Distractible - In This Game... Only Letters, Friends!

Episode Date: October 13, 2025

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This episode is brought to you by Uber One. It's that time. Back to School. Go to college. Yeah, I can't wait to get back in classes again. See Professor Smithers. You're going back? Are you not? Did you not sign up for your classes? No, I didn't. I'm not ready to pay for that college life again. Okay, well, when all three of us are back in college, Uber One for students is going to be a great way to save money on Uber and Uber Eats.

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Go to rocketmoney.com slash distractible. That's R-O-C-E-M-O-N-E-Y.com slash D-I-S-T-R-R-A-C-I-B-E.E. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers. and welcome to Restructable. This episode, Multi-platform Mark, heroizes Homelander, then kicks off the alphabetic escapades.

Battling Bob enjoys moisture, and barbaric bellowing, then pulls Pietro, Peter, and ZZ Top. Webless Wade slumbers after a prick, becomes a pancake, then invokes pussy, quefing, and a quickie with queen. From deep loving to chewing come,

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha it's time for In this game, only letters, friends. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome to Distractable. My name is Markiplier, yes, that Markiplier from YouTube and TikTok and the other places where I exist Twitch Maybe still if they haven't deleted my account

Oh yeah I've been inactive for a long time But I am not the star of the show today These two gentlemen are That's Bob Star number one Number one star Alright top star

And Wade the second star Two Okay I feel like we're starting off on an even foot two star you get two stars man that's two one more than two one if this is Michelin stars that's a lot of stars two stars is one more than two oh you are the Markiplier I was thinking of it is me all right so this is distractible if this is your first time welcome I love you wow leading off with that one coming strong

I don't want a soft I don't want soft calls to action I love you but Wait, we have to be clear. Is that the listeners or the watchers? So there's different people here. I don't care whether they have eyes or ears. I love you just the way you are, and I'm enunciating. So if you're reading my lips, you know why I mean it. That made me uncomfortable trying to read your lips.

There's a lot of teeth. I like that. I wish you'd talk like that all the time. I've chased off all the new viewers now. So it's just the old ones. Oh, thank God. I wouldn't want to move up those podcast charts that we work so hard to move up. I'm trying to get our bounce rate up. You know, people click in and

boing. I don't want this shit. Yeah, I want to push us down in the ratings. In this episode, I have a fun game prepared, but no, it's not to the perfectest crime. It is not. It's something else. But we're going to get to that in just a little bit, because these guys have been living their best lives, and I want to hear about it. Let's decide who goes first. Um, one, Bob. Oh, man. I can't believe that. I was so sure it was going to be the second guy in the list. Oh, well, no, you would think that. Yeah, everything's going pretty good.

It's raining here, which I don't know. It hasn't been that long, but like, you ever have, I mean, where you live, Mark out in L.A., I guess you probably get this. In Ohio, I feel like it rains pretty consistently. Like, normally it's like, oh, it's raining, whatever. It started raining last night, and it was raining when I woke up this morning, and it's been so long since the rain that I literally woke up and was like, ah, it's wet. What happened?

Why is it all wet outside? Oh, no. Does that happen to you or am I just like a goldfish? Because it really weirded me out for a minute. No, I did that too. I woke up and rained over here or drizzled and I just go out and the whole yards went. I'm like, did the sprinklers break? What's going on?

There's a leak. There's a leak everywhere. This is ecologically irresponsible. There's a leak. Okay, well, I'm glad it's not just me. Also, James has learned that he could scream real loud. So that's fun. I've never been made dizzy by a scream before.

But that can happen now. Last night, we were getting ready for bed. And he was like, it was, he gets two books and then we go to bed. And it's like, we have a whole routine. And we got to the, I think to the end of the second book and like close the book. And Mandy was like, okay, put the book on the shelf and we're going to do this. And he just was like, no, no, more stories. And we're like, no, man, it's bedtime.

This is, we do this every night. This is the routine. And he did that sort of like, shake of rage. and then proceeded to scream louder than anything has ever been in human existence. And I actually, like, it made my head vibrate. And when he stopped screaming, I was kind of like, so I never had that before. But I'm sure that he'll only do that the one time. And that's not going to be all day, every day for the next three weeks of my life.

How do you stop that? Wade, bad advice. What you do is you give him a megaphone so he can be even louder to the point where he makes himself paralyzed from the noise. You're right. you're right and there we go yep you give him headphones and a microphone and make him scream into his own ears you know how homelander went up to that one superhero and went swing on the sides of the head and then made him deaf now that he'd scream louder and this is a horrible advice put him in a bit of a stupor stupor here i see what you did there yeah i should definitely do whatever homelander does

he's a good guy right he's a father i haven't watched the show i haven't watched the show he's like the superman character in that universe right he's a good guy yeah yeah he is america yeah yeah He is America. Yeah, and he's a father. He's raising a child. I think his first act as a father was to throw his son off of like a roof or something, wasn't it? Spoilers. I didn't even.

Yeah, kids dead now. No, I think literally the first thing he did was like, yeah, son, you can fly too. And he threw him off the roof and his son just went, ah, pht. He's like, man, that reminds you of the video that I saw of these birds on the mountain side. I think we talked about him, but every once in a while, like, clips in my head and how the fucking BBC cameramen are doing this and the BBC editors make it go I swear, point, doink, doink

as it's hitting every rock down the mountain as it tries to fly, point, doink, twink, squeak, squawk, squeak, and then it's like it lands and it gets up and it's like, it's fine and then the camera pans over to its dead brother on the ground. God damn. Jesus, look, no, it's not a fun, it's not a fun video. I don't know why I'm laughing.

But that is funny though. You're right. agree with you mark that's fair no that those guys i know it's the whole it's a whole thing and it goes both ways right the the wildlife cinematographers which like don't interact you can't affect nature we're gonna but they just sit there and like literally there are situations where they could like oh if i just reached out i could totally save this daddy baby animal from drowning in front of me or so i won't though i won't i'm just gonna film it so everyone can see back home i do you think that the they like that or does that like fuck them up?

Because I feel like that must be wild. That must be really weird and wild to be that close to that. They must get sometimes really incredible beautiful heartwarming footage that hopefully balances out all the nature is a cruel beast and you will die by being eaten

guaranteed. What does I see like two teens camping in the woods and a bear comes in and he's like dragging them away and they look like the love of God help me! And the camera guy's like, oh this is really good footage. Nature, guys, nature, sorry. It's just so beautiful. These are natural campers.

Please help me. I see you. I know you can hear me. I see you. There's two camera guys filming the same thing and one starts getting attacked by the bear and the other guy's like, Nature, it's happening. I can't help them though.

I have this gun right here, but I can only save myself. You're with the nature now. They themselves get attacked and they just aim the camera at themselves. Nature, can't help myself. Nature. Is it a fucking Blair Witchley Nature Snobber

Whatever Nature nature In the booth Sir David Attenborough It's just like Oh here we see Young Gary Getting mauled to death

By a lion Why don't you fight back Gary The aliens guy Nature Okay Ah that meme never gets old It applies to everything I set you that meme

Recently I think Right Yeah yeah you did I forget it was for what. It was about the Bengals. I think I put sadness on it. We're talking, we're texting about the Bengals and I was just like, sadness. I don't think we texted during the last game. I think we both were just at the point of like acceptance. No, I, you know what? I couldn't watch the Bengals with this week because they were on at the same time as my new team, the Lions, by which I mean

they played the Lions and got their ass beat. But I'm a Lions fan again now. So that was a great game for me. All right. So that's Bob Small Talk. Well, done. Good Small. That's my life. Wade. Well, I was gonna talk about the rain some more, but Bob beat me through it, because it turns out we live kind of close, but yeah. Yeah, the rain points have all been scooped up. And we're both boring old guys who talk about the weather all the time. Uh-oh. What was it? Friday, I got my COVID booster and flu shot. So as Friday went along, I was like, oh man, getting real tired for some reason. I don't know. I passed out

for me very early i went upstairs and i got with molly we were watching something on tv at like 11 o'clock and i was just like kicking back like oh man i'm feeling pretty tired it's nice to kick back and watch something with just passed out immediately and then went to bed slept probably like 10 hours woke up felt really awful for two hours and always like you should go back to bed and for some reason when someone suggests i sleep i'm always like no i don't need sleep sleep what do you mean i'm Fine, I'm awake, wide awake. Do you ever have that where you talk to somebody who also, they fall asleep? And you're like, hey, are you sleeping?

And they're like, no, no, I wasn't. It's like, clearly you were snoring. Obviously you were, but they have to deny it. No, no. I think I've had this before where Amy has said that at night, I have started snoring, where in my head I'm just like, ah, man, I'm not falling asleep here. No snores at all. And she'll tell me that I was just snoring.

And I'm like, no, I'm, that's impossible. no way. I was conscious this whole time. I was aware of my experiences. There's no way. But apparently I was. We had a friend visit recently who fell asleep and same thing that were like, hey, you passed out for a few minutes. I'm like, no, I didn't. His consciousness is a really fragile, thin veil between us and the darkness. So I think that it's very easy to miss these experiences. I did fall asleep. And then I was like, no, I don't want to go back to bed. All right, fine. I guess I'll go lay down. I'm not going to sleep. Passed out immediately again. slept for like three or four hours but uh that was fun and then yesterday i was feeling feeling a lot

better so i went and threw football for a few hours and man upper body sore today you just threw a football around for a few hours yeah how with one other person or what that's like i like that sounds fun but that's a lot of hours of just like standing out there like yeah we weren't throwing super long distance because we were staying within like let's talk while we throw So we were just kind of like chit-chatting about all kinds of stuff, Legos and things. He's a big Star Wars fans. We're about like Star Wars, Legos, and we were just throwing ball while we chatted. Will you come over and have a catch with me sometime?

I love talking. I think, oh, I'll throw football. I love throwing football. That's how nice. And foot still kind of healing a little bit, so I was like, probably easier just to toss than it would be to like run around. We were going to play basketball, but the thought of running around and jumping while this is still on my heel was like, maybe just like casual toss to be easier.

Yeah, we just chit-chated through football for a few hours. And they woke up and I was like, oh. Is that how you always wake up? Usually it's a little better than usual. I'll save my small talk for when I'm inevitably the loser and go to the next round to participate. Okay. I have a game for you. Good.

Guys, I have devised it. And by me, I mean Amy. Amy's divides this even better in this game only letters friends you are going to use the alphabet to help you survive death-defying scenarios that are going to risk your very existence now the way that it's going to work we're going to take turns both of you are going to go first and the person who goes first gets to pick the letter you don't know the scenario that you're in but you get to pick the of the items you will choose to survive.

It's a quick fire round. You use that letter to pick an item out of the air and then it immediately goes to the next person. As fast as you can, back and forth, bing bong, bing bong, bong. Same letter. And then I will write them down and judge which one of you actually helped yourself survive. It is possible that you both survive and pass the test and get a point that round. but otherwise, if you've picked bad items because you're limited by the letter, you die, you don't get a point.

Make sense? Yeah, I like this. I don't think Wade knows very many words. I think I have a huge advantage here. I'll toss a coin to go first, or maybe I'll just be like the number one up there above me right now. Bob, you'll go first, and how it'll go is you'll pick a letter. And it can only be picked once, so I'm crossing letters off the alphabet as we go. Then I'll give you the scenario.

And as soon as I give you the scenario, it's go time. You have to pick as fast as you can. I will dock points if you take too long, or I'll cut you off if you can't. Do we need to pick multiple items with the same letter? Or how many items do we get? One letter per round, five items. Yeah, so I will skip your turn, though, if you take too long, and it'll go to the other person. So you could possibly lose out a chance to pick an item, or the other person can snipe the item that you are going to pick, but it has to,

start with that letter. It can be multiple words, but the first word has to start with that letter. I won't let you say sentences of items. It has to be either one or two words. You can't say the biggest bag of survival items that will help me in the scenario. I won't allow that. I can't do that. Okay. Okay. All right. You both understand how it goes. Do you need me to re-explain it, Wade? No, I'll just watch Bob do it. And if he does it right, I'll do what he does but wrong. We kind of have to do it at the same time. So I'm hoping I'm still feeling good about my chances. Okay. Yeah, that's good. This is looking good for you, Bob. Okay, hold on. Then if we run it the same time, do we each pick our own letter then? No, no, it's the same letter. The person

who's going picks the letter. I read them the prompt. I read both of you the prompt. And then the person goes first, gets the first pick. Has to be an item that starts with that letter. Then the other person's same letter. Okay. So we'd tend to lead 10 items that start with that letter because he'll have five, I'll have five. Exactly. And then you can't say the same item. You have to, uh, new items. Five times. Take too long. I'm going to skip you. Are you boys ready? Yes. Yes. All right, Bob. What is

your letter? L. L. Great choice, I think. All right. You're right? Yeah, I'm fine. What'd you have done if I said

M? Uh, uh, How do I write that as a point? Uh-huh, who-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. H-U-U-U-U-H-U-H-U-A-H. Oh, that would have been better. I was doing double O's.

I think in Lethal Company there was a mod I used where there was like an L-Dance. Whenever you said L, I immediately thought of the L-Dance. Thought the L-Dance from Lethal Company and not Fortnite? I'm proud of you, man. That's good. I don't play for it, but so yes. Good boy. So it's L, and we're going to start with a simple one.

These are all life or death scenarios. So if it doesn't feel as life or death as possible, I'm going to, you say the word, I'll make it more life or death. You both are falling out of an airplane, no parachute. Go. A long rope. Long rope. Okay, go. Lift.

Lift. Like a lift. ski lift, you know, like a lift. Oh, like a whole ski lift to catch me. Bob, light aircraft. Okay, all right, okay, that's enough. Stop, it's out, you can't say more. Okay. Wait, a Lamborghini. Lambo. He's got it. Hopefully it's got good airbags. Lingenberry jam. Lingenberry jam. Excellent choice. Lipsticks. I look my best when I die. Bob

Oh man Laser pointer Laser pointer Got it Wade Lake to land I'll even give you It's a landing lake

But need I remind you water at a terminal velocity is still just as hard All right Bob last chance Oh A launcher A launcher? A me launcher, if I, if I, I can't explain it. You'll have to just understand.

It's a launcher. It can be a launcher of me, but not a me launcher. You watch yourself. Wade, Lola, Lola, Lisa, Lisa. Lola, Lola, Lisa. You decided to take another person with you. Lisa from the Simpson. She'll have some good ideas.

Maybe Lisa has a parachute we could share. You better ask. All right. So, uh, let me. recap your choices, Bob, you have a long rope, light aircraft, Lingenberry Jam, a laser pointer, and a launcher. Wade, you have a lift, a ski lift, a Lambo, a lipstick, a lake, lake, and Lalalisa. Now...

El was harder than I thought it would be. I have to be honest. We did a couple of test rounds It's very difficult All right So the ski lift I don't think I think it needs to be embedded In the ground to actually help you

Wade And a ski lift I would think Would start with an S But Lambo Not known for being very Crash resistant I don't think Cool though

Very cool Very cool Wade You're gonna look great when you die Lambo lipstick Lola Lisa in the passenger seat Aim for the lake babe oh look there's a lift

we can go up and fall again when we get it's the goal of this to live uh yeah the goal is presumably okay yeah okay so because Bob you have a long rope a light aircraft Lingaberry Jam laser pointer and a launcher I mean the light

aircraft kind of wins you this one yeah the rest of it was just for fun lingonberry jam is a snack laser pointer to make other pilots blind and make them crash their planes while I'm flying my light aircraft, you know, fun stuff. He just pointed at Wade as he's going down, so you just make sure he doesn't get it. Just to make fun of Wade, I point at Wade, I point at where I think he's going to land, like, eh, eh, eh.

Lisa takes the whale, I can't see. I think I'll accept items that sabotage your opponent to make sure they die, because if you both survive, you both get a point, but if you, if the other one dies, he's going to hit the lake, uses the launcher. I'm calling it for Bob. That's a Bob point right there. So you got the surviving, however, I'm going to make an additional rule here that's going to make it even more difficult for you guys. I'll explain it just a second.

So that was a... Hey, I had a long rope. Maybe I can save you, Wade. Not Lisa, just you. So that's what I'll say is the rule. Adjectives, if the, it can't be, the letter can't be an adjective describing the actual item. So long rope. I would accept light aircraft because that is a whole category of aircraft.

But long rope is just a longer rope. so we'll make judgment calls I'll give you a second chance if if that's what you come up with but we'll try to catch that so long rope is just a rope just like a ski a lift a ski lift would be a ski lift not a lift lift I would think it would be an elevator which might have helped no that wouldn't help you at all

no actually levator so bob gets the first point there way did you smack into the lake in a Lambo with Lisa and lipstick you look great oh man you're well your corpse is actually a mangled metal-infused mess and soggy. But if anyone had taken a picture of you

moments before you're looking so good. It's just super cool. Lisa's just but I hand her the lipstick after I use it so she has a distraction. All right, Wade, you get to pick your letter

and then I get to tell you your survival or death scenario. Perfect. Let's go with the letter B. Boys, You too. Some dictator has said that you're gonna die. You're on, you're against a wall. There is a firing squad in front of you and they are going to fire. They're gonna count down three, two, one, fire. But you get B words to decide if you survive. Wade, go. Blocks. All right. I build a wall of blocks. All right. You could have said bricks, maybe, but blocks. All right. Bob.

Well, I thought this, I assume this one wouldn't be on there, but bulletproof vest. That'll take it bulletproof. Because I think that description is a very specific type of vest. I think that works. All right. Wade. A bomb. You don't want to hit me, do you? Yeah, I've got a bomb. I'm going to make sure it's a big round one with a big wick out of the top.

All right, Bob. Bouncy ball. Bouncy ball. You got it. Wade. Bobcat. Bobcat, the vehicle or a cat? Cat.

To send after them. All right, Bob. No, that's a good idea, Wade. Uh, Bobcat. The skidsteer, though. The skidsteer, though. The skits steer. All right.

All right. back to you. Blank slate. Blank slate. All right, cool, man. Bob? Blades. Blades. Just the vampire or weapons? Weapons. Wade. Buildings. What the fuck? How many? Billions. Billions of buildings.

This is the term of the B, right? It counts. Yeah, all right. Yeah, this Gene. I'm a genie that takes you very literally. You get billions of buildings. All right, Bob. Last chance. Oh, Bill Clinton, Secret Service has to protect him. He has a secret service. He has a secret service detail for the rest of his life because he was president. All right. Bill Clinton. All right. They wouldn't be cool with that. They'd help. All right. Okay. Wait. We don't have to recap, man. Suddenly, uh, blocks appear in a wall in front of you, uh, of what type, Lego,

bricks I'm guessing, uh, you have a bomb strapped to your chest. You have a cat, a bobcat, which is not that big of a cat, to be honest. They'll scare if it runs at you. It would be. They have guns though, so I think it'll be all right. You have a blank slate. Um, so you just have a, like a tablet, uh, stone tablet with nothing on it. And then billions of buildings are falling on your head now. What kind of monkeys, Paul wish? They're falling on my head. Well, I mean, you either spawn in of them and you clip into the walls like that or... But yeah, is this like Inception or some shit or just... Yeah, the whole horizon just folding in with buildings. I think I did okay. Well, the bomb, well, you would have been... Maybe fine, but the bomb, really? The bomb man, you got a bomb.

Oh, but does he get to choose... Is it on like a timer or is it like a... No, it's a big one with a fuse. It's lit. That's what... Anyway, so wait, uh, Bob. Bulletproof of action. Very good.

Not quite head protection, but protects your core, which is where most of them aim for, I guess. Yeah, they're going to aim center mass. That's the strategy for... The bouncy ball will distract their aim. The bobcat of skidsteer has like a full cage on it, so you're kind of inside that and a little more protected. Blades for chopping the bullets out of the air, I'm guessing? Yeah, yeah. Dead Deadpool style from that X-Men movie when he's all has no mouth and he's all creepy and he's all...

Okay, all right. Not from the Deadpool movie where he doesn't hit any of them. He just gets shot a bunch. All right. So I'm guessing I can't guarantee you that skill, but you'll try. I'll try. Yeah. And then Bill Clinton's there plus Secret Service probably.

Yeah, he's standing in between me and the firing squad. And the Secret Service are like rushing in from the side. So get down, Mr. President. And I'm like, I'm with him. Now, I would say that the buildings would be a problem for you, but you have a bobcat, which is a skid steer, and it does have a full cage. So if a building toppled on it, you're not guaranteed to survive. But with the bulletproof vest, the blades, and Bill Clinton, I think you live, man.

I'm pretty sure. Can't shoot through Legos? Because they're still going to shoot at the end of it. They still shoot. Even if I have a bomb? Yeah, probably. They never seen a movie? Can't shoot the guy who has a bomb?

Yeah, it's too bad. you can't explain because you should, it should be a bomb with a dead man trigger where you're holding your hand out and you're all, if my finger comes off this button, because then they'll get it. Yeah. Yeah, doesn't it have to be? That's, no, that's not commonly how that works. That's a specific thing. Have to fit the letter. Okay. All right, back to you, Bob. You're both doing wonderfully, but one is doing more wonderfully than the other. I was going to go one way or the other depending on how this was going, and I feel like I'm going to regret this, but I choose Q. Q?

Q? Damn. Bold. Q. All right. What a quandary. Quite the choice. Quack. Cue. Third Q word. All right. Let's get into this. Both of your scenario. And you're in separate vehicles for this one. So you're not in the same car, unless you want to be in the same car. But given Wade's choices, I'm going to put you conveniently separate cars. I appreciate that. Bob, your and Wade,

your car has driven off a bridge. There was ice on the road. You slid, bam, right dead center, into a frigid, frozen river. So not only has your car gone down through the top layer of ice, it is now under the ice. You have, your windows are up. Death-defying scenario.

almost guaranteed death under Frozen River. Your letter is Q. Take it away. Well, this is the whole thing I was banking on for this, and I'm going to stick to my guns, even though I'm not sure how it helps. I want a quetzel cotletlet. Quetzel, quetzel quatlis. You have to be able to pronounce it. You have to be able to pronounce it. Quetzel quantless. Quetzel quatless. Okay, quetz. I have to look up what that is afterwards. Quetz. We talked about it in my words, in my one-man show. It's one of the animals. it's a dinosaur. It's a big flying dinosaur. What's what comes?

All right, I did not spell that right. All right, Wade. Quickness. Quickness. All right, you get quickness. You know, I'll give it to you. That works. I want Quicksilver to save me.

The Marvel character. Oh, the Marvel character. Wait. Oh, I got to go again. The queen. The queen. A queen. You get the band, queen.

I'll take it. Just got to get out. Just got to get right out of here. That's a fucking good joke. I know, Freddy, I'm trying. Oh, man. All right, Bob, back to you. Uh, uh, uh, quest love.

What? Questlove. Questlove. Isn't he the drummer from, uh, uh, uh, that isn't, oh, no, yeah, Questlove. He's a, he's a drummer, American musician. Oh, all right, you got drummer. He's the drummer for the roots. That's where I know him from, because it, because the roots were on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, cool, Questlove, drummer, I got it. Wade, uh, uh, uh, oh, oh, no, quefe, so I have aired. Queef, so I have air.

Queef so I have air. My plan was just like, don't say queef, don't say quakes. For air. All right. For air. All right, Bob, back to you. Um, I would like a quality in motel. A quality in.

Maybe at the bottom of the river, there's a quality in, I'm not sure, somewhere. Some haunted quality in that sank into the river many moons ago. Okay, gotcha. Wade. Oh, quillfish. I'm going to assume that's real fish. It's a Pokemon.

It's a Pokemon. You're right, you're right. Oh, the Pokemon, quillfish. My loyal Pokemon will help me get out. I'm assuming it's a water-based Pokemon. That actually could help you. Okay, that might be good. The original version.

Then there's a lullin or something that's like poison. Stupid. All right, Bob, last choice. I'm not stealing from Wade, but maybe this was sparked by that. I want Quill, the Star Lord himself, Quill. Oh, Peter Quill? Yeah, but they just call them Quill a lot. Or anyway, Gamora does, right?

They call them, like, where's Quill? Okay, is that true, Wade? Do they call them just quill? They do. All right, okay, I'll give you that Quill, Star Lord Quill. Okay, Wade, last chance. Quill, like the feather, so I can write my last will and test. Hey, don't take my ideas.

Don't take my ideas. All right, okay, so a lot of this depends on what's a Quetzel-Quantus? It's a big flying dinosaur. Okay, how big are we talking? Oh, that's big. It's fairly large. I think it's like the biggest one. Okay, so your car explodes.

Because there's suddenly a Questle Codolus is spawning inside. So all the doors come off, which is, you know, you do got to get the doors off. You have Quicksilver, which I think, honestly, that's a huge get. Because if he knows where you are, he can get you and get you out before the hypothermia sets in. You have Questlove. I'm assuming Quicksilver has to choose between one of you. Bob. He might like Questlove more than me.

I mean, look, I'm not going to speak for Quicksilver, but that's okay because I brought backups. He's very, he's very fast, so I guess he might be, there's a quality in somewhere down there in the river. Isn't Quicksilver the one who, isn't that scene in the mansion where he saves like 40 people in the X-Men mansion while the whole thing explodes, isn't that? I'm pretty sure, yes. Oh, I was thinking of Silver Surfer this whole time. You're talking about the fast, dude. No, Quicksilver is the X-Men, and he helps Magneto break out of jail and is... He's the one does slow, like, slow, like, yeah, time moves slowly for him.

There's actually two Quicksilvers in the Marvel universe because there's the MCU one, and then there's the Fox X-Men one. The Fox X-Men one is faster, and that is the one you picked out, the X-Men one. He is faster and has more feats of rescuing people, specifically rescuing people. So I think without a question, you survive, Bob. The question is whether Because, Wade, you have quickness You have quickness Oh dude, I'm not gonna like

My heart's not gonna stop. Don't stop me now Don't stop me Don't stop me Don't stop me You have queen, quickness Quifs As many quiffs as you need

For air For air You're quips You have quill fish And a quill A feather Let me look up what quill fish is But a balloon

A balloon Pokemon What? Oh Like a blowfish That's kind of what you want It's also poisonous So grabbing onto it is gonna be It's very spiky Yeah, maybe we just do mouth to mouth

I don't think you want to do mouth to mouth to mouth with it I'm not sure why you would offer that up as your first choice Air You already have air You have all the air you need Don't forget about your queues It's literally 0.5 meters in height. It's one foot ball when inflated and covered in spikes.

That would probably, if you, like, grabbed onto the tail. Okay, there is a tail. I got to look up whether 8.6 pounds of buoyancy is enough to lift you out of the river. I've also got quickness. And you're quick. And think of Freddie Mercury's lungs singing underwater, pushing me out. And all the queefs, you know, all the queefs. Yeah, there's a lot of buoyance.

As you float away with your quiffs and quillfish, Freddie Mercury is sitting on the bottom of the river, just like, I want to ride my bicycle. We are the champion. I'm going to give you a 50-50 shot. How about that's the best I can do for you on this. Because it's like you have some things working for you, but this is a death-defying scenario. You have one Pokemon, but even in the Pokemon world, I can imagine that episode where ashes in a frozen river like, help! And Quilfish isn't able to save. Heads you survive, tails you don't.

Oh, heads! You made it! That's right, bitches! All right, you get that. Her Majesty, Queen! You, yes. Yes. I'm not more sure why I'm saying it like that.

Yes, you win. You survived, Wade. Congratulations. Bob, you also survived. So you both get a point going out of their rounds. All right. Never a doubt. This is so much.

I'm having so much fun, guys. This is great. It is back to you, Wade. You're going first, which means you get to pick the letter. There's so many letters to choose from. Reminder, B, L, and Q have been already selected. I know you wanted to jump on Q. I know that's a hot one.

Oh, don't worry, Bob. I'll get back here with the letter Z. Oh, shit. All right. Oh, yeah. Are you sure? He wants to play games. I'm going to lose now with my own hard letter.

That'll teach us. All right. You two are lost in whatever forest this animal that's stalking you is in. You have just the clothes on your back and these items that you have brought with you, starting with the letter

Z, and you are being stalked by three and a half Panthers in the middle of the night. I'll let you decide which half is that last one. Too bad for that half guy. Half panthers really not pulling his weight here, but just the top half. That way there's no legs.

Yeah. Well, I mean, it's kind of all legs, right? You know? Oh, I see just a worm body coming. That would be terrifying. A panther just... All right. There's three pancers and one snake panther coming after you. Yes.

Wade, as a reminder, in case you forgot, your letter is Z. No, I'm going to take the easy one here. The zebra. The zebra. Okay, all right. Either to ride me out or distract them. I see. I see.

Okay, I could see the wisdom. Bob. I would like my Zeppelin, please. Great choice, great choice, man. Get right out of that room. The band or the blimp? No, no, the rigid airship, the Zeppelin. Well, A, Zeppelin, it's a kind of rigid airship.

I'm not sure if there's enough room to deploy it, but we'll see, we'll see. Zendaya, because I know Spider-Man will be there to help her. Zendaya, the actress. Yes, it's going to be there because they're banking on Spider-Man showing up. Great, okay. Probably as like a bodyguard I'm bringing my own Zen I choose Zen Yada from

Overwatch Oh damn that's a good one Zen Yada this is a great stack up This is good All right Zen Yada Practically flies a big robot And deadly very good He fart hovers

Does he He sits cross-legged but hovers So I always considered him to be a fart hoverer He's got the unlimited Queef power I was the Zinnata made back in the day So I love that dude It was fun

Alright wait Zipper to zip the trees together So the Panthers can't get through Zipper Big zipper Okay you get one big zipper You zip up two of the trees Out of the millions and billions of trees

I'll take it All right Bob back to you Not at all stealing an idea From Wade from the last round I choose Zapdos Zaptos Zaptose All right

Okay All right The lightning flying Pokemon Zaptos One of the three Trilogy of What are those things

What's that called The Blue Eyes white dragon Of Pokemon Or whatever they are What are those things The legendary birds Those ones The legendary birds

They're Yeah whatever I don't know The lore that well Wade Well I choose The Move Zapp Canon So I have a 33

percent chance of hitting. But if it hits, it really damages. All right, okay, all right, okay, okay, because fine, it's fine. All right, all right, Bob, back to you. Mm-hmm, I know lots of stuff that starts with Z. I'm just trying to pick which one I want. Well, you got a limited time.

I choose ZZ tops. ZZ Top, the whole band? All of them. Hopefully they're on a tour bus or something. Are they all still alive? I do not know. They are quite old, but I have no idea. Well, if they are alive, if any of them aren't alive, their dead body will show up.

Girls go crazy about a sharp, dress man. Zoe Saldana, who plays Gomorrah. Oh. Yeah, but not Gimorra. But she knows how to be Gamora. You brought two actresses out into the middle of them. They're just standing there like, why have you done this? And I still say, Z avengers, the symbol.

You're like, all right, okay. Bob, back to you. Man, I have so many words just rushing through my head. I choose zero point, which is the ultimate ability of the agent K.O. from the game, Valorant, which disables characters' abilities when they're hit with it. What is the Panthers ability? I don't know, speed, biting, whatever abilities they have, they can't do nothing. All they can do is slowly walk around and be all, I'm disabled them temporarily.

I think their best ability is that they are black at night, so they're almost invisible, so they turn white. I'll say they like invert, so they're really easy to spot. It's also cool because it's like a throwing knife thing, you're all. He says something cool and then he's all All right Man you have stacked up the powers Bob You got a Zeppelin to get out of there So you not only get out you get home

You got Zanata who's probably Let's just assume he only takes one of them down Which it's Zenaata He can also heal He's primarily a healer Zaptose Which is literally like A giant electrical bird

Unless the Panthers are ground type Oh, that's true. Are Panthers Ground type? They seem more like... I would assume... They seem more like normal type to me. Or dark. Probably dark type.

Maybe dark. Maybe, yeah. All right. ZZ Top is there playing music and then zero point this ability from Valoran. I'm going to just go on a limb and say you're going to survive

the three and a half Panthers pretty easily. All right. Maybe with a couple scratches unlike me. Yeah. Well, wait, don't be too shocked because you have a zebra. which, very easy target for a panther.

That takes one of the panthers away. Wait, Lai just has bait to feed the... You have Zendaya. There's a zebra and two other people to feed the panthers. You have Zoe Saldana, who can't even like a third panther. But the problem is, I said three and a half panthers. Oh, don't worry, I can account for that. You've got a zap cannon.

What the fuck was zap cannon again? It's a move that like does crazy damage, but I think it's only got like a 33% chance to hit. That's another. So presumably it would kill half of a panther. Okay, it's 33%, which, but it's half a panther, so it's slower. Look, man, the zipper ain't going to help you. I think this is still a 50-50 shot. I'm not a hurt.

But the bait really got your numbers down. The bait really worked. Yeah, I didn't see the vision until just now. That makes so much sense. How it weighs on your conscience? I don't know. How's that feel? Wade, is that okay?

Do you live with it? Already forgotten about it. All right. Let's see if you're going to keep forgetting about it. Abba! Oh, no. Uh-oh. That looks like a head.

No, that's a tails. Unfair! Unfair! Okay, he called unfair. On that coin flip you call unfair? That's the thing? yes okay so if if it's unfair obviously you survive it overturns it but if it's doubly fair you lose a point deal all right here we go bonk wham heads tails uh so close so close man

unfair times two listen we're gonna have to add some stuff to the constitution if you want to do that all right sorry wade uh it didn't work out for you man half a panther away. That's so, that's honestly really close. It's pretty good. That was really, that was really close, man. You almost made it out. I should have brought a zigzagoon instead of a zipper. More bait. Yeah, more bait. Yeah, man. All right. Okay. Z the quillfish. It's French. All right, Bob, back to you. Uh, what is your letter? C.

C. Good choice. Not quite. Cunning Cement Hey, stop taking my words I don't know how to give encouragement With the C word Cool choice, comrade Cool choice, cool choice comrade Okay, that's good

Okay, gentlemen You have gone on a shopping trip But this shopping trip has gone horribly, horribly awry You are dead center In the middle of the world's largest IKEA Unfortunately, the building has caught on fire. You're in the maze-like areas of IKEA.

Everything's flammable, super flammable, actually. The sprinkler system is out. You either have to escape or die in the flames. The letter is C. Bob is going first whenever you're ready. I don't know what it does, but I choose a Class C fire extinguisher. I feel like that's an adjective. But there, it's a specific kind of fire extinguisers, there's A through D and K, and there's...

Class C, fire. Apparently it is involved in putting out electrical equipment fires such as motor, appliances, power tools, but it is still just generally a fire extinguisher. Wade, how do you feel about that one? It doesn't sound like it'll be that useful, so let them have it. Alright, Class C, specifically Class C, fire extinguisher. You got it. Wait. Carpet, comma, magic to fly out on. There's two Cs in there.

Yeah, if he gets fire extinguisher, why can't I have a carpet? If you could say Chaw Magic or something like that, maybe, but I, I, this is bending the rules quite a bit, guys. I let him bend. Alright, I'm gonna give you a carpet, and I'm gonna put parentheses magic. I won't tell you what kind of magic. That's fine. All right Bob back to you

I would like A civic please A civic All right Cooler car No Nah nah nah Nah nah nah

No cooler car Both with C's I think it works So he gets a cooler car than you That's a That's just a cool It's a he can have a car He doesn't get to have a cooler car

That's an adjective Well the car is also a C It's because the adjective Works with this one because they're both C So it's, he, he's specifying just what type of, all right, he gets a car. Just any car. I will literally pick a random car out of a random car generator. That's what you get.

All right, Bob. I choose Commander Kean. Commander Kean. Who is that? It's a side-scrolling platformer game. Developed by Ed Software. Okay, all right, Commander Kean. I choose Commander Keen.

He'll save us. Uh-huh, sure. Wade. Clap-trap? Clap-trap from the borderlands. He actually does almost always kind of help. He does. He does. He's helpful. Bob. A carrier.

I'll let you interpret that however you might. It might be an IKEA bag, but we'll see where the cards land. All right. Wade, Cougar. Also to interpret it. We'll see where the cards land. You got a cougar. All right. Okay, Bob, last choice.

Oh, man, I'm already so safe. You know what? I'll just have a snack, cord dog. All right, wait, last chance. Wow, wow. You were so fast, Bob. Chewing gum. Chewing gum.

Chewing gum. Hey, you could have another double C if you go the other route. I accidentally did. Chewing gum. He's got it. All right, that's what you get. I don't want that. Gum.

Well, I wouldn't allow that because it's just like all gum is chewing for towing. I don't know. The rule, okay, I don't even know. Next time I'm going to be super strict. Only single words. That's what I'll say.

Only one word. World's perfectest letters. All right, okay, all right. Listen, you guys are messing it up. All right. Classy fire extinguisher. That's good. That helps you.

I think that would at least get you one. room away. That would be some progress, right? It would make some progress. You have a civic. I'm assuming that's a Honda Civic. You could probably bash through a wall or two. Commander Kean

Commander Keen is an 8-year-old boy with an IQ of 314. He's a brilliant inventor. He's built a spaceship. He's built the Bean With Bacon Mega Rocket, as well as other devices out of household materials.

And he's known for traveling around on his Pogo stick, which he discovered on Mars, allowing him to perform incredible high and far jumps that let him reach inaccessible areas. Holy shit. He didn't perform incredibly enough to have a game in the last 24 years. Well, either way, that Pogo Stip might jump you out of there, I guess. There's multiple levels to this IKEA, but I'm assuming they could help. Carrier, I'm going to say that's not an aircraft carrier.

I'm gonna say that's some kind of a thing to carry things, but still, you have a corn dog. Between the fire extinguisher, the Civic to drive through walls and Commander Keen with 300 IQ, I'm thinking you get out. I think all I needed was Commander Keen. I think he's got, we're an IKEA surrounded by home goods. That's his, that's his materials. Now, Wade, you have a carpet, magic. There is a moment in Aladdin where the carpet catches a little bit on, fire, but much like the fire extinguisher, I think

that gets you progress towards the exit, but not full pros. I need to pull up a random car generator to see what car you get. A Hyundai Lantra also good. That's fine. That's a nice compact car. That's fine.

Bam, through a few more walls. And then, okay, you have Claptrap. Now, Claptrap's benefit is claptrap is metal. Has one wheel. Has some weapons, I think. generally speaking can be zappy he zaps

you have a cougar is this an older woman or is this the cat leave it to the coin oh all right okay heads cat tails

madam yes that's tails okay so you have an older but attractive female companion and plenty of chewing cum

I think I I think that if there's fire on the way out, I use her as another rug. You feed her to the fire, just like you feds and die into the Jaguars. There we go. Ladies out there never accompanied me into a disaster zone. Oh, man. All right.

I think you do make it because the carpet gets you pretty far, I think farther than the fire extinguisher. The car is equivalent. You bash you there. And clap trap, not quite as smart as Commander Keen, but has some utility. So besides, you look really cool chewing your chewing car. I'm flowing on the way out of the fire. Really well done.

I think you live. Oh, man, but at what cost? At what cost? Only nobody really knows evidence burned up in the fire. All right, we only got through five letters. I'm shocked. I had a bunch more prompts, but we are fortunately out of time to do any more. Keep track of what letters we use those.

That way, if we do it again, we don't have to use those again. I got it. It'll stay in my notebook here. Um, so I'm going to read the letters. I'm going to read the points that you got. Bob, be ready to be surprised. What do you mean, man? There's anybody's game out here.

Oh, man. All right. Bob, you get why wet point? Dizzy from Scream. You won. You survived falling out of an airplane. You survived every scenario. I just realized that you survived everything.

I'm a survivor. I'm not going to give up You survive falling up an airplane You survived being executed by firing squad You survived being in a car in a frozen river You survived three and a half panthers at night And the fire in the world's largest IKEA Wade you got a sleeping point

You toss some football around Ooh hoo hoo hoo ho ho ho ho ho ho who That's what I wrote I don't remember what that was Three scenario three which is car and frozen River and scenario five which is world's largest IKEA so oh yeah that's it so with bob you have seven points going into the final round in wait you have five points still within the wheel of possibility and there's a chance we've not seen sudden death in at least one episode yeah yeah

that that won't come up again i'll put on the wheel like uh put nigh i'd live what's that mean for the survivor like who is the best who who served who lived i put will to live The will to live. Because if any of you are just like, I give up or something in the episode, that will be... Will to live. All right. How many spins are we doing? How many?

Right. Come on. One. All right. There's still a chance. Sudden death. Sword and death. All our golf rules.

The wheel would never pull golf rules again on me. It would never pull golf rules. I see. Surprise. off rules. These are really getting jammed in here, these long calls. And here's the one spin.

Come on. Daddy needs a new pair of wins. Oh, happiest contributions. I will say that might be weighed because you were dizzy from a scream and then you were complaining about the weather being wet. He slept, even though he was sick, he slept and he tossed a football.

And he went, oh, ho, hoo-hoo-ho-ho-ho-ho. And his suggestions made me laugh a lot. So I'm going to give you, I'm going to give you that point. So, uh, but unfortunately, Wade, that puts you at six. Oh man, that's a close game. So close. Yes. It was a close game. And in this game, only letters, friends. Only letters, friends was written at the top. I-T-G-O-L-F, it golf. Golf rules. For the very beginning, this was a golf rules episode. Oh, Mark did surprise golf rules? In this game,

only letters, friends. I said that at the beginning in the opening of this entire episode as the name of the game. It golf. Wade wins with the lowest number of points. I'm mad about that, but just because I'm curious, if we had gotten surprised golf rules on the wheel, would that have flipped it back?

It would have flipped it back. Oh, man. That would have been the most painful loss of my career. Can you imagine getting that with the one spin and then having it take it away because the rules were already? No, imagine, imagine absolutely having luck dictate that you're the winner of an episode and then having the golf rule spin come up and steal it away from you.

Who could that happen to? Who indeed? That might be the most painful loss of your career win, but we'll never know how that feels. That's a shame that is. Anyway, masterful performance, Bob. Masterful. What a survivor.

You did so good. And by the sheer technicalities of, I'm going to throw a curveball in here. You don't know how long I was like, how do I hide golf in the name of this thing? Easy. Just read words and we won't pay attention.

You know, I probably could have been that easy, because I was like, a game of letters, freedom, game of letters, fun, game of letters, feelings. I was really trying to figure out how to do that, but in this game, only letters, friends is what I came up with. Congratulations, Wade. You, by the sheer cosmic forces that surround you, uh, win. For some reason, unfair was already called, so I guess there's not even anything I can do about it. No, sadly, sadly. Hell yeah, I really thought this through stupidly something.

somehow. You know, Mark, great game. Bob and I picked some of the not easiest letters to work with. Some that we thought would be easier ended up being harder than expected. But, you know, I got to give credit where credit is due. Zendaya, Zagugar, Zoe Saldana, thank you for your sacrifices. They didn't help, but somehow they did. They did help. They just didn't do it all. They contributed a lot to that scenario, really. They could have contributed just a little more, you know. Anyway, thank you. Bob, I'm, uh, I am sorry about this one. I almost thought about not doing it, but I did, did plan that from the beginning.

You know what? I do understand it, because we have to manufacture ways where Wade is allowed to win by not paying attention to anything, at least some of the time. Whoa. I was paying attention today. I just thought. We have to work that in or he would just never win anything. So I get it.

You know, I get it. Don't hate the player, hate the game. I'm not hating the game. I'm, I'm respecting the game. About me, I feel like I got some... Oh, I'm just kidding, you fuck. Anyway, uh, I lose and wait host the next one. Hooray! Alright. Well, thank you guys so much.

If only we had rebuttals in these Luther speeches. I choose to rebuttal. You know, first he doesn't even remember the episode I host, and now this? You want to come over and have a catch, though? Throw a ball? Yeah, new winner. speech thanks mark this is the first episode we've done since the what the couch episode real good to be hanging out together again we've done two episodes

since the couch episode I don't count either one of them listen listen I'm glad this is the most divisive episode possible but I I thank Amy for coming up with the idea that was very fun you guys did great I appreciate both of you but unfortunately one is the winner all right thank you But you know who's a winner? You at home, listening and or watching. Both of you did equally good, I'm assuming. All both of our listening watchers?

The listener and the watcher. Thank you. Thank you for being here all the way to the end. Hope you enjoyed it. Follow the podcast to stay up the day with it. We do two a week. Don't know if you knew that. And if you haven't told your friends about it,

don't do it. Don't tell your friends and family about this podcast. Thank you. Thank you, Bob and Wade. That was very funny. And have a good day. Podcast down. Watch new episodes on Spotify.