Distractible - Gifts, Holes, and Powers

Episode Date: January 12, 2024

Wade's gifts, Bob's holes, and Mark's superpowers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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as mustachioed Missouri Mark hijacks the episode, then grants twisted abilities. Bumblebee Bob free beer to an epic death duel. Yes! It's time for Gifts, Holes, and Powers. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I'm today's host. Yes, you are. Because I won the last episode fair and square I'm joined as always by my friends Mark and Bob hey guys hello and if

you've never been here this is the show where one of us hosts the two compete for points and at the end weird shenanigans happen and one of them is named the winner and doesn't believe it and has no faith and thinks there's something else going on until the end of the next one there's nothing else going on mark that's one there's nothing else going on continue welcome everybody and welcome back i will start off as the host with uh some small talk from the other two how are you guys doing said two no okay uh i'm good i'm good i'm good

yeah i got a big water bottle full of water next to me i'm trying to hydrate I'm trying to I'm trying to work out more in the new years My all of me is pretty sore right now. Honestly mark that looks like a beer. It is a beer Is that a alcohol free beer? Yeah. Oh nice. That's good cuz I hate my imprisoned alcohol. I prefer it to be free Yeah, but I've been I'm trying to work out more and it i'm sore but that's how it's supposed to be right it's good yeah it sucks at first but i mean once you get into it it's not too bad how many months before it feels good that's my question oh 45 years yeah i don't know about the feeling good part even when i was like in the midst of my working out probably an overall life feeling good a little better but in the workouts it always

sucked but see isn't that the lie that they tell people in shape people tell out shape people like oh well i it's an endorphin high i working out makes me feel better is that just actually a lie is that complete bullshit is it it's like the runner's high i don't think the runner's high exists because i've never had it i think those runners just smoked a lot of weed before they went for a run they talk about reaching the runner's high but like i tried to run to get in shape a few times and like even when i was running i don't know a couple miles it was like i never at the point where i felt like i was at the runner's high it was more the runners like oh dear god five more steps okay maybe i can go like five more steps oh for the love of god five more steps oh the top of the hill top of

the hill if i get to the top of the hill i'll stop and then I get there and it's like oh runners high where are you yeah I've ran up to I think the most I've ran is probably a 5k at once and at no point in there it was like thank goodness all I could think of was like man my feet hurt oh boy I should get better shoes

all I think when I run is ow ow ow ow ow ow ow well that makes me feel both uh better but also worse because it just sucks forever i guess but it does feel good the feeling when you're not working out though is pretty good like i i i'm i have less of an appetite whenever i'm exercising a lot and i feel like i'm eating better because i'm more mindful because i'm like i don't have to work that off later so i feel like they work pretty well in conjunction with one another when i'm exercising I do eat

better you have less of an appetite anytime I work out I'm way hungrier no because I it's not that like I feel less hunger but like mentally I've got a block where it's like I don't want to just put on all the calories I just took off so I want to eat a little bit less I'm not going to eat like two cheeseburgers I'll get it gives you a broader motivation yeah no I get that it does feel good to like oh oh, I'm doing it. And that inspires me to like make other better choices. Yeah, like I'll look away from the pile of chocolates and more toward like, I don't know, a vegetable or a fruit or something.

I'm like, oh, if I'm on a snack, I'll have this instead. Like, it's just how I feel whenever I'm exercising because I don't want to cancel out the work I'm putting in by eating unhealthy. Anyway, my shoulders hurt. That's it. That's what's going on. Well, good for you, Bob. Happy for you. I need to get back

on it more too. Molly's been good. She's been going to the gym, working out from home. We have like an elliptical and a treadmill and some weights and stuff that she's been working out. Nice. I need to get back to it, but this has really been the first week of somewhat normalcy. It's kind of like get the house back together, figure out what's growing in that one

toilet I've neglected for like a month, and then How is it you just moved in, how is there something growing in the toilet already? Or was it there when you got there? It was already there, it was like a banana tree, I'd go and I'd skip bananas, take them downstairs and eat them You know how the banana tree grows in your toilet? I was over there Wait, what? I must not have seen that bathroom

No, no, no, I'm definitely not exaggerating I am exaggerating What are you exaggerating from that it's a banana tree? How exaggerated is this? It's an apple tree, Mark. Obviously. Jesus, man. I knew it.

It's a grape vine, okay? It's not even a tree. It's a vine. It's hardly a bush, if anything. What are you pondering, Mark? You got quite the ponderous look about your visage. What are you pondering, man? It wouldn't be the last episode, would it?

I'm trying to find news articles and uh definitely nothing else that's two mark are you guys going to explain what these numbers mean it's fine it's you you're saying you're assuming it's about you wade but there you were literally there for the whole previous episode there's no other communication that took place i have a me-centric position in the universe where like i want everyone to be happy but secretly i inside i believe that like i'm the center of the universe and you this is a truman show and you guys are all actors in my movie you're the main character yeah i've got main character syndrome to some extent so like

everything is about me even when it's not in my own head well sometimes it's not wade you're just you'll adjust it'll be fine it'll feel normal after a while mark did you have anything else interesting going on in life that you want to talk about? Uh, I mean, do you want to talk about lenses? Oh, it's been a minute. Well, okay. So I did get something that is lens related, but it's more an art piece. All right. So I think you guys will actually find this cool. I, I saw this and I've never seen anything like it before. Mark, how do you feel about all those moon pictures you hate so much knowing now that they were taken with lenses? People are starting to understand.

People are starting to understand. They're starting to see like, oh, wait, this guy, he only posts I see. Ah, I understand now. I get it. The weirdest grudge of all time. Look, look, look, look. Wasn't that the episode Weird Grudges? Look, look, look, look.

Wasn't that the episode Weird Grudges? It's a cutaway of a lens that they cut away the like three quarters of the metal body and they kept the lenses intact as circular pieces. And I saw it and I was like, that is so cool. That is so incredibly cool. I don't really know what lens it is that it's based off of. But for me, it's like it's both. Oh, there it is. Oh, OK, cool.

it is that it's based off of. But for me, it's like it's both. Oh, there it is. Oh, OK, cool. For those of you who are listening and not watching, it is a looks like a zoom lens of some kind that is mounted vertically from the smaller side where that attaches the camera. The open side to the light is up the top

and the circular lens elements, the glass pieces inside our showcase in a way where you can see all the layers and the different pieces. And it's on a wooden block so you can present it on your shelf. I don't buy art. I don't buy anything to, like, show. I don't buy it either. You're not going to pull one over on me, art.

That was better than my free joke earlier. It was pretty good. I got to say, this is what I imagine a binocular, nope, a horoscope telescope. Are you talking about a telescope? Yeah, because what do you think is the difference between a telescope and a lens? One contains lenses and one is a lens.

The kind of dick that operates it? Yeah, right? But it's cool, right? No, that is, I'm with you. I don't really buy like decorative pieces there's a thing that's in this same vein that's a car thing that i like i might get at some point because it's cool but like this is exactly if i was into lenses i get it because that is that's super cool if i saw that in someone's house i would go and like look at it because you could kind of see

in this picture you can kind of see the light is reflecting off the different surfaces of the different glass pieces. And you could see the reflections are not the same, but I would like, I would look through it and be like, what does this lens do? What does this lens do? It's fascinating. Exactly. Right. It's like a, it's like an anatomical model that you'd have with like some of the pieces of the body, like peel the way. It's like that exhibit where the, there's no skin, the body's exhibit, except it's a lens. Yeah, exactly. And it's like that exhibit where the there's no skin the bodies exhibit except it's a lens yeah exactly and it's it's similar if people have seen when people take old iphones and they disassemble all the parts and they put it in like a plaque it's just interesting to work out because you get to see how it worked but this is something i've never seen anything like this

it's actually like i really appreciate the idea here well and if you look at the layers of metal in the casing that is left, I can't imagine exactly how they made the cut so clean because it's very intricate and delicate, thin pieces in there that are all cut really nicely. Yeah, that's it. And all this coming from where was I don't know how vintage this lens is probably more modern than the ones that I'm normally looking at. That's what's fascinating about these old lenses, because usually they're very affordable because they're older and people want the newer ones. So I don't

mind. This probably wasn't an incredibly valuable one, but still you see the complexity in it. You see the engineering behind it. And like, that's, that's what I appreciate the actual like mechanical features of it and the optical, like playing with light. It's very cool. Well, and I, I'm sure it's not, not the movement is not preserved i would be super curious how each of those moves when you do pull focus on it yeah because i'm sure they i don't expect they all move the same rate right because you don't want them all so like it would be very interesting yeah it no i get that that's cool relatable lens stuff mark i love thank you it's more art than anything but i know you don't buy that. I don't buy art. I figured we would start today off by talking about giving.

Do you guys find joy in the gift of giving? Like birthdays? Are you saying specific? No, I mean like giving something to like another adult sometimes can be fun. Like, you know, if it's something they want or something, you know, they'll be excited to get, but like, it's almost always fulfilling to give like a kid a toy or give a kid something because like just it always blows their mind to get something new and they always seem so excited whenever it's something you know they're going to be into i feel like sometimes the adults like if it's not super

exciting it's kind of like one of those obligatory like here's a gift card here's this it's like oh thank you you know you're genuinely appreciative but it's not the same feeling as seeing like a kid open up that toy they've been wanting and they're like so wide-eyed and like oh my god the way they run around like happily it's very different times have changed kids don't appreciate shit nowadays mark's got mark's got opinions i guess i'm trying to think i don't i don't particularly enjoy giving like a thing as a gift unless it's exactly like the thing that's going to drive someone really crazy that's exactly a thing they've been really wanting but i really like giving more like like like like i don't know like doing stuff together like trip like a trip together or like doing doing something where it's like a we're forming a memory i feel like i've talked about that before in another context but

like i like that because it's a lasting thing. Some of my favorite gifts I've ever given were really more just like, oh, we're all going to this on a trip together, or we're all going to this fancy restaurant or whatever. And then like that, because I remember that very fondly. And like everyone shares that experience. But yeah, like I do feel that like it's very exciting when you, because I suck at giving presents. When you get something that's actually a good present,

whether it's a thing or whatever, it does feel good because you're like, I did it. It's not a gift card and they weren't just like, oh, an avocado. Thanks. I don't like moving. I mentioned my muscles hurt.

I'm cool with sitting still. Is that it? Is that the episode? Is it over? That is for me because the real thing this episode is I want to give a gift to you guys. And that is the gift of sharing hosting because this episode has never felt like mine and therefore i want to pass on that feeling to you guys bob i felt like you know you conceded last episode and so i want to pass along my gift to you you are now the host of this episode and

if you want to pass it on to mark after a bit you can but ultimately you are now the host that feels somehow a little bit like re-gifting something that i literally just gave to you and then you didn't even re-wrap it we're just standing next to each other you handed it back to me and we're like and this is for you it's more like secret santa where like i just stole defeat back from you for a bit well as long as i don't have to give a loser speech does this technically count as a win for me is that what's happening is this is gonna really mess up the spreadsheet if that counts as a real win you know that's not my problem whoever keeps that graph we are so sorry about what's happening right now i have no idea what this even you're the host now

no we need to sort that as the host i declare declare that we need to sort. Is this half a win? Is this a whole win for me, but also a whole win for Wade? Do I steal Wade's win? He does. He concedes his win back to me. And so he loses a win and I gain the win. My thought process was last episode ended and I was given a win. This episode, I'm now giving you a win and you can choose to give Mark a win. I didn't realize we could just generate wins out of our.

What are we, the government government we just print money yeah we we have been going on long enough that in the bylaws we can now print wins this is gonna cause some major winflation guys i see the sadness i see the sadness in your eyebrows you laughed at that joke that's right you have to live with that forever now that might be your favorite my favorite joke of yours in a long time. He's had some bangers today. I feel like a good thing he got the win early because I was, I was going to be washed on this one. Whoa, what are you listening to this for?

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Ooh, French lavender soy blend candle. I told you HomeSense has good gift options. Hmm, well, I don't know. Mom's going to love it. She'll take one sniff and be transported to that anniversary trip you took to San Tropez a few years ago. Forget it. She complained about her sunburn the whole trip. It's only $14. $14?

Now that's a vacation I can get behind. Deal so good, everyone approves. Only at HomeSense. So you won my portion of this episode. If that counts as a full win, that's up to you, my host. It's not an infinite win because you can't exactly make yourself the winner, as we declared in the bylaws after the tyranny of one of the members. We can't remember which one.

That's why we refer to Bob as my host now. He's the tyrant leader. My host. No, I declare as host that Wade keeps his previous win. This counts as a full win, and it is now by law of it exists. You can have mid-episode wins that do not end the episode. Technically, we never said declaring a winner has to end the episode. We just always operated under that assumption. You know what?

I have a burning question. As hosts who knew this was happening, I have a burning question that I want you to help me answer. How many holes does a straw have? One. Why? Well, okay, is it a crazy straw with multiple spigots, or are we talking just standard straw?

Let's start with a standard, non-bendy straw, perfectly straight straw you get from, like, any fast food restaurant. We can progress to types of straws as the debate thickens. Plastic? Plastic turtle-murdering straw that you throw it on the out of the window of your car into the gutter to live forever in the environment yeah no a mcdonald's red and yellow striped plastic straw how many holes do you say you say one hole no if it's a mcdonald's one it has two or more because they always are cracked. Every time.

There are no manufacturing defects. There are no cracks. It was handled with care. Styrofoam packed. It has the intended number of holes in it. But how many is that? It's one. It's one.

Wade, what say you? I'm going to annoy you by saying it depends. If you go in one way into the solid object and go from top to bottom it has one hole however in theory you can go in either side so it could be two holes but if it was also made that way and they met in the middle it would be two holes that therefore met in the middle to create the illusion of one hole but it could still be two holes okay all right if we're going that route it depends how we define a hole. That is the question. And I like that you asked that.

Points to win. There are certain things that you can designate at having two entrances. I've got like five. You do. You do have like five. That's accurate. But when you are using a straw, it has a fully intended purpose of having an intake and an outtake.

Extake. So you got your intake and an outtake. Extake. So you got your intake and your extake. It's intaking through one entrance and then extaking into your mouth. And therefore, I don't think you can say it has two holes because even if you're talking about holding the ground, you know, then even that definition is arbitrary and it doesn't have another entrance it at the very least Has the other exit blocked by dirt what you have when you start to dig a hole in the round is a partial hole Something for something to be a hole it implies that it goes all the way through the thing that it is a hole in

Well, yes, but the other end can be blocked So when you dig in the ground the but the other end can be blocked. So when you dig in the ground, the other end is blocked by dirt. But there's a theoretical hole that continues through all the way to the other side of the earth. Or wherever.

Okay, so let's say someone starts digging a hole through the earth this way. Someone starts digging a hole through the earth this way. They stop here. They're not touching. They're not connected. Is it two holes?

Because this one should go through this way. This one should go through this way. It's like Schrodinger's hole. It's not known whether or not it's going to be a singular hole until they intersect. What if they do intersect? And then you've got this pattern. Is this one hole, two hole, four holes, infinite holes? I'd say when you have like two things that are continuing onward, they didn't kill each other. Did the diggers kill each other? No, they got there a different time. So one was dug and then one was dug and they just happened to intersect, right? I think that would qualify as a single hole because it doesn't matter how many entrances or exits. It's all the same hole. Interesting. No, I don't know about that one. I withdraw. Points to Mark for being bold.

Points to Mark for... All right, Mark, you brought this up with the crazy straw, but I have a different way I like to illustrate the complexity of this point. So let's say, for argument's sake, there is one hole in a normal straight straw. It goes the top and the bottom. They're connected by one hole. A human digestive tract has one opening that things traditionally go into and another opening that things traditionally go out of.

And they are connected. If you ignore the complexities of the digestive tract, essentially they are connected by one tunnel that winds its way through the torso of the human body. So does a human digestive tract have one hole or do you have a mouth hole and a butthole that are two holes? My argument is falling apart. No, my argument is falling apart before me. I would like to say that Wade has clearly surpassed me in every single way. I abstain and therefore yield the remainder of my time to the greater man and the bigger victor.

Wade Barnes. Great. Thank you. I'm going to use my time to agree with Mark that oral and anal, if you look at them side by side, they're the same picture. It's the same thing. Suppository. You can take your ibuprofen either way.

You can eat those or put them up the other end and it's the same thing. That's your argument? I watch South Park. If you eat through your butthole, you'll just poop out your mouth. It works that way. That's just science. Therefore, they are the same hole. And Mark is right.

He tried to yield, but I can't accept because I agree with him. Wow. Points to Mark for being so utterly correct. Thank you. It was my strategy all along to use Wade's paranoia against him. I double down on my argument. Double points to Mark for doubling down. I'm going to triple down on Mark's point there. Triple down.

Triple points to Mark for Wade tripling down. Thank you. There's a distinction between two openings of a hole and how much distance is between them. I don't know what the limit is but i think there is a limit where if there is an opening and an opening and they're connected by thousands of miles of tunnel through the earth or whatever but they are connected and they technically form one tunnel i would say that's different holes i think there's a limit somewhere in there where there's enough distance between one end and the other end that it's like those, that's no longer a hole with two openings.

That's two holes that happen to intersect within their, their complicated meanderings. If you think about it, like if you were to take a piece of paper and you were to fold it in half, you know, the old wormhole argument. Schrodinger's paper. But imagine that it like didn't have, it wasn't this, it was just like, it was one solid block that then you peeled in half, you know what I mean? So you got your hole in there, and then you mechanically separate it later into two pieces, but it was bridged by that tunnel inside of it. Like at what point does it become two holes connected by like a curvy bridge in between them?

You know what I mean? So, I mean, you're talking about fundamentally separating the hole, which I think does make multiple holes. What's the difference between separating the hole and making the entrances farther apart? I think Bob's right in that there probably is a delineation of like, if this was connected in a solid piece that just like swelled like a balloon, at what point is it two holes to the balloon, you know?

Does our knowledge change how many holes there are? Like, let's imagine we had a cube, right? Just a cube. And there's a hole on it. We all agree it's a hole. But you can't see where it goes. We don't know. We don't know where it goes, how deep it is, anything.

We just see a hole. Now imagine there's a second hole in the cube. We don't know if it connects to the other one. If it doesn't, we just know that there's a second appearing hole. Now imagine there's a second hole in the cube. We don't know if it connects to the other one. If it doesn't, we just know that there's a second appearing hole. Oh, that's clearly two holes to the external observer, right? If we find out that it's in fact one tunnel connecting the two holes, does it change our perspective that it's now one hole? Or do we think of it as two now? What if, what if you could create an object that never had any holes, but then suddenly has holes? Okay, follow me on this one.

Follow me. You have a piece of paper, right? Wow, another one. You roll it. A ca-holy. Some sort of holy cannoli? I posit that straws are not straws. Straws are cannolis, and all holies are actually cannolis.

There is no such thing as a holy because we all know they're cannolis. They are cannolis. If we're talking about the tubular holes, it's the wrong argument in the first place. You know, I concede my argument. I think Mark Fischbach is the winner. I give him all points. I can no longer stand on my own two legs. My feet are long gone, so I will sit here and just take my L with a grain of sip.

Oh, man. I don't even. Well, I was going to make a point about I thought it was interesting, Wade, that you were describing there was a point at which you changed from describing a thing with two openings as a hole and that it somehow somehow it became a tunnel with two holes at each end of the tunnel and the way that that language changed implies to me there must be some delineation between a hole and a tunnel but that's all just completely shot to hell and blown away the philosophical 12 gauge that is the cannoli just absolutely like i was gonna do a whole thing where i was gonna take points and get points and bet mark wins okay in my miniature episode in the middle of this full

episode mark just stole the win through transcendence. Not even logic and facts. Well, congratulations Mark, and then you're the host now. Alright, okay. So I want to do an episode that is an offshoot of my last episode. Basically, I'm going to take the position

of against, and you guys are going to take the position of for. And if you can convince me that it's i'm wrong and i should be for this thing that's what we do wade you're gonna start and i'm spinning the wheel uh hitler i'm for hitler is that the yeah no where's the wheel can i see this evidence of the spin i play the intermission music mark hurry up time's running out hurry the fuck up marky moo come on time's not waiting for you it's time for you to host okay i got it the hostess with the mostest mark up liar yes hello i'm hello! I'm your host, Mark. Uh, thank you for that

hype man, Wade. Uh, bonus points to you. Congratulations. That was very good of you. What we're gonna do today is we're going to give you some options for superpowers. I'm gonna give you some prompts, some things that have been conjured up. They're not incredible, unless you think they are, and you're gonna have to choose

between which ones you would like to do. And then we'll each take turns, and you can debate debate the merits of each and then you can swap powers if you want i guess i don't know we're gonna just see how it goes so wait you're gonna go first because i like you all right would you rather have the power of chrono whispers where you can hear the conversations from the past of any specific location where they occurred. But every time you use this power, you lose a random memory from your own past. Ooh, interesting. Okay. And I'm going to tabulate who took what powers,

how powerful you are, whoever's most powerful at the end wins. And what was my alternative? Just say yes or no. Oh, okay. Would you rather have this power or not? Yeah, I changed how the rules work in the middle of it because I can do that.

I'm the host. Shut up and go away. You want me to skip your turn no no it's fine i think um between the choice of having that power versus not having it i'll take it okay i'll give you a choice that makes sense that's a good idea okay all right you can choose between that or molecular gastronomy you can transform any material into edible food with your touch, but the more you use the power, the less you enjoy the taste of regular food, eventually finding it bland and unsatisfying. This should be an obvious answer for you, because you only eat bland and unsatisfying food.

I feel like that was an unnecessary dig. That was pretty harsh, Mark. Three. The first power sounds more infinitely useful, but I feel like I've got more to lose. So I would take the second power for sustainability, even though I do feel like overall it's a bit weaker. All right, molecular gastronomy it is.

You can make food. Bob, do you want to have the option of having the power he left behind? I would like two new powers, please, sir. You can either have ink manipulation. You can control and shape any ink or dye, even in a printed or drawn state. You can change it to whatever you want. But your skin gradually turns the color of the ink you manipulate the most. Corollary power question.

Do I become invisible if I just spend a lot of time manipulating invisible ink? Possibly. I like, I like thinking about it. Okay. Other one, gravity reversal. The ability to reverse gravity for yourself, allowing you to walk on ceilings. At the expense of each use induces severe vertigo

lasting several hours. Sorry. When you said that in my head, I was like, so I could basically fly if I just flip-flop the gravity really fast. I could hover and then i just had a vision of me flying over a city just like but i can fly so you know that's cool the most earth shattering vertigo that's ever happened. Oh, hmm.

I would definitely take the gravity. Yeah. I like the drawback. I like that's a big curb to that power. But I still feel like even as a one-off thing, even having that as an option, I really like. So I would take gravity reversal. Yeah, you would become effectively immune to falls to your death because you could reverse.

I don't know. You might overshoot the ledge you were first on. But yeah, it could probably work in your favor. You can use your vomit as like a jet to manipulate where you're going. There's a limit to how sick you could get. So there's a maximum point you could reach. You just have to become mentally able to overcome that, and then you can do anything with gravity.

All right, he's picking gravity reversal. All right, Wade, it's your turn. You can choose between Dreamweaver, Enter, and Shape People's Dreams. However, you can't control your own dreams. They become increasingly more vivid and disturbing. Okay. Oh, man. Holy shit.

Or echo speech. You can replicate any voice you've heard before perfectly, but your natural voice becomes weaker and eventually will disappear. Dreamweaver sounds like a lot of fun, but I do value my sleep and having horrible nightmarish dreams sounds terrible. I'll take the echo echo all right eventually you'll use your lose your own voice but you'll you can pick up some random person's voice that probably sounds similar bob you can either be in an emotional

sponge where you absorb the emotions of others lessening their emotional burdens but you experience the absorbed emotions later at random intensified, but one time. Ideally, while you're in the air from your gravity. Violently puking my way through the air. I'm suddenly overcome with the horrific tragedy of that person's experience. Oh, man. You can choose between that and temporal artistry. Ability to create art that changes

based on the era it's viewed in. So any art you make will change as it moves through time, but you become increasingly detached from the current time period, feeling like an outsider. I don't know if this means you're going to live a long time, but this one's an odd one.

It doesn't sound like a very pleasant existence, but I feel like I have to go all in on the pure chaos of the persona that I'm developing. I would have to take the emotional sponge. Well, what's interesting is it doesn't say you only take bad ones. So you could be an emotional vampire. You're floating, puking, sucking up everyone's happiness. I just need to go to a lot of sporting events and root for the, like sit in the winning team section.

You're just going to be going on randomly. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection, free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't.

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The longer you hold it, the longer your recovery period afterwards. Or refractory period, if you will yes so i can hold people can hold their breath for what like usually a couple minutes if you train it really hard you can hold up to like 10 15 minutes i think or you omni-glot understanding understand any written language instantly not speaking written uh but you start forgetting words in your native language making communication in it gradually more challenging. I feel like I can use my phone to kind of do that already to some extent, so I'm gonna go invisible. Alright, well here comes Mr. Emotional Vampire himself.

Bob, you can choose between shadow sculpting, the ability to change shape, or, sorry, the ability to shape and harden shadows into tangible objects However, you become increasingly sensitive to light eventually finding daylight painful or you can be a biomimicry genius instantly mimic the abilities of any animal you touch but you also briefly adopt the animal's Instincts and behaviors which can be socially awkward or dangerous No, I feel like you know what I have a built-in defense mechanism for that I take the biomimicry one with the Understanding that a part of my system is right as I'm about to touch the animal to steal their traits I flip gravity like like a light switch. I just go like

animal to steal their traits. I flip gravity like a light switch. I just go like, like real quick. So I do that and then I touch the animal and then I'm incapacitated with the insane vertigo until the instinct thing wears off. And then I just have that animal's ability. So it's still a trick. Yeah, no, I take the biomimicry thing. Yeah, yeah. All right, okay. Just do a couple quick gravity flips, get myself real sick. Your vertigo is going to suck, dude. Man, this is a hell of a trade-off. I don't know if your body could keep taking these punishments all at once. Oh, man, I don't know why you're getting the language ones. Okay, you're linguistic chameleon.

Speak and understand any language, but only while directly conversing with someone who is a native speaker. But you forget how to speak that language immediately after the conversation ends. So you can speak to anybody. You don't forget anything of your own, but you can't take it with you afterwards. Or digital whisperer. Instantly fix any software bug by touching the device. However, each fix temporarily transfers the bug's effect to your brain causing glitches in your perception or memory i'll go with the

first one being able to communicate with anybody that just seems strong even if i lose after a while i don't lose the emotions of those around you. However, you start to become emotionally numb or probability minimizer. Reduce the likelihood of minor inconveniences. It just says minor. However, major inconveniences start to become slightly more likely. However, major inconveniences start to become slightly more likely. The thing about that is I'm terribly curious to test the bounds of what is a minor versus major inconvenience.

It says, okay, the examples it gives, minor inconvenience like rain during a picnic. If we're building characters, I guess I have to take the one that synergizes with the rest of what I got going on here. I have to have the emotional amplified because that means that's what I'm talking about. If I could if I could find the right group of people, I could amplify their emotions and then absorb the amplified version of the emotion. Theoretically, that's true. It's like a drug.

You got to get more every time. But that high keeps getting higher. Yeah, no, it's yeah. I'll consider that the end because you guys are very powerful. You have Wade, you have molecular gastronomy. You can turn anything into food with a touch, but the longer you use it, the less tasty things become. You lose your everything bland. And yeah, you have echo speech, which is you replicate any voices perfectly You have spectral camouflage you can hold your breath and become invisible and you have linguistic chameleon Which means that you can talk to anybody in that language Bob you have gravity reversal with vertigo

You're an emotional sponge, but you'll feel it later at random intensified your biomimicry you can touch animals and basically absorb their traits and emotional amplifier you can make anyone have their emotions intensified but slowly lose your own i have a question about this if he feels the emotions intensified later but also he's emotionally becoming numb does that mean the numbness overwrites the emotional later or does it mean like i think it's diminishing returns every time so it will become less but he can counteract it with an equivalently large emotion from someone else and let's say the intensified is doubled or something like that whatever emotion you feel is doubled later a lot of emotional stuff a lot of puking and animal things for whatever reason hey animals feel

emotion too so oh i could tell what i could finally tell what emotions animals are feeling later not now but at some point like oh man was that a was that a dog that was sad or was that the gorilla oh no well he's thinking about bananas and he's sad so i guess i gotta assume i would think like the molecular gastronomy might be good if you could get a touch in but bob's gravity reversal means you're gonna have trouble doing that. Are we fighting each other? I was just thinking in general, my powers feel more overall useful, but Bob's feel a lot more fun and chaotic. This is prep time.

This is a fight determined by prep time. If Bob can get a big enough emotional bomb to unleash on you, but you'll have to hold your, you'll be holding your breath before the fight so he can't spot you. He might be able to sense you and your emotions, your sweet emotions, but it's all about getting that touch

because if you can turn him into food, I feel like that's game over. But if you're crippled with emotion and or you're recovering from oxygen, that's going to be the trouble.

With prep time, I can communicate with wildlife and people around them to try to influence the trouble with prep time i can communicate with wildlife and people around though to try to influence their emotions ahead of time to give bob an emotional bomb it just says linguistic chameleon which i think is languages you have to speak with a native language then just people nearby i can communicate with people nearby and give them like some emotional baggage but i don't know bob can win but also lose horribly or he could win then lose

horribly what if what if what if bob conjures up a horny bomb congrats you just made wade uh so this one i feel like because bob you will be floating but the vertigo does last quite a while so you got to be careful i it's all about prep for me i think i don't know if the gravity if the gravity switch is really the thing i use in the heat of the battle i feel like the the thing that the crux for me is what animals powers do i bring to the battle i would need to pick like a good like if i if i got like a hawk and i i get their traits does that mean i can fly like a hawk i would assume yes because it combos with your power, I don't know about its vertigo resistance, but I would think pretty high because they're flying.

So yeah, you would get an animal that has a lot of vertigo resistance. If you can get a big enough, like, I guess sadness bomb would really be the one. I guess you could also have a gun. I don't know. Just show up with a gun. I mean, I wouldn't want to just be out in the open, right?

Depends where we're fighting too, because I'd want to get him contained in a place that neutralizes his flying abilities. Man, you guys really don't have any killer powers. So it really comes down to... I could feed him. I think my strategy would either be the animal or I would have to create the spark of a negative emotion in Wade and latch onto that and amplify

it until he just couldn't exit. He couldn't deal with it anymore. Is hunger an emotion? Because if you give him a big enough hunger bomb and then double it, he might be tempted to turn himself into food or anything around him into food. You could definitely be hangry, which might get you there. But if I'm invisible, like I could win in the short term if i could get catch you off guard by being invisible and just like popping you because none of us have like any kind of resistance but i feel like you would sense your emotions i think

the the thing would be setting right if i was in a place where it was isolated and i could tell there was an emotion around me i would know it was you because there's nothing else around or whatever but if i were in like a crowd yeah i don't think i could sense you versus anyone else so it really i would have to be super careful on setting i'm not sure our powers are really defined to duel each other we're kind of just like no you're the you're the perfect match-up you're the perfect match-up the to fight each other this is this is really it um so i think it's it's just like yeah it comes down to setting if bob has open spaces with high ledges he wins like an inner city but that might

work no then he has a lot of emotional people to i don't know what you guys picture but i picture me going around like invisible like making food like on the run survivaling i picture bob fucking flip-flopping through the air vomiting while while he flies around. And everyone's like, yeah, oh, yeah, oh. Yeah, no, I'm a very tumultuous character in this universe. Watching him would be like watching a propeller spin. As he just changes gravity constantly to fly. Yeah, it'd be fine. It'd be great.

And just, oh. gravity constantly to fly. Yeah, it'd be fine. It'd be great. It's just, ahhh! And you know that scene in Wall-E where he's in space, but he's got the fire extinguisher? It's like that, but with vomit. I mean, that's the thing.

Mark, you have to decide who wins. I feel like Wade and I have both built quite the characters, but it's on you to pick the ultimate winner, I guess. I'll let ChatGPT figure this out. All right. In the quaint town square, where the cobblestones echoed with history and the air buzzed with the chatter of locals,

an unusual confrontation was set to unfold. Wade, known for his unique set of abilities, was preparing to face off against Bob, an adversary with equally formidable powers. Wade, utilizing his molecular gastronomy, had already transformed nearby objects into edible substances, creating an array of bizarre but strategic distractions. His echo speech allowed him to mimic voices from the crowd, causing confusion. I had forgotten about that.

Meanwhile, his spectral camouflage rendered him invisible, a ghostly predator among the unsuspecting townspeople. The linguistic chameleon ability kept him in tune with the multilingual murmurs of the crowd, ready to use any piece of information to his advantage. Bob, on the other hand, was already feeling the initial pangs of vertigo as he clumsily hovered

above the crowd using graffiti reversal. The disorientation didn't deter him. He was determined to locate Wade. His emotional spongibility absorbs the collective excitement and anxiety of the crowd, fueling his resolve. The biomimicry genius power granted him the agility of a cat and the keen senses of a hawk aiding in his search. in his search. His trump card and emotion bomb, crafted

using emotional amplifier, was primed to unleash a wave of overwhelming feelings to incapacitate Wade. The square, alive with the festival's spirits, was obviously oblivious to the impending clash. Wade, invisible and silent, maneuvered through the crowd,

his senses alert. He could taste the tension in the air, a flavor created by his own powers. Slightly nauseating due to his overuse of molecular gastronomy. I love the chachi pinos. We overuse that power. All the time, we just abuse it. Everyone else loves it.

It just sucks for me, you know? Bob, struggling to maintain altitude, scanned the area. His vertigo was worsening, the world spinning around him, yet his determination was fueled by the emotions he observed, converting anxiety into focus. Suddenly, Bob spotted a distortion in the air, a sign of Wade's

invisibility. He dove towards it, ready to release the emotion bomb. Wade, sensing the approach through the vibrations in the air and the shift in language, braced himself. My God, is that Bob-ish? As everyone became frightened, they started talking in

French. Whoa, wait a minute. As Bob unleashed the wave of emotions, Wade's linguistic chameleon ability unexpectedly acted as a buffer, the myriad languages in his mind creating a barrier against the full impact of the bomb. I'm imagining

because it spins off some emotions into other languages so different comprehensions of, I don't know, that's fun. Wade reappeared slightly dazed but still in the fight. He mimicked the voice of a child in the crowd, distracting Bob. Bob, now fighting severe vertigo and disoriented by the unexpected voice

struggled to focus. Wade seized this moment, using molecular gastronomy to turn the ground beneath Bob's feet into a slippery gelatinous substance. Bob, unable to maintain his balance, crashed to the ground, the impact jarring him. Wade approached, ready to end the confrontation, but as he drew near, Bob, in a desperate move, imitated the strength of a bear with his biomimicry, lunged at Wade, knocking him off balance. The two grappled, powers clashing in a spectacle that left the crowd bewildered and frightened, but as the struggle continued,

it became clear that the constant use of their powers was taking its tolls. Wade's taste buds were numbed, and his voice was a mere whisper. Bob, overwhelmed by the absorbed emotions and dizzy from gravity was barely able to stand in the end it was not the strength of their power but the resiliency of their human spirit that determined the outcome wade recognizing the futility of the fight and the harm it was causing decided to withdraw using his spectral camouflage one last

time he vanished from sight leaving a bewildered and weary bob amidst the confused but unharmed crowd the battle ended not with the definitive victor but with the realization that sometimes the greatest strength lies in choosing not to fight well they were as good at figuring it out as we were thanks a lot chat gpt what the hell kind of nothing burger bullshit man what a what a tease we got all the way through that you bear kicked me i fooded your feet that's the end of act one finish the movie chat gpt yeah i just asked it i said oh come on pick a winner seizing the moment bob channeling the strength of a bear charged towards wade wade reeling from the emotional onslaught oh you sent another emotion

bomb bob reached wade just as he turned invisible again. He struck with the full force of the bear. Catching Wade off guard, impact was powerful enough to knock him to the ground, rendering him disoriented. Unable to effectively use his power, Bob, standing over, had a clear advantage. Although struggling with zone downsides, severe vertigo, and emotional overload, Bob managed to land a decisive blow, though. He grabbed Wade, neutralizing his remaining resistance. That's it. All right, Bob, you win. Fair is fair, I guess. I don't know. I mean, I think it's right. It's like, this is a weirdly even matchup and we don't know why you're fighting in the first place.

Like, I feel like, again, my advantage would come early. If I don't finish it early, depending on how severe your vertigo or emotional stuff gets like your animal powers and also just your abilities are stronger it's just i i rely more on staying hidden if once you find me you would have the advantage as long as you aren't just vomiting and in emotional pain it should have had you turn the ground into a cannoli and then i would got stuck inside of it. Turns out my real weakness this whole time was bears. You weren't ready for bears were you? I was ready for everything else but as soon as you had bear power

I was done for. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Well, Bob, you win I guess. I certainly earned it. Yep. Do I end this episode? I was the winner. Yeah, I have to take on the responsibility. Alright, thank you so much for joining me on this mini portion. I'm ending both my mini

portion and the episode because, why not? Watch out for Bob hovering and puking above you. Hard to miss. Hard to miss. You might be into it. Depends what kind of emotions you're feeling at the time. Bob winner speech, I guess? Yeah, I mean, I really like the characters that I built. I'm glad I don't actually have to live with those powers,

but I think that's a hilarious combination of things that, if the animal thing works the way the JadGBT said it does, it's clearly a little overpowered, I think. But, you know, I'll take it. I'll take it. That's a happen chance. That's a good fight, I guess, Wade. And handshakes all around.

And Mark, that's four. All right, Wade, loser speech. Thank you guys for playing along. And Bob, congrats on two wins today. That's pretty amazing to get a win from both of the other hosts in the same episode. It's a pretty powerful, never before done thing. So you've accomplished the impossible. So congrats to you on that.

I have no reservations. I think we put it all out there, and it turns out, Bear wins. Thank you for listening and or watching. If you're confused, we're not. Podcast out.