Distractible - Change

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

Recorded live and with the guys in the same room for the first time in 5 years, today Wade throws it back to tour with a favorite improv game... CHANGE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable, a Wood Elf production. And it was Bodacious Bob's birthday, so wish him well. This week, Mark lays down a heavy gauntlet to you all, and promises photographic recompense for your support. The ship of Theseus raises its flag again, but the main event is a non-stop side-splitting laugh-a-thon as the gents play an improv game par excellence. Yes, it's time for change. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. We're live! Yeah!

Alright guys, welcome back to Distractible. I'm today's host,ade because well i dominated last week and i'm here joined in person for a live recording of distractible with mark and bob howdy boys hello can i just say you're way more up as a host when we're in person doing it live brings it out of you i am i'm always seems always on. I don't know. He seems just as up in the normal recordings. I feel like when we record remote, he's always like, hey, this is, I'm Wade. This is, what's this called? Distractible?

Now that I remember. Yeah, it is very much. No, no, no. I'm very invested. I'm Wade. Very energetic. I was cursed with the win from last week. I don't ever feel cursed to win.

I like being on top in this group of three men. Okay, well, we'll see what happens this time. But I do have some fun stuff in store for us today. But first, how is it us all being together for the first time in somewhere between two and 16 years? People did say that they were missing the Baltimore intro. That'll be added in later. Yeah, I don't think any of us have that voice. I'm sorry.

It's not just like a thing we can do. Good evening, gentle listeners. Nope, nope, nope. Jamar, you try. No, don't try. Bob, your turn. Good evening, gentle listeners. Well, I don't have a deep voice. This is really insulting to him.

He sounds great, and we sound like shit. Yes, it's me, Boundary Boy. I just know... Yes. Like, the way he says yes is so... He does that British thing where it's like an H and an N. Right-o. Yes. Yes.

Well, someone said Wade's was actually pretty good. I think they're trying to get points out of you. Oh, two points to that listener. That gentle listener. Yeah. I think they're trying to get points out of you. Oh, two points to that listener. That gentle listener.

The audience may or may not be the fourth member of this recording and may or may not be eligible to win the next judging. Be careful, though. Be aware. If the audience wins, it's just you. We don't even show up. Yeah, that's true. You have to entertain yourself that week. Just me?

We're not talking about that. Oh, who's he talking to? The audience. Oh, they just show up. Yeah, they just show up. Oh, who's he talking to? The audience. Oh, they just show up. Yeah, they just show up. Oh, I thought I was going to win again. Okay, no winning again for me. Never again. The premise entirely started with if the audience wins,

which would mean that you didn't. Yeah, but even in person, I don't listen. Yep. That's true. It's my brand. That checks out. It holds true, you know? That is very much too true. I do. I do i do know anyway it's been good oh yeah small talk right i feel like we kind of know how it's been yeah being in person and all but i mean it has been nice we did the stream yesterday obviously for those of you

listening uh bob and wade are in town because we wanted to get together and also where we wanted to do some uh distractible stuff in person we wanted to thank everyone who's listening to this in the future. We are from the past at the moment, and right now you see where Distractable has been. That is all because of the efforts that we have done here today. So if it's not incredible where we are and what news you've heard about Distractable. It just means we're not done efforting. Yeah, we're not done efforting.

And the effort of our listeners who are helping us with this push. Absolutely, yeah. It's all in your hands. Our lives. The liminal marketing is in your hands, everybody. Instead of Jurassic Park, our lives are in your hands, and you have Butterfingers?

Who said that? John to Dennis Nedry? John? I need character descriptions, not names. The old man with the cane. There we go. He says that to Dennis Nedry, and Dennis is the one that, ah, ah, ah.

You know, like John Stead to Steve over there. I can't remember his last name. The clever girl. You remember the clever girl. No. John Lennon. No, that's not it. And then Chris Pratt was like, it's me.

I'm Mario. I don't think he was in the original Jurassic Park. Wasn't he, though? The OGs? Of course. God. He actually played that kid. Little known fact.

Voices in my head are saying John Hammond is the old man's name. That can't be right. No, but remember when Chris said, Jurassic Park, here we come. Life finds a way. Life, it finds a way. You. It finds a way. You guys are breaking my heart. I love the original Jurassic Park. We're not making fun of

the original Jurassic Park. You gratified my OG. Wade, I don't know why I thought you would listen. I'm the host. I'm always right. That's not what the host is. It is today. We're in person and I am right would listen any better. I'm the host. I'm always right. Okay, that's not what the host is. It is today. We're in person, and I am right,

and I get to look you in the eyes and say it and mean it. You don't even get to control anything. I've got my fancy soundboard. Nope. Come on, let me. Just a little. I just want to touch it a little. Oh, gotta go nuts.

I picked a banger. Yeah, you did. Oh, you got us, man. Does it ever end on its own? It does. Okay, good. All right. It'll record to a separate track you can do it more if you want

it won't interrupt us at all just to let you know damn it I control the soundboard he does he does that I can make it so only Mark can talk you probably have to press that then that right don't tell me that's too much power for me but yeah that's Jurassic Park

why do you sound so nervous? I forgot what we were talking about. I wanted to sound like I was really trying to pay attention today. What a succinct conclusion. All of that to say, Jurassic Park. Jurassic Park. I don't remember what my point was. How did we get to Jurassic Park?

I don't know, man. Oh, the Butterfingers thing. Oh yeah, you were saying names of characters from movies. No, he was saying that for a reason. I don't remember, man. Oh, the Butterfingers thing. Oh, yeah. You were saying names of characters from movies. No, he was saying that for a reason, and I don't remember what the reason was. You guys said something that made me think of it. You said our life is in your hands. Oh, yeah. Because Mark had said another thing.

What did I say? Something about how the efforts of our viewers is in your hands for us to succeed. Help us promote Distractable. Because in the future, where they are are they'll know already if distractible succeeded or not and why how'd they get to jurassic park because the lives in your hands made me think of the quote from jurassic park and then you guys are like who's john guys if i still don't understand who john if you were hoping that this would get more guy the cohesive in person it's not it's a but it's a crucial time and distractible history and you all

decide what history will show about i know exactly what's gonna cause history to show up and i'm gonna make the video tomorrow about it i'm excited for that i think it should be announced that on the podcast officially do you want to tell by the time they hear this it might be too late by the time they hear this maybe they didn't watch your youtube video in a good way or a bad way okay all right well if you've heard this by now then it's probably true if it was successful or not. It either worked or didn't work. And now we're in like a Schrodinger's state of whether or not it worked or didn't work. Schrodinger's pod.

And my nudity is based on like, it's Schrodinger's nudity right now. I'm either naked. I am naked and not naked at the same time in this very moment. I'm either yes or no. What's under Mark's clothes? Is he naked under them or not? Or is it just more clothes? Nobody could ever know.

So for those of you who watch the video that I'm going to make tomorrow, but when you're listening to this, it's weeks ago. He's going to have had my age tomorrow. Yes. I've made a video that put out a challenge that my list of demands are very high that I'm going to make it. Distractible has to hit number one both on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. We've never even seen such things on Apple Podcasts. Being above Joe Rogan.

And also, Go My Favorite Sports Team has to be the number one sports podcast and in the top ten of both as well. It doesn't have to be one and two, but it has to be in the top ten as well. Who was the top sports podcast yet to pass? We were top sports podcast for a little bit okay yeah okay for a little bit there uh but those are going to be my demands and so i really feel like this is a win-win for me because if i if it doesn't hit i like that we're sustaining eye contact i don't have to be don't look away i've

got no one to look at i don't have to be naked and if it does win then i get to be oh so naked and i've already done that before some people seem to have forgotten be naked. And if it does win, then I get to be oh so naked. And I've already done that before. Some people seem to have forgotten that I've done that. It was long enough that there's a whole new generation of people who are here now. In four years? Yeah, the internet's quick, man. I'm not saying that they went from like they grew up. A whole generation.

But I mean like there are waves of internet people. Absolutely. We're on Gen Double D now. Gen Z was years ago. We're in a different wave of internet people followers fans whatever then then existed when that happened yeah exactly so for those of you don't know in the past i have made a tasteful nudes calendar and they were very tasteful uh and i if we hit the goals that i outlined previously i would make an only fans and do the same thing and put the

proceeds towards charity same as i did with the tasteful nudes calendar so do a chica shoot on that what you gotta do a you and Chica shoot on that, OnlyFans. Chica would also be We did, we did, uh, there's a whole shoot, though. I want a whole, it has to have themes. I don't know how much I'm gonna be doing this. A lot. Well, if I do it afterwards, it's gonna be

because my channel has died and I need the income. So I won't say that all of it will ever be for charity, because, but the first for this particular thing will definitely be for charity. then if you know it just pops off you know but in 10 years when we're in our ripe in our 40s we'll all be doing only fans what i'll do is i will get as many pictures now before i get old and i will bank them so that i can sustain my career for years to come well you know it's, it's going to be easier in the future, though. Why?

Because AI. Are you right? All you need is young Mark Facepik, so you get a lot of fidelity. But then you can use AI to fix whatever time does to you. I only have that one I use for thumbnails. I'll be the only picture that survives. It'll either be the one or the two I use. It's all just reaction.

For all of our audios, he made the double chin smile and the dick in my mouth screaming. Screaming, never mind. I can't even recreate the one that you use for me and everything. Someone where I'm like He is looking terrified with teeth bearing. It's a little happier

than it was. I think mine is like a detective that just found a clue yeah yeah yours was taken by i believe bristly one uh at indie popcon i believe no i think that was out of packs i'm not sure i can't remember she's been in a lot of them so it's harder to remember but yeah anyway so yeah uh you listening to this now that will either have happened or will have been having had to had happened yeah it will either be out already or not i actually i probably need more time than that anyway that was pretty clear i think we all know what's gonna happen basically just boost our podcast and get butt yeah but specifically my butt very specifically very specifically my butt

bob anything you want to talk about i guess we got mark's butt. We got some Jurassic Park. My dog's fine. Thanks for asking. Great. Oh, God, no, Bob. Why? No, no. Just knock on wood after I said that horrible thing's happened. This isn't wood. Alexi's great. She's adorable. Okay, that's good. She's taking care of her mom, who's sick. Because she's pregnant.

Unless it's the future. Then not anymore. But for good reasons. In which case, she's taking care of the baby. Because Bob and Mandy have left to go on a long extended vacation to get away from said baby. Or they love it. Right now, in the future, I'm here and Mandy is taking care of our baby. I don't know. I will be a bad father.

Interesting. Well, you heard it here first, everyone. Please promote our podcast. If you get us the number one, Bob will be a good father. The ultimate incentive. This is for the baby. You want to do it for the baby, listeners, don't you?

I promise to be attentive for one full episode. Yeah, yeah. Oh, boy. Wait, I know how to fix that. Wade. What Wade said except... Aha! It's just a joke!

It's just a joke! He won't be no matter what. All right. Good. Or he will be no matter what. I don't know. He won't not be, definitely. Time will have told us by now.

I don't know if this is going well for you. I'm the host. Of course it is. I give myself ten points. I forgot we were recording an episode for a minute. I have to be honest. I thought we were just talking. It's weird recording an episode with no headphones, a very little idea of how long we've been recording.

Mark has two computers. I've got my laptop in front of me. Wade's got his phone. My notes are typed in on my phone really haphazardly. And you're at the seat that's not actually a seat under the table. Yeah, I've also... Mark and I are at our desk and Wade's on the edge. I'm trying really hard not to have my foot unplug or touch a power

button. Yeah, be careful. It's a very tenuous place to host from. These are all equally good seats. Yeah, it's fantastic. I guess to wrangle us in, I have no idea how good or bad this will go. After the last time I tried something new, that was the laugh. If you make each other laugh, the other one gets points. If you had told us, we would have done it. Yeah, how good or bad this will go. After the last time I tried something new, that was the laugh. If you make each other laugh, the other one gets points.

If you had told us, we would have done it. Yeah, we would have done it. Well, I'm going to tell you today what's happening. All right, cool. Good. We'll probably not do it. So today we're going to go through, we're going to have multiple topics like we've done in the past, but I'm going to bring back at least one improv game that was popular among

our audiences. I might pull in a second one if I'm feeling particularly evil or constructive. We're going to try change. You two are going to work together to help get through different parts of human history or made up history. And I'm going to change what you guys are doing on the spot and make you change what you are doing. And then the other person will have to pick up from whatever is agreed to so on and so forth. So for example, if you guys are trying to tie a shoe, Mark be like oh well you take the first string and you make a loop i would say change uh you take uh the other shoe and you beat it repeatedly great bob what comes next and then he would say something i can say change i can let it go whatever have you

and ultimately you guys will get nothing out of this but hopefully some laughs yeah somebody will get points and win. It is crazy to think about. I know you're in the middle of explaining it, but I just realized we haven't done an improv video in a long time. And people really love those. Because we turned it into the tour, and I think we got burnt out of doing it on the tour. I still have. I saw it just a few months ago. The footage of us from Tyler's hotel room in Australia that we recorded and never made into videos.

I saw it just the other day. How did you just randomly come across that? I was going through old SD cards and I was like, I found it. And then I found the SD cards that had all the audio in it. And I was like, oh, God, it's all here. For those of you out there listening, there's other significance to that particular hotel room because that's where the foundations of 3Peens and Distractible were laid. Yes, exactly. That is the origin.

What a room. What a room. What a room. Why did Tyler get that room? You ask that every time this comes up. Yeah, we have all these fond memories. I'm like, oh, that's where this started. You're like, why didn't I have the best bedroom? It is fortuitous that he had it,

because we may not have had such revelations, and we might not be here today if we did not. Actually, you know what? Now that we've taught about it, I'm becoming Irish. Now that I've taught about it so much, you'm, I'm becoming Irish. Now that I've taught about it so much, um, you made Tyler have that room because you were like,

we might want to do improv in the biggest room we can get our access to. And I don't know if I want that to be mine and Amy's room that we're going into. Cause then we're in Amy's area and your area, but Tyler doesn't fucking matter. So we can just go invade his space and he can't do a thing about it. I'm pretty sure that's what happened.

I see. That does sound pretty... I'm pretty sure that's part of why that happened. Okay, so I thought I was like, I'm a hero. We have the best friendship. Okay, can I get some points for that?

You know what? For blatant honesty and cruelty, I will give you three points. I have no way of tracking points, so whatever the points total is at the end, you've got the greatest notepad in front of you. Yeah, but that's where my notes are that I need. There's other parts.

You can make other. You hit enter a couple times. I was talking about chat. Chat's here. I can't see the live studio audience is here you know how many times we've been recording an episode and forgotten a bit from like a previous episode or even early in the episode where someone was supposed to get some points that would have changed the outcome of the episode in general it's not a lot but there

are a couple episodes with wrong winners and the subreddit made sure that we knew about it. You're probably right, but the judge does decide the last winner. The judge decides the winner, and the points are only there as a guideline. Yeah, we never did say that the points have to dictate who the winner is. It's true. It can be an unfair win. 100%. We've had some of those.

Bob, you crushed Mark this episode, which would be me, the host. I'd be like, but despite that, Mark's shorter, and I feel bad for him today, so he wins. And before Wade says that at the end of this episode, which would be me, the host. I'd be like, but despite that, Mark's shorter and I feel bad for him today, so he wins. And before Wade says that at the end of this episode. Yeah, I'm going to prove that there's no bias because I'm going to declare that I'm going to win this episode. You don't get to declare that. Depending on how much money is under the table, I will decide whether he's right or not. If there's bias

and I win, then it proves it's fair. But if you win and I said that, then it's biased. It's not biased because he doesn't listen to me. Okay. So if you and him are conspiring against me, then there's clear bias. And I declared there was bias. Therefore, I'm telling the truth.

I'm saying there is bias and that I'll win because then I'm covering all the bases where if I win and there you if I win, then there's no bias because you didn't conspire against me. And it doesn't mean that you and I had bias because we weren't conspiring. I hate you. Wait a minute. I don't hate you. Well, I'm going to set up a Venmo. We'll see if there's bias with whoever donates the most money to me today. Can I?

We really got there. Can I try? I feel convinced that I should let Mark win. Can I try again? Is there a trying again? Oh, you know what? Why not, buddy? Here's the shovel

Keep digging I love all of you That was oddly unspecific I like that a little more than the other thing that happened But not a lot more I abstain I yield my time Oh, we got this

Oh, okay, well, excellent We told him that he was like mean Made Tyler have the room that we were all going to invade I yield my time. Oh, we got that. I yield my time. Oh, okay. Well, excellent. We told him that he was like me and made Tyler have the room that we were all going to invade. Now he's gone back to that mindset of like, yes, be dick. Be dick. I wasn't trying to be a dick. No, you were. I was trying to say that it was a... Lord of the Blowers.

Okay, and friends. All right, and friends. You know, and friends got to enjoy some nice cake the other day. One market plier didn't. That's the reality of the behind the scenes chat. Now you're hearing the truth. All that friendship and happiness that came through in the tour documentary. That was all bullshit.

Mark made us say that. It's all about the money. It's all about the money. Well, now that we've established our friendship is a farce. That's all about cash. You guys have to work together. All right, bud. Wait, now that we've established our friendship is a farce that's all about cash, you guys have to work together. Alright, bud. Wait, what? That's right. You're working together

on this. Where's the bias? We'll find out, I suppose. I thought you gave up on that bit. Oh, yeah, right? Alright. Let's start off our segment here. So, for a reminder for everyone, after all of that bullshit that happened, we're playing, basically, these two have to work together on a scene that I will establish uh and i can change what they are saying at any time but the idea is

they want to work together to accomplish whatever the basic task is i kind of lay out in the scene okay so we are both working together but i'm going to complicate things by making it to where the steps you are taking i will change and make more complicated oh so we're like giving a procedure of how to do it. We're starting. Are we going to alternate who starts? We're verbally role playing. Yes, verbally role.

I love verbal role play. We're going to try. Again, this is the test. I came up with this on the spot an hour and a half ago. While you're stuffing your face with some ribs. Ah, yes. I was thinking of myself. Wade had breakfast, ribs, and steak.

It was incredible. Well, we went to a steakhouse for breakfast after last night going to the king of meats and wade becoming once again the king of meats i think it's only fair to establish we were at a steakhouse for lunch it's not a steakhouse it's like a very large higher quality apple bees they have every kind of food in existence including ribs and steak. They have like two dishes that include ribs on a menu with literally hundreds of dishes. Yeah you

had a club sandwich. I had wings and they're best known for their ribs and steak. And one of us had a pizza and one of us had an appetizer that I forget. A dip of some sort. You guys are not doing a good job of running bonus points for your effects here. You idiot! Alright, well, Mark, you are winning so

far. It's okay. I assume we win or lose together, so I'm just dragging you down with me. Ooh, is it gonna be another co-opted, uh, hosted No, only one of you will be my favorite today. Only one of you will be my favorite today. That's what you think. Oh, well, maybe you'll convince me

otherwise. Alright, of you will be my favorite that's what you think oh well maybe you'll convince me otherwise all right let's start off let me see i had these like in a chronological order but we're gonna go i've never thought about how dumb of a face i make when we record these podcasts until just now when it's live well thankfully i can't see mine i was literally sitting here just like we we we do we've done riverside for the past like two months unless i'm reading you guys if i'm talking i'm just like i get so worked up god i the no one in listening this is going to be able to appreciate this but ethan like ruined my let's play experience like my video experience because he pointed out a thing that i do and i never noticed that i did it is that when i i because i have obs in the side right and and people you listening to

this i'm so sorry and i'm embarrassed to say this because you can go back and probably verify it many times we can pull examples where when i look at myself in my obs i do i i like i do a little kissy lip apparently i do man what a horrible monster i don't think it's quite exactly like that but i feel like it is now i feel like that's what i do now i'm very very extremely good looking it's like i do the uh you know you know like you suck in your the mega the mega chat no see but i do that too if i'm i do because i check obs too And I don't think I do it when I'm doing that. But if I'm like, if I'm like hanging out with friends and then I'm like,

Oh, I'm going to peep the cell phone for a minute. I will, I will absolutely be like, like, it's like a little pouty, you know, it's like you're,

I think what it is, like I'm checking to see if like it's recording number one, but also checking my appearance. And when you see yourself, you kind of like stand up straight a little bit. My posture's terrible. Yeah, I see it. Just like that.

You guys are so silly. Just a little bit. I can't believe it. What is wrong with you? What is wrong with you? Nothing. I'm just going how I normally am. How long have we been recording the episode and we haven't gotten to anything yet?

23 minutes and 50 seconds. You guys keep interrupting me and I'm trying to set the topic. You were about to start the game. I sure am. Go, go. All right. You two are comforting your kid on their first day of school. Bob, I feel particularly evil, so I'm going to make you go first.

Okay. Wait, can I clarify? Sure. No, go ahead. So we're comforting. It's like their first day of school. They're scared. They're nervous.

Okay. So are they- They don't want to leave, they might be sad. So kindergarten or preschool? Yes, like first day of either one. I mean, you know, they're young. Young. Young, okay, alright, okay. They're old enough to understand words, but like, they're young. Okay, alright, got it, got it. Four or five years old. Mm-hmm, okay. Ready. Are you gonna play my child in this, or am I just gonna explain what's happening?

You are just talking as if you're talking to your kid, and your kid is silently just listening. Okay, silent protagonist. I hate that. I could be the kid and then we could switch. Okay. Whatever you guys want. That would be very confusing.

No, I love it. That's fine. Let's do that. All right, okay. All right. All right, okay. Buddy, you seem a little nervous. I want to go to school.

Change. I peed myself. Oh, that's okay. We can get you some new pants. That's okay. Why did you pee yourself? I wanted to stay home. No, you's okay. We can get you some new pants. That's okay. Why did you pee yourself? I wanted to stay home. No, you got to go to school.

Change. No! You can't do that. No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. I just got really angry at you for a second, but it's past. It's past. I'm not angry.

I like when you yell at me. Look, school is great. School is where you meet all your friends. Change. School is where you get to look at the lunch lady while she scoops slop onto your plate. Change. School is where you're going to learn about the world. School will teach you everything you need to know.

I'm so scared. To be an adult person. I'm not ready to do taxes. No, no. I'm not ready to do taxes. No, no. I'm not ready to die. Change. I don't want to go anywhere but here and with video games

and to play for a day. Change. I also put myself. Change. Oh, no. I'm yelling at you now. How does it feel, dad? How does it feel, dad? How does it feel, Dad? No, I see your point.

I see your point, and I get it. You know what? That's not very nice, actually. Listen, school is going to be awesome. Change. No, school is mandatory, and you have to do it. And I know about having to do things because I'm an adult, and taxes, and work and change

change see oh but then you make me do all your taxes i'm on change i sleep mom change i I sleep with mom I buried that body for you I'm still impressed that you were able to haul it out of the trunk and into that hole and then you covered it up really good and I'm proud of you for that I'm always going to be proud of you for that

most people don't get to hear that until they're in their late 30s if ever so you're really ahead of the game and I think all the survival training we've put you through and everything until they're in their late 30s, if ever. So you're really ahead of the game. And I think all the survival training we've put you through and everything I've asked you to do so far has really prepared you to succeed in school. I don't think you need to be worried at all. Change.

It's going to be terrifying, but I think you might survive. Okay. But, okay, what if the people don't like me? What if I don't make friends and the teachers mean? Pause. Switch roles. I don't know what I'm going to do if the teachers don't like me? What if I don't make friends and the teachers mean? Pause. Switch roles. I don't know what I'm going to do. The teachers means me.

Now, boy, listen. Listen, boy. You are born to be a warrior. You will be strong. Change. You were born a mistake. I wish you were never born. I don't remember birth to you.

Wasn't that mom? Mom gave birth to me. Is that why you don't call me son? Change. So sad. Dad, we talked about this. I was birthed of a goat. Boy,

have you heard of the ship of Theseus? Change. Boy, have you heard of the ship of Theseus? Change. Boy, have you heard of Theseus? It's a ship. Change. Boy, there once upon a time was a boat. Change. You know what, Ed?

Well, that's whatever. We'll lunch there. I can't with the ship of theseus again how did that feel in like podcast format that feel okay that felt good the feel for you guys it did not feel like doing improv on stage in front of an audience that's for sure oh come on oh i think you got a camera to pucker to and everything i think it was funny for us but i laughed oh god all right no this is the episode i'm down with it it's good guys want to camera to pucker to and everything. I think it was funny for us, but... I laughed. Oh, God. Alright. No, this is the episode. I'm down with it. It's good. You guys want to know how it felt? It's different.

We've never done just audio-only improv because so much of improv is physical. So this is very different. It's like against our instincts to do it this way. Well, I mean, you don't need to shoot it down. You could celebrate us. You make us feel like we just did terrible in the scene. No, you did great. I just want to know how it felt for you all. You could have been like,

man, I thought this was going to be awful, but you guys killed it! You guys killed it! Oh, yeah! But I'm sorry. I expected mediocrity, and I was pleasantly surprised that it was up a level at least. There we go. Now I feel better. I think this would be harder or weirder not in person, because we were making

strong eye contact. You two were helping by working together. You two were helping by working together. I think that definitely made a difference. Thanks, man. Thanks. You didn't look at me once

and I appreciate that. No, I was in the scene. I was living it. You did great. No, I felt like the person on the outside that was watching. Who got points?

Yeah, who got points? That's for me to know and you guys to... Bob did for the... thing that I can't mimic. What about the ship of theseus oh that might have lost you i don't know you gotta get some ship of theseus man based on all of the 20 however many minutes we've been going uh mark you are still technically winning all right oh yeah i love that okay you two are cavemen in the time of the dinosaurs. And you see what you don't know is a comet, but is a comet approaching.

All right. It looks probably big and scary. Do I go first? Yeah, I think Bob went first, so sure. Bartholomew. Oh. My friend. No.

Do you see that light up in the sky? Change. Do you see my pecs glistening in the fire? Change. Have you ever wished upon a star? You ever wondered where they are? Huh? Change. Do you see my pecs glistening in the fire? Change. Have you ever wished upon a star? Ever wondered where they are? Huh? Change.

Huh? Change. Huh? Change. No. Warb, I've heard of you. Good. Your pronunciation is getting better.

Well, if you look up at the stars, there seems to be one I've been watching for quite some time. Seems to be growing brighter, which is a very strange, strange thing. I've been excited for a while, but it keeps growing brighter, you know? No. Good. No. Oh, good. I think it might be coming to kill us.

Change. I think it might be a to kill us. Change. I think it might be a sign of God. Change. I think, and you don't think, that's what makes me better than you. Change. You know what? I've just been pretending this whole time, Jackson. You know why I pretend like I can't talk?

Because you're insufferable. Bartholomew, we are best friends. We've went through so much together. Change. We're Eskimo brothers. Change. We will always love you.

Change. We. Remember, we were on that roller coaster. We went, we. I wasn't talking then. I just went,

and you know what? I'm sick of it. I just went, and you know what? I'm sick of it. I know this is our entire tribe. We've scared it. We, you have scared everyone off with the ramblings about the stars and gods and all this stuff. And I put up with it because I don't even know if there are any other people on this place.

Change. Because I was like, well, at least I don't have to make conversation. Change. And I put up with it because I'm an idiot. That's what I've realized. I'm a moron. You played the role well then because I thought you were an idiot too. But guess what?

It's not going to matter because that thing, whatever that light is, I think it's going to kill us. Change. I hope it smashes you in the brain. Change. I look up in danger. Okay, get that through your thick skull. I hope it smashes you in the brain. Change. I? You? I? Look up in danger. Okay, get that through your thick skull.

You don't have to talk to me like that. I understand, and I'm not even going to look because I'm so fed up with you. I hope it kills us. Change. I'm secretly in love with you. Bartholomew. I thought it was hatred, but. Hatred and love are two sides of the same coin.

Why do you think I couldn't leave? Change. Change. Perfect. Well, I can't believe we've waited this long to admit our love. It's always right before the, when the truth comes out. Should we fuck? Change?

Should we do a little under the shirt stuff? And see. All right. Man. Enemies to lovers. A classic tale. A tale as old as time. Oh, good shit.

Yeah. Jackson and what was the other one? Bartholomew. Bartholomew and Jackson. Classic caveman names. Obviously. All right. I was thinking whether to let you just grunt the entire time

this is choice i thought about it but when you changed me i was like i don't want to grunt any more than that i had to see how committed you were to the grunt oh bartholomew is so committed i will give bob two points for the grunts good grunts nailed it grunts what do i get uh you get a crisp. Well done. Oh, crisp. Hey, you might be able to sell that for some points. Like freshly printed. Oh, can I sell it? Can I sell it for points? If someone

wants to buy it, the only one here that could is Bob. You want to buy it? I will take it off your hands if you give me a couple points, because it's really a burden. Sounds like a bad deal. It's up to you to decide. I'm just the host. All right, I'll take it, but I feel like I'm getting robbed here. All right, how many points did you want from him?

I said a couple, right? Two points. Two? Yeah, sure. Yeah, okay. Okay, well. And a crisp well done. Yeah, you get two points.

And a crisp well done. Mark, you lost two points and you get nothing. Well, what was a tied game is now skewed heavily in Bob's favor. Here's a wrinkly good job, Mark. A soggy well. An unironed okay. Here's a damp pat on the back for you. Well, the comeback you're going to have to make now if these points mean anything is pretty amazingly high.

Don't worry. I'm all about it. I'm ready. Okay. Let's see. All right. I'm all about it. I'm ready. Okay, let's see. Alright. For this one, Bob, you just invented the condom and you were

trying to convey to Mark what it is and why he should use it. Okay. What time period was the condom invented in? No idea. Yeah, I know. I'll use the internet. I'm pretty sure prior to what we think of as the condom now, there was things used in the past that had the same function.

Cheap intestine. Yes. What is our time frame for the invention of the condom? I should have looked this up. If only I had a computer. Your phone is a computer. I'm very busy looking at my notes. Didn't you bring a computer? I did not.

Alright. Okay, the first condoms came into existence in the 19th century. Yeah, isn't this just the condom ad we did? I wasn't there for that. You want to relive it? I'm not your dad. I could be anybody. I'm your bro.

You're right. My bro. My bro. Condo bro. All right. Are you ready, bro? I am, bro. I'm so ready. So these are somewhere in the 1800 bro? I am, bro. I'm so ready.

Somewhere in the 1800s. I know how it was back then. Great. Bartholomew. You guys clearly knew caveman era. I can't wait to hear this. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Franklin, I've done it. Hey, what's up? Change. Oh, shit. Change. Bartholomew. What is it? Change.

I'll see you later. What's that? Another night terror, eh? Sorry I woke you from it. I've done it! I've finally done it! You know how I've been trying to find a use for all the extra sheep intestines we've had, Ling?

You know how I've been trying to make sex worse? Oh, yeah. I can't remember. Come on. Yeah, I remember. I finally did it. What? I was trying to think what would be the strangest thing you could involve in sex, and I had an epiphany. Oh, okay.

The sheep intestine. Whoa. Change. Ah, man. Change. I'm full, bro. Change. Ah, man. Change. I'm full, bro. Change. Oh, wow. I got that. Change.

What's that? Oh, you know what sheep intestine is. It's what we used to make sheep sausage with. Change. You know how I do floppy arms, your favorite character? I love floppy arms. Those arms are made of sheep intestine. Do it again. Do it now.

I want it. Change. Anyway, floppy arms. It's way less important than ruining sex. Obviously, it's been my life's work. Yeah, but how does it make sex work? I just had a bunch of it, and it was great. Change.

I never had it, but I heard it's cool. Change. Oh, man. Go on. Yes, well, instead of putting it on your entire body and waving your arms around, you only need a little bit. You sew up one end so that it's sort of a saggy cup. Change.

So that it's sort of like a flesh tube instead of a test tube. Change. You sew it so it's generally the shape of a penis. All right. And then as you are about to engage in sex, you just slip the penis sleeve over your penis and then just do it like normal. But it has some bonuses which are unrelated to sex except for having it like uh you won't get warts anymore change you won't get sex

madness we don't know how disease works but you know how you feel tired after sex sometimes this will fix that change you won't get gonorrhea since Since we don't maybe have, don't remember when penicillin is going to not have existed, this will prevent you from even needing it if it exists. This is so crazy. I don't care about any of those things. Change. I care so much about you as a person that I'm trying to stop you from this horrible idea. This cannot be allowed to exist.

Sex is great the way it is, and anything in between is just going to destroy our society as a whole. Change. Go on. Look, I'm just saying, it's like having sex in a bag. Change. It's like having sex with someone else's penis. Change. It's like having sex with a bag of beans. We've all had sex with a bag of

beans. We've all had sex with a bag of beans. We know what that's all about. However, just like, how did you even come to this idea? Why sheep's intestines? Like there must've been other options. Tree sap. You could have had like burlap, linen. You work with what you've got, right? I was, I was looking around my workshop and I was like, I don't think lumber would be very good. Change. I don't see how motor oil could make it any worse. Change.

I don't think sharp objects belong anywhere near my penis. And, you know, so I looked and I looked and I just had all this sheep's intestines from all the wobbly arms costumes and I just, you know, I just stuck it in and i slid my penis into the arm of the wobbly arm costume and i was just like hot so hot and so i began an, which led me to this obvious conclusion. All right.

I am sold. Change. I have reservations. Change. I would like an extra large. Oh, we both know that's not true. All right, fine. A normal one.

But whatever it is, just give me. I'll test it out, and I'll let you know how it goes. I should probably wash this one first. And scene. The world record for number of changes. That's so bad. you know how it goes. I should probably wash this one first. And scene. The world record for number of changes in the world. You're welcome. You're welcome.

Oh, man. Do I get points for that? How many times did you go from long sentence to, your turn. I mean, look, you never said change again. For being bold, three points. Because you're still way down. I'm way down!

Oh, man, the way I tell these points is crazy. You're way ahead now. All right, I guess we're established that no one else could change, so sure, why not? I just multiplied your points by ten. You got some work to do, Bob. That's not very good. Yeah, see? Well, you didn't say change or disagree, so here we are.

Here we are. I'm saving it. All right. Everybody gets one. Except for me. A hundred points to Gryffin Puff. Gryffin Puff? Mm-hmm.

Ugh. It said drunk Gandalf. I've never met drunk Gandalf. I've also never met Gandalf. Oh, I'm just going to let that fly? Okay. Yeah. All right, let's see. Okay. Yeah. All right.

Let's see. We've gotten some good ones here. All right. You two are turkey salesmen here to teach somebody how to make the turkey once they purchase it from you. How easy it is

to cook a turkey. How to cook a turkey. Oh, how to make a turkey. No, no, no. You're not breeding a turkey. You're trying to sell them a turkey and convince them that it's easy to cook. Therefore, Oh, I didn't make a turkey. No, no, no. You're not breeding a turkey. You're trying to sell them a turkey and convince them that it's easy to cook. I'm selling the whole concept

of a turkey. Are we like the first turkey salesman? Whatever you two want to envision with that. I think I'm the salesman and you are working together to sell. Or you can do it that way. You two are tag teaming this to sell to me. I will be the purchaser. I say we start it

with just us and we'll go to the door all right okay every time i start to look reserved you have to look more and more can be more more convincing okay how's this for a pitch all right gobble gobble okay how's this for a pitch what if it's a chicken change how's this for a pitch? What if it's a chicken? Change. But how's this for a pitch? I, you, me, meat, stuffing, barbecue. No. Not, but also. Change. How's this for a pitch? You hungry?

There's nothing better than a butterball. Pretty good, right? I don't think anyone's going to know what a butterball is. No, everyone loves butter. It's like a ball of butter. That meat is so juicy. It's like butter ball of butter. The meat is so juicy. It's like butter's dripping off. But we know it's not.

Yeah, but it's about selling. It's about selling. I just feel bad lying to people. Change. You're right. I am right. If you listen to me, you're going to make a lot of money. See, these things, we genetically modify them.

So we don't have to tell the truth about anything. No, there's no laws here. It's the beginning of turkey times. We don't need to know the truth about anything. No, there's no laws here. It's the beginning of turkey times. We don't need to know nothing. There's no FDA. It's the beginning of turkey times, and we're on the ground floor. We're on the ground floor. We're getting the ground up.

I have been breeding these bad boys. Change. I have been fucking these turkeys. Change. I, the turkeys, some jazz, and then turkeys. the turkeys, some jazz, and then turkeys. I've got a bunch of turkeys in this truck that have this Rube's name on it. He's going to buy them up, or she.

I don't know. Equally stupid. Possibly anyone can be an idiot, but they got money. How do you know their name is Rube? All right, pal. Rube's just an insult. Change. All right.

Rube is Goldberg. Rube Goldberg. Change. Rube. All right, pal. Rube's just an insult. Change. All right. Rube is Goldberg. Rube Goldberg. Change. Rue the day. Change. I was trying to cut you off. Row, row, rue, rue, rue, row, row, row your boat. I understand what you're saying. Yes, I'm caught up to you.

I'm with you. I'm with you. Rue, row, rue, row, rue, rue your boat. Yeah, yeah. Buy some fucking turkeys. Yeah, you're saying. Yes, I'm caught up to you. I'm with you. I'm with you. Roo, roo, roo, roo, roo your boat. Yeah, yeah. Buy some fucking turkeys. Yeah, you take two. I'll take two. Take one.

Actually, give me that one. And you knock on the door. Change. I sneak to the door. Yeah, quiet now. Knock, knock, knock. Change. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Well, I got it to myself squeak change scroop change hey who's at the door oh shit oh god hello sir or madam change hello to you hey we are here to sell you the next

revolution in poultry. Okay. It's poultry in motion. Change. It's really tasty. All right. Well, that sounds good. I like tasty food.

Do you like butter on some things? Ain't nothing better than a butter ball. Change. Hey, no way you're going to miss on this deal. All right. I like deals. I like butter. You got me so far.

So we'll put you down for a starting order of 10 turkeys. Change. This is for you. What is this thing you are handing to me? It's a live turkey. Oh, it's cute. Change. Oh, it's hideous.

Change. Oh, I want to lick it. Yes. Good. Not yet. Not yet. Almost got there. Almost got there.

Not yet. Not yet. Almost got there. Almost got there. We will show you how to turn this live turkey into a delicious dinner for your entire family after you buy our truck of turkeys. Because then you've done something for us and we'll do something for you. Then you'll have food for your family and everybody sort of makes out on the deal. You know what I mean?

Yeah, sounds good to me. It's pretty small. How's it going to feed my whole family? It inflates when you fix it. Change. It's bigger than it looks inside. Oh, wow. Okay.

This thing just opens up and doubles in size, huh? Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, sure. We've been breeding these off of chickens for years. We've been kind of like- You've been breeding turkeys off of chickens? Yeah, we found these weird glowy rocks and we put them near the chicken coop.

We found that if you yell at them real loud, they get angry and big and green oh okay they're like hulk turkeys yeah exactly yeah no they're that's whatever that word means i don't know i like it though i like the way you live in the wrong time period why don't you hulk up some of these things hulky all right anyway sign the paperwork whatever it doesn't matter i'll sign for you yeah and then you owe us. How much is it, partner? It's $10,000 a turkey. Change. It's $10,000 a turkey. Change. It's a million a turkey.

Price is only going to go up, bitch. All right. Well, I guess I'm going to stop while I'm ahead here and take the million dollars a turkey. Oh, perfect. Now we can instruct you on how to murder and prepare that beautiful little creature to be consumed by the animals that are you and your family. All right. Does it start with a lick?

No. No. Let us do the talking. All right. First, remove the feathers. Change. First, lick it. Excellent.

See, all you had to do was wait. Next, what I'm going to need you to do is get some bath salts, candles, a Barry White CD, and get a bath going in your biggest, most romantic bathroom. All right, done. Then you got to light a fire and cook it. Then once you've done the bath and washed it, you remove the insides and put them out of the insides and then put them back in the insides, but with bread.

All right. I think I'm with you. Yeah. It sounds confusing, but he's absolutely right. It'll make sense when you're doing it. Trust us. It'll be delicious. Now is when that fire comes into play.

Change. Now, put out the fire you made. That was just to make sure you could see what you were doing. Oh, yeah. The lighting is pretty poor in here. No, there's no electricity nowadays, whatever that is. Oh, yeah, you're right. I only had that one fire.

It's really dark now. I got my licked, bathed turkey. Yeah, good. It's okay. We're going to go into the cooking area, to your hearth that's always lit because you maintain it beautifully. And you're going to just pop that bad boy into your Dutch oven there and just roast by the fire. I a dutch oven the

turkey do you not know what a dutch oven is i thought it's an oven made by the dutch it's a dutch it is a round uh a body of water change yeah he doesn't know what a Dutch oven is. What is that? You might call it, if you're some kind of rube, wink. Change. Partner. You might call it, you're a cast iron pot. Oh, okay. I do have one of those.

Change. I don't have one of those. Change. I've got so many, but they're illegal. Change. You know, I've heard of those things. I was thinking about, all I got is this dead mouse I scooped the insides

out of and I throw it on the fire. That'll work. Let me just put the turkey on the dead mouse here. In on there. Excellent. Doesn't fit. That's fine. It'll be fine. And then you just put that by the fire and when it looks edible to you,

bing bang boom, eat them up. Fuck your mom. Eat them up. Change. Look at your dick. It's dinner time. Oh, it looks like things are going up. Ta-da.

Pay us some cash. Payment points. All due payable right now. Oh, man. I take Venmo. I love the revenge that starts firing back and forth. No, I don't think I got changed a single time. Well, you guys were just like, change.

I just love the, I'm going to lick it, change. And then as soon as I say lick it, you're like, I got it back. I'm licking it. I wanted to lick it. I wanted to lick it. I'm going to remove two points for myself, and I guess I'll give them to Bob for getting out of all the change there.

I said lots of stuff. I know. It was my fault. I said whole sentences about how to do well. I changed you a few times. Yeah, you changed me on the fire. Put out the fire situation noises and visual things you guys battled each other on the changes pretty good there i just enjoy like when mark gets like two or three in and he's like just an enjoyable face for me thank you thank you that's

what it's all about i do this for you all right well our score is still very skewed in mark's favor after the 10 times bump but But hey, here we are. Do we have time for one more? We have as much time as you want. Excellent. All right. I have two, but one of them we've kind of done. So I'm going to do this one.

You two are trapped on an island. You're playing crash, boat crash. It's up to you to decide how you got there. And you're trying to either find a way off of the island or to stay and survive up to you and your characters individually okay okay but it's you two island and you have very little supplies left from your crash well now we're here dave so thanks for that i appreciate it this is what i was hoping would happen when we were flying on our way to our really cool vacation i'm glad we're here i'm glad that we're here i took the flight classes It's not my fault that someone didn't fuel up the plane.

Why would the person who doesn't know anything about airplanes fuel up the airplane? Change. I wanted this to happen. Oh, yeah, I knew you did. I knew you did. You wanted us to crash. You wanted me to die. But, oh, shit, luck on you.

I'm alive. Yeah, I don't know why I thought grabbing the only parachute would help me in an unexpected plane crash, but either way, we're both here and it's bad for you, so that's good for me, so it's net better for me. I hate the way you breathe. Change. I hate the way you sneeze. Change.

I am so sorry for all the pain that I've caused. Wait, really? Yeah. I never really thought i'd get an apology i can't believe what i'm hearing injured dave i appreciate your apology but maybe we need to survive first before we can hate or hate no love has to be first change no i don't care about your physical ails only your mental ones okay take your time i'll be here you let me know it's really not a matter of time thing

i just look i appreciate that you apologize change i don't believe your apologies sincere if you cared about me at all if you ever loved me or my sister you'd be saving my life right now what are you doing to us? I planned this whole vacation. I went to flight school so we could go to Paris. Change. So we could go to the Sahara. Change.

So we could go to Egypt. And then we would be able to, you know, go to the top of the pyramid. And then, you know, I know you weren't there for the wedding when I married your sister, but I was going to renew our vows at the top. And we're going to let bygones be bygones. I was going to try to say sorry. It sounds like a nice gesture, but we're here now. Change. I still don't believe you.

Oh, come on. But it looks like we don't have a choice. So for now, we're fine. Change. For now, I won't light you on fire with my secret. For now, I'll silently eat your guts while we work together to survive. Oh, I'm so hungry. Do we have any food?

I might have a granola bar in my backpack. Change. No. Why do I look like a steak to you? Kind of. Change. Looking good, though. Change.

Ah, man. I'm so sad that you don't have any food. Look, step one, what do you do? When you crash on an island, you bring your desert island disc. No, wait, that's something else. Fire. No. Fire.

How fire? It's hot. We need fire. It's hot. How are we going to cook food without fire? We don't have any food to cook. We need to fish first. But then what do we do?

Eat raw fish? No, then... What do we do? Burn the fish? No, we don't have it. We'll get to the fire once we get the fish. We don't have any fish now, so if we don't have fish, we need to set up a sign. We need to put rock...

We need to set up a plan, write our wills. Change. We need to make sure that both of us have a poop corner separately, different parts of the island, and that way we don't get any poop in the food. Well, I guess mine is here. So you can pick here. Change.

There. Change. Where? Right where I'm currently sitting, unless you're going to move it. I don't want to move it. I don't want to move it. I don't want to move it. Then this is where I poop now.

All right. Poop aside. So fire. Food. Okay, fine. Priority food, then fire, then we'll deal with the poop. Change. Message, jack off corner.

Change. We're going to get some drums. We're going to bang them together. We're going to bang some other things together. We're going to build them together. We're going to bang some other things together. We're going to build... I found a bomb. I found a bomb buried in the island. What is this? The lost island? I found a

bomb. How does... What... Change. Oh no! Change. Can we eat it? Technically, yes. I'm assuming yes! Change. Can we eat it? Well, I mean, technically, yes.

I'm assuming yes. Change. Well, technically... What? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. My brain almost fried itself trying to think about how stupid that answer was. Okay, okay, fine. You're right.

You're right. That is... I hate you so much I can't keep it inside! You dumb piece of shit! We're here because of you! Oh, fuck you! I'm gonna sell off the bomb! I hope both of us die!

Change. Oh, I'm gonna make you eat the bomb! I'm gonna shove it down your throat if you're so hungry! Change. Oh! Not if I eat it first! I'm gonna eat it! Stop me!

Oh. Change? Not if I eat it first. I'm going to eat it. Stop me. Change? I was bluffing. I knew you were bluffing. Change. It's enormous. How would you even eat that? Change.

I'm going to set it off anyway. Cool. Keep going. I'm saying, all right. Keep going. I can't believe you met me here at the Golden Gate. Could you not have gone to hell, you? I saw you sin.

If either of us has gone anywhere, it's you going to hell. Jesus Christ, pull the lever. Drop us down. I'm going to fight him here. You don't allow fighting up here. I do got one more bomb! What? That was, uh... How did he sound like back in the day? Of the Golden Gates? Yeah, that's, uh, Saint Peter, or whatever. What the hell? Just the way he sounds.

Anyway, I'm a Buddhist. See? Oh, what? I'm a Buddhist! Man, um... You know what? You both get five points for the passion you delivered your hatred. This has really been an episode just to get you two through some therapy. I figured you guys needed it. I feel worse than I did at the start. Well, that's how it starts. Then it gets better over time. I see.

No one can change that. I said that. So that's what the truth is. Well, that feels like a pretty good cap. That was a pretty good one to end up. You guys feel funny? You feel like you've retained your improv? I'm so devastated

after entering one of these. You're like, no, I'm just trying to stay level. I'm trying to host. You're Rachel teaching us improv in the early days. I'm the professional watching two has-beens try to get it back. That was most of the scene.

I'm a sucky suck watching two good goods be great great. All right. That's fair. All right. No more changes. I'll take that. All right.

Well. All right. No, I genuinely thought that went really well. I was a little bit nervous about the topic on my behalf because I didn't know how well improv would translate. I thought it was funny. I hope people listening thought it was funny. I guess they'll let us know.

I had fun doing it, which is really the only thing I care about. I haven't done improv in a while. It's a weird setting to do it in on a live stream, but I guess it's also- I kept wanting to get up. Yeah, I know. I kept being like, I need to move now oh no that's fine yeah i noticed the difficulty of you guys like trying to do physical improv especially the further we got in i could see the instincts coming of like need to interact with thing need to hold gulping bomb like i felt it and i was like yes yes but usually when we're recording this i'm just like yeah very chill

i think this was a good one for us to be in person for but I hope it translates as well audio only as it did like it was funny for me I'm sure it was funny it was funny for chat they seem to like it so well you guys did great liars and uh after Mark's adjustment of the points I've currently got Mark at 45 points and Bob at 14 change currently have Bob at 45 points and Bob at 14. Change. Currently have Bob at 45 points and Mark at 14. Change. I currently have you tied at 45 points apiece. And now we have to do a tiebreaker of some kind. Change. I will have to

just pick who I like better to win. I didn't say change. He didn't say change. It's true, I guess. Which part? It is the last thing you said. We're tied. That's reality.

Okay. You guys are tied. And there has to be a winner, so I guess I'll decide it. Through paper, rock, scissors with each of you. Change. Through eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Change. Through moving my hands around until I stop.

Whichever way they both lean, that one is the winner. The visual component is very hard to see here, Audio Only listeners. He is waving his hands around, I guess. Therefore, I'm going to ooga booga. And if it's an ooga, it's Mark. If it ends on a booga, it's Bob. No one is even saying change and you're still changing it. I'm trying to do it so Audio Only can have

a good experience here. I'm going to start a timer here on my phone.'s gonna be for five seconds i'm gonna boog at the end of the wait we are actually live right now what if you just do a poll and chat oh yeah that's true great who has chat and can make a poll real quick i do yes mark make a poll chat you will decide the winner'll be fair i'm watching remember whose channel you're watching yes you are watching distractible where there is no bias whatsoever i don't make a poll to the switch not a built-in poll you can do slash poll okay

set up a poll why do i set up a poll got it right. Who won? There you go. Mark. And make it to where people can't do multiple votes. We want a fair representation. No multiple votes. We got a two-member. One vote per person. This is a fair democracy. The poll is already active.

Great. Vote. Someone. It's a quickie, so get in there and vote fast. Who made this poll and put Wade in there? Why would I be in there? For the love of God, do not have them tie in the pole. Why did you say that?

Like you didn't just do it. I didn't make that pole. Who made this pole? Who made the pole? Some mod jumped in and was like, I'll do it. Who made the pole? Guess who's winning, Wade? Let me pull up the-

With over a thousand votes oh dear jesus this was not the parameters of the poll this was not the parameters of the poll well you know what i should have said change when the poll was made there's no change in it now i am dominating you two. It is rote. Well, you know, it's not necessarily... You two are so close in the votes and I'm so angry. No one here officially made that. But obviously, if we're all going to be fair, I'm clearly the winner because I'm clearly the best. Oh my God.

Mark, you and I are almost actually tied. I'm clearly the best. Only a few moments left to vote. I am amazing. Can everyone vote for me? You better vote while you still can. Clearly, this is my channel, and if they don't vote for me, then they are all dead to me. Please do not tie this, Chet.

Anyway, don't believe him. Do not tie this. Sorry, I had to pucker when I looked at the camera there. This is the closest poll I've ever seen in my life. I know. It's scary how good they are. The closest poll I've ever seen in my life. I know. It's scary how good they are. The closest poll I've ever seen in my life. Do it, Chad. Tie it. And time is out.

Alright. Wow. Oh no! I dominated the landscape, but I rule myself out. I think if you include the Martian mirror, that's basically a tie. Anyway, this entire poll was irrelevant because Wade cannot be a part of it i did not make this poll therefore it does not count so we're doing it again not the winner

it doesn't fucking matter mark would have won by one vote it doesn't matter it mattered you're gonna declare that nope i'm gonna have right without me 1.6k votes were for me guys a thousand more than we did yes i got a thousand more votes than either of the people that were actually supposed to be getting the poll. So most people were not represented in the vote, I think is how that math works. 1,400, 1,600. Yes. All right. The real poll is going up.

The real poll is now up. So just know the last one didn't count. Because all you are doing is stupid. Who did? And when you're voting't remember who took away your voice which one of the two people in this vote negated what you decided and supplanted his own wisdom in its place was it me no i didn't do anything it was that rogue moderator whoever it was just power hungry, tripping acid.

All right. You did a great job. You did so good judging. You are the best. Kissing up to me means nothing at this point. You are so handsome. Change. You son of a bitch.

Just the worst. Change. Ah, I love your eyes. I know a good hair doctor. Great. Can you give me the name after we're done? We didn't change, so I care about good hair doctor. Great. Can you give me the name after we're done? We didn't change, so I care about my hair again. All right.

Fair enough. That's the way it be. All right. We have a good amount of votes here. This one's not as close. This one we have more of a leader. Let's say there's another new poll. You all.

I only see one right now, and it's both of you as the only two options. This is the one I'm judging by. Nope. Yeah, no, you're right i see it all right you all have uh i don't know 10 seconds left to vote by the time you hear this probably less maybe more it's hard to tell on my phone i don't know how long the poll was made for uh let me look two minutes let me look uh it's almost done uh guys wait no hold on uh and it seems like the votes are in. Wow.

And in less of a nail-biter than the first poll that was incorrectly made, and somehow you two were only a single vote apart, the true audience has declared the winner is Bob. Congratulations, Bob. Don't you wish you'd accepted the first results, Mark? Where you won? No, you won. Yeah, but you could have just been like,

Wade can't win, so the next person wins, so I win. That's what I was going to do. No, I asked you if that's what you were going to do. You said you weren't going to do it. Change. I accept. Excellent. A gracious loser.

I love that for us. Well, as the winner, I feel like I need to bless everyone with some words. Do it. Congratulations to myself. Against, well, as the winner, I feel like I need to bless everyone with some words. Do it. Congratulations to myself. Against all odds, on a way turf in Mark's own competing podcast studio, on

a mysterious microphone into which I've never spoken before, I did it. I'm proud of me. I'm proud of all of me. I'm glad I did it. Did it for myself, me, I even, past me, future Bob. We're welcome. It warms me's heart.

Change. It's so hard right now. As you should be. Good luck, Mark, with your stupid loser speech. I don't even know if I can get one. Change. I wish you were dead. Change.

I wanted to say how much I love you both. Aw, babe. Thanks, man. Did I get a loser speech? Yeah, I thought that was it, but yeah love you both. Aw, babe. Thanks, man. Do I get a losing speech? Yeah, I thought that was it, but yeah, go ahead. Oh, okay. In my grace of losing, I'm reminded of a story. Change.

Have you ever heard of the ship of Theseus? You know what? Go for it. Oh, okay. I was going to mute him. Oh, you can do that, too. You have the button power. Imagine if this podcast were to mute him. Oh, you can do that too. You have the button power. Imagine if this podcast were to be disassembled,

atom by atom, host by host replaced, as if one judge left and another judge entered into the scene. Sounds terrible. Would it still be the same podcast? No. Well, I guess in title and branding and product? No. Well, I guess

in title and branding and product. No. Change. Sure. I oppose him. Change. I oppose him less vehemently. I'll take it. But I still think it would be the same podcast. Legally speaking.

That said, I'm out and someone else is in. Guys, I've been voted out of the podcast distractible is that how this works when you get a week off oh hell yeah beaches and bitches here we come oh solitaire by myself you're abusing the change yourself just like at home looking in the mirror like oh ah, you're looking so good. Change. Oh, you son of a bitch. Change. Is that how you try to deal with

Molly? That's how I start. You're like, hey, give me a sandwich. Change. Are you hungry? Change. Yeah, when I slip up I just change. You did great. It's a great bird sandwich. It's a great perfectly made sandwich. Wow. Makes a lot of things.

I hope she does. Sounds like you deserve it. I deserve it. Yeah. Well, good episode, chaps. I guess if you haven't already, check us out. You can find Mark at Markiplier on Twitch, on YouTube, on social media. You can find Bob, my skirm.

He's back on Twitch. He's also on Twitter and the other socials. I'm Wade, Minion777 on Twitch, LordMinion777 or a variation thereof. You can find merch for the podcast at... Wait, let me verify. It's a stall. Maybe we... Well, listen, we've thought about creating things for you to buy

because we love capitalism. Not much, but we have to live by it. It's store. It's store. So you can find merch if you like to spend money on us and products at store.distractablepodcast.com And the looks I'm getting

say I've done a great job as host. Everyone is happy with the results. We'll see you next week for Bob's episode. Until then, podcast out. The Mighty Mark has asked for your assistance. You heard the man, you know the drill. Bob and Wade would be grateful too.

And so, of course, would yours truly. Get us to the top. Come on, spread the word of Distractible. You know you want to.