Distractible - Funniest Joke In The World

Episode Date: January 31, 2022

A search for the funniest joke leads the guys down a path of sticking classic joke set-ups into AI word generators, with hysterical results! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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This week, the jousters of Jocularity joyously jabber and jaw about the most amusing of all anecdotes yes it's time for the funniest joke in the world please prepare for tears and enjoy the show hello and welcome to distractible we're back it's monday which means it's distractible day i am your host my. My name is Bob. I straight up just almost forgot my name. That pause was not for effect. I said my name is and my mind was like, oh God, where do we keep that? If that's not just the perfect encapsulation of what we do here, I don't know what is. Me. I'm perfect. Yeah,'m perfect yeah yeah i'll get to you in a second if you never listened to an episode of this before it's a podcast where we tell stories or make up stuff or lie and the whole purpose is to impress me but i'm not always the judge i'm the judge

today because i won the last episode which means that my co-hosts mark and wade will be competing against each other one of those is me i'm the other one yeah well you'll never know you did in the wrong order. Anyway, we traditionally do some kind of small talk at the beginning. So, you know, Wade, how you doing? Oh, that's me. And I'm well. Thank you for asking.

How are you? I'm good, Harrison. I'm good. I actually do have a thing that happened that made me. Well, I was going to give you an opportunity, Mark, but I would just say I do do have a thing that happened that made me... Well, I was going to give you an opportunity, Mark, but I was just saying. I do actually have a personal thing that happened this week that made me feel a way about myself. But Mark, how are you? No, no.

I was just going to say, this sounds more important. You should talk about this. Don't pay attention to me. Oh, it's not important. Don't worry about it. Okay, but it made you feel a way about yourself? Yeah, okay. Well, I'll tell the story.

I did a manly thing this past week i ripped cabinets off the wall with my own two hands and a sledgehammer and a saw and some other stuff were you that upset about something or was it intentional well so it's our garage in this house we're living in our garage had these cabinets that were like just old and crusty and gross. And they stank up the whole garage. They smelled like cat pee and chemicals. The guy who lived here before was like a welder or something. He actually worked in the garage. They're just crusty and crunchy and nasty.

And so I ripped them out and then had some people come and pick them up and take them away. But like the act of smashing with a sledgehammer and the ripping and things coming off the wall, it made me feel very, I don't know, manly in a way that I don't get a lot. The job involves a lot of sitting, talking. It was just interesting. While I was doing it, I got that last moment where the last pull and I pulled the cabinet, came off the wall and I was like, yeah, nice. And then I had that moment of like, oh, my arm, my arm hurts.

Oh God, I hurt my arm. I ran inside and I was like, man, my arm hurts. And then I questioned how moment of like, oh, my arm hurts. Oh, God, I hurt my arm. And I ran inside and I was like, Manny, my arm hurts. And then I questioned how manly I really was in that moment. But you guys do manly stuff. You feel you feel that masculine, I don't know, destructive stuff ever. It's a weird thing for me. I mean, yeah, sometimes I don't have many opportunities to destroy things. Not in my house anyway.

I go up and down the stairs a couple times a day. Hey, hey that's pretty good do you do you injure yourself ever or pretty good at the stairs uh i trip going up the stairs about once every six months i got unreasonably mad at survivor because i don't watch survivor but amy watches survivor so when it's on sometimes i'll watch and i'll participate in the season i haven't't seen too many, but I think I've seen like two seasons now. And this latest one, like everything's fine and it's good. And if people are backstabbing people, like whatever, that's fine. It's competition. It's not my cup of tea usually, but it can be entertaining. But if someone makes a stupid decision on that show, I, I'm so mad. Like, I just, I can't believe it. Like they're talking to each other and they're like you

should do this action because xyz and it's perfectly understandable why that should happen and yet the other person's like I don't think that's right and I'm like you don't think at all if you think that's the right move that you're gonna make like why would you do that because that clearly is gonna spell your doom because the other team that you're you're leaving your team for for them don't give a shit about you because they're just using you to get that vote it always goes that way and no one ever ever gets any results out of it it's just like you know i get really mad and i like i guess that kind of like just testosterone rushing but also they're just so dumb i don't know if that's a manly thing it's just like they're so dumb i don't know if it's because they're starving but they're not starving because i see the same people getting all the rewards and eating it out back steakhouse or

whatever it's like because there's always these weird sponsors that are ham-fisted onto this island like look at the sears catalog and i'm like why like anyway anyway doesn't matter the masculine urge to judge and yell at idiots on reality tv shows yeah pretty much that's that's pretty much it fine i buy it i'm fine i'm good i'm good i'm good i yell at people on reality tv as well so yeah i just watch football that's as close to reality as i get i mean that is reality that is real you are real wade i want to stress that for you i thought it was fake like wrestling is it real i is real. You are real, Wade. I want to stress that for you. I thought it was fake, like wrestling. Is it real? I'm pretty sure it's real.

There are some times when I'm not so sure, but in general, I think it's real. Oh, heck yeah. I like real things. All right. Because I'm a real person. Well, now that we've decided that we're all real, I'm going to pause this for a second and close my window because apparently my window's open. My neighbor is banging shit together.

Like actual shit? Like turds? He's gone. It's our podcast now we can take over we can take i don't know if it's actually i could hear you i could hear you i just chose to respond okay it sounded like metal you got up you can't hear when you get up that's against the rules yeah i can hear and walk at the same time wow yeah i know i'm pretty talented oh my god did you hear that fart yeah that was a lot of fart i've done in a long time holy crap i thought it was a wooden chair scraping across a wooden floor no i i'm i'm a little i'm a little gassy today and that just that just came out of nowhere and got me anyway i am the judge and the host and i have a topic are you ready for my presentation are you ready to begin scrambling for the scraps of love

i'm prepared to dole out for you today sure i don't know but it sounds cool i'm starved for affection okay webster's dictionary defines comedy oh my god hey come on what we're gonna start with a high school essay here no i'm into this into this. That was the motif. Yeah. Okay, okay, okay. Webster's Dictionary defines comedy in many ways. A medieval narrative that ends happily. A literary work written in a comic style or treating a comic theme. A drama of light and amusing characters,

typically with a happy ending. Last and literally seventh on the list of definitions of comedy is humorous entertainment i think that's the one that we maybe fall most under if we're talking about what we do here but someone much smarter more educated than i thought about this in a much more scientific way and i found this fascinating because i my idea for this was i want you to find me the world's funniest joke. It's my official prompt. But it turns out that's already been done.

So we're going to have to work together as to what the goal for you is. But I want to tell you the story of Laugh Lab and Richard Wiseman. In 2001, the British Science Association teamed up with Richard Wiseman to carry out a scientific research endeavor called Laugh Lab, whose mission was to find the world's funniest joke. Generally, how this was approached was they created a website and they invited anyone who saw their posts, messages, whatever, to go to their website and to post what they thought was the funniest joke they knew or had heard. And they got thousands and thousands of jokes. And then they had people vote on them on a

scale of one to five like one being not funny at all five being the funniest and basically created a ranking of jokes and they gathered kind of a big list it was scientific research right so there's like a report you can read that summarizes uh the top jokes based on region uk usa canada so on there are different regions england broken down because it was conducted in england so they're selfish but like they they did this whole thing tons and tons of jokes one of the funniest things is that somehow weasels became a dominant theme in their jokes okay weasels at some point a columnist from the u, Dave Barry, columnist, found this. He's like a comedic writer.

Found this and was like, everybody, start submitting jokes about weasels. Just any joke with weasels. In under a week, they received over 1,500 jokes. Most of which the punchline was, there's a weasel chomping on my privates. Those were not the funniest jokes. Oh, okay. I was about to say, I was like, Oh, another thing they did that was really cool. Uh, one of the earliest jokes they got that was really successful was, uh, there were two cows in a field. One said moo. The other said,

Hey, I was going to say that. And they saw this and they were like, you know what? This is an interesting chance to run an experiment. Let's take this joke and modify it. They submitted it in a bunch of different forms. Two tigers. One says grr, two birds, one says cheap, so on and so on and so on. Guess which animal is the funniest animal in the context of this joke? In this joke or in general? Chickens. Chickens, not a bad guess. Cockerel. What is that? Cockerel, a rooster. Is that what those are called? Yeaherel cockerel a cock a croc okay well bird is the right track they discovered that uh far and away the funniest animals for this joke are ducks oh ducks are funny and do you know why uh they sound funny

they rhyme with fuck huge penis corkscrew uh labyrinthian vagina. Corkscrew penis. Corkscrew penis, labyrinthian vagina. Corkscrew penis and the hard K sound. Quack, duck. Historically, comedians have, I didn't know this, but apparently historically comedians have felt that hard Ks are also known as comedy Ks, are a funny thing. Krusty the Clown from The Simpsons, specifically named and motifed around the idea that hard K sounds are funny. There's an entire episode where he loses the ability to say that sound, the K sound. It's apparently comes from this. I didn't know that. Comedy Ks. Fascinating.

Huh. Anyway, the funniest joke. Are you ready to hear the funniest joke based on scientific research in the world? I don't know if I am, but I'll listen to it. I don't think I want to hear it, but yeah, I guess I already was going to be. Get ready to pee your pants with laughter and throw up because you couldn't breathe because you were laughing too hard and you ate too much soup for lunch. Here it is. Two hunters are out in the woods and one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing. He's kind of glazed over. He's laying on the ground. The other guy freaks out, whips out his phone, and calls 911.

And he's like, my friend is dead. My friend collapsed. He's not breathing. I don't know. What can I do? What do I do? And the operator's like, calm down. I can help.

First, we have to make sure if he's dead or alive. The guy on the other end of the phone doesn't say anything. You can hear some rustling. It's a little silence. And then a loud gunshot rings out. And the guy picks the phone back up and says, okay He's definitely dead now what? I get it. Yeah funniest joke. You're not laughing. I don't think you're laughing. I don't think maybe didn't understand it

Say it again. This is the funniest joke in the world guys Okay, that has ever been thought of I-huh i didn't hear many k sounds though if he was like boom it's like nine k's in there yeah crack of a gunshot all right maybe maybe i didn't tell it right maybe i didn't tell it right yeah say more k's uh two hunters are in the quids when one of them collapses it works it doesn't work god damn it the story about the two hunters like i would love it all right so listen this has all been a bit of a setup i don't think the joke's that funny yeah i gotta be honest is that really the funniest joke? Yeah. I mean, it's funny. I feel like what that represents has gotta be like the least objectionable joke.

Like that one was a solid like 3.8 out of five and everyone else was either like fives or ones on everything. And that one, everyone was like pretty funny. Pretty, yeah, pretty funny. I think the problems in the setup, anytime you say a joke is the funniest joke, we're all predisposed to be like, no, it's not.

No matter what you say, we're predisposed to be like be like no it's not the funniest joke yeah i think no matter what we answer here if the setup is always this is the funniest joke people are going to just be biased against believing it because i'm like no there's something funnier yeah yeah and i think the problem with the ranking system is that it's an aggregate of all the votes right so wouldn't it just make the most like averagely appealing to everybody that they were kind of like this may not be the funniest but just like it it wasn't ranked least funny by the most people you know what i mean because jokes are different for every person like uh like some people may laugh i've laughed hysterically at the stupidest shit all the time and then like a really

well-written intelligent joke you know i don't laugh at it and so in the moment i wouldn't think it was very funny. Well, I agree with you. I was disappointed. I thought of this idea and I was like, well, if I can Google and just find like a joke that's so funny, I can't stand it. Maybe this would be a bad podcast. But I found that. And I have to say, they published, the guy who did this research, Richard Wiseman, published a book where he talks about the study. And he also lists a thousand of the top jokes from their thing joke number 46 i think is funnier than the one that they have ranked number one okay the 46th funniest joke in the world is uh how do you catch a polar bear you kind of melt antarctica you don't have to guess i was leaving you an opportunity but you don't have to participate if you don't want to

thank god you cut a hole in the ice you put peas all around the edge and when the polar bear stops for a pea you kick him in the ice hole right that's pretty funny that's funnier than hunter shoots hunter to anyway say it with more k's why do you quench a kohlrabauer I don't like that. I don't like that one at all. Yeah, no, that was way better. It certainly made you laugh more, but I feel like maybe you just have a thing for comedy Ks. I think I'm just like predetermined to comedy Ks, man. They just work

for me we should go through you should tell the same joke with every letter in the alphabet and we will determine which one is the funniest letter you know what i mean we're just basing this off an assumption where's the research bow boo boo betch babola bear boo bought a bowl in the vice but you put bees bob around the bench b-b-b-bowler bear bummed along for the b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- like exposing this but like that's just what she does she's like i can't even get an example but and i won't i refuse what like you come you walk into the room from your office and she's like that's amy that's how amy talks yeah yeah the title of this episode amy exposed where's something wrong with vika. Well, yeah, Bika is her name. That literally... That's true. Yeah, because she constantly calls her Bika.

It's like, this is not her name. To the point where, like, she'll respond to Bika more than anything. And then Ethan got a new dog, and her name is Bee, and that really throws Chica off. Oh, no. And I have to grab her by her head and be like, your name is Chica! It's got a comedy key! She just doesn't. She doesn't.

Anyway. I don't have a list in front of me, but I think I do know the funniest joke. Yeah. What I want from you guys, just to reiterate, I want you guys to beat the funniest joke. I think we could set a world record here. New funniest joke in the world. This research is from like or something it's old uh-huh we've gotten funnier okay i think you can do better okay so find me and or make up a new world's funniest joke all right i'm here to be impressed well it's easy it's been right in front of you the whole time bob the

funniest joke is it's been me the whole time i don't know i feel like that was a little over yeah i'll let you have that one winner i don't care if i win the episode i won the joke i got what i wanted all right okay so we have to conjure it up ourselves or we have to find it you can find it you can tell me a story it doesn't have to be so that was the other thing about this prompt that they did the jokes are all pretty short like the longest one is maybe a few sentences, maybe five or six sentences at the most. You can find, if you find a story that's funny, you can find a one-liner, anything you want. You can make up a joke. You think you're that funny, go for it. I just think we can do better. I think there's no way that Hunter joke is the funniest joke in the world. That's very disappointed.

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You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in so you can change the music. Oh yeah, Alexa, change station to 99.2. built in so you can change the music oh yeah alexa change station to 99.2 see purchase a 2024 escape st line all-wheel drive with tech pack at 3.49 apr for 72 months with down payment that's just 267 bi-weekly cash value of 40 294 plus eligible ford owners get a thousand dollar bonus for details visit your local ford store or ford. Okay, so my first instinct was maybe the funniest joke in the world couldn't be written by a human mind. So I looked up an AI joke generator. And to preface this, this joke generator has been trained by the top of the top quality content. Because you know when you have a quote-unquote AI, you have to train it with data.

And it's taken seven years of Conan O'Brien monologue jokes. Oh, shit. 10,000 in total. 1.6 million characters. Wow. It's a two layer LSTM with 512 hidden nodes. I don't know what that means. You have to put in a prompt, right?

The initial text. So I put your mom is so fat because that's a tried and true. A classic. Joke. A classic. And it came up with your mom is so fat because that's a tried and true a classic joke a classic and it came up with your mom is so fat it was reported today that hillary clinton has been chosen to go to the chinese food cancer it's called the pasta that show what you could just randomly sample from a bunch of monologues to get that shit.

Yeah, it just matched. There's another one here. Your mom is so fat, a new study claims that President Obama said she will be back to make a little sex for what he can go to his butt. In other words, the woman is still no longer sold to a fashion brother. What is happening i don't know man god i can't believe somebody's like spent she will be back to make a little sex to go to his for what he can go to his butt it like how can someone who spent like hundreds of hours training this ai go to anyone else and be like guys i've done it does it supposed to be a sentence yeah is it supposed can you do like a word yeah wait let me well the initial text is literally just at the beginning

i don't think it takes anything from the initial text like i could do another uh let's say two men walked into a bar a classic um generating jokes just thinking about it it's computing it's really thinking about it hold on okay here we go is this the brendan sudol joke generator sorry just to just to find no it's ai joke generation demo and this joke it just came up with two men walked into a bar a new study shows that sex toy has been asked to be one of the president of the united states the study was conducted by the internet to visit the republican senator president obama who said i was the upcoming porn star that has a husband of everybody of course he was reported in those photos

there's something like it's like a mix of so many things that trigger things in your mind that it's like a distortion field or something like as you're reading it my mind is actively like yeah huh what uh-huh uh-huh oh god uh-huh like it's tried to piece it together it's so fucking disorienting oh man oh god it also actually wait come back to me later go back to me later all right well definitely uh points for for your first thing mark the discussion about my uh intro wade point a point for uh it was me the whole time i'll give you that one oh yeah but then good definite points for that mark good point solid thank you thank you thank you so what do you got wade got some comedy oh god no i can't top what we just heard what what i don't i don't got it i don't got it that's the whole that's the

whole thing yeah i feel like we've reached the epitome of jokes you're laying down handing me the win i mean just i just google something and read a joke come on don't don't give up come on now. All right. Come back to me later too. Okay. All right. Well, I guess it's coming back to me. So what this reminds me of is we did a video on Unisonus called like an AI predicts our

death. And it's kind of a similar thing. But what we use was something called Talk to Transformer. And it generates like either articles or just finishes your thoughts and just like continues going i don't know the exact thing because it's new now it's called infer kit but i typed in your mom is so fat and what it came up with was your mom is so fat reply parent threat expand link my mother told me the same thing but i tried to ignore her nagging and she got mad maybe my dad made a comment but my mom really drove it home and i don't oh my god know what's going on on the other side of this ai but i think it's having a

bad time yikes yeah it feels like the logs from gtfo have you ever read the logs you go into those uh no i have not not much there are logs in all the terminals like everyone has their own log um if you actually read it for the lore but it's always just like error reporting the server like temperature down then there's a note that's like i can't believe we've done this everything that's going on the darkness is consuming us i feel moving in my stomach like shit like that and this is kind of like what this sounds like so this used to be funnier i don't know give me give me a minute to work with this i gotta do the look at the documentation dude ai joke generation has it yeah it does so that one i asked you about brendan

sudol.com is supposed to be an experimental ai oh this is like the same one you had i think actually says it's based on conan o'brien monologue jokes yeah okay that's the one i'm on yeah i i put in the prompt a florida man was found drinking and it came with three joke ideas a florida man was found drinking problems florida man was found drinking and it came with three joke ideas a florida man was found drinking problems florida man was found drinking a special contact in the mitt romney or a florida man was caught found drinking at the olympics those are just real that's just real life oh interesting okay so what i did was what was the prompt for the first joke of the funniest joke in the world because one way to determine whether or not that was actually the funniest joke in the world is if it can be improved, right?

Okay, so the prompt is kind of two sentences. Oh no, it's one sentence. Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. Okay, two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. Okay, I'm going to take that and I'm going to see what it gets. Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. Okay, I'm gonna take that and I'm gonna see what it gets. Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. They call the park service and the park ranger starts CPR.

They are about ready to cut him open when the guy starts breathing again. They call an ambulance and the guy is fine. When he gets to the hospital, the doctor asks him why he was out in the woods alone. Did you know you could die of hypothermia out here? The guy says... And then it stopped. What the fuck? I feel like the punchline was right there. Let me hang on Let me give it the guy says no He didn't know the doctor looks him over and says you were dead for at least four hours

Then the guy says no I was conscious. I was talking to myself asking myself. What's going on? Why can't I breathe etc? The doctor says that's the worst kind you just became aware of what was happening to you Your brain says it's not real so your body doesn't do anything about it He says if you had been conscious He would have tried to call for help yelled yelled, knocked on someone's window, anything. The guy asked, do you really think it was my mind that did that? Do you really think it was me trying to die? The doctor says I don't know and you can't know. You might be a skeptic. I know I am, but please give me a little credit and try to find some answer for this.

Oh my god. Uh... Whoa, geez. Uh, yeah, I, um, I don't know if that's funnier, but it's definitely more interesting. I want to know more about this because the doctor said he was alone, but he was with another hunter. Like, this is captivating. It was hallucinating.

Yeah. Or he was abandoned by his friend. He could have been. Yeah, he could have been. That's crazy shit. Weird. But what was the other one about the polar bear? I'll get that going while you go.

Yeah. The polar bear. How do you catch a polar bear? Catch the polar bear and i'll get that going while you go yeah the uh polar bear how do you catch a polar bear catch a polar bear so uh i was looking into why we find jokes funny to begin with if we're gonna craft the best joke we have to understand the why of it right fair so this study found a few different theories they come up with a few different theories and have looked into like different things like plato and aristotle suggested the dumb moose theory where basically we find things funny when we are the superior being so we watch someone stupid do something dumb there's the nobody died where you build up a lot of tension and then like you see

something happen but knowing that they're okay makes it funny so someone like goes to jump over a fence they trip and they fall on their face and then they get up and it's like you laugh at them they're not dead they're fine but god they stupid. So that's called the relief theory. So superiority theory, relief theory, incongruity theory means that something unexpected happens. So someone goes to jump over a fence, they clear the fence, then they're hit by a bus that came out of nowhere.

That's funny because no one expected it. That's another potential. So if we're gonna be building a joke, keep these things in mind. Then there's a very long one, the benign violations theory, the it's bad but harmless, it so something bad happens but ultimately again it's like the no one died very similar to that i guess so if we're gonna build a perfect joke those are three

elements according to this study that could help go ahead with your polar bear okay how do you catch a polar bear what type of underwear do you wear how old is your vagina how you know you love someone? What is the best way to make someone fall in love with you? Where do you get free money? How do you take your mask off? How do you know if you can trust someone? How do you handle anger? How do you express your feelings? How do you make your partner feel? If you were over a certain age and not married or in a serious relationship, how do you feel about sleeping with people online? If you're already in a relationship or not in a relationship, how do you respond to someone who asks you to do things with other people have you ever had done something in bed that the other person told you you wouldn't be able to do how do you speak about yourself in

the third person does this go on forever it just keeps going like i there's a certain character limit that it can do at a time but uh yeah anyway i uh how old is your vagina three all right i started with according to a recent poll and uh i've got according to a recent poll humans are that she's finally starting to make a car in the procedure and according to a recent poll humans are the man from the day by hope the prostitute told them that's also a planet to have the baby and then they're gonna go to the internet is that the funniest joke you ever heard that's pretty good that's i'm hung up i'm hung up on the new version of the polar bear joke you're hung up on the vagina aren't we all that went places i had an emotional reaction to that in a confusing way that i don't understand i don't know if it was

purely comedy but like it was something. That AI is deep, man. This AI, like, it's not just like constructing things. The sentences, like, they don't always make sense, but they are complex and natural sounding. Not like that other one. Start it with the prompt. This is the funniest joke in the world. Okay. I love it.

All right. Let's see what it does. This is the funniest joke in the world, but I am too old and should have figured this one out years ago. If you have a dollar bill, but no button to push on it, the most reliable way to have it drop to the floor is to push it on the sidewalk and hear it smack against the concrete, and then the doors opening and closing. This is a common joke to two lovers

who would like to say this every time they touch each other. It's an old German joke, in fact. If the characters are actually saying this, they are not aware that it's a joke. So this is all a story about a washing machine and a pig. Both stories are very old back to the first story What we have here is a washing machine that has lost its pet pig and it really wants to find it You may tell a very funny story here about how it eventually finds its pet pig or something. I don't and then it's done You may tell a funny story.

I don't. I don't. I tried a knock knock joke that went horribly weird. Yeah. So I typed in knock knock and it said, knock, knock, Andy, officially the song, the Starbucks. So finally a stripper who was a speech called the housewives of Charlie Sheen in their money. Oh my God. Oh my God. Wait, I just typed in

knock knock but also I put who's there? So it's like knock knock who's there? Ghosts I would tell them. There's no one here. Knock knock. Nope. Just me. Knock knock. I just wanted to see if you were still out there. As the nights grew colder and the moon was swallowed by clouds I started sitting on the swing just inside

the back door. I mean whoa. That is a great knock-knock joke. Oh my god. Ghosts, I would tell them, there's no one here. Knock-knock, nope, just me. Knock-knock, I just wanted to see if you're still out there. That's a really good knock-knock joke. If someone did that, oh my god.

I'm going to post this in the Discord so it's at least remembered. Yeah, holy fuck. You just walk up to someone like hey you wanna hear a joke alright knock knock who's there no one knock knock nope just me knock knock just wanted to make sure you're still

out there like I think I would turn and run like holy fuck yeah my god that's great oh my god oh my god knock knock who's there keep out Oh my god, knock knock, who's there? KEEP OUT! YOU ARE NOT WANTED HERE! Knock knock, who's there? FUCK YOU! STAY OUT! LET ME IN! Who's there?

STEP ASIDE! I'M MARRIED! Who's there? LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M GETTING HORNY! Who's there? DON'T TOUCH ME! IF YOU TOUCH ME I'LL HAVE TO SUE YOU! Knock knock, who's there? SANTA CLAUS! YOU'VE BEEN VERY GOOD THIS YEAR! What are you using? Which one are you using to generate these? It's in- in for kit. Oh my god!

It's in for kit. Yeah, could you link that? I need to keep that forever. Yeah, it- it legitimately- I couldn't come up with that shit. Oh my fucking god, I can't breathe! It's so fucking funny i think we got our best joke of the year oh my god that's so much funnier than the two hunters in the woods by such a wide margin what the fuck oh my god so i think the funniest joke is just automation it's the ai that's the of like boiling down to all creative like endeavors. There is a kind of a tragic thing where at some point computers will be better than at least the majority of people at coming up with content in general.

It might be farther down the road for certain things, but like we first did this in 2019 and it was really kind of all over the place, hit or miss. This version is on it this version can you link the site yeah oh yeah i should have done that before yeah it's this version is really tuned in like look at the variation they have all caps these things there's patterns to it there's continuation of information i mean it gets to getting horny and then there's santa claus that's weird but you could kind of see it could be related to the same weirdo who's constantly outside the door i don't know it's it's very strange i did why did the chicken cross the road oh yeah why did the chicken cross the road because he thought it was

the best idea ever needed to spread the word that chicken crossing is the best idea ever and why did the chicken cross the road to get chicken burgers you can oh god how do you get how do you get more text just generate more oh you got it on the left side there's an you can extend the yeah you could hit tab two but you can extend the beginning and why the chicken crossroad to get chicken burgers you can find one at mcdonald's or if you want something more nutritious this nugget from trader joe's to be delicious let the chicken finger spin begin fucking rhymes and shit what is this linking a twitter picture for wendy's it's linking a twitter picture link to twitter save that save that look that. It says read more. Boner candidate number three. The late wave of Jesus

must have been a bit tense. What? Just one year before being killed by police, a Missouri man said he was forced to pray while a neighbor in the unit below yelled, Jesus is coming. Justin Marshall had his cell phone camera rolling when he said his upstairs neighbor encouraged him to buy the chicken. What? I'm just going to stop right here.

Hang on. We're going to. Yeah, it reaches a point where it starts to lose. Yeah. Lose the threads. But they just keep yelling about Jesus at this point. It has a link to a Wendy's tweet. And let the chicken finger spin again.

It's a link to a tweet. Oh, my God. Computers are going to take over. They really are. Wow. They really are. Wow, they really are. What the fuck is happening? What's another, like, classic joke prompt? You know, there's Chicken Cross Road and there's Knock Knock. What's another

classic one? Besides Into a Bar, because it didn't seem to work too well. There's gotta be more. Let me just do a quick Google. Classic joke setups. What do you get when is kind of a classic setup? I don't know how to phrase that for this guy. Maybe I'll just leave it. What do you get when yeah it's kind of a classic setup i don't know how to phrase that for this guy maybe i'll just leave it what do you get when and see what it does how many people take the change of light bulbs i'll call another one what do you get when you combine

the strawberry wine slushy of my youth with the strawberry wine slushy of my youth. All noggin on cable guitars and whiskey. A song by the Handsome Family, in case you were wondering. The man from St. Petersburg. I'm not even sure how to describe this one. I know I've seen it before, but I can't remember if I actually liked it or hated it. It's hard to tell from a five second YouTube clip. Although I don't like, well, like Markiplier is, Markiplier is by far one of the greatest YouTubers out there. And one of the first YouTubers I actually got into watching.

There's so much to like about Mark, both in what he puts out and how he talks to his audience. You can read my thoughts on here. Plus, he was one of the first YouTubers to do the House of Mark giveaway thing. What the fuck? Which has become a pretty big deal in recent months. Two years ago, it was basically unheard of. But at some point this summer, Vlogbrothers-edu was founded

and now people are getting lucky with all sorts of great stuffs what does it remember your interactions with it i've never i have never interacted with this i haven't been talking to this thing telling it how great i am just got to markiplier what is this i just said markiplier is i thought that was the same prompt i typed how many peens does it take to change a light bulb to change the light bulb it takes one peen no more mr nice guy an observation it's a good thing i've got my children to keep me in line otherwise i might just be a mean nasty crazy lady all right i made my own and i'm pretty happy with it but i gotta say mark i miss when you used to the mark's house giveaways thanks yeah i know i just couldn't keep up with it i those were probably some of the best things

you ever did. Thanks. I went with the prompt, a pastor dies and goes to heaven. And then he has to pay a fine for the life he lived. I thought this is ridiculous. I thought if I lived the way I was supposed to, if I give my all, that I would make it into heaven. But what about all the others out there? What about my children? The ones I don't even know.

If they all did the things I did, do they have the possibility of making it into heaven? As I sat and watched it, I found myself not seeing the facts behind the whole debate, but my whole heart feeling sorry for those two. Their testimonies filled my mind with such hope. To know that they just may get to go to heaven. To see them arguing with each other about what they did and how much they prayed over the years. I thought if only we could all live like that. No matter who we are or what we did, we'd have so many more people making it into heaven holy shit comedy is a eyes concerning it's scary oh god i

said if a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound if a man lies on the ground does he sink into the earth mama is the shape of a peach mama was made out of fondant and was covered in peach frosting mama's favorite song is mama by the b-52s my favorite food is fried chicken cut up with it's in parentheses cut up with cheese bread and coleslaw i like chocolate strawberry ice cream and root beer i like to eat raw sugar and cookies i like washing my feet when i was two or three i love to hide under the kitchen table mama was a pink ballerina and had black and it's done okay okay black hair and wings and a skirt okay i'm gonna okay so i have a question oh these have been very funny the knock knock joke you made it's gonna kill me for the rest of my life because holy fuck yeah why was yours funny but do you know what the knock knock joke is i just got

what knock knock who's there santa claus santa claus who merry christmas merry christmas to you too i said lovely the big smile and turned my head to the baby her eyes were filled with tears and she was all smiles her excitement was contagious we decided not to have christmas till she was a year old then one christmas we found ourselves at the children's hospital she was admitted to the hospital for respiratory distress and double ear infection spent the first two nights crying and staring at me as if she was waiting for me to walk into the room i'd fallen in love with her but it was a love that didn't fully develop till she was placed in my arms. That day, she was a stranger in waiting, not a mommy. That day, she cried for me and begged for me not to leave her.

It was the first and last time I spent Christmas in a children's hospital. Oh. What the fuck? Knock, knock. You're so dark, Wade. I don't want this type knock, knock. Who's there?

What did you do? I don't know why I got that. All right, listen. I'm just sad now. This raises an important question to me right these are funny i feel like there's something we're doing that's making them funnier than they have a right to be and it's ascribing intention because i feel like it's things that happen accidentally can be funny like you when you talked about the different like ways that things are funny when the accidents are funny especially if everyone's okay just like whoops oh that's funny he fell down whatever these are funny i feel like anyway to me i'm thinking about the joke right as it's

happening and i'm like wow how did you think of that that's so fucking funny that's really creative it's not creative it's not intentional the computer is literally like well the ai whatever it's literally like uh this word and uh this word and and then like these things seem related and like they are enough that it it's something in our brains it's like wow that kind of makes sense well it's not on purpose and it's definitely not trying to be funny clearly this text generator thing is trying to be dramatic i don't think it's meant to be dramatic but like it's dramatic yeah so i guess i just i'm not that i didn't enjoy those jokes and i still think the knock knock joke like i

want to memorize that so that i can tell it because it's fucking funny yeah but is that different is it more impressive if a person was like hey i wrote this joke and i want to perform it for you is it funnier because someone wrote it with the intent of like this is going to be funny i'm thinking this through this This is comedy. Or does that not matter? I feel like that cheapens it somehow. It's kind of one of those things where if people did the same thing, where they just go on a string of nonsense, it can be very funny and completely random.

There's a, let me actually, there's a TikTok, which I think is actually originally a YouTube video or something, but let me find this and play this because it kind of is an example of what this AI is doing. You, me, gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi, of course. Uh-oh, there was a roofie inside of our gas station sushi. We blackout and wake up in a sewer. We're surrounded by fish.

Horny fish. You know what that means? Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight fish. Horny fish. You know what that means? Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight? Bear handed?

Bear naked? Oh, yes, please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl. Then we ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance, dance, revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so.

Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as jesus christ then i turn into a jet fly into the sun black out again wake up do a bump white out which i didn't know you could do then i smoked a joint greened out then i turned into the sun oh looks like the meth is kicking in so like that is exactly the same as what this thing can do and has done like and and that's funny to me like and also like you don't get from the the audio alone this guy is like nose to nose to someone else i think trying to make them laugh and uh it's it's like that can be funny. But also, it's kind of like that certain funny where, you know, it's complete nonsense and you're just waiting to hear the next thing of nonsense because that can be entertaining and that is entertaining.

And it's just like, I don't know. I don't know if it's any different, really. I guess not. It just but computers can't be funny. The computer can't have written the funniest joke in the world, which, by the way, that's the funniest thing we've come up with so far. So officially right now, the knock-knock joke, who's there, keep out, so on. That's the funniest joke in the world. Just throw that out there. Yeah, I think it might be.

It's written by a computer. That's fucked up. Yeah, I mean, you're right. Yeah, I think the randomness, the unexpected definitely usually gets me. I usually do fall for the unexpected. Or like, I don't know. I do enjoy some dark humor. Like I laugh at horrible things sometimes, but you know, I think we all probably do.

Yeah. I've often said that fear and comedy are kind of two sides of the same coin. It's like when you are afraid of something, let's say there's something scary happening. You have this like apprehensive sense that something is going to happen and there's like a payoff when it doesn't, it's like relief. And so comedy is kind of the same thing. You have like a sense that something's going to happen and there is comedy and the relief in it not going the way you expected. Like the unexpected can be entertaining and in the same way, both need like ebb and flow of tension. If you just like inundate yourself with nonstop nonsense, if we looked at

this AI generator for like an hour or more, it would get boring no matter what it did because we kind of tapped out on all the nonsense that it could get so like any kind of craving for that specific type of comedy would wear down i think it's like this can do jokes and make funny stuff because it's nonsense but that doesn't inherently mean that it's funnier because yeah well i don't know maybe maybe i could keep doing knock knock jokes forever but i ran out of free characters and i have to sign up for an account and pay 20 bucks a month to get more i don't know wade just posted another knock knock joke that's not bad i don't know if it reaches the levels do you want to read it or do you want no no go ahead wade generated this knock knock who's there do you

know where my body is? Where's my body? Are you going to touch it? Where's my body? What? Oh, it's your cousin. Okay, you know, you gotta learn to live your life without your body. Why don't you sleep in your mom's bed tonight?

Do you think she'd mind? We don't have sheets. Dirt always stays on the sheets. Uh, now, where was I? I'll bet you don't have a dad either. I'm sure your mom is having a rough time. Maybe she needs someone to talk to. Yeah, maybe she does.

Knock, knock. Who's there? There. The dryer man. What he brings are parts that make it go do, do, do, do, do. No, you aren't getting it. You're getting do, do, do, do. That's the cat making funny sounds.

Leave. Fucking done. do do that's the cat making funny sounds leave fucking god yeah you know i feel like i feel like people get that if you if you guys listening at home want to go find this it's called infer kit i n f e r k i t we are not sponsored you get 10 000 free characters if you want to sign up and pay money, that's your own volition. But that's the website. Well, I didn't say this, but points to Wade for the scientific research, talking about why things are funny, what makes things funny. Points to Mark for the quality knock-knock jokes. But points to Wade for the follow-up, nobody, no dad, dryer man, knock-knock joke.

It's a tough one. This is a squeaker you guys have any uh have any final submissions or anything i don't know i ran out of weekly characters so i can't i can't make any more jokes anything else wait you got any more research you know i'm gonna i'm gonna leave it up to fate i'm gonna type in who wins mark or wade oh shit who wins mark or wade wade we are picking the series up exactly where it left off last year. Wade and the Heat have arrived. We'll take down the Bulls in the first round.

All right. Dwayne Wade is the winner in a plot twist. Oh, the basketball player. So, Dwayne Wade, if you'd like to host next week, let us know. The winner of today's episode, Dwayne Wade. Wow. Professional basketball player, Dwayne Wade. Wow. All right. Well, that one kind of hurts. Not going to lie. Out of curiosity, I went back to the other

AI joke generator and I typed in knock, knock, who's there? And knock, knock, who's there? While in the most employees at the record after the most popular penis and the speech was four years, the study was conducted at the GOP debate. pope found a new sex toy call that the new state of the baby or even being called dancing with the stars when asked why that's it okay I shouldn't even be laughing at that

there's definitely a formula to the one that was trained on Conan O'Brien he talks a lot about studies uh interviews new research politics mitt romney apparently yeah obama talked a lot about mitt romney all right well we've done it we have found the funniest joke in the world updated research no offense to laugh lab and uh mr doctor wiseman i actually don't know if it said he's a doctor or not but if he's doing research he may be a professor i assume no offense to you but uh mark's knock knock joke uh wins he wins oh

i win oh no whoa whoa whoa the for the world's funniest joke oh i'm gonna yeah no that was poorly presented okay i get oh what a setup but now i have to calculate the points while you're calculating i'm gonna read this uh who wins lord minion 777 or markiplier what will happen to your stories always team markiplier lord minion 777 winner winner chilling and giving away to another musical fan on us the The second winner will receive a Lotro Vulcan set of pens. You have one week to enter. Credits created. Okay.

Doesn't that make it clear? No, no. I've calculated. That makes it clear in my eyes. I've tabulated. I've calculated. I've done all the things to the points. All right, I'll take my trophy.

Wade, you made a good showing. And you had a strong comeback with the dryer man joke. Thank you. Love that. Thank you. Love that. Good one. I did, didn't I? But on the, on some total of everything.

No. Mark just edged it over the line with the Santa Claus knock knock joke because it was so fucking fun. It's not, it's not even fair to give Mark credit for that, but he does get credit for that. And Mark wins. Yay. Thank you so much. I love taking credit for the computers that do all the work for me he just hosted though it was supposed to be my turn remember we we this

is a stage show this is fake we don't take turns my turn it is weird when one of us goes for an extended period without hosting an episode isn't it almost like i didn't get to host an episode for multiple weeks there like almost a whole month or something i don't know it's crazy uh doesn't feel great does it and admittedly wade you do try to lose a lot yeah i thought that's what you wanted wait i thought i was satisfying you guys want me to win but i wanted to win now all right well it's too bad all right well thank you so much bob do i get a winner speech it's up to you uh yeah no what do you have to say buddy uh wade i'm out of characters can you have it generate a winner speech for me and put it in discord sure here's my loser speech feels bad and i'm here and i don't have to go back sometime and you know what i'm

scared to my job is boring they're looking for someone who's more active i've heard the unemployment rate's at 17 what do you want your winner speech to start with mark i want exclamation i want exclamation i can't believe i want won! I think if you give it more like energy. I won! I won! I can't believe I won! So this is what the AI generated. I won! I won! I can't believe I won! The win is mine! She looked over to me.

Alright Ace, let's go. And my heart dropped again. Won what? You wanted to win, right? So did I. I need you to tell me what this prize is so I can go home now. Alright, thanks. to win right so did i i need you to tell me what this prize is so i can go home now all right thanks listeners make sure you subscribe to this podcast it's a little plus sign or whatever get it auto download it play it on all your smart speakers and uh every monday there's a new episode

you can find wade at lord minion 777 or some variation of that on all of his platforms uh mark is markiplier on, you know, stuff. Find me, I'm Icecrim. This is the most important thing. You should listen to this. This is pretty good. I like this podcast. Am I allowed to say that?

Yeah, I think you are. That's a little self-aggrandizing. I had a good time today. I had a fun day. This is great. I generated a podcast out for you if you want to read it, Bob, with me. Oh yeah, paste it. So in keeping with the theme of today's episode,

we have had an AI generate the end. So thanks so much for listening. And podcast out at 5.35 a.m. on Sunday. Dog news. Male grooming needs to be addressed and they tackle the health problem that affect men too. They are expertly hosted by their most knowledgeable presenter, Phil.