Distractible - I Miss The Old Distractible

Episode Date: July 11, 2025

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sugar rehydrate pineapple passion fruit. I'm a big pineapple guy. Pineapple good. Born in New York City, built for people who work hard and play hard. Grab a vitamin water today copyright 2025 glass so vitamin water is a registered trademark of glass so. Good evening gentle listeners or watchers and welcome to Distractable. This episode Morkish Mark sanctions a handjob, survives sign of suffering, hallucinates, then returns to roots. Wafie Wade buss for cherry, bends the knee, drops deep Distractable lore and becomes a beer. Bulky Bob screws wood hard, digs dungeon crawler, seesleeps, and snakes out. From scat

backlash to panic points. Yes! It's time for I miss the old Distractable. Now sit back and prepare And prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello, gentle listeners. Welcome back to Distractable. This is going to be an episode of all time. I can tell. We are at our A game. And by we I mean me. And by me I mean all of us.

Because we are one big happy family. You being here is the greatest joy any of us could ever have in our lives. Forget all of our good things that are in our existence. This moment, this heart-beaten time, where you and us are here together, could not be better. Bob and Wade, I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to the fans. Oh, okay. Alright. We are here out of contractual obligation.

Well, ain't that the truth. Let's be very clear. Alright. Uh, you- we are here out of contractual obligation. Well, ain't that the truth. Let's be very clear. But that doesn't mean that it can't be enjoyable, you know? Just cause you got a prison sentence doesn't mean you can't have fun while you're in the clink, you know? Dude, I'm gonna come out of Distractable so ripped. But it's gonna do push-ups all episode, every episode. I wanna see the side-by-side of when we first launched, we're like, we just wanted to hang out spend time together

We just really enjoy each other's company and then we are here only because of contractual obligation our hands are tied It's a prison sentence. We want out but we're here and nobody said that we want out. They just you know Yeah, yeah, I don't want anything except. Oh god. I'm in violation. Oh you better find a writing pad Oh, what the fuck, I'm in violation. Oh, you better find a writing pad. Oh, what the fuck? I'm in violation I got to throw out here too that if you're worried about this being a bad episode It's coming after the episode called fourth of Poo Lai that didn't even come out on the 4th of July So we already kind of were at rock bottom with my episode When we were making it, I definitely had a couple moments where I was like, yeah

But man people did not care for the fourth of Poo Lai. Tell you what, I'm shocked. They were way more against that than I expected. Well, get over it. I remember when we were talking about like, man, we've talked about poop a lot in episodes before and I remember that I've been like, this feels like too much and you know, I didn't call it out in that episode. What could be more American than hating something that will later be considered an all-time classic? I thought a shitty American episode was fitting. Got em.

I can't even remember what that episode was about. It was about toilets and a lot of poop talk, but I honestly... Oh, making things American. Right, that was it, I remember. Why did that mean everything was a toilet? Let's not worry about that. That's so long ago. I'm sure one of you two got us derailed, made that happen that way.

It's a new episode. It's a new day. Yes, and I am in so violation. I hope the whole episode is just Bob and I talking while Mark searches frantically around his room for his notebook. When did you last see it, bud? I don't remember when a yesterday was. Don't you have a tablet you use sometimes? I think that's what he's looking for.

The notes about and for which you pulled three consecutive all-nighters? Those notes? Yes, that. I am going to sanction. I am in violation. I'm gonna step away. I will allow you guys to make a handshake deal while I'm away. One. One. Mark is self-regulating. I appreciate that. Yeah, I- I- Well, we'll see what happens at the end of the episode. I think Mark is so on top of his game that our handshake deal is we agree he has to host again. Yeah, I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I- I was gonna say I think we should make the head shake deal just that we sincerely agree to help Mark But your idea is way funnier. I guess we'll see who wins and how we're feeling at the end listeners I don't know if we're going to explicitly talk about it or if we already mentioned it

But Mark doesn't have any sleep right now. He's been doing all-nighters on important important projects I don't do I do your idea or my idea before it gets his headphones on let's surprise each other at the end Deal. Hey, man. All right, so Handshake time is over That will come back to baby. I bet we'll see we'll see Alright, so if you don't know how this works then Wow you stumbled into an odd episode to start with because I'm hosting and I am sleep deprived. What?

It's a new record for me, but I'll talk about that later because I am more interested in how my friends are doing and what they have been up to. I already showed you guys and if you're a listener, I just gestured at the enormous cabinets behind myself. I happened to find these while I was scouring the internet for roll top desk and immediately abandoned all notions about desks or rolling tops, because these giant fucking cabinets are just the best. But I had to put them together.

They came in, say, like 12 pieces. This is I have an office. My office is in the basement. So I had to get them all downstairs piece by piece, except for this countertop, which is huge and really fucking heavy. I moved them all by myself into the basement, stacked them all up super dangerously,

put some screws and nails in. Half of them are still sticking out, but I'm really happy with it. And now I need to like clean it and I'm thinking I might refinish. This is just like laminated countertop. So I might put like, I don't know, something on it, change the color, you know, because you can get like vinyl, right? I'll roll a new top onto it.

That counts, qualifies. I want to put like LED. I'm just really jazzed about it because it was really fucking heavy and I was like, I don't know how to build things. So I've been terrified it was going to fall over and kill me. But I think I finally put enough screws in that I trust it to probably not collapse into a pile of death. I really like it.

It's it's gigantic. You know, honestly, with your woodworking skills, you could try to modify it if you wanted to. That is on my that is on my list of things. I it took a lot of work to get down here but now I'm already like, well maybe I'll paint it. That means I'll have to take it all apart, bring it upstairs, outside. I like the oak. I feel like oak's gonna come back. Got that early 2000s oak look. Everybody's gonna be into oak in a minute. Yeah, those

oak trees are just gonna BOOM right out of the ground in droves. I feel like I need to rearrange my whole office and change my lighting because this little lamp looks super sad and awkward now sitting on the giant shelves. Do you guys ever watch... I'm not on TikTok anymore, but I saw his videos and I really appreciate it. That woodworking guy that was like, A round mallet is a barbara barbara. But it's easy to...

Someone instantly knew who I was talking about when with that key because yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah no I love him I'm doing a terrible description of it. You like a high grit? I know this one! I remember the information that he was saying just not the words he was saying you know the idea of round mallet you know it's good because you can spin it in your hand with every thing and then the other things you said I definitely remember. Don't worry. I don't watch anything like that. What do you watch? Uh, I started watching Kiefer Sutherland's designated survivor series that lasted three years like six years ago

What is all those words you said? Kiefer Sutherland the guy who was in 24 is Jack Bauer He was in the Lost Boys, Kiefer Sutherland. You guy who was in 24 is Jack Bauer. He was in The Lost Boys, Kiefer Sutherland. You don't know Jack Bauer from 24? I've never seen a single episode of 24, no. Oh, well that's sad. Anyway, he's in a show called Designated Survivor, which is about the congressional designated survivor person who's stashed away while everyone does the big meeting with the president. That way, if there's something goes horribly wrong, there's still a member of government that can become

president. And so so big bomb and then the designated survivor becomes president that's the show's premise what I did do that kind of surprised me well okay bathrooms bathrooms need cleaning you're gonna keep clean bathrooms a lot right but sometimes you don't go all in on the cleaning with like your shower your tub or whatever you like kind of give it a once-over but it's not like the heavy grout scrub. So I decided to do a good old grout scrub of our shower. It took me like an hour, hour and a half to whatever clean it out. The next day or a couple days later I started to play basketball. Something about the muscle use and that combined thing,

the back of my knee, I felt like someone just kicked the back of my knees repeatedly because like walking around my calves and thighs didn't hurt as bad as I thought they would after like squatting for an hour and a half for the cleaning and then playing basketball but just very specifically the back of my knees feels like someone just beat the shit out of them I think I hate to say this Wade as a guy who just became another year older on that unfortunate day where you instantly boom age We are getting older and I have a feeling that That might just be an age thing as opposed to what you were doing specifically. I don't know

I think that I found something there's some correlation between basketball Grout scrubbing and back knee bad hurt. Not back knee like acne on your back, but back of your knee. Like knee back. I used to wear knee backs. Knee back sounds like a slur. I don't like the way that- That's a bad vibe. Kinda, I guess it does, not that you'd say it like that. Knee pit.

Oh, that's like my favorite actor, you know. Oh, knee pit? He was in that movie? Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah I'm gonna see it. Is that Brad Pitt's daughter? Knee pit? The lesser known pit? What a brave Shortening of the full name Brittany. Not Britt. Not not Bree Nee Otherwise, I've I honestly with the ear infection. I feel like I've had a week and a half to two weeks of sloth behavior. I've just been slothing around

because I couldn't wear headphones or earbuds really while I was recovering from the ear infection. And it's like 99% better. I was telling Bob earlier that every now and then there's just like a tiny bit of slosh feeling in it, but otherwise it's good, no more pain or anything. But I don't know, ear infection really, really sucked. And it was really easy to fall into just being a sloth

for like a week and a half. So I ain't done much. Yeah, I just got over getting sick and it was like pure sinus infection and man, that sucked. It took me out. A lot of the sicknesses that I've had come from innocuous things. Like I had my wisdom teeth taken out

and then one of the incisions got infected. So it's like, that's a common thing. And so, but that took me out. Like I was couch ridden for a week straight, could not move because of the head infections. And so with the sinus one, it was same thing. Like I couldn't stand up for long enough to do anything. And I was just laid out so

thank god you're feeling a lot better today. I am. Books. I don't know why that reminded me of books but I started reading the Dungeon Crawler Carl book series a week ago and I'm currently almost done with book three so I think that what lets you know, what is this book called? Dungeon Crawler Carl, very DND adjacent, but really not strictly DND or like any specific thing, but there's like, there's pop culture nerd references

and the, I don't think this is a spoiler cause this is what the first book opens with. And it's really interesting. A guy, it's about Carl, normal guy lives on earth and has has a cat. It's his girlfriend's cat, it doesn't matter. Earth is claimed, the mining rights to Earth are claimed by an alien civilization and they suck all the resources out, but all surviving humans are allowed to try and make their way to the bottom of an 18 layer dungeon that is constructed by the alien race as a reality show and so the entire rest of the universe watches as humans are basically shoved into a real-life D&D

style dungeon run by a completely psychopathic AI that has a foot fetish Quentin Tarantino, allegedly. It's really good. Is he the AI? Is that what you're saying? He is the AI. I hear foot fetish, I think, all of his movies. Oh, okay.

Anyway, couldn't recommend it enough. There's like six books. I'm in the middle. I'm almost at the end of the third book after. I've been reading like a book every few days Consistently, it's really good. I I just read another book recently, but you guys know how I only read Warhammer 40k So I was telling Amy that oh man this new orc book came out. I love the orc books in 40k because they're hilarious There's this one with an excerpt in the most recent one about how a guy-

orc found a guy stabbed with a staircase and the way it was described was so fucking funny there's apparently another orc book that's going around is it contagious? I don't know, but people are talking about this orc book and I'm- I'm chronically not online so I don't know anything that's going on do you guys- have you guys heard about an Orc book? I don't have my ear to the ground on 40K books, sorry. No, it's not 40K.

This is not a 40K book. Oh, it's an Orc book. There's a different, just Orc, generally. It might be the Dungeon Crawler series because there's a lot of Orc subplots and that is one of the types of races that exists and stuff. If you like the tone of the 40K orc books

where it's absurdist and funny but still in that sort of universe, you would fucking love this book series. It very much is in that sort of tone. It's ridiculous and absurd. I don't know if the new Dungeon Crawler Carl book just came out or what, because I think it's still in process of Coming out i think so no idea

marita now i Am sleep deprived if anyone couldn't tell i've never pulled more all-nighters in my life i pulled three in a row it's not great Someone should stop me and i can't be controlled and i won't tell anyone why i did it you don't have to know But it was awesome. This sounds like a drug-fueled bender. I did not go on a drug-fueled bender. You were hanging out with alleged Aaron Rodgers alleged and just having the time of your life in a dark room.

Who's Aaron Rodgers? You know the football guy? He was a Green Bay Packer, then a Jet, now he's a Steeler. Very level-headed and I don't know, Ketamine? I have no idea. I don't follow the Aaron Rodgers gossip. He goes into like a dark room for like three days and I don't know. Anyway. I think that's photography. So it's pretty good, so I wonder where it is. He goes into a dark cave and snaps some bright pictures like, oh yeah.

Oh God. Oh, develop. Well, I did it because I was struck by, I keep saying this, it's not this, I was struck by divine inspiration. It's not this, it's not this. Hallucinations is the word. Probably, I was hallucinating last night. I swear to god, I've never really had

full on hallucinations before But at the list was the second night, right and I wasn't staying up straight I slept in between but only like three hours in between each all-nighter. So cumulatively it was getting pretty bad. So I Was hearing voices that was not normal I don't like when that happens. That's not good And I swear to God clear as day 3 a.m. I walk out to go to the bathroom. A voice goes female voice, hey just want to let you know I'm here. No no thank you. It didn't sound like Amy but my brain was like is that Amy was she up at this hour and just letting me know to not scare me?

And anytime we do, like you guys are in a relationship, anytime you try to do something to not scare your partner, you scare them even harder. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely, like you try to be quiet around, you end up sneaking up on them. Anyway, so I thought maybe, and I was the farthest from a light switch you could possibly be, right?

I'm on the way to the bathroom, like in the middle of a hallway, and I was starting to see faces In things that did not have faces in them, you know, like that that old like early early Google like image thing Where it turned everything nightmarish, you know Like I believe that was one of very early AI models doing or neural network something putting eyes on everything. It was horrible Yeah, it was kind of like that a little bit. So yeah, I was doing that. But I was struck by,

I haven't had this in a very long time where I was so, I mean, I had a deadline that I had to work with in a certain window of time I was sick and I was trying to catch up, but I was also simultaneously captivated and I had, I felt so creatively fulfilled and I really like those periods of time. It's just like the amount of sleep that I am NOT getting is not nearly enough so that's where I am and that's how I'm doing what I'm doing. Sidebar, man every time we say the word AI people get really pissed. Oh they don't care for it. Even if the majority of the time that we bring it up is in a context where we're like, man, this is stupid. What this AI system is, it might have X use and maybe I use it for that purpose,

but this is bad and people get act like we're the biggest AI proponents there are. That's eight Mads that you just got. Yeah, that's true. You're right. Absolutely. But I want to say something very specifically because the same with Honey, I called this three years ago. I was one of the first that said to you guys

on this very podcast, hey, watch out, AI's gonna come and Art will be able to click a button and make that thing, it'll probably take away graphics, I was one of the earliest people saying the dangers. So you could have stopped it and you didn't. It'll probably take away graphics. Oh So you could have stopped it and you didn't mark did nothing I And you two were like, oh, yeah, sure it'll be a little quarter podcast episode And then Google video comes out. It's like you can bigfoot vlogs It's so much more than we thought it would be and just because I'm I'm saying like, you know, that's kind of funny. It was like, it is funny. That's the problem. That's the captivating issue of it is the content is funny sometimes. And that's where the line gets bad. Because you're you're starting to look at it be like, oh, shit, I enjoy this. But you can enjoy things that may not be good for you. That's called addictions. I'm not saying I'm addicted to AI. I'm gonna be so taken out of context.

I was gonna do a whole podcast episode on Allen Iverson and I was like, well, if we shorten his name at all, we're definitely screwed. AI. My favorite movie from 2000 whatever, AI. Yeah, with all what's his name from the being in the sixth sense. What's that kid's name?

I actually really liked that movie. Bruce Ill it will never mind my fucked it Bruce Ellis yep that's it this episode is brought to you by Apple cash sending payments used to be clunky unnecessarily difficult and weirdly invasive at times until I discovered Apple cash with Apple cash payments are private by design, so I don't have to deal with public feeds, awkward reactions, or other payment drama. I can send cash in messages right in the conversations

I'm already having, which is super convenient. There's also a cool feature called Tap to Cash that lets you pay somebody nearby by holding your iPhone near theirs. Switch to Apple Cash and start sending privately. Apple Cash services are provided by Green Dot Bank. Member FDIC. Obviously people have had complaints about that. People may not have liked the last episode, whatever. I think it's time to go back to our roots. I think it's time for us to get in touch with who we really were.

Look at this thermometer Where do you shove this in there's a lot of places I'd be willing to try Alright listeners, this is not a huge timer But it is a baseball sized in my hand timer that weight is okay Shoving inside of him in a few places. There's at least three spots name three one hole armpit mouth. Yeah, that's fair enough You couldn't get this in your mouth. Try it editors put this in his mouth I am gonna go back in time to our roots and we are gonna do a super cut of all of our best earliest

episodes we're gonna dig deep down into our pasts come up with new stories that we definitely have been holding back on for those episodes and we're I'm gonna I'm gonna give you guys two minutes total not two minutes each two minutes we got a lot to cover so we gotta keep it to two minutes. It's gonna go round robin. You can't talk over each other, but it's gotta be a boom boom. It's as fast as you can go. It's gonna be a point bonanza. Unless of course you take a minute, and then it won't be a point bonanza. I have a feeling it won't be a point bonanza, but considering I don't remember what two episodes ago was, man

I'm in trouble. He's gonna set us up up and we're gonna hit it out of the park. All right, I got my woofle ball back. All right, I'm gonna set it up. And if you guys need, just like a spelling bee, you can ask for the country of origin and I'll read the description. And that's the country of origin. But I'm gonna give you the title.

Whoever goes first is gonna start with that. And then that's all you get. I guess you can ask for more, but that's taking up precious time. You only got two minutes. So you gotta work it it through doesn't this alarm though bring some memories yeah it's a it's a particular thing that I definitely is like tickling my memories of stuff I don't know what though it's

not like a phone there's something this is the exact noise I woke up to as a kid because it sounded exactly like this Those old alarm clocks I had the old alarm clock that did the Quack, quack, quack, quack The like buzzy one My alarm would turn on the radio so it would just be like And that's all we got today this morning! It's like

I hate that so much, that's awful What are your wake up ringtones? This is completely off topic, but I'm so curious. Right now, nothing. Vibrate. Silence. What? I wear my, not wearing it now, but you could see,

I wear my Apple watch almost all the time. I sleep with my watch on. My watch wakes me up vibrating so that I don't wake up Mandy or the baby. All of my alarms are dead silent. I don't have any set. So it's either my watch or my phone buzzing. Because if it's like an alarm...

Can you turn... Okay, this is a dumb technology question. Can you turn an alarm noise on while having every other sound on your phone off? Yes. By default, that's what happens. If you turn all your sound off, your alarm will still break through that. And you can, you can unfortunately turn off your sound off your alarm will still break through that and you can you can unfortunately turn Off the sound in your alarm and all the sound on everything else even if your phone's not on silent Yes, I've done that before and slept through some important. Do you remember in college mark?

You had an I home alarm clock where you could put your iPod Upon it and you went online and you were like, I found this noise. It's like a noise from a wow. It was from like a wow overlay or something where it was like when you when something happened, it was an alarm that triggered. You're like, this is the most annoying noise I know of. And that was the alarm clock sound on your iPod in our dorm room. Yeah, it didn't go off all the time because I don't think that I don't think you would have put up with it for very long

If it did, but I do. I mean, I honestly I didn't mind it. I thought it was funny I just remember that very particularly because it's like a Klaxon alarm sound wasn't it like wah wah. It was when I experimented with botting in World of Warcraft. This was in college and I wasn't playing seriously at this point. I was like, I'll just play see if I can get it. I downloaded this program. I could play for it.

And it gives an alarm when something happens, like your character gets stuck. Game master is looking at you and that's what happened. It went off in the middle of the night and I remember almost falling out of bed being like, my character's gonna get banned! No! My character was stuck on a rock. That's what it was. in the middle of the night and I remember almost falling out of bed being like MY CAROUSEL GONNA GET BANNED! NOOOOO! That was fine. My character was stuck on a rock. That's what it was. And then I never bought it again after that so... Oh cheating for losers. Oh, ringtone. Yeah, this is mine right now.

I would never wake me up. I would just sleep. I would put me more to sleep. It's so nice. I would just sleep. I would put me more to sleep. It's so nice Amy fucking hates this cuz I hit this news so much Yeah, that's not an alarming wake up like I need something that's like Like I need shit like that to get me out of bed not Yeah, it's uh, it's this was was what used to be and I know this is gonna Just kind of trip a lot of people up, but you know it used to be this every day

Yeah, I would sure get me out. I would probably still sleep through that. I'm a heavy sleeper I don't know what it's pleasant kind of but really not pleasant So it's cuz it comes on so left anyway not the not the point, not what we're here for, no one got a point for that. Good episode! Good episode. We're done! See ya! Guys! We'll see ya guys! See ya guys!

See ya! Everyone do their best Wade impression of their outro. Now, go! Oh, I thought you meant the viewers and listeners, you mean us? Ah, shit. Yeah. I was like, yeah, do it! Got em!

Point to the viewers or listeners if you post on the subreddit your impression of Wade's outro. Go! Best one gets a point. The mods are gonna love that. Yeah, let's do that. Why are you so mad? Lots of posts.

Why are you so mad? People act like the subreddit is some sacred thing that you can't flood with random nonsense as if it has to be clean and orderly at all times. The mods are like barely clinging on to sanity. I don't go around enough, but every time I dip in there, there's a new post from the mods that's just like, all right, no more of this. No more.

Stop. And I'm like, I must have missed something. See, my policy is you just ban because people can make a new account. And that's really like- That's what I always did. That's what it is, yeah. So it's-

And like stream chat or whatever. That's the commonly understood thing. Like I ban with reckless abandon. I ban at the slightest provocation I think people are way too lenient on the bans. If you didn't want to find out you should never have fucked around It's an easy solution. There's rules for a reason if you didn't want to lose that accounts access and all you get banned If you piss me off more, I'll find a way to IP ban you but I can't do that yet. YouTube Special feature. All right. All right, let's get into the actual content.

Alright, uh, who's gonna go first? I'll use my special thing that definitely works really well and fair. Uh, evens goes Bob! While that's spinning, Mark, I think I found the book you're supposed to be reading. It's a book called Tusk Love. Came out on July 1st. No, I think I found the book you're supposed to be reading. It's a book called Tusk Love. Came out on July 1st. No, I'm not joking. Came out on July 1st.

It's currently trending all over the internet. It's based on a fictional half-orc romance novel from Critical Role. It was a thing they threw out as a joke on Critical Role and then someone made it into an actual novel about the thing that it was a joke. That's like 50 Shades of Grey, how that was originally Twilight and became its own thing. Yeah, so Tusk Love. Tusk Love. Man, this thing goes. Yeah, it really needs a break or something.

I think it's the opposite of lube. I think I'm claiming a future episode idea. I just thought of it as you guys are going and this is the timer and whatever it lands on and the last person that talks when it lands gets that many points. All right, I'm claiming that as a future thing. Well, we can't use that device, so that seems fair.

You think if it's spinning and I'm in my chair with it that spins, if I turn it like that demonstration, will it spin me? Wow, I'm moving. I'm moving me? Wow! I'm moving! I'm moving! Look guys, I'm moving! I was really hoping you were just gonna be like shh shh shh shh shh laughter

It's still going. You could just stop it. I don't believe that you could choose which number you stop it on anyway if you just go Yeah! Wooo! 9! That's not me. Yep. Alright, Wade, you're going first so that means you get the advantage, I think I don't know. I'll give you a go first Yeah. Nine. That's not me. Yep. All right, Wade, you're going first.

So that means you get the advantage. I think I don't know. I'll give you a go first point. You know, that was a long spin. That was a that was a tense one. All right. So first. All right. So we're going back to the OG. Maybe our greatest episode ever. Coming up with new new things for this of the in the same way that we were Scoring before we had rules. This is the Wild West of scoring back here

hair Hair, I don't think one thing we talked about the original hair was where we grew hair in all the opposite Places of what we actually do imagine like hair inside your mouth on your eyeballs I think that's exactly where hair should have gone. We should have had a hair part, too what we actually do. Imagine like hair inside your mouth, on your eyeballs. I think that's exactly where hair should have gone. We should have had a hair part two that was all about the opposite of hair or removing hair. Creative ways to remove hair.

One idea at a time, the genius is flowing. Give Bob a chance. I have a message to all young men especially. That hair that magically accrues on the floor of the bathroom is not normal it's you you're gross I for all my whole beginning of my life I was like man bathrooms are so dirty just the little hair everywhere and stuff man that's great no I just not good at cleaning clean clean it clean better fourth of hair lie yeah we could have had that episode where the hairs in

the bathroom my next fourth of July episode you got it everyone he's just going down the rabbit hole most disgusting episodes possible. I love it cooking episode for an ingredient has to be hair When you get hair in your food at a restaurant, do you eat it? I say yes. I Don't eat the hair. I eat the rest of the food though Would various articles of clothing be itchier or more comfortable if made of human hair? Always itchier. I don't know who to give the point to. I was right, so probably me. Guys, don't fight for it.

Did I win? Did he win? You got points. I was writing down points the whole time. Whatever called out to me is what's points. Great episode. I loved hair. No, no, no, no. We got more. We're doing a speed round. Alright, I'm not gonna do everyone from old but that was that was great riveting from our Classic best episode that I hate is the first one because I want people's introduction to be something else dear God I want to be something else

about it Whenever hair became the first episode we didn't know it was going to be the first episode because we were still toying around with things That just happened to be the format. We liked at the times So we're like, oh, this will work. That's true. We had episodes before that that we were like, nah, I scrapped that. There were like five or 10 that never saw light a day. Yeah. That's true. I forgot about that. Yeah. Hair was just one of many experimental things. And actually one of the big reasons that we came up with this one is, we mentioned this a lot, is like we said we would eventually run out of stories if it's just a story podcast that was one of the main reasons we did this format that we are doing because

There but I'm gonna prove what your guys are gonna prove them wrong. Hey dig into your camping history We're gonna tell those camping stories that you didn't tell last time. Don't tell the same ones go Bob. Go I'm sure this is new when I was in college My music fraternity went on a camping trip But we didn't check the weather and it rained all night and I slept in six inches of water on the ground I'm surprised that I didn't have any serious illnesses or How did you not tell that story before I don't I don't know. Maybe I did I don't recall telling it That's not the one I told in the camping episode previously

But it was awful and made me hate camping for the rest of my life. But like, I kind of want to go camping. So I'm kind of into it. There's one where my ex and I went out. We were having like a romantic camp out down in like some Killy, cliffy spot in like Kentucky or something. It's like a really famous camping spot.

I figured what it was called. And we thought it was going to be a nice romantic evening, but it was just so humid and muggy and awful that it turned into like, yeah, I don't even want to like hug you you lay over there I'll lay over here and we'll just exist till we can have air conditioning again you went out with your ex but while we were together she wasn't my ex when we went camping is this a recent thing? this was like two weeks ago I called my ex I was like, hey, you have a romantic weekend out like old times. Maddie and I got a tent for as a wedding gift and we were like, all right, let's do that.

And we went camping at a nice campground that we didn't realize was half a mile away from the shipping airport runway. And planes came every 15 minutes for the entire night and we could not leave early enough. We did not sleep at all and it was fucking miserable and we left at like 6 in the morning because holy shit. When I was touring colleges we stopped one night, I don't know if I told this story or not, but there were people walking around this building in the middle of this campsite and they were dragging clothes around but like they were walking around and looking

around suspiciously and we couldn't tell if they were stealing other people's clothes from like the little laundry Area or if they were bringing their own but either way they looked suspicious as fuck while they were doing it So we were afraid of doing our laundry because we thought if we left it for a minute the clothes thieves would strike What did they look like that made them suspicious describe these people? You know how people like walk around like trying to hide their faces, but also they have the shifty. Yeah That's Scooby-Doo. They're the fucking fucking scooby-doo walk they had this weird music as they were walking by really suspicious they're like hoods up but you could tell they were like watching make sure they weren't being watched or followed when they walked around they just look

shifty and suspicious camping youtube update camping with steve great youtuber does stealth camping camps in the middle of roundabouts and in trailers that he builds and in funny places. Camping with Steve. Oh, didn't get it out. That was it. That was the last line is camping with Steve. That was like the tag. Oh, that's true. We did talk about camping with Steve before, but that was a different episode. All right.

I think it counts. Technically, this would be before the episode where I talked about camping with Steve. So if time is nonlinear, this comes first. Wait, what do you feel about that? I wasn't listening. So yeah, sounds good. All right.

I guess it's legit. We're leaving it up there. Okay, great. Now all camping stories have been expunged. We have no more. It's gone. All right, but but you know what's up next the greatest episode in indescribable history oh bob's fridge tell me bob's fridge stories i was over at bobs and we had a really delicious meal and i had to open his fridge to get like a drink out and the drink was nice and cold and I was like, man, what a nice working fridge.

I think I told you guys this story, but I don't know that I ever talked about it on the podcast because I was trying not to give them attention, but it's been long enough now. Soon after the fridge incident, I got a call that was from the Lowe's store that I was attempting to buy the fridge from and that gave me so many fucking problems and it was just a Heavy breathing and silence and then there's a voicemail they called and I was like I'll do that later and I sent it And it said Lowe's whatever, California went to voicemail and the voicemail was Click and that was it and it was like a prank call I guess but like I

don't fuck it like I don't Lowe's is your refrigerator running to you I don't know that happened and at the time I was really I was like what the hell and I saw I didn't talk about it cuz I was obviously someone just looking for attention but they're probably dead now so take take that. That was so long ago. I guess it was. We ship Bob to Antarctica and we make him really cold and the episode becomes Bob's frigid. Oh, all right. That's a great idea. We'll save that for another episode,

but this is for points, it's stories in the episodes. I can't qualify that one. Every time I'm in the grocery store and I walk down one of the refrigerated aisles Every single one I open and I look in to see if there's any like water leaking or catastrophes inside And if there's not I go ha mine was funnier and I keep going We turn the temperature of Bob's freezer down so that Bob has two fridges So if one breaks he has a backup turn the temperature down down, wouldn't it just be more of a freezer?

You mean up? Did you actually turn the temperature down? You can lie. Yes. Ah, you didn't get it in. God, I even let you lie. I even said you could lie. I couldn't remember, I still did it wrong.

I was like, I need to shake my head and say yes. And I still nodded. I was like, don't fuck this up. Yeah. I don't know if you know this Mark, but I'm real sleep deprived. I was like, don't fuck this up. Yeah. I don't know if you know this Mark, but I'm real sleep deprived. I only got seven hours last night. Poor, poor. I'll give you a pity point for the... Oh man, pity point, no sleep.

I only got six hours, come on. I got three and a half. I got three after the first all-nighter. I took a sweet hour nap midday. Got two more hours after the first all-nighter. I took a sweet hour nap midday Got two more hours after the second all-nighter, and then I went to bed This morning at 8 18 that was an hour less than an hour before you were supposed to be with us recording this I got up. I was like, ah, time to record podcasts.

And Mark's like, oh, thank God, Ben. No, it was to the point where I was watching my mouse move on the computer and it was cutting a purple line as it moved and I was just staring at her for like 15 minutes. I'm like, I think if I stay awake any longer, I'm gonna die, so I'm gonna go lay down. So I lay down. And I slept a cool three-something hours.

Probably much caught up. Are you picking like these episodes? Are they the order they came out? Are you skipping over a bunch? Because there's no way that was the- That is definitely not the order those came out. But man, we have had some bangers this past year. We've had some sinkers, it's okay.

But as a podcast, I think we are fucking crushing on the banger episode we got some laughs I have to agree I don't remember well do you remember hold my beer you better tell me some moments where you either held a beer or did that thing what qualifies as hold my beer moments uh-huh Bob go so when I was building these cabinets the other day, remember how I said this countertop was really heavy? I picked it up upstairs in the garage and I was like, ah, my back! And for some reason my response was, well, fucking hold my beer.

And then I just carried it all the way in the house and downstairs by myself without asking for help or trying to do anything else. I did it and nothing bad happened except for possibly my discs. But I'll learn about that later when the doctor tells me. That's fair, that's fair. Wait, I was holding the can and I was looking over and my dog, Presley, ran to a back fence. There was another dog there.

They started barking at each other and then running along the fence, kind of playing. But then more dogs from our yard came and joined in and were running and barking. It got really loud. So I had to hand my can over so I could run and stop them from barking. All right, Bob.

My son Bobby got home from school and showed me that he got a D on his paper and I was like, damn it, Bobby. And then I went out to the backyard with the fellers and stood in front of my fence and I held a beer and drank it While that song played, you know And it's like Mike Judge and then King of the Hill and then I'm Hank Hill. Is that true? I'm Hank Hill

All right, I guess I'm letting lying happen. Unless it's the truth. It's the true truth. I'm writing it down I had a really nice watch that was stuck to like a piece of wood and I was trying to throw wood into like This wood chipper and the watch got caught and went into the wood chipper So I went ah shit handed over the beer jumped in after it and got cut the fucking pieces and died I think it turned out pretty well That's a great story, it's very personal I that story last time? That's a great story. That was very personal. I didn't really, I wasn't comfortable sharing it back then.

All right, I've told the story about the night that James was born, but I didn't tell the whole story. I was standing there and the doctor finally pulled James out and he started crying and the doctor looked over at me and was like, do you wanna hold your son? And I looked over at the nurse next to me and was like, hold my beer so I can hold my son. That's a beautiful moment.

I was in the same room and I said, hold my beer so I can hold his son. I thought you were gonna say you were the one he handed the beer to. Either qualifies, it all qualifies. I was also at Wade's story about dying in the wood chipper then. I was there, I was holding his beer. I was the one who held his beer while he did that

I was there a second time. I was the beer and Bob drank me He didn't just hold me he took a sip later that day while I was mourning the loss of Wade one and the loss of Wade to which whom I drankst I was standing in the urinal and overcome with sadness. And I was like, I can't pee now. So I held in my pee, which was actually beer Wade. So I held my beer Wade. I think when I originally told this story, I said, my watch got cut in the wood chipper.

And then whenever I jumped in the wood chipper, it turned into beer and I was covered in beer in the wood chipper when it should have been a watch. But my beer was there too being held by the wood. Beep beep beep beep beep beep. I think it didn't work. I don't know why it's it's dead. Wait it died Wait, and I weren't telling our stories Marcus sitting here playing with the stupid We just kept getting more stupid while he was trying to fucking get his time in a word These are fresh batteries that died

What the hell this is a piece of shit? Like a five-minute timer, it's pretty good for an alarm Anymore how many things do you need to time in your life mark? What's going on here? Let's this episode called to hold my timer. I guess I got a phone. I'll do one more of that, I guess. One more of that. Okay, that was great. But you know what tops it? Oh wow, Perfect Crime was way, way early back.

It was. The first one was a long time ago. It's a very different thing, I believe. Wasn't that about robbing a bank or something and making friends at the same time? I can't remember. That was- no, that was my scheme for how to make- make best friends. Ah, I remember. Cause you- you do- you set up a heist and then there's a big car accident and you save their life,

and then that's when they become your best friend, cause you saved their life. But it's all an elaborate setup. Man, it was a very different podcast. We were young. We didn't know what we know we were doing were we young I don't know But you know when we were young when kids were stupid tell me about stupid kids I remember when I was like six years old and I decided the family needed a new fridge So we went to this fridge store broke in and I opened up the door and there inside was a really cold beard I was like, oh, I'm still under a just probably take a sip of it

So I opened it up and nothing but fucking hair was pouring out as a whole gross goddamn disgusting mess and I decided I needed to throw that fridge out and you know what I got busted doing trying to throw a nasty fridge covered in hair away damn that was stupid for that kid that you were hair away sleep away I stayed at a sleepaway camp once and I thought it would be really fun to sneak out and just run in the same direction until I couldn't run no more. And so that's what I did. And I got lost and they never found me. Boy, was that stupid.

Why did you say hair away at the beginning? Because Wade said hair away. He did? hair away at the beginning because wait said hair away he did he said he was he got caught trying to throw a fridge that was covered in nasty hair away and hair away obviously triggered sleep away camp for me which I was a stupid kid at I remember I want to play one of the counselors at Camp Crystal Lakes I told my other friend to play Jason Voorhees and I handed him this big machete was like how fucking stabbed me after I pretend to have sex but he was like like this and stabbed

me too early and I didn't even get to do the sex part. I remember I was in the first grade and my teacher locked eyes with me and was like Bobby what's one plus one we've been working on this and I confidently looked at her and said seven. I'm a fucking idiot. Fucking idiot dumb no math. All right quick similar situation But I said isn't it your job to make sure I know the answer cuz right now I fucking don't and then I got in trouble for it Okay, boy that was dumb. All right, fuck you teacher. Okay, we're gonna call it there cuz

That was dumb. Alright, fuck you teacher. Okay, we're gonna call it there cuz This episode is I forgot that it needs to be edited really quickly Don't worry about everyone watching and listening the editors have plenty of time for this episode It's definitely not a last minute recording. It's basically live in ten minutes you guys squeezed so much content out of your lives and dripped it into the mouths of our listeners and viewers who are equal in our eyes. Listeners, Mark is emphasizing how much he loves you. I'm making obscene gestures. Really obscene. He just held up a sign that said, I love the listeners way more than you, stupid watchers.

Alright, so we're going gonna count up the points. I- my handwriting gets progressively more insane the deeper it goes because I was frantically trying to keep up so good luck to me for reading this. Let's start with Wade. Kiefer- designated Kiefer- Kiefer Sutherland. Designated Kiefer Sutherland. Quinton foot. Butthole armpit mouthit mouth first you get the first point fuck is Quinton foot Eve ball hair Eyeball hair no no no Eve ball hair the original sin even her ball hair That was definitely one of the weirdest bond women He's a pussy galore was a weird one Eve ball hair, okay, we got cool hair as well One Eve Ball hair. Okay, we got cool hair as well

Ex romantic Eve romantic evening with the ex camping suspicious people open Bob fridge nice noise Pity no sleep. I pity you for no sleep dog running with beer cut to fucking pieces and died I'm writing them down as I go. I still can't count Hey, hi, I love the way you pronounce numbers did you learn to count the same place James did How do you? Also was their point for her hey wood chipper clone 14 kid fridge beer hair fucking Stab me which I wrote as a double point is that maybe a lot really hard fuck you teacher alright

So that's a total of 18 for you very hot day mark never gives that many points I'm boned Bob you had massive cabinets Britt knee very funny dungeon crawler Carl You-ness you-ness you-ness you you you tube you know you You you you-ness you you-ness you you No, uh you to you you you'd know us you you know us you you know You to you to own

You get a point for that showing hair dominance Musical frat rain six inches of music. Oh, yeah six inches of music Alright, you tented you camped at an airport camping with Steve calling after fridge incident Probably dead that person is a bonus point for that good funner ton

ton what like I'm gonna be able to Come on focus focus damn it was this a makeup tutorial you wrote it. We I believe you can't say it Come on focus, focus dammit What is this a makeup tutorial? You wrote it, I believe you today Alright, that's the point, alright wait I gotta kind of get one here 11, that's 11, okay Ah fuck Bax am I right? He is Hank You are Hank

Hold my beer son Was also there in Room Hair away away running away forever Oh hair away the camp that confused me hair away. All right, no Math no math and then you got a last minute point for the bond villain, uh, eve ball hair. That's very funny So even though it it looked like w Wade was pulled ahead that gives you 19 It's a one-point difference So it all comes down as it always does to the wheel and I have someone made a good point that they liked hearing the

Score before going into it so they know when it's know what the stakes are for this So, you know the stakes and I counted them 15,000 times the stakes are rare Please be not one. Please be one. Give it to Wade. Odd numbers. Yes. Oh, three.

Okay, three. We love three. Three threes in a row and four threes out of the last five spins. That seems normal. What are you adding? Least amount of sleep. Do we have that since last episode?

I don't believe so. Alright, least amount of sleep. Which I think I would win this if it came out. I don't know, I think it's debatable. I feel pretty sepy. You should go sepy. I also could add one for things broken mid-episode. I hadn't used this before.

That's really fucking funny. Five cycles. Well, if a cycle is a long period of time, that's impressive. Half point for Wade. Oh man, there's not gonna be a tie. Unless. Unless. Spin number two.

Another half point for Wade. We're tied baby. Whoa, what the? Why? It's tied up viewers or listeners viewers or listeners what the shit is happen alright point for weight I don't even care I just want it to happen again I was close had the best time which one of you guys had the best time? Oh, it's definitely the viewers. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't know Wade. Do you have any reason to believe you had a better time than me? I believe my time was equally as good as yours. What if we split the point and each take half? Oh, that's not how this works. I agree Bob. That sounds great All right, we can we can respin. I'll take that

What is this? It's a respin. OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! Don't call it a comeback! It's a half point for Wade! Half point for Wade! What the fuck? I'm having a great time! This is fate making it so Wade you had the best time and you win 19.5 points to 19. Congratulations! Thank you!

Bob is this where we do the handshake? Oh, no You're gonna undermine that amazing triple half-point thing with whatever your stupid handshake was Well, I have to at least ask you know, we had that whole topic you could say you could bank it You could bank it. Yeah. Oh we could bank that. Oh, yeah, let's bank it Let's keep your idea and bank that for later. Perfect. Okay, good. That really worked out. Couldn't have worked out better, honestly. That's gonna come back to bite me in the ass probably, but Wade, congratulations. You won. You're very handsome, very beautiful and very winterish. And you get to make today's winner

speech. Thank you, Mark. What a great episode. I had a great time. Some might say I just sort of taken a point for having the best time. It was fun rehashing. I thought that got we got more creative as it kind of amps up. We had a little warm up of like, okay, let's think of real stories. And then I think we were both like, fuck it. Just say things when you told us we could lie. And I enjoyed lying quite a bit. So thank you for letting me lie today. I very much enjoyed lying to you.

Some of those were fake. I just meant to lie on the last one question. Back to you, buddy. Okay, all right. Well, congratulations, winner. Your trophy's in the mail. That is definitely not a lie. All right, Bob, you lost. How you go now. Bob, how did this happen? Today's loser's speech is brought to you by Vitamin Water. Vitamin Water is the ultimate lifestyle water for people who want fun and functionality.

Packed with essential multivitamins and big flavors like the new Elevate Blue Raspberry Limeade or Zero Sugar Rehydrate Pineapple Passion Fruit, who said your drinks can't be fun and functional? Grab a Vitamin water today copyright 2025 glass oh vitamin water is a registered trademark of class oh mark i lost because i got half a point less than wade that's how i lost just to be clear you lost because you weighted the wheel somebody calculate the odds of that happening there are 44 things on the wheel and three out of those four spins landed on the same one thing is that 44

factorial no three it'd be 44 times 44 times 44 Yeah, we don't know what it's for times. That's what it's for one in eighty five thousand one hundred and eighty four chance Anyway, it was the half point that really did me in, Mark, if I'm honest. If it was on the merits, I beat Wade Farad in Square, and then the wheel just ripped it away from me. It's like wheels and coins always do. I want to emphasize, that wasn't an editing trick. We didn't fake that in any way. That was legit.

I mean, it was on screen can share I mean it was on screen I'll share I'll share it again and if you look at the history this will match up with previous spins and this is not edited yeah I don't think you can delete individual entries in there yeah so we've had some crazy luck in this podcast that just defies all odds like Bob 13 coin flips in a row not going your way. Oh so cool. So cool Wow part so wade has all the luck on this podcast and that's why he won Today's loser speech is brought to you by vitamin water Born in nyc built for people who work hard and play hard grab a vitamin water today Copyright 2025 glass. Oh vitamin water is a registered trademark of Glass-O.

I love a loser's speech. You know, honestly, the loser's speech is a point of honor. You're your honor- You- Thank you for listening and watching to this. Refer to me as your honor, yes. I'll take that title. I- I accept. But, uh, next week, Wade-

We will be Wade's Monkeys, and you will enjoy another beautiful episode of poop filled fun Thank you Be sure to follow the podcast so that you get notifications and make us feel very special and important in the eyes of our overlords Merch is right around the corner. Merch is right behind you. Merch is standing right behind you. Don't turn around. Ah, my headphones Hahahaha Well, I'm deaf now. Don't worry, Mark's gonna- Mark's gonna make sure he packs the merch with the scary tape. We can't end until he says the famous two words, so we're here watching.

Yeah, we're just trapped in the abyss until Mark remembers how we end these things. Right, right, yes. We're done now. Hahahaha! That's it! That's it! That just cuts right after that! Yes, we're done now Podcast out