Distractible - Breaking News (Part One) [Bonus Episode]

Episode Date: January 27, 2024

We interrupt this usual podcast schedule to bring you some breaking news headlines. Let's go "live" in the studio with Mark, Bob, and Wade to get the hottest scoops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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go around? Sure. You nodded your head before I even said what it was. I knew I would agree with you. I knew what you were going to say, and I know I don't like that, so I'm with you already. Go around in what way? Like, sitting on Santa's lap fantasies? We did it. Didn't we have a whole episode about that?

Hang on, Bob, pause. What did you say, Wade? I said, like, whenever you need to get around someone in the parking lot. No, that's not what you said. A reach around? Is that what you're talking about given listen santa i really want that present uh nah i'm gonna speak her all sad as and say probably not let's hear your idea man in sidelong glances or direct confrontation to that there's a new law in las vegas that's going into effect immediately you can now face jail time in las vegas if you stop walking in

certain areas too many people were going around because people stopped walking so now you can be sent to jail what air what area is there a is there an ongoing tire fire in las vegas where people keep stopping to take pictures inappropriately or something what look yeah i'm as ignorant as you are because i just pull up these things and i i read them word for word i totally steal the content i don't i'm gonna give credit where credit is due but that doesn't forgive me for my sins. I have so many thoughts on this. Like a little old lady drops like her coin purse or something, bends down to pick it up and like SWAT just descends from the sky.

It's like, you can't stop walking here and just hauls her straight off to prison. Or a kid's like walking across. It's like, no, I'm not going. I'm seeing that this law is creating so-called pedestrian flow zones. Mm-hmm. So if you stop in a flow zone, which includes things like the pedestrian bridges that cross the Las Vegas Strip, you could face a $1,000 fine or six months in jail. You know what?

Wait, you know what? This is coming. This is coming around. I'm figuring this out. you know what this is coming this is coming around i'm figuring this out you know what this sounds like it sounds like a way for this sounds like a thing that when you read it on face value you're like really is this a problem but this sounds like a tool to weaponize against like unhoused people or like people people who are like busking or doing art on the street or anyone who is who is like out on the street, whether it's because that's like where they live currently or whatever.

Like this sounds like that kind of thing, like hostile architecture where you design benches with spikes on them so that it's uncomfortable to lay on them or sit on them or use them or anything. Benches are for shit like that. I guess depends on what the areas are. I was thinking it was more like flow days, but for people like a a floatase to keep things running you know so you don't get stuffed up maybe i'm overreaching it's just this is one of those laws where it's like is this really a problem really before we steal anymore i gotta say give credit you remember how i was gonna give credit

i need to give it now before we gotta give credit from the men's journal chris malone mendez okay continue with the stupidity hey well look i i see i see the men's journal i'm reading from npr okay and a much a much newsier news source probably i'm reading between the eyes or between the lines i'm reading i'm not reading i have a question i don't think anyone had any doubts that you weren't reading i didn't you don't have to say it if you violate the law you could be charged with a misdemeanor and face up to six months in jail or a thousand dollar fine and let me tell you i i feel like these don't line up and i don't know law real good i agree thousand dollar fine or six months free room and board that is how some people

will see that well okay so misdemeanor what is even a misdemeanor if it can face six months in jail misdemeanor to me sounds like oh you you have to do community service or something like that six months in jail is not a small amount of time i know that sentences can go up to life or 20 years or something like that but for standing in one spot for for not even loitering really like you you see the pretty lights for almost loitering almost loitering what constitutes standing still in a spot like for any amount of time for like five minutes for like how long do you stand still there's no definition here in this article what does the npr say is uh about 80 words there is no definition this new rule apparently comes just in time for vegas to host the super bowl apparently is part

of maybe what motivated this but otherwise i got nothing those football fans they're known for standing in the streets not moving and not trying to get to their football game i mean if they're drinking certain i mean that's that's a thing in Vegas in general. Most people who are in Vegas are there to like drink or gamble or both or see strippers or whatever. There's some top line things that go on in Vegas. It is kind of genius.

It's genius. You make a line to get into the stadium. You just arrest everyone in line. You don't let people in and you make sure that the line goes into one of the no stand zones. You just have a bunch of cops standing on both sides of the herd of people who are trying to get in the people of light are just like oh oh i got i got eight inches back and forth i gotta keep the cops are like yeah yeah you better keep moving if you spin in a circle are

you are you okay if you're just but in the same spot but you're just spinning in a circle constantly are you okay are you safe yeah do you have to be like not moving like not moving at all or can you just like stretch your arms a little bit your legs have to keep moving i would be super curious to read any of the actual verbiage of this law because it's as my legal my legal training is tingling inside of me to say man is it tough to define what it means to stop moving but if there's like a street side vr thing with one of those infinite treadmills and you're just you're like i'm gonna have some fun but you're running in place and you just hear you see stars light up gta style in your headset you're you're visiting

vegas with your with your grandparent who rides a jazzy scooter the battery dies halfway across they're just sitting there their scooter like oh crap oh dear and the cops are like oh i got one i got yeah you need that scooter i don't think so on the ground cops yell stop you They're like, you can't stop there. Freeze. What if that's the idea for the law? It's just a tag on. It's just a tag on offense. Every time the cops are chasing, they're like, freeze.

And the person's like, oh, me? And the cops are like, he's blocking people. He's adding that to the list. He stopped walking. So let's be clear. When it comes to shipping internationally, can I provide trade documents electronically? Mm-hmm. The answer is FedEx. Okay.

But what about estimating duties and taxes on my shipments? How do I find all the... Also FedEx. Impressive. Is there a regulatory specialist I can ask about? FedEx. Oh. But let's say that...

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That's all we have for the Las Vegas new law. In other news, from Newsweek, by James Bickerton. Kentucky Republican pushes bill to make sex with first cousin, not incest. I heard about that. I live not too far from Kentucky. It drafted across the river. We got the scent of something horrible. We were like, what is that?

Looked at the news. It was like, yeah, Kentucky man wants to fuck his his cousin i'm not here to cast judgment on other people i've never wanted to have sex with a cousin but things happen i don't know i don't think the law saying or not saying that that's incest really changes how people are gonna see it is there a national law against incest is that like a crime or is it only a crime in certain states i don't want to google this but i'm about to google this is incest illegal don't it's how you getting closer don't wait incest is a class a felony if committed with a person who is less than 12 years old i feel like that's a problem for other reasons or with a person without his or her consent causing serious

see but that's not about the incest part i think if you have sex of any kind with anyone whether you're related to them or not and they are that young or you don't have their consent there's laws about that already and that's a very serious other thing i mean maybe that's just to make it otherwise illegal i don't know the reasons listed for it being illegal is related to genetic birth defects that are more common in children produced in sexual relationships yes that's that's like the most obvious thing that people know about but there's um there's definitions of what it is in the kentucky law that is trying to get removed apparently kentucky law states that a person is guilty of incest if they engage in sexual

relations with the person they know to be quote his or her parent child grandparent grandchild great grandparent great grandchild uncle aunt nephew niece brother sister first cousin specifically and then it goes ancestor or descendant and i'm wondering about that definition because let's say for example you've got caveman ancestor frozen in ice and they thaw out still alive straight up a baddie wait hold on so you're going somewhere completely different look you're so far removed you might you might as well be strangers right but this says ancestor no go illegal but also in this definition it doesn't say second cousins third cousins and i don't remember what the definition of twice removed thrice removed is i'd feel that an ancestor thawed from the permafrost would be further removed so your first thought of your caveman ancestor thought was never fucking

caveman no that's not what i said i said well just it just could happen ancestors also okay so descendant descendants that way so you're frozen in permafrost our lineages branch out so that caveman would be in a lot of trouble sleeping with almost anyone in the vicinity of where yeah no that's not it's very unfair to the caveman no okay wait you suddenly fall into like the labrea tar pit but it's cold right the cold version of that and you freeze and you're frozen right thousand years later you are melted from the permafrost by your great great great descendant, like 15-something generations apart, and that descendant wants to fuck you. What do

you do? I fall out, and I'm like, where am I? What year is it? Where's my wife? Where's my family? They're gone, but I'm not. Alright, it's a weird apocalypse scenario where there's no men left, and you're thought out as the last man on Earth, and it's all

just your descendants for some reason. Only your lineage survived. You're just going to have to dodge the Kentucky State Police for a while, I think. I feel like if my entire lineage wanted to fuck me, I would be like, you know, why do I have a lineage we should have ended years ago? All right. Okay. I feel like this one got away from us.

In terms of it being illegal, if you're barring any sort of coercion or like issues that have nothing to do with it being incest, I don't know why it needs to be illegal, but I get why it's not a good thing or like the gene pool or whatever. I don't know. I just want to know what the guy or I don't know if I don't know if it's a guy, even the person, the congressperson, the assembly member who's doing this. Are they just like unabashedly like yeah i like my cousin what of it or like what is the motivation for this is there's always a

motivation for a law it's like oh somebody this happened and it really impacted this family negatively or this person got away with this crime and so we're changing the law just make who wants bang cousin someone wants bang cousin, we all know lobbyists control the government, so clearly they're backed by SoIt'sYourCousin.com. CousinsOnly.com! It's our own convention! CousinsOnly.com! It was us! We did it! For anyone that doesn't know this reference,

you're not listening hard enough. Listen harder. Yeah, the motivation for the law change now, is curious i think what what did bring it up yeah something happened i want to know what that story is i want to see them stand up before like their constituents and before other lawmakers be like all right here's what we need to vote on our gas prices are too there's people home we need jobs no no important. You ever just look at your cousin and say, damn. Apparently, in all fairness, apparently, as I read the article further, it was apparently a mistake. That's how most cousin relationships happen.

No, not that part. The filing of the legislation was filed because the purpose of it. This is a quote from the congressman, the purpose of it was to add sexual contact to the statute, whereby it only had definitions for intercourse, right? So touching and groping was going to be added in, but he says that there was a mistake in that in the drafting process, first Cousins was struck from the the list and he failed to add it back in now cousins have to soak oh that is from this show yeah we talked about that yeah yeah we did

give people a refresher of what soaking is listen i've got another thing to talk about on this that so thing number one somebody that works in this in this assembly person's office absolutely did that on purpose and was like maybe i can sneak this in maybe maybe freedom can be mine uh but can i just say this part this uh state legislator is also a former survivor star i didn't know that. I find that very interesting. So good job. Very good. Also, I mentioned earlier that it is not, incest is not specifically illegal in Ohio as far as my Googling found.

Guess how many out of 50 states it is illegal in? I would have assumed all of them, so I don't know. 20. I'm going to say it's illegal in like 37. It's illegal in 48 out of 50 states we're we're one of two baby oh boy what's the other one i you know what this doesn't say that which is a little bit annoying but uh well this is new jersey and rhode island but that just has age restrictions on the laws while you're looking i just want people to know how great cincinnati is and we've

got more reasons freedom rings it's questionable in new jersey and rhode island and just there's just nothing on the books at all in ohio ohio is like that's fine i don't worry about it so maybe it's 48 and a half or 47 and a half out of 50 states or something. But we're in a small minority here. Good job, Ohio. Here's what you do. Have your family reunions in Ohio. Wow. No, no, no.

Everyone loves their family. There's nothing wrong with a little more love. Whoa. What are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know, you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in, so you can change the music. Oh yeah, Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment.

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written by Dan Blickey. This is a story of oppression through and through. Chinese marathon runner disqualified for chain smoking through entire race. That seems like not something I've heard many runners do. They were disqualified because of the smoking? Because of the smoking, yes. I can see maybe that nicotine is a stimulant, right? So technically, nicotine, is it a stimulant?

I don't even know if that's true. It constricts your vasculature or something. Constricts your capillaries. It's both. He's true. It constricts your vasculature or something. It constricts your capillaries. It's both. He's right. It's both. This guy, he's 52 years old, number one. Number two, he ran the full 26.2 miles.

And number three, he did it in three hours and 33 minutes, which if you know marathons, that's a pretty good pace. Holy shit. That's fast. Literally any picture on this article is either with him cigarette in mouth or lighting up a fresh cigarette as he goes, which I wonder how many cigarettes he had to smoke if he was chain smoking the whole three and a half hours. How many did he have on it?

Yeah. Where is he getting a mess? Good point. It's got like one of those runners belts that usually has water bottles but it's just cartons of cigarettes wrapped all the way around his waist i would think the problem would be more so the fact that like people running around him are breathing in like secondhand smoke while running maybe oh so there's actually there's bylaws and regulations so there's article 2.12 of the bylaws like what can't use rocket boots can't

use jetpack uncivilized behavior so that includes activities such as open defecation closed defecation totally fine well people do uh have accidents while running that's actually just keep your outer butt closed but you poop into your inner butt so it's out of your system uh trampling on flower beds that's a no-no rude uh trampling on green spaces that affect the race and safety of other runners and then smoking smoking is thrown in there i guess yeah so don't shit on the road don't trample flower beds and don't smoke those are the only rules in article 212 nonetheless i would say that is very impressive that he did finish in that amount of time while smoking like that because i can imagine if he's smoking like that his lungs can't be that great yeah and honestly like a

marathon if you're disqualified what does that even matter you did the marathon no you didn't no you didn't no you didn't no we don't we say you didn't and we are the marathon so no yeah we're gonna give you back all the energy you burned you just happened to run around a while so do they wait till he finished it to be like by the way doesn't count like no one's they let him go the whole three hours so like this guy we're gonna get at the end we're gonna tell him he didn't make it i was like when i was uh that was i was uh throwing shot put and i cursed when I was throwing because I fell over, right? So I go, ah, shit. Did I tell you guys about that?

No. So I'm throwing into me, and so one of the rules, apparently, is you can't curse. And I'm pretty sure there's like an unspoken, everybody understands it. And so like I throw, but I'm doing a spin. So I like spin out and I trip over the edge and I fall out of the circle, which that that shot was not good but i go ah shit on the way down they didn't say anything at the time they didn't say anything at the time i threw again i threw another time and then i went off to do the discus i threw there i did well and i was like okay i got it it wasn't until i was done with both events that they told me i was completely disqualified because i said shit completely

disqualified from the entire meet in general? Yeah, none of my things counted. And it was like a regional competition, right? So if you do well, you go on or whatever. Sure, sure. The one below regional, I don't know what it is. I don't know how it works. It was like a baked meat.

And so nothing counted. So that was all for naught. And I guess, you know, yeah, I still threw and that was fun, but it's... No, you didn't. No, you didn't. You said shit. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. You said shit. No, you didn't.

Doesn't count. You touched a thing and it flew on its own. Doesn't count. If you'd said it one more time, would it have canceled out? Yeah, I should have let fly. They couldn't have stopped me, so... The next meet you go to, you're just like, all right. And then you get everyone who's up there.

You're like, you know what really helps me? Just go that extra little bit further. Just let out a little like shit every right at the right at the climax get every guy who's up there throwing just like oh i guess we're all disqualified now huh funny weird i don't know that or you get really good at throwing your voice and you just like you get everyone else disqualified bench for the quiz disqualification jeff dunham would have been so good at playing dirty in high school track and field, man. I mean, look, I'm not really pro smoking.

I have smoked cigarettes. I'm a completely parent's parent. I get why it's addicting. It feels awful. You feel like you're dying actively as you smoke cigarettes. It's not a good experience, but also the chemical interaction is strong this seems harsh like if he can do that you're running outside i doubt his secondhand smoke does anything but blow away realistically but it's their their race their rules i guess just seems mean i remember

in college where i didn't know what a hookah bar was and i think you and some other people invite me out to hookah bar everyone was going and i i had no idea that it was even tobacco that was in hookah i was like wow this is look at these hoses i wonder what this stuff is i should breathe it in and i just remember i don't know if you remember this but it was like we hang out we hang out and chat and laugh and having a good time. And then immediately when I walk outside, I take one breath of fresh air because the whole building is like smoked up. Like it's cloudy. You can't see your eyes are burning.

And I take one breath of fresh air and I immediately vomit right on the street corner. I don't remember that. No, I wasn't drinking or anything. I just stood up, walked outside in the same like in and out. Just like you're allergic to fresh air. Yeah, I think that must have been it. Yeah. I've never been inside of a hookah bar.

I've never puffed a cigarette or done any of that stuff. Have you ever done a cigar? I've tried a cigar. I don't I know you're not supposed to inhale it, right? Like that's the whole thing. And it's not that I've done that. But I've also like I've lit a cigar. I think when I was when I turned 21 for some reason, I'm like, I'm getting a cigar. And I go to party source and I'm like, go in the humidor.

And I'm just like, oh, what the fuck? Like looking at all the cigars, grab one cheapest one, go home, go in a dark corner outside. And then I'm like, I know not to inhale. And I just was like, this is this tastes bad. This tastes like ash and old plants that's what i've heard and people who smoke cigars smell terrible like people would come in to buy them when i was working at um udf and like there were some people that came in to buy cigars and when they walked in the store it was just like oh god get out please

leave can i just say i'm not like in the cigar smoking culture or anything, but as a person who does appreciate a very occasional cigar, at least a little bit, nothing that UDF sells should be called a cigar. Well, I told you guys, I got a cigar whenever we were on tour, right? From a friend of mine who was telling me I was going to be the godfather to his daughter. And then I gave this, I think I gave this cigar to one of you. Did I give it to you? Possible.

I don't, I gave it to somebody. I was like, yeah, I was giving this because i'm going to be a godfather like oh congrats whoever i gave it to and i was like i don't want it you want it just gave it away yeah no i will say i think the thing about cigars is who for me it's like it's a thing you do with people so the thing that's really fun about it is you like hang out usually it's like a group of dudes in my experience and you're all like hanging out and bonding and it's fun the cigar part is kind of the thing you put up with to enjoy the rest of it is my experience very rarely i have had a couple cigars where like there's a taste you get like a tingly taste and you're like but all the rest of it is still there it still also tastes like ash it's you smell awful like

i don't know how how dudes just like smoke cigars 12 hours a day and any moment they're awake they're smoking a cigar there are guys who smoke a cigar every day like minimum and we'll smoke a lot of cigar and like i can't you just always just stink like even more so than cigarettes cigars are stanky what were we talking about oh the marathon guy anyway good good job i guess but i if i was running near a dude that was smoking i would either intentionally fall back or try to get ahead of him it's a strat keep people away from you because i that smell makes me just it's not a fun smell for me not am i weird because i grew up my dad smoked i mean he quit later in life but he smoked all through my childhood i love the smell

of like cigarettes i don't smoke but i love that smell it's like nostalgic for me i don't know why like it's never it's never disgusting to me i get that i don't have that it's not a nostalgic thing for me but i i do get that because there are definitely smells that i know are bad smells that i'm like childhood i don't know i smell that it's like i want to cough i want to vomit i just want to get away from there as fast as possible well not this guy because you can't catch him or something like that i don't know i don't have any conclusion some weird segue i think there's a lesson we can all learn from this conjure from the sky