Distractible - Just Relax

Episode Date: March 24, 2023

If you can believe it, today the constantly distracted boys ~attempt~ to guide each other in some calming and vaguely focused meditations. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Best Western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze. And it felt a little like... Good night, kid. Good night, kid. Good night, Mama. Life's a trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. And welcome to Distractible. This week, the gents attempt to be calm the troubled soul.

Mark has a meltdown, states patience is a virtue, but punches through strains. Cinnamon Crunchy Wade tricks the lads into making his own sign and gives sagacity via twizzlers. Hello, and Or just relax. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back for another episode of Distractible. That's right. We're here and you're here and that means it's time for this to happen. Anyway, my name is Bob. I'll be your host for this week, obviously. And as always, I'm joined by Mark and Wade who will be your host for this week. Obviously. And as always, I'm joined by Mark and Wade

who will be my competitors for this week. If you've never seen this before, all three of us are technically hosts. But whoever won the last episode because of points is the host host or the most host. And the other

two are really more like ghost hosts. And they compete in this episode to see who will get to host the next episode so yeah obviously that's how it works and if you didn't know that where have you been because we've been doing this for a while uh anyway hey mark wade what's up uh not much yeah i'm glad we got the ostracization of new viewers and listeners out of the way we don't want anyone new in here. Get out. Turn around and leave.

You already missed it. You missed it. It's over. The best days of Distractible are way behind us. We got nothing good coming. We peaked at hair. It's still good. It's still good, right?

The AC kicked on just in time. See, this is what the quality is going to be like. It's just really you. You should abandon all hope. I'm feeling much better oh yeah you are sick very sick theoretically says you i need to reballed you can see the fuzzles coming in because i've had to be isolated we didn't say anything about that do you actually have hair are you a fake bald i'm like cinnamon toast crunch how expound the taste you can see you can see the flavor taste me i don't want to taste it please i don't want to taste it think about the views unless it's for points i'm

not gonna do it when i'm host just you wait oh babe i like your little fuzzles on your head it's the taste i can see it is yum no points for that though because that's not a taste i want to see i don't know if i've told you guys i have a baby have i talked much about him and how he never sleeps uh you've mentioned that thing once or twice so it does it does it have a name nah well i forget and you know what i've learned about babies is they do not know how to get a goddamn job. Tell you what. Amen, brother. I'm sure everyone already in the subreddit is like, here's all the tips about sleeping. Did you put him in a bed?

We looked up about how babies sleep. We tried that stuff. Doesn't work on him. All right, beds don't work on babies. Got that duly noted. What about like a whiskey or something? Isn't that supposed to help? This is the old man tale.

Old husband's tales, yeah. Maybe it's a stay-at-home dad. Maybe it's a modern family is the old man tale old husband's tales yeah maybe it's a stay-at-home dad maybe it's a modern family maybe it is an old husband still i don't know sounds like stuff is going pretty good for you guys you got any stressors anything stressing you out yeah movie movie busy movie tough you know i know it's very much like me you know like wade complaining about covid with me talking about this movie all the time but i just gotta say i don't think those are the same actually real like you pursuing a life's passion and me bedridden with covid are two different things to compare you compare and complain about i'm not judging you for your passions look whatever you wanted my whole life i've wanted this i've had swine flu bird flu cockroach flu that one's pretty rare i got covet now uh that

was probably omicron i gotta get the other variants he's gonna collect the infinity stones of variants my bucket list is just getting all the disease i want to be the ash catch him of illness ash is out i just what happened what are you talking about pokemon didn't ash like retire or something is no longer appearing in the series or whatever there's a new main character for the first time his name's like bash fletcham go get hims gotta get some all you know stevie get them all he's gotta get them all it's his name is stony kidnaps gotta kidnap them all he no longer catches them in the wild he catches them in people's houses whippy abductor he whips the pokeballs and abducts those poor animals

and what about you wade any stresses sounds like mark's pretty stressed out with some serious real life stuff not like covid uh what's going on with you uh nothing i've been locked in my house for like two weeks since we got back uh we got family visiting here soon so i gotta like clean house it's like oh i feel better time to clean toilets so that's my week coming up very exciting stuff it takes like five minutes to clean a toilet this house has five i live in a house with five toilets i have a man who has five toilets oh wow man and i replaced them all once, so technically I've owned ten in this house.

Yeah, all of them flood. That's your only superpower. Just take such prolific shits that no toilet will survive for long. Anytime anybody listening ever has a water issue, I get tweeted and blamed for it. Like, anytime someone's like, I spilled my coffee at work!

It got my desk wet! Drowned man curse! It's like, spilled my coffee at work they got my desk wet drowned man curse it's like i don't think so i couldn't imagine what that must be like and mark definitely has no idea yeah nothing like that anyway bobs how's your fridge uh it's fine actually you know what it's still a piece of shit i hate it every day all right just stand there eating it it alternates between flooding the bottom that i have to uh wet back out and then clean up and icing in the bottom so that the bottom drawer freezes shut so i have to almost break it to get it out to then scrape the ice out it's such a piece of garbage oh wait i was going to talk about i teased this on on twitter i got we got a freezer yes in the garage we got another appliance delivered that

was a while ago and i never i realized i never talked about on the podcast and i think you'll come to see why um so mandy is breastfeeding uh james and so part of that is you want to get ahead and save some. And our freezer is like jam full as it is. The freezer on the bottom of our fridge is like full to the very top. So we were like, well, we need some freezer space. And that would be nice to have for food as well as for breast milk purposes. So we got just like a little freezer to go in the garage. Just like an extra space freezer thing. I looked out, I measured all the dimensions and it was going to go in the garage just like an extra just a space freezer thing

i looked out i measured all the dimensions and and it was gonna fit in this spot perfectly and there was a plug for it and all this stuff and i was like i'm not going to lowe's this time so i ordered it from best buy and uh it turned out i actually had to be out i think i had to take the baby to the doctor's appointment i had to be out of the house when the delivery happened, which is fine. And so they called me and they were like, we'll be there in 30 minutes. And I was at the doctor and I texted Manny and I was like, it's happening. Get ready, get some clothes on or whatever, because you might be in your PJs because it was like in the morning still.

And yeah, so the guys from Best Buy showed up with the correct freezer took all the packaging off rolled it into the garage plugged it in turned it on and it started working and there was no problems whatsoever i like to imagine it was the same two guys but they got fired from their last job after all the shenanigans but they've learned and grown as people they just had a good installation but they saw your house and they were like not again those geniuses will never learn they know how to do their job you just gotta measure it and see if it'll fit so yeah uh get your appliances from best buy i guess i didn't know they sold appliances they do they they partner they like acquired a company or something so technically it's called like pacific something appliances or something like that but

it's part of best buy you buy yeah there's always a whole section of best buy that we all cognitively ignore yeah we never go over to that dark side where the shadows touch beyond the dvds and cds there is a section where they have dice and vacuums and refrigerators it's like the beyond of bed bath and beyond but it's just like the the best buy i don't know what would come after Best Buy. What would be the secret name of the dark forbidden zone of Best Buy? Great purchase. Excellent procurement. It's the Stoney Grabs'em of Best Buy. I love that.

I love... I'm assuming there would still be a lawsuit about that, but I love the idea of someone just be like, Best Buy, huh? Exceptional requirement. You can't say that's the same. It's different. Acquisition.

Acquisition is a better word. Whatever. Call me if you're trying to make that business. But anyway, the freezer thing was a total lie because I wasn't an idiot and I didn't bother to go to Lowe's like an idiot would. I feel like that's a little slanderous of Lowe's. I don't think Lowe's is to blame. It's whoever they hired, right?

They hired them. They could hire anyone they want. Well, technically you hired them too. People who know how to deliver a fridge. People who don't know how to deliver a fridge. The options are endless. People who recognize that a bush is a physical object and not just a ghostly manifestation. Or a projected hologram that you could walk right

through without any consequence no varieties of people could deliver appliances for lowes they made their choices i hope we don't have to cross that bridge where lowes is like man we want to sponsor this podcast there's no dark deep secrets lurking in the midst of these episodes right hey man yeah i could bury the hatchet unless they don't try and send me any more fridges yeah that's the sponsorship they don't pay us they just this a fridge wade what was your stressor your toilets no your family's coming and you have to clean five toilets getting over i don't know you made me put me on the spot it's like well i've just been in my house isolated for like two weeks so put you on the spot this is what we do yeah i'm sorry were you not prepared to be on a podcast i'm sorry i didn't

get to live a very interesting life i should have tried harder last week you can make stuff up i don't know oh yeah the fire nation attacked so i'm over here trying to water bend to hold off the horrible invasion look man i don't mean to like harp on you for not living an exciting life but like did you see a movie did you get out of the house? Did you go see the sun? I can't get out of the house. I've been isolated. But you can do stuff in your house.

I watched the latest episode of The Mandalorian. That's good. Did you work on anything cool? I put pepper on my food that I had delivered. That's about the most effort I've put into anything in the last two weeks that's big for you man that's not trying to call you no it's fine it's fine that's that's perfectly fine so we all have stressors various types and levels and you know what life is hard i did do one thing you guys remember you guys know dan the piano man from our tour music is code shout out to his

twitch channel and everything music is code shout out to his twitch channel and everything music is code i went to his stream and he's like oh hey wade you have any requests and i was like what's the he was playing like saxophone and piano i didn't know you could play saxophone he's like yeah we want to make a request i was like what would be the worst song to ask like what'd be the hardest thing to ask you to play just do careless whisper the george michaels song with like the the sex saxophone section i was like yeah he can't play that but then he played it and he did really well so i stole a clip of him playing it and then i took a clip from the last of us where ellie tells joel that doesn't suck and i put it on his clip and i edited it in premiere pro and i

sent it to him and that's the first thing I've edited in like six years. Is that what you were editing when you were like God, I can't remember how to do this. This is hard. It took me about an hour and a half to figure out how to crop, move, and resize. Oh man. Look, it's been a while, okay? I had to put the training wheels back on.

I'm glad it was something so important. At least you put in the effort. I've also got to point out Premiere Pro is vastly different now than it was in 2016. That is true, I suppose. That is true. So I had to relearn how it's all laid out and how you do things. It took a minute. I get that six years away, but it is a marvel to me that you, a content creator, have not touched an editing program in six years, which just to me

just blows my mind. But I know that's more commonplace nowadays than it has been in the past. You'll see people that start like channels and sooner than ever, they turn to like hiring editors, which is nothing wrong with that. I have three editors, you know, there's Lixian, Marcus and Rachel, and they all work in conjunction to help make my videos and the stupid stuff I give them into better stuff. But I still edit like on a very regular basis I'm always like opening premiere and closing it and doing random stuff and editing an entire tv show that I'm not but that's a whole nother story I think how you start off like nice and coherent but like as you get upset thinking you like it's just like i turned into a grumbly old man

dana's been editing my stuff for like eight years now which is wild to think about because like it still feels like i edited so many of my videos i'm like man she's only been editing me for a little while and it's like no it's been like three-fourths of my career she's been editing now which is wild to think about good god i never liked editing and i was always bad at it and i was never good at thumbnails and i was always bad at it so i just very glad to hand that off i'm not good at many things other than talking and being witty but you get better at it i will say i i got a lot better when i got more better at photoshop than i ever did at premiere it's hard because i compare myself directly to you, Mark. No matter, no amount of practice would make up for the creative skill gap between where

I am and where you are. Because I always, I'm like, I'll make this thumbnail. The game has this, this character and this, and then I look at your thumbnails and stuff that you've done. And I'm like, oh, my ideas are bad, aren't they? No, no, I, I go, I go easy on some of my thumbnails. Definitely. It's just like I know a few tricks.

That's all I've ever learned is just a few tricks and editing programs. Well, in Photoshop specifically, I don't do anything right, but I get a good end result. But with Premiere, like it's like editing is fun to me and making those thumbnails is like part of the creative process because if i was fully detached from it then i wouldn't i wouldn't be very happy with it um just because i like to like still feel like i'm part of the process in general i don't like to look i'm a part of anything my own videos my streams this podcast i'm as disconnected as possible that's why i listen to shakira while we record this i would explain a lot about the attention span that would make a lot of sense late end of the audio is us in the distance is like oh baby when you dance like that he's just got really good at canned responses and he knows that

he doesn't need to participate you do that sometimes right because you do the thing that you do sometimes is you're trying to think of your own response if we're like riffing or something and then someone will be like blah blah blah blah blah right way and i swear to god you're just like ah yeah that reminds me of uh something and then you just move on so sometimes because i'm caught on something that was said a while ago sometimes i just zoned out but sometimes you guys will be talking about something i don't fully understand and it's just like well i don't want to make them go through and explain this if this is like common

knowledge that everyone else has like for the audience we could explain it yeah but it always comes with that little bit of like judgment of like wait this is a this is a this is a show about us talking to each other we would happily explain whatever to you plus i think you would probably well you might not know enough to know i think listeners would probably find it quite funny to hear mark or i try and explain some of the things that we talk about like we know about them and then if you ask one question and we're like, ah, well, actually, and the listeners are like, wrong, wrong, that's wrong. Factually incorrect, wrong. Everyone would enjoy that. They do like proving us wrong.

I like learning things, but sometimes it's just easier to give a canned response. And I'm known for it at this point. Is that a canned response? And now there's a video component. I feel like I owe it to people for them to see my canned response come in. I owe it to the audience for them to see it live. Also, Molly just delivered

a hot chocolate to me, so if you guys don't know what I was doing there. I was getting a delivery. We didn't even notice you were distracted. I couldn't tell. That's because I'm a professional. Alright, well enjoy your hot chocolate. Don't burn your whippies. I think we have established, I guess, that life is stressful,

and specifically our lives are stressful. And sometimes it's really good to just take a minute and relax. So I want to lead you guys in a little relaxation. I just want to do this. do this listeners you can play along at home unless you're driving your spaceship don't crash or whatever i don't know if you guys have seen all the memes on the subreddit now but did you see the train one too soon too soon guys oh right of course calm down with the train jokes but yes that yeah it's all that but yeah so we're gonna do this is called progressive muscle relaxation i'm just gonna do

like a quick like 60 second demo and listeners can participate and this just just listen to my voice follow my instructions i'm not gonna do anything terrible to you and and we can all relax for just a moment excellent so. So sit up straight, comfortable posture, but upright. And I want you to start, we're going to start in your hands. What I want you to do is take both of your hands. You can have them comfortably at your sides, wherever is comfortable. That's fine. And clench them into fists slowly and feel every muscle all the way from your fingertips, up your knuckles, into the meat of your hands, up to your wrist. Feel every muscle clench into a fist and hold that.

Are our eyes closed or open? Open is fine. I'm closing them. That's fine. And then feel that clench and then take a deep breath in. And when we exhale, I want you to release all the muscles in your hands. Let your hands settle. Breathe in.

And exhale and release the tension in your hands. You'll feel your fingers maybe tingle a little. Feel your hands like a wave of relaxation. You might even feel it in your forearms. I felt my gut release longer than I would have liked. That's allowed. That's okay. What about our gut are we holding our guts what's happening oh no it just it was it was sucked in and then i breathed out it grew again that's called breathing yeah i did that i think this episode's gonna go really well do you feel relaxed well i was and then i'm

concerned about what's going on with wade's, which is never a good state to be in. Like, I probably should be eating donuts. What the hell? I'm glad everyone is taking this very seriously. So anyway, that was progressive muscle relaxation. Usually you do that for more like 15, 20 minutes, half an hour or something. You hold your breath that long? Your hands and then your arms.

Nope. And then your feet and, you know, you move around. it's a way of tensing and then relaxing your muscles and who wants to go first i thought we already started uh no i started uh but i'm just gonna go ahead and say wait since you paid such close attention i'd like you to go first i'm gonna put two minutes on the clock for you and i'd like you to lead us in wade's very special progressive muscle relaxation routine relax us wade all right are you ready yes all right hold your arms out to your side yep lift your right arm up a little bit like hand elbow up and then slowly lower it and do a wave-like motion like this. Okay.

Ow. They're supposed to be popping? I don't think so. Yeah, I got a lot of popping. I think you guys need to see a doctor. Is it one or two? Yeah, do I keep doing the wave? Does the wave go back and forth?

Okay. Okay, now we can stop. And we bring our arms in and kind of cross them over our chest. Okay, now we can stop. We bring our arms in and kind of cross them over our chest. And now we wait the rest of the time and see which one of us dies first. Why would one of us die? We'll find out.

You have like half your time left still. A whole minute. Is one of us going to die? We'll find out in a minute. Is this position like stopping the heart? All right, now do with your feet what Bob had you do with your hands. Pull your toes in. Kind of clench your toes slowly until you feel it in your feet and your ankles. Breathe in.

Jabs. And then as you breathe out, relax. Now you can uncross your arms. Oh. Put your two thumbs together like this. Like you're making like a little field goal, but like not flat, but like elevated. Thank you all for making W's for weight. I appreciate that.

And I concede the rest of this few seconds I think I have left. I feel better. Do you guys feel better? I mean, the feet thing kind of worked, I guess. Well, my arms feel looser. My mind feels better seeing you all make W's. Everything feels better for me.

It was more of everyone, like, supposed to feel better at the same time. I feel concerned. Don't you feel better? We lived. I don't feel, like, worse, I guess. Thank you. Only got small amounts of time but want big amounts of flavor? Knorr has got you. Our new Knorr rice cups deliver all the tastes without the prep or wait time.

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All right, Mark, it's your turn. Well, I got to get over this lingering sense of doom hanging over my shoulder. Use your process to help yourself relax. I just have a donut. I don't have a donut. Can I have a donut? Wait, you have to participate and take it seriously, okay? Yeah, you got to take it seriously.

We got to see how effective it is. Mark and I did yours. You got to do Mark's. Okay. Okay. All right, Mark, right mark go so it all centers on the breath we don't realize how much stress we carry in our shoulders so as you deeply breathe in feel your shoulders rise up and then breathe out. And drop your shoulders down.

Lowest they can go. Down, down, down. Now we're going to do that again. And out. Down, lower, lower, lower, lower, lower, lower. Keep your head up high, though. Keep your head up high. And your shoulders are going down. Your shoulders are going down. Lower. Let them dangle. Okay,. Keep your head up high. And your shoulders are going down.

Your shoulders are going down. Lower. Let them dangle. Okay, back straight. Head up high. Breathe in. And then down and out and down and down. Keep going down and down and down.

Let those shoulders drop and drop and fall out of your sockets as if gravity has just doubled in intensity in your arms. You couldn't lift them even if you tried. And again. And out. Now, you're in this position where your arms are as low as they can go. And what you're going to try to do with your head up and your back straight and your arms as down as low as they can go, if you're seated, bring your hands, cup them in your lap so that your forearms are resting, but your shoulders are still as low as they can be.

Now, feel the breath as you come in. Breathe. And breathe out and try to keep it low, but just let go of any tightness holding it there. Your arms are supported by your lap. Just letting your forearms take the weight of your shoulders. Keep your back straight, but don't force it. Everything is connected and stable. In again.

And out. force it everything is connected and stable in again and out and just feel as you breathe out every muscle relaxes in those shoulders that were tensed and now they're just letting go if your hands slide forward on your lap that's fine and time oh oh that's good you were so into it, you didn't even care. That was really good, Mark. Okay, good. Do you feel relaxed? I would take a nap. Oh, yeah. You know what? That's a danger of this episode. Wake up, Wade!

Alright, now everyone scream and really tense for a minute. Okay, we gotta re-tense every time. I remember the schedule and how much we have to do tomorrow breathe in and then panic about all the things that are due tomorrow and all the expectations that weigh heavy on your soul and all the people that are relying on you but you haven't started the project yet and they're just like they're waiting for you and they think that you're going

to do it but you're you confidently told them that you were all doing it and you were so well-progressed already in the project, but you didn't even start yet. And as soon as you get home, you drop and curl up into a fetal position and all the panic and all the things weighing down on you. And you ask yourself, why, why, why can't I just do it? Why do I have to lie to them? If I told them that I needed help, they would just give me up, but I don't.

Why, why, why? That works. Okay, cool. I somehow feel more tense than when we started this yeah it was good but then we can relax again that's good that's good that'll be useful that'll be helpful for you guys i gotta say that was a good that was a good warm-up different approaches different focuses if i'm judging based on which one made me feel most relaxed myself, which I'm not, Mark did an excellent job. But Wade's created a lot of relaxation. It was just all focused on Wade. So that's a tough call.

I feel like Mark takes that first round. Yes. Yeah, that's fair. Okay. But you've got time. You can expound on your theories, Wade. You can do a lot more. Wade, do you feel tense?

You could do a lot more to relax yourself. And I believe in you. Are the doubts creeping in? Maybe this whole episode is rigged. Maybe we weren't joking about never letting you in again. It's not called the fairest episode ever. So who knows how fair it will be. But anyway, yeah, that's kind of the direction I want to go with today's episode.

I have some other techniques and we will get to them and some of them might be more difficult for you to improvise on the fly than that one was do any involve boats i mean they could but also they're going to happen here at our desks so there's a limit to the boat level of boatness all right that's whatever uh but before we get into more uh activities i guess i was curious do you guys have any of these sort of relaxation techniques that you currently employ i i do i do progressive muscle uh relaxation there's an app that i use where there are like lead meditation type things and this is one of the ones i like because it helps me relax and like get relaxed to sleep specifically because it relaxes all of my muscles in my body you guys do any relaxation

stuff meditate or anything i don't i haven't done it in a bit but you know uh hot yoga is the one thing that comes to mind and that's a that's interesting, like in relating to progressive muscle relaxation, because the whole thing is torture all the way through. So it's like a workout in one hundred and ten degree room and you're just like sweating your ass off. You're you're dying in there. You're openly like, when is it going to end? When is it going to end? And then when they finally tell you to go into corpse mode and you lay on the ground and you can finally just sit there and you don't have to do any more poses. By comparison to what you just endured, it is so relaxing. The contrast. Oh, I almost cry every time because I'm like, thank God that's over.

I've always wondered if that's how hot yoga was. And I think we've talked about that before because you do this. It is how it is. Yes, that's exactly how that's exactly it sounds like it would be that unpleasant and i'm i guess i'm not a strong enough person but what every time i think about it i'm like why would you how do you want to do that and it's for i it's like you're saying i guess for the comparative relief of once you've done it he's a masochist too he enjoys the punishment but like i just doing something that sounds that awful doesn't sound good to me at all i wouldn't i wouldn't want to once you've done it he's a masochist too he enjoys the punishment but like i just doing something that sounds that awful doesn't sound good to me at all i wouldn't i wouldn't want to do that i

would just you know it's not all bad it's not all bad uh just because like there's probably some therapeutic benefits to sweating that much and like you know you do get some impurities out that way but yeah i wouldn't call it like that's the major focus of it. I think it just is like there's something cool about being able to endure something and then get through it and know that you accomplished it. It's like a psychological thing where even if your life is kind of in chaos and you're not accomplishing your goals, at least you have a very tangible thing that was difficult and you overcame it and you finished it. And that's kind of like something that's nebulous in today's society where like a lot of people are working on projects to take like months and like progress isn't seen at least it's one thing. And you know, you could go to class again

and again, you could do it many times and get better at yoga, of course, but it's one thing, one session, it's tough, just like a really tough workout. It's hard, but at the end of it, you, you do feel better than if you went to a workout you feel incredibly relaxed just because mostly thank goodness it's over but also just like the heat it does kind of lean towards that well i go through that whenever we record this podcast good then you walk away with a sense of satisfaction right it's like oh thank god it's over and i can go now you know you don't have to be part of this no i like it it gives me a sense of accomplishment and other things that you said.

Oh, cool. Then let's go to hot yoga. Alright, come to Cincinnati and find it. Yeah, if Mark moves to Cincinnati, you and Mark hot yoga five days a week. I'll do it once a month. Twice a day. I barely eat that much, man. I like eating. You think I'm going to do work that much?

You don't eat twice a day? Not always. Sometimes one big meal. Usually it's two meals. But what about once that food's gone? I guess you just eat an ungodly amount of food. Oh, yeah. You just eat an ungodly amount of food.

You get busy and it's like, well, it's too late to eat now. You go to bed. Interesting. So, yeah, there's plenty of time for hot yoga. Your schedule's wide open. I am very busy doing literally not that. Okay. But I'll go with you once and I'll see how it's, I'll see what it's like. I would go once

and try it and see. Okay, alright, we'll do it. Bob, you in? I'll try. I might die. Don't worry. I prepared you for death earlier in my workouts. You don't have to do all the poses that they do because it just depends. I've been to some classes where the teacher's like and invert your spine through your anus and you know it's like they're doing crazy

stuff and it's like also you could just lay there and that's well i've done i've done yoga at home because like workout video type stuff yoga is always like there's always a yoga series alongside all the kickboxing and p90x and stuff and i was like oh god i'm so beat today let's just do yoga like let's just do that that can't be that hard right even in the home ones i'm always the one where it's like and do this or child's pose and i'm like god child's pose i can do that one god jesus i'll just be a child's pose teacher you can't see me and you're recorded but i just want you to know i'm doing what you said oh god yeah no i i would be interested to try hot yoga i know that i would not enjoy it uh because because i'm out of shape but also because it sounds miserable but i get that because i i like a workout i like a hard lifting workout

there's something about that where it's like painful and you push yourself and you get to the end and you're like, oh, I can't lift my arms. But that was good. Yeah. Life needs contrast. I think there's this like too many things that are so static and stable in life. Like you need to have negative or positive stressors. I think they call it.

That might be the term. Positive stressors just to adapt as a as a human being. I want play more basketball that's what i want to do is that a relaxation are you sure you don't have anything you do to relax wayne i mean every now and then like the only thing i can think of is sometimes i'll sit like back in my chair i'll put my head back and i'll just like close my eyes breathe out for a moment and just like chill and then like after a couple minutes pass it's like all right back to it that's legit that's a thing do you do you chant well not chant but do you think about anything or focus on anything in your mind chant is that a thing people usually do to relax hey listen we'll get to that uh

trying to relax i'm waiting we could do that in your head. I will say it was not a relaxation thing. It was more of a practice. I did that in college. I hung out with some friends who were into a particular sect of Buddhism, and we did some stuff. And part of it was chanting as a form of meditative to just like focus and be mindful and stuff. It's pretty relaxing. So one person would lead and we would all sort of follow. It wasn't that

big of a thing and it was pretty simplistic, but we'd do it for like a solid half hour as a way to like start the day. It's actually pretty relaxing. I love the videos of like people standing in the middle of like a grand cathedral or a really like good space for reverberations and they're doing like a a four-part harmony chant it's just like some of the most beautiful sounds you can get in the natural world just from the human voice uh in my opinion there i mean there are many extremely beautiful sounds that you can get from the human voice. But it's just like, I just love that.

It is inherently relaxing. There's a reason why, you know, in Buddhist temples, if you ever have a chance to go to one, like they're chanting and like, you know, it's very peaceful and serene. And like, it's just like, it's just very relaxing. We joke about the boat thing. I remember, and we had to take what, a mandatory health class, I think, in seventh grade.

And one of the days our teacher was like, all right, everybody, close your eyes, relax, think about a place that relaxes you. And water has always been that place for me, like the sound of running water. Like if I'm near a waterfall or flowing water, we actually hear the water. Water leaking through the walls of your house? A little bit less so here. It's not really a natural flow sound whenever it eventually hits something that it's not supposed to.

It trickles. Like a big rainstorm, thunderstorm outside is relaxing. So every now and then I'll close my eyes and I'll try to remember being on my grandparents' boat, just sitting laying on the front seat and just feeling the waves or hearing the water. On a pontoon, you can hear the waves break on the laying on the front seat and just like feeling the waves or hearing like the water because i'm like a pontoon you can like hear the waves kind of break

on the front of the pontoons just kind of sitting back and listening to that sound like that was my place i would go to to relax whenever i used to do that kind of thing was i'd remember being on the boat but now anywhere we go we're like there's flowing water or like a pool that has like a fountain or a pond with a fountain it's like i'll sit there and just like take that in and I guess take a deep breath, close my eyes and relax and just listen to the sound of water. Water is water is good. Water is I feel like a big, powerful thing for a lot of people, especially bodies of water.

Yeah, but not boats, though. Boats are kind of dumb. And I think we all agree on that. No, we don't. And the ocean definitely. Yeah, we don't like the ocean. What? We here at Distractable do not like the ocean definitely yeah we don't like the ocean what we here at distractible

do not like the ocean go great pacific trash patch i feel like this is a not quite six foot tall opinion this feels like a small man argument you must be this tall to have the fallacy of a small man argument it's like a straw man argument but it's just it's just the thing a small man would say a small man argument a small man argument it's not a it's not an invented thing that you're arguing against it's just that a small person would think that so dude would uh would uh like uh uh stilts count like the higher up you are? You have an opinion or does it have to be actual like biological legs? If you lay on one of those medieval racks and stretch your body and break the bones and they heal and you become taller, that way it counts.

But stilts, you didn't put in the work. You really want your opinion across. So you're on a rack like, I'm going to show you. You're going to know. But then your opinions would change because you'd have the tall man mind. I get the power of the tall mind. I get high enough so I can get the signal from the hive mind up here. Yeah.

Beaming into my brain. We are legion up here. All right. All right. All right. That turned into a lot of extra conversation. I wanted to do more relaxing okay okay relaxing right i we're gonna do another round of you relaxing us me mostly but also the

other competitor gets to participate and this round i'm gonna skip some of these other ones because they they sound funny but they're not too different from the one we already did but this one slightly more different but not that different still we're gonna do guided self-massage self massage on camera if you've had like a professional massage if you've gone to like a spa or something that that is a great way to relax but that can be expensive not everyone has access to like a spa or or wants to do that have someone else touch them but you can massage yourself at your desk while you're at work while you're you can do massage yourself while you're recording wade yeah but normally i watch suggestive videos while i do that no not like that oh okay different kind but anyway it's it's you know you can use oils if you want or whatever but you don't need to you can just literally just massage the the palm of your hand and that can be relaxing.

So I would like both of you to lead us in a relaxing two minute guided self massage. Don't make it dirty. Make it relaxing. And I acknowledge that those can be overlapping fields, but try. The relaxiest one wins. And Wade goes first this time. Again, all right. I got it this time.

Wait, did you go first last time? Yes. No, no, he didn't. So he goes first this time. Wait, what? Yeah, he's got to go first. I feel like this is a lie. Okay, Mark goes first this time.

On your mark, get set, relax me. Okay, so this is something I actually do, and it's not something I would suggest, but trust me, for me, it works. Let me tell you, you got to believe me on this one. So make sure everything's out of your front pocket. So you got to empty them out. You got to have a...

Front pocket? That's just my dick. Well, whatever. Just get it out of the way. Just fling it over your shoulder if you have to. Just, like, get it out of there. Whenever I... I don't do leg massages. Occasionally, yeah, I'll do that in hand rows.

But just start wailing on your legs. Okay. I literally just... No, I'm dead serious. I literally just hound... How is yours so slappy? Are you doing fists or? No, fists, not slapping.

What are you slapping? Well, yours just sounds really slappy. No, with your fists, dig your knuckles in so that your knuckles impact with your quads. It feels like my knuckles impacting with my bone. Is that good? Hit the muscle, not the bone. So you're trying to, I just like,

like punch my quad a bit and it relaxes the muscles he relaxed so hard he killed his connection he relaxed all the way off the internet i'm waiting for the text the text your thighs feel better because mine don't yet i i i kind of like it actually i get what he's talking about i got big i got big legs but big feller so i got big legs it kind of hurts but i can i can see this uh do you think he knows he disconnected or do you think he's just over there slapping away uh that's a good well he probably doesn't see us anymore yeah but does he ever look at us anyway not during hello hey

what happened you thigh too hard no i don't know it's just like my whole go xlr disconnected but the plug didn't come out or anything it's just like i i was wailing too hard i guess how much time i got left on my clock oh uh uh start and keep and i'll let you know. All right. So like I said, I literally just wail on my quads. I will lift my leg and I'll just start punching my calf. Just really smacking it. And you know, I don't do it.

So it's painful. It's not painful, but yeah, it's like a percussive massage, right? I, I get, I get that actually.

I kind of like that. I kind of, I kind of like, I can see that. I kind of like that. I kind of like it. So I kind of just like, well, slam my quads into submission. Now what you're doing there... I'm two-fisting it.

I'm double-fisting. I got both hands involved. Time is up. Oh, okay. Well, I think I got my point across. I mean, I don't want to cut you off before you finish but no no that's close enough i can finish i can finish it up later i can finish oh okay you can just pick it up okay you stop and then start yeah of course that's kind of impressive all right

so mark punches himself to relax makes sense all right wade what do you got all right this is one i've actually had to be i've had to do because of my shoulder um and needing to get shoulder surgery but i was going through physical therapy one of the things i did was i would sit up straight and kind of like relax my shoulders a bit and tilt my head and just slowly tilt and when you start to feel the pull put your hand and kind of massage that area of the neck where you feel the pull. Massage that area a little bit. And then you can actually like use your hand to pull your head a little bit further.

And massage that area a little bit. Kind of hold it for, I don't know, like 10, 15 seconds. And then you can relax. Sit up straight again. Switch sides. Sit up straight. Head tilt. Hold. Sit up straight. Head tilt.

Hold, feel that stretch. Gently massage the area. Again, you can use one of your hands to tilt your head a little bit further. Then you can relax. Overall, it usually makes my neck and shoulders feel a little bit better. It's not a full two minute thing all the time, but you can do multiple sets, so you can keep going.

I usually do, like, two or three sets on each side. But after a while, at least with the shoulder pain I've had since the slap tear, it's helped my neck and shoulders feel a little bit better, especially whenever it starts to feel tense or I get, like, pains through here. That's the last legitimate one I have. The last? Wasn't have the last wasn't the first the first was very legitimate you know what that was delightful wayne and as a person who

struggles with shoulder tension and neck tension and especially headaches from that thing because i almost constantly have a neck tension headache uh that's a banger yeah they've gotten like 10 or 15 different exercises to do but that's the one i do like that's the easiest one and just the one that like i'm sitting i'm feeling a little bit tense it's like okay well just do the head tilt as long as you slowly do it you don't just like i feel like you both deserve points but in fairness i'm gonna give one a mark and two to win thank you that seems very fair that doesn't seem fair i feel very very fair. Well, I like the way it's better, so that seems fair to me. This method never fails. Never.

But it's so loud and slappy. Yeah, your leg sticks. They're tenderized. My hocks. My hams are hocked, boys. Mm-hmm. Good. Tell me more.

No, my hams are what they are. That I'm not going to tell you anymore. you anymore we get lunch can we get some ham this one could be quick i want to just try this one and see it we see what comes up mark you reference this another relaxation technique that i have used i don't do it currently but i for a long while i did this pretty regularly, is repetitive prayer and or chanting. It's used in a variety of faiths as a way of like chanting. It's like meditation almost, like a way of focusing. Usually you focus on a saying or a, I mean, slogan feels cheap, but it's words of meaning, right? You say something in regards to your personal faith or spirituality or in regards to your place in the universe.

The one that I did translates to something like, I am the universe and the universe is in me or something like that. It's not in English normally. It is in another language. But I want you guys, each of you, to come up with a slogan and then I want us to chant as a group and see whose slogan is more relaxing it could be positive it could be self-focused it could be externally focused come up with the most relaxing

slogan you can and then it's going to be short for like all three of us together are going to chant it for like 20 seconds or something how short like how many words uh it can be like a sentence like a long sentence it should It should be something that repeats eventually. So, you know, like a long sentence or a couple sentences that are kind of short. So just so that you loop it, right? Because the idea is for it to be a repetitive thing. So you loop it and loop it and loop it and chant it. Oh, I've got one already.

That was so fast. I think I got one. But I might have to justify it yeah you can explain it if you if you want us to think about something specific about the the the thing we're chanting or contextualize it you can do that uh who has to go first this time is it actually wade this time yes yeah wait what's your what's your what's your chant all right what came to mind and i don't know why is a breeze today is a bounty tomorrow. And I think that that means taking a moment to just take in the breeze today will pay off tomorrow because of the relaxation you're taking a moment for.

Are we doing the chant now? Yeah, so I will start a timer. A breeze today is a bounty tomorrow, all in unison. So maybe Wade do it first, and then we'll join in and try and do in unison for like 20 seconds ready i'm gonna do my first one here a breeze today is a bounty tomorrow a breeze today is a bounty tomorrow a breeze today is a bounty tomorrow. I really commit, Mark. Let's do this.

I am committing. A breeze today is a bounty tomorrow. Is a bounty tomorrow. Wade, why do you pause so long in between? I'm trying to follow the rhythm you did the first time around. It's a very slow chant. I was a little surprised by that. Can I get one more reference one? Can I get a Wade reference one?

A breeze today is a bounty tomorrow. Okay, got it. A breeze today is a bounty tomorrow. A breeze today is a bounty tomorrow. A breeze today is a bounty tomorrow a breeze today is a bounty tomorrow i feel like you're going slow mark i thought no i was following him right on the group that i used to do this with when we did it more regularly what initially when you would join you know a new person would join and you kind of be like you'd watch you'd be like i need to do it really quietly once you knew it it was like we were all singing the same song like one person would do the the

starting there's like a starting line and then everyone else would just be like yeah and you like it's like a thing so so i thought we were all three gonna be in sync i didn't know you guys were waiting to follow my lead no it's there's latency no there's latency well that's true too but anyway i like i like that that was i'm glad i thank you for committing wait i thought that was actually really nice welcome what do you have mark is it equally deep and relaxing this one is like it's so there's a difference between for me for the purpose of why i would chant and focus inwardly it's not so much to relax. It's more to focus the mind because that's what I run into a lot. I'm very good at relaxing. I think a lot of us are. We're

very good at like doing nothing. Centering ourself is a different facet of it, in my opinion. And so this phrase is actually something that I do say a lot and I do kind of, I don't really chant it, but I think it could work as a chant is the phrases. No one will do it for you. And I say that to myself a lot because it reminds me that it's kind of that. My mentality is like, no one's going to do it for me. Like if I want to do something, it's not so much I have to do everything myself,

but just like to move the kind of goals I want to do. I got to, I always remind myself, it's like, no one's going to do it for you. No one knows what you want. So it's like no one's gonna do it for you no one knows what you want so it's like that's the thing no one will do it for you all right leave us off mark no one will do it for you no one will do it for you no one will do it for you. No one will do it for you. No one will do it for you. It sounds a lot more depressing when there's other voices chiming in. It sounds a lot more depressing. I'm not going to lie. I've like,

I gotta be a hundred percent honest. You said it and I didn't think about it but the moment we all started trying to do it together my brain was like I don't know if you guys are on TikTok very much at all or is that still pretty exclusively a me thing have you seen the meme

let me do it for you let me do it for you Kermie as soon as we started chanting it my brain was like oh is this where that beam comes from did mark it didn't i i will do it for you let me do it for you i like that as a mantra too that's very uplifting i feel like that's i, maybe not relaxing is not what it's meant to be, but it's like relaxing in an empowering way, which is a way to relax yourself.

Do it. Positive self-talk is like a relaxation technique. And that's very sort of in that vein. And the way I think of it is like, especially within my head, I often notice like maybe it's an ADHD thing, but it's's like there's always chaos inside my mind it's jumping around a lot you know it's not quite so much like the memes do with it's like kick the rock rock rock i think the video is stupid and not reflective of my experiences with adhd i think that's that's something else is going on there um but for me it's like there is there is an inherent

chaos to it so by trying to if you think of it like a bunch of vibrating rings, you know, it's like you're trying to get them all in harmony. You're trying to, like, they're all oscillating at different frequencies. So you're trying to, like, at least get a cohesive signal out of it. And I think, like, having that sense of something to adhere to that is self, not fulfilling, but self, self-ambigambiguating self-motivating self-actualizing yeah self-actualizing yeah self-motivating uh it's it does help me uh when especially when i'm like i it's it's hour 16 of doing some other random thing and it's like no one's gonna do it for you

uh you gotta do it like um there's certain things that i'm just like yep you know i gotta do it if i don't do it no one's gonna pick up the slack it's just gonna not be done um so i gotta do it so it is helpful in that way and relaxing in a way because the chaos can be exhausting i do really want pringles after that let me do it for you always going in the uh i guess the hose goat gets the pringles out of the long can it was a little confused but all right got it uh god i like both of those i feel like purely on the judgment that i i kind of want to institute this in my own life now just to see how it impacts me because it's i think it's interesting uh i gotta go i gotta give that point to mark on that one but like i really liked both of those I feel like they both deserve points.

But there has to be a loser because this podcast isn't compelling if everybody gets participation trophies. Right? Right. I would take one. Anyway, you know what, Wade? I think you're gonna absolutely kill the last one. Excellent. I have one more and it's a little more out there.

There's not something that, I don't know, there's not something I was familiar with that existed and I think it's a little more out there. There's not something that, I don't know, there's not something I was familiar with that existed. And I think it's really interesting, and it's going to be an interesting challenge. But Wade, your philosophy background is going to really help you out, I think. Excellent. This last realization technique is called koan meditation. K-O-A-N meditation.

A koan is a riddle or puzzle that Zen Buddhists use during meditation to help them contemplate and work on unraveling greater truths about the world and about themselves. mysterious practice. I'm sure that we're about to sort of have some fun with it, but I hadn't heard of this. And this is basically the practice of, we've all probably heard in some context, those proverbs. For example, this one I had heard previously, a Japanese master, Nanin, during the Meiji era, received as a guest a university professor came to inquire with the master about zen non-inserved tea to his guest and he poured the professor's cup completely full and then continued to pour so he's this zen master is just pouring tea it's pouring over the edges of this cup it's clearly overflowing the professor watched this until he couldn't contain himself anymore and he exclaimed it is over full no more will go in and very calmly not in looked at the professor

and said like this cup you are full of your own opinions and speculations how can i show you zen unless you first empty your cup and this is sort of a little riddle proverb type thing where the point is to meditate on this and examine the truth that the non-in the master is trying to show this person but also then consider you know what does that mean to you as an individual what does that mean in the context of the world it's tricky because the whole a big part of zen the zen tradition is you know this is not a question that has an answer there's no way you can reason out like exactly what this means exactly what the point is but the idea is that it's supposed to enlighten you when as you contemplate it about what is the true nature of the buddha because it's a buddhist practice and this sort of thing i think this is fascinating

because i like contemplating questions about the universe like this i don't think i do a very good job figuring them out but i wanted you guys to try and come up with your very own koans don't look them up if you know some you can use whatever knowledge you may have but i want you to come up with your very own koans don't look them up if you know some you can use whatever knowledge you may have but i want you to come up with a question that illuminates the universe and i know this is an easy thing i'm sure you have one just on the tip of your tongue already but we could take some time we could like cut some time out is it is what we're coming up with the analogy of a cup overflowing similar to that or is it like just one statement that elucidates i want you to come up with your own koan which is that the one

i read to you is one that is is a uh riddle but i want you to come up with your own riddle that illuminates the truth of the universe that we can contemplate and meditate on ourselves mark you look absolutely stunned, shocked out of your mind, and Wade is like, ah, yeah, I got this. So you want us to come up with something that cohesively answers all the questions

of the universe in one... No, no, it can pose one question. It could be a simple thing, but it needs to be a question that makes the person who's thinking about it contemplate something about the nature of the universe, the nature of the individual, something, some truth that you can pull out but it can be simple it can be one thing because like this the one that i read to you about the professor and the zen master

it's really at least is my simple understanding it's it's about the nature of how do you how do you be receptive to learning right how do you learn if you're already full of your own opinions? How do you accept new information if you think you already know it or you think you already have an opinion or a thought about it? It's about the Zen idea of emptying yourself so that you're always learning more. You're always receptive and open to whatever the universe has for you. I am not a Zen practitioner, nor am I a master, but something like that. Can I set up a scenario with mine that would technically involve you know the universe has for you i am not a zen practice practitioner nor am i a master but like

you know something like that can i set up a scenario with mine that would technically involve more than the three of us but to prove a point sure do you want way to go mark or do you want some quiet sure give me time anyway okay go ahead wade so imagine sitting in a room alone and you have a box of i don't know it doesn't matter a box of twizzlers and it's too many twizzlers for you so you invite someone else to come and meditate and you split it 50 50 they get some you get some but you still have too many so then that person invites and they invite and they invite and they invite and it keeps on happening until you have a whole lot of people in this room and you're splitting but now there's not enough individual boxes individual Twizzlers you're splitting each Twizzler up and then you're splitting each strand

up and eventually you won't go from having too little to too many the question posed I guess I don't know how to pose this exactly so I'll have to formulate it is trying to find that life balance of having enough people in your life. Not too few, but not too many. Because it's equally as bad to have too much as it is to not have enough. So having too many people that you're trying to please in life, you're going to fall short. But if you have no one, then you have no one to share life's bounty with. My takeaway is that, were you using pull-and-pe peel twizzlers as an example well clearly yeah those are the inferior twizzlers and they're awful poland peel strawberry twizzlers are the only good

kind of twizzlers no they are the worst kind of twizzlers and they shouldn't exist at all i'm sorry i don't like eating candles so i don't eat regular twizzlers you can imagine it to be anything you could have a box of chicken nuggets you don't need a whole 20 piece so you split you have 10 and 10 but then all of a sudden you have 30 people trying to split 20 chicken nuggets or 40 people so on and so forth it doesn't really matter what the food item is the point is you go from having too much for yourself it's not enough for anyone if you over exert yourself if you stretch yourself too thin original twizzlers are still awful but uh you know that's neither here nor there i appreciate the question i feel like i could meditate on that it's something i consider because i've had points in life where i felt like um i remember in college

like everyone kind of went off to school to do their own thing and i had a couple of friends that were still local but it wasn't the same as like our group of like four or five that used to hang out. In more recent years, we've met so many people and had so many people enter our lives through content creation and going to conventions, things like that, that there are days where it's like, I have way too many people. And it's like, I want to do this thing, but I feel like I haven't talked to this person in a while.

So it's like, well, I got to do that and I got to do that. And it's like, I don't have enough days in the month for all the different people I want to interact with in life. So I feel like I haven't talked to this person in a while. So it's like, well, I got to do that. And I got to do that. And it's like, I don't have enough days in the month for all the different people I want to interact with in life. So I feel like I'm stretching myself too thin. So I found myself contemplating this just based on my own experience. Having too few friends, having too many friends, they're both equally problematic at times. Mine is, I was trying so hard to remember this story. So I'm just going to tell a bastardized version of it.

So there was a farmer who was trying to grow a fruit tree or something like that, you know, something to provide food. And he wished, wished, wished, wished as hard as it could that it would grow faster because the winter was coming and there wasn't enough. Like he was worried that there wasn't enough time. So he wished, you know, that the seasons would be good the weather would be good it wouldn't uh disease wouldn't come and stuff like that because he wanted to provide for himself his family something like that um and he wished really hard and the tree still grew at the exact same rate of course that's what trees do but he still wished he still wanted it every day he would get up and he would pray every night he would lay down and pray every day he

would go out and look at the tree and yell at it to grow faster and grow better. He would say to the tree, like, don't you know that my family's starving? Don't you know that i'm starving don't you know that like everything is counting on you growing eventually like winter came and the tree lost its leaves without ever giving fruit and so the farmer blamed the tree farmer like bemoan the tree the farmer like besmirched the tree and in winter went out with an axe and chopped the tree down and so the tree was dead the tree was dead um or at least that's what he thought in the spring he comes back and he's like this stupid tree it wasn't gonna uh be in time it wasn't gonna grow and then you know in spring he comes back one day and he sees that there's a tiny sprout coming out of the stump

where he was and he looks at it and he's like i thought you were dead and he realizes that the tree was never going to grow faster no matter how much he wished it to grow but the tree was also relying on the the farmer for caring for the tree and making sure that it was protected from things and things like this this could be an analogy for like obviously parenthood parenthood, but it's to a lot of different things. It's whenever you start on something of something that you want, it doesn't really matter how much you want it. It's a matter of understanding that all things take time

and all things in the universe are not under your control. Even if it's your job to make a thing, do a thing, it doesn't mean that it's going to work out. The change that you need to see is often imperceptible until you zoom out and see it on a bigger scale. And when he cut down the tree, he saw it was still growing and it was still working. He just didn't understand the patience that it took, and he didn't understand that it didn't care what he desired.

It was like, there's a balance to all these things. There's factors. There's the efforts that you can put in as a farmer to help give things the best circumstances to do what they need to do, or rather do what they were going to do and do what they're meant to do. But without a plan and without proper attention and without patience, you can be so focused on something else that you didn't realize there's a better way that he could have grown other things that would have grown faster as well, which also did not compromise his ability to grow that tree. So yeah, I'm telling a very bastardized version of this story, but I like it because it says a lot of things all in the same time. It says about the patience of how long things take to get them it says about the futility of wishing for something to occur instead of focusing on the

or remembering the idea that it is currently in progress it just takes time and so that that kind of like patience uh is i think a valuable. I thought it was a good version. You don't have to call it bastardized version. It's a good version of the story. It is much better written, and the hook at the end, I couldn't remember how the words really come together. I had to like, it means these things, instead of telling it in a really nice way. Look, if you were going to write that in a book of Mark's Proverbs,

you could refine it over time, but I like the idea. Well, I thought Wade would run away with this one, but this is actually really close because I like both of those ideas. Mark, you pick the winner. Oh, really? Really? Oh, really? Really? Really? I guess. I don't know. Wade, how bad do you want to win? Winning, not winning, it doesn't matter. I'm nice and relaxed. No matter the result, I'm at peace. So you'd be at peace if I named myself the winner. Higher or lower?

Lower. Lower? Lower than an eight. What was an ace again? Was it higher or lower? I thought it was both, but I don't know. Should I draw again? Fuck.

Can we say aces are higher? Anyone got a joker? What's the game? Are you upset that I got it right? That was actually a test, and I was afraid you were going to fail by just purely naming yourself the winner by talking it out with Wade. But fair is fair.

And you drew a six. And Wade called lower. So despite the fact that Wade won the points on the final round anyway, and so I was basically giving you a chance to redeem yourself. You redeemed yourself by naming Wade the official winner of today's episode. Okay, good. It all is worth it. You got a moral victory, Mark. And Wade got a real victory.

Congratulations, Wade. Thank you. As a philosophy major, I know how much a moral victory can mean. And usually it's not much. So I'm happy to have the real one. Thank you. You got a loser's speech there, Mark? Yeah, I just want to say I don't think you need a stupid degree

to know what losing feels like. You went to four years of school to learn how to lose? My degree is better than yours, dropout. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a degree from the School of Hard Knocks, and I'm one quarter of the way through a master's in sports degree by absorbing it from Tyler. So I'm going to have twice as many degrees as you soon.

How many seasons of Go do you have to co-host with Tyler before you have a master's in sports administration? I don't know. It's probably like a 20-hour course. The whole program is like probably 40 hours total. So I think I'm getting close. Yeah, I got to be getting close. How hard is it to master sports anyway? That that's nothing you'll see you'll see i really enjoyed the

poem that you guys found depressing and then tyler reminded you it was not in fact a poem what are you talking about he read to you there was an episode that you guys did oh the eulogy and you were like that's a sad poem and he was like mark it's a eulogy so uh maybe you could also get a master's degree in uh i don't know becoming an undertaker or something now that you understand eulogy is a bit better giving you googlies eulogies are in fact sad poems anyway uh thanks for participating fellas i feel like the whole tone of this one was a little different and a little maybe not less chaotic but less uh less wild than this show sometimes i'm glad you gave us prompts because if you hadn't prompted us the only other idea i had

for a stretch was the hokey pokey and so i was gonna slowly walk us through that but you giving us guided prompts i was like i can can actually think of something real for this. I mean, I would have accepted Hokey Pokey. That would have been funny and relaxing. If we had another just physical one, it was coming. It was in the back burner waiting. I genuinely feel more relaxed than I usually do by the end of an episode. Usually at the end of an episode, my mind is racing and I'm all hyper and whatever I was calm

till I had to say higher or lower then my heart started racing again because it's like well which will it be I don't know but thank you for participating listeners I hope you enjoyed a little bit more of a low-key really a thinking listeners episode if you will make sure you check out our merch at store

dot startable podcast dot com make sure you check out mark at Markiplier Wade at LordMinion777 or Minion77 on Twitch, three sevens, seven, seven, seven. You'll never find it. And I am IceCream. Good luck trying to spell that one. Uh, this has been another episode of Distractable. Thanks so much for listening. Make sure you follow the podcast so you know when the episodes are coming out and make sure you listen on Spotify because you think you don't just listen, you watch on Spotify and that's the only place you can do that. So for now we're out of here. We'll see you in the next episode. Thank you so much for listening. Podcast out.