Distractible - Cryptids Are Scary

Episode Date: January 10, 2022

Mark’s late-night descent into the “distressingmemes” subreddit spawns discussion of scary stories, including Bob and Wade’s favorite Cryptids. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Only got small amounts of time but want big amounts of flavor? Knorr has got you. Our new Knorr rice cups deliver all the taste without the prep or wait time. We're talking yummy, creamy, hearty goodness. Choose from loads of delicious, more-ish flavors ready in only two and a half minutes. It's not cup food, it's good food in a cup. Visit Knorr.com to learn more. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Good food in a cup. Visit Knorr.com to learn more. minerals and crafted with skin conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart

or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in, so you can change the music. Oh, yeah. Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible, a Wood Elf production with your hosts,

Mystical Mark, Bacchanal Bob, and Woolfish Wade. This week, the Preacher Natural Pack prattle on about the Bigfoot to the Bunyip, from the Afang to the Yeti, and every fangdorklord being between. Yes, it's time for Cryptids are Scary. Please prepare thy protective duvets and enjoy the show. Titties. Titties. Nipples.

Titties. Areolas. Milky milk holders. Milky, milky, milky, milky. Grumbellas. Trumbullas. Glins grumbumbaloos Slam bamble whose Fleece axe

Trying to make new ones. I don't know. I don't want to play anymore Scramble oh, he's. Scramble-o-ies. Mom identifiers. Mom identifiers? I don't think that's right. I don't think that's right. Is that not how you greet your mom? Ah, mom, your tits are looking marvelous today. A honk of greeting just to confirm it is who you think it is. Hey, what's the big eye?

Oh, I didn't realize you were a mom. Excuse me. I can tell by the size of your bamb didn't realize you were a mom. Excuse me. I can tell by the size of your bombolos. You're a mom, aren't you? You're a mom and a half. Oh, my God. This is horrible.

This is horrible. I'm deducting points. We're not even doing a thing yet. Hey, come on. Calm down. I don't know. It's recorded. It's in Will's hands now. there's no prologues in this

podcast this is just warm up anyway all right this is distractible welcome to our lustrous podcast i am your host markiplier beautiful really that's how you call yourself now i mean you know it's kind of like a confusing thing. I look at myself in the mirror and I really don't know what to refer to myself as. I was supposed to host this week. I won, but whatever. That's just not true. I declared myself the winner last time.

What? Wait a minute. Okay, were you the host last time? No. Then that means nothing. Well, as the new host that I declared myself, I was able to retroactively make the rules. Oh, shit. He's got us there, Mark.

No, he doesn't, actually, because I am the host now and I declare that he does not got us. Oh, okay. Whatever. Just host. Better make it a good one. Yeah, I will host. Thank you very much. And not only am I the host, I am the judge.

Oh, you did great. You won. You deserved it. Thank you. Thank you very much. What are you afraid I'm going to judge you of? That list is a lot longer than... Just in general judgments. I don't know. Yeah, you got some hidden shame lurking deep inside there.

I have lots of shame. Don't we all? Welcome to Distractible, the podcast where we talk about our shame as openly as possible. Do you got any shame you want to discuss at the moment maybe failed new year's resolutions that haven't panned out already uh does it count as failing if i haven't started yet absolutely it does like i get that i'm a little behind the eight ball given that it's after new year already but like i set the resolutions but then you know we were we were visiting family for the

holidays and and it's been busy been traveling i can't i'm what how am i supposed to start exercising you know while i'm in in airports and stuff i don't know okay that sounds like a bunch of excuses but um if you could be more honest about it i could award points i will i will i promise i will i'm going to you will going to i'm I will. I'm going to. You will going to. I'm going to resolve. You're going to resolve. Okay, I don't have a lot of confidence in that, but Wade, have you failed yet?

Succeeded? Oh yeah, miserably. My resolution, I think, was to have a resolution. I think that's what it was. Unless that resolution in and of itself counted as a resolution, in which case i would have passed by default i came up with no other resolutions other than i thought about like you know i should eat healthier i should exercise i should get some other stuff done i should get a

car but f that noise am i right uh you are not right listen am i right we we here collectively a distractible are an example that we are setting towards the people that listen to us. They listen to us because they are seeking out advice. They want to know what to do with their lives, and we are the only guidance that they have. Oh, that's true. It doesn't matter how poorly we express that. The responsibility is on our shoulders. We are influencers, and we are influencing people even right now speaking of uh a guidance for on a

serious note for a moment a good friend passed away recently who was our guide in drunk minecraft and uh brought a lot of us together and is probably one of the major reasons why the three of us even do stuff together because he hosted us on his server vox populi which still stands today so just a shout out to zombie mold who was a good friend of mine and ours and great guide great show you guys haven't listened to or watched rather drunk minecraft or various other episodes of stuff that he's been in with at least me go check it out go check out his server great guy i'm not gonna hijack the podcast too much to talk about it but gonna miss him love you man wherever you are and uh thank you for bringing us together and allowing us to be three fucking idiots who

can make fun, stupid shit together. Yeah, no, that was pretty crazy when when you told me, you know, us at the same time. Yeah, it's it's everything about Drunk Minecraft and us really like starting as this trio started on that server and started then. Yeah. So I was just thinking about it, you know. Well, and was facilitated by him too yeah i hadn't thought about drunk minecraft in a while but some large percentage of that was us yelling at zombie to fix something give us something yeah magically

create something it was it was excellent at what he did and he did it that's the craziest thing no matter what we asked he did and he did it that's the craziest thing no matter for no reason no matter what we asked he did and a lot of the drunk minecraft episodes were set up just from ideas that he had so yeah and we always just like in this show we always put horribly off script and all the things he had prepared we usually ignored we're like no no do this instead yeah and he always adapted in the moment and uh when he would talk to us and chime in and stuff you know he was always funny and uh he genuinely loved when he would talk to us and chime in and stuff, you know, he was always funny. And he genuinely loved what he did.

He loved, he built a great community on Vox. And he's a huge part of why our communities are what they are. So yeah, shout out to him. I know that was tragic news for us, but there are a lot of people outside of us three idiots who know Zombie personally or on the server, you know, who play his creations

that he has spent a lot of time perfecting and putting out there. So tragic news for a lot of people. Don't be afraid to reach out to people, you know, talk to your friends and family, tell them you love them, remind them that they matter to you. And it's just sad. He was a really good friend and sucks losing someone so early. I mean, he was only a year older than us. He was 33 years old. Yeah, but we will carry on the memories of him and like the times that we shared moving forward. So in honor of that, we have a topic today that is so pertinent to who zombie was and everything about it. Very related. Cryptids.

That's the topic of, I think you all see where this digital currency stuff what'd you say i agree oh you weren't supposed to that was the whole point of that setup i didn't even hear what you said isn't that that online currency stuff cryptids you're right yep that's the one man it's even better the second time well done two two points to you. I'll take that alright, and then Bob one for your Whatever you said about the resolution being whatever it was good It's one for nothing. Okay, he said words. They were bad words. I'll take away point I won't I'm not going to because you'll like it. Oh, come on Taking my points away. Oh, no. No, I i'm not doing that i'm not giving you what you want oh come on you tease

i would never fine go on talk about your cryptos it's not cryptos this is cryptids it's very different oh i gotta do some different research real quick yeah okay you do that while i talk about something else um number one we've touched on like cryptids in a few episodes here we haven't touched cryptids but we've touched on the subject of cryptids here and there discussing one or another there's the uh what was the name of the boob ghost bob uh um uh hantu tini hondra hantu tatek hantu something like that the hantu tatek for those of you who don't know and want to go listen to the episode it's called supernatural back in the uh distractible history but if you haven't listened to that then you clearly haven't been listening to distractible nearly enough and i deduct five points from all of those who have not listened to that episode just yet and those come out of bob's pot that's what you all get look what

you've done to bob no no everyone has their own pot that's not how that oh yeah what are you dragging me into this i listen to the episode are you kidding me yeah i mean oh i don't are people not aware that there has been a listener winner every episode yeah of the one who has listened the hardest and they earn the most points they should be by this point has will been cutting that out has will been editing that out has that not been in episodes we've been tracking that we've been sending prizes out yeah no we've been mailing stuff we've been there's been great prizes yeah. Yeah, no, we've been mailing stuff. There's been great prizes. Yeah. Oh, great prizes. Oh, well, maybe we should stop if no one cares. Yeah, maybe we should.

I guess no one really cares anymore. Anyway, I guess we'll just have to talk about cryptids again. But one thing that really got me thinking about this is this subreddit that I came across. And it always comes to a subreddit, you know, for some reason. But it's not a cryptid subreddit. It's a subreddit you know for some reason but it's not a cryptid subreddit it's a subreddit called distressing memes and the reason the reason that i bring this up is because i actually found this subreddit after you told me wade about zombie i was staying up all night and for some reason i

was scrolling reddit because i couldn't sleep and then i came across this subreddit called distressing memes and i like i don't know what it is about it but it is so captivatingly disturbing some of these memes um i can't exactly tell you about it looked up one i've got an example yeah the very first one i see it shows um like it looks like the dude from the incredibles yeah like the main dude like four of him sitting on a couch bob yeah and the caption is family enjoying a good movie next image random sex scene kicks in they look slightly uncomfortable it's a home video they go black and white neither of you recorded it tv goes static they never stopped screaming and the images just get more and more horrific of them sitting there the whole time and And the final one, just him, like a skeleton. Yeah. There's a specific audio that I want to play for everyone at home and you guys as well.

So this should play. Well, it might play for you guys. It might not. What the hell is this? One second. Hold on. Hold on now. Hold on. What is this subreddit I'm looking at? Hold on. Hold your horses there. Okay. Can you hear this? Yeah. Yeah. horses there okay can you hear this yeah yeah it's like discovering a new species as a biologist discovering a new species as a wildlife photographer discovering a new species as a scuba diver discovering a new species as an epidemiologist discovering a new species as a chef

discovering a new species as a surgeon discovering a new species as an obstetrician discovering a new species as a software dev discovering a new species as an astronaut but uh yeah so it's kind of weird how this all does kind of connect. But I was up late. And the one thing that got me to go to bed was literally browsing memes because it's funny, right? Like these memes are kind of funny, but they're also scary. And so for some reason, when I was up, and I was looking at these memes, I've looked at scary subreddits before I've looked up cryptids, and I've like been up late, I felt like something was watching me i legitimately felt this presence standing behind me and i haven't felt that in a long time when you turned around not turned around i did not turn around that's the

thing i legitimately felt like something was directly behind me, looking at me, breathing down my neck, and I made a beeline right for the bedroom. I did not turn around. I closed the doors behind me as I went. You did not turn around. I did not turn around. And I haven't felt that in years. I play scary games every day, pretty much. I've been playing them for 10 years straight. I have become desensitized to scaring myself. And yet these distressing memes somehow made me so scared that I had to run to bed. Some of these are nothing. Yeah. Some of these are goofy, which I have a tangent I want to talk about in a second. Some of these are deeply, deeply distressing to me. Yes. Yes yes they are yeah

it's impressive it's impressive side note though mark are you on the tiktoks i am on the tiktoks yes did you know that your old and or current outro music is having a weird resurgence on tiktok what the one that's like the the like one that was what was that from from the penis game or something i don't remember penis game it's like your classic outro music that's like the accordion oh oh yeah yeah uh crazy la paint yes oh my god that is having like a resurgence on tiktok but some people are using it not in relation to you but there's like a weird mix of people like dancing there's a specific dance to it and some of them are like like i saw this dude who is like doing this dance every day until markiplier replies and it's your music and he's like bouncing up and down doing a specific dance and some of them are

just like my dog when he sees me do it's like unrelated to markiplier it's a weird mix of stuff that's the one you're yeah this is the one i don't know this is just a tiktok that says sound of our childhood and just doing a weird dance i yeah the dance where they they bounce back and forth and the arms go up and down dance yeah it's creeps me out because i know that music pretty well but it's weird i can't tell if you're like it like in the zeitgeist now or what i don't know man like for some reason i don't know what it is but my face is memeable for some people but this is like a step beyond that this isn't even i don't even know if this is in relation to me i don't think it is or maybe the reason that it's picking up is like some people made it maybe not in

association with my channel but then people pick it up because like hey i know that song which is not my song it's made by mini music man i link it at the bottom of every one of my videos so credit where credit is due i did not make that song it's something about the childhood you said that you know people that were eight or nine years old that were like third graders yeah whenever we first started doing drunk minecraft back in the day are old enough to be graduating now yeah absolutely true that's how long we've been doing this yikes not distractible per se but like just doing stuff together yeah no i i see shit like that all the time i hate it when i don't hate it it's like it's just a little like strange when i'm browsing

reddit and i'll see my face pop up for no reason like recently there's this one uh photoshop that someone made of my face on buzz lightyear from i think the new buzz lightyear movie thing yeah uh and it just has like the german s thing there and it's just like i thought e died in like 2017 like i'm seeing it and it had like 80 000 upvotes i'm like what even what even is this like why does this exist i don't know i've been scrolling the subreddit oh yeah the subreddit right so it's like why is this so creepy is it because memes are like a familiar thing and to see them i've never really seen scary memes you know what i mean i've always thought i'm not an expert on this at all but a lot of the subreddit is those images where it's super grainy.

It's like, it's as if you're in a dark room and you're looking into the darkness and your brain or whatever, your eyes are like frantically trying to put things together. And like, I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but I don't like scary stuff. And I get easily freaked out by like being in a dark room, hearing a sound. Some of the scariest stuff that's ever happened to me was laying in bed. It's completely dark. I had on two different occasions, I had an auditory hallucination that sounded like it came from across the room. Just thinking about it now, my like, my eyes are welling with tears. One of them I specifically remember, I still don't understand because it

was a woman's voice. Yeah. It was not a woman's voice that I know. It wasn't like Mandy's voice or my voice. Well, I'm not a woman. My mom's, I was laying in bed that I know. It wasn't like Mandy's voice or my voice. Well, I'm not a woman. My mom's. I was laying in bed trying to sleep. It's like late at night. I'm super tired, but I can't sleep. I'm kind of an insomniac kind of person sometimes.

And I just hear from across the room, like, I think she said, hello, are you there? And I straight up thought someone had broke into my house because it was a full on like audio psychosomatic hallucination from my own brain. I did not sleep for two days. Like I got up. I walked over. I looked. I looked. Couldn't fucking.

Like it's that thing of like staring into the darkness and you see a little something move or you see a face. I feel like these memes are playing on that, right? Because it's something that's supposed to be funny. You're sitting and you're like little something move or you see a face i feel like these memes are playing on that right because it's something that's supposed to be funny you're sitting and you're like ah ha and then it progresses or it just is like a jump cut and your brain is like no yeah yeah i don't know there's something to me it connects to that yeah because that's the scariest shit to me yeah it's like there's such a trained expectation with memes it's like yeah this might be funny or might be stupid there's really not the expectation that memes it's like yeah this might be funny or might be stupid there's really not the expectation that it's going to be something uh terrifying or or just like plain old disturbing um so yeah no i think it's fantastic i really like them but what is that fear

that it brings up that i have not felt in a long time like i i know the feeling of like being creeped out by something but i haven't been forced to run out of room since i was a kid running up from the basement after turning the light out at the bottom like that's how i ran to bed that's what i did that's the worst oh did you have that friend or were you the guy who had your basement light was a pull cord in like the middle of the basement oh yeah and there was no other light to leave the basement you have to like pull the cord and then sprint through the darkness to get up the stairs that was literally the basement at uh my last house we filmed unison's videos down there where there's literally a pull cord at the bottom and you have to pull it oh gross yeah it's great i uh have had this weird

thing like the last month or two where i feel like there's someone living in like the attic or the walls of our house and like molly has like um a walk-in closet kind of thing because the whoever owned the house before us redid the bathroom upstairs and like made space for a walk-in and in that walk-in closet there's like one of those attic access points where it's like the wood panel just lays there and i swear one of the days it was like slightly unhinged and neither she or I have messed with it I think I don't think we could reach it without like a ladder that room's really high up for some reason in that closet but like there are nights where I'm like laying watching stuff on my tablet and we keep our bedroom door cracked open so the cat can run in and out and I remember we had like the Christmas tree on and I was watching

something on my tablet and so the lights from the Christmas tree downstairs were still like reflecting so I kind of see like the cracks of the door and something like passed by way taller than the cat would be and I like saw the shadow move past the crack of the door don't like that and that was after I already had the feeling that someone else was living in our house with us like in the walls or attic and just like my ability to fall asleep at night has been so impaired by that so we've got this from mark i'm curious where you land on this way mark already described if you were alone like in wade's situation and you saw that mark you saw something pass by the door or whatever you saw a shadow yeah from what you described i assume your reaction would be like whoop put the tablet down pull the covers tight like bedtime going to sleep ignoring that ignoring that is that fair or no actually ran in the other situation like you

didn't look back yeah i didn't hear anything or i didn't think it was purely based on a feeling right if i saw something outside my window i would pick up bed knife and go check and make sure you know what i mean but uh like i've heard noises in the night and I get up and check it. But it's something about that feeling of something specifically on the back of your neck. There's some psychosomatic thing that that is directly tied to a feeling of paranoia. And paranoia can be the same thing. But it's like there's something very specific of that. Like if I don't run right now now i am going to get eaten alive and it's probably primal probably very like rooted in biology but

man there's something about it so uh but if i saw something out the window i would go check it this one out the window this was a hallway outside the door but this thing is like anytime anyone's walking around there you can hear it there was no sound so obviously it was probably a trick of the light or something but love it in my brain it's like whatever it is it's not human well so what did you do wade uh at the time i was kind of warm so i had like a leg out from under the blanket and i was sitting there like looking at my tablet so what i did was i immediately put my leg under the blanket and like pulled the covers up closer over my shoulders laid on my side like watching my tablet but i had an eye like looking at that doorway the whole time

like just in case i saw movement again in which case my plan was throw my tablet at them and charge and hope i can take whatever it is out before it can kill me i like it my plan if i get invaded is like to play on people's like reactions it's like throw something high up at them to where they like they think they have to catch it long enough to distract them where hopefully I can like bulldoze into them and then scrum for a fight. Yeah. My personal response, like when I had the auditory thing, the hallucination and I'm, I'm an investigator.

There have been so many nights where it's like middle of the night, Mandy's been asleep for hours. I'm struggling to sleep. And I hear, you know, across the house, I hear like a door creak or something. I can't tell if it's worse when you hear a sound where, you know across the house i hear like a door creak or something i can't tell if it's worse when you hear a sound where you know it's like oh that means that door opened or closed but we're both in here or you hear a sound and you're like why does it sound like footsteps that's not right yeah i always investigate sounds i never investigate when i feel like i see

something is that weird oh i investigate everything if i see something if i feel my response is i'm like an angry old uh hillbilly like i'm i come out and i'm like get off my lawn what are you doing this is private property it's the middle of the night i'm not gonna yell but i have like it's kind of embarrassing i have gone you know i'll go and close the bedroom door and then i'm kind of like hey yeah i hear you yeah like just to see you know but like i'm the guy in like the horror movie who's like the first one to die because someone's like guys i saw i saw a creature and i'm like oh a creature huh i'll figure this out i'm like hey what are you doing i just i trust my ears a lot more than i trust my eyes so i feel like if i see something i'm just like okay i just imagine that but if i

hear something it's like no i heard something i don't know that's my reasoning you gotta figure out what it is, man. You got to investigate and you got to bring a weapon. You got to bring a heavy phone. I have the big iPhone, right? It's pretty heavy. If I really hopped this or hit someone with this, I'd hurt. Oh yeah.

I wouldn't do some damage. Oh yeah, absolutely. But there was this other situation that's kind of related to this where I was, I believe I was just finishing up a recording or something. And I was a step out of my office, you know, looking for Amy, probably seeing what she wanted for dinner or something like that. And I turn around because I hear her voice calling back to me and I turn around to the bedroom and I go towards the bedroom and I look in, lights are off. And I'm like, what'd you say? And you know, she says whatever she said

before. And I'm hearing it from the bedroom right in front of me. Definitely 100% there isn't a shadow of doubt in my mind that the voice is coming from in front of me. And then Amy calls to me from the other side of the house behind me asking what I said when she just responded to what I said in front of me. just responded to what I said in front of me and I literally just the shiver of cold runs through my body and my skin crawls because it wasn't so much that I even realized that something was weird or I thought of like that oh it's a like a cryptid a skinwalker or something like that it's just like it was such a sense of like that's not right and then I turn around and I see Amy all the way on the other side of the house as far away as she could possibly be and when she's talking I'm hearing her as if she is on the other side and I just like feel this

creeping sense behind me and I have to run over to her and I look her in the eye and I'm like were you just in the bedroom it's like she was like no I was not over here and I cannot explain to you because we tried her standing where she was when she spoke and i couldn't hear it from where it was it was just like i was convinced that there was another version of amy in that bedroom that was trying to lure me in and kill me or the amy that i'm talking to you right now is the skinwalker and i don't know if she's real so yeah no i had a similar phenomenon where i didn't hear molly talking but i was downstairs on the like on the main floor on the couch and like i heard her upstairs moving around like okay well she left her office sounds like she's getting ready to like go somewhere because it's not like she was walking around like in our

bedroom to our bathroom maybe like put on makeup or something and then all of a sudden i hear the garage door open and she walks in from the garage yeah that's uh it's not what you want and it's like the very clear pattern of like someone walking from her office to the bedroom is what i heard and then uh nope oh dude i'm alone in my basement right now this is this is not comfortable to talk about i know i'm i'm uneasy i'm very uneasy yeah i'm uneasy i mean what's the problem this is distressing it's a little distressing it's a little bit but hey it's probably fine can i tell you about my favorite cryptid that i've ever heard of yeah i don't know how widely known it is and it's got questionable sources right the whole idea of a cryptid is it's something that's not been proven

to exist definitively anyway but this one don't know but i just, I have to bring this up. Have you heard of the Oviedo Dick Monster? The what? The what? The Oviedo Dick Monster hails from Oviedo, Florida, just outside of Orlando. Oviedo with an E. I see. Yes, yes. I don't know how to pronounce that in Spanish or whatever.

I don't know. But this is a monster. It's seven feet tall maybe taller when it's fully erect anyway um and it's shaped like a seven plus foot tall penis but instead of balls on the bottom where they would you know sort of if it was pointing up it has two little legs it is supposedly seen in the same area which is an area near a river in oviedo which is kind of a spot where teenagers go to park their cars and smoke weed unrelated i'm sure it wasn't only seen by a bunch of stoners uh i'm sure it

was seen by totally sober people just the same uh but anyway it has a long and storied history sightings go back to 2015 as with many cryptids the story is sort of uh sort of all over the place but everyone agrees it's a big dick it's a big big old dick cryptid yes i've got a a related one to that the czechoslovakian dong wrangler so what the czechoslovakian dong wrangler first reported in the 1930s by a couple visiting a town i have no idea how to pronounce schneiderhoff wrangler wrangler wrangler the dong wrangler the creature is locally well known for its ability to wrangle multiple dongs at will there have been over 60 reported incidents of dong wrangling in

all over czechoslovakia someone said something stupid if you take every stupid random inane bullshit that we've said and turn it into a cryptid that's about the level of what that is there's a whole list of like ridiculous cryptids there's the japanese hairy fish which is a normal fish but it's four to five feet long with just human hair on its head well that actually sounds terrifying i actually don't like that veggie man who's just a person made of vegetables yeah you're looking at the same list i am with this picture of veggie man oh i think i found the veggie man picture yeah yeah i put a discord if you need help i see the oviedo dick monster on here the dong wrangler yeah oh the dick monster's on this list yeah

all right it's legit then it's legit all right it's legit yeah yeah the dong wrangler like is that a problem that they need that it sounds like a very helpful thing or unless it's bad unless it comes by with a lasso just like wrangles up all the dungs in the village and then everyone's infertile now no one they can't have no babies it's how czechoslovakia fell apart yeah well what what exactly happens when your dong gets wrangled is that is that damaging is that just sort of just wrangled is it just out of commission for a while i don't know i am unclear what that is to the extent that i might like a dong wrangle like what if it's a good thing i don't know you might enjoy it you might what if you go in for a little wrangle from time to time hey i've come for the wrangle and heard

it's good in these parts i don't know i love the first reply to this the first paragraph king of harmony says every time i start to disbelieve in the existence of creatures such as bigfoot and essie i just remind myself beings like the Oviedo dick monster, which make most of the classic cryptids look pretty plausible. Yeah, I feel like the type of cryptids that people talk about is like an interesting reflection of the time they're from. Like Nessie and Bigfoot are like old school, right? I don't know how far back the history goes for their existences.

The last century, at least. And so at that time, people were like, oh, it's a crazy lake monster. It's just like a big dinosaur or something. It's got this long neck. And fast forward to 2015 and people are like, it's a huge dick. It's an eight foot tall dick with legs for balls like man i can't tell that's more creative less creative i don't know it's just different now people are built differently than they were 150 years ago yeah you got that right is that

nessie nessie's face is just a hole and the head is oh oh no if nessie hadn't been discovered until this year someone's out at loch ness and is looking is like that's sticking out what's that something moving around in the water what is that is that a dick sticking out of the water is that a big water dick oh god it's such a deep lake look how long that dick monster's gotta be stay back honey what are you doing get back honey sorry dear i'm compelled it's so enticing i'm mesmerized sure sure it has hypnotic abilities all right i think you guys are making a mockery of the world of cryptids okay people work very hard to make sure that they're very scary i mean they discover an encounter and they have their families slaughtered by increasingly more dangerous cryptids.

What happened to your family? The dong wrangler got them. You don't know the pain they've been through. I'll get you, dong wranglers! Look, look, I can see that you're all not taking this seriously, so I shan't award another point until I get a scary

cryptid oh we've talked about the loveland frogman before if i bring that back up is that one scary no there was nothing scary about the frogman in the beginning actually you know it's kind of the thing where a lot of these cryptids i don't find all that scary from a conceptual just thinking about them situation whereas it's always and we know this about like scary things, it's always about what the mind conjures up of what it could do or how it could harm you or how it could get you. That always makes it scarier. And that's like the essence of horror is just the unknown.

So like kind of these really dry readings of some of these cryptids just make them seem too generic. Whereas I guess the counterpoint to that is the SCP archive with all of its is a very clinical reading. But somehow the way that they tell the story can make things really scary. It's the same thing with distressing memes. There's a common thread there with how the information is presented so that it's like presented in a way that is comforting at first and then becomes terrifying. Like with those memes,

you think they're going to be comforting and yet they're very not. That's what makes it distressing. Yeah, like if I read some of the stuff, it doesn't sound all that scary, but like if it was presented in a way where I was seeing the image, I was hearing someone recounting a story

of where like, I don't know, they were fishing and they had a fish on the line and they went to grab their net to pull the fish up and then the fish was gone and all they saw was this like six foot thick diameter scaly body like disappearing with like pointed things on the end of the tail and it's like what the hell is that that sounds horrifying whereas if you just tell me there's a giant sea snake it sounds a lot less terrifying than like that descriptive imagery yeah

i think that that makes a whole lot of difference because a lot of this doesn't sound scary but then i think about it it's like i saw some giant looking like ape man walking my backyard like in the dead of the night i hear my cat meow and it's like okay i'm gonna let the cat in and i turn on the light and i just see what looks like a giant gorilla dude like running away yeah yeah that'd be freaking yeah it'd be even scarier if you were in your second story bedroom and you leaned over and looked out the window and meeting you was a pair of giant eyes looking at you yeah and that's like giving the scale of bigfoot and also the fact that he is looking back at you and not running away it's like there's certain ways to like enhance it and that's why you

guys were getting creeped out talking about the creepy things that were going on and it's because you realize you're vulnerable alone. I realize right now that my back is turned to the door in my office. And I really don't know if there's something behind me. Like all the spaces I have to look. We have like a glass shower. You take a shower, like a steamy shower. And it's a glass gets all fogged up.

And it's like you think you see movement. Oh, I hate that. And you like go to rub the fog away. And you see two dongs disappearing down the sink drain the wrangler the dick monster is actually pursued by the wrangler and they're like an ouroboros of constantly wrangling and unwrangling this spiral of eternal dick and the yin and yang of our existence truly our lives are metriced the wing and wang of our existence

yeah there you go I'll give you two points for that I'll give you two points for that one for wing one for wang I guess the creepiest thing I talked about this before we started recording this episode is a couple weeks ago I was outside with the dogs and uh they were just like standing not sniffing or going potty or anything they were just standing on the sidewalk and Presley turns

around and looks at me then like looks up before he'd even done that I felt like something was watching me and like I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Like I felt that thing you were just talking about earlier. And like, I slowly turn around and I look up at like the side of the house and the roof and I see and hear nothing. But like that made it even worse. I was hoping there was at least like, I don't know, a giant spider or a bird or a bat or something.

There was just nothing. But he was just sitting there staring. Like he, it was like he could see something. He was staring at something in a place he never looked. And I felt like there was something there. Yeah there yeah oh yeah chica's done that before just staring off into a corner of darkness that wasn't yeah just there and nothing to it before but it makes you wonder what the hell she's seeing in the darkness yeah so mark you've played a lot of scary stuff you you do you do this a lot do you feel like what gives you that care on the back of your neck

feeling changed i mean you're less sensitive what gives you that care on the back of your neck feeling changed? I mean, you're less sensitive to maybe, you know, not so creative versions of scary stuff, but like, is it the same stuff that's always gotten you or is it changed as you've gotten older or had more experiences? So I feel like it's the same for me. I don't feel like I've changed, but I also don't subject myself to an excessive amount of scary media. I don't really like it. It is kind of the same thing, but I think the reason why some things aren't as scary as others anymore is just because I've seen all the tricks. So a game is the least scary to me when I kind of like can predict what it's about to do. And then it becomes routine. What scares me just as much as previous things

is, well, I mean, jump scares because they're surprising, but what really gets that tingling on the back of the neck, the feeling like something is standing behind you and you don't know what's happening is a game that can surprise me like that. And it can be even more scary because I can assume that something's gonna happen. And as soon as it changes, I'm completely off-put because I should be an expert in this.

And I'm just as scared as I was many years ago with my first games like uh like Amnesia the Dark Descent was a great example of that going through that game in the beginning I hadn't really played a lot of horror games and just going through the first few levels had this sense of I don't know what to expect all I know is that people play this game and run and scream because it's so scary so every moment of darkness was horrifying to me because I didn't want to go into it because I had no idea what was waiting for me in the darkness. Now I've played games enough. I know that generally like,

oh, this would be a good place to place a jump scare. Yeah, okay, there it is. Yeah, I knew that. Oh, I bet there's gonna be something behind me. And if there's not something behind me, I'll be like, it'll be there when I turn around. And then it's there when I turn around. But if it's not there when I turn around

and I expected it, then it's... Yeah, sometimes when they get you, it's like you turn around, there's nothing there. And you're like, huh. Then you turn back around and I expected it. Then it's- Yeah, sometimes when they get you, it's like you turn around, there's nothing there, and you're like, huh. Then you turn back around and then it's there. It's like back in front of you. It's always when you turn around.

I turned around. I turned around. Outlast, the original Outlast. I think it's a combination of not knowing what's coming, the darkness, and then like a claustrophobia feeling. Like any game that puts you like in a narrow hallway or like a basement or something or an outlast you're stuck in like the asylum and it's just like there's no way out outlast 2 i was able to play through because i was like outside it's like okay well

at least in a real situation i could run through this brush that i can't in the game but in real life i would run through that i don't care if it's thorny or what if there's something chasing me i'm out of there but the original outlast i recorded and i could only do one episode and then i had to like go watch something funny for like 30 or 40 minutes to like calm myself down like i could not play that game for more than like 15 minutes at a time and i would sit there and i think even in the episodes you can tell there are moments where i'm like looking at the clock like has it been 15 minutes i need to stop i can't keep going yeah no it's it's crazy how some of those things will get you way worse than anything else will like Bob.

You don't play too many scary games, but is there something that like you do on a regular basis that creeps you out? I mean, talks to us. I don't like to get scared. I avoid scary things. The big thing for me is dreams. I don't really have good dreams and I don't really remember most almost any of my dreams. I don't really have good dreams and I don't really remember most almost any of my dreams but like what is dreaming like for you because you you don't picture things like in your mind

but do you see things in dreams? I don't know if we talked about that before or not. The main thing about dreams uh if you've missed the episode where we talked about it listeners I don't see things in my imagination it's called aphantasia um but the main thing is it's like I wake up like I was just living something and I wake up and all I have is the emotion. And I guess it's my version of nightmares. It happens a fair amount where I wake up and I just have that like clutching in my chest feeling like I was being chased or like I was about to die or some crazy shit. And I just wake up and I just jolt awake with like, and like, usually it's in the middle of the night because I wake up a lot in the night, but that's not a specific thing, but it's like my own mind, you know?

I don't know. Yeah. Also the house we live in right now has like a crawl space house. So it's the floor is not on the ground. There's like a three or four foot tall space between the ground and that the floor is not on the ground. There's like a three or four foot tall space between the ground and the floor of our house itself. It makes the floor kind of echoey, right? So if I'm in like one side of the house right now,

I can hear Mandy. I'll hear like, oh, she walked to the kitchen. She walked back to the living room, whatever. But the floor doesn't care if you're a human or a dog and the dog walks around. She'll just go do stuff scares the shit out of me because i'll hear i'll like i'll hear like rumble rumble like okay mandy's in like the bedroom or something over on my side of the house and then also i'll hear the door slam she just

went outside and it's uh it's just a weird thing of the house it's kind of an old house and the floor is kind of like rumbly creaky but i'm a baby i get scared super easy i don't know if subjecting myself to a lot of scary stuff would help or would just make me you know a nervous wreck all the time but i haven't tried did phasmophobia scare you like playing that did that freak you out a lot oh i hate it like now that i'm kind of used to it i guess not as much but even still if i just get jump into a phasma match and use like the radio where you can talk and they'll talk back every time i get a response at least for a short time i get that like hair on my neck and i'm just like ah stop it i have um like bit horror sounds enables people to hear bits like play scary sounds and the worst is whenever you're using the spirit

box you're trying to listen for a response it's like where are you and then like someone will play like that i have like a foxy scare alert i have one that's molly scream molly scream is the one that stops my heart for a moment because it's like oh she had such a great scream though there's a horror reaction and i made it a notification noise but like that one literally stops my heart because it's like the sound of my wife in peril and just like i'll be like where are you and i'll hear like that scream because someone will just perfectly time to scare and that combination of like me listening intently for a response and then getting that that's still like no matter how many times that happens it like destroys me for a few moments every time but that like the game itself doesn't scare me too much as soon as i'm done playing the game i'm fine but like there's just certain

sounds or certain things that happen that like just trigger that response of like, I freeze in place for a minute. I remember one time when I was a kid, I think I was maybe like 14 or something. I woke up in the middle of the night and I looked up at the ceiling and I could swear that it was like moving. And that's like not too unusual. You wake up and you see in the darkness, it kind of like shifting stuff. But I had this like weird compulsion to get out of bed.

I literally left my room. I went across the hall and I went down the stairs and I stopped at the bottom of the stairs because when I turned around and looked into where the kitchen would be, there's kind of an arch there. I swear that I saw a shape standing there in the archway and I couldn't stop looking at this shape. It looked like a person. It had arms and legs and a body and a head, but I couldn't make out any of the details. And I was looking at it. I was moving around. I was getting creeped out, but I wasn't like fully scared of it. And it wasn't until I went back upstairs and grabbed a notebook. For some reason, I grabbed a notebook and a pen and I went down to the bottom of the stairs and I sat on the wall opposite of this archway to the side of the stairs, looking into the darkness because it was so hard to like coalesce this thing.

I couldn't tell if I was asleep deprived or something like that. So I actually sketched out what I saw on paper, like just scribbled outlines of it. And what I made just literally looked like the scribble shape of a person standing there. And I looked down at the paper. But when I looked back up at the archway, all of a sudden it was like solid matter.

There was just a solid black shape of a person standing there. It was just like rough, loose outline before it. It was like as convincingly real as I could possibly explain. There was just a dark shadow person standing there all of a sudden. And at that point, I felt the fear, the sudden like spear through my heart, stopping it, just being like, what the fuck

am I looking at? I couldn't move for like a minute, staring down this shadow shape. And eventually I managed to get up and go upstairs back to my room, close the door, and then literally spend the next hour staring at my door waiting for it to open and the shadow thing to kill me. But I don't know why, number one, I was compelled to draw it or why after I drew it, suddenly it became real. And this is in complete darkness, by the way. There was no lights on. So everything was like just that strained, like night vision that you have. Everything's like swirly shapes, middle of the night, no lights.

And just as soon as I drew it, it was a solid black right there. Complete shadow. But yeah, I think I was half asleep or something, but it was just like, it was weird. I can't explain it. I'm glad we record these earlier in the day because I don't think I could handle this late at night.

I'd be tucked under the sheets very tight. Why is that a thing? Why don't we feel more comfortable when we like wrap ourselves in sheets whenever we deal with shit like this? Because it's safer. Yeah. If you let your leg hang off the bed,

they can grab it. Oh, yeah. They'll get you. Mark. What? There's a cross post of you on the distressing memes reddit no with the lady dimitrescu body pillow or whatever that is uh-huh it's just you groping the pillow i don't know

all right link it in discord let me take a look at this yeah i want to see this i really uh want to see where you buy that body pillow it It was a gift. It was custom made, so I don't know where you could get it. But Amy got me a Lady Dimitrescu boob mouse pad. Oh, nice. Yeah. That's great. That's good stuff. That's good.

You're everywhere, man. I'm everywhere. Anyway, I have permanent chills on my back. Yeah, me too. The thing is, I can't stop scrolling this Reddit. I know, right? Like I hate it. The thing is, I don't know why it got put up on my front page,

because you can see there's only 34,000 people in this subreddit. There'll probably be more after this comes out. But like when I found it, there was like maybe 18,000. For some reason, Reddit pushed this subreddit to people. And I think it was just people like me up in the middle of the night looking at this shit and just creeping out there's something horrifying about the things that they are making here some of them are like nah it's not that scary but some of them are just yeah anyway all right but that's actually all the time we have for this episode i have to

wrap it up here so the spooks will cease for now until all of you listeners are going to go to the subreddit being like, it's not that bad. And then some of you be like, it's not that bad. Or in some of you are going to be scarred like us. Thank you. It's scarring. That subreddit is scarring. That is a little scarring. Let me tabulate the points here, Bob. One for that, whatever I give you the points for you got two points and then one points and then two points bob your total is six there wade kicked it off strong with two points following up two points for something else uh one point one point and then two points for that great penis pun wing and wang which makes him eight which makes wade the winner it would

have been a tie without that wing and wang good to be on top baby well done well done wade damn uh congratulations would you like to say anything uh i'm the best i plan on kicking ass and taking names and you will all be better for having listened to me in the next episode all right that's great uh wade uh that was awesome bob i'm gonna give you a loser's opportunity to speak i don't like the creepy stuff i don't like how creepy it is creeps me out i'm never gonna sleep again and i'm mad at you for bringing this up all right well spoken but uh not well said so thank you and uh congratulations for losing thank you everybody at home for listening with your ears and being a part of this and just remember there definitely is not something standing behind you.

And if your back is against the wall, there's definitely not something looking at you from your window. And if you don't have a window in your room, there's definitely not something on your ceiling staring at you. So thank you. I don't like it. What? I don't like that either.

I don't either. That's bad. I'm mad at you. I'm mad at you. Follow this podcast for more great stories that we're going to tell you and more interesting things on the internet that we're going to bring to your attention, whether you like it or not. Find Wade at LordMinion77 on YouTube, Minion777 on Twitch, Bob Micecrum on Facebook, and Micecrum on YouTube.

Me, you can find me wherever. Thank you. Podcast out! More like look out behind you. Okay, you can find me wherever. Thank you. Podcast out! More like look out behind you. Okay, all right, we're done. All right, bye.