Distractible - Bullsh*t

Episode Date: November 13, 2023

Wade, Mark, and Bob talk about bullsh*t. That's pretty much it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Mark Explains Raid is confused by the junk in his trunk and yearns to be tortured to prove his stones. Begetting Bob gives a proud papa update and proposes revolutions in firearm construction. From bowels of energy to

dildo devastation. Yes. It's time for Bullshit. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I'm today's host, Wade. Everything's fine. I'm joined, as always, by my co-host, Mark and Bob. Hey, guys. Oh, hey, what's up? Hey, how's it going man?

Oh, and you? Also. Mark? Do you guys agree on a bit or something? Or is this... Oh Mark. Disappear for like three days, come back and we're the weird ones? Okay.

I was gone for more than three days, but... Oh. Oh well. But in God's name... You know what TV? Off with you. If you're not watching the video, you'll have no idea what's happening but my tv is off now this is has the most mysterious energy of any episode intro it ties into the end of the previous episode no it doesn't there's one in between those ah it's all ruined i have no idea what these episodes were per usual i have

forgotten everything that's happened in the past but i do know that the now is the future because the future is now by that what i'm trying to say is that what i mean is small talk time talk please okay yeah um yeah james walks now uh i think i've mentioned before i was like who is that it's your baby i know i've met we have a baby his name is james you definitely met him a few times. He walks now. He doesn't walk more than four or five steps at a time, but counts as walking. And it's terrifying. He also climbed up the stairs.

He did not walk up the stairs, but he climbed up the stairs with a person behind him making sure he didn't fall and die. But he did it by himself for the first time. Everything's in peril. And all the childproofing we've done is pointless. I have a friend who has a baby. Not that you're not my friend. I have another friend who has a baby. No, I see where you're coming from.

Tell us about your real friends. He brought her over watching a small baby child thing fly up the stairs at like supersonic speeds is actually terrifying. All right, pause. Baby climb. Baby climb. No, hold on. Let's pause for a second. Okay. stairs at like supersonic speeds is actually terrifying all right pause baby climb maybe

climb no hold on let's pause for a second okay how fast okay i can walk and skip a step i can run and skip like two steps and that baby's gone up and down three times the amount of time it takes me to do the stairs i might be slightly exaggerating does this baby also like climb up walls no listen he's describing a totally real phenomenon. It's not that the baby is fast compared to you or I, but the baby is that fast relative to how long their limbs are and how they move otherwise. Because a baby will sit there, right? And they're just like sitting on the floor and they're like, ooh, playing with the toy. And you're kind of like, oh, that's cute. But when they decide they're just like sitting on the floor and they're like oh playing with the toy and you're kind of like oh that's cute but when they decide they're going somewhere they zoom off

at light speed they go from like barely able to sit up like what to like okay i'm gonna crawl over there and you're like oh god shit and they have never-ending i was gonna say bowels of energy but that's not the right word bound i like bowels of energy that captures the vibe of a baby and like the way babies grow into humans is like you never know what part's gonna grow so as they're running like one arm becomes like adult size and they're crawling and the other one springs up and then the next thing you know there's just an adult sitting on top of the stairs looking down at you that's not that's not can i pause that's yes i ahead. I'm not backing that part of what he's saying. Come on, man.

So these babies go through rapid progression, but it's limb based. And do they revert back to a baby size limb afterwards? Yeah, they get bigger and smaller at random. Baby thing. So it's like their limb is loading in and it's just like. Just to see what the scale's like. Sarah Williams tried to tell us. Let's not talk about her.

Um, yeah, unpause, I guess. All right. Good one, Bob. Points. Yeah, I think Wade was either describing a demon or an escaped, uh, what are those things called? SCP? Did you say convict?

No, not, I don't think convicts do that either, Wade. I have some concerns about what kind of people you hang out with. Ohioans. Well, weed was just legalized over there. I won't be participating in the weed. It's just not my thing. But I heard that it takes like 30 days, I guess, for it to actually be like legal, even though it was legalized.

Yeah, that's how elections and stuff work. The moment the polls close close they do not take effect there's usually some kind of lead time so i as of the recording time of this i think he's trying to say it's probably not legal yet to actually consume it recreationally but i got really lost there yeah mark tell us about hard drives or something please yeah so there was a post on the subreddit it Oh, it's a joke. You don't have to talk about hard drives. We can talk about anything you want. No, I've got

someone to ream, and you know how I feel about reaming someone. I know how a lot of people feel about being reamed by you, too, so let's hear it. I feel really good about the reamage. Mark Wahlberg in The Reaming. No, I just, i wanted to point out something

about like someone questioned because i had that hard drive failure right and it was in a raid array right oh yeah the post where they're like does you even has known what hard drive raid is that one so it just said did mark get scammed on the subject of raid okay and for those who don't know raid stands for redundantundant Array of Independent Disks. Right? Okay. Got it. And that probably means a lot less now to people that didn't know what it meant in the first place. But there was a misnomer here that I wanted to address for all the tech people out there. This post was saying that RAID 0 is bad. Okay. And the idea of RAID 0, what it means is that if you have multiple hard drives, you can

stripe data across the hard drive. So basically when you're saving a file or you're downloading something, it writes to your hard drive, a bunch of ones and zeros. If you have four, let's say in RAID 0, it'll go zero on the first drive, one on the next, zero, one, one, one, zero, one, one, across all of them. And it'll just loop like that. It can write faster, basically. So you turn a bunch of disks into a faster, larger disks. The only problem is if one dies, the whole thing's gone. Because you've lost an arbitrary one quarter of your data. Is that what my RAID setup is?

It might be. I can't believe you operate anything with a RAID setup. That's a terrible idea for a man who doesn't know how to plug a thing into another thing. You should see what happens when I get a new computer and have to figure out out how to find it again we're talking a day-long excursion so did you how badly did you get scammed mark that's the real question oh incredibly scammed i'm just sorry i got the visual of wade just like swimming through unopened boxes in his in his basement just like i know that computer's here somewhere clunk and a thunk a thunk. I've been watching. Oh. Hey, I see there's still a stripe of

white at the bottom of your shot. Yeah, I promised Dana before we recorded podcasting and I would have that covered up. I lied. I like the stripe. I don't think it should be covered. I think it's fun. I told people that and they especially thought I should cover it after you liked it. What did I do to anybody? There's nothing

wrong with your taste. It's just everyone disagrees with it something wrong with you liking something you're just wrong to like it mark yeah that makes sense that checks out like the wrong thing all you want uh-huh uh-huh okay so the thing is what i would like to say is it's a misnomer that RAID 0 is bad. RAID 0 has a purpose, right? So RAID 0 is to speed up access to that data, and you never put on anything in a RAID 0 array that you don't want to lose. One thing that people need to understand is RAID is not a backup. RAID is just a system of organizing multiple disks for different purposes. There's RAID 0.

There's RAID 1. There's RAID 5, 6, 5 plus 0, 6 plus 0. There's RAID 0, there's RAID 1, there's RAID 5, 6, 5 plus 0, 6 plus 0, RAID 10. There's RAID Shadow Legends. And that's a segue into today's sponsor. You can use code to... No, we don't. But the post was saying RAID 0 is bad, RAID 10 is good and also cheaper.

It's not. RAID 0 is fast, but yes, you could lose anything if a drive fails. But here's the thing people need to understand. Drives fail no matter what. Drives will fail. They always will fail. They can fail. And it's like you need to accept that about any kind of

computer. Your computer, just one drive can fail. If you think about it, having one drive is just having a RAID 0 of one drive. If you think about it, it could fail at any time. So stop being poor. Like Paris Hilton tried to tell you and have multiple drives. The truth was out there years ago.

Remember when she stood with her stop being poor shirt, she was telling you. Right. And that, I think that succinctly concludes what I'm trying to get at here is you just, you dumb assesasses out there if you can't afford to blow the kind of cash I can on stupid crap it's not getting scammed if you're rich because you could have afforded to lose it and that's the point I'm trying to make this is

why wealthy people go and lose thousands and thousands of dollars in Vegas for tax purposes. Right, right. RAID 0 is not bad. It has a purpose. RAID 10 is not cheaper because it requires twice as many disks because if you have 10, you only use five of them in terms of the amount of space, but the other five are a redundancy for the first five. Because if you have 10, then that's twice as many as five,

which costs at least thrice as much. That's how it all works out. That's what I have to say about that. I wasn't scammed yet. But he's open to one. I'm looking for a scam if anyone wants to offer. Any of you chumps got some scams?

What are we doing here i don't know you asked me to talk about hard drive so i did um my mom tried to call me while we were discussing here i texted her i said i'm recording podcast at the moment she said um just wanted to say hi did mark buy the moon mars next need distractible tour smiley face and i just wanted to share that with you all um so mark have you bought the moon and if you have is mars next well if i did buy the moon i don't think i would make that public knowledge you're not saying that you would laser etch a huge markiplier m into the moon if you bought it you think all these poor people could go steal it from you they can't get to the moon they can't even get raid zeros their spaceships can't even break low Earth orbit.

All I'm saying is just wait for the next moon cycle to reveal it, because as we're recording it, it's waning. And when it waxes, just you wait. Just you wait. I don't even know what waxing the moon is, but I'm picturing something naughty. How do you know so much and also nothing ever? I'm so baffled by the type of knowledge that you have and don't have. Look, so I want to address you directly, subreddit. Every time we're mean to Wade,

and even sometimes when we're not that mean to Wade, you're like, oh, they're so hard on him. Wade's the smartest one in the group. Wade's all philosophical and deep. The other guy is just like dick jokes. You're not wrong. But also, can we acknowledge that sometimes Wade doesn't know things that are shockingly common knowledge, even though he knows very specific and detailed and in-depth things about philosophy, law, whatever. Like, I'm not saying I don't even, I'm not even saying I don't have gaps. I'm just saying, I think it's fair to make fun of him sometimes. And not knowing what a waxing moon is feels like one of those times.

My knowledge is like a heartbeat. It's forever going. And occasionally it spikes where there's knowledge. Then there's some down periods. Then there's some knowledge. I know a little about a lot and I know nothing about a lot. But I do want to put myself on a bit of a pedestal here. And you guys might not think this is a big deal.

And I don't either. It's honestly more of an insult to some of our friends. Ryan, with two N's's you are off the hook i blasted you on this podcast a long time ago and now you're free patrick static jpw03 and into in the pack i recorded with you recently and i brought up the fact that there were bipedal beings and all three were like what's bipedal mean that word is like pancake to me it's like everyone knows what a pancake is everyone knows what bipedal means did you pronounce it correctly before you mock them i've heard bipedal bipedal i've heard it pronounced both ways yeah it's bipedal right or is it by i've heard it pronounced both ways i don't know i'm not gonna die in that

hill i don't know point being is i know the word and i know it means walks on two legs they acted like i had pulled out a thesaurus and found like the most random word ever used. I thought that was taught in like fourth grade science class. I want to see a poll of the masses on the subreddit. I want to see a post is bipedal, bipedal or waxing the moon waxing more common knowledge. Let's just do two polls. How many people know what bipedal or bipedal is? Why is it two polls?

Why is that better i want to know because i want to know how many people know what each one is versus just know which one knows more of which let's do three polls one of them is who's hotter excluding mark one of them is bipedal or waxing and then one of them is how many people know about the pedals i gotta say mark you've been getting ripped for your uh the flower is whatever the fuck you said about the peetles i gotta say mark you've been getting ripped for your uh the flower is whatever the fuck you said about the legs and the flower on the flower is receiving of the leg yeah no the leg side is receiving of the flower and your distal like checker is distal i i want to say when i said that out loud, I didn't intend to say that.

You didn't intend to sound like an actual psychopath. No, I just, but as it came out of my mouth, I'm like, wow, I got to own this because they wouldn't believe that I, like, I wouldn't have said this normally. So I did not mean to say that. And I understand that that was a horrifyingly confusing, but you know, you just kind of got to keep going at some point. I honestly, you know what?

I guess it makes me feel a little scared for my own sanity. The more you screamed that at us, and we're talking about for anyone who hasn't seen it, we're talking about a video that was posted on YouTube where we played a game together, where you build furniture, Cal X. Uh,

the more you screamed that at us, the more I felt like i was right on the verge of understanding exactly what you meant there was a moment right before the game ended and we lost where you you were like the lake giant is receiving up the flower and i was like and i picked something up and i was just like that's the way he means how do you know which way the line is on the leg flower up line down is so easy you see the flower the line is down we just didn't see the brilliance of mark's ways it's not mark's fault that we're too slow to keep up with his intellect to see now that now that bob has realized the wisdom i i was actually pretending that I didn't know what I meant because I felt like you guys would be bad.

Like, shut the fuck up. Minus 10 points to both of you. Oh, take more, daddy. Take my points. The point side is receiving on the me. Hey, I went to the doctor today. I'm 6'5", Wade. That makes me the tallest on the podcast.

I've been lying about my height to make you feel better I was told I was six foot three and like 349 pounds but then like they realized something was wrong they're like oh hold on let me move this around 349 pounds I thought I had gained 110 pounds listen I know you got a big ass but you do not weigh almost as much as I do. Hey, there's no one more shocked than me when the first reading came. What did they move to get the measurements different? Oh, let me get this other human off the scale. My bad.

My bad. We tried to weigh two of you at once, but that's not how this works. They forgot that I was backpacking with a Bengals linebacker on me whenever I stood there. I don't know, but there's nothing scarier than being like, yeah, I think I'm going to try like eating a little bit less,

like exercising a bit more. I want to get like 20 or 30 pounds down and then like, or 130 pounds down. Maybe I need to, I've really let myself go in the last two weeks. What were we talking about before this?

I had a thing. Leg side, Kallax. The mark side is receiving of the points. You were letting people off the hook for something. I don't know. Oh, Ryan. Yeah, Ryan, you're free. The other three of you, bipedal, bipedal.

Subreddit, do some amount of polls and we'll look at the answers next time or whatever. Polls only. From now on, you can only submit posts as polls. All the polls are just answer. Option one is the post they wanted to make. And option two is blank. God damn it. Wait, can you post images in polls?

Because that would really cut down on the repeat memes. That's for sure. I don't think so. But who knows? Try it. Also, ever since the conspiracy episode people think that we are in and of ourselves a conspiracy i forget what they keep calling us the great distraction or something that doesn't look like much of anything to me well they do

seem to think you're the ringleader so it makes sense that you would deny it the great distraction that i might have the name wrong i'm just i'm trying to find it project distraction conspiracy archive is one of them. Project Distraction is what they think. Where we are involved in a conspiracy of our own. And our podcast is just meant to distract from our nefarious goals and objectives. Oh, when the truth comes out, there's no reason to deny it, I guess. You caught us.

All right. Well, that's all that we have as far as that goes. Congratulations, guys. You both have negative 10 points. If you couldn't tell by the way this episode has started or been rolling on, this episode is the bullshit episode where we don't know what's happening because I, your disorganized host, came in today feeling like, eh, I'll make them do something. So you're saying it's weird part four? I still am haunted by my attempts.

I don't know why that makes you so sad. All right. Subreddit. I'm talking to you a lot today i want to talk to you again subreddit there's been a lot of chatter and especially in the last i think it's the last episode you hosted wade uh oh it was the it was the king of the hill king of horror hill episode where i i i pulled up the ginger dead man and then we talked about robert rubber and and there's a lot of chatter on the subreddit about Mark and I not engaging with your topics when you come with an interesting topic. And I just want to say a lot of the time we directly engage with whatever Wade's topic is, including during the King of the Hill episode.

That was all on point, yeah. He had a slot on the wheel for each of us to bring our own character in. And we talked earnestly and openly about who we thought would win. We just thought the derisiveness of the ginger dead man was a very compelling attribute. And that also he was a very interesting and hard to defeat type of foe. No one came up with the idea of just eating him because he's a cookie. Probably wouldn't taste good. It might have come

up. I don't anyway. I just want to say we engage with Wade's topics. Things don't always go to plan. I know Wade gets sad, but I think that's unfair. I think we did exactly what we always do. And I think we had a good time. I'm sad about weird. I'm not sad about the ginger dead man that the ginger dead man and your rubbers. Those were on point. What do I don't know if you remember well enough. What made you so sad about weird? Because I feel like we pretty much engaged with that as well. It's hard to say because I have a terrible memory and I'm also a bit of a drama queen.

Okay. Well, there it is. You heard it here first, chat. Chat. You heard it here first, subreddit chat. There, fixed it. Comments, esteemed guests. I've been known to be a bit dramatic from time to time

because i like attention and it gets me attention but i thought ginger dead man and the rubber as much as i banged my head against the wall during that they were horror movie villains you guys had the choice to bring them in and you did and it was up to you to argue and debate who would win and you guys did that so i will have to say for that episode you guys were on point the whole time is this is this episode like us on trial defending ourselves it might be you got me looking at the subreddit and it really just i there was a big there were a couple big threads where people were like they don't even try and engage with weight topics they just try and make weight sad they're so mean i was like man we we couldn't

have done any more Horror King of the Hill if we tried. I felt like that was a great episode. So you guys find the posts like that, and I find the posts that say, Wade's looking balder than ever. Like, why don't I see the Wade pity post? It's like, I only get the posts where it's like,

are Mark and Bob using some kind of, like, preserve their age skin cream, whereas Wade's rotting before our eyes? Like, those are the posts I find. I just don't know, how do you look balder than ever? Apparently I took off my headphones, and they were like, my god, it's like a baby,

but an old one. Oh, there's not even hair behind the headphones. I thought he was hiding the backside ponytail from us. No ponytail. He's balder than ponytail from us. No ponytail. He's balder than ever. No secret ear ponytail. I'm bald.

Do you think you could grow? Like, did you know how thick the hair is back here? Yes, I could. Yeah. Just let that go down. You should do that for Halloween next year. At some point in the next coming year, start growing that out until it's like just a shoulder blade length ponytail that would be fantastic i don't know how you hide that actually you couldn't keep it anywhere it would just exist but flip my head during a jump scare people see

the wave of hair flop in the wind no no you gotta start wearing a bald cap from here on out and then eventually your bald cap is just going to start expanding with the amount of hair that you have to hide under it and then the subreddit could be like he's looking balder than ever and they'll be right i swear there's a post that just zooms in on my face where my forehead already looks like it's expanding and i can only imagine if my head started slowly expanding episode episode this episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection, free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH balancing minerals and crafted with skin conditioning oils.

So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Subreddit, I guess you're on trial today or something. I don't know what this episode just bullshit. Yeah, no, we were just talking about Subreddit and I just felt like I felt like I needed to vindicate Mark and I because we do give you a hard time, but I don't want to. I don't want people talking shit when we play along completely. When we do what we're told and be good little boys and do your ideas.

I want credit subreddit. So so what is the idea, though? Yeah. So what idea can we totally ignore and talk shit about today? How can we tear you down, host? OK, well, here's the things we probably shouldn't talk about that I had written you guys want to read my notes for this episode uh things we just don't know how to do highlights of our careers so if we ignore those completely then we've ignored what i had written down for this episode uh the other line i had was bullshit where i put a star

instead of an eye because i didn't want to curse it myself apparently okay okay keeping it clean i appreciate that there are children in this house it started off straws like highlights of our career let's talk about some of the best moments from like things that we remember like either where things took off or just really funny or i don't know just moments that stand out to us over the last 10 or so years then i was like what about just things we don't know how to do that we wish we know to do like uh stuff around the house stuff with cars whatever and then my brain was just like pudding and i was like oh all right bullshit it is cool because i'm done brain gave up i don't know which one to ignore boobs large head empty i'm i'm gonna ignore by talking around the things

we don't know how to do one so i'm tell me if i'm alone in this i don't think i am do you guys ever see like a projector or something come up in your life and like you know you've never done it before but also you're just vehemently confident that you absolutely could do it so this this our house that we're in right now we have like crappy water pressure in some of the faucets and it's probably because there's just like build up in the faucet because the hard the water where we live is kind of hard and we don't have a water softener in the house and all so to fix that probably just replace the the faucet fixture right i've never done that in my entire life i don't think i have all the tools you don't need a lot of tools i don't think i have the tools that i need to even attempt to do it to

change out a faucet yeah well you need like you need like a scraper to break the silicon seal around the faucet you need possibly some kind of pipe wrench or something to work on the stuff underneath it like i don't know i could probably make it work with what i got i have literally done it several times i've changed out ceiling fans ceiling fans with light fixtures light fixtures kitchen faucets and bathroom faucets. I've done it. Only some of those have water in them, but I'll take it. Electric is all... I think electric's scarier than water. Like, water

sure can do damage. I know what water can do. Believe me. Electric's easy. You just gotta make sure the breaker's off, and then what are you gonna do? Yeah, make a zap ya. Just make sure the breaker's off. Start gnawing the wires. Just a bunch of notch bows in there. It's good.

Well, you've only got two hands. Sometimes there's like six wires. Like, what do you hold it with, you know? You have your helper go kink the electric wire coming in the side of the house. And that'll stop the flow of electrons. And then you just work real quick on whatever light fixture you're trying to replace. Look, I appreciate you calling Molly my kinky helper but uh holding electric wires is not something that we've done together is is this like a way like overly egotistical overly confident male trait

is this is a thing all people do because there's tons of stuff where i look at like let me tell you hold on i'm gonna spread my legs out and tell you about how to change a faucet hang on let me shift my massive nuts over to the other side here hold on there we go mansplain me something i'm that guy that while i'm sitting on a plane i am waiting i'm itching i'm itching for the second to change a faucet huh no no there's a different thing different yeah the plumbing on the plane i'm just waiting to gnaw through the walls i've been waiting to join the mile high club for years no i'm waiting for the the the mythical double pilot heart attack where they both are put out of commission and i i i've never flown a plane i don't play any airplane simulator games anytime that we've played battlefield or something like

that where there's pilotable vehicles that go in the air of any kind i crash it within two seconds of taking off sometimes i don't even take off before i crash it but i know i know with a hundred percent confidence that if i was in that pilot seat i could land that baby on the airport and everyone would cheer and clap at my incredible i never I never want to fly with you. Well, I'm sitting there like, please let nothing go wrong. You're like, I hope that a wing catches fire and that the pilots fly out the windshield

so I can show off my heroic brilliance. It's not, okay, I'm not every flight, but I totally have had that daydream on a flight before. It's not, you're not, we're not wishing any harm to the pilots. I hope that they both get such severe food poisoning that they are totally fine in about 24 hours, but completely incapacitated. Oh, of course. And so someone has to step up.

And I would absolutely have the confidence to put on the headset, paint a pair of those plastic wings to my chest and bring that bird home safely. no i'm i'm with you on that one i i get it i sit there thinking oh man i hope the pilots mysteriously pass out but are perfectly fine while the hot stewardess in a bikini comes up and says excuse me heroic sir can you please land this plane and i go why yes As my biceps burst through my button down shirt. And I walk up there, dick slung over my shoulder and grab the

handles. And without even trying go, and the plane has landed. And they all applaud and she jumps into my arms. And then everyone else jumps into my arms and I walk off into the sunset. I love the emergency bikinis the stewardess has put on right before the place in case pilots are both incapacitated

put this on the catastrophic but completely non-lethal partial depressurization that took place sucked off their normal uniform and left them wearing only their emergency backup bikini uniform. Everybody knows it's in there. And it's not sexist, because the male flight attendants also have emergency bikinis beneath their clothing. Yes, it's true. And they're also in my arms. Of course. You got to hold them all while you wrestle the throttle,

the staff stick, the stroke, yoke. The yoke. With one arm. It depends. If it's an Airbus, it's actually a joystick off to the side. They don't have a center yoke anymore on the Airbus models. Do you ever wait for the, every month when the yoke waxes? That was a dumb. I tried to build that up. It didn't work.

You ever just have an idea and you go to execute and then you trip over your own foot? Never as fantastically as you do, my friend. Anyway, yeah. So I definitely know. Because there's a ton of stuff that I have zero clue. Like, I theoretically know, like, how to change the oil in my car. You get the oil out, change the oil filter, put the oil in. But I don't, I've never done.

And like, changing the oil is real easy. I think I could probably get away with that one. I've never done it. I just have this raw confidence of like think I could probably get away with that one. I've never done it. I just have this raw confidence of like, eh, if I had to. Yeah, I can do that. But I'm not going to. I'll just pay someone to do that and not do it ever because I'm afraid to touch it. But I could.

Did you guys, when whoever taught you how to drive probably told you that you need to check the oil level regularly? Yeah, you pull up the thing, you look at the line, you wipe it off, you put the oil level right regularly yeah you pull up the thing you look at the line you wipe it off you put it back in yeah i got you for the longest time i didn't know what that was for pulling out the thing and looking at it you just thought you had to look at it so for a few years i would drive it i would go to the gas station every time i'd go to the gas station pop the trunk pull the thing out look at it put it back in pop the trunk or sorry the front oh okay geez i was like what the hell car did you grow up driving

he had emergency sticks in the trunk just so he had extra ones to look at sometimes the engine gets real hot you don't want to look at that one so you got something the trunk to look at i just start pulling random things out of the trunk look at them stuff them back in there i i did not know what i was looking for on the stick because my dad never said specifically i just saw what it was so i just like he wanted he just like pulled it out and showed you and was like and put it back in see that you gotta check that regularly yes sir yep thankfully my grandpa was a mechanic so i got to learn about how non-computerized cars should be worked on uh we actually changed the brakes on a car when i was a kid but whenever i got my car and it had like a computer chip inside of it and my grandpa didn't

know that there was a different way you had to mess with the engine oh he tried to help me fix it one time and boy oh boy did we not do that good he popped open the the frunk and was like where is the carburetor on this thing he was just like yeah we just had to adjust a few things and then like my car was not very happy it was never really the same afterward i don't mess with cars either because that was an awful experience i feel like i could to go back to your original point though like yes i see things that are done and it's like considering the things that i've done that we've done yeah i could learn how to do probably about anything like do i have the stable hands to be a surgeon i'm curious though i'm curious to build off of mark's uh idea what's the craziest thing that you have that feeling

toward clearly the pilot the pilot daydream is like yeah but that's also like a very fantastical daydream like there's no pick up and do without any training but yeah like there's gotta be stuff every day that you see where you're like oh i could do that i can like for me you know what it is i i'm i love big machinery right like backhoes and like big like earth moving anytime i see that i'm like big, like earth moving. Anytime I see that I'm like, Oh, I can hop in there. I could scoop that dirt so fast. I wouldn't spill a drop like that sort of thing. What's the craziest one that you've got? Watching people build my office and then like people repairing drywall and doing stuff like that. Like watching like measure real quickly

and do all this other stuff. I actually watched them do it sometimes. And they're so good at it. And so fast that I'm like, it's not even even trying like if they put effort into this they could make like the perfect masterpiece of leveled ever but they're like they measure they don't even write shit down they're just like that's about all right that's about it's like dude i could build this a million times better than like i'm not gonna but i could just a little bit of effort would be nice to witness boys like i know we have like a week to get it done and there's a lot to do but like you didn't even write down the measurements imagine if you were like oh rather than just i i don't think that they're doing it quickly means

the measurements are inaccurate i'm just gonna toss that no i don't either but like in the moment my brain this was the point of your thing in the moment my brain's like i'm totally with you on that you know how many times i've looked at a space and been like oh what if we walled this area in i could just frame i could just tear this wall drywall down to the stud uh double like sister up a stud there and then put it and then frame it a little wall here and then well i might need to bring in a guy to do the finished drywalling but i could do the rest of that like how hard is it to frame in a little wall oh drywalling, but I could do the rest of that. Like, how hard is it to frame in a little wall? Oh, drywall and easy. Hang a door.

I could do that. No, I couldn't. I could not ever. I would make the shittiest wall that's ever been made. I would be like a cartoon. I'd finish, and I'd take my hammer and shink and stand there all proud and the wall would just like... I watched professionals put 10 pounds

of mud on my ceiling and I know I could do better than that. Wade, I believe that all of your water problems were because after the plumber or whoever was working on it went home, you just stared in the darkness looking at the hole in the ceiling and you're like,

I know they're screwing me. They can't fool me. And then you just like rip into it. Just frothing at them out like i know they're hiding from they're ripping me off i looked up at the leak i saw a bullet-sized hole and i thought to myself i know what'll plug you up and i shot it with a bullet you can't fool me i know what goes in that hole because of the legacy oh yeah that hole that's a 357 hole dude what an exciting industry that would be i want a hole i want to i want a version of plumbing

where it's all firearm based every different tool is some kind of fired projectile there's just a guy standing over a bunch of pipes and stuff and he's just like like pipe clamp like fitting let me solder that like oh man that'd be the most exciting plumbing that ever happened your soldering is just a flamethrower yeah it's like something it's like a backpack flame like a world war ii flamethrower like yeah absolutely i this is a change of the subject a bit but this is actually the kind of like thinking i could do something was me before i started doing let's plays you guys didn't see the kind of stuff that i filmed with the full intention of applying incredible visual effects to these various things i filmed i literally literally went from watching, say, like,

Freddy W. or Corridor in the early days. I mean, they do VFX now, but just, like, watching those videos and being like, yeah, I want to do that. Order a camera, go in my backyard, tell my brother to point it at me and film it, and then he's like, it's really bright. I was like, well, darken it.

Turn that down. We'll fix it in post in post so eventually after an hour of pressing buttons on you know you get it to like not be bright and i'm like perfect i knew it it's all right point it at me i got this i bought like a toy bow and arrow from i don't know walmart or meyer or something like that and i was like okay what i'm gonna do is I'm going to start. I'm not going to put an arrow in here, but I'm going to pull back the string. And I'm going to go. And then I'm going to add a plasma arrow to shoot and explode in the other side. I went in all day. Me and my brother were going around like my mom's house filming me with this bow and just going.

So there's footage of me fully expecting in my head. It's going to look awesome with all these explosions. But it's just me running around the backyard with this bow and going, whoa, and then letting go. Do you know the amount of money you could either raise or raise for charity or just sell a DVD of Markiplier's original edited videos for if you'd kept those? I love that a lot. It exists.

It exists. the footage is somewhere it's on my old computer at my mom's house i might have showed it on a stream one time but it is just as cringe actually did i ever post i think i might have in some randomness video just been like look at this terrible stuff i wish we had our idea notebook of our shitty like fart genie and all the horrible ideas we had that we were like dude we can make so many do you think that we couldn't just come up with them again because they took that much brain power i already thought of a couple dildo cannon uh with the dildo dodgeball i don't remember dildo dodgeball but that was the thing that we thought that would actually be funny that actually i think that's a good idea it would but we had no way of doing that back then

that'd be a that'd be a lot of money spent on Bad Dragon, honestly, is my one note on that one. Why does it have to be Bad Dragon? There are other dildos. Generic dildo dodgeball is not funny, but Bad Dragon dildo dodgeball, I think, is very funny. You gotta have a wider variety of things being thrown. It wasn't even thrown. It was like one side was like guns or cannons launching dildos. And then like you're trying to dodge it,

but it was like slow motion caps of like them hitting your face. And like the idea was so much more complicated than anything we could have done back in 2012. That sounds pretty doable. I could totally do that. Actually, I don't think we realize how bad it probably would hurt to get hit

with a dildo shot at high speed. Given that I got hit in the eye with a pickle and almost went blind, I'm pretty sure a dildo would wreak devastation. You think a cannonball dildo would hurt? I think, if anything, Bob's idea of a bad dragon dildo would probably be more devastating because I'm pretty sure some of those have spikes on them. No, yeah, no, those would not be good shapes to be. I was thinking throwing them with your arm like dodgeball how dodgeball is because you said dodgeball

but what you described has nothing to do with dodgeball no cannons it'd be a pretty epic death to have like a slow motion camera filming your last goodbye as a dildo with spikes has pierced your heart your farewell good great yeah let's film that epic or confusing wait do you really not know what bad dragon is no do you think i know brands of dildo man i don't know anything we've talked about this before i know i know we've talked about this with you before i'm gonna google this and regret it is it one of those things where you know there's people you know oh i don't know what bad dragon is or oh how do you know what that is? It's like, I'm going to their website. Good. Go.

Share it. Oh, it's not that crazy. Calm down, grandma. I swear when we were talking about like the sex dolls back in the three peens days, we definitely have conversed about this. One of these is literally a werewolf paw. One of these is literally a werewolf paw. What?

Any shape you might imagine you would want for sexual toy purposes, they probably have it. That's like the thing. The fifth row down is something called David's paw that's just a werewolf paw with claws. It's been a while since I have browsed. Are we all gonna get on Bad Dragon now? Is that what's happening happening that's a turtle's head with a long tongue oh it's so festive oh it is festive wow they have sweaters where are you seeing sweat what page am i on where there's not sweaters there's a the banner at the very top the

first one is is holiday sweaters you were so eager you missed out the website i clicked on was slash shop so it went straight to dildos. I'm not at the homepage. I got to skip the homepage. Oh, hey, there's the homepage. There's a key chain. It's a key chain. It's when you need to, you know, drag it on the go.

Getting back to Bob's point again, I think I could probably figure out how to use one of these. I could be the hero of this story. You could figure out how to use one of these? Yeah. I know what i'm doing give me a turtle with a long tongue and a werewolf paw and i will show you ecstasy i didn't see what you were talking about so i have no idea go to go to the their website slash shop i don't want to all right well then you're not going to see the werewolf paw man you drive a hard this is a sex toy website for anyone out there who's like oh maybe i'll search it it'll be funny if you don't want to see sex toys don't

go look but can i just say some of the names of these are just amazing there's one there's one that's called bumblehooves the ponycorn i see it you see the pa No, Bumblehooves the Ponycorn. No, he says Bumblehooves the Ponycorn. There's also Jason the Demogorgon. Obviously, Jason. Oh, God. Cuttlefish of Cthulhu. No.

No. Oh, they've got buttholes. Yeah, they got buttholes. And they just have a dragon snout. I think I got a better chance landing a plane than figuring out some of these no no this is your this is your moment why do some of these have tubes attached to them oh they're called little squirts i don't want to know what you put in them you know we should move on um highlights of our career that's not the subject that's not it again we're proving the subreddit right we're proving it right

wrong I don't know man this whole episode's a bunch of bullshit I don't know I'm not sure what we were talking about anymore I found mystic the unicorn is that the unicorn wait that's just the foot what is that do you guys fantasize having a heroic death absolutely not I think that's a

weird thing for people to I want to go quietly in my sleep do you fantasize about having a heroic death? Absolutely not. I think that's a weird thing for people to... I want to go quietly in my sleep. Do you fantasize about having a heroic death? Literally all the time. Like at any moment, as long as your death is heroic, that's cool?

Or do you want to have a heroic death once you're like old and ready for it? No, anytime. Anytime. Amy goes to crack an egg and like an egg starts to fall

off the counter. Mark's like, if I die for it, I could crack my head on the corner of the counter but if I save the egg I'll be the hero no that's dumb it's me and like a

dozen other people were abducted by aliens right and they've put us on torture racks right and they say that if we give up if all of us surrender they'll blow up the earth and so one by one the dozen other guys they give up, if all of us surrender, they'll blow up the earth. And so one by one, the dozen other guys, they give up and they die from this horrible torture.

But I'm there. I'm holding on for all of humanity. They can torture me all I want. They want. That's a clip. Oh, there's a there's a little slip that's got to come back again and again. They won't allow. I won't let them get to me. I'll hold on for all of humanity.

Sorry, I'm drooling. You're just salivating at the thought of being tortured. No, I'm saving, and then I die. I die before I give up. No, I get that impulse, I guess. I'm not going to say I've never thought about that. The thing about that sort of death, especially what you're describing where you're like essentially tortured to death.

Yes, exactly. That really hurts, Mark. Maybe you're just curious to see if your body can handle it. It's that. I know my body can handle it. But like I don't I get squeamish when i say someone else like break a bone i'm pretty sure if i was really tortured by someone who's who sincerely did not care if i lived or died and they were just you know like that that messed up of a situation i wouldn't hold up to that very

well pain hurts you're you're one of the others you're you're the other ones i would do my best i'm not saying i would like for humanity i'm not saying i would give up immediately like i wouldn't try but i'm just saying i think it's easy to underestimate how much pain you can experience and what that'll do to your brain like i don't i don't know for sure because i've never really suffered you know torture i don't think it's as fun as you think it might be think of the glory though yeah but you'll be dead i fractured my wrist and like gotten concussed and i shouldn't have kept playing but i finished a basketball game like that and then like felt like shit afterward and i was like okay adrenaline honestly if if i have to go through

something horrible i know i can do something because that adrenaline is such a powerful thing that like i know i can weather it torture is long form and i've also had moments where i've tried to like walk into a room and i've stubbed my pinky toe and i've wanted death to find me immediately because it hurts so fucking bad as my pinky toe of all things is throbbing agonizingly and i've got like my eyes are watering i'm just like god if you were real now is the time to reap me i am your servant end my life for my toe is aching so like i've i've had the big injuries where it's been like oh like we were moving a table one time my mom's table and she had like tile it was like an outdoor table

with tile and for some reason we were like we don't need to take the tile out before we move this table down the stairs come to find out whenever one of the pieces of tile falls out and drops down and like the corner of it hits you in the top of the skull and your head starts pouring out blood you can't really drop the table you got to keep moving it was like oh fuck i'm bleeding i can't see because there's so much blood am i dying no you're all right okay let's keep moving the table i've i can weather stuff and i've had the moments where it's like yeah dude i could be a badass but logically i'm also like dude if i stub my toe i literally have prayed for death so um if aliens were torturing me i'd probably give up like i'd like to think i wouldn't but like

logically but they're gonna blow up all of earth we probably deserve it i would rationalize that by the end i'd be like we had a good run let me just be that guy in the room and just say you think because you hold out and they get the satisfaction of uh killing you without you surrendering or whatever that they're just gonna magically be like ah we won't blow it all up then. We'll keep our word. Wouldn't want to lie to these humans who we could decimate with the push of one alien button. Well, that's because that's because it was all a test.

It was all actually a test. They weren't actually, they were just going to see how tough humans really are. Not only that, but once they reveal that it was a test, they'll resurrect me from the dead. And then I will become the ambassador of Earth as the strongest human to ever exist. World's strongest man. It's you. Have you guys watched Dragon Ball Z Abridged?

Like all of it? I think so. Have you seen the Broly movie where they like have the species of creature that are like enslaved and like the abridged version of it. And they're like working on the new Vegeta or whatever. And then like one of them gets whipped and then was like, no, please don't hurt him. He's just a boy. Take me.

And then the kids like, get out of the way, Grandpa. It's my turn. And like they're enjoying being whipped. Oh, I remember. And they're like, oh, God, yes. Punish me. I really feel like that's you in this alien scenario. No, no, that's not it at all.

It's not a pleasure thing. He just gets satisfaction out of knowing he could handle it. I know that I'm tough and I'm so big and strong. And maybe a little pleasure. No, no pleasure. Nah, it's not about that. Do we not have a clip where you say they could punish me all that I want? They can torture me all I want?

I don't remember that existing. No, I think if you play it back, you'll see it's like they won. I think I afterwards corrected myself. Where did this topic start? I was going to try and contribute something from my end, but I can't. He asked if we fantasize about being the hero. Yeah. Oh, sure.

Okay. Yeah. No, the hero in a way where I don't want a heroic death. I think everyone has hero fantasies sometimes probably mine usually involve me not dying yeah i think if i ever tried to do that i would absolutely fail and probably make anything any situation worse than it already is just because i'm not i'm not that guy but you know you have the fantasy sure someone gets like thrown out of a plane you're like i would jump after them and i know that whenever i go to land i need to roll a certain

way and in practice it would be like, or in theory, it's like, dude, that would look so cool. I would save their life. I'd be the hero. But I picture what would actually happen. I'd probably land on them, crush them, also die and somehow like my pants

would have gotten slightly pulled down. So my ass is hanging out and I'm just laying on top of them with us both dead. You died because you did it wrong. If someone falls out of an airplane, you run to the front, you grab one of the spare chutes,

you chase after them, go in a head downdown, arms-back position so that you're more aerodynamic, and you catch up to them in the sky, but then you slow... That's why I should have the emergency bikini on! You slow yourself enough so that you don't bounce off of them. You hit them and you

grab them, and then you pull the chute at the appropriate height, and then you're fine. You don't try and dive-roll out of the airplane, you psychopath. bob your your thing's outdated wade was right you need to go up to the stewardess go i need this and then rip the bikini off of them put it on really quickly then dive they have actually incorporated all the parachutes into the bikinis so oh snap okay and at first they're like oh and then they're like what a hero as i dive out and grab. They all have the same voice. Meanwhile, everyone else who survived the plane had actually landed fine.

Just been like, yeah, this crazy guy. He ran up to the flight attendant, ripped her clothes off, then jumped out of the plane. It was the craziest thing. And then you're remembered forever, is that? The dumbest robbery of all time. I'm going to rob someone of the clothes they're wearing at 10,000 feet and get away with it it I don't think it's a robbery when there's a giant hole in the side of the plane But you know opportunistic people could say really opportunistic They have a villain fantasy

You ever want to die tragically as the villain? I do have that thing where going back to the the suspicious expertise I think I have I've done that recently when I was doing like, you know, all the hardware research and in my infallible nature, I think that if I just look up enough about the subject, I can design my own custom CPU and I could design my own enclosure to have like a custom controller of all this stuff. I look up like what Mac is doing with arm and I'm like, oh man,

how hard could it be to just design your own chip they can say all they want that it takes like you no human could ever like understand fully the the individual architecture because there's just billions upon billions of transistors and they do it based on building blocks of log of logical units that have been established for years and they build on that and i'm like if i look at it you know i bet i can you just need you need a good diagram you figure it you know i bet i can you just see you need a good diagram you figure it out yeah i can i can do that it's like putting together a piece of furniture you just gotta look at the parts and then the you know the cpu side is receiving of the transistors i mean this isn't even a joke because i actually do once i get

into it i'm like if i could just commit a few years to college, I bet I could go back and get a degree in this and have a basic understanding of CPU architecture. You could at least get 80% of the way there before you give up. I know. Yeah, that's how I am with most of my things I get about. Well, actually, I think it's 80. I get 0.01% there. And then I'm like, I know I'm close to finishing. I basically figured that out.

I'm going to give myself credit. I basically did that. It's just a lot of extra time at this point, really. I do have an idea. Bob, this is an aside. So, Mark, you can't listen for a second. All right. For Mark's birthday, Bob, I think we get a torture rack, some bad dragon stuff.

You and I dress up like aliens and we give Mark his hero fantasy. Oh, OK. All right. Unpause. Mark, you can listen again. OK. I just muted my microphone. I don't know why.

Did it work? Thank you for playing along, Mark. We appreciate that. When literally my brain is like okay i can't listen i'm gonna i'm gonna put into this episode audience you get what you pay for and i think we can watch this for free so um i hope you enjoyed bullshit i guess i gotta pick a winner um bob oh okay i don't really know if i have a reason you know what i do have a reason you're wearing a Cincinnati shirt.

We went to a Bengals game recently together, and it was a good time. The Bengals won. It was a good time. We watched football man Bo Juro throw a bunch of dime touches. That's like one of the five TikToks I've seen, and you sent it to me, and it was rent-free in my head. But yeah, Bob, you're our winner. Mark, how do you feel about losing this episode?

Is it torturous and painful? I will be immortalized for all time for the things I said on today's podcast. Just not for the reason I want. Bob, a winner's speech. Uh, you know, it feels good to be the hero sometimes, and I really took a big risk today, and

you know, I earned my status as a big hero of the episode, really. I'm just glad I was able to save everybody, and you really. I'm just glad I was able to save everybody and, you know, I'm just doing my job. I can't believe you won with negative 10 points because I think the only time I ever gave points at all in this episode was whenever you both lost them.

You could give me a theoretical amount of points just so that I have some number that sounds better for a winner. I could, but I won't. Thank you guys for watching. If you haven't already, go follow Mark, Markiplier, Bob, MySkirm, I'm Wade, Million777, or LordMillion777. Stay tuned for the next one where Bob will host, and who knows what will happen. Probably something better than this one, or not.

Until then, podcast out.