Distractible - I Miss The Old Distractible (Part 2)

Episode Date: July 25, 2025

Back in my day, it used to cost only five cents to watch Mark, Bob, and Wade talk about maggots, beavers, and feces. This episode is brought to you by vitaminwater. Grab a vitaminwater today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode of Distractable is presented by Vitamin Water. Some drinks are fun, some are functional, but Vitamin Water said, why not both? There is nothing more refreshing than like a nice Vitamin Water ice cold sip in the heat. I only drink zero sugar drinks, so of course I'm a fan of the zero sugar, rehydrate, pineapple passion fruit. I'm a big pineapple guy. Pineapple good. Born in New York City, built for people who work hard and play hard. Grab a vitamin water today. Copyright 2025.

Glaceau. Vitamin water is a registered trademark of Glaceau. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers and welcome to Distractable. This episode, Musky Mark reports big beavers, sexist maggots and ape anal ornamentation. Big Beavers, Sexist Maggots and Ape Anal Ornamentation, then plays Time Lord, Welching Wade Bones his Optician, predicts Eggpocalypse, sharts himself and gets cock-crunched, bewitching Bob explains the birds and the bees, Will Smith's noodle-slapping and poops his pants, from deft dependence to elephantine snakes It's time for I miss the old distractible part two now sit back and prepare to be distracted and

Enjoy the show Well, well, well look who's back again crawling back to who? Us. At Distractable. Thought you could stay away for a while, but look, you're addicted. You're addicted, and that's okay to admit. You want this. Yeah. And we're gonna give it to you!

We're gonna give it to you. Addiction is the first step to recovery. It actually is, if you think about it. You have to be addicted to recover in the first place, so congratulations, you are now addicted to us. And you have a problem, and we're the only solution. You'll keep wanting more and more of us

until it becomes a problem and it'll destroy your life, but hey, it'll feel good while it's happening that's the distractible motto yeah and we got Wade cocaine minion 777 Bob I feel bugs under my skins I mean yeah yeah yeah actually wait you should have been heroin because you got no hair and it would have been funny. Ah You could be meth-o-plyer I'm meth-o-plyer Wait, I think I see all of our advertisers leaving where they go What's the one you inject between your toes and it makes your your feet fall off foot foot crack. I don't know

and it makes your feet fall off. Foot crack, I don't know. We got it. They call us the foot crack of podcasts. That's what they say. Man, I wish they would stop, but they don't. But welcome back to another episode. I'm hosting, and boy howdy, do I have a same one for you.

But before we get to that, we're gonna get to other things. Oh. Lots of other things Oh Lots of other things are happening in this episode and I believe in the we that is gonna hey, this is Bob and Wade What's up? How's it going everybody? These guys are here to talk all about the small world that they live in with all the drugs that they take Who wants to lead it off? Me, I wanna take the initiative today.

I was telling you guys a little bit about this, but I guess I should let our beautiful viewers and listeners know too. I had a similar experience to one of my co-hosts where I had emails and voicemails and text messages from the place where I get my contacts and my glasses. And I was like, oh man, I wonder what's up. they're really trying to get a hold of me and it's like you have a balance that's overdue if you don't pay it you're gonna turn you over

to the collection company that's that I was like I thought I just paid this like two weeks ago oh god what happened I guess what me communication I gotta figure out what's going on so I called them up I was waiting on the call had to like select you know press 3 if you want bill done yes yes get me through there is no one currently available please hold okay this text came out but there's no one to talk to about it okay I'll just wait and we had like a 10 20 minute break I spent 10 of those minutes waiting this is really important take care of right now I don't go collection company lady answers it's

like hey how can I help you I got this bill. I gotta pay it. Oh Okay, let me see. Yes verify this info. Perfect. Your total is 289. I was like, alright $289 What the hell is my 289 dollars for to 289? She's no no no 289 $2.89 Yeah, well you why don't you pay your bills fucking deadbeat. I got contacts. I got glasses. I got images taken. I had the entire like you're just leaving your Optometrist out to dry here. Just not paying what you owe fair and square. I don't know. I don't know how it happened I had a full eye exam pictures glasses

Contact it was expensive. It cost money contacts and glasses are expensive So I it was turned over to insurance then it came back I went to pick up my glasses. They told me what I owed I paid it Where did the 289 come from and why do they never owe us 289? Why do we always owe them another 289? It was like inflation like between the time I paid my bill and had my they're like Oh price went up actually interest calculated in in the time you were doing your digital payment in the 300 milliseconds it took for your card

Transaction to process that just screwed a lot of interest. What kind of loan shark am I working through? Anyway, I paid my two dollars and eighty nine cents that probably had a five dollar charge for using a card over the phone So I'm sure it's gonna be seven eighty nine by the time it's all said and done But all that panic over less than three bucks, can't even get a burger for less than three bucks. Damn. Yeah, well, that reminds me with the Apple thing where I owe them a penny.

I haven't heard anything about it since then. So either they're gearing up the lawsuit machine to really come after me. In a hundred years, you might owe a dollar. I might, I might just But yeah, no way That's um, it's unfortunate I guess it's more than a penny but like out of it was probably like a thousand dollars and bills

289 felt like a weird thing. They spent more messaging me than that 289 That's the thing is like they the amount of money it takes to cost their customer service and the amount of business they lose because they're not talking to people that they could actually get money from, they don't have any kind of catch for when something is just not worth the fight. Always worth it.

Only losers say it's not worth it. I guess there is a weird world where we know they won't fight us for a couple pennies, so we always underpay or something. I don't know. So I guess they have to get every penny out of you. I don't know. You underpay?

I pay my bills very fairly. I'm just saying if people knew that a company wouldn't pursue them if they slightly underpaid their bill, more people would do it. It's not even really an option in most cases though. It's not like, it's not like they're like, you tell us how much you want to pay. They send you a thing, they're like, this is the amount. Would you like to pay it in full or would you like to pay it in double? There's a 19% charge if you use a credit card instead of an e-check. You have to use a credit card. It's like, what? It's

a fucking terrible system. Sorry, our e-check system is down. You must use a credit card. It's not like you get to choose that, generally. Some of them you do. I have a... someone I do business with semi-regularly uses like Quickbook invoices, and that one lets me put whatever number I want. Just gonna start shaving pennies off just to fuck with those guys, but... Everyone else doesn't want... anyway.

Alright, Bob, what's going on in your life? Who are you in debt to? Mafia? Oh, lots of people. All right, Bob. What's going on your life? Who are you in debt to mafia? Oh lots of people so We recently visited family in Iowa that we were discussing Generally, and this is like a theme that comes up in James likes bluey And there's a several episodes in bluey that deal with like pregnancy and stuff and we were trying to explain to him Like what a pregnant lady is right?

We were talking and it just sort of came up. And so it was like, oh, who's pregnant? Is mom pregnant? Whatever, but we were trying to be like, no, nobody. When a person is pregnant, when a woman is pregnant, it means that they have a baby growing in their belly. And so you might not be able to tell, but if you see someone who's pregnant,

you need to be careful, right? They have a baby in the belly, you gotta be careful with the baby. It was just a discussion that we had. And it was going on in the way things do with kids, just trying to teach him stuff. So we got to the belly gets big, cause the baby gets big.

And James looks at me and is like, baby in dad's belly? And I was like, ah, no, no, no, dad's just fat. That's a confusing distinction for you. Sorry buddy. But it was like a funny moment, but it wasn't, everyone was not in on it. So then after we get back from that trip,

we're at dinner with Mandy's parents, and James is talking and everyone's paying attention we're at dinner with Mandy's parents, and James is talking, and everyone's paying attention to James at dinner at a restaurant, and out of nowhere, he just starts talking about babies, and he's just like, da da da da da, pregnant ladies, da da da da da, babies, da da da da da, baby in the belly? No, dad's just fat.

And Mandy's parents did like a spit take. It was the funniest fucking thing. Because like out of nowhere, unprompted, he just like remembers the conversation that we had. And now he just does that. He'll just walk up and hit me with the like, no, dad's just fat. And then walk away. And everyone's kind of like, you taught him that him that I'm like I know I taught him that this is exactly what I was hoping would happen

That's so funny Anyway, he's gonna be a funny kid. It's very funny, but that's adorable. I Don't have much else going on in my life So I'm just gonna fire through some quick news stories that I got here that I think are you know always always a crowd pleaser Well, that's a different one. Wait, what the fuck? You don't even know what news stories you have. This is okay I'll read you the the it's a bit of a show star bear-sized giant beavers once roamed to North America And they're now the official state fossil of Minnesota. I would tell you but the article doesn't load. What about that is confusing Mark? Yeah beavers can be my state bird any day or whatever you said. What did I say Wade? What did I say? Minnesota. Beaver.

Big beaver. Big beaver alright. What's else? Oh big beaver. I am a lamb. Minnesota big beaver. I am a lamb. Gotta get that beaver. Oh shit my speaker fell. Oh god. Oh you're so funny. It made my speaker fall down. I'm pretty sure that's what you said word for word. Oh yeah, yeah, you got it right. Big beaver, Bama Lama. I getcha, I getcha. Wade remembered something for once. Hey, big beavers in Minnesota. Bear sized or bees bea- they were either bee sized or bear sized. They were bigger small beavers. Alright, if this news isn't tickling your fancy

What about this one? Billions of flies to be dumped out of planes in an effort to fight flesh-eating maggots known as quote Maneater is that one perfectly normal, huh? Yeah any quips Bob any quips on that one Bob? No, I knew that was happening I follow Fly News. Are they, I assume they're living flies? I would tell you, but again, the article is not loading. I can't imagine why it would not be living flies

because I don't know if dead flies are gonna put up a lot of fight, but. Oh, it loaded. All right, I got it. Okay, so apparently they're, what the fuck? Apparently, there's always something going on in your periphery that we have no idea what's happening. I just... I opened a Chrome tab, but I also have Task Manager open and it was like

Chrome! Like a hundred entries went whoosh and then gone as soon as I looked and I'm like What kind of virus just exploded? Efficiency. Efficiency. My computer is on a precarious line. I'm shocked it hasn't crashed. Because DaVinci crashed when I was trying to render that thing. And it still is there in Task Manager, no matter how many times I close it. There's still a window that's there with the spinning wheel. But the rest... and File Explorer has officially died.

It is also completely frozen. But hey. You have a hundred beaver-sized viruses in your computer.'s a flesh eating maggot in Texas that's devastating the beef industry am I wrong about think that's what maggots do that maggots eat flesh generally they dead flesh they don't eat living flesh is my understanding but also maybe living flesh usually like spots the boy or something cuz it yeah so what are these things like oh man I'm getting real tired of this rotten flesh I'm gonna take a bite of Timmy don't do I'm gonna take a bite of this no don't oh shit is actually guys come over try this is that what's going on in the maggot world was that a scene from maggot news my number two new

source a maggot's life the new movie coming out. Alright, okay, so it's the- when the NWS fly larvae, the maggots in question, burrow into the flesh of a living animal, they can cause serious, often deadly, damage to the animal. It can infect livestock, pets, wildlife, and occasionally birds, and in rare cases, people. But of course they call it the man eater because of the people affected, not the rest of it. Why does it only target men? Is it a sexist maggot? Yeah, it is too. Yeah, god. It's all kinds of awful. God, I love this conversation and how itchy it suddenly made me feel all over my everywhere.

Anyway, they're gonna breed a billion flies and drop them over the area to kill all the I love that song And I'd breed a million flies to save all your maggot lives Remember that one? No Nothing else great in the news cuz nothing else great is happening in the world Nothing no more gross stuff. You got any oh, there's there's gross stuff. There's lots of gross stuff You know gross stuff not really's lots of gross stuff. You want gross stuff? Not really, but I said it. All right chimps are sticking grass and sticks in their butts seemingly as a fashion trend That's not gross. That's hilarious

monkeys My butthole no now you can't see it the new fad Appears to be a fresh spin on an old fad wearing grass in the ear for chimps. Which admittedly, there's a picture of a chimp with grass in his ears, I'm like, you know, that's pretty fashionable. I'm not gonna lie. Man, those chimps are always ahead of their times. So, which chimp bit the apple and ruined it to where now chimps are realizing they're naked? Wait, what? Adam and Eve. It was an Adam and Eve joke.

I don't know what this is, the whole Bible thing. They didn't know they were naked until after they ate the apple and God was like, by the way, your pee-pee's out. Is that the knowledge that they gained that they, oh God, oh no! Yeah, he was like, oh shit, my titties bounce. And I was like, oh shit, my balls bounce. And then they had to cover up my summer Vacation Bible school went a little differently than yours. I think

In principle, I guess I'm right there with you. That's why they call it revelations. They still realize they were revealed revelations, yes the the the Old Testament book of You know, it was in snake 26 he was like Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Verse six. Yep. Ah, my favorite verse. Apple, chapter three, verse 17 through 25. Ah, my ass! She bit my ass! One rule! There was one rule! All right. Well, that was, uh, that was our biblical segment of the podcast. Your weekly Bible update from your favorite podcast.

Brought to you by God. Hey, if we got the god sponsorship can you imagine what would he pay i don't know like exposure oh that's what he gave adam and eve didn't work out for them did it no frills delivers get groceries delivered to your door from no frills with pc express shop online and get 15 in pc optimum points on your first five orders. Shop now at NoFrills.ca This episode is brought to you by Universal Pictures' Nobody 2. A couple years ago, Bob Odenkirk showed up out of nowhere as an action star in Nobody, and now he's back in the sequel.

The first one was actually really, really good. I enjoyed the build-up. I enjoyed the payoff I love the bus scene where he fights those guys Produced by 87 North the same team behind hits like John wick bullet train the fall guy Don't miss Universal Pictures. Nobody to only in theaters August 15 Anyway, we're getting into the real episode which which is actually just a lazy rehash of an old episode, which is actually a rehash of even older episodes than this. I'm not scraping the bottom of the barrel, I've burst through the bottom of the barrel,

I'm digging downward and I'm pulling out the old bones of old Distractable where the original host died a long time ago and we are clones that replaced them. Mark's talking crazy. Hang on. I zoned out. We talk about beavers again? Anyway, are you boys ready to go back in time and win points that you should have won a long time ago but didn't because you were bad then and you're funnier now? Yes. All right. So we're going to start off with a banger of one of these. Long ago in August 16th of 2021, we did an episode called Future.

I want you to go back into the past and get win points for future things that you didn't say back then about now. The future. Who's going to go first? I don't know. Are we about to spin a spinner for three minutes? Wait, how long have we been doing this? We have an episode from 2021. When do we start this? Yeah, absolutely. I'm gonna roll the weird Ten Commandments dice that I have here. Whatever it lands on, I'm gonna pick the person that most identifies with that one in my mind. Okay? That's who's gonna go first. Come on, fuck thy neighbor, fuck thy neighbor. Do not murder.

Wade goes first! Yup, that's definitely Wade. Is that cause I did or do I make it cause did or was that cuz I would or wouldn't? Look man, do you want to go first point or not? I'll roll it again. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah give me give me give me I'll kill someone to go first. Who am I killing? Put him in front of me. First person to kill someone goes first. Alright so just to be clear I'm going back to the future but from the perspective of 2021 yes it's August 16th 2021 and you need to talk about what the future will be like then now I'm seeing

in 2024 I think that there will be like a near revolution over the price of eggs okay sorry I forgot to set a timer this so curious that's so crazy do we have one of those yeah Yeah, it's Wow, all right. Okay price of eggs are gonna be up or down. What do you what do you think? Oh, they're gonna be sky high. Okay price of eggs are going up. That's crazy absurd and that definitely wouldn't have any worldwide Election based ramification. Can you imagine if the entire election was decided by the price of eggs that crazy bob? I you you know those funny Will Smith eat spaghetti memes that's gonna change the whole world and it's gonna decide an

election almost definitely and it's only gonna be good for humanity and there's nothing bad about it Will Smith perpetually funny always loved person is gonna eat spaghetti what a weird prediction oh speaking of Will Smith he's also gonna slap Chris Rock in a very public location did that happen after that happened after this yeah he's gonna slap someone Chris Rock aren't they like friends you would think that they seem like they'd be cool but actually that that's crazy. Yeah. All right. Back to you, Wade.

All right. There was vine. We've had YouTube. We had different video sites over the years. There was the stupid funnies, but you know what the government's going to get involved with tick talk. They're going to stop tick talk because it's finally the two evil. They would ban them.

They would have any right to ban TikTok? I bet they're not gonna do it. I'm just telling you it's going to come up and it's gonna be a big government debate about whether people should watch stupid videos on their phones. Alright you got it. Bob. You know the electric car guy? The nerd who can't speak publicly without sounding like a big dweeb?

He's gonna essentially run the government of the United States Calling it now Ellen Musk is gonna be de facto president You don't account this for points, but I'm gonna tack on to what Bob is saying. This would be a Bob booster point We're all gonna hate him, but our hearts will still go out to him Neither you will really we're willing to commit to the real prediction that he's going to sing high all right on Capitol Hill. What? That's crazy. I don't know the future Mark. It's August of 2021 right now. I'm just saying I think that that something

in that vein is very likely to happen. Yeah. We punched Nazis in the U S wagers was over the timer so I didn't give you the point but you know this is just crazy there's no way the future holds this. Couldn't be. Uh who went first? Wade you went first. Uh I could roll the dice for every time it goes first. No that would not be. Hey you're the host man do what you do do what you think feels right you know. Well I'm gonna roll it just it's not gonna change anything who goes firstly It's still gonna be Bob goes first aside. I just want to see Honor the Sabbath that one's definitely weighed to somehow. I don't know how but that was definitely weighed Anyway, Bob, you're up next and it in in honoring our Sabbath

We're going to talk about oh shit moments in our past and for the description of what this was is the guys discuss their bathroom close calls Expired meet in hospital visits included underwear left behind that is the description of oh shit moments from the past and go uh, I ate a hot dog from a None branded gas station.

I'm not gonna throw anyone out of the bus. Feel free to sponsor us gas stations. And then I was on campus at UC and then I shitted my pants while I was trying to gain access to an IHOP carry out location bathroom, but they wouldn't give me the code. So I had to order a latte while I was shitting my pants. Wasn't that the same story you told

from this very episode? I don't think so, cause that happened after that episode. Oh, it happened after, nevermind, all right. The story I told during this episode was, I ate some expired meat from the freezer that I made into Paschetti. And then I was driving to visit my friends at Purdue University.

And I had to dramatically find a bathroom along the highway, which I pulled into Paschetti and then I was driving to visit my friends at Purdue University and I had to dramatically find a bathroom along the highway which I pulled into a place that didn't have a bath as a whole thing. This was different. I did not do anything unspeakable to the bathroom itself in this new story. I just had a problem and my underwear did not survive. All right. I'm reinstating that point. Wade.

I had a day where I thought I could eat like I was 14 again and I had a bunch of candy and that was basically my lunch and then I decided Oh, you know what some like Indian food sounds really good for dinner You know, it goes really good after having Indian food It's like a whole pint of ice cream and then a couple of like sodas Mmm Realized that I was expecting a package in the mail and I went outside to go check the mail, walked out to the mailbox You know, I had a weird diet so a little fart came out and then I knew oh god

That was more it was more than from the fart. I felt it I know I knew I was in trouble and I had to do that awkward like Pinch run where you squeeze the cheeks and you run all the way back up the driveway to get into the house Cool story Wade, James shit his pants and it leaked in the car HAHAHAHAHAHA Did I get it? Did I get it in? and you run all the way back up the driveway to get into the house. Cool story Wade, James shit his pants and it leaked in the car. Hahahaha! Did I get it? Did I get it in? I think you got it in there, I think you got it in.

Okay, if you want to know more about that story, there's more details, but I just wanted to make sure I got that one in. We had to take the car seat apart, it was a whole situation. We were in Minnesota, it was not good. I kind of forgot it was supposed to be a whole back and forth, I just really want to tell my story. Yeah, no, I knew that both of you were strategizing about boxing the other one out. It was very high level play. Yeah. Alright, Wade, you're going first and hey.

Alright, speed round. I got this. This one's right up your alley. Wait. Oh, I thought this episode was coming- well, I already picked it, so. Do not murder again. Wade, don't murder. That's me! Alright, I don't know. Alright, one day I'll ask for an explanation as to why that's me, but that's me. I thought this was something else, cause the episode's titled,

Dreams and Nightmares, and I thought this was your speech, but it's not. The guys recount their night terrors, the first they remember and the ones that recur, plus they explore how memory relates to dreams, so talk about dreams and talk about nightmares. Go! Ben, I had a dream the other night that I was like, okay this was a while ago, there was some girl who was like in trouble and I kept trying to save her, but every time I tried to save her, like things just kept going wrong and I kept going wrong, I could never save her and I don't know, I woke up and I was just really sad very sad for like two straight days about this fake person I couldn't save.

Couldn't save girl failure. Okay, Bob I had a dream and in the dream I was driving a car and I couldn't figure out what kind of car it was and it Didn't really matter but it made me really mad and then when I woke up I googled cars for like half a day and I couldn't find it and I think I imagined it Random dream that I was dating or married to someone that we graduated with and I never talked to this person ever But all I remember really about the dream is that everywhere she went she was wearing rollerblades She was just skating around the house skating outside. She was just always in rollerblades I mean, it's pretty cool, but sad. Alright Bob.

I had a dream that I was it was a nightmare I was taking a really painful poop and I kept like waking up and you're like, oh It was just a dream But then I was still I was on the toilet and then I was back in it and it was like a Cyclical like never-ending nightmare of I was trying to get this painful poop out But I kept waking up to being exactly where I was trying to poop. That's very funny Neverending dream. All right, but wait I think I had a close encounter with this someone

I can't remember how but I remember had a dream or nightmare about sitting on the toilet and I thought That the seat lifted up and closed and just crunched my penis under it and then I was afraid to use the toilet seat for a While oh, I get that's a valid fear. That's a valid fear The power went out one night and so I couldn't use my CPAP machine to sleep and so I was having trouble sleeping. And then I just had a bunch of dreams that entire night that I was suffocating because I kept like snoring and I'm accustomed to using my CPAP machine now and it was really, really unpleasant. Well damn, you're sure you weren't actually dying?

I may, I mean it's possible. That's not a good thing that that was happening, but there wasn't much I could do about it No electricity no machine that keeps me from dying. Oh, well, you guys are gonna love the next one It's about machines that keep us from dying or no You guys are gonna love it in November 8th 2021 was the first episode called old men. Oh, no We are now much older than this date but the entire episode was just talking about getting older and I want to remind you guys we were 31 32 when this episode came out. What's it like being old now? Go Bob! I told the story last episode about the go-karts and I will just say that we

were also we also threw axes as part of my brother's fun birthday thing it was like an out of place in the cage where you throw the and I Had done that before but had been like over a year since I'd thrown an axe I was like I know how to do this and I stepped up and it was a really lightweight axe and I did one throw And my elbow just went and then I like couldn't bend my arm for a second and I was like, oh, I'm dead But it just this was immediately after the go-kart. So it's probably related but it it's bad that when bad things happen now I don't think all that'll just that's fine. I think it's broken. I'm dead I would have paused because I'm gonna sell a story here also about me getting older because I

Had said to Amy out loud, and this was my first mistake, man, I haven't hurt my back in a while. I think me not working out for this long has given it whatever it was time to heal. That night, I pick up one of the computers I'm working with, pull my back. I had not pulled my back in like six fucking months.

And I think it was because mentally my body was like, oh you haven't hurt yourself in a while, whoa is that time of year? Crack. And so ever since then, yeah, my shoulder blade area of my back has been a little in pain. That's probably fine. Similar note, I didn't have my shoulder surgery because I'm like, oh my shoulder's actually doing a lot better.

Literally last night, went to lay down and my God, cause I got not getting my neck comfortable. Every time I thought I could start to fall asleep, just like a sharp pain would shoot up through my neck from my shoulder. Oh, but I'm too old for the surgery now. Too old for surgery, all right, I think that's how it goes. All right, Bob. My whole life I've had that thing that I think a lot of,

if not all guys have, where no matter how heavy something was, I'd look at it and I'd kind of like try it and be like, ah, I could had that thing that I think a lot of, if not all guys have, where no matter how heavy something was, I'd look at it and I'd kind of like try it and be like, ah, I could carry that. And this exact cabinets, I think it was this one, I actually almost died because I, all of this was in pieces in the garage, they dropped it off and I carried them all down by myself. I didn't ask for help.

I didn't wait till I could get help because I tried it and I was like, ah, I can carry those. And this one is really tall and I was carrying it by myself and it caught on the ceiling. And I started to bend over backwards while I was walking down the stairs with this and I was like, this is going to crush my head or break my neck or God knows what. I literally just by the skin of my teeth saved it, set it down, stopped what I was doing and was like, I'm not going to get help help and then moved all the rest of it by myself anyway But I'm getting I'm clearly getting older cuz it almost got me this time. I actually died of old age. That's my bid

I Don't think I could give that point because you're clearly not dead. I got better What if he's undead not alive just undead? Oh Bob. How do you feel about this? Do you feel like if if this was in that old time would we have given that point? Can I remind you of the rules of the last one we were didn't have to tell the truth. That was the last one I didn't say that here. It's implied It's kind of implied but he didn't say it So I'm conflicted as a person who would benefit from Wade not getting the point

I feel like I'm obligated to say he shouldn't get that point, obviously. I'll give you... nothing. I'll take it. Hahahaha! As I declare unfair! Alright, okay, alright, I had a feeling that was good. I thought you were gonna say, I'll give you the point if you can die right now of old age. Hahaha, come back!

Who's supposed to die live on episode wins. Here's how it goes. We're gonna flip if it's all heads, it was unfair, and I'll reverse, I'll let you get that point. If it's a mix, nothing. If it's tails, you have to die and come back to life on camera. All right, fair?

All right, fair. All right, we all said fair. All right, here we go. Three, two, one. Boom, swah. Heads. Heads. Damn. Nothing happens. We all walk away from this. Marks was tails for anyone who's...

I was tails, sorry. Tails. Not watching. I wasn't focusing right away, so I was like, heads, heads, and blur? Heads, heads, blur, heads, blur. It was close to him, but I'm not gonna give that to you. All right. I was almost 50-50. Okay. How about... All right. right wait young and

stupid oh we're going yeah so when I was a kid I had this little tricycle I like to ride around and whenever I was riding it one day I thought I could pop a wheelie I could not pop a wheelie and I fell off and bumped my head and I didn't like my tricycle anymore mm-hmm okay wheel failure. Got it. I was in eighth grade, young. My algebra teacher was like, or my geometry teacher was like, what's the Pythagorean theorem? And I was like, A plus B equals C. And he was like, they're all squared, idiot. Stupid. Oh, I remember those little iceies where you had to clip the top of it off and you'd squeeze out the icy

somehow I always clip those things the wrong way and I would still like somehow shove it in my mouth to the point it would like cut the side of my left mouth and I would always bleed on this stupid pointy plastic because I don't know what angle I cut it at You cut it the long way? No, no, no, I still cut it the short way, but it was like the little the little ends were still pointed

So with like hurt my mouth you were really stupid. I get it Bob I was in seventh grade and I was wearing one of my collectible NFL jerseys a Steve Young Jersey young I Set my trombone down on the edge of a counter I balanced the bell on the counter and just let it sit there and someone else walked by and knocked it over and it Literally was so destroyed that I think they scrapped it stupid Wait when I was young I started a really bad habit of biting my nails and now I still bite them and I've hurt My teeth stupid. All right. That was great. Well done guys terrible habit. Don't bite your nails

That's how you get, I still remember that TikTok where somebody was like, I'd say you're gonna get pin worms. You're gonna get pin worms. Did you ever see that, bub? Yes. Why didn't you ask me? Well, you don't look, you're on TikTok.

Damn it, you're right. All right, okay. We're gonna go, cryptids are scary, from January 10th of 2022. Now, I don't know what cryptids we talked about in that episode but if I find that you say one of the same cryptids we talked about then I'll retroactively take the points away I'm lying Bob you're up go I know something we didn't say in that episode cryptids aren't scary. That's my whole statement.

Alright, good statement, Wade. In Australia they have bon-yip which looks like a panther in the water eating a man-hole. A man-hole? No, like a man-hole. A hole for a man or a hole of a man? A hole-man. Speaking of cryptids who live in holes, in South Africa they have one called the Groot Slang which is a serpent slash elephant hybrid that lives in a cave called the Wonder Hole.

Wait, wait, an elephant snake? Serpent-elephant hybrid that lives in the Wonder Hole. Wait, all right, I gotta pause the timer here. Wait, hold on. Wonder hole. Wait, all right, I gotta pause the timer here. Wait, hold on. I can't. Wait, what's in a wonder hole? Who knows what surprises a wonder hole can hide? Does it have tusks or a, wait, how is it a hybrid?

Those are the two animals that my brain cannot hybridize. Do you wanna, do you wanna see, Mark? Yes, I wanna see. We're stopping this. All right, hang on. I will show you and you will see You know I'm not gonna let all you viewers out there it is an elephant serpent hybrid viewers you can see that listeners He's describing it for you actually it's so clear

But I would not know how to describe it more than that to you it is I'm telling you it's an elephant serpent What the fuck he he was right. All right, okay. All right, we're gonna start the timer back up. When Wade, you're gonna go and boom. In Australia, they have another one, a large hairy man. It's called Yowie. It's called what?

Y-O-W-I-E, Yowie. Are you sure about that? What was it? It was just, try it again. Yowie. Oh right, that's probably the one a large hairy human like entity it's just a hairy man do you know why I'm laughing no no why is it that bald no it was one of the things where the summer is gonna

be like I get why marks laughing I'm too busy trying to get another point here England a land of milk toast imagination, has a cryptid known as the Owlman. It's an owl with some man-like features and it doesn't do anything scary, it just is an owlman. In Arkansas, Fouke Monster! He got it in! What was it? Fouke Monster? It looks like it. Fouke cook it's fo you ke monster e monster alright I gotta look this up to confirm it's a hominid or other primate I don't know there's not much description of I just like the name monster we got a fuk monster it's also known as the boggy Creek monster I don't see any reference

to it being called the fuk monster I see that if you the Wikipedia has it yeah okay alright it's valid alright that point stands you... the Wikipedia has it, yeah. Okay. Alright, it's valid. Alright, that point stands. There was a film about it. The Boggy Creek Monster film. Why were you laughing about the yaoi? So, yaoi... I think that's how it's pronounced. In the Japanese world of porn, there is... I'm not sure if these are parallel, but there's hentai, and then there's... How do you fucking spell it? It's called yaoi. Yeah, so that's, that's, uh, homosexual erotica in Japan.

And when you're like, there's a large hairy man called the yaoi, I was like... Is there? Is there a way? Why would I know that? I don't even know what porn's called American! You're the guy who got the hentai tattoo. I gave you the point man Oh, we missed talking about the not deer

The not deer it's not a deer Okay, all right we got we got time for a couple more so we're gonna we're gonna go into this it would be really cruel Of me to put you guys in the episode of the funniest joke in the world cruel of me to put you guys in the episode of the funniest joke in the world. Yeah, I agree. We're skipping past that one because this episode was a search for the funniest joke leads the guys down a path of sticking classic joke setups into AI word generators with hysterical results. Everyone loves that stuff.

So the only way to do that would be to have you both pull up chat GPT and have it tell the world's funniest results and see how it compares to back then. What if we have to prove that humanity is superior by coming up with funnier jokes ourselves? That would be great. If you think you can do it in 22 minutes, I will, I'll, I'll, I'll let you roll with it.

But I feel like the subreddit would be upset and then we'd all be depressed because of how unfunny chat GPT would be or how funny it would be either option makes everyone sad all in agreement. I wasn't listening All right, Wade you're doing it. No, I'm just you don't even have a subscription to it He would deserve that but all right. We're going with worst piece of shit episode ever All right before we start I gotta tell you why I was zoned out because you started talking about jokes and I kept trying to think of how I could buy a ball at like like a basketball at an Aldi and end with a Baldy joke and I couldn't land it but that's where my brain was when you said my name. Mmm. So I just want you to be on that journey with me that I was working

on your topic but wasn't listening to you actively but like Baldi am I funnier than AI guys? I have not started the world's worst piece of shit episode ever Wade you gotta save it they really have told me who's going first on this one? Wade it's up to you yeah you can't rehash that one alright worst piece of shit episode ever it's me it's Wade is that the are you done? Yep. That's it. He's done go. Okay

Anyway, I was driving the car I was just gonna say I was in the car. That would be a drive-thru. It's not that funny Good one Wade. All right In this episode we I don't really have a topic. So, you know what? We're gonna do a tier list Good one, Wade. All right. In this episode, we, I don't really have a topic, so you know what? We're going to do a tier list. What is the best episode we've done? Guys, I had a great idea for this one.

I actually made a custom GPT and it is going to host the episode. I'm just going to be the avatar for chat GPT. I'm just gonna be the avatar for chatGPT. I'm just gonna read whatever it says and I'm gonna type whatever you say into it and I think everyone's gonna be really on board with this, especially the subreddit. All right, best Jerry Seinfeld puns. What's the deal with hairline food

to get your hair to grow back, guys? Come on, that's a good one, right? All right, I had an idea for another bit I was just gonna move my microphone away like this, but then as I was thinking of it I was like, oh, that's what I did first time That's so fucking meta I love it. All right, wait, can you get one in? No That counts as a point! We're just gonna skip that one. We're gonna take a day off.

Alright, we've got time for one more. One more. Unless... Unless what? I don't know, I just like saying that sometimes. Alright, Hill I will die on! It's time for even more hot takes. For things that you won't let anyone else take you off that hill for Ready Bob?

Yeah, all right and go I'm on a hill I will die on I'm gonna call the president because he'll know what to do about this meteor that's gonna kill me on this hill No solutions. I'm gonna call mark No solutions I'm gonna call Mark! Oh, no solutions! Beans! Oh, too many beans! My forest will save me! Damn it, Bob, I can't top that. How'd you come out here with your ace?

Alright, he passed. I guess it's back to you. No, wait. Come on, you got it. Alright, my house is slightly elevated. I live on a slight hill. I don't like to leave my house. I'll die here. Alright, he'll die slightly elevated. I live on a slight hill. I don't like to leave my house. I'll die here Hill I will die on mark is not good at five nights at Freddy's Man you got all the hot ones. You're totally right cuz nowadays I have Like me trying to beat 50

I thought the other day about pause this real quick because I really thought legitimately after I played Secret of the May well I was like maybe I should go back and try to beat 50 mode on a for ultimate custom night and I looked up a video of how to beat it and then I watched it I Was like I ain't doing that shit How many hours did take you to beat the first one on like 20-20-20-20-20 mode or whatever? It took seven, right? Ultimate Custom Night would take me weeks of practice to get good enough to get there again

because I'd have to build up all my skills again. I'd have to build up my ability to do the clicking. I'm, you know, a bad FNAF so you know what, you may not be done on the hill, it might just be a nice hill. Alright, and and Wade your turn When it comes to like Donald Trump Elon Musk And I would die on that hill How did you get your voice to? Robotically like decay like it did it was really that was complete coincidence cuz all I did was click the mic button

Good I think I'm not sure, but good. Bob? Wade is going to win this episode. And despite how insane that may seem, I will die on this hill. Alright, this is a weird conditional bet point that I'm gonna- we're gonna come back after this round ends and talk about how that's gonna play. Wade is going to win this episode. That is a hill I will also die on. Interesting. Alright, we're covering the faces. Okay, alright, back to you. Oh, no, too late! Okay, so you both are gonna die on the hill that Wade is gonna win. May the best of us win. So, in this episode, there was no lying, right? So...

I didn't lie. I've probably lied multiple times but you don't know when okay fine all right that's good enough we're gonna end it there hey I mean I've never written more shit so this is gonna take a little holy hell a lot going around and thank you for not lying and telling the truth everybody this was a big big big moment for all of us. Wade, you're gonna go first? You got... Nickel Bag, 289 in debt, big... I don't want to say this.

You have to. No, it's a slur. Excuse me? You say- I don't know, it's just- I don't wanna- Oh... That's what I wrote down, it's you saying, but you didn't. No, no, no. What?

No, you didn't say it, you didn't say it. You didn't say it. You're okay. Okay, good. Yeah, no. I think it's Big Boner Banalam. But that middle word I thought said something else. God damn.

Yeah, Wade, what the hell? Why'd you say that? I don't remember. When did we talk about... I thought we talked about beavers. That was it? Big Beaver! That was it!

Alright, we got there. Is that a slur now? I know what word he thought it was I don't does that make me terrible or naive you need to work on those V's mark. Yeah, I do I really got it Okay, so you get that you got revelations chapter snake or uh, yeah revelations roll for you rolled to go first says five price of eggs going up tiktok government penguin waddle Couldn't save a girl in your dreams you failed dating a mare or slash married a high school rollerblader Crushed penis with toilet shoulder surgery tools for fixed tricycle Tricycle something wheelie failure I see wrong cut bites nails bon-yip that's 16

manhole hairy man yaoi nails, bonyip that's 16, manhole, hairy man yaoi, you get the point for that, book monster, it's Wade, tier list that's 20, Jerry Seinfeld puns, quote no, he'll die on home hill, Donald Trump beep, and then Wade also is gonna win this episode, that's 25 points if you were- I just want to clarify one of your points where Wade married a high schooler on rollerblades, went to high school together, not a high schooler. Just wanna be 100% clear on that. We were in high school at the same time! That's a good clarification. That's a good one. Yeah, I just- you know, between my slurs and marrying high school students. I want to be clear so Bob no dad's just fat

Will Smith eats spaghetti Will Smith will slap someone no Chris Rock Elon Musk is gonna run the government hot dog gas station toilet James shat the car Had to take the seats apart driving mad Googled the car wait did I put up a finger when I said that no no the Wilson slap Elon Musk was a hot dog guest in James Jones driving a good car that did nightmare mid poop kept coming back to it see pap might have been dying throwing ax bow axes elbow explode died trying to carry cabinet and also I'm still not gonna get help eighth 8th grade Young, 7th grade Steve Young, cryptids aren't scary.

That's 15. South Africa... South Africa... ghost... thingamabob? Anyway, I give you a moment point because I doubted you, but you were absolutely right. It did exist. Owlman... Bad Vac? Bad... Nack? Bad... Mike? Bad Mike! That was it, Bad Mike! You're totally right, bad Mike. That's it. Uh, Chat GPT episode, Meta Mike joke! You did it again.

So, seven, twenty, twenty two... No. Did I s- Ah! Fuck! God! You couldn't write him down! Fucking hell! You were following what did I- Ah! Fuck! Can I go back to the fucking beginning? Alright, one, two, three, four.

Okay, 20th chat GPT episode, meta Mike joke, Hill, president callback, bad at FNAF, Wade, will win this episode. 24! It's 25 to 24. Jesus. Wow. God. Man. I can't give this many points again

because I can't keep dragging it. We already used the coin this episode, right? That's this episode? You busted it out super early. Yeah, he was being real fair because the coin said it was. I wanna add to it, current record holder for most points,

which right now I think weighed with 25 points, that is probably the highest point that has ever happened now this could change by the end of this episode depending if Bob makes a comeback but we're gonna set I think I might have given someone 28 at some point oh maybe oh well then we're gonna have to do some digging god damn it yeah hang on let me let to do some digging. God damn it. Yeah. Hang on. Let me let me do some research here Oh, I have mark with 25 points for 20 Q part 2 I have Bob secret words Wade got 29 points All right, so Wade would still be the current record holder 29. Okay bad excuses. Bob had 26. Holy cripes

Whoa, Wade has 41 points in AI or Cake in my book. Holy shit, what happened that episode? Look how many fucking points there are in here! Holy shit! There's just a whole shitload of points! I topped it. Secret Words Part 2 I hosted. You guys started with 100 points and lost. Okay, let's make a qualification that it has to start from zero for that qualification work

Because otherwise it would be all okay. Well, if not Bob had 99 points on that one. I Don't think we can go by that. Let's just say current record holder for most starting from zero points Which would be you wait at what 41? I think that's my biggest one. Yeah, damn. Okay Well, it's not like this will be landed on a bunch So whoever can top 41 will then earn this will be their their thing, but this will be an entry that can rotate All right, let's see Okay, we love a three we love a three three it is baby All right, and reminder score is 25 way to 24 Bob. Big chance for come back here or sudden death.

Let's do that one. Drop the most items. I didn't drop anything. I've been fidgeting with this and dropping it repeatedly, as well as dropping all of the things that are now gross. I put my mouth. That's a point for Bob we're tied up again. I'm gonna go ahead and shuffle shuffle and then spin again.

Half point for Bob! Oh half point for Bob! Only a half point for me or sudden death. Well uh that is 25.5 you You're right. All right. Last one. Come on. Half point for Wade. You can do it. Most locked in. Wade was not paying attention multiple times here. I did feel like I had some good ones. You did have some great ones. I'm okay conceding that one without a fight that was you did. You were locked in today.

Locked in. Wow. I'm okay conceding that one without a fight. That was you did you were locked in today. Yep locked in Wow, that is quite the comeback and that puts you up at 26 and a half points to Wade's 25 the wheel hath spoken Bob. Congratulations. You are this week's winner. I am the greatest Bob winner speech. It's been a minute, but it always feels good to win. It especially feels good to win in an episode where I'm not exactly sure if both mine or Wade's points were accurately counted in the end. And it really just came down to taking advantage of what I had in front of me, which was clicking the wheel and not at all influencing what it stopped on. It has to be because we don't have a coin usage so, yeah, fair. Wade, are you sponsored? I think, I think he is, yeah.

Today's loser speech is brought to you by Venmo. So you've probably heard of Venmo, but did you know that Venmo is for more than paying your friends back? With the Venmo debit card you can spend your balance in so many ways. You can Venmo this, that, and well, everything. Sadly for me, I can't Venmo my way out of being today's loser. It was a hard fought game I honestly gotta I have to concede to Bob he had three or four moments that were just your solid gold if he often does whenever he gets a

chance to riff and I couldn't compete with that. I tried throwing my hat in the ring here and there to see if I could hold my own and I Even got the upper hand for a moment, but fate decided correctly that he was in fact today's winner I concede and once again today's little speech was brought to you by Venmo Whatever your thing is you can pay for it with a Venmo debit card visit Venmo dot me slash debit to learn more Venmo purchase restrictions apply the Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bangcorp Bank and a pursuant to license by MasterCard International Incorporated. Card may be used everywhere. MasterCard is accepted. Well, that is very gracious of you to bring us revenue and also lose so incredibly well.

Thank you everybody so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed this episode. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna lean on this Hope you enjoyed this episode. I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna lean on this Topic every time I can't come up with an idea or I'm pulling all their oh man unless Bob And I do it too to help you get through it fast Alright anyway, thank you everybody so much for watching merch very soon. It's it's already In your dreams. Thank you. Anyway, follow the podcast. Be sure to do it It makes us feel really good every time you press that button all of us goes ha ha Don't you want that come back to us next week for even more podcast out