Distractible - Get More Stupider

Episode Date: August 16, 2024

Stupidity isn't a virus, but it sure is spreading like one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices...

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode is brought to you by Vitamin Water. Everyone knows that New York City has got to be one of the most stylish, diverse, and fun places in the world. And you can see all that character in Vitamin Water, which was born in New York because New Yorkers wanted more. It comes in a range of flavors that match the vibrancy of the city and brings the New York vibe wherever you are. Grab a Vitamin Water today. This episode is brought to you by Monopoly Go. I love you guys so much. I love you.
Starting point is 00:00:29 And I love playing Monopoly Go with the two of you. It's the best. I love you even more than you think you love us. And I enjoy our time spent playing Monopoly Go. I just want to point out that I have hit every single landmark on your board in the last few minutes and it feels really good because you had a lot of money sitting there. Thanks, man. Anywhere and every time I can see you just taking all my money.
Starting point is 00:00:55 Did you know Monopoly Go allows you to connect with friends or make new friends? Well, Mark, I want you to know I haven't made any new friends. I only play with you. It's your chance to be the number one tycoon and rub your victory in everyone's faces Make your move and download Monopoly go now free on the App Store and Google Play and don't play with Mark or I'll find you Landmark good evening gentle listener and welcome to distractable This episode meritocratic mark gets critical hit, then starts a race to the bottom. Way-worn Wade denies his omnivorous nature, can't make a sarnie, and goes God mode. Beckoning
Starting point is 00:01:32 Bob Ross knows a thing or two about baths, has problems flashing, pontifies about steaming piss, and beats on butterflies. From axing ball sacks to boiling eggs. Heheheheeeees. It's time for Get More Stupider. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome to Distractable. Thanks for coming back for another week of quality entertainment. I'm your host Markiplier here because I won the last episode. I was on fire or something.
Starting point is 00:02:07 I don't remember what it was, but I know it was great. It was the best you've ever been. And the reason that I'm here is because I'm going to be the arbitrator of this episode, and I'm going to subject these two contestants to my whimsy. And the whimsy-able people are known as Bob and Wade. That's me. I think of myself as whimsy-able people are known as Bob and Wade. That's me. I think of myself as whimsy-able 24 seven.
Starting point is 00:02:27 I am not whimsy-able today because I remember deodorant. I don't think I remember deodorant today. I actually quite quickly realized that we were recording today, which is not our usual recording day. And then I sprinted in here. I cobbled together on half-assed idea and I'm hoping and praying to the comedy gods
Starting point is 00:02:43 that you guys are both gonna strike lightning. And this is going to be amazing. I'm excited for that but can I ask a deodorant question before we get started? I saw I've never seen another human being really put deodorant on and my understanding was I use a stick right and my understanding was you like do it in the armpits that's where that's designed to go. Do you put deodorant anywhere else on your body? Because I saw a video of someone putting it elsewhere and I was absolutely baffled, baffled, befuddled, that's the word I was trying to say. Did they put it on the elbows of the legs or the armpits?
Starting point is 00:03:18 The elbows, ah man. The armpits. I'm not doing good. The elbows of the legs. They did like armpits but then they also went like around the chest up. They just sort of deodorize their read their upper. I'd never seen that. There's only three places, three places you should deodorant armpits, paint.
Starting point is 00:03:37 And if you don't have time to brush your teeth, your tongue. Taint. Do you use a different one for your taint? Because that's. Oh, Wade puts the stick on his taint. Well, yeah, there's the Manscaped Ball deodorant. Remember that? That is a thing. But those were just like wipes. I've never used deodorant anywhere but my armpits.
Starting point is 00:03:53 I don't wipe it around my chest. I don't tweak my nipples with it. I don't get my back. And I know that there is a there are multiple brands that are they have a lot of online marketing where it's like full body deodorant. You can put it wherever you want. But those are Different than like the stick that you're supposed to rub up in your pits
Starting point is 00:04:09 Those are just like lotions that that are also smell anyway I know the old axe the axe commercials used to be extremely unhinged I don't know what they are today now if they even do them anymore But it was always like guy with two cans crisscrossing across his body like like a full three second draw and then women would flock from every direction in the random field that he was in and then sprint towards the man I assume he died probably isn't that more of a similar to cologne than deodorant though I guess I always thought that made sense because that was more of a
Starting point is 00:04:43 scent people used it as deodorant, whether or not they were supposed to. If that video is wrong and we're all in agreement that it goes in your pits, that's totally fine. I just literally saw this and I was like, oh no, do I do that wrong? I've never hung out with someone and been like, oh, did you forget to deodorant your chest?
Starting point is 00:04:59 I don't know. I don't know what happened, but in college one time, cause I used deodorant fairly regularly I hope you hope often go out anymore. So sometimes I forget No one time in college though, I went to work out in the University of Cincinnati like athletic center It's a very nice athletic center and I think something went wrong with my deodorant because for some reason that day The smell of my deodorant like multiplied ten times like I uncapped it and I pulled the golden Stick that day and just like ten times the power of deodorant and it was so pervasive
Starting point is 00:05:39 That I went there with this other guy free was name is the only reason I know him is because we went to work out Together I realized that we would change out sets and when he would go to where I was sitting That I went there with this other guy, I forget what his name is, the only reason I know him is because we went to work out together. I realized that we would change out sets, and when he would go to where I was sitting, he would like, blink his eyes like they were stinging. Ugh. Ugh. And I know it wasn't because I stank, it was because the smell of this deodorant was so strong. And I don't know what I did. It's not like I sat there and just like, wiped my pits for 10,000 rotations, it's just that it just that it for some reason was really I hit a critical strike on my deodorant that day He's like mark you smell too good today. Oh my god. Oh, you knew my workout partner. That's me mark
Starting point is 00:06:16 We used to do the bells remember, you know the workout bells I can't open my eyes anymore because you're deodorant, Mark. I like how whatever Wade is doing in character now it involves closing his eyes. I like that part of your- That's how I do it. He closed his eyes for the guy. He was like,
Starting point is 00:06:34 I'm glad I'm not insane. Or maybe we're all wrong because that, I feel like that has happened before. I just thought, I literally just watched that video. It was akin to when you guys, you've told the story before, but it was when you and Molly came With us to fondue and I saw Molly put two pieces of meat on the same thing and put it in the fondue
Starting point is 00:06:51 And I was like that's not possible What the fuck is happening? Oh wait that is possible. I just never did that before Bob sees a shish kebab and freaks out sees a shish kebab and freaks out. Oh, vegetables and meat, oh! Oh, if you have vegetables and meat on the same kebab, you're doing it wrong. Cook time's not the same. You wanna have all the stuff on the kebab have the same cook time so you can get nice and perfect.
Starting point is 00:07:15 Plus, who wants vegetables when there's meat? Do you eat vegetables? Do you eat any vegetables? I feel like we talk about this a reasonable amount, but yeah. We always make fun of you for not eating vegetables, but then you do. You just only eat certain ones, right?
Starting point is 00:07:26 You eat like asparagus and- Asparagus, broccoli. I like okra. I've not had okra in a long time. Peas, corn, green beans. I don't know if baked beans count as a vegetable. I feel like they probably should. They're pretty unhealthy the way they're served. Nope.
Starting point is 00:07:38 I mean, they're still beans. Beans are legumes. Are legumes? I don't know if all beans are legumes. Are they vegetables? But are green beans not vegetables? I don't know if all beans are legumes are they vegetables? but are green beans not vegetables? I don't know. No green beans are vegetables but you eat the whole shell and there's a lot of fiber. There's a technical definition of vegetables and then there's a category of food that on your
Starting point is 00:07:55 plate that's divided and you get the vegetable corner. Beans are generally considered to be both vegetable but and a protein source but tanically they're legumes which are plants which produce fruits or seeds. Botanically, they're legumes, which are plants, which produce fruits or seeds in a pod. They're vegetables. I don't like lettuce, but I do like, like if a salad's made of like spinach leaves, I like that. But lettuce, I've just wanted to be able to get my,
Starting point is 00:08:16 I don't know, lettuce and celery for some reason are two that I just can't wrap my head around. Do you know all the kinds of lettuce? Have you tried all the kinds of lettuce? That's probably accurately, I've not tried all kinds probably. I've probably tried like, I don't know, different salads that they serve at restaurants. I'm like, God, this is terrible.
Starting point is 00:08:31 Unless they have like the spinach leaves, I'm like, oh, this is actually pretty good. Typically my biggest hang up a salad is not even the lettuce. It's the dressing. I don't like dressing. You don't like dressing? I guess that's not surprising. You eat dry hamburgers, which is just weird.
Starting point is 00:08:42 Well, it's cheese, melted cheese. That's not a sauce or a dressing. That's still dry, that's dry. It was liquid for a little bit when it melted, but I think it's still solid, you know, when it hits your mouth. There's bread, it's that wet. If you put ketchup, like, I don't mind the taste
Starting point is 00:08:56 of ketchup on a burger, but I hate a soggy bun. Look, I'm all about textures, man. Buns can survive a lot of stuff if you toast them, and good restaurants toast them. What are we talking about? I have no idea. How did we get back onto making fun of Wade for food things? I don't know, I still can't open my eyes, man.
Starting point is 00:09:12 All right, well, that's great for both of you. Is that your small talk, or is there other things that have occurred in your life? I don't think that was small talk. That was just an opening to your, we had a deodorant question. That was just a thing that was on my mind, you know, it's burning a hole in my brain. Yeah, I don't wanna lose my small opening to your, we had a deodorant question. That was just a thing that, that was on my mind. You know, it's burning a hole in my brain.
Starting point is 00:09:27 Yeah. I don't want to lose my small talk to that. Cause I don't think I got to bring anything up yet. Yeah. What do you got? Absolutely nothing actually. All right. Oh wait, I have a gripe.
Starting point is 00:09:36 Is it 1998 again, or am I just, no, don't answer the second part. I'm dealing with technology that is working in a way that I haven't had to deal with in such a long time. I'm trying to set up a camera, security cameras around the outside of the house. And I got these cameras and it was not super clear that you also needed like a little hub thing to manage the cameras.
Starting point is 00:09:56 That's on me. I could have done better research probably and figured that out beforehand. So I also got the hub, but I'm in this thing now where I got the hub and I plugged it in and I set it up and it was on the wifi and I was like, good, now I'll do the cameras and I went to set up the first camera and the hub was like oh you gotta update the firmware and I was like ah that makes sense and then I go to do that and the app on my phone and the hub is like oh no no no no no uh you
Starting point is 00:10:19 gotta get a flash drive and you gotta download a bin file onto the flash drive. And then if you just plug that into the hub, it'll just automatically get the files off of there and update itself. What fucking year are we in that that's what I have to do to update firmware on a piece of wifi enabled technology? What happened? Yeah, I hate the internet of things, but you would have think that they would have gotten
Starting point is 00:10:44 that down by now. Like the whole way the internet of things, but you would think that they would have gotten that down by now. Like the whole way the internet of things works doesn't really work very well. No! I specifically could have gone a much harder route and got a non-internet managed security system and done. That would have been fine. It would have been all offline locally stored video. Great. Perfect. I did this for ease of use and now I got to find a fucking fun do you have a flash drive I don't have one I used those in college oh a decade ago and now I don't I haven't used a fucking flash drive in forever I mean I had to buy a bunch of flash drives to install Windows or an operating system on a new
Starting point is 00:11:20 computer you still have to do this like with a flash drive which makes sense sense like it's a big file, but for something like that, that's supposed to be connected to the internet like And is, it's on the internet. I can access it on my phone and I look and I'm like update your firmware and he's all And I have to say I tried to do it last night. I did. I bought a flash drive and the second most annoying thing that I hate about technology that works in this way is why is It so fucking hard to find the file I'm supposed to download if you want me to go download a file that better be like one or two clicks deep in the website
Starting point is 00:11:53 You sent me to I looked for 20 minutes granted It was midnight and I was supposed to be going to bed and I was tired. So maybe I was an idiot I looked for 20 minutes on the website and couldn't find the firmware update file and I gave up because I I've done this I remember doing this a lot over a decade ago when everything in the world didn't fucking have Wi-Fi Anyway, it just blows my mind and in a world where everything updates itself And the most common problem is oh it updated and logged me out, you know stuff like that This fucking thing won't even download its own firmware update off the internet. It's making me get a flash drive and...
Starting point is 00:12:27 Well, that's cause it's already on the hub. There's just another port of the hub you have to plug it into and it gives you the update and you unplug it and put it into the other one and it downloads it. Also the discourse around this is really funny. People younger, people younger than us who didn't grow up with this type of technology, who only know things that will update automatically when they're on wifi, are on forums out there being like, wait, so I get a flash drive and I
Starting point is 00:12:50 did that and I plugged the flash drive in, but it didn't do anything. And the guys on the forums are like, did you put the file on the flash drive? Did you extract the zipped file? Because it's zipped on the whip and then you extract it onto the hard drive. You have to make sure it's in the root folder. It can't be in a subsequent folder. ever on all these kids the younger people who've never done this are like what what do you mean why doesn't it just update and we're not we're not making fun of them because we when we had to do this for the first time it was also like what I have to do what after a certain number of times of having to update the firmware on your router with a flash drive, with a bin on it or whatever, you figure this out.
Starting point is 00:13:29 But growing up having never had to do this, I don't blame anyone who doesn't fucking understand. I don't understand why this is still the way technology works, but that's just me. Telling everyone to get off the phone so we could dial up to the internet so we could download something onto our flash drive. Those were the days. I, what? We had DSL, so pretty early on we got, we ended up getting DSL.
Starting point is 00:13:50 We had Roadrunner back when it was cool that it was Roadrunner and we were like, yeah. Fun fact, my mom used a Roadrunner email, I swear to you, until like five years ago when they finally fully shut everything down and were like, you cannot access this email anymore. My parents still have that. They have an email that's their username at columbus.rr.com and the RR stands for Roadrunner. Anyway, that's my small talk.
Starting point is 00:14:14 Lots of complaining coming from me today. Look forward to a really positive episode, everybody. I wonder how many, ah, ooh, sorry, my brain is stuffed. You're all right. I was gonna say hard drives. I was like, no, it's flash drives. And my brain was like, harsh, my brain is stuffed. You're right. I was gonna say hard drives. I was like, no, it's flash drives. And my brain was like, harsh, harsh drive. How many harsh drives would iron lung take, Mark?
Starting point is 00:14:31 It depends on the size. Which size drive? You can get pretty big flash drives. Yeah, I mean, what are we talking about? I'm thinking of like the little freebies you'd get like going to a PAX convention where it was like. Like 32 gig flash drive or eight divide 110 terabytes by no don't divide it by 0.08 multiply it by 0.008 yep no wait divide it by 0.08 because it's gonna be a big
Starting point is 00:14:52 number of flash drives alright take how many 110 divided by 0.08? 0.08 0.08 it's gonna be an enormous number 13,750 yeah that makes sense that's a lot of flash drives of 8 8GB flash drives, yeah. Dude, I remember when I went to college, I'm talking about, I'm an old man today. When I went to college, I remember when I got my first flash drive I ever had, and it was like a little like brick, and it was a 4GB flash drive. And I remember I got that and I was like, oh, never fill that up. I could just keep everything on there. Oh my God, whole computer has a 10 gigabyte hard drive in it and then half of that's windows
Starting point is 00:15:32 Those were the days and I'm feeling older by the second with this conversation. Oh, man. We're very old mark We should do an episode about that. All right, are you are you boys ready? Yes, or and ready our looser your lips Are you- are you boys ready? Yes. Orin ready. How loose are your lips? The bad- how bad? Still attached. That's great, that's great.
Starting point is 00:15:48 Cause welcome to the game show called GET MORE STUPIDER! Uh oh. I mean- AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright. So, here's how this game works. We're gonna go back and forth. You guys are gonna start as you are,
Starting point is 00:16:08 however you are, as you are. I'm already in the lead, Bob. Yeah, wait. This seems biased. This isn't fair. No, no, no, no. It's totally fair, Bob. So what you're gonna do, Bob,
Starting point is 00:16:19 since you got more small talk points, I'll let you go first. You're going to explain a topic. You're just gonna explain in a brief one or two sentences, couple sentences, whatever, one paragraph. You're gonna explain a topic that I give you. Then Wade's gonna do it and he's gonna explain it more stupider. And then it'll go back to you Bob and you'll explain it even more stupider. Okay. And then it'll go back to Wade and he'll try to explain it even stupider than you explained
Starting point is 00:16:48 it. And it'll go back and forth until we reach the bottom of who's explained it the stupidest while still being able to understand the directions. I have to understand how to, how this thing works or how to do this thing. And it'll go until I don't understand how to do this thing. Are you picking the topics or are we picking the topics? I'm picking the topics, but I mean technically I suppose we could try- what I'll do is I'll try that with the topic I have, I have a list and then if you want to try we could try one where- So we shouldn't go as dumb as possible right off the bat. We should work our way down. You want to shave it down because you want to leave yourself room on the next level if you got to go again. Are
Starting point is 00:17:27 you boys ready? I don't know. Bob I want you to explain to our audience out there and me how CPR works. Oh good the thing I definitely understand. Good okay CPR the first thing you need to do is get the person laying flat on their back, get their head stabilized so that their head is up and the neck and then you check as best as you can to make sure their airway is not blocked because it doesn't really matter if they're not getting oxygen if you do the next parts. If they have an airway and hopefully they're not exploded, I think you do a rescue breath. You take a deep breath and blow a rescue breath, hold their nose, blow a rescue breath into their mouth
Starting point is 00:18:05 and fill their lungs with oxygen. And that's kind of the only time you do that for a little while. It used to be you would do with the breath every like 10 or 15 pumps, but now the oxygen lasts long enough. You mostly focus on the pumping. So once you have airway good, breath in the mouth,
Starting point is 00:18:19 you get your hands, forget exactly. You sort of like lock your fingers, something like this, and you go up over them and down into their sternum. Really forcefully, you kind of, you want to pump at approximately the tempo of like staying alive, ironically. You want to like, ah, ah, ah, ah, stiff, and you're gonna, you're gonna break bones. It's gonna sound horrific. Their sternum is gonna crack, it's gonna feel and sound awful. That's correct. And you're basically trying to circulate the blood through their body, make sure mostly that the brain still gets blood. And I think every, I forget
Starting point is 00:18:52 what it is now, but there's something like every 30 seconds or 60 seconds, every once in a while pause with the crushing their chest and you blow another breath into their mouth just so there's some fresh oxygen in their lungs because the blood is supposed to be circulating the oxygen so the oxygen is important. But yeah, basically you just keep doing that until someone who knows what they're doing shows up or you pass out because it is exhausting and you do your best to try and keep them alive. All right, excellent. That was a pretty thorough description. I appreciate the information. Now everyone out there knows how CPR works and a rough understanding of how to do it. I am not certified that's all hearsay information but but but I don't know if we need to
Starting point is 00:19:31 say that on the show anymore but I just want to make sure. We're getting stupider so yeah absolutely. Alright Wade please explain that but stupider. Sure so never done it but I'm pretty sure you want to make sure they're laying butt towards Satan eyes toward God. You want to listen. If the batteries ain't working, you go up, hold their nose, you give them a little mouth to mouth with some blowy. That doesn't jump start them. Put your hands together, but not like this. It's more like flat one way or another. You put it right on their heart and then pick a song, any of your favorites and just start, you know, doing the beat to the song and that should get them like jazzed up a little bit where they're like, you know what, life wasn't so bad and
Starting point is 00:20:13 they should come back, do that for a bit and then do some more breathing in their mouth. Well, that should get them back. You really shaved it just a little bit off there. It definitely didn't fall off a cliff right immediately off the bat Yeah, no, I I think I understood the directions though. I think I I think I got a general understanding I I really appreciate that explanation. I think I'm gonna save a life Bob. Please explain it even stupider All right. You got someone lay on the floor. They seem like they're dying What you need to do is picture a whoopee cushion.
Starting point is 00:20:46 This person is now your human-sized whoopee cushion. You wanna start, as you do with all good whoopee cushions, by filling her up. Go to the holes on the top, plug one, blow in the other, fill her up. You'll see it fill up, and then you gotta go down to the middle part and just squeeze it until it feels like it's empty in there. gotta go down to the middle part and just squeeze it
Starting point is 00:21:05 until it feels like it's empty in there. And you wanna keep cycling that back and forth. You wanna make sure you hear lots of cracking, lots of horrible sounds. The human whoopie cushion is really more of a crunchy, crumbly type of whoopie cushion as opposed to the nice juicy farts that you get out of a real one.
Starting point is 00:21:21 But that's the goal. Fill her up and then you crunch it out, fill her up, squeeze it out, back forth, back forth, then save a life. Adam- That is an incredibly accurate description of how to do CPR. I can't believe how well that analogy works. Wade- Probably enough to get someone there, right? Adam- All right, Wade, are you able to explain it even stupider make out? trampoline time Super super equal shorter got it
Starting point is 00:22:02 I really like that, but I I have to say it was really dumb, but I believe that would lead to people jumping on their chest. And I don't think that that's an accurate way to do whoopee cushions. Or CPR. Oh man, oh my God, Dan. Actually, that's exactly how you do whoopee cushions, Mark.
Starting point is 00:22:25 You ever use one? That is, you're right. You're totally right. I feel like I just got robbed of a point and everyone just heard it in real time. Wait, I gave you a bonus point in that round. I'll tell you why later. I'm going to give that one to Bob. All right.
Starting point is 00:22:39 Because I think that I love the trampoline analogy. It's very funny. Oh no, whoopee cushion was good. Whoopee cushion was good. Whoopee cushion was good. I, it's not just that, it's like, I think the directions are there. So I'm gonna give that one to Bob there. All right, next round.
Starting point is 00:22:53 Wade, you're gonna start and you're gonna explain how to make a sandwich. Well, to make a sandwich, first you have to get the ingredients. So go to the store, get yourself some bread, whatever you want in the middle of the sandwich, peanut butter, jelly, maybe you want to get some lunch meat, some cheese, condiments, you know, if you want your mayo, your ketchup, mustard, so on and so forth. If you want any greens, go ahead and get all those ingredients.
Starting point is 00:23:19 Make sure the date is good. You don't want them to be expired. Go check out, buy your ingredients, get home, get yourself a plate, napkins at the ready. You want to make sure you have your silverware for proper spreading. Take a slice of bread, go ahead and start piling up in the order that you prefer. I like meat at the bottom, cheese on top or peanut butter first and jelly on top. Maybe you like it the other way around. I get it. Condiments as needed. Maybe you want to make a double decker and put even more meats and so on and so forth Point being make it the way you want it and you enjoy it
Starting point is 00:23:50 Once you have all of those ingredients piled on top What's your other slice of bread now if you want to you can go ahead and take the top slice of bread and put some mayo Your ketchup so on so forth and put that on top again apply where you'd like it put it on your plate Grab your napkin clean up your mess You don't want to leave a mess, put your, you know, colds back in the fridge, so on and so forth. Have a seat, take a bite, enjoy your sandwich. That was a really great description of how to make a sandwich and also so inclusive. I'm glad that you appreciated all the varied tastes out there for all the sandwich lovers. You don't like a sandwich? Go fuck yourself. We don't like you here.
Starting point is 00:24:25 Yep. Anyway, Bob, please explain how to make a sandwich even stupider. Okay. Well, that was how you make a sandwich for a social media post. I'm gonna tell you how to make a real sandwich. 90% of sandwiches in the world are made in this way.
Starting point is 00:24:35 It's 11 48 PM. You don't really need to be eating, but you're really kind of hungry. You didn't have enough dinner. Go downstairs, get the bread out, put two slices of bread down on the counter, straight on the counter, don't, nothing underneath it, get the mayonnaise out, get your bologna out, realize you don't have any cheese, get some barbecue sauce out because you don't
Starting point is 00:24:53 want to just have mayonnaise and bologna. Mayonnaise on the bun, lick the knife clean, barbecue sauce, spread that out, two slices of bologna, maybe three, depends how hungry you're feeling. Close that bad boy up, shove everything back in the fridge, toss the knife next to the sink in case you have another sandwich in 20 minutes because you wouldn't wanna get another knife dirty because that's stupid.
Starting point is 00:25:13 Eat the sandwich standing in the kitchen, half in darkness. Realize as you're eating the last bite of the sandwich, you forgot to put the bread back into the pantry. Pick up the bag of bread and look at it in the half-dim kitchen and realize that there's a huge fucking spot of mold in the bottom corner of the bag of the bread
Starting point is 00:25:31 that you just ate two whole slices of. Take the bread, put it back in the pantry because obviously an adult would throw it away, but that's not how we're operating right now. And before you leave the pantry area, stare at the bread and consider if the mold Really is far enough up the loaf that you couldn't get two more slices off there and have a second after midnight Sandwich to really finish off this gem of an evening. I was incredible
Starting point is 00:26:00 I feel particularly called out because the other night I had I haven't had food coloring on then I had some Candy with a report or Takis actually and then at midnight I was really hungry so I went and I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich standing in the kitchen I mean that was the most real Description of sandwich making I've ever heard approximately 93% of all sandwiches occur in that fashion. That's that's very good Wade, please explain how to make a sandwich even stupider. I mean, a sandwich is just two things with some stuff in between.
Starting point is 00:26:30 Just find two things that are edible, hopefully bread, but if not, you know, whatever. And you want to get some varied textures, some meat or paper, something that's got a little bit of texture to it. Put it in between the two other things and then you can put other stuff on it. Maybe you soak another piece of bread in some water
Starting point is 00:26:49 and put it in there and you eat it. All right, that was definitely super duper. I still know how to make a sandwich. That's great. Thank you. Thank you, Wade. Bob, please explain it even stupider. It depends what you mean by make.
Starting point is 00:27:02 I'm gonna be honest. I like to have most of my food delivered, but Jimmy John's doesn't deliver to my house because they have a really small delivery radius. So what I do when I need to make a sandwich is I go to Jimmy John's. They have sandwiches. They make them, but I pay them to make them,
Starting point is 00:27:20 so my money makes it make them make it. And then you eat it ah i think that's actually smarter oh no that was a smart thing to do i was like uh uh because it's saving money from delivery they won't deliver i would if i could that's the point they have a small i worked here at johnson if it's if you're not within like seven minutes of their store or whatever they won't deliver to you it's not like a pizza place where they'll drive 20 minutes. It's a small radius. That's fair That's totally fair and unfair to you, but I think Wade still has me eating a sandwich
Starting point is 00:27:53 It might have nails in it, but I'm eating some kind of sandwich that I made got some crunch man It's just a better sandwich This episode is brought to you by Monopoly Go. I love you guys so much! I love you! And I love playing Monopoly Go with the two of you, it's the best! I love you even more than you think you love us. And I enjoy our time spent playing Monopoly Go. I just want to point out that I have hit every single landmark on your board in the last few minutes and it feels really good because you had a lot of money sitting there. Thanks, man.
Starting point is 00:28:29 Anywhere and every time I can see you just taking all my money. Did you know Monopoly Go allows you to connect with friends or make new friends? Well, Mark, I want you to know I haven't made any new friends. I only play with you. It's your chance to be the number one tycoon and rub your victory in everyone's faces Make your move and download Monopoly go now free on the App Store and Google Play and don't play with Mark or I'll find you Landmark All right, Bob, it's your turn again, uh
Starting point is 00:28:58 Man, I might be too esoteric. I've got a whole bunch of this here. No hit me with it. All right. All right, okay Please explain me how the water cycle works. Ah Yes The other name of this game I was thinking of is one-headed expert The surface of the earth is over 70% water But water changes states at temperatures that are all achievable on the surface of the earth. Some of the surface water on the earth is frozen solid in the form of ice.
Starting point is 00:29:29 Some of it is liquid, most of it is liquid, but a large part of it also becomes a gas. Water evaporates when it gets hot enough and it gets hot enough on earth for water to straight evaporate up off the surface into the sky. Water lifts up into the sky. That's why the air is not, you know, making your skin crack because there's water in it. It's water vapor. That's what humidity is. It's an important part of human life, honestly, and most life. But water goes up into the sky. The
Starting point is 00:29:57 higher it gets, the cooler it gets because the air temperatures are colder higher up in the atmosphere. So water gets heated down on the surface, rises up, eventually cools down enough to where it starts to turn back into a liquid and you get little tiny droplets of water suspended up in the atmosphere. That's what clouds are. Clouds are just droplets of water floating together, cooling down and re-liquifying.
Starting point is 00:30:21 What's that called? Condensing. That's the word. And when enough water gets in the atmosphere and cools down enough and it starts to condense and there's a lot of liquid it'll fall back down. That's rain! Or snow, or sleet, any kind of precipitation. And it falls back down. Some of it falls on land, some of it falls right back into the oceans and lakes. But the stuff that falls on land also either sinks into the dirt, you know, filters down through, or if it's like hard rock or something, it will go off, flow off into creeks,
Starting point is 00:30:51 rivers, estuaries, flow back into lakes. It might just go right into the ocean. Who knows? But that's the whole cycle because then it's back where it began. It's back in the big bodies of water, goes back down and it's down on the surface where it will more than likely be heated up again, turned back into vapor, back into the atmosphere. So that's why it's a cycle, goes on and on. That's beautiful. Bill and I couldn't have done it better. That was incredible.
Starting point is 00:31:14 It was like a Bob Ross kind of explanation. I loved it. Wade, please ruin it. Earth's kind of like an aquarium and water has a filter system. So somewhere, I'm not sure exactly where, there's like an intake where the water goes up and it goes into the filter.
Starting point is 00:31:29 And the filter, as long as it's working properly, it'll send clean water back down. But sometimes your filter gets too cold or it gets clogged and the water doesn't come right back down right away, which is why we have deserts and stuff. Or if your filter's too cold, it comes down like all icy. But if your filter's working properly and it gets cleaned out and changed as it should, it'll come back down as water and you can drink it, swim in it, so on and so forth.
Starting point is 00:31:53 It'll get back into your different bodies of water and then you know you got good water there for a little while until we and fish poop and shit in it and stuff and then it goes back to get filtered and cleaned again and the cycle continues and just make sure you clean your filter regularly. All right, okay, I won't ask you how to change that filter. I think we're trying to figure that out as a species but I think I understand it still. Bob, even stupider. Humans piss every day. Humans need water to drink every day. the water we drink is what turns into piss How do you think we get more water to drink when we're pissing out all of the earth's water all day every day? The cycle we piss goes down into the earth gets real hot cuz a lava and shit steam
Starting point is 00:32:41 Atmosphere cloud rain goes in my swimming pool. I drink it while I swim. I piss later. It's a whole cycle. Comes and goes. The cycle goes through humanity. Humans and other animals technically, but mostly humans are the heart, the core. No, they're the radium.
Starting point is 00:33:01 No, that's not the word. We just piss a lot, okay? We just piss a lot. Yeah, thank you I think I understand it piss gets real hot up down swimming It is possible to piss so hot that it turns right into steam You skip a part of the cycle if you do if you you pissed in a sauna Onto the rocks you skip the whole cycle where it's on earth. It just goes right up into the clouds. Maybe that's where acid rain comes from We'll get some people on that to find out the answer Wade even stupider water dies goes to heaven
Starting point is 00:33:42 I feel like I have a religious connotation Guys... I feel like I have a religious connotation that I hope that people aren't offended by it. Well, you don't need to explain it further. I got it. Alright, Bob, can you go stupider? Water. Down. Liquid. Ugh. Water. Oh! Gas! Gas water! Get back down!
Starting point is 00:34:01 Liquid. So much piss. Water get back down liquid so much piss Man I really like that valiant effort, but I think wages crushed it with water I love it Wade it is your turn I'm caught between these two but I think I to go with this one. The life cycle of a butterfly. Butterflies don't start as butterflies. They go through an entire process of becoming a butterfly. They start as an egg and assuming that egg doesn't get eaten by a predator or destroyed
Starting point is 00:34:36 by weather, so on and so forth, theory, the egg should hatch into a little caterpillar. And that caterpillar, its job is to go survive, eat vegetation, hopefully around it, maybe the leaf that the egg was hidden under, eat grasses, different things. And eventually when that caterpillar gets big enough and has enough, I'm not even sure what the chemical is called, it will use that material and produce a chupa
Starting point is 00:35:02 or a like a shell to cover itself. After it's fully covered, it goes through a period where it's basically just immobile. It's surviving on the nutrients it had previously eaten and its job is to just wait until the transformation process inside completes. That process is the caterpillar going from being a, you know, long, skinny creature with a bunch of legs to a similar body, but now it has usually, and from my understanding longer legs rather than a bunch of little short ones, beautiful wings of various colors, two long antennae, so on and so forth, and with those wings gains the ability to fly.
Starting point is 00:35:40 The butterfly flies around, is able to go to different flowers and grasses and traverse the landscape much easier, up until the point where it lays its own eggs and starts the process over and over again. Beautifully explained from beginning to end, the cycle completes. Bob, please explain that a little bit stupider. Butterfly, butterfly, butterfly, four steps. Step number one, yucky egg. Egg gets glued onto a leaf. That leaf is now daycare.
Starting point is 00:36:09 Step two, hungry little worm bitch. Egg hatches. Caterpillar comes out. That greedy bitch eats so much that he bursts out of his skin multiple times. Step three, sleepy spit sack. When that bitch gets fat enough, hungry, greedy little caterpillar
Starting point is 00:36:25 spits out a cocoon of gross spit around himself that hardens into a gross hard spit sack and takes a too weak nap. Step 4. Wobbly winged bitch Butterfly emerges from cocoon, no longer caterpillar, now butterfly. Butterfly wings, sticky icky. Butterfly wings dry out, butterfly fly away not by choice just because windy bye-bye butterfly oh butterfly lay eggs step five back to start over five steps eggs cycle ah i remember my favorite childhood book bye-bye butterfly it was such a beautiful
Starting point is 00:37:02 tale is it bad if i don't want to try to top that just because of how he discovered? I just enjoyed that so much. It was very nice, but the name of the game is get more stupider, Wade. Caterpillar's born, hatched, something buys a new shell, lives in it for a while, can't afford the rent, steals some shit, straps it on, flies away and gets laid. More babies. Does it have to be remotely scientifically accurate or does it just have to be a cycle of life? I think I get it. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I'll accept it. That was pretty
Starting point is 00:37:39 stupid but I think I still get it. I can equate that to a butterfly Bob. Can you go any stupider? Butterfly mom dad shits legs onto it That legs shits eggs on to leaf butterfly mom dad goes to store to get cigarettes never comes back Chubby little caterpillar baby eats feelings until so fat that throws up all over self Eventually wakes up in pile of puke emerges realizing they are the butterfly mom dad They resented so much butterfly mom dad lays icky sticky eggs on leaf goes to store to get gallon of milk this time cycle of butterfly that's so Such a tragedy Man world on caterpillars. You're just watching TV waiting for mom to come home. It's so sad.
Starting point is 00:38:25 Wade, can you go stupider? Baby, teen, adult, babies. I mean, that could be a human life cycle. It doesn't have to be funnier. It just has to be stupider. It's something that I don't think specifically makes me understand butterflies. That's a you problem. I think that's a pretty strong effort given, given where we were. I don't know if it's necessarily stupid enough in all honesty. If I'm going to counter myself, I think that that's relatively accurate without much stupid.
Starting point is 00:38:58 Yeah. It's like simple. It's simple, but not dumb. I would say Bob's actually added some stupidity to it Whereas that one was just a straightforward simple answer. All right, my my sin I follow him answer head sound effects That's all I'm gonna say. So it's all right. I want to hear it though. That sounds great. You know what? Yeah, let him go Cuccoon butterfly Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe cocoon. Heeeh butterfly. Heeeh. Heeeh. Alright, with the decisive, decisive victory, I think Bob clinches. I like the pull cord like animal toy that kids play with, but it's just the cycle of
Starting point is 00:39:50 a butterfly. The caterpillar goes. I can't do it. At the side. You got to do it at the side. Yeah. You know how to pop your cheek? No, I don't.
Starting point is 00:40:00 I've never done it. So imagine your finger is a lollipop and like suck a little bit on it and then pop it and like you're trying to hook your cheek like you're a fish hook. Turn it like this. That's wrong, but also somehow it. Uh, I think we have time for one more maybe. So I didn't know if stupid would be enough to carry the episode, but you guys really really crushed it So I have a wheel here of different ways you can explain something and get more Oh no
Starting point is 00:40:35 On this wheel for those listening I have stupid I also have caveman, rhyme, Patrick Warburton, sports commentator, southern rhyme Patrick Warburton, sports commentator, southern, Yu-Gi-Oh! Grandmaster, New York, Guru, French, bro, and old as different things. Who's Patrick Warburton? Patrick Warburton is the voice of Cronk and Joe from Family Guy, that, hey, Peter. Cool, that's who I thought it was.
Starting point is 00:41:02 Hey, Peter, you like butterflies. I wanna spin this once Okay, good. That's okay. See I don't know see I could go back to stupid. We could just keep doing stupid No, you made the whole thing. He made the whole thing. What Yu-Gi-Oh grandmaster. What the fuck is that? Yeah, I don't know if I know that one I don't know. It's it's whatever you would interpret it does is it someone playing who plays in a Yu-Gi-Oh tournament? Is it Yu-Gi-Oh himself? You know what Bob we can we can we can guess let's do it. All right I should have said what you're gonna explain. Keep it interesting.
Starting point is 00:41:36 Aw come on! Alright I thought it was gonna go right back to stupid. Old! We're getting older! Man, that would have been a great name for the episode, I guess. Okay, so what's the, we have to describe this as if we are old or as an old person would? No, you're getting older. So each one of you would have to explain it
Starting point is 00:41:56 older than the other one. Don't worry, wait, I'll start the bar low. Okay, great. You are going to explain how to boil an egg. Mommy says I'm not allowed to use the stove. I boil an egg by getting an egg out of the fridge and putting it in a plastic bowl. And then I fill the bowl with water, and then if you microwave that for like 11 minutes, it's boiled! Ahahaha!
Starting point is 00:42:23 Wow, Bob is better at this game than I ever could have imagined oh that was it that was a very generous that was like a lob of first serve there's so much old you can go from there all right Wade please do it a little bit older or a lot turn Turn on the stove, set your pot there. Oh shit, forgot water. Go fill up with water at the sink. Put it back on the stove. Wait for the bubbles.
Starting point is 00:42:52 Put in your egg. Wait till whatever Google tells you to wait for. Off the heat, take it out, dump your water, and I'll wait for your egg to cool. What was that, our age? I figured talking about Google, maybe like 20s. Yeah, no, that works. I think that? Our age? I figured talking about Google, maybe like, you know, 20s. Yeah, no, that works. I think that works. Bob, older. Back in Nam, what we used to do is you didn't have
Starting point is 00:43:12 fire. You had bamboo everywhere. You chopped down the driest bamboo you could find and get a little fire going. You take your hat, your helmet, because it's metal, metal right and you put that over the fire You put your eggs in there and we didn't have clean water So you filled it with piss and you boiled your eggs and piss. That's what happened in Nam I don't fucking know man. How do you how does a Vietnam War better and talk about boiling piss eggs? I don't know How does a Vietnam War better than talk about boiling piss eggs? I don't know. Uh, a great play. I immediately understood your age. Fantastic.
Starting point is 00:43:50 Wade, older. And what we used to do is gather some sticks, put them together and, uh, uh, yeah, have to light them. And you get some little leaves and stuff, you light them. You get your kettle and you put it on top of there. Make sure you take it down to the creek and get some water. The egg is in there and the water is hot. Yeah, you can eat it.
Starting point is 00:44:21 Was it old? I think I got what you were going for. Alright, so if, when was the war in Vietnam? When was it? Let's see, when was it? Oh, you know, 1970, 1973 range probably. Like 66 through the mid 70s or something, I don't remember. Yeah, the actual full scope of the war was from 55 to 75, but America's
Starting point is 00:44:45 involvement was definitely 60s, right? During LBJ. Yes. How long was the US? 65 to 73. That was what I said! Okay, so I knew America's involved, I didn't know the whole breadth of the whole war, but I thought you, I think I get what you're saying. Just like kind of spacey old man. I just didn't do the super old man voice because I was like, okay, if I go there, it doesn't leave a lot of room Oh, I've got a play. Don't you worry about that? All right, Bob. What's your play? You know, I ate boiled eggs Outside of the Appomattox courthouse when Ulysses S. Grant surrendered to the Bluecoats
Starting point is 00:45:20 And I didn't know what for cooking but I saw the women folk take them eggs over to the fire, toss them in a pot of boiling water, then pluck them out one by one with their bare fingers. That was the tastiest spoiled egg I ever ate in my life. Tasted like victory. It's a lot of vigor for a Civil War vet, but... My Civil War vet? Is that not Ulysses S. Grant
Starting point is 00:45:45 surrendered at Appomattox? Is that not? No, you're right. I'm just thinking of how old a Civil War vet would be right now. Very old, older than your person. He's very old. It's very old. You know, I didn't even think of the scope of going in that direction, but he's right.
Starting point is 00:46:01 That's older. All right, Wade, but that could open up the door. I handed an egg to Jesus himself. And I swear, he touched it, he handed it back, the shell came off and it was jelly-like. So I ate it. Jesus made that egg so good. Ha ha.
Starting point is 00:46:28 Somehow we got seaings inside the egg. We just got to go back a couple thousand years. Bob, what wars do you know from back then? I got, oh no, I'm not even done. I got plans. Oh God, hang on. I got to do my own history research. All right, well, I was going to put it on a technical, like I think we lost how to make the egg
Starting point is 00:46:44 because I don't know if I can, I don't know if Jesus is around for me to hand an egg to him. A little bit of prayer can make anything Mark. All right, okay. All right, Bob, what you got? Setting, early 20th century, like 19 teens. We're inside a newly discovered
Starting point is 00:46:59 and recently opened pyramid. I'm a young doctoral candidate who studies ancient languages and I've excitedly calling my professor over. Dr. Dr. Winthrop! Look, doctor, look! I think I've broken this one! This right here, this, these symbols I think mean egg of a chicken. This, this is the symbol for a vessel, and it appears to be filled with water. I think water, wine is different. This is water, a vessel filled with water and the chicken's egg into the vessel.
Starting point is 00:47:30 And then this over here, this is a great fire. They put the vessel with the egg and the water over the great fire. What could this mean? Doctor, what did the Egyptians know that we don't? And that is the world's oldest recipe for boiling an egg. Incredible. Wow. Astounding. And with that amazing discovery.
Starting point is 00:47:50 Excuse me. Don't I get a rebuttal? Bob, what year would you estimate this was? Let's say early hundreds B.C. Only slightly before yours was cool. On the seventh day, I was supposed to rest. But this fucking idiot just ate my apple. Cool. looks kind of warm. I wonder if you put one in that. Yes. And then you could... Ah, they could boil it too! Oh god, and they're hideous naked. They should put some clothes. Stan Man, God was not who I thought he was. Adam So, I believe, or I'm not 100% sure, creationist theory believes that the earth was
Starting point is 00:48:40 made like what, 6,000 years ago? Stan Something in that range, something in 6... Adam So, I'm gonna look up when the pyramids were built. If it's over 6,000 years ago? Something in that range, something in 6,000. So I'm gonna look up when the pyramids were built. If it's over 6,000, then it would have been older, and if it's under, then that's older. Wait, we're saying the creation of people is... Okay, alright, I'm with you. I mean, if you assume that the dating is correct,
Starting point is 00:48:58 I believe the market is correct, I'm not an expert. It's like 6,000ish years old, right? The Earth is 6,000 years old, that's the idea. I don't care if I win, I just had to try to compete man I was not Bob's wet method of old was not where I was thinking It was very clever and I was not ready for that race. All right I think you did it Wade though because it's most of these things are saying that the pyramids were roughly built between 2700 and 1500 BC which would not put it over 6000 even if it was within
Starting point is 00:49:27 that range on the most extreme end. I have an idea. Okay I have an idea. Are we ready? Yes. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Starting point is 00:50:01 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh The ender falls were approximately on the earth something like three hundred four thousand years ago I could see it man All right, and we're gonna call that the end of get more stupider I could take it easy on you if you want to give it a shot the paleolithic area Era was only maybe ish ten fish thousand years ago maybe let's say. I could try a T-Rex boiling an egg but with my little arms. Yeah your T-Rex you lay an egg it accidentally rolls into the lava you're sad at first but you know and then you eat it and you're like I had another one I just want to say that but that's
Starting point is 00:50:39 okay. Here pretend I did a good T-Rex do it. Well this one this one's harder to say that I was just gonna say I'm, I'm gonna paint you a picture. And it's a cave inside of which there is a dead body of an early homo sapien who appears to have lived somewhere around 300,000 years ago. And they're buried under a pile of stones and heavily degraded. But on the wall above them them there's a cave painting that depicts how to boil the egg of a dodo bird in order to make a meal for your family. I had that in there.
Starting point is 00:51:13 I had that ready to go. I just want to put that out there. I think, yeah, that would technically be even older. You know, the people at the pyramids excavating would be like, wow, we found the oldest! And then the cave painting gets to the government. They're like, this ain't shit! Look at this be like, wow, we found the oldest. And then the cave painting gets to the cover. And they're like, what, this ain't shit. Look at this. So yeah, all right.
Starting point is 00:51:27 They find a preserved T-Rex in the Arctic and carved into its side is an archieptorics egg dropping into a warm pool of water and raptors feasting. Perfectly preserved in the La Brea Tar Pits. It's, oh man, it's incredible. This T-Rex just had a tattoo of how to boil an egg. Okay, so Wade, you had some real good zingers and I gave you points for them.
Starting point is 00:51:52 It's true, but Bob was just crushing at this game. He- Dude, I can't complain, I know. Hey, I concede. I don't even need to hear the points. You can say them if you want. Bob's acting, I concede. His idea for the old.
Starting point is 00:52:05 You came out so strong with, though, with butt towards Satan and eyes towards God. I was like, oh man. The good old days. I gave you a bonus point for that. I gave you a bonus point for handed in neck to Jesus, and then you won two rounds, so that's four points. But you didn't get any small talk points.
Starting point is 00:52:20 You got zero. And Bob got two. He got one for Diodore, and then update hell, and then he won three rounds, and I gave him a bonus point for fat bitch caterpillar back in NOM. And then I just wrote down civil war, but then I had to stop giving him bonus points
Starting point is 00:52:39 for old stuff because it would have been too unfair. Hey, I get it. He went to NOM and didn't sound very old. I was like, you should be kind of old by now. And then I heard fucking Ulysses S. Grant, which I was like, that's not World War II. Yeah, so with eight points, Bob wins handedly. Yeah. Well done, Bob. You deserved it.
Starting point is 00:52:59 He's the stupidest and oldest of us all. I can't believe you didn't think that game was gonna be funny. That was an excellent game. I wasn't believe you didn't think that game was gonna be funny. That was an excellent game I wasn't sure I just wasn't sure I never liked to put too much of the improv on you guys But that was so fun to just sit and listen to I appreciate it so much And we barely got to any of the other things on the wheel so there's potential for another one here if people like it It's really hoping to get Grand Master Yu-Gi-Oh. I don't know what I would have done for that I don't know either it could have been for that. I don't know either.
Starting point is 00:53:25 It could have been a quick round. It could have been a skip. The editors could have cut it out if it was bad, but uh. Pot of water. You've activated my trap card, egg. No! He didn't know I put my chicken egg into play face down in front of me.
Starting point is 00:53:36 He had but to take one false move and he would trigger my trap card. That's perfect, that's great. There we go, you guys got to see it. I've never seen this show, I've only seen the abridged version. That was just a very generic. Egg-Sodia, boil an egg!
Starting point is 00:53:52 I play my blue-eyes white dragon, and I feed him a boiled egg! All right, so Wade, please, your loser speech. I came into today kinda tired, I got a trip coming up, and I was thinking to myself man Oh, man I feel bad for mark because this one's gonna be a real drag of an episode most likely and then Bob and I to start
Starting point is 00:54:11 We're kind of y'all are you get stretching? I was literally head in hands beyond a good mark It was a rough start, but I'm proud of the effort. I put forward but honestly I got a conceit I'm even more proud of the effort Bob put forward. This a deserved win I have no complaints no wines no nothing I was handedly defeated this man's comedic genius was just oozing from his carapace today so congrats to Bob good speech good speech Bob you're accepting speech my carapace is tired I'm gonna go take a nap after this that was everything I had in the tank But I had a lot of fun. I think that game set us up for success. I think it was a really fun idea
Starting point is 00:54:51 I did literally what you captured with your idea today is what I've been trying to get with like my tongue twisters and Trivia and like those have been fun episodes. I like this one better than the ones I've been doing recently This was a very successful episode. I had a lot of fun. I think I was successful because I had fun doing it. Oh, that's good Oh, that's so sweet. All right bonus points. Oh, what is next episode's a tier list? All right, well, thank you everybody so much for watching and or listening be sure to follow or subscribe to the podcast You can listen to it wherever but you can only watch it here on Spotify So all of you looking at me right now thanks thanks for being here thought you were calling me out because I literally looked away
Starting point is 00:55:30 you're like thanks for everyone looking at me I'm sorry I'm back so thank you so much look forward to another episode where Bob's gonna be hosting and me and Wade will be competing thank you and more soon! We're not leaving yet! DistractableStore.com. D-I-S-T-R-A-C-T-I-B-L-E-S-T-O-R-E.com. Go there now. Alright, podcast out.

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