Distractible - Cloth Off The Bone

Episode Date: September 21, 2026

Mark and Wade play mind games with each other while Bob watches. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode of Distractable is brought to you by Quince. You know those pieces in your closet that you literally can't stop wearing, the sweater that you can't take off, a pair of pants, T-shirt that's the one that you just reach for every time it's there? Those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy, and those are the pieces that Quince makes. Ha, not me.

I like the most restrictive clothing possible, which is why I'm wearing a back brace, because I don't like having any mobility at all. I like constant shafing. I'm a cool person, and you should follow in. my footsteps. Wade, how do you like what you're wearing? And please say it's quince. I told you guys before we even started doing this, this is probably the nicest shirt that I own, like, actually. I am a person who's always lived in like cheap t-shirts. I still wear

shirts from high school and college. I'm like, they were oversized then. They fit perfect now. Now I understand when people say something is breathable. I was like, I don't know what that, what was that mean? I put this on. It's like, oh man, it feels so nice and breathable. That's a good word. I get it now. I never understood because I own cheap stuff other than quince. This is so nice. The first breathable piece of clothing you've ever had on your body? What an upgrade.

Wade, right now you're literally the normal person at the Olympics running alongside the athletes. And you're like, oh, well, they're really fast. I never understood what a 424 was until now. I thought a 6'5 was pretty quick. Well, okay. Well, that all sounds nice, but what about these? Which, this is not helping my masochist thing, by the way.

Not at all. You can wear those as long as you can take it, Mark. I'll allow it. You can make it even more restrictive by taking the elastic bands and tightening them. God, this is bad for me. I shouldn't. I shouldn't. This is great, man.

This is so comfortable. We're not telling everyone that they have to wear quince. We're to say that if you want the most comfortable shirt Wade's ever worn, possibly that you've ever worn. Quince makes that. Also, I will say I'm wearing the underwear. I'm a bigger guy. I have trouble sometimes with underwear not fitting my legs or being kind of bunchy. This is among the topest tier underwear I've ever worn. And it's definitely not as expensive as the most expensive underwear I've ever tried because I'm not saying I did that once, but it was not worth it. I would much rather have these. They're very comfortable. And breathable, yeah, I would say breathable. I can't breathe

right now. And that just goes to show you don't need to have breathable clothing to get by. I think you can't breathe because your lungs are being crushed, which I think is a whole other issue from a shirt being... Are you okay? No. This, I will wear this shirt in a lot of distractible episodes moving forward. This is the fanciest I have ever felt in clothing and that includes like wearing suits and ties. You can, you can wrap it up. Quigley. Quince makes lots of stuff, Not even just clothing. They make hotel quality bedding, bath kitchen essentials, thoughtfully designed furniture.

They make lots of things. Even pants, like Wade to saying. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash distractible. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-R-A-C-I-B-L-E. Quince.com slash distractible.

Good evening, gentlemen. to listeners or watchers and welcome to Distructible. This episode, Bombastic Bob and Tom, leaks lymph, heals his soul, then gets the guise to gaze into their crystal balls. When avoiding Wade shares deeply, becomes Bruce Wayne, gives applause, and gets a handy. Magisterial Mark dodges duty. Love's GP, braces for impact, discusses dumping, and gets horny. From blood splatters to apocalypse survival. He ha ha ha ha ha.

It's time for cloth off the bone. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back to yet another episode of The Show that Just Won't Die. No matter how many times we've tried to kill it. I'm your host, Bob, because I was. the last one. No, that's not my name. I just said it that way because I don't speak very well. Joined today by my two competitors and also co-hosts technically, even though Wade hasn't hosted one of these in months. Mark and Wade, welcome, boys.

Hey, I feel like he didn't catch a stray. That's what I was going to say. He caught a direct hit. It was like straight between the eyes here. It was right to him. I didn't even feel in danger, but I feel bad for him. I got to say you could thank the subreddit for that because the the scorekeeper on subreddit for the last time they put the score up. Their literal note was, uh, here's the score. Man, Mark and Bob just keep handing it back and forth. I can't even remember the last time Wade won. We were all tied at four the last time I won, I think.

You know what's really funny is I'm now leading episode wins and Wade, you're still leading points and Mark is leading nothing, but somehow everyone agrees that Wade is the biggest loser, regardless. Nothing like having the most points and the least wins. It's like the Cincinnati Bengals two years ago. It was almost like the Cincinnati Bengals this past week. Yeah, don't worry. I'm going to recruit and get a defense, and I'm going to keep scoring points.

I'm going to hold you two off. And next year's no one cares about my sports jokes. Someone will care. Someone will get that. And you, you out there, Tom, thanks for laughing. From Bob and Tom? Yeah, Bob and Tom. That's a throwback.

Bob and Tom. Here and there and down along across the square. That's not right. That's a different problem. Gummy bear. I think it's gummy bears, Bob and Tom. This is it. This is the high quality content you get here at distractible industries.

And I have a game for today, just like I always do, usually. Before we get into that, who wants, anyone got any small talk? Do you want to earn some softball points? I didn't go to prison for evading jury duty. Asteris, oh, that's why I thought it was the other thing. I didn't, why, what were you talking about? I would have bet a lot of money. that you were going to get that message

like the second you had to leave for the airport. Your phone was going to be like, dang, jury duty. It was scary because you get a text message also that reminds you to check to see if you are on call for jury duty or if you're going to be summoned. So it was like, I saw the text on out like, I was on the plane, on the plane wife.

I was like, oh, God, oh no. Oh, geez, I'm logging in with my jury card. Oh, shit, my number, my pincode. And it was like, oh, you don't have to show up. I was like, oh, great, check back tomorrow. Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. It's a recurring nightmare.

I had to call once a week for like a month, I think. A month? God damn. It was once a week for a month. I think it's the same process when we lived in the San Francisco area. It's way different part of the state. But yeah, doing that every night for a week checking the thing, seeing if you lost the, I mean, won the lottery. I was like every Tuesday at six o'clock call because it's only for one week.

So, I mean, they're completely arbitrary systems. They just need a way to get a certain number of people per day queued up in case they need them because they only use a small percentage of people who actually have to go to jury duty anyway because then they do the jury selection. It's a whole thing. Lucky me.

And I still love the GoPro. I'm invested, but I still love it. They can't take it from me. Wait, why does that GoPro have seven fingers? What? What? This is why don't win. I still feel lightheaded

from taking off the back brace. I had nothing major everybody at home. I'm just wearing a back brace because my back kind of hurt. Is it like the good kind of layheaded? No. If that exists or no? Okay. I don't know that that exists.

I'm just checking. I'll beuke. So if I throw up here, if I run out of the room real fast, you'll know it's because I did it to myself. If you pass out, can we call Chika or Amy? If Chica has a cell phone,

I'm going to be very upset because you're not allowed. But, you know, I think call Amy. And she doesn't answer. She goes laying in the other room just like... God, I love TikTok. Is that a thing? How do people wear corsets? I was talking about this as soon as I took it off after tightening.

I'm like, I bet I didn't even have it close to as tight as some people wear a corset. But it's like, how do you do that? I feel like I'm going to pass out. It's not even on anymore. Weren't those like actually physically debilitating when people wore them regularly? Yeah, I think so. I don't know about debilitating or not, but I would imagine. They reshaped people's bodies, right?

Like body shape training is a thing where you just wear tighter and tighter corsets to, like, get a smaller waist. And it, I assume, reshapes your organs. I don't know. With Sandy, she had this thing that we didn't even know about where a lot of her lower organs were actually after her accident. It was unknown to everybody was pushed up into her chest cavity through a hernia or like her diaphragm. And so we had to give corrective surgery. And now they were able to pull it all back down. But even when they pulled it back down, they could.

they couldn't fit all of it, so they had to get rid of her spleen just to be able to fit it all back down. And I'm just like, holy shit. So how is everyone getting reshaped? That's got to cause some debilitating problems. Look, I have to imagine that's why they weren't terribly popular. I think some people will go through a lot to look however they want to look, to look what they think is attractive or hot or beautiful or whatever. But I don't think, of course, it's wherever broadly popular. I think they were just broadly mandated.

Johnny Bravo only lasted four seasons and we all know he was wearing one Yeah, he's got a hip to hip to chest ratio That is crazy Maybe he just skips every muscle other than Like packs and delts His body shape is tornado on top of a staple Like there's nothing natural about that

Plus he calls me mama when he shows up Wait, I thought he just called me mama Oh, that's my special nickname with him I thought that was my special nickname He looks at me and just goes oh And then he looks away No respect. I turned into Roddy Dangerfield.

Now that's funny. That's funny. Mark's alive, not in prison, didn't pass out, hasn't thrown up yet. Wait, what's new with you? Well, as you all know, we were in Minnesota, and we got back from Minnesota. We had less than a week, and then we hosted my family. My family came into town. The weekend after Labor Day, whatever that is or was.

And we went to a family reunion in Indiana, which was cool. So that's been a lot of fun. family time, catch up, because I've not gotten to see everybody because we've had kind of a crazy year. When this is less fun, but upcoming, I don't know exactly when this episode airs versus when this is happening, but Molly is having a big surgery. It's fun. We've been telling, I guess, people now. So she's having a partial hysterectomy.

You guys know that. So we've been going to different appointments, and she's been doing some extra stuff she has to do to get ready for that. Not a fun process, but ultimately it's preventative, which is good. So if you guys don't know what all is going on, basically she tested positive for a gene that makes it to where she's some high percentage more likely to have ovarian cancer along with other few couple forms of cancer. So we're having, she's, she's elected to have surgery. I have no input on, she's asked me my opinion, but we mean we, comrade.

Well, we're married, so we, but it's her decisions. I've given input, but ultimately I've agreed with all the inclinations she's had, but she's having some surgery to hopefully prevent having to deal with that in the future and, you know, fuck cancer, as we all say and feel. her mom had been going through it, which is why she got tested in the first place. And it's been a long year of health things, which is what led to my heart palpitations. And not my knee, my knee was just me being an idiot. But we just had a lot of weird health things going on this year. But the most pervasive one has been her mom's battle with cancer and then her with the Braca,

trying to figure out what we're going to do about that. So a lot of my time has been spent house cleaning and going to doctor's appointments and just mentally being drained, I guess. So that's our very fun September plans, what we've been doing and will be doing. So if all of my updates have been kind of like, oh, wait, it doesn't really do anything. It's like, well, I wish I could be out doing more. We wanted to be doing more traveling and hosting our friends and stuff this year, but life has just had a way of preventing that.

Sounds great. It's good to have the knowledge and be preventative. I think we'd rather be doing this than dealing with cancer, but it's not fun. Not a fun time. Well, hopefully that, I mean, we'll talk before then. For all of you watching and listening, hopefully that goes well. I'm sure everyone feels the same way. Good luck, Molly.

But. Yeah, appreciate it. And it didn't mean to bring the mood down, but it's just one of those things. I was trying so hard to make a joke and I couldn't find anything that I felt comfortable saying out loud. It's a good thing. We only give out points for funny things here. Otherwise, you get a lot of pity points there. Yeah.

So no sad points for you. Wade is already winning, though. So he didn't need any more points. Brought the mood down with his stupid surgery of his family. Hey, look, if we're going to talk about health stuff that's been bumming everybody out, I got one. Guess how many holes my foot currently has in it? The normal two. The normal three.

Zero. Oh, okay. It was one for a long time. And then a week and a half ago, it was two. But now it's zero. And I get to take this stupid thing off my foot on Friday all by myself and wear two normal shoes for the first time since June to the wedding I'm officiating this weekend. Why were there two? Wait, was it like, you know, you guys see an Iron Long when it zooms in towards the end on the one light left on O2 and you're like, it's going to go down and then it mysteriously goes up to two.

Was it like that with the holes? A little. I, it's annoying. I, they were, I had been getting a hard cast and I, the last hard cast I had was not put on correctly. And I got some rubbing and some blistering on my toe. And one of the spots was really heavily irritated. And it, the blister popped and turned into a. new wound. So instead of the doctors trying to heal my wounds healing them, they added one to it.

But it, um, it healed up and scabbed over it is totally healthy. So it's not a problem. But for like, I, when that happened, I looked at my foot and saw it and was like, that's a different hole. Fuck. Like I thought I was about to have months more of this shit. But then I saw the doctor yesterday morning. And he was like, ah, that's fine. I was like, man, you were really torn up about the first hole I came in with. You have no consideration. concerns whatsoever. He's like, ah, ah, but on Friday, just, just to unwrap your leg and you're free to go. It's not a lot of instructions, but good. I guess I'm fine. I guess I don't understand footholes. I don't know how these work. Some seem bad. Some are fine. Who knows? I get to be a

normal person and I'm going to have really unevenly worn shoes for a minute, but I get to finally, like, take a shower without having to have half my body wrapped in plastic in about a week. So, very excited. And it's good news. Yeah, it is nice. I have something in my eye. It's not because it was so sad that I cried. I have nothing in my eye. I'm glad you're crying. You're so happy for me that you're crying.

I'm so happy for your tools. The number of holes just goes up and down violently for me. That's the kind of man I am. I'm glad you're a man of none holes. Good small talk all over the place. I love a good variety of small talk. This is where I think like, do I have allergies yourself? Because my eyes are like, I feel like, or did it squeeze everything up and my eyes are like,

somehow got other juices from my body. It's squeezed all your white blood cells out and now you have your allergic to everything. Maybe. Uh. We had milked all the histamines in your body up into one spot and they got so concentrated that now you have top allergies, but no bottom allergies. What is the thing where it's like, you know, they scrape on the face with the stone, right? You know, it's cold.

And they like, it's lymphatic drainage, but it's like, does it? I was going to say, I do know what that is. Lymphatic, yes. But it's like, is that a thing? because the lymphatic system is a mystery, I think to everybody, even scientists, don't even understand that shit. But it's like,

does that happen if you, like, squeeze, like, toothpaste up? Is lymph just up? I can tell you, even so, like, I've been wearing, my leg has been under compression almost the whole time with my whole foot injury situation.

But even if you don't have, like, I didn't have any inflammation. Once the infection was gone with my foot, it was fine. It was back to normal. Even if you have no noticeable inflammation, if you wear compression,

especially really tight, compression, it literally like drains so much juice. And I 100% believe you could have just like squeezed a bunch of extra juice up out of your torso by by squeezing in a bunch of compressing it. How much lymph fluid is in the human body? Seven. No way. Don't you lymph, bro? Well, okay, that's an AI thing. So it says produces and moves. So I'm like, okay, that's not right. How much does it have? Add the term volume to your query and perhaps it will find the correct thing. Okay, interesting. Hmm.

No, that's blood. It's blood lymphatic liquid. Your heart's actually just for show. It's your lymphs that do all the blood stuff. Okay, about one to two liters, maybe. A two liter of soda in your body? Yeah, of lymph. That's a lot of juice.

I don't know if like you have plasma, but that's not lymph. That's in your blood still, right? That's in your blood. So there's this other juice that goes around in your body. And all the diagrams say it's green, so I believe that. Ew. It is gross. People are gross.

I was a fan of plasma until their team stole my Pokemon. This is saying there's more lymph than blood in the human body. I don't know what to believe. I don't know if I believe that. That's a lot. I think. How much blood do we have? How did I just type meow much lymph instead of how?

Okay, Super Troopers. just call him down. I tried to cover. He's actually a cat. Yeah, man, I'm not. Yeah. This is not a new thing, but I've talked about it before. The, the, on TikTok account named Husk, who posts jokes, scurrying around with AI chatbot things.

One of his more recent ones. He opens up and it's like, hey, I have a friend over and I told him I have a cat. So I need you to pretend. Oh, that's actually wasn't him. I think it was someone coming. Anyway, he said, I have a friend over. I told him I have a cat. I need you to pretend to be a cat for me.

And the chat bot's like, got it. Tell me when to start. And he like pauses and just goes, okay, they're here. And the AI goes, Hey,

hello, it's me. Just a normal cat. Meow. Hey, I'm rubbing on your leg. Hey, meow. Purr.

I knew it's going to do something completely stupid and an unhinged, but it was like, anyway, it was possibly because it was two in the morning, but it made me laugh a lot. God, those things are stupid.

Yeah, they're stupid. Good thing they're never going to get smart. I've lost the plot. I don't know why I'm Googling lymph fluid anymore. I forget what's led me to this point. Mark gets the lymph point. We don't have to talk about it anymore. It's okay. Oh, but I said the lymph joke. You already got a point for how much do you limp. Anyway, I do have a game for today. And this is another situation where it's basically a board game. But I'm pretty excited about it because it's one that I always think is funny when I come across it on social media or see it advertised. And I think the game, the official game is sold as like wavelength

or something. But basically, you two are competing. We're going to take turns. One of you is going to be the psychic and one of you is going to be the guesser. And I'm going to send the psychic an image that has like a little, actually it has numbers, I think, because I wanted to simplify it a little bit. So it has a rating from like zero to 20 or one to 20. And then somewhere on there it'll just have pegged like this one is 16. And then on both ends of the spectrum, it'll be like, zero is a book that you would never want to read, and 20 is a book that you would love to read. And then the psychic gets their number, 16, whatever, and they have to give the guesser an example, one example, to get them to guess the correct point on the scale, right? So maybe you get one and it's like, zero is not stinky at all, and 20 is the

stinkiest thing you've ever smelled and you got a seven. How do you, what can you give as an example to the other person that will make them say, oh, that's a seven out of 20 on the stinky scale, right? So every time, every round, the scale is going to be different and you're going to get a different value on it. And your job as the psychic is going to be to get it as accurate as possible. If you get to guess dead on, it's actually, it feels a counterintuitive. But if the psychic gets the person to guess exactly the right number. The person gets two points, but the psychic gets one point.

But if the person, look, the scoring doesn't matter. It's convoluted and made up. I thought about this for way too long, and I still am not happy with it. You'll get points,

but the psychic gets a bonus if you get them exactly there. But if the person guesses it, but it's not exactly right, the psychic is for some reason punished. This is how the game seemed to work. I'm not going to say I comprehend it. Oh, coin flip.

We're going to see who goes first. I totally have my coin here because we have to have it in case someone says that word we're not supposed to say. Which word? Lady is the Lady and Mark is the Lion. Okay. I got Lady. All right. You can pick.

Do you want to be the psychic first or the guesser first? Oh, psychic me up. All right. I am going to be texting you a photograph, which will have all of the information that you require. to do the game. Okay, and what's our scale range for this? The scale ranges from zero to 20. Okay.

And the one I just sent Wade, zero would be the most pessimistic, and 20 would be the most optimistic. What am I doing? Wade is going to give you a thing. Uh-huh, uh-huh. And he's trying to get you to guess a specific point on that scale. He's trying to get you to pick a number between zero and 20, but you have to assess what he's saying and just pick where you think. that falls on the scale of completely pessimistic to completely optimistic.

Okay, got it. Okay. I don't have a topic. I just have those two things to work with. You can give any example you want that does not involve telling Mark the number you want to guess. I would suggest ones that relate to the scale so that he has a chance. Yeah, yeah.

You can do whatever you want. So if I just say like a sentence? Yeah. I would say make the most of what you've got, but there's no point and there's no hope. So why bother? Hmm. Pretty pessimistic. But I feel like there's still room to be more pessimistic, but it's very, it's very

pessimistic. I'm gonna say that's a two. If it was out of a 10, it would be a 1, which would be as close as possible, but not quite there, but it's out of 20, so I'm gonna say 2. Mark, it's a point. Ooh! One point? It was actually a 1.

Markets 1 point. He said 0 to 20. I was like, I don't know how I make it a 0. zero. So I'm just going to... I was afraid Mark was going to undershoot it and that was going to be a zero, but I think the assessment that there was more room to be more pessimistic. I think that

is true. Yeah. So I didn't go with the... Batman? Why is Batman pessimistic? He's pretty optimistic, I think. All right. Mark, you should have received your psychic clue. Wade, I will tell you while Mark is preparing.

Wade, this scale is a zero is a forgettable meme. and a 20 is an absolutely iconic meme. So I can just say what the meme is, right? Yeah, you could just like give a meme. You might need to explain it because Wade doesn't really know a lot of memes. I don't know a lot of memes, so this is going to be really funny because he's going to... That's okay. I'm going to tap in to the early 2010s.

Good. That's the time I know zero of them, so I can't wait. Okay, I got you. Gotcha. Are you ready? Okay. Bad luck, Brian. I know that one. Yeah. Well, he knows what you know. Mark knows everything you know plus some other stuff.

So I know that one. Then it's got to be reasonably high, but it's not like one of the memes I still see around. So it did eventually kind of go away. Well, he grew up. So this is a zero to 20 scale. Zero to 20. Zero is totally forgettable meme. 20 is totally iconic. At the time, that was pretty, that was pretty popular. But I don't know if it was ever the biggest one. I'm going to say a 17. Oh, that was pretty good. Mark was going for 16.

Oh, wow, okay. But that means you were within the range. You get a point, Wade. We're both. We're both right there, man. When I was thinking memes, I was like, I can't think of a meme that I know that Wade knows. I feel like this is a gamble.

But you found, you found the way. Yeah, because it was like, I figured there are more popular memes, like an overly attached girlfriend. Kind of had a little resurgence with obsession, the movie that came out. So it was like, I feel like,

and also I believe she was able to, make a YouTube career out of it. So it was like, I don't know if the troll, the troll face counts as one, but that one to me would be like a pointy because that one still I see. The harder what number for me would be like if it was like seven or something. I would have no idea where to go with memes on that. All right. Wade, I sent it, send it, apparently. I sent you your next one. Mark, this scale is zero is completely unethical and 20 is 100% above board ethical. All right, cool. So during the pandemic It was really hard to find toilet paper

Taking toilet paper From businesses and taking it home You know taking it, just just taking it. Like, you know, you go to like a, you go to like a grocery store bathroom and you take a roll of toilet paper home. You don't, you don't like take a whole pack, but you know, you take a roll from... It's there for you to use. It's offered so I see what you're saying.

It's different than like stealing a pack off the shelf is your point. I see. Yeah, you're not stealing a pack of toilet paper, but you're going and you're taking like a roll from a gas station bathroom. You know, I actually did, I don't want to get in trouble, but I did that in college. Oh, get him! Get him! Get him! Get him! I know where you're at on the scale of zero to 20.

All right. So this is real middle of the road, I feel. So you put the COVID skew in there. So I think you could be like, okay, it's a minor crisis happening. But there's desperation in there. And you know, you got to make do. You got to go do-do. You got to make do for you do-do.

And you got to get the toilet paper wherever you can. But it's kind of still stealing it. So I guess I'm going to go nine. It's just just on the edge towards, towards unethical. You guys aren't killing this game. I don't know if it's good for me that you're guessing so close, but man, I'm liking it. What was it? Wade was going for eight.

I was going to say eight first. I went and ah, I was thinking eight. Ah, ha. I figure like that seven to nine range is, it's pretty hard to distinguish, but I was like, okay, you're still taking. That's bad. From what you were saying, Mark, I was like, oh, no, it's going to be above 10. Oh, no, you were locked in.

You got it. As soon as he went, but it's still stealing. I was like, no, he's got it. It's still unethical. He's going to go with the high single digits. I have to say, we lived in California for like the all of the pandemic, basically. We never, I don't know where this did happen. I've seen so many memes about all the toilet paper stuff.

And I know what happened. Did you guys experience that? Do you ever have, like, we certainly had to wear like, oh, the toilet paper shelves are like half empty. That's weird. I never went to the store and was unable to get toilet paper. We weirdly had bought like a pack, but right before they started. started becoming hard to get. We bought like a 24 pack or something. So we were pretty well stocked

for a little while. But there were definitely points where we were like, thank God we already had that in the house because the shelves were empty. And then like here and there was like, when there was like a few eight packs or something, we would like grab one or grab a, you know, we would grab something to hold us over. So we never didn't have any. We definitely went to the store at points and saw none on the shelves. Yeah, I don't know how much toilet paper people are going through and why. How many, How many squares do you guys use? If I do business, I probably use four squares anywhere between like two to four groupings of what, like depending on if it's real bad, it might take a number of wipes, but like, I don't

know, some in the range of eight to 12 squares maybe total for a, for like a regular had a good poop situation. The only reason we ever bought large quantities is because we had so many damn bathrooms. The Midwestern houses have so many bathrooms. So we always like to have like two or three extra rolls per bathroom. Yeah, we buy, we buy Costco packs of toilet paper just because when you buy, it's like a bunch of six packs and we're like, this bathroom gets a six pack, this bathroom gets a six. And by the time you're done with that, you have like a few left over. Yeah, so we had just done that right before it became hard to get toilet paper.

And it was like, well, thank God we did that. Yeah, one mega roll should last a human a month, right? One. And I feel like that kind of tracks for me. See, my other issue is though there are times where I'll like take toilet paper to like blow my nose and stuff like that too. Yeah, see, I know people do that and I really try not to because sometimes you don't have Kleenex and you just like, especially if you get sick and you happen to not have a box Kleenex in the house or whatever. I just want something flushable so I'm not contributing to garbage. Is that weird? Oh, you can flush anything.

As it goes through the toilet flushed. No consequences after that. Oh man, Bob. That's a four. It's a four. I could flush you, Robert De Niro. Hey, you did the face I have nipples Can You Flush Me? It's crazy I love that movie It's my favorite scene from that movie Weren't they making a third one

Am I crazy? Are they making a Yes It was like announced I saw like a trailer for it or something Man do I not need to see that Mark I have sent you Your next assignment Wade I will tell you

The scale for this one Is Zero is completely boring And 20 is completely exciting It's most exciting. Man, we have such different tastes. I'm curious which way we'll go on this.

A walk through a museum you have been to before. Do you like this museum? Yeah, you like it. Yeah, you like the music. Yeah, you like me. I've done this a lot. James, James loves the Cincinnati Museum Center. I've been there a bunch.

So I've gone back to the museum. I'm walking through it. I like the museum. I've been there before, so it's not like the most exciting thing ever. But it's still, I'd still be excited to do it. I'm going to say this is a 13. That's the first one. That's the first one

that's a little ways off. You know, I feel like Bob fished that out of me because he asked if it liked it and I'm like, I was just going to leave that to that to that. So I was going to say like it. That's fair. If you hadn't said that, I would have probably got more like a 10, but. Oh, wait, so we're saying I spoiled the results. I think you spoiled the results there. Well, listen, I've,

while we've been doing this, I have been rethinking the point situation for the psychics. If you sincerely would have guessed 10, which he said offhandedly before I made this offer, and I'm the one who spoiled it. 10 was what he was going for. 10 would have been exactly correct. That was pretty middle of the road until it was like a museum I liked.

That did sway me more toward like the 10 to 15 range, because that was pretty... What that would mean, if I'm going to give you credit for that, is that you would get the point, but the psychic who gets the exact correct guess gets two lie points. and the fates will decide what happens with the lie points. I'm fine with that because that is what I was going to go for. I said it. So like I'm not going to retract it. That's about where I was at was like an even 10.

All right. I will try to shut my goddamn trap. I need to understand again what lie points mean because I think there's a thing on the wheel that says lie points are absolute. Lie points don't count unless you hit that thing on the wheel is what I thought that meant. Lie points because the points are a lie. But then there are things on the wheel where the lie. lie points then do count. Do we have negative points become positive on there? Well, that's what

absolute means. Yeah, there's a point where lie points become absolute, but I don't know if there's a thing where all negative points become absolute. I could add that. I could add that as my, that's a good wheel thing. Yeah, now I'm trying to remember what the hell it means. Then there's incentive for the judges to give more negative points just to have some stuff out there. And we know that as soon as we add something to the wheel, it will be hit 10 times, even more times than we spin it, it will be hit. Man, remember whatever viewers and listeners used to get hit all the time? Anyway. Good thing we deleted those.

Show you the wheel. We didn't delete nothing. That's why it sucks. But sometimes it's funny and we just need to hit the exact right scenario. Point for whoever's cloth is more off the bone today. What does that mean? I don't remember that reference at all. That's like half the shit we see on there.

I don't think it's obscure, but now I really want whose cloth is more off the bone. Yeah, stop giving me ideas. I already have two. I need to add to the wheel now. Listen, turn of the century, Mark, calm down. Cool your jet, see? All right, wait, I sang you the next one. And Mark, you'll be great at this.

This scale is zero is the most niche emoji. And 20 is the most common, popular emoji. So 20 would be like Smiley face And zero would be like I don't know One I can't think of Because I don't use it

Zero would be red car in traffic Some shit Is that an emoji It's probably out there Can I just say I'm really proud to No one has immediately looked at it And like mouthed the number Or just set it instinctively

Because every I'm sending 74 Man I'm trying This is Because I've got to think about How everyone else uses them Not just Yeah you kind of know

What emojis I use You do. Mark does have, and Mark has an interesting library of emojis that he goes to. He doesn't just stick. I only ever use the like suggested ones. So I think I use thumbs up and happy face and that's about it. Maybe the hundred once in a while. I'm going to say the like flapping your hands emoji. Okay, just the hands by themselves. Like the one that goes between words when you're like, he did not flinch. 20 is the most common, right? Yes, 20 is the most. popular common zero is the most niche of the smiling faces emojis obviously like regular smile would be up there for most common all happens all the time and then there's actually a kind of a spread of the various smiles that go down in popularity from like the melty face to the you know the the the horny one you know that one i also would say the horny one i think i know which one you mean uh so there's there's all kinds of things with the hand ones there's the pointings that

thumbs up the clapping and then prayer hands of those probably thumbs up being the most popular if i'm trying to think of it like this it's like thumbs up maybe this is kind of up there too at least for me but i don't use this very much and like what i was saying it's kind of niche in its utility it's not like when people are saying that was that was a great video they're going yeah that's not how they're using it's really only used for yes period but it's still used a good bit. I want to say like 13. Wow. You guys are still locked in. What was it? It was 14. Oh, that's also what was thinking 14. Man, the way you were talking through it was like, dude, he could say a six, he could say a 20. I have no idea. Okay, no, not 20. We're going, we're in like the 15,

six to 15 range. I literally was like 14. No, 14. No, 13. Fuck. Every time I do it to myself. No, but see, as far as the game, though, Mark, 13 is what you want. Because you still get the point. You don't get any more points for an exact guess, but that Wade didn't get his lie points. I'm just glad that I'm doing well enough to where you're like in the range. That makes me happy. So whatever the points are, whatever, man. I was thinking this one would be kind of weird because I couldn't play it with myself, you know, to sort of like see.

So I wasn't sure if this was going to be a game that would be like impossible or what. You guys are killing it right now. Dude, I was going through and I was like, okay, crying is popular, kissing is popular, hearts are popular, cry laughing's popular, thumbs up's popular, and then maybe that one is like sixth. That's how I got there. All right, Mark, I sang you another one. Wade, the scale on this one is that zero is a bad first date,

the worst date even. And 20 is a great first date. That's one you could think of. I got it. I don't even need to think about it. You went on the date. You came home. dropping her off.

A nice firm handshake. Okay. That's below average. It's not great. I said nice. I said a nice firm handshake. Yeah, a nice firm hand. A good handshake is what I heard.

It's firm. It's firm. It's a firm handshake. Okay. Let me walk through the words that you said here. You went out. No description of the date. But afterward,

You were still driving her. She didn't call for someone. She didn't lie to get out of it. So you were still together. So it's closer to probably an average below average date. Firm handshakes, that's not good. Firmation is not good. Not a slap, but like how much worse could it get, you know,

what would be like a three versus like a seven on this? That's, you know. Oh, three is pretty bad, isn't it? I mean, a three would be like a one out of ten, which I know it's just a different scale of numbers, but I feel like we have a much stronger frame of reference for. You still drove them home and you had the firm handshake. Didn't go well, didn't go poorly.

That's a seven. That's close. It's close-ish. It's close-ish. Mark was going for a 10. I should have said a smile and a firm handshake. Honestly, just a little bit of affirmation because like, yeah. But I mean, I figured it had to be below average.

If you're ending in a handshake. That's not a negative interaction. It just means like, oh, we're not fit to date. You know, like, we're cool. We had fun, but like. I guess in my brain, I was thinking average, you're probably going on a second date. Yeah, you're probably going on a second date. But you might go on a second date here.

If I ended with a handshake, I don't know. I don't know that one of us be reaching back out. I'd say it's a coin flip, but whether you're going on a second date, if you get a handshake, which would put it right in the middle. I mean, like, if you get the handshake, but then you come back and you're like, look, I have a way cooler date. Let's, let's do this. Like, if you come back with a nice thoughtful proposition of some sort, like, how about

this. You could get a shot. That's fair. I was anywhere between my, honestly, I was between a seven, eight, nine and I just, just, I don't know, I felt so awful for this imaginary person. Wade just doesn't think as much of handshakes as we do, Mark. Yeah, yeah. I said, nice and firm. Nice and firm. If you're going inside, it's like, this was a crazy first date. If you're getting a kiss, it's like, okay, that's, that's pretty darn good. To me, a hug is maybe you're getting a second date. That's still like above average, though. I would say if it ends with a

hug. That's a good sign you're getting a second date. That's a good sign it went well and it's like, okay, well, maybe you just need more time to hang out. Maybe the date did not involve a lot of talking, right? And it's like, well, we should, we should hang out some. I don't think I've ever shaken a person's hand after a date. Well, maybe you're doing it wrong. Even the bad ones, I think, ended in like a hug. But I, it's been 15 years. I don't remember. So, oh, yeah, that's the other thing I forgot to mention during the small talk. Mullen I've been dating for 14 years as of a day before this recording, so that's crazy. And how many of those dates ended with a nice handshake?

Well, most of the dating period was spent on Minecraft, so I don't think you could shake hands back then. I mean, servers, you need a handshake to connect to them, so I think, you know... Hop on Skype, turn the camera on. That was a fun time building that castle. What are they? Something about the handshake being offered at face level.

It was very, like... Hmm. I think the dating one's a hard one. It's hard for me to think of like individual numbers in there. It's like stormed out hit. That's more personal too in a way maybe that made that more difficult, right? Because everyone kind of feels. I just don't differentiate the different numbers there.

That's a tough thing to differentiate. Wait, I just set you your next one. All right. Mark, this scale is zero is a young person's name. And 20 is an old person's name. Young to old. Yes. For the listeners out there, Wade's thinking so hard that you can see the steam coming off of his bald bald head.

I can. Wow. I can hear it. You could hear a little sizzle. Sam, cook bacon on his head. Sam, cook a full English on there. Have the beans coming out of his mouth like a waterfall. I don't have any examples of something I think of for this.

Well, you know people of all sorts of ages. Think about their names if you remember them. I have a lot of ideas that I'm like, wait, that's Bofa. That's Bofa? Bovina. Yeah, it's names of like, oh, that's a, that's a young name and an old name. I need to hit somewhere either in the middle or toward one of those extremes, you know? You do need to hit somewhere between zero and 20, that's for sure. I shouldn't, I didn't realize I was going to need a timer. I assumed we'd all have.

God, I hate this one, Bob. I actually hate this one. I'm going to have to ask you to pick a name. Can I name one for each gender? If it gets an answer right now? Yes. Liam and Maddie. Liam and Maddie. Weirdly enough, that doesn't help me much at all.

Liam feels relatively new-ish, younger-ish, I think. Maddie, that is short for Mattis' son, which even that isn't the oldest name. It's not like Margaret or, you know, Maribeth or something like that. So it's on the younger side, which would be lower, right? Younger is lower, older is higher. So in the grand scheme of naming it's skewing young. but I feel like there might be younger names out there, but it's pretty, it's pretty down there. And I've done this multiple times where I think of a number and then I skew it one number away.

I'll go five. Oh, my number was three. Okay, all right, okay. That's going to earn you a point. That's going to earn you a point. So one of the first names I thought of, I was like, oh, I'll just say James because James is like actually basically like three right now. What a hint. I was like, but James is kind of a name that could fit.

anywhere in the spectrum. And then I thought of Liam, but I was like, ah, what if he thinks Liam Nieson? Leon Nissen's like 900 years old. That's what I thought. I did not think Liam sounded that young. When you said Liam first, I was like, oh, no. Yeah, I think it's a more common younger name. And then Maddie, I know some like Madison's and Maddies that are young, but then I was like, but the name Madeline could be short for Maddie. Like Maddie could be short for Madeline. And Madeline doesn't sound like a younger name at this point, right? Like, that's more of a middle of the road or higher name. So any of the names I thought of individually, was like, oh, that could be skew, but I was like, if I say two names that both kind of skew young, maybe,

I got you, I got you, man. Well, you got market point, so. I was like, there's not that many wades. Wade's becoming more popular. But if I say, way, they're going to say, oh, man, that's old, because, because me. Yeah, we would. So, I mean, I was going through it. That was a really hard one for me to think of names.

I also don't have no idea what, like, the latest trends of names was. I have no clue, but you hit close to my number, and I'm happy about that. That's all we need. This is going to be the last one. Because Wade did go first. Zero on this one is Would not survive the apocalypse. 20 is definitely would survive the apocalypse.

Does this have to be real people or? It could be anything you want. I'm trying to put almost no limits on the clue. I almost just said the number out loud again. That would help me immensely. You want to hit, Wade. Just wash my mouth. It might slip out.

Joel from the last of us Okay He's great Until he doesn't Spoilers Um Survive Um

Okay I want to rehash what you said You said Joel from the last of us Oh please don't do this Please don't do this You didn't say part two right What are you getting at right now He's trying to separate one from two And don't do this

It's the same I can tell you wait It's the same guy Okay I will hold on The apocalypse happens. Joel survives. He survives a while. He's a very good survivor, but then ultimately, he's not. My initial thought is somewhere right around a 15. Would I say Joel's higher than a 15? I don't know how niche your explanation is getting versus just picking a person that you thought. He said like seven words. He did not. There is not a lot of niche to it. I'm not trying to skew the results, but I do, I do just want to help Mark out. He did keep it pretty simple. I don't think there's a lot of secret messaging built into that one, unless there is. Which case I'm ruining everything. I'm going to go one up and say a 16. That's a really good guess.

Mark was trying to get you to guess 17. Okay. Because I was like, man, he's above, he's above a 15. He's got to be. But like, he's got to be, right? Yeah, I would be like he would be a 20 if he didn't, you know. So I was like, man, this could be as high as an 18, but like the 75th percentile maybe. I don't know.

So it could even be a 17. I went 16. I went once closer than what I was my original. No, you still. that was pretty much optimal for you, Wade. You didn't give out any free points for getting it exactly right, but you nailed it. Well, you guys did so much better at that than I was worried it was going to be like, no one ever gets it ever.

I wasn't sure how hard it would be. That worked out great. Nah, he and I were locked in. We were locked in. You guys were like cheating or some shit. That was crazy. That's what we were doing. It took a while for us to text each other, the other numbers.

Thank God you had us using our phones. I'm like to say 16 right now. I don't think the one where Wade took forever. to think he was like his phone froze or something he was like I gotta text Mark Stoll no particular order Mark you earned points for avoiding prison uh passing out and or puking except you didn't I was gonna take that away if you did end up puking but you didn't happy tears for my footholes I think you earned a lymph point you got points in the game for correctly guessing how pessimistic it was about the toilet paper ethics popularity of a moment

and the youngness of the names Wade gave you. Wade, you earned points for sports. Gummy bears? Ho ho ho ho ho ho. Whoa, Trani Bravo. How much do you even lymph, bro? You guessed correctly on the freshness of the memes, the excitingness of the museum.

You had a point for cloth off the bone and bofa, and you also guessed correctly on Joel from the Last of Us, leaving Mark with eight points plus two lie points, which as of yet don't mean anything, but could swing the whole thing potentially. And Wade with nine points. So Wade is winning. No, this is not.

It cannot be another. Wade has the most points but loses. I can't go through it again. How would even that could happen? The real number for winning was actually eight, so you were close. I know, man. How many spins will there be?

Ah ha ha ha ha he not just one Okay It's one okay That's good for somebody Uh bonus points Well I'm still Do I add cloth off the bone Or do I add absolute value

Because I really like both of those One of them will just be removed one day When we're like What even I think you can do both I'm not gonna stop you You're the judge so Whose cloth

Was more off the bone This episode That's gonna be removed moved immediately. It's going to come up in like nine months. That's going to come back up for the first time and we're going to be like, I can delete that. Is this how all of our other stuff that makes no sense got on to? We're just like, oh, this will be funny for us next year. I mean, honestly, I would love to say that, but it's not true. Usually we're like, yeah, this means something to us. It's real. It's real. And it's not real. This is real, man. All right, one spin.

Oh, please don't do that to me. Oh, please great wheel competitor who was born first damn unless if I call the thing on that could it potentially make him oh god what the fuck you make you older than him somehow

there's one way to find out all right I'm gonna call it unfair just because so if it's heads then it's unfair if it's tails I'm doubly the oldest unfair on way being born first if it's all heads Mark wins and it needs to be made fair.

So I will be older than you. And if it's all tails, Mark loses. And I would say doubly fair would be Wade was bored before everyone. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy, he's... I'm going to get old. I got heads. Oh, shit.

Oh, thank God, because I got heads. I can very flip if you guys want to game. All right, so Wade was born first, and that remains the truth. Which means that today's episode winner with 10, points is Wade. I didn't mean to sound so disappointing when it. It's Wade, everybody. Yay!

It's Wade. The comeback starts now. I have at least two more points than everyone else now. Based on what I think I was told earlier this episode, I've at least got a bronze medal in wins. That's definitely true. This is definitely, hey, break this meme. This is the meme where I'm on the podium, biting the metal, kissing the lady, and shooting off the champagne,

then I'm in third place. Yeah. That would have still been in, kind of the right zone for me, I think. That's a good, that's a good, like, above average meme. Woohoo! I did it. All right, Mark, loser speech? Oh, well, you know, I tried my best. I still don't understand what I could have done differently to get more points because I was unsure if me doing well meant I got points or if me doing poorly meant I lost points. Didn't seem that way, but it didn't matter because I had fun and that's the end of the story for me.

My story ends now. Sam, end my story He should have kept his cloth more off the bone There's anything we can take from the sub-short It's definitely that Someone's gonna say that shit to me On Twitter and person I'd be like, dude, cloth off the bone

Like what the fuck are you talking about I'm gonna have no recollection of this And about you're gonna wait for me, you freak? Your cloth away from my bone What's your name like Liam or Maddie? Go away Wow, what a young stupid name Anyway, thank you for listening

and or watching to this episode Yeah, sure check out Wade or Mark or myself on socials Wade's Lord Minion 7777 or Minion 777 Markiplier or I am ice cream Check out the merch Distractable.com. There's some stuff on there maybe There will be some stuff on there soon

Make sure you follow the podcast so you always know when there's new episodes And look forward to Wade hosting one Finally, that's the end See on the next one. Bye. Podcast out.