Distractible - Bob's Top 5 (#2 Will Shock You!)

Episode Date: November 14, 2025

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service delivered via 5G networks speeds very new to factor affecting cellular and networks guarantee exclusions details at tmobile.com slash home internet good evening gentle listeners or watchers and welcome to distractible this episode behold and bob cause cod goes raiding then ranks fun science facts Microbial Mark mourns man's best friend, poor Henry, mentions moonbows, questions wetness, a metallic Camelopadalus. Whitening Wade upgrades his peen, blows away bushwhackers, seize glory holes, and fears Zeus's bolts. From humbling heaviness to cosmic latte. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

It's time for Bob's top five. Number two will shock you. Now sit back I'm prepared to be distracted And enjoy the show Hello everybody and welcome back To your guinea pig's third favorite podcast That's right

You're watching Distractable And if you're listening This intro is not for you Because we all know that you're the You're the real heroes here Hey listeners, how you doing? Thanks so much for listening I really appreciate you.

I'm your host for this episode. My name is Bob. I've done this before, even though from my performance, you might question whether that's true. I have, I promise I have. I have won previous episodes. It is me,

former winner, Bob. And I'm shown today by my co-host slash competitors, just like always, Mark and Wade. Hi, I'm Mark. Howdy, Doody. Wait's the one that said duty. If you've never seen this show before, the way this works is I am the host,

and I have like a game topic and I'm gonna give out points and then these two guys are trying to get points or not get points because we've had a lot of golf rules for how hard it is to do golf rules on this show we've had a lot of golf rules coming out lately. This episode, my plan is for the highest number of points to win

but we'll see what the wheel has to say about that and then whoever wins host the next one. That's the whole thing. The points are very strictly calculated. It's basically science. This is basically an experiment. It's tightly controlled and yeah, you'll see once we get going how it works

It's very carefully planned out. It's very thoughtful. And the points are very important. And the winner is a meaningful choice at the end because it's science. But anyway, before we get into the game that I have planned, how are you guys doing? How are you been? You got sad small talk. You want that?

You want to kick this off with some depressing discussions? I'm here. I'm here to talk about whatever you want, man. No, I mean, I'm going to talk about more later. Unfortunately, actually fortunately, we're unfortunately, I'm not sure which way to go about it. But this week is also the fifth anniversary of Unisana's. Oh, wow. So we've had to plan that.

And what's interesting about it's like we at first was like, holy shit, this is a whole bunch to deal with right now with Henry in the movie and all of it's sprinting and having to stop and all this things. And then Oonisana's being like, oh, shit, we got to do that. But it reminded us very much about doing Unisana. or maybe me am i might be putting uh thoughts into their minds but it's um i was i was thinking about it a lot and just kind of oh we did this when covid happened and in the moment it's like you know you never know how it was going to be and then we're just got to plow through no matter what and then we we finish away this so we uh by the time people have seen this they've already seen what we did uh so we had planned it for a while um and then we did it and it was great but it's like right now

when I'm recording this, we haven't done it yet. So I'm hoping that everything I'm saying is true. So it's going to be great. This is going to be so funny when someone is like, oh, wait, can we put, oh, no, can we do it in next week? Wait, sorry. But it's been a time. No, man, that's crazy, though.

Five, so five years ago, it started. Yeah, November of 2020 would have been when it ended, right? Because you guys started in November of 2019 right before everything bad happened. in the pandemic yeah so it's it's technically been six years since we started at five years since its death and so we have kind of at a loose plan but then all the plans are you kind of get to the moment we're like oh shit we got to execute upon the plan uh how do we do this so yeah it's um it's been it's been a time lot of stuff going on lots of things happening and then the emotional burden of losing henry has been pretty tough but the work's been distracting and uh

We've been moving forward from that. You know, not a lot of people realize, like, I've had Chica for nine years. We've had Henry for seven. Oh, really? Henry's been there a lot longer than people think. But, yeah, so it was real tough. There have been a lot of those year realizations, like whenever you guys had the wedding, the fact that you and Amy had been together for a decade blew my mind.

I was like, no, it's been like, three to five, seven, ten, ten's the number. Actually, it'll be pretty close to having Cheka for 10. I got a look up when I got her. I should probably know that, but... Eh, it's been so long. It's easy to forget. So I will have or will talk more about that, but with Amy, because, you know, I want to talk about Henry with Amy, so... That's so many things going on.

Yeah, yeah, it's a lot of things. But it's okay, we're managing. There's other people here to help, and this is nice to just get back into doing this. How are you, Wade? And what a time to segue to Game of the Year! Is it going to be Ark Raiders or Expedition 33? I know what Shroud says. Guys, I've got relevant conversation.

What does Shroud say? What does Shroud said? Oh, single player. Only multiplayer should. Call a Duty 28 or Expedition 33? No, our creators. on the day this episode comes out the new Call of Duty what Black Op 7 comes out

calling it now that's game of the year if they'd given us an ad read maybe but they didn't so all streamers are going to conclude together Call of Duty Blackop 7 game that doesn't even exist yet

Instant Game of the Year Instant classic All you need is more war zone baby I have been playing a bit of Arc It's very fun. When I first started playing, I don't know if it was because I was in like the safer areas, but there was a like friendly people. It was a PVP game where you'd run into people that were just like,

Hey, I'm, don't shoot, I'm friendly. I'm just, listen, I'm just collecting flowers. Just getting some flowers. And we were like, yeah, hey, we just need some olives and pears. Olives and pairs. We're cool. That's nice. But the longer have been playing, I've found more people that are just like,

Hey, we're friendly, but be careful. Those guys back there betrayed us. Oh, they'd overweight. We got you, loser. So we didn't have had a couple of people. those moments lately where people have pretended to be nice and then immediately betrayed. Fun, fun. I love that in a game where you don't really gain very much by killing other players, you just

do it for funs. Typically they've got, they could have better loot on them because they've already been looting around, but also you could potentially just get nothing and just, anyway, I saw a bit that I really want to do in Ark Raiders. I saw this guy posting clips where he goes to the extracts and just stands out on top and is like, I will protect you. Everyone, come to my, I am the extract hero. And like his whole bit is just like the opposite of extract camping where he's like,

this is a safe one. Come here and extract. And like, I want to be that guy because that's hilarious. That is nice. That is nice. Is it kind of like Rust in a way? It's PVE. It's like Rust when it first came out that had zombies.

Do you know enough about like Escape from Tarkoff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's kind of like a more casual less like military sim Tarkoff it's like third person and you don't have you know 90 types of ammo and all this bullet you have simplified like weapons and stuff but the the gameplay loop is there are robots on the map and it's PVE but also you can PVP but you really don't have to and like I've had experiences where I was in with I was in a duo and we ran into another duo and we were like well we're cool don't shoot and then they were just like let's go kill a big robot and we went and found a big like walking spider leaper robot and we that was the first time any of us had killed one and then we extracted together it was super cool it's fun but there's there's been plenty of douchebags also who are just there to ruin your time and pvp it's part of the game i'm not going to be one of those people who's like you shouldn't do it i just don't care for it there's a map called bluegate in the center of

blue gate there's like an olive garden it's not olive garden what's it called olive Olive Garden. It's called Olive Something. I don't know. It's the place where your family. Oh, yeah. Are you thinking of Magiano's Little Italy? It might be. Terizanos. Oh, okay. But no, there's like a little field of like trees where you go to get olives or apricots or lemons. It's just like a... Oh, you meant that there's olive tree. Yeah, but the place is actually called Olive Something.

Olive Orchard? Are craters. Olive patch. Bluegates. Olive Garden Olive Grove apparently it's called Olive Grove I thought it was called Olive Garden my bad they did have breadsticks when I was there but

anyway we went to this Olive Grove it's like central in the map and in order to upgrade your cock which you have to do in this game yeah you do want to do that what huh what say again what you have to feed it and at one point you need apricots and lemons and then later on you need all Olives and mushrooms and more apricot, whatever. So a lot of the stuff you need is in this olive grove.

And we went there and five teams converged there at once. And everyone was pretty chill except for one group. And we didn't really know what was happening. So we hear one group that's like fighting. We think they're fighting robots. And then one guy runs over to us. He's like, hey, those people over there, do not trust that group. They said they were cool.

And then they weren't. Okay. That's cool, man. we're just here to grab some olives. Yeah, yeah, it's what we were here for too, but they went crazy for some reason. All right, well, we'll keep an eye out, but we're just going to go loot.

And then he kind of ran off, and we hear him run back, and he's like screaming. He's like, oh, God, look out the Leaper. Shoot it, shoot it. And we're like, it's not even mad right now. Why would we shoot it? And so I'm going to loot something. Basically, the dude lied.

He was trying to bait us into shooting the Leeper so the robots would attack us so he could kill us and loot us. And then he tried that. and then another team came over after the dude tried to betray us and we downed him and then he told the team he was like hey these guys aren't cool these guys told me they were fridly they shot me and we're like this dude came over here like you guys can rest him if you want we're not dealing with him no he tried to betray us he tried to get us to fight the leaper but the dude was he was selling so hard every story and no one believed him so like all these teams kept converging he was like crawling around to the ground like hey these guys betrayed me and none of us were having it they're like we ran into them earlier they were cool, man. We're not going to screw with them. Oh, come on, I got, like, and then

he just died. And we kept lootin our olives. Then he just died. Yeah, but he was really committed to the bit. That's really funny. Anyway, our craters, not game of the year, unless... Unless Shroud says so. This episode is brought to you by Uber.

You know that feeling when someone shows up for you when you need it most? Yeah. We all need that sometime. And Uber knows that. Uber isn't just a ride or a meal delivered it's showing up no matter what I think that might be them knocking on the door and because they're you know who was really good about getting them right to where you are to them or the FBI I'm not a hundred percent sure yep when it really matters whatever it is you show up or there's a will we're on our way

Uber on our way download the app today yeah well you guys want to play a little game sure sure oh should we make a disclaimer that um we're trying to catch up on episodes so the next few episodes are going to be a little shorter than usual we're just trying to make sure that we get back up and running without having to blow everything up today's game is called 20 fast questions oh no I'm just fucking with you I was originally gonna call it that but it's I'm not doing that no this this game I found this list and it's one of those lists of like oh it's a 158 fun fact that will blow your mind and I started

started reading it and almost none of them blew my mind. But I did find five fun facts that I thought were interesting enough that I was like, ah, cool. And so I made a list. I made a tier list, you could say. I made a ranking. One through five of these five fun facts. And I want you guys to see if you can match how I ranked them. We're going to talk about the fun facts real quick. And then you're just going to make your list. So there's five things. So it's one through five, one being the highest, five being the lowest. We're just going to talk about them. And then at the end, I will give your ranked list a score.

And then that will be how we determine who wins. Okay. So pretend I wasn't listening to the first half of that. The most important information, pretend I wasn't wrestling with getting a cable off the ground. Five things. Five things. Five things. Five things. Okay, five things. I have a list and they're ranked.

One through five. One is good. five is less good. Okay. We're going to talk about them and you guys are going to rank them. That's the whole thing. I thought I had something more in there. No, no. I just, at the end, I have a system for I'm going to score your lists.

That's it. Fact number one, a rainbow on Venus is called a glory. I really wish it was on Uranus that it was called a glory. But a rainbow on Venus, which is not the planet Uranus, is called a glory, appearing as a series of colored concentric rain. rings. These are caused by the interference of light waves within droplets rather than by reflection, refraction, and dispersion of light, which is how a rainbow is made on Earth. So they look similar because it basically breaks the light out into rainbow of colors, breaks it out

and it looks like a rainbow kind of, but it's called a glory. That's pretty cool, right? Yeah. Yeah, I just got caught up and you know how the rainbow is kind of like a bridge in design? Sure, sure. Is that a glory hole? Well, an Earth rainbow is a glory bridge, but a Venus rainbow is a glory hole. All rainbows are circles, but we only see part of it. That's why a moon bow, you can see a full circle. Is that a thing?

Yeah, a moonbow? Yeah, you've never seen a moonbow? I played Franbo back in the day. That's good. Give up a point. Okay. Hey, I'm just here, man. Well, I was.

I'll be a pick. All right. Uh, if you see a moon bow, uh, usually it's easier to see with a full moon. And if it's straight up in the sky, you can see a full halo, uh, around, um, which is like, when you think about the rainbow, it's not just a structure is not just a bow. It's not just that. It would continue if the earth wasn't in the way. What causes that on the moon, though?

Is it our atmosphere causing that? Yeah, yeah. Because there's no atmosphere on the moon, right? So, yeah, it's the same thing. You need the same kind of similar scenario. You need, like, moisture in the atmosphere, but enough to not be blocked and it can hit it. It's very pretty when it happens. Last time I saw it, I was up in Idle Wild with Amy.

I've never seen that. That sounds really cool. It is. It's very cool, yeah. But you got to, like, you could be out at night. You know, I don't know how many times you're out at night looking up at the moon. I do, honestly, I do that. I like having, like, I have a fire pit.

You sit out. You have a fire. You look at it. I'm in an area in Sincey where, like, it's pretty, there's a lot of light pollution, so I don't get, like, the best view of stuff, but I do like looking at, when we used to go camping in Northern Michigan, going down by the water and just staring up at the sky, because you could see satellites. If the ISS was like in the right, look at you could see the ISS go overhead. It's very cool. I used to do it all the time. Never saw Moonbow.

That's one of the five things. You have no reference right now, but I could pick a spot for where you think that might be. But the next fun, well, Wade's on here. Let's talk about it without them. Okay. The next fun fact is that fish form orderly cues in emergencies. Scientists have observed that schools of neon tetrafish when evacuating through narrow passages in sketchy or otherwise like dangerous situations where they're trying to escape from something, they will form an organized queue so that they don't run into each other and clog up the little. passageway and they stay organized even while they're panicking and escaping until they're all

escape safely. That is interesting. Are these all true? Is this far true than a lie? I'm not going to say I went and found all of the academic papers, but these are all purportedly true things. And I'm realizing now they're all generally kind of sciencey things, because I guess the only facts I find interesting are science facts.

Did we learn anything other than Uranus, rainbows? I don't know, you weren't here, so I had to help someone who was lost Yeah, yeah, okay Well, they were delivering my food Well, so we did the Venus rainbow, Venus glories And then the one Mark and I just talked about

And now we're gonna do the third fact Third Fun Fact Did you know that water might not be wet? This is a philosophical one I've heard that, yeah But this is a scientific perspective on it Most scientists would define wetness as a liquid's ability to maintain contact with a solid surface. So like a towel is wet because of surface tension and other qualities of the towel, the water stays absorbed into it, right?

It's connected to that solid surface. That means water's not a solid surface and water just is water. There is no water on water. Water is water. So water can't be wet then. if by this definition from this perspective, potentially. Yeah, I've heard this before, too, and I think where this rubs people wrong is

there's a generally accepted life experience with water that it, in almost every scenario where a human is interacting with water, makes things wet, feels wet, is generally wet. So it's, you know, it's like Pluto, you know. You're technically right, of course, but everyone's life experience. had Pluto being the the planet at the anyway it's uh can't get our nine pizzas without Pluto

how is eight pizzas any worse than nine so how's a oh yeah so it's like I I I think you broke a spark plug in my brain right all they want, it really won't change people's experience with when dealing with water. They're not going to go like, oh, don't worry, that water's not wet. Don't be afraid. But it's not wet, Mark. Because it's certainly not dry. Water needs to be wet. Just because it makes you wet doesn't mean that the water is wet. But would it be considered dry then? If it's not wet, is it dry? The water is dry until it interacts with a solid surface?

but then the water is still dry. What's it? This is the question. We need to come up with a definition for when water has physical objects in it. The water makes things wet. What do things make water? Ah! One of my spark plugs.

Oh, no, no. Oh, we're losing so many spark plugs on this one. Come on. This is a terrible fact. I hate this. I love this. It's a fun fact. Wait, it's a philosophical discussion.

But a bad one. Listen, there's bad philosophy. There's no such thing. Well, I'm not going to say that. All right, fun fact number four. Did you know, giraffes are 30 times more likely to get hit by lightning than human people. Makes sense. While there are only five actual well-documented fatal lightning strikes on giraffes between 1996 and 2010, due to the population of giraffes being just 140,000 during that time frame roughly, that makes it about 0.0.0.000. 303 lightning deaths per thousand giraffes each year, which is 30 times more than the fatality

rate for human beings. Is it because they're tall? Probably, right? Yeah, I thought you were going to bait and switch us like it's not because they're tall. Giraffes live primarily in like deserts, I believe, where there isn't stuff. If giraffes lived in a city where there are, you know, 10 plus story buildings all over, I don't know if their height difference between them and humans really does much

but they live in a world where they're the tallest thing for a long, for miles around most a lot of the time. Don't they live in savannas? They don't live in Georgia Wade. Oh. Because, yeah, never mind. Is it savannas?

I mean, are, am I still correct, though? There's not like a lot of like tall forests and stuff, right? There's no, no, they're very open. There's not a lot of trees. Yeah. Relatively arid, I think, not necessarily jungle although I suppose they could I don't know if anything's stopping them

Yeah I have no idea what the actual defined habitat of a giraffe is It could be include jungles or things but Oh they live in Chad No from Chad to North South Africa What's annoying is the places Where there's color where they are They cover the name of that country

I don't know my geography This is useless You've got to find another map Map of words and then compare map of giraffes to map of words. Anyway, I do think there's some bias in that because giraffes live in a place where they're easily the tallest thing. And humans are never the tallest thing.

The world that we've created, even if it's like a nomadic people, humans live in, you know, I believe in Mongolia, they live in these big traveling like yurt things where they, you know, there are societies where they're nomadic and they travel, but they still live in a structure that they erect that's way taller than people are. Savannah's and woodlands, usually in, like, grasslands. South and Western Africa?

My other theory was that giraffes might be partially made of metal. Maybe in 1987, all giraffes were replaced by the government, and it's actually a conspiracy. Really good iron intake in those leaves. Which government? The government? The world government, Mark. The world.

old government, okay, all right, okay. Obviously, the one run by the lobster people. Maybe something they're doing is generating static electricity. I don't know why. I just imagine all the giraffes like shuffling their feet. Like, giraffes don't pick their, they're all just like

and they're always really, really zappy because they shuffle around a lot. Is that way like the fur on their neck stands up? It's the static? Does it? Probably. I don't know. Well, they do have those two protruding things. It's very lightening. Rudd-esque.

Oh, that's true. Maybe that's some sort of alien technology. Maybe they, once upon a time, were able to cast lightning, like channel it from their horns and zap it out, like, to kill their prey. The great predators. Well, they were such great predators that they killed all the prey and now they're vegetarians because they ran out of stuff, the things to eat. Okay, if I was walking next to Mark, and it was Thunder and Lightning,

I would feel more in danger than I would think Mark would be because I'm closer to the lightnings, Dray. Closer to God, closer to death. So maybe the giraffes, maybe it is the height thing because their heads are always in those very conductive branches. If they're when? Stop it, bomb. His British is coming out all over the place.

Man, he's just leaking accents today. No, his wet comet made me mad because of the water one. Was that an always sudden? reference or is that not a thing? I've not seen that. There's, okay, there's a scene of that show where, oh, Charlie Day's character is doing something completely insane. And then the other guy just goes,

in a voice that's not his normal voice at all, goes, Stop it, Charlie! It's just really fucking weird and out of pocket. I guess that's just a funny thing, funny guys do. I guess you're just funny in that way. Thank you. All right, this is the last fact. Oh, second to last, right?

Nope. then you'll all have to rank all these facts we've been talking about this whole time. The universe has an average color. We all know how Mark likes to do math with colors and how hilarious it is when we have to compare the color of our shirt

to the color of our backgrounds. I love it. You know I love it. Astronomers have found that the light coming from galaxies averages out into an off-white color that they have decided to call cosmic latte.

The color of the universe is Cosmic Latte. Okay, so they decided this based on the average wavelength of light. This is the average wavelength of emitted light as far as we can observe. Again, this is one of those things where it's like, this is very similar to the water is wet situation because a thing's color is based on its reflected light, right? But in the universe, most of it is nothing. So you would have to base it on the number of reflective surfaces as opposed to anything. But maybe that is majority. I don't know.

I have to assume that they remove the empty parts, right? Like this was clearly they got rid of the outliers, which would include anything where there's nothing that they can sense. Like the black parts of the sky are not black light. There's just no light to be observed. I feel like this has to be an average of what they're, like, things that are actually bouncing light towards whatever sensors, telescopes, whatever they're using. I suppose. Cosmic latte is just cream.

Yeah, it is. It sounds really cool. Like if someone was like, what color is Cosmic Latte? In my head, I would imagine all sorts of stuff. It's just like beige. It's literally like that thing your grandparents owned that they've had for 40 years that was painted white originally but it's faded and old and gross looking now? Yeah, well

so listen, the reality of what the color is doesn't need to spoil the fact that it's called, I just like that it's called Cosmic Latte. I think that's really funny. I think that's a good color. I want to paint my house Cosmic Latte because then I can tell this very boring story to

everyone who comes over to my house. Don't yawn at me. Sorry, just so bored. All right, now that we've all, all of us have talked about all five of these insanely fun facts. Yeah, I've got them ranked. Yeah, you're done?

Oh, done. Yeah. Wait, is five the least interesting? Yeah. Yeah, one is the top, the most interesting. I should have told you. We should have left you to decide because I am. I already said that a bunch of times. Exactly.

So we should have repeated it again. We'll repeat for Mark. Yeah, well, he didn't leave. He just doesn't listen. That's different. I had to. My food was lost and there's nothing I care about more in life than food. well that might be true

damn I don't know I text Molly real quick food's kind of important I tell her I like to think the same's true for all right well wait if yours is ready Mark is still figuring

what is your list Wade all right one to five or five to one which order you want me going go five to one Colin let's make it fun number five water isn't wet

all right four universe average color is cosmic latte all right number three don't know wasn't here for it Number two, giraffes are 30 times more likely to get hit by lightning.

All right. Number one. You guys will never guess. The Venus Gloryhole. All right. What a beautiful list. Well, don't say anything until you hear my list. Boo!

Okay, well, I didn't boo your list. They probably weren't listening to it. I wasn't, actually. I don't remember. I remember what you started with, because you had number four, what my number five is. So number five for me is cosmic life. Latte, because... Number five is Cosmic Latte, got it?

Because, oh, cares. Oh, fucking cares. I, why did that even make my list? You're right. Yeah, that's something aside who's like, I've called you all to this meeting to declare. It's fiche. It's like, fucking,

from leaves. Like, not even a clap. So that's, I don't give a shit. I thought that the next one would be water. not be wet, but it's not. Because I'm basing this on what makes me ask more questions or what leads to further queries or stuff like that. And drafts more likely to start by lightning just as like, uh-huh. Yeah, they're tall. That makes sense. That's just really that goes to me. Say with a lot of days. I've called you on to this meeting. I've introduced just

years of research. I've discovered the drafts. are more likely to be struck my lady and everyone would be like and then leave you know the TED talk that is these things sure sure so in third it's water might not be wet

because people would get you get a response after the I've declared water might not be because every of the audience would be like boom why'd you waste your grant money on this then they'd leave

right okay okay Number two is actually rainbow on Venus is called The Glory because I think that that's cool, it's interesting, it's a totally different way to get a rainbow. You put that at number one? No, that's number two. No, I know, but you put that at number one.

Yeah, I did, and I'll tell you one. Unbelievable, that's clearly a number three. You get the question of like, oh, that's cool, there's a different way to make a rainbow. But with Fish, this TED talk was going to be fascinating. Because this guy has to start with how he put these fish in emergency situations. What fire did he light in that fish tank to get them to do a fire drill? How did they?

Why was, how many fish didn't make it out of the exit in the orderly queue? Like, what was the emergency? I have so many questions. Like, what is the behavior that causes to form an orderly cue? What defines an orderly cue? One fish out to another stretched out. Do they loop? Do they have turnstiles?

Do they have the winding cues like in the scene part? I have so many questions. I believe that that would be a very interesting TED talk. And whoever did this research has got to be an interesting person, they would make that TED talk entertaining. When the fire starts in the aquarium, these fish get out the stanchions and know how to set up DSA line that wraps efficiently. No, that's clearly number three.

That's what I was thinking this whole time. All right. Hang on, just doing some final math here. Mark, you put up a good fight. Thank you. You're welcome. The way that I scored this, which I'm sure by explaining this, I will make someone really angry and they'll tell me why this is a terrible scoring system,

is that for each ranking that you did, I basically subtracted a point for each spot away from my rank that you were. So I have a whole, I have some math on the page. I think our cosmic latte is going to cost us late. Not knowing that fish were doing fire drills might kill me. I will say, I had Cosmic Latte at number one, purely because I really like that the name is so interesting sounding, and the fact is so fucking stupid.

I think that's really funny. It's not a fun fact because of the fact. It's a fun fact because you know that those scientists were like, we have the perfect name. Cosmic Latte. And that's the only interesting thought they've ever had. But it's really funny. So yeah, that one's gonna cause, that one started up a little bit.

Mark, I like your list more than that. Nice. Thank you. He's a fool. Yeah, well, look, we all had our own reasons and only one of us gets to give points. Mark, you got points for Fifthus Onus, being a busy boy,

explaining me what a moonbow was, allowing for me that I was technically correct, even though that's stupid, and zappy giraffes. Wait, you weren't points for... for promoting Shroud encountering that bad liar in Arc Raiders having played Fran Bo

because Mark said I should give you a point for that this is why we can't get or we can't get our nine pizzas without Pluto and then the subsequent head explosion when I said eight is just as good and saying stop it Bob or whatever the fuck you said yeah whatever

and then for the lists Mark you lost 10 points Jesus My list My list was Cosmic Latte Fish or Forming Cues

Giraffes are 30 times More likely to get struck by lightning Rainbow Unvenience is called a glory And water might not be wet So Mark you lost 10 points based on my mess There's only a potential of 11 lost points From that

How bad did I fucking You could have done better Oh no Wade You lost eight points making the final score weighed with zero

and Mark with negative two actually I did my math there's only a potential 10 I did the exact words yeah well I I don't know if this will help anyone who's out there listening or watching but I had so the way I kept track of this is I had mine

one two three four five and then Mark's was two four five three one you pretty much optimized it to lose the maximum amount of points that you could. Wade's saving grace was that he got that water might not be wet was the least interesting fact on that one.

He lost zero points for the fact that water might not be wet. That's so awful. What a horrible waste of life someone did to come up with that idea. It's not over yet. It's not over till it's over. No, golf rules are still in play.

I mean, honestly, Mark's only down by two. Like, that's a totally, I've done. it before. Now the wheel's only going to give us one today. How many bonus spins shall we have? I'd put my money on three based on the way this wheel operates. And you know it's gonna be three! Three baby! I'll take three more points. Oh I have to add a thing to the wheel. As prepared as I was for this, I did not, uh, is, is funnest fact and an absolute or a thing on here? I don't think so, yeah, no, that's actually a good one. I feel like most of us could bring a

Fun fact. Funest fact. All right. We currently have 76 wheel options. Apparently it now supports up to 2000 plus, so this wheel will last us for quite some time. And we have three spins. Spin number one is...

Monkey's paw curls. Oh, what was that one? Was that that we increased the percentage on the one-man show? I thought that was actually called that. Yeah, there's something that's actually called that. I think that just means something terrible happens somewhere in the world. Oh, that's it. We're just cashing that in.

We're just the monkey's paw curls. Something bad happened. Got it. If I believe that was the thing, but we don't know. If we're wrong about that, subred it, correct us. If we're right, we're sorry. Either way, we're sorry. I'm sure it wasn't that bad.

I'm sure it wasn't that bad. I am going to click disable this option on the next spin. To appease, to appease the subreddit. Spin number two. Point, point for listeners. Oh, man. Mark, your chances are on life support. Yeah, it could be.

You never know. I'm a little scared that I'm terrible about to happen to me. Wait, I didn't think this through. Listeners currently have one point. Oh. Wade currently has zero points. And Mark currently has negative 2 points Oh, fuck

Well, the rules are what the rules are I'm not sure Better hope for golf rules Alright, yeah, we might have to We might have to pause that one Anyway, spin number three Save us Winner, Winner Chicken Day

Most callbacks Mark did a callback Because Wade did the My Spark plug broke and then Mark's spark plug broke That is true But it could not be true Wade did you do callbacks

Nope I don't think so All right guys I have a solution We just let the listeners win We just cancel the podcast Just give him the W man Just give him the W I have an even better solution than that

The final score is Listeners with one point Wade with zero points Mark with negative two points Negative one, right? Because you got the... Oh, negative one. That's right. That's right. Very close. As is required by our Constitution, I hereby grant the listeners a win. As the listeners cannot give a winner's speech and thus the speech portion of the show cannot commence, that win will be documented for posterity and their title as winner of this episode is immediately vacated for the next person who is present.

and able to give a winner speech because the way the Constitution works is I'm the host until the speeches happen and I declare the winner and then I give up my powers. So I'm still the host. So I'm God. Also, I hate the listeners.

So you congratulations listeners. You get one documented victory of this podcast. That's not enough to win the trophy that everyone that we get at the end of the season that totally exists and we've definitely done. It beat me this year. And what actually happens is Wade wins this episode as it's like you're the vice president and the president died right after he said the last word of the inauguration.

I was thinking more like the winner was caught doping and so I win because they get disqualified, but I guess that works too. Oh, it's like drag racing. You lost to the listeners, but then the listeners hit the scales on the way back to the pits and they were 12 pounds underweight. So they're D-Qed. Wade is the champion and Mark loses either way

But problem elegantly solved There will be a row In the subreddit I imagine Or a column There's gonna be some spreadsheets Typing Trust me For everyone who keeps track of how many wins

Everyone has the listeners have a win Do I get a win from this? I mean technically Well maybe I would say no Technically you did not win technically you assume the host position so you assume the position of the winner but the listeners actually got the win

so this is like a weird constitutional law ring around the rosy of nonsense just to make the system work because otherwise everything falls to shambles man imagine the constitution that we didn't think through and the episode idea that I only thought through

for 15 minutes gave us so much chaos I can't believe it always does um all right Well, Mark, give us a loser speech. Ah, I lost. I'm right there with the viewers now. I know how you feel today, and you know how I feel today.

But more importantly, we both know how Wade feels today. For the first time, there will be two losers' speech, and that is a tragedy that we will never live down. Constitution says there has to be a winner's. Wade, you will give the winner's speech on behalf of the listeners. You are not a winner, but you are accepting the daytime Emmy on their behalf, so you do get to speak at the podium. You're a loser, but pretend like you're a winner. Well, it's an honor to be here with you two today. I'm here on behalf of the listeners who couldn't make an appearance, but they wanted me to say a few things, such as this has been a long time coming.

There's been a lot of ridicule toward the listeners. Viewers have always gotten preference. We push everyone to watch. We do visual bits, but there's never been audio-only bits, except for, you know, the whole first two or three years of the podcast, but we don't count that because it's too far distant. We, the listeners, are happy that justice has finally been served, and we have a win in our column and or row.

The spreadsheets will be filling out, and any viewers who disagree with this win can suck it because they've never won. So yay to us, the listeners, ha-ha to Wade, who had to give this speech today. Okay, didn't need that part. Mark, the fact that you lost, truly embarrassing, Bob setting this up, a real epidemic failure. Uh, everyone loses today, except for us, the listeners. We deserve this.

Everyone else sucks. Ha ha ha ha. Surprisingly accurate. I think, I feel pretty. I feel like a loser. I feel worse than a loser. Anyway, I feel like I need to apologize for throwing our, our podcast into a constitutional crisis. I did not think it all the way through

I think every episode I host from here on out the viewers and the listeners start with negative 1,000 points so good luck idiots also I'm sorry that I accidentally created the precedent that viewers and or listeners if they ever want to claim their points and for their wins

to mean anything now have to be present which is not an option this is kind of like one of those rules that exist just to be a dick kind of situations But good speech, Wade, I think he really captured the sentiment that I'm sure the listeners would have expressed. Congratulations listeners, and not congratulations, but it is your duty, Wade, to host the next one. And man, am I excited to see the rows and columns in the subreddit after all of this comes out?

I really fucked it up, guys. Anyway, make sure you follow Mark and Wade and myself. Our names are probably on screen. is for Minion 7777 or Lord Minion 777 Markly on my screen. We're out of here. Wade's going to host the next one, even though he's a huge loser, just like the rest of us. And, uh, no, that's it.

I was going to say another thing, but there's no more things, because this is the end. Podcast out. Watch new episodes on Spotify.