Distractible - King of Meat

Episode Date: September 20, 2021

Following the first ever tie episode, Mark and Bob attempt sharing host responsibilities, while Wade regales with tales of great and not so great eats. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible, a Wood Elf production with your hosts, Worrisome Wade, Brainy Bob, and Magnanimous Mark. This week, the tear-inducing, tattling tribe compare the tastiest of protein morsels, the most succulent of steaks. Yes, it's time for Ex-Chi-Boom, the King of Meats. Please prepare thy condiments and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome to Distractible. Here we discuss anything that interests us and compete to see who can bring the most captivating stories to the table. Whoever brings the most

interesting story as judged by me will be declared the winner of the podcast and will earn the right to host next week's episode and play the role of judge. Jesus God,

that was awful. It's a hell of your making you did this whatever i called a draw i thought that meant i would get the host again why would that mean that that's not what that means at all because it didn't it didn't was supposed to mean that that i just heard we tied for winning not tied for losing that's not how that works yeah oh man i think we all lost after that intro anyway that was cool i like that that felt really cool yeah it's fun yeah so this week is the first joint judging of with which only wade is a contestant and will be subjected to our harsh criticisms and will be the sole provider of entertainment on this episode here that means i would not be win though right uh necessarily no no you can be judged to have lost even if nobody wins

if i lose who hosts we'll have to we'll have to just joint host again and you'll get to experience it again till you win one look we never plan ahead ever and that's not gonna start now we're gonna bulldoze our way through this whatever the consequences it'll be fine it'll be fine i think that's our slogan here distractible it'll be fine it's fine oh i thought it was it was probably okay it'll be fine i marked that down got it was probably okay. Mm-hmm. It'll be fine. I marked that down. Got it. Mm-hmm. Okay, good. All right.

So, Bob, how are you, fellow Judge Bob? Oh, I get the privilege of small talking first as a judge. I like that. I'm good. Yeah, sure. I'm good. Cool. The summer's cooling off a little bit.

It's not so unbearably hot all the time. Uh-huh. You know, it's September. Uh-huh uh september oh wait we're not supposed to date these sorry this might come out like next year or something i mean we're finally kind of caught up at this point we have a lot of backlog episodes of stuff that we experimented on and unless we have a situation where we're gonna like um do a best of of stuff that we haven't put out because we have some snippets that we've done for tester stuff this should be finally caught up and accurate not that anyone ever knows that it wasn't

so i should shut up deducting five points from myself i don't get him wait you know what i do have a thing that i know that i saw this week that actually made me laugh so i've been checking out the subreddit periodically just see what's going on see what people are talking about there was a thread someone was just you know the old classic likereddit periodically to see what's going on, see what people are talking about. There was a thread. Someone was just, you know, the old classic, like, what's your favorite episode? What's your least favorite episode? And I went and I looked at that and I was like,

well, everyone's probably going to say the same shit, right? Like people still ask me if my fridge works. That was a long time ago now. And they still ask constantly. So like, sure, everyone liked the fridge one, I guess. That's fine. And I probably, they don't like, I don't know, one of the early ones. One of the ones that it was a long time ago and nobody remembers anymore.

I swear every answer was different. There were a good number of fridge ones, but there were such a mix. The conversation was just like, someone would start like, oh, I love the fridge one. I didn't like the making a best friends one. And then someone would come in and be like, whoa, that was that was my favorite one how the best friends one was such a weird dynamic that was funny and uh you know i didn't like the body owner one and someone didn't like everyone likes different episodes and i think that's good no that's great i think so too yeah that means we're making a variety of experiences i don't know it was interesting usually everyone you know universally

likes the only good one and hates all the rest of them in things that are episodic no no no that's never what it's been about when it comes to content that we create which is why it's so important that we bulldoze forward and not care what anyone actually thinks and let alone ourselves so i don't think anything was last week's the only one that was like serious the whole way through no we've maybe okay did you ingest some helium between answers hey don't don't you criticize me i'm the judge here okay i'm sorry you said that without context wade you realize that that was just mark trying to remember what the last episode was yeah because he's been so busy with his own shit well it has to be dreams and nightmares because this is our only draw week yeah well i remember some of us have a lot going on wade

yeah not me but mark does and you know i feel like wade if you had been actually scoring throughout the episode you might not have come to the conclusion of a draw oh you don't know that i wasn't i mean you did say that you wasn't but oh if i said i wasn't that i definitely wasn't but i might have been if i didn't say i wasn't yep hey how i choose to judge is decided by me fair how we choose to judge is decided by us collectively yeah telepathically did you know that there's like no i'm not going to get into it it doesn't matter it's not important for this expunge the thought that i just said from your brain strike it from the record i'm so curious now strike it from the record there's no record it's an audio recording it's just on there now this is not like the 70s where you could snip

that little bit of tape out and then glue it together no such thing there's someone that is transcribing every word that we say i struck the audio did you hear it's their hobby is that who the fourth person is in the discord that's always there they're just transcribing all conversations yeah i was always curious about that guy did one of us invite them or i thought you guys just hopped on like on your phone too or something oh yeah i thought that was that's not you guys it's a little concerning who the is here with us oh they just left hello okay well that's weird i guess we're safe now nothing bad will happen. Yeah, sure. Anyway, Wade, are you ready to be your, uh, provide us with entertainment with your regalings of stories?

Oh, yeah. All right. Well, today's topic. Wait, I don't do that. Uh, I'm ready to, yeah, whatever I'm supposed to do today, I'm ready for it. Bob, do you have a topic? I have one if you want. No, yeah, you, you have one.

You do it. I always just make mine up on the spot. That's why they're so bad. Okay, cool. I think this one would be perfect for Wade. And it's something that I think is pretty common for everybody. Everyone has a story that could relate to this in one way or another. I hope I have none to make it really awkward. Well, you might, you uncultured swine. Oh. But it all comes down to food. I think food is an incredible topic. Whether it's great food that you've had across the world, different cuisines, like everyone has a wide berth of different types of foods that they enjoy and love. And also people have had bad experiencesiest foods the best foods the most diverse

food experience you've ever had great restauranting opportunities and or bad experiences of places of food that you will never go to or return ever again i'm mentally preparing myself for wade's story about how buffalo wings and rings is the best food that wade has ever eaten in his life whoa whoa whoa there's a place in fairfield ohio called buffalo joe's that's a step up oh okay buffalo joe's is the superior got it got it how good are the onion rings wade i'm sure i get fries oh you are uncultured swine god i hate this place but they do have these cheesy breadsticks that are just like so big and thick and delicious and you break them and you dip them and they're so good anyway

i'm sure you've got more interesting stories than that does our experience include like service like good and bad service from waiters and waiters sure that's part of it do you think that there's a there limitation on any of these yeah bob is there a limitation on any of these uh i mean i'd prefer it if we stuck pretty strictly to the proposed topic but i suppose yeah small divergence for pertinent side stories may be appropriate what's this podcast called i don't know i don't remember highly focused like test group what was it was a focus group focus testing dude if we were going for an ironic name focus group would be a banger of title it's too late we're pretty much committed to the dumb one so all right wait no but we're claiming focus group

as a podcast name for a future podcast i'm claiming that's our second podcast that we make in a couple years where we shock people with how intensely focused we can be if we want oh my god what if that's like the bonus content like podcast or the name of the bonus content we put out, like Focus Testing or Focus Group? Try Hard PVP Podcasting. Oh, man. All right, so what do you got, Wade? Got some tasty numbs?

All right, I'm going to go ahead and just throw out the one that everyone's waiting for at the beginning. The fact that my entire life, I have not really found much Mexican food that I've enjoyed. And I know it's like the most popular food type and everyone loves it and everyone loves to rag on me for not liking it. But the thing that comes to my mind,

the first time people bring up food people love and hate is the fact that every time, virtually every time I either meet somebody new or someone that I know doesn't know that I don't like tacos and stuff, the first thing they say is, oh, you've just not tried a real one. Every single time. You've not been to a real Mexican restaurant.

And then I'm notoriously taken to what they consider to be a real Mexican restaurant where they home cook it. And they hand me a taco or an enchilada or a burrito or whatever. I take a bite. It tastes like rotting rectum. And then they're like oh well i must i don't know been a bad batch or something there's always excuse i'm just not i'm not allowed to not like mexican food and i'm glad everyone else enjoys it i am there is literally no way that you hate all mexican food probably that's probably true i have so i took four years of

spanish in high school and i actually prepared a couple of mexican dishes because they had a day where we'd like bring something in and i made this dish called uh pollo con pina i think it's like chicken and pineapple i don't know if i made it right but i made it and it tasted really good it was almost like a if i remember right now it was like 15 years ago but if i remember it was kind of like a stew almost that was really good but whenever people think of mexican food for me to eat it's always the you have to like taco it's always the, you have to like tacos. It's always tacos. That's the main one is if I'm not allowed to not like tacos almost specifically.

I just want to say this. Go ahead. If you didn't make such a point of saying it, you would have to eat way less tacos in your life. Every time it comes up, because they're so universally liked, every time it comes up and you're like, oh, I don't, can we get something else? i don't really like that and everyone's like whoa whoa it's a taco place you don't like tacos and you're like i don't like mexico i've never had mexican food that i like and people are like that's not possible it's bad mexican food but there's so good mexican food is so good if someone was just like can we get tacos and you were like guess i'm eating cider rice and some chips and salsa or something like whatever there's got to be something on the menu that you could eat it would not be a thing people eat a normal amount

of tacos memory but you always saying that always inspires people to be like no no no no no i know this place i know this place you can't you can't not like these and then it's like you are subjected to way more tacos because you always are like oh i hate tacos and everyone's like it's not possible and then they force you to eat i think this is a false memory i don't think i bring it up as often as everyone else thinks i do someone always does bring it up but it's usually not me that's true actually you brought it up today oh that is true though you brought it up well i it's the topic today i said food i totally have memories of like tour stuff or like like when we were in la before prepping for the tour and someone was

like well let's just get like chipotle catering or something there's a big group let's just and you didn't say a word and someone was like oh wade hates mexican food look at it and it started that's what usually happens i do remember that that. Yeah, that's true. Okay, that's true. But you did start off this one like, all right, I know where this is going. Okay, Mexican food. You brought up hating food, and I figured if I got this out of the way early, I could have good topics by the end,

but I wanted to get this one out there. No, no, you know everyone listening at home is frothing at the mouth being like, no, no, you haven't tried real. Like this is the new Bob's Fridge. You're going to have people constantly just like bashing down your door the mouth being like no no you haven't tried real like this is the new bob's fridge you're gonna have people constantly just like bashing down your door to get you to try their grandma's mexican food because it's unbelievable you have a po box wade i know everyone's got the best

mexican food i've just the 500 times i've had to try it's always been the wrong place or the you know maybe the shells were too old or you know i don't know maybe the the human feces they had to supplement instead of the cheese wasn't as good as the usual okay see that's getting offensive is what that is that's insulting to the mexican people that's the thing that's it's it's fair of you to say like oh well you know what it's cilantro or cumin because those are things i don't know cilantro is scientifically i don't know scientifically but it's been shown that people either really like cilantro or it tastes like soap or something and same with cumin i totally get human to some people tastes like like dirt or something it doesn't taste good tastes bad if you said it in a respectful way people would be like oh well that makes sense like every mexican restaurant puts it's just a

shit ton of cilantro and cumin on like everything on the menu. So but you're always like, oh, well, they must make it with diarrhea. They must grind up their guinea pigs and they leave the bones in and then they season it with the shit from all the babies in the world. And it's like, wait, why are you being so fucking rude? If you just said it in a respectful way, it would be way less of a visceral response. I guarantee. Yeah, he's not wrong. I think it's the world has jaded me

into like the hatred of it that I have because of how no one has ever been just like, oh, you don't like Mexican? That's cool, do this. It's always like, you don't like what? Yeah, well, it's really good. So something must be wrong with you. It's always like,

especially with a group of people I don't know, if like, you know, they're like, oh, do you want something from this taco place? I'm like, I'm not really a big fan. I try to keep it like somewhat calm and respectful, but like their response is always, always blown out of proportion. And one of those people I know, yeah, I'll talk about human feces all day. I don't give a shit. But with new people, I do try to be like, you know, if guys want to get that that's fine i'll find something on the menu uh or

you know in order from somewhere else oh no no no what do you mean wait you're one of those taco haters i've heard about your kind and it's like oh jesus god i can't wait to pop into one of your streams now after this episode and just people talking about this you're one of those taco haters i just can't wait all right okay okay so mexican food aside i mean we could isolate the common denominator of you cooking it versus someone else cooking it but we won't get there let's just say okay mexican food that's it's not an interesting topic it's not a good place to go. There's no stories there.

It's all just pain for you. And we don't want to bring up the painful memories. Well, now that we finished the topic, I'm glad that we're not going there. Yeah. You don't have to talk about that again. But thank you for, yeah, thank you for sharing. We are burying that subject once and for all. No one will mention it ever again.

I've got two things I think of for food experiences that were just like beyond amazing. Oh, five points for honesty. Thank you. I think food experiences for me personally, two of the ones that jump out were the first time we went to, I think, Fogo de Chão. I knew that would be one of them. All you can eat. Getting high quality meat, an unending amount was a life changer for me because i eat

a lot of food i think there's a picture out there somewhere i don't know if it's on the internet or if just someone has it i have one where we were eating a big group at a fogo de chow and everybody literally everyone at the table we had like 14 people at this table we're done eating and they were like ready for dessert and then there's like a picture of me with my plate and it is a mound of meat and i still was asking for more and i ate through like all of it but i kept eating for like half an hour after everyone else was done and this wasn't like i was waiting on my food this was just i would not stop eating i remember very specifically that because i took that exact picture because it was at the fogo de chow in san

diego while we were on the west coast leg of the tour we were like everyone the crew and everyone that was there mandy and molly and amy and everyone that was there we all went out it was big table like you said you had at this point we had been at the restaurant for like a normal amount of time to where it was time to like have a coffee pay the bill and get out of there you had more meat on your plate than anyone else had eaten during the entire duration of the meal it's not like this is a place where they carry around huge like five pound hunks of like whatever like sirloin and racks of things and it's huge right big piles of meat it's not like you had a plate where every square inch was covered with

one layer of meat your meat was stacked up six or more inches on top of your plate you had like a jello mold of meat sitting on top i want to say and you ate it all for the record and i can't believe i'm not a slow eater this was not because i was eating slowly you ate a lot before that and you ate sides there's like a cold salad bar and there's like hot side all the potatoes yeah you ate everything dude i am big i'm a big like overweight guy i eat a lot i could pound you know a couple cheeseburgers i could i could do work i could eat a bunch of chicken wings i was sitting there watching you eat and i was like oh oh there's no way he's gonna eat all oh my god he's eating all that

oh what is this that's not possible me a guy who's eating like a whole large pizza in like one sitting and been like yeah i'm gonna have some dessert it's fucking unbelievable and you're skinny i mean you know you're not like super ripped workout guy but you're a skinny dude you're tall and skinny is how i would describe you. You eat like a monster. I don't understand it. I'm glad you enjoyed it, but holy shit, is it impressive to watch. God, it's true because anyone at home listening who's been to a Brazilian steakhouse, you have to understand that when you have a table of that size, there are constantly people at the table offering meat. It's not like if you're there with four people

or like a family or just two people where they come around every like three, four minutes, a new person comes around. There was always someone orbiting our table with a stick full of meat. And Wade said yes, every time. He would beckon them from across the table. Oh yeah, over here, top sirloin.

Yeah, yeah, me, me. He would like, I was talking to him like across the table and i'd see like half of the time he was looking at me half the time he was scanning the room for the next meat that was incoming like his eyes just like they have like 16 cuts of meat if i miss one person i might miss that cut if you've never been to a state at this brazilian steakhouse it's one of those things too where there's not like you know 50 staff people there's like maybe seven or eight guys who bring the meat around so they bring different stuff right they come out they go out to the kitchen they get something they all got to know very quickly that they fucking better stop by wade and give him at least two pieces

most of the time like mark was saying they come out and they're like hey you want some this you want to check and then people are like nah not that nah i'm pretty good every time they're like we gotta go to this guy and of course wade was on the end of the table near the wall i remember we were sitting on the end of the table and you were on the very corner seat right up against the wall so they had to come around behind you and like reach out those guys saw a real show that day i wonder if there's ever an occasion where one of them ran out of meat just before they got to wade and you know they saw the death in his eyes and they're like oh i'll go get some more break some wings break some wings

i actually eat less chicken wings than everything else there i think but the chicken wings are really good the chicken wings are good i just wish at the end of that, they saw all the meat on the plate and you know at some point those guys were like, he's not going to eat all that. We're just going to throw that away. That's wasteful. And you polish that shit off.

And then one of them just comes out of the kitchen with this huge crown and just sets it on your head and the whole staff circles around the table and they do a little dance and sing and there's a drum and then they walk away and you just win you just win brazilian steakhouse for 30 years we've held on to this crown never expecting anyone to wear it it's sort of a gimmick we had this crowd it was like king of

meat you know no one will ever accomplish enough to be king of meat but then we saw what you did today and our manager was like he's he did it He's the king. Give him the crown. Yeah, actually those swords that they have, they just have a big meat pit in the bottom of their restaurant. They just open it up wherever they find one of these. They'll ask Wade to go to the back and pull the giant sword that's in the middle of it. Like, if you are truly the king of meat,

pull the sword from the meat and you shall be crowned. The next time you go to a FOGO, they see you and there's like whispers. Everyone kind of looks at you and you're like, oh shit, that's weird. That's awkward. Maybe they recognize us. Maybe they from the podcast. Maybe they listen to the podcast. I don't know.

And then you sit down and you're eating your meal. You eat your ungodly amount of meat. At some point out of nowhere, a cage falls from the sky and you're trapped. And then they bring you back into the meat pit and they chuck you in there and lock the door and they're like we throw meat down here when it's the end of the day okay extra stuff stuff that's been out for too long this is where we get rid of it you eat it now you get rid of that for us okay that's your job you live here oh god a side thing from what you just said but I yearn for the day where someone is recognized purely for their podcast voice.

Like, they've never seen this person's face, but they're like, wait a minute, hang on. Say tacos full of baby poop one more time. Wade, it's you! God damn it. Anyway. Anyway, Wade eats a shit ton of meat it's crazy yeah so molly and i just celebrated uh nine years together and we went to um an expensive place we went to one of uh jeff ruby's places

in cincinnati and uh if you guys have never been there eaten there it's expensive for two people to dine there it's anywhere from if you get like a you know expensive steak whatever it's like two to three hundred dollars for two people to dine there before tip but it's pricey i've been there like i can count on one hand the number of times i've been there total in my entire life but we went there for our uh anniversary dating anniversary not wedding and uh we each got a 12 ounce filet molly didn't want a 12 ounce filet she's like i just i don't want a smaller one i was like no get the 12 ounce we're eating we get an appetizer we get they bring out like these three big meatballs and i eat two of the three meatballs i eat half a loaf of bread yeah then they bring out the steaks and the sides and i eat my full 12 ounce molly eats maybe like four to five ounces of her 12

and then i get it and i didn't eat the whole thing i actually saved a little bit of it what well for her to have his leftovers because we had a little bit left over sides for the record i could have eaten everything but she really likes their mac and cheese and uh i knew she would want some later so i didn't finish the mac and i was like well maybe she'll want some potatoes and like a bite of steak so i saved her like a rabbit's helping of food but i ate my steak which is a 12 ounce i ate at least half of hers which is probably let's call it six is how fractions work so i think i ate 18 ounces of meat plus the two meatballs plus you know probably half to three quarters of

the potatoes and and mac and then we got like a dessert brought out to us because it was our anniversary they brought us out like this little free dessert which was cool and then we ordered a dessert and after all of that i was like comfortable not stuffed but comfortable and uh 18 ounces of meat without including the meatballs and like i said these are big meatballs these are i don't know how to quantify the weight of a meatball but i mean it's about the size of a normal filet i guess the meatball would be so i ate a lot of food and was still comfortable i i could still do it but i'm trying to say i've not lost my touch okay three points for your incredible self-control i think that's respectable thank you self-control and you i've never imagined but also just like it doesn't

sound like it was that much self-control you left her two ounces is what your math works out to this like she ate four you ate six she kind of nibbles though molly's not a person who eats two ounces a big meal yeah i eat a big meal molly nibbles throughout the day so for like that that's like a helping for her you hand her the leftover two ounces like hey you uh you're gonna eat good tomorrow to paint the picture honestly she kept putting the other bit of steak back on my plate like tell me to finish it i was like no no i'll save some for you or the pups or whatever i like to imagine that scenario you're sitting there and you're looking at one bite of steak on your plate and

like three noodles with some mac and cheese sauce on them and stuff you sit there and you think to yourself like you know what it's been nine years i can do this for her and you scoop all this little tiny single bites of food into a sad little mostly empty container and you hand it to her and you're like, hey babe, happy nine years, you know? I did this for you. So not to burst the bubble, but they actually box it for you there.

Oh, the vision's ruined. I will say though that the to-go box is very sad looking because it's so empty there's so little in it all right good work bud you did it so i i just looked this up because i i don't have you ever thought about competitive eating yes wait dude oh wait okay okay bob also i have not because like i can eat a lot but like i've watched like twice in my life. I've watched like the hot dog eating contests where the people put down like 50 hot dogs or whatever.

And honestly, after two hot dogs, I'm very done with hot dogs. I can't even come close on that. And I was like, you know, if I can't even eat more than that, I don't know that I can do it with anything else. But steak is a maybe. I've seen you eat a quarter of a cow and you can't eat more than two hot dogs. I don't know. I think after a while, after eating enough hot dog, I start to not enjoy the taste of hot dogs anymore or something i don't know

it's like i can only handle so much of it before like hot dogs itself start to make me feel like i'm not enjoying what i'm eating anymore okay okay all right how do you feel about sushi not a fan all right i like fish but um i've not had i've i've only tried sushi twice and neither time did i really enjoy what i tried i have the ultimate challenge for you the ultimate challenge in lebanon ohio right nearby there's a place called roll on in and it is sushi burritos oh that's good it is a six pound sushi roll well five pound monster burrito sushi roll served with two orders of crab rangoon. You have 30 minutes to finish everything and you'll get a free meal, free t-shirt, and you'll be on their wall of fame. How many points could I give you right now to go take this challenge? Everything about what you

described eating are things I don't eat. Oh, crab rangoons. Crab rangoons. Delicious. I don't know if I've ever had that. it's like a crispy deep fried crab mixed with cream cheese and a crunchy wonton it's delightful it's delightful uh crab and lobster are two things i've not they're okay i don't ever go to my way to have them but sushi and burrito also the those words combined don't sound like my kind of thing dude look at the picture i put a picture in the discord you'll love it let me see god see. God, geez, that's big. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if that's the one for me. Now, if you say like the eight porterhouse challenge

where I'm going to eat like eight porterhouse steaks, like that one I would take. Uh-huh. Well, okay. The reason I bring this up is because food challenges aren't always about those hot dog eating contests. There are restaurants. There's actually a website called foodchallenges.com

where you can search down to your very city. I'm going to put another one here that you might be more about which is the sammy's burger challenge what is that burger okay chat audience my esteemed guests podcast listeners viewers yeah we call them chat that's fair they're probably chatting to each other out there yeah that's how honest my reaction was to seeing this i am a tall person and this burger is probably still the height of my elbow to like my fist it looks like four half pound burgers each patty is like multiple inches thick each patty is at least an inch and a half to two inches thick that's a pound those are pound those are pound patties oh man that's four pounds of beef on that yeah oh man yeah quadruple patty burger they might be three

quarters of a pound but it's pretty damn close to a pound like they are big and they're separated by like i don't know are those bacon flaps egg cheese bacon they're like thick layers it's not like two slices of bacon. It's like if you made a basket weave of bacon and put it in is what it looks like. It's a lot of thick bacon between each patty. Yeah. I feel my heart stopping just on the amount of cheese I see. Oh, it's not even that.

There's not even cheese sauce on that bad boy. Get out of here. What are you talking about? Oh, my God. My favorite of the food challenges is where it's something like this right it's like a ridiculous burger like it's a it's a nachos or something because i so there's a show called man versus food there was i think there still is i like that show i always thought i would be an excellent host but i'm kind of not the right

image right the guy on that show was kind of like a chubby guy sometimes but he's kind of he's kind of fit if i was on that show everyone would just be like oh gross fat guy eating lots of food yuck don't want to see that but on that show they always show how they prepare it and my favorite is when it's like okay it's two pounds of beef in a burrito with six avocados and like you know like two cups of salsa all this shit and then they put it in a basket it's like this huge burrito the size of a small dog and then they're like then we put four scoops of queso over it and it's just like a it's like a huge like soup burrito case like oh god i look at those and i'm like thick thick blood thick slow blood sad things things are happening inside me i'm dying actively as i watch this yeah this burger looks you know big i can do it i'm not sure i feel like on a good day where i had nothing to eat well

that's a trick right because it's not about not eating because that actually causes your stomach to shrink you gotta you gotta keep your stomach big but then keep it empty at the right time yeah pound water to stretch it out or whatever i don't know yeah yeah i i'm not like a big eater i love food and i can eat a healthy amount but nothing compared to like competitive eater yeah looking at that i get half of that burger probably no problem i don't know about the whole thing you guys watch matt stoney on youtube oh yeah matt stoney matt stoney does crazy competitive eating. The saddest thing is when he does like random fast food things. He doesn't let the stuff cool down.

Yeah. I think he did the KFC one, a KFC video where he ate just like, you know, everything on the menu or something. It was all fried chicken and it was all hot as shit. Yeah. You could see he was like, all right, now I'm eating this chicken sandwich. And he takes a bite and it's like steaming hot. And he like can't slow down like scorching my esophagus oh my god this is for the content no poor guy i mean poor guy he also just like his videos get crazy views like

no yeah it's insane yeah he's like a tiny little dude i don't know how he doesn't i guess he you know is otherwise healthy except for what he eats 20 000 calories in 45 minutes yeah i don't know how he doesn't i guess he you know is otherwise healthy except for what he eats 20 000 calories in 45 minutes yeah i don't know and and like he's skinny he's like a small dude he's not huge it's kind of crazy what he's able to like put away i i don't think he's like considerably tall but he's just like this kind of skinny guy like your stomach at some point when does it burst when does it just blam well that's what the esophagus is for it's to hold the food that can't make it to the stomach yet. It's entirely possible to rupture your stomach doing that. It's actually like a very serious thing.

Cause then like, you know, stomach acid and stuff gets on the outside of your organs, which is bad. I'm pretty sure you just die if your stomach explodes. You were pretty much guaranteed to get sepsis from that, I think. Which is something that happens right before you die in a lot of medical dramas that I watch. Yeah. Seems bad. Yeah, seems bad.

Because I don't know how they put your stomach back together once it explodes. I just had a vision. I don't know why, because we're talking about this, of a special podcast episode where we go to a restaurant and record a podcast where one of us does one of these food challenges. But so like two of us are just talking like, wow, that's a big plate of nachos. And the third audio is just me just like, oh, it's kind of spicy. But it's an audio podcast, right?

So you don't get to see anything. Like at the end, you were just like, hey, he did it. Let's do two series. Let's do a food tasting series where we have to go and describe the food without any visual component while one person eats it and we should do a travel series where we go places have to perfectly describe it we're in beautiful caribbean island number two today uh there's sand water tree we're just in a sound booth looking at pictures and then in post there's just like

bird sounds and ocean sounds like oh i'm putting on some sunscreen you know sunscreen sounds yeah oh man that's great i want to do a travel mini series where it's like the travel channels, but there's just no video component. Yeah. Oh, good. That was a good podcast. Just like ours. I'm hungry.

Just like ours right here. Good podcast. As good or better than this one, guaranteed. Anyway, Wade, minus two points for not taking the challenge. All right. That's fair. That's fair. Have you guys ever done the hot wing challenges anywhere?

Oh, no. Can't do spicy. No. Yeah. I'm okay with spicy. I feel like you'd be good at that, Mark. You love spicy shit. No, I don't do spicy no yeah i'm okay like you'd be good at that mark you i mean spicy shit no i don't love spicy shit i love views and i love getting or more specifically at that point in my youtube career i loved views more than i hated spicy stuff and it's not that i

even hate spicy stuff but when you pound 13 habaneros in a nice bath you kind of reach peak like capability of handling spiciness for views you know what i mean but you i mean i guess it was just the way of life at the time you were doing it not on camera which seems like a waste if it's just for views i remember being at your place in no studio city maybe or whatever being at one of your apartments in town hanging out filming stuff and you were just doing it for fun while no one was recording it and like i guess maybe you did it and then people would start recording so maybe you still got content out of it uh maybe i think it was like doing it i was just training i guess training quote unquote training trying to like handle it

i don't know you know i thought it was just fun to be like hey if i do it maybe you guys would want to do it too and then we could all suffer together and like i don't know why i thought that'd be fun yeah like eating a bunch of sour candies or something that'd be a really funny video probably it was not at all horrifying to watch we did a wing roulette video where we got like i don't know like 18 or 24 wings or something and i think six of the wings in there were like atomic it was like from uh quaker or something i don't remember like back in the day but we got um it was like wing roulette where you get the chance of pulling out a bad one i didn't actually pull out any of the bad ones, but I think the problem with that versus just the challenge itself is a lot of the sauce was like toned down a bit from having

like the lighter mild or whatever sauce the other wings were like buttering it down a bit. I don't think that was a pure thing. I've never done a pure hot wing challenge and I don't really want to. With you, we did the, oh God, we did one one button game thing where the loser had to drink a sauce and i remember i won but i was like i'll drink it anyway i'll be a good sport and i went to drink the sauce and it was so thick that my throat refused to swallow it so it just sat there was that on your channel was that on your channel my channel i can't i can't remember it was on

both you guys did two different ones and then you posted them, I think, on both of your channels. Oh, right. That was so funny to watch. You looked so sad when you were trying to choke down the nasty sauce. I was so close to throwing up, not because it was spicy, but because it was so thick. And my throat was like, you didn't chew this. And my brain was like, I don't have to. It's liquid.

And my throat was like, no, chew this and my brain was like i don't have to it's liquid and my throat's like no no no that's not liquid oh my god oh do you remember god you mentioned this at the beginning but buffalo joe's do you remember the time where yeah the sauce i know exactly so so i'd never been to buffalo joe's bob where you were there right this was for the bachelor party i think okay so buffalo joe's a wing place. It seems like a pretty normal wing place when you walk in there. You wouldn't expect anything strange. And so when you go to a wing place, I prefer my wings to be extra wet, which means I mean, they like have a lot of sauce on them. So I ordered my wings extra wet with a side of sauce

because I don't know how much sauce they put. And I always err on the side of caution that they're not going to have enough so after they order no one suspected a thing like when they're like I ordered no one stopped me like beforehand no one knew Buffalo Joe's gives out their wings in these big metal bowls and they're basically sitting in a soup of sauce but normally you can see the wings they bring out my bowl and it is a bowl of sauce like to the brim filled with sauce and they set it in front of me and i'm like wait where's my wings and they're like oh no they're in there and then my side of sauce that they get the tiny one ounce little cup of sauce they set buy my gigantic gallon bowl i remember that that was so good everyone's just laughing at me i'm like how do i get these wings we didn't have forks we're talking about a bowl guys this bowl can hold

like 30 to 50 wings it's that big and mark ordered i don't know like 12 wings or something i don't know how many you ordered a normal about just like a normal order 12 to 16 maybe let's say like 10 wings 10 bone and wings whatever yeah yeah but yeah this bowl can hold probably 30 to 50 wings pretty comfortably and it is just filled to the top with sauce from the extra wet but then he ordered a side of sauce and you know those little like um papery ketchup like like things they have at like fast food restaurants. You pull it out. You can squirt the ketchup in and kind of like pry it to make it bigger. That's what the side of sauce came in.

It was the tiniest side of sauce. This might be fabricated because the memory is a little fuzzy. But I have an image of you. Like it came and everyone had a good laugh. And then you were like, well, this is my lunch. So I'm going to eat this now. And I just have an image of you with like your entire hand covered in sauce. Because you were basically trying to find the wings in the huge soup of sauce in front of you.

What I should have done is just bobbing for wings at that point. I should have committed a whole hand. Just dunk my head inside. The eyes. I would close my eyes. Like that would help. Yeah, if you dunk the whole front of your face in some hot sauce.

Oh, my eyes burn just thinking about it. And then keep your eyes closed until after you're not in there. That would be fine. That wouldn't hurt. Getting like hot sauce in your nostrils and stuff like too though. It's fine you

go too deep and you angle your nose down and the hot sauce goes down your nose into your sinuses directly oh god it's fine wait i'm curious uh-huh just to try to bring it back what is an experience with food that isn't mexican that you've had that was a horrible experience whether it's like a service okay or something that you would consider to be terrible service there's one i remember growing up i was probably junior high high school age and uh the restaurant that you and i and bob always talked about you and i specifically mark and then bob was kind of like on the outside i don't know if bob ever went to putters i never went there i just know about the lesbian bar you guys like to hang out at that's what he called it back in the day i don't know that was the term i don't remember how that became the term but i don't remember what happened but i always thought putters was a lesbian bar

and apparently i was wrong about that why was the bar a grill it's just a wing place i don't know man some story happened and that's just got set in my mind somehow i'm not sure well it's gone now but uh before it was even putters it was a restaurant called uh charlie basil's and i remember going there with my family my mom my sister my brother i don't remember who all was there and we sat down and it took forever for the waiter to come out and take our order get our drinks whatever the waiter brought out our drinks i think our drinks were wrong so we had to like oh no i ordered a coke not a diet sprite or whatever the hell it was we ordered our food and uh i remember the dude took our order even for the drinks and after he took our order he put both of his thumbs up and like backed away and that's what he did every time we talked to him he would put his two thumbs up

and be like all right and put his two thumbs up and walk away we ordered our drinks drinks came out wrong we ordered ordered our food. Food came out. It was either not right. It was missing something. It was overcooked. All of our food was somehow just not right. It was wrong.

And I remember at this point, we hadn't gotten refills. I mean, we've probably been there for like an hour. It took forever for everything. We were all upset. We were all angry. We were just like, I just want to get our food. We just want to eat and get out of here. And the food came out wrong.

And the dude came over and over like, how is everything? And we're like, everything is wrong. I don't have my fries. That steak's overcooked. I didn't even order whatever this is. And the dude puts his thumbs up and goes the back away. And my mom starts to reach for a steak knife. And she said, if he puts his thumbs up one more time, I'm going to cut those fucking

things off and shove them up his ass. And I don't, we didn't order dessert we didn't bother trying but i remember sitting there it had to have been like two hours trying to eat everything was horrible we eventually just like caved in ate whatever we had we never went back there ever again but i will never forget seeing my mom actually contemplating murder she was so angry at this dude and his goddamn thumbs going up because it was so miserably wrong you know what that makes me think is that guy didn't actually work there and he was just seeing how long he could get away with the ruse

all the rest of the rest i was just like why does this guy keep walking in our kitchen he just never showed any sympathy he had the same demeanor from the time we arrived to the time where it's like, our drinks have been wrong. We haven't gotten a refill. We've not even seen you in half an hour. Our food came out wrong. The food's overcooked. I'm pretty sure that one just crawled away.

And like, no matter what it was, he was even tempered. He was happy. He was giving us the thumbs up. And then he would do that weird back away thing where it's like, I'm so cool and hip. And it's like i'm so cool and hip and it's like i can still picture him and it pisses me off that's exactly what he was thinking he nailed it i'm sure what cool and hip person is like i'm gonna just back away so cool those thumbs up though but i i've never like i do have a couple family members who were like i didn't get a refill

within like 30 seconds no tip for you i know some people like that most of my family thankfully is not like that there's maybe two times in my life where i personally had service that was so bad i was like this person doesn't deserve a tip and i think i would still tip them something i never gave anybody i've never given anyone zero this guy i don't think i would have tipped he was the only person in my entire life that was so bad so uncaring and just so like it almost like he was mocking us those thumbs by the end of the night was like i hate you and i'm glad your food was wrong like it was just like i was seeing red and i'm a very very calm person who doesn't get mad at service people i was livid i don't know how to act there's no way i can accurately describe without you being there as to his like just demeanor and like the cool happy like i got you

and then he wouldn't get us i'll be right back with that never see it good stuff good stuff have you ever had bad service like that have you guys ever had service that was just so bad it was like it was unbelievable that person exists we would love to talk about that we are the judges you guys join me on the wings and the other topics no that was not us no no i don't think so no no no no no no um uh minus a point for treating wait staffaff terribly and not tipping. How could you? Wow. Well, I didn't pay the bill, so I don't know if we tipped or not.

I imagine he was not tipped, but I don't know. In high school, I didn't exactly have a whole lot of money to feed a family with. Yeah. You know, actually, I will talk about a terrible food experience that I had in Korea. To preface this, I have to tell you about my mom. And you guys know my mom. You guys have met my mom. For those at home who know my mom, who have heard rumors about my mom, she is just, she's wonderful. And she's very nice, is the word I'm looking for here.

It's not that she's nice, she's trusting, right? She's a very trusting person. So when people are on the street and you come into a new city and they're like, Hey, oh, come over here. Check out my wares. Check out all my things. And Korea, it's very much like that. There's a lot of people that are always like shouting in the streets of like, Hey, come into my restaurant. Like, Hey, check out my stuff. Hey, check this out. And my mom is very trusting. So as soon as we get to Busan, which is like the kind of like city in the Southeastern part of the peninsula, it's a very

like fishing towns, very like much about seafood and you know, like a lot of Korean like food is about that. The drive over was hellish anyway, because my uncle drove us and he thinks that speed bumps are suggestions. And he takes them at the speed limit of which the road was there. And here it was 55 miles an hour. So we'd be hitting speed bumps at maybe 50. And just like we were in the very back of the truck. I can talk about that drive, but I won't. The restaurant that we get to is literally as soon as we parked, my mom heard someone say, hey, come in our restaurant and decided that we were all going to go in there. So there's some questionable things that were

served at this restaurant. The first and foremost of which was scallops served in like this aluminum dish with cheese and garlic, like on top of it. And like, maybe you like seafood, maybe that sounds appealing to you. It was not the smell was so offensively bad. Because in Korea, like you have a lot of restaurants that have the grill right in the center of the table. And that's great. I love that. So you cook it all ourselves. But they did this thing where they take octopus and they take it live and they cut it up right there on the table. And so that's what started happening.

Like we had no idea what we ordered because it was a pseudo fixed menu. As soon as we sat down, it was like food just started going on the table of every variety that we could think of. And they just started like slicing up this octopus. And then they started like shoving all these oysters on the thing and like putting cheese on all of it because that was just the way that the restaurant did things. They ordered for us before we even had a chance to look at a menu, $120 equivalent worth of food.

And just because my mom was trusting and went in this restaurant and apparently like it's a big tourist destination. And so like they get people in the restaurant, they'd start giving them food and they start charging for that food like at random to try to rack up the bill as quickly as they could so it was just like we were in there for maybe five minutes and we desperately ran out of the door before they could get us any more food without actually eating anything just because they were charging us for every single minute that we were in there by trying to get us more food it was the most insane experience i'd ever had in my life in terms of like restauranting it wasn't even like the service

was bad no they were very fast it was just like the food was a nightmare smorgasbord that you didn't have a choice and that everything was just like i'm not a big seafood guy and just like the concoction of smells was so offensive that i i couldn't i couldn't none of us could stand being in there so we just ran as quick as we could yeah that sounds awful i like some seafood there's some things i don't like but i like a lot of fish and shrimp and stuff like that i've never heard of a place operating like that it doesn't surprise me it makes me think whenever we were in europe for the the tour and we went to see the eiffel tower and it was like an assembly line of people like forcing shit on you if you ever see the eiffel tower everybody stay away from it don't go up right

to it there were people like tying stuff on my wrist they're like oh you gotta buy that here have my cd you gotta buy that here sign this paper oh yeah you owe me money like they were just it was non-stop i've never heard of an actual experience like that with food which i'm surprised i haven't oh that's funny that you mentioned it because someone came into the restaurant with like a bunch of jewelry on their wrist exactly like that and being like hey you should check all this stuff out and my mom being the trusting person went like oh yeah no show me what you have hey and lean over to me hey do you have cash i want to buy this like immediately and then the people in the restaurant had to chase this guy out because they're like hey get the fuck out of our restaurant these are our rubes here we're taking this yeah it was so fun i loved it i don't know what i would do i guess i'd do the same thing you guys

should be like i got i'm leaving i'm out did you end up paying before you left for any of it like oh yeah no no we paid yeah we we had to pay i think they would have yeah they wouldn't have liked it if we didn't pay this blows my i wonder how much food they've like wasted from people just be like no no i guess they people are smart enough not to go there unless they're tourists right at least it's a tourist place yeah hopefully only idiots wander in there yeah only idiots bob do you have a favorite worst experience with food i don't really have like an atrocious service story i do have a really disappointing this is sort of like a like a deeply disappointing and just a sad way sort of experience manny and i lived in alexandria virginia for one summer mark you remember you were trapped

there for a brief time i was trapped there yes and it's right next to Washington, D.C., right? So we spent a lot of time going into D.C. to see like the monuments and the memorials and the Smithsonian's. And when you're doing that, there's not a lot of like restaurants around those areas. D.C. is very sort of segmented. And the part where all the cool stuff is, the cool, you know, monuments and museums and stuff, there's's no restaurants and so there was one time my parents i think were in town and we were at one of the smithsonians and it was like we were there all morning walking around got worked up an appetite it was lunchtime we're like okay well there's a cafe in the smithsonian but they just you know they have like sandwiches and

chips and but there's food trucks outside and uh we're we're all like ready for a good hot meal and we go outside and look and survey the food trucks there's a bunch of options and there's you know the usual sort of food truck fair like taco truck and like panini hot sandwiches there's all this stuff my parents pick one it turned out to be really delicious they got their food and it looked fantastic and we just sort of sat outside the museum on like the steps and ate it it was very good mandy and i looked and looked and looked and there was an indian food truck that had like you know some pretty basic stuff on the menu and sounded good and had a long line so we were like good that's a good sign it's annoying but if it has a long line must be good

right and so we picked this and we're like standing in the line my parents have their food they're sitting and eating already and we're standing and waiting and waiting and we get to the thing we order and then we're standing off to the side waiting waiting orders are coming out and you know we're like it's packed super busy and we're like all right cool well it's gonna be delicious finally our number gets called up the window we go and we grab our containers go sit down and i don't know if they just like singled us out maybe i was wearing a t-shirt that offended the chef or something i don't know what happened i can't imagine all those other people had the same

experience as us because someone would have lost their shit and gone back and complained that food was just horrendously bad like have you ever had a rice that wasn't it was only like 75 percent cooked or it's kind of like kind of cooked rice, but there's still like water, like liquid in it. And it's just kind of like wet gross. That was the rice with a bunch of coriander pods in it, which is gross because they weren't cooked and they were just like big crunchy thing. And then the other side of the tray,

which was supposed to be like the, you know, chicken tikka masala or whatever. It was just bits of disgusting, like hard to chicken floating in orange water that had no flavor. And I don't know what happened. Why were 50 people waiting in line for this food truck that was serving garbage? I can't.

And like, and it was, it was outside the Smithsonian's, right? It's a monopoly. It was like 25 bucks for two lunches and two drinks it was like pretty expensive and at that point we were in grad school this was a summer internship situation we were broke that was a good amount of money that we spent and we're like well it's gonna be good and just that was just the saddest like oh i gotta eat some of this i'm really hungry but this is disgusting eat as much as you can okay let's go back in the museum you guys want to look at some fucking gemeralds you guys want to look at the biggest

sapphire pillow cut in the western hemisphere cool great feeling good like it was just so disappointing for the entire rest of the day but like the service i mean they seem fine i don't know i don't have any like crazy ass service stories but that was that was deeply saddening just that unsatisfied i will tell you like a story of joy that came out uh while i was still in korea funnily enough one of the best restaurant experiences i had in korea was immediately after that terrible restaurant i just told you about so it it's midnight, right, in Busan. So a lot of places are closed. And we just are wandering the back alleys trying desperately to find a place to eat because we're all starving. We got to Busan after a five hour drive, no food on the way down. The restaurant was terrible. We didn't really eat anything. So we

find this one place and it's like back alley, back alley, like, you know, the back rooms level of back alley, we took like 15 turns to find this place. It's so far off the street, we have no idea how we even got there. And there's this like these two Korean ladies that are just about to close up shop and we desperately go up like my mom goes up and my uncle goes up and like, please, can you make us something to eat? We're so desperate. And they pause and they look at us and then they go like, yeah, sure. Come on in or whatever the Korean equivalent of that is. So they turn their lights back on. They go put their hats and aprons back on and they fire up the stoves and they make just this incredible dumpling soup that just like, I don't know if it was because I was so hungry, but it was legitimately one of the best soups, like dumpling soups I've ever had. And what's

even crazier is my uncle's friend he leaves halfway through to go somewhere we don't really know i'm focused on eating and then i hear him like shout like happily behind and i turn around and he has two chickens in his hands like freshly plucked chickens in his hand and the people in the kitchen go like oh yay chicken and they're like he brings it back to the kitchen and they throw it in the stove. And 10 minutes later, they bring out like perfectly cooked chicken. It's just like, oh my God.

It was amazing. It was fantastic. And it all costs like, I don't know, the equivalent of 20 bucks. Like it was so good. And you know, they don't tip in Korea, but man, I really wanted to leave them because it was just such a pleasant, special experience.

And they brought out all these side dishes throughout. They just like food, food, endless amounts of food. It was great. I'm so hungry now. This episode is annihilating my hunger. Yeah. Well, I think we can wrap it up here, Bob. You render some final judgments here.

Well, you gave some points. I did. I was sort of quietly keeping track. Clearly I won. Well well we don't know i have to subtract some huge amount of points for the fact that you don't like tacos okay god here we go what's wrong i know i know a place you have to try no no no no no i don't know i we had a good time you know that's pretty cool i guess uh yeah i guess i would vote for either wade or mark to win this one because that last story you told really warmed my heart i could kind of envision that that was like a scene from a movie that just sounds delightful yeah it was i hereby declare i take credit for mark's last story

that's not how this works but i'm gonna let mark pick well see the thing was i was debating between you or wade to win because you really swept it with that last paris thing because it reminded me of paris and i wasn't able to go out restauranting at all so like to hear a story about you exploring really made me feel like i was there so that was very special interesting um i can be the tiebreaker let me choose here i got this you're not a judge okay yeah just going by the points alone i gave five early on then three for something else i subtracted two for i don't know maybe like not liking mexican food or something like that and then i subtracted one at some other point for probably just general crassness and insulting of the judges and then there's minus some huge amount from you so i think that kind of puts him into the negative a little bit

great for golfing how about we flip a coin heads i win tails you lose heads i win tails you lose okay that sounds good i'll flip a coin okay flip a coin and flip a coin heads i win tails you lose uh tails you lose you or me i mean you flipped it so i guess i flipped it i lose you lose okay you lose all right uh so does that mean we have to flip between mark and i now yeah bob you flip a coin okay between me and mark between you all right i also got tails uh i guess that mean i lose mark? Okay. All right, so by process of elimination, that's Wade. That loses or wins? Congratulations, Wade!

Oh, never mind. Yeah, Wade wins. Yeah, I would say Wade wins. All right, congratulations, Wade. You won. You earned this. I am stunned. I'm shocked, but I couldn't think of a more deserving person.

Thank you so much. You're welcome. We are fair here. So congratulations. Give your speech, I guess. Well, just like in our experiences at fogo de chow when it comes to food nobody tops the amount i can take and when it comes to uh poop after the food no one can top the amount i can dish out thank you guys for listening thank you for giving me the opportunity in the podium bob would you like to simultaneously

close this one out yes i think we can definitely do that, and it will be good. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Distractible. Would like to thank me, our sponsors. And all of you. All of you. Make sure to subscribe to this

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