Distractible - Does Order Matters?

Episode Date: December 30, 2024

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90 days in advance. Perfect for all you forward thinkers and planning gurus. Reserve your Uber ride up to 90 days in advance. Uber Reserve. See Uber app for details. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. Uber Reserve. See Uber app for details. and gets milky with SpaghettiOs. Muddled Mark gets rudely green-screened, declares Bob a heretic, is horrified by the hornets, the mayonnaise's and mustard's moles, from Carol Channing to sumptuous sartorial splendor. Yes!

It's time for Does Order Matters? Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show Hello and welcome to another episode of distractible My name is Bob. I'll be your host because I won the last one my competitors for today will be Mark and Wade They're competing for that's right studio audience the opportunity to host the next episode That's right, studio audience, the opportunity to host the next episode! Yay! Ooh! AAAAAAAAGH!

Uh, if you've never seen this show before, uh, I'm Drew Carey. That's the rules. Am I Ryan because I'm tall or Colin because I'm bald? You're definitely- ooh. Or neither. Am I Chip? You're definitely not Chip. If anyone's Chip, it's Mark.

Why do I gotta be Chip? Well, cause you're definitely not- you're definitely not Ryan. No, I don't wanna be Ryan. Of course I'm not Ryan. None of us- none of us could be Wayne Brady. And none of us could be Colin Mochery. That's for sure. Well, except Wade, you are bald. I feel like Wade is more Ryan-y. Am I bleeding?

Isn't that special? Uh, anyway, that's the explanation of the show. I'm not gonna give you any more rules. Uh, that's what happens. And so when the end of the show comes, you know, what's gonna happen then do you feel lucky? Do you punk? I remember that that's a good bit If you don't remember that you're not a fan I have no fucking clue who Carol Channing is but I know that Ryan loves Carol Channing is. But I know that Ryan loves doing an impression.

I looked her up one time and I was like, Ryan's impression makes no sense, but I'm sticking with it. She's done a bad Carol Channing impression. Who is Carol? I've never looked this up, but Carol Channing, who is? She's the lady from the movie where she's got the gun and she's like, I knew what you're thinking.

Did he fire six shots or seven? Oh, right. That's Carol Channing. She passed away four years ago. At 97 years old, born in 1921. That's a good life. Well, I mean, I don't know the quality, I guess it's a long life. Let's let's say good. Let's just say good. Uh, I have a topic for today's episode as the host often does. I have an idea! Bye! I like this when you search Carol Channing. The questions are, what was Carol Channing famous for? And the second one is, why did Carol Channing say raspberries? Hahaha!

That didn't help at all! I thought that if there was a bright behind me, it wouldn't be like, Oh, that that background's bright enough. You really just look like you're green-screened in at this point. Hahaha! He got it too! I don't know. Look, I could be in Mark's office too! That that background's bright enough. You really just look like you're green screened in at this point Look I could be in Mark's office to Editors explode marks background. Did you wait till I do this? On no, there we go. There we go

Guys my my capture card is broken. Dune! What? Dune? You're in Dune! I'm in Dune. Doesn't that look like the palace in... Wait! Hit the screech!

I'll cue up the point. Ah! It started actually on almost the correct note. That actually was really close. Yeah, but then he didn't understand what you were trying to get him to do. Yeah, I don't know what the hell you were trying to get him to do. Yeah, I don't know what the hell you're referencing.

What's wrong with that one part of Dune? Wait. Oh, it's your microphone! This is a really inconvenient cutout that definitely won't be exploited. I'm sure no one will ever do anything wrong with this. Random unrelated question. How wide can you open your mouth? Oh, really wide. No.

Wow. I hate this. Everything. I hate everything. How about this? Oh, look at that. Is this the whole, is this, is this small talk? Is this your small talk?

No, I got other small talk. Oh, let's do small talk. Let's move on to small talk. Wade, go ahead. Yeah, so I've, there's a lot going on in life family holiday time It is and was upon us. This is our last episode before the new year, right? Technically the last episode was our New Year's episode So this one's kind of just filler but this is our last episode of the year

Technically so I got to tell y'all really hoping Diablo 4 turns it around cuz man, I'm still playing Path of Exile Still doing it. We played Path of Exile together. We did it was fun. We got some good Orbeez. Mark You gonna join us on Path of Exile next time? No, that's what I feel bad about I should I should Sorry, this is for the viewers No, don't microphone don't do the microphone here. This is viewers only. Anyway, no, I do have Bellator time. I feel bad that I have Bellator time,

which I don't actually have Bellator time. I have time that I should be working on. Many, many other things. Like playing Path of Exile 2 with your buds? He's not gonna play Path of Exile, wait. Po two with your homies. Look, it seems really fun. I'm not saying it's a bad game.

I'm saying I don't have time to get invested into a game. That's why I haven't actually played a lot of games besides casual ones I can pick up. And even when I do, I kind of get too into them, because I just don't want to get that into them that it takes up all my time, and I want to play it. Because I know myself. I want that for you. I want that for me too! I do! I gotta move- I gotta get the movie done! I gotta move on with my life! Mark, this is a long shot, but I just really want this for you in general.

You think there will be a point in your life where you circle back around and start just no-lifing wow again at some point? Like, you've made your dreams, you've done things and you're not like in the middle of trying to pursue things that you're really passionate about. It's more like you've got some more time, things have opened up. Will you circle back, assuming WoW is still, you know, in the next three decades, we'll still be there if you ever wanna go back to it.

Oh, for sure. It's not going anywhere, I'm sure, probably, maybe. You think that's possible? Cause WoW Mark was like a whole different human being. Yeah, I don't even know who that person is anymore. I've tried to play WoW almost every expansion, I kick it back up again. And it's fun for the leveling experience. I like some of the changes. Dragon Flight, I know that's already like two expansions behind by now, but Dragon Flight was fun.

Made a lot of soup. I liked the soup mini game. That was fun. You know, leveled up the new dragon people were pretty fun. I liked the new things, but at the same time it's like the reason that I really got into it was less about That the game was so fun It was because there was a very specific social circumstance that made me feel like I was I Belonged and that I was valued because my skill was good where I could be useful and I was a healer and I had a very Close core group of people that I I like to play with a lot of so So I did it more for them. All my times playing WoW a lot were because I was in a like a guild that I really liked and I wanted to be around. I don't see myself doing that again because almost everything is

ARE YOU MARKABOOR? ARE YOU MARKABOOR? ARE YOU MARKABOOR? It's my own fault because I made my character named Markabloir. So but even if I hit it like usually as soon as I start talking, you know, the game's up But go with Chomboni Tromboni. They'll never know it's you damn it. Why'd you reveal it that name? 100% is taken Wade. Well, it'll be taken after this episode So I gotta go get back into it and claim it on every server get on it now and no one will know it's you Everyone forget this expunge this episode from their minds editors delete their minds. Oh Editors, delete their minds.

Oh. I'm curious to see what that's gonna look like in the final cut. Yeah, I have no idea what that's gonna do. You should look at the Path of Exile 2 skill tree. I've seen it, it's nightmarishly huge. How does anyone actually fill that up? No, honestly, I've only played one character a little bit and it's terrifying I don't care for the BoE. It's very Final Fantasy 10 esque

I was gonna say it reminds me of the Final Fantasy 10 and I fucking hated that so oh, I remember that one Oh, stupid or boy, I'm a fancy 10 when it's just like It's like infinite and I hated it I loved I loved the water soccer mini game and I wish that it gave any other type of reward in the game because I played the shit out of it. I wish you got experience or something like I spent all the time I should have been grinding Blitzball with Waka. Blitzball was awesome. I had friends who didn't even actually play that game who knew

what Blitzball was and had played it because because like people would be like you gotta play Blitzball. Just try this just try this mini game. The Xanarkin Apes. The Xanarkin Apes. How do you remember that? I looked that one up. I didn't remember the name. How is your memory so good? Oh.

Nothing escapes Wade's steel trap of a mind. Wow. Final Fantasy X was the first RPG I ever watched anyone play or played. And the only one I played after that, I think I watched it after, the Summoner. But like those were my introductions to RPGs. So I have a lot of memories of those two specifically

cause they blew my mind. After playing like Twisted Metal, it's like, well, I guess Diablo, but Diablo feels different than Final Fantasy does. And the way that you do things and like there's not really a skill tree, it's like attributes and stuff but like I remember seeing the skill tree in that and watching like my friend grind and go

and fight like the different summons and stuff it was like that game blew my mind so it stuck with me for a long time still has I already went over my brazine last episode you're not at all sketchy think of white powder it is suspicious but I'm not dead after trying it, so that's good. What else is new? There's more miscellaneous computer parts. Oh, I'm marking that one down too. Oh, you and your... I don't believe any of you. I don't believe anything. You shouldn't. I play lots of video games and I'm enjoying them. And now that I'm less mobile and more like PC gaming, it's been a lot nicer. Nicer? I'm always inclined inclined like my problem with mobile gaming is I'm always

inclined some of those some of those gotcha options that pop up I'm like that would be nice that would save me like three days of grinding so I gotta be careful with that kind of stuff whereas a lot of PC gaming like sure some of them have like battle passes and stuff like that path of exile is all purely cosmetic stuff like you buy the game and then there's cosmetic stuff and it's like whatever some of it I might care about mostly I don't care I just play and enjoy the game and then there's cosmetic stuff and it's like, whatever. Some of it I might care about, most I don't care. I just play and enjoy the game and it's just such a nice feeling to like play a game and not feel like I've got to worry about stamina or.

You're gonna love Bellatro. You're gonna love Bellatro. You are gonna love Bellatro, that's true. It's installed and ready to go. It's super fun. Why don't we just cut this recording early and we just go play Bellatro. Oh, I'm down.

We just record ourselves playing Bilattro separately all here. That's an episode of a podcast. Oh, that's a little bit of small talk. Gaming. I want to, I have to redo the whole basement floor because our cat has ruined the carpet. I've got to redo the whole basement floor. I want to get one of those like board game tables like the poker table but you can also put like the ping-pong on top or like play cards or tabletop games. Hmm, like a fancy one? Yeah, I want to get like a really nice just like gaming table.

I don't know where to go to shop for those, but yeah, I do want to get one. There's a couple, there's a couple brands that sort of have like make them more manufacture them, but there are also some like custom sellers where it's just like a woodworker or a small shop that makes it. There's some cool stuff out there. Do you know any of those? Off the top of my head, no. I think we're Wyrmwood is one. I'm not sure. If you start Googling, the mainstream ones will come up.

But if you dig around, I usually just go to Reddit. Dig around Reddit a little bit, people will talk about like, oh, look at this. There are some ones where it's like they have cup holder attachments that hang out off the table. They like attach wherever you're sitting, but they're over the over the edge of the table. So if you spill it, it doesn't like spill into the game field. There's ones where there's like compartments for your pieces or game like notebooks or whatever. There's all kinds of stuff. It's very fun. I also, I want to get one of those, but we have like a regular table in the place where that table would go. And it's like, well, that table's fine. Seems stupid to get one of those, but we have like a regular table in the place where that table would go.

And it's like, well, that table's fine. Seems stupid to get rid of a table for a table, but maybe someday. A really good one. Yeah, I got to measure and see what kind of space we have, because the one spot I've got for it is not the biggest space in the world. So I got to see how big one I can fit along with having seating and room. Because like there was the previous homeowners had a pool table, but like it was not regulation. It was like more narrow because they couldn't really fit and play on a normal size one so i've got a little bit of a smaller space i want to put it in but i'll figure all that out but that's that's that's my

goal for next year is to get the uh basement floor redone are you gonna fix it so the cat doesn't ruin it again i'm gonna get like a fake wood like a laminate wood or something down or something and do the area rogues. Bob your woodworking skills are coming in so clutch right now not only can you redo his floors you can build him his conversion table I believe in you and everything that you will do in the future. Didn't you literally tell him like last episode he'd fail? I'm betting against myself. He implied that I would fail but he wants me to succeed and I'll allow that. All right. I'll start, I'll start building. I'll start building you a table.

Wade. Okay. If it's really good, I'll keep it. And if not, I'll thank you for it. And then I'll give that one away and get the good one. I'm going to come over periodically and just check and make sure it's exactly where I wanted you to put it and that you didn't do anything. Oh, I'll be honest with you. I'll be like, yeah, yours was, yours was nice, but like I wanted nicer, but if you do a really good job job I'll keep it. I feel pretty injured by that interaction. You guys want to hear a funny story that's also sad and not funny at all but kind of

funny? I'm ready to laugh. So a sports story kind of. No not yet haha hold it in. NBA's Hornets sorry after giving child the PS5 before taking it back off camera. Damn. They replaced the PS5 off camera with a jersey. Why? They're a basketball organization. Why not just give him the PS5? Like damn.

It is the Hornets. They... It's... The incident unfolded during the second quarter of Monday's game against the Philadelphia 76ers when Hugo, the team's mascot dressed as Santa Claus, brought a 13 year old fan onto the court. After a letter to Santa requesting a PS5 was read out loud to the whole crowd, a cheerleader presented the console, prompting cheers from the crowd and visible excitement from the boy. That's nice. That's very nice.

But the joy quickly evaporated when a Hornet staff member took the console back after the camera stopped rolling and handed the boy a jersey instead. The confusion was said to leave the boy, his family, and even team performers stunned. Why in the fuck did they do that? There is no reason that could exist that makes that make any sense whatsoever.

$600 to the Charlotte Hornets is like a counting error. Why would they do that? I don't know. They issued a public apology on Tuesday acknowledging their error saying, quote, during last night's game, there was an on court skit that missed the mark. The skit included bad decision making and poor communication. Simply put, we turned the ball over and we apologize. The fuck does that mean? I was gonna say if they have anyone who's worried about PR at all, they definitely already

sent him a PS5 as an apology. That didn't miss that, right? That doesn't say that they did that. As far as I know, he still hasn't gotten a PS5 as an apology. That didn't miss that, right? That doesn't say that they did that. As far as I know, he still hasn't gotten the PS5. There's an easy solution to this. Apparently they told the kids' uncle beforehand that it was, the kids aren't keeping the presents we're giving them. And the uncle's like, that's funny.

And then they meant it. But apparently now that all this shit's come out, they've said they've reached out to the family and not only committed to making it right, but exceeding expectations. We provided the fan with the PS5 that he should have taken home last night, along with a VIP experience to a future game.

However, that VIP experience, they're also gonna take away. Yeah, they're just gonna, they're gonna like give them a bill once they're sitting in their VIP seats. Like, well, you've got a new jersey and a hat and you're sitting in these first-class, top of the line seats, that'll be 900 bucks a seat, please. Also, this is a lifetime ban, you're never welcome back after this.

I wanna see the fan cam just focus on two child arms around a big pillar going like, yeah, my favorite game! Yippee! The Hornets have called this an on-court skit that missed the mark. The skit included bad decision-making and poor communication The thing about that is what? Yeah, I want to know what accounting guy was like we can't afford this. We'll just trick him

That'll be fine. Just take it back. Why not? Just tell them Hey, we're gonna give you a jersey assigned or not and the kid who's at a Hornets game probably like oh cool a jersey But instead they were like, you know, it'd be a better idea Pretend to give the kid the thing he wants for Christmas then take it away that couldn't possibly look bad on us later It's it's just like this is the joke you tell about a rich business guy and there's a baby and he's holding the lollipop You want it? You want it? Um about a rich business guy and there's a baby and he's holding the lollipop like you want it you want it? And then laughing and punching the baby. What actually happened was the players were in the locker room and one of their stars

saw on the TV that the kid was getting the PS5 and he was like hey I don't have a PS5 what the hell and they were like oh wait take that back that's the only one give that give that to the star give the kid a Jersey or something, it'll be fine. Four players on the Hornets are making close to, I don't know, 70,000 or $70 million this year. Just the first four I see their salaries. And they were like, $300 PS5. Ooh, like LaMelo Ball is under contract for this year

for $35 million and change. And then they're like, ah, but that $300 PS5 for the Christmas on court skit. It's a bold move, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off. Mark, this was a great story to bring up. And I absolutely love when corporations do something good and then look like assholes when they make the most boneheaded decisions afterward. I'm just still trying to understand,

like it was a skit, okay fine, they called it a skit, it was a skit. I'm trying to piece together what the joke was. Like it was a skit because they were like, oh, we'll pretend to give him a PS5, but we'll actually give him something he wants even more, a jersey. Mm-hmm.

Like the cheerleaders, apparently nobody was in on it. Like one person knew that it was a skit and was like whispering to apparently the uncle like, the kids aren't actually keeping this stuff. It's what? It just goes to show no company ever has your goodwill in mind. It's only to garner support and look like they're good and make you think that they're nice

Everything else is a smokescreen. I want to see the meeting where they were like, alright, what should we do? We need like an encore. Let's have someone come on the chords Christmas What if we give a kid a present he really wants? Hmm But what if we take it away and give him a jersey instead because a jerseys an even greater gift. Yeah, that'll go great All right, Johnson. good work. Smoke break. Thank you everybody, man, this was a smoke break. Get outside, get outside now! That was actually a surprisingly large amount of small talk,

but that's okay because the episode idea I have for today is one of those ones where in my head, it sounds like it's totally an episode, but the more I've thought about it and written things down for it to talk about the more I've been like wow this might be awful so we're gonna do it anyway no I'm sure it'll be fine I'm sure we'll be fine wait I'm gonna give you the segue point for this even though the segue that you made was about 25 minutes ago thank you and I'm gonna spell segue like like the Geo,

gyroscopically stabilized mode of transportation and not like Segoo-wee-wee. That's cause we're wheeling right over to the topic. Order is important, Wade. You're right. Order matters. Just like this is the last episode of the year. What did I say?

When did I say that? That was a long time ago. It was like right at the top. The order in which you do things, especially some things, matters a lot. And I have a lot of food stuff here, but we'll talk about a wide range of things. And specifically, I just want to talk about

what order we do things in and who does it correctly. So like, for starters, we can talk about this, but this one is not the most engaging. The order you make a sandwich Oh, yes. I knew it. I had this in my brain. Oh It's like a normal to pretend it's like you're making yourself the most deluxe sandwich you can but it's like a normal at-home Sandwich with all your usual stuff. Are we including getting the ingredients out or are we assuming they're already there? I like where your head is that include getting the ingredients out if that's a thing that you have

order for. Do we get points taken off if we don't eat a lot of things on our sandwiches? No, no, it's all about the order. We're just, I'm not we, I'm going to decide whose order is more correct is basically the way the points get divvied out here. So, but there's not like one point per thing there. If you have good reasoning, you know, you know how I keep score. I'm Drew Carey. Who wants to go first? Me. Well, he said it. That's fast. Mark, you're up first.

The obvious first step. And this is something I'll defend because some people don't do it. And they're still wrong if they don't do it. You should do this first check the bread I always check the bread not that I have it but for mold for mold for mold Because it's been there a long time for mold. Oh my god. Exactly check the bread for mold I always assume there's bread around and I assume that because if there isn't it's been thrown away and that's not me. It's there somewhere and it's probably if it's old I'll see the mold.

I love that catchphrase I say it every time. If it's old I'll see the mold. It's like an infomercial it's just perfect. Do you have one of those moldifying glasses? I want it to be a negative point but I have to give you a point for that because it actually tickled me. It's going to be one of those episodes. Go on. You've checked the bread. It's fine.

Oh, am I going the whole way? Unless you want to toss it back and forth, but I'm interested. I'm intrigued because that is a very thoughtful first step. I got taken by that recently. I didn't make a sandwich. I was trying to like just have some toast like bread with peanut butter on it, like a breakfast toast in the morning thing. Didn't realize till I was taking a bite of toasted bread and I was like, oh, that tastes moldy. Fuck. I didn't die yet, so I'm sure it's fine.

I didn't die yet, so I'm sure it's fine. So I'll keep going then. I can't say the specifics of the order, but once I've checked the bread, it's to the fridge, right? Almost all of my ingredients for whatever sandwich, besides a PB&J, are fridge-based. Well, actually, include- 50% of it are fridge-based, I guess, in a PBJ. Unless it's New J. Could be New J. Yes. You're right. But I go to the fridge no matter what I open the fridge Stand there because I've forgotten what I was making looking around I the cheese I the giant block of cheddar that's there in the drawer and I go. Hmm. That's easier than a sandwich

Oh sandwich and then I grabbed the mayonnaise Sandwich I grabbed the mayonnaise and the lunch meats cuz in the same tray as the cheese and then I grab the mayonnaise. Hey, a sandwich! And I grab the mayonnaise and the lunch meats, cause it's in the same tray as the cheese. And then I grab the sliced cheese, if I have it. Most of the time I don't because I've eaten it. So any sliced cheese goes very quickly, cause it's slightly easier than chopping off my own cheese from the block. And I don't do that for a sandwich.

That's the wrong kind of cheese! Wrong kind of cheese. Once I grab all of it. I grab it all in one I don't tink tink grab it all hip close the fridge plop it on the counter Grab a paper towel rip it off lay it on the counter put the two pieces of bread on the paper towel grab a knife mayonnaise first meat more meat cheese Sometimes I'll do ketchup or not ketchup. That doesn't go on that sandwich.

Uhhhh, mustard! The other thing, mustard! Some- long time ago I told you a bologna ketchup and sliced pickle sandwich, very good. But not for here. It's usually like ham, turkey roast beef, uh, provolone cheese if I have it, anything else if I have that. A mayonnaise on the other side, I don't usually do veggies or or anything and I slap that bad boy on there close it up if I'm feeling fancy I'll cut it diagonally wrap it in the paper towel that I just had there. No, no, no I will say cutting your sandwiches at home underrated. It's a different thing to eat a sandwich. That's been cut especially on the die egg That's a nice touch I do appreciate that and you said you put you put the you build the sandwich on the counter, but you put a paper towel down?

Or do you just literally lay it on? Yeah, paper towel down, paper towel down, bread on there, mayonnaise on one side, plop plop plop plop plop, not plop, plop, not plop, plop, plop plop, you know when you make a sandwich, plop plop plop plop. You know? Mmm. Oh, we all know about plappin'. I know how to make a sandwich, plop, plop, plop, plop. Do you know? Oh, we all know about plappin'. I know how to make a sandwich, all right. Then eat, yeah. A lot of that, I gotta say, content-wise,

a lot of that matches up with how I do it. There were a couple interesting choices. Wade, hit me with it. I'm debating whether I wanna give you my real thing or if I just wanna go fuckin' wild. I mean, you can lie if that's what you're here for I guess I don't know. I just I'm imagining like instead of spreading the jelly on the bread you spread it on your hand and then just slap it on the bread and smear it off. What the fuck?

That's the thing I wouldn't believe that you did that. No okay so I'll go PB and J because that sounds the best to me right now. I had like a sub yesterday with like meat and cheese So right now a PB&J just sounds good But if I'm gonna have a PB&J the first thing I always do I do check the bread But I also check and make sure I've got milk because I need milk of the PB&J. Mmm So I gotta have milk that's in that's good. And I also am like 10 years old So I have to have either chips or Spaghetti Oh's with my sandwiches.

Whoa, SpaghettiOs goes with PB and J? It goes with ham and cheese, PB and J, whatever. I like it with both. Those are not the same kind of sandwich, but I'll allow it. To give you my order of operations, I check, make sure I have all my ingredients that they're all still good.

And then it's timing. I eat two sandwiches and a bowl of SpaghettiOs, but the timing has to be right so I get a bowl I open up the can of spaghetti Oh's put them in the bowl scrape out the can rinse out the can whatever and then I put a paper towel over the bowl and put it in the microwave because spaghetti was like the Out-everywhere and make your microwave dirty So you have to like wrap it and tuck the corners under the bowl which gets to be really annoying because one corner always wants To untuck but you get it tucked in you put it in there, and I think spaghetti is like two minutes.

Put it in the microwave, get all my ingredients for making sandwiches ready to go. Got my knife for the spreading of peanut butter. I use a spoon for the jelly. And then it's like timer, start. Two minutes, gotta make my sandwiches. I get a plate, four pieces of bread, and I grab two, set them down.

Two, set them down. I do two sandwiches. Oh, right, I must have missed that part, sorry. Two, set them down, two, set them down. I do two sandwiches. Oh, right, I must have missed that part, sorry. Two, set them down. Two, set them down. And then I flip the two over, so that way they're two pieces of bread that line up properly.

So yeah, so the butts are touching. So I know which jelly goes to which peanut butter. And then I start with the jelly. I do the jelly first and lay that down. Do the jelly, lay that down. Then peanut butter, put it on top. Peanut butter, put it on top. But when I eat them, I flip and I eat jelly on top

because peanut butter likes to stick to the roof of my mouth so I want jelly on top when I eat. And then usually microwaves about done when the sandwiches are done, put my stuff away, stir the SpaghettiOs or pour my chips, whatever one I'm doing, pour my glass of milk, sit down and eat. I'm defending a piece that he does here really strongly

because he's very right about the order that you do the peanut butter and jelly.'s correct jelly first why because you can lick the knife and it'll be clean going into the peanut butter but if you do peanut butter first you can't really get it off going into the jam I don't mind a little jam in my peanut butter and spit I guess but also I wipe it on the paper towel so I use two different utensils I use a knife for the peanut butter to spoon for the jelly but the peanut butter fuck this guy I hope he burns in hell this guy is the reason America is going the way it is wait say the reason out loud bring it home because you spread the peanut butter and

Then you dip it back in and you get a finger full of peanut butter from your clean finger you eat But then the knife still clean because your finger was clean so you get one more But then you've got saliva on the knife so then the knife goes has to be in the sink But you get two just bites of peanut butter by itself this this is a man of sin of waste of gluttony and excess Oh, I'm sorry. We just got unlimited silverware here. Oh, I only grew up with one knife So we all had to share we all had to share knife. When I was done, I licked it, handed it to my brother. He licked it clean. So my germs weren't on it. Stick it in the jam, peanut butter. And then we just, you know,

we use our long dog-like tongues to lick it out of the jar. Look, let me just throw this out there. I respect Wade's reasoning. If you use a knife to get jelly out of a jar there is something wrong with you as a person oh I'm sorry you're something that malfunctions and you're across the broken fingers can't have the manual dexterity to navigate jam out with a knife what are you we're out here and I just see, tink, tink, tink, and we're scraping it out and like an animal. I churn the jelly with the spoon and then get it out.

Churn it with the knife. Wub, wub, wub, wub. He still can't scoop it out. Yes you can, what kind of jam are you doing? You're doing the liquidy crappy jam, not the preserves. Are you not doing the preserves? Wade, what he's telling us is he doesn't put enough on that he doesn't encounter this as a problem. Wait, what he's telling us is he doesn't put enough on that he doesn't encounter this as a problem.

That's what he's telling us. Listen, the jam, you don't need as much as you do to the peanut butter. Oh! You need more jelly than peanut butter! No! You need a lot of peanut butter, but you need more jelly. Listen, I don't need that much jam.

I need the peanut butter, which is why I built a peanut butter wall around the bread, edge of the bread, so the jam doesn't leak out. If you put too much jam in there, it's gonna explode everywhere. That's why I'm a fast eater. And I'm like, you have to watch your bite. It's like a whole act of like-

Yeah, it's a game. It's a bit, you have to def- Take a bite, it's like, wow, it's the other side, look! Oh, I gotta get that. You don't need peanut butter defending your borders you are the border defense you eat your way to the center and none of it leaks out I'm sorry listen you're you're trying to tell me that you need a spoon as a crutch to get jam out it's

not a crutch it's just the way it's done and it's because you like the mess that it makes after it's spilling out of your sandwich. I've never in my life had a mess from eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because I do it right. I have neither because I do it right also. A wall of peanut butter. You have more peanut butter than jelly on your peanut butter.

Yes, of course you do. Oh, you want to glue your mouth shut and die every time you eat one? It's delicious. Yeah, dude, you gotta have a lot of jelly. It's gotta be the top layer in your mouth. The jelly is the part, the reward for the peanut. You can have peanut butter on toast whenever you want.

That's not exciting. The jelly is the thing that spices it up. If you like the jelly so much and you eat the jelly up, it doesn't touch your tongue. You do jelly down so it gets to your tongue if you chew your food it all touches everything oh this guy said he ate fast he ain't chewing nothing Wade's hawking it down like a snake and an egg I do chew I'm a fast eater but I do chew I have a question though I've never done this I blew my own mind years ago

whenever it was like I wanted like a ham and cheese but I also wanted a grilled cheese so I was like what if I just put ham on there and grill it in a grilled ham and cheese very good has anyone ever done a grilled PB&J? Yes it's delicious what you what you really want to do to perfect it because you don't really want to squeeze it because of the nature of a peanut butter and jelly air fryers you take you make a peanut butter and jelly if you want the proist of pro tips it sounds gross mayonnaise is the thing that you want on the outside of a grilled cheese sandwich. No, no, no.

Mayonnaise, my lord. Oh my god. You put it on the outside and then you toast it in the air fryer. No. It gets a thicker crust than butter ever could have dreamed of having. This is from one of those stupid food blogs that some asshole was like, I put mayonnaise on the outside of your grilled cheese better than butter. That person should be shot.

I've been doing this since like 2015. And that's when you're the blog post. You made it. I'm not a mayonnaise guy. So I don't know if I'd like it or not. It doesn't taste like mayonnaise. It tastes the same as any other grease that myards on the outside of a grilled cheese. Oh, it's, it's terrible because it started this epidemic of people all, all of a sudden being like, Oh, you know, you don't put butter on grilled cheese. You put mayonnaise and it's like, I like mayonnaise.

It don't belong on the outside of your grilled cheese. You just butter it. And it's fine. We've tried it here because Amy was also like, Oh, you put mayonnaise. I was like, that's it. I even heard that. I was like, it's the stupidest thing I've ever heard fine. We've tried it here because Amy was also like, oh you put mayonnaise I was like that's and I even heard that I was like, it's the stupidest thing I've ever heard And then you tried it. It's still the stupidest thing i've ever heard Take my points. I don't care Take them take them away mark mark turned into Wade at some point during this exchange God, I didn't know I was doing this podcast with barbarian heathens heretics.

No, do you wanna know why mayonnaise is good and why it's useful? Do you keep counter butter? Do you keep warm butter in your house or is your butter all refrigerated? It's refrigerated. Because spreading cold refrigerated butter onto soft sandwich bread,

I might as well just fucking put it in a blender and then drink it. Would you pr- Because it destroys everything. There's no- Put it in the microwave! The man who won't use a second utensil wants me to microwave butter instead of just using the mayonnaise that's already on the counter while I'm making a sandwich? Look, you put it in the microwave in the package for five seconds, it's soft, it doesn't melt.

You microwave the whole thing of butter just for one little bit? Why not? Just to soften it! Cause it fucking melts the whole thing of butter! Because then you take the stick of butter that is soft and you rub it on your bread! You, sir, are the barbarian! You don't need to cut it, you take the stick! That leaves bread dingleberries on a whole stick of butter! You lick it clean!

Oh my god, it gets worse and worse. Alright, I don't do that. Where are we going? What's happening? I don't do that. I don't want people to think I do that. I'm always used to being one of the ones yelling. It's so much fun to watch you two go at it. Isn't it fun? Isn't it fun? I don't lick the butter after I'm done.

Before we move on from sandwiches, I do have a question and I feel like this might just be me being a special kind of insane. Bread loafs that you buy from the store, they have like a dome, the top is like a dome shape, right? So each slice of bread, it's not like it's a flat side. There's like a curve to it, right? So there's one side that's slightly bigger and one side that's slightly smaller of the slice of bread

because of the nature of the sloped top part. Like a muffin, you have the muffin. Whenever I make a sandwich, I specifically line it up. So it's big side to big side, which means that one of them gets like flipped around. Is this a thing that you guys ever think about in life or am I just crazy?

Cause I can't, if I make a sandwich and it's not like that, and then you have like the uneven bread on, I'm like, it's, it's- You don't want that. This is why when you pull out the slices, right? The four slices that I use for two sandwiches, you pull out those four, put them into twos that are touching.

And then I flip them like long ways so that they're like small squared offside to small squared offside. And then they close back up. It's like opening a clam and closing a clam shell almost. That way you have the right two pieces of bread and the correct sides touching. The correct way is actually if you really want to do it, you take the slices mirror at the other end of the loaf and you have to reach in and obviously it takes a lot of work, but once you get down in there you find its match and then that slope that it

Goes up on the dome fits perfectly and whereas the other one is like slight I get what you're saying is like a big but it's still slightly. Oh the whole slice is slightly bigger It's yeah, it's still not it doesn't match up perfectly the outside would be with the insides line up perfectly as long as they're the ones touching All you have to do no mark is right and I've never done this all you have to do is open bread loaves from both ends. Oh god, hold on, no! You just go in from the outside. Yes! Don't go to the other end, don't air, don't let the air touch it. You would go, so if you want one sandwich, the first slice, the first sandwich you get, you'll take, you'll take away the heel because no one eats the heel. Oh the heel's a good part! You leave the heel for defense and you use that. Yeah the heel's the defense, you don't eat the heel because no one eats the heel. Oh the heels a good part You leave the heel for defense and you use that the heels the defense you don't eat the heel

You leave that take out the first slice you go all the way to the other end for the other slice I don't say I do this but I'm saying it is there. No, no, it's perfect. It's perfect That's perfect. Other two are close enough together and they line up because they were where the cut was made They're slightly different. They're slightly different. But the mirror piece is the actual correct piece. Assuming it's a perfectly symmetrical loaf. Generally they are. They're manufactured. Even if it's not, then this one may not have the first two might not have a mirror piece,

but the next two will. Like at some point there is a majority of mirrors. Yeah, but where it was cut, you know, those two sides light up Yeah, but then it's one bigger and one smaller. That's okay. That's interesting. That's interesting You know, I feel like we arrived for where we were in the middle of that look We arrived at a really good place on sandwiches. Anyway order matters great episode Bob. Yeah. Well, I have a bunch of other No, I want more I want more I Have I want to do another food one because I'm curious about this. I hope you bring up cereal. I hope to God you bring up cereal.

Oh, that one's quick and easy. Okay. How can you screw this up? There's only one answer with cereal. No there isn't! Let's do that real quick. Cereal. Oh, here we go. What or- Bowl of cereal, what order? Ooh, I'm gonna- I'm gonna roll up the sleeves.

You put your bowl down, you pour milk in it, then you pour your cereal. I'll die on this hill and there's so many reasons. All you sheeple out there that think you're too good, you pour your cereal first then your milk. No, you pour your milk first so you have a fixed quantity of milk. The elements that you're fighting is time till sogginess.

If you have your milk first, you get the quantity of milk that you want and then you pour cereal a little bit at a time so it never becomes soggy. And then you will have a perfect ratio of cereal to milk at the end of it because you will pour exactly as much cereal as that milk requires in the duration that it needs to be poured. So the the just sogginess thing is always the argument and like that's correct to me but I've never understood you know how how I do it is you pour the cereal first and you pour a small amount of milk and then you eat down the side so that you're eating the part that's in the

milk as it's getting milk saturated before it gets soggy there's not enough milk like for me like less than a quarter of the bowl is ever touching milk at any given moment why why if you pour it milk first and your cereal floats you get like five Cheerios before it's floating over the edge of the giant bowl of milk that you just poured. How much do you fill it with milk? I don't know. I assume if you pour milk first, you pour a lot because you're a fucking weirdo.

Why? You pour like a third of it in there. You don't want a lot of milk, but you're just, you, the way you're describing it, you're a milk first in denial. You're a milk first. I would just rather have my cereal maxed out and then the left milk to make it very delicious to eat. I don't have time to pour cereal 30 times for one meal. I fill that bowl like three quarters with

cereal. I pour like half full of milk and then it's like a hot dog eating competition man. I'm ravenous. I'm a fast eater and I am pouring through that thing. You don't need to do that if you just pour your milk first. I like it and I wouldn't change it. And how many times have you been there when you have your cereal you pour your milk and say oh shit I don't have enough milk I gotta go pour more. You can tell how much milk you have. That's never ever happened because when I pick the milk out of the fridge I know exactly if I have enough or not enough milk. Then pour that amount into your bowl. You know what I've had happen which is even more sad is whenever I'm preparing for this and I go to pour the cereal

and the box weighs so much I'm like oh there's at least enough for a bowl and like four pieces of cereal come out and that's it. Well that's's a whole other issue. That's another issue. That sounds like a skill issue. Yeah, that's a different issue. Well, nobody gets any points for that. I feel very conflicted now. Oh, it is cereal first. It is milk first.

Wade, somehow you're right, but very wrong. And somehow Mark, you're right, but also wrong. And I don't understand how this is where we arrived at, but I find it very confusing. Crunchy cereal is better, but you don't milk first. What, you're just accepting soggy cereal as your life? I think Wade's argument is he eats it so fast it doesn't have a chance to get soggy, but that's not how I eat cereal.

Cereal is fun. I want to enjoy that. I don't want to just... I enjoy it. The truth of the matter is full bowl of cereal fast refill, cause there's still milk, more, more. The milk reload is always nice, cause then you're putting cereal into cereal flavored milk, and then you get, especially if it's something like,

or those, the cinnamon toast crunch milk. Yeah. That's a whole separate kind of, that's like a special experience. But that's a milk first thing too. You, it gets progressively more cerealed, and by the bottom of it, when you're finishing out the exact ratio ratio that those last bites are just as delicious

Now you pour it over the cinnamon toast crunch and it gets that loose granules off and saves it for later What you're just stripping your top layers of cereal of their cinnamon for this put it from the milk for later Let's move on to a stupider one. What order do you get dressed in? This is not a complicated process unless you're're putting on like a three piece suit or something. What order do you get dressed in? Cause there's kind of an order you have to get dressed in, but there are choices along the way. Are we saying like you're taking a shower, getting out of the shower, getting dressed for the day or something? You are starting as you were born with nothing around you or upon you, how do you begin to clothe yourself

from 100% naked state? All right, I'm gonna take this like getting out of the shower. Am I first, Mark first? Go ahead, Mark seems to be pondering. It is underwear first, then for me, usually shorts, then shirt. And if I'm going out and about, it's socks.

Well, sometimes I'll do, okay, if I'm going out and about, sometimes it's socks after underwear before pants or shorts. Sometimes jeans can just be annoying to deal with whenever you're trying to put socks on. So if I'm doing socks, then it's underwear, socks, shorts, shirt. If I'm just hanging around the house, underwear, pants, shorts, then shirt. So you're a no socks in the house kind of person, though? Yeah, I don't really need them. I'm not like a cold person.

I feel like socks, I get warm. So I don't really need socks in the house. I'm either socks, but I never walk around with bare feet in my house I have slippers on if I don't have socks. I'm barefoot gross disgusting human being that you are that makes sense Along with your jelly tastes dude growing up my mom had a pool whenever I was like an elementary school and you'd wake up It was just like oh wake up put on some swimming trunks walk outside and hop in the pool Like you never needed shoes for anything. Why would you put shoes or socks on to go like walk outside? So that's kind of grew up being used to being barefoot,

more convenient, less to take off and deal with later if I want to swim. More ringworm on your feet. Never had ringworm. My feet are too tough to get it. I don't think he knows what ringworm is. Isn't it hookworm? Isn't hookworm what you get in your feet?

Probably. You would know. Worm foot. That's my favorite Lord of the Rings character he's basically right I mean I can't really argue it's underwear first and then anyone that actually argues underwear in any other place than first they might have something wrong with them or they might be magical that would be very impressive but not practical for me I slip into my very comfortable

revolutionary briefs first obviously and then I stand there and let the cool get to me. Because if I put on anything too fast, I start sweating immediately after a hot shower. Yes. I take lukewarm showers. I can't do hot showers and I don't overheat. If anything, I'm chilly when I get out of the shower, so I want to get dressed quick because you need the hot shower, but you just need to cool down. The hot showers way better. I'm too much of a baby to do the cold after the hot shower because I'm like, I just enjoyed it. Why am I going to make it terrible at the end here?

Yeah, so I put on my underwear and I just kind of stand there for a bit, walk around, let myself cool down. Then it's, yeah, I think he's right, it's pants. Sometimes I'm underwear shirt first, but usually it's underwear pants first. It's whatever I can reach first, honestly. But most of the time, if after a shower, you know, I'm getting properly dressed.

Say the pants, yeah. Underwear, pants, shirt, socks are dependent. It's, socks fit in that order. If I'm going out, yeah, it's like socks, then shirt, or shirt, and then socks will come when they come. Yeah, my feet have gotten further away as I've gotten older. I don't know what's happened.

Oh, you mean cause you're tall? Yeah, well that also just like, I feel like I put on a bit more weight So like whenever I put jeans on like try I something about jeans and socks It's like I never want to put on socks if I have jeans on couldn't tell you what it is I maybe I need stretchy like they have those stretchy jeans that are really comfortable Yeah, do you still wear like hard like hard denim jeans? Cuz they have I think a couple of pairs I have are but like there's something about like you reach in jeans and

Even if you can like physically stretch sometimes jeans are just like you're not today I haven't worn jeans in a long time I prompted that one by saying it was gonna be stupider and it was I was so I was hoping for some surprises but no no no magical surprises not here not here all right this was just happening we all probably just did this at least in some form it's still an order but it's not an order of different things you do This is one thing that you do. How do you approach? Unwrapping a present assume it's a it's a box. This is not some weird

It's like a box that's wrapped in a very sort of traditional way where it's like the ends are taped And it's just like a very standard straightforward wrapping. How do you where do you start? How do you approach this? I'm gonna throw this out there and I want to disclaim, it's not me. This is not me. I'm gonna describe a psychopath. Oh, okay. Okay. A psychopath opening a present, and I know this because I witnessed it all growing up from my brother. A psychopath opening a present carefully lifts the tape so that it doesn't tear the paper and slowly disassembles the entire wrapping without ripping any of the paper and then removes the present, sets it aside and folds the paper.

Why? Why? I don't know. He didn't do this a lot, like, but for a while there he was very perfectionist about it and he wanted to do it as like a challenge. I don't know if he still does it because we don't do tons of presents now but he did that. It stuck with me and so I like a sane person just take the present and go yay however it'll come off I get it off whatever I see the-

You don't have a technique you just dive in? Whatever I there's usually a weakness on rapping and if it's like a professionally done one you got to Go in through the long slide side long slip But you got to be careful because you'll paper cut yourself if you go too fast That shit's sharp especially the professional ones But usually just grab under that first one piece of tape because no one really puts that much effort into taping it or they Shouldn't anyway and I go That's it the shush shush shush method Wade

That's it. The shush shush method. Wade. So two things here. First of all, if you get a bag that has like the wrapping paper in it, and then like there's just a present under the wrapping paper, I am the guy that's like,

well, they might want the bag and the wrapping paper back. So I'll like gently take out the wrapping paper and like make sure the bag is okay. But if it's a present that has like wrapping paper and tape, if it has a bow, I'll like undo the bow nicely Okay, maybe someone wants to reuse this or whatever try to be thoughtful But then the wrapping paper it's you find those folds is usually for our family It's the side folds and you grab those little triangular folded things and you rip one and then you have your weakness and then like

I mean Mark's right about that rip. Yeah, but I do it to the bags too I don't give a shit if they want them back. They can get the pieces back. You get a bag and you don't open it, you just start ripping the bag. Why did you feel the need to clarify that you don't damage the bag? What kind of sociopath damages a bag that a present comes in?

Exhibit A? Shush, shush, shush, shush. Whoa, whoa, whoa, that doesn't make, that makes me feel unsafe. I mean, some people are kind of rough. They'll like dent the bag and they'll just be like tearing into it. They'll like fold up or rip the paper inside. It's open. You don't have to do that. However, the present got in there.

It comes right back out. I am gentle with the bag because the bag poses a risk. Sometimes they put it nestled into the paper. I've had a nightmare scenario where I pull the paper out. The president came out with it. It was a glass ornament and it just or some kind of decorative thing it went right out of the bag and shattered on the floor and and this cuz it was wrapped like the paper was like a you around it and so when I pulled one side it came all out and so that was that was sad so I'm careful with that I do not shush shush shush the

bags. Alright well apparently I'm the crazy one. What do you do? I don't have I don't do what your brother did or anything but but I, I want it to be satisfying. The thing about opening presents is the ripping randomly is less satisfying to me than maximizing the number of rips though. You get, you start on one end and you get the end open and you kind of work your way, you kind of undress it, kind of work your hands in and you kind of work your way down

and you like rip it all the way down to the other end. But then you also want to enjoy un-taping slash tearing the other triangular end part. It's just like, it's like when you do a screen peel, you know, you have like the plastic on the screen, you don't just take it and just go, wha! And peel it. You take the plastic and you go, wha!

And you ease it. It's like satisfying. I do not foreplay my bags, man. I'm going in raw. I'm not saying I do it slowly. It's quick,. I do not foreplay my bags, man. I'm going in raw. I'm not saying I do it slowly. It's quick, but it's like maximizing the satisfaction of it. This is the type of guy that would rather go to a burlesque show than a good

old fashioned American strip club. Am I right, Wade? Hit it. Probably, yeah. Oh. Are those different in a way that I should understand? I've never been to a burl I've only been to one strip club and no burlesque. So I must be an American. All right I've been to I've been to zoo manatee in Vegas. Does that count as burlesque? I don't know where that falls

I don't know but Star Wars had a burlesque show in Cincinnati recently. I figured was called I heard about that Did you bring that up? I think about the Empire strips back that talk about that on the show. Yeah, I think you did Yeah, yeah, it's like still happening. I think. Disney hasn't shut them down yet, nice. Hey, you can't shut down Bertlesque, I assume. No one can. It's illegal. Probably, I assume. Man, I really should have saved Sandwich for last. It was just, it just started off with a lot of fireworks there and then... Look, I just, I don't know. Watching YouTube go at it doesn't happen often. I'm almost always the one that gets controversially attacked controversially attacked I don't know it's controversial because I get attacked I don't

deserve it but like YouTube going out it was very entertaining for me listeners and watchers I guess if you want tell us what order you do things in by following this order very particularly go to the reddit find the thread for this episode make a comment where you talk about what order you do things that's an important you can't change that order that's kind of the order that has to happen in or you'll just be commenting on some random website on the internet what if they make like a word document where they type it out their comment then they go to the reddit and just copy paste it some serial killer shit right there i love it that is the end of the episode i I really thought I didn't have enough. I have like seven more of these we could talk about, but I'd do another.

I'd do another episode. We could circle back to this. We could circle back to this. I think some of these other ones are going to have a little more nuance. So we'll have to get to. So maybe we'll circle back. I don't do many things. So the order of things is going to really be interesting if I don't do it. Well, then you could just make it up excellent the points are actually you know what? I'm gonna read what you got points for and then I'll say who it was at the end See if we can figure out who said what you got points for. Do you feel lucky? That was me confusing Homer me Yeah, chum bony chum bony. Fair plus honest. Segway spelled wrong. Moldifying glass.

Ha! I don't know. Under the gun... Sand... Which... Cereal confusing. And... Which you got a half point for. And...

Wrapping, I guess. Most of those sounded like me. Yeah, that was Wade's points. Mark, you got a point for... Dune? Really, why? Secrets Hornets

skit Check the bread plop plop plop plop plop plop defending Wade for some reason The mirror pieces of bread and then confusing cereal also earned you half a point If you can count you will know that with nine and a half points, today's winner is Wade. Damn it. Dude, starting the year off right. I actually ended up giving you a lot of sandwich points, Mark, despite how much we went back and forth on that. But then I think I was just worn out by that. And so I really favored Wade for the whole rest of the episode. Yeah, that makes sense. I get that.

But I tried to be fair with the sandwich stuff because I did it. You know what? Explain, if you want to explain yourself in your loser's speech because you have one more opportunity. I think that I made myself very clear. There is a right way and a wrong way and there will be no tolerance for the wrong way as I will decide what is right and wrong the very next time I win this podcast I will declare myself always right I will

make that the truth because it is the truth and anyone that says otherwise is a liar a worm-footed liar and I will not tolerate and no one should ever tolerate such people if you can even call them people You can I rest my case got him Wade winner speech It's been a rough stretch this last couple of months has been a lot of losses But if I learned one thing today, it's that if you go head-to-head with Bob at something and like you he disagrees with how you Feel about it. He's less likely to award you later And I'm thinking that next time he hosts He disagrees with how you feel about it. He's less likely to award you later. And I'm thinking that next time he hosts,

I'm gonna try to remember that and let Mark wear him out so he gives me more points. And I think that that is absolutely fair. I also wanna point out that I think Mark had four things, Bob, that I had to mark down today. And I think we had two in the last episode. So I just wanted to make sure we're keeping track of that. I think that's right.

But it was fun. I'm glad that we could all agree on most things the sandwich one being a strange one I think we pretty much agreed which is good. Cheers to that. I hope you all had a great 2024 Here's the 2025 boys. I was one See you all soon Enjoyed taking marks image and doing what you like with it and thank you for another great episode That was another one mark. You're supposed to check with me if it is one. No no you're not part of this. That's part no that is part of it. There's some else no no oh that's another one

Bob that's for you I gotta write that in your column. Well anyway thanks so much for watch listening. Oh that was another one. Everybody who watched listen to this episode check out markiplier lordmany777Skirm. Those are our names. That's the end of the episode, and the end of the year. Woo! Oh, wait, that was another one. Yeah, so we'll see you at the same time we always see you the next episode when it comes out on the next time. But it'll be in a whole new year. That's the end. Bye everybody. Podcast out.