Distractible - Bob's Fridge

Episode Date: June 28, 2021

Bob RAGES while telling a story about trying to get a new fridge installed. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible, a Wood Elf production with your hosts, Mark, Bob, and Wade. This week, the triune of truculents bend their minds to the modern-day Pandora's box that is Bob's Fridge. Please prepare to hold thy gorge and enjoy the show. Hey guys, welcome to the Distractible podcast. Here we discuss anything that interests us and compete to see who can bring the most captivating stories to the show. killed it last week i get to host this week and i am wade barnes joined by my lovely beautiful co-hosts mark fishbach and bob myskins hey guys you almost forgot how to say my name didn't you i did i did i could tell i was like bob you really take on a fascinating cadence when you do the intros like i won't criticize it because like does work, but it's just... It's just very bouncy.

All right, you want me to try it again? Here we go. Don't you try it again! Hey guys, podcast time. I'm Wade, this is Mark and Bob. Let's go! I hope someday we're hanging out or just doing something really casual and everyone's being normal and at some point Wade is just like, Whoa, guys! Hey! He just starts the cadence and everyone is like wait why are you reading a script right now so let me tell you about this story i experienced last week when i went to the grocery store and had to buy milk who wants to play some beer pong let's get the

cups ready line them up i'm ready'm ready to play. House rules. Bounces are two cups. You can swap, but only on a bounce. Blowing is allowed. I feel like I'm slowly devolving into game show host version of John Wayne. All right there, pilgrims. Welcome to Distractible. Do you ever...

This just happened. Do you ever laugh or talk and the voice that comes out of you scares your own self yes my voice is like a little horse and i just laughed and my whole body was like whose laugh was that what the hell oh man i never felt like a spider wave of saliva in your throat you go to speak it like blocks your vocals and you sound like something completely different you're like oh and then you go oh but it's still there block you're like oh no you're really scared and then like the bubble pops and you're like oh i'm back yeah no i have that a lot but what if it actually is just like you're so funny at one point the demon standing behind you chuckles wait what so we're not even

into the episode yet have you guys have you guys ever heard a voice like you're laying in bed you're trying to fall asleep have you ever heard a voice that wasn't your voice in your head does that happen to you no yeah oh yeah okay the thing that happens to me sometimes is i'll just be like almost asleep and then like my body is just like you're gonna die one day it's gonna be terrible and i'm like oh god i'm awake but like it still sounds like me but it's like dick wade okay i only ever hear my own voice like 99% of the time, but I was trying to fall asleep the other night

and I was just thinking about the day and like, you know, whatever, something stressed me out. I don't know. And I was just laying there and I heard, it sounded like it came from across the room. It was not Mandy.

She was asleep. I just heard a voice that said exactly what I was thinking that was like, that's not something you need to be upset about. Like it was my mom or something, but it wasn wasn't it wasn't anyone's voice that i recognized it was just like a woman's voice i didn't sleep for like a few hours after that because my entire body was just like what the fuck is that a thing that happens to other people normally am i weird

i mean i've had it happen all the time it's like it's either an auditory hallucination or it's just your brain just being like here's a voice randomly. But no, I've had that. I've had people whisper like inches from my ear when I'm like

either waking up or I'm going straight to bed and it'll just be someone saying hello and it'll be like fucking Christ. I don't like that. That's bad.

I hear doors opening and closing. I hear it all the time. Yeah. I've like felt my grandma's hand on my shoulder my grandma who passed away in like 2005 occasionally I'll like smell her perfume or like

she was a smoker so I can smell the smoke or something but I'll feel her hand on my shoulder like a guardian angel type thing I wouldn't like that I would turn around and be like fuck off grandma like in moments of extreme stress or like there's been moments like where I'm driving and someone will swerve at me like obviously we get hit by the semi but like other than that there's been a few moments where'm driving and someone will swerve at me. Like obviously we get hit by the semi, but like other than that, there's been a few moments

where like something I should not have seen. I'll like just barely dodge and I'll feel like she like pushed my hands to help me turn away from it or something, which is really weird. No, those are grasping at you from the beyond. Like, you know, coming to me now. Oh, just missed you. Oh my God. She was pulling the other way.

Like, oh, die, die. Come back to me. Oh, I'll get you next time. Some douchebag uncle that always hated you pops up and grandma's trying to save you. And the uncle's like, nah, come on. Stare him into it. Come on. Yeah, come on.

You want to visit with your grandson, don't you? Come on, I'll bring him to see you. All of this supernatural discussion has me excited for today's topic which is delivery oh right right yeah topical what a segue delivering you to the beyond as fast as possible gotcha i understand we're kind of cheating a little bit today because our topic comes i feel like it's already kind of a biased topic but bob had a heck of an experience and we're so excited mark and i were so excited to hear how happy he was about it yeah that we had to change our topic last minute yeah from a very other good one that we definitely had planned in advance yeah to delivery bob if you're ready i will yield my time

to you if you well so yeah so are you going to try and compete with this mark or are we just no god no i'm gonna let that roll i have something else for it but but I want to hear this. I still reserve the right to points where I want them. The authority is just leaking out of you. Hey, I've been charged. I can stumble stutter my way through a sentence if I

want to. This is my episode. Maybe it was my uncle trying to shut me up. He was shoving a ghost sock in my mouth right there. I yield. I yield my time. Maybe it was my uncle trying to shut me up. He was shoving a ghost sock in my mouth right there. All right. I yield. I yield my time. All right. There's a story about a new refrigerator.

We got a deal on it. Honestly, we saved $1,000 on it because it was a big sale. And I'm pretty proud of that. But I want to preface this by saying this is a very first world problem. So with all your, I hear everyone out there thinking like, oh, my new refrigerator didn't go so smooth how dare you i listened to this podcast on my iphone shut up and i can't even afford a refrigerator i know it's a first world problem so manny and i have we live in a new house we recently bought a house which is very exciting but stressful and the refrigerator in our house it keeps it kept things cold it's gone now. He's dead. So I don't have to talk about him in the present tense. Kept things cold, but it was stanky.

He's dead. He's dead. He got taken away. He's unplugged. He's dead. He's going to go get crushed up. Was your refrigerator a person? I don't know.

It's kind of an asshole. Just like a cadaver that you stored things in? Just an old man in the back turning a crank. I'll keep your food cold for you. Just let me live back here. If I'd shower, I wouldn't stink so bad. Let me shower. That old man in the back is probably why the food that came out of that thing was so freaking stanky.

I don't know. I don't know what happened. And like, it's just an old fridge. It's not like I'm not saying anything about the person who lived here before us. But the water that came out of it, the ice, the food, it just had a stank. Cle clean he didn't fix it the baking soda and the thing didn't fix it so we got a new one and like that's pretty exciting a new fridge is exciting you know no one has stored their dog semen in it before that is a very specific qualification i'm not saying that i know i've lived in a house with a fridge where there was dog semen stored in it. I'm just saying if you live in a rental especially, you don't know what was in that fridge before.

You know, he's got a point, man. Well, I had decided that. Is there any amount of cleaning that makes it okay for you to eat a piece of lunch meat that fell out of the bag and touched the shelf where once in years past a little vessel of dog semen sat? I don't know if that's okay. I don't know. It's like the same equivalent of you have no idea what went on in your hotel bed like you have no idea what kind of freaks were in there just before you what kind of fluids were flinging all over the walls you don't know therefore what you lick in a hotel room that's all i'm saying you know me i lick every corner of the room i have to as soon as I walk into a room, it feels like home.

That's how you adjust. So we're excited about this new fridge. Yeah. Good. So it was supposed to be delivered nine days ago and I bought it like two weeks ago. Now they took my money happily and they were like, yeah, yeah, we'll give you a fridge. And I was like, okay. And left like an idiot. Did you get to pick it out or did they just tell you they'd bring you one yeah no

i told them which one i want and they're like sure silver one got it oh okay good we'll send it right over so the initial delivery is scheduled so the guys show up honestly the first guy well i spoiled some of it but the first team that showed up to deliver our refrigerator they show up and they assess the house our front door is real big but there's a little door that goes in the kitchen that you can't bring the fridge through so he like looks at the garage and finally he decides okay we got to drag this thing we have a big back sliding door we got to drag this thing around the side of the house through the side yard and then in the back door that's the way it'll fit easiest and so we have two side

yards because i'm filthy rich not not a one side yard house we had two whole side yards and they decide to go through the really narrow one which becomes an issue later which we'll get to and so they go through this whole thing that i don't know what appliances what happens to them but they're packed like if outside air touches them they will combust appliances are i don't know if you guys ever seen a brand new appliance it comes in a full like plastic wrap like fully vinyl wrapped and then there's like foam padding on the corners and above that and then there's another layer of like strapped on padding or cardboard and then there's another layer of like a wrapping around that and then there's a box around that so when

they show up to bring it it takes them like 10 minutes to get the thing down off the truck and cut the outer layers of packaging off to get it ready to bring it inside. And so they go through this whole thing. And once they decide they're gonna bring it through the smaller side yard, the narrow side yard, I look at it and I'm like, I don't think that's gonna fit, guys.

And he looks at it and he measures it and he's like, no, no, it'll fit. And I'm standing there and I'm like, I really don't think that's gonna fit. But like, this is their job. It's fine. Just do what you're gonna do which again like an idiot i assumed that they would know how to do their job and so they start dragging it they bring it up the driveway they start trying to get it through the gate there's like a gate that swings open and the gate is

swung all the way open up against the gas meter the gas meter is behind the gate and you hope like ideally they'd like slide it right through it fits and and they keep going right they get it up and it does that thing where they try to move it through and it just goes and it's like oh oh oh and like the delicate parts are all still wrapped so it's still like padded but i just see like it's not quite gonna fit like it's like an inch too big yeah and the guys are there and they're like no it's gonna fit and it's not quite gonna fit like it's like an inch too big yeah and the guys are there and they're like no it's gonna fit and it's and it goes from the soft dunk to like they're finagling it the way it goes through the gate the fucking the back of the fridge is scraped up the whole gate each little step they're taking the fridge on the fence is just like, and I'm standing here watching just like, ah,

okay. And like, it finally, it gets through and I look at it. There's no damage. Everything's fine. It was just sort of rubbing on the gate. I think it was fine, but I'm, so this is how it starts and they get it through. They get all the way to the backyard before they're about to bring it inside the house. And I look at the front of it and there's a huge dent.

It's not huge. Okay. Maybe it's a two inch ish around dent, but look at it and i'm like that's a dent and the guy does that thing where he looks and he's like it's not a dent these things are padded it's fine and i like touch it and i'm like no dude that's a dent it's clearly a dent and he like licks his thumb and rubs it and like now that'll like that'll buff out oh perfect yeah what a method and so and finally i convinced the dude i'm like it's a dent and he's like well do you want us to install it or not i'm like no i don't want a brand new refrigerator i just paid a shit ton of money for to have a dent on it like i want a new one out of the box i paid a lot of money for this fucking thing and like he he does that thing that like, and I've totally been there.

I've worked jobs like this. He does that, gives me that look when I'm like, no, I don't take it back. Like, I don't want to fix this. He's like, okay, we can fix it. In a more respectful tone, he says whatever he says, but his eyes are saying that, you know. He looks right at me and his head flops over and he's just like yeah yeah bye we'll put it back on the truck thanks and man did they not give a fuck about that fridge once it was damaged so how it barely fit through the gate the first time on the way out they were just like

get it out fuck get out of here like man i thought they damaged my gate like jesus and they got it out of there and they were just like well take it back and they'll call you and they drove off in a huff and i thought that was that now let me say this is gonna be the end of act one these guys did a great job compared to the second group of delivery people like i miss them oh no i wish they would have been the guys who delivered the fridge today because of course this happened this morning because of course it did i long for their great handling of everything that occurred but yeah so they're gone and you think like okay that exchange is over right yeah there's a fallout to that exchange that i still barely i can't understand how this happened so manny and i wake up the next morning after that

initial delivery where it was dented and we and we asked him to take it back the house is freezing we live in northern california right so it gets it got down to like 45 degrees that night and we usually leave the heat on kind of low so when we wake up it's not like in the 40s it's like maybe 65 degrees whatever we woke up and the house was like completely unheated nothing at all that's weird i look at the thermostat thermostat says it's on went to like take a shower use the sinks no hot water at all and we're just like what the fuck that's so weird none of the natural gas things in our house were working. Somehow our gas line had been damaged. And of course, right away, Mandy was like, well, those delivery guys were

here yesterday. Did they do something? And I was like, no, what would they have done? They were only wedging a heavy fridge through a gate that was leaning up against our gas meter. What would they have done? And I'm looking around, I'm looking at the water heater. I'm looking at the HVAC system like, man, it's so fucking weird. I'm trying to like relight the pilot light in the HVAC. And like, and I come back in and she's like, you should look at like the gate area. Like those guys had to have done something. And I went and I looked and like, it's not, it's not obviously damaged.

And I smell there's no like gas leaking or whatever. It doesn't seem bad, but clearly it's not working. Mel, there's no like gas leaking or whatever. It doesn't seem bad, but clearly it's not working. Apparently in California, on a lot of gas meters, there's a safety precaution. They put something on there that's called an earthquake detector. And if it detects a rumble, if it detects a shaking,

it shuts off the gas to the entire house. And I guess it's sensitive enough that two guys slamming a heavy wooden gate into it and a couple hundred pound fridge into it was enough that it was like nope no more gas shutting that down they delivered a fridge so violently your house thought it was an earthquake yes all right cool just wanted clarity and this was the good team yeah they did a great job i love those guys okay all right just checking off my notes here got it so okay and so finally we get that resolved after like a day of me i had like called an hvac company and was like i need you guys gotta fix this and they were like okay we could have a guy there in a week and i was like what i just told you we don't have natural gas it's like 50 degrees outside like can you hurry up a little does anyone you know volunteer to give me a spot in line or something and she's like no no we'll

see you in a week and i like that was the best solution i had until we figured out the whole thing can we call this to the cold man can we make a series oh hey there's some flooding don't even worry man this is a whole saga this was this morning yes oh my god no fucking idea man i okay so this middle act is kind of quiet right so the natural gas thing happened and then there's a Warning? Yes. Oh my God. No fucking idea, man. Okay, so this middle act is kind of quiet, right? So the natural gas thing happened. And then there's a whole week where every day I'm calling the store to be like, hey, you guys tried to deliver us a fridge and it was dented.

And like, you took it back. Like, when do we get the next one? Like, when can we get an idea? I spent an hour and 17 minutes on the phone to the store. I went back and looked because I was shocked and I never spoke to a human a single time. I mean, it's Lowe's. I don't fucking care. We're not sponsored by Lowe's. It's Lowe's, right?

It's like a big appliance, hardware, home improvement store. There's like 50 people, I don't know, 20 people, however many that work there. I was calling a specific department where there's supposed to be a person. I called 11 times over the entire course of a day. Every time I had a spare five minutes, I'd call and be like, maybe I'll get someone now. And I didn't talk to a person the whole day. And their phone loop goes, you call an automated system, ask who you want to connect to. The phone rings in the department you call for a solid five minutes. Then you're connected back to the automated service who just does the exact same shit and reconnects you to the same phone that rings for another five minutes. And then after you do that a third time, when the phone stops ringing, it just goes boop

and hangs up. And that's it. Do you think they've got like a system in place where they saw who was calling? The delivery guy put a note on your file and it was like dented fridge guy. And they're like, don't take that one. I'm not taking that call. I don't know, man. I would love for that to be the case.

I mean, just with everything these days, it's exactly that. And it was like me trying to call my pharmacy for a prescription I needed was that exact thing. Except plus they have this five minute long like covid vaccine disclaimer that is at the beginning of every call and i get it very important for people to know and i get they probably have a lot of people calling like when can i get it or where can i get it stuff like that and the information all needs to be presented but i just need to talk to my pharmacist about a prescription and it's the same thing loop through to the pharmacy it rings goes back to the machine it goes back to the department rings three times and then the same boot i know that boot done the same thing i get that like if you're not reaching someone there

has to be like an end point they don't just want you to infinitely but god like get an answering machine or something like fuck seinfeld had an answering machine yeah that's true how does the world not have an answering machine even Even if you don't check it. I always feel like people exaggerate when they say how long they deal with these automated systems, but I know I've been in the exact same boat. It is just a fact of life. If you have to call a business, expect to have three hours of your day just gone. Aren't they supposed to save time?

That's what I don't get. They're supposed to save time. Their time, not ours. Not your time. Save time because no one on the other end has to even answer. You get so frustrated, you give up and they're like, ah, thank god, we didn't have to talk to that person. In the olden days. God, am I fucking old? Get off my wall.

Just like when there was music playing, at least you had something to listen to and you knew you were waiting and you could put it on speakerphone and back that. You didn't have to go over, rush like the pharmacy i talked to the pharmacy did you hear me pharmacy i reached that point i hope they record that with the automated system the first time i'm like uh yeah i'm trying to reach like appliances and then maybe like connecting you to appliances and like the sixth time i was like fucking appliances and she was, connecting your new appliance! Can you imagine if 9-1-1 had an automated system like that?

For class 1 emergencies, press 1. For class 2 emergencies, press 2. Stay on the line if this is a major emergency. What's your problem? I'm bleeding! Connecting you two. For bleeding, try calling 9-1-1 is a major emergency what's your problem i'm bleeding connecting you to for bleeding try calling 9-1-1 and your extension will be 67942 have you guys ever experienced this there are a couple places i think lexi's vet and somewhere

else that i call have like the same hold system. They have the same music. And I always get put on hold when I have to talk to these people. And literally it's like in my head, like. And every time it comes on, my brain is just like. Drama. God, like at least get a playlist. How hard is it to get like 10 songs and have a playlist for your whole music?

It's the same two and a half minute long shit. And it's the same song the whole time. There's not even like a difference. It's like two sections. There's an A and a B. And they're not even that different. I'm like, they're like, we'll play some relaxing music. And it's at max volume

yeah then the person answers the phone is like whispering and you can't hear them at all because you've been listening to blaring music for half an hour you have the music on and you turn it way down and then a person gets on they're like you're like god damn it a fucking headache from your 38 000 decibel hold music now i can't hear you i want some chicken sandwiches and they're either so pleasant it makes you more mad because you've been waiting so long or they're just like so nonchalant like there's no in between they're either way too nice or way too apathetic there's no in between yeah i was called when they had you know how they, we value your call, but it was someone at

the place that recorded that. So they picked up the phone like, we value your call. Please keep waiting. Like, just stopped mid-bite to say this. Oh, I left that out.

So in the cycle that I was caught in, that was part of it. As the phone is ringing for like five minutes, in the middle of that, there's a computer voice that comes on and is like, we really value your call. We're trying our best to answer it. And then it goes back to ringing.

And like, I probably started talking to that dumb piece of shit i would love if all these different companies recorded like all of that so we could just hear a playback of everyone getting so fed the fuck up with waiting that we just hear them like yeah you value my fucking club i value my foot up your ass stupid computer you know amazon is recording all the things from alexa so you know they've got all that somewhere. It's out there, man. It's on the cloud, man. It's going to be leaked one day, and we're going to have a really fun listen.

Yeah. Okay, so there are multiple days of that. Suffice it to say, finally, we learn that we're going to get a refrigerator. It's going to come. It's going to come nine days after it was initially supposed to be there. Whatever. But fine. Like, you know what? Fine. It's just, it's not like we needed it right away. It's just a refrigerator. We'll get it and it'll be fine.

So that leads us to this morning, which initially we were supposed to get together earlier this morning. And when we were setting that up, I was like, I don't know. I got this thing. I'm going to be busy. I'll let you guys know. And last night they sent me a message, a text message that was like, expect your delivery between 11 AM and 3 PM tomorrow. And I was like, okay, that's a four hour window. So it'll probably come at the least convenient part, but like, I'll set that window aside. That'll be fine. And this morning I was literally on a call with you guys. We were getting ready to do exactly what we're doing right now. And my phone starts ringing and it's like a local number, which I know means it's the delivery guys.

An hour and 40 minutes before they're supposed to be at my house. It's the delivery guys. And I pick it up and he's like, we'll be there in 10 minutes. And I'm like, why did the system tell me 11 to 3 then? And he's like, I don't know, sir. We're on our way. And I'm like, this is incredibly inconvenient. Can you come at the time that you're scheduled? And he was like, nope sir we're on our way and i'm like this is incredibly inconvenient can you

come at the time that you're scheduled and he was like nope we're on our way and i literally to you guys i was like okay i gotta go i guess we'll do this later right okay bye schedules are for nerds so that's how it starts and they show up and the guy of course i mean i get i'm sure customers all the time try and tell these dudes like oh this is the deal here's what you should do and they show up and the guy of course i mean i get i'm sure customers all the time try and tell these dudes like oh this is the deal here's what you should do and they're like no no no i know what i need to do he gets there and i'm like okay so we already tried to deliver this you guys can't come in through the front there's a door that it won't fit through so you kind of have to go around back i'll show you and he's like what do you mean we can't come in through the front and i'm like

i mean we've we've been here literally i did this nine days ago i'm just saving you some time it won't fit and he's like no no let me measure it fine but also like fuck you like god damn oh so he comes in and he looks and he measures the little door into the kitchen he measures the garage door he looks at me he's like oh yeah it's definitely not gonna fit through here and i look at him and i'm like uh-huh do you want to see the side yard this has already been over a week of me being pissed at these people for not communicating and being pissed at the first guys for the gas line thing i'm not being rude but i'm already on this fuse of like, just put it in. Just give us the fridge and get out of here. I'm busy.

And so I like, I show them the side yard. And so I don't know how to take care of a yard yet. Manny and I have never lived in a place where we had to take care of the whole yard. We have like a fenced in yard here. The side yard is grassy. It's not supposed to be there, but you know how it's like weeds basically. Right. And they grew really tall.

I haven't touched them. It's a, we don't really go over there. I haven't taken care of it. If was a good responsible homeowner i would have like trimmed all that grass or i don't know sprayed weed killer or something we get over there it's just grass right it's grass tall grass we get over there and he's like oh oh i hope we can get through here as we're casually strolling through this three foot tall, dead, thin grass. He's like, I don't know. Can you trim this?

And I was like, well, I thought I had an hour and a half before you were going to be here. That was on my list. It's too late now. But yes, he makes every fucking thing that happens. This dude is like, oh, God. Oh, I don't know. I'm like, just break the fridge. So I opened the gate to the side thing

and they brave the jungle that is our side yard. After they spend 20 minutes cutting all of the seven layers of packaging off the fridge out in the street, they come and they drag it around. And so we have a fridge in there and it already has a water line because it has an ice maker.

And so you have to take it out to put the new one in. You have to pull it out. You have to undo the water line. There's supposed to be some kind of shutoff. These guys cannot find the shutoff to the water line. And he looks at me and he's like, do you know how to do this? And I'm like, I don't know. Is it my fucking job to install a refrigerator?

I don't think so. And he looks at me. He's like, there should be a shutoff. You should know where that is. I'm like, bro, I i just fucking bought this house why would i know anything about that i didn't install it and he was like can you call the previous homeowner again let me call her up we're buddies i bought our house and now we get dinner every two weeks obviously so his solution his brilliant solution is he just unhooks the water and the water is just like and he just kinks the line real quick like he unhooks it and he knows it's not shut off

and he's all surprised that water starts spraying everywhere and so he just kinks the line and i'm like okay well let's just hold the line kinked and that'll be fine and he holds it up to me and is like i'm gonna need you to hold this so we can finish and i'm like you know what fine fine i'm not gonna make a joke about this or be angry fine do this get that fucking thing out of here bring the other one in here plug in the whatever let's do this and so i'm standing in my own kitchen holding a water line with a bucket under it because it's even kinked off it's still dripping right so i'm holding a little bucket to make sure we don't get any water everywhere there's a front window in the kitchen so i can see they bring the old one out i see them go out to the front where their truck is

and they're doing stuff and then i see them with the new refrigerator and they bring it around and so i know they're like on the way i kind of see what they're making progress yeah and then while i'm standing in the refrigerator the backslider is open and i'm just standing there with the stupid kinked hose that i can't leave and i just hear from the backyard like kerching whoosh and then one guy goes oh shit and they just start rushing around and i just and i'm just standing here like i can't go look I don't know what's happening it sounds like water is leaking I have no idea where that would be coming from they don't come in they don't come ask me anything or like do anything so that I can help they're just rushing around back there like oh but what if you get that like I can kind of hear what they're doing

and Mandy is like working like it's the middle of a friday mandy is busy working so i can't just be like hey come help i stand there for maybe 10 or 15 minutes before i finally text mandy and i'm like i know you're busy but some fucking terrible thing is happening like please you come just hold this so i can try and like help these idiots and so she comes out and she's like this is an inconvenience for her i walk out there and there's water is erupting up out of the ground. Like a geyser has started gushing. I don't know what has happened. Apparently what genius number two did is they had the fridge on a dolly wide ways, right?

So it's the widest way it could be to drag it around. And there was a bush. They were trying to drag it through this little path. That's like, it's like a sidewalk width it's not a wide path but it's wide enough if the refrigerator was sideways it probably would have fit right through they were going to drag it through wide ways and apparently just fucking destroy this bush but also apparently inside this bush is a pvc pipe coming out of the ground that's part of like the irrigation system that I have no idea the details of it. Cause it's been here since God knows when it's super old. And it's, honestly, it's on my list of like, I need to have like a professional come look,

this irrigation system is kind of old and janky. I don't know if it still works right or whatever. Like he just sees the bush and is like, fuck that bush. What he did was he dragged the fridge right through the bush and snapped off the fucking PVC pipe. And there's just a geyser of water coming up out of the ground. And what they were doing when I went out there, which is apparently what they had been doing the whole 10 minutes is one of them wasn't standing there staring, like thinking. And the other one had the broken off PVC pipe. It was trying to like jam it back on.

Like it was just going like jam it back on like it was just gonna slip right back on and like they looked over at me and were like like he might as well I don't remember what he said because the rage started boiling at this point inside of me they looked over at me and like blankly looked at me and gestured at

the water and looked at the water and looked back at me like I'm gonna fucking fix it like i magically know what the hell is happening and how to fix this taking cleansing breaths punching my fists a little too hard taking my nails into my palms kind of hurts oh okay god yeah so like literally they did this and the one guy who apparently the guy who was standing there watching is the one who did it and he looked at me and he was like i can't believe that pipe was in there it was hidden in there and i just is it an accident you know and like i wish i had said this but it's not like it's a little it's not grass it's not a flower or something you

could like oh push it over and scoot. It's a big fucking bush. To get the thing through where he got it through, he literally had to pull it up to that gap and it stopped. And he was like, ooh, this bush is in the way. And he was just like, no, it's not. Let's go. Oh, God. Oh.

Oh. Oh! Oh! Oh! I don't know what led them to that action, but there's no version of that that's not just so fucking stupid that it makes me unbelievably angry! And I can even right now!

And that's- this just happened a few hours ago now i'm still so mad okay i can't i don't know man like i couldn't even and so this leads to a whole series of like finally i'm like we need to shut the water off to the house. You fucking idiots. Like, you're not going to wedge that pipe back on there. It snapped off. Doesn't fit back on. There's no super glue.

There's no flex tape. We got to turn the water off to the whole house. And so the guy who seemed to be in charge of this was like, right, right, right. The water main. And he handed me the pipe and was like hold this on there like that was gonna do something like he was holding it on there and you know when you have a hose and you put your thumb over it and the water sprays out that's what he was doing he was not keeping any water inside of anything he was just holding this pipe down and spraying water fucking everywhere and he was like you hold this i'll go do the and i like took it from him and i did it for a minute but i was standing there

like this isn't doing anything like as i was doing it i was like he said hold it i'm gonna hold why would i hold this what is this doing and eventually i just set it down and walk out front and he's like on the street so the way water service works generally i think in america he's like on the street. So the way water service works generally, I think in America, there's like a line that runs sort of along your street. If you're in like a suburban area, each house has like a line that comes off that main line that goes into the house. And so down where that connection is, where like your water meter might be, there's usually like a master shut off, like a main thing. But also I didn't know this because I've not owned a house that had this before. i've only ever lived

in apartments and townhouses or rentals where it wasn't my thing apparently there's also always a main water shut off inside the house and so the one down by the street was like really difficult it wouldn't budge it was like seized up this house was built in the 70s it's fairly old and so this pipe has been down here for a long time and this dude is just like wanging away on it with a wrench and sprayed it with wd-40 and he's asking me if i have tools which like i get that it's not part of his job to have to shut off the main water to a house but these dudes literally were looking at me like i was their boss. Every step of the way, they were like, it's not turning.

Both turn and look at me. What do we do? And I'm standing here like, this doesn't seem like how you would install a fridge. I don't know. I have different expectations. I'm as confused as you are. More probably.

And so eventually, like, I'm standing here Googling on my phone dummy number one and dummy number two are like hitting the pipe with a wrench doing nothing looking at each other nothing eventually i'm googling and i find some stuff that's like there should be a an outdoor shut off and there should be an indoor shut off and i go start looking around my house frantically for any sort of valve i can shut off finally after a solid half hour of water fucking destroying my backyard flooding our patio by the way they left the the brand new fridge that they had bragged back there he got it a full three feet away from the water explosion before he set the fridge down and was like ah let me fix this so this fridge is literally sitting in a muddy puddle getting sprayed with water for half an hour which should

be fair i did not think of either but i'm i'm out here like my mind is exploding with rage that these guys just fucking broke because it's not fixed still so like my house is no longer flooding well my patio whatever that's dramatic so finally i turn the water off and everyone everything calms down for a second and i look at these guys and they look pretty shaken because like sure what did what did they just do and i look at them and i'm like okay so how do we fix this like do you have a plumber that you call you call your boss like you did this how do you fix this and he looks at me and he's like uh you're gonna have to talk to lowes about that apparently these fucking guys don't even work for lowes they work for a third

party company that lowes contracts to deliver and i'm like at this point everything's calming down a little i'm still so mad that i'm like they looked like they were a little scared of me because my face was not pleasant but i'm like okay i OK, I'm going to call Lowe's. You guys go do the fucking thing. Put the fridge in there. I'm going to call Lowe's. I call. And my first thought is, OK, I'm going to get into the infinite loop of no one's going

to answer, right? Because I just did this for a whole week. I call and miraculously a human answers the phone. And I explain like, hey, you guys are here delivering a fridge. They ripped a thing out of the ground and flooded my backyard. your guys are here delivering a fridge they ripped a thing out of the ground and flooded my backyard and there's an active water leak how do we fix this and they said i should contact you and he's like uh yeah just one second and puts me on hold right away like doesn't even let me respond so i'm on hold for a couple minutes comes back he's

like okay i i talked to my manager uh so what we have to do is you give me your information like your name and your address and whatever and we will initiate contact with the company that we contracted to do the delivery and in my mind i'm like wait wait wait wait i'm talking to the guys who work for the company who just damaged my house and they said i should talk to you so the process is they direct me to you who make contact with them on my behalf. It's a whole thing. At this point, I'm like all the water's off to our entire house, right? Sinks don't work, no running water whatsoever. Hopefully this will be fixed fast, like tomorrow, maybe today if we're lucky. And the guy's like, yeah, yeah. So we'll make contact.

And then within 24 to 48 hours, they will reach out to you and start the process of getting it scheduled to get this fixed. And I'm like, okay, you understand the water is off to my entire house right now. It's not acceptable that maybe within 48 hours, maybe we can start the process of maybe getting this fixed. And the guy's like, uh, well, uh, that's the, that's the process. This is the process. And I literally, at this is a point where I start to lose it. Like I generally, I'm super cordial. I've been a delivery driver.

I've worked in food service. I know what it's like when people are totally shitty to you and you have to try and maintain, you know, decorum. You have to try and be professional. So even when people are terrible to me, I'm always like, oh, you know, I appreciate that. Like try to be nice. And I say to this dude, like, what the fuck do you mean? This is the pro you hear me, right?

Your company just damaged my house unrelated to what you're doing i start swearing at this dude i start saying like what the fuck like this shit is my shit is broken right now my fucking house doesn't have water and he literally i think i broke him a little and he literally pauses and is like oh um do you not want to do this process because this is the only process and And I almost fucking threw my phone. And I get that this one random dude at the store is not going to fix my problem. But holy fuck, I almost yeeted my cell phone into space

because I fuck. And so I go through the whole thing. Apparently, we're fucked at this point, right? We're just not going to have water for God knows how long, up to two days at minimum. In the back of my mind, I'm like, there's no way this is how this is resolved. This is completely unacceptable.

But I know if I just call an emergency plumber myself and have them come fix it, there's no way I'm getting that fucking money back. Like they're not going to pay me. They're going to be like, oh, you fixed it. Good. Thank you. And then never call me again.

Yeah. And so at this point I just calm down and I start talking to the dudes. They're almost done putting the fridge in. And the guy is like, well, there should be a way to turn off the, you know, irrigation system, right? Should have a separate water supply. And I'm like, oh yeah. Where would that be?

And he's like, I don't know, man. It's your house. And I'm like, trying to stay calm. This is a new house, man. I don't know. Like you have any ideas. And he's like, nah, I don't know, man. It's your house. And I'm like, trying to stay calm. This is a new house, man. I don't know. Like, do you have any ideas? And he's like, nah, I don't know, man. It's different. It's every house is different, but there should be one. Like you just got to turn that off and you'll be fine. I'm like, okay, are you going to help me turn that off? And he's like, well, we're almost done

with the fridge and then we'll be out of your hair. Like, no. So you're going to leave me with no water and a theory about a valve that will fix my problems in the short term. And this dude was not fucking out. They're doing the fridge and he's like, well, there's definitely a way to do what I'm talking about. You just have to find that. Oh, I'm livid at this point. You can tell because I'm still livid. I wander around.

Eventually, I find a magical nozzle under a different spigot in an area i would never have guessed that turns off the water flow to the irrigation system and we can have water in the house problem solved right as these guys are almost done with the fridge i find this and i come in and i'm like hey i think i found the thing like is the fridge hooked up can i turn the water onto the house and he's like yeah yeah we're all good he looked me right in my fucking eyes and was like see i told you there'd be a thing this fucking guy who just ruined my entire morning damaged my house damaged an irrigation system that's probably so fucking old it doesn't even they don't even make replacement parts or some there's gonna be some dumb shit from this where it's like oh we can't fix it oh no well it's good we can fix it in like

two months or something there's gotta be some fucking fallout from this. These fucking guys. And he looks me in my stupid bright red face and is like, see, I told you so. In that tone, my fists clenched at my sides. I have never been in a fight. I am not a confrontational person. I am generally polite and cordial with everyone no matter how

much of a dick they are to me he said that I didn't say shit he said that to me I clenched my fists and my jaw and just went and just walked out to the garage and turned the water on as I'm coming back inside these dudes are gone they are gone I come into the house I look out the back and the thing is not gushing and I turn on the sink real quick and it's working. And I'm like, oh my God, you gotta be kidding me. It's fine. So we have water. The thing is the irrigation is still broken, but I like it's isolated.

So it'll be fine. We'll just get a fix. It'll be fine. And as I'm standing at the sink in the kitchen, I'm looking out the front and the dudes are like frantically like tossing their shit in the back of the truck, like tossing the tools, tossing the garbage that they had, the whatever, the clothes at the back. And I'm like, they can't be leaving. Don't I have to sign something saying that I accepted this expensive appliance?

They're just going to leave it. They just fucking eat everything in the truck and get in that motherfucker and speed off. Not another word. They knew what the fuck they did they were fucking gone dude yeah i don't know if it was my expression and my fist clenching or if they were just planning to do this the whole time and now so right before we started this man he texted me from the other room and is like hey water's not coming out of the fridge is it supposed to be getting cold the fridge isn't cold and it doesn't seem to be working and i just went out there and looked at it it's not it's not it's

not cold it's been plugged in for like an hour it's not getting cold there's no water coming out i'm hoping there's like a first time setup or some shit that you have to go through and push a certain thing of buttons or something but like if they set it up incorrectly they just stopped what they were doing they were like, fuck, leave, leave, fucking leave. Get out of here. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna lose my fucking mind. I'm just gonna start punching things

or something because I have rarely felt this angry in my entire life at anything. If they ran because they knew it was broken and they were afraid oh my god like all the water and somehow short-circuited something in the pump or something like that oh my god jesus christ i'm so sorry do you still not know if your fridge works no when i came back to record this it was still 80 degrees inside the fridge and the

freezer and no water was coming out and there was no sign of any reason why that would be happening yeah everyone listening at home please understand this actually happened an hour ago this is literally this all started at 9 30 ish a.m and it's like one it's just after 1 p.m right now yeah oh my god i there's nothing i love more and i know it's not pleasant for you bob but there's nothing i love more than indignant rage bob it's so it's happened like three times it takes so much to get me here it's so rare but god it's beautiful well the first dudes broke something else right the gas line wasn't working yeah so the first delivery the fridge got dented they claimed it wasn't them i had no evidence they did it but it was dented and they were trying to get me to

accept it anyway and they screwed up the gas line which was an easy fix it was a problem was more than i didn't know that the earthquake shutoff thing even existed. Once I learned what that was, it took me like five minutes to fix it. So right now in my backyard, there's a piece of pipe with a relay on top of it laying in the backyard. There's a dirt all over everything on the patio,

including my grill, which was like two feet away from this incident. Like it's this very first world problem. It'll clean off. I understand that. But like my whole backyard's a fucking explosion mess right now and i just the fucking gall on that dude like every step of the way was that exact same tone of like see i told you let me check it hey let me measure it it sounds like the needs more mud guy all over again i feel that like i feel that guy he's the californian version of i just needs more mud it'll get more mood see man told you more mud to fix it for those of you who don't know what

this reference is watch the drowned man series on youtube.com slash Markiplier. Yeah. I also humbly surrender for this episode because there's literally nothing I could say that would ever compete with that story. Well, now listen, I'm the judge, and so I feel like I need to assign some points here. Yeah, okay, alright. Bob, for getting so royally fucked in all this mess, I award you 69 points. Thank you. Mark, for yielding your time and not even trying to compete, I'm actually going to give you 20,000 points. What the fuck?

Yeah. But for today only, at least for my hosting standards, we're going to go by golfing rules, so lesser points win. So Bob's still the winner. All right. That's fair. I clenched my fists. I just wanted to know.

This is all kind of a bit, but it's also kind of not a bit. This is the kind of rage that lasts. I was too afraid to actually not let you win, no, I'm not. This is all kind of a bit, but it's also kind of not a bit. This is the kind of rage that lasts. I was too afraid to actually not let you win, Bob, but I had to at least build the suspense. I don't know when we're going to be in the same room again, but I don't know if it's far enough in the future, Wade, for you to fuck around with this. Okay, I don't even know. I just want you to think about that.

You win, Bob. You're so far under par, Bob. Yeah, no, I believe that they ran away because, I mean, for those of you who don't know, Bob is 6'4". He's now a small guy, very intimidating in the right circumstances. So I imagine they were very fearful, just like I would be in that situation. See, man, told you it'd all work out fine. I mean, there's a refrigerator in my kitchen, so it's close, right? Worst case, you go buy some ice, you toss it in there, and the ice will keep things cold in your ice box.

Yeah, just go buy some ice at the store, put that in the ice maker, and that'll keep everything else cold. Yeah, fair, fair. Oh, man, I've hurt. This hurts. Oh, by the way, off topic, but I just looked at the bottom. My feet are covered in blood what it's fake blood oh jesus it's fine you can't just kind of lead off with that last night we were filming so there's a lot of blood so i looked down my feet like am i okay and it's

like oh yeah wait no i was walking in blood yesterday and i didn't shower so i'm good i'm okay i hope that the editor just takes that down to yeah i was walking around in blood yesterday and I didn't shower so I'm good. I'm okay. I hope that the editor just takes that down to, yeah I was walking around in blood yesterday, I didn't shower but everything's okay. Alright Judgeman. Wrap it up. Alright, that's it. Thank you again to our sponsors for this episode. Appreciate all of you guys or I appreciate you one guy. I appreciate Appreciate all of you guys. Or I appreciate you, one guy. I appreciate the two of you. What are you saying? What happened?

Read the script, man. Read the script. Oh, thank you to our sponsors for... Jesus Christ. I had to do it. All right. Thanks, everybody, for listening to Distractible. Brought to you by Woodhull. I had to do it. Alright. Thanks everybody for listening to Distractible. Brought to you by Wood Elf. Make sure you're subscribed so you always know when there's a new episode.

Follow Wood Elf Media for the latest updates. Follow us. You can find Bob. Bob. Facebook. Bob, you say it. Facebook. I stream on Facebook. Mormon. Facebook.com slash MyScrub. Mark, you can find youtube.com slash markiplier game

i'm lord minion 777 we'll see you guys whatever the hell happens next week congrats on the win bob yeah congrats podcast out