Distractible - Fortunately, Unfortunately

Episode Date: February 16, 2026

Fortunately, Wade has a new improv game for Bob and Mark. Unfortunately, bald. Get set up quick and connect to their fast speeds. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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The folks over your T-Mobile have some big news for you. They now have the fastest 5G home internet according to the experts at Ucla Speed Test. So if you want the fastest 5G speeds with a five-year price guarantee, visit t-mobile.com slash home internet to check availability. Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply fastest based on Ucla speed test intelligence data second half 2025, all rights reserved. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to distractible. This episode, wangling Wade calls for more Fnaff, plugs Piage, then institutes relay yarn spinning.

Bilbo Bob does burlesque bowling, gets hext, commits to comedy, and smokes a brisket. Mocontal Mark gets his dungeon on, delays his multilingual godbaud, describes PCP wear bears, and rubs gin asshole. From xylophone confinement to spectral sexual attentions. Ha ha ha ha ha. It's time for, fortunately, unfortunately. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello everybody.

Welcome back to another episode of Distractable. I'm today's host. Wade, I'm joined by Mark, and our friend in witness protection. Bob. Hello. You might be in jail. Let me out. Let me out. Good thing they put him in that xylophone.

Yeah. Guys, I'm trapped under a musical instrument. Help. Oh, no. Have you never joined the show? You're not missing much, except for everything. Go back and watch every episode at least three times. Then you'll know what we're about.

One of us hosts the other two compete for points. Whoever has the most gets to host the next episode. I won the last one, so here we are. Yeah, we didn't choose this. It's not our fault. Wade's hosting. You gotta say, normally in our small talk, we just allow whoever's got whatever to jump in. And that's how it's gonna be this time too. What's new?

Heini, meeny, mo. Let's go for a walk, boys. Oh, man, I went early. He's gonna know how to, he's gonna know how to beat this. Yeah, look, look, here's my hobbit hole. Keep it up, Mark. He'll eventually play. Hang on, I'll catch on. Hang on, wait. Do it again. Do it again. You don't get to see what I got. I already rolled. Oh, he played Eity Meety Mighty Moe, but with rock paper and scissors, it looked like.

Track this, editors. Peace me out. Paper, you win. I thought he was creatively putting paper on a rock, so he had both. You can do your small talk while I'm walking around this bowling alley that I'm in. Why are you in a bowling alley? We're recording the podcast right now. There's people over here.

Who, strangers? Mandy. Strangers. Randoms. Yeah, strangers. Yeah, strangers. Yeah. This, and there's balls.

Crucial to any bowling endeavor. It's a bowling alley. The evidence does point toward it being a bowling alley. I kind of agree it might be a bowling alley. I like the lighting out here. Maybe I'll just sit on the bowling lane. Is that allowed? I don't know if anyone's going to stop you.

Hi, this is my position. How do you like the angle? You look like you're on a stage at a strip club with the flashing lights. Yeah. It's good stuff. I've kind of got a 144 p view of everything, so it's just a big colorful smear. Anyway, that's what we got going on. What a camera pickup right between the legs straight up.

Hey, I'm not complaining. No one's complaining. Seriously, though, we're in a house in Florida, in Orlando, and there's just bowling alley. On the second floor of the house. It reminds me of the Who Killed Markiplier Castle that we rented, just like with the most random rooms in it. It was a great place. Also, all the rooms are themed.

And the room that I'm recording from is The Hobbit. So, like, literally, it's a bedroom. I remember when Bill Bow and Gandalf shared a bunk bed during their college years. There's also a hot tub here. I considered doing the episode from the hot tub, but it turns out everyone else who's staying at this house also wants to use the hot tub. And they were like, don't do that. We're using the hot tub.

Don't do that. I was like, fine. Bidches. You should have had a coin flip for it. Turns out outside of our show, people are not into that. Oh. I wonder why. That doesn't make any sense.

It's really, that's really an us thing. Couldn't tell you. Ridiculous. Anyway, that's my whole small talk. We're going to Disney. We're going to Disney. I watched Super Bowl and we're going to Disney. I mean, I feel like after the result, I am too.

Because I've got friends that are Patriots fans and I'm so glad I don't have to live with that for eight months. Like Tyler? Notorious Patriots fan and Tom Brady officiado, Tyler. Yeah, he is devastated. Tyler's favorite number? 12. Brady's number 12. I mean, evidence is right there. There's infinite numbers that they both could have chosen and they chose the same one. That's true. Weirdly enough, a lot of people have picked infinity as their favorite number and so statistically that should be impossible,

but statistics can go fuck themselves. See, people thought that about me, but I just picked an eight that was napping. Got them. Oh, I get it. All right, enough silliness. It's my turn for small talk. I love dungeon crawler Carl. What book are you on? I'm on book five. Jesus, fuck. God. I can't stop. That was not that long ago. I know. One weekend. See, the thing is,

now that I'm not working on the movie, I have a lot of time on my hands, so I get to read a book, which is so to end. So I've actually read five books. Well, four books. I've just started five, so I'm not, I'm not very far into it. How many are out right now? Seven? Eight? I don't know. Something like that. Seven. Eight comes out in a couple of months or two or something. I read books like I two packs of gum. All of it at once. Oh, I'm Irish. And then I don't make it last at all.

I'm sure we've talked about that. But the way Mark chews gum is very disconcerting. Isn't there like an offensive or defensive coordinator in the NFL who does that? Like just has like a huge wad of gum in their mouth. That's how you get the most flavor. Offensive coordinator, Mark. That's me. That's me. You know, it's funny, Bob, you said that a certain party would get slow and you just have to slog through it. I never felt that at all.

Maybe because I was just going so fast. I just didn't get to the slow part. But I enjoyed it all. Yeah, well, if you ever take a break from reading them, it might feel that way. But if you read them straight through, it doesn't even happen. It's impossible. I loved all. I love reading the spell and the ability descriptions.

Like, I could, if the whole book was basically just reading what they did and what the AI was saying, it was just like, and basically that is the whole book. but it's like, that's some of my favorite part. I don't know why, but it's just, I like it a lot. If you really like the AI, six and seven are going to knock your socks off. He said it. He said the thing. What? Do I say that a lot?

Oh, I said six and seven. Isn't it just six seven? Ah, he said it again. He said it again. Oh, no, you got me. I didn't do it. It wasn't me, I swear. Also, to deal with the crushing boredom of not making things,

I'm just about to any day now I'm gonna start working out again any minute now I'm really feeling yeah me too man I realize how pathetic that sounded as who was coming out but no I feel like man I really gotta get in shape you know

I have to look you know when you're not doing anything that consumes your life and you just stare in the mirror at yourself or you're like oh my god my entire life yeah I was gonna say man yeah I don't know any different oh yeah and so you just gotta you gotta look at your fleshy body and be like

I guess I should do something about this. So yeah, I've been doing that. I want to learn Korean. I want to learn Spanish. I want to do all these things. Been doing that. Been doing thinking about working out? What of that have you been doing if you haven't actually been working out?

I've been doing the thinking about it. I've been doing the thinking about it. That's what I mean. I've been doing a lot of the staring in the mirror thinking about all the shortcomings I have. Well, if that counts, yeah. I've been exercising for 20 years straight. Look, I'm confessing my own shortcomings here. I'm just saying, well, I don't know what I'm saying.

I'm saying that I'm not doing those things, but I'm really about to. I'm on the precipice. Yeah, me too. Those are good things to do, but you do know you're allowed to make stuff, Mark, that's not a thing that consumes your entire being for three to five years at a time. You could do a thing where it's like for one day or even like a couple of solid days. You're like, oh, it's consuming me. And then you finish it.

And you're like, oh, I made that. And it's a thing that you made. I don't think so. Your next project is going to be a 10-year-long three-movie trilogy that you film at it and release all in one big. You only know how to escalate, huh? Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm excited for the Let's Replay FNAF 2020, 2020, 2020 modes. I have thought about that too because I got called out for cheating at FNAF 2's 2020 mode.

Did you? Yeah, yeah, totally. I can't remember it at all what the circumstances are. But I looked at it. There was a video that someone did a whole essay on. I didn't watch it, but I was like, yeah, it sounds like, that sounds right. I'm pretty sure I did that. And I think Scott covered for me.

I know he did, because I believe he patched in something in the game to like add a star where there wasn't a star when he went, when I first did it. And he patched it in or something like that. Again, I can't remember. I'd have to watch the video, but it's just, I can't remember why or how or when. But, uh, but yeah, I did that. The other ones were real, though, wink. I'm sure Mark's in a big hurry to get back to that right after he finished his bed at Foddy again. Yeah, yeah. Well, actually, I've played that casually on my own, and I have beaten it since I played it.

Did you throw any more chairs, or was it fun when it wasn't on video? It was weirdly fun the second time around because I understood the mechanics a bit better. It's like what speed runners, you know, they get addicted to the actual cycle. And I didn't want to speed run it, but I was just like, casually I fired it up and I was playing it a bit. It wasn't bad. I liked it. But as with the record to show, I gave you a lie point for lying about FNAF too. Thank you. But the wheel that bear may not exist could make that absolute. Okay, all right.

No, FNAF ultimate custom night. I do think I want to try to beat that as like a either I have to do a stream where I stream FNAF 2 and then beat the 20 mode, which would be hilarious because my I don't remember how to do any of that. All my gamer instincts are so atrophied. Didn't the first 2020-20 mode take you like 20 hours or something? No, it took me like seven or eight. I forget what it was. I thought, okay, I thought the first one was crazy long. Yeah, no. If I remember correctly, the second one, I was doing it for like something like 12 hours or something. And I think the situation was like the next day I had to leave town or something.

So if I waited, I wouldn't get the 20 mode or something. And then I would be, I'd be a fraud or something. I don't know. You'd be a loser. Good thing you're not. Good thing I'm not. Unless I lose this episode. and then I will be a loser. Well, you're off to a start.

All right, that's all I hope for. Now that Bob's out of town, I got to tell you, Bob, I don't know if this is true or not because I've not gotten a step outside as per typical on Tuesdays, but my computer tells me it's 61 degrees outside today, and it's been like 20 for the last month and a half. So I think maybe all of our snow is melting, and Bob left town to go to Florida,

and all of a sudden we have the most beautiful weather we've had, probably ever. My phone thinks it's 60 degrees at our house. Yeah, 60. 60, yeah. I thought it was only supposed to be 47 today, but it says 60. So is Bob cursed? Is Bob cursed, or is he an omen of cold or something like that? He's the cold miser. Remember the, I'm Mr. Coldmiser. I don't think it was Mr. Coldmiser. You should because I'm the host. Host's always right. Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not how it goes. Well, how it goes is the host can say whatever they want and a tribute points. accordingly. That doesn't make it truth. I say Bob's cursed. Oh, no.

Why, I'm in this room, so. What's happening to him? He's cursed. You cursed him. No, he was cursed. I didn't curse him. I wasn't the cursor. I think we all just watched you curse him. No, he's the curseee. I have to do the rest of this episode in this closet. Oh, this broken closet. All right.

This is my curse. Bye. No, no, no. People in the closet aren't cursed. That's not how that works. Oh, God. I'm a ghost. God, he's actually gone. Wait, no, hold on, actually. I don't have object permanent, so I'm scared. Oh, that gave me chills.

Yeah. I was like, where are you fucking go? What the fuck is that? Mark, I need to borrow your tape. No, oh, my God, you can have it. Jesus Christ, where'd he go? Oh, oh, my God. It was a ghost hand.

This is why we're the top 50, in the top 50 of best podcasts in the world. This right here is why. Are we still there? Are we still top 50? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. Specifically comedy, though, right? No, no. We're like, we're like 32 overall and we're in like the top 15 of comedy. We're 29. Oh, thank God there was that plug for Distractable and Iron Lung that really boosted our numbers. Speaking of stuff that surprised me, did you guys see that we're nominated for the IHeart Music Podcast Awards? For what? What do we do? For best comedy podcasts and best ad reads, which is just just hilarious. Oh.

That was two years ago, man. Everyone's still, everyone's still living on the old mug, Roop Beer read. I hope we win. I'm sure I'll find out the same way I found out we were nominated from a Reddit post from a thing that was unrelated to us.

I just happened to see distractible in it. That's cool, though. I mean, I'll take it. I'm done with my small talk. If there's voting, hey, vote for us. Do the thing. If there is a thing. Otherwise, don't do it. Santa Claus likes when you vote for distractible.

You want to be on the nice list? Or if you prefer the naughty, he'll put you there too. I've got no other small talk other than, yep, Super Bowl happened. Did you guys know the wedding during the halftime show is real? Yes, I heard about that, yeah. Watching it, I was like, I don't know why there's a wedding. And then I found it was like, oh, that's a real wedding. That's one of the coolest things ever.

Imagine getting married during a halftime show. It's a wedding because they got married, Wade. That's what happens. This episode is brought to you by T-Mobile 5G home internet. You already know that T-Mobile 5G home internet is ridiculously easy to set up with a price that doesn't feel like you're getting scammed every month, but here's something new worth noting. T-Mobile now is the fastest 5G home internet,

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So if you want the fastest 5G home internet, with a simple setup and savings that actually stick, head over to t-mobile.com slash home internet to check availability today. Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply fastest based on ootl speed test intelligence data, second half 2025. All rights reserved. So I guess I'll get it started in the actual episode. I don't think we've ever done this before, but then again, I've got the memory of a goldfish, so I could be wrong. It's a pretty simple game. It's just called Fortunately, Unfortunately, Unfortunately.

I was talking to Molly about different ideas, and we were thinking about different word games and stuff. And fortunately, unfortunately, is very simple. I give, like, a one-sentence prompt, and then you guys will alternate, and you just say a sentence that begins with the word fortunately or unfortunately, and then the next person has to do the opposite. You guys go back and forth and create a fun story.

So I've got some prompts here, and I guess we can do our thing of flipping a coin to see who goes first. I feel like whenever I'm part of the coin flip, I'm always heads, but whenever I flip a coin for you two, I don't think it's ever a thing. Do you guys have one assigned? It's ever what, huh? You guys aren't permanently assigned to one side of the coin, right? When you flip a coin, there's a mysterious third option that pops up. What do you say? Well, no, I feel like I'm always assigned to heads, like when Bob flipped a coin.

Maybe when you flip a coin. But when I flip one, I don't have you two assigned to a heads or a tail. Well, which one do I look like? A tail. Come on, man. Hooray. Hey, tail first. Okay, so you're going to say the sentence and then I start with either fortunately or unfortunately, or do I have to start with one?

I had it assigned, but if you want to change it up, I guess you could. No, no, do with what you assigned first. Okay. I have you going unfortunately first. So again, the way this works, I'll give a sentence. Mark to start a sentence, unfortunately. Bob, you'll respond with fortunately. Then Mark will go back to unfortunately, and you guys will keep going until we get to some conclusion to the story.

This is not a game where we have to keep restating the whole thing, right? We're just building. You're just telling a story. You do not have to repeat or anything. Keep it easy. Keep it fun. Relaxed. Mark, your prompt is simple.

I decided to go for a walk. Unfortunately, there was a pack of rabid bears in the area. Fortunately, I had remembered to bring my bear spray. Unfortunately, my bear spray was empty. Fortunately, it was a great distraction to throw it while I ran away. Unfortunately, all the bears were hopped up on PCP, and they were 10 times faster than a human male. Fortunately, the closer they came to catching me, the more of a contact high I gained from them. So it was like a speed boost while I made my escape.

Unfortunately, we just so happened to run through the police office. convention and we were clearly high on PCP. Fortunately, as the chief of police, everybody already knew how I was. So they were like, hey, don't stop running. The bears are coming. Unfortunately, I had misdiagnosed the PCP bears as not just PCP bears, but PCP wear bears.

They bit all the other police officers and turned into where bears and also got the contact tie. Fortunately, I'm a great comedian. So when they turned into wear bears, I turned and stopped and was like, wait, wait, wait, where bears? And they said, yes, where bears? And I said, they're bears. And they said, we bears? I said, yeah, but where bears?

And we did that for 40 minutes until the PCP wore off. Unfortunately, I had booked for a 60-minute show, so I had 20 minutes left, and these guys were crashing. Haching hard. They were not happy. My comedian score on the comedian scoring website is toast. Fortunately. Oh, well, yeah, what ends this? Whenever we feel like it's a,

whenever we feel like it's a good stop, there's not really a... We'll lean on you to say scene. That feels like a good one, yeah. All right, okay. I'm trying to figure out how to assign points for that one, but I'm working on it. Hey, it's your game, man.

We're just playing. Yeah, yeah, we're just, we're go. The next one starts with fortunately, but then it'll rotate. So I know you just did these, but it'll, you'll see. It'll flip the next round. So you'll be doing unfortunately twice in a row, Mark, and Bob, you'll be doing fortunately twice in a row. Then we'll flip. Whatever you say, man.

In my brain, when I wrote these, I was like, ah, I'll start a prompt with unfortunately, then fortunately, then unfortunately, then unfortunately, then unfortunately. But I forgot that you guys also flip-flops and you just stay the same. It's all good, man. Bob, another simple prompt for you. This feels right up your alley. Actually, yeah, this one worked out really well for you, I think. Working on cars is a passion of mine.

Unfortunately, it's where you start. Fortunately, I already own my dream car, so I get to live my passion every day. Unfortunately, having achieved my dream so early in life, I have no hills to climb, and now there's a noose that's staring at me from the garage ceiling. Fortunately, I'm not very good at tying knots, so the knot I tied wouldn't tighten, and I just keep falling out of it. So I guess I'll live. Unfortunately, my wife storms in

and is upset about spending all our life savings on a stupid car. Fortunately, I found this necklace outside on the street. It must have slipped right off your neck, sweetheart. And I'm gonna distract her. Wait, let me back up. Is the necklace a necklace or did you grab the no no it's a necklace

It's a I also thought it was the news I thought it was the news I was stealing this bit from Catch Me if you can it's a one-to-one joke rip off don't worry Plus the knot wasn't right so it wouldn't work anyway Unfortunately my wife came back with Logic and said either I spent more money and were now in debt or I stole it from someone and now I'm on the lamb I don't even like lamb Fortunately, I had a side of beef in the freezer, so I offered to smoke my wife some brisket as an apology dinner, because nobody likes lamb. Unfortunately, all her response was just, are you serious right now?

As if beef wouldn't solve all of our problems, which she said it wouldn't, so I guess I'm not welcome in my home anymore. Fortunately, as it turns out, you can live in cars. And I love those. And I have one. So I'm living in my car now. I mean, that seems like a happy in the other. Fortunately, you're in your car. Way to bring it back.

I don't know where we're going to go, starting off with a nice noose and then the necklace gift. I really thought that was going. It's messed up, man. Who would do that? All right, Mark, this time you start with fortunately. Okay. One day I woke up to find myself shackled in a jail cell. Fortunately, as the world's greatest magician slapist slash escape artist,

I knew exactly how to get out of this predicament and have been training for it all my life. Unfortunately, my jailer appeared at the door just at that moment, and it was my arch nemesis and slightly better magician and escape artist. Entrapo. Fortunately, I knew Entrapo's greatest weakness he couldn't resist the perfect crime, with which I had the plans in my pocket and threw it behind him to make him go after it, giving me a chance to escape. Unfortunately, Entrapo was so enthralled by my greatest, perfectest crime plans that he excitedly wheeled around to try and, and catch the plans that I tossed, and he smacked his head on the wall of the jail

had collapsed into a heap. And then if in the background you see her, Intrapo? Triggered, locked down the whole jail. To clarify, when you say wheeled around, he's not in a wheelchair, is he? No, no, that's a phrase.

No, no. He wheeled around. He was like, that, it means to turn around quickly, isn't it? I just pictured in trapo. Just for some reason, a wheelchair. That's not funny, by the way. All right, put Mark in Guam.

Put me in Guam. Fortunately, I knew of one power that could give me out of the situation. I raised one finger, first, this finger, and then I raise the other to the security camera, and I say, editors, put me in Guam. The teleporter activates, and I zip out of there. Unfortunately, Guam is located at the deepest depths of the Mariana's trench, as far as I know. so I found myself trapped in the depths of the ocean. Fortunately, I was a live streamer who had a 24-7 stream going on,

and my views were jumping like you wouldn't believe. All I had to do was escape Marianna's trench, and I would be cemented as better than Entrapo. Unfortunately, due to some past misjudgments and misdeeds on my part, the only platform I was still allowed to stream on was X. Fortunately, after I failed my escape intent and died, GROC will be able to keep me alive in people's memories, escaping random bullshit nonsense forever.

Thanks, AI. Editor's note, Grock did not actually help Mark in Guam. A little to you know. He didn't help him in Guam. He just recreated his likeness so that it could live on forever. I feel like Grock's the... no-butt of improv, isn't it? In a way, in a way, everyone needs that.

Bob, you are unfortunately again on this one, and you will lead us off, searching through an old attic. I came across what looked like a magic lamp. Unfortunately, it looked like it done already had been rubbed. Fortunately, there was another lamp

right next to it. What are the odds? Unfortunately, when I went to rub that second new lamp, I actually rubbed the first one and nothing happened didn't see that coming did you what's a twist

fortunately outside of the now two lamps I looked to the other side of me and there was a third lamp there my eyes went oh yo yo yoy unfortunately

once I got my eyes back in their sockets and I successfully rubbed the third lamp The genie that came out was a real A-hole. Fortunately, I know how to deal with A-holes. I turned around. Oh! Another lamp! Don't need you anymore, Jackash!

It might have, it might be that second lamp. I can't remember. Unfortunately, I once again tried to rub this new and or second lamp and missed completely. Falling down and getting a wicked splinter right on my finger. Fortunately, I don't need one finger to rub things. I've got nine more. So I just started rubbing all around everything,

and eventually my finger touched one of the lamps. Maybe a new one. Unfortunately, after summoning darn near 30 plus genies, I had the world at my fingertips splittered, though they may be, and I couldn't think of one thing that I would want and that was better than what I already had. Fortunately, I remember what my mama always told me. Some, some, some, some nonsense, yada, yada, the friends along the way. And now I had a room full of friends. What more could I possibly wish for?

Unfortunately, genies are really meant to be solitary creatures, and they did not get along. Turns out there are rules about the genie hurting the person who rubs the lamp, but there's basically no rules about genies hurting other genies. By the time the massacre was over, I had one genie and three wishes left. Like all these sentences are becoming their own little mini stories. It's one sentence. There was a comma and a semicolon. it is one sentence.

Comic clause. I can't argue the comma clause. Fortunately, that asshole genie died in the massacre and I was well left with someone who was really out of breath, but probably not an asshole. So I asked for my

first wish, which was more friends. And or lamps. I, good. I don't know if I can go through the loop of you guys rubbing the wrong lips again. All right, here we go.

Mark, you are unfortunately this time. Okay. This is weird the way that this worked out, because I swear I didn't set it up this way, but I decided to make my own movie. I decided to make my own movie. Unfortunately, man, nothing went wrong. You know, how could I even... Unfortunately...

Unfortunately, the journey would be much longer than I anticipated, and have far more obstacles than I could have ever planned for. Fortunately, no matter how long and torturous the journey, it starts with one step, which I took. Unfortunately, the subject matter of my movie Landmines Incorporated, I decided to go as practical and possible, and that first step had me directly on top of the first landmine of many. Fortunately, I've never quit anything in my entire life, so no matter how many landmines I walked across, I just kept a-going. Unfortunately, there was some kind of a propulsion factor to this, so as I started going across the landmines, it would explode me into the next one, and I would accelerate the explosions. Why did I put them all in one line?

Fortunately, sometime as I approached the speed of sound, I realized exactly what this film needed. Eureka. I'm not gonna give you everything. Unfortunately, just about as I was hitting Mach 2, I realized I forgot to hit record on the camera all the way back at the beginning. This is a complete aside. I just fucking love the visual of Mark with the iron lung set. Just like everything's set. And they're like, all right, team, whatever, take three.

I got to roll the second camera. It's just you by yourself in a fucking huge studio. Look, it's not too far off. Some of those pickup nights, it's not too far off. Fortunately, as I blew past Mach 5 really started to wonder if I was going to survive. I realized that my chest-mounted GoPro was rolling, so I'd have one hell of a POV shot. Unfortunately, in an opposite fashion from the Red Bull guy who dropped from space, once you hit a certain speed, you gain lift no matter how aerodynamic you are,

and I realized this chain of explosions was only going to make me reach escape velocity on the last possible bounce, and I had just so happened to space them perfectly that I could see the last mine that would bounce me out of stratosphere approaching. Man, I love the comic clause. Fortunately, just as I bounced off that last mine, I had the clarity of focus to make my last act

as a living person of Earth to rip the chest-mounted camera off and spike it down as I flew off into space so that someday someone would discover my brilliant movie. Don't ask what just happened

to my headphones. They are a skew. I really want to know, but I guess I've told me that to ask, so I can't. He said not to ask. Unfortunately, no movie studio wanted to pick up my movie, and it would be nigh impossible to self-distribute, given that I am currently on the way to Mars. Oh, well.

Fortunately, I've always wanted to be one of the first humans to colonize Mars, and I'm not saying there's a good chance, but I am saying there's a chance. that my new dream will come true. Unfortunately, the extra velocity I gained by throwing my GoPro downwards towards Earth caused me to miss Mars by that much. And then I skipped off of Phobos, which had a landmine just so happened to be on it.

I'm on the way to the outer rim. Also, I died from not being able to breathe long ago. I don't know how you top that one, Bob. I think he buttoned it off with his sixth comma. Fortunately, as I looked down from heaven at my long dead corpse on its endless journey through the universe, I realized that all of life is just one big joke anyway, and none of it mattered to begin with. Yeah, that's a happy end, right? All right, yeah.

I thought we had buttons like six times. You guys kept going on. Look, that just started with I wanted to make a movie. Unfortunately, you enter heaven with the momentum you carried from your doom. And you go to the heaven of your last act, so I went to land mine heaven. Oh, no. Fortunately, all the different heavens are separated by gates, and I was going so fast, I just kept smashing through gate after gate, knowing that eventually I'd burn off all my momentum and land in some kind of heaven.

hopefully a soft one. I'm just letting you guys go while I write down points. Oh, no, no. We're gonna... Bob, I think you're first on this one, and you are fortunately... Go to a haunted house, they said. It'll be fun, they said. Fortunately, it was very fun.

I love haunted houses. Unfortunately, when I arrived there, my rival, ghost hunter, Honto, was already on the scene, and he'd gotten all the guys. good ghosts. Fortunately, Honto's name was so goofy that all the ghosts he'd already introduced himself to, wanted to come talk shit to me about how silly his crazy-ass name was.

Unfortunately, after the laughing subsided, Honto told us all that it was a very culturally relevant name that honored his ancestors and that we were all jerks for laughing at it. And I felt really bad. And all the, well, the ghosts didn't feel too bad, but I felt really bad. Fortunately, I'm a big enough person to be able to admit when I'm wrong. And even though Honto is my biggest rival, I sincerely apologized because it's really not that hard to admit when you've been wrong about something. And I acknowledge that I should have known better. And when you know better, you do better. Unfortunately, I realized that this would be a long road to earning that apology. And I had many, many, many acts of service to

give him for all of the harm that I had caused, which to be honest, compounding with the ghosts, was pretty severe. Fortunately, it was immediately clear what my first act of service would be as I scooped up all of Huntow's gear and offered

to carry it down to his sketchy van for him. Unfortunately, right at that moment, my dead, racist uncle, Bob, Bob, Zio, name that comes up.

Sorry. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Interesting. Go on. Came out of the woodwork literally and was like, what are you doing with one of them hunt heads? And I said, oh no, Uncle Bob, no. He made it worse.

Oh my God, was that the colon clause? That was a parenthetical. That was a parenthetic. You made it worse. Fortunately. I was able to grovel and sufficiently kiss Honto's ass quite literally so that old Uncle Bob's transgression could be overlooked. Unfortunately, Honto was recording the whole thing and now viral clips of me literally kissing his ass are all over the internet and a super smash cut of all of Uncle Bob's

most racist things of which he was saying without stopping. Fortunately, all of the clips of me groveling and crying and kissing Honto's ass attract a very specific type of sexual attention. And as it turns out, I'm into that. I put you guys in a haunted house. What happened? You heard what happened? Yeah, you heard it.

What you mean what happened? You met here the whole time. Is that the button? The sexual attraction? I think it's a button, yeah. Doesn't get any worse than that. Oh, man, I was gonna do, I'm gonna save it. We can do a part two at some point.

Some of these take a while, so we'll button the buttons there. I hope you guys had fun with that. That was really funny. I enjoyed that. Yeah, it's a big old improv exercise. Some of these did not go anywhere where I even imagined they could, especially that one. Let me go through the points here. I don't like how close the score is.

I know I might need to fudge this a little bit. Not that I would. Mark, you got a lie point. for lying about beating FNAF 2? No, so I saw this. The Suburant pointed out, once again, that we are stupid. Lie points are supposed to count. The thing about lie points is that they're susceptible to lie modifications from the wheel.

But they are, the subordinate would say they're just regular points that have the lie status, and that status is only triggered by wheel things. But we have the thing that makes them absolute, which makes them count, I thought. So I thought they didn't count before. No, you can apply a negative lie point. No, you can get negative lie points, but then if the absolute value is applied, then it switches that to. Okay, well, I did write a negative one because I thought lie points were always negative. So this one is negative, but part of that's because I thought they were by default.

Damn. So you got a negative one lie point, I guess, for lying about beating FNAF too. You got points for rock, paper, any, me, miny, mo. Bob left you hanging for a while. Say Lou who's using the parentheticals now. I'm the host, I have privileges. You've been reading dungeon crawler Carl out of crazy pace.

You have free time now. I gave you a point for being a FNAF cheat, even though I also took you one for the FNAF 2 specifically. Because listen, if FNAF FNAF 2, I didn't like it, but in general, yeah, I'm on board with you. I have walk as a point. You got a walk point? I don't know why, but congrats.

PCP bears something. It looks like it says hump. I don't think that. That's what it says. Guam. Jail Cell. Missed Mars. Racist Uncle Bob.

Something Landmines Incorporated. I really wish I did with that hump one was supposed to say. Oh, walk was for the walk prompt. You won the walk prompt. For a total of 11, Mark. 11 minus 1. So I guess 10. You have a total of 10 points.

Okay. Bob, you got points for bowling. Post Always Right Point because you agreed that I was right about something I said earlier. You gave us a house tour. You said the 6-7 meme. Your magic trick in the closet. was amazing, Mark and I were both fascinated. It was, yeah, it was quite good.

Living in your car. Distractable, getting an I-Heart award, you brought that up. Movie Heaven, Entrapo, Genies, The Sincere Apology to Honto, and then hunted sexual attraction for a total of 12. So right now the score is 12 to Bob, 11 minus 1, giving 10 to Mark. Oh yeah, wait a minute. I don't have the wheel.

Yeah, guys, I don't know if I'm going to be able to find the wheel. I've got to be honest. We could pretend. We can picture it spinning. There's an image from three months ago. Can we spin an outdated wheel? The rules don't say we can't. Yeah, there's nothing of the rules about that.

It just says a wheel. Doesn't say what wheel. So are you just going to rotate it or how are we going to spin this image of a wheel? I got a plan. I got a plan. I got a plan. I got a plan. Don't worry about it. I got a plan. Holy shit, there's a wheel.

Do you see my mouse upon the wheel? Yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm going to look away and just move my mouse in a circle. And that'll be the spins. I love it, I love it. Wade, we have to decide how many spins we're going to do. You have a coin. I do. How do I get three out of this?

Oh, I see. I get it. I get it. You're going to flip the coin three times. Heads is a yes spin. and tails is not a spin. So flip flip, flip, and then we get the number of spins that we're going to do. So we can have anywhere from zero to three technically with this? Technically, yes. Zero is not really usually an option, is there?

No, but it's fine. This is an exception. There's no way we're going to get zero. There's no way. There's no way we're going to get zero. You got our coins? Apparently Bob doesn't have a coin, so you're going to flip it. I'll flip twice.

I'll flip my phone. I'll flip my phone. Screen his head. I'll flip, I'll flip. I got stuff. Screen his head. Screen his heads. Oh, God.

It doesn't mean much, but I did get heads. That's three spins. I'm still in the running. All right, three spins. This cannot possibly be more fair than it is. Oh. Oh, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. Oh, what does that say?

Was that free parking? Did you get free parking? Fuck it, man. Okay, now there's, we have to remember to put one point on free parking. We have to remember to retroactively. Yeah, no parking. Fuck. God damn it.

I rated us one. Fucking hell. There's so much work. Bin number two. Oh, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, I don know why I started to close my eyes. Uh, half point for Wade, I think. Oh, fuck off. God damn it.

It was half point to Wade. That's right. It's either that or minus one to current loser. God damn it. I mean, none of those are good for Mark. No point, fuck you, half point for Wade or minus one to current loser. All right.

I still got a chance, I think, unless we haven't put those game-breaking ones on here yet. Well, we'll find out now. We'll see, won't we? I know do do do do do do do do do do that fuck off with your free parking Fuck off with you No

I know that's a respin That's supposed to be disabled That's supposed to be disabled That's supposed to be disabled That's supposed to be disabled All right All right Okay

Okay Two spaces to the one percent of one-per-d-d-d-d-d-do-d-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-d-do-do-do-do-do-do-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-old. 10 percent to one-man show! All right, we're going to add 10 percent to the one-man show. Jesus Christ. Why are we getting all the weird, complicated roles? I don't know. You're spinning.

What's your hand doing? I wasn't even cheating. I was sincerely closing my eyes and looking away. This just makes me think that the usual spins are bullshit That our wheel is chock full of interesting nonsense And we only ever get silly ones Well, to be fair, even when you did it, we got a dupe That's true

All right, so free parking needs a point added Right now it says zero there, so no points added for that Even if it does, do we know who it goes to If free parking gets points? Oh, good question Oh, you're sure right Oh, shit Okay, here's what we need to do.

We need to make another square that says, flip a coin, the person gets the free parking square, but free parking only ever adds points. God, you know what, guys? I was starting to think that maybe some of these rules need to be revised or something in some kind of boat-related episode. Okay, so half point to me, yay, I'm on the board.

Free parking got a point, and then there's a 10% chance added a one-man show, which means absolutely nothing changed between you two, and Bob, you win. 12, Mark, you had 10. Uh, Mark, but you do get to win going first with the loser speech. Hey, you know what?

I, uh, unfortunately, I lost this episode, but fortunately, I learned a lot doing it. Unfortunately, it's not about what you learn. It's about who you know. Fortunately, I know a lot of people. Unfortunately, I don't know them by name, so they couldn't help me. Well said, man, if there were still points to be given,

but I wanted to give us some for that. Bob, winner's speech. I feel pretty fortunate, you know. It feels, it feels good. I can't believe I won. I can't believe how many points you gave me for the terrible contributions I had for this episode, but I'm not going to question it

because I earned that shit, apparently. That was a fun game, though. But I have to say, that was one of those improv games where some of them, it's like the whole time, it's just fun, and you're like, yeah, and oh, that's so fun. That was one of the ones where it's probably good because it was pushing me outside, of my very narrow comfort zone.

The whole time I was like, oh, God, I'm not funny. Oh, this is just making me realize how bad I am at improv stuff. Oh, no, don't fall, computer. It's fine. So it was very, very good game. Thank you.

I feel very dissatisfied with myself and undeserving. I feel like I just got hit with fortunately and unfortunately about my game multiple times than that, but I'll take it. I think that means it's a good improv game. I think it just means that I like to do the stuff I'm really comfortable with. I'm unadventurous and safe.

I didn't know what it would be like going in because we've never done it. But after having, you know, watch you guys do it, it felt like one of those improv games that Rachel would have put us through when we were practicing the yes ending. But I had fun. Hopefully everyone watching had fun.

Congrats Bob on the win. Mark, well fought. You guys were very funny. I was entertained. Hopefully everyone watching was entertained. You can find these guys, Mark at Markiplier, Bob at MySker, or me at Minion 777.

We have merch sometimes at distractible. dot shop. So keep an eye on that. More stuff will be coming hopefully soon. Otherwise, follow and watch the podcast, especially right here where you're watching right now. Keep doing that. And I guess stay tuned for the next one with Bob will host. We'll see what he gets us into. Until then, podcast out. Watch new episodes on Spotify.