Distractible - Lens Chats With Mark: Part Two [Bonus Episode]

Episode Date: January 17, 2024

Hop back into Bob's living room as the dudes discuss Mark's new hobby, Wade's YouTuber secrets, and a whole lot of pee. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built-in, so you can change the music. Oh yeah. Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca.

This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection, free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH- ph balancing minerals and crafted with skin conditioning oils so whether you're going for a run or just running late do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't find secret at your nearest walmart or shoppers drug mart today oh french lavender soy blend candle i I told you HomeSense has good gift options. Hmm, well, I don't know.

Mom's going to love it. She'll take one sniff and be transported to that anniversary trip you took to San Tropez a few years ago. Forget it. She complained about her sunburn the whole trip. It's only $14. $14? Now that's a vacation I can get behind. Deals so good, everyone approves. Only at HomeSense. Do they have a 69 length? No, they got 58, 85, and then... Do they have a 69 length no they got 58 85 and then they have an 11 uh they have an 8 they have

a 3 i'm trying to add up the 69 here if you got three what about a 44 and a 35 okay well let's actually think about they have a 17 they have a 21 no that wouldn't be close enough. There's a 17. There's a zero one eighteen twenty six 59 is there a negative one? Okay, there's a 21. There's a 28 you add those up. It's 49 There is a 20 69 dude. We are making movies three lenses get you there. Does it work like that? Can you stack them like that? No, okay You can try don't crush this dream so out of the hubble bubble my brain was like don't say the gum don't say the gum that's a bunch of lenses though right you, that's not even the cool telescope anymore.

It's the Mike and Ike Webb telescope now. I thought they didn't do podcasts anymore. Did you say Mike and Mike? Mike and Ike. It's a candy. They have their own telescope? The big red telescope. It's gum.

There you go. I'm confused at what you're confused at. Okay, I know about the... He was making it... Okay, I'll explain about it. He was making a joke as like, you know, an add-on. Oh, it was a joke? I trusted you.

That might be the most cutting thing you've ever said to me with that facial expression. I just trusted you. I was like, oh, you're right. There is another one. It's not the Hubble anymore. There is another one. Yeah, in the joke universe where they're named after gums and candies. The Mike and Ike.

I get it now. But I got confused. I thought you said Mike and Mike. I thought of like Mike whatever and Mike Golick. Who? They don't do Mike and Mike anymore but one of the Mikes does a different show. You guys don't listen exclusively to Go, my favorite sports team. No, but I've been on two of the best episodes. I used to listen to Mike and Mike

on the radio in law school. Since then I don't listen to sports things. But I do listen to Mike and Mike on the radio in law school. Since then, I don't listen to sports things. But I do listen to Go, but I don't consider it a sports thing. Because it doesn't report up-to-date sports. Yeah. I feel like you guys peaked in the episode where Tyler read you a eulogy and he got to the end and your response was, well, that's a sad poem. I really feel like you might have peaked in that moment. No, man. You missed the middle of that where I was dying laughing at the funniest poem I thought I'd ever heard. Then it turns out it's a eulogy. No, I heard it because we were at Disney together and he kept listening to it on repeat

because he was trying to do something with editing for it. I don't know. But he listened to that at least 30 times in my presence. You don't listen back to anything. I know it was torturous. That's a pretty regular thing to double check footage back. Do you watch videos before you upload them? Next question.

Do you just... you cough it into Dana's hand, Dana shoots it back. If something's wrong there's always a comment where like, wait there's like a 30 seconds of just black screen. I'm like, all right. You'll's wrong, there's always a comment where like, wait, there's like a 30 seconds of just black screen. I'm like, alright. You'll deduct that from Dana's pay. YouTube has a cutout feature. I don't think we've had that issue since Dana took over.

You pay per second, and that's 30 seconds of black screen. Do you want to know the truth of YouTube for me? Uh-huh. Alright. Launch up OBS. Got my camera, put my SD card in. Record, record. Do I need to sync?, put my SD card in. Record, record. Do I need to sync? Nah.

If I clap anyway. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the video. Video happens. Outro. Pop out the SD, upload, drag it over to the Synology. I put it in a folder. I name it.

Drag it over to the Synology, which is what we share our stuff through. OBS finishes recording. Does whatever it's called where it changes the format. Remux. Remuxes. Drag that over into the, it's called Bandicam. The folder I drag it to, that's not Bandicam anymore. It's called where it changes the format remux remuxes drag that over into the uh it's called bandicam the folder i drag it to that's not bandicam anymore but the folder is called bandicam wait for that to transfer next thing i know someone on stream's like wait i

really love that video it's like which one oh that's out now dana edits it she does the thumbnail she titles it she does the description she does the tags i don't even know that youtube exists anymore we have a tiktok apparently we you as in lord minion or yeah the distractible me no me as in wade oh so that's a real tiktok i thought that was a scam because i know you don't use tiktok no i made one and i didn't do anything besides follow some of my friends and then you just gave it to dana jp's a real dick writer to get me on the new trends he got me to do he got me to try to get verified on twitter before they changed everything around and he got on me about the tiktoks up finally i was like fine dana we can start uploading some tiktok so we did i think i've got like five tick tick tickies now you gotta give

her a raise man you gotta give her a raise i try you try And she accepts. It's something that's called it happens. I'm like, do you want more money? And she's like, no. And I'm like, oh, man. All right. Here, have some anyway. All right. Well, that's good.

She's probably still underpaying for all of what she does. Probably. Probably. Anyway, speaking of underpaying, I didn't pay $100,000 for the one. Oh, that's right. We were down to 40. We were at 48. How long ago was that?

That feels like a different conversation. Well, it was probably in like... Was that before or after Dick's 3D? No, no, yeah. We got into 69 millimeter focal length. I'll reveal it to you. Let's spill the secrets, right? These lenses can cost...

What are you doing? That's the dick coming at you from the screen. I know it was before or after. Ooh. Not to dick. You ever did the one at Disney where like there's an alien that would like breathe on your neck? Just the dick spray. Nevermind, go ahead.

I see what happened now. I do. Yeah, yeah. I fully understand how we got to where we were. How much were your lenses? Yeah, Mark, the lenses. It can cost, some of them cost 20 bucks. Some of them have cost me more in shipping than they have in the lens itself.

Some of them cost like, most of them are probably around like 50 to 200 bucks. The extremely rare ones are like a thousand, but that would just be one per set is that I know of as a thousand. Can you take like, you know how people do like the glass blowing? Can you use those as lenses? The blown glass? I'm going to go out on a limb and say no would it be a really cool movie looking thing maybe if you did what do you need a 45 you got the set glass blower with the

little pipe on the side of the camera you take the director's like oh make it rounder bigger you would have to give out drugs before they went to watch your movie. Be like, all right, here's your popcorn. Here's your LSD. Go enjoy the movie. I mean, it would make an experience more special, but no, it takes a long process. And one of the reasons why these vintage lenses are so cool is because they're all made by hand. Like hand ground?

Oh, that is kind of wild. Well, you know, they have a spinning wheel. Like the way they're modernly done is ground by machine to within you know insanely tight spec right like it's uh i'm not 100 sure that all of them were hand ground but but if some of them were i could see why that makes them so unique they didn't have computers they probably had some kind of guide or something that they were used it's almost like a lathe but it's not a lathe it's a vertical spinny do they had calculations that they made. They ground the glass.

They checked them all. They assembled them by hand. Everything was done to an extreme precision. That's why I like the particular brand that I like is because it's very consistent. They made their own glass. They made their own casings. They made their own coatings. They made all of it in-house.

They never outsourced to anyone else besides this one partnership. And that was Leica asking them to make stuff for them. And that's why I love them because they're pieces of history. And in a few years or in like 10 or 20 years, they're all going to be gone because they're 50 years old. Because you're buying them all. I hope so. No, I want to preserve them.

The Mark Museum of Minolta Lens. I really love these lenses. Do you like a lens? Come to Markiplier's. And I appreciate the rehousing that people do like but i'm not gonna pay a hundred thousand dollars that's what i was trying to say it's like i'm not gonna pay that i didn't hey we're over here man i did not and have not and was not going to pay that amount for it because i didn't want to because i can assemble a whole set i have multiple sets

already uh for total is like anywhere between like you know there's that thousand and then the there's about 11 lenses actually in my perfect set there's only like nine well so i'm curious you're you're going through all this and you're setting up to eventually try and rehouse some of this or a set of this glass yourself right yeah what is the worst case scenario of that do you just ruin the glass if you like touch it wrong or something or do you just like end up with a shitty set of lenses if the housings aren't quite as precise as they need to be like what can are you destroying them or is it just like they might not be as good as if someone else who knows what they're doing more did it instead of you absolutely yeah it's just like it's probably not going to be as good these things are a lot sturdier than they seem

but in disassembling something you can like ruin the glue if you gouge it you ruin the coating or okay but it's not like you're gonna if you like touch it with your finger it's ruined for all eternity yeah they're not airtight so like that dust gets inside it all the time that's how fungus starts to grow inside it's just like dust how do you cure fungus in a lens you don't really Get some of that toenail goop for athlete's foot. Athlete's foot is fungus, right? Yeah, you're right. You're right. You're right.

Ath on. No, that's clap on. Ath off. Ath on. Ath off. Never mind. The ather. The ath stays off.

Do you have a case of the big ath? Well, we got the stuff for you. Oh, no. I can't be out of ink. Not now Well, we got the stuff for you. Oh no, I can't be out of ink. Not now. Megatank. Why do I do this to myself? Ah, what's that printer that comes with 30 times the ink? Megatank. Yes, it's a Canon

Megaphone? Megatank. It's a Canon printer. It comes with like two grand worth of ink. Prints me over 7,700 color pages. Megatank. Megawatt? Listen to the voice in your head and get Comes with like two grand worth of ink. Prints me over 7,700 color pages. Mega tank. Mega what? Listen to the voice in your head and get a Canon Mega Tank printer. So you don't have to think about ink for a long, long time. Visit canon.ca slash megatank for details.

Navigating adulting isn't always easy. You're not just working. You're working late. And dinner dates are all, what's your five-year plan? And you're thinking, paying off the bill for this fancy pants meal probably. So when you need to break free from responsibility and experience something that feels more you, reach for Kraft Dinner. Because when you're starved for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what

you really love, that's when it's got to be KD. When you got to do you, it's got to be KD. Shop now. So it's an art kd when you gotta do you it's gotta be kd shop now so it's it's it's an art form and i i really appreciate like with preserving you know data and stuff like that there's some people that definitely hoard them and it's not my intention to do that i have not bought enough to qualify as like i'm hoarding them but i'm getting close how many have you gotten about 80 well you do what so we talked about this a little bit. You intend to rent them out, right?

You're not hoarding all of these just for your personal uses. He has a swimming pool filled with lenses that he dives into every night before bed, and he just rolls around like Scrooge McDuck. Like Scrooge McDuck of lenses. That sounds horrible. That would really solve the frog drowning problem though

you're right it's rats the rat drown you put on like a suit that's like this material before you get in there so that way you're nice and fluffy and you're just cleaning them while you swim around yeah meanwhile against the hard wall of the pool there i'm fixing them no no you put bubble wrap around the edges of the pool then then wrapped it in a fine cloth. It's okay. That's what I do. I plant a big smooch on the top of every lens, like right on the glass. I'm going to take care of you.

And then close the cap. Make sure I seal that in there. No, I like it. It's a hobby. I don't have many hobbies. That is true. I've never really known you to have any hobby unless you count kind of cooking. Don't cook a lot.

You kind of mastered like a couple things. Yeah. I don't really cook. What other hobbies have you had? Would you say you've had any other like hobby hobbies? Not any collecting hobbies, no. The biking slash motorcycling. The bike of 87.

Every time I look over at you, I just get a blast of heat. So, I'm going to stop looking over there. That turns off. No, but just get a blast of heat. So I'm going to stop looking over there. That turns off. No, but it looks so nice. Fire, can you cool it down a bit? But like you got it, you have an e-bike and like that was kind of a hobby, kind of a way that you traveled by choice. Yeah, this is the first time where I've collected something for the...

Ryobi? That was practical. Ryobi's pure practical. How many of your plethora of Ryobi tools That was practical. Ryobi's pure practical. How much, how many of your plethora of Ryobi tools have you used more than getting them out of the box? Everyone. Oh, that doesn't sound like the truth.

It's like a kid being scolded. You do your chores? Amy's used them more than I have, actually. Oh. Well, at least they get used. I don't even know how much Ryobi you have. I just know it's, it was described as a wall. I had a wall. Yeah. You walk into Mark's house and it's like, oh, what'd you do with the place? It's just like lenses from ceiling to floor on one side and power tools on the other. I mean, that's kind of my objective because I have to

store them in like a cabinet, keeps it dry and dust free. And yeah, they're, they're beautiful. They're beautiful. Are they like positive pressure cabinets or are they just sealed? They're just sealed and then it keeps it dry. Is that a thing that lens people do? Positive pressure storage to keep particulates out? I guess that could bring moisture in. It's not really meant for keeping dust out. It just is like it magnetically closes.

It's never bad if a little positivity leaks out. We need more of that in this world. Thanks, buddy. Anyway, yeah, but they they're beautiful the oldest ones are metal like full metal construction their whole body's metal do they do that satisfying thing where like when you turn the the focus ring it's just like and it feels like really buttery yeah these 50 year old lenses if you get like a good one of course it still works perfectly i still to this day will put i can right now take a lens and put it on my camera and use it they're not broken they're they're very very well made and they're very usable hi hello hello you don't wave having

that as a skill is not very useful if you don't use it when it's appropriate like a jedi mind trick wave he usually does like a princess wave i gotta tell you how confused i was whenever she showed up at my door in like the middle of the evening right before I was getting ready to live stream that day. With cookies. I know. But no one comes to our house. And like just seeing someone you know at your house and you don't expect it holding a box. You're just like, I was just so thrown off. I'm going to start doing that a lot more.

Isn't that kind of a good thing? You know, you get a friend. Yeah, it was nice. It was very nice. It was just so confusing. Every time a friend or family member comes to your house, you open the door and you're like. Well, I think we've only seen her. We've only seen them like over here at your other house when you were in North Carolina or at a convention.

So like all of a sudden they were at my house. It's like, oh my God, you're real. Not how reality works. Yeah. My reality works in a different way. It was a great off-putting awesome moment. I was just very thrown off because I was like, oh, who's at my door? We're not supposed to have anyone at my door.

Who? I know you. Oh, wait. Wren, can I tell the story that you told us about what they did to you? Or is that not a cool thing to share? Because I think that's really fucking funny. What did I do to you? Okay.

So, they came over to your house, right? To give you a what did i do to you okay so so they came over to your house right to give you a box of cookies and you invited them inside and i guess um we needed to use the bathroom yeah and then you and charlie stood right outside the door of the bathroom and held a conversation oh yeah we did so i started to step into the kitchen to walk away from there i did i started to step into the kitchen to walk away from there i did i started to step into the kitchen i was like can i get you a drink or anything it's like no i'm good and i was like oh oh you're just gonna throw charlie under the bus yes 100 okay so because i was like okay i'm gonna you guys come have a seat or something he's like no i'm good and it's

like oh well i guess we'll just stay here then and then we stood there i think you could have done a lot more she's a very silent peer. Whatever it was. I don't know what happened in the bathroom. The story was told that literally it was like shuffle past you to get in the bathroom, close the door, no movement. You guys were practically... I took two steps backwards, but Charlie, he was

right there. That man, no personal space. I just don't. I don't believe you. I don't. It's true. When you stepped out, Charlie was the first one you saw. I'm not a silent pee. I couldn't go. I don't believe you. I don't. It's true. When you stepped out, Charlie was the first one you saw. I'm not a side of here. I couldn't go because you guys were too close. I tried to step in. I offered him a drink. That was my way of moving the house. I'm thinking

what happened is you actually leaned up against the door. You started doing stretches on the door. Sliding things under the door. Started farting and wafting it in. I'm a sympathetic bathroom. Come pee in my house when I'm trying to get ready for a stream. You think you're being polite. You make more noise to be like, oh, I got to cover the sound of what's happening in the bathroom.

Well, I explained why I didn't hear anything. You were very silent. Why were you listening? I wasn't. Charlie wouldn't move in the house. Close your ears or something. God's sake. Hey, what's going on in there?

I'm not hearing anything. I'm married. I've heard someone pee for 10 years. Yeah. The same someone who chose that life. Is there a different noise or the different pitches of urine? Probably. I don't listen to anyone other than Mandy P. I'm going to be honest. We should listen to each other pee and each other's wives pee and see if they're different. Let's take these cameras right now and take turns in the bathroom. pee and save the difference. Let's take these cameras right now and take turns in the bathroom.

Should we have a pee-off? We'll see who's got the coolest piss sound. Alright, I bet it's me. You guys sit or stand when you do it at home? I'm a sitter. At home I sit. Well, it depends. I don't stand at home yet. I don't want to splash my own area. Yeah, no splash damage. Really? Yeah, Mark, it splashes.

I know it splashes. But that's your wall that it splashes onto. Yeah, when you sit, the only splash damage is your own asshole. It's not going up to the wall. How high pressure do you pee? Dude, I could clean brick. Mark, you've played Power Wash Simulator. Okay, all right.

Which nozzle? Which nozzle? It's the white nozzle. Okay, so pretty wide. 45 degree beam. Yeah, well, that's the other reason i have to sit down i see i see i see okay i got you you clean more that way but it's less precise like it gets less in there i'm a little bit more like narrow scope makes it really fucking hard to

write your name in the snow you gotta write it big you gotta run as you go you keep it aimed down and you're running with your legs apart you're just like there's a leg of the bee. Will they ever put your thumb over it like it's a hose and try to change the spray? No. Not actually. Only in Jokeland. Do you do that in real life?

No. Okay, good. Uh-huh. What else don't you do, Wade? I do all kinds of things I don't do. Oh, okay. I don't want to talk about it. do all kinds of things I don't do. Oh, okay. I don't want to talk about it.

Listen, big not-doing man. Murder. One. Covers it. All right. This episode is brought to you by Tresemme. Want silky smooth hair that's still full of natural movement? The Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection is your simple solution. This new collection features a wide range of products from nourishing shampoo and conditioner to lightweight heat protectants and a silky smooth serum for a sleek finish.

Wave goodbye to frizz and say hello to three days of smooth hair with the Tresemme Carotene Smooth Weightless Collection. Visit Tresemme.com to learn more. So let's be clear. When it comes to shipping internationally, can I provide trade documents electronically? Mm-hmm. The answer is FedEx. Okay. But what about estimating duties and taxes on my shipments? How do I find all the... Also FedEx.

Impressive. Is there a regulatory specialist I can ask about? FedEx. Oh. But let's say that... FedEx. What a... FedEx. Thanks thanks no more questions always your answer for international shipping fedex where now meets next what were we talking oh the story yeah anyway you're not supposed to listen and it's polite to not stand six inches away i tried to step further

in charlie wouldn't come that's a lot you're throwing a lot of shade right now he's not here to defend himself so he takes the brunt. If you didn't hear anything, did you really listen? Yes, because the listening is not predicated on hearing anything. You listen in case they're sound, not because they're sound. I say he tried to listen, which is the more egregious crime. Tried but failed to listen? What does that sound like?

Well, it's like attempted listening, you know? It's not pre... It was premeditated, but it wasn't successful. I will say when she did come out of the bathroom, I realized our mistake. I was like, man, we were standing like right here talking. Oh, well, it's probably fine. Oh, man, that must have been awkward. Where are you going?

Do you want to try again? I'll just put a microphone in the bathroom. We'll listen from the other room. Sorry, I didn't catch that. Look, you come into my house with our etiquette. We're pee listeners. You got to pee your poop in our house. We got an ear to the door.

Some houses, you take your shoes off before you come inside. Our house, I get to hear your pee. We have those old style hearing aids that look like the conch shell that we hold up to our ear and put it against the door. I don't want to come over. I wanted to see your house because it's like a new house. I've never been... I don't want to come over.

Oh, you can see in our house. Just don't pee in our house. Yeah, I know. You live like 20 minutes away and you haven't seen her house. We have a screechy baby babies are fine They're cool. Are you sure is it safe? Because I feel like it's probably hard to make an area safe for him right now. We have gates for like the stairs Oh, you have Doug's I don't think it's crime ridden It's well Molly also uses one to keep me in the basement. But otherwise, yeah for the dog does it work?

Yeah, they're small dogs. They don't hop over for the dog does it work yeah they're small dogs they don't hop over them no you does it work on you it's surprisingly effective do you know how to open the gate swin i've actually learned to work better with the gate there than without it without the gate i tripped down the stairs the other day but with the gate i hop like a hopping thing cricket grasshopper frog kangaroo you know things that hop that I couldn't think of before I made the joke. Uh-huh. I don't know why I laughed. Crickets do hop pretty good, I guess.

They do, yeah. But the lack of confidence with which you said it was concerning. Lack of confidence is usually me. Lack of confidence is my middle name. That's right. I'm Wade, Wade, lack of confidence, Wade Barnes. You guys know how good my middle name, right? So how close are you to rehousing so what about your middle name it was just a quick aside i know i know your name yes i'm familiar with your name so when i my first name is george so whenever i was

younger i was first born basically my aunt i'm not going to name her because i want to make fun of her too much but she asked my... She got a really dumb name? No, no. She just sucks. So ridiculously. I just make fun of her every time I talk about her. Well, she's like, oh, what's your son's name? Whenever she was first meeting me, my mom's like, oh, Wade.

Oh, what's his middle name? Wade. So his name is Wade, Wade Barnes? That's it. That's the story.