Distractible - I'm Wade. I'm Bald.

Episode Date: August 10, 2026

He's bald. He's Wade. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, White and Wade gets a razor, swerves internet stalking, and forces terrible choices. Boundstorming Bob dishes his haircut disaster, then chooses ointments, legacy, and health. Meglamaniac Mark claims pro-paragon status, prepares to take 4K to the nth degree, comes hard, and slurps, Piddle, from desaturated Yoda to remorseless roasting. Yes, it's time for, I'm Wade, I'm bored. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hey, everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractable.

I'm your host, Wade. What's that? Didn't Wade just host not too long ago? We're so back. I think it's a new season. I don't know how that works. But I'm in this seat and I'm going to stay in this seat. Usually whether I'm hosting or not, I'm in the same seat.

But you know what I mean. Join is always by my co-hosts and not current hosts. Mark and Bob, hey guys. I'm not entirely certain you ever leave that seat. I don't think you have to tell people that's where you'll be. I think everyone could find you there 24-7. That's what I want people to think and know. I don't know why, but Wade you seem particularly desaturated.

today. Are you depressed? It's just graying out as a person. Well, we're recording this a little earlier than usual, and I was in bed, like, asleep, and I was just like, it was one of those moments where I kind of woke up was like, look at my phone. Bob, 10 minutes ago, you guys want to record? Oh! You know, got up and got ready real quick. I was like, yeah, let's do it.

Yeah, wait, what time is it over there for you? That's not important. Okay. I was up to like 3.30 in the morning playing Powell World, so like, I was up till 2.30, and I've been up for five and a half hours. Yeah, but you chose to sign your life away by becoming a parent. I'm supposed to be able to sleep. I chose the sleep life.

That wasn't even it. I had to go to the doctor. Well, you're just making bad life choices. I tell my doctor I'm not free till after, too. I do have a toddler, so I have to be back home at some point early as possible. I think I win the sleepy point this episode. I'm pretty sure. I'm the most sleep deprived of you, too.

Running from the law has its prices and I'm paying for it day by day. Jesus Christ, it's Jason Bourne. My life of crime and my empire of wrongdoing will come grumbling down around me as soon as they catch me, which they won't. Welcome to the most perfectister crime. Me stealing this episode away is how it starts. As long as I get points for being able to host it, I guess.

I definitely didn't forget I was supposed to be writing points on a pad. I'm scrambling to get that ready real quick. Sam, saturate Wade. He does look pretty desatched. Pick a better color for Wade, Sam. Hugh, shift him, 137 degrees. Bump lightness 1.2. Make me Yoda.

He's done that before. He probably has a preset. Yeah, let's assume Sam has a preset for everything. It isn't crying in a corner every time we ask him to do something. Sam, make me plaid. How many bits can we do to torture Sam all at once? I'm in Guam. Said Wade to Guam. Blow Mark up.

May... Now we've spent six hours editing that part. We're going to do the rest of the episode. My hair has never looked more frazzled. Are you seeing this? Look how much frizzies I have. The light behind is definitely adding some fras. It's just a glow of a man who's succeeding in his goal of evading the law.

I'm not winning the handsome point today. I just got to throw that right out there. I've only been saying I need a haircut for three weeks. So I'm getting close to actually doing it. I got, Molly got me like a new foil shaver, so I've been like shaving my head every day, every other day to keep the smooth bald. But the other day I was like, oh, let me trim the beard up and everything, just go crazy. And then I thought I was on a two. I must have been on like on a point five for the beard because I, like, I did one line.

Of course I picked like right in the middle. I was like, oh God, there's no hair left. But there's a little. Just the gray blends so well with my skin. It looks like there's no hair. It's nice. I like it. Honestly, it does look good.

You have a strong jaw with it that short. Yeah, definitely better than, uh, other the super beard I had going on. I do like, I want to shave the beard entirely, but Molly won't let me. So one day I'm going to do it anyway. I used to cut my hair, my own hair in college. And there was one night, I used to just do buzzcuts, so it's really easy. And I was like shaving it in the evening.

And I had the thing and I put the blade guard on and I reached behind my head. And it fell off, but it like fell into the towel that was around me. So I didn't hear it do anything. And I just went right up the back middle of my head. And there was a solid half hour where I was just sitting in the bathroom like, do I have to? I guess I have. No, no, I can just, it's fine. No, I have to.

Wait. I did not shave my head, but I had a huge fucking line in my hair for a long time. Folly, I had known how to do anything other than all same length. Awful haircut. Well, I have great news, guys. I've got the biggest news. Maybe the best news. I am finally.

being recognized as the paragon of sponsoridum that I am, no you guys aren't invited, I've been invited out to GoPro headquarters to be personally handed on iOS. Wow. What's that? Sam, make this seem like a big deal. Bigger, bigger deal.

I actually don't know. I assume they're a West Coast company. Are they close to you or is just like a flight away kind of deal? No, it's like an hour and a half drive. They're kind of towards San Diego. They also have an office up in San Francisco, but they have another one. I'm being invited down to the... By the time people listen to this, it hasn't happened yet.

So for the first time, you know, it's like... So you're saying it still couldn't? No, no, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying like it's just a couple days later after the episode. It'll definitely happen. They can't possibly ignore me any further. That wouldn't be hilarious. You show up and it's like an empty office building and they're like, he went.

He didn't even check. He just went where we told him. Forget which movie is. It's like when Joe Pesci's a maid man, he's walking in. They're like, oh, we're going to have this big party for you. He walks on it. It's like empty. Then they whack him. And it is like an hour and a half away. And I was like, no, don't worry. I'll drive. I'll drive, guys. Some random place in between L.A. and San Diego.

Yeah, just go on up. We'll meet you there. We'll be right in. Yeah, yeah. Abandoned Mineshaft. Okay, all right. Yeah, cool. Must be some great stuff. You can film down there. I'm headed down. You walk in. There's just like a little note in the middle of the room. You walk up, you unfold it and just says, leave us alone. Oh, God. No, but it's real, and I'm definitely going to get that. And when I do, it'll be super cool.

I'll be very excited. I mean, that is pretty sick. The Mission Pro has been really fun to use for all the stuff I film, but don't post on the internet because it's mostly of my toddler. I'm excited to see what you do. Oh, I have so many lenses already for it, ready to go. I'm just, I'm loaded to the teeth with them. I just, I can't wait to take some of the most incredible 4K who've already footage of my life.

It's going to be. Oh, my. My pen's not working, so I'm trying really hard to write points, but God, is it not? Also, check out. I got the mic on my ring. Bro, same. Monitor, I'm sorry. God, you're like if Thanos was a content creator.

It's fine. It just moved. It's definitely not cracked. I get all of the, the branded mics. I got like GoPro DGI. It's just 360. it. Finally, a 128-bit audio. My content is inevitable. That's all I got. I won't tell you why I'm here where I am. You don't get to know. Wade and I learned long ago that Mark is where he is when we

find him and we are not allowed to know why or how or even where a lot of the time. Now, you can tell that that curtain behind you is Martian cotton and they only have that in I think Santa Fe, New Mexico, which means that that's where you must be. Oh, wow. Oh, rainbolt? I don't think Wade knows what that is. I'm Rain Man's son, Rainbolt. That's actually Rain Man's dog. Come here, Rainbolt.

Who do you guess Rainbolt is? Well, my first thought was Rain Man. My second thoughts, Usain Boltz. There's a lot of context clues that can really point you right at the answer on this one. I'm not going to lie. You can tell me, I'd happy to know, but I'll forget in two minutes. You know what Geogessor is? Yeah.

He's good at that. Is he fast? like rain or like a guy with the last name bolt who was all so fast I think I figured it out actually I just remember he's not the guy that finds people from their obscure hotel references it that's someone else on TikTok and I don't know if they do that anymore remember when he was just deducing where that one where that one girl was staying a lot then they had a love internet love trist thing that felt honestly a lot like stalking to me because he would just reply to her videos and be like you're in Lisbon in this hotel I'll be there to Tonight. I'm glad I dodged this era of internet. Sounds uncomfortable. Honestly, it was pretty cool. It was pretty consensual.

The woman who was like, find me. There's a whole thing. Oh, okay. That's a lot different than what I was imagining based on the presentation. Even with her inviting him to do it, I always thought that came across is pretty weird. There's weirder things out there, I'm sure. Wade, get ready with your episode. Get ready for weird part five, everybody.

I hate you guys. Rewed an episode. I didn't even happen yet. We engaged with it. We were engaging. I was so, yeah, we were so weird. You got to recognize a weird, man. It was like Corday at the gym.

I was engaged. You either get weird or you get bread. Pick one. What about weird bread? Crosance, am I right? Fuck are those. Hold on, hold on. Now you're cooking.

I got no idea. Hold on this episode. It's called Weird bread. Dude. Fucking croissants, though. Marcus right. Wormass. Twisty things.

Do you guys, look, this is not the episode, but do you guys like, sandwiches on croissants. I prefer normal bread, I feel like. Yeah, it's got either a hole in the middle where it tries to circle up hard or it's long and football shaped or banana shaped and it's weird.

Like I want to go with the croissant because I'm like, oh, fancy. And then I eat it, I'm like, this is just a worst sandwich. It's also too light. It's not structurally integral enough. The thing for me is it's so messy too. Like, it's physically impossible to eat a croissant sandwich without shrapnel, just be like

I'm already messy person. I don't need extra shit all over me when I eat a crumbly ass sandwich. God, we're so Midwestern and I love it. Is that a, is that a Midwest thing that did not prefer croissants for your sandwich? I don't know. It just seems like it. I feel like that's the kind of thing I say. Someone's like, oh, you're so Midwestern. So like I feel like I just trained to believe that whenever I have a food take like that, it's just me being Midwestern. I think you're just supposed to eat the croissant as a croissant. I think you're just supposed to enjoy it. And croissants are good. Just the croissant sandwich, I feel like so overrated. My only small talk is that

foot is fucked and I have to take a doctor's note for the thing that we're going to talk about at the end of the episode where I was going to give one of a few points. One of you still gets points, but I'm not supposed to stand up at all anymore. So it was really hard to do baking per se. Do you want to save those points for when you host or do you want to assign them because it's the next episode and you have your answer? You know, I did promise you I'd give them in the very next episode, but saving them for when I host it makes more sense. No, give. Getting all give, give, give to me. Love's like, I'm not going to say who they're for, but they're for Mark and I want to win.

Give me me. Well, look, Wade, you're the host. If you said you don't care, right? No, you can do whatever you want with them. They're your points, man. Well, I'll tell Mark they're his points at the end of the episode. That just means he didn't play the Pokemon games correctly, because I know those would win. We'll see.

So in my episode here, I've got some fun would you rather questions. Awesome. We're going to some would you rather's. there's a trick I can smell it well I think would you rather is a kind of a trick right because you've got to pick one of two options I feel like there's always a correct answer and I know what it is Bob you're on my left

so heads is Bob tails is Mark his left heads is this is the thing hey that's me he got he he flipped for left guys Sam put me on the left oh what an idiot oh

wanna play did I get it no alright but man you're certainly over there you're just a disrespect Sam like that damn he's had a pretty easy episode we've not asked much of him yet about time he did some work after he slaved over a hot explosion just for you

oh thank God he's got a normal long week to edit this episode Sam swap Wade's eyes whoa watch this yeah shake your head back and forth a lot while he's doing that. Whoa, Sam, keep up. Look, with Da Vinci's tracking nowadays, it's going to be no problem.

He's got this. He's got it. I believe in you, Sam. I can tell we're all three a different type of tired because we're amused by the dumbest shit right now. We're like, pick on Sam. No, that's the smartest shit. That's not dumb, guys. Come on.

Sam, put this in the beginning. If at any point, either of the competitors guess the game of what's going on, and that's that there's two good options than a normal one, two bad options than a nonsensical. If they figure that out at any point, they automatically win. All right, Bob, you were first to you. Let me go, okay. Would you rather have a mouthwash that makes your breath amazing and teeth permanently clean,

or a skin cream that makes your skin nice, smooth, and moisturized, and also quickly heals cuts and bruises. This one feels targeted. Not intentionally. This was the first one to regardless of who went first, but it does. There's an objective, correct answer to this one for me. Please give me the magic skin cream so I can take this shit off my leg. That's fair.

Honestly, I'd appreciate both of those, but in my current situation and the fact that I am diabetic, a skin cream that keeps my skin perfectly healthy, including all on my legs and feet and everything, and heels, cuts and whatnot, would be like a fucking miracle drug. I would do anything to get and have that because that's like one of my biggest concerns in life I know a lot of diabetic people who have lost feet or legs because shit just happens

and if you don't take care of yourself, it can just happen out of nowhere and I like my legs I don't like my feet that much but I'd rather keep them than not. Makes sense, yeah, I like that one wasn't targeted but it kind of felt like it, I understand your sentiment. I feel attacked.

Mark, would you rather lose an arm or lose a leg? No way you laughing. There's multiple reasons why you could be laughing. I'm trying to figure out how it's an insult to me. It's not an insult to you. It's just funny, Mark. Things are allowed to be funny without being insults. I have to remember to step into the mind of Wade for this,

because we've got to pick the ones he's agreeing with. That's how we get points. And him know like his knees right now. Him knee hurt him. Him knee hurt him bad. Him no want knee right now. Him no need jump, him sit. So, but him need both hand, play game, earn money.

career need of both hand. So I would rather lose a leg because also you can get a prosthetic one and it's going to be even better than a normal one. You can get one of those blades and jump super high. We should just lose our legs intentionally so we just have prosthetic legs, I think. Couldn't stub our toes anymore. Oh my God. No foot cuts.

I feel like losing an arm means losing, you know, half my dexterity and playing video games, especially for a career and doing pretty much anything on. a computer, both hands is helpful. It's not necessary. There's plenty of people to get by without it, but I've learned so much to do things too-handed. It would be tough. You're considered prepared for something if you're armed and ready, and whenever you're about to perform, people tell you to break a leg. So it's kind of like we've already been preparing ourselves to get rid of our legs. Yeah, he definitely has already picked with the correct answers. Bob, would you rather be rich and forgotten or poor and remembered? This feels like a trap. This feels like another one where these aren't even close to me,

exactly which one I would pick with almost no thought whatsoever, but that feels like a trap. What would Wade want? I'm Wade. I'm Wade. I have no hair, except on my face, I'm Wade, and on my back, I'm Wade. I love myself. I make myself laugh. All I want to do is make myself laugh and be remembered. I don't care if I have things. People need to talk about me. For the rest of eternity, I want songs sung with my name in them, and they have to specify that it's me, so they know which Wade it is. I know what I would pick. But I think Wade would rather be remembered. Was that what you're picking?

That's the game, right? What Mark decided, that's the game. So I'm just playing the game here. I've not said either way, but you guys are welcome to assume whatever you want. I'm pretty sure we would want to be remembered, comrade. This is fun for me. Okay, Mark, would you rather have all toes or all fingers? As in I lose.

Your feet have fingers and your pants have fingers, or your feet have toes and your hands? hands have toes. Oh, oh, oh, oh, I get it. All right. I'm weighed. I get up in the morning. Well, not really. It's the afternoon. Ah, you're right. You almost. He almost fell for that trap. I reached for the blanket with my what. Oh, what do I need to grab this blanket? Get it off me. Grab my iPad. Can't play an iPad with your toes. No. Need fingers. Need fingers. I flip upside down. grab the ceiling with my finger toes. Clutch tightly.

Crawl upside down. Out my bedroom window. Say hello to Molly. Go let the dogs out. Why is she outside the window? Walk vertically up my house wall outside. Also, my dogs have fingers for toes. I'm going to go with the fingers.

I think you're right. I think one of the things Wade hates most in the world is stubbing his toes. That's awful. I've still got two like purple or black toenails from the stubs. You should maybe check out that. That's going on a while. You're probably right. Sam,

Sam, bass boost what he just said. Wait, no, I mean, nah, base boosts it. No, that's right. That's what I meant. I meant like raise the pitch originally, but base boosting is a different technique. It's going to blow everyone's ear drums out.

Bob, would you rather drown ten puppies or drown ten kittens? I'm weighed. I have one cat and two dogs. I mean I like dogs twice as much as I like cats. Plus, they're not my cats. Geaters will be fine. Puppies will be fine.

Whoever's dogs these are, it's not my fault. The universe is making me do it. And by dogs, I mean cats. Wade would want to drown cats. I love, we've found the secret strategy to this game of making Wade do the horrible thing. I did come up with the props, so I guess I have to own that, right? I think we're winning the game.

right now, Mark. I think we're basically tied because we're both winning so hard. We figured it out. You guys are doing just fine. That's probably good. Would you rather, Mark, ensure that all pets get to live happy lives or all kids get to live happy lives or happy childhoods, I'm sorry. Happy child. The rest of their lives is indeterminate. Yeah. The idea of this one is like a similar length of time, you know, childhood slash the life of a pet. Does it imply that the opposite it lives terrible lives or just the normal average number of good in. Okay. I'm Wade thinking about animals. I'm Wade concerned about the well-being of all the children in the world. I'm Wade. I'm a good person. I'm a Wade. I'm conflicted. I think about the animals. Some animals don't deserve good

lives. Some animals are evil. Are some kids evil? Wade debates. Maybe some kids are born evil. Maybe Some kids don't deserve happiness. Maybe some animals don't deserve happiness. Do mosquitoes deserve to have a good life? That might be bad. Are some kids equivalent to mosquitoes? What is one evil kid equivalent to how many happy mosquitoes? What is one evil kid?

You never know how much evil one kid. You ever read Fly Island? The fuck is it called? Lord of the Flies. I don't know about Lord of the Flies. I never read the Fly. I mean, Fly Island. You ever own zip your fly?

You ever fly on a plane? No, that's not it. Yeah, I think the concept of too many happy animals is not as good as we might think it is. There could be some animals that we don't want to be happy for the sake of everything. That's too wide a net. Pets. This is pets specifically, not just all animals. Oh, fuck me.

Any animal can be a pet. That's true, but these are animals that are owned. All right, I'm still going to stick. I don't want to go through that whole thing. I'm going to go through the happy kids. I fucking love, you know how they have like the kids' translation of the Bible, where it's like the Bible but written in hello my fellow youths type language. Of the idea that there's a book that's like,

Fly Island, a kid's translation of Lord of the Fly. What would a kid think a conch is by the name? A conch? I don't even know what a conch is, man. Actually, I do from that SpongeBob episode. There's really no forgetting it after that. I didn't pretty sure that's just called a swoopy clam. Bob, would you rather be lit on fire or given $10 million?

To be given $10 million or to, like I would be given $10 million? I'm Wade, I'm Wade. It's 4 p.m. on a Thursday. I've just woke it up. I lay in bed for four hours. That's great. Playing Raid Shadow Legends on my iPad with my foot fingers. I'm Wade.

My knee hurts. I'm Wade. My shoulder hurts. I'm Wade. I'm not going to do anything. about either of those. I'm Wade, I'm weighed. How did this turn into an upset of roasting me? Do I want to be lit on fire?

Ooh, Molly would probably want me to do that outside. Oh, wait. I guess I have to take $10 million. I'll take the hit on this one, guys. Man, a lot of thinking into that one. I didn't think that choice was particularly difficult, but, you know, you thought it through. All right, Mark, back to you. Mm-hmm.

Would you rather have your dream job or never get your college degree? It's really funny that that loan landed on you. That was not targeted either, but there it is. But, you know, I'm weighed. The last sun's setting rays hits my eyes. I awake. I rise from my bed, grab the ceiling with all 20 of my fingers. I wave to my one happy pet and my one unhappy pet.

I hear the children's laughter outside, and I think to myself, do I go to this last college class I have? and pass this final that I certainly will or cool job. See, the funny thing is you graduated and got a cool job. So that's... Well, the prompt is you get your dream job or you never get your college degree. Oh, wait. So if you get your dream job, you have to get your college degree?

No, you just never can. But if you never get your college degree, you also never get your dream job. Whoa. Mark, I don't know if we understand the rules of this game as well as we thought we did. You get your dream job or you never get your college degree. I'm weighed. I've presented the problem to myself slightly and correctly. Me thinks.

Me, I'm not sure which way go up and down. No, this is exactly how it's supposed to read. I'll take the dream job, but I feel like I'm walking into traps. That seems like a good choice. Multiple traps are opening for me.

Casms, yearn and yawn and yon open and call my name. I love a yawning chasm. Best kind of chasm there is. All right, Bob, would you rather make sure all of the hungry are fed or all of the homeless are housed? I'm Wade. It's 10.30 p.m. Almost time to start getting up. In my dreams, I've discovered.

We're getting closer to normal day eventually. I discover a way to achieve two separate and unrelated but actually pretty related things. But they're just unrelated enough that I can only actually do one of them. What do I care about most? I'm Wade. I like to eat food. I'm Wade. I like to be in a house. I'm Wade. I think Wade would rather live on the street and have all the food he could ever want to eat.

I think Wade would feed people. All right. Feed the hungry. Mark, would you rather be a doctor who fails every surgery or a serial killer who always succeeds? I'm Wade. The clock strikes 12 chimes. In my pitch black room, I don't know if that's a.m. or p.m. I don't risk it. I sleep until I hear another 12 Then I rise Eat some food play some iPad

DoCon battle something or other DBZ Pokemon Love that shit Think about being a doctor I'm honored you guys remember so much of my four hobbies I've ever had My knees hurt my shoulders hurt Never I'll never deal with that

Never I think about being a doctor I could kill people that way I think about being a Sierra Killer I could kill people that way I'm weighed I love killing people I just got aside

Which path I choose I could probably get away With killing more people If I be secretive about it If I'm a doctor And I save my bloodlust on my patients Surely they will stop me Could always fall back

On being a serial killer after that Serial killer Because I want to be good in my job And I want to be remembered I think that's the right choice I think you nailed it Because if you think about A doctor is a doctor

A doctor is a doctor a lot of time of the week, right? Like, doctors are constantly doctoring. Even the most prodigious serial killers only kill sometimes. You could definitely do way more damage as a doctor, but everyone's watching. Cereal killer, that's pretty low key, you know? You only really have to work, assuming that's your job somehow, once in a while when you feel like it, when you get the urge. It's interesting that you guys are like, well, if I can't be good at the thing I want to be good at, I guess I'll be a serial killer and at least be good at what I do.

Yeah, have some pride, man. Because your intent could still be good at being the doctor. If you're a serial killer, your intent is bad. You could be Dexter. You could only kill the bad ones. That's true, I suppose. Yeah. But you probably wouldn't.

I've got boxes to open. I don't have time to pick my target. Bob, would you rather have wet socks or the feeling of a small pebble in your shoe? Do you have the feeling of a small pebble in your shoe, even if not wearing shoe? We're going with the idea of yes. The idea is these are equally happening. So you always feel like the wet socks on you always feel like the pebble sensation. Are your socks actually wet?

Let's just say yes, your socks are always wet or yes, there's always a pebble stuck to the bottom of your foot that you feel every time you step. I'm Wade. Hi. I feel like it has to be, it has to be pebble in shoe. It has to be. Wet socks is too destructive. You can't, you got to be careful what you step on. It'll be careful for what your feet on.

Shoes are going to all get like moldy and gross. gross, you're gonna have problems. Plus, if you have to always have wet socks on, that means you can't wear sandals. Also, that means you have to wear socks in the pool, which sounds kind of unpleasant. It's got to be the pebble. It's not like you walk that much anyway.

I'm weighed. I sit in my chair. Who cares if I have a pebble in my foot. Damn, you figured it out. Does the pebble get to be on the same side as your fucked up knee? And you can just hobble on one leg and call it good. Well, this isn't about me. Believe it or not, you guys have kind of inferred that.

It's clearly about you. People have been saying your name the whole time. If it was me, sure, it could be either foot or both. I guess if you have wet socks, I guess the pebbles on both feet. You never get a pebble at both feet. Don't be ridiculous. Mark, would you rather know the date of your death or the cause of your death? I am Wadeathoth, the blind idiot God, slumbering eternally in the higher plane of existence.

Pray I still sleep lest I wake and unravel reality by... mere fabrics. Just like Icarus, I snoozed too close to the sun. Uh, time, I guess. Because what if the, what if the reason's boring? What if, what if, why I, what if why is horribly boring? I guess it's just like, would you rather dread, like, if you know your cause of death, would you forever dread doing something tangential to what could be that cause?

Or would you be horrified approaching the date of your death, I guess? I don't know. No, no, time's good. Times good. I feel like this has come up in a pretty. previous conversation, but it's like time makes sense. The date thing has, but not compared to the cause, I think. But yeah, date makes a lot of sense just because then I, then I would know how much time I got left.

I can work with that. That can be motivational. And then I started ticking clock and I'd have a spiraling black and white, you know, spiral behind me at all times. All right. Bob, would you rather take food from children or the homeless? Wade, Bob. He likes food. Can I guess both an answer?

Can I take food from both? Yeah, I would take food from anybody. It would be easier to take from. The homeless person might really need that meal. They might really fight for it. I don't really want to fight. Kids don't know. Kids wouldn't fight back.

I just be like, hey, I'm an adult. See how I'm bald? That's an adult thing. Give me your food. They just do it because kids are stupid. Wade would definitely take food from kids. See, this is the first one I disagree because if you think about it, homeless people are predominantly adults.

They need more food per body weight. You would get more. food. Wade would want more. He can get more from homeless people than he would children. I like how we just assume the homeless have a lot of food. No, but they need more, you know, they need more. They do. Yeah. In theory. More calories. Kids are hunger around the world too. You might not, you know. There's a solution to that. More kids. That's a, I don't know if that's a positive. That's positive thinking. That's how you get, it's an easy solution. That's how you get more food.

Is this food magically zapping out of the people's hands and going into your mouth? I guess I was sort of envisioning it like Wade could teleport, and he's just the guy who shows up as you're about to eat and steals your food out from in front of you. So like it's just a known phenomenon around the whole world. There's just this guy who's just like, ding, joink, and he's gone. And everyone's like, oh, it happened again. More.

Would you rather be a renowned chef or a renowned musician? Wade. Chef is a lot of stress. I don't like stress. could be in a highly competitive, you know, kitchen environment, all these other restaurants that I got to deal with, hard to make content about. That'd be too much work for me.

If you're a world renowned chef, you're still worried about making content. Of course, I'm weighed, you know. Always grind every day, bro. You know, you're never going to stop making content. A musician has the potential to be a little easier than chef. And this is successful, right? This is successful.

Yeah, you're a successful, renowned. Like, yeah, you, you're at the top of either one. I think musician has a higher pay gap. You know, you're going to get the ladies, if that matters to Wade. Which it does. Nice. I don't know. Is Wade still married in this scenario?

Does it matter in this scenario? Hey, he's a way, a musician. Bob, would you rather burn down an orphanage or watch 10 kids get a new puppy? I'm Mark. I'm Mark, I'm Mark, I'm Wade, I'm Wade, Wade, Wade likes fire. Wadey likey the fire. What was the other option? I got completely consumed by the fire. Burned down a something or something? Burned out an orphanage or watch 10 kids each get a new puppy. Who's got time for that?

Do I get to sit while I'm watching the kids? You aren't babysitting. You just see them receiving a new puppy. I'll watch them get puppies, I guess, as long as I don't have to participate or anything. If there's some super clever way to look at these questions and how some of them have too bad or a bad choice, I'm too tired to detect it, man. I'm too tired. I couldn't possibly deduce. Your game is too smart.

You're too genius. You're two steps ahead of me at all turns. And I, there's no way that I can compete ever. What a smile. Look at that smile. Sam make his smile go for days. That's what we see all the time, everybody. That's what we see all the time.

Okay, oh God. Sam's not doing that anymore. That's just wait. Oh, oh, oh, God, my mouth. Mark, would you rather eat delicious food for the rest of your life? At your leisure. Not always just stuff in your face, but at your leisure. You know when you want.

Or die of dehydration. Mmm. Trying to deduce the secret behind this, the truth underneath the layers. Eat delicious food whenever I want. Or literally die, literally die, a desiccated husk liquid removed from my body. Yes? Yeah. Because it seems like the food would be the natural conclusion.

And it seems like the desiccated corpse that would be me, Wade, would be the bad end. to my storied career as a musician. Food? Bob, I think there's a secret. I'm not detecting it. I definitely haven't figured out. What is it? I don't want to tell in case Mark doesn't know.

I think I'm winning. Bob, would you rather end all terminal illnesses or prevent all future wars? All future wars on any planet in the universe? Or all terminal illnesses on all planets in the universe? Sure. Both? Is both an option? No, but it's a lovely thought.

It's gotta be terminal illnesses, I guess. Nobody, nobody do any big wars. Making a choice. All these healthy people are gonna be fighting. Wade's making a choice. Wade's doing it. Oh, that's right. That's me.

Mark, Yes. Would you rather drink a friend's pee while your friend watches or eat your own shit, but nobody will know. Well, Well, wady love pee pee, but wady also love pooh-pooh.

What wady gonna do? I guess that... No one'll know. No, but you will, but just you. I pick the pee. I don't want to ever do that. I pray that I never have to face with that challenge, that particular challenge. I fear, I fear for my future if that is on the horizon. Bob, would you rather know something from the future?

future for some pain in your present or forget something good from your past for some present boon. So you either suffer a little to know something that's coming or you get something good for forgetting something good from your past. I have no influence over what I forget and what I get to know. No. I would have to know a thing in the future. I would need it. I mean, I feel like that's a right choice. You could glean a lot from even a little bit of a nugget of information of the future. Mark, would you rather poop and feel like it's happening in reverse or swallow and feel like it's happening in reverse? Trying to imagine what an inverse poop feels like. Boofing, I guess.

Does that help you imagine it? No, it doesn't, actually. It doesn't. And this is just once, or is this always? We'll say it's every once in a while. Oh. It still actually goes out, right? It doesn't.

Yeah. And you're still actually swallowing. You just have the sensation of, I guess, vomiting. I feel like if it's just the feeling of a reverse poop, that's not that bad, right? But if it feels like vomiting for an inverse swallow, that's not good. I don't like vomiting. Okay, reverse poop. Is this a trick?

You'd tell me if it was a trick, right? It's just a question. Would you rather question, man? All right, I'll take the poop. Oh. Oh, no, I fell into his trap. I activated his trap card. All right.

Bob, would you rather swap the location of your mouth and penis or your nose and your butthole? Whoa. I mean, there's really only one right answer, right? Oh, yeah. We're both thinking the same answer. There's definitely an answer Wade would pick. Yeah?

And the right one is... Nose and butthole? Okay, I think you reacted. positively to that. I'm going to take that as a yes. I am not sure how the mouth penis exchange works because how do you eat? How long is this curse

afflicting you for? Forever. Oh, I made the right choice. I made the right choice. Yeah, because I'm not sure I'm not sure eating is a particularly, because it's not like the food would go still in your crotch mouth, right? It would, it's not going to magically teleport into your esophagus. It's going to shove it in the

peahole, right? I was assuming you would still eat with your mouth, but I guess, you know, you can assume whichever, because that's not clear. If you want to eat through your dick hole, you can. No, that wasn't the point of what I was trying to make. I don't want to do that. I don't want to. That's weird, but like, I get it. No, I don't want to. I don't want to, I don't want to. It wasn't even my, would you rather, it was Bob's.

I want to point out, that was all about Bob. That was Bob's choice. Are you ready for your question? Mark, would you rather snuggle one giant's dog or snuggle ten small puppies? How giant is giant? Are we talking Clifford? Like Clifford. Oh, yeah.

Clifford. That'd be so crazy. I mean, it'd be scary, but also like, oh, come on. I mean, I've been kicked in the balls by Chica a lot. So one kick from Clifford to my nuts and I am atomized on the spot. Thanos snapped me out of existence crotch first. But the snuggling would be great. I mean, puppies are really cute, but like getting to snuggle into like a giant warm dog. That sounds lovely. All right. Bob, would you rather have to eat the flesh off of your own leg or see the people you love succeed in life. Who was the first one? Have to eat the flesh of your own leg.

Okay, that's what I thought you said. Oh, that's a tough one. Really got a lot of back and forth going along inside. I've seen a lot of angles. I guess I'd have to go with to all my loved ones succeed in life, I guess. That's a really close call. This guy. This guy.

Come on, man. Rookie mistake, buddy. Rookie mistake. Mark, would you rather be able to, to speak and understand any language or constantly re-break every bone in your body. Ooh, you know, that's a lot of languages, a lot of pressure. I only got so many bones. How many languages could there possibly be?

At least one. I'll pick the languages. Okay. That's fine. We got through a pretty good amount of things. Any final thoughts before I go into points? I yearn for the comfort of sleep I'm wish. Mark, you got points for.

You're a big deal now with GoPro. You chose to lose a leg, have all fingers, make happy kids. I think someone, your dream job? Be a serial killer. Choose the know the date of your death. Be a renowned musician. Too bad. Oh, okay, I'll read that one in a minute.

Delicious food. Pee while your friend watches. Reverse poop. Snuggle a giant dog and no languages. And then I wrote down a point for two bad options. Oh. Bob, you got a point for swoopy clam. A lot.

You've had a long day. You used to cut your own hair. You chose skin cream. You said, remember a scumrade, which I don't remember what that's in reference to. You chose to drown cats or kittens. You would take $10 million. You would feed the hungry. You'd have a pebble in your shoe.

You'd take food from kids. You'd watch 10 kids get puppies. You'd end terminal illnesses. you would rather know something from the future for a present pain. You'd swap your nose in your butthole, and you'd see your loved ones succeed. Sure, sure. I got one point for being so smart.

Sounds right to me, smart guy. Mark, you have 15. Bob, you have 15. We're currently tied. Well, I've got one, so 15, 15 to 1. So we're not tied. There's one very clear loser. Is it me?

We'll see after the wheel spin. I'm going to throw out there there was a way to instantly win this episode and you both got very close to it a couple of times. Bob, you said something I think like halfway through Mark when you said

sometimes there's two bad options. The game was I had good options where they were both good bad options where they were both bad okay ones that made you think and then completely nonsensical ones where there was a very obvious answer and I kept rotating you guys. I started Mark with bad then went to okay then good

Bob, you were good, okay, than bad, and then you both had nonsensical at the same time, and then I would restart the process. If any of you guessed the game at any point, you just won, and you both started to touch on it at different times, and I was like, and then you didn't. I was like, all right, well, just keep going.

That makes sense. I see, I see, I see. So that was the secret game that I thought, you guys could have won it. I was like, I think it was like 28 minutes in. One of you said something. I was like, elaborate. You want to say more?

And Bob, at one point I think I even was like, do you want to guess the game, Bob? And you're like, no, no, I'll keep it a secret. I was like, all right. You did say that. Yeah, Mark, you said two bad options, and I was like, Mm-hmm. And then you're like, oh, never mind, never mind.

I was like, okay. So there were a couple times where I really thought you guys were going to do it. Damn shame. We spin this first, right? So I guess spend this one. We'll see how many spins we get. Yeah, we sure do. I was like, what do I add to the wheel?

Four. That doesn't seem, right? Three, my lord. Ah. Oh, good. An even number for a tied game. Interesting. I like that.

I like that. Also, I'm not forgetting that I was going to decide the points thing. I realized that I'm competing against Mark, so I'll save that for when I'm the host. Oh, come on, you promised. You promised. I did promise, but my promises mean nothing. Unfair. Shit, what do we have to flip?

Oh, God. That means we have to flip. Oh, fucking, come on. Okay, well, if it's unfair, Bob has to give out points now. I have the tiny magnet for GoPro. It's got one side says GoPro and it's pretty flat and even, so that'll be my cord. If it's doubly fair, then what? Bob gets to...

I get to give out extra points? No, it's never made doubly... Wait, no, sorry. If it's unfair, he has to change it. Yeah, double fair means I never get a point from Bob. Ever again, or just from this? I assume he means from this, yes. This can make Bob's episodes really boring if we just know Wade to

wins. Which one's heads unfair or doubly fair? What is that? This would be the heads, the one with the label on it, and because tails is empty. I think Wade and I both got tails. Yeah, that's nothing then. All right, fine. That's good, because I still didn't know which one was which. All right. What do you want to add, Wade? Most recent haircut gets a point. Is that already on here?

Probably not. I don't think so. But there are a lot of them. Most recent haircut. And we get two spins. Come on. Spin number one. Most Distracted? You guys were both pretty locked in today. I have no other tabs open for the first time in ages. I was like the most focused.

So. Yeah, I don't either. I didn't like look anything up today or anything. Just re-spin it. We'll call it re-spin because I don't think either of you seem distracted. Oh, cool. Most small talk. That was definitely me.

Yeah, Bob, I don't even think he had much small talk. I didn't really get a chance to do small talk. You're like, oh, mine's all over. Well, I thought you did, but yeah. There's got to be a point for Bob here. Surprise golf rules. Does that mean I win or? No, well, no, no, you guys, so that means...

No, but you have a point. No, you have a point. You're on the board. You're one over par. A mark and I are way over. You know what? I'll take it. Damn.

We haven't had golf rules in a long time. Damn. Do you guys want to give a quick together loser speech? Uh... Uh... Uh, some of time of. Okay, the delay is too much. I've been a fucking delay.

I've been another country, man. I don't think it's going to work. I don't feel very good about it, Mark. How do you feel about it? You feel bad. I feel bad. This is the worst outcome. I am going to go cry into my pillow and then probably sleep, but, you know, mostly

crying. Yeah, I don't feel good about it either. I didn't see that coming. I thought we played the game pretty well, even though we didn't figure it out at all. And I thought it was a great fight. And then just swooped out for both of us. So you do. I mean, congrats to weight though or something. Congratulations. You both did well. You played along the very baseline rules of the game. You came close to figuring out, but you didn't. And karma, you both decided. instead of taking responsibility for your choices, putting me in there, making me make those choices for you. And because I was the bigger man

and made all of the choices on your behalf, according to the way you guys played, I deserve this, and I will host again. You thought two out of three was pretty good? How about Wade Hosting three out of four? See you in the next one. If you haven't already, check out these guys. Mark and Markiplier. Bob at Myisker.

Me at Minion 77, Lord Main 777. There's merch. Extractable. I think. Keep an eye on that. That'll be stuff. Watch distractible. I'm promoting that on distractible.

Why? Because we don't promote it enough. So make us promote it elsewhere. Sam, thanks for being a good sport and doing all those edits or none of them. See in the next one. Until then. Podcast out.