Distractible - Dangerous Coasters

Episode Date: October 18, 2021

The guys discuss crazy roller coasters and amusement park rides, plus describe what their hypothetical "Euthanasia Coaster" would consist of... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible, a Wood Elf production with your hosts, Maddening Mark, Wise Wade, and Baleful Bob. This week, the genial gents gloriously gas about calamitous corkscrews and faulty fail sense. Yes, it's time for Dangerous Coasters. Please prepare thy harness and enjoy the show. Hello, everybody, my name- I was just doing my own intro God, I'm such a fucking idiot You can do a let's play Man, I defaulted

That is so strange That's not a joke I literally just defaulted to my own intro Oh, man Hi, and welcome to Distractible A Wood Elf production This is a podcast where we bring interesting stories to the table from our own personal lives and the world around us. I am the judge, and I will be judging Bob and Wade's stories that they bring to the table.

Hi, Bob. Hi, Wade. Hello. Hey. And this week's episode is going to be a little bit of an interesting one. Oh? Not that all of our episodes aren't interesting. Oh, most of them suck ass. Yeah.

Hey. Well, you know what I'm talking about, listeners. Hey, come on. Yeah, you know. Nah. Don't be so mean about our podcast here. It's our baby. Uh-huh. Yeah. Anyway, besides us sucking ass or not, I wanted to bring something to you guys' attention. Have you ever heard of the euthanasia coaster?

Uh. Uh. Sorry, I choked on my own ears what that's a no for me boss have you ever heard of the euthanasia coaster i'll do no no i don't think so all right okay interesting if you start googling euthanasia that's like the seventh search result so i put a picture in the discord this is the hypothetical design of the euthanasia coaster is this a coaster intended to kill its riders oh absolutely okay good okay so the euthanasia coaster is a hypothetical steel roller coaster designed to kill its passengers it was designed in 2010 and made into a scale model in lithuania by Lithuanian artist Julijonas Urbanus,

a PhD candidate at the Royal College Art of London. What a name. I know, right? Urbanus, who has worked at an amusement park, stated that the goal of his concept coaster is to take lives with elegance and euphoria. As for practical applications of his design, Urbonus mentioned euthanasia, or execution. John Allen, who served as president of the

Philadelphia Toboggan Company, inspired Urbonus with his description of the ultimate rollercoaster as one that sends out 24 people and they all come back dead. Well, so describe this image to all of you guys if you're not looking it up or can't right now. There's a hill that goes pretty much straight up.

Not exactly, but pretty much straight up. Comes to a nice, like, pinky finger point. And then drops pretty much straight down into, I think it's seven loops. Seven loops. Seven loops. Each one getting smaller than the last. Yeah. Decreasing size, I assume, so that you either maintain speed or accelerate.

Yeah. Because as the loops progress, you maintain your velocity by shrinking the diameter of the loop because of physics. Yeah, exactly. I imagine the loops are supposed to eventually kill you, but I think it's all a lie. I think that part's all fine. No, no, no. What ends up happening is after all the loops, the track just ends. I think you drop and fall to your death at that point.

loops the track just ends i think you drop and fall to your death at that point yeah i mean i don't want to take anything away from uh julie jonas or bonus doctor julie jonas i presume at this point in time probably yeah i'm pretty sure this coaster was already designed by every nine year old who's ever played roller coaster tycoon It may not have the exact same number of loops and elegance that Dr. Urbanus was going for. I'm like 90% sure I made the euthanasia coaster. And I called it, you know, like the Death Express or something. Yeah, I know.

Well, yeah, what you would do is you would ramp it and you'd have your passengers ramp off and go into like the neighboring park or out of your park. And that way, if know. Yeah, what you would do is you would ramp it, and you'd have your passengers ramp off and go into the neighboring park or out of your park, and that way if they were unhappy, they would just explode over there. Yeah, exactly. They're just ejected. Yeah. Solve two problems.

Or you pick them up off the roller coaster and you drown them in the lake. Cool. The preferred method of getting rid of unruly passengers, yes. How do you get your ratings up? How do you think we get our community ratings up? I know, right? Yeah. unruly passengers yes how do you get your ratings up how do you think we get our community ratings i know right yeah so the thing about this design is it has a 500 meter drop so it's 1600 feet of pure drop and the point of that is to get you to near terminal velocity at 220 miles per hour so the actual drop doesn't kill you i bet the drop would be hellaciously fun it's the inversions

that kill you because it kills you by prolonged cerebral hypoxia, or insufficient supply of oxygen to the brain. The ride's seven inversions would inflict 10 Gs of force on its passengers for 60 seconds straight, causing G-force-related symptoms starting with grayout through tunnel vision to blackout, and eventually G-lock, which is G-force-induced loss of consciousness. Subsequ subsequent inversions or another run of the coaster would serve as an insurance agent against unintentional survival of more robust passengers the coaster gets back to the station and two of the 24 passengers are

alive and they're like oh my god we're back we made it back the guy's like going again some of them survived i didn't even stop in the station just right back to click click click click click how many meters high was this 500 is the drop 500 meter drop which is 1600 feet okay in comparison at king's island the tallest coaster i could think of there is Diamondback. And I think its biggest hill is 70 meters. That's a lot higher. That's tall. Yeah. No, this is a big one.

This is a big boy. That's a tall drop. I just want to say the Wikipedia that I'm looking at says that the duration of this coaster is three minutes and 20 seconds. Yeah. So that means that for approximately, I don't know, three minutes, you're just going up this unbelievably huge hill yeah and then you die in the last 20 seconds when you reach terminal velocity and then go through seven loops at the speed of sound yeah yeah man i just imagine you you passed out from it but you didn't die and then you wake up like at the top of the hill again so you're like oh my god click click

yeah but anyway the reason i bring this up is because this coaster well i guess okay is it is it unsafe it's not good for you but it's specifically designed to be bad so i don't know if that makes it unsafe i feel like that bro just one of the questions that i immediately had about this yeah is this a coaster designed to kill unwitting passengers in a theoretical experience of you know maybe you'll survive this is like the ultimate thrill ride yeah or is this a coaster where it's like your new options on death row are lethal injection uh electric chair which i don't think they do anymore or euthanasia coaster and who is not picking euthanasia coaster if that's one of your options i know right yeah you know executed by the state or whatever i think this is supposed to be like

a futurama style suicide booth you know you just step in you press a button but this is like a roller coaster if you're gonna go out like i guess it's gonna be a good time however i think i would qualify this as unsafe to life but it is designed to be unsafe and i want you guys to tell me stories that you find on the internet experiences in your personal life of the most unsafe roller coaster amusement park ride carnival ride any experience that you've had on any type of moving vehicle that was intended for entertainment that was the least safe experience you ever had in your life we all had son of beast remember son of Beast at Kings Island? I do remember Son of Beast. I'll give you some time to think

about it because we have to take a moment to thank our sponsor. Alright, then we'll have to break it down to titles to decide who goes first. Please attribute some titles to your prompts and I will decide who goes first. Please attribute some titles to your prompts and I will decide who goes first. My title is A Kid Got Decapitated. That's pretty good.

I can't really compete with it. I was just going to call mine Our Hometown Horror. I mean, that's a pretty good title. I feel like Bob is just the start of an anecdote. Like, hey man, this kid got decapitated which obviously i want to hear about like it's morbid but you know absolutely 100 bob i'm gonna give you a point for uh that title i'm going first all right i'll take it all right i'll take it so listeners may already be know where this is going and be pretty excited about it and if you

haven't seen the documentary it's absolutely worth checking out. It's on Netflix, I think. I love that decapitated child is like, you guys are probably excited about this. No, it's great. It's great stuff. Have you heard of Action Park? No, actually, I don't think so.

I have, yes. I have not seen a documentary about it. There's a documentary. I think it's on Netflix, and I'm pretty sure it's on netflix and i'm pretty sure it's about action park i think it's called like lawsuit park or class action park or something like that basically oh my god i'm seeing a picture i i think i have heard about this but i'm not going to steal the thunder anyway yeah you you carry on basically this park is in

new jersey this is my rough recollection so and i'm sort of researching sort of reading but it was basically run by a guy who looked at other like you know theme parks and it was primarily a water park i believe they added other stuff as time went on and this guy was just like i i got ideas you guys want fun rides i got some thoughts and he just sort of invented shit i mean these are always dangerous one of the most notorious parts was it had this huge wave pool which was apparently commonly referred to as the grave pool um in 1982 oh my computer hang on oh shut the fuck up i'm good continue okay uh in 1982 1984 and 1987 people died by drowning in the wave pool there were 12 lifeguards patrolling the edges at all times constantly

pulling people out and still it was basically impossible to see what was going on but like wave pools are pretty dangerous oh yeah absolutely the thing where you make waves on purpose and it's you know people slosh around. It's a whole thing. One of my personal favorites is the guy who owned the park wanted to have and did invent a water slide with a loop in it. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Which if you understand physics, friction,

how fast water slides go, anything, you basically understand like, that's not really a good achievable goal yeah on top of the issue of if you don't happen to go all the way around the loop you're gonna break some bones because you're gonna fall face first anyway uh the story goes that he just was like yeah i want to like a loop slide and just built it right bought some parts made a slide with a loop in it apparently he paid the kids that like were lifeguards and worked at the park and stuff he paid them cash out of pocket to test his death rides and there are stories i in the in the documentary there are stories where the now

adults were like yeah yeah you know he gave us like 20 bucks and he was like hey ride this loop slide a couple times and I went down at the first time and I only made it halfway up the loop I fell backwards head first back down the back side of it and then I was trapped in the slide uh and I had to crawl out and then I went down it again and I they turned the jets up i went faster and i made it almost over the top and i got to the top of the loop and fell onto the bottom side of the top part of the loop and smashed my face up and and you know my nose started bleeding and but then i made it around the other side so at least i got out the end of that one oh wow that's amazing but yeah this park was staffed by like teenagers and he would just pay them yeah you know like hey here's 20 bucks go jump off this cliff

and see if you live speaking of this wade look at the pictures that i just put in i did not know this about this loop i've heard about the loop i look at where it spilled out to that's not even a pool that's just a tarp that they put on the ground your water slide that ends in a slip and slide That's way too short for it. You make it over this loop and you crawl out onto a tarp So at least they can get your blood Yeah, you need to be able to hose off the landing pad because there's gonna be a lot of injuries and blood and stuff This is like a kid goes in and just blood shoots out the end of it just because like a blender like Gushes it's just a wood chipper you put some bodies and it's

Clean there for you. Yeah, it's lovely. What's that? Just a guy standing near like a wooden plank with a hose. Oh, yeah He's just watching Why is there what is that by the tarp? Please tell me it's not just a two by four sitting by the tarp that's like the pad once you get up and and reset your dislocated elbows you walk on that so you don't get muddy feet it's a luxury it's a luxury right this whole park is a luxury the other thing i gotta point out is look at the person standing there and then look at the size of the tube that guy looks like he would just get stuck in there oh yeah no the loop is easily like 20 feet in the air and the tube is such a small diameter that

it's not a large fall if you get stuck in the top but like you basically just rattle around like you're a marble in a marble shoot right yeah i feel like you have to be very very skinny if you're like over the age of 13 and you get in this thing even the kid i didn't even notice the kid standing there even the kid looks big compared to the diameter of this tube oh yeah no wow yeah the kid it's like half that kid's width another favorite thing about this park that i love they at some point across the highway they opened a part of this park called motor world and i'm sure you can imagine like okay cool like what like go karts and maybe bumper boats sure sure well they had they didn't just have go karts they

had for some reason a ride that was called super go karts uh while most standard karts are capped off at 20 miles an hour they have like a governor on them so they can't go too fast yeah it was either the people that ran the park or the teens that worked at the park figured out how to get rid of that and their go-karts could go up to 50 miles an hour and literally people are at this park drinking all day in the sun slamming beers going down water slides and then driving go-karts that can go over twice their safe speed. Classic. They have an attraction in Motor World called Battle Tanks, which just sounds like a safe thing to be doing.

That one doesn't actually have any hilarious stories of people getting maimed or serious, but you're just sitting in a thing shooting tennis balls out of an air can at each other. You know people got hit in the face all the time. So the thing that I te teased the decapitation yes that circles back to the um water park i'm trying to find the specific thing basically they tried to make like an incredibly steep fast slide that's what i'm recalling it was originally

designed to just be like incredibly steep fast open top slide you lay down put your arms behind your head cross your feet and you just go down really fast they started having problems with people um lifting up off the slide this is too steep the water slide is essentially hydroplaning right so you're floating on the water kind of you skid right off if it's too sleepy there's nothing holding you on the slide and um what they eventually did to try and solve this was to put like a cage over the top of the slide oh no yeah you can kind of see where this is going oh no and this cage was just like a metal like fence it wasn't slippery or water slidey or particularly safe and uh yeah i can't find what

i'm specifically referencing which is making me afraid that i'm remembering this incorrectly but that was one that caused a serious injury i believe it was a partial decapitation but it caused a fatality yeah which uh is obviously serious and horrific but this place existed for a long time yeah this place was open in some capacity from 1978 to 1996 and like can i just say our parents generation and i don't know where the lines are but like gen xers i guess people that are older than us at at about 30 years old you guys lived in a different fucking world this park is maybe the most extreme example i've ever seen but it's emblematic of like my dad has stories of being a kid where he was like yeah we used to hang out in the neighborhood you know we were when we ride bikes and stuff we get kind of bored and uh we do stuff like uh like bike jousting you know just

yeah you just get you get a couple big sticks you line a couple kids up on the bikes and you just like joust at each other and like i feel like they probably did that and then you know someone got hurt or what it was dinner time they ran home and mom and dad were like oh what were you doing we're playing with the kids and they're like yeah we bike jousted and they're probably like oh well be careful that sounds fun if i as a kin had come home for dinner with like scraped up elbows or a cut on my face or something yeah my parents were like what do you do i've been like bike jousting they would have been like no the fuck you are not whose idea was that who told you to bike joust i am gonna talk to jason's parent like it's like a different world yeah our parents didn't know what bicycle helmets were when they were kids riding

bikes around and my parents beat it into me anytime i went out they're like you better wear your helmet yeah bear your goddamn helmet yeah i know you're grounded mister like yeah i don't know how they survived and i don't know if that's better or worse for us. Did that make me soft? Am I soft? No, I don't think they did survive. I think it was just like an accepted casualties of being a kid. It's just like you sometimes your kid just gets hurt. And, you know, that's like me and my brother.

I told this story before jumping off the stairs. That's just like we find ways to have fun. But usually having fun as a kid when you don't have like video games or something like that is you jump off of things. So I jump off of my play set so i jump off of my play set i jump off of the stairs i jump off of a tree i like jumping it's fun till i smash my head open and then i stop jumping off of things well i guess you learned your lesson i sure did anyway bob two points for your uh wonderful action park tale uh wade what do you have for us well it's not an entire theme park worth of bad, but here in Cincinnati at Kings Island, we have a ride that's been around for a long time called The Beast,

which is a wooden roller coaster. I think it's one of the longest wooden roller coasters or the longest world roller coaster. And in the, I think, early 2000s, mid-2000s, 2003-ish probably, they opened up a companion wooden roller coaster. And I say companion because I title it like the same. It was Son of Beast. And Son of beast was the world's tallest fastest only looping wooden roller coaster i think that's how it was always advertised to us yeah i remember like eating all

that up and uh it had some issues i remember do you did you guys ever ride son of beast i did yes i did not okay i did a few times and i never really liked writing it it was cool but it was so like shaky the whole i remember writing it the whole time writing it i remember just being like and it wasn't necessarily the loop that got me though i think later they removed the loop because it was causing some issues like some wood split and caused people to actually physically get hurt nothing like decapitation or anything i don't think anybody died on son of b but i remember at one point you would like be going down a hill and then there were i don't know what they're called but it's like the circular banks where you just like you're not going up upside down or anything but

you're just going in a circle like in a side like you know horizontal loops or something those are called uh twisty dudes oh the twisty dudes yeah twisty dudes yeah i remember going through those twisty dudes and like i remember my chest shaking like so violently that i would like hold on a certain way to try to like stop myself from moving and i'm pretty sure someone actually broke a sternum riding that ride i don't know what part of it happened but i think that's something that i remember hearing about whether or not it's true i don't know but i remember hearing about these things and dude i would not doubt it so let me see uh a slight dip in the track created a pothole effect that caused people to get hurt back in 2006 and then that did not reopen for the rest of that year at one point

they took out the loop and reopened it and then i think somebody claimed that they burst a blood vessel in their head and that's what caused the ride to shut down like after 2009 it never came back i'm pretty sure but they were like over over the three or four year period i remember hearing just a lot of different people getting hurt on it and i think i rode the thing despite that like three or four times like oh they fixed it they wouldn't let us on if it wasn't safe that's probably the same thing about the park you would have action park everyone's probably like ah they wouldn't let us on if it wasn't safe you know stuff happens must have been their fault i don't know man i think that's generational because that's how i feel but the interviews in that in the documentary thing or

whatever the the special on it all the people were like oh yeah i had a friend who died it's fine though i mean you know it's just a water park yeah they did not give a shit but that is i will say wooden coasters so this is a wooden coaster this son of beast has particularly had or it doesn't exist anymore but it had particular problems and was i think worse than average for wooden coasters but people who like wooden coasters are crazy and wooden coasters even good smooth quote unquote ones yeah are really violent yeah no yeah like even the beast is shaky as hell the first time i rode the beast that was like the first really big wooden coaster i've ridden and i got off and I was like, holy fuck, everything hurts.

And like some guy next to me was like, I know, right? Don't you love wooden coasters? How they shake you? No. No, I don't like feeling like I just got the shit kicked out of me after trying to do something fun. Yeah. It's funny about wooden roller coasters. I just put a picture of the Son of Beast after the loop got removed.

And if you've ever played like a bridge Constructure game where you got to get a vehicle over a gap and you got to build the pieces Wooden roller coasters generally look like this But the son of beast especially looks like someone just put every single wood plank in every single Vertice that they could and connected into every single other plank possible throughout the whole ride It looks like it's held up by toothpicks, and it practically is. And that's the thing about wooden roller coasters, they have to go through every day and for hours re-tighten all the bolts because all that shaking that Bob was talking about shakes the bolts loose. So every day if they don't crank the bolts, the whole thing is shake apart.

Like legitimately the whole thing would just fall to pieces because they forgot that one bolt to screw and then the whole section falls to pieces and everyone dies that's the charm of wood i'm pretty sure it's that back right section that's the whirly do whatever twisty do that's a big twisty do yeah look at that twisty do i've never been able to tell because like you're saying mark wooden coasters always kind of look like this where there's like the trackway at the top and then it's like a huge house of cards of twigs of wood under i can't tell if that exists and like if one plank were to be removed it would fall like a house of cards collapsing into nothing or if the point of that is like oh yeah half that shit could fall off and it would be fine.

It's just a lot of extra support and stuff. But it kind of looks like if you pulled the wrong two by four out of there, the whole thing would just like those popsicle stick tension things. You pull the end and they're just like. And so I remember writing. I remember the feeling of like my story i remember like holding my chest at certain points and like this is as a dude i remember like uh god i can't remember who i was dating at the time i remember writing this with a couple of different friends and girlfriends and i remember them like holding their chest too because like it was just such a violent

shaking at certain points that like you just i don't know probably not very pleasant the loop i don't remember the loop being a problem i don't know why they got rid of the loop before they ended up shutting it down. Wasn't the loop made of primarily metal? Yeah, that one they couldn't do out of wood. Oh, yeah. Which seems like a lie to me. Yeah. If you're going to market it as the world's only looping wooden coaster.

Yeah. It's a wooden coaster with a metal loop in it. Yeah. It's not impressive to me. Yeah, it's kind of telling when you're like, yeah, let's make a wooden looping roller coaster. And the engineer's like, it's impossible to make a wooden loop. Ah Interesting Yeah, well that's son of beast that's the only one I know of at Kings Island

It was I'm sure there were other things that were problematic. That's the one in our lifetimes I've actually rode that they ended up shutting down after like a pretty short run But there's another park not too far from us here in Cincy down in Kentucky, Six Flags. And I don't know if you guys remember the Superman Tower incident at Six Flags. No. Nope. There was a cable that snapped on this tower. It was like a drop tower.

And the cable snapped. And I think only one person was hurt. But it fully just cut off her foot. It amputated her foot oh well you know what i do remember that yeah it was like a high tension big thick steel cable right and it snapped and did the whole like this ride was older than son of beast this ride opened i think in the mid 90s whereas son of beast opened like early 2000s 2007 i think is when this happened it was right around the same time son of beast was shut down it's like son of beast had just reopened and then this happened i think it was like a teenager like

a 13 15 year old kid something like that was just riding cable snapped on the way down and just oh here's a quote people on the ride just came and hit the ground when i got up there the lady she was just sitting there she didn't have no legs she was just there calm probably in shock from everything thanks kentucky you think about it though this happened and even like the son of beast and other things happen and it's like you're mid-ride sometimes when this shit goes wrong and it's like you have to finish out the ride and then get help oh that's funny well at least it's fun okay all right we've heard the genius of others oh bob did you have some i i just for the sake of journalistic integrity i do have to issue a correction okay i misremembered the story i was telling about the decapitation is apparently on a water slide called felrucht which is crazy

in german which was opened at schlitterbahn water park in kansas city it was a different park that was an action park so that was unrelated to action park it just sounds like a thing that should be at action park yeah no it fit right in but that's uh i do have to i feel like i have to issue that correction all right i'm sure there were lots of people out there raging absolutely i'll deduct a point for the original error but i'll give you a point for the correction thank you so you're net zero there are apparently six confirmed fatalities directly or indirectly from action park that are noted no i bet i bet all right but we've heard the genius of others in terms of their incredible roller coaster designs now i want to hear from you guys how you guys would make the

most dangerous ride. Whether it's a water ride, whether it's a roller coaster, whether it's a new ride that our human imaginations have never come up with before. How would you maim, destroy, or create the most unsafe experience that skirts the line of death but does not cross it? I want any and all potential designs for roller coasters that we could muster okay you know how there's like those amphibious apcs that can drive on land but then they can also like go into the water and be boats too i love where this is going okay so we start off with your terminal velocity coaster and instead of having like a train you have like individual cars and instead of going up a secondary hill it launches off toward like just a big body of water okay so you go down full speed

you launch off into a big body of water where you have like mechanical sharks and alligators crocodiles that actually do try to kill you and eat your boat sure and as you're going around you go through you know like the they call it scrambled eggs the little spinny thingamajiggy sure yeah okay so you're kind of funneled into a single boat sized little path on the water Assuming you survived thus far and then eventually you come to a point where you latch on This thing like latches on to your boat and then just starts spinning But it just doesn't slow down it increases increases increases in speed right until eventually the person is launched off and maybe they hit a target And get to live but more than likely they don't

And maybe they hit a target and get to live, but more than likely they don't. So there's a net at the end. There's like a net at the end, and then there's maybe like a spike pit all around it. Have you ever seen the thing of the catapult? The guy who catapulted across and landed in a net, but I think he missed one time and died. It was like net, catapult net. I'm sure. I've seen the guy who skydived with no parachute into a net yeah that was crazy that guy also practiced like a thousand times before he did it which is like

even if i did a thousand times i'd be like maybe one more just for safety hang on some things i just don't know how you practice without just ending up dead from fucking up the practice part i mean uh i think he had a parachute on the practice. I think that's how he did it. Just don't mess up Yeah, exactly. Don't mess up man. Don't mess up. All right, wait point for creativity there. All right, Bob you guys I have one I have one. Okay, cool. Okay, so this is a roller coaster type ride and it's There needs to be some sort of you know clever name i've not quite worked that out yet but basically you can only single rider queue for this there's no groups and you have to be strangers all the single riders even if you if you single ride next to a bunch of friends you're

split up the premise is that you and a stranger are put into one car okay and the coaster is one car at a time one of the riders is facing forward in the direction you're going to be traveling and one of them is facing backward but the one that's facing backward and can't see anything has either a lever or buttons they basically have a way to make a decision left or right right yeah and so there's the person going forward can see. Yeah. But there's a series of gates and it's randomized, right? So you can't just memorize like, oh, you do this and this and that. There's a series of gates that split off into different like looping parts.

Yeah. And basically, if you don't make the right decision, you can be stuck on this ride until you get incredibly sick and or die of the immense g-forces right right and like you know maybe there's one where there's this huge loop that imparts heavy g's you know so it's teamwork right you have to work with the stranger yeah the person in the front has to look there's puzzles like easy puzzles but like you know like riddles or like visual puzzles something person in the front has to look ahead and discern at each junction whether you need to turn whether it's activated or not and then which way you need to turn and then communicate

that to the person sitting behind them who has the lever yeah and decides where they go and it's you know it's one of those things where it's a lot of little things right puzzles might be not so hard but maybe this person is bad at puzzles yeah you have to communicate with the person who's facing in a different direction from you yeah so you can't just say go left who's left right yeah exactly you have to like suss out how you're going to communicate it's a it's like a trust building humanity testing exercise of you you two better work together and figure your shit out or you're going to be on this ride until you die yeah i love the idea of like two people who don't know each other and their lives are in both of their hands and the guy in the front has to tell the guy in

the back but maybe it's a situation where he's trying to get the other guy killed like you know they have to be like hey maybe i go maybe go that way it's like it's turning and spinning faster and faster as it goes along i just i fucking love that yeah my ride by the way was called triathlon all right that's a good name why try why reference triathlon because there's three different segments it's pretty good okay because you have the the roller coaster part the water part and the spinning part it's like three different sections and then you're launched okay yeah bob's story inspired me though we need to make a jigsaw or saw style theme and i don't think i need to go into too vivid a detail because everyone's probably at least seen or heard of the first couple of movies and there's like 10 of them now you know that that's

a great way to kill your guests i mean i think it's i think yeah this is kind of what it's gravitating towards it's like is this amusement park that people go to specifically to die or is this like an action park extreme which if you made an action park extreme people would definitely go to action park extreme because honestly like i think this is just if bill gates was a serial killer i mean i think he could do better than that i have to say yeah i think he could do better yeah exactly and you don't need to have a have a serial killer in charge of this you just need like no regulations and just like completely free market yourself a theme park with no liabilities. Like have everyone sign a waiver before they go in.

Bob, as someone that went through law school, can you sign a waiver that's like, I may actually just fucking die because this place is not safe. And then will that hold up? I mean, yes, in theory, as far as I understand it. The issue is not whether the waiver is valid. The issue is whether the risk is fully communicated, I think, probably.

Because there's probably places that you can go where it's like, ah, it's so extreme. You've got to sign this waiver. And the waiver is like, I waive all right to sue this theme park in case of bodily injury or whatever. And it's kind of like people will see that and be like ah cool that's a gimmick right like i'm not actually gonna die yeah but if someone was very specifically instructed like every person who did this was sat down and a very serious

person like a lawyer type person or whatever sat down it was like some of these rides have a high probability of killing you like your chance of dying if you go to the park and ride every single ride one time is approximately you know 60 yeah it's super dangerous you have to know when you sign this waiver you're actually more likely to not survive than to survive this visit to the park if you still want to visit the park sign this waiver because you can basically you can waive any right you want as an individual if there was some if i mean maybe this is extreme because it's murder but if there was something that was like definitely going to kill you zero percent chance of survival but you

were absolutely dead set on doing it and it you know it's like a service operated by one of these parks or something theoretically i think you could waive liability and just say like i know the risk and i'm cool with that yeah so we could build jigsaw park and just tell people like we'll call the park you will die if you come here park and then make them sign a waiver it says you are going to die yeah and that's fine i mean kind of the issue is always there's gonna be one person that dies and their mom is like oh he didn't know you didn't look at this material this isn't serious this is like a gimmick this is illegal you essentially tricked my son into into doing something incredibly dangerous this waiver should be voided yeah and i should be allowed to sue you

for the wrongful death of my son or whatever something like that like that's just bound to happen that's why people don't do stuff that kills a lot of people ignoring the morality oh that's boring no i think you sign the waiver and then to show you're committed you have to cut off your own arm with an axe before you can walk in that way they know you know the risk you're about to go into of well not even risk just guaranteed death you know would be the ultimate escape room it's all no if you rebuild the titanic and you tell people we're gonna go hit a iceberg and you're randomly assigned you pick your difficulty by how low in the deck you want to start out in you can't start but escaping until

you hit the iceberg yeah easy mode is just like i'm gonna be a first class women and children uh yeah exactly they give you they give you a wig give you a lollipop and like one of those hats with a spinny fan on the top of it all right you're a kid all right you're gonna have a great time in this one i'm guy who overslept and missed the boat trip ah okay you're an immigrant in the very bottom row okay cool you go like good luck damn it i drew captain oh man your reward if you make it out is you get the jack experience you get the fuck in a car at the at the end right right some percentage of the people are just everyone's floating in the water there's a

bunch of people on doors and a bunch of people in the water holding the door and you just hear as like a huge echo like never let go jack never let go fantasy fulfilled man i wanted to freeze to death and or drown. There's some guy that's like, say the line. We won't rescue you until you say the line. Don't let go. Please don't let go. There was no please.

God, there's a whole line of escape rooms based on historical tragedies. We could do the Hindenburg escape room. Oh, my. That's not, there's no escape room. Well, not yet. You could be the first. Wow. That thing went up in like 30 seconds. I know, that's not, there's no escape room. Well, not yet. You can be the first. Wow. That thing went up in like 30 seconds. I know, right?

It's terrifying. I can't wait through the Chernobyl escape room. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. That means Jesus. God. I'm going to give you a point for Chernobyl escape room.

I love the idea of the Chernobyl. I don't think I want you got it man you got it man oh there's so many tragedies that you can make an escape room that would be terrible i'm gonna stop myself before i end up canceling our program that's wrong that's just wrong all right is it wrong is it wrong it is okay you're right no you know what this discussion has sparked for me uh-huh amusement parks with big roller coasters and stuff generally i feel fairly safe when i've gone you know they're big they have lots of like staff members and maintenance people and stuff have you guys ever gone to like a carnival or like a county fair those rides man oh man this is a great point and i'll give you a point because that reminds me did Or like a county fair. Those rides, man. Oh man, this is a great point.

And I'll give you a point because that reminds me, did you see the video of the people that had to run and grab on to the ride because it was about to tip over? It was like a carnival or something in Michigan, I feel like. It was one of those rides where people sit on like a row of chairs and then a big arm rotates the people seated in these chairs as like a big spinning clock thing. Oh, the one that like lifts up and spins? Yeah, exactly.

I'm putting a picture in the Discord of it. It's going and it just starts to wobble. One, that's my absolute nightmare at places like that. Oh, yeah. Two, the bystander's reaction as this thing starts wobbling is quick climb on it if i saw that i would have a moment of like oh my god those people are in so much danger yeah oh but that's a multi-ton steel machine swinging a multi-ton arm i would go further away from it if it was me if i'm 100 honest and there's like a dozen people who are just like ah wig it down so it doesn't fall over our several hundred pounds of weight will stop this hey i mean

which it does it does but holy shit yeah no i love that the idea though is you know someone has been in an experience like that before and that's why their first sense i was like oh yeah we'll hold it down come on guys let's go like i just i love the application of physics and the human brain because it could have easily just been like it weighed it the other way too much and then the wobble like constructively propagated and then it fell over on top of everyone holding everything like it could have done that yeah no looking at the video it's listeners you may have seen this video but if you Google people jumping on a carnival ride to keep it from falling over or something, to me, it looks like it's going to fall over towards the people from the beginning.

When they start climbing on the front, the first time I watch it, my brain is like, no, it's the other way, guys. Yeah, yeah. Oh, God. It totally works, though. And I can't imagine. But have you ever been on a carnival ride? I love the tilt to whirl.

I love the scrambler. These ones where you sort of just basically get flung around like side to side or you spin a little bit yeah have you ever been on one of those and part of it just didn't work and nobody gave a fuck there was one time i've always been like a big dude right so i don't fit in everything quite right and there's one time where i was getting on this ride i think it's called a scrambler it's one where you sit on like a bench and it's sort of the bench you're on spins and it's on a bigger thing that's also spinning and you sort of just zoom back and forth and spin around a little bit and i climbed in i was gonna ride by myself because i'm sad and lonely and i sit down and there's like a seat belt and then there's like a front door and you're supposed to put the seat belt on and then the door closes and latches and i like reach for the seat belt and i'm trying to

click it the ride operator comes around and is like make sure like you buckled your door closed okay you're good and i'm here and i'm like fuck futson with the seat belt and i can't get it to go and i look and i'm like hey this seat belt is this broken and the guy kind of looks in he's like is this number eight oh yeah that seat belt doesn't work you'll be fine you just tuck it in and i was like hmm and he's like no no no it's fine it's you're good you go forward the whole time you like you're held in by a centripetal force right and i was like you didn't say centrifugal force which i appreciate you use the right force but that doesn't make me feel that much better he does that and i'm like okay well the door will hold me in right he goes to close the door and it's one of those where he's like slam slam slam slam it's like oh that's not working very well either and eventually he just slams it and leaves it and i'm like okay he got

it closed yeah and he walks away and goes and starts the ride in the middle of the ride i start to like have some fun i put my arms on the door that's supposed to be latched shut. Yeah. And it just pushes open. It's not latched at all. I'm just sitting on a seat being whipped around on this carnival ride that was apparently assembled by some dude who didn't give two shits and maintained by nobody. And I like, it was fine.

But just in the middle of this ride i'm just like wow i really just trusted my gut and got right off of this thing holy shit i love that and that was that that was that i think that was at king's island i love that wasn't even at like some you know podunk thing where you know everything looks sketchy i couldn't believe that obviously it was fine and i'm sure that thousands of people have ridden that thing and it was broken the whole time but like ah that's not my favorite. That's incredible. I love that.

I mean, I don't love that for your safety. I'm glad you're alive now, but that's exactly what I'm looking for in terms of like, because carnivals and anything like that is especially carnivals. And it's shocking that that's not a carnival, but carnivals are, they tow those rides on the road in a truck. Yeah. Like they just tow. And then they set it up the day before when you hear on the

radio like the carnival's coming to town and you see the big fairy wheel the fairy wheel ferris ferris wheel ferris wheel yeah the big fairy wheel two dudes put that up yesterday yeah like in a few hours because they were in a hurry to go to the nearest strip club that's what that got done with hank and his son dennis were exhausted from an eight-hour road trip from kansas city they slapped that bitch together and they went and got some goddamn denny's before they hit the strip club absolutely and then you get on that with your family and you're like this is fun we're having a fun safe time i think for the murder coaster we have a point on it where uh you go up a hill and then

like your seatbelts automatically just detach and then it goes down the hill and allows you to go flying off your seatbelts like try to do a random timer and it will come off at a certain point this is not dangerous but i felt like i was gonna die i was in disney i was like high school age so i was down for all the rides i had a fun time it in disney i was like high school age so i was down for all the rides i had a fun time it was disney in orlando they had the space one yeah they have this like space ride where it's like you do a space flight you do a liftoff and there's all these g-forces yeah and it's very cool they accomplish the forces on that ride by spinning the absolute shit out of the ride which feels pretty normal as long as you're in it and you look straight ahead

and they tell you don't turn your head yeah like sit upright keep your thing buckled and look forward the whole time don't turn your head but the ride is structured so that it's you and three other people and you're like the crew of this ship right yeah and so at some point you're communicating with each other because one of you is like the pilot one of you is like the engineer whatever at some point something happens and you're all talking to each other. Because when I use like the pilot, when he is like the engineer, whatever. At some point, something happens and you're all talking to each other. I don't know how every other human other than me accomplished this,

but my instinct was like, oh, let me look over at my crewmates and help solve this. And we're in the middle of the ride, some really intense part. And something happens and someone's like, oh my God, turn this thing off. And it was like my responsibility.

And I turn and look down and I'm like, aye, aye. I turned my head for a moment and felt like i had been launched into space and was about to throw up out of every hole in my body i don't think i was in any actual danger but i was sick for the next day and a half after that shit wow when they give you instructions on rides yeah all of them yeah no that's fun holy shit that was bad that's great there was a thing at disney it was not a ride per se but they had this thing called alien encounter have you guys ever heard of it oh it's like a 4d experience yeah so it's a

sensory extra sensory experience basically and i remember going to this as a kid i mean i think i was like five years old and uh it was terrifying as a child. You go and you watch this like, I don't know if it was animatronic. I can't remember at this point. I remember like there's like some dudes talking about like trying to open up a portal to the future or this or that. Portal to the future. Wow. And then like at one point the portal goes wrong.

I think it was like a Tomorrowland thing. But at one point it goes wrong and an alien comes through. And then there's like an alien, like this big glass tube or something that you're looking at. And then like the lights go off and You hear a glass shattering sound and then like you hear like people scream and stuff like that and all of a sudden like you'll feel Something pressing on your shoulders and like breath on the back of your neck Oh, but it was like the alien escaped

It was like terrorizing the the room and as a kid like you didn't know it was an attraction You think the aliens actually real and breaks out as like popping out and like eating people and stuff and i i don't they closed it down they replaced it with something else like a lilo and stitch ride or something the haunted lilo and stitch ride then that lilo and stitch ride is not the same no i i rode that when i was like i think that was that same trip i'm describing when i was in high school i remember thinking that was cool as hell it was really like the breath in the back of your neck was like moist they like misted it it was gross yeah it was like a mist on the back of your neck it was great it was like i was really freaked out and i was old enough where i was like huh yeah that's fake okay but a little kid in there

would be absolutely traumatized oh yeah i'm pretty sure that's what it was called was alien encounter but i could be wrong but i remember distinctly that was like the one thing about that trip that i remember was like i was like i'm never going in that place again now now that that makes me think of how do we make that more deadly and real that we replace the breath with like a buzz saw that gets closer and closer and if you turn your head like it'll get even closer and if you panic and your heart rate goes up too high it'll stab you right in the back and decapitate you instantly or you just buckle everyone in and strap them into they can't leave and you release a bunch of rabid starving animals i mean that too that's not really fun though you know that's not fun yeah i'm looking for entertainment value here that's a little more

grizzly okay well it starts off as a gladiator battle and uh you you put someone up against this like pack of hungry wolves they have like a little wooden sword or something so they can't win the fight then once they lose then the gates drop and everyone gets eaten that's not a ride though it's not a ride what does joaquin phoenix give the thumbs up yeah meanwhile you're spinning in this side your centripetal force as you're spinning keeps you in place and i don't fucking know yeah okay it's two people spinning like but they like are in two separate wheels next to each other and they have to try to stab each Other as they spin Or it's knife throwing your stage across

Yeah, trying to hit targets around the other person, but not the person themselves and if you hit all the targets you win It's like balloons around. Oh, it's like the drop It's like the the dunk machine you have to hit a target then the person drops to their death yeah but you're throwing knives anyway so yeah in case you in case you hit them and kill them you automatically win of course of course of course all right well i think we explored the depths of what dangerous uh amusement park rides and uh roller coasters that we could possibly get it was a wonderful episode with lots of twists and turns, but we're still alive at the end of it.

Maybe we lost some of our listeners along the way. Hopefully it was a good time. Twists, turns, loops, and hills. And hills. Look at all kinds of things. And twisty-dos. All right, I'm going to tabulate the points here. This was an excellent episode for both of you,

but it looks like Wade, you're clocking in at four points. So that's respectable. That's good. It's a new record. Yeah. I win. And Bob, you're clocking in at four points. So that's respectable. That's good. It's a new record. I win. And, Bob, you have six. Yes. And everyone knows my point scoring system is fair, balanced, and appropriate.

Sure, sure. Can I protest and get more points? You can protest. It doesn't guarantee you'll get more. All right. I protest. You don't get any more. Okay.

Well, I tried. You did try. I got to give you that. But, Bob, congratulations. You won. Finally. How do you feel? I've been in a big well I tried. You did try. I gotta give you that. But Bob, congratulations, you won. Finally. How do you feel? I've been in a big drought, man. Feels good. It's like there's a weight off my chest. Yeah, you haven't won in a while. No, I haven't.

It's funny, I pointed out that I was winning a lot, and then suddenly I kept losing episodes where both of you were like, yeah, Bob should have won, but he didn't. So crazy how that happened. That's a funny thing. Life is funny that way, yeah. So crazy how that happened. That's a funny thing. Life is funny that way, yeah.

Weird, it's weird. You act like we can remember what happened. I don't remember what we recorded last week. I'm not mad about it. That's good. Wait, I don't think you remember what's happening in the episode that we're doing, so, you know, let alone last week.

This one was about dangerous chairs. Close enough. Oh, yeah. That's kind of true oh yeah that's it that's the one all right but thank you Bob would you like to make an acceptance speech or would you like to sign us off for today I deserve this thank you all for listening and suck it Wade all right what is it my victory it's metaphorical you know to suck anything oh all right let's listen you talk whatever you want just pretend it's what i want you to suck i'm gonna find a popsicle

all right well uh good job we'll keep that in mind as we uh head off and we'll see everyone here next week well we won't see them but we'll hear them or they'll hear us we won't hear you but you'll hear us next week are you hearing the listeners uh be sure to follow us on whatever podcasting platform you're listening this to podcast out