Distractible - It's Mark's Birthday

Episode Date: June 26, 2023

Today on Distractible, the guys find out how Mark's Birthday connects to their most profound moments of love. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and welcome to Distractable. This week, love is in the air. Wade gets hammered playing with himself in a mine, but meets Molly because of it. Bald Bob admits he wooed his wife, sexting during boring business meetings. Magnificent, marvelous,

majestic Mark. A mitswapping spit is a key to happiness. And that absence makes the heart grow fonder. From projected eyes to distractible sex door merch. Yes, it's time for It's Mark's Birthday. Happy birthday, boss. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome to another episode of Distractible.

I'll be your host for today. My name is Bob and I am joined as usual by my co-hosts and competitors for this episode Mark and Wade hi thank you so much for joining us for another exciting episode of distractible

if you've never seen the show before I can't keep that I don't I don't know where that voice came from it started happening but I'm not gonna keep doing that because I hate it if you've never seen the show before, I can't keep that. I don't know where that voice came from. It started happening, but I'm not going to keep doing that because I hate it. If you've never seen the show before, we all take turns hosting. I'm hosting this one because I won the last episode. But someone else is going to win this episode. Maybe. Maybe.

And they'll have to host the next one. So I'll keep track of points or maybe not. Maybe arbitrary judging. Who knows? Anything goes. The host makes the rules and I'm the host and I'm insane. So you never know what to expect from episodes that I host. But yeah, the tradition that we have here on the show is before we get into the part

where you earn points. Actually, you can earn points in this small talk part. Can I some no not today you have to earn them today you have to earn them uh but before we get into the actual like topic of the episode that i have prepared and thoroughly researched we usually make small talk how's it going how are you guys how How's life? The world is changing and being rocked to its foundational core. Oh? Yes. That sounds exciting. Our lives will never be as they are in this moment,

and everyone needs to shake and quiver inside of their homes. Let him cook. Let him cook. I think I might know what you're talking about. Oh, I'm about to. Well, maybe I have no idea. Let him Tim Cook. I think I might know what you're talking about. Oh, I'm about to. Well, maybe I have no idea. What, I'm Tim Cook? Yes, yes, let's be Tim Cook. Because I, today, will show you the greatest invention to ever exist in the history of forever,

which is known, if people are watching on spotify as an oven oh the vision pro air horns and whatnot i know that when this episode comes out there no one this is old news everyone's already really old actually yeah but i i gotta say if people are not watching on spotify they just gotta go because all of this aside about like oh is it tech oh it's just another vr headset oh is it gonna be any better and i'm sure that it's like product wise it'll be great and whatever but this is what i i the only takeaway i have from the website okay everyone i'm giving you a chance to go to spotify right now so you can see the video. I'm showing it visually.

Burn! It's this jump scare when the vision comes in here. Burn! It's the scariest thing I've ever seen because it's just

so jarringly sudden and i know what it is it's because this right up here is not this model's face or this person this is not their face it is not see-through glass it is uh like an ai recreation of their face that is projected on the front to give the aesthetic that you can still make eye contact with this person. And it's so off-putting. Can you scuba dive with this? Yeah, that's all I can see.

Apple's making scuba goggles. Yeah, that's the only thing I can see from this is they just need a little blowy. I have no problem with any of that. I have no problem with the design because I like VR and I know VR is clunky and there's really no way to make it elegant. But this terrifies me. This picture scares me in much the same way. And I feel like Apple is going down this rabbit hole of unintentionally terrifying designs to a very small subset of people.

But it's not the first time that this has happened, because the... Oh. I'm sorry. For non-watchers, Mark just got trypophobia-ed really bad. Because he opened the new

Mac Pro website on the Apple store, which is like layers of cheese graters all going over each other and weird. It's horrifying to look at. Awful to look at. And I feel like no one talks about it. This is, I can't look at this. I could never have this sitting on my desk. I like it.

I would love to have this sitting on your desk. Mark is horrifying. Let me order you one. Can I get your address? Listen, if I had $30,000 to spend on a normal computer that does the same thing that my normal desktop does, I would absolutely buy a Mac pro, but Oh yeah, sure yeah sure oh imagine the goggles with that design and so it's just like it just feels like someone at apple is just not afraid of these things in the same way that i am this is terrifying to me it's the eyes are wrong it's it's just the expression doesn't match there is something you're absolutely right there's something it's the 3d ness of the eyes right you could because on a normal if the goggles weren't there you could see how like as the as you get to the side of the head it starts to go back and the way that the this looks on the goggles it looks like her her

eyes are just protruding out really far and that her they don't they don't go back towards her ears she just has like a big eye chunk that's like see i was thinking that they just like made the image slightly opaque around the eyes i think it looks normal to me no but it's not i could see what mark's saying it looks pretty like uncanny in a way that's hard to quite exactly describe it's so ever so slightly wrong and i i was well i knew this i knew it was wrong it felt off before i learned that this on the front is not see-through it's just another lcd display on the top that projects an image of artificially generated eyes wait wait wait so i thought that was just marketing are you saying that's a feature of of the headset is that because i know that it's not see-through because it has

screens and that's sort of part of the thing it's it's partially see-through maybe but like it's not really like this see-through but the headset does that in real life on purpose yes what yes 100 oh i thought that was just for the image too that's a real feature projecting eyes no that is the feature of projecting a screen with eyes that are not the eyes inside but it is a recreation of the eyes that's as far as i understand it but yeah this is not see-through to this person's actual eyes i get get that, but I thought it was just like a marketing thing. Like some guy in Photoshop was like, let's make it so you can see the eyes. Let's personalize this.

But like, ooh. The opening of the eyes as you zoom out. The blink wasn't right. The blink was wrong somehow, too. How is that blink wrong? I'm confused about that. It's just all of it is very confusing. I absolutely hate that if

if in real life when you use the goggles if it tries to project your eyes onto the front that's awful i hate that very much we should do a whole episode where we wear these mark you buy them for us and we'll wear them yeah as soon as we that's good good talk all right we get... I'm wondering if this is... Displays... Even the inside, that looks creepy, man. Well, this is just a VR inside. It looks awful, Mark. It's crazy.

See, that's what creeps me out. The inside. You've never done VR before. Oh, I have. Did they? I have a whole headset right here. In a box? In plastic?

Oh, okay. It's out of the box. Look at you. Look at you, buddy. Did they announce the price for this? I think I saw some people talking about a price, but I don't know if that was a speculation or an actual thing. Is this $3,500 for this headset?

$3,500. Starting at $3,500. Starting at $3,500? Starting at what,500 starting at 35 starting at what what is what do you upgrade to go up from there it's a headset $3,500 starting at I I I follow Casey this is no shade I follow Casey Diestat because I really like his his daily vlogs I watched for a long time I like his videos he makes cool stuff. Oh, I hate that. I hate the eyes projecting onto the front of it so much.

This is it. This is what I was looking for. Yeah. That's horrendous. I hate it. Let those nearby know when you're using apps or fully immersed in an experience. When someone approaches, Vision Pro simultaneously lets you see the person and reveals your eyes to them. I hate...

You know what if you want to make eye contacts with someone i have a solution to offer my own self maybe it's too low tech just take the headset off and maybe look at them no no no for making human eyes for making content you can look at your viewers and they can see you oh yeah uh yeah uh but anyway what i was like i i so i saw casey neistat talking about 3500 price tag and like i'm not even saying he's wrong but casey had a tweet or something that was like no you know what 3500 i get it this is new this is new technology right this is letting people who want it can spend that and get in on the ground floor but it's going to get cheaper as it scales it'll get cheaper in future iterations right this is just the price you have to pay for innovation which one sure what a very uh like wealthy technologist take but yeah

okay sure this headset is not marketed for everyone this is not like the quest headset that's like 300 or whatever this is this is a fancy new thing but also none of this is new like am i missing something none of the things apple announced this and they were like the bleeding edge of vr ar technology no no it's not this is just all shit that all the other headsets do it just is designed by apple now which is a meaningful thing because apple apple doesn't do things until like they're sure they're going to take right apple is a slow adopter when apple finally gets something when apple finally put nfc in the iphone because it was already everywhere and they were like all right nfc is going to be a thing so this is like it's meaningful but is this doing something i'm not understanding in terms of the tech or something or it's not a new technology it's the same shit that all the headsets have right let's not focus on the vr

parts that you experience let's talk about the eyes that other people experience when they look at you that is new i will give them that the eye the eye thing that's new feature the feature that you'll never experience that everyone else will that's new feature the feature that you'll never experience that everyone else will that's what you're paying for but yeah i mean i'm not at all naysaying and i think it's a very sleekly designed thing and uh like i might i kind of want one it's kind of expensive but like i kind of want one it seems cool but is this am i missing something is this new it's not new right this is the same shit that already exists. It's just everything that exists, but up to Apple's level of polish, which, I mean, for what everyone wants to say about Apple,

I know it has its critics, and there's plenty to criticize, I'm sure, but they do try to make it a robust ecosystem that is in their little walled garden and is the best example possible of the technology that it can combine with design. And I get that. However, that doesn't mean, to Casey Neistat's point against it, is when has Apple ever really lowered their prices? I mean, I don't know about that argument of like, we're going to get the ground floor.

I'm like, I remember the Oculus One, what, like 10 years ago now? That was the ground floor. It like i remember the oculus one what like 10 years ago now that was the ground floor it's not gotten cheaper i again and i'm paraphrasing casey's tweet and i i've not even like there's no shade at him whatsoever but yeah i don't know who thinks apple's gonna charge less like 3500 for a vr headset where the market is like starting at it ranges from $300, $500 up to you could spend a lot if you wanted to you could spend into the into the thousands on other brands headsets but like I don't know the other thing that I will say is not to get too tech nerdy about it this Apple headset as far as they've marketed it seems to ship with no controller of any kind, which is

cool. That's what they're going for. Apple, they're very focused on, you control it with your eyes, and your voice, and your hands. It's got advanced hand tracking, whatever. Sure. And maybe Apple did something that no one else has figured out yet, but if I had to use my Oculus Quest that I have used as my main VR headset headset without the controllers and just rely on the hand tracking and the gestures and whatnot i would lose my fucking mind it does not work that well there's no version of that technology that exists yet where i was like i don't need i don't need the controller i don't need the physical buttons i don't need the joystick i can you i feel confident in the hand tracking and the no

so unless Apple really changed the game on that and maybe they did because I have no hands on or anything I haven't even seen this thing actually work right I've only seen the promotional stuff maybe they did but I'm betting at least some people will pop in and be like god I wish there was a

I wish there was a controller of some sort or something I wish there was a button I could push instead of doing little hand gestures. I'm picturing all of the horrible things, like a rich family that buys one for all members of the family, and they go to get their family portrait. They hang on their double staircase entryway,

but they're all wearing the masks and the portraits, so their eyes are all kind of out front and disjointedointed or you walk into a room it's dimly lit and the tv's just like got static on it you go to look at the family and they're all sitting on the couch smiling but they've all got the headsets on and it's just their eyes like smiling at you and like looking around that's what gets me about the thing in general is like i am not going to buy this because i like the the basically the quest 2 is does everything i wanted to do the newer even the newer one like the quest pro with their eye tracking is like man that was good but it was like 1500 3500 for a product that i'm not going to use every day i i think i debate buying a new phone every year which is a privileged thing to even say and that's

fifteen hundred dollars a year and that's a big debate and i've recently started like not not upgrading with every iteration i've waited like two years at a time three years for one of those like upgrades at a certain point there just because it wasn't worth it i used to do every two or three years you had your uh 12 for quite a long time i did yeah i went from the 12 to like the the 14 plus because it wasn't any different it just wasn't different yeah yeah yeah no i mean it's hard to uh ignore the fact that apple does tend to do things in a very apple way and maybe this headset is going to be an absolute game changer in terms of how VR works and blow all of our expectations away. But also, if it's kind of just like a really fancy, highly designed, sleeked up version

of what already exists, $3,500 is a lot of money for the experience that it will give you. If it allowed you to see through it you could toggle between seeing your experience versus just like oh I need to see what's going on around me that would be kind of cool oh you can do that?

it does that with the cameras right? which is pass through as a quest feature that's cool now we're getting better that's moving up on my list this is our problem with like talking to technology to wait is like we always start with the criticism so none of the glowing like reasons that it's actually okay always start at the top and work your way down no you gotta really start at the top and work your way down

what sorry i really am into the michelin man there's a lot of curvature there you're throwing me for a few loops here but all right i'm trying to keep up yeah no and this is a thing that bothers me too and like i wasn't trying to uh get too negative because no one's touched it yet. I don't know if they're going to have hands on at the developers conference. They did. Yeah, they did. And so like, well, you'll start to see videos and stuff coming out.

But until like I actually use it, it's pretty presumptive, presumptuous, presumative. What's that word? Presumptuous. It's pretty bold of me to make conclusions about this thing, because I don't know what I'm talking about. I just know what it looks like, and I'm making assumptions. But that's a lot of money.

For the cost of a really good gaming computer, an entire computer, just the headset, you know? It looks like it could just be an Apple rebadge of an existing headset. It does not look on the face of it like it did anything that changed the game too dramatically. But, hard to say. Marquez has a video that has already been out for a while now giving his first impressions. I'll watch that later.

Maybe they'll sponsor us and we can do a full distractible episode where the people just look at our projected eyes. How do I... I literally am subscribed to his channel with the notifications on. How do I not see these things? I want to, I'm going to watch that later.

It was at 8.19 today when we recorded this. Oh, well. Oh, wait, no. He uploaded 10 hours ago. So we uploaded at midnight. Damn. Who? Mark Zuckerberg.

What a try hard. This guy. Gotta get the content out. No, I appreciate it. He's talking about Marquesquez brownlee mkbhd is like one of the premier tech youtubers oh gets his little mitts on all the cool stuff early big apple fan yeah which you know i've come around apple a lot you know i i my my laptop of choice now is pretty much a macbook like just for on the road editing sake.

I can't really game much on it, but like it's, it works. It does work. Sweet USB-Cs. All right. We're not here. There's no points to be earned fanboying for Tim Cook's little products.

Wade, you're behind the times. Cause in the, the reason I got the latest one is because they changed up the port system to not just be USB-C. They have multiple ports, but also Apple is Thunderbolt, and that's the only saving grace. The only reason I could actually... Thunderbolt? I've heard of that.

Anyway, whatever. I remember some kind of very angry story relating to Thunderbolt or something like that. The details are so fuzzy. I don't know. Did I get points? Do you have any small talk? That was all Mark's small talk. That counts as Mark's.

So, you know what? Points to Mark for bringing up the thing that I was hoping we would cover. Because I was also quite interested in that. What about you, Wade? What exciting news do you have? And or technology updates. And or Soldier Boy updates. What do you got?

Surprise me. Delight me. Oh, man. It's hot. i'm moving and all my free time goes to packing in diablo 4 how does diablo 4 help you move mental decompression after a stressful day i'll allow it we all need a little r and r that's a healthy mental attitude points for you sir thank you less points than than Mark, though, because I like the stuff Mark was talking about.

And other stuff Mark would say that you can imagine. No, we're not playing that game. We're not playing that game. You have to earn them today. Well, I'm fucked. I guess, Mark, that's something of hosting ideas. Alright.

Hey, just wait. You'll see. We'll see. You'll see'll see everyone will see all together i want to start today's topic with a story the year is 2010 it's november it's it's the it's getting into the middle of the the year, the fall quarter or semester, whatever. The fall school session. And I am sitting in an evening class in the McMicken building on UC's campus. And I honestly could not even, I tried to remember. I can't remember what the class was. It was so painfully boring. It was some

business communication class where they like taught us how to send professional sounding emails or something just awful like that. And while I'm sitting there trying to distract myself in a world before the social media was quite as big as it is today, I get a text message from a girl and the text message basically says, Hey, yeah, a text message from a girl. And the text message basically says, hey, yeah, I've been thinking about you. And I text back like, yeah, you know what? I've been thinking about you too. And we text and we text and I'm not paying any attention to this class whatsoever. And we text and we land at, once this class is out, I'm going to go hang out. I'm going to come over. And we do that. I go and hang out and we we start watching videos on this website

called youtube was not brand new in 2010 but uh was you know newish to us and uh we started watching all kinds of stuff music videos funny videos if i remember i think we watched a fair amount of r kelly's trapped in the closet mini music video series which you know ignoring the sins of the artist it is a funny series of videos we had a good time laughing at them uh we watched so many videos had such a good time that the roommates in the room next door literally came over and were like hey stop laughing we're jealous you guys are are clearly having fun and we're miserable humans. So shut up. And yeah, I mean, that was the start of the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I'm pretty sure. Beating up roommates? No, no, no. Angering roommates because we're having such a good time. Fast forward from that room in, it was in Stratford Heights for you UC grads, that room near a UC campus to New Year's Eve of 2012. And I'm hanging out with that girl. Let me set the button real quick, Mark.

That does not include you because you're not a graduate. Go ahead, Bob. Wow. Okay. What have I ever done to you? Let me change that qualification. That's for all of you people who lived in Clifton. Oh, okay.

Mark, you're back in. You're back in. Come here. Come here. All right. Yeah. Did you live in Clifton, Wade? I did.

I had an apartment down there in 2008 to 2009, and then I had a house with my ex down there oh man until i totally broke up in 2011 i was down there from sophomore year through a year after my senior year if i think of a way to categorize this in a way that can exclude you more i will but for now we'll just say residents of clifton fast forward to new year's eve 2012 i'm hanging out with that same girl at that same girl's parents house because they live in the c the Cincinnati area, and I make up a terrible excuse that I need to go. It's New Year's Eve and we have dinner plans, and I forgot my something back at our apartment, and it was just awful and super awkward, but in my head I was like, ah, she has no idea.

I've snuck out. I'm free to go to the apartment and light a bunch of candles and put a cheesy fireplace YouTube video on the TV in the living room and spread a bunch of rose petals around so that later, when her parents bring her to pick me up for the dinner plans we have, she'll have to come up to the apartment to get me and be surprised. She was not surprised not even slightly but that is that night on new year's eve in 2012 that is the night that i very slyly and cleverly proposed to this girl you might have guessed who she is at this

point yes it's mandy and oh damn i was way off yeah I mean, it could be anybody, but it turns out it's Mandy. Yeah, and I proposed, and she said yes. And she continued to say yes for a year and a half until the summer of 2014, when on Mark's birthday, we enshrined our love forever by having a wedding ceremony surrounded by friends and family, and we completely ignored the fact that it was Mark's birthday because our wedding was way more important, and Mark suck it it's okay i i bought myself a cupcake that night it's okay bob he didn't even graduate i don't know why man what's going on You guys fighting before this or something? No, I'm just...

Points to Mark because I'm sad now. What's going on, guys? Points to Wade for being an absolute savage. Thank you. Anyway, yeah, no, that's a very abridged and poorly told version of my love story with Mandy. But honestly, I think it's a pretty cute story. I love story with Mandy. But honestly, I think it's a pretty cute story.

If it was told in a better way and if it was more details, which Mandy remembers better than I do, I'm sure. I think it's a... I mean, it's changed my entire life, so maybe I think too highly of it. But I think it's a nice, you know, very classic love story. And I think because this episode happens to be coming out two days before the most important day of the year, Mark's birthday. Thank you. But also two days before our ninth wedding anniversary on June 28th.

I guess I'm in the mood to talk about love, guys. Talk about love. Not Valentine's Day or anything, but I want to do a classic episode where I tell a story and then I ask you to tell me stories. Maybe even give me titles of stories about love and it doesn't have to be romantic people love be love between a person and an object or a metaphorical love between humanity and humanity i don't know if they collectively really love anything very consistently i don't know whatever you want it could be all kinds of love maybe two ais fell in love i don't know is that a thing maybe i want you guys to regale me with stories of love stories of love i will say it

could also be personal stories like uh if you've ever been to a wedding in a wedding maybe in a wedding on your birthday it just doesn't throw away anything like that i've got one but like you know it i just don't know if our general distractible audience knows it that's allowed because you guys obviously know the story because pretty much i'm going to tell it you guys were there for almost all of it that is true we were what story is what are talking about? How my wife and I got together. Oh, okay. All right, then. Well, I've told my story about what I did for love.

I told that. Yeah. There's a whole animation about that. It's true. It's true. That was very funny. I believe in you, Mark. that's great Wade go alright great so

what's your story called uh Wade got hitched no points for that that sounds boring shit uh love and minecraft but you have to sing it like that when you say it if you have to sing it i guess that earns points in my mind what a peculiar way to do it good job buddy thank you i don't know why that came to mind but it did and i'm proud of it thank you al and peggy that's a character that's a character from love and marriage oh anyway yeah that was a weird call back in my brain yeah you guys know the story

because you were there for pretty much all of it but back in 2012 we were doing drunk minecraft and i believe whenever we recorded drunk minecraft everyone thinks that we drank like three times a week and just got hammered for each episode. But we were smarter than that. And we recorded three or four episodes at a time. We would get together, drink, do a bunch of episodes or whatever. And then when Mark would have like a week or two's worth of content, I don't remember how often you post.

It was like two a week, three a week, something like that. And we had recently started the series. I had been to some of Mark's streams bob nor i had youtube channels we were doing this just to hang out and be friends and mark was making content i don't know if you had a thousand subs when we're doing drunk minecraft did you i mean you were it was a very small channel at the time i had a few i had a couple thousand hey come on now i'm like july i had like two or three you were a baby channel no the first drunk minecraft was my birthday so it would have been Hey, come on now. In like July? You sound like July. I had like two or three. You were a baby channel.

No, the first Drunk Minecraft was my birthday, so it would have been... Oh, it all comes back to my birthday! The circle of love. Points to Mark for being the center point on the circle of love. Yes, circles can have centers. Welcome to my geometry class. And circles can be shaped like hearts but still be circles just trust me on that it's true it's true wade's not wrong like that for everything it's true it's true because i believed i believed so hard just

because there was the vouch nothing in my mind could doubt after that. If someone vouches for you, it obviously has to be true. It's a fact. Believe it. So we recorded probably two bunches of Drunk Minecraft, maybe three, because I think it was episode nine called The Proposal where I asked Molly out. So it had been before that that we were recording. It was the one where you two got married in Minecraft

and like Zombie Mole had given you two like a cheetah to ride around on in the church after you two got married. Oh yeah, we had a bobcat or whatever that was. Yeah, sure. So you two got married and you guys were like, woo, we're married, life's so great. And I typed in the chat and I was like, well, who's going to marry me?

Jokingly and doing the self- bit that I do my shtick never gets old username foxtrot44 on minecraft said who wouldn't want to marry you and instantly my ego was just like right who are you talk to me pretty lady and thankfully my

mouth didn't say the things that my ego was saying because stupid ego shut the fuck up um but we chatted like i don't know for like i was like i feel like i responded to her at that that's like the bit i remember i might have said like something in chat and that was kind of the end of it and randomly like that same week uh i was scrolling on tumblr i don't know if you remember mark but way back in the day you probably still have them there But there was a Markiplier Tumblr fan page. And I was talking to one of the people who ran it.

And I guess there were like three or four people involved. And one of the people happened to be Foxtrot44 again, a.k.a. my wife Molly. My wife now. And she was like, yeah, I'm going to hop on Vox sometime. If you ever want to play, let me know. And there was a night where I think I poked you guys. Like, I'm just going to hop on Vox for fun. Vox Populi was the name of the Minecraft server that we played Minecraft on for drunk minecraft

I just want to hop on for fun because I was starting to like get into Minecraft and enjoy it a lot I think you two were busy and I was like well fuck I don't want to hop on just like by myself and I was like one person said they would hop on let's hop on and I hopped on with Molly and The first thing we did was we went to see her house. The server had like towns and things like different people owned. You could like claim land, build lots and stuff. And I was like, oh, cool. Yeah, I'll see your house.

And I showed up and there was just paved ground, bed, chest, no roof, no walls, nothing. And it was raining. And she was just standing in front of like this one little half chest and bed like yep this is my house and i was like this is the most pathetic awful thing i've ever seen what a line oh my god i can see why she fell in love with you instantly i was like this is sad let's build you an actual house do you have tools and she like pulled out a wooden axe and i was like okay we're gonna go mining we're gonna get you some iron we're gonna chop down some trees build you a house we went over we started like digging for iron and immediately latin goddess

found us and was like wade and girl doing thing and teleported us to a chapel and force wet us and i was like i didn't remember that detail yeah we immediately before we even started getting stuff we were like force married in minecraft and i was like well this is on the nose a bit i don't know anything about this person but i guess we're married in minecraft let's go build a castle! Because I'm Lord Minion! I have Lord in my name! I get a castle! Woo! Let's go!

And we got into a wooden boat, sailed for some random ass amount of distance, found land, and I was like, castle time! Skipping ahead a bit, we got to know each other, we started dating.

In the episode, The Proposal, which we recorded, it was the last episode that we recorded in a bunch. We got together and we recorded like two or three episodes, and in the last one, I think it was The Proposal. I was like, hey, Molly, you want to go out? I was like, oh, this will be great. It's going to come out in an episode. It's going to be so cool. And what I didn't realize was I asked her out that I had to wait a fucking week before the episode came out to find out an answer. So for one week, I'm just like, remember that time time i asked her out but it's in the future

so i haven't yet but i just have to hang out with her and chat like that didn't happen that's cool so the entire week i was like hey what are you doing this friday i think mark told me the episode's coming out this friday no big reason for you to watch it but when you do let me know what you think yeah yeah okay sure very subtle yeah i'm the king of subtlety so ended up coming out she said yes laughed at me and was like yeah i knew something was up because you're acting weird as shit i was like what do you mean i was playing it so cool like cool is cool uh but we started dating uh september 14th of 2012 however long that was after um the proposal episode it was the same day we started dating but like

I don't remember what day we recorded it was probably like let's say a week before fast forward to another proposal the only surprise I've ever pulled off in our relationship was we went to PAX West and I think it was 2017 and I left the room

to go greet Mark downstairs I don't know if you were there yet, Bob. Mark had just arrived. I was like, I'm going to go say hi to him and see what's going on, what the plan is for the evening. And I got down and I was like, Mark, I want to propose to Molly on stage tomorrow on the panel. And you're like, yeah, dude, it's cool.

Let's do it. I don't know why you're hitting me. You were like very chill. Mark was a huge stoner in this alternate universe. Wade opens the door. A huge cloud of smoke billows out. Mark is like, hey, man. He's like, yeah, I need to buy.

I think you had to buy like a shirt or something. You had to buy something. So we went to a store. I needed to buy a shirt, man. Before you propose. I need like a shirt and like a watermelon you're like walk with me dude let's talk deets and i was like all right cool so i'm walking with you we're talking about the plan for the proposal and meanwhile molly's texting me like hey uh it's been like half an

hour is mark okay you coming back we gonna do anything because i'm just sitting in the room and i was like if only you knew what i was trying to set up you silence up there how dare you heathen i'm trying to propose to you who are you talking to man what's up this will chill you out bro hey is that a cell phone whoa keep that away. Whoa, that cell phone, the radio waves mess up my vibes, man. So next, that same evening, later on, we go to a panel of something, I forget what, and waiting outside, there's a fan. And the fan came up and was like, Wade, Molly, I love your guys' stuff. Wade, can I talk to you for a second? I was like, yeah, sure.

And he's like, hey, Mark's panel tomorrow. I want to propose. Molly's right next to me, and I talk to you for a second? I was like, yeah, sure. And he's like, hey, Mark's panel tomorrow. I want to propose. Molly's right next to me. And I'm like, oh, yeah, that sounds like a cool idea. Why would you think of that? Go on. And he's like, yeah, if it's cool. I mean, I know that you guys have like a thing where like one person has proposed a lot of these panels.

I'd love to be the one that proposes. And I was like, got no good reason to say no out loud right now. So yeah, man, I can probably make that happen. Sure. And I came to you and I was like, someone wants to propose on stage. And you guys were like, nah, it's your thing. You should do it.

I was like, I kind of already said yes because I couldn't say no. His name is Wade. Yeah, you said that at Stone. at stone mark was like i know man i remember i was there we talked about that last night fast forward to the panel we're behind stage we're getting like mic'd up and everything to walk out and it's the first time i think i've ever seen Mark or Sean seem nervous about anything. Like, Mark was pacing, which is very unusual.

Normally, he's just very calm. But he was, like, pacing. I ran out, man. I ran out. I'm coming down. I'm coming down. Oh, God. Bob was just kind of like, I've done this one already.

This isn't my problem. I'm here. Like, whatever. You got this, God. Bob was just kind of like, I've done this one already. This isn't my problem. I'm here. Like, whatever. You got this, probably. And Mark's just like, never been nervous before a panel before. I've never been nervous before a panel before. Oh, God. I'm starting to remember my name.

Oh, shit. Sean's all like, I'm happy for you. You got this. Oh. But he's like shaking, trembling, like nervous. And we apparently walked out. nervous and we walked out and when we walked out i thought we were like okay we're playing this off pretty cool molly was like yeah you guys walked out it seemed like something had gone like really wrong backstage like you guys

seemed really nervous or upset about something or like i don't know it just wasn't your normal like energetic walkout but she still wasn't suspicious of the proposal uh but i proposed on stage she said yes and then uh we had like a year and a half to two years before the wedding planning and let me tell you for what amounted to a 5 30 ceremony so get there like people started arriving at like five o'clock and everyone had to be out by like 10 o'clock so for what amounted to like five hours of our lives a year and a half still barely felt like enough time for wedding planning that shit sucks look i i don't get to take any credit for our wedding because mandy basically did it all herself but i remember you complaining so much about it and just thinking like it doesn't seem that bad

we had a wedding planner too we didn't even have a wedding planner i don't know if mandy is just like a party planning savant or what but she didn't make me do shit and the stuff she did put me in charge of i messed up so bad you have no idea we had to figure out the cake place what kind of cake how much cake how many guests do all the guest invites we had to do music and the way we did music we were like i don't want to think of songs so on every invite we like what was the song you would like to have played at our wedding and And we had people fill that out, and that's how we did our playlist. We had to pick out colors, tablecloth colors, venue. Like, there's so much that goes into it.

A lot of those things are related because, you know, the wedding colors are kind of similar across. You want the bridesmaid dresses to be a consistent color that goes with the tablecloths. They're related. You know, once you land on like, well, we're going with kind of a blue theme. Everything just needs to be kind of blue. How hard can it be? But we still had to go find it. And it was time consuming. Even with the wedding planner, it was time consuming because we still had to go make the decisions.

And it's a lot more time and money investment than like what you would expect for a five hour endeavor. But it was a beautiful wedding. Very happy. There's a video of it on my YouTube channel somewhere. I think Mark's channel, you have the proposal. Literally like me asking Molly out and proposing to Molly is on Mark's channel somewhere. And our wedding videos on my channel, our stuff is all so public, which is why I did the proposal publicly because I was like, oh, our life's so public. And the wedding video, it's like, well, our life's so public. Might as well. But that's how we ended up meeting, getting engaged, getting married, and here we are.

Sorry, it took a long time to tell that story. I like how I'm casually throwing that out there. Man, he's probably going to strangle me to death in my sleep. The wedding, man, it was easy, dude. It was so easy. Bro. Barely did a thing. I do have a... Dude, your stogie's enormous.

You're going to lose the game. He didn't even invent a pretext. He just picked it up and started sucking on it. I know. I don't have weed, but I got stogie. Apparently, there's a stogie word for this. I thought stogie was a sandwich, but apparently it's not. A hoagie?

No, stogie. Hoagie. Hoagie is a cigar. Hoagie stogie. Whatever, man. a hoagie hoagie hoagie whatever man so in all that time I've really

thought deep about the concept of love on a on a on a deep

human scale, bro. Uh-huh. I found some research about why humans kiss. Oh, that's interesting. Actually, I don't know. Lay it on. What? Wait, give us a title.

Okay. Sucking Face Saves Lives. Lovely. Good title. Points for you, sir. Good. Sucking face saves lives. Lovely. Good title. Points for you, sir. Good, good. The first known written mention came 3,500 years ago in India. Hindu Vedic Sanskrit texts that describe, quote,

drinking moisture of the lips and, quote, licking, an act where one inhales the soul of another. What? Whoa, another. What? Whoa. Hey, what am I doing to popsicles? Wait a minute. I thought I was just licking popsicles. I didn't realize I was consuming their soul.

Every popsicle is maybe the soul of the fallen. This is like the Bible of kissing, which states that when you drink moisture of the lips you inhale the soul of another on the first day god invented kissing and he said your soul shall be mine now get to first base yes exactly if there's one thing god loves is people fucking. I think the Catholic Church has made that very clear. And so we... What? They want people to have lots of babies.

No, tell them or get them. It's like a directive, right? You're supposed to procreate. That's a thing. The church wants you to do babies. To have a lot of babies. Dude, the shot's firing right now. I don't think that's shot.

I think that's honestly. Am I doing this wrong? Kind of, yeah. I'm pretty sure. Oh, yeah. Hit it with a fax. You're trying to be a hype man, but you're not hyping me. You're hyping your own narrative.

Oh, that's right. I am. Get me. Okay. Well, I hate that. I have points. You know what? You lose points. Well, you win some, you lose some. You lose two points. I'll put a number on this one.

I don't like that. Everything else has been so vague. Well, maybe two points isn't very many. Maybe you had lots of points. Maybe not. I guess we'll find out. Anyway... Mark, more about the souls. Maybe you had lots of points. Maybe not. I guess we'll find out. Anyway. Mark, more about the souls. Research into physical connection and the soul and reactions to kissing has found that nursing and kissing both use the mouse orbicularis, oris muscle, and both release oxytocin, leading some to hypothesize that our kissing is wired from birth. Both acts feel good, too.

I don't know why it says both Not sure what two acts they're referring to but anyway human nursing and kissing Nursing and kissing will do both at the same time Just have a mouth and a boob side-by-side combine the two and you've got ecstasy That's how it's made human lips are jam-packed with nerve endings that are at least 100 to 200 times more sensitive than fingertips kissing especially with tongue can help support our weak sense of smell to determine the most quote evolutionarily advantageous partner a conversation between immune systems that includes a literal swapping of spit, therefore bacteria, which can also increase our aptitude for withstanding bad pathogens. According to researchers, being aroused lessens feelings of disgust, which is unnecessary for an act that puts us at risk of contracting disease from another person.

It would be weird to be aroused and disgusted at the exact same moment. Like, oh, yep. Those are the sounds. it would be weird to be aroused and disgusted at the exact same moment like oh yep those are the sounds what are the other sounds of arousal disgust continue yes yes understand discousal I love it

that's a rousting yeah yeah yeah you you lost me at the last few but you know i think you you you hit it anyway that was my really boring research into uh why humans kiss oh that's an interesting point though okay kissing kissing is like instinctive it's something that you're taught from birth right your parents kiss you maybe mine did and everyone everyone kisses that's like a way but is that a is that a social construct or is that you're you're saying that it's not just a social construct there are reasons that that's a good thing for humans to do yeah like what an arbitrary way to demonstrate that we love each other i don't know the article goes into more depth and there's more research that i could pulled up but it's very

boring um but it all basically boils down to when you kiss it's an exchanging of pheromones and people often underestimate just how much uh relationships are purely chemical driven so without having any of these base chemicals and additionally without having any of the exchange of other chemicals, you do not become accustomed. In fact, there's some research that I found that the more saliva you intake from your partner and more bodily fluids in general, that does make its way to your digestive system. And therefore it changes the makeup of your microbiome to more closely relate to your partner's microbiome and that can you know fluctuations and that can lead to uh like different uh levels of you know like matching more fluids you take from your partner there was also research that i said that had no fundamental basis that was like if you are too similar then you unconsciously

start to detect your partner as a sibling and therefore are repulsed. And therefore that's why the heart grows fonder the longer you're not on her. The heart... The heart grows fonder the further you are from her. was gonna give you the no nipple get lip

but i like yours too uh-huh no no so kissing is good yep that's the only contribution i have to this apparent theme of this episode here look man i was wide open you could talk about any kind of love you had my entire story to go get married real quick and then come tell the story damn man you love chica chica chica shows love you love you love there's lots of stuff you love in the world and me probably places you know we've never exchanged saliva. We should. Oh, that's an episode. That sounds like me and Ethan talking about like Unus Otus ideas. It's like the most random bullshit you could possibly.

That's an episode. That's an episode. That's a video. No, listen. No. They have those remote kissing things, right? We each get one of those remote kissing stands. We each ship each other vials of saliva.

This is a hearkening from the old days of three peens that we used to give the most up-to-date information about the world of sex toys. And I'm going to bring that back. That's going to be my contribution to this episode because love is not lost imagine if this technology existed back in the days of those minecraft years when you first met you could have had a physical connection long before you ever met in person we found the one site years ago on three pins that they made sex dolls and they've had like porn star sex dolls so maybe we could have had one made of each of us and we could have had a sex doll wade and a sex doll molly while we lived apart so we could exchange we could mail

each other the saliva so we could exchange the juices while still seeing each other and feeling each other you juice up the the uh the uh the mouth you you get it you get it lubricated and then you do the no sure yeah that's an episode anyway that's horrifying to think about but i'm sure that in the time between now and then there have been numerous penis there's been numerous advantages in the world wait was it a was it an artificial one or was it just a regular human one well i was looking up a sectional site and I was like, there's got to be, like, new developments in the world this time.

So I'm scrolling, like, okay, these look... Because I was on one of the websites we were on before. I'm like, this is the same. And then it's just disembodied penis. And it's the text that says, hello, Max. That's what it says. I was like, that would have scared me if it said, hello, Mark. And I'm like, oh, man, you almost got me on that one.

Anyway. So, yeah, this looks largely the same, though, from the last time that we were here. There's really not much else. There hasn't been any AI implemented into the sex toy industry? That's what I'm wondering, because we all know that the porn industry drives basically all technological, not innovation, but adoption. Uh-huh.

Like, we knew this about Blu-ray. We talked about that before extensively. So how is AI... I'm going to Google that. How is AI going to revolutionize the... Whoa! What the shit was that? What happened? I don't want to talk about it. How is AI... Revolutionize the- Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaavavavava There we go. Alright. Okay.

Don't mind that. Will will trim around that. I won't look weird at all. It's fine. Alright. AI in a sex tech. The future of sex. Go on.

I have to read the article. Oh. Go on. I just, we need to know if this article is going to actually have any thing of substance or if this itself was, I should ask chat. No, chat GPT won't answer that question. Hmm. Oh, does it not talk about sex?

There's just an infographic that says Gen Z is lonely. I'm just like, Jesus Christ. But millennials are not that far behind. So apparently Gen Z is 79% lonely. Don't know what that means. No one was ever lonely before Gen Z. Millennials are 71% lonely. Boomers, 50-50.

Well, they're either married or they're dead. Men, 46% lonely. Wait, this doesn't make any sense. Wait, Gen Z is 79% lonely. Millennials, 71% lonely. Boomers, 50. Men, 46% lonely. Women, 45% lonely.

Don't add up. These numbers, they don't add up very good. What is 100% loneliness? What if it said men are 100% lonely? Does that mean that it's the saturation of loneliness in men in general? Is it 100% of men are lonely? Well, we have very spongy hearts,

so yeah, we absorb loneliness. Yes, exactly. It's really thrown off the statistics. You know, men are just like, women are not lonely at all, but men, they're just throwing everything off. That's how it goes. Well, you just need to wring it out a little bit. Have they invented a device to wring the loneliness out of men's hearts? Squeeze us, Mark.

Harvest the lonely. I wonder if it tastes good. I want ice cream made with the juice that comes out of men's hearts. Yeah, I want like a nice lone burger. Take some lonely meat and make a nice meal out of it with a lone shake. There's a sex toy that can be activated using Alexa. Alexa, do me! Oh, sorry to everyone listening who might have had an Alexa get turned off.

I just love the idea of like, you're sitting in a room with your roommates. You're all like watching TV and one roommate is just like, Alexa, initiate snack protocol. Initiate protocol 69. After a second, that person is just like, It's Alexa, execute order 69. I thought it was as simple as just like, Alexa, activate sex protocol 7. 7! Well, my thing is it's a code word though right it's like you're hanging you're hanging out with friends and one person

is just like alexa hippopotamus and then you just you know i don't yeah it's a quiet room and i don't know where you just hear hear that person is just like look I don't know what it feels like for a vibrator to turn on in your pants I'm pretty sure that's the noise I would make if a vibrator turned on make the noise you're a resonant soundboard where's the vibrator wade oh uh

no what that's not okay you know what good you did you made the vibrator noise that's thank you that's a good job you know you put me on the spot you were acting like the vibrator was hurting you you were that's what i was concerned about. It's a surprise. Don't make fun of my likey face. Is that your sex sounds? When Wade gets really turned on, he starts going, I don't know, man. I've never had vibrators.

It sounds like Link getting hurt. No. Okay. Okay okay i saw this tiktok it's probably just for the bit but i totally believe it i saw a video of a guy who was like my landlord sent me this email uh and basically the email can be summed up as my neighbor who lives next door to me is complaining that they're hearing the sound of pornography coming from my apartment. Like, I'm playing loud porn, and they're hearing it through the wall. And the guy was like, I'm not saying I don't watch porn, but I use headphones. Like, I'm not uncivilized, right? Like, I don't do that. I don't play porn loudly on my TV.

So I was really confused. But I realized, since Tears of the Kingdom has come out out i've started playing that game quite a lot and one of the things i focused on doing really early was finding the great fairies and every time you interact with a great fairy and then he cuts to the sound of what they sound like the great fairies in the in the breath of the wild and tears of the kingdom sound a little bit like they're climaxing every time you come up and you knock on the flower and they're all and he was like yeah so i think my neighbor thinks that zelda is sex sounds i gotta look this up because i know that's a thing in zelda games like the fairies in all of the games like ocarina time and on i haven't seen them all but it's just like they are a little horny

wade give us a representation of what they sound like okay great fairy is that you oh no i get it now i'm with you i've never played this fucking game i don't know what the fuck they sound like you've never played a zelda game so i got breath of the wild i played like an hour of it i got bored and stopped the only zelda game i've played the completion was like one of the old pre-gameboy color gameboy zelda games oh and what so you mean like a link to the past or something yeah the nes one i think so yeah that's fine zelda's not for everybody i can't find any videos compiling the sounds, but I'm sure that Will will do a great deal of research and play it right now.

Thanks, Will. Meanwhile, Will's editing while playing. He's like, oh, I got one right here. Will gets to this point in the edit. He's like, oh, this episode's got to come out. I've got to get this. And Mark says that, and he's like... I'm just going to find some porn and play porn noises

There's gonna be just a video clip of just words like Man the guy's cut out here for a second But now they're back That's my favorite bit That my editors did for the Hoonie Pop series I told them to like replace the Sex sounds with other sounds And they just put like goofy in there

He's like gorge whoa maxi um um um um um um um um um

um um anyway so in other news of ai and the sex and love it's a thing all right but why aren't sex dolls keeping up i look they're not innovators they're late adopters okay they're they're waiting until it's all sorted out they're more like innovators am i right he's right don't question it yeah thanks guys for the high five mark you know what i knew you'd bring it home i was helping for some wacky mark research i knew you were all you were all down on yourself i knew you could do it buddy thanks man wacky mark research of the sexual kind yeah i was doing your little button thing oh mark mark is that one of your sound yeah please play it again play the whole thing mark all right i'll play it right now this has been wacky mark innovations of the sexual

kind wait it's not over it's not over oh uh i don't believe in sex kissing i thought that was a thing of the past uh i turned around and there were her lips so i ran this has been wacky mark adventures of the sexual kind viewer discretion is advised. Sorry, that's such a long pause there. I don't know why. Yeah, I worked hard on that one. Thank you. Well done.

Mark, I love those. You get like 50 points for that. That was beautiful. Thank you. I worked really hard. Well, one of us, one of you not us i'm not one of you i'm better than you uh one of you told a very personal heartfelt touching story that was boring because i knew it already and one of you is mark uh i did give you points i actually did

come up with numbers in my head, but I'm trying to remember what numbers I came up with. Man, if only there was a way to write things down. Could you imagine if I could write stuff down? Well, if you get the new Vision, whatever the fuck it was called, headset, you can write around the edges. We should all...

This is not at all worth the amount of money it would cost, but we should all get one of those and do an episode with just the eyes on the goggles as our eyes so that everyone can just so did you say that i didn't hear it doesn't count because i loved the visual of us talking and just our face like we should do that idea that i had i did i said mark's gonna buy a set for all of us. I volunteered him. Look, it's really close. It's actually not tied, but it's very close.

One of you is currently winning by three points. I don't want to say who's winning and who's not winning, but I think we all know who it is. So a person who's not winning, I will offer you four points. you can give us a little love snack, a little snippet. Anything you might want to say. If you think you're the person who's currently losing, just blurt it out. Anything. It could be a quote. It could be inspirational.

You could remind everyone that even if they feel a little lovelorn and lonesome out there, we're talking about how, you know, Wade and I talk about how we got married and all this stuff, don't worry because you probably just haven't met the right person yet. There are a lot of people in the world, no matter how special and unique and different and weird or whatever you might think you are, there's a weirdo out there for you.

There's a weirdo out there for me, that's for sure. And I am a special kind of weird. You've seen it right here on this podcast. So if anyone thinks, wait, am I the loser? Because I'm the one who started talking. I don't know. Well, it's not me. Not me.

Are you sure? Neither one of you wants to commit to jumping in and trying to lose? No, no, no. Wait, if you want to win, that'll change the outcome of the episode. Mark, you sure you don't want to try to win what i already won it's in the bag i mean i'm giving you a chance here all right well i'm gonna give the four points to myself i guess because i i was the only one who took the opportunity no it was not no it was not i only have good points so i still got this i'm out of this episode i will say uh

there was a scoring correction i believe at the end of mark's bit where i gave mark points for the uh audio stinger bump thing that that he played on his go xlr the judges are saying that it looks like wade actually did that one and so i may have misappropriated those those points and uh they're saying that actually Wade earned those 50 points. Which is unfortunate because Wade was already winning anyways. So that means that Wade wins today's episode by 53 points. Mark, you sure you don't want to jump in and get four points? It's not on the table.

Yeah, Mark, I'll give you a chance to earn four points, but it's not enough anymore. I love you, Bob. Seven. I love you so much. Fourteen. I love you. Twenty. Oh, you know.

Oh, thirty for stoner mark you can't spell love without oh oh my god I love you 28 for British mark oh shit oh

it's getting worse 27 26 25 you really need to Oh, it's getting worse. 27, 26, 25. You really need it. 37 for Scottish Mark. There we go. Did I do it? Unfortunately, 37 is not enough points. You did close the gap to a much more respectable loss.

You were one prospector, Mark, short of winning. I can't do that. I don't do that anymore. Me love me something. Me love me you. That's not prospector, Mark. Hey, we're going to get it. Congratulations, Wade.

Even though I knew and I think Mark knew that story pretty much completely, because we were literally there for almost all of it. It is a really sweet story, the way you and Molly got together. And, uh, it was pretty unfair because I was thinking about my anniversary. So thinking about you and Molly really got me there. As much as I love Mark's AI sex toy discussion, it was really just unfair. Do you have a loser speech, Mark? I feel like this whole episode was

set up against me because all these guys with all their stories that I literally can't have. Whatever. I don't think, I think this was rigged. And I believe that the subreddit will be on my side. I'm sorry, is your name Wade? Because I

believe the subreddit's only on one person's side, and I'm pretty sure their name is Wade. Yeah, Mark, I'm looking at the fair coin, and it says that it was fair. I asked it. Mark. Mark. Mark.

What do we do? Mark. How do we keep this fair? They're trying to love unfairness. Oh, God. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Wait, can I just say, I didn't check if this is true, but people were saying on the subreddit online,

apparently this is either it is or is very similar to the American Sign Language sign for vagina, which I didn't. I don't know how true. This is vagina't oh no this is vagina no down i declare vagina damn it bobby declared what do we do i don't know what that means i declare vagina okay well it has been declare mark has declare i declare it well then this is just the triangle of fairness which uh i think we i like how it's also like a hairline check that makes me really made a declination bob what can we do really insecure let's not do that um yeah no mark mark has a

clot declitted you know what yeah Mark, thanks for your loser speech Let's not talk about that anymore Wade, give a winner's speech Thank you Bob for this wonderful win that was well learned I also, I don't know why it never occurred to me That our anniversaries and Mark's birthday Are like a month apart Cause like, it's on my mind too

Cause we just celebrated our anniversary Shortly before we recorded this episode A couple weeks ago But yeah, love is great Like, it's on my mind, too, because we just celebrated our anniversary, like, shortly before we recorded this episode a couple weeks ago. But, yeah. Love is great. And apparently, exchange as much saliva and snot and blood and stuff as you can, because I guess it's good for you or something. I don't know if we endorse that. Is that the lesson we learned today?

I, mm, just stick to saliva. Just do that. That seems like a safe bet. All right, just that. That's it. Thanks, Wade. Just do that. That seems like a safe bet. All right, just that. That's it. Thanks, Wade. You're welcome. That's the end of the episode.

Wade and I definitely didn't shake hands quietly before we sat down to record this because Mark was gone for a long time having technical issues. It was not rigged in Wade's favor at all. Mark, you have nothing to be suspicious of. Don't worry. Thank you so much for listening.

Thank you even more if you watched. Don't forget you can watch these episodes on Spotify, only on Spotify, full video episodes, with no pictures of what Mark was Googling. So don't worry about that. You can get merch. I don't know why we keep including that plug in the end of these. I shouldn't have used it.

Because there is merch now. Maybe there was, will be. There is, maybe not. There is suddenly. Store.stripeplepodcast.com explore that at your own risk uh check out wade lord minion 777 minion 777 on twitch mark is markiplier and all those places where he does markiplier things i am my skirm that's the end of the episode thank you everyone emphasize that what for the people that still don't know who Bob is versus who Wade is.

Wade, me, bald. Bob, hair, glasses. That's us. We're both tall, but that's about the only thing that I feel like we really share features-wide. I don't think we sound... People think we sound similar. Do we sound similar? Wade, big beard.

Wade, me, no beard. Yeah, I don't think we sound similar either. I don't either. You know what? If you don't watch on Spotify, I guess you'll never know the difference. That's your punishment for not watching the video. That's the end of this episode. Thank you everyone. That's Mark. He lost.

I'm above you in mine. You're on the bottom for me. I have no idea what this is. You guys are to the left and right of... what? Bottom? That's the end! Podcast out.