Distractible - Best of Unfair: Part 1 (Compilation)

Episode Date: January 19, 2026

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From mistaken vernacular to outright derailing episodes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. It's time for best of unfair, part one. So you like the writing down the rules. Is there anything we want to rip out? Do we want to rip out the subreddit appeal thing? Because I feel like that's been a mess. Yeah, we didn't use it.

It doesn't make sense. I don't even know if we should have an unfairness clause. Shall I just write down, remove all? unfairness clauses. We could do something where, you know, if someone declares something is unfair, something's done on the spot, but I don't know what that would be. An immediate wheel. Another wheel spin. One more wheel. The wheel of fairness. If one of us declares something is unfair, we spin a wheel where either we win the appeal or we're forced to host a one-man show. It's a risky claim. No, no. It's got to be something with like trial by combat, you know. Is this unfair? Let God

decide. What if it's just a coin flip? Heads for fair, tails for unfair. What if it's a really heavily stacked against it being unfair coin flip? Like, you can declare it's unfair, but it's a nine to one chance. It's going to be fair. Do you have to win three coin flips in a row for it to be fair? I like that. Then we just, then we just have a wheel of fairness. Nah, the coin flip is cool. Okay, coin flips. If you win three coin flips in a row, it was unfair and you are justified. That is fate saying that's the universe taking your side. Yeah, and you can only do that once. What, a one in eight chance? Three coin flips?

One and eight? That's fair. That's actually... That's pretty good. That's better than what Mark wanted. What if you lose all three coin flips in a row? Is anything bad happened? I mean, once you lose one, I feel like you just stop.

You don't lose again. Once you lose one, it is fair. I mean, I'm saying if you forced it to flip three times. I get what he's doing it. Because you have to flip three times. And that's another one in eight chance that something terrible happens. For daring invoke the unfair, it's double point loss. You know, if you don't get three in a row,

75% chance you're good 12.5% you win, 12 and a half percent you win, 12 and a half percent, you really lose. That's good. I like that. So we're not just throwing out unfairness willy-nilly. There has to be a risk. Okay, so if you lose three coin flips in a row, what was it? You lose double the points or you get double the unfair. Yeah, whatever you said was unfair will be dealt double. So like if Mark gives you a point, I'm like, that should be my point. And I say it's unfair. You would get two points. Or, you know, if Mark says I lose a point, I'm like, no, I don't lose a point. That's unfair.

We do the three coin flips, then I can either lose two or... We should make it that as soon as the word unfair falls out of someone's mouth, it happens, even if they don't realize they're doing it. So we've got to be very careful about what we're saying, because as soon as the word unfair comes out, coin flip immediately, stop everything what we're doing. We're going to do an episode just called Fair Unfair. Every three seconds, we're, we're flipping again. All right, that's in there.

Once per episode, you may declare unfairness by saying the word unfair outlawful. out and initiate three coin flips. Win three in a row and unfairness is proven. Lose three flips in a row and it is made doubly unfair. Well, it's made doubly fair because if it was unfair, then the unfairness would be valid.

That's fair enough, fair enough. If we say fair you have to flip or just unfair, both? Is that what we're saying? The trigger word is unfair. So if like, thank you, Mark, that's incredibly fair. Nothing happens, but I'm like, Mark, that's unfair. We immediately coin flip. I think it also should be valid if you trick another host into or another contestant into saying unfair.

I like that. I think if anyone ever says the word unfair for any reason and any of the other two people hear it and catch it, it is triggered. Yeah. Even if it's a trick. What about synonyms to unfair? What about what we say? Like, that's unreasonable.

Has to be the word unfair. What if you say fun fair? Can't spell fun fair without unfair. He said it. No parts of other words. No hyphenations. Must be unfair. I gave us three episodes before we forget this rule.

Oh, yeah. No. The convolution is very good. though, because it will forget about it for like months. And then out of nowhere during a highly heated episode, someone will just be like, hey, said it! And then it will happen. I think the audience can participate.

If they catch us not saying it, they can remind us, and then we have to doubly unfair it later. Nah, that's stupid. Ah, fuck me. No, see, that's the thing. We don't need to enumerate that. I think we have a good rule here. And if the subreddit points out that we're not doing it, we can just on the fly, do whatever fucking bullshit we want.

and jazz it up later or do makeups or something or ignore them because they suck or whatever we want. That removes all current unfairness clauses and that's our that's our current appeals and unfair process. No more red flags and blah blah blah blah. Yeah, none of that.

Great. Good constitution boys. We could trick the audience into getting our watch time up because they have to pay attention if they want to Yeah, they're going to have to really scrutinize. Yeah. They're going to have to go back through and listen again. Make sure they didn't miss anything. The fools. Man, I would love to add two to the wheel

like half a point for Bob and half a point for Wade. Wait, where am I then? If the wheel doesn't come. I know that's great. I'm cool with that. That's fun. That's fun. Yeah, I think Bob and I both agree. We could add two. All right, put it on. This guy gets two slices of the wheel, but you know, we'll let

it slide this once. I really want to ask, I don't know if the host I could do this, but I don't think you can't. I'm confused what would even happen if you succeeded, but I'd love to know. Yeah, let's find out. All right, I'm declaring unfair because I should have one of those. There should be one for me, but if it gets declared not double fair,

one more for each of us. Yeah, you get another enough point sliver for each. God, I fucking hope some tails come up. So if Mark wins, we all get one or just him? No, if Mark wins, he also gets one so that each of us has one. If Mark, if it's all tails, you and I get two and Mark still has zero. Okay. Here we go.

Oh no. Is that tails? No, mine's heads. Oh, God, thank you. Mine is the lady and traditionally the lion or whatever the fuck this is has been my tails. Oh, so close. Bob, you got five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven plus five, sixteen points. Mark, you got five, six, seven, eight, ten, eight points.

Seems like the dice didn't do you many favors, but we haven't done our wheel spins yet. You're right. You're right. Eight points on wheel spins. If there's what, all right, here's why I'm not throwing the thing is because I get dice are impartial. Thank you. And there's no way that I could have universally injected luck into them. But I can now.

I am invoking you. God's of the coin, I declare unfair. Okay, so I just read you the score with 16 to 8. Invoking unfair, you're saying that's not the score. So if you were right, I want, I just want a chance. You would double your score to tie it? No, no, here's what I owe gods of coin. I just want to remove all points that were decided by a dumb question mark.

Make me have a chance. Okay. All right. So then what's the, what's the tails outcome of that? Double. All the points are added by question marks. Yeah. Oh, only question mark points. Only question.

Well, if it's either no question marks or all, or double question marks, right? No, I like that. What if all the points are converted to question marks, but all new question marks have to be rolled. So then we, then it basically kind of resets the points in it is, it will be even more fair. doubly fair If question marks are the fair way Then so shall it be But if they're unfair

Get them out of here If Mark wins The score would be 11 points Bob 10 points mark Before we go into wheels All right All right I would take it

If it's all question marks Then the score is 5 to negative 2 With a whole lot of 6s to roll All right I'm okay with this Come on heads is Mark Tails All heads is

Get rid of question marks All Tails is all question marks. I love this. This is my favorite one we've done so far. This is what it's meant to be. Please don't be nothing. Ha! Oh,

Oh, my God, Tails, Tails. That's Tails, because Heads is the lady in the dress. Okay, so we're into all question marks. I guess that's an acceptable outcome. Well, right now it's not looking good for you. Thank you, God's of unfair, I think, maybe. Hold on for a second before I thank you. So I have to roll 10 D6s for Mark and 11 D6s for Bob and then do all the math.

I like my chances. Starting with a three point lead. You have a seven point lead, Bob. It's all question marks. That's all right. Get ready for the most sixes you've ever seen in your life. And I just hope it's on my turn. All right.

So who's this for then? Mark, you won the challenge. You lost the challenge. Technically. Technically. So Bob, you decide who goes first. I want to go first. All right, Bob is first.

Bob, I have to roll 11 D6s for you. Yes, good. Okay. One, two, yes. Three, four, four, oh, five, yes. Six.

Yes. Seven. Yes. Eight. Oh. Nine. Yes. Ten.

Yes. Eleven. Yes. No, wait, no. I don't know what the hell that came out to. I got a final tally of three plus three to my. score but we'll see if everyone agrees. I got plus three as the end. That's what you said. Yeah, that's what I got. You have a plus three and you already had a five so right now

you're at eight. Yes, eight to negative two. That that's in the range. That is possible. Mark, you started at negative two, you've got ten rolls. Uh huh, I'm watch. You better roll some fucking winners. All right, ten times. One. No. Two, three, four, all right. Five. No. Six. No. Seven. No. Eight. No.

Nine. Yes. Ten. Yes. That's so close. Wait. Okay. So Mark, we got plus one. It's minus one. Plus one. Plus one.

Plus three. Plus two. Uh-huh. Plus one. Plus three. Oh, no. Minus one plus three. Is that right?

One, two. I got 12. I got 12. 11 minus 1's 10 plus I got 13. Oh, well I'm not very good at math but I agree. I might be wrong here. Let me double check. No, that's what I got.

I got 13 too, so. You're probably right. I'm not good. I did that all in the fly on my fingers. 1, 2, 5, 7, 8, 11, 10, 13, minus 2. 11. So 11 for Mark is greater than 8 for Bob. No.

What a 1st? Weird switch. Man, Wade, your size is weird. What does that mean? What does that mean? It's got two lie points, sub-negatives, a scratched-out completely thing going on here. Man, you might want to flip that coin. Something ain't right here.

All right, unfair. I'll do it right now. All right. Well, you didn't. I didn't, what is it for? What's unfair? Tell us. I was going to say, let me read it first.

And then you could decide. No, I declare unfair. To your points? Yes. All of Wade's points are unfair. I like this. This could go really well for me. All right.

So if it's all unfair, then I need to reverse all of the points values. But I'll tell you that's not going to help you. No, I like this. This is good. At least that they'd be fair. You could have let me read them first. All right, well, that would have been more unfair. All right, okay.

All right, okay. Where's my coin? There it is. Here we go. Oops. Heads? Tails. Tails.

Sorry, bud. All right. Very fair, very fair points. Fair points. Thank you, Mark. For a fair game. I'm clearly biased against you because that's your third strike. You're out of here.

Thank God. Unless. Hold on. Where's my coin? Oh, God. Oh, God. I think this game should keep going. Unfair!

God, damn it. Okay. So you are challenging that it's unfair that that ends that specific round that you think you should continue to do. I think stupid was a stupid answer. Well, that's true, but I wasn't looking for. All right. So if we get all heads, then Wade wins. If we get all tails, then Wade loses.

And it was fair and Shelby made doubly fair. Yes. I got tails. nails. Oh. Damn it. Turns out it was perfectly right. It was the right amount of fare.

Reflipped. Ununfair. Double dog unfair. I appreciate that you tried that way. All right. Well, I can't argue anymore. The coin is declared. Who gives a fuck about what would be inside the diary of a CEO?

What? Oh, July 27th. Too much money today. They brought three big truck. full of money to my house and I was like where am I to put all of this money? Oh my money closets are all full. I'll have to start filling my third pool with money and I was like oh then I could Scrooge McDuck my way through the pool but we all know that doesn't work we've all tried that when you get your first few truck loads of money

everybody tries the Scrooge McDuck. Oh life is unfair. Oh no wait but I didn't say He said it. Oh, no. Fuck. So, wait, this was not even Bob. This was Stephen Bartlett calling unfair. All right. If it's all heads, Stephen Bartlett's podcast gets deleted.

If it's all tales, our podcast gets deleted. It's the only way. Oh, well, let's see what happens, I guess. This is a really important coin flip. Wait, there's more. All right, you know what, fuck it. Here we go. Ha!

Tails. Oh, thank God. Oh, we almost got him. Oh, that was close. I like how mine's a dramatic reveal because the focus doesn't work anymore. I like how mine's a dramatic reveal because what the fuck is mine?

Mine's a lady and a lion. The lion is tails. Don't ask questions. Mine's a George and an eagle. Oh, one of us needs to unfair than oh I said it anyway wait said unfair so either we both get two points or we both get none ah you heard the man you know what i got my coin god damn it hot heads uh oh tails uh well mine doesn't even matter uh that brings our current score

mark at 12 bob at nine me at one the switching of bob's point really made a difference here declare unfair on the final point totals. Okay. What are we going to? No points? No points? No points? No points?

No points? That would make it. Yeah. So what does this change? Do I reverse them? If it is unfair and I win, I think they should be reversed. And if it's fair, then they'd stay the same. And if it's to be made doubly fair, I guess Mark should probably get double points or some

shit. Well, no, everyone would get double points. It would be doubly fair. Yeah, that's true. And then we'd be doubly distant, but not impossibly distant. Well, it'd still be impossibly distant. All right. Okay.

So I reverse the points if it's... If it's all heads. Okay. I got heads. Oh. Oh, fuck. I got head. But hold on.

If I reverse the points, don't I end up with 12? No, you don't. It's just me and him. Oh, fuck. I really thought I was going to give myself the win there. I can't believe that worked. Bob, you got half a point for both on the hoof and frog sticks. Sure.

Two TikTok updates. Need help escaping TikTok. Bigfoot vlogging. Tenders on a boat. Amorous Congress. Red Robin, Red Baron, World War I. Franz Ferdinand. Lean away.

Oh, cop a mouse. Happy cabbage. And Mark's a coward. Mark, you got a half point for groping. You got points for Hit that horse Google crimes alleged Oh Google's alleged crimes

Coding genius Eggs on toast Hump the Something hump the swag Yeah There was so much time In between the previous point In that point

In the ketchup Take the egg Fly rig Wait There's a whole The entire episode In between the The fuck

Wait I might not have read the words In order This doesn't answer any quay. Wait, there's a hole in between there that's missing. No. Unfair! Oh, unfair. There's an entire section of the episode that I was not scored upon. Meanwhile, Bob got two for the same thing. A joke about the Red Baron and Franz Verdon and then were one after the other. That was all just one point. Oh, all right, then we'll still unfair.

All right, unfair. Something's unfair in here. I guess we'll see and I'll figure it out. My score, you need to review the entire episode and you need to account again for all of my correct end or half point answers and cross-reference it to make sure that your scoring is correct. All right. Heads. Hales. Heads. Oh, very close. You're lucky with you.

That was close. I wouldn't have done it. No, you would have had to do it or you would have been cursed forever by the coins. I'll take the curse, I guess. I'm pretty lazy. That leaves Wade with a total of six points, and Mark with a total of eight and a half points. I'm not as far behind as I should have been. I thought that would have been a much bigger discrepancy there.

You even found your own point. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry, Mark has not 10 and a half points. Okay, there we go ahead. I didn't write down the last couple. Oh, but does he? Well, you have to say the word. Unfair!

But you're calling it. I'm calling it. I want this to be in my hands. My luck's way better than his. Okay. All right. We'll decide what happens if we have to. Mark has declared unfair.

I hope we don't have to figure out what the fuck this means. Yeah, I don't know either, but I think we'll figure it out. Yeah. Tails. Heads. Heads. Well, my tails spoiled it for everybody. I think three heads would have failed.

favorite Mark because he called it. So... Really glad we didn't just have to figure that out. Oh my God. I actually died of old age. Yeah, that's my bid. I don't think I could give that point because you're clearly not dead. I got better. What if he's undead? Not alive, just undead.

Oh, Bob, what do you feel about this? Do you feel like if this was in that old time, would we have given that point? Can I remind you of the rules of the last one? We didn't have to tell the truth? That was the last one. I didn't say that here. It's implied. It's kind of implied, but he didn't say it, so I'm conflicted.

As a person who would benefit from Wade not getting the point, I feel like I'm obligated to say. He shouldn't get that point, obviously. I'll give you nothing. I'll take it. As I declare unfair! All right, okay, all right, I had a feeling that was cute. I thought you were going to say, I'll give you the point if you can die right now of old age. Come back.

First one to die live on episode wins. Here's how it goes. We're gonna flip. If it's all heads, it was unfair, and I'll reverse. I'll let you get that point. If it's mixed, nothing. If it's tails, you have to die and come back to life on camera. All right, fair.

All right, fair. All right, here we go. Three, two, whoa. Boom. Swah. Heads. Heads. Damn.

Nothing happens. We all walk away from this. Marks was tails for anyone who's... I was tails, sorry. Tails. Not watching. It wasn't focusing right? So I was like, heads, heads and blur.

It was close to him, but I'm not going to give that to you. All right. I was almost 50-50. I feel like some of my points were really long and it could have been two merged together. So I can read my tallies really easily. I just can't read my descriptions really easily. Bob wins, as long as you all think that's fair. Okay, whatever.

I don't know what's real. I might struggle to read and write. but I can make tallies. Mark, you could always Oh. You gonna go for the multiple wins? Yeah, what would be the stakes if I did? So either Bob gets two wins,

things stay as is, or you win and Bob loses, I think. Yeah. I feel like there's a part of the Constitution where the scorecard must be legible, and that was just a few too many illegible ones. I declare that there should be a recount because this

he doesn't even know what he gave me points for and that is unfair oh he said it unfair has been declared if we get three heads mark is correct you have to read them correctly you have to

the episode will not end until you actually decipher what your writing was so that we can make this fair that's the host I decline that so no don't try to read now As the host, if Mark gets three heads, he'll just win. I think the host does get to decide what happens, but I like Mark's version. I get to petition what is unfair, and then he gets in there.

If you lose, do you just lose twice, or does Bob win twice? Or both? I think either I win twice or Mark gives up a win. Yeah, that is true. We are keeping score of that. That does matter. Well, heads for you. Tails for Bob.

I got a head. Shit. I got heads. Only Mark didn't get Mark. Only Mark can prevent Mark from winning. Sounds like what happened today was very fair. It was fair. It was deemed fair. Alright, whatever you say. Well, wait, don't be too shocked because you have a zebra, which very easy target for a panther. That takes one of the panthers away.

Wait, like just has bait to... You have Zendaya. There's a zebra to other people to feed. The Panthers. You have Zoe Salada, who can't see you like a third panther. But the problem is, I said three and a half Panthers. Oh, don't worry. I can account for that.

You've got a Zap Cannon. What the fuck was Zap Cannon again? It's a move that like does crazy damage, but I think it's only got like a 33% chance to hit. That's another. So presumably it would kill half of a panther. Okay, it's 33%, which, but it's half a panther, so it's slower. Look, man, the zipper ain't gonna help you.

I think this is still a 50-50 shot. I'm not hurt. But the bait really got your numbers down. The bait really worked. Yeah, I didn't see the vision until just now. That makes so much sense. How it weighs on your conscience, I don't know. How's that feel, Wade?

Is that okay? Do you live with it? already forgotten about it. All right. Let's see if you're going to keep forgetting about it. Abba! Oh no. Uh-oh.

That looks like a head. No, that's a tail. Unfair! Unfair! Okay, he called unfair. On that coin flip you call unfair? That's the thing? Yes.

Okay. So if it's unfair, obviously you survive. It overturns it. But if it's doubly fair, you lose a point. Deal. Deal. All right. Here we go.

Bunk! Wham! Heads. So close. So close, man. Unfair times two. Listen, we're going to have to add some stuff to the Constitution if you want to do that. All right. Sorry, Wade. It didn't work out for you. Man, half a panther away. Hello!

Mark gets a point for listening. I knew the times I do it doesn't matter when time Mark. God damn, I'm trying to listen. Oh, does something seem a little to you? Does it seem a little... Do you? Huh? Oh, it does, but I'm not gonna...

And not even points at stake. You feel a little... It's unfair! Whoa! Well, all right, he did it. I thought it was a bit, but he just did it. All right, Wade has declared that Mark getting points for listening is unfair.

Yes. I didn't even realize I got a point for that, oh, okay, yeah, that does seem... Okay, I thought he just acknowledged me. No, he gave you a point. You listen. You said hi, but anyway. So all three heads, Wade is correct,

and Mark will not get a point for listening, and Wade will get a point for not listening, I guess. Yes. All three tails, Mark gets bonus points for listening, and nothing happens if this is mixed. Ready, set. I dropped my coin. Fucking shit.

Tails. Oh, no. Does that count as a flip or do I flip it? I dropped it and it's tails on the floor. Does that count as a flip, or do I reflip it? You got a triangle of fairness up into the screen, but remember, it's surface side up,

so you'd have to show it backwards. Wait, doesn't that mean, is it tails mean Mark is two points? This is my tails. It's a lion. The lion is tails. Mark gets a bonus point. I baited him into getting me a point.

This is a great episode. I hope it's nice and short that we can have soon. This is just not my season. It's just not my season. Not your life, buddy. I don't need it, but I gotta say, man, if you are doing the 3D work, like, it's just, it's not fair, it's not fair, the landscape is not, this is why I don't want Intel to die, even though they seem to be doing everything possible to die, like everything, every time I see an article about Intel, it's like they're trying to explode as a company, but it's just like, man, there's got to be more competition. There has to be. It's just so unfair. Oh, oh, fucking God damn it. It's been called and declared.

Please don't take away the GPU that I bought. Please don't take it away. So if it's all heads, Mark has to buy another one. If it's all tails, Mark has to cut it in half and send half to wait and me. Wait, those are both bad for me. Unfair has been declared. I don't think that works. We don't have to decide before we flip.

We just have to flip and see if we have to decide. Okay. All right. FAAils Ed's Okay Oof-ho-ho-hoo-foo-foo-f Well, there goes the coin for the day

It's such a jump scare I have a bunch left, but one more There's a rule about this one and it might feel unfair Oh shit Oh wait Alright, well I guess we're doing the thing I didn't know the host could call unfair But here we are

Anyone can do it. I'm not sure what the outcome of this will be, but hopefully nothing. Alright, I guess we don't play this round if it's declared to be unfair. Let's find out. Oh! Aye! Mine is tails. Okay, I got tails. Oh. Oh, fuck.

Oh, no, wait! Oh, God, what does that mean? Wait, wait, wait, wait. So, I declared unfair. And you lost. And I lost. So it will be made doubly fair. What I declared unfair was this category.

So to make it doubly fair, all points in this round are doubled? The only the points from this category count in the game? Oh, fuck. Oh, that would do that, I mean, you're the host. Is that doubly fair? I guess so. That would be, okay. All right.

Fuck. I have so much shit written down. Who? I'm careful what you wish for. I was thinking to myself, I feel like there were a lot of judge misses today, which is pretty much equal on both of our sides, honestly. But unfair!

All right, so what is the qualification here? Yeah, what's unfair? I should have 12. That's it. So we'd be tied at 12? Either I get 12 and we're tied, or Bob gets double and has 24? I'm gonna say this.

I definitely made a lot of errors. If you get this right, if all of it comes up heads, it has to all come up heads. Oh, it will. I'll put you at 11. Because let's say, I don't think we can say you gave a better performance,

but I will say that there might have been some judge misapps. If you get this all right, it'll go to 11. If you get it all wrong, you go to 7, because 711. That's fair. I'll get a big slurp.

All right, here we go. Oh, not mine. I got tails also. Oh, all right. Eight to 12. We could, I think we have to roll the points ceremoniously. I'm not really afraid of that for my own purposes, but that seems really unfair to James. Oh!

Oh, you could have just let it happen. No, I caught that one. What was unfair to James? If I die, that would be really unfair to James. All right. You can't. die if you win this. But if you lose it, you die right now. If I win this coin flip, do I gain invincibility? You do, yes. By the powers invested in the constitution of a distractible,

you will become immortal. And then opposite that, you will die way sooner. I don't think I can kill you right here. Which one am I rooting for? Heads? Heads means you will be immortal. Guys, if you could get heads on this, of all the coin flips I've ever lost. They're my best. If we can get heads on this one. Alright, here we go. It's heads! I did it. No way.

Oh, is that heads? Yeah, yeah, the lady's heads. The ladies' heads. Oh, he's a mortal, everybody! I'm immortal! Congratulations, dude. I got a right that. How do you feel it?

I do feel better. My back doesn't hurt anymore. You were so right. That would be unfair to James that now you're so right. That would be so unfair and so I'm immortal now. Okay, then let it be known. I wish I had a better coin. Yeah, lying is tails on mine and I got Lady, Lady's heads.

I'm just glad we had your back. We're such good friends, Mark. Yeah, I tried really hard and it worked. If I actually did gain immortality from that, that makes up for all the other coin flips I've ever lost. I'm not even mad about it. Until the world explodes and you're left alone is the last living person. Carmically in the universe, that makes total sense.

Also, I declare unfair because I think that it was started that Wham-Wat point just seems like it was against me. Wait, you declared unfair after the number of spins. I think it's still in play. I think it's still in play. I think it's still in point. I think if it's before the wheel. Okay. So if that's true, then what happens?

Let's just flip first and see what happens. Okay, all right. Heads, we do what is good for Mark. Tales, we don't. Oh, I got heads. Heads. Oh! Okay. Okay. So Mark has one unfair that the wah-wah point wasn't fair for him.

No, that's what I said. I said that there was clear. That is indicative of that there was bias from the very beginning of this. I think an extra point in my favor to undo the bias is the only thing. Okay. So you think an extra point in your favor makes up for that? Yeah, because I believe there was bias from the beginning, but I'm not saying that it was super. I'm not saying it should change the entire scope of the game. But I feel like that levels the playing field a bit. I feel like that's a pretty rational request. Okay, I mean, you won.

I'm not going to argue with you if you think an extra point evens it up. I'll give you the extra point. Okay. Well, so are we just negative one days of rest? We better get the fuck out of here. The dice spoke. We all agreed.

Well, hold on, two of us agreed. One of us shouldn't even be talking because they're in the back, but well, we have an official means to do, to raise objections, and I am not doing it. Oh. No, Wade's happy. Wade's happy. Wade agrees. Oh, fair!

Okay Well let's get it over with it's not gonna go your way Three heads and it was fair Three tails and it was unfair and Wade gets something We'll decide what happens after the fact I thought heads go into the person who called unfair His heads, heads Wade wins Tails Mark wins

Yeah he wanted to rest I think Tails we don't only do we not rest Tails we have to cut rations too Yeah well oh yeah that's yeah that makes sense It needs to be made even more fair All right let's let's flip them gentlemen I got tails. Oh, fuck.

Wade. Why can't you just cheat? Why can't you two both cheat? Give me heads. All right. It was fair as is. To the trail, my boys. Yeah, fucking Tanya's dying.

They're not give us anything. Mark, loser's speech. Still too late. Yeah, the winner speech was given. I think that's the rule, isn't it? I'll allow it. Bob, keep talking. Oh, yeah, I wasn't done, by the way.

Oh. Also, I just want to say that... Unfair! Does it count? Bob said he'd allow it, and I just frankly don't give a shit, so sure. All right. I think... What do I think?

What's unfair? What is unfair? I'm trying to... I'm trying to really scrape the bottom of the rule barrel here for a way to eke out a win. Oh, you think the final score is unfair. Yeah, you can challenge the final score. That's allowed. Yeah.

Yeah. I think because Bob is running the wheel that he's biasing it for himself. Probably. Probably. Okay. So you're saying specifically the wheel spins were unfair. Yeah. Yes.

And the wheel spins went to Bob and listeners. So if you win, the points go to you and viewers. Yeah, that seems only fair. Okay. All right. So three heads means Mark is correct. wins, three tails, it's doubly fair, otherwise it stays the same. Okay.

Alright. Oh, that's fucking tails. Heads. Ah, fuck. Heads. I think we should do one final round that it turns out is worth. Don't say it, it's fine. Just let me lose.

Two points. Three points. We'll do it three points. Unfair. Unfair. All right. I mean, I feel like this one, I feel like that's the most clear I can do. Yeah, no.

Okay. So I said this final round is worth three points. So it's either going to be worth normal points or six points, I guess. Yeah, yeah. I think that has to be it. Oh. I got heads. I got heads.

Hell. Why are you sad? You get it. Oh, is that good for me? It could be if you get it. I was just hoping something. funny would happen. Uh, I met heads. Ah, there he is. There we go. No, no, no, no. Is this for the steel? Yeah, why did I go first? Just determined who went first. It doesn't

give anyone an advantage or disadvantage. Just determines who went first. Well, there was a point of fighting over it. I was getting really upset. I don't know why you fought over. We do this all the time. It's always supposed to be fair. Just be determined who goes first, man. I don't know, man. It seems unfair. Fuck. Fuck. Wait, was that not a bit? No. No, that was out of my mouth. He said it, he said it. He said it.

Out of my mouth before I realized it. All right. So what it, what, you were complaining about me going first. I don't remember. I don't know. Well, it's Wade's choice. Wade, what is the result of this? All heads, all tails or neutral.

Okay, heads favors Mark. He chose heads before. You wanted tails. So if it gets heads three times, I guess Mark gets a point. If it's tails three times, Bob gets a point. We'll just make it simple. Alright. No, it's not very convoluted at all, but okay.

It's not supposed to be convoluted. I want to go first. I want that to be. That's what I think is unfair. I should have gone first because his flipping was all unfair. I demand if it's declared unfair, I get to go first. And if it's declared fair, I get to go first the entire rest of the episode. Yeah, that's, that's it.

So no, you guys don't want any points added to this. This isn't about points. This is the principle of the matter. Yeah. All heads, Mark gets to go first the rest of the time. All tails, Bob gets to go first. No, that wouldn't be fair. I just want to go.

I want to go once. I get, well, first once. Okay, first once or Bob gets it the rest of the episode of it's all tails. Because that's doubly unfair. That is doubly. Okay, and if it's anything in between, nothing changes. Yeah. All right, ready?

So it is decreed. Huh. Tails. Oh, fuck! Two heads. Uh, nothing happens. I was perfect. We'll move on.

I got the lion. The lion is tails. Man, I really should have looked at what was on this coin. It's confusing that neither of these is a head. It's just a lady and a lion. You did say last episode, Lady heads. The lady has a head, but the lion has a head. Wait, did you flip your heads? What? Did you change your heads? No. The lion was always tails. My lion is tails. Lion has a tail. Lion is tails. Lady has a head. Lady has heads. It's just a stupid coin. I wish I'd done a better job finding my coin. I got so excited that it was too. You can still buy another one.

You can buy another. I know. I'm trying to buy less stuff from the internet. It's not working. If you, oh, wait, okay,

buy a CNC, mill your own coin. Okay, okay, okay. Have a ladies looking away as heads, and you put a lion's tail as the tails. I'm going to make a series of coins for each of the matchups.

So I'll have one coin that's me and Mark, one coin that's me and Wade, and one coin that's Mark and Wade. And then that way I can flip the, appropriate coin for whatever the situation is. That's incredibly fair. Before anything can happen, that Pharaoh croaks, because he was very old. So he actually died almost two days after the pyramid was completed.

Oh no, now the unfair D is going to take over. But your message was heard, and he enacted some of all. Wait, said the word. Oh, shit, I did. Wait, said the word? Oh, fuck. I did accidentally say the word. What does that mean?

I don't know. Wait said the word, which means Wade triggered it. I have no idea what the last points you gave were. Mark was writing something down there. Oh, I was trying to remember what the steps that Bob even took while I was saying all that, but I was saying that he died. Was his death unfair to you? He enacted policies.

He enacted policies to start against slavery. You think that's unfair? I just wanted a pun on the word Pharaoh, so I said unfair D. Wade is pro-slavery. Yeah, that guy should live longer. You know what? He shouldn't die. No, you don't get to bail on that.

He had just abolished slavery. That had just happened. So Wade is challenging that I did not succeed in eliminating slavery and freeing all the people. I really changed my opinion on the whole thing after my month of flogging. So it was two days, but that's fine. So three heads and that's a success. and that is unfair and it gets changed. Three tails and that's a failure

and that is very fair and it's made doubly fair whatever Mark determines that to be. This is a confusing rule that we invented. It sure is. But I think, yeah, I think, yeah, we'll figure it out if it lands on that. All right, my coin is the lady is heads,

the lion guy is tails because he has a tail. Head, heads, bird tails. Yeah, you're still. need explanation are we doing this yes ready here we go head head tails all right okay all right almost at that I don't know what would have happened if anything wrong there okay wait you want a shame on philosophy point no I'm giving you one I'm giving you one no I refuse it no I want negative on I endorse philosophy you'll have to flip a coin

for that to work or I'm forcing this on you. All right, heads I'm right, tails you're wrong. No, no, he didn't call it. They're ashamed of you. Oh, you're wrong, buddy. You're wrong. P-H-I-L-S-O-P.

I refuse this point. I protest this point. Philosophically speaking, you can't do that. That's unfair. There it is. All right, you said unfair. Where's Jika? All right, I got a box here.

I'll get this box. Uniform boxes are designed to be flipped have you ever seen an Amazon delivery driver boxes are just thick coins waiting to be flipped All right, so it's a it's a Thunderbolt cable box This is heads tails What if it lands on its side? We've always had that rule and I don't remember what the answer was, but we we have we have a rule for that That's true. There we go Heds Heds

What the fuck I win you don't get a point for that, Wade? Wow. All right, no point for Wade. Wait, so does that mean Wade? Wade loses a point for endorsing philosophy? Is that what that means? Because that must be made. I won't subtract a point. That would be doubly unfair. I'll just not give him a point, but I'm scratching it out. But yeah, good job, Wade. You defended philosophy. Worth it. Now do I get to do my thing? No, that was your thing. Giving up a boon is your whole turn since when? Get out. You're in jail. Didn't Bob get a turn after getting out? Bob, did you get a turn after you got out? No, I got out of jail and that was it, wasn't it?

I'm pretty sure you, like, hooked me with the chain. You did something else that particular round. No, no, that was way back when you did the battering to get back up to him when he got out of jail. No. Yes. Unfair. All right. I don't think, I don't think I did, but if you did, all right, here we go. I, I don't remember. I'm going to be honest. But the coins will tell us the truth. Tails. Tails. Wait. Heads, heads, heads. Oh, okay. It's the lady. It's the lady.

Oh, okay. All right. Wow. I was about to say. I was like, oh, no, that's triple bad for me. Okay. Well, all right. Okay.

Wade, it didn't happen that way. You're remembering it wrong. You're wrong. Probably. Coins are fair and the coins have spoken. Do we take the point for baldest? I'll take the point. No, no, you're the host.

Don't let me talk you and do it. I'm the baldest. You know what? Fuck you. I'm the baldest. We will do the tives spin. That's unfair. Oh.

I'm the baldest. If I win, I'm bald. So wait. So if Mark wins, he's bald. If Mark loses, all heads, Mark is bald, all tails. Bob is bald? No, well, it would be doubly unfair, which would mean Wade would get two points. Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah, I guess it's between me and him. Wade has to do two one-man shows. I don't think that's how we're doing that. heads for Mark, anything else doesn't really matter. Fell on the floor. Do I do that again? Yeah, I would reflip. I would say that's a reflip for Mark. You've better flip carefully, though, because mine was tails. It landed tails on the floor.

I'm not lying about that. That's what it did. I mean, it's pretty immaterial. I don't think it changes it either way, does it? That would give me two points. Is that enough to affect the outcome, Wade? No Tails All right

Well you know what At least I beat the listeners That's true Listeners Got a point Just so they could come in Fourth Place out of three I got way better at reading

After I started doing YouTube Trust me way better at it But yeah I just feel like people will feel robbed And that's unfair Ah fuck Hmm Interesting interesting

So So the sentence was someone will get better at reading everyone gets worse at reading no he said people people will feel robbed and that's unfair people will feel robbed and that's unfair

okay so if this goes well we change the whole learning system for everybody and we will save everyone's reading ability but if it's doubly unfair no one can read we'll rob everyone's that's not right to you Bob either we fixed learning or else we ruin it for everyone

That sounds like the level of influence I expect us to have. Okay. This is really going to move us up those podcast charts. Hedge. Hales. Hads. God damn it. Well, well, coins out of the way.

Well, everyone still can't read or whatever. Okay, I think I've got enough here. Maybe you want to give Bob a couple more? I'm happy with mine. I don't know. I mean... Yeah, he's good. He's got four toes and epileptic memory.

What if I? Right now. Double or nothing. Double enough of the amount of things that you have. Unfair! All right, he's declaring unfair. He's unhappy with the amount of disadvantages he's gotten. Either I'm going in with eight or we're both going in with four?

What happens if I win? Mark will have to decide. If it's unfair, I'll give Bob the equivalent number that you have gotten. If it's fair, super fair, then you get double. Yeah, that's fine. That's right. Otherwise, nothing happens. All right.

Here we go. Pah! Oh! Oh, tails. Ah. It's already washed. Alright, well, mine was tails, but... Well, sorry, Wade, this has been declared fair, you're wrong.

Alright, you know, the rules of the rules. I believe in the coin. Alright, and that concludes one of the tightest games I've ever judged in my life. Scottish was a little unfair, was it? What's it about? I don't know. I just said it. I said, oh man, the Scottish felt a little unfair. Scottish is unfair, all right.

So that's what it is. Oh, God. Wade. I'm sorry. I just said it. I wasn't thinking. So if it's all heads, I get the Scottish accent point. If it's all tails, Wade gets another Scottish accent point.

That's the deal? Sure. Yep. Absolutely. Fuck. Wait, no, he gets what he wanted. If he said it was unfair, if it comes all heads, we have to reverse it to oppose the unfairness. If it goes all the other ways, then it,

becomes, no, no, you're right, you're right, yeah, yeah, okay. Everybody ready? I mean, it's, it's probably not going to happen, so it's probably, boom. Tails. Okay, you're lucky. You're lucky, Wade, you're lucky. I don't know if that would have helped me or screwed me in the end. I really don't.

You know why you're lucky? Because you were in the lead. By the two, you almost undit your own lead. You're so lucky. That's two or three. You're so lucky. Most angry. Mark got the angry.

at your questions. He liked your questions a lot. I was I did protest. I did. I did. I did. I did. I was there was a lot of unfair. I still. Oh, fuck. Oh, what? Why? No, I want that one. No. Oh, no. I don't even know what that means. It's been declared. Which means that if it's three heads, what the fuck happens here? So define what exactly is unfair for starters, I think is a good starting point. Mark said that it's unfair. There was a lot of unfair. He was discussing the episode.

He was just getting this point. You got better questions than him. Yeah, either it has to be... It has to be the context of what it was said, right? It has to be this point. Because that's what I said. If it's nothing, then it was fair. If it's all heads that it was unfair, and if it's all tails, then it will shall be made

doubly fair. So either I get the point, Mark keeps the point, or Mark gets double points, I guess. There's the same odds, I guess, so I don't know. All right. Okay, so hold on. All heads favors which one of you, too, because Mark declared it means I don't get this point. It was all tails like it. All heads confirms it was unfair. It makes no sense because Mark, Mark accidentally called it, but normally all heads is what you want to have happen when you're the one who says the word.

Okay, all heads gives Bob a point. All tails mark gets two points. Yes. I have my legally required coin. Yep, I got it. I get my coin. All right, here we go. Yeah. Tails. Tails.

Heads. Oh, God, damn. It's close. Oh, all right. Close. Ah, shit. Okay. That was close.

All right. So, okay. Mark keeps the point. Wow. That's what you got to be careful when you're just saying stuff, man. Man, I, I, yeah, I didn't even think. God, it's been so long. And fuck the most.

I said fuck a lot. I'm not going to lie. Big rotten dick fuck. Oh, yeah. You wait. You did say, yeah. You did that adds a bunch. You know what?

That's unfair Wait, whoa, whoa, wait I just unfaired myself What does that happen? What does that do? I don't know, is the host ever unfair? You can't do it I mean, you have to decide, I guess, because you're the host But like, what does it do?

I don't know. No, it was, I didn't like that it was a tie. It was unfair that it tied up. So Wade calls unfair On us tying. So if he gets all heads, we don't tie, but if we get all tails, we tie twice in a row for Wade. And he has to spin the winner's wheel twice.

You know what's fucked up about this is I have to go get a coin of fairness from upstairs. Oh, wait, you have like an actual coin of fairness? I have an actual coin of fairness. I just got to get it. That sucks. All right, see, man. I did not mean to actually say unfair. It came out so awkwardly.

I assumed you were throwing that out on purpose. I think in my brain I was like, don't say unfair. And my mouth was like, unfair, fuck. I'll let you guys pick the color. We got black, burgundy, silver and gold. Oh, I like gold. Yeah. All right.

Nice. All right. Heads, it's unfair, tails. It's doubly fair. Middle. It's just a little tie. I don't think I could do that. Because the prototype, it's the same on both fucking sides.

That's the same on both sides. You know, I hadn't looked too closely of these. I hadn't thought about these. It's time to revisit the drawing. Fuck, that's so funny. All right, so there's a, this one has a rough side

where you can see that it's clearly like the base layer of the 3D print, and this side is much better finished. Oh, sure, sure. So it's like that. So smooth, smooth his heads, rough his tails. Smooth his head, rough tails, like, uh, like, like, what's his face, two face. Come on old rough side.

Tails. Heads. I don't know. That's heads, I think. That looks smooth. That looks smooth to me. So nothing happens. It's just a tie.

Mark, loser speech? Uh, this was unfair. I've been... Oh, fuck. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I allow it! I mean, we're giving the speeches, but... Look, I guess technically, if we're going to do this, what's unfair is Wade is winning.

So if Mark wins, Mark wins. But if it is deemed fair, Wade gets double win? I don't know what that means, but I'll take it. So heads for Mark, tails for me? Yeah. So if three heads, Mark actually wins this episode. The score doesn't change. Mark just wins this episode.

If Three Tales, Wade double wins this episode. Whatever the fuck that means. He gets two wins for the season championship, which probably ended by now. I don't remember. It's almost definitely maybe over who cares. I mean, who knows? I do care. I want the trophy.

But anyway, flip them, boys. His heads. Heads. Tails. Ah! Oh, man. I wanted to cheat so bad. I did too, but these.

other way. Oh! I saw it land ahead and I was like, what do I do? This bad for me. All right. Viewers one point. Me, one point. Mark 12 points. Bob 14 minus 1 or 13 points. I win? You invited me to golf with you and that was really the two-point swing. Alright! Friendship! What about me? I'm friend. I offered my friendship to both of you in this episode. You could always tempt the fates. Yeah, you can see if Bob will uninvite you? Is that what we do?

Yeah, I think him being invited. I think I declare, wait, I declare if it's, if I win this, you get uninvited from golf. I don't think it's fair that you two get to have fun golfing and I don't. I declare that's unfair. Not about winning the episode. It's just about going for golf. I think Wade gets to determine what it's about for sure. But so if Mark wins, I don't get to go for golf.

If he wins, I have to go. He gets to go twice to golf. So either we're both going, which is what was invited. I go without Mark or Mark goes twice without me. Yes. Okay. That sounds good. Oh, I dropped my coin.

Hang on. Is yours heads, Mark? Mine's heads. Mine is tails. Mine is lion. Oh, thank God. All right, fine. It was heads good for you?

I don't remember which one's which. No, tails. Wait, no. Yeah, heads is good for me. That's right. Okay. God. These coins are so arbitrary. I forget what meaning they actually have. These rules make so much sense. They just, they just play themselves out.

I'm gonna make an episode that's just coin flip the episode. It's the end zone. God, I wish that was it. I like that. That's really good. That's the winning answer unless Wade, I'll give you a chance to re-steel. Hey, wait, wait, wait, I'll, I'll call it. I'll call it. One end. One end is the, unfair. There's no way. You can't, we've never gone back. Wait, let him say it.

Let him say it. And then there's the end. There's the bottom that sits on the ground that you can't open because it's a tight end. He didn't know it. Unfair. I, I declared unfair. You did say it. I just wanted to hear if he, that's not it.

It's called the punt. The punt of the wine bottle. Anyway, Mark declared unfair because I circled back to win. I say we erase everyone's memory from that, from the moment I said unfair because it can't. Wait, weren't you going to get the point? No one's getting the point. But it was going to be you. No, I was going to give you the point for end zone.

Oh, have you been giving points for who's closest? I told you if you come up with a funny answer that I like, I'll give you points for that too. Not on everyone, but. Oh. Well, I thought the only unfair is like it went back to him, which is never done this whole game. All right. If it's all heads, I can't talk to Wade for the rest of the episode. If it's all tails

I wait gets a chance to steal whenever he wants for the rest of the episode All right Here we go Wow Oh no I also got tails Oh boy

Oh got me too No you didn't No you didn't So that was totally fair What I just did It didn't matter because Mark got the point Anyway Yeah I love that you're like

Mark you're going to get the point Even though you're wrong like unfair it was because it was going back to you and nothing ever happened i didn't think it would count but i had to get my tight end in there i honestly just wanted to know if if wade knew it which he didn't you're not allowed well you are because the coins say it i i feel like i am allowed yeah well i tried to not make it allowed and now my power is that is incorrect wow nymtopsicle was in the drinker's diary but pifflicated was not. But piflicated is so much more obvious what that is the nymph toxical.

I have no idea. Pifflicated, what is? Is that a separate word that means something? I think this question's unfair! What? That's right. Okay. Are you claiming unfairness on my behalf? Yes. I guess we don't have a rule that says can't happen, but does that mean that the punishment?

Wait, so what are the results of this then? Yeah, wait. Three somethings you get two points? I don't know if three something's Mark gets it. And if it's three of the other, he loses two points. That's an interesting way to play the unfair rule to potentially screw over your opponent. Oh my God. What in the hell?

Did we just? I don't know. Man, okay. All right. Okay. So head, if it's three heads, Bob will get the points. It was worth two. Does that mean it's worth four?

If it's three heads, it will be made doubly fair. which should mean that I get four points. If it's three tails, if it will be a doubly unfair, which means I should lose four points. Yeah, but what does neutral mean? Wait, okay, so what the fairness is like... If it's not either of those, nothing happens.

Right. It's to say if something is fair. And in this case, what would be fair of it was him getting the wrong answer. That is fair. Therefore, if it goes too unfair by being all heads, it will reverse that. and make it fair from its unfair state, therefore flipping it.

There he won't get double, he will get two points. But if it goes extra unfair, he will be punished for it, and he will not only not have points, but he'll lose it. Two points. Okay. So if it's all heads, he gets two points. If it's anything but all heads or all tails, it's fair, declared fair. Okay, I think, right?

I just also ought to put this out there. My coin, the tails is the last, lion in the heads is this one of a lady standing there not looking so we're doing what we're flipping the way mark flipped flip flip catch and then show yeah no flipping it over on your wrist just show it right then there all right here we go I got heads I got heads heads heads yes unfairness has been confirmed Bob you get two points that's right I did it I did exactly what I set out to do, Bob, I've got your back. You should have phoned me. You should have phoned me.

I've had your best interest in mind all episodes. That's a ride or die right there, Bob. You know, that's worth more than it's weight and gold. Do you get two points, I guess? All right. I want you know, I started to flip it on the back of my hand that I remember you said no one was like, oh. Wade, you couldn't have done a better job. Because you are oh, four, five. That is a real opera. O for five is unfair. Oh, my... I don't have my coin with me, you better find a coin.

Got any lens caps? All right, I got a phone, I guess, but I don't want to flip it. Don't drop it. All right. Hold on. What side of the phone is heads? I'm assuming the face is the heads. Mine is the lady in the dress is heads and the creature on the back side. is tails.

So wait, what are the stakes of this unfair? No idea. No, we don't, that's not what we're doing right now. We don't have to commit to anything until we know what the outcome is. Wade called unfair on him being 0 for five in that game. We'll see what the coins say. Oh, fuck. I got tails.

Tails. I've totally flubbed it. I have to flip again. Oh, Mark. Oh, Mark. Don't get tails. Don't get tails. Oh, God.

It's on the floor right now. Dramatic reveal. It's tails. Oh, no. Does that make me 0 for 10? Wade loses his unfair challenge. When what you challenged was that you went 0 for 5 in that game. That was unfair.

So to be made, the coins have deemed that it is in fact fair. and for that to be made doubly fair, I guess means that you went 0 for 10 and Mark went 10 for 10 in the previous game now, according to metaphysics? Look, I only got one wrong, so I'll take 8 instead of it. Oh, that's true.

Okay, okay. So Mark went 4 for 5, so Mark went 8 for 10. I hope I was really funny today I don't think all the wheel spins of the world are going to bring you back from that long Can we roll a D30? The coins have spoken and that is now even more fair

than it already was. Yeah. I will say, Wade, I respect it because I think you were you were in a tough spot there even with bonus bonus points and stuff. I had to try.

That was our first three tails, wasn't it? Have we ever had three? heads actually succeed? I don't think yet, no. Great, I'm glad the first one was a failure for me. On such a streak. On such a streak. I love that for you. You just really, I knew you'd be good at the opera stuff, Wade. Thank you. Watch new episodes on Spotify.