Distractible - Dicebreakers!

Episode Date: August 7, 2023

The guys answer classic icebreakers, but with the caveat that their dice roll must correspond to the quality of their answer. This ep's obviously a 'natty 20. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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This week, it's a randomized response extravaganza. Asbestos Bob dons a mantle of DM from yet another room in his new house. Midwest Mark has a Reddit bulletin, but then rips into his compadres. Wishless Wade rolls a physical crumble and dishes out attitude like a bad for the mucker. From decrepitude apps to hobby hoops. Yes, it's time for Dice Breakers. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted

and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome to another episode of Distractible. I will be your host for today. My name is Bob and I get to host because I'm the best. You are and you had the best intro too. You know hello and welcome was my first ever YouTube video title. Hey guys! Why was it titled Hello and Welcome if you started with Hey Guys? Well, Hello and Welcome was a throwback to the first content creator I ever really watched. His YouTube channel was

Funky Honky CDXX and I loved watching him play Rise and Fall of Civilization 4 and Fallout 3. And his intro was always, Hello and Welcome. This is your Funky Honky. So in honor of that, I made my first video. Bob! Our competitors today

are going to be Mark and Wade, who you've already met. Hi! Hey! Hello and welcome! Hey guys! Hey, he said it. He said the thing. They're competing because they didn't win the last episode, and that's how this works. The judge hosts didn't win the last episode, and that's how this works.

The judge hosts the winner of the previous episode, and that's me. I'm the best. I'm the funniest. Probably the smartest. Definitely the tallest. I'm all those things. All the superlatives you want, I have those. And most likely to get a job at McDonald's is probably Mark or Wade. I'm not sure who.

I wouldn't last long. I'd eat too much food. Well, if you work at McDonald's, you'd be fine, right? You definitely get fired for sneaking fries and nuggets out of the pot trays or whatever. That's not cool. Not allowed. I don't have a job there. You already did. You done got fired very quietly.

Well, I told them in the interviewing process I would be eating their food, and they said, this isn't going to work. And I was like, but what about my honesty? And apparently that wasn't good enough. Wade's always got the backup plans. He's out here interviewing for jobs five days a week, sometimes on the weekends. He just can't

seem to land one. One of these days. One of these days. Well, when you get a wheel job, a wheel job, let us know. Hunting wabbits? I don't know. But before we get into today's topic, which I've prepared and dreamt about for days on end, with all the time I had to prepare, you have no idea,

we usually do small talk. So, you know, how's it going? How you been? How's the, you's the pets and animals in your lives? Pets are good. Animals are good. They're alive. Thriving. My in-laws are coming. Why do you say it

like that? Yeah, why do you say it like that? Because you're supposed to be terrified of them. Which, mine are cool. I know that that's a thing, but like... That's like boomer humor. Well, along with like, my wife. The old ball and chain yeah you know you just hate anything to do with your spouse and their associated families i feel like that's that's straight out of the 50s is that where it comes from i don't know i like my laws a lot they've been really good to me ah speaking of getting older yeah have you guys seen on tiktok the old filter this way way past it so

have you seen on tiktok the old filter yes actually i redownloaded it i redownloaded okay i redownloaded it fine i was bored you want to see what it would be like to look like me i got it again you were bored i'm sorry do you not have enough going on in life do you need more to do whatever i just needed to i just wanted something casual and i didn't want to go through youtube shorts because that feel that feels gross for some reason copied and reposted tiktok so it's not really any different you're right it's curated you're just like making a movie to podcast youtube channel now let's watch some tiktok oh i'm sorry i don't have 10 seconds to

spare are you criticizing me for watching a video for 10 seconds am i not allowed to do that it's like potato chips you can't have just one you're right yeah but also don't i deserve a break no why isn't your office done yet? Because I deserved a break. How many? How many breaks? Well, one really long one. So everyone was all up in arms about the old filter, right? There's the old filter.

Have you seen the old filter? Yeah. No, I have a TikTok that I think I've posted to, but I haven't ever opened it. I don't watch it. I've never watched it. You can post it on Twitter. People talk about things that happen on TikTok on other platforms. I also don't spend much time on, what was that?

Oh, that's what it used to be. X. You mean X. Oh, yeah, no, you're right. That's my bad. No, I don't watch much stuff outside of YouTube. Can't get back to what I was talking about. Excuse you.

Oh, we're getting older. That's right. Go ahead. Yeah, exactly. So there's the old filter, right? You guys know about that, right? No. Yeah.

Shut up. So there's the old filter, right? And it's really good because it makes you old, right? So I got a picture. I'm going to take a picture of myself. I don't really need help in that department being as I'm the grayest of the three of us. Okay, wait. Hold on.

And so that's me, old.'s so whoa okay that hairline really climbs up when you get older i know right so you get old and then you uh this this filter though people are saying like it's really quite surprising how accurate it is because it also follows the light so if you turn your if you're you have it on your phone and you are looking at it it follows the light and that means that you can like see yourself from multiple angles and it looks very realistic and it's very concerning but also there's another one that i think people might be getting confused let me see if i can find it here is it the paw patrolled because that's the one i'm into right now paw patrol filter is the best no this is the other one oh geez

so for those who are just listening i'm holding up a picture that i took of the filter old but crispy baby so it's uh it's yeah it's old but crispy baby and it's a little bit scarier than the other one it's kind of like what if you got old but also spent way too many hours at the beach getting sunburned or something yeah exactly i hope you're taking a picture of yourself or as um as uh some some uh yeah i shouldn't say wait is this is this the right one? Did I do it? Oh, God. Oh, wow. No, it's okay.

I would say no, God, at yours, Mark. Wade's is fine. You kind of just... I look the fucking same. You look like old Wade. You don't look the same at all. It looks like old you. Yeah, you don't look like that now. Is that what you think you look like?

There's like five more wrinkles. The gray is the eyebrows are way bushier and higher arch and the whole face shape is different you have plump little cheeks right now yeah you gotta do old crispy baby if you really want to see the progression the ravages of the years i guess i might as well if i've got a tiktok open on my phone anyway how do i find a filter on tikt? You go to your camera and you look in the bottom left. There's a little thing that looks like a... I don't know

how to find Old Crispy Babies. You gotta search for it. Is it all one word or something? It's just Old But Crispy or something like that. Old But Crispy. Look up Old But Crispy. You'll find it. Old But Crispy, baby! This is a real self-esteem booster for a lot of people.

But what I wanted to know while you're doing that... I don't want to take a picture, Mark. I'm ignorant. You swipe over to the picture. I'm glad my teeth got a suntan finally. I've been trying to tan them for years. So here's the thing that i was wondering about this because a lot of people take take this there you go that's the crispy baby for those who are if you want to see this you got to go over to spotify wait get ready to hold yours up oh okay are we holding up old crispy us yeah yeah so if you want to if you want to you

gotta go spotify right now if you want to see this or someone could probably rip this and put this on uh the distractible subreddit and really distractible 2070 see who wouldn't want this in uh let's say 15 years probably give or take instead of ai we do way better than ai oh Oh, it's going to happen, baby. That's coming into your feed hot and spicy. But a lot of people I noticed were saying that this is really bad for people's self-esteem. And I was wondering why. Like, for me, this doesn't hurt me to look at at all. Because, if anything, like, I know if I'm lucky, I'm getting old.

But not the crispy baby one but the other one like i've got like an ian mckellen kind of like look going on and i'm like okay i could get behind that like that's fine we're all gonna get older no matter what but it seems like some people just don't ever want a reminder that we are going to get older and that if this is accurate then it's like well you know that's just what it is. How does it make you feel? I think it, I think it depends what your pressure points are for that. For me, that doesn't bother me at all. I already don't, I like don't take care of my skin, you know, which I know if I did, I could have more youthful skin and I could prevent, that's not like a thing I focus on. But the thing for me, if there was a filter that was like old and also really fat and it was like a

torso shot and it highlighted, you know, that I was even more overweight than I am or whatever, that would, that would be a thing for me that would, it wouldn't hurt my like self esteem, but it would push a button for me. That's like a really deep thing.

I'm very not sensitive. Outwardly, people have made fun of me for being overweight my whole life. I'm not like sensitive to that. But personally, it feels like a failure for me, right? Like I struggle to eat healthy. I struggle to stay in shape. I am overweight. And so that feels like a thing that I don't do very well in my life.

So I could see if you're focused, if other people are more focused on like, I spend a lot of time on my skincare routine, on my hair or whatever, or, you know, just however you look is like a bigger part of how you view yourself and the importance that you place on that. I could see how that would really bring people down. It doesn't for me, but I have things that would do that. Like I'm saying, for me, it's my weight and my size and that part of my body for sure. So I could see that.

I'm already gray and bald, so the only thing they added for me was wrinkles. So yeah, I'm good. All right. Well, this was more comprehensive and less comprehensive answers than I ever could have hoped for. I got both extremes. You're welcome. Sorry, I'll answer like Wade.

No, kind of. Well, what do you want me to say i dealt with that stuff whenever i was balding and i hadn't shaved my head yet that was a lot scarier than aging for me because it was like i always got like the looks like your hair's thinning on the back or oh receding hairline much and like whenever you're in like high school or college and those kinds of things are coming up that's pretty like detrimental whereas now i mean i mean i pull this off pretty well so like a few wrinkles that just means i'm still alive baby and still not putting foam up on these walls yeah yeah still not doing the one thing on your list trust me they're right there i'm just so ready to put no

those are the wrong ones i got new ones they're in oh they're outside of the room still you still didn't just bring them into i opened the box that they're in but i didn't have the knife to cut open the vacuum seal pack to allow them to start spreading so those have only been spreading for a few hours now they need like 48 hours to bloom. Oh, yeah. You got to let them spread. You're right. Bob, not to interrupt the topic any further, but I have a breaking distractible bulletin, an urgent message from our subreddit.

Okay. This is a priority one. This was posted just 57 minutes ago. Okay. From the moment that I have seen it, this is 57 minutes ago. I'm pulling this up right now. If you are on spotify you can see this video but i will do my best to vividly describe this to our audio only listeners who we likely value just as much as our visual listeners

probably yeah probably almost definitely probably so you can see, we have the following. By Davis Knives, I wish they'd talk about this on Distractible. What appears to be from A Bug's Life, we have the ant, main character, what? And the cricket. And the cricket, yes. I thought it was a grasshopper. Oh, grasshopper, you're right. Right.

I want to love you, but I better not touch. I want to hold you, but my senses tell me to stop. So we had an urgent request to talk about this on Distractable. If they love each other, they should go for it. Fuck the ant grasshopper norms. Go on. Keep next panel. Next panel.

There's no next panel. That's it. That's the whole yeah i gave my input okay what would they be called grass hants ant hoppers if they had babies yeah like grass grass grant hoppers grant and ant hoppers grant and then um oh in my brain he had a monocle. Does he not wear a monocle? The grasshopper? No, the main bad guy grasshopper in Bugs Life does not wear a monocle. Did he just have one bigger eye?

I swear to God, he had like a monocle. Anyway, all right. I think that's a good discussion about this. We talked about it on Distractible. So user Davis underscore knives got exactly what they wanted. No monocle. I just found it so fascinating that someone urgently posted. This was literally an hour ago and everyone's just like. Is there context for this?

No, no, no. I don't know why. I don't know. I think it might be a nice topic. I don't. why. I don't know. I think it might be a nice topic. I don't, LOL. Why? It's a very compelling topic. Today would have been a great day not to open Reddit.

Why? Did something bad happen? What absolute crack fic did this come from? What does that mean? Sound it out. Sound out the words. Like a hole in a wall fiction? Like a fake thing? You'll get there.

Well, I mean, kind of a hole in the wall fiction in a way, so you're not wrong. Anyway, I'm glad I hijacked this episode. I will take my points now. Seven points to Mark for breaking up what was clearly a very important topic that i can't believe we hadn't touched on yet yes thank you is that that one guy on reddit is that who that is and you just entertained him i wish but it's not did you to talk more about the subreddit because we love it so much did you see the one guy from the actual post that we were poking fun at and kind of being you know shitting on posted again and was like i am that one guy i guess i'll just go fuck myself you skipped over the 56 minute ago post mark where we don't even need to be here anymore

our episode was already written for us by ChatGPT. Oh, good. The subreddit hungers for more AI content, that's for sure. Reddit doesn't need us anymore. They got us replaced. I just want to know where the post from that guy is. If you go on the subreddit and just search for the phrase, I am that guy, it absolutely will come up.

Okay. You can search? I'm doing exactly that. Oh, my will come up okay you can search doing exactly that oh my god yeah you can wow Wade wow I'm not finding it I found campfire guitar guy that was from two years ago I don't think that's the one hey I'm not finding it

wow that guy deleted his post what where'd it go I saw it well good episode Bob thank you all so much for tuning in i will give my winner's speech no you wish people can only claim to win because they want it when you're hosting i'm the host now you gotta play my games but we did in fact get older ai uh what else did we cover in this episode already we did that's true we did talk about a lot of classic topics that we like to focus on subreddit q a

we answered your subreddit posts listen i did have a thing okay we're gonna do a thing here it's real easy i'm gonna need you to pull up a website of some sort where you can roll a 20-sided die. Okay. Or what? Or I'll do it for you. I got a six. Did I win? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I wasn't ready. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I got a 11! All right, well, that's a good start for Mark. Better than Wade, anyway. Okay. All right, well, that's a good start for Mark. Better than Wade, anyway. Okay.

But what we just rolled are the quality of the answers that you're about to give me for some simple and generally relatable sort of conversation-starting topics. I'm assuming 20 is good, 1 is bad? Yeah, no, 1 is definitely the worst, and 20 is what you want. Standard 5E. We're going to talk about some really basic prompts. Like, this is, what we're talking about is not important. This is literally like conversation starters that you do on the first day of school or whatever. But you have to roll your d20 and then try and give an accurate representation of whatever quality of answer you think the number you rolled represents so we're gonna say if you roll a 10 dead center that can be an average answer it could be a little uninteresting you could be tired whatever it's like

a normal average run-of-the-mill answer. Anything above a 10 as you climb towards 20 better be fucking good, okay? You'd better be the most enchanting person I've ever encountered, and your answer better be delightful and insightful. Anything below a 10, and you're going to have to figure out how to try and address the prompt that I give you but without doing too good of a job. Okay. And I'm basically going to give you points on the success of how accurately I think you simulate your rolled answer quality. Can we use whatever skill we want or does this have to be pure persuasion i mean you know how my games usually work i this is arbitrary i have a point scan with mine but good to know who knows if i'll even write them down but i would i just want i want it to be funny but accurate so if you if you roll a 20

and you give a funny but terrible answer i don't know if that's really gonna count but i'll have a good time i mean i'm here to laugh i'm here for the good times does it does the game make sense it makes sense i guess okay good well since you've already rolled let's just use those okay mark has an 11 it's like just above average somewhere in there and wayne has a six Really curious to see what a six answer is going to be. Me too. For this first one, which is literally the number one on, I'm reading a list of generic conversation starters. Tell me about yourself.

Mark, would you like to begin? Oh, me first? Well, you know, I'm a pretty average height. Slightly above, actually. Slightly above actual height. I'm from the Midwest. Born in a, not a small town, but a pretty, well, I mean, it's like a few thousand, like 10,000 people maybe.

I'm not sure how many were there. I was born in Juneune like almost july i think around the middle of the year um i uh went to college didn't finish so kind of quit in the middle of it uh but i went to college which is like a point in my favor i i do youtube i've done it for 11 years now are you are you does anyone watch are you yeah okay and i uh i earned my one gallon pin in blood donations. Oh. That's cool. That means I donated a gallon of blood. Yeah. Oh, total. Not at once.

How many times did you have to go for that? I gave a double every time, so I don't know how much a double is. Two pints? That'd be a lot. You okay? Okay, there's a bird outside of a window.

What happens? I'm in a big house, completely alone, and from the other room I just heard... And I was like... Hmm. What a noise. It's a bird. There's a bird outside a window. I'm fine. hmm, what a noise. It's a bird. There's a bird outside a window. I'm fine.

It's fine. Okay. Very adequate answer, Mark. Thank you. I feel like I learned almost nothing about you and your college dropout, which is not impressive, but, you know, fine. I went to college engineering. Yeah. That's very 11.

Very 11 of you, Mark. Thank you. college, engineering. Yeah. That's very 11. Very 11 of you, Mark. Thank you. Thank you. Alright. Wade, with a roll of 6, tell me about yourself. Well, I'm tall. I'm bald. Really don't care to tell you much more than that because I'm frankly not that interested in your approval.

And thank you for having me here. I would like to win though, so if you want to tell me what you'd like to hear for me to win you can feed me the proper lines. Perfect. Oh, that was nice.

That was good. I like how you cut, you balanced the rudeness with the thank you for having it was perfect you really swung wildly back and forth but not too wildly i didn't tell you but what i'm going to basically do is rate you out of 10 each round and that's how many points you get 10 being the perfect achievement of your thing so you could both get 10s. I'm going to say I think the whiplash on Wade's was good. It dragged, it felt like just maybe a hair below a six to me. But like that was pretty spot on.

Not too bad. I was afraid you were going to just dive way too low and you didn't. And I respect that. Thank you. I said nine out of 10 for Wade. And I think Mark's was pretty spot on too. I don't even remember what you said, which is just very 11 of you. Aside from the fact that you didn't finish college, I don't remember what else you talked about.

I give you both a nine, I think, to start out. It's a high bar. All right. Good. Cool. I love that. I love this for us. Well, I don't really...

I'll let you guys pick. Would you rather roll first or hear the next prompt first? I'll hear it. Yeah, let's hear it first. Alright. I think it's more fun to think of an answer and then be totally devastated when we have to answer in a different way. And then we should roll one at a time right before we go. Okay. What song

do you wish you could play for us right now? Oh, who's going first? Well, Wade, you went second. So roll right before you go. I like that. That's a good addendum. So Wade, roll and then deliver.

Let's see. I actually kind of hope I roll high for this because I have answers. Uh-huh. Hang on. I just want to show some evidence here uh-huh you rolled a nat one on that? I did oh boy well you're about to

piss off some music fans I'm sure as you select what song will be appropriate for a one response but okay so wait what song do you wish you could play for us right now just to set the mood and introduce yourself I don't want to play any song for you but if you guys want to get a fucking life maybe go watch some sports

is that do you fucking music and fuck you bob oh is that what you wanted to hear no not what i wanted to say but you know sometimes the dice speak for themselves didn't have to make it a thing about being i'm upset at myself for rolling that because i had so many

shakira things to say i had so many other things to bring up. I was happy and eager to lead off this topic and the fucking dice decided I wouldn't. So, you know, my pissed offness at you is a reflection of how I feel about myself. So, you know what you should go listen to? I don't know.

Some fucking depressing sad song. Hope it helps. Long, long time. Linda Ronstadt. There you go. Fucking cry. I am. I mean, I guess that was the prompt, but also, I'm sad now. Me too. My turn?

Yeah, go for it, Mark. Alright, cool. I know things about music, but I'm rolling, and I got a 14. Hmm. That's pretty good. Nice. a 14. Hmm. That's pretty good. Nice.

So, if I were to play a song for you right now, it would be the Oh! Oh! Oh! What's your charisma modifier, Mark? Like a minus five? Hold on, hold on. Hang on. I got this. Fourteen. Let's see.

I went to college and I was near some music people. Ooh, this seems like a lot lower than I rode, right? But just you wait. Just you wait. The Hamilton reference. Nice. I saw a lot of musicians there. I didn't know music myself. God, I feel this seems a lot dumber

than it should be. 14 is like a very respectable number, and that's the respect I have for music. I love music. Did you know I love music? I love music. Boy, howdy howdy hey do you like music i love it yeah no it's so cool of you and also me what song would i play for you oh i could list the songs that i would play i can't think of a name for a single song look i know you really like the doom eternal soundtrack the doom song you don't know the names eternal soundtrack god i can't even remember i went on stage and i performed music i can't remember a single name

of one of those songs that i did i don't know what about the legs when you're you know what we performed with you before what what was that what huh we performed all-star together oh anyway what i would sing for you is man i literally can't think of a single name of song i don't know why of us you are the one who never does this where you like freeze. And then no, I can't think of a name of a song. We can make up a song. What do you mean?

I can make up a song. You want to sing happy birthday because you want to celebrate Wade's birthday. That's not a, that's not a 14 answer. 14 is like a, a 14. That's true.

So, but it's not Beethoven, right? Shakira would be like a 14. That's true. So, but it's not Beethoven, right? Shakira would be like a 2. Fuck you. Anything around 14 would have to be something slightly elevated above, like General Pop. You never diss my girl again or I'm gonna natty one your ass. Well, whatever.

I don't know what that means, but I hope it was threatened. I would sing for you. Will, put in something intelligent, 14 level, right here. The ship of Theseus. Oh, man. And that's my answer. Okay. Good answer, Mark.

Thank you. I'm going to assess Wade first, I guess, even though I did it the opposite way last time. Pretty good. Honestly, you made me really sad, which is definitely a low, but you could have picked a funny song or done something to really, really drive it down and make it more tort torturous or like cringy. But like, that was like at least below a three for me. That was pretty low, pretty accurate. I went with the saddest song I could think of.

I hope that was helpful. I'm going to say eight out of 10. Pretty solid. Could have been lower, but also it's subjective and it's subjective to me. So I say eight. Mark, you said a lot of words. I did.

And then that thing that Will put in, probably The Ship of Theseus or something, is a good song. Uh-huh. But I gotta say, the delivery might have really let you down. I think the song was right at 14, and then the delivery was somewhere just coming in tucking in right under 10 somewhere for me that high you know what you tried man you did your best if i enrolled the one i feel like that would have been a better way to answer it than what i just did there i literally internally in my brain i I rolled a one on trying to come up with a single name of a song.

And I literally still can't think of a single name of a song that I sang on tour. Hey there, Delilah. I know you know that song. Yeah, I know. You do. You sing songs, and you know them because you sing them.

I'm going to give you, I think pretty sing them i'm gonna give you i think pretty generously a six thank you that's very generous i appreciate that that's i'll be able to agree on that one all right i'll i'll make it up on the next one i got this i got this i'm just warming up i needed to get calibrated yeah i mean wayne's only up by two he only needs to bomb basically one one of these things to really give me a shot. Mm-hmm. All right, so Mark's going to go first. Based on how that went, I'm really excited to see where these go.

I got it. I got this. Okay, the prompt is, are you a cat person or a dog person? Ah, well, I'm glad you asked that. I rolled a 16. Oh, goodness. In many circles, and with many people, there are many different types that enjoy the company of a feline or a canine companion. I myself have owned both.

Owned, what a misnomer to say. It's really more of a companion, you know. It's a friendship, a bond that you share and a bond that i share with either animal is really uh dependent on the um the the quality of the time that you share with them like the quality of the time that we're sharing right now and i i feel in my soul if you believe in such a thing that there are uh moments that we share with either uh animal or human that are just so precious to us i really sound like i'm advocating for something that i'm not advocating for it's the voice it's the voice but i, I think that it's good to open your mind to possibilities that you never could have imagined.

And then you, no matter what you think, adoption is the best option. Yeah. Right? Good. I'm going to stop talking now. I don't know what you said could not possibly be misconstrued to be advocating for anything other than just pure childlike love of all creatures, really. And nothing else or more than that. Of course.

That you said. Gosh. All right. Great answer. Great answer. thank you thank you i like that you're you're higher the higher the role is the more your voice is like captain of industry a 20 he'll be full oil baron just you wait just wait it's gonna be real oh man it's gonna be special maybe i'll finally fucking roll higher than a 10 so I can give a decent answer.

No, no. The higher the number, the more better the answer apparently. Should be. Alright, Wayne. Tell me. Are you more of a cat person or a dog person? Mm-hmm. I rolled a 5, so let me tell you.

Oh, that's pretty good dude six five one I'm glad this isn't a D&D campaign my character be fucking dead I got two dogs and a cat I feed them sometimes I remember I have them they get to go outside

shit and stuff from time to time and I'll be starting up my very own puppy mill soon if you want your own oh god Starting up my very own puppy mill soon if you want your own. Oh, God. Yeah, are you done? Go on? Anymore?

Figured I answered the question. Hey! Take that shit outside! What was that sound? God damn it. Nah! that sound? Nah. Nah. Good damn. Fucking god damn it. Mark,

good answer. I appreciated, the tone of your voice really brought me in and then I really, I thought you had some mind opening things to say and I think Thank you.

you might be, maybe misunderstood in your true message, but I heard what you're saying and I love my animals the same way you do, Mark. I thought that was pretty good. I would say that registered at like a solid between 15 and 16 for me, which is like... For most of the time.

...lead that on. Thank you. I liked it, and you didn't fall off a cliff or anything. You hung in there, and yeah, I would say 9 out of 10 on that one. That was pretty solid. And you didn't fall off a cliff or anything. You hung in there. And yeah, I would say 9 out of 10 on that one. That was pretty solid. Thank you. Wade, I thought you started off nice.

You started off like somewhere between 5 and 10 in my mind. And I was like, ooh, maybe this isn't low enough. And you kind of, as it went, you were kind of folksy. But it kind of edged up towards 10 and then the puppy mill thing thank you really just at the last second turned it and landed like well below the mark like in in two territory for me oh really okay i loved but was a little dramatic for a you know for a five answer i gotta give you i think an eight out of ten because i loved the answer but it was just not it went too far it went too negative wait till you see what i would have done for a one i wish tell you what well next roll

at the pace i'm going i'm due for a zero all right well i've got hundreds of these prompts so i can keep pulling them but i do want to open it up if you guys have any ideas we can do some like you know contestant submitted rounds too so if you think of anything you want to do in this context please shout it out we could do more dire uh things where it's like how would you solve like the climate crisis and then it could be i'm taking debate positions you mean like that episode we did where we played devil's advocate that's true but uh not that this would be more well we'd have to represent the number more so than just being opposite so we yeah we we actually it could be like you pose each of us like a different one it doesn't have to be debating the same one

okay could be different so we'll go into like a lightning round format yeah so each of you will get your own prompt and then roll and then give a response and i'll i'll just assess each one as it happens sure so we'll go we'll roll faster all right uh wade i think you get to go first and then we'll just go back and forth back and forth okay wade what is the strangest dream that you've had recently please roll 15 okay so actually very recently i had a dream that i got a phone call from the contractor who built this office in the middle of the night at like 4.30 in the morning. I answered the phone.

I was like, hey, what's going on? And he told me they made a horrible mistake and my office was unsafe. And not only that, but like what they had done might have compromised the whole house. So I like freaked out and I told Molly to get like the animals to run outside and everything and then i i blank nothing and then i woke up the next morning looked at my phone and there was no call the previous night nothing i was just in bed but it was like one of the most real feeling dreams i've had in a long time where it's like i actually had like the panic but it wasn't enough to wake me up just in my dream we had to abandon the house till they came and they fixed our foundation or whatever uh tm yeah freaked me out that's for i

hate when that happens when you have a dream that feels really real and then you wake up and you're like fuck did that happen wait yeah when was that real because like you wake up and you're like well that wasn't real but then you're like wait that one i legitimately thought was real and i was like how did i end up back in bed we were we were getting out i was very confused or i was in bed when i woke up because i thought i was outside and then the house collapsed on you and you were like oh that's what happened and then you died i am either dead right now in a coma having survived the fall of the house or it was a dream i'm not sure which is true i like that that's a good answer that's a good solid answer i must say that register is a little under 15 for me i'm gonna give you an 8

out of 10 that was a good one thank you mark yes are you ready your last birthday my last birthday well wow um that's a good story let me uh let me see how i'm gonna tell this one now that i thought all the way through. We talked about that. Uh-huh. Well, let me just... Fuck. A four. Oh, boy. All right, Mark, retell the story of your last birthday that we all heard in a not-too-distant episode, but in the style of a four.

Those fucking pieces of shit that tried to kill me were... Surrounded me in a vat of blood and they dunked me in and they just hold me down and and then i'm in there and i'm all like ah man fuck all you something like that and then i went uh, I had a barbecue. That too happened. Uh, and then when I was, you know, I was on a plane that morning and, uh, I went through security. Directed by Quentin Tarantino. But when I went home, uh, my grandma died.

Definitely directed by Quentin tarantino so when i was uh there no i wasn't there i wasn't there i wasn't there forget that i wasn't there i went to the what's it called the place you know store oh yeah that, not that. The, um, hospital! Oh, okay. Yeah, I went to the hospital after my eyes exploded. And they said that my eyes weren't exploded, and I was like, wow, they're not! So, that was in Texas, too.

All that. Was the airplane in Texas? Eventually. Oh, okay. That's stupid. That's how airplanes work. Oh. Yeah. So then, um. You're being stupid. That's how airplanes work. Oh. Yeah. So then, um, I got hosed.

Kind of hot. Right? Cool. That's how I spent my birthday. It sounds, it's almost fun when you tell it this way. Yeah, cool, right? Doesn't it feel like a Quentin Tarantino film? Like it's all fucking out of order and confusing? No, it's a Christopher Nolan way. Yeah, cool, right? Doesn't it feel like a Quentin Tarantino film? Like it's all fucking out of order and confusing?

Nah, it's a Christopher Nolan film. Yeah. I was born to be directed by Chris. I mean, Reservoir Dogs is out of order and confusing is kind of Tarantino. That could be Tarantino. That could be Tarantino. Don't mind him. He has a four, Bob. Good answer, Mark. Thank you. Was it?

I like the tone, how you started, and I was like, Ooh, that's low, but I don't know if it's low enough. And then you kept making it increasingly confusing to the point where even though I know what happened, you actually did lose me for a while. And like, that's pretty, I liked that. That's impressive. You did a good job mixing in the confusion with the, with the tone and everything. I thought that was pretty dead on. I gotta say. I thought that was pretty good.

Thank you. I think that's a 9 out of 10. Thank you. Which I think makes you guys tied already. Tied? No, Wade's up by one. Damn it. Don't check my math.

I think I've been eights all the way all across the board. I mean, you're just solid. You're reliable, really. I've been eights all the way, all across the board. I mean, you're just solid. You're reliable, really. Wig. What hobby do you wish you were good at?

What'd you roll? A three. A three? Man, that 15, it's all back down from there. All right. What hobby do I wish I was good at uh hobby i wish i was good at thinking of a hobby to be good at so i guess i would wish i was good at wishing so then i would have wished successfully into getting the hobby that i'm trying to get to but instead here i am talking out loud and kind of having a run-on thought process about what even is a hobby. So ultimately what I guess the hobby, uh,

the question was about hobbies. I wish I was, uh, at, so, um, I think that I, um, wish that I could be better at being good at things such as certain hobbies, like things you do when you're habitually hobbying. So there it is. That's pretty good. I have to say, you hit a good stride with the drawing it out and the circular talking, but you made it just a little bit too relatable. You hit it with the like such as, and that was very public speaking class, too afraid,

too awkward, still learning how to do it. Sure. And the relatability softened me. And that hit it like a five for me. Okay. Well. It was good. But that's not what you were supposed to do.

Oh. I mean, five's not that good. Don't get too excited. But it was relatable. It felt relatable. There it is. And unfortunately, you're going to break your streak because I think that means you have to get too excited. But it was relatable. It felt relatable. There it is. And unfortunately, you're going to break your streak because I think that means you have to get a 7 out of 10. Sure. I think that was

only one better than Mark's song 17. That's fair. Hey, I said I was being very You know what? You bring up a good point, sir. 8 out of 10. I feel like you're allowed to have. There. Are you happy? I crushed my rating too close together. What do you

want from me? I want to see what's going to get us lower than a 6 rating, to be honest with you. I don't know. If mine didn't do it, I don't know what will. Well, your answer was supposed to be bad. Well, no, it wasn't, actually. My answer was supposed to be intelligent.

He rolled a 17, I think. I had a 14. I felt bad, okay? I felt really bad. That's where that came from. All right, good. This next one, I'm going to blow you away. I'm going to give the first 10.

All right, Mark. Get the 10. Okay. If you could change one thing about your personality, what would it be? All right. I got a four again. Hey, you know where the bar is. Do you want a mulligan on the accidental read?

No, no. I got it. It's fine. I've had one roll higher than a six. I don't feel bad for him getting two fours. But it's the same. It's just, that's fine. It's a four.

How dare you? How dare you assume that you could even ask me to change something about myself when you're standing there looking at me the way that you are? I have to put aside all the hatred and vitriol that rises up out of my psyche when you even utter one word, and you think that you want to ask me to change something about myself? You selfish prick. I don't even know who you think you are, but you are nowhere near as good as you think you are to be able to judge me and say that I need to improve upon who I am.

Okay? So why don't you take a step back, turn around, look in the mirror, and then take a gander at your surroundings. Look at me and my surroundings and where you are. And you too, Wade, you know, you sit there and think that you're just immune from all this. When you, you got, you got foam sitting aside outside your office. What part of your personality you think you need to tweak that you need to think that that's not good enough for me okay all right so don't you sit there thinking that you're exempt from all this just because i'm going after bob right now okay all right anyway love you guys just kidding that was supposed to be a four right

i fucking in the middle too i love that you brought the trump hands in yeah the fucking oh god that was so you did that you hit me with the whiplash and i think you might have actually honed it in really nice i was gonna say that really built down and dug way down to like a two ish region. And then you hit with the love you guys, which was like a big swing up of like, ah, and then the just kidding, just like tamped it down just a little bit.

Ah, I feel like that was like a five, like between a four to five for me, like pretty close, pretty close, pretty close Pretty close 6 out of 10 Wait a minute When Wade's pretty close

He gets an 8 out of 10 So for you Mark, 8 Wait a minute I'm trying to make it fair Everything is just gravitating towards eight. Hey, he likes the number eight, Mark. I'm like a middle school teacher who can't be bothered, okay? Most of you guys get Bs.

If you're real bad, you fail. And if you're cool, I'll give you an A. Here's what we do, Mark. At the very end, you and I, we overpower him two to one. We flip this episode on its side, and then our eights become a bunch of infinites. We can't lose Well one of us will lose Yeah you can't both win

Well it's happened before Yeah that's why we can't do it anymore Alright anyway I'm ready My turn? I don't even know if it's my turn Are we alternating? It's not my turn I don't know what we're doing anymore You just went I'm just trying to think

Who technically went first first? Did Wade go first the first time first first did Wade go first the first time or did Mark go first the first time when we first started I think Mark went I think I went first I have no idea I'm gonna say Wade gets to go one more time and then that's it okay that's probably super unfair but that's how I do things yeah it seems like something super unfair here but I guess I can't do anything about it I mean won't the points tell you we're probably pretty close on score yeah

I understand Bob please go on what do you want let me think back through the points real quick I think if I had to guess I'd be up by one What do you want? Nothing. Let me think back through the points real quick. I think if I had to guess, I'd be up by one. Because I think Mark's the only one who's gotten a nine. But Mark's also the only one who got a six.

I've had eights across the board. Which means he was plus one, minus two. Which is just minus one. Uh, uh, uh. Okay. That's what I think in my brain of brains. You were right, sir. I definitely just accurately remembered all the points I gave out and thought through the whole thing. You're dead on.

Unless he's one ahead of me, in which case he would have... Wade is winning by one. It's true. Ah, and so he gets to go again? Fair is fair. That's if we'd gone an even number of times. Wade gets to go again, and if he rolls a 12 or higher he just wins but if he rolls below a 12 okay mark gets a chance to earn more points okay i'm ready for this so i have uh what's eight out of 20 so eight times five i have a 40 chance of just

winning yeah that's pretty good that's pretty pretty fair. Am I rolling right now? Define fair! It feels fair, Mark, doesn't it? Alright. I guess. You guys ready? Yeah. No. Do I have any say in this? I don't. You haven't tried. What do you got? What if I roll higher than him?

Okay, when he rolls, if it rolls up higher, if I roll higher than him after that, can I win? Sure. So if I roll higher than a 12, I win unless Mark rolls higher than that roll. Yeah. Yeah. What happens if I roll under a 12? Mark gets a chance to earn a bonus point.

Yeah. Two bonus points, I guess. All right. I'm rolling now if that's okay. Sure. I couldn't even take a guess at what the odds are of who wins what in this situation. So I love it. Honor system, Mark.

You're trusting me, right? I was trusting you until just this moment, and now I'm like, here we go. You have to show it somehow. Come on, Mark. No way. So I'm assuming you rolled like an 18. Mark, can you beat a 1? No fucking way.

Let me show you the ways I can beat a 1 But you only got to roll if I rolled higher than a 12 and I didn't so now you just have a chance for a bonus point I think that's the random thing that we basically decided upon. Oh yeah, Mark, good luck. Wait, I'm so confused. Me too. Mark, you have an opportunity to earn two points, basically giving you the win completely arbitrarily. Okay. What I would like from you...

Fuck this roll system, by the way. We're using a different site next time. Okay. I'm just going to give you a prompt, and I want you to give a short answer with as few words and as many noises as possible. What? And you have to

roll for your quality of answer, and then accurately recreate that roll. Are you ready? With still doing as many noises and as few words as possible? You can use words, but the more noises and the less words, the better it is to me. No matter what my roll is? Yes.

Because I rolled an 18. Well you can roll again for the quality of your answer. Okay, alright, I'm ready. Whatever this is. Is a hot dog a sandwich? Fuck. I rolled a 3. I thought you rolled an 18. Now it's a three? Oh. Alright, let me know when you're starting.

Ah, you. Oh, my God. Haven't you seen? You little tiny little fucking pea brain. So small.

I went back into the house going at him. Oh, when I talk to you, you haven't seen him. Cannoli! It's obvious! And then I'll take a fucking thing with you. It's not a sandwich. It's a... You piece of shit.

You think you can get away with this? I'm gonna call right now. Beep boop boop. Beep boop boop. Beep boop boop. 911. Idiot on the loose. Beep.

Dude. Wee woo. Wee woo. That's what I'm coming for you. Hot dog sandwich. I don't think so. Italy wouldn't stand for this bad banner. Whatever the Italian one is Don't you respect their country? Can't you even oh?

Adios meal, but Italian I Think you know what I'm talking about. Ha! Fucking guy! Tony Soprano didn't die to hear about this. I rest my case. Adios mio, but it's out. I think we just lost a percentage of our fan base. Oh, God damn. Or we gained a bunch.

I'm not sure. Like I was saying, there were a decent amount of words, but I like that you sort of blended a lot of them into sounds. They were only kind of words, and I appreciate that. Also, the moment where you were just like cannoli that was just wait

I feel like he earned the bonus points I gotta be honest you know what that's fair he made a fucking idiot of himself for about 2 minutes and 20 seconds there and I think that I can't argue I've never worked so hard for a win in this episode mark's two worst numbers i think were 14 and three i got three and four two times what do you mean

dude i rolled two ones i was below six every roll but one where i rolled a 15 you know what way you did a really good job, though. Honestly. If I kept better track of the score and did things in a way that was actually fair, I think you had a chance. I don't, though. So Mark wins! Five.

End the episode before it changes. Two fives in a row after the one. Are you rolling a D20? 20! If we'd done three more topics would have actually got to give a good answer well that depends on if you would have been actually able to do it so that's well that's true and i was so used to being awful i don't know if i could have done a 20 good work everyone thank you for playing along with my very contrived version of the show today i appreciate it i enjoyed that that was fun that was that was actually more challenging than i

thought it would be trying to differentiate between a fucking six and a five yeah i thought you would just like jump in and start to it but then i i thought myself when you said what number you rolled i was like oh this is way harder than i thought it would be yeah trying to change out how we answered low rolls like either anger confusion just non-answers like trying to mix up how you answer shittily and also differentiate between a 1 to 20 answer is a lot harder than i think i thought it would be going it was very entertaining both of you did good and then conversely i couldn't give a good answer to save my life name a song any song. I couldn't think of one. I sang songs on tour, such as... Can you name a single song I sang?

I know the theme. I couldn't tell you the name of it. You sang the Start Jungle banner. No, no. I think he means on tour. Oh, they were all Ed Sheeran songs. What's that one called? No Pants. I've Got No Pants. oh they were all Ed Sheeran songs what's that one called no pants

I've got no pants where are my pants I've got no pants let me in there I'm a baby let me in there that's where I go I remember that one

I don't think that was a VIP experience there's a hundred people out there that know what we're talking about we're discussing a live tour that we did where mark sang and played guitar at the at as a part of the vip experience yeah literally what maybe a thousand people total ever got to do the vip thing among all the tour shows that we did. Yeah, thank goodness. Thank goodness. Well, thanks for playing, dudes. Wade, loser speech.

Well, just like my roles today, I felt like I kind of gave a natty one performance, so I belong on the bottom, but I hope the dice favor me more next time. We should go back to coin flips. No. Mark, winner speech. I really dug deep and even though my answers were

pretty much consistently converse of what probably should have been, I still somehow eked out the win. And that just goes to show you, never give up. Never surrender. Or something. I think you stole that from that 2001 movie. By Graf Thar's hammer. Wait, you heard that movie come out? By the moons of the something. I think you stole that from that 2001 movie. By Graptar's Hammer.

What year did that movie come out? By the moons of the something. I don't remember. Anyway, yeah, Galaxy Quest, great movie. I love your speech, Mark. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Yeah, that's it.

Make sure you check out Mark at Markiplier. Wait at LordMinion777. 99. Or Minion777. And buy some stuff stuff if it still exists at store... store? NotDistractablePodcast.

StoreNotDistractablePodcast.com. I think I remember that eventually. Somehow, never sticks. And yeah, thank you so much for listening. Thank you an equal amount if you watched. We love you all the same, and there's no favorite child. It's okay.

We're all... It's okay. We're all... It's okay. The dice say otherwise. I was not loved by the dice. Well, everyone can't love everyone equally. That's just the way life is, Wade. Sometimes the dice gives it to you. Sometimes it takes it away.

If you want to buy one of our puppies, though, that mill doesn't exist, so you can't. God. And on know that note podcast out that's the dirtiest i felt is saying i have a puppy