Distractible - Big Dog Energy

Episode Date: February 3, 2025

No animals were harmed in the making of this episode. Mostly because Mark doesn't know how to use a gun. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, moodless Wade winces at wanked-on mags and questions the boys about bugs and pussy. Mankini'd Mark is too hot, rawr, purchases pitiful firepower and ramrods his wick. Blue-eyed Bob can't fire it up, wants to get sticky, and states Wade looks like he pounds Garfield hard. From vegan bullets to upskirting owls. Yes! It's time for Big Dog Energy. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractable. I just made a spit bubble and I hope it didn't show up on camera. I'm joined as always

by my co-host Mark and Bob. Hello how are you two doing? We're co-hosts today? Did we all win? We're always co-hosts. I'm just the host. I don't think that's how that words work. Competitors is kind of what I've been hearing. You're competitive co-host and I'm the godlike one today. Who hasn't won in a long time and complained about it last episode. It has been a long time, but I'm glad to be back. I wasn't really complaining about so much

as trying to keep my streak alive. I hope everyone is doing well. While I try to figure out my life, I'm gonna allow these two to have some small talk time. What's up, guys? I learned an interesting thing about temperatures and furnaces this week. Oh, wow.

Did you know it can be cold enough outside that your furnace, which is inside the house in the basement in our house, can then not be able to turn on because it's too cold outside. What you might think that seems like a problem. And you're right. That's a terrible problem to have. It was this past week was like crazy cold, like sub zero actual temperatures, which is not that cold if you live in a cold place, but in Ohio, it doesn't really get that cold and currently eight degrees, which feels like warm in

comparison when you open the door to let the dog out and it's negative four degrees and windy, you're just your whole body is like fuck. But yeah, so apparently the way furnaces work is there's like an exhaust. It burns natural gas and that exhausts outdoors because of health reasons, but that exhaust is humid and our exhaust for our natural gas for our furnace froze in the time between when it cycled off because it reached whatever temperature we set it to and wanted to turn back on because it was 64 degrees inside the house and it literally I had to go out in negative five or whatever

negative whatever degrees weather at in the middle of the night in the dark holding a flashlight in my mouth and a hacksaw blade in my in my hands that were freezing and I couldn't feel them and just go up to the exhaust and go and get to get through the ice enough to where it would ignite the furnace and warm our house I do that three separate times it was an awesome night I love being cold I've never had that happen I didn't know that was possible I assumed the furnace loved it when it's cold outside that's what it's built for. You certainly think so. You certainly think so, yes. I'm with you. I'm glad you're warm now. In my life where it's all warm, a little too warm where I am.

You should say that again. There was actually another fire. Did I tell you about that do we talk about that wait what yeah There's another fire not in LA north of LA north of Santa Clarita it Blossomed from a from a 50 acre fire to a 10,000 acre fire in the matter of eight hours Was it in conjunction with another wind blast from the apparently? Yeah, there was a sudden wind event up there. This is mostly, you know, forest, but it's like a low population area up there. Still bad, not saying it's any better because of that.

But you should have seen Watch Duty because I have the pro version of Watch Duty, I pay for pro. And so you can see the aircraft going towards that fire. And it's like D-Day invasion of just non-stop helicopters, planes just out of LA and just gunning it for their... Uh, they, yeah, they, as far as I know, they, they contained it. Um, and it was like extremely fast growing fire. Well, okay, it's not fully contained. Where it is right now. It's 36% containment,

but they've started to send planes and helicopters away because they're like, we don't need you anymore. So even if it says not fully contained, it might actually be, but they have to verify everywhere. Yeah. Well, get getting, I think you explained this because we talked about this a bunch, but getting containment is actually a really high bar, right? If they think an area is contained, it literally means there couldn't be fire there if someone was trying to be an arson. Arson. Do an arson. Do an arson.

Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do. I love that that's a voice we're doing now. I have another thing that actually affects me though. I made a poor financial decision. So you guys know I'm going to take a firearm safety course. Right. Sure. And I think I might have mentioned I was made fun of very much at the gun store because I got a 22 pistol. Right.

A baby gun. Yes. Yeah. Gun. Why would they laugh at that? I don't know. Look, 22 LR. I want to say LR.

It's it's like legendary rare like in DoCon. It's an L. say LR. It's like- Legendary rare, like in Dokkan? It's an L- 22- Yes. It's great. That's better than an SSR. So for those that don't know bullets, 22LR means 22 long rifle. That doesn't mean I have a 22- I'll make 22s. Oh, that clears it all up. 22,.22 inch? I don't know something like 22 smalls they make a 22 short which is like just this already small bullet it's like

stubby right it's like that big still could kill you but all the gun store people were like and definitely probably won't be enough to stop a drugged up home invader and I'm like you don't that's not this isn't the circumstances are all home invaders drugged up is thatader and I'm like, you don't... That's not, this isn't the circumstances that I'm... All home invaders are drugged up? Is that a prerequisite? According to the gum store people, yes, absolutely. 100%.

Hey, you're in my house, I'm not drugged up. Oh, come in, come in. Let me get my 22 out here. Take this breathalyzer. Oh, you passed, come on in. Yeah, breathalyzer for cocaine. So I'm paranoid about lead, right? And, you know, bullets, lead, kind of go hand in hand, right?

So I looked up and they do make a non lead well They did make a non lead 22 long rifle bullet It was discontinued and I didn't look up why it was discontinued, but it was discontinued. I didn't work It was only available from this one store, like in Arizona, I believe, and they had a case of 5,000, right? So I bought it because it was, the price per bullet was like nine cents. It was $450 for the whole 5,000 case. And I was like, okay, this is the only non-lead, completely non-lead, not even in the primer.

So even if it fires, it won't release any lead gas into the air I don't get lead my brain doesn't implode and I am good and healthy right I finally went to the the the shooting range um an indoor one and you know I I'm paranoid about lead so I'm like masked up and double your protection I'm just there to make sure the gun works and then as I as I as I fired my first shot, I hear the voice of the gun store people being like, when he showed me the pistol, he was like, now this 22LR, it's not very strong. So sometimes it'll not cycle, which means it won't go to the next bullet, which means that it's, it's, you know, it'll fail a lot. In video game terms, that's when the gentleman yells jam

And then you can't shoot for a minute because it's jammed and let me tell you every single shot the gun jammed Every single one it was just every single and meanwhile I got guys on the left and right me with their big nine millimeters and 45 it's like boom and I'm just, pip! Kik-kak-kak! Fuck shit! God damn it! Pip! Cow fuck! God damn it! That's what you get for buying them vegan bullets

Hahahaha How'd they call them? I mean, it might as well have been It was like every bullet was coated in this like green goop. I think it used to be a lubricant but they're old and discontinued so it acted as a glue. So literally the casings because again 22LR very small not a lot of power. I mean it's got some power so it's good.

It's got power right? Sure yeah no sure no, sure. OK, yeah, yeah. Bullet bounces off of a mouse. Quick zoom in on the mouse's brain. The mouse is like, I'm invincible. Cut to the mouse jumping off the roof of a building. Uh huh. He's not invincible. Mouse doing that magician trick, trying to catch a bullet in his mouth.

Well, if you if you're if you're not lubed up enough, you can always try something like Elmer's glue Yeah, I mean basically that's what it was. So, um, you know, I said I bought 5,000. Yeah, that's a that's a lot I think right they had two boxes. I bought That's especially funny because it means that the casing is all sticky. And so it doesn't often times when a gun jams, what all you need to do is like rack it again. And so you just like pull a thing and it's like, poof, and it ejects. But they're sticky. I'm assuming that means that you didn't just go, oh, and it did.

You like you have to like clear the gun,ack and lock it like fish out the little glued in It's not even just like a jam. It's like the worst version of a jam I had to go up to the cashier outside of the gun range and shamefully go Um, I got a bullet stuck in my gun I don't know how to deal gun? Can you help me? I don't know how to deal with this. It just hands me a long rod to ram it down. I'm like, do I stick this in the front? He's like, yeah, you stick it in the front. Where's the gun? I left it in the shooting range. I didn't want to bring it out and wave it around. Oh yeah, no, they don't like when you walk around with guns outside the, they're not into that.

Yeah, so don't worry guys, it's going great with my John Wick training. Buy some 5W30 and just slosh, fill up those bad boys with a little, that probably flammable lubricant probably is not advisable, I have no idea about that stuff. It may be, I don't even know. A 22 slash flamethrower? Sounds great. Oh yeah.

Dude, it's like those Call of Duty bullets where it shoots a bullet and fire. Yeah, I wish I had one around so I could show you everyone at home like how big a 22, well how small. You don't really say how big a 22 bullet is. Just show the size. Say the size of it. Just get get ready it's gonna be gonna be a whopper is it in the room with it's good thing you got the long ones yeah it's

it's against TOS this is gonna get us banned it's so dangerous so non it's against TOS. This is gonna get us banned. It's so dangerous. It's a non-active. That's just like a necklace. Anyway, it's sticky. It's sticky. Why is it sticky? What if there's nothing wrong with those shells, but the previous owner of them just really liked 22LR shells and that's why it's all sticky? It was just really about that. Yeah, maybe I don't know Is that better or worse?

Much worse actually that's horrifically bad. Yes him masturbating into the box of bullets that I bought. Yes a lot Yeah to cover all 10,000. Yeah, maybe he kept the bullets in a sock. Master gave Dobby a sock. Clank clank. Look, look, everybody at home, we're not joking. This is still dangerous. It's still a bullet and it could kill for sure. 100% can and has. It's still a bullet, it could kill for sure 100% can and has it's still a bullet dangerous so you know laugh it up guys it's also one of the best like target practice rounds just because it's one of it is there's only maybe two bullets that are smaller than this and they're also 22s and it's

22 long rifle 22 regular and then 22 short which is exactly half as tall as this is but they're still dangerous most of them leave the gun when fired shut up shut up shut up i'm gonna show you i'm gonna lube these bullets up you're gonna see you're gonna see you're gonna see anyway yeah training's going real good guys you're basically John Wick at this point yeah exactly i do the reload flap you got that stairs falling thing and you Anyway, yeah training's going real good guys. You're basically John wick at this point. Yeah exactly I do the reload flap you got that stairs falling thing and you got the yeah, I can see it I'm getting real good at cocking it, you know really good at that

You understand what to do in case of a jam Do I really do which is an important skill that no one practices enough mark pulls out his gun Pulls out his little pipe cleaner Sequence in the in the worries in the hotel and he's like I need something big and bold for the end of the night oh and like 50 pipe cleaners Did I fire two shots or clean three? I'd like the extra sticky 22LRs. Do you feel sticky punk? You know what I respect it that's a tough that's a tough L for you. And that doesn't make it less funny, but I do feel bad.

I also do feel bad for you because that sucks. Yeah. And it wasn't like they were each like 450 bucks for the 5,000. So price per bullet, you know, if you're looking at like any other 22, it's like, yeah, that's pretty comparable and decent. And for non-lead, it doesn't have a lead. And lead free. Yeah. And that's big. People should be more concerned about that.

Think about how long that that's going to last you. Cause you can only fire one a time. Go on, go to the range, do the whole routine. You just open your case, thing out, stand up, click, bam. All right. Gotta go disassemble and clean this bad boy. That's my one shot. Can't believe I missed again. Did they make a muzzle loader 22?

You know, shove that bad boy down the front. Put some extra gunpowder in there just to make sure it gets out of there. Clearing it out, I'd never get it out of there. I'd have to disassemble the whole muzzle loader. You just have to get a new gun Well, that was fun, I don't know why I thought it'd be different this time Man, I thought I got a good deal on these bullets, but I had to buy 10,000 guns Like that police day, maybe the police station just had sticky bullets. Dude, it's like, oh man, what a sequence that would be in John Wick. One shot per gun.

They got the Gatlin gun, they charge it up and go, alright, next gun. It's like the Matrix helicopter, turn it on the thing is just like Alright different helicopter Get the other helicopter Now a lot more bullets if we're saving Morpheus Alright guys, please But it's also a bummer for you buddy. We're not laughing at you. We're laughing about you. Thank you very much I appreciate it. It's very brave of you to come here and. We're laughing about you. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. It's very brave of you to come here and share with us.

Thank you. Thank you. I can always trust you guys to hear my woes. We always offer a compassionate shoulder to cry on. I feel like, uh, what were their names from Home Alone? Marv and, uh, what was the other guy's name? The Sticky Bandits, Mark. They would have loved you and your bullets. Harry. Harry. Harry. I was almost just gonna say Joe Pesci, but that's uh, they do make a single shot

22 and let me tell you this bad boy is Exactly as stupid looking as you imagine. Oh wait. No Isn't that kind of like from the day of the jackal? Do you guys know the movie the day the jackal? No No, it's a I honestly forget a lot of it But there's a there's a sequence where the guy's like an assassin, I think. And he uses a, a gun like that, but he disguises it as a crutch. So we can like sneak into an area that's like patrolled by troops or something. And he, but then he gets into his, he takes his crutch apart, puts together the

weapon and whatever, and he's like assassinating. But he has like a special, he doesn't shoot a regular 22 round, he shoots some kind of special exploding one, because it makes the melon explode when he shoots it, when he's practicing, I don't know. So it's not stupid, okay, it's an assassin's weapon. So. You're right, it's an assassin's weapon.

And when that one shoots only once, nobody's surprised. Yeah. You okay? You okay? And when that one shoots only once, nobody's surprised. Yeah. You okay? You okay? You okay? You okay? You okay?

Thanks, Chris. You okay? You okay? You okay? You okay? You okay? It's okay, Mark. We can all laugh about it now, because it's in the past. Why can't we just use the 9 mil?

Are you crazy? Let's go behind those 22s. You okay? You okay? I do have a topic Many many story of my own I was at dinner a little while ago I was at melting pot with Molly and then Rin and Charlie those don't know I have two dachshunds and a cat and at dinner Charlie seemingly forgetting that looks at me and he goes wait

I got a question for is like, okay He says why I look like a small dog guy and I was like Charlie seemingly forgetting that looks at me and he goes, wait, I got a question for you. He's like, okay. He says, do I look like a small dog guy? And I was like, okay, I have two small dogs. What are you saying? What are you asking me? Well, what was your answer?

I said, I like small dogs and I previously liked you. So yes, previously. So apparently he's got a boss who is a bit shorter than us and his boss was relieved whenever Charlie and Wren were not getting a small dog. I want to be clear, a bit shorter than all of us. All of us collectively, we're all the same height. Ish.

Even if we were not for whatever reason, smaller than all of us. Okay cool, alright yeah, just wanted to be clear about that. Real Napoleon we're talking. Good, yeah. Hope you're not watching right now. Charlie if you get fired this is your fault you shouldn't have asked me this small dog question. But it got me thinking about big dog small dog energy. He's like do I give off small dog energy? Because the guy was relieved when he got a big dog. He really thought Charlie gave off small dog energy. Which as a guy with small dogs I was like what are you saying off small dog energy, which as a guy with small dogs, I was like, what are you saying about small dog energy?

Oh, you definitely give off small dog energy. Yeah, yeah. Why are you talking about that like it's a bad thing? I give off small dog energy. I don't know. I don't know what it means exactly. I guess I don't give off small dog energy because I got big dogs. I mean this in the least judgmental way possible and I know we were just really giving it to

you, so I hope this is not offensive. You a little bit give off cat energy? No, no that's fine yeah no I've had cats too. I know some people like really don't like cats and that's not you but like you cat and kind of biggish dog. I say ferret. Ferret. Ferret. I'm not picking up on that at all no I just the ferret energy is very unique you don't mistake that. I've only ever known one person with ferret. Ferret? Whoa. I'm not picking up on that at all. No, I just, ferret energy is very unique. You don't mistake that. I've only ever known one person with ferret. I don't know exactly what is small dog energy, but I think you and I both give off big small

dog energy. But I like small dog. I've had big dogs. They were destructive. Small dogs fit on the couch, the bed, whatever. Very nice. And I just prefer them. But anyway, it got me thinking about what kind of energy we give off as

far as dogs and I guess we just went through that but I thought maybe we would talk about specifics like what kind of dog do you see when you look at me? Oh I thought you were gonna say like Mark gives off small gun energy, small bullet energy. You did this to yourself. Oh I thought I had... You got those real mark sized bullets. You know what, wait, so total tangent, you know, I have a truck now, right? Nothing makes me feel smaller than I'm up in my truck. It's huge. I'm way up high.

I look at this car for me, like, wow, this is a small car. Park my truck, you know, and park, hit the parking brake. It goes, and I opened the door and I dropped two feet. Nothing makes me feel at my average, perfectly average height. That feeling of, it's like, you know, when you're piloting a Jaeger in Pacific Rim and you step out and you're like, I miss being huge, what happened to me? Did you get one of those slides they use for emergency evac on the airplanes?

Open the door, just- Every single time. You don't pack it back up. You wait when you park it like, pfft, aah. When you go to leave, you just rip it off and leave it in the parking spot. Imagine him going to the country and getting out of his truck.

Sliding. Mark hops down. There's this giant dude next to him. Mark goes, Oh no, I left my 22LRs up in the cab. Oh God. Gets out climbing gear Oh, no, I left my 22 LRs up at the cab Gets out climbing gear like No, that's scary though, I don't have a lot of like trucks or anything in my life But when I do like ride in a pickup truck or like I've had a rental Jeep Gladiator

Which is like the Jeep pickup truck when you go to get out of a car and you're used to Normal low to the ground cars and you like fall out It's kind of terrifying. It's not my favorite. Yeah, it's the perspective. They do say like when people drive they do sort of embody their car. That already is like extra humanism. What is the terminology like? Transhumanism. So it's like you kind of become your vehicle and that's why certain people get really really proud of their big big vehicles but you know even as a tall person if I had a truck I would want those like step bars that they have dude have you seen the automatic folding ones

yeah cool those things are tall they're tall even for tall people but I so oh man it's so great I can haul anything I fucking love the truck. I was always a small sport car guy. Now I'm like, I kinda like SUV. I like being big. I don't know if I would enjoy living with a pickup, but I feel like if I was going to, it would need to be like lowered and not squatted because I don't wanna look like an idiot.

But like, there are like drag race pickup trucks I watched a couple guys who do drag racing like lowered like the wheel tucks up under the fender arch type things those look sick just get hydraulics when you need to get out you lower the front too and you just get out and what like a bus that kneels for people who have mobility issues I mean I'm sure they do make a truck like that and nowadays yeah and then you can drive like, like it was cool in the 90s to do. Still cool today. Still cool, man. Still cool. Honestly, it is pretty cool still.

It's kind of scary in like a, oh, please don't break your car kind of way, but it's very cool. I love it when they're doing a demonstration and it's going so high, it's like vertical and they're just going until it breaks. And then the whole axle just goes like straight out the front. That's always fun. and they're just going till it breaks and then the whole axle just goes, poof, like straight out the front. That's always fun. I love the clips that you see of guys going, it's like competition, so they're both trying to go as vertical as possible.

And it always ends with one guy who's just like, ka-kush, ka-kush, falls over on the roof, car destroyed. It's like, God damn it, man, that really took a turn. Did I win? You could total a car without it even moving You can you jump from a high place and land on it or you throw an elephant on there Throw an elephant I like your style. Thank you back to animals though. Right right animals What kind of dog did you say I looked like I think Bob you gave one already

It was kind of a joke got kind of of trampled all over. But I'll say it again and see if it works. Mexican hairless. Hairless. I heard Mexican something. I was like, Oh, Mexican terrier. I don't know what that is. Hairless because I'm bald. Ha ha. Give me the points.

Yeah, I OK. So it's because right now you have your beard is a little grayer, but your mustache is darker. You give off a Japanese chin. It's actually, I just looked up a picture, it's kind of inverse, but for some reason I'm getting Japanese chin. My mom and my stepdad had one, his name was Charlie, he was such a good dog, passed away several years ago now, but cute as can be. Oh, they are cute.

I'll take that. I was going to say, my serious answer is, so there's a problem with this, but because also of the beard situation, you look like a Scotty to me, like a Scottish terrier in the face, but Scottish terriers, if you look up some pictures, tend to be a little bit on the short side and that does

not match up with you very well. When I was at dinner and I was talking about this, because the joke about the small dog kept coming up, callbacks if you will, I was like, I might have to host an episode tonight, maybe I'll talk about this. I was like, you know what? It's weird. When I picture Bob as a dog, I picture all the dogs with mustaches and I don't know why. Hmm. That's weird. I mostly have never had a mustache.

I know, but I feel like dog you would and I don't know why. Well, what kind of dogs is it? That's the question. I'll try to look up the one that specifically came to mind while I'm doing this, but now you guys... each other. Mark, look into my eyes. Alright, well, would you like me to offer you the same? Sure, yes. Hmm.

I'm trying to think. I actually don't know the name of the species. I have a picture of it. I know yours. You want me to say it? Yes, yes. It's full on Labradoodle because they have way too human eyes and so they look like that when they're like giving people the side eye I could see that they do have way too human eyes. Yeah, their eyes are Suspiciously human and so when they look at it just like go It's like the blue eyes meme, but dog. Oh, right. Okay, I was so close. There it is. It's funny because while you're not short,

you're perfectly average height. This is a very tall dog. It's something about the face that you made and your hair. Give me, give me big Afghan hound energy. Ah, right. Afghan hound. Oh, how beautiful. It's a majestic breed oh beautiful oh thank you i appreciate that i guess you were just given really tall energy thank you thank you look at this look at this

god jeez i don't like it why did the soul of someone's grandfather get trapped in that dog soul of someone's grandfather get trapped in that dog. I don't like it at all. Is that Bob? No, that's someone else, dude. That's not me. That was kind of Bob. I was getting Bob vibes from this. Yeah.

Well, I love Lee, if you have one lovely. But it's also the way the bottom lip and the teeth there really look just. I don't know. Maybe this. I hope this picture has been altered because... Have you seen pictures of them like sitting like people too? The Labradoodles will like sit up and but like their arms will hang down. Like if you looked at it, you'd be like, oh, that's like a kid in a costume, but it's actually just a dog. It's very unsettling. I bet. I'm unsettled already.

Next up is cats. When we look at each other, what cats do we see? Man, I don't even know enough cats. Brown, orange. I'm guessing you guys see like, what, a sphinx when you look at me, the bald one? Well, it's that creepy one that people have and they keep them on a pillow and it's like high maintenance.

Is that the sphinx cat? Maybe. If it's hairless, there's only the one hairless. I think now they're probably more hairless. There are at least six It looks like there's Sphinx Bambino Peter bald Don's koi Lyoke lot Boy like oh, yeah, I don't know. Oh, why ko I how do you pronounce? L y ko I Ler? I have no idea. Probably spell it out like that. L-Y-K-O-I.

It's like one of them L-Y-K-O-Is. That's like a thing, I don't know. No, actually, I wasn't gonna make that joke again. One, cause that's just lazy. There's also big cats. Don't forget like Panthers and stuff like that. You don't have to go with only house cats. What kind of cat is Garfield?

The orange one, the Tabby? No, that's not right. Tabby? I could ask the internet I guess. Wait maybe? Tabby's can be orange? No no no no no. Yes? I've heard that orange ones are very they're dumb but I don't know. I didn't know that. Apparently Persian tabby is the top possible breed But also could be some kind of exotic short hair or British short hair. Anyway, you give off Not like grumpy cuz he's grumpy a lot But you give off like Garfield vibes like after he just pounded that whole lasagna and he's like everything's good and he's chillin Is this me or Wade Wade? Oh damn it. Yeah me

Garfield. Bob you're straight up because of the beard. Maine Coon. That kind of cat? Maine Coons are cool, yeah. Yeah it's also one of the biggest. Ooh. They have a very distinctive face.

It's like a more like a tiger face that got squooshed down but also still a very large cat. Oh I've seen these fellers. Yeah okay. I like that. I think seen these fellers. Yeah, okay. I like that. I think those guys are cool. Now for Mark. Mark, what kind of cat are you?

I have no idea. The personality is all wrong, but aesthetically, can I just say that Mark gives me Keters energy in a way? Like my cat, Keters? Yeah, no, Keters is not a species of cat. The only thing in the entire world I know called Keters is nipples and your cat. So yes, your cat. Okay, yeah, okay.

Alright, so for those out there, Keters is kind of shy, but he loves attention. Whenever like he warms up, he's like pet me, feed me. He's become more vocal as he's gotten older. I don't think Bob's saying he likes to shit on the floor like Keaters does. No it's more it's more of the look it's like his facial structure I don't know it's hard to capture. Just pull a picture of him that would be the easiest thing in the world for me to do. You probably have some I don't because he's not my cat anyway I don't know how much you know Keaters mark but he's a little bit of an a-hole sometimes but he's a good guy. Been a while though sometimes, but he's a good guy. It's been a while though, I guess.

Yeah, well we were over there over the summer. So long ago now, yeah. It feels like it was like a year ago. I don't, yeah, that captures it pretty good. No, there you go. Yeah, not angry, but serious. He's a very unique and beautiful cat. He's always like, he gets a lot of attention at the vet.

Everyone's like, your cat looks so exotic. He has almost like cartoony features. The way the like dramatic cheekbone lines that he has and stuff. He's a very interesting looking cat. He's also like got the, it's kind of a rare thing I think, but he's got black fur, but underneath his fur is all white. You can kind of see like the white and gray patches.

Literally since he's been a kitten, he's had black fur, but like as soon as you lift up his fur Everything underneath is white. He's never changed color. He's always stayed a black cat But somehow all the under fur is white. My insides a different color, too There we go Wow, what a guy how big his dick is Think it was his tail, but he's a five-legged cat All right, so Mark's Keaters. I hope I think it was his tail, but he's a five-legged cat Alright so Mark's heaters. I'm a something A Garfield whatever the hell Garfield is something tabby Mark was a Maine Coon

I think the Maine Coon no Bob was a Maine Bob was a Maine Coon. I think Maine Coons look like they do look cool They're big too. I've actually seen one of those in person. They're bigger than they look in pictures. They're cool I am also bigger than I look in pictures. They're big too. I've actually seen one of those in person. They're bigger than they look in pictures. They're cool I am also bigger than I look in pictures. They're always surprised. Everyone always thinks I'm really short Everyone's always surprised when I'm tall. I guess I give off short energy. I don't have big short energy. Yeah, sorry Did you see the chuckle sandwich? I guess I was on I did and once again It was us in my mom's kitchen because I was in the middle and they're both six foot three and like six foot four Maybe they were you were in a curved bench So they were both several feet closer to the camera than you were so it's just like the absolute same exact

Diminutively shrunk into the distance. Always, always fair. Love those guys. Such good chemistry, you know? Oh yeah, oh yeah. Can tell you guys really got along. Probably had heck of a fun after, you know, post show. Am I missing something? You gotta watch it.

Chuckle sandwich, last ever guest episode. Coming to an end. Okay. Gotta check it out. Because of Mark? Yep, no, not because of Mark, but a little, but not. We've only ever had one guess. And it was Jesus.

So are we going to do better than that? We're going to go straight from cat to insect. Man, you tested my knowledge of insects. It doesn't have to be complicated. You don't have to be like, ah, yes, the Thai is a weenie, chop chop nappy. Well, there goes my guess. The Thai went easy, chop chop nappy. That was exactly what Ioppy. Well, there goes my guess. The Taiwanese Chup Chup Noppy. That was exactly what I was thinking.

I was looking at your face. Straight up Taiwanese Chup Chup Noppy. Ah, shit. Too late now. Sorry, let me just spoil it. Give you stink bug after that, you dummy. Wade, I know the answer. You give off big caterpillar from the circus in a bug's life energy.

I'm a beautiful butterfly. Yes, yes, yes. You know the man. Yeah, that's yeah. Yeah. OK. Yeah. That's a great. That's you. Yeah. I can't even argue it. I want to, but like, I really can't. I feel like it's hard to pin Mark down to it. And you don't you don't give off a lot of insect energy.

Thanks, thank you. Your casual nonchalance is very, you know what? Actually, that's a good one. That led me to it. You give off pretty strong praying mantis energy. Ooh. Cause praying mantises are like badass and generally look cool or really cool depending on the species

But also they just can't fucking be bothered to care about anything They could be an eminent peril and they're just gonna be like I'm gonna move real slow. I'm gonna walk over here I'm not gonna walk. They just like are unbothered even when my head is being eaten alive I still had sex so whatever who else in this bush just had sex I thought so yeah again you know that's such a kind thoughtful response which really poisons to what I was gonna say no no stick to it stick to your guns I I like this. Okay. They only shoot one bullet at a time, so I'm not afraid.

Look. Okay, cockroach, but hear me out. Hear me out. Expound, okay, okay. It's, you know, a survivor. Perjurer. Okay, okay. It's, you know, a survivor. Perseverer. I'll change my answer, I'll change my answer. You did so good. I'll take that.

A flying cockroach. You know, you got... Ooh, those are cool ones. Deceptive, you can get anywhere. Don't they all fly? Some of them don't. I should have said cicada. Before or after it gets wings, like pupa stage or like full wing?

Full wing. I think you're saying I have an annoying voice. No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying... It sounds like 30,000 insects crackling their wings all together, or however the fuck they make that noise. Yeah, how do they make that noise? I don't even know. I have no idea. I have rubbing their legs like crickets, I don't even know. Is it bad that looking at a cicada pupa, I see me? Look at that goofy little shit.

Sometimes the truth just presents itself to you. What are you gonna do? All right, hold on, hold on, hold on. Here we go. I know I led you astray. It was just joking. It was yoshing ya. Yoshing ya?

Yoshing, god damn it. I was looking up the, was just joking was Yoshina Yoshina So get up the just type did the most beautiful insect and dung beetle came up You're such a flatterer cockroach dung beetle You know that tiny spider that has like the shoom and it's like a little peacock? Jumping spider. Yeah. You know that? Yeah. How about that? And they shuffle around and they're all, don't eat me. Yeah. How about that? Yeah. Jumping spiders are nice. I can see some Bob and a jumping spider. Okay, cool. All right.

I see Bob more there than a cockroach. Look, I wasn't mad about the cockroach. Honestly, that's okay. I didn't mean it like, you know, that. Whoa. I looked up the ugliest insects. Go figure. Dung beetle. No, not on here. Oh, no cockroaches here. But there's some horrifying ones. What's next? Shrimp species? Shrimp? Yeah, like which shrimp energy do you give off? I don't know. I was just guessing. No, no, not yet. Uh, plants. Before you all say it, I'll just take the one that smells like rotting meat. It's fine. No. Oh, okay. You smell fine. What? I'm glad because man, I was walking around today and I kept smelling something horrible.

I was like, gotta be me. And it turned out the shirt I was wearing apparently one of my dogs had marked. So yes. All right. I already know what Mark is. I'm trying to figure out what Wade is. Do you want yours, Mark? Sure.

I'll take it. You are a majestic ivy. You are relentless. You find the thing and you focus on the thing until you reach the top and then you just find the next thing and that's the new thing you focus on. You are a century old ivy that's grown all the way up the side of an enormous building on a respectable college campus somewhere. Mm-hmm. Yeah, okay. Bob, I know where you are. Uh-huh. You are the Whomping Willow. Ha ha ha ha ha! Where you're big, bold, tough, strong, willing to pummel those stupid teenagers for flying a car into you.

Ah, okay. But you have a tender, sweet sweet spot if it gets pressed you relax mmm that's you plus I have a shack in my ass that's true that's true does it shriek and yep yeah and full of criminals just full of criminals yeah lots of stuff goes on that led of criminals, just full of criminals. Yeah. Lots of stuff goes on. I have no control. Criminals alleged. Just going to pin down Wade.

This is going to sound like it's for a certain reason, and it's not for that reason. It's for other reasons. But Wade, you're you give me big watermelon fine energy. Watermelon. Because I watermelons are associated with me, the plants, they're a summer plant, right? And so watermelons are just always like a good time.

Like no matter what is happening, if you're near a watermelon plant, if you're seeing one, if you're harvesting a watermelon, it's like always because a good time is happening or is about to happen and you're always like, all right, watermelon, cool, cool. I do like good time is happening or is about to happen and you're always like all right Watermelon cool cool. I do like good time. You like a good time. Yeah, it's a good time. You grew with watermelon mark Yeah, well, I mean I didn't I didn't know we could deny this it's not because of bald and shiny watermelon

That's unrelated mark. I had you as a purple wisteria tree. Oh Fucking why how dare you won this purple wisteria tree. Oh, fucking why? How dare you? What am I seeing? A purple wisteria tree? Oh, never mind. Thank you. That's beautiful. Holy shit, look at that tree. What is that? That's amazing. It's like a weeping willow, but all lavender. I've never seen this in my life. This can't be real.

Ooh, that's pretty. How do you know? This didn't exist. I swear to God, there's some things in this universe that we Wake up and someone says something like this and i'm like i would have heard about this I would have heard about this tree. It can't be real. It's not real No, I was scrolling through and I was like that one kind of speaks to me I like that the definite the explanation of this tree is like, oh, it's beautiful. Oh, it's lovely very high maintenance tree needs

It needs lots and lots of taking care of constant problem Beautiful though. I was a kind of a backhanded one way. I'm not gonna lie. It didn't mean to be I just saw the picture I don't know if though what this one is Bob, but I saw you as a Rada Ronnie plant I'm sorry bless you. I don't know how to pronounce this. Is this actually the name of the flower? I don't know if this is actually the name. Maybe it's passion flower. Rata Rani. I'm getting nothing. I might've been looking at just like the name of someone or a website. I think it's a passion flower. What in the world? Again, you made this

up. This didn't exist and you wield it into being. How in the hell? I don't know. The ones I saw just had a lot of purple, which I think I associate with Bob. Whoa, those are cool. It's probably the purple, but I saw it. I was just like, Bob. Looks like a flower they'd have in like, like Animal Crossing. And you'd see it and be like, that's not a real flower, but it is somewhere.

It's just like not anywhere you'd actually see it. For anyone that's just listening and is absolutely furious that we are not saying anything everything before is like I said It's like a tree with lavender this this son, bitch It looks like a purple version of the angry son from Mario but with more nightmarish tendrils coming out of it and the center is a five-sided three arched thingamabob? in other words it's like ao, holy shit is that? That's Nightmare. It's kind of wild looking, yeah. It's very like alien.

Never seen anything like that ever in my life. Ooh, some of these different varietals of it are interesting. Ooh, there's like the red one. Yeah, that's fine, that looks normal-ish, minus the weird center thing. Great stuff, man. The amazing but problematic Passion Flower. Just can't stop saying slurs this flower.

So goddamn problematic. Never learned. Ah yes, the Missouri slur flower. Missouri slur flower. All right. Uh, next up, what shape bacteria best fit? What, what kind of mad lib are you building out of this? I got to suspect that there's some ulterior motive. What shape bacteria?

If you can figure it out, Mark, you'll win the episode. What even shape bacteria are there? Besides like a pill shape, rod shaped, spiral shaped, sphere shaped, Bob's a tardigrade. That's not a bacteria. I wanna be a tardigrade. No, I'm embarrassed. Man, you just went right for it.

I'm embarrassed. I wanna be, what are those things called? Water teddies? So some teddy there. Those are tardigrades rock. I want to be a tardigrade. Plus, they're like they're like unkillable. And it's not a bacteria can make it happen. Sorry, I tried. Do you almost say sperm shaped? Is that what you're going for sperm? This one? It's a it's a spiral shaped one called a vibrio, which looks like a bloody sperm. Which one of us is the sperm?

No, it wasn't one of you guys. Oh, okay. All right. Well. There's only like three shapes of bacteria. What even is this question? Spherical, rod, spiral, comma, and corkscrew. Common? Comma, I guess. Vibrios? Wade's a rod, and Mark is a shorter rod thanks everyone's rods to me I see his rods I see mark is a sphere and Bob's a spiral

myself here for mark really he's just kind of like he's well rounded mmm I don't like this ah I I got it. There's also filamentous star-shaped Rectangular and high-fai Bob gives straight high-fai energy Yeah, I feel it all high-fai all day. It's like a vein like structure. That's you Bob I'm pretty veiny. Yeah. Mm-hmm. We'll move on to an easier one for you. Fish. Aren't all fish kind of fish shaped?

No, listen. Okay, so we just took James to the aquarium. So I have a lot of fish fresh in the brain right now. They all look exactly the same? No. Well, kind of a lot of them do, but I actually saw, I saw this one and thought to myself, oh, that reminds me of Wade. I don't think it's very flattering, but I'm going to stick to the truth.

There's a part in the Newport Aquarium where there's an eel tank and it's like those yellow, like neon yellow eels. It's like the eel from Super mario 64 but it's not that big it's like the more eels i think they were mores they're the neon yellow ones anyway there's like the way the display set up it's like the eels live in this shipwreck and literally we walked up to it and one of them was just like, and stuck just his head out of the shipwreck port and was just like, hey, and just stood there and looked and something about it. I was just like, man, makes me think of Wade. I don't know if the voice impression gets

flattering, but I'll take the cue. Just matched energy in a way that I could not. It was inexplicable. Yellow heel. I don't know. Marcus is hard to pin down. Marcus? Crab? Is a crab a kind of fish? I don't think so. Different king... Not kingdom, but different phylum. Philis. Different phallus. Completely different phallus. I'm just going to share my screen because this is basically what I saw.

Hey! That basically what I saw That's what I saw And that's the thing where I was like somehow weight energy. I can get that. Yeah, I see it It's a yellow eel for the listeners. You're welcome Mark. How do you feel about this one? Which one a hairy frog fish? How dare you you son of a bitch, I'll kill you! Maybe. I'll kill you! Oh my god!

It's the first one that spoke to me. That is awful, man. That's... That's terrible. Oh, it's got legs! Oh, it's got legs. Oh, it's got stumpy little feet. Yeah, that's the kind of fish that doesn't swim very well. They have nose pieces that are like fake worms that are bait.

And then they have their bottom fins are more like little proto legs, and they like hop, which is why they're frog fish. They literally sit on the bottom and dangle their nose bait. And then when something gets in front of them, they're all, and they just hop at it and try and snatch it. What about the blue one, Mark, the blue hairy frogfish? I don't know. Is that even real? It looks, it looks like AI. If we're looking at the same blue.

I don't know. I don't know. It's on the thing. It might be fake. All of this is terrible. Hey, you know, Bob didn't have an idea. So I submitted one. I don't know. It's on the thing. It might be fake. Eww. All of this is terrible. Hey, you know, Bob didn't have an idea, so I submitted one. I don't know. Maybe it missed the mark. I feel a revenge forthcoming. No, Bob. And not many people know that this is a fish. Whale shark. Oh, it is a fish.

Fish, not a shark. Very smart. I like that. Yes, yes. See? I love whale sharks. I love shit with confusing names. They have whale sharks at the Atlanta Aquarium. Really? How do they even contain it? They are very large.

Gigantic. Like whale sized. Yeah, they have this giant exhibit at the Atlanta Aquarium where you can go and stand and they'll swim right in front of you. That's crazy. I like that. That's interesting.

Yeah. I would say, like if a basking shark was a type of fish, I would have said that. That's interesting. Yeah, I would say I like if if a basking shark was a type of fish I would have said that I do feel like The whale shark has the vibe of a thing that was named by the first three-year-old that ever encountered it because it popped up And someone clearly was like ah, what is that? Oh, it's like a shark. Ah, but it's the front It's big. Is that a whale and then they didn't look any further into it to find out that it's neither a shark nor a whale but isn't that the um dory's friend from finding dory that can't see very well isn't that a whale shark i've not seen that one so i don't know i don't remember i

thought it was a very southern name like can't swim why well sharks here well mark mark really enjoyed that one well sharks oh move on well all right I'm out of things and thus ends the episode. He's gonna do birds. Just cut it right there all, I'm out of things. You guys want to do birds? You want to stop there? Birds or move on? I only know like barnyard birds and I don't, neither of you guys is a chicken or any variety of chicken. What about like an ostrich or an ock or an eagle?

Yeah, you could be ostrich. Yeah, I get that. With baldness, shove my head in the ground. You suggested it. You suggested it! You suggested it! But yes, trying to think of the funniest bird I can think of. Wade, you are Iago. Dude, Gilbert Godfrey is awesome.

A lot of stuff that Gilbert Godfrey said that was supposed to be jokes made me cringe too. I could see it. But also, legend. Very funny. Could Mark be... I'll let you guys go then I'll throw mine out at the end. Oh, Mark, I know who you are. You're the captain of the penguins from Madagascar.

You're the lead penguin guy. Ooh, all right, I'll take it. You always have a plan, and you know how to put people into the right positions to make things happen. And although they are portrayed as goofy characters, they also succeed quite frequently at what they're doing. Of all the animals that actually do look and maybe act like you, I'm just gonna say a barn owl or some type of owl.

The aesthetically, it's got the shape of the head is kind of similar to an owl shape. Frons and eyes always watching and then always observing and actually 90% feathers. Yeah, I was going to say, have you guys seen an owl's legs? Look that shit up. I saw an owl's legs sticking out of a bush, all Wizard of Oz style. Owls are a dead ass lie. They look all chunky and like, no, you lift up their skirt and they got little little stick legs in there.

It's fucking weird. Yeah, I'll take that. I like barn owls. I like that. That's a good one. Owls are cool. Plus, I never remember anyone's name, so I actually do say who kind of a lot. Bob, I had you down as a spectacled eider. An Arctic tern? What is this?

No, Bob, that's wrong. Spectacled eider. How do you spell eider? E-I-D-E-R. Did you know that or did you look that up? No, I looked these up, but it looks like it's wearing glasses. Doesn't really look like it's wearing glasses.

It kind of looks like it's wearing glasses. It doesn't really look like it's wearing glasses. It kind of looks like it got nose, it's got its nose run over by a forklift, but I'll take that. That's a cool looking water bird. It's a water bird, waterfowl. That's okay. I think Bob specifically is actually a Cape Coral burrowing owl. Well, I think Wade looks like a Rosate spoonbill. How do you spell that? Rosate spoonbill. I used to pull that. Rosate spoonbill like it sounds. Oh, that's pretty.

I had Mark down as a tufted puffin. Oh, because they're tiny. I don't know. I like the blonde hair. Hmm. Tufted puffin. A tufted puffin. I'm watching a lot of puffin rock lately. It's just really into that. It's puffins are cool. Love puffin. A tough did puffin. I'm watching a lot of puffin rock lately. And it's just really into that. It's a puffins are cool. Love puffins.

Or this is okay. Random sidetrack before we hit the end here. Were puffins randomly a huge fucking deal for you guys in like elementary school or was that a thing that like someone in our school was just really hot on puffins? I swear to God, there were entire teaching units when I was in like third, fourth grade where it was like every, it wasn't like everyone picked a different animal. It was everyone learned about puffins. It was all about puffins. There were multiple books about puffins, fiction books about puffins, living out their puffin

lives. I swear to God, like two years of my elementary school time was focused primarily on puffins and learning how to count and I don't understand why that happened but it's like very burned into my memory. I have no idea I can't relate to this I don't think that I even learned about puffins until high school. I've always thought it was so weird I don't know. Some teacher I had was just like all about puffins for some reason I don't understand. I mean they're cool, but they're kind of just birds that live on the side of cliffs Yeah, I truly don't know. Maybe not that I remember i'll wrap up there that we've been going a bit And we went through a lot of different animals. So I got a lot of points to tally up here

Charlie this one's for you for asking me if So I got a lot of points to tally up here. Charlie, this one's for you for asking me if I get small dog energy. So you're welcome. You inevitably watch this in the summer, apparently, because you're behind. What a dick. I only ever shout out friends on this podcast if I'm criticizing them for something. They've all told me that and I think it's true. It was nice to everyone else as we are to each other.

That's true. All right. Let me go through points here. Bob, you got points for... That doesn't sound good. Furnace, cold, bad, sticky one shot? No, one, no, sticky then one shot because the gun, not sticky one shot. That's something else. Mexican hairless, Afghan hound, Bug's life caterpillar, mantis, ivy, all rods, watermelon, yellow eel, Yago, and Rosate spoonbill. Mark, you got points for small gun.

Jam! That was my joke! Kevin, it was about me! It was about me! Okay, okay. This gun jammed. Brave sharing, Japanese chin, cockroach, Whomping willow, cockroach, whomping willow, hyph- hy-pyf something. Hypho? It looks like it says hypho. I don't know. My pen started dying so I had a really hard time writing this down. Was that the bacteria again? Didn't he call us a hypha? Hypha?

Oh hyphae, yeah. Yeah, that might be what it is. Whale shark, ostrich, tardigrade, and barn owls owls Bob you got a total of five and 13 point mark you got a total of five and We should do one more no Mark do you happen to have the wheeler do you want someone else to do it? I got blacksmithing, 3D printing, fucking dinosaurs, marbula 1, vorpreg, and metbo. I vaguely recall what this is for. I remember that episode.

I don't know about that one. Did you ever get into vorpro, bud? Hell, you know, still working on it. It was a tough nut to crack about that one. Did you ever get into VorPro, bud? Hell, you know, still working on it. It's a tough nut to crack, that one. Guys, I shouldn't have this happen. Oh no, not me. Oh no. Yeah, whatever. I don't think you've ever actually done one of these yet. Oh wait, I have it. What are the percentages supposed to be here?

What does it say there right now? I have 46, 46, and 8. Oh, yeah, so 10% chance now So it should be 40. Yeah, 45 45 and 10. Yeah, probably that seems like one out of 10 of these I would have to do a one-man show and I don't know about that interesting. All right Well, there might be an ad because that's apparently how this website wants to be but here we go. Go ahead and share Oh, that's a big slice. Yeah.

I don't know if that's visually accurate, but it feels bad. Are you ready boys? Yep. Let's get it over with. Oh, come on. Okay. Does that mean Bob wins? Bob wins.

Hey look, we have a winner. It's me! Woo! Well, really dodged a bullet there. Mark, it feels like you want the one-man show. I do! Well, I don't want to do it, but I want him to do it. Oh, that's true. This would have been a good time for that to come up.

As the one of us who has actually performed a one-man show written by their friends, hence the inspiration for this punishment, it's not fun! Not a fun experience! It is absolutely not a fun experience. I think that's the first time I've had to do a wheel spin. I'm gonna just start manufacturing ties to get more wheel spins. So next time is 12% one-man show. Well congrats, Bob. You wanna give us a winner's speech?

Sure! Feels good to win when you earn it. Feels even better to win when you earn it. Feels even better to win when you don't earn it. And today I am the latter one of those, so it's delicious and delightful. And honestly, I liked a lot of Mark's answers. So that was a tight one. And it, you know, good, good, good show.

Good show, chaps. I don't know why I feel like I haven't felt this in a while But that's really needed this I guess Really needed this Thanks guys. Well, I didn't want it to happen. So um Mark losers speak Ah, I think that my inferiority complex is only gonna get worse from here on out My you know, my bullets are too small my gun jams too much my knives are D2 and not whatever the better one is my phone is old my hair is too long my

legs are too short my thighs are too wide everything about me is just the wrong direction to go I'm at the mid face terribly enormous So I think that this truck small man. This is the moment my trucks too big This is the moment where I you know will do the opposite of everything I've ever instinctively done from this point because I need to rectify this loss and this series of losses that I am discovering in my What's the biggest bullet? Why am I'm gonna look it up. What is the biggest? I assume some artillery P. Well, I guess what counts as a bullet artillery is not a bullet. Oh God either this guy has tiny tiny teeny tiny hands

Oh, this is the girthiest bullet I've ever seen. Holy shit. Anyway, I'm going to go for that to compensate for all of my shortcomings. Then I will start winning for sure. No matter how sticky you make it, there's no way that bad boy's going to struggle to eject. Apparently the world's largest bullet was fired from the Schwerer Gustav, a German siege cannon used during World War II. All right, listen, I don't know what the tactical definition of a bullet is, from the Schwere Gustav, a German siege cannon used during World War II.

Alright, listen, I don't know what the tactical definition of a bullet is, but the Gustav gun was terrifying. If you don't know about it, you should look it up. The bullet was made of solid steel and weighed over 7000 pounds, was over 8 feet long. Oh that! Was it fired like 40 miles or 60 miles or some crazy fucking thing? It's absurd. They've got people standing around it that are like half of its height. Yeah, it's like a bullet the size of a small building, wasn't it?

It's a bull- it's built to- by the Nazis to destroy France is apparently what that intention was. Think about the pipe cleaner you would need for that jam. Ha! The guy on the train with the Gustav, pull some trigger, it's like, ah, damn. That's a whole project, right? You build a city to solve that problem. Good episode, gents. Survived a wheel spin, so I'm pretty happy.

I don't really care who wins. I'm just glad I didn't have to do the one man show, but we're getting closer. Thank you all for watching and or listening, especially watching. Stay tuned for the next one where Bob will host and we'll do something. Until then, follow us, Bob at MySkr, Mark at Markiplier, me at Minion777, or LordMinion777. Until then, podcast out!