Distractible - Legend of The Monkey's Paw (Part 2)

Episode Date: September 5, 2025

Another unsolved mystery that started with $10,000 and ended in a knife fight. Get set up quick and connect to their fast speeds. Visit www.rocketmoney.com/Distractible Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Uber One. It's that time. Back to School. Go to college. Yeah, I can't wait to get back in classes again. See Professor Smithers. You're going back? Are you not? Did you not sign up for your classes?

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and welcome to distractible this episode wide minded Wade gets disrespected so brings out The Simeon's fist. Meaningful Mark admits to buying big, accidentally invokes the F word, and wishes like Schilo.

Bravo Bob sells Mark's hot ass. Quests for engines, picks being Batman, but rejects body snatching. From smashing face to N. Sabanur. Yeah. It's time for Legend of the Monkeys Poor.

Part two. Now sit back And prepare to be distracted And enjoy the show Hey everyone Welcome back to another episode of Distractable I'm today's host Wade

Doing as always by my co-host Mark and Bob Hi Hello I'm uh I don't go I'm sorry sir I would never interrupt your introduction I appreciate that very much No go on though you know what would you have to say

No it would be I was just going into small talk But I don't need to do you know what Let's just small talk. Mark, did you have something? Well, I was just going to mention about, you know, this red spot in my eye. I don't even know if it was in the last episode, but I was like, wow, why does it look like I'm bleeding out of my eyes? Go on. I was just going to say, like, A, we got me this new retinol and good for your skin, but...

And your first thought was splashed it in your eyes? Well, you know how men apply face anything, right? Where you just... Aggressively. Put it into, like, a baking pan, and then you just dip your face in, like, Mrs. Doubtfire. I'm not foreign to skin care, right? But I think it just, like, got in here and it burned. It hurts.

It horch. Hmm. Poor I. I don't know, man. I feel like I've ruined the beginning of this episode, guys. I just... I don't know. You're being so awkward.

That's like a very normal. That's like what we do here. I feel like I ruined it. Take away a point. I will, but I'm not going to tell you who it's going away from. Well, it better be from Mark. They're all fucking find you. I know where you live, so it'll be really easy to find you.

It would not be hard for you to find you. It would not be hard for you to find you to find you. me, that's true. Unless you live in Howells Moving Castle, I'm pretty sure I remember. Mark, what's new with you? Now that you've done your... Bob, you've had your small talk, right? All right, I go again.

No, yeah, let's focus on Mark. You're right, you're right, you're right. Let's do with you, buddy. People are going to, people are going to criticize me. This is very privileged of me to say, and I will always, I will admit it full on. I did some. I said I wouldn't do. And you guys called it.

Go on. What do we call, Mark? You know that graphics card? Yeah? The $10,000. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Well, I bought it. Did we call that that was going to happen?

Oh, yeah, you did. I didn't buy it for the $10,000. I bought it for not any better $8,000. I bought it for 12. Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's 20% off. Yeah, it's less, but it's still egregious, right? And everyone probably is balking like, oh, my God, I can't even fathom this. this. But the thing is, like, it's, it's for work, right? So I'm doing way more 3D VFX than I

ever thought I would do. And right now I'm working on a scene that's like, there's a lot of physical simulation, but there's also a lot of, there's no real excuse, but this is fucking fast. This is fucking ropes. This is fucking trucks through the, oh my God. It should for that price point, shouldn't it? I've been on a Mac a lot lately. I was even doing some of the Houdini stuff on a Mac because it's like it was working um but its GPU isn't really its CPU is very good the GPU is like okay um and you can't get an external GPU Mac doesn't allow that anymore with it so I switched back to Windows and I had I have a 4090 in in this computer um I actually managed to figure out a way to get those very cheap by the way I think I let people in on my little

secret and I because I can't find any of the refurbished computers that I was harvesting for anymore so i don't want to talk about my secrets too much here but the the limitation between the 4090 and this graphic chart is the vram the video ram there's four times as much in this new card it's not only faster but it's four times as much and that allows you to work with larger textures larger like asset files and the scene can be bigger without having to kick it over to anyway it's long story i did it points were assigned accordingly i bought it and yes it was an egregious amount of money, but looking at it from a productivity standpoint and a work standpoint as a business expense, which it is, and I am going to take advantage of that,

as a business expense, I just got to say, it fucking rips. And I hate that it does, because I want all the other graphics card companies to win by NVIDIA. Man, they're just, they fucking, God, it's just like, I wish it wasn't. It's not just hype. They actually are pretty good. Yeah, and it's like, I hate it. because they are charging such egregious prices for these cards because they know they can

because there just isn't. And when you look at it from a work standpoint, it's like, holy fuck. But also, I know that it's going to hold its value. So down the road, I will sell it for whatever the next one is and roll into that. You seem conflicted about this and you feel ashamed or something. Is it better or worse? Linus Tech Tips recently released a video where they were, they was sponsored by AMD, but they ended up purchasing it's like an AIS rogue astral whatever it's a 5090 but it's made

with 24 karat gold and it's a $10,000 graphics card but it's only $10,000 because it's a regular high-end 5090 that has a bunch of gold on it for no reason it's just fancy and he bought that and then they did a video where they did a gold build around and it turned out pretty cool and then they they ended up giving it away to a fan on the street which was really hilarious is it better or worse that you bought one that's actually like meaningfully different performance wise and you're using for actual projects or that Linus bought one for a similar amount of money put it into a gaudy gold computer build and then gave it away just for content purposes is that better or worse I think I'm better because the 59 versus this card is actually

different even though they're of the same generation so that the card that I bought has three times as much VRAM as the 5090 and the 5090 is not a very big jump from the 4090 but this one is they save the best for the productivity one I just want everyone to recognize that like I am a hypocrite I said I was not going to I said there was no

way I don't need that back when you said that I could see it on your face that you were already like I don't need that I don't I don't I don't need that I don't I don't I just don't I don't need that it's fun with the water

I don't need it but I got to say man if you are doing the 3D work like there it's just it's not fair it's not fair the landscape is not this is why i don't want intel to die even though they seem to be doing everything possible to die like everything every time i see an article about intel it's like they're trying to explode as a company but it's just like man there's got to be more competition there has to be it's just so unfair oh oh fucking god damn it's been called and declared Please don't take away the GPU that I bought. Please don't take it away.

So if it's all heads, Mark has to buy another one. If it's all tails, Mark has to cut it in half and send half to wait and me. Wait, those are both bad for me. Unfair has been declared. I don't think that's how it works. We don't have to decide before we flip. We just have to flip and see if we have to decide. Okay.

All right. Fails? Ed's. Oh, okay. Oof, foo, foo, foo, foo, foo, foo, foo. Well, there goes the coin for the day. It's such a jump scare. Yeah, that one might have been really bad for you, man.

Yikes. Man, I've been writing down some points. Guys, they're going to come get me. Who? Why? Where are you going? The water people. Look, I talked about this, I think, in the last episode, but I've recently been working on our hot tub. and an issue that I can't get a clear answer on, which I find really confusing, is you're supposed to drain the hot tub, right?

It's not built into the ground. It's just a thing that sits on the ground full of water. And the water needs to go somewhere, right? And I sort of, I didn't, without looking into it, I was like, I guess you just run a hose, like, from the hot tub, like over to the sewer drain, I guess? Because we don't have, like, drains that go back to the ocean or anything. They go to water treatment, I think.

I don't know. And I ended up looking into it, and I can't get fucking clear. answer. So I don't know if I did the right thing or not. I neutralize the chemicals because hot tub still have like chlorine in them and stuff. Neutralize the chemicals and balanced the water back out. So it should just be normal water. And then I just, I was like, I don't know if I put it in the sewer or my yard. I ended up just draining it into my own yard because we have a big side yard and the grass is all fine. No, the grass didn't all die or anything crazy. If there are going to be rules about shit, which I'm totally on board with, someone needs to have an answer as to what the actual rule is.

know that this is a problem because of the structure of our government as a country and in state and local governments and blah blah blah but like fucking all i wanted to do is drain the water out of this thing and it's just water like i wouldn't recommend it but it was drinkable water filled with you know human dead skin cells or whatever it goes in hot tubs gross but like non-toxic i could i still don't know if i did the right thing how hard is it to fucking have a thing where it's like yes you may drain hot tub water into your own yard or no we recommend you do that nobody and all the answers on the internet are like well you probably even the government even like my county government website was like well if you live in

certain parts of the county uh you could probably put it in your storm drain but make sure the cops don't see you doing it the government website don't let the cops say yeah like i swear to god i figured i would go to like my my local city government website or i'd go to the county or the state nobody knows they all have different answers and it's not i didn't hurt anything i don't think sell it no i don't want to sell it we just got it last year no not the hot tub the water sell the water yeah isn't gamer water still a thing people want you guys want some podcaster ass juice i got podcaster ass juice the main part of me that goes in it is my ass because it's a hot tub so you're sort of chested down right all three of our asses had been in that one

Butter? I wish the coin was still in play, so I could call that on your words. Good Lord. I could sell a bottle and sell Markiplier's ass juice. Why is it mine? Why is it mine? You were in there. We did that episode. We were in that hot tub. I feel like it would have diluted at this point. Lots of stuff diluted into that ass juice, but there is undeniably some, some tiny fraction of a percent of Markiplier's ass juice in that water that's now. I have Markiplier's ass yard. Maybe I should market my yard as a place people can come sniff. You haven't cycled it at all since then? Not rainwater came in. It's covered.

It's covered. Rainwater doesn't get into hot tubs because it would unbalance the chemicals because it's only like four or five hundred gallons a watt. We haven't been using it, right? I haven't cleaned it since we did that. But also we sort of stopped using it because it was like, oh, I need to clean it. It's the middle of winter. But yeah, no, I leaked a bunch of markplier's juice all over my yard, I guess.

And I don't know if it was legal. I hope it was legal I think that's one of the things about being grown up now that we're all grown up and we have all these sorts of things in our lives that we have to like do and take care of we show us an answer sometimes man how much fucking oh just you wait

you're gonna get a million answers now they're all gonna be different no yeah no well that's the other part of it but like how much would I give if something happened to the house and it was like oh the water heater broke what should I do and there was a place I could go that would be like you should probably do this

Here's an answer instead of the internet where it's like, you should do this, never do that, only do this. You're evil if you do that. Even if I Google it. Oh, wait, yeah, I want to ask you guys this. And I want to throw this out to the watch listeners. Is there anything you can use that's not Google for search engines? Like, and I'm aware there's like, there are other ones.

Bing. Bing is tough. Bing doesn't work very well. And I know there's like duck, duck go. Wolfram Alpha is kind of a kind of a search engine, but it's not really a search engine. It does like, is there other stuff? Does Ask Jeeves still exist? It's ask.com now, I think, right?

But I just Googled Ask Jeeves. Ask Jeeves, that's different. Yeah, old ass Jeeves. But is there, is there anything anyone could recommend? Because I'm so sick of, you know, it confuses me. Like, I know Google right now is a gigantic company, but all these other search engines started at the same time. How did Google go from all these other search engines being like, you know,

middle small companies to the towering, monolith that exists to rule over all of it. I don't understand where that jump happened. Because you see pictures of early Google and they got like 10 employees, then like 50 employees, then 100 employees, and then suddenly they have 40,000

employees. They did a lot of breeding. Oh, they're all in the family. That's questionable. I don't care for that at all. I don't know why Google's the one that took, maybe because the name just caught on. People like saying Google. Like now it's part of our vocabulary. Back then it was a new unique word.

Anyway, just if anyone has anything, I have looked, and I'm aware of the most obvious answers, but if you've got a really good dark horse search engine that you use or something that you do to like, and yes, I know you can just type minus AI into Google and it will generally, I just, I would love, I would love if there's a secret out there I'm unaware of. It's all I want to know. Not that it's a competition, but this podcast usually is. And Bob, you are definitely winning right now. Hell yeah.

Actually, it is a competition. So you can't say it's not. Thank you for listening I think you deserve some kind of point for that Uh-huh Something is getting written down That's for sure I don't think you quite crushed it there bud

Ah Yep you're almost there Well if I go from this end Ow It's cutting my hand That has to be worth a lot of points right That's I don't know what I'm doing with my life

I'm watching For you to just keep someone with small talk. That's segue. It's, no, I've also distracted because the reason I'm talking about is because someone is remoting into this computer that's next to me. And I'm watching a mouse go by and a timeline go like all over in this side. And then I'm talking with them at the same time as they're asking, like, where's this file?

Where's this file? Dana's remote desktoping right over there working on one of my videos. You don't see me being distracted. Oh, yeah. I'm the only one who doesn't have someone remote desktoping into their space, right? What the fuck am I doing? That's why I have a second computer in my office so she can remote desktop. I didn't realize I was living in 1983.

Damn. We've been doing that for pretty much the last nine or ten years. Like since we've been working together, she's been remote desktoping since. That's why I have the whole sonology set up, so all my files go there and she can access it and edit. Yeah. You know, you could have her have a sonology, too, and you can sync so she could move. Don't know how that works. You don't know how it works.

You don't know how what you have works, so that's not surprising to me. Listen, man, I find a way where things work and then I don't touch it. Until it stops working, then I beg you guys for help. You know what? I would make fun of you, but it's worked this far. Somehow I'm 13 years into a career without knowing a thing about what I'm doing. I'm surprised you can even get your computer turned back on when it accidentally shuts itself down. There are days where I don't know.

It gets real stingy. All do respect, host, man. No respect at all, host man. That's reflected in your points Thank you Thank you This episode is brought to you By Rocket Money

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We're gonna do something Only done once before By me The last time I hosted It's Monkees Paul 2 Oh boy Oh boy I still had half of my list left

And I liked my list So we're gonna go through it Do I get to win this one because I won the first monkey's paw one? Sure. I mean, right now, it looks like you might. All right. Well, unfortunately, this is the only other time I get to use this coin today

because somebody went off prematurely with the unfair, so... But now we could say unfair whenever we want. Don't get too comfortable, and we're going to ruin it for the next few episodes. Fun, fair, bun, fair. Yeah, we can't... It'll be like, boy who cried unfair, and we'll get used to it. You know what? Mark, I'm feeling for you, looking at the points a little bit.

Do you want to be heads or tail? It doesn't matter what I think. it's still the same chance how is this mark he's giving you a choice he's giving you agency i want to be the one it lands on the one it lands opposite so it's the ones that's up fuck when it lands the one up bob do you want to be heads or tails i make tails all right thanks man oh my ears it's heads mark got his wish hey mark you were the one that it would land it up and not down on but up was you you got it you got what you wanted mark you get to go first Most convoluted answer to heads or tails.

I want to be the victor, but I want to be the opposite of the victor. So that way when the victor is flipped, I'm actually the victor. You guys want to see the most unhinged snack in the world? I'm currently dipping kettle chips, like regular salted potato chips, into strawberry cream cheese. Wait, Amy just got strawberry cream cheese just recently. I bet that would be delicious. If you like a sweet and salty, it's a pretty good mix of things.

Oh, great. All right, Mark. You land your dream job, but you never get to stop doing it. There's no retiring. There's no stopping ever. Never an end in sight. This is my life as it is. What are you talking about?

This is literally what I do every day. But you can't get bored and switch to something new once you, this is it. Okay, so my, what I do right now is like, okay, let's say making movies or whatever. It's like making entertainment. That's a lot of different disciplines involved in it. That's why I constantly come out of like, I bought a graphics card, boo-hoo. You know, I built a render farm, boo-hoo, you know, glover-sultz, boo-hoo, you know, lenses, boo-hoo. Does that count of, like, having a job that requires a bunch of skills?

I mean, technically it's your job, so I can't argue it, but you can never stop. This is easy. I don't want to stop. I want to slide into my grave. I don't think he's going to stop. Yeah, slide into my grave, wishing I could do more. The only time you're ever going to get Tunis-onis is when Mark finds out he has almost almost exactly one year to live.

And at the end of the year, Mark dies. All right. That's the channel. That's not bad. Just keep that one locked and loaded for when you get that news from the doctor. And then, uh, no retirement. You work till you die. Bob, you taking it?

Can my job be being painfully wealthy and handsome? I don't think so. And I can never stop. Does it have to be a job I can currently do? or can it be whatever I so choose? Because I think I have a dream job that would be pretty fun to do for the rest of my life, but...

It involves having to work. I mean, this is our job. What does that mean? Like, I know what hard work is. I would probably not take that. No? Does not taking it mean that I never get to do my dream job

in any form or fashion? I think it's just not guaranteed. I think this is like, you get whatever the dream job is, you get it. Like, it doesn't, if you don't, like you still could get there, I guess, but like... Because if I'm being 100% honest, if I did take it, I don't even know for sure what the dream job would be.

Like, obviously, right now, what we're doing and what has shaken out with being on the internet and doing YouTube and streaming and stuff has been pretty awesome. But there was basically no point up until I started doing this when I like finish law school and I was like, all right, I'm going to do YouTube, I think, and see if it works. Or there was no point where I was like,

God, I hope I can make it work. Oh, it's my. dream job. I don't know if I have it. I think my dream is to not have a job. I think I'd like to do lots of other stuff with like family and travel and, you know, things that aren't generally considered jobs mostly. So I don't know if I, I don't even know what it would be if I, if I snap my fingers and that was my reality. I'm not sure I have a set dream job. It's kind of funny to think about because I'm in a similar boat. So it's like, if that were to snap, would I still be in this or would there be something different? Like, what would it be? Definitely nothing I can imagine doing that

would be more fun than this is. Yeah. But, like, that's a tough competition because we just get to come and record these things and kind of goof off and hang out for, you know, a few hours a week. It's pretty fun. What if we just got to rollerblade around and eat steak? Like, what if that became our job?

Wait, what the fuck? What's the job title for that? Stake skater? Roller staker. I feel like I would get bored of rollerblading. I wouldn't get more to the steak, but the rollerblading, I feel like might get a little old. Bob, we stay with you.

You become the most attractive version of yourself you could hope for, but mirrors, photos, and videos always capture the worst version of you. Oh, I don't fucking care. I already hate the way I look in most mirrors, mirrors photos and videos, so how much worse could it be? I think the flip side of that is I got low, I got low hopes for how much more attractive I could be. I don't know what's possible, but I'm not a dreamer, you know? I'm a real downer of this episode, guys. Sorry about that. I'd probably take this.

I'd probably take this. But just because, like, if you've watched, if you're a watcher, you know, I'm not that concerned about how I look already. And it's fine. I don't look good in pictures. I'll survive. I feel like what would happen is you would instantly Johnny Bravo, like just your shoulders would go and you just like pronounce chin, hair goes up.

It's literally, yeah, just the handsome squid word. It's just that filter. But what does that do to the rest of the body? Would I get skinny or would I still be? I feel like. Johnny Bravo. Like you're a tube of toothpaste and you get squeezed in the middle and they're like muscles up and then it takes from all the lower bodies. Your legs are like this. But really big feet. Normal legs. Huge feet. Yeah, that's fine. That sounds all right. Take that. All right. Mark.

All right. So I think the most ideal version of myself is if my mom actually fed me as a baby. I feel like that's the reason. Maybe I'd be a little taller. My mom openly admits that she was. Was there just like a bottle of milk that would drip one drip every few hours. You're like clinging to life. I can't say that my childhood choices in nutrition were any better because any time I had a chance it was straight those yard

pixie sticks. So I can't say it was only my parents doing. I think I also contributed to my lack of nutrition and I'm not saying I'm sure, but I feel like I could have been taller. I feel like I could have been just a little bit. So you were deprived of a whole

foot of nutrition. in no foot of nutrition. Dude, that's such a marketing opportunity. Instead of fruit by the foot, they could pack it full of vitamins and just call it you by the foot. Man, I got to tell you, there are some crazy good protein-based foods coming out.

I'm so happy we're getting out of the fat-free era of things and getting into the protein-heavy snacks and foods. I've been having these protein waffles every morning, almost every morning. They're probably the best waffles I've ever had. And compared to the ego waffles I was eating when I was a kid, Like, those have no protein. You like a good meat waffle.

Basically, it's got to, each waffle has like 10 grams of protein in it. You know, it's not like no sugar or nothing, but it's crazy. It's crazy how much protein is in there. Or maybe, I don't know, it might be lying. But if I'd had that as a kid, you know, maybe more nutrition. Anyway, sidebar. I don't think I would take this one. Because my entire existence kind of is, and especially my dream job, is about being

videoed and as much as I would love to say, like, it's not about the aesthetic. It's not about, you know, looks or something like that. If I was a horrible, hideous monster, I can't say I would be as far as I am now. I got to say, I can't take that deal. Some, some people on the internet are vain, and they judge people by their looks. Not many. It's a lot. It's a lot.

Let's be honest. It's most of the internet. We know you're out there. That's why we keep Mark around. He's a hot one. Thanks you. Eddie has good mannerisms. Mark, you get to a lot of.

accomplish everything you wanted to in life, but you only get to live another 10 years. Deal. I don't know if you could accomplish all the things that I assume you aspire to in life in a decade. I'm not looking for the accomplishing things part of this. Guaranteed no one I'm going to die.

You don't understand how motivating that would be? You know how I'm motivating it would be if I knew I would live exactly 10 years? You know how much? That's a long time. Ten years is a long time. You know how much I would get done? that tunis honest idea oh okay that would be something it's it's really just like i could never accomplish everything i want to do anyway because i'm just one guy and no one can in their life but

if i knew i had 10 years oh i would never wasted a day i would probably waste a couple days but i would i would i would you trust it like would you be like i can go run in traffic knowing i can't dot like would you maybe maybe if it's guaranteed 10 years i feel like that's not part of it necessarily is that part of it you're invulnerable for 10 years but you die at 10 years like you can still die it's probably just like you will absolutely die in 10 years maximum you will have a traumatic brain aneurysm that is unrecoverable at exactly 10 years and you will die no questions asked isn't that one of the fastest ways to go though like or maybe not i don't know i i believe if you have the correct kind of completely catastrophic aneurism that's one of the one of them more like

instantaneous ways you can go but I don't know that for sure I might be making that up I make a lot of stuff up I'm like chat GPT I just guess it's sound confident oh yeah yeah yeah that's like the best way to die that's like the most painless a lot of people say that's a great way to die the best way I hear I hear drowning it's like falling asleep you know you're just gonna you know you're sleepy under the ocean plus you get to hang you get to talk to the fish while you're down there and they know some Stacy some shit you know I mean Everyone's got to die some way, so honestly, like, knowing, I feel like knowing would be super motivating.

But then again, I think differently about death than a lot of people do. I think that's tough because I do agree that having that would be really motivating in a way that I think is very easy to take for granted. And you get to accomplish everything. I'm less interested, honestly, in the accomplishing everything. Like, I very much get the idea of, like, I know when I will die, so I know how much time I have. have so I know I need to make all of this count. It's so easy on a day-to-day basis to just be like, I'll just do it tomorrow. Or like, no, I don't feel like it or whatever.

Like, I fall into that trap with a lot of stuff. And it makes me feel that's probably one of my biggest personal struggles is like, I feel like garbage a lot of the time because I'm, I fall into the procrastination trap. And then I'll be like laying awake at three in the morning like, oh, why didn't I do that? I don't deserve I'm terrible and it's like a self pattern of self you know loathing

about like I should just do these things but in the moment if you are sore or tired or you just did a bunch of other shit and you're like I don't want to do this next thing if you have a timeline and you know I feel like that would completely change my outlook on life and help with that because I don't feel good about how much I procrastinate

don't you feel like that last day or week or month or something would just be really fucking tough. My ultimate answer would still be, I don't think I would take this one, mainly because I think my top priority is meaningful time spent with people. And like mainly family, hopefully mainly James as he grows up and that's, but like everyone, friends, even people I don't really know, time spent like live on stream, time spent talking to chat, time spent connecting with people, I feel like is kind of the only way you get to impact the world beyond your lifetime. Unless you're like a genius and you invent something. I'm not that kind of smart. I'm not going to invent the

next thing that saves a bunch of lives or changes the world. But I do feel like I want as much good time as I can have to connect with people and hopefully impact people positively. Even in my own head right now, I'm like, oh, it's so hypocritical. You're such a lazy sackage. But having the timeline would help with the procrastination. But I do think that's my priority. I think I'd pass. Because if I could have 30 more years and maybe I have some regrets that I don't accomplish things, but I get to live my priorities and I get to have that time with people. I think I would rather have that. It'd be nice if I could figure out how to live with a little more urgency.

But I think I'm not the only one who struggles with that, I'm sure. I'm a terrible procrastinator. And the worst thing was it was reinforced in school because, like, I would write a paper the night before and get a much better grade than a paper I wrote a week before. I remember AP English. I spent like a long time, put a lot of effort, redid, like went through, reread it, proofread, whatever. this paper and I got like a C minus

I was like dude I'm an A student if I'm gonna be getting C's by putting this much effort in I might as well just fail I'm not gonna put that much work in to get a C and then I started procrastinating ended up with an A in the class and it was like I'm reinforcing my bad behavior lesson learned I've always felt like I work better under a crunch it's it's so motivating

because I know a lot of people don't think about dying because they're like I don't want to think that's scary they don't think about it but everyone is going to die Everything that's ever lived has died. And it's like, if you know, it's good. You're not just going to spend 10 years going like one day down. I don't think that anyone would do that, you know. Everyone who's ever lived has died and they're doing fine.

Because I mean, like, okay, when people get, let's say a cancer diagnosis, that's devastating. And it's bad because you don't get, you have a clock on your life for the most part. have gotten better, but you have a clock, a countdown suddenly, and those years going into that are not going to be great because you've got treatments and chemotherapy and all this stuff. Like, I'm sure we've all seen someone in our lives that have gone through themselves, people out there. But if you had 10 good years, 10 good, solid years where you could do anything, you could do it to the best of your ability, I feel like it would be very motivating.

I agree. That last day would be wild. Like, if you knew what was coming, if you got a diagnosis or something, you know what was coming that last day. But, like, if you're just healthy and wilder. walking around and you know in today's the day you're supposed to die? How scary would that actually be when you're like? What if it's, what if it's

painless though? What if you just, you're just standing there and you're like, all right, 10 seconds, everybody, I love you all, and then you just get sucked straight down to hell. I assume. I assume. I assume. Because this is some kind of deal with the devil nonsense with the monkeys paw, right? So

I assume. A monkey's paw claws up just grabs your leg and yanks you down. You're just sitting in your living room with your friend and loved ones is a candles lit you know they're all like boo-hoo but also oh this is so nice we get to say goodbye it'll be a painless it'd be a painless transition to eternal damnation and suffer there's no pain oh there's no pain go back once you swap. You can go forward. You can never go back. It's actually a movie about this. Do you get to pick with whomst you're swapping? Yeah. And do you leave them in your previous body? So you're just

shifting a bunch of people out of their bodies? It's unclear what happens to them. Oh, that would be really interesting. Can you use this to effectively become immortal? What is your judgment on that? Because if you keep swapping into younger and younger bodies, could you basically just live forever by? I would say no. I think you eventually, I don't know, it doesn't, there's not really a clear indicator. I didn't think about that. So there's not really a clear indicator on it. Because if it's like you die when your body dies, your consciousness just goes with it or something. Definite hard pass.

If it's like a, you can be immortal, you can live an entire lifetime in a body and then just do a switch real quick right when you're, you know, you're getting older and you're like, all right, new lifetime and start and go go to some newborn infant thing and switch body. into a like kid if you could do that I would say it's unclear you know you don't die when your body dies but like you might still just get a one normal lifespan it's hard to say I think the biggest consideration on this for me if I'm applying it to real world situations and not just thinking about myself in a bubble I don't think I could do that to other people I think the biggest problem I have with that is I couldn't I would not be able to use that power because if you're doing it to a newborn I mean you're swapping a newborn's consciousness into the body of whatever, 70-something year old.

Oh, you're saying if you, yeah, okay. Or you're swapping someone who's an adult who has an entire lifetime of experiences into another body against their will. Like, there's no version of the practical, practical side of that that I feel like I could live with. I couldn't do it. It's fascinating, though, and I would really want to potentially, especially if you could, like, live a bunch of lifetimes and keep, you know, finding new, new babies to

start over in or whatever. Like, it sounds weird, but like, Do you kick their, their soul out of the, you know, that'd be stupid baby. Get out of here. Does it go down to hell the same way? It's painless. It's painless. Mark, you're a sadomasochist.

Probably not. Would you take this deal? All right. So it's basically just there was an X-Men movie where the guy, the guy was, I didn't really understand it, but he was able to hop bodies and also keep the mutant powers. Their definition of mutant really stretched. towards some of those movies like a mutant is a genetic like tweak i don't know how you jump a body and carry the genetic tweet anyway wasn't that kind of the thing that he he was jump bodies and took

over and got their mutant powers at the same time right i'm honestly completely unfamiliar with that but that sounds like a thing i believe you i believe you you can swap bodies with people and lives but you can ever go back once you make the swap okay i don't know man i i guess if it it would depend. Okay, if I wanted to keep doing what I'm doing right now, then no. But if I wanted to be like an ego maniacal take over the world slowly and surely chuck bodies out like their trash. Do they remember what happens when you jump a body? What happens to the old body? Do they just like, oh, weird? You swap. So whoever was. Oh, interesting. So you leave a trail of what the fuck behind? Yeah, it would be pretty hard, I think, if you're doing that with conscious adult

people to not have someone talk about what you're doing unless you leave yourself like tied up somewhere like soma style oh oh why am i here yeah do you do you have to touch them to swap bodies you have to nope you just choose to swap but you can never go back yeah sure why not you know what it's such it's such an interesting thing i feel like it would lead down this road where eventually you would not be able to bear the weight of your existence and the pain you would have inflicted because nobody else could go back.

Could you do it with animals? Not it. Body swap. But you know what I mean? First you got a body swap into an animal and then it's fine. But if you do it before, no, no, no. Yeah, then you can do it with animals. That's allowed. Oh, man. It'd be like your like the third eye, three-eyed raven

types abilities from Game of Thrones, but you just actually become the animal. Be really weird with the animals in a human body with a human brain. Yeah, I don't know if I want that part of it. You can add that part, but I'm taking the deal, but I don't think I'm going to do that.

Oh, Mark, you're going to love this one. You can breathe underwater and even in space, but you become and stay intensely afraid of both places. All right, so Mark can breathe underwater. Yeah, I'll take it I just said there's no difference I mean I think it means like you would never even want to like go into space as an astronaut you're like you'd be afraid of swimming like in pools and stuff maybe even

look I'm fine with the idea of being able to breathe in space this is more of a disaster relief kind of thing because if I'm ever in the ocean it's against my will so if if I'm in the ocean though like I've dropped in the middle of it at least I could breathe right I think the thing that gets me though is like if you're intensely afraid of being underwater it means like even something like swimming or a pool or a lake like all of those things become like immensely terrifying all the same already same okay there's no difference man

i get in a pool i get in a swimming pool and i'm afraid there's a shark in it i'll get the random thought like i got to get to the edge i got to go it's here it teleported in ah with the body swapping it could i think i would pass on this one just because i would assume to existence in space, the issue of radiation, vacuum, other things that are apart from breathing still posed, you still basically need a space suit. And same with underwater, right? You still get hypothermia. You still would be crushed if you try and swim in down into the Marianas Trench like there. Unless it's a magical shield where you can breathe and also you're fine otherwise damn the rules of physics. I'm not, I'm good. I'll tell you'll pass on that one.

I think the disaster relief I like the thought of like if something goes horribly wrong being able to breathe in both places be nice but I really enjoyed boat and water and being immensely afraid of it I wouldn't want that I love boat oh it's it's also like people might be like oh but Mark you love space it's like yeah yeah sure but I'm I'm okay with the idea of never going there I would hate just as much I hate the ocean to suddenly be a drift in the middle of space like the space part of it isn't what I really like I like the space shark Can you imagine? But it's like, yeah, it is completely inimical to life, inimable, inimable, inimicable, inimicable, inimicable, inimicable, inimicable, inimicable was actually the word.

That doesn't sound like a word at all. Inymical, being adverse often by reason of hostility or malevolence, reflecting or indicating hostility. Inymical, inimical, I-N-I-M-I-C-A-L, inimical. Inimical. It's one of those words where I've only ever read it So I've never said it out loud But yeah It's similar, it's opposite of amicable

Unless you can use it in everyday life Hey, you grab me a beer from the fridge I'm busy I'll do it in a mickle Don't hold that in I see that laugh This is why you're gonna win the episode I bet Not me pandering to Wade with Wade humor It works All right, let's try to do one more I think

Bob, you can fly, but you lose the ability to walk. Give me some explanation. Is this Superman-type flight where I could sort of just fly and hover? I don't have like wings or something. This isn't mechanically based, is it? You can just fly? You don't have to have wings or anything like that. You can just kind of fly around.

If I can fly an inch off the ground and just sort of let my apparently useless legs dangle, also I'm going to go ahead and assume that flying transfers into water pretty effective. So I'm not just going to drown. If I touch water, I can still kind of fly through water. Because air is just a liquid. So if you could fly in air, you could fly in water, probably. Air is a fluid. It's not liquid, you know.

Whatever. Air is just a fluid. Water is just a fluid. Fluids are all just liquids. Don't tell me about physics. Jello is also probably a fluid. You can fly through Jell-O. It is.

Anyway, I think I would probably take flying. I think I would, assuming then that I'm just like, like I just hover. around. I don't walk anymore, but I can still just exist as if I'm walking by flying instead of walking. I feel like I would take that. I'm assuming I would need to build up my endurance with flying. But as long as I'm not like flapping huge, ridiculous wings or some nonsense and I can fly indoors and it's not a problem, definitely fly. The wish as you see it is you can fly, but you lose the ability to walk. Do my legs just not work? You can't walk with them. But can I make the

motion of walking with it? Like I'm off the ground a millimeter, but I'm fooling everyone because I'm doing this, and I go clomp, stomp, clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp, sure, man. Then I can hide it by floating off the ground and making the noises of walking. No one would ever be the wiser. No one would ever know. I guess unless you had like mag boots put on or something and you were like forced to walk, then they would know you were faking it because you could no longer do it. Would you take it then, Mark? You're taking it?

Yeah, of course. Yeah, man, I don't care about walking that much. Plus, I could run, so I guess there's like that. You're running and you're like, ah, I better slow down. And the magical powers of your body are just like, oh, oh, oh, that's walking and crumpled. I think walking and running are tied together. Oh, no, no, no. You got to walk before you run.

You can't tiptoe. You can't walk. You can't run. I can't, I can't doing, doing, doy, doy, doy. Oh, man, what about crawling? Could I crawl? Not if you're using your legs. How narrow are we going?

What about moonwalking? Can I moonwalk? If I'm flying, can I handstand, you know, but also assist myself as I'm handstanding? You can use your arms, I guess, yeah, but not your legs. Can I swim through the air like, oh, like frog kicking? If your arms are that strong, if swimming would be tough. Unless you can fly in water. which I feel like is arguable.

That's what he said. He said, because fluid, but, you know, I wouldn't need to, I wouldn't want to do that anyway. All right. Don't mind me. Just, uh... I feel like we had several episodes making some kind of constitutional type device for the explicit purpose of eliminating coin flips as...

No. No, I don't think we ever eliminated coin flips. I thought the point was to eliminate random chance as a, as a victory condition. No. Because we had all the wheel spins and we were like, yeah, you need to keep track of points. He's doing the points because he's like, you know, if we, if we match, if we agreed or not agreed, that's what he did last time. If he wasn't a coward, he could just pick whichever one he wanted for each one, and that could be the correct answer. I would not insult him.

I'm not insulting him. I am not insulting you, Wade. Thank you. I didn't insult him. I said if he wasn't a coward, he could do that. I have a counterpoint. Oh, yeah? I guess I should be going like this

Oh no I should not do this towards myself I want to throw this out there What the fuck? Why do you have a knife? Oh hi Wade You missed out on a lot I clearly did We're in a knife fight right now

Well don't worry it won't matter Because I'm the only one who matters here is the host Editors put Wade between us my left, marks right. Don't do it. There's points on the line. You wouldn't. You shouldn't.

Wait, are we stabbing the cricket? Should I step this way? Everywhere. All directions. Get them. It's all me. Always has been. I'm cutting myself out of this podcast.

I'm going to Guam. Bunk. Hi, Guam. I just did my office I didn't go to Guam thought you guys could get away you guys only agreed on one you disagreed on the first five

and then both said yes on the last one oh Bob you got points four you will find me we called it Mark spent money on big graphics card hot tub water Linus Tech Tips ass juice

paying attention dude didn't taunt me Wait, did he get the point from Hippi in the graphics card? Because I called it. Oh. Your words exactly, Mark, where you guys were right, you called it. So I also got a point for that. Fair is fair.

Beer incomminicable or whatever the fuck your joke was. I'll grab you a beer in a mimicable. You also got two points from the coin flips for numbers one and three. That's not very many. It's not. Mark, you got points for. I boo-boo. Premature unfair

Only 8K Red Bull Head Smashing Inamacable Immicable inimicable So far from Yeah there was a lot of points in the middle That went to Bob

And you got three points for coin flips Leaving Bob at 10 And Mark at 8 Oh no I thought it was way I thought it was gonna have like Four points and then Bob Okay

All right I'll take it That's the way the cookie crumbled Viewers lost a point for Mark ruining it Viewers and listeners also gained a point For Mark being a hypocrite Oh sure So right now it's a me one Listeners one

Viewers 0 Mark 8 Bob 10 How many bonus points Should we have Let's find out I have a chance To get it a tie You do

I believe in you, Mark I'm channeling my luck I'm channeling it Wade what are we adding to the wheel Can we just add one that the host wins I mean if we all agree on it Yeah I think that's pretty funny We have enough on here now that I think that's pretty funny

Because there's no other real way for the host To win anymore because we've kind of changed the rules So this would be all way A one in 60 chance of the host winning I feel like is Is all right It's not the worst idea Yeah you know

No, why not? Why not? Because we got golf rules on there, which could make a host win. The host would have to have a point to be on the board for the golf rules, whereas this would just be the host wins, but yeah. What if it's two spins and the spins are Wade gets one half point and then golf rules. Just golf rules would be terrible today because right now the viewers are on the board with zero. All right. Well, two spins, yeah? Yeah. Spin number one. What happens if the first spin is that Wade wins? Do we do the second spin? I don't know, I guess. I didn't think about that.

Monkey's paw curls. What does that mean? Didn't we just add that? I think we just, no points are assigned, but something terrible happened somewhere, probably. What was this? It was from the last monkey's paw episode, obviously. I think it means nothing happens, but we were putting it in the universe that the monkey's paw was curling.

Something terrible is going to happen. Does that mean host wins is coming up next? Probably. you were one off of surprise golf rules by the way Worst luck I feel like this episode technically on the coin flips Bob only won two while Mark won three

Let's see You taunted me you gave us points for you calling it You prematurely called unfair Is it worst luck or worst performance marks I think maybe your worst performance Wow All right fine If there's a distinction to be made

And I guess that would be the distinction. You can call unfair, except for the fact you can't. I can't because I... Because you called unfair. I know. Yeah, I guess that is my... I guess I was my own worst enemy in this episode, so... So, Bob, you get that point, because you had the worst coin flip luck.

Well, it doesn't really affect anything, meaningfully, but okay. That monkey's paw is going to come back. Guaranteed. Might have already. Look at me. I'm burnt. Sunburnt. I'm not bald.

Oh, because of the bald. I thought you were going to drop dead or something I was Look at me I'd be upset You know I would be upset Oh Mark tell us how upset

In your loser's speech Oh This is gonna be me at your funeral If you die first Oh wait Why will We miss Imagine someone actually reacting like that

At a funeral People are crying Tell the stories Some are laughing about stories and you're still, wee, we, we, we, we, we, we, we. This is not my episode. I feel like I've had such a commanding performance all year, all season, or whatever it is. This episode, I was distracted.

I don't know what they're doing on this other computer over here, but they're going crazy. Not even paying attention during his own losers. Not even paying attention right now. They're, what are you deleting? God. What are you deleting? Okay, it's something they copied to a different folder. What is this mark dot movie file?

Let me get rid of that. Mark, we have an idea. What about steel spleen? Forget what you've been doing. Anyway, not my episode. I feel like it was all my own fault. Not even luck could be blamed. That monkey paw,

I feel like whatever happens in the universe is also my fault. And I should be blamed for that. But I will hop bodies until no one will even know who I am anymore. I think that might take one hop. Yeah. Bob, you have a winner speech? I don't really feel like I won this one. I feel pretty off-kilter.

It was an interesting episode, and there were some interesting, Monkey's Paw deals, but, I mean, it feels surprising in a good way, I guess, you know? You only said yes twice. Nothing wrong with a little happy surprise. Yeah, well, I was very cautious today. I think last time we did Monkey's Paw, I took a lot of deals, but I was more thoughtful today, or scared, either one.

Whatever I did, it worked out, because I won. Good Jesus. I will never be able to interpret my notes from last time to know what in the hell happened. No chance. You can't interpret them after you just, heard what happened and wrote them. Time in between is just going to make it worse.

You're not wrong. All right, well, good episode, boys. If you guys haven't already, go follow Mark at Markiplier. He needs you. He needs the support after buying that graphics card. Bob at Myskir. Me at Minion 77, or Lird, or Lerdminion 777. Lerd Minion 777.

The merch decree continues. We have no website. We may have merch. We may not. You'll find out. Unless you don't. Be careful what monkeys' paw deals. you take in the meantime. Until next time, we'll

host us. Podcast out.