Distractible - Conspiracy Theories

Episode Date: July 18, 2022

The Aladdin Exception, Ghost Kitchens, Snowden & The NSA: today the guys dive deep (but hopefully not too deep) into some of their favorite conspiracy theories. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible, a Wood Elf production. This week, Bob implausibly refutes being a sicko and raises the competence conundrum of the New World Order. Mark confirms that Aladdin should not slay guests while musing that the Mad Pooper could be Penis Man's archenemy. And Wade confabulates that mass surveillance is only possible via the support of extraterrestrials. Yes, it's time for Conspiracy Theories. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Distractible.

I'm today's host, Wade, because I dominated the landscape and crushed the opposition last week and I am joined by my friends Mark and Bob. Hey guys. Hello. Can confirm the domination occurred. I don't remember who I beat or even what it was about because I've got the memory of a rock but I know I did good because I'm here in the chair. It was unbelievable. Yeah performance was unmatched it was just a dominance on display really i know i knew a lot about insert topic here your opponent stood no chance which one of you was the opponent oh you know you and mark were talking about world records yeah and you and bob were talking about rocks oh i love rocks i love. Oh, I love rocks That's neither here nor there I guess to let everyone know if you're new here and for some reason this is the first episode you're Listening to the way this works is one of us three hosts this week

It's me We assign points based on whatever the hell we feel like and then we assign a winner and the winner hosts the next week So that's pretty much it. We talk about what we want and we get distracted sometimes hence the name but uh what's new what's new you guys have good days week uh wow i'm good at this why does it seem so disingenuous when you actually ask us well as the host i'm supposed to care about the small talk of what you guys do in your daily lives so i'm trying to play along you're the host you get to decide if you care or not well i don't but still someone might as the host you could decide that we don't do small talk in your episodes i guess yeah make that choice no no it's fine it's fine someone out there cares about this banter so let's have it tell me things i'm i'm not so sick no more so

that's nice well that's good that is good yeah that's good i was sick and i'm only just a tiny bit a little tiny bit sick good no excuses if i've predetermined that you've lost the day or won today then all right oh man and or yeah what if i have already decided who's won before there's ever even been a competition what if it's all been planned out awesome great you wouldn't do that that would be that would be that would be disingenuous it would be untowards but i've planted the seed that there could be a conspiracy and that's what today is all about conspiracies interesting what a segue isn't it i like that i got to get mine in and then you were just like, all right, let's do this stupid thing. Mark doesn't know, right?

It would seem like a good segue. Mark, what are you doing? Are you jumping off buildings? You know, I just, you know, I want to be appreciated for who I am. Well, then maybe you should try winning more. That's what I want. This baby. Winning, winning, winning. Yay. well then maybe you should try winning more this baby after i deducted however many wins however many episodes ago that was you're really not looking

so good on the wind column totem the wind totem okay fair enough wind totem the wind totem well we're not recording the podcast we organize ourselves into a living totem yeah and the number of wins of the podcast determines your position i'm happily in the middle it's like in legends of the hidden temple you have to reassemble the monkey of wind that's a throwback and build a tall totem how many listeners out there even know what legend of the hidden temple is i feel like plenty do random millennial walks up to us and is like what is this what do you get do you want to escape my temple you must and they're like no no dude no no i could walk away at any second i'm just really confused by i'm sure that that

temple was for kids but i can't help but think that the names of the rooms was like you must walk through the valley of dead parents and make your way up the stair of eternal torment and despair and then through the room of ball torture like i feel like it was much scarier than it really actually was you remember the room of ball torture i would say it is a lot scarier in your mind than it actually was because they wouldn't air that on nickelodeon or disney or wherever that was i mean my god when like the zombies and mummies would pop out of nowhere that actually scared me as a kid i did used to find that show pretty like spooky and stressful which it was i don't think it was quite the level of are you afraid of the dark though

no no definitely not there were like two or three are you afraid of the darks that really sat with me anyway that's neither here nor there you guys should go watch old shows they're better than today's shows and that's not just our nostalgia talking heck in our day tv was made good well that that particular show was a tragedy because they they filmed like a hundred episodes but they only filmed those episode in two years because nickelodeon at the time had a policy where they wouldn't let a show run longer than three years. Number one, for like syndication rights purposes, but also just like they had like this innovation circuit going through and they would just constantly like cycle out shows. I don't really know what the strategy was, but it made for a lot of really cool shows that never got finished. You know what I mean?

I actually didn't know that that's how it was run. That is kind of sad. Yeah, I know that. That's unfortunate. The writers are like, I didn't really think we hammered this out. I think we're finding our stride

and the executive is like, well, took you long enough. All right, new show. I mean, pretty much. We refined the temple and we edited these couple games. No, no, no, no, no, no. Nah, this is over.

This is over now. We told you, you had three years. You should have written fast, wrote, you should have wrote faster. It's written. It's written. You're the writer. We told you you had three years. You should have written faster. You should have wrote faster. It's written. You're the writer. I'm not the writer. We should have written faster.

Should have write it faster. Imagine if they'd gotten like the Simpsons or Spongebob or something and we'd only gotten three seasons of those shows instead of like the 50 that we're on. That's wild. If only. Wow. Mark wants to cancel the simpsons confirmed anyway great job bob i'll give you five points for that all right all right suck it wade those points don't mean

anything as far as winning this episode but you have five mark points congrats i'll take five mark points that's fine yeah bob you're in a good running for this episode your chances stand really high unless i've predetermined that you've already lost. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I bring you boys together today to talk about conspiracies and conspiracy theories because I don't know, I guess I saw something somewhere that made me think about them. And I was like, we should talk about that. And so we are.

So congrats. Okay. Cool story, bro. Thank you. That was a very cool story. Have you guys ever bought into a conspiracy theory? Is there one that you heard that you were just like actually that makes a lot of sense man there is but i don't want to talk about oh mark i think we should talk about that i you know it's really one

of those things where the the ground is really testy to actually walk on it's it's uh nah i'm gonna i'm abstaining from that it could be my episode winning one, but I'm not going to do it. We'll see how bad you want to win at the end. I mean, you know, you guys know how rambly I get about very specific things. But this one is a bit more it's a bit more sweeping. Well, I don't believe in any, you know, nonsensical conspiracy theories. But what if we just Bob and i will just cut recording wink wink and you can talk about it how about now no no no no no no all right no no no no i'm gonna

let you have this one mark thanks wow thanks thanks man thank you all right you have five bob points ah hell yeah yeah you know what responsible. No one can question your sanity if you don't give them any reason. I know, right? No way. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's not going to come back. I think.

No, it's not even like a people would question my sanity thing. It's that like people would get really testy about this one. That's fair. There are a lot of conspiracy theories that do get people up in arms. But I do have a funny one right off the bat. All right. The name of this is the Aladdin exception. Oh, do you have a competing title for one, Bob?

I love it. Yes. The title of my competing conspiracy theory that we're starting with is that mouse is done cheated on his pizza. I didn't have any expectation going in, but I am pleasantly surprised. That mouse cheated on his pizza. There you go. That's mine. That's my first one.

His pizza. Hell yeah. I may be assuming something that I don't know for sure, but based on context, I'm sure it's his pizza. I'm going to let Mark go first because you guys each have five of each other's points, but Bob points are worth more than Mark points. So right now, Mark needs to try to maintain his lead. The Mark point economy ain't doing so good. The exchange rate's really falling quickly. Dude, Bob coin to the moon.

Buy all the Bob coin you can afford and hodl sorry so the the aladdin exception right you guys have not heard of this have you i haven't no no all right so disney world is a magical place where visitors can meet their favorite characters as they breeze around the park they They can shake hands with Mickey Mouse, take pictures with Minnie, and thanks to the alleged Aladdin exception, get killed by the titular character of the movie Aladdin. Whoa. So the Aladdin exception was this rumor that started getting spread around I think a year ago or maybe two, but then it started reappearing in March of this year. And the idea was, you probably know that Disney has an elaborate system of security and monitoring to make sure that, number one, the guests are having a good time. But number two, that nothing bad is happening because obviously large populated area.

It's just an opportunity for something terrible to happen, like an attack of some sort. So this is where the rumor came in that there was an Aladdin exception that of the actors in the parks who dress up as characters in Disney properties, Aladdin was the only one that had the authorization to kill a guest in defense of the park's other guests. In a apparently false image, I'm almost positive this is completely fabricated. There was a picture of a handbook that was reportedly like, oh, this is the Disney handbook. And it says park safety. Although we want every Disney guest to have fun, our number one priority is safety. Because of this, Aladdin will never under circumstances, kill a park guest unless it is absolutely necessary to save the lives of a greater number of park guests. This is referred to as the, quote, Aladdin's exception.

Do they give examples of what that circumstance would be? So instead of having security, they're like, security, stand down. We're sending in Aladdin. Literally, that's the quote on this joke. There's like, quote, sir, we have a person taken hostage in Frontierland. Send in the street rat. Like, that's exactly the joke that's on here. Sniper, stand down!

Aladdin, here, take the sword. Well, I mean, look, if you're going to pick somebody, he's got a flying carpet, a genie, and a really dope monkey yeah i mean honestly the crime fighting slash crowd safety trifecta really yeah and jasmine was probably the best of the disney princesses at least in my young age it was there's probably better ones now but i love jasmine growing up why why better what makes yeah no yeah what's the deal she had a pet tiger she had a what?

A tiger, that was it. Yeah, what else do you need? Okay. That went in a different direction than I thought it would. Yeah, not much expounding occurring. There's not much to expound upon. She had a tiger. I love tigers, so.

Expoundation, is that what it would be? And he has the rubby so you can get more tigers with the blue man group. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. The lamp. The lamp. Hold on. The rubby. You're going to look at the rubby.

Oh, Aladdin. I love your rubbies. You're the only one who knows how to do rubbies right that's what makes jasmine the best apparently she gives the best rubbies that's not what the direction i was going she has a tiger that's what it sounded like god fucking okay mark i don't know why but i just mixed something that you do on occasion with aladdin giving his lamp rubbies and i just had an image in my head of him being in a really tight spot and holding the lamp down like at waist level hunched over frantically rubbing it and just whispering to the lamp like come on

come on i need you close the genie just bursts forth and is just like wow and then you know does some magic or some shit yeah you're right you're right robin williams wow wow robin is that you incredible or no actually it's will smith now right that's my that's my will smith wow that's wonderful keep my wife's name out no sorry oh this is really great that joke's topical right yeah of course why wouldn't it be so the aladdin exception all right but anyway so the aladdin exception is apparently not true at all because you should even look into this quote-unquote handbook it's like why would they word aladdin will never under any circumstances kill a park guest unless it's absolutely like it's the most ridiculous thing i could think of i like the idea though that they have a handbook like for each character right

and so they're like stitch shall never kill a park guest even if it's warranted stitch's costume is pretty cumbersome and would put you at a big disadvantage just run away stitch don't engage but like aladdin's just like a guy in some baggy pants and a vest so if he has the opportunity he can he can make the move you know aladdin has the authority it makes sense but the thing is like where would he even hide his weapon because he is just in baggy pants and like a vest he just carries a sword where his hand down there oh you know sword and hand just walks around the park with a sword yeah a real sword of course he runs over to the whatever the hell the star wars area is called and steals a blaster from one of the stormtroopers no he throws apples didn't you guys ever play the second game he does throw apples hold a sword throw apples he's got a lamp somehow strapped to his weird cheap baggy

pants uh you right oh comp usa child care center you gave me some experiences comp usa child care center was that actually a thing it was my comp usa was like a computer components stores, like a big, not unlike the 1990s version of like micro center sort of stuff. And my dad would go there to buy computer stuff. And they had like a child, like a daycare thing at the front. And the main thing they had was Sega Genesis, the Aladdin game. I played a lot of that. My dad is a nerd.

Sorry, dad. I played the Nintendo version um which was inferior i believe in some ways to the sega genesis version in turn of graphics but i really like a crappy port or something didn't like not work very well i don't know but the nintendo version really really was good i i did enjoy it a lot so let's add something redeeming about it well anyway well nice aladdin can kill people that's good to know i like that i like that disney is planning so thoroughly that every cast member in the park has some directive about like you ice cream store shoppy attendant you will not be killing any guests you are in charge of

being a distraction if and when aladdin decides to make their move so aladdin will give you the signal and then you put on your, you know, your bulletproof vest or whatever and you run out there and you are the bait. Sorry. You're just an ice cream shoppy person. Not very important. Not as important as Aladdin. Every time there's a new Disney character that comes out and they like add them to the park, they like cross their fingers like, please, please, please, please.

They read through their handbook hoping to be the next assassin i think that's not what i would be hoping for and not necessarily so i would be scrolling you know flipping through like please just say that i can run leave i want to be the one that leaves first that's what i want you have the most expensive who would be the most expensive costume there's a lot of pretty elaborate costumes oh my god it's hard to say yeah they'd be the one that's to run and like be protected like olaf you must jump in the line of fire to protect bell's dress you know just a snowman with a nose it's easy to replace just some white frozen right i was really thinking away who oh the fuck is account olaf wasn so i was like oh they'll let it go dude the little snowman count olaf that guy who was in star wars who was like do it yeah count chocula from star wars

yeah you come on do it come on i want you to do it hit me i know olaf was that obscure of a reference i guess hit me who's count olaf wait and like a dog with a lightsaber i wouldn't know Olaf was that obscure of a reference, I guess. Hit me. Who is Count Olaf? Like a dog with a lightsaber. I wouldn't know what to do if I caught it. Oh, mysterious events. Okay. Unfortunate events. Whatever it is.

What? Count Olaf. He's from a series of unfortunate events. Oh. That's who that's from. Sure. Gotcha. Lemony Snicket.

Yes. Well, just to keep things rolling, Bob, you had something about a mouse or something that mouse all right this is one that like there's not any hard evidence of and of course the company that is being accused of this is denying it because if it's true they're doing something that's illegal and not very safe uh but if you did you guys hear i don't know maybe a couple years ago now there was a big to do on the internet about customers of the children's restaurant slash arcade chucky cheese being concerned that chucky cheese franchises were recycling pizza they were taking like uneaten slices off of stuff you know like whole pies

that they served and then just like recombining them to make new full circles but there's no like evidence there's no like video of this happening that i've seen there's no like hard evidence but if you do an image search for just type in chucky cheese pizza i'm putting the link for you guys you can click right to it. If you just do an image search and you look at pictures, even pictures that like show up in promotional stuff,

there are pieces being served at Chuck E. Cheese. Clearly look like they don't match up quite right. Weird. You know, when you make a pizza, you make one big circle of dough and you put, you know,

sauce, cheese, toppings. These ones, mostly it's like pepperoni or cheese pizzas at Chuck E. Cheese. when you make a pizza you make one big circle of dough and you put you know sauce cheese toppings these ones mostly it's like pepperoni or cheese pizzas at chucky cheese but then when you cut the pizza into slices you cut it all from one circle right so it's like the slices go together like a puzzle it makes sense well unless you order half large pepperoni half small cheese which is legit you could order half and half and it would i've never done the smaller large i mean but but like no like what your point though yeah if it's like half pepper only half cheese the halves don't go together but the slices within each half should still kind of look like they belong next to each other and there's just a lot of pictures of pizzas where

like the crust is slightly different colors and the edges don't really line up do you do you have a picture of this that you can put in discord it's in the discord yeah but literally if you just if you just google chucky cheese pizza that's it some of the pictures that come up you look at it and you're like that really doesn't look like all of those pizza slices came from the same circle of pizza ah and like, there's no truth to this whatsoever, probably. Interesting. That is... I could totally believe this. It's so weird.

Even this one, like halfway down, it's all pepperoni, but one pepperoni slice is like, I don't know, 15% smaller than the rest. Yeah, we're right. It's like when you cut a pepperoni pizza, sometimes your cut goes right through a pepperoni. It cuts it in half or into two pieces that should go together and each slice will end up with some amount of that pepperoni it's just weird the crust color is different the shape the size the length and the

angle of some of these pieces doesn't match up and i can totally understand if they're serving half pizzas you serve half a pepperoni and half a cheese and then someone orders a whole pepperoni and maybe you have two halves of two different pepperoni pizzas, and you stick them together. But some of these are still just like, that's not how that works. That don't look right. Yeah. What I could see is like, you know, buffet style pizzas where they have multiple pizzas of the same type in the line.

That could be something that's associated with it where they have an option to go get a slice or multiple slices and they assemble a pizza together i haven't watched this food theory video based on it but that's probably going to be an entertaining watch but yeah that is bizarre and there's another kind of like thing about this too that i want to touch on unless you want to like keep focusing on this because there's an associated thing that i want to talk about to chucky cheese no i mean this one is very straightforward and's just it's again, I feel like I have to say there's no proof that this is happening. And this would clearly if they were taking especially if they were taking pizza off of tables that had been served and serving that to other customers, it's like a huge food and

health safety issue. And this this was such a big thing. I don't know, but I would assume, you know, the appropriate authorities looked into this and were like, OK, you guys are good. You're not doing anything stupid. It's just why do the pieces look like that? It's just weird. There's not much more to it. I kind of believe this one. I wouldn't put that past a place like Chuck E. Cheese, but I'm curious what your thing

is, because this one's not that deep. OK, so this is kind of an association with everything in terms of restaurants and the new age of being able to order with delivery services, being able to give any restaurant any delivery and sometimes signing them up without their consent. But this isn't actually about that. It's about ghost kitchens. Oh, the concept where a restaurant, quote unquote, like Chuck E. Cheese, which people do not think of as a restaurant, will create a fake restaurant that they sign up on DoorDash that you can order from for pizza.

And when you order pizza, it'll be like Billy Bob's Italianery Pizzeria. And it'll be some other name that is not Chuck E. Cheese. But when you order, the delivery driver goes to the back of Chuck E. Cheese to pick up the order because the address is the same. Even if the address on the app that it says it is is not Chuck E. Cheese, they will have like this other alley or some other thing across the street. And they use that as a way to get more money while they're still giving you Chuck E. Cheese's questionable quality pizza. That is a weird thing. There are different angles to that because I get why that's related now.

I'm sure what you thought of and probably what you're looking at is Chuck E. Cheese specifically did that. Chuck E. Cheese, I don't know if it was specific franchises or in general did this or what, but there was a big news coverage of Chuck E. Cheese listing themselves on delivery services as Pasquale's Pizza and Wings. Ah, Pasquale. And totally like rebranding, but just serving, like you said, they're just handing Chuck

E. Cheese food to a delivery driver in a box that says Pasquale's Pizza and Wings. I feel like in that situation, that just makes me think like, man, Chuck E. Cheese is a low self-esteem. You think people would see you on the app and be like, Chuck E. Cheese. First of all, I went to a Chuck E. Cheese a few years ago for one of my like nephew's birthday parties, and I actually really enjoyed their pizza. Like I thought it was really good. I didn't remember it being that good. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it.

But as far as like the rebranding thing, I think there's a lot of restaurants doing that because whenever I've traveled around and used food delivery, we've actually like, we'll look up a restaurant like in an area we're familiar with and be like, I don't remember that being there. Where is this? And we'll look and it's literally like right at the same location as another restaurant that we do know. And they do it for Italian. They do it for wings. I've seen it done for Mexican food. Like I think it's a relatively common practice and for someone like Chuck E. Cheese I think it makes sense because their entire branding is targeted at kids and if they want people that aren't kids to order their food It makes sense that they wouldn't be like Chuck E. Cheese. They'd be like hey, we're this place and then people try it

They like like man. I really like Pasquale's or whatever. Have you seen them the SNL skit where it's a oh god Oh fuck. what's the name of the the thing where uh they go to like an italian restaurant and they're enjoying it and they find out it's just like a papa john's or something oh yeah yeah i'm a tarantino's girl what the hell is it called i'm a tarantino girl you know me i remember the sketch but not enough detail to help you sorry anyway you could think about that. My other point was around us. Another thing that we've been seeing because of the pandemic, because restaurants are kind

of hit hard having to like close dining rooms. And, you know, if they're not a place where your food delivers well, it's kind of a can't really do that. You're not just going to deliver shitty food to people. The other way I've seen this happening is that restaurants are literally like renting their kitchen out. So you you might be ordering from a place like specifically near us. There was like a wings place that popped up, had the exact same address as like a Chili's.

And the Chili's, I was actually operating their own limited menu or whatever on the... Terrazano's. Terrazano's. Sorry. Terrazano's is a fake Italian restaurant. Go ahead. It's all good. But they were also like leasing space in their kitchen to like a pop-up separate restaurant it was not like

chili's rebranding their stuff it was like another chef who was just like i got fired or my restaurant closed but i can make really good chicken wings and they just like leased space and so they had like shared kitchen type situation right because this restaurant was not used in their kitchen at full capacity so both of those has happened i don't know why but the restaurant like rebranding their food seems sketchier well like you said wade like an adult is not going to order chuck e cheese but the food is as good as any other pizza takeout as far as i know it works it's pizza and wings or whatever molly and i tried one of the italian places then we found out like after the fact because we weren't familiar with the area we were traveling we were this Italian place that man is really good

I've never heard of it before and then we did some research like oh, well, it's part of like I don't know It was Oh Charlie's or something. We're like, oh, well, that's surprising, but that's good to know auto parts Great pizza Good memories going after school, though. I love their meatballs. I have a side update. This is completely not related to the topic at all. Can I just do a quick...

Yeah, by all means. No, not that one. It's all gone. Turned around. I keep... No, no. God. I keep resetting.

Oh, my God. There we go. That's clear. I'm sorry. I apologize. I love that the only reason I know that sound is because every time it goes, so, so, and then you're like, oh, God. All right. Well, pretend I had a really cool audio thing there that was quick and fun.

And I'm going to, after this, actually do all those. Sing it. MarbleLar update. Yeah, that was pretty good. Actually, I regret encouraging you to sing it. I was hoping it would be worse than it was. What Bob trying to say is good job thank you yeah i'll give you 10 bob points thank you those are very valuable they're going up they are so this is in relation to the penis man thing but only tangentially there's been a lot of people on the subreddit

that have been talking about penis man and showing uh little penis man tags around their cities it is much more prolific it's one of those things where as soon as we mention it everyone keeps going like oh my god i'm suddenly seeing that everywhere has that always been there or have people has penis man struck here and there well anyway the synchronicity of penis man yeah exactly this one's not as noble a cause as penis man the title of this is alleged quote mad pooper spokesman says pooping in public is a first amendment issue and the reason i bring this up is because i see penis man as a superhero and the mad pooper as his super villain nemesis you know what i mean the mad pooper's spokesman

which apparently the mad pooper has a spokesman, has compared her actions to breastfeeding in public. What? A Colorado Springs neighborhood has been under attack from a woman dubbed the Mad Pooper. Uh-huh. The person, who is only known as, I won't even say the name, has been terrorizing residents by stopping during her runs and literally pooping on their lawns sometimes in front of their children so far authorities have been unable to catch her yesterday however a man came forward claiming to be shirley's spokesperson and explained her behavior in a video, which has since been taken down. He said that Shirley is sorry for desecrating people's lawns, but that she cannot be held accountable as she is suffering from a traumatic brain injury.

He added that she has also had gender reassignment surgery, and as a result is no longer able to control herself. Who knows how much of that is true or not? It's just such a bizarre thing. so they're shitting on what mental disability they're shitting on trans surgery they're shitting on little shitting i guess shitting is a non-associated pun i imagine the spokesperson was one of like the first victims he was like sitting on his uh rocking chair on his front porch looking out and like everyone's looking away vomiting as she shits in the lawn but he has like that slow motion like blurry like zoom in and like this music is playing

and he's like having this realization this is all he's ever wanted it's just a slow motion zoom on her taking a dump on the lawn and he's like i must sponsor her yeah what we don't know is actually if this spokesperson is actually the spokesperson for the mad pooper. And it just doesn't make any sense about any of this. An unaffiliated devout follower. Yeah, I'm going to choose to ignore the claims about why the pooping is happening from the spokesperson. Yeah, I would too. I don't know this person's medical history or current disposition.

know this person's medical history or current disposition i certainly i i can identify with having issues controlling a bowel movement i uh told a story that you know i feel like demonstrates that i've been there at least once maybe not as frequently as this person where did the first amendment come into this is that from the spokesperson oh the right to shit yeah no freedom of shit first amendment rights you know is that from the spokesperson oh the right to shit yeah no freedom of shit first amendment rights you know freedom of expression i guess when my dog goes to the vet and they do that thing where they squeeze the juice out of her butt glands they call that expressing her glands they do so i guess if you're ignoring common usage, freedom of expression could include expressing poopies out of your backside. So as we all know, and everyone listening knows, I'm just reiterating it for the sake of getting all the details.

The First Amendment states, respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof or abridging the freedom of speech or the press or the right of the people peaceably to assemble and petition the government for a redress of grievances. I don't know if I unless you take press as a different kind of word. People's lawns also isn't typically seen as public property. That's kind of private property where things change too because you can't just freely assemble on someone's private property maybe the mad pooper is interpreting is expressing themselves in the form of a metaphorical performance art piece on people's lawns while the poops are ending up on private property, they are on public display.

And this is some sort of metaphor about how the government is unfairly shitting on its citizens. And this is a petition for a general redress of the lack of fair representation. I don't know. Comparing this to breastfeeding also is kind of insulting because there's toilets all over the place you can use. But who in their right mind wants to go into a toilet to feel like you want to go eat in the bathroom? No.

So sitting on a nice park bench, that sounds a lot nicer to me than a nasty men's or women's restroom. You didn't give a lot of clarity to what you were referring to doing and where, but I from context clues but i know there's some listeners that were very confused bathroom you breastfeed not in the bathroom but you said who wants to eat in the bathroom as if the baby is like oh not here i hate eating in here well hopefully neither party wants to eat shit that had nothing to do with any of it.

Wow. In the bathroom, there's going to be piss and poop particles floating around. I feel like we're deviating. Who named them the mad pooper? I'm also just curious about what makes them mad. Are they mad as in angry as they're pooping? They're like, hey, get on your lawn. Or I don't know.

They're mad at the person they're pooping. Or are they mad as in They're mad at the person. But or are they mad? Is in like the Mad Hatter? Like this is a jab at their why they're doing this. They seem crazy to this person who wrote the article or something. So it was a family. It's a family whose lawn was defecated upon, dubbed the woman the Mad Pooper, which has a sense of fun to it. You know, it kind of feels like if you're naming someone the

mad pooper like you gotta laugh at it a little bit you're kind of like not taking it too seriously here yeah i mean there's a lot of directions you could go what people would publish aside there's a different vibe if they were like ah this yard shitter is terrorizing our neighborhood yeah the mad pooper is a little whimsical unless this lady was running along with a top hat it with a nine and three quarters stuck in the top and a monocle and a teacup and there was a bunny hopping after him mid deuce in the front lawn and the guy's like what are you get out of here and then just out of nowhere a huge comical alarm clock goes off and the lady's like change places and starts running around shit flying everywhere yeah oh yes i love the nc-17 version of the mad hatter

two hatters one cup that's what i'm here for no no no don't try and google that that's gross gentle listeners don't go there. Oh, God, you won't be gentle if you see that. Stay gentle, everyone. That was a half-hearted gag. So that's a weird thing to have happen. And like, I just want to say, America's pretty uptight about stuff.

I don't want to see a person pooping on my lawn. But like, and I don't want to be too graphic. But you know, kids, if when they reach the age when they're old enough to go to the bathroom by themselves, they're curious about what's going on and kids will, I don't know what kids do, but kids will do weird stuff, pull their pants down and pee everywhere or like poop on the wall or God knows what I've worked in a school with small children. And, uh, I don't think kids are that grossed out by pooping. I think it's the parents who are more uptight about that. But that point aside that just that whole like article you read has this weird undertone of being really like like a judgy which is not unfair as a person who's pooping on people's

yards but it's just it's like it's written by like a really sassy judgy person who's just like ruining our neighborhood oh dear i mean there's a difference between a Karen complaining about something that's inane and bullshitty and someone being like, someone's pooping on my lawn. I feel like I would be upset about that. You know, I mean, I would probably call the cops. I feel like there's a reasonable area of judgment to be had about the mad pooper. If that happened to me, my main concern would be like, is this person okay? I don't know if this person is going through mental health issues,

if they have physical health issues with the pooping and they can't control it. I don't know what this person's deal is. I'm less concerned about that there's poop on my yard and more concerned that there's a human who's in a situation where they either think that's acceptable behavior or they're doing this for some reason, which I would like to understand. I would be more concerned about the person than anything else. Maybe they're just trying to fertilize your lawn maybe i'm past but that's

at least you know positive i guess oh that's just weird if you're really into it you can become their spokesperson is that what you think spokespersons are in general whenever there's like a person on the news is like and johnny depp's spokesperson gave this statement like this is just a big fan of johnny depp's spokesperson gave this statement like this is just a big fan of johnny depp big fan watching the trial and they were like oh so you know what someone needs to tell the truth and defend bold johnny i'll just go i'll just organize a conference i'll be a spokesperson that sounds right to me i would love to see you be a spokesperson for like your favorite bangles player or something you should do it you should stick your neck out do the right thing wade yeah what's the worst that could happen wade uh jail fine probably jail might be worth it

i don't know impersonating or something other this all sounds very not conspiratorial though so i'm gonna rewind us back to uh the real topic at hand conspiracies i have one of those great do you have one mark oh technically i've done but yeah i you go we kind of got off topic a bit we got distracted distracted that's that's just crazy it was worth it though yeah so i have one this is a conspiracy that like i've had flashes where something has happened and even though I will say that I staunchly don't believe this is a real thing, I've had occurrences in my life where for a moment I was like, there's no way this has to be a conspiracy.

There's 0% chance. Uh, and it is not really a clever name for this one. It's that everyone, not everyone, people think because of how the internet works, that your, your smart devices are listening to your every word and feeding you advertisements and information and news posts and stuff based off of listening to you and reacting in the moment. Which, to be fair, I will say, if you believe that your phone in your pocket is nefariously and secretly able to hear every word that you or anyone around you says out loud, then yeah, it would not surprise me at all that an algorithm, the stuff that exists

online for targeting ads and content would show you like pertinent things. The problem is that, and this is not even my joke, I have to say I saw this online, but it frames it perfectly. Problem is you have to consider things like Amazon's dots, right? Or like Google Home, all of these smart speakers that are designed to listen to you say something and then to do what you told it to do. You can be in a perfectly quiet room. You can be five feet away. You can be an inch away directly talking into the microphone. You can say without stuttering in a perfectly neutral dialect with no confusion whatsoever exactly what you mean to one of these smart home things and the success rate is stunningly low yeah like even even if you get it

all a perfect scenario perfect conditions and here's only you. It's like, what, 50-50 chance? Maybe like 70-30 chance it's going to do what you want on the first try and understand you. So what are the odds that your phone in your pocket on a subway, in a car, with the radio, with other people talking, in public, in crowds, how is it going to hear accurately what you're saying and then give you stuff? Who thinks that that's possible? People think technology is like magic and that your technology doesn't work for you. I guess it's all one conspiracy, right? It pretends like it doesn't work. Your phone pretends like it doesn't understand what you said.

But then when you're not using it, when they're doing secret things, it understands you perfectly? Yeah, that makes sense. It might be showing you an advertisement for an air fryer because you've told Facebook everything about your life every day for the last decade and you tweet about all of your, you know, whatever. And the algorithm is like, oh, this person likes cooking and technology. And here, here's an air fryer. You want an air fryer?

Or it might be listening to you and doing things that are like technologically infeasible. But like, do you guys feel this? I feel like this is a common one where everyone's like, oh, they're listening. They're listening and stealing my information. It's one of those things where I get what you're saying, but also technology has improved incredibly, especially in terms of like being able to recognize voices, even accents, even recreating voices and accents and stuff like that. So in all honesty, what I look at it would be like, would they be able to profit from this versus the lawsuit that would occur afterwards?

I think of it as like the penis man thing is like, you see it because maybe you were talking about it and you just notice it now. So I don't think that they are on a general company to company level. I do think they're capable of it and there probably definitely have been companies that do it. But on a global level, like with your phone in your pocket, there isn't as much of the,

you know, stealing and listening as I think people might think. There won't be a lawsuit, man. They're all in on it together. They're part of this. Yeah, well, if they can listen to every word that anyone says, how would they possibly lose a lawsuit? They would have all the information. They would know the strategies.

You're right. They're making so much that they've bought off all of the laws of the world. I mean, now we're getting into conspiracy theories here. I think it's getting spicier. You know, one world order shot at this type of stuff. You know, we are spicing up. i guess my general rebuff aside from i'll take your point about the technology getting better maybe there's versions of this tech that are better and work better than you know a google home whatever speaker thing does but this applies generally for me to conspiracy theories we all

have seen how companies work how governments work generally like you can see different examples in different contexts of what humans are capable of combining to like collaborate on or plan for and accomplish right even if they're able to keep secrets and whatever humans are idiots like everyone simultaneously thinks that the government is incompetent and, you know, or whatever. Everyone probably has some problem with their government, state, federal, local, whatever. Everyone has gripes. And they think that the government is filled with idiots, that Congress is filled with

these idiots. But also that there's this high level scheme that everyone's secretly organizing that both things can't be true. Either they're morons or they're geniuses. And maybe they're geniuses pretending to be morons. But like, I think the truth is they're just idiots. Or they're puppets to the real shadow government that's actually running things. Supplies to companies and, you know, institutions and all kinds of stuff.

People think there are these deep conspiracies organized by morons who are incapable of keeping a secret or doing what they said they're gonna do i just i don't have faith in humans to be able to do all the clandestine stuff that people ascribe and this is one of those where even if this technology exists like to your point there would be a high levels of collusion between people who you know are not friends and don't keep secrets and all kinds of stuff i guess it depends like what kind of surveillance technology does like the cia or whoever use like they've got to have something where they can listen in and yeah absolutely this actually does tie into something that was real 100 real the nsa's mass surveillance program yeah so this was a a thing where the uh what was the name of the act

oh god i'm looking through. The Patriot Act stuff? This is like Edward Snowden, right? Edward Snowden stole a bunch of documents and info about this. And it was these clandestine systems established under the Patriot Act using like the FISA court warrants and stuff, right? That's what you're talking about? Yeah, exactly. And so the idea, and it was popularized in the movie about Edward Snowden, you know, but the idea was that any kind of computer, any kind of phone with a camera could be remotely tapped into, not every kind, but a lot of kinds, by the NSA to spy, by listening in on conversations, by having these recordings, by

looking through your camera, by being able to know what is happening on American citizens. And this actually did happen. And the disclosures about this only occurred relatively recently in our history. And the benefits from it were none. Like there were little to no benefits from this, or if there were, they were never revealed to the population, or at least I can't find it in my cursory glance of the entire operation that sprawled here. But this was a worldwide program as well. The NSA was also responsible for observing things all around the world. And the problem, here's the problem with it though, and against all the horrible privacy issues aside, there's literally not enough manpower

in the world to watch the entire world for bad actors and stuff like that. You have to chase people down to be able to do those things. And so that's where like, you know, you could get a warrant to tap into someone's phone and things like that. But a global surveillance program was unfeasible just because the sheer amount of data that would be ingested from either recording these videos and stuff like this and taking it in, it was a useless program because there was just no way to sort through all the fluff. You might get lucky every once in a while, just like all the terabytes the petabytes of data that were accumulated would not be feasible that's why they're working with the aliens that's why they covered up roswell they knew this day would come this day i mean probably probably yeah the mass surveillance

yeah no it's happening wade you're right you're right they couldn't do it with manpower that's why they have alien power well actually this is where AI power comes in. Quote unquote, I always say AI with quote unquote, but like computational analysis and especially image analysis in terms of being able to crunch through these things and look for image recognition, detectable things like, I don't know, guns, bombs, whatever. It's one of those things where because the NSA did it, they're probably not sorry that they did it. The only reason this all came out is because it was like, I don't know, guns, bombs, whatever. It's one of those things where because the NSA did it, they're probably not sorry that they did it. The only reason this all came out is because it was like, this ain't worth the money.

But as soon as it is worth the money, they have the capability to do it and do it again. And if people aren't aware of these things and the fact that it has happened in the past and to hold people accountable that are in charge, you know, it may be a situation where everyone's an idiot, but that usually applies more to the fact that everyone gets complacent.

And even the people who are operating in the NSA kind of like get this idea where they're like, it's just my job. I just push a button and, you know, I'm not responsible for this. It's kind of like a deferment of responsibility all the way up to the top. And yes, there are idiots along the way, but the system that's created and the tools used are made by very intelligent people. But the people using them like that's really what's important that's an interesting point thank you my mind is blown thank you granted it is a lot easier to observe the earth because it's flat you could have one big camera over top just look at everything you say because it's flat yeah you you know that yeah okay oh okay

all right okay well i kind of want to go through i have an iceberg of conspiracy theories and it goes from things that actually happened to all the way at the bottom world ruled by supreme shadow elite promotes hatred and violence towards marginalized groups that's at the bottom of the iceberg so okay is that like the the what's the new world order? Yes, exactly. Conspiracy thing or the globalist world order or whatever it's called. Yeah, yeah. What is where are you finding this iceberg? It was published by Abby Richards. I think they're just a designer.

And it's just an assembly of popular conspiracy theories that a lot of people would know. So at the top of things that actually happened in this category is the NSA mass surveillance, big tobacco lying about cancer, big oil pushing climate disinformation, Watergate, the Tuskegee experiments, you know, MKUltra, even Free Britney, because people were like, Britney Spears, something's up with that, but everyone was denying that, you know, these things are conspiracy theories until, oh, wow, it's actually true. below that you have we have questions which is jimmy hoffa where is he the jfk assassination the whole grassy knoll thing area 51 is like a we have questions about this ufos in general you know it's like we have questions and then you start to it says uh that it's like the things that happened then there's the

speculation line and now we're going into leaving reality which is avril lavigne is not the same person as before elvis is still alive uh greta thunberg is a time traveler you know a lot of these are celebrities are still alive um but some of them are like alien abductions ted cruz is the zodiac killer tupac is alive in serbia you know it's it's starting to get here titanic never sank i found it yeah and so it gets fun it's still fun here and then you go into the area that's dangerous to yourself and others crossing into reality denial which is 5g is toxic biden is a robot chemtrails what's that all about the ivermectin cures You know, vaccines have microchips getting into extremely dangerous territory of conspiracy theories.

Essential oils cure all illnesses. Yeah. One of them is RFID tracking devices in bras. And I remember people cutting open bras and they would find the RFID things, which were for security purposes. So you didn't steal it. And again, it's one of those things where, Bob, you're talking about like

everyone carries a phone in their pocket. Yes, it's like you could think that you're being tracked by a bra, but you actually could be tracked by your phone at almost any time. Yeah, if we're talking about eliminating bras, I'm all for it. What's so bad about having a microchip

in your body when you have it in your pocket? Yeah pocket yeah no that's really my favorite conspiracy theory thing is that if someone believes a conspiracy theory or or many of them and they've they really believe it and they've gone off grid they live in a cabin in the woods they're self-reliant and they really are like look man you're being tracked you're being assorted all these things whatever they believe they still strike me as a little out there, but at least I'm like, you know what? I believe that you believe this stuff because clearly you've built your life around the idea that you have these specific beliefs about how the world works and you're living that way. But people who are my favorite memes are like, my dad thinks they're putting microchips in the vaccine. He's not going to get it. carries his iphone around with him everywhere and posts on facebook every restaurant he eats at

like you you think they need to spend however many millions or billions of dollars to track you through some sort of sci-fi vaccine stuff yeah you tell them you you let anyone who wants to track you a hundred percent of the time you give them updates fine if you think that things are sketchy but then don't you know the exact thing that you're saying you're afraid of or worried is happening you're volunteering for i know i love my phone i do it all the time but i'm not sketched out that i if i tweet that i'm somewhere or that i like something or about a topic then twitter the next day is like hey there's an advertisement about this thing like yeah well i sort of gave you that for free didn't i people are funny about that people are like they forget

that that's a thing yeah but continue oh no it gets worse from here because when you get to this part where people aren't thinking deeper like to ask them to think deeper about like you already have the tech and that is what they would use why would they and but it doesn't matter at this point because we've crossed the and this is labeled the anti-Semitic point of no return where the world is ruled by supreme shadow elite promotes hatred and violence towards marginalized groups. And, you know, this is where you get hollow earth, flat earth, deep state, QAnon, cultural Marxism, secret satanic rituals, the Illuminati, denial of the Holocaust.

You know, Bill Gates trying to depopulate the world. You Jewish space lasers. Hollywood is turning your kids gay. Nazis on the moon! You know, it's getting really, really into a territory where you have someone to blame. Not just there is something happening. It's there is something happening and there's someone who is responsible for it and that's where it gets really really dangerous in the conspiracy theory world there are a lot

of conspiracy theories this chart probably doesn't even scratch the surface no this god there's so many just on this pyramid it's a curious thing too we're talking about this sort of jokingly and it is a serious and kind of dark thing depending like you said mark depending how deep you go and how much whatever beliefs a person holds affects their hold on like what actually is the world we live in what is real and what is not real what's a fear or whatever but it's not like i don't believe conspiracy theories it's not like i don't have weird synchronicities happen and my mind is like, how is that? That's weird.

But like there's something different between that where, you know, something weird happens and you're like, oh, that's so weird. That seems like a conspiracy. And then a person who's willing to believe things where the evidence is basically some guy being like, trust me, I've seen this shit or, you know, there's just like telling stories and somehow that becomes reality. It's an interesting line for me because I feel like most people are not immune to the idea of a conspiracy theory and the idea that there's things being controlled that we're

not aware of that are behind the scenes. But there's something different for some people. And it's like a growing thing these days, right? If I was a psychologist or something, this would be very fascinating research. Fortunately, I'm a moron, so I don't know anything about it. But it's like a growing thing these days, right? If I was a psychologist or something, this would be very fascinating research. Fortunately, I'm a moron, so I don't know anything about it. But it's weird. It's weird to me because I don't really blame anyone for believing a conspiracy, especially if it lines up with your experience or things that you've seen firsthand.

If you were, you know, in the military or something, I'm sure you've seen all kinds of shit that would terrify a normal civilian or blow a person's mind that has some explanation, but also, you know, ties right into some conspiracy that takes over your view of reality. It's just weird. It's kind of the thing where what I've read into it, and again, I'm not an expert in this, I don't know the actual answers, but what I've heard is it ties into this idea where people want to feel important. They want to feel right. They want to feel like they are on the side that sees this incredibly wrong thing that no one else sees. It makes them feel special. And, you know, in a world

where there's so many people out there doing incredible things, it's very difficult to feel special. So when you get these conspiracy theories, especially when they start out very niche, you have something where as soon as they start buying into it and they start going into the confirmation bias vacuum changer or echo chamber, they get into this mode where they're like oh my god i see the truth my eyes have been opened like i am the only one that sees the truth it's my responsibility to tell others and if they don't believe me they must be in on the thing or they're they're just denying it they're stupid i'm smart it's kind of that thing where everyone says if you ask people how they rate their own intelligence they would all say above average and yet that's impossible not everyone can be above average intelligence many

people are of a below and i'm not saying that there's a direct correlation to conspiracy theories and intelligence i might be alluding to that but it's like people have uh are not able to perceive or objectively judge their own judgment and morals or their own intelligence or personality. Basically themselves as an entity when looked at alone is very difficult. And when comparing to others in today's world, it can be very difficult because there are so many people

that are objectively and showcasing success and being better and like doing apparently incredible things, even though the majority of that is even an illusion because people edit their photos and edit their accomplishments and like exaggerate and all this stuff. Like most of what you see on the internet is also fake and exaggerated, but it's difficult to sort the truth from everything because everyone is lying to themselves. That's what makes it very hard and easy to fall into these holes where the conspiracy theories can

be comforting and make you feel special. But that's not the only reason. Of course, there are people that just hate other people and want to cause problems or want to throw things around like this. It's a complicated situation. Yeah, that feels like this is it's like a pyramid that we're looking at. But it almost reminds me of like the way pyramid schemes work, too, where some person that's like in charge and has nefarious motives convinces a bunch of people of something to believe in. It's like it's like the same old crap just applied a different way. 100 percent. It absolutely is. That is pretty much the same thing. Because usually at the top of these, there'll be someone who's something to gain, someone who's clever enough to be able to trick

other people into doing something for either for monetary gain or power. And once it grows to a certain point, that power becomes undeniable and they start to be able to have control over people. And like the type of people out there that want to have that control, one of these things is taking advantage of people that feel like they are ostracized or unable to feel welcome anywhere else. And whenever they feel welcome in the first place, they can really dive deep into it and feel incredibly loyal to that thing, whatever that may be. It's dangerous and people take advantage of it all the time.

Well, look, I mean, I'd love to keep going on this, but I think I should probably start winding us down because we're getting to be about that time. For all of our listeners out there who love Rockabye Bobby, I've got a little jingle for you about our conspiracies. So I'll get that out of the way and then we can talk about our points. Buckle in. I've been working on a theory all the live long night. I've been working on a theory just to cause some massive fright.

Can't you hear the aliens scream and see the creepy glowing hand? Can't you see the wind blowing the flag on the fake moon land? When we wear our tin tinfoil i just know we will be fine only i know what the truth is because it's all in my mind wow nice creepy there you go enjoy everybody i'm gonna give you 10 points for that that was great really good stuff 10 mark points all right those are less valuable than bob 11 bob points all right 11 bob 10 mark because i valued it more thank you thank you you know that's a good thing to do right i appreciate that i appreciate our fun conspiracy theory dive i mean we could dive into one theory over the course of like three

episodes easily, I'm sure. So this is really just scratching the surface about it. Everybody out there, be careful diving into conspiracy theories. Like you can find yourself just wrapped up into, like Mark said, finding yourself in an echo chamber where you just hear things and you find one thread that seems plausible that leads you down this horrible line of just near truths that seem plausible. And who knows? I know I had a friend who was super into like alien conspiracies and he got deeper into other like one conspiracy led him to like a whole bunch of other ones. And he eventually broke the chain, but he was getting pretty into it.

It's a little bit concerning for a while. So just be careful with those. Glad you figured it out, Mark. Yeah, thanks. He came back to us. We got him back. We got Mark back. here uh thanks guys thank you you never did tell us what your conspiracy was so maybe maybe you're still lost no no wait that's not the x-files theme that's the michael myers uh x x-files theme uh non-copyrighted version uh do do do do do do there you go that's it i found it um let's

see the winner today is bob wow really was it decided beforehand that's the question that we'll all be asking ourselves it seems like it was because i had kind of crap today yeah yeah that's fun i do what mark brought mark brought it I brought it hard, but it's okay. Mark had the good stuff. Well, you did give me more Bob points, and I determined that those are worth more, so maybe it was out of points I was given. Maybe it was all predetermined. Maybe it was all just a big conspiracy

to make sure that Bob wins. I'm sure people on Reddit will try to figure out why. They'll let me know what they think. So, let me know your biggest conspiracy theory about how Bob won. I think it's because Wade was actually replaced by Bob a few episodes ago. Because people on the subreddit were thinking that Bob was a different person. Because his voice was slightly different.

So maybe it's actually Bob that stole Wade. So Wade is making Bob win because Wade is actually Bob and Bob is still Wade. You moron. Who's Wubba? Who's Bubba? Who's Wubba? And Bubba? Who's Bubba Wubba? Me! Wub! It's been me the whole time. Oh my god. Well, congrats to me for the, or congrats to Bob.

Congrats, um, victory speech? Yeah, thanks Bob. Wade. I appreciate that I won fair and square, that the points were tabulated and kept track of very closely, and that we're two different people. And if there's a main takeaway, I would say that it's that me and that other guy are two...

You can hear it in our voices, can't you? Two very different people. Listen to us talk at the same time. At the same time. We are very much the same person. Very much the same person. No different people. Talk at the same time like this. Yeah, no so clear evidence to the contrary and Yeah, thanks for the win. I'm shocked, shook, even can't believe it. Hmm. Didn't see this coming. Do us a favor out there. Make sure whenever you put your phone in your pocket, aim the microphone portion up so it's easier for us to listen in.

Mark, do you have a loser speech? Am I really me? Maybe I've been Wade and or Bob all along. Maybe I've never actually been here and this is an impersonator. Who knows what the truth is anymore? You know what, Mark? I've got a question for you. What?

Have you heard of the ship Theseus? No! Podcast out.