Distractible - Listener Q&A

Episode Date: June 2, 2023

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and welcome to Distractible. This week, Payheed for Wise Wade throws out deep truth, but has an odd relationship with fecal voyeurism. Long-suffering Mark is beaming, even as he has force-fed too much pudding. As victorious

Bob asks questions from the most incredible fandom in podcasting. You, the gentle listeners. From lizard copulation to explosive bidets and kudos to Plutos. Yes. It's time for Listener Q&A. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome.

Sounds so bad. Okay, that's not, that's pretty rude. And welcome to another, to an episode of Distractible where I'm finally hosting because i won oh yeah fair and square to be fair that's why i thought marks that it sounded so bad because he was used to us hosting i thought you're just trying to derail the first episode that i've gotten to host legitimately in in months in this year 2023 right or no? Or no, not quite? No. No, not quite, no.

Oh, okay. It feels like it. I mean, it does feel like it's been a long time. I kind of forget how to do this. I gotta be honest, because it's been a hot minute. I'll text you the list of rules. Oh, okay. I might break all of my audio right now. Good.

Oh! break all of my audio right now good oh does it sound good to you no it did not sound good no it did not god i wish we had any reference whatsoever what's going on in mark's head well i go into the sound panel on my computer and so i go to the the the audio thing and there's enhancements in windows that you can put oh good yeah sure i turned them all on which is just low frequency protection virtual surround room correction and loudness equalization don't do that it sounds awful you're gonna see us in person again after all these years and you're gonna hear us talk and be like oh my god it was just you guys the whole time i'm hosting okay so i'm in charge here welcome to another episode of distractible the the show where i'm the host because i won and there's two other guys here mark and wade

they're competing because they lost. They're losers. What in the hell is going on on Mark's? What if it's the cable? If you're not watching the video, you're really missing out on Mark going through a whole saga over here. This is just like when we did the live group stream and the microphones weren't plugged in the whole time. Remember that? And Mark spent the first 30 minutes. He was like, the cables. group stream and the microphones weren't plugged in the whole time remember that

and mark spent the first 30 minutes he was like the cables it always boils down to the cables wait how are you how's it going that's really funny thanks man great point bob i'm doing great thank you for asking oh man i'm proud of you too that's the nicest thing he's ever said to us yeah it is molly and i have been moving surprise we're moving we're finally leaving cincinnati to move to cincinnati it still sounds like trash that's just my voice mark just put the other headphones on. No, I'm doing it for everyone on the subreddit has been complaining. I hope somehow all of this plugging and unplugging changes your microphone.

So Will gets this and it's like, you're complaining about how we sound. But in reality, your voice is going to be like. Look, the cables that I'm plugging have nothing to do with my audio device. It's just a 3.5 millimeter aux cord. A girl can hope. Yeah, and a horse can run. What's your point? They gallop.

Idiot. Horses can have all kinds of gates, okay? We're not here to debate horse movement. All right. But we are talking about my movement, and it's been exhausting. Never move. Audio torture aside, weight's moving. How are you? How's it going? movement all right but we are talking about my movement and it's been exhausting never move audio torture aside weight's moving how are you how's it going how have you been i am good my hard drive issues have been solved uh in my day-to-day life i feel better um because i've

gotten my prescription for add and it's just vastly, it's vastly superior. The one I have now. USB-C. It's actually USB 3.2. 3.2 Gen 2 X 1. No, it's just like,

it's just vastly better. And I, I just feel better and not to just shit on other medications but i just i don't feel like adderall is a very good medication i've heard even for people that it works really effectively for it still is addictive because it's still a stimulant so it's like even if it makes you feel great and it it helps with the symptoms you're still just hooked on adderall at the end of the day which is like a problem yeah it's it's just the fact of like it it feels there there's many times when i would not to get too into the weeds of this because this would get into a more deeper

discussion but it's just like i i've been on adderall for a very long time and i switched last year as people know my my cvs escapades trying to get this medication called the staris um and it's just been a nightmare because it was new and then insurance company wouldn't cover it. And then the pharmacy wasn't stocking it because no one had it. But now it's in stock and it's much better now. And it just makes me realize just like I sleep better. I feel better.

I just like I'm in a better mood in general. Adderall is like it's good for like pushing you to do stuff, but that's all it does. It's just like something pushing you and whether you feel like you want to or not. I just feel like more like myself. So I am I am in a good mood. Hooray. That's great.

Well, fuck you. I showed you what you talk about. It's an improvement in my life. You tell me how it is. I was sincere. Did mine not come across as sincere? I'm a dick, so I was being a dick. No, I'm not singling anybody out in terms of money. Can I just say, Mark, I appreciate that your boar spear lives in your office now.

I know. I keep saying, like, oh, I'm going to move that at some point, and then I don't because I get lazy. Oh, that's just where it goes. That's where it goes. It's my background. I have a whole office full of stuff that's like oh i'll get rid i'll move that i was pretty disappointed in you who you both were disappointed in me yes because i saw you pull out that boar spear and other content and i thought it was distractible exclusive well screw the both of

you for criticizing me why hey wow damn bob and i are equally on this platform criticizing you as the host i feel like i have some sort of way to punish you for this behavior but i can't remember how that works you give way to point that'll teach him all right i give way one point ah what you get damn it i hate you both oh do one more point for wade you know what keep going mister i'll show you mark let's see if you do hate us both i've got this uh this lens cap we can use to flip no no none of that shit in my episodes get out of here okay no no 50 50 chances if there's gonna be games of chance in an episode hosted by me it's gonna be patently unfair i think you say pac-man before we get into like the actual uh media the episode i just want

to say like i've been so uh tickled to see people's responses to distractible lately because we're in like our second year uh we're actually in the third year now i i think actually season three technically and people just like still consistently love the show. And there I catch people that aren't even watchers of my content or any of our content as being like, man, I just really love distractible. I had I was on a make a wish call. And this guy said that he just really loved listening to watching the videos with us in it, but also just listening to the podcast in general, because I do mainly like horror

games. So it's really good to like get like the purely just comedy based stuff and and so like just to everyone listening and watching out there just thank you so much for um enjoying the show that tickles us to death and it just makes me so happy to see it's true i'm i'm constantly surprised by the response weird subreddits too like we each have our own little mini subreddit fandom and there's a distractible subreddit. The Wade supremacy one makes me laugh. Half the comments on the post on the world Wade supremacy subreddit are

just like, is this Wade's alt alt alt account? And it's like, I don't even have one Reddit account. I try to vote on the polls to make myself look better. And it's like create an account. And I'm like, Oh,

I don't care that much you don't have a reddit account i don't even have one and everyone thinks that i've got alt accounts and it's like do you know who i am i've got a new microphone still in a box next to my desk how are people supposed to stalk your your reddit activity if you don't have look i this week uh i had to post a question on what animal is this and i just used my my screen account because i don't give a shit and um it was i took a picture in a bush in our backyard there were two very large lizards um fucking it was a komodo dragon no not that large anyway i took a picture because i was like oh are these days is this lizards are

they doing sex is this dangerous is this lizards are they doing sex i don't see them with a lizard condom this is this is unsafe the title of the post was is this two lizards getting it on and i was hoping the responses would be like haha yeah those are this kind of lizard whatever right because that's what i was going the first comment was i find it confusing to know that bob is asking this question on this subreddit don't know how to feel people just stalk my reddit account because it's connected to the distractible discord or whatever i don't know it's like man that's fine but tell me about the lizard at least if you're gonna comment i don't want to make a reddit account i just want to go comment on random subreddits and like see if people follow me over there like i leave a weird trail of reddit activity and it's good public for everyone to look at so uh except for when i go

into private browsing mode you know what that's for oh i want to go to like weird body subreddit just be like is it normal to have a fingernail but like on my dick and see if people are like, Wade, is this real? What? I don't know. I just want to do that. Oh, but I'd have to make an account. What was that? What?

Did you guys hear that? Something honked. You didn't hear a honk in the call? What are you talking about? Something just went like a weird alarm. What? Is this part of the episode? It sounded like some shitty website's notification.

There it is. What is that? I heard a little bit of something that time. Oh, a video was auto playing in the brotherhood of Bob's subreddit. It was a We have to we're on edge browser right now because Chrome was making Riverside not work So I don't have any of my don't auto play video stuff going that was just watching you lose your shit in complete silence was fantastic on my

perspective thank you i thought that was i thought that was a bit and it's some after some time you and wayne were gonna be like we got him he finally got to host an episode and we pranked him with Mark having audio issues. You just got bobbled. Remember that? I do. Yeah, I do remember that. That was the thing I said. It's very funny.

Everyone loves it. People still say that to me. Are you going to give him points for that? Is that what you're going to do? Yeah, I'm going to give Wade one point for that. Oh, good job judging, Bob. Oh, way to go. Oh, thanks, bud to give Wade one point for that. Oh, good job judging, Bob. Oh, way to go. Oh, thanks, bud.

That's a point for Mark for giving me a compliment. That's a good, like, Yogi the Bear at Home impression. No one remembers Yogi the Bear, man. Oh, uh, who's hip? Ah, real monsters. Smokey the Bear. He can only remember bear that's a good steven universe impression thank you for that transition wayne um struggling to think of things is basically the theme of today's episode oh excellent dude i'm good at that we've all said it and we've all thought it

we're getting older no you wish uh we're gonna do a little q a episode today it's been a while since we've been able to go to a convention traditionally when we go to conventions and appear as mark blyer and friends on stage live to talk to people and interact with them uh we also do q and a's and a lot of the times we could ask the same questions over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again how's chica will you guys play more raft where's sean um what else we could ask a lot so we're not going to do those today i if you're not a member of the distractigo discord you missed out because i went on the discord and i made a little thread and I asked for questions.

And then Mandy, unsolicited, just went through it and picked out some good ones and didn't pick out any of the ones that we've answered 100,000 times. Chica's good. Wade's dogs are fine. My dogs are fine. Don't do YouTube. It's hard. Unless you want to, then it's fun so on and so forth we've we've given those answers a hundred different ways a hundred different times

but these are the real questions okay okay some of them are about us some of them are not i just want to discuss and i'll and i'll you know i'll say people's usernames too because they i appreciate you giving us questions and if you're not in the Discord, you missed out. What are you doing? Go join the Discord today. Quick. Distract. Go Discord. AnalLover69420 asks. Is that one of them?

I wish. Oh. Okay. That's probably not. That Discord probably doesn't allow that. Anyway, we're going to start with the softball, okay? JeruaplyhammerSyringe, those are emotes, not words, but they're part of the name, asked,

if you could only suggest one episode for a person to watch, which episode would it be and why? I'm assuming this is in the context of like someone who's never heard Distractible before and it's like, this episode will get you hooked or show you what Distractible is

and you'll realize you don't want to listen or whatever. In recent memory, it's got to be the coin flip one, one dude watching mark try to pick up that stupid cap in ways that they're like this is fair look you mean this it's a symbol of fairness fairness i can't flip it in any way if i pick it up like that how would i flip it no i know it was fair mark i acknowledging you try to make sure it was fair was really funny and i feel like the visual of watching it enhanced the episode that's my first answer i can think of on top of my head

but there was a there was an episode recently that um i i was looking forward to people uh watching slash listening to just recently i gotta i gotta look up what it was was it riddles and rhymes i just was really looking forward to that was the one i wanted to see that episode had the correct energy to give someone a very good introduction to the podcast yeah everything going wrong on my end everything going right on wade's and just somehow fate rolling into wade's favor and then bob just sitting there confused i think that is indicative of this podcast oh bread i was looking forward to bread because mark you were just unhinged about bread and i wanted to see the world respond and think that

you were like losing your mind speaking about bread bread, I learned a thing that I love. So we were obsessed with figuring out if things were cannolis, right? Someone, and I didn't fact check this, so it's probably a lie. Someone said on the subreddit, cannoli is plural. So you get, you order some cannoli. You have multiple cannoli. If you have one, it's a a canolo which is just adorable so we were trying to figure out if babies were canolos or if a baby is a canolo yeah i was gonna say if babies were

canolo it'd be multiple babies make one but it turns out bread babies are bread bolos full of soup did we discover that bread bolos were canola no no bread we never got into the we didn't get into what bread bowls are because it's kind of like it ruins the hypothesis at the beginning of our scientific method it would tear the universe to shreds from the very atomic level it would it would cause problems what was the question yeah we are getting older you guys answered it if you could suggest one episode oh yeah we did that i would suggest that people watch the um the bobs and the bees episode because i feel like that one has mark being completely unhinged about the his child rearing techniques and the ship of theseus thing

and then it has wade singing songs rock-a-ye bobby yeah yeah i feel like that's an old one but that one definitely captures a lot of what we got going on here that's true that was a good episode that was a really good episode is this just us patting ourselves on the back for this whole episode i'm okay with that i don't get compliments enough i said we're starting with a softball okay okay gotcha gotcha. Okay, gotcha, gotcha. Okay, so you want a harder question then is what you're saying, Mark. You want something a little bit more interesting. You want something maybe existential.

Spoof asked, is everything that we're doing pointless? Are our lives predetermined? They want to know our opinion on that. I feel like those are two different questions and aren't actually direct opposites each other no no no uh wade is our philosopher so he is the authority on this what is mark's answer can't answer a question with a question don't do that philosophy shit real answer oh what mark was answering i was just disagreeing with him immediately he can answer no no it's fine life is not predetermined because no one with the capability

to write this much shit would have wrote it this poorly they would have given up been told to quit by some like a mentor but read that and been like this is bad you should stop and they would have been like okay and this would have gotten scrapped in the middle but it's still going and it's awful so therefore it can't be predetermined that's that's my answer and what was the first part was it pointless it's not pointless because i still get to eat dinner today and any day you get to look forward to dinner is a day that has a point throwing a lot of accidental shade towards people who live with food insecurity there but uh i mean i guess that's true i can only speak from my perspective and i love you're allowed to have your own philosophy.

I'm not going to mark you. I'm not going to shoot it down immediately. You know what? That was such a good answer. I'll give you a point for that. Thank you. What do you think, Mark? What's your philosophy?

Don't make it dumber. I'll interrupt again. Can you recite the two different, the two parts of that again? Is everything we're doing pointless and is everything just predetermined? Thus making it pointless, I think is sort of the structure of the question okay all right because you have an illusion of decision but it's pointless because you don't make decisions it's predetermined in my opinion it doesn't really matter like when you get into the thought process of like is is what i'm doing pointless or matter a lot of what we do every day is actually pointless

and meaningless. And we're all spending a lot of our time just like wasting time because time passes no matter what. And so it's just a different mindset to have because the other mindset, the other side of that is just like, yeah, I'm just going to do things because I choose to do them, whether or not it wouldn't matter to me if someone came out of the blue and had scientific proof, like everything you're doing is pointless. It wouldn't make me stop in the middle of the road and then drop dead right there. I wouldn't do that because I still have to go through my life and I still want to go through my life. And I think that's the biggest like divider is, is the answer doesn't matter to me matter to me because

i still want to do the things that i want to do and so long as i want to do them it doesn't matter if it was ever predetermined or if there's just like some eldritch god watching over everything i do and and judging me uh based on my actions or influencing them in some way or has laid out a route i in my ignorance am uh am ignorant that. And I don't think I would ever either know about it or even accept it if I saw the proof of it. And I know that could be other people was like, yeah, so like, so you're, you're just choosing to be dumb. It's like, no, I'm just choosing to continue to do the things that make me happy and give me purpose in life. And that is what makes me feel fulfilled.

And if that's an illusion, it's a very comfortable illusion. And I don't have any other alternative right now. So I feel like I'm going to just pick whatever I want to pick. And therefore, that's my choice. I want to say I agree. I think one ignorance is bliss sometimes. So not knowing is nice to to agree with you. Even if everything is predetermined it kind of begs the question of like a chicken and egg argument is it predetermined because it's the choices we we make and someone just knows what we're going to make but we still ultimately make the decisions and it's predetermined in the method of just some omniscient being knows what we're going to do or do we have to follow a script but if we do follow this script like mark, we don't know what the script is. So

to us, it's not really a script to us. It's still just our choices along the way or seemingly our choices along the way. And if we don't know whether it's a choice or not, then it feels like a choice. So who really cares in the end? Excellent point, Wade. I'm going to give you a point for your excellent point. Thank you. What about my points? Oh, I've been giving you points. I just haven't been announcing it. Sweet. All all right it's actually a very tight game so far oh good good good excellent those were much more thoughtful answers that i expected i thought we were just gonna meme on that one a little bit uh but yeah i mean but then mark gave a real answer so it's like my my philosophical brain was philosophical well no it just got the gears turning you gotta turn on the gear sometimes my brain likes to work in like power down mode

so every now and then like it gets turned on it's like oh you actually want to use me and it's like yes brain it's like here and it gives me actual information to spout out so your brain a wizard that lives in a tower somewhere i'm in power saving mode a lot if you can't tell the power comes with a cost and i'm trying to salvage what little of my aging process i can you know if you have a kind of magic where you you give up hairs every time you use it yeah it's like those wizards and atheists when they cast something that uses up like the life force around them so all the plants and stuff die but mine's just my follicles i'll have more grays tomorrow but it's okay well

you guys basically said my answer too so i don't feel the need to add anything uh do you remember that quote uh that gandalf says to Frodo? Fly, you fools. Well, he does say that. It's cool. It's very cool. Is that what he said? Don't worry, it's cool. Ow, damn it, my head. I have to drink every drop of this liquid.

Don't listen to me. No, wait. Fool of a took. Kill me! Kill me! Kill me! Yeah, that thing that Gandalfalf says to harry potter um no when when frodo is like i wish this didn't this all this crazy shit wasn't happening during my time and gandalf is like so do i and so do all who live to see such times but it's not for them to decide all we have to decide is what to do with the time that's given to us basically it's not exactly actually answered to the question in the same way that you guys answered it very eloquently but that's so that's what i always think of is like does it really matter to me

what what the reason is for any of the stuff that is happening that's outside of my control not really i have control over a limited amount of stuff and i have to exercise my control and make my decisions and live with that. And it's like, it's like you're going through life with Stockholm syndrome, but the prison, you know, is, and the captor is just life itself. I think of it this way also is you don't really pity a dog's life. You know what I mean? Especially a dog in a good home, obviously there are street dogs and whatnot, but if a dog in a good home, think of the unbelievably mind-boggling things a dog sees every day. Especially if a dog gets in a car, has no idea how this thing works, but it moves.

It gets in an elevator. An elevator blows my dog's minds every single time. Door closes. Shake, shake, shake. Somewhere else. Magic. every single time door closes shake shake shake somewhere else but it's like and a dog doesn't really have any choice in terms of its its life in terms of when it's fed when it gets to go outside and whatnot that's all predetermined basically by a higher power meaning the owner of the dog we're gods baked to the dog yeah absolutely god we're horrifying eldritch beings there was a post on red that made me think

of this uh in this kind of way or maybe it was tumblr i don't know it was like a screenshot of a screenshot but it's it's similar like you don't i don't really pity a dog's life like a dog is happy because in its circumstance even those are things out of its control and it could it doesn't have the capacity of course to ponder things but because if you think about these things that we're trying to ponder and they're like beyond what we really can know. Humans absolutely do not have the capacity to like, people like to think about those questions like this and be like, if I was omniscient, it's like, you don't even know what that means. You literally don't have the capacity to appreciate how it would feel to be

omniscient. Humans are way not even close to that. I actually like your analogy? Metaphor? Is it a metaphor? I like it. Something like that. Thank you. I'm not going to say it, but you definitely got points for that probably. Sweet. I like that. X number. See? I told you there'd be fun questions.

Good job, Spork. Who was the one that wrote that? Close. Spoof. Spoof. Who was the one that wrote that? Close. Spoof. Spoof. That was close. All right. This one, let's swing the pendulum back wildly towards the silly side. Beck wants to know, if we were all in a heist together, I feel like we did that, what would all your jobs be, and would you have anyone else join your crew?

Okay. I'd be the driver. Really have anyone else join your crew? Okay. I'd be the driver. Really? But Bob would also be the driver. Why would you be the driver? Because that's what Wubba do. You don't even own a car. Wubba drive.

Wubba drive. Wubba drive. We both drove. This is not Wubba and Wubba. This is Bill. Oh, I forgot her name. Billbo? This is Bob and Wade.

That's us. Those is us. Honestly, I probably... I'd be too scared to go in. My self-preservation instinct is high. I need to be ready to leave and be safe at any moment. Or I'd plan it and make you guys go do it. You're only allowed to be the driver if you're going to get yourself up to, like,

baby driver levels of action-packed escapery. No slowly driving and getting run off the road by... No one would expect the slow, cautious getaway driver. The police would fly by thinking, well, it couldn't be them. They're going the speed limit. Mind games. You win the heist before it even starts if you plan it.

Is this a windowless car? They look and they're like, oh, there's no one in that car. And it's just- No, we just have skiing equipment on the top, which makes sense why we have ski masks. We have the chameleon getaway car. God damn it.

Oh, no, no. Our first vote is voting Wade out of the heist and replacing him because he's going to rat us out. If we all get caught and we're in the separate interrogation rooms. I would 100% sell you out. They're going to be like, they've already talked. Like, if you tell us well he wouldn't even wait they would come into to our interrogation rooms and be like mark yeah uh-huh oh good boy oh five points for me all he had to do was put on a different pair of headphones how did this go so wrong

i don't know man no i was saying you actually responded perfectly mario saying they would come into our interrogation rooms and be like oh your friends already turned on you you're in trouble now but and we'd be like oh god oh no they'd walk into wades and be like mr barnes and he'd be like i'll tell you everything. I wouldn't even be involved with the heist. And I would still rat you all out. They made me do it. They threatened my life and my family.

Look, my self-preservation instinct is very high. I'm not going away no matter what. Well, it doesn't seem very high because now, because of what you just said, the first order of operations, we have to kill Wade. Yeah. That is the first. I'm ratting you doing a how, FBI? We have to kill him before he rats us out. Bob,

you know it's true. The high starts with us making Wade disappear into a pit and never to be seen again. No evidence, no closure, nothing. He's just gone. I feel like we would need to replace him. We would probably need a third person. Okay. Or at least. You want Ethan.

Ethan can do backflips and all kinds of shit. Yeah, I vote for Ethan. You need a backflip guy on Heists. To go through the lasers. You need a guy who could do flips and bend flexibly and stuff and go through things. Ethan's the guy.

Plus, he's all jacked out of his mind now from Creator Clash. Yeah, he'd just punch everyone in there. He's super flexible and nimble and acrobatic and beefy. He'd punch the wall right off the safe. He does all things. Not even the door, the wall. I mean, he would punch the safe open.

Yes, that's what he would do. The wall, the door, it would all be open. It's just one. I would be the tech guy. I'm the computer guy, right? No, I should be the tech guy. I'm the computer guy, right? No, I should be the tech guy. Look at how good I'm teching. Yeah, we're ready for pickup.

Oh, dang these headphones. Hang on, I can't hear these guys. I hope they don't need me. Good, good robbery, guys. Wow. Mark, I can't, they changed the arrangement. Mark, which way is out? Oh, good hallway.

That's a nice, you're going down that hallway real smooth. No, Mark, wouldn't you be vent guy? I thought you'd be dying to be vent guy. I'll be vent guy. I can do that. I do good in enclosed spaces and whatnot, so I could vent. Oh, God, wait, no. Literally every ad we've done where I'm in a vent, I have audio problems.

Yeah, well, it's, you know, it comes from reality. There's a little bit of truth behind every advertisement, you know? I would be the inside man. I would get a job inside, or I would be like, hey, I'm Markiplier, and everyone would be like, oh, my God, oh, wow, can I get an autograph? And I'd be like, hey, of'm Markiplier. And everyone would be like, oh my god, oh wow, can I get an autograph? And I'd be like, hey, of course. I sign best inside the safe. The best lighting is in your safe. You show up to your first day of work and you're like, hey, I'm Markiplier.

And they're like, oh my god, whoa. Have our money. Yeah, I'd love a tour. Can you open the safe for me? I'm like, yes, sir, Mr. Markiplier. That's how people react. Viewers, listeners don't know, but whenever we're in public, we're at a restaurant or something, and Mark is like, oh, there's no butter.

And then you get the waiter, and you're like, hey, excuse me, can we get some more butter? And the waiter is always just like, oh, yes, sir, Mr. Markiplier. Butter for Markiplier. get out of my way wait this is actually reminds me of like did i talk about how i i i kept getting desserts everywhere i would go i had a restaurant i would sometimes get a waiter that would know me and it would be like they'd be really excited to meet me and i'd be like totally uh willing to sign wherever they want I was it was a good experience but they'd always buy me a dessert and and it would always get to a dinner it was always a time when I was like I'm trying to lose weight because I'm sure about to film

something and it's just like and this one restaurant real sweetest guy the first time I went it was like one slice of cake the second time I went it was like two slices of cake the third time I went he got every single dessert on the menu on a giant platter and then the fourth time i went it was my birthday so we got two sometimes three of every dessert it was on a thing this large and i'm like how are you getting this for me oh he's clearly he's stealing he's doing the heist for you yeah so honestly this this might actually work if i go in and i'm just like no that i have a very specific memory of that do you remember mark

at the beginning of the australia tour leg that we did we were in auckland and we were like let's go into the city and and there's like let's walk around and there's this ice cream place when i see this ice cream place and we went and it was like good it was like a cool ice cream place and we all went and just bought but at some point the owner was told like oh mark blyer's here and he i think his son knew you or maybe he was a fan or something but he gave you that ridiculous enormous ice cream octopus thing it was like it was like It was like an ice cream cone, but it had chocolate octopus full of ice cream on it. It just melted all over you.

That was so fucking funny. Because it was like the hottest day in Australia. He also just kept bringing out more ice cream for everybody. And he was like, oh, no, let's take a picture. Let's take a picture. Let's take a picture! Let's take a picture! Mark's just got this ice cream cone octopus. It's like, it's a cone,

but it was like, fucking huge. And you're just sitting there like, ah, wow. And the guy was like, yeah, yeah, eat the octopus! Come on! Suck it! Lick it! Yeah. That was so good because you were like, cool cool it's not like we were offended we were like yeah hey it's nice to take a picture it's fine but the whole time you

were just like what the fuck do i do with this big thing can i get a napkin i don't think he brought out one napkin like does this come with a bowl or like a drop cloth or like what the fuck just a big old melty octopus ice cream everywhere that was very funny tiny cone shitty pity I was thinking of the dinner we went to at the steakhouse where the dessert got brought out that was like to Markiplier

and friends or whatever it said on there and you had to go to the bathroom Mark and you came back out and Tyler had finished the dessert and you hadn't gotten any of it yet. Do you remember that? Oh, right. That's the memory I have of the dessert. That was recently.

That was the last time we were all together, I think, right? That's when we were doing the in-person streams, yeah, in LA. I love how he looked me in the eye as he took the last bite. And the waiter came out and, like, touched his shoulder right after and was like, how was it? No, that was, that was, it was, I think we might have talked about this story. I think we did. We were doing, we were recording and stuff that week. Well, we're getting older, so.

But, like, that was so. It was worth bringing up again. Literally the moment after you sat down and were like, Tyler, did you just eat the last bite of dessert? And he was like, And everyone at the table was like, Oh my God, Tyler, what are you doing? The waiter came up during that interaction and was like,

How did you like the dessert, Mark? Special for you delicious you guys really ate that fast huh that must have been the last time i talked about how i get desserts all the time too because i'm pretty sure i talked about yeah me and desserts at restaurants is just like a never-ending waterfall but that one time i did not get to enjoy that dessert. So that's how we'd rob the bank. No, we're going to go rob Tyler's house. Going to get all those desserts he keeps stealing. He'll be like, wow, you're a Markiplier.

He'll go get you some desserts. Every time you guys meet up to record Go at the studio or whatever, you walk up and Tyler sees you and is like huh oh my god markiplier let me get let me get the door for you sir here's my wallet do you need anything else what if that's how we made money making content what if there was no money to be made from advertisers or anything else it was just fans walking up that were big fans it was like dude have my wallet have my checkbook man. I love your stuff. That was the secret. We just weren't telling anybody all this time. It's called Patreon.

You literally just described that. I mean, yeah, that's true. I don't have one of those either. Dude, I suck. I'm the worst content creator. Point for Wade for not remembering that Patreon exists. I've never read it. Oh, boy.

My Patreon account's right next to my reddit account i don't have a patreon i'm not criticizing i'm just like this is there are ways for fans to give content creators money without meeting them on the street i like the old-fashioned approach of just giving your wallet in a bag you just have a content creator bag uh is that where that saying comes from get that bag that's the bag there's a literal bag we all have with our logos and we just go around it but people put their wallets in it so that's how we'd rob a bank

or whatever this is a yes or no question I don't think we should expound on this one anymore I would like a yes or no with no further information will there be a distractible tour or live shows this is a question from link to the future on discord no explanation yes or no you have to commit

this is a binding contract you said shows plural uh uh will there be here i'll phrase it like this will there be distractible live shows like in a theater in person not like live yes yes oh i was gonna say no no no no yeah to expound on it i'm i can do whatever the hell i want there's no rules for me it's for you yeah probably no further information there's no plans, no dates, nothing. Just, you know, in the future. People ask this all the time. I felt like I had to include it

because there are literally hundreds of those. All right, here's a good one. Okay, this will spark some conversation. This is not a yes or no. This is a very deep question and I would like an insightful answer from each of you. How often do you go poop? This question comes from What what on discord once or twice

a day depending if i have something really spicy you never know you never know same really yeah what what do you mean by really what kind of surprising coming from you such a non-committal answer wait it's once or twice a day i'm regular unless i'm not is that not regular is that once a day i mean i guess that's pretty regular i i would say twice a day definitely uh but sometimes it's a free-for-all and we'll see what happens sometimes my stomach just goes rogue i don't know what i thought was gonna happen with that question i just i'm pooping right now non-stop shit i was kind of hoping somebody would be like oh all the time every 45 minutes minimum i feel like you guys would know that yeah we see

like shift we have this weird noise like mark what is that oh well my coffee is brewing it's my coffee machine coffee will get you there fast coffee will get a couple couple extra stops your day it does remind me of when we were filming in space and we went to your place you stayed at mark and we turned on the bidet and drenched all of your toiletries and bidet oh right i forgot about i was like where is this going what in the world right right you turned on the bidet and it just like shot across the room like what yeah no you had left at this point and it was like towards the end of filming i had to switch airbnbs and this place had it had a bidet and it was just like i didn't know how to use it and i forget what happened who did it did i did i didn't

do that did i no um it was uh oh god what's their name um what's their name who else was over the house with us i forget their name mick no they played lady oh leo leo leo was there and was showing molly and i how the bidet worked because we never used one we were like oh that's cool i don't know how to use another they were like oh it's easy you just press this button and it like sprayed right by my head and went flying and hit the mirror in the bathroom and your contacts and stuff were just all right there and it started dripping

and they were like I don't know why it was so high pressure and they like turned it down and pressed it again and it went just and you walked in and your shit was just dripping bidet water huh thanks for reminding me I had purged

that from my memories and now it's back thank you very much for that I love the second attempt at that so much oh whoa whoa whoa the pressure let me just it was so funny i was dying i was dying i

god i didn't breathe like a full minute i was laughing so hard and then you put those contacts in your eyeballs man right then and there boink. Look, I don't even need contacts anymore. Perfect eyes. The bidet water cured your vision. Points to Mark for poop contacts or whatever. Thank you. Two points for poop. One for each eye.

There you go. There's your story you wanted. I knew we'd get there. I knew someone had a funny poop story that would come up and it wouldn't be me for once. Great. Good. Do you guys ever poop and like it's just a crazy one you like go and you yell for like mandy or amy i've done that before i yelled for molly like molly this one's crazy but she never comes to look to come

look at your poop i'm ha i'm gonna i'm having audio problems guys god sorry oh man oh good Oh, sorry. Oh, man. Oh, good subject change. Oh, great. Hold on. Oh, man. And then I had the worst diarrhea I've ever had in my life. And Mark, what's your? No, fine. Let's do another question.

That's fine. I just. Okay. I learned something about who Wade is as a person. It's been once or twice in 10 years. It's not a common occurrence. Oh, man. God.

Can't. Oh, man. Woo, weird. For some reason, this keeps happening. All right. This is more about the podcast. Some guy named Liam asks, do you have any episode concepts that you've come

up with that are sound super fun or funny or entertaining but are too impractical impractical to ever actually do you and i had one bob i remember but it wasn't like our idea it was an idea like i had and i think you'd already had it and we talked about it one time i don't feel me to spoil it or not because i don't know if we'll ever actually be able to do it, but it seems like it's unlikely to happen. You can talk about it. I'll forget that this happened and do it anyway if I really want to in the future. We talked about doing an episode where we had, like, someone come in

and DM, like, a little mini Dungeons & Dragons episode for us, and I remember mentioning that and you were like, oh, I thought of that. But, like, for how short these are, it'd be really, like, hard because even, like, whenever I do Lost Initiative every Wednesday night, shout out Lost Initiative, we're playing mass effect over there and we do four hour sessions and four hours feels like too short for dnd so like one hour would be like uh you're in a combat there's one dude what do you do attack i miss attack all right that's the

episode thank you guys for coming like it just feels like it'd be too short there'd be no build up or anything but that seems like it'd be fun you know there's there's editing right i will say too i actually have been thinking thinking more about that and working on it there are rule sets for casual pc rpg games where the rule set and the story and the entire adventure is one page where it's meant to be a super casual super lightweight thing there are plenty of different ways to structure tabletop uh rpg where it's like we could absolutely in like an hour to an hour and a half we could record something and i that idea is not off the table for me i think that's actually very practical i was afraid to spoil in

case you found a way but well i mean that doesn't spoil anything though like people if they see an episode that's like the gt rpg episode they'd be like i already know what happens it's spoiled i guess that's true probably would i forget that titles exist because we don't have those when we do these until after we're like what the hell happened what do you call that no that's usually just you i usually have a centered idea i don't just make it up as I go oh yeah me either no my problem with D&D is I feel like everyone just takes so

god damn long it's not that the games last forever it's that the players just don't stop floundering god damn I gotta look at my spells for the third time in this turn can I do this

and it's just like I get the role playing is fun and that's fine but combat is just the slowest piece of shit on when you're just in a D&D game it's so slow it's like that's that's that's not the best part why it's like why

in baseball right now they're trying to change the rules like they're putting in pitch clocks and things because people are falling asleep in the stands because games are taking so long because they're just lollygagging out there i'll take five minutes to do this one action i will say it depends on what system you play but generally speaking if you don't play very often and you don't know your character that well that is a thing that happens a lot if you play regularly and you get to know your character and stuff like it gets easier but yeah but there are super simple rule sets that are designed to be fast-paced and more more based on the role play and the improv which i think would be very viable for us.

What if I intentionally take long turns just to piss Mark off? Do I get extra points for that? You're like, wait, do you attack or leave? Do I attack? Do I help the party or do I not? Give me a minute on this, guys. And this is fun for you? You've both seen

how I host these episodes and the sort of laissez-faire attitude I have. I can only imagine the kind of bullshit that I would do as a dungeon master running a game like that. Like, if you say the wrong thing, you better watch the fuck out. This is a short campaign.

Nothing is happening. You might start losing limbs. Who knows? God knows what could happen. The man wants to sell you a sword for 50 gold pieces. I choose to haggle. Did you say haggle? He stabs you.

Buy it or don't. Get out of my fucking store. You've triggered his bloodlust. His memories flood back to his brain. Oh, you've activated his trap card. Haggle. All right, look. People are curious about the the show so uh mark i mean did you have an impractical one or not really not really you'd make it happen not always i i keep

saying i'm gonna make those audio intros that i haven't made since the very beginning of distractable who needs a new audio intro i don't believe in ghosts i don't believe in ghosts. I don't believe in ghosts. I don't even have that on my soundboard anymore. That one is just perfection. That's the only one you need ever. So just play that one every time you want one of those. It's fine. Right, right.

Distractible, the You're Welcome show. That would be kind of impractical. Well, like we try and do the... We do the entire show. We do an episode... Oh! Your Welcome tour, but on an episode your welcome tour but on an episode of distractible that'd be pretty impractical

and hard to pull off we can do it we can do it I just like I pretend to wheel you out from over here like it's Mark what a show it is been but there's more for you to see it's not all about me

for a second I thought Wade had a MAGA hat I thought it was kind of blurry and small salty boys I don't know what the bottom word is friend I'm friend there too

make the salty boys great again alright well Mark nothing's impractical Make the salty boys great again. All right. Well, Mark, nothing's impractical for Mark. That's what we've come to. But this is another one question about the show. So I want to group these together.

Juicy Lucy wants to know, do you ever find yourself out of ideas for the next extract? Do you just brainstorm ideas on the spot or literally just hit record and come up with random stuff on the fly oh i mean we always usually have some brainstorming or talking about it but sometimes uh we'll come in with an episode idea like hot and ready other times there's some prep other time it's like ah guys i don't have an idea and then it comes in so it's a mixture there's usually at least a little bit of prep for me and by a little bit i mean like a little bit while we're on the call before we hit record you're like yeah before we hit record i've got something it's not like we hit record i'm like doing the intro and it's like

god what's the topic gonna be usually i've always got like a page up and i've got like a topic and i've got like at least like three or four either subtopics or questions it's like well if we kind of stall out on this at least we can talk about this. Sometimes I come more prepared, like with the wheel, like that had to be done ahead of time. I wasn't going to sit here and make that like live while we were recording. But I never go too crazy with it. I like I like our casual format where we just kind of chit chat wherever the conversation

goes, it goes. I do a little bit of prep, but I never go too hard, but I never come in with absolutely nothing. There's always at least a topic and a few subtopics that we have something to keep talking about i prep like i might die of embarrassment because it happened once and i don't ever want to look i came in the worst piece of shit episode ever where i came in with the literal exact same topic that was from an episode that was within the last couple months from where when we recorded it and i was so confident and you guys let me go and go until we got into the middle of the episode and you were like didn't we do this topic wait a minute

we've been recording we've been recording for like 10 15 20 minutes wait isn't this a is this a repeat episode no Bob it's even more embarrassing than that because before we recorded that episode you had two other ideas that were also repeats of the ideas and we had to stop those recordings and then start this other recording that was

also and I didn't realize it until halfway through because I was like there's no way we would do. You really had my back on that first one. Points to Mark for having my back almost as much as I needed it. I think we talked about slightly different things, so it didn't ring a bell for me right away. You know, we had new fresh takes. It had been two months since we'd gotten older so i was i was newly older again we've gotten even older i had yeah that's crazy how that works it was and i what

did i did like good bad habits versus bad habits i mean i intentionally went in knowing it was at least a similar topic but i was like this will be different enough yeah that's right different and it yeah sometimes sometimes you have a brain fog on something it's like dude i have two ideas and there's stuff we've already done how can i change it up a little bit it's like no one's ever heard of a part two people have been asking for uh hold my beer part two for ages you got away with that so so freely and i was very disappointed in the subreddit. The Would You Rather Part 2 episode. I believe we finished recording that whole thing, and we were like, Mark, what do you want to title this?

And you were like, Would You Rather? And that sparked something for me or Wade, and we were like, wait a minute. Oh, no. Did we do this before? It's a different card game. It's easier or versus would you rather. They're very different. Those are not even related concepts.

You're right. Next time he'll do A or B. It'll be completely new. A or B is very different than one or two. Higher or lower. Is higher or lower would you rather? Would you rather say higher or would you rather say lower would you press the button is very different from would you click the link

we're doing reddit 50 50s now or is that where i don't know what that is i don't have a reddit account we'll we'll do that next episode yeah perfect mark and i can joint host and we can do some right at 50 50 we'll walk you through it it'll be great oh does that mean i lose uh maybe you guys the episode bonds to be like mark you and i win this is crazy points to wait for reminding me i'm supposed to be giving points out um hey do they matter i have an absolute banger for the last question i want to talk about this this is the last one i want to talk about mark i, I think you might have strong feelings about this. Oh, Wade, I'm not sure if you'll have an opinion about this, but I'm curious to know your thoughts. Recovering OCD addict asks, Pluto is a planet true or false? Well, since I don't know anything, should I go first before

Mark gives a really smart answer? You already jumped in yeah keep going run with this true because it was when i was a kid that's what i was taught in school and i've not had a teacher come and tell me otherwise just weird internet articles that i don't read i just see the headlines of no one ever stops to think how is pluto how does pluto feel about this let's just kick plu out of the club pluto's been in all these years like i don't want to hurt pluto's feeling so yeah it's still a planet because, you know, sometimes it just deserves to be part of the club. I respect that. Well, that's also a very dangerous way of thinking, Wade,

to never reflect and get new information just based on what you were told as a kid. I don't want to emphasize that as being a constant mindset. Okay, good. I'll keep doing it. But that being said, for completely not that reason, I say Pluto is a planet. That's very dangerous thinking, Mark. For space-y, science-y reasons?

Why do you have these dangerous thoughts, Mark? It's more for purely emotional reasons, but also it's classified as like a dwarf planet, so planet's still in the name. Checkmate. Emotional reasons? You know how dangerous making decisions based on emotion is you need facts like facts you're told that are true like the fact that i was told that pluto was a planet that did happen you can't disprove that it's a fact that i was told that therefore it must be

also a fact by the translucent property i think that there is a legal underpinning to say that pluto is a planet because pluto was regarded as a planet for so long created an expectation pluto planned its entire existence around the idea that it was a planet it bought life insurance for a planet it planned its life around the financial security that comes with being a planet pluto was promised planet status and lived that life for quite a long time and stripping that away from pluto as well as stripping everyone else from the the joy of knowing that pluto is out there as a planet doing planet things uh is just unfair if you're gonna call pluto a planet for such a long

time at some point you're committed whether or not there's a tactical definition it's a dwarf planet technically the planet like mark said the word planet's still in there so that's a fact that's a scientific fact That's a scientific fact. It is a planet. It's just a kind of planet. What kind of world do we live in here? You know, what promises mean nothing? We can't rely on anything?

I don't want to live in that world. And the law sees it that way. Once you've come to rely on something as a reasonable understanding and expectation, that thing should be, unless it's completely unreasonable for it not to be. And I don't think Pluto being a planet hurts anyone. I agree. And I'm going to make up three things here right now and say them as fact.

The three things that makes it a planet, it's round, it rotates around the sun, and it has a name. Good enough for me. Do you mean orbits? I think he means orbits. No, good enough for him. You heard him. That's gum, I think. Do you mean orbits? I think he means orbits. No, good enough for him. You heard him.

That's gum, I think. Damn you. Here's what I'll say. Pluto has a moon, has multiple moons, but it has a moon that is larger than some of the moons of other planets in the solar system. Even though Pluto is not bigger than our moon earth has a disproportionately large moon but you know who else has a disproportionately large moon pluto we're like planet siblings and to discredit it for and look at its accomplishments it roped in that big

baddie of a moon there we like big moons and we will not lie. Those other planets planets can't deny. Look, it's by don't judge a planet by its size but by its accomplishments. Dude, I love that moon you got there. Calm down, buddy. It's actually Charon

Charon Charon Charon Charon Charon Ozzy, is that you? Charon Charon Charon shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up That's what Pluto managed to rope in. So I think that's kudos to Pluto. Please only ever laugh like that for the rest of our lives. Three points to Mark for that laugh. That was the worst laugh I've ever heard him have.

That's awesome. What worst? That was the greatest. You just have to force it out. You can't let it slow down. It has to have momentum. It has to have force and volume with it. Somebody please take that laugh and make it your ringtone. I don't know if I can do that.

I don't know if you can either. No, you know what makes it happen, Mark? You have to say the sentence, the whole sentence. You have to say, kudos to Pluto's. That's how you get that to come out of you. Oh, God. I hope i answered your question you can tell that we're experts in the field hey the people the people know what kind of information dwells in the depths of our minds and they're just trying to mine that sweet nectar up out of there so uh good question good job

thank you thank you everyone who submitted questions over a thousand responses to this damn both do like a part two to this that i mean we could it's a whole thing and there's a lot of them there's a lot of repeats we can call it we're getting questions these questions are getting older um anyway that's let's leave it there that's a good that's a good ending point. Thank you. Pluto is a planet. Suck it, scientists and science in general. You're wrong, and you should feel bad. Thank you, everyone, for listening.

Thank you even more for watching, because the video is available on Spotify. You can watch this on Spotify. Video on Spotify, available now. And yeah, thanks, competitors, for competiting. And oh, you know what? I'm doing the outro, but I have to pick a winner before that don't I

Oh you sly dog you figured it out I was just about to ask someone Three points to Wade for reminding me I was just about to ask someone to give a winner Speech but there's no winner let me tabulate The points Based on the numbers That I said out loud and the

References that I made To giving people random amounts of points I did actually try and keep track of this in my head and I'm not very good at addition, but I believe Wade is the winner by three points I'll take it which means that you guys were tied until Wade reminded me that I needed to pick a winner earning himself three points. Hey! Wait a minute! Alright, whatever. I don't know. Do you have anything that's worth four points, Mark?

What do you got? I'll give you one last gasp. How many did I get for that laugh? If you can recreate that sentence, I will give you four points, Mark. Oh, God. Okay. If you can give me a full-on kudos to Plutos, ha ha ha ha ha ha, you will steal this victory, and I feel like it would be well-deserved and way more than that.

Alright. Kudos to Pluto's. Ha ha ha ha. Fuck. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. That was so bad. It got caught in my throat. I don't know how I did that.

Ha ha ha ha. When you get in the... Kudos to Pluto's. Ha ha ha ha. How how I did that. When you get in the... How did I do that? You said Woody the Woodpecker. Now what happened? How the fuck did I do that? I literally can't make my epiglottis move that fast,

which is how I made that laugh happen. Oh my God. All you had to do was recreate it, man. Dude, can you even create it? How did you do it in a bit? That's your recreation. That's a blowjob. That's a blowjob.

That's a blowjob. That hurt something down here she is weird right what's above your adam's apple you can like stray why do you tuck your chin down like that you need you need some pressure. You can't... It doesn't work like this. It's like an air pressure. Don't pressure with your... You gotta pressure with your lungs.

You gotta move air. This volume. I almost cheated doing that. That didn't work. All right. Wade is the winner. I squeezed the wrong muscle. That's great.

I got a good body. That is such an absolute perfect conclusion to a beautiful episode. Wade. Yeah, winner's speech. You go first. Winner's speech. What do you have to say for yourself? All I got to say is kudos to Pluto.

You might certainly lose. That's a point. That's a point. That's a point gone. Your lead is dwindling. Hurry up with the speech. Thank you, everyone, for submitting your questions. I hope we do this again and we get to more. That was fun.

That was interesting. I like the diverse questions that aren't the same 500 we've heard before. So keep that up. Do that. Mark, you gave it a gallant effort. Gallant? Gallant? You know what?

It doesn't care. Loser speech. You know, Pluto lost when being demoted to dwarf planet, but you know what I say? If I'm in the same company as Pluto, then that's good company for me. All right. Anyway, thank you, competitors, for competiting. Make sure you check out Wade that Lord minion 777 or minion

777 and mark at markiplier on all the places me I am my skirm on the places and make sure you check out merch door.structuralpodcast.com is it restocked by this point it's gotta be restocked right no mark cut out for you like mid-sentence and then just jump forward he goes is it re-struck mark's just working mark is very expressive today okay the laugh the kudos to pluto's

he's been he's he's developing his skill he's a real actor now, okay? He's learning how to throw his voice around and really use his lungs. Thank you, everyone, for watching, listening, whatever you do. We appreciate it. Hopefully there were no major car accidents during this episode, and that's it. Until the next one, you know what we say.

Podcast out. Kudos to Pluto. kudos to Pluto's kudos to Pluto's