflix or in real world YouTube to dip into that. Like you said,
it's always going to be worse. And the other thing is it doesn't convert the analytics consistently
show people do not come to YouTube, watch shorts and then then be like, oh, I'm gonna watch this 40 minute video.
People are either looking to watch five seconds
of something at a time, or they're looking to watch a video
that's like 10, 20, 40, an hour long, whatever they're like.
You don't just magically convert people who want TikTok
into wanting long form content.
And nothing that YouTube is doing is like,
oh, well this will bring people,
it maybe keeps them off TikTok, but it doesn't help YouTube. It's a waste of resource. They could do
much cooler stuff if they just made YouTube better at what it does. Other cool moments or other bad
moments, I don't know if they're good or bad. Is planking good or bad? That was a thing. ALS ice
bucket challenge was a good one. Rick rolling could be seen as good or bad, but that was a fun time.
Still going. Remember the dress? That wasn't really bad, but that was a fun time. Still going.
Remember the dress?
That wasn't really YouTube, but like the dress,
was it red and gold or is it black and blue?
I think he's just listing random internet things now.
He said internet, Bob qualified it internet.
I did open it up to any internet things.
Any internet things?
I just want to throw them out there,
not even for points, but just for the sake of discussion.
I think those are fun things to remember.
I'm going to give Mark points for anything you say from here on out. Okay, cool
Uh, let me throw it also then gongnam style and what did the fox say?
Oh, what did the foc? Did have you guys seen the other songs that um, yielvis elvis the guys who did what did the fox say made?
No, no, you should look up stonehenge. What's the meaning of stonehenge? It's it's a whole music video
It's a similar type of comedy song very worth it
Very funny one of my favorites mark points for Stonehenge. Thank you
Good and bad good good good bad good and bad. Thank you both of you good even though bad
Shall we do the points then only if I won I'll just go ahead and read the points mark
You got points for Adobe sued, shareholders happy, upside down solar,
ferrosolar tech, scam battery backup, 1904 Olympics, not seeing any movement,
disgruntled, harambe but better, that's what I wrote down, America adpocalypse,
Google plus YouTube plus stadia equals bad YouTube shorts what the fuck and also what meaning Stonehenge
For a total of 14 points mark Wade you got points for inventing the video meow
Having way with word sleepy poopy
trusting him
Unfair Olympics Wade knows bad things
Tommy Ed bulb Oh Tom Thomas Edison light bulb.
Got it.
Tommy Ed bulb.
Tommy Ed bulb.
Oh, Tommy Ed bulb.
Roman Empire with a sad face next to it.
Harambe, just normal Harambe.
Tiger King, Numa Numa guy.
You're the man now, dog.
E-bombs world.
Ice plank roll, which I think is ice bucket challenge,
planking and Rick roll all in one line in three words
for whatever reason, which gives you a total,
even though that was a lot of words I just read,
of only 13 points somehow.
I really feel like these points were bars on this end.
I will say some of these clearly did not get points
written down for them and I couldn't tell you why.
I wrote the word and decided
that that was adequate score keeping and it's all here on this piece of paper.
This feels like the time that I should throw a challenge
flag, but like also at the end I was like, yeah,
I'll just throw stuff out.
You can give points to Mark.
So I guess I can't really fight it.
Anyway, congratulations, Mark.
Thank you.
It's about time.
It's about time.
Wait, are we not, are we trying not to let Mark win
or something? Did I forget? No, no
No, it's just I haven't won in a bit
So I'm trying to it doesn't feel like it's been that long since you won. I gotta be honest then so long
Well, you deserve this mark winner speech. Yes. I would like to say everyone
Please subscribe to my youtube channel new videos
Every day a new three scary games came out.
Yeah, it did. That's all. That's it. I win.
Alright, Wade. Loser's speech?
Should've won. Should've fought and complained more.
But honestly, I'm just still thinking about the Olympics.
I don't know why.
The good Olympics or the bad Olympics?
Check out the Cincinnati Zoo.
People are always asking like,
Hey, we're coming to Cincinnati.
Anything we should do?
Yeah, check out the Cincinnati Zoo. It's actually pretty cool.
It's one I never think to mention, but I should subscribe to Markiplier's
We're trying to help him grow all right well
Thanks everyone for watching watching on Spotify or listening anywhere else make sure you subscribe to Markiplier on YouTube
We have merch distractibles
Fuck I always make fun of you for this distractible store comm that's the one we're trying to get gov but like not yet
Proof was tricky on though. I really wanted it to be a dot edu, but there's rules come to distractable college
But we'll teach you do you think some of a movie theater we could get a college. Yeah
Oh actually someone someone said that there was a school up for sale Oh, I saw that no in in like Dayton or something. There's a school that's gonna go to our business
Uh, I don't know if I want Dayton. We'll call it the education center for distractible lads and lasses
lassies lassies
podcast out