Distractible - I See Two Paths

Episode Date: July 14, 2025

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode of Distractable is presented by Vitamin Water. Some drinks are fun, some are functional, but Vitamin Water said, why not both? There is nothing more refreshing than like a nice Vitamin Water ice cold sip in the heat. I only drink zero sugar drinks, so of course I'm a fan of the zero sugar, rehydrate, pineapple passion fruit. I'm a big pineapple guy. Pineapple good. Born in New York City, built for people who work hard and play hard. Grab a vitamin water today.
Starting point is 00:00:27 Copyright 2025, Glass-O. Vitamin water is a registered trademark of Glass-O. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, Worsening Wade Contracts Dementia, Prefers a Plain Penis penis and forks the faculties. Manned up Mark saves his crow whisperer from an Ursus Americanus, notes Nevermore Bird War and urges under it overlordship. Bushy Barb disrobes Mark, still Dungeon Dwells is a yolk aficionado, Victory Vapor and captures cults from Missing Wheels starfish cosmology it's time for I see two parts now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show Hi everyone, welcome back to Distractable. What the fuck?
Starting point is 00:01:26 Ohhhh Is that a good intro? Yeah, we're keeping that. Use that one. Alright, welcome to the show where we're a mess today. If I'm being honest with you, we are all a mess today. What are you talking about? I'm fine. As always, I'm joined on this show, which is about something. By Mark and Bob. Hey guys.
Starting point is 00:01:45 Hey, I didn't see you there. You're looking awfully handsome today. And yes, that is the bottom of my monitor in frame. Mark's frame has had a lot of different things pop in today. Mark's world is slowly closing in on the edges of his frame. He's just going to keep zooming in as the episode goes on. It really is. It really is.
Starting point is 00:02:07 Look, I've, it's new levels of devastation. I don't even know. Do you know what this is? I bet you don't. Look at this doohickey. That's a, uh, editing, uh, what you call it, editing controller. Oh, fuck you. You know what it is?
Starting point is 00:02:20 God damn it. TI-93 minus. I don't know what the thing is called, but I recognize the scrolly wheel and the clickety clackety buttons. Oh, come on. It's for editing and whatnots, isn't it? Yeah, I wish that it had just the wheel and like two buttons,
Starting point is 00:02:36 cause that's all I really use. There's a bunch of buttons that are basically, I've already mapped the shortcuts to my keyboard and I have a keyboard and I just like the wheel cause scrubbing through footage is easier with a wheel. But I can't have that because they don't make it. This is the least helpful response I could have thought of. I swear to God, I've seen the thing that you're asking for, Mark.
Starting point is 00:02:55 I get fed ads for a lot of filmmaking, lighting and editing stuff that I'm never going to use because I don't actually do that. I've seen a tool where it's just the scrub wheel and it has like crown button, like it has maybe four or five buttons on top of it basically, but it's like mostly the wheel. I would love that if it integrated with DaVinci, that would be great. Literally just buy a thermostat and reprogram it.
Starting point is 00:03:16 I think the thing is it's made by one of those companies where it's like, this is for streamers and content creator and it doesn't integrate with like actual pro stuff as well as it, it's like a volume knob, but it physically exists. Yeah, cause it's like the concept is there and it's really nice, but that one is integrated specifically for Division
Starting point is 00:03:35 cause Black Magic made that one. So I just hope they make a really small one. You just take a saw and just... Wait, that was your idea. Your beautiful genius idea. I don't know. You guys talk about technology and I zoned out again, but... It's a wheel! It's- it's- I guess that is humans' earliest technology is a wheel.
Starting point is 00:03:54 Caveman Wade saw Mark and Bob Caveman being like, Oh, wheel. Look, two wheels make heart roll. Wade's over here dragging his shit on the ground like, Who needs wheel? Honestly, this is barely tech because it'd be like us talking about a keyboard like you you know what this is, right? Yeah, it's what it's like a smaller piano Well, he just uses his mouse and opens an on-screen keyboard and clicks one letter at a time Try to touch up my finger like why isn't this working?
Starting point is 00:04:22 I mean, you know, I would love, I kind of like, do you remember when they had that, the finger sensor thing, I'm a bob, but that I didn't get one, but they had it. And it was like, it could detect your fingers where they were so that you get that. And they kind of have the hand tracking and VR headsets and stuff.
Starting point is 00:04:38 It's like, I still am looking for a better control scheme. Like the minority report, like, you know, that was exactly my first thought when you said the better, because I was like, like minority report like that was exactly my first thought when you said the better kids I was like like minority report where he was just like nah I want this I know it's just like the directors to the actors like just wave your hands around all techie like it was a weird amalgamation of technology it was literally people stuff shoved in a pond a little ball that would roll out and then the craziest VR control screens of all
Starting point is 00:05:05 time. Yeah, I just imagined a naked precog Mark in his vat of goop with the screen above him just being like, making a movie. Anyway, Minority Report streaming somewhere. Probably. Watch it. Bob, what's new with you? Yeah, cabinets, reading books. I really, I don't know, not much has happened since the
Starting point is 00:05:35 last time we had small talk stuff. Are you still reading Carl the... Dungeon Crawler Carl? Yes, I'm almost done with book three still I haven't even everything's good James is real funny these days he started music classes this week having a good time with that what what is he doing in music class like it they give him drumsticks or something or yes it's how their music class so it's like triangle hit the triangle shakers they had to get a banana that he was shaking hitting hitting and scraping and shaking is the gist of it and like play it like they did the big parachute where you once it's in a circle around that's our stuff
Starting point is 00:06:15 but fun stuff I remember which the name of the school was where we did that you have the giant parachute with the hole in the middle and you all throw it up in the air and run under it elementary Elementary school? Well I'm at the specific school I went to. Milford Elementary School? There were like four, now there's like eight. I think it was called Pleasant Hill and then it got renamed after the principal and then it got destroyed. It deleted the school from existence. Fun stuff.
Starting point is 00:06:41 I do have an event that occurred in the interim, a kind of crazy one. It was late at night, just two days ago. It was the same day we did that recording, I think. No. Are you sure it happened or were you still hallucinating? out out front and I grab some blueberries and I am like oh the gates open so I'll look make sure they don't get out and I go out there and I see you know Henry's peeing on a bush and Chica is standing in the middle of the driveway with her tail raised looking up at something and I'm like hmm that's odd and it's dark because it's night and we don't have a ton of lights so I can not really see but I'm looking and before my brain registers it I got a shiver down my spine and then I see a dark shape at the in the middle of the driveway up above that Chica is looking at and it's big and I took me a second and then I go like that's a bear and I
Starting point is 00:07:48 Immediately set my blueberries down and sprint I don't remember when I did it because it must have been as I was processing, but let's just say that I go. Oh You know like I took that pause right and I I sprint because it's Chica is literally staring down a bear and As soon as I yell Chica she charges the bear. Oh, that's not what I would have guessed She fucking charged the bear and she's doing her bark Very scary, sure Her very scary bark And thankfully the bear decided that me also running screaming behind going
Starting point is 00:08:34 YAAAAAAA GEEEAAA NOOOO Was scary enough that the bear actually turned around and ran up the hill And I'm like, I'm like, okay I gotta throw it down with the bear I was like, I don't have my bear spray. I don't have my boar spear. You don't have your blueberries. I didn't have a blueberry. And I didn't have the knife I usually keep on me, on me at the time. So I was like, all right, I guess I'm going hand to hand with a bear. Here we go. Because I would do that for she got to throw it down.
Starting point is 00:09:00 I wasn't I was about to let anything up, but I was worried that it was going to run off and she was going to run it and I wouldn't be able to keep up. And then I wouldn't be was about to let anything up but I was worried that it was gonna run off and she was gonna run it and I wouldn't be able to keep up and then I wouldn't be able to help but thankfully it got chased up and Then I got Chica inside and Henry was so scared because he didn't see the bear He only heard me yelling and then Chica barking so he's like super confused looking around so I get them inside and The bear went up, you know, and it's somewhere there Like a minute passes by and then I see headlights at the top of the driveway Amy got back home and I'm like, oh shit. She doesn't know that there's a bear literally right there Oh god, she shouldn't get out of the car, right? So I look from the door and I see her get out of the car pick up a package and then I'm like shit
Starting point is 00:09:43 So I grab a stick and I grab a stick and I grab a light and I just start running up. I'm like, no, you're going to get balled by a bear. But thankfully she got it back in her car. And she said, yeah, I was just listening to music the whole time. Just like, I'll get this package done. And you know, I was like, there was literally a bit of it too. It's like a horror movie. They pulled up with their music guy, which is like, and then, and then. It was exactly like that.
Starting point is 00:10:10 You look around for the bear, you don't see it. She pulls the car further in the driveway, then in the back seat, you see the bear's head raise up. What? The car starts driving away while Amy's picking up the package and the bear is just like, oh yeah, I can't believe that worked. The bear hid in the box.
Starting point is 00:10:25 It was like, wow, this is a heavy package. What's in the box? What's in the box? What's in the box? Well, my thought is actually I'm glad that she didn't get there a minute sooner because she would have, her car would have boxed in Chica the bear and the car. And I think it would have climbed over a fence, but that was, it was like, uh, uh, my adrenaline had never been higher than those five minutes.
Starting point is 00:10:48 It was crazy because it was like the initial Chica is going to die in a fight to a bear and then a good Chica inside then turn around, see lights at the top, like Amy is going to die to a bear. I'm sure you got him, but I just the way you told it, I just like to imagine Henry's just standing at the bush, just like, Oh, what's Mark doing? Fuck. That's crazy, man. That was like, you're, you're inside yelling at Amy and Henry's done. And he's just like, Oh, mom's home. All right. Hey, goodness. There's this crazy guy yelling. The bears in the woods twirling its bear mustache. Like,
Starting point is 00:11:21 I'll get them next time. I think it was the same bear that I scared off the other time. It wasn't that big. It's a black bear. Very dangerous, you know, but usually they're a bit more skittish. Yeah. I think you'd have trouble in a one-on-one with the bear. I don't want to bruise your ego too much, but even a small bear seems like a lot. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:38 Yeah. It's, it's like, uh, this bear was probably like, if Chica, Chica is like 75 pounds, I believe it would be about a 175, 200 pound bear, probably like, if Chica, Chica's like 75 pounds, I believe it would be about a 175, 200 pound bear, something like that. So not the biggest that you can get, but you know, sizable and still dangerous wild animal. So, but Chica scared it or the combo of me and Chica scared it. So that's a hell of a thing to have had happen. And it's one of those things where I was sleep deprived.
Starting point is 00:12:00 So I'm like, am I hallucinating? Cause I was hearing voices. I was, and I was seeing faces. And I was having full on hallucinations there. Mark, there's no bear. Yes, there is, Mark. No. Who do I trust?
Starting point is 00:12:13 Why does the one telling the truth sound evil? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? That's what hallucinations will do to you. It's like to imagine the bear saw you and was like,
Starting point is 00:12:22 oh, that dude's got blueberries. And then you set them down and came out and he was like, ah, damn it I'm not gonna eat him. I want to talk to my neighbor. I wanted blueberries Fuck it out of here Come back for blueberries later. Man, so much shit happens to you. You get You start pulling all-nighters, you start getting sleep-derived and all this crazy stuff starts going on What do I do all my life over here? Come to California, it's interesting here. I've never lived in as much fear as I did when I lived in California and the wildfires were five miles from our house. I'll give
Starting point is 00:12:52 you that. We're allowed to have campfires in Ohio. Not for long. Not for long. Uh oh. Yeah, I mean, it's been so high here. I already feel like, I don't know if I'd do that in my backyard. We got a lot of grass. We got a lot of grassy plants, a lot of brown, crispy stuff that is the kind of thing that likes to burn when embers fall on it. Ah, that's probably fine. I'm sure it'll be fine.
Starting point is 00:13:15 It's gonna be fine. Any more talk small? Any more small talk? I thought that was on purpose, was that? You never know with him. I honestly think everything that Wade does is on purpose and completely calculated and he just plays it off he just does things like that and he's all well I didn't mean I didn't mean to do that whoa I have had some real word salad moment don't you guys ever saw
Starting point is 00:13:36 Boston legal but there was a whole like thing where I free which character was it's been so long was he the one that did the word salad I thought it was Alan Alan sure Alan sure yeah Alan Shore, yeah, was, Denny Crane was Will Shatner's character, and Alan Shore was the main guy played by what's his face, Blacklist guy. I don't know this show at all. You know, Boston Legal?
Starting point is 00:13:55 Well, you both wanted to be lawyers, so yeah. Yeah, somebody with the word salad thing. Basically, I don't know, I've had this thing lately where I'll go to say a sentence, especially if it's like a snarky one like the other day we were at dinner And I was like making fun of my niece a little bit like poking fun at her and I went to say something and just Pure fucking gibberish came out of my mouth and I was like, well, never mind. Guess I'm the idiot That's happened to me a lot lately mark
Starting point is 00:14:17 I think it's time to start talking about where we're gonna put a mark I think it's time to I think it's time to look through the look through the pamphlets and find a home for him. Wait, if you want to improve your word ability, you can't. Thanks, I just give up. Look, you can accept the reality of where you are, or you can rage against the dying of the light. And hey, why do that? Feeling the fog encroaching on the edges of your consciousness? Die, I guess. the fog encroaching on the edges of your consciousness? Die, I guess. Sorry. We're human. No fixing that. See ya. Mark, will you get a point later for motivational dick? Just know that's where it came from. Oh God, not the motivational dick. I find Mark's dick very motivational. I have to agree with that point. The dick of motivation. Is that the new Indiana Jones movie?
Starting point is 00:15:07 Indiana Jones and the Dick of Motivation? It's actually an alien's dick and it comes to life when you put it back where it goes and- And it turns out taking that dick makes your brain explode because it was just too much for anyone to handle. Only if you take the really fancy looking dick, if you take the plain one, that if you take the plane one that's a different movie never go for the intricate fancy dick always go for the plane one that's the that's actually the porn parody
Starting point is 00:15:39 Indiana Bones and the holy nail holy nail but what was it the legend of the holy I don't forget what the movie's even called who cares oh Goblet of Goblet of Fire some kind of drinky thing did you put your name in the Goblet of Fire Indy what have you done this episode is brought to you by Rocket Money. I spend irresponsibly. It's not my fault It's not the company said I'm subscribing to's fault. It's no one's fault. I'm perfect Do you know how many subscriptions you pay for? I don't probably a lot Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions,
Starting point is 00:16:26 monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Uh, so it found a Twitch subscription, I won't say who, but I was like their longest subscribed person ever. So they were just like, this guy who never is in my streams, has like got a 74 month streak of of subscription and I canceled it. No Wade he's not gonna have your emotes anymore. Oh, man. You were my second longest Sorry, man, rocket money found it out rocket money's 5 million members have saved a total of 500 million dollars and canceled subscriptions with members saving up to $740 a year and they use all of the apps premium features cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with rocket money
Starting point is 00:17:07 Go to rocket money comm slash distractible today. That's RO CK ET M o ne y comm slash D IST R a C T I B L E rocket money comm slash distractible Oh, yeah, I got a an episode. Hey guys, welcome to Distractable. That was the small talk and us being ourselves portion. Now I get to put these two to the- the- the- the- nevermind. See? See what I mean? I feel like that's on- I don't believe you. I feel like it's on purpose. It's a scam, Mark. He's running a scam. We've done- we've done a couple episodes where- or at least one episode where we did like a how-to and it was getting dumber. We would like give instructions, give worse instructions, worse, worse, worse.
Starting point is 00:17:49 This time it might be similar, but instead of the descriptions getting dumber, I'm just gonna kinda give you guys weirder and weirder how-tos and you're gonna tell me how to do it. We're... You're gonna give us how-tos and... I'm gonna give you a prompt and you're gonna describe how to do it. Okay, okay. We are WikiHow.
Starting point is 00:18:10 Let's start with something real simple. Who goes first? I'll flip a coin. Ah! Tails is Mark! Great. So, Bob, you'll go first. Okay.
Starting point is 00:18:19 Because you flipped a coin. I think I just scratched my microphone. It's fine. Bob, how do you organize your workspace for maximum productivity? I'm going to have a really hard time trying to sincerely do this at not just giving shitty get more stupider style advice, but organize workspace for maximum productivity. As Adam Savage says, it's all about having the tools that you use most frequently to hand. It's not about aesthetics
Starting point is 00:18:54 and it's not about hiding things away. An efficient, productive workspace is put together in a way so that you have to move your hands the shortest possible distance to grab the tools that you use most. So it depends what you do. For me, I have my distractible coin, my points notebook, all of my computer cutre-mah, my ever-growing legion of fidget toys that make way too much noise but I use them anyway,
Starting point is 00:19:22 and all the drugs I need to be the man I am on camera, all within arm's reach on my desk. And then, you know, then as you move further away into deeper storage, then you have the stuff where it's like, well, I only get that out once a week. So that goes in this, you know, this cabinet here. I know where that is. I have a battery charging station. You only really need to swap batteries out if you're doing something, like if you burned their whole camera battery, you're probably doing a bigger project. So that's like the batteries live in their special cabinet
Starting point is 00:19:51 and their charging station, stuff like that. Like I don't need to break it down in too much detail, but it's about having things to hand and you have to decide, the hard work is you have to figure out which tools do I constantly grab for, what things do I need in arm's reach from where I'm doing most of my work And then you just go from there until in the hand is worth two in your bush. I only wanted my bush
Starting point is 00:20:14 mark organize your workspace for maximum productivity uh Alphabetically everyone knows that's the first thing people think of if you don't think of alphabetically you're dumb and also they change the alphabet song Did you know that I did know that L M N O P Or whatever the hell it is. It's no they broke it up so that there's a break in between L M. Yeah L M N O P I don't even know what comes after P when it goes like that. I can't do that. It feels sacrilegious I hate it. I'm okay with that But they also changed the words after Z is like now like it's something else
Starting point is 00:20:57 I don't know not now I know my ABC's doesn't occur to you that you have learned the a B and C's Because now you are friends with me like it or not. I think that it might be actually, it's like the grocery cart test. If the kid can't understand that LMNOP is not one word and it's LMNOP because I understood that as a child, that is when you sing that LMNOP is different things, but a lot of kids apparently think that it's one word, but that's a shopping cart test test is that kid worthy of being in society at all? Can they differentiate L M N O P if they can't throw them in a fucking volcano if they can't do it
Starting point is 00:21:34 They just have to live life without those letters only the smartest among us get L M N O and P I didn't know minnow was a letter of the alphabet. We figured it the fuck out. Why can't they know? I definitely had a I had that moment where that came up and I was like I don't want to do that I'm good. He'll figure out the old way. I'll just do the old way And I was like, yeah buddy sing your alphabet and he got there and James was like Hijk, I'm a memo P. Can I was like, oh fuck it is a problem How's the new one go shit anyway alphabetically organize your space alphabetically can I was like oh fuck it is a problem how's the new one go shit anyway alphabetically organize your space
Starting point is 00:22:08 alphabetically it works every time so what do we do we go back and forth I have to do a stupider one now or what's the rules here no let's move on to the next topic okay your answers can be as straightforward or silly as you want them to be I just want to throw out that I would like to change my official answer to Dewey decimal system I would like to propose a Dewey decibel system How about Stewie's decimated system, uh-huh. All right, Mark, how do you perfectly soft-boil an egg? I actually know this one. I know this one You buy that artificial egg so they make this thing that's a
Starting point is 00:22:47 timer. It's a little it probably leaches plastic into it. Let's be honest, because it seems like it's made of plastic. There's purpose fine. Fine. But there's some something in it that is a heat heat changing color thingamabob. It changes color with heat, right? So as it changes, it's in tune with what an egg would cook at. So you see an in inside, it starts to reveal or I forget if it's like it's opaque or yeah, it starts opaque or no, start transparent becomes opaque in line with like the cook. So you got soft on there, there medium hard and it is pretty accurate also you drop your eggs in when they're boiling when it's boiling not you don't raise the temperature of it as you don't set them in cold and raise the
Starting point is 00:23:35 temperature because you don't know if sometimes it takes different time to get up to temperature you set it in when it's boiling so you know and I know some people like oh shell crack like well your egg will be bad if you do it the other way you know, and I know some people are like, ooh, the shell will crack. I was like, well, your egg will be bad if you do it the other way. You won't know. Then you got sulfurous stinky eggs. I really enjoyed, I was like, oh, you actually know how to tell this.
Starting point is 00:23:52 And like, I love that your first thing was you buy the cheesiest tool. It does the whole thing. The cheesiest? It's an accurate tool. I'm sorry, do you not use a calculator? Cause you're like, oh, it's cheesy to know what the actual answer of math would be.
Starting point is 00:24:04 Mark, you're never gonna have a calculator when you need to do calculus in your adult life Okay, since one of you had a calculator handy when you have to do a differential equation Mrs. Grimsby was right and tools are for idiots who can't do calculus Yeah, Adam Savage is a bastard and having tools with an arm reach is dumb and also a little beta behavior. Let's be honest Yeah, yeah, pretty much Adam. We know you're a big fan of the show. I'm sorry. Well, we're not a big fan of you get out We all speak for each other here Editors put him on an island because he's alone. Put him in Guam.
Starting point is 00:24:47 I'm here in Guam. I'm so sad why Guam was the ocean. It's fine. It's not important. It's fine. The lost city of Guam, also known as Atlantis, apparently. Soft-boiling egg. It's even easier.
Starting point is 00:25:06 You still need a tool, but you just need a tool that could do time stuff. It's six and a half minutes. Hard-boiled, like Mark said, don't pull your eggs in cold water and put them on the stove. Get the water to a hard-boil, eggs in, six and a half minutes, straight out of the boiling water into an ice bath, boom, perfectly soft-boiled.
Starting point is 00:25:24 It's not, it depends on your elevation, but unless you live on top of fucking Mount Everest or something, it's between six and a half and seven minutes. And once you do it once, you'll know if you, if you need to add or subtract like five or 10 seconds from your thing. For me, it's six and a half minutes. Boom. Perfect. Nailed it. I forgot about the ice bath. That is a crucial part. Yeah. Cause otherwise you never get soft boiled eggs. Cause if you take them out-boiled eggs because if you take them out and you just, even if you take them out of the water and you just set them on the counter, they're so hot that they'll just turn into medium or hard-boiled eggs on their own anyway. You
Starting point is 00:25:54 gotta shock them. You gotta stop those bitches. And that helps with removing the shell. Have you guys seen the trick where you, before you hard-boil your eggs, you hold it and on the fat, like, you know, there's kind of like a wide eggs, you hold it and on the fat, like, you know, there's kind of like a wide end and like a skinny end on the fat end of the egg. You just like tap it with a spoon and it doesn't break the outer shell. But if you tap it in the right way, it'll do like a little like, like a little pop. And that has something to do with an inside structure of the egg itself that will make the shell removed even
Starting point is 00:26:24 more cleanly when you then boil it, then ice bath it, then try and peel it. It's weird. I saw it on like TikTok and I was like, that doesn't work. And then I tried it once and it actually it's just actually works. And it's really, I don't understand what it is, but it works. I know that there's a ton of different methods to peel an egg, but also I don't know why, but I've never had trouble with it. Probably because, I don't know, my mom is really good at peeling eggs. She gets almost perfect every time, no matter which way. And she'll just randomly throw an egg in a pot. It'll come out perfectly boiled. She'll be able to one-handed take the shell off and then it's like, there's an egg. And so I kind of learned from her. And one of the other
Starting point is 00:27:02 things is once you start a crack, have a small stream of water and have the water pour right onto the crack so they can get under the layer. Because as soon as it gets under the layer, that can help separate it out and yada yada. That's a good tip too. And if you're really inept with your hands, if you take a small Tupperware and put a little like a quarter inch of water in it and put the egg in, you can literally just shake the egg in the water and open it after 10-20 seconds and you'll have a, the only danger is it might rupture the white a little bit. But if you like don't want any effort, that also totally works. That's pretty cool.
Starting point is 00:27:36 There's a physical phenomenon and I forget what it's called, but it's, there's a difference between how things crack or interact or cut in air versus in water like I forget what the experiment was it was something like a knife or I'm sure I said they do with fluid dynamics and yeah yeah it's something about water surface tension yeah something so like keeps whatever the shock waves in the material or something like that I don't remember what it is but there's something about water itself and everybody can make soft-boiled eggs I forgot about the ice bath thing I don't do eggs like that a lot
Starting point is 00:28:05 But I remember the foot my family filled like a sink with water and put like ice and stuff in it And yeah, I'm soft you need the ice because it's the up cooking it has to yeah all right Bob I think you're first this time. I feel like we're just giving a really good advice this episode I feel like this is a valuable episode. How do you befriend a crow? peanuts crows love peanuts and I feel like this is a valuable episode. How do you befriend a crow? Peanuts. Crows love peanuts. And it's counterintuitive, but what they really respond to is you get shelled peanuts, or you take them out of the shell,
Starting point is 00:28:36 and you got to try and hawk them and bounce them right off their forehead. And it's not like a power dynamic thing or anything. It's just they really respect that. It is why Ethan will never be friend crows it's one of his greatest failures as a person crows game respect game and Crows just if you nail them right between the eyes with a peanut and then they get to eat the peanut It's like the perfect combo of instantly like one shot one perfect shot boom friends for life It's like me with steak you hit me with a forehead with a filet, I'm just like, oh, thank you.
Starting point is 00:29:08 I mean, yeah, someone threw a throw in well-cooked filets at me. I mean, Bob, you're actually right. I don't know if you said peanuts offhand or if you actually knew. No, I did know that. Okay, they love peanuts. And there actually has been a family of crows. This was the story I was going to save. Murder of crows even. Don't murder my crows, man. A a family of crows. This is the story I was gonna save. Murder of crows even.
Starting point is 00:29:26 Don't murder my crows, man. A Cheryl of crows. What was the movie? Crowman, the Crow. I think it was just. Crowman. Crowman. Crowman.
Starting point is 00:29:34 Crowman. I am Crowman. There's been this family of crows that lives up in a tree. And you know, they steal whatever they want because they're crows and they're very smart. Amy's setting out water for them every day because we have a pool and we're like, don't drink water. And they've appreciated that. So she has actually befriended the crows.
Starting point is 00:30:00 The crows really like her. They tolerate me, but they actually actively like like her and the dogs actually are kind of comfortable So they land in the yard and then Chica and Henry don't chase after them And so it's kind of weird like there's this ecosystem growing I almost sabotaged it because here's how you don't befriend a crow and this will teach you how to befriend a crow by Example of not I had a banana peel I'd walked across the yard and I had a banana and I ate the banana and I had a peel and I was like, I don't have a trash can. It's
Starting point is 00:30:33 biodegradable, right? But then I see a crow, right? It's up on a branch right above me, maybe like 20 feet away. A decent distance. And I was like, I'll throw the crow generally in or I'll throw the banana generally in that direction. And then maybe if they want the banana, the banana peel, they can have it. If not, it'll land in dirt and it'll decompose, right? Because of biodegrade. I had the most perfect throw of my life. The crow was on the branch and I just randomly go like, there you go. And it arcs exactly where that crow was, and it had to go and it would just like miss it by an inch. The banana peel landed on the branch where it was standing.
Starting point is 00:31:13 It would have wrapped around that crow if I... Actually, I think it's a raven. I'm almost positive it's a raven. Which that quote doesn't make any sense because I look at these ravens, there's a bird app that hears the sound of the bird and it tells you what bird it is and there's a very distinct difference between crows and ravens, right? I look at these ravens and I'm still like,
Starting point is 00:31:33 I don't know if it's a crow or not. I was actually just gonna bring that up. Yeah, some people that like that adage suggests that these are like bald eagle sized birds and they're not they're the size of a hawk and a hawk is pretty big but also like a Raven is not a gigantic pterodactyl flying across your house like they're suggesting like it's some B-27 bombers going by like no that's exactly what I looked up that's so
Starting point is 00:32:00 funny no cuz yeah I saw that on the subreddit people were like that They don't know the difference between a crow to when you see a raven You'll fucking know because ravens are like monster and and I looked it up and the crows compare in size to a pigeon which is a medium small bird and Ravens are it said about the size of a red-tailed hawk and I was like, what is that? Like the size of a big pigeon. That's not and I was like was that like the size of a big pigeon that's not a dramatic enough size zippers they're not that big I know and what's crazy is we have red-tailed hawks here where we are it was a hawk nesting ground and so hawks and crows fucking hate each other
Starting point is 00:32:37 so there's bird war going on the skies above us and we still don't know if they're Ravens or crows well pretty sure they're Ravens but you can tell the red-tailed hawks from the Crows right no mark if it was a Raven you would fucking know okay you there's no like I didn't. That's how you Answer your question marketing this one's perfect for you. Don't be offended Fuck how to fake knowing sports during a conversation. Oh, I'm not offended by that. Okay. All right, I do it a lot during a conversation. Oh, I'm not offended by that, okay. All right, because I do it a lot.
Starting point is 00:33:26 Oh wait, I feel like I've answered this specific question before, so it's something similar. No, there was someone that, no, it was on go that I answered this question for somebody that was like, hey, I don't really know sports that well. And it was like, you just gotta learn a few key phrases, like, you just gotta ask, like, do you think that's gonna be his year? Whenever they say anything, or when anything happens.
Starting point is 00:33:47 And just say like, wow, he's not doing the same as last week, not implying better or worse, they'll fill in the gap for you. And you ask questions like that, and uh, or you ask like, uh, what's his stats this year? I haven't looked them up, and then they'll just start they're done talking the game will be over and you will have escaped it and then if they don't like one player bring that one player up at every opportunity and compare every other player to that player there's a Tom Brady in the world for every Tyler shied out there you can find who that is and you can make them think about that person they hate forever good deflection good deflection strategies You can find who that is and you can make them think about that person they hate forever.
Starting point is 00:34:25 Good deflection. Good deflection strategies. Bob? I don't disagree with Mark's, I guess, but mine is if you find yourself in a situation where you hang out with a lot of sports people on a regular basis, and this is a thing you need, all you need is one news story that anyone, even if they don't care about that specific sport, will know about and will have strong hot takes on.
Starting point is 00:34:48 Like for example, right now, all you need, ready to go, and honestly, it's an interesting thing to follow anyway, so like it's fun to, well, I don't know if fun is the right word, but it's interesting to read up on what's been happening. Caitlin Clark. You could just mention Caitlin Clark to a sportsperson, even if they don't care about the WNBA, even if they don't care about basketball. If you just have a little tidbit or a like a very lukewarm take about Caitlin Clark and be like, ah, did you see the season Caitlin Clark's having? Can't believe she didn't make the All-Stars this year or whatever.
Starting point is 00:35:21 Boom. The entire room will get in on that shit and you don't have to worry about contributing anything. And there's always something like that, right? Like right now, Caitlin Clark is probably the biggest one I know of, but there's always something where it's like, oh, did you hear that Tom Brady did or said something or somebody's gonna come out of it? There's always something. So you just need like that one thing
Starting point is 00:35:42 because you can use it over and over. It's like every weekend you go in football season or whatever and you can bring up Caitlin Clark again because then they will all know like, oh yeah, this week did you see Stephen A said some stupid thing about Caitlin Clark and blah, blah, blah. They'll just take over. They got that for you.
Starting point is 00:35:58 Fair enough. Unironically, I do want to go see one of her games because Indianapolis is not that far from Cincinnati. I don't watch any form of basketball at all. Kaelyn Clark. Kaelyn Clark highlights are wild. Literally, she's just like running and in at half court and will just be like, what three points like what the fuck? I didn't know you could shoot from that far away.
Starting point is 00:36:20 Jesus Christ. As someone who hasn't watched a lot, I don't know what it is about her that has like made the WNBA and like you know women's college basketball kind of like blow up, but like as someone who's never really consumed a lot of it, I want to go to a game and watch. Like especially one where she plays as Angel Reese, I forget what team. Yeah Angel Reese, isn't she on Chicago? But like I want to see one of those games. Yeah, no it's crazy. It's crazy stuff. I want to show you something that makes me laugh really really hard because if you remember someone made like a Unapproved book about me right okay sure I I don't know if this one is approved or not But it really makes me laugh. I've never seen this this format of book before but this is a book title
Starting point is 00:37:01 Who is Caitlin Clark? What This is a book title. Who is Caitlin Clark? What? It's, uh, for those that are listening, if you look up the number one New York Times bestselling series, who is Caitlin Clark? It's by Mary Jo Borzellari. It's spelled exactly like it sounds. I mean, it says number one, number one New York Times bestselling book. So it must be sanctioned. I don't know, whatever, permitted? It must be.
Starting point is 00:37:26 I just, I've never seen this before, and as a guy who puts big, my head on bodies for thumbnails almost all the time, really funny to me. That's a big head. Bob, how do you become king during a zombie apocalypse? I see two paths. I see two paths. I see two paths. One of them involves a lot of cigarettes.
Starting point is 00:37:49 Like, you need to control the cigarette supply. You need to have all the cigarettes. And the other one involves convincing everyone that you can talk to the zombies. The cigarettes one I feel like is pretty obvious. There's always something and like in a post-apocalyptic world, everyone's like,
Starting point is 00:38:09 I need a smoke or a drink or something, right? Like there's always something that's just like, if you control the flow, you control the power, you become the one in charge sort of deal. That's so smart because you can stockpile a lot more cigarettes than you could like bags of food So you just pill the bomb shelter with nothing but rows and rows of vape cartridges You know rechargeable ones and cigarettes all the vices of a vape
Starting point is 00:38:38 That's just photovoltaic cells on the outside So as long as you set your vape out in the sun it recharges and you can vape vape anything man. I have liquid Craig can you vape me? Give yourself a point there. Vape pretty much anything with nipples. But the other one I feel like is also self-explanatory it just goes in a very different way and it's in the post-apocalyptic times, everyone's gonna get increasingly superstitious, right? Like society breaks down, scientific knowledge is lost, everyone forgets how things work. All you need is like one friend in a very convincing, disgusting zombie costume, you know, some of this setup, and you just need to convince us, a colony of people, that you are the one who can talk to the zombies, and it's very
Starting point is 00:39:31 like, you know, maybe you do sacrificial rituals and that keeps them away, or this sort of thing. Like, it's very like, culty, sort of, right? But you just need to be the one who is the cult leader. You basically become the de facto king because there's no social media. No one's going to be snooping around Facebook groups debunking all of your cult. Who's going to undermine a cult in a world where you can only talk to people in person and there's no internet and all that bullshit?
Starting point is 00:39:59 That's why it was so much easier to have a cult back in the day, because no one talked to nobody. As long as you could control the phone line or whatever, or the telegram probably, boom, cult, easy peasy. Everyone just believes you. As long as you're charismatic enough and you tell the right story, easy. King of the world. I had a cult how-to, Bob, and you just predicted cult things.
Starting point is 00:40:21 I gotta give you an extra point for predicting cult. I'm welcome. I see two paths You can be king you can be king of the people or you can just be straight-up king of the zombies King and a zombie apocalypse the people are gonna keep fighting everyone's gonna want to be king Everyone's gonna be fighting for that. No one's fighting to be king of the zombies It's very similar to what Bob was saying, you get an elaborate scheme going. Give the zombies some cigarettes?
Starting point is 00:40:47 Get the zombies nice, nice and addicted. Yeah, you give them, you, because I believe that if zombies are broken down to their base instincts, they would really love cocaine. So you get all these zombies hopped up on cocaine and then you hold the spot. You give it for free at first and then they're all like, I really will. Which means it's great. I love this show. Great, great, great. I love it.
Starting point is 00:41:11 Let's go find some party going on. And then they're following you and then they get in withdrawal and they get desperate. That's when they're manipulatable. And so you manipulate the zombies into being your subjects and then you make them kill everybody and then you are king of the zombies. This also sounds like a cult. You get them addicted, you take back the product and they listen. That's what I said exactly that I said exactly that but I had this idea before Bob was even talking so sure sure sure it's a victim of going second unfortunately. I'll take my cult opponent. Yeah just keep holding your hand up. It's right there for you. Thank you
Starting point is 00:41:48 All right, why is it wet? Cuz I had liquid Greg mark you are first this time Bob. Don't steal my idea. Come on now All right. I already had my idea marks a liar How do you train geese to be your personal security detail? How do you yeah, that's what he's asking hmm train geese to be your personal security detail? How do you? Yeah, that's what he's asking. Hmm. It could be longer than two sentences, Mark. Don't worry. Yeah, here, let me lead you off.
Starting point is 00:42:14 I needed geese to be my security detail. All right, so let's list what we know about geese, right? Geese, they long neck, strap around it. They got a choker, they long neck, strap around it, they got a choker, beak, wings, kind of black and gray thing going on there. They travel south for the winter, so they're only gonna be reliable half of the year unless you are relocating.
Starting point is 00:42:41 Canada. Canada. Canada, okay. I'm with you. Canada. Uh-huh. Move to Canada. Canada. Canada, okay. I'm with you. Canada. Uh-huh. Move to Canada. There's geese there.
Starting point is 00:42:50 Finally, I'm holding up my thumb for people that are listening. Move to Canada is how to train your geese to be personal security thieves. Bob, don't steal his idea now. I had this idea before Mark said anything. Okay. Where are their geese? You know what's right next to Canada? Alaska.
Starting point is 00:43:14 Oh. No, no. Mine is even easier. You don't have to move anywhere. All you have to do is make 12 easy payments of $39.99 and you can get yourself a full set of my How to Train Geese to Be Your Bodyguard DVD training video set. It comes with practice billy clubs and high visibility jackets and goose sized security hats.
Starting point is 00:43:40 They love those and it's a whole it's a it's a 300 video series All you have to do is get the geese locked in a room with the TV and play them in sequence and they'll go from Random wild geese that you gathered up at your neighborhood pond all the way up to the most highly trained Personal security force anyone could want in the entire world. There's one other part of it, you do have to offer healthcare. Harder and harder to do in this world. Yeah, no, it's funny, you'd think they're all wild animals and they're from different places, consistently across the board, except for one group in Canada, all of them ended up hanging up on, you have to offer us comprehensive healthcare or we're gonna, you know, we're gonna take our services elsewhere.
Starting point is 00:44:25 So that's an important part of it. But the DVDs are really the main thing that you need. And it's 12 easy payments of $39.99. What a good answer. You didn't even have to answer. You just had to get us to pay to buy your books. Now, if I buy these DVDs and they all say move to Canada, I'm gonna be very upset.
Starting point is 00:44:42 Can I be an affiliate of his product and I get some kickback points? Can I affiliate your product and sell it myself to my audience? But you wanna help him with his idea. Yeah, but I'll get some points. I'll get some points. Okay, Mark, you can, I will sell,
Starting point is 00:44:54 for an upfront investment of $5,000, I will sell you a supply of these DVDs and then you can go and sell those on the margin. But the way that you make your money back is you recruit three of your friends to buy in for $5,000 of their own. And since then, since I'm your upfeed sales goose, I get, everything flows up. All rivers flow up. Like they say, I get, I get 98% of their buy-ins and you get 2% but then
Starting point is 00:45:27 when they each gets three friends to buy in you get 90% and I get and it does it's math and I don't want to get into it but uh is this a gaggle mid scheme we prefer to think of it as a flying V scheme honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk wait come on please don't leave us honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk Anyway, that's all you need to get your Goose Security Force off the ground. It's a very good product. Bob, you're up first here. How do you properly motivate your houseplants? I actually... I had, I was having a discussion with a biologist, a biostatistician who studies
Starting point is 00:46:28 genetics and evolution in flowering plants. We were having a discussion and the question came up of like, is it true if you like play music for your plants or like sing to them, is that good for them? And he was like, actually, probably it'd be best if you just like, gently like tap them or like flick them every once in a while. They respond to that. Or maybe like, blow, have like a fan blowing. But like, if you just like, pa, that they like that. From a biologist's mouth to your ears, that'd be my official advice. Just walk around a few times a day and just hit him with a little like And then really lights their fire, you know, did we know why? something about the physical
Starting point is 00:47:14 stimulus of like the wind blowing outdoors Activates something in the plant structure. I don't know. I'm not the biologist here. I'm not the biologist Isn Isn't there, no, isn't there something like that with, with rain? Like rain falling hits leaves with force, right? So it would hit it and it would probably be like, it's raining! Open the roots! You know, it probably something like that. That, that's a great point that I get points for. I like contributing to your ideas to you are so it's a I'll take I'll take it. All right fine my turn. Yeah, I see two paths as Al Capone once said
Starting point is 00:47:57 You can rule by love or you can rule by fear Either I love what was that accent? You can rule by fear. So you either rule by love. What was that accent? Was that- Prison mark? Was that you? You Al Capone- no, I said me Al Capone. You can rule by love. I think he actually said you can rule by fear. Or you can rule by love.
Starting point is 00:48:13 Both in Al Capone's mind involves a gun. So the fear is you are going to shoot, the love is you don't shoot, because you love them. So you hold a gun up to your plant and you say Be motivated to do plant things or my taxes or I am going to shoot you are you a fed? Have you over been to Atlantic City? Have you over been to Atlantic City? Yeah, I know that scene. I know that scene. Yeah, and if that if that plant doesn't give you an answer you like Yeah, well you only have to kill one plant to rule the rest of the plants with fear, right?
Starting point is 00:48:45 So you wait till the plant seeds and like has little plants growing then you kidnap its little plants and hold them at sheer point Uh, let's try to squeeze one more in here. Mark, how do you permanently remove your shadow? Shit, where is it? They already did it! You know, I don't think about my shadow very much, and now that you mention it, I'm just like, where the fuck is my shadow? He's not seen it in a while. Shadows are the absence of light, so logically it would follow that if there was no light, there would be no shadow.
Starting point is 00:49:21 So if you get rid of the sun, then, and ban light, you have to ban light, then there will be no shadows because darkness is not one big shadow. Right. Or is it? Oh, man. Wait, do you like philosophical questions? If there was no light, is everything in shadow or is shadow the true state of things? And therefore is it something else? Because shadow implies that something is occluding the light but if there's no light to occlude what is shadow? Okay well I guess if there's two ways I see two paths. I'm gonna charge you. Based on what you were saying you either have infinite amount of light where there can be no shadow or solid blackness where there can be no shadow because there is no light if in both cases there is no shadow are both things the same?
Starting point is 00:50:10 no, no they're categorically not then how would you qualify that as different? is one pure shadow? one's light and one's dark what do you mean? I solved it I'm a philosopher the shadow has nothing to do with whether there is or is not light in the universe.
Starting point is 00:50:28 The shadow has to do with whether there's a source of light that you occlude as a physical object. Is casting pure darkness getting rid of the shadow or just? Darkness isn't cast, it exists. So if I get rid of the sun, there's no shadows. So that answers it. I don't know if there's lots of other stuff that emits light in the universe, but... It all basically comes from stars.
Starting point is 00:50:49 It's like that's where it mostly comes from. Because even if you take the material of a star that was formed and turn it into energy and turn it into light, it came from the star. We're all came from stars. Oh, okay. Get rid of the stars? You get rid of the light. So make more shadow or just remove light to get rid of.
Starting point is 00:51:07 There is a point where you get exponentially more shadow, but A, if you believe at the top of the pyramid of making shadows, there's a point where it's like, no shadows, so, ee-wee. The limit does not exist. Well, okay, maybe it does. Maybe. Bob, how would you get rid of the shadow? I just want to say I thought of this before Wade said it out loud,
Starting point is 00:51:30 but I see two paths. And I thought of path number one before Mark said it out loud. I had an even better idea. I was originally going to say destroy the sun, but, you know, but Mark made a good point. If you're just making light bulbs out of material that was a star anyway You know what the problem is big bang What you do is buy a safe from Costco
Starting point is 00:51:53 they have safes there go back to right before the big bang happens and Lock it in there prevent that some that sumbitch from ever banging. No stars form. No light is emitted. No shadows could ever exist or ever have existed. Boom. Let's get Neil deGrasse Tyson on this podcast. Who would think of these ideas? Path number two, and I thought of this before the subreddit complained about it. What we need to do is of this before the subreddit complained about it. What we need to do is develop AI so that it will help humanity evolve as fast as possible. Develop AI tools that help humanity develop, that make cooler AI tools, and all we're doing is accelerating to the point where all consciousness is subsumed into one singularity which is a being of pure energy and thus light and that which emits light does not cast a shadow
Starting point is 00:52:53 that's that is two paths have you how nothing misses the base of a hero of reality. Come on. Wait, I would think that you would think about it, like the philosophical thing of like, why does anything exist? Not even like why life, why does anything exist in the first place? But also beyond that is like, why should it exist? But also the counter to that, what even is not existing at all? And then you start to think about that and they're like, that's, that's the true shadow.
Starting point is 00:53:27 Do you think there's a theoretical, like even just one singularly small definable point in the universe or in existence, perhaps in one of the multiple universes or however physics might define it, where there actually is nothing, including background radiation, including light emitted from the most distant of stars. Like, just as a thought experiment, could that exist? A point where there just isn't anything,
Starting point is 00:53:58 including anything that could exist in any metaphysical way. I don't think so. I mean, I have no scientific basis for this but like- Oh none of us do that's fine. Yeah that's not gonna stop us. Get out of here Neil deGrasse. I say two paths yes or no? All right he's uh what's that guy's name? The fucking uh Jordan Peterson? Yeah Jordan Peterson how'd you know exactly who's talking about it? I don't know something about your how you were thinking I was like that looks like Jordan Peterson? Yeah, Jordan Peterson. How'd you know exactly who I was talking about? I don't know. Something about your- how you were thinking. I was like, that looks like Jordan Peterson, yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:30 You got yes or no. Anyway, nothingness. In one sense, yes. But at the same time, no. There's- there's like, for- because it's like, real absolute nothing, for nothing to be nothing, and absolutely nothing. It's kind of that, it's that asymptote of impossibility of like, if it's in the universe, it can't be nothing. But everything outside of the universe would technically be nothing, but would it, because true nothing would be like nothing existing at all, ever, and it's like what even is that
Starting point is 00:55:03 stay is something that we can't comprehend. But in the universe, for there to be a pocket of nothing, I don't think that's true because even like most pockets of nothing have been touched once by light passing through it and therefore, that's fabric of the universe and what is the fabric of the universe? Unless there's a safe floating around
Starting point is 00:55:23 that we put nothing in prior to the big bang And then that safe made it into the universe if we all start a big bucket brigade and we start putting the stuff Passing it along into the safe. We'll all eventually get to nothingness. So if we all start today, I think we'll get there You ever heard of the starfish story where you got starfish on a beach You throw that into the nothingness and you're like hey, do you exist or not fish? it's yes is this a 2019 charity stream now? I see two paths for you fish
Starting point is 00:55:54 why didn't you give me a dollar? or I'm throwing you in this fucking ocean which one's gonna be you starfish? you can raise money for charity with fear or with love I see two paths I like the two paths that's come out of this. I hope that beam lives on. It won't, but I hope it does. Dear Path House Forum. In one sense, it's a pile of hay. It's not.
Starting point is 00:56:20 The greatest lover you've ever known. You just know there's absolutely a clip out there of Jordan Peterson. Someone poses a question who's like, I see two paths. Like 100% That's... Allegedly. Alright, let me go through points.
Starting point is 00:56:37 I think that's what we're doing now. We're doing points then we're doing the other thing. You do whatever you want, man. Well, actually, I'll start with me. I guess I'm the easy one. I have one point for I have liquid Greg. Can you vape me Bob? You have points for? Musical baby what's in the box coin flip Adam Savage eggs six and a half minutes Ice which no ice bath ice ice bath ice bath peanut crow
Starting point is 00:57:03 Did the Bob mocking voice Tony Stark scraps in a cave the cigarette king cult? Prediction which actually even do the cult one, but he predicted I had it on the list Caitlin Clark geese book of information light versus dark AI Flick your nuts. No flick your plants. Do I get any points? Jesus Christ, how many points did you get? I'm sure you got a lot of points too, buddy. Two pads. I got the feisty two pads. There's a lot of points for two pads.
Starting point is 00:57:36 I'm not gonna lie, Mark has more points for two pads than you do, even though you originated it because he did the call back like twice, but I brought it back. So I was the first call back, rightback right oh mark accidentally pieced himself away editors mark needs to be invisible that's gonna be a rule the next council if you ever make this if you happen to do this for some reason you peace out
Starting point is 00:57:58 what universe in a safe Bob that's a total of 18 points. That's enough to win unless it's not. I see two paths. No more points but I liked it. Mark you got points for Minority Report, Blueberry, Amy's something horror, Motivational Dick, Fake Egg, Amy's Crow Ecosystem, Perfect Banana, Spork Pro? Sports Pro, Two Pads, Callback, that was before I knew it was gonna be a big thing, King of the Zombies, Two Pads again, Mob... Torcher? Mob? Probably Mob torture. Move to Canada, remove the sun, philosophy, and rain point assist Bob. That puts you at 16 points.
Starting point is 00:58:53 Alright. Bob is currently ahead by two going into this. Damn. Alright, even if I get three half, I don't even think I have a half point for Mark on this. I don't think you do. You know what? Half point for mark. Put it on the wheel. All right. I'll do that in a second.
Starting point is 00:59:07 Let's see how many spins we get first, shall we? Need at least two. Two it is. Come on. Ah ha ha. Let's die. Let's die. Come on.
Starting point is 00:59:17 Don't put half a point for mark on the board. Don't put it. No, I'm so sorry, but that's what I'm adding. Fuck. It's okay. Two spins. Whoa. Woo. Most's okay. Two spins. Whoa. Woo.
Starting point is 00:59:27 Most locked in. I'm not gonna lie. I got a lot of fucking tabs open. You had callbacks, but callbacks isn't the most locked in. The one I would say you struggled with the two sentence. What was the topic where you were just like, It was the goose one. I might have to give that one to Bob, which kind of, there's still a chance. There's still
Starting point is 00:59:49 sudden death. Yeah, there there's chances. Hey look, half point for half point for Wade is right next to half point for Mark, even though I shuffled it three times. Come on golf rules. Come on sudden death. Oh, I had a great time, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Starting point is 01:00:10 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, It feels good to win. It feels almost like I won last time and then also somehow at the same time I didn't win thanks to the wheel, but like I did on the merits. Anyway, I'm not gonna, I'm not, I'd let that go. Clearly I'm not holding onto that because I've won today and I earned it and I see two paths. I think the next episode is either gonna be really, really good and we're all gonna have a great time
Starting point is 01:00:48 or maybe Wade and I have a handshake deal that's gonna come into play. And maybe we'll have to talk about that later. I guess we'll find out. Well said, Mark. Today's loser speech is brought to you by Venmo. So you've probably heard of Venmo, but did you know that Venmo is more for paying friends behind everyone's back to try to bribe them for a win?
Starting point is 01:01:10 It's true! With the Venmo debit card, you can spend your balance in so many ways! Like Wade, I could send you a bunch of money, cause you're such a good friend to me! A little late on that. Oh wait, okay sadly for me I can't Venmo my way out of being today's loser. So yes, I Didn't do my best at some of those answers. But hey, there's only one path for me I want everyone to post videos of themselves crying on the subreddit flood it with tears subreddit defend me Once again, this is speech Subreddit to Venmo. Once again, loser speech brought to you by Venmo. You won't be crying with Venmo's new debit card. Whatever your thing
Starting point is 01:01:52 is, you can pay for it with the Venmo debit card. Visit venmo.me slash debit to learn more. Venmo versus Venmo. Mastercard issued by the Bancorp Bank. Pursuant to license by Mastercard International, Incorporated Carbing me used everywhere MasterCard is accepted I didn't read that any faster than I normally would those no Venmo purchase restrictions apply the Venmo master card is issued by the bank or bank any pursuit of a license by MasterCard International incorporated car may be used everywhere MasterCard is accepted. Well good shows Bob will be hosted the next one Appreciate you boys. You can follow Bob at MySkirm, Mark at Markiplier, me at Minion777, or LordMinion777.
Starting point is 01:02:29 Merch... ...sooon. We'll find out whenever someone else says something about it. Until then, podcast out.

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