Distractible - How To Milk Your Dinosaur

Episode Date: March 18, 2024

Open the door, get on the floor, everybody milk your dinosaur. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, Willful Wade is in awe of information absorption, talks tongues, and debunks Jurassic Park.

Matted Mark upskills his box, tells of Bronto's bowling, and solves the oldest cock conundrum. Blaring Bob shows his purple pee-pee, is exhausted by his progeny, and is terrified of theropods. From unreal fidelity to smoking stash. Yes! It's time for How to Milk Your Dinosaur. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I'm today's hostest with the mostest, Wade. Welcome to the show where one of us hosts two compete for points and the one with

the most points at the end gets to host the next episode. My co-hosts and competitors today as always are Mark and bob hello hello hello feels good to be on top right guys wouldn't know i would know i think a bug just landed in my coffee damn it took a break so mark could go get coffee immediate consequences of your actions that's what that is it might have just been a an undissolved coffee granule so i think i'm okay well how are you guys doing um small talk intro right into it oh sorry we'll edit that in to be something better later and her lips weren't ready i still don't like that look i took the things off my thing right you ever do that no now my playstation is purple oh is that how that works if you take off the lid it becomes

purple look it's my purple playstation it lives on the back of my desk it's a ps5 whether or not it's deserved i feel like i have to give you pp points for purple playstation so i will i definitely think that's deserved uh so that's that's exciting huh it's a purple playstation mark do you have any pp with which i can reward you yeah yeah i do yeah i do great elaborate expound don't ask about my pp what are you doing ask it jesus christ i need to give you pp points so i need pp from you yeah you need to give me pp points that i don't need to show you look even if i described it with my illustrious voice and my incredible vocabulary, it wouldn't do because, you know, that's private.

Give me a privacy point. All right, I'll give you a privacy point. How about a pleasure point? How many PPs are we going for? I just gave him the one by default. I did say I was giving you PP points, Bob. So you got two. And Mark only asked for one point.

So right now it's two to one. He literally asked for one point so right now it's two to one he literally asked for one point my hands are tied uh but there's plenty of opportunity to tell me what's going on in your lives and start earning additional points abstain that's a bold choice for privacy reasons so you think all of your small talk wouldn't amount to more than one pp interesting bold choice that's a bold strategy con let's see if it pays off see i was just being dumb because i know that being smart isn't going to do me any good in this episode i feel like that's an insult directed at me but like an attempt at being subtle no he he arrived at that conclusion last episode it's actually not for once i think it's not about you

that also makes me want to remove points because it should always be about me. It is. It's catered towards you. All of this is because of you. So I'm dumb? No, I have to dumb myself down. So Wade can understand you? Got it.

Yeah, yeah, it is that. He's being rude. He is, but I feel like he's also thinking he's being honest. I don't think at all i didn't think about anything speaking of not thinking that's where i left that you're gonna show the class you wouldn't want to hear about it you would give me shit about it it was a lens it was not actually i hope we don't find out now because i gave you a privacy point and if you show us you're ruining your own privacy i've already put it away wait did you literally just look to your left go that's where that was pick it up and put it back to your left

yeah now i know it's there now it's put away to the left not just on your left yeah it was like a wow i found i was looking for that just the other day and now i found it and i'm not gonna say what it is oh look at that holy shit some good over there. I only have normal stuff in my area, so I get some pretty normal points. Are you looking for normal stuff in your area? Call normal line tonight. I feel like Mark's not really paying attention to this. Let's just keep going. Press on.

Well, he didn't want to talk about his small talk anyway. He wanted privacy, so I got a small talk. Which is it, man? You can't ride the fence both ways. I just partitioned my small talk. Can I get a partition point? We'll see, man. I don't ride the fence both ways. I just partition my small talk. Can I get a partition point? We'll see, man. I don't know.

You've got some contradictory points here. I got to figure out how they all add up. Pneumatic starts with a P. Can I get a pneumatic point? All of Mark's points actually add up to zero somehow using special math. All right. Okay. I actually do have something.

I'm circling full back to my exploration into unreal engine do you guys remember me talking about that for a while i don't remember any time prior to the lenses that's kind of like the asteroid that hit the earth and ruined my memory of our past well it's all part of it i guess in the end well i'm fascinated with unreal engine because unreal engine is like it's an engine that a lot of games are made out of and so you know fortnite is made in unreal engine and you know epic games they make unreal engine stuff like that um but as a filmmaking tool it just was like more and more fascinating all the time many people know about virtual productions you know the mandalorian being filmed on a volume and that volume was run in unreal engine in terms of like

uh virtual production filmmaking and also just Unreal Engine as a rendering engine by itself is kind of cool because the graphical fidelity of what it's able to get across, because it has real-time rendering for games and stuff, but you can also render afterwards with additional effects and actual ray tracing inside of it to make finished effects with it very quickly. And you, well, I say very quickly, I don't know how to do it. But compared to building up everything in, say, Blender or Houdini or stuff like that, there's some pretty cool stuff. So I'm interested in it. Like this part of technology and the ability for one person to make more stuff.

I'm getting into Unreal Engine again, and I'm looking up tutorials, and I'm starting to get into some courses, and I want to get good at it. I just want to mark down I'm taking a point for myself for knowing what Blender is. I mean, that's fun. I have no use for that skill set, but it seems fun. It is. I think that it's it's one of those things where not only is it just like a fascinating little toolbox to play in around, but you can you could make some pretty cool stuff.

Would you ever make a video game, Mark? Or is it purely for film well like video production stuff that you're thinking i i think that what i want to do with it is not refined enough for that see the way the way i'd use unreal is the same way i use photoshop which is a nightmare for anybody that actually uses photoshop i do horrible things i would go at it with the lens of like i need this to look a certain way and i don't care about any other parameters so if i tried to make a game it would run the worst because i would not do anything right i would do shortcuts just to get the like aesthetic across and it just would

be bad all around i should not be trusted to make that by myself it'd be like one of those story games where it's like it's a really beautiful model of like something but it doesn't move or do anything just like a text box pops up and it's like a great thumbnail image but the entire game is just this one guy sitting there talking the whole time and you click to keep it going so you can get it to do once it's actually running your entire world you've created looks great but there's only three images hey that's better than some horror games i've played out there shots you know what shots fired point that's not even a p point uh shots fired wildly safe for work point sfw work i learned that nsfw is not safe but sfw is safe you're just you're brilliant buddy thank you compliment point

all right so uh unreal engine stuff are you using that i don't know if you're allowed to tell me are you using that at all for your movie oh no no no, no. I mean, it would be not something that I know well enough to be able to do for that. This is like super ground level, like just learning for future projects. I've been slowly building up like my ability to understand visual effects, and I've also been learning how to do some of them pretty much with anything like visual effects is just another extension of editing, in my opinion to to a certain limit like there's there's full cg stuff that i can't do because i'm not an artist but as far as compositing and like using tools and kind of like setting up things and like kit bashing assets together it's kind of like that's what i want to

do to be able to just put enough spit polish on that turd to make it look like it could match the rest of this stuff and then that way i if i'm in edit mode and i'm like man i really need xyz i could go make xyz and that would help in the edit because there's certain things that are huge vfx lifts that need like custom cd stuff movie level stuff that i can't make on my own but i can take pre-made assets and i can put them together and I can make them look pretty good. I think if I learn enough and I do enough, that's what I want to do with it. This is not a joke, but I truly do admire and envy your capacity, motivation and ability to learn so many different things and utilize them effectively. And I learned that back when you were first editing videos and I was learning from you how to like help make some

of the compilations. I actually added one or two of your compilations way back in the day and you like just going over the different things that you knew how to do even 12 years ago kind of blew my mind. Oh that's very sweet. You edited videos on Mark's channel? I edited two of his horror compilations I believe. One or two. I didn't know that. I was assumed you didn't know how to edit at all. Well he didn't keep me on for very long so I probably did you know tyler's also edited a video on mark's channel i think but the video was tyler editing it right yeah wasn't it a video of tyler editing a video of tyler editing a video we didn't have the technology back then to watch me shittily edit when it comes down to learning things i really appreciate that because it is it is just one of those things i've always wanted to

it's not like i have fun like oh i gotta learn this new software that is still the same as probably everyone else feels like they look at unreal and they go like oh it's so much but i have a want right i'm like oh i see a need in these projects that would make things go smoother if i can build this skill set so it's kind of like that it's like this seems like the most accessible tool because if you're trying to learn like houdini or something or maya or or uh like even blender to be perfectly honest is still like oh man but unreal engine is a toy box essentially and then it tricks you into learning the deeper features of it once you get in it enough you're like oh i've learned the basics so now i can do this oh god how do i do that you know kind of like

it's pretty impressive i like it all right well unreal engine update not being used for iron lung but maybe used in future bob what you got i'm learning stuff about how babies sleep and how i i did it wrong and so we're gonna fix it i don't want you to incriminate yourself here feel free to plead the fifth but how do you how does baby sleep wrong you can develop bad habits so so okay it's not he's doing fine but the sleeping is still he's not very independent and uh it's an issue uh he woke up last night like every hour and so it was a long night and so we're trying right now to tweak some things tweak schedule get rid of some habits change some new habits with the bedtime stuff so that he can hopefully start sleeping uh on his own very independently without needing a lot of nighttime interventions well you're blaring the loud music you have the bright flashing lights

and you have the rope tied around left ankle to hoist them right so he should be sleeping fine it's not as uh not as simple as it seems but uh with the loud music of all things actually get to keep so is there anything that like i i'm sure the loud music of all things i actually get to keep so is there anything that like i i'm sure that a lot of people that are probably going to be new parents or new parents are perking up like you can do that wrong is there any kind of advice you could probably give out to according to the internet you do do everything wrong that's the thing about being a parent point for saying do do uh the sleeping thing is like we didn't do sleep training which a lot of people might know is like oh you just leave him in there and they'll cry it out, but he'll fall asleep eventually.

That doesn't really work for him very well. He's very attached and he does not like to be alone in his bedroom, alone in his crib. So that has led to I kind of sleep with him a lot, which is not a good habit. That's not going to encourage him to sleep on his own. And like so that we have to change our approach to how we get him into the bedroom and like right now he doesn't really fall asleep you would think like oh you set the baby down they fall asleep they don't do that instinctively some do but not all babies do he doesn't fall asleep unless we hold him which is a whole other problem and so we're

we're devising plans and strategies to like, how can we get create a better situation where we can put him in bed and he's awake, but he knows it's cool and safe and comfortable and to be in bed to fall asleep in there. And he feels good about that. It's as hard as it sounds. We don't want he's not going to respond well if we just leave him in there and he just cries it out. He's not that kind of it.

He'll just be hysterical and he'll cry until he makes himself like throw up or something. He's very stubborn and strong minded. But there are lots of things you can do that are not just ignore him until he cries himself to sleep. That will hopefully lead us down the path of becoming a more independent sleeper. That'll be healthier for him. It'll be better for us because we'll get better sleep not having to go and help him in the middle of the night quite as much. It'll just be it'll work better for everybody. But it's tricky and boring. The Ferber book by Dr. Ferber,

which is like a gold standard in terms of sleep technique stuff. Super boring. Written like an academic paper. And it's good because it's very factual and useful, but it's really boring. So I hope that helped everyone at home. It didn't. Your baby's not the same.

The stuff we do won't help you. And the stuff you do won't help us. That's what's annoying. So keep telling Bob how to parent is what I got from that. Yeah, everyone online keep telling me everything I do wrong. Point it out aggressively. That really guilt me about it. If we know anything, it's that guilting people really helps them improve their behaviors.

So whatever you got, fire it at me. And that will make me the best dad i can be i didn't have to say that they're gonna do it anyway but bob you find a chest you open it inside are two gp those are guilt points not gold pieces oh okay i uh i eat one okay well minus one because you ate one can i throw it up and or poop it out i was just thinking something cool might happen mark you're, you've scienced once. Is gold digestible? Oh, too dumb to answer those questions.

When you eat something, it goes into your belly and then you poop it. You said you poop it, which makes me think that, yes, you can poop it back out. So by the end of the episode, you might have another guilt point. Depends on if it's made of corn. If it's corn, it will stay intact. If it's not corn. Corn is yellow if it's made of corn. If it's corn, it will stay intact. If it's not corn. Corn is yellow and gold is kind of yellow. So maybe corn is gold.

Gold is often referred to as the corn of the world of metallurgy. Corn is corn referred to as the gold of metallurgy. Did I say that backwards or did you hear that backwards? I'm not getting any results on that. Quick, let me make a webpage and then search again in like five minutes. You can make a website with our sponsor. Use our code distractible at burberbird.com.

You heard me. I think Mark is being rude by implying that people who talk like that are not smart. Talk like this? You're right. They're all dumbasses. Bob, you get a point for calling it out. Mark, you get a point for boldness.

Anything else you boys want to delve into before I get into today's topic? Your eyes. Your inner lips. I want to wrap myself in them. I want to caress them with my toes as I reach my leg deep inside to your inner lips. I'm going to take you back to a comment I made earlier about an asteroid. Because we're going back in time to the age of the dinosaur. I was trying to do the DNA the way he said dinosaur in Jurassic Park.

Dino DNA. Who? A little DNA strand that was like talking whenever he did the hello john john that hurt you guys don't see jurassic okay i watched jurassic park like once a year almost like molly and i the first when we moved into our new place the first movie we watched in the new house to break it in was jurassic park like that that is a go-to movie for us it is a good movie but it's not that kind of movie for me i don't know we we watch it it's our like just want to watch jurassic park point to me and molly for jurassic park well there's a part in jurassic park

where they go on a little tour they're sitting and uh they're learning about how the dinos are made how they do the eggs and all that stuff they go on the little tour and they have a little animated dna strand that comes up and talks and he's like dino dna where they talk about the amber and all that oh okay i know what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah. I'm not a liar. I still don't. Mark's just full of it. Point being, dinosaurs are what we're talking about.

And there are mysteries still to this day about dinosaurs that we don't know. And you guys are going to answer those mysteries. You're going to solve them. Whether it's by creativity, knowledge, genius, or absolute lies, you're going to help me solve some of the mysteries left from the dinosaur. Before I begin, are there any mysteries about dinosaurs you guys just know off the top of your heads? I know them all. I know all.

They're not mysteries when you have this much knowledge. Questions that other than you, people don't know. Do you know what those questions are? Did they have pickleball centers? And if they did, did they serve extremely hoppy ipas on tap at their pickleball centers i don't know if we know the answer to that i'm just posing the question well mark does yes i don't want to give my opponent an unfair advantage here this is i gotta keep something for myself wouldn't you have gotten points for answering you know what you're right you don't know bob you

posed a question rather than answering it and mark was afraid to answer because i want to give you too many points so i guess i'll give you one for posing a question. Mark, I'll give you a confidence point for just knowing everything. You know what? I'll call it a privacy point because you're not willing to share information again. I know everything and I can't tell you. Here's kind of a sad fact about dinosaurs that I'll go ahead and just answer it off the bat. I was looking into this.

Wait, pause real quick. I want to I'm just going to make people paranoid. And I want a paranoid point for this, because I bet when when you said sad fact there were some people listening to this podcast that just went oh out loud and i'm calling them out if you did that post on the server all right continue sorry we don't actually know if we could have cloned dinosaurs and the reason for that is apparently their dna only has like a 520 ish year half-life. So even if it was preserved in amber or whatever else, the things that you need from DNA to clone apparently would have been gone a very, very long time ago, which is very tragic. So the amber mosquito, sadly not possible, at least by modern standards, or at least whenever I was looking up this information.

Let's start off with a banger. How did dinosaurs mate? Oink! Is that your answer just checking to see if there's a response to that one oh hand fart noises that's what they were doing the dinos because they were fucking i thought that was 69 specifically okay they were i don't want to go to just too many details i'm a very private person you know you know it all and you're just giving enough so that we know that you know. Yep. When a dino dad loves a dino mama. Wonk, wonk, wonk.

It's actually where the phrase dino might came from. Oh. Why does that get a point? Why does that get a point? See, Mark, you were too smart you gotta be less smart mark it's okay mark you got a womp womp honk honk point i didn't even those weren't even the words that i said i said wonk yeah no he doesn't get those points he shouldn't get points for that yeah i guess i could take it away if you would oh you know what fine uh mark you're saying

they they sex then the egg and the eggs already fertilized is what you're assuming? I'm going to go with yes. I got to be honest. I'm not 100% clear on how egg conception works. I know fish, the eggs are laid and then the eggs are fertilized. Like chickens is what I'm imagining. Chickens is what I'm imagining. I don't know if chickens have sex or if the egg comes out and then the rooster just like does a dance over the egg and spreads his whatnots.

Let's just say that the chicken came before the egg. Oh, we've answered that. Oh my God, Mark. You know what? Two points for answering one of the world's most commonly asked questions. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Now we know for definitive proof. I'm going to put chicken came as the points.

I'm not even going to argue with it. Chicken, chickengasm. To be fair, it was my idea that they had the eggs. Mark didn't even mention eggs. Hey, listen, I've had tons of ideas that you swoop in at the end, but I swooped. Here's just a fun one. Do you guys have favorite dinosaurs? Like what do do i was huge into dinosaurs i think i talked about this before i was huge into dinosaurs the t-rex was my favorite but i had all kinds of

dinosaur toys and little like books and facts about dinosaurs and the reason this came to mind uh we were out and about molly recently acquired some like dino encyclopedias and stuff about dinosaurs and it like reinvigorated my childhood like i love dinosaurs feelings so dinosaurs have been on my mind because of the books she acquired can i be brutally honest about this no not even slightly not even when i was a kid and even less so now that i'm an adult i can only name a handful of the most common dinosaur types if that maybe three that's fair but you could still have a favorite from among those three no i don't i don't care i don't care for dinosaurs enough to have a favorite that's where i stand bob it does not bode well i'm just gonna be honest with you i don't understand the love of dinosaurs that some people have we'll see now that's just judgmental you literally care

about glass man you like glass you could look through and take photographs from you don't care you don't think creatures that existed that were enormous that existed millions of years ago was somewhat possible to be fascinated about you can't prove they existed there are bones and museums i got bones lying in my backyard in neatly covered plots you think that means there's dinosaurs in there i don't know at all i think that you'll never find out what's in there you'll never find out see my my perspective's not looking so bad now is it i you thought i was just being a meanie pan uh No. You gave me coherent hatred. Mark gave me incoherent hatred. I'm not sure which one I hate more. There's an empty one if you want to fill it with more bones.

I think he just threatened to bone you. No. For some reason, I'm being reminded of MatPat's character in Heist. You're not wrong. I feel like maybe this character was inspired by Mark's backyard, which I think I hate. I'm going to write minus three for both of you. Mark's getting minus three for just unsettling. Can I say something?

This is unrelated. This is completely non sequitur. Mark hasn't gone out of focus or had a light turn off other than whatever just happened this entire time. Did you fix your stuff, Mark? Good point. I'll give Mark a point for being focused. I don't know.

It was never broken. What if I had a button that made it go out of focus just to play with you? I mean, that is something that if you did that, I wouldn't be that surprised. So I switched out the lens. I thought I'd take a step back. I thought you guys have favorite dinosaurs. I thought everyone loved dinosaurs. I'm truly actually surprised.

Yeah, I think everyone who likes dinosaurs thinks that everyone else likes dinosaurs but turns out other people like other stuff i guess a kid when jurassic park came out you guys were just kind of like i was too scared to watch it when i was a kid when it came out i'm gonna be uh embarrassingly honest when it came out what year that come out 97 90 i think it was earlier i think it was like 93 94 i don't know anyway i was like single digits right i was like a little-ish kid. I was too scared, legitimately too scared to watch Jurassic Park until sometime in my teens. I don't like scary movies or stuff in general. I feel like the real world is plenty scary for me most of the time. But when I was a kid, I could not stomach anything. And the dinosaurs were too scary. The T-Rex and the raptors hunting the kids in the kitchen,

all that stuff, too scary. I couldn't do it. I just left the room if that movie was on. I'm not a big dinosaur fan. They're scary. Interesting. I didn't like a lot of scary stuff as a kid either, but I made an exception for Jurassic Park

because I just loved the dinosaurs so much. I didn't remember finding it that scary scary. I just never caught an interest in them. It's more like a thriller, right? Thriller was scary. Did you say thriller? I said it's more of a thriller than a horror to me but i mean it's not a horror movie thriller the music video thriller was scary i'll give you that michael jackson's turning into like a werewolf or whatever i was like uh you know what bob a point for making me think of thriller but really so mark do you have a favorite dinosaur like there's not one that you

look at you're like that one's really cool i don't know if you named the ones i know i don't know any other ones pterodactyls triceratops dagosaurus tyrannosaurus there's there's so many dude there's the dylos that have the big frilly neck that like spit you just play arc i played arc for about 48 total minutes i don't really care for that game that much either the mesosaurus the plesiosaurus there's the broncos can i be super honest i wasn't sure if those were real dinosaurs or fictionally made up dinosaurs the broncos can i be super honest i wasn't sure if those were real dinosaurs or fictionally made up dinosaurs the first time i ever saw ark because i saw the names and i was like oh that's not a that's not a velociraptor what the hell kind of dinosaur is that they do have like some of the fake ones we had like mods where you have like the what was it

called the indigo velociraptor from the new jurassic park which is like the hybrid made one or whatever if i remember their velociraptors they went with a look that was kind of like Jurassic Park I think the original which didn't have the feathers but yeah the like the second Jurassic Park movie the velociraptors actually got the feathers and stuff because I guess people were like that's not what they looked like even though in my brain I still always picture the original velociraptor because it's like the first one I saw even if it was wrong to answer your question no I don't have a favorite you both lose five points I'm just upset that's spiteful yeah and I'm the host and my feelings are hurt well I'm Saul, even if it was wrong. To answer your question, no, I don't have a favorite. You both lose five points.

I'm just upset. That's spiteful. Yeah, and I'm the host and my feelings are hurt. Well, I'm really invested in this episode. Let's answer the next question then, since you guys can't give me a favorite dinosaur. How long was a dinosaur's lifespan? Is this a quiz show or are we, do you know the answers and we have to guess? No, these are questions that are unsolved and you are answering them. Given their size, you almost got me there i almost tried to actually put my brain power into that one

ah not gonna happen you're not getting me all right let me let me give you something here let me give you something here that's not a definite answer but from what i was able to find it seems like the dinosaur remains that have been found they estimate the oldest one's age to only be 29 years old which for something i don't know it feels like they should have lived longer than that individually like a lifespan but maybe that's old i don't know large large creatures don't tend to have very long lifespans in general right it's not a it's not a super completely consistent rule but like that's the rule in general right the bigger you are the less life you get what lives the longest i was thinking like some kind of turtle or alligator or something

has like a longer lifespan yeah doesn't the galapagos turtle live for like over 100 years or something technically speaking there's the shark that doesn't really the what's it called senescence is like the when you age so there's like a non-senescent thing. Their cells don't? Yeah, like the Greenland shark, I think, doesn't actually age. I've never heard of the Greenland shark. I mean, it changes over time,

but there's not really a point when it... They're really old, I think. Scientists estimate the Greenland shark lives at least 250 years. They may live over 500 years. God dang. All right, Mark, you know what? Some points for that oh he

uses his brain he gets points what is this then this is my episode bitch whatever i want happens you know bob i feel bad i called you a bitch oh bitch look at me that made me laugh oh bitch um final answer 29 years final answer 28.9 years oh i'm gonna give a point to mark for that one i did so they really have no concept of how long dinosaurs live though from any of the archaeological record or if they have a guess that's the best they got i didn't dive into ever every paper ever written on this so it's possible something else is out there where someone's made like more of an estimate but from like the general couple of articles i got a hold of it seemed like they didn't really want to hazard a guess because there's still so many questions they don't answer. They don't have answers to like how they mate for sure, how the eggs and stuff worked, how

long they live. There's some reports that they don't even know. Some dino species they might have differentiated as two different species might literally just be an adolescent versus an adult and their skeletal structures being slightly different, but yet being the same, they might have just changed as they got older they don't know for sure so there was a lot of stuff we just still don't know okay next one what killed the dinosaurs and there's there's a simple answer to this but it's not fully answered i thought it was the uh ash and other debris that was uh fired into the upper atmosphere after an enormous meteor collision

is in the crater for the enormous meteor somewhere like in south america or something i thought that was i thought that was the answer i thought that was pretty settled so i'm gonna use my brain a little bit oh i'm not using that much don't hurt yourself and that's not me bragging saying i'm so smart i only need one percent of my brain to really get the but there's a common misconception that the dinosaurs were all in one time. Dinosaurs existed over a period of probably close to 100 million years or so. So there was multiple extinction events that occurred. Some of the most popular dinosaurs weren't even in the same period together.

Like, I believe the Tyrannosaurus Rex and, like, the long neck one. There's many long neck ones, but yeah. Yeah, not in the same universe the tyrannosaurus rex and littlefoot's mom did not live next to each other and they were all killed by meteors separate meteors one meteor for each dino like a laser targeted guidance system god looked down from heaven and was like that's not what i meant to make and he just kept chucking meteors until they got it right down there he got his meteor minigun out like just blasted every dino headshot headshot it was crazy all right so overall bob says the uh asteroid or meteor

whatever that hit earth which even if that happened, which, you know, there's pretty good evidence that it did, some species and animals survived it. So why did the dinosaurs, the large dinosaurs specifically all not? All the smart animals were like, oh, get in the cave. And the dinosaurs were like, oh, man, you think they got cheeseburgers on that thing? Oh, shoot. And then they wandered over there and they died. on that thing oh shoot and then they wandered over there and they died uh mark what ended each period of the uh dinosaur and how many periods were there and can you name them i mean can i

not use my god with a minigun answer do i have to come up with another one go with a minigun no no i i'm i'm creative i'll use the other half of my brain. Thank you. I feel like what I just did to you was, have you ever heard the quiz of what happened to the Titanic? Like, what year did the Titanic set sail? How many people were on board the Titanic? And then the other person's like, these are easy.

And the person looks at them and goes, name them. There were five. There were five. There were five. Five. They were all playing Never Have I Ever, and all of them did the thing, so they kept fingers down and they all died can you name the five periods period one yeah third period fourth period and last period so jurassic cretaceous all those are

lies i don't know what you're talking about i mean i thought giving the name jurassic park one of the ages might be kind of obvious okay you know what um nocturnal dinosaurs versus uh dinosaurs that just see during the day so people have talked about like how different dinosaurs eyes and like the shape of the scleras and different things might indicate that some were nocturnal and other people are like that doesn't mean shit you guys are just saying that sclera's shape doesn't indicate nocturnal. With your vast knowledge of dinosaurs, can you tell us if any were nocturnal versus just in the day? Well, the T-Rex obviously was nocturnal and anyone, anyone closely related to the T-Rex, clearly it was really embarrassing to be seen with such tiny arms.

And so purely for social pressure reasons uh any dinosaur that was proportioned like that with the tiny arms up front it became nocturnal to avoid the ridicule for how they looked i'm pretty sure uh bear cats are nocturnal and that's probably a kind of dinosaur right bear cat mark do you know the answer to these questions what was the question is the bear cat a dinosaur oh absolutely not but not for the reasons you think and not for reasons i'm gonna get into at this juncture that's fair privacy point man i just need to stop saying stuff i got a lot of stuff i could be private about over here it's okay bob you got points for posing these questions but i gotta give him at least one for you know knowing but not sharing it's so bold i got some questions for you what color were dinosaurs teeth how much did they spend on rent where was dino waldo he's right there editors put a picture of me pointing

at dino waldo it's right there you're not even gonna put up your finger you're gonna no added it put it in put a different arm in i'm'm not going to give you that. Here, use mine. Use my arm. Bob, answering with Mark's arm. I got to give you a point for that. How did dinosaurs become bird? Already were. Did they all just have wings?

Or did their arms become wings? Don't need wings to be a bird. That's not untrue. You don't need to fly to be a bird, but I feel like... Don't you have wings? Most birds still do have wings i guess penguins don't have wings they got flaps they certainly have wing-like appendages that i believe are referred to as flippers or something but they already was birds they is birds listen

all i'm gonna say is maybe dinosaurs aren't birds maybe the birds are the friends we made along the way say that last sentence again because my brain maybe the birds are the friends we made along the way. Say that last sentence again because my brain couldn't- Maybe the birds are the friends we made along the way. Dinosaurs aren't birds. The birds are the friends we made along the way. Maybe the bird is the word, and I'm using the word bird to describe birds. B-b-b-bird, bird, bird? This somehow feels like the episode you guys host and I'm the one answering, but you're both me in this episode.

It's kind of hurting my brain. I'm just in the i don't know i'm engaging with the topics are you saying that the friends we made along the way aren't the birds is that what you're saying because that's no the birds could possibly be the friends you're not wrong which one of you referenced little foot earlier i meant to give a point for that was that mark me i said little foot's mom did not live next to the t-reex. To the T-Rex. Can I get an imposter point? You want PP? You want IP, I guess. You can have an imposter point.

That means Bob gets an extra point for- L through OPs? L-M-N-O-Ps? Because Mark's got PPs, but- I can try to remember that. Yeah, sure. Are there any monkey or ostrich dinosaurs? Ah, probably.

There's definitely an ostrich dinosaur. There's a 100% chance there's an ostrich dinosaur. Can you imagine a giant giraffe- or ostrich dinosaurs ah probably there's definitely an ostrich dinosaur there's a hundred percent chance there's an ostrich dinosaur can you imagine a giant like giraffe sized ostrich that'd be terrifying they would be monsters ostriches are dicks yeah they're mean um i want to go back to a point that bob i think brought up earlier why do t-rexes have such small arms skipped arm day obviously bro man that's better than anything i could come up with i defer on that one mark just concedes no i i yeah he's got he's got me on that one good seeds just skipped arm day he he got the good joke in there i couldn't even swoop i gotta tell you this is a pretty close race mark you're currently down by one point so i need to pick it up this final

stretch here to go over it i've got mark you've got privacy a privacy that's the fee i charge for all my privacy i don't know what i wrote down here it looks like shats fried oh shots fired i've got chicken came unreal engine focus oh wait i didn't calculate you guys lost points which is still only a one point game because you both have lost eight three for unsettling for mark and minus five for upsetting me with not having a favorite dino what did i lose other points for you said you hate dinosaurs specifically and i gave you minus three for that oh that feels like a hat on a hat but okay yeah well that was before i just got angry in general took away five from both of you you've got points for what i called purple playstation baby bitch thriller and under you i've got notes written.

Mark, you've got five periods. Never something. Never layer of you. Never something. It's good that you took these notes. Yeah, they're great notes. I can't remember handwriting. Bob, you've got points for ostrich equal dino,

T-Rex nocturnal tiny arms, and bear cat dinosaur. I've got three points. And then I wrotevm next to them how about i list everything i know about dinosaurs like everything i actually know and you determine if it's worth points yeah you give me if you name some facts i'll give you points for every fact you list that i don't already know dinosaurs really strong bones they drank their milk they're still around so so hold on did dinosaurs produce milk you're blowing

my mind already because i thought that was a mammal thing you're saying dinosaurs they stole milk the mini mammals are around they they farmed them the t-rex's little arm was used to lockpick the local grocery store so the raptors go to get the milk why do you think their arms are so small they gotta manipulate the tiny little mammal teats that's why they died out all of the dads ran away to get milk you know what mark i'm learning i'm learning stuff they were basically little human arms attached to a big t-rex thing and that it was for that purpose specifically yeah the actual like they they did a audio reconstruction of what a dinosaur may sound like and much more scary than what the movie can you reenact it for us i'm terrified oh no god it's like when a bulldozer

rolls over a pool of yogurt wait can i actually uh pull this up uh dinosaur sound reconstruction because it actually is haunting um all right i don't know why but i just imagined an audiophile of a bunch of really bro-y voices just be like oh no meteor like man that is that is haunting wow uh yeah yeah just uh take what i said for truth those assholes couldn't stay out of tar pits they didn't wear clothes there wasn't grass in that time it's not really a dinosaur fact but that's just a fact there wasn't grass that evolved later uh so most of the land was just big trees and mud so they loved mud um bob last minute dino fact i knew all that stuff that mark said but also i know dinosaurs walk among us uh crocodiles and alligators are dinosaurs and they're crazy looking and uh they could not read or write uh not a very literate

species you asked earlier what color dinosaurs teeth were and i actually knew that one yellow because they did not in fact have toothbrushes at that point in time that was invented much later so they would have had no way to keep their teeth nice and white. Also, dinosaurs really like to eat pizza and live in the sewers under New York City and learn karate from a rat. Objection. Objection. That's turtles. Also, turtles are a type of modern dinosaur. Little known fact.

I thought modern dinosaurs were birds. Are turtles birds turtles used to be birds but their wings turned into a hard shell from years of cowering inside of them here's uh i knew all of what he just said plus they loved rolling coal smoking doobies uh they enjoyed uh robin the liquor store um and had gangs. So you're saying they do move in herds, but you're calling the herds gangs. Yep. They do move in gangs, like Alan Grant

taking off his hat and they're just like robbing a liquor store and the T-Rex is holding the blunt between his two. Alright, Mark, you got a point for making me laugh. Well, I also knew all of those interesting facts. Obviously, those are simple ones. But the big one that Mark left out is that they did not know what wolves are.

So while most dinosaurs did travel in gangs and or herds, there were ones that went out on their own. But they were called lone Jeremy's term coined for Jeremy, the first dinosaur to ever be known for going off on his own a lot what happened to him oh he didn't make it it's not smart to go alone you need you need your gang that's why we have gangs it's not smart to go off on your own don't be alone jeremy all right well boys i think i've learned more than i expected and less than i hoped at the same time about dinosaurs so thank you viewers listeners and specifically chat thank you all for tuning in uh i hope you guys have been keeping track of the points at home if so you'll come to the inevitable conclusion that in third place comes me with three never mind points second place with 5 10 15 20 25 29 minus 8 21 points is bob damn and with 5 10 15 20 25 30 minus 22 points it's still a one

point game 22 points mark wins by one point i also am fascinated by the fact that we only got deductions from the last point tally and i don't know how that happened the deductions were already there whenever i gave you the totals earlier i hadn't counted the deductions in that total you win by one point uh so mark i guess give us your uh prehistoric winner speech oh i win and it is so good i wish that i could win every time and it wouldn't be a crime. I don't know if that was supposed to be like Ave Maria or I don't know what song that was. I was just talking. Yeah.

What are you talking about song? What are you talking about song? I didn't hear any music. Bob, give me your Cretaceous period loser speech. I am not going to give a loser speech because we are all winners because we are here and the dinosaurs are not. So in the game of life, all three of us right now are winners and I'm going to give a speech about that. Suck it, dinosaurs. You know what? You get an after the fact point, Bob, but it's only worth three quarters of a point. I like that. You still

haven't had to give a loser speech I believe I actually did give a loser speech at one point but it wasn't part of the end of an episode and I maintained that it was an accident and unrelated and I'm still anyway suck it dinosaurs no matter how or why you died no matter how many

times you got to start over after the different multiple different meteors hit the earth and you still somehow made it. You did. You weren't smart enough to figure out how to build a house, were you? No, you weren't. That's what's going to save us. All the houses. So, uh, go humanity. Go America.

Suck it, dinosaurs. That's how I feel about that. So there you have it. Thank you guys for tuning in. Thank you guys for watching. Thank you Mark and Bob for participating. Congrats Mark on the win. You'll be be host the next one uh if you haven't already you can follow us elsewhere we have other platforms you can find mark at markiplier uh bob at my skirm me at minion777 or lord minion777 check out story at the struggle podcast.com and maybe there's stuff there and if there's not then just wait jesus give us a second it's only been months

stay tuned for the next episode where we will definitely end with some merch. Oh yeah, that's coming. Until then, podcast out.